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worldsover · 7 months

Text

Transcendence/Pareidolia ft. Heejin

length ✦ 10k

genres ✧ it's a lot of oral, but hey, there's plot too; friends-to-lovers!Heejin

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Your fist clenches in a tight ball.

"If I die because of you, you better feed my fish."

"Die? You're being ridiculous," Heejin says.

You have a lot you could retort in that moment. Such as, "Me, the ridiculous one?" Or, "I'm being serious, I'm gonna actually die." Or, "You're actively contributing to the degradation of the meaning of language if you're claiming my suffering as ridiculous and assuming I'm participating in the honorable but currently inapplicable trope of hyperbole." All these things you can say, and you're without audible retort. This is the fourth time today Heejin's lips encircle your shaft; you were past dry by the third, because she would not let go of your cock for five minutes after your climax (because you didn't stop her).

Heejin's eyes beg, her lashes flutter, her tongue tempts, slithering, slick, and you think maybe you can spare her one more load.

Her mouth slips smoothly from the base of your cock to the head and then, pop. One big bubble of spit. She adds more, saliva foaming up on her tongue that's sticking out and toying with your tip.

"Don't die? Pwease?"

How ridiculous—or you could transcend to immortality at her behest.

All the while, she's sucking your dick in this bathroom like it's mere leisure for her. Like cigarettes to a smoker, she's blowing you like smoke, dirtying her throat, burning you up. Far past dignity now, the only thing she has between her knees and the floor is a bunch of toilet paper. The picture of addiction she paints is unfortunate and raw honesty and vivid contrast between such an elegant woman and such an inelegant solution to hunger. Despite how cavalier and practiced she is about introducing your tