#wabisabireiki

[wabisabireiki]

Justice in the void

Is it real? relevant? - Aquarius full moon 8/1/23

Of this I must reason as my full moon was full of collective angst, rebellion, and fasting while on my cycle.

An invitation to see the narratives of past, present, and future and whether I will consume them with intent to propagate more of the same?

It's a story about betrayal and power. One where we can't trust our government, parents, friends, or family. In the end it's a story about how we can't trust god, faith, our spirits and mostly ourselves.

That's not where I'm headed anymore. Thankfully I can see how it once was and how my beliefs were bolstered by so many narratives, I didn't choose.

...Here something else stirs for me.

As we've expanded and awakened and the collective consciousness/ awareness grows Im noticing this tendency to focus on using your spiritual and physical gifts to "build a brand".

A copy/ pasting of capitalism mindset and belief of supply and demand. Yes, healing guides are needed but do we all need to be marketing and selling it? And I tried to do it too. But it doesn't feel right for me. At least not in the pipeline of "create your own spiritual business" arena where spiritual coaches are needed to scale your net worth... and you just need their next course, their next carrot that will finally give you the missing piece...to yourself.

*unpopular opinion: spiritual business is very good at hooking the codependent.*

I am conflicted. I would love to support myself with my spiritual gifts without feeling like I need to lean on someone's trauma to buy my help.

( a narrative*)

I am inherently valuable without the monetary aspect of being wanted in this way. I am valuable for existing.

Is that the revolution?

To acknowledge and uphold my value without giving you something to prove it?

Each of our revolutions will look different and probably feel the same. As revolution is usually about liberation.

What liberates me? What liberates you?

#energy work #spirituality #mindfulness #wabisabireiki #astrology #visualization #aquarius #aquafullmoon

[wabisabireiki]

Siddhartha's tree

i went to the lake to meditate

in the sunset reflecting on the water

i asked over and over again

who am i ?

for a long time

no clear answer arose

but over and over

i let the question rise

and fall over the lakes tides

eventually like a whisper

the answer was there

like an ant surfacing

from under its hill:

I am nature

to my dismay, I didn't balk at this

but joined in:

i am the sun

i am the wind

i am the earth

i am the birds singing

the insects, busy

i am the grass and the water

in the lake

I am nature

and i am perfectly evolved

i am perfectly evolving

as my seasons change with the times

i am nature and i am perfect

and there is nothing i need do

save, what i want

Eventually i realized a very clear message i have been receiving. That i need to do nothing for a time, but receive. That i need to sit on my hands and just be. wait. feel.

that i am like a tree in this dimension.

my purpose is like that of a tree

we give shade from the harshness

of the weather

we offer solace in the heat

we give oxygen for your carbon dioxide

which i receive from your breathe

from conversations

and i am a living record

i am an organic record system.

i am supported by the construct.

i am siddhartha's tree.

#energy work #mindfulness #spirituality #reiki healing #wabisabireiki #aesthetic #divination #aries season #meditation

[wabisabireiki]

Jealousy, is a messenger

to where you aren't watering yourself.

Meditation 002

Since a very young age I remember experiencing intense emotions of jealousy. No one ever talked to me about this emotion, the way it made me feel, and what to do with it.

As I've gotten older and worked through a lot of my shadows and the versions of myself that had unprocessed traumas, I can finally hold her in what the fullness of her purpose is: To show me where I desire to be watered by my-self.

( This used to be the sole job of others: care givers, friends, lovers.)

My Longing is: To see my full hearts desire without self judgement.

I had to be triggered again by a reoccurring situation to finally, intentionally sit with this in a meditation session focused on summoning my jealousy:

Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy! ( I called)

In the mediation I went into my heart where I could feel an old pain has resided, one that is extremely familiar. Once avoided my whole life and branded as ugly & uncomfortable. She shuffled into the space of a green lit, cave like room. She was hobbled over, creaturesque in a dark hooded robe. We walked over to a raised pool and gazed in. Holograms of the images of who, what, when, and why I am jealous...

I saw that Jealousy is the thing you want, she is you with those attributes only maimed, contorted, abused, neglected, tortured and tormented by the thoughts & beliefs that she isn't, and can't be.

Those injuries have debilitated and transformed her into what she is. The gnawing sensation that you chose to focus on lack. That you chose to hold yourself as less than. That you gave your power to ( your mind's version of) someone else to reflect value and worth to you. Albeit unconsciously, through conditioning and ignorance.

It's painful. But I stayed there. I saw what I had done to her.

Together we went naked into the water. Where we merged and floated deeply into the ocean. Falling/ Sinking so fast it was scary until I remembered I always have me. I trust this.

Mermaid like beings eventually surrounded us and large bubbles encapsulated me. Something like the fish you put in the tank to clean it, went all around me and was "shaving" layers down till I saw the being of myself like a baby glowing in the green light.

Eventually I was catapulted upwards in jets of bubbles, accompanied by dolphins and as I rose the body grew into a full grown woman.

I knew I was aware of her( Jealousy) and how we have transformed. How when I see her, I can choose to continue to harm her & myself or I can invite her to show me where I need to water myself with love.

#energy work #mindfulness #visualization #meditation #jealousy #reiki healing #wabisabireiki #parts work #shadow work #emotional healing #spiritualhealing

[wabisabireiki]

Shadow dance

VenusRX conjunct Lilith& 8/8

" On Lion's Gate, Venus conjuncts Lilith at 23 degrees Leo and a few hours later Venus squares Uranus at 22 degrees Taurus."- Astro Butterfly

Energetics for me have become heavy AF. I wallowed in them all weekend and realized this morning something that felt like a wound healing in my body w/ an achy soreness in my mid back. This morning I realized an old skin was slowly molting off ( spiritually), that this is painful and uncomfortable as I have outgrown it, with some lingering attachments that will rip and scab. Could I have went softer and slower with this process? I wondered but the energetics coming in with Lilith are angry and rageful. I'm rushing to run with it, least I be dragged... Lion's gate will amplify the feelings you are focused on.

There is powerful potential to alchemize your longstanding patterns.

My old body is heavy and wilting still. This morning I alchemized the dark feminine with embodied movements. She wanted to stomp and jump and move the heaviness of her rage. A random song, I have never heard came on with the title of "Lions" came on. I changed my mind about 8/8... I woke up this morning thinking it was bullshit.

I heard in my mind's eye:

"Shadow work is- Getting it out before it let's itself out". ( sideways)

Knowing the truth of yourself, your range, and your expressions in real time and honoring your bodies need to move through it is not only cathartic and healing it is wholeness. Goddess bless my somatic guides, who taught me how to move again.

Black Moon Lilith will bring messages for everyone. She is stirring in your most repressed expression. If you can face her without judgement , 8/8 will transmute beautifully.

🌧️

#energy work #8/8 #mindfulness #astrology #visualization #wabisabireiki #shadow work #leo szn #lionsgate #alchemy #black moon lilith #somatichealing #midjourney

[wabisabireiki]

Mercury Rx-Virgo Szn

The theme for me energetically right now is an in depth processing of divine relationships.

Meaning both parties have an awareness of their accountability to themselves and how they project/ use their energy to manifest in the container of relationship to/ with the other... and themselves.

Venus RX in Leo has been lazer focused on cutting the seems of identities and masks used to protect myself in my life that no longer serve the longevity of my evolution.

It is to laugh that what I thought I wanted was to be more attractive, rich, famous, and have transcendental sex with my soul mate... when the truth of my heart is that what I want is to unconditionally love and accept myself for all that I am, and am not.

To allow the depth of my selves to express, create, and undulate in ways I have never conceived.

At the end of the day when I go down the line of what the point of divine relationships are ( not just romantic, plutonic and within your family) maybe even with a perfect "stranger"... it is to experience unconditional love and acceptance for what is.

If you have this for something, you're already ahead of the game. To only imagine that everyone was your unconditional beloved....to firstly treat yourself in such a manner. And if you don't, imagine what it's like and pretend. Over and over till the feeling state is familiar.

How do you practice unconditional love?

#energy work #mindfulness #spirituality #wabisabireiki #visualization #astrology #parts work #shadow work #reiki healing #mercury rx #venus rx #midjourney

[wabisabireiki]

Meditation 003- partswork

This morning I got up, did a little yoga and decided to do a little 10 min. guided mediation that popped up after the yoga on youtube.

The meditation was centered around letting go and the narrator took you on a journey of discovering the next version of you that was prepared to let go of you current attachments, hang ups, obstacles, patterns, etc. and step into this embodied version of yourself that was "next level".

My next level being was a giant woman, made of light, who had to turn herself blue so that I could look at her. She was super human, more like an avatar being, radiant, larger than life, alien, and too much for me to comprehend. I finished the meditation confused. The rest of the morning irked me. I felt uneasy and awkward in everything I did.

I decided to sit with my parts

( from IFS and parts work I've established) and ask them how they felt about this experience?

My inner child was terrified of letting go of anything, even though she eventually did. She was entirely confused about what happened. I think she felt rejected and "not good enough".

I talked with her about other parts of the journey that were fun and how the blue woman was smiling and kind in the meditation.

My inner teen scoffed at the otherworldly embodiment avatar at first, and how completely different the embodied self was from my current self. She felt like it was too big of a difference from who/ what I currently am. " That person can't even exist in this world".

I sat and talked with her about expansion, and not looking like that here. Not looking like that, but harnessing something completely new and different in energy. She eventually said" I think it's cool and I'll try it, but I need to process more".

My inner young adult, agreed with inner teen, but she said she understood why it was so different... because it's something entirely new I haven't experienced before. And she gets why its lofty and that the need to process is important.

My inner divine feminine loved the idea of expanding our capacity, ushering in alien/ avatar energy. She said she felt safer and more expansive in this energy for her to express. She expressed confidence and inner support for all the other parts w/ this newfound energetic.

My inner masculine said he was frustrated and agreed with inner teen most at first. " It's an extremely abstract concept", he said it is difficult to be there more and more especially when " we are still in the same body, life, and time space...he understands it's going to be hard to to grasp. "It's becoming so normal for things to not make sense. As long as we are happy and healthy". He is only focused on moving in the direction of wholeness because "that has been what has been the most satisfying in our life so far". He understands we have to usher in " larger than life, alien concepts" to "usher in new faculties, new neural pathways, in order to evolve.... Evolution IS new neural pathways... It's very unsettling, the unknown can be scary".

Suffice it to say, after that I felt a lot better and all of my parts were grateful for the awareness I've developed to untangle my inner dialogues. I can actually feel all of myself get on the same page and my energy coming into alignment. I move, think, breathe and act as one instead of the unconscious aspects of myself doing, thinking and acting in counterproductive, or conflicting ways.

When I got to work I realized I unconsciously wore a dress that was the shade of blue as my blue woman. 🥹💙

#energy work #mindfulness #visualization #shadow work #parts work #reiki healing #ifs #wabisabireiki #meditation #midjourney

[wabisabireiki]

Currently on Earth

I think it's important to be vigilant of what our elders and fellow conditioned humans believe...

Aquarius for me has been a deluge of info and innumerable options for how our time space reality can fluctuate.

The important thing is to have your own back in your belief system. Our ancestors did not know shit about our nervous systems...

Most of our families and friends, teachers, and people we listen to on the news don't know shit about our nervous system either. But people who want to exploit you DO.

Learn about bio hacking from esteemed scientists and doctors. Educate yourself on how the human brain functions. We are a lot like bio machines, programmable, and resilient with proper care. Or programmable and easily manipulated with dis-ease.

Our nervous systems are beautifully designed to keep us alive, but society in the modern era is NOT. Everything from the food, to our water, to the air, to how we take care of ourselves hygienically is rife with misinformation, marketing ploys, and actual poison. That isn't even the worst part. The worst part is that the old way of doing things, or the way "we've always done things" is already severely outdated. The every day ritual of society, government and religion is severely outdated for human evolution.

But this isn't an alarm of fear. That isn't necessary or helpful. I believe a lot of us already know all of that and have been in transition for some time. A lot of us are ready for the shift that will inevitably happen, just like switching on a light. You may wake up one day and find just like when the world shut down due to the pandemic, everything has changed.

Change is neutral, it's not good or bad. Just like life and death and the cycles of nature it is apart of our blueprint. The stories we tell about these things amount to the feelings/ emotions we have about them. But it is in the perception of the individual and the way they are either conscious (responding) or unconscious (reacting) to it that will determine whether it is "good" or "bad".

For me, change is good.

( what if earth is the only place where all vibrations exist simultaneously?)

#energy work #spirituality #mindfulness #wabisabireiki #astrology #visualization #parts work #shadow work #age of aquarius #the future #midjorneyart

[wabisabireiki]

Venus RX in Leo ♌️

( What I thought she would look like)

This one is cruntchy, like a thousand little sharp rocks caught in your shoes, just cutting the shit our of your feet, and you're too busy just trying to survive running away from the actual lion energy that has been set free upon you, to undo you. Yeah, it's like that for some of us. The truth is you've probably been getting little heads up's to this cosmic moment for months now and every time you looked up the lion was just too far away to be worried about and in this day in age,

" WHO GOT TIME FOR DAT".

It's us and nothing but time now, till Sept. 3rd.

For me, I am still tip toeing around what the Venus RX in Leo means and am doing my best now to unravel the thread as the day has been full of dotting i's and crossing t's.

My transit falls in the first house- self, personality, appearance and ego. I think if I had been paying more attention my cycle to want to give more attention to creating and maintaining an alter ego would fall in the month of Leo szn.

Leo rules my first house. Of course the natal ruler of the 1st house is Aries, the pioneer of the zodiac. Aries is also my Midheaven. Which brings us to where my Venus lies as well, in Aries.

For this retrograde to happen in my first house indicates at the retrograde, the review in question is in the house of- my SELF.

With it in Leo, during Leo szn indicates to me I have nowhere to hide. It will be on blast. The Jump from Leo, my house ruler to Aries the Natal house ruler,* also my Midheaven ( the way I project my public self) in Aries, will help me to bridge the gap.

Aries here ( and anywhere) is headstrong, action oriented, does first, thinks later, asks for forgiveness not permission. Goes with gut feelings to jump into the doing, moving, tasking, next step. It feels where it wants to move and does not stop to postulate. If I keep following my hunch that the signs are the fem aspect of the planet- Mars is the masculine counterpart. God of War, strategy and domination. Viewing Aries as feminine reminds me of Athena, the great huntress. Who as all hunters do, must integrate with their instincts and immerse themselves in their environments as ripples in the water.

Leo shadow is egotistical, obsessed with appearance. And although it would select quality over quantity the ego here gets hijacked in the darkness. Authenticity is forsaken for perfection and performance.

Performance is all that matters in Leo's shadow.

Here I am being called to strip away the performance and DO, ACT, BE, without editing.

If I add the Venus in RX to this ,again my Venus in Aries indicates that action over the pattern on overthinking, overediting, overbearing tendency to restrain my expression because it is not perfect, will have to under go a transformation. Not surprising, but very uncomfortable.

There is yet still more threads here, as I've become aware of other aspects of Venus that just aren't to par in my life. Intimacy of all kinds, self expression of all kinds, a robust lust for life fizzling out. Narratives that bare review and revision are on the horizon.

And I know I am going to change again, again, again.

( Vs. What she actually looks like)

#astrology #spirituality #wabisabireiki #energy work #leo szn #venus retrograde #visualization

[wabisabireiki]

I'm still talking about my body today...

Taurus season is embracing me in a bullish hug.

Too cozy. Too much. To the point of my being uncomfortable.

But insight today from my Morning Pages™️ ( 'The Artists way') revealed a big old can of worms. That thing I said yesterday I couldn't touch.

It's realizing that my body is grappling with her changing identity. Not just aging but that I once had a conception of myself that revolved on what others valued about me. Specifically my body. Specifically men who valued me for being sexy. Specifically valuing myself for how others valued me because of my appearance, my attractiveness, my sexuality.

I'm ashamed of that.

The shame is the energy in my body aching for love & acceptance.

I made list of all the things I appreciate about myself and felt instant release in my hip. I imagine I'll be practicing this for some time till she ( my body) knows it to be true.

We are creating a new story around value. What we value, how we value, and how we feel valued.

Last night my Taurus husband asked me to go on a walk with him. We saw and amazing sunset.

Followed by some time in the sauna, dinner & then we sat in the jacuzzi. Afterward we took a shower together & couldn't stop talking about why we don't do those things more? I slept deeply and soundly. 💜💜💜

#taurus season #energy work #mindfulness #spirituality #wabisabireiki #astrology #embodied #Taurus #the body keeps the score #the artists way

[wabisabireiki]

Taurus energy:

This mornings stretching & meditation insisted I am holding onto wounds in my body.

I have a sore spot in my right hip from a fall I had last year. It's usually achey & uncomfortable.

I've been wanting to get to the bottom of the energetic there but hadn't spent much time with it.

Today as I focused there I felt the usual discomfort and aching. Tightness, rigidity. And I noticed I clench up there to try to not feel it.

I brought space there. I took my weight off it. I played with dispersing the weight to the opposite side & other places, feeling every sensation and feeling around it.

I realized my body is holding, both literal and figuratively onto something.

Some thought, idea or occurrence. Something I am hiding from myself.

For now this will have to do. Awareness does the work. I'll keep making space and returning to support feeling there further & further till she trusts me to let it go.

#energy work #mindfulness #reiki healing #spirituality #wabisabireiki #visualization #taurus

[wabisabireiki]

What am I a channel for?

Can you imagine that each of us is a little universe unto ourselves operating in a larger mega verse?

And just like our solar system, each planet and heavenly body is associated with certain traits, "flavors" and vibes if you will.

They all emit their own frequency. Have their own personalities etc.

And when the ancients gave them traits in astrology they understood the concept of contrast as a tool for navigating their existential map of being human.

It's wildly fun and exciting to work with the symbology that our ancestors gave us as the map to our own inner worlds that intertwine and connect us to the universe.

As I work with these teachings and clear my channel to receive the guidance of ancient wisdom available to us, it has become glaringly obvious that each of us is like a battery, one that is capable of producing and delivering energy as messages and signals, ideas, feelings, movements. Which become systems, governments, religions, cultures, and institutions.

We have to start asking ( again, because this was known by the ancients)

What am I channel for?

Am I controlling what I am emitting & receiving? Or is it controlling me?

#energy work #reiki healing #spirituality #mindfulness #wabisabireiki

[wabisabireiki]

Cat metaphors

Discovering my truth often felt like being in a large courtyard of hundreds of cats. For cat ppl this is great ( for everyone else, not so much). But imagine the courtyard is your body and the cats are aspects of yourself you must become intimately familiar with each one for your own health and safety. If you are familiar with cats, you often find some are very friendly, some come to you, but most will not. Most will watch you curiously as they decipher your intentions. Cats are masters of energy reading. The curious ones are always getting into all kinds of trouble and making a mess. The cautious ones are just as likely to hiss and run away from you never to be seen again if you look at them wrong, or move too quickly.

Each one in this story is a precious part of your soul.

Cats as you may well know just want to feel safe and loved ( imagine). Historically it has been rendered that they domesticated themselves, unlike dogs or other domestic animals.

The point of this feline narrative is to illustrate that your inner world, much like this one full of cats, just want your loving attention. To be seen, greeted lovingly, spoken to lightly with kindness, fed, petted, and generally cared for.

Is your courtyard full of sunning lazy , spoiled cats? Is it empty, where all the cats are hiding from you? Are the cats violently fighting and causing chaos? What are your cats doing?

Cats are a metaphor here for feelings, sensations, and thoughts/narratives within our own body.

The quote here is human evolution.

We all inevitably change, we age, we evolve or devolve. We live and die. We grow and atrophy. Like it or not. Cats are gonna be cats & they have a tendency to do whatever they need to ( much like domesticating themselves) to survive, thrive and evolve. Trying to get rid of them will only hurt us... much like when cats along with witches were killed in droves w/ medieval mindsets that brought on the black plague ( due thereafter to the rampant spread of rats carrying the disease).

You don't have to like it. But change is coming for us all. Personally I enjoy being a cat person, and knowing each one sunning in the courtyard.

🐈 🐈‍⬛

#energy work #spirituality #mindfulness #reiki healing #wabisabireiki #visualization #midjorneyart #shadow work #parts work #the body keeps the score #cats

[wabisabireiki]

Recently while doing research on an antique Chinese vase for my day job, I came across the Chinese folk tale of the origins of Dragons & their pearls.

The gist of the pearl being their most prized possession and its power to magnify whatever it touches. In the tale whatever the pearl touches multiplied endlessly. When a human got a hold of it they eventually had to try to keep other humans from having it and accidentally swallowed the pearl- turning the man into a Dragon. The Dragon is revered in the culture because it is thought to bring the rains that caused the crops to grow and feed the people. This once a man, now a Dragon benevolently returns to bring rain for his family and friends to live and thrive in abundance. The Dragon is a holy and powerful symbol for the emperors of China for this reason and are thought to descend from these mystical beings.

This concept of the pearl & abundance really peeked my interest in terms of energy dynamics.

During this time I was already playing with feeling states and meditating on principles of vibration as taught by Abraham through Esther; a channeled being who speaks through a woman named Esther.

Aside from the obvious strangeness of that occurrence, I identify truth in their messages, at times.

And they were speaking on a vortex of energy that holds all of our desires ( as individuals).

The tale of King Midas comes to mind and how the allegory taught that he could turn everything to gold but because he didn't specify in his greed he could not eat, or touch his loved ones without turning them/ food to gold.

Something that endlessly multiples requires it's opposite to sustain balance. An endless void.

The Dragon is the void.

I was so excited about this notion. I mentioned the vortex because to me the void and the vortex are one and the same. No recourse from Midas touch, the void endlessly balances all of our too much ness.

The idea I had been playing with during this time was "enoughness ".

The purpose and idea of the Dragon/ pearl ( for me) is to allow us to have just enough. Not too much, drowning in excess and not an empty void.

Dragon Void

After meditation on what I truly am reaching for beneath my shadows is always enoughness. To be enough to have enough.

And when I hold enoughness as who I am and what I am doing and experiencing. I relax. I enjoy. I surrender. And when I was doing this the universe seemed to on cue make things even better. Random things came together like a beautiful plan. This happened frequently. I couldn't even imagine or remember how.

But enoughness came and went w/ my focus. And as weeks have gone by I have found things to pull me out of the vortex and venture on walks where I don't feel enough again.

I meant to write this down weeks ago when I was experiencing it. But now I know why I didn't.... because just like those synchronous occurrences, the universe knew I would need it now.

Perfect timing. I am enough again.🐉

*Read this often - xo Nikki

#energy work #mindfulness #spirituality #reiki healing #wabisabireiki #gemini season #visualization #dragon pearl #the void #vortex

[wabisabireiki]

Gemini season - E Tu Brute

Keywords for me have been tenderness & family of origin wounds.

I was reflecting on this when I noticed the place I was recording my voice notes was right in front of this Augustus Caesar bust.

In the origin story of Rome, twins ( Gemini) Romulus & Remus were raised by a she wolf, ultimately left to fight one another to rule Rome.

An ultimate example of family origin wounding. For me, it is the ego that believes only one can rule the empire of ourselves. And how in an idea about ancient past we see their way of dealing with fractures ( of self) was to dispose of.

But we can't kill parts of ourselves without consequences. Rome was always betraying itself over the centuries. I'm especially reminded of Julius Caesar because I randomly ( or so I thought) watched Cleopatra recently w/ Elizabeth Taylor. Whom I did not know historically had a child ( CLEOPATRA, not Elizabeth) with Julius Caesar from an affair they had. His Senate betrayed him. And the Shakespearean quote embedded in my memory " E Tu Brute" was married with the lavish scenery of the movie.

The feeling of being betrayed, is such a familiar theme in my family of origin. What's more is that it is a collective wound. And probably speaks to my personal placement of Chiron ( a wound of the intellect) in the 11th house ( the house of collective) in Gemini ( the reflection of self in other, family, and relationship).

This story is re-enacted with Jesus & Judas.

This season has been especially tender for me. Both in my awareness of pain in my body and expansion of that awareness to how my consciousness brings space to it when I find the capacity to be present with it. Not to change it. But to witness it.

From there a conscious awareness begins to form. And a relationship of safety can begin. This relationship is necessary to build foundations. Relationship with our fractures ( others) instead of an idea of "only one". An allowance & tolerance of every being as sovereign with agency to choose their experiences. The polar opposite of our past manifestations to slay, kill, dominate, and exterminate others that are different from us. Letting ourselves & others be magnetized to our hearts desires and embody our authentic self.

#energy work #mindfulness #spirituality #reiki healing #wabisabireiki #astrology #visualization #Gemini #jupiter in taurus #gemini season

[wabisabireiki]

Taurus new moon

It does feel glitchy. I once took a time line jump with Pea the Fairy from Instagram. She talks a lot about how jumps can be disorienting if our physical bodies and our projected embodiment is very different.

Lately I've been grappling with a mourning of myself past. Detangling the narratives around what past versions of myself did to survive & cope as good or bad. I've done this a lot & find it to be a continuation of work, plateaus, adjustments & new thresholds.

The reality is the traumatized self is very contrasted. It has stark yes & no from conditioning. The healed versions of us have capacity for context. Vast bandwidth for iteration, scales, on scales...And it takes a lot of time.

Go slow. Evolution took millions (perhaps billions) of years for moths to become butterflies. Whatever your soul is becoming is not in a rush. 😅 🦋 ♉️ 🌚 xo- Nikki

#energy work #mindfulness #reiki healing #spirituality #wabisabireiki #astrology #taurus #taurus new moon

[wabisabireiki]

The importance of writing

When feelings & thoughts are rampant with distress and vitriol. I found myself expelling some very uncomfortable thoughts about loved ones. They were unexpectedly negative and judgemental. I wrote on & as I wrote I felt less attached to those feelings. When I was done I felt guilty. Ashamed even. And then I zoomed out and read the incantations I left there for myself above the scope where zooming out leaves me...

"This is not you; these are feelings- detach"

Fine print: Let them come & go and do not make a character out of these. They are messengers not laws. Choose your next feeling.

I realized I felt better for getting that out. I realized that I no longer felt that way. That writing out some "negative" things helped me to make room for some grace & love to come in. Is this alchemical transmutation? The simple act of writing... It can be for me or whoever chooses to let it be so easy. I should never underestimate the simplicity of magik.

Humans complicate out of resistance to self but nature is simple. The path of least resistance will be watered & flowering. The kicker is in first believing & knowing it to be true.

I've heard & understood " I am not my feelings"

But I know & understand now that my feeling states create the reflection of my reality. Realizing & releasing emotional charges quickly & easily shifts waking reality quickly & easily. Practice makes it work.

XO- Nikki

#energy work #mindfulness #spirituality #reiki healing #wabisabireiki #alchemy #catharsis #writing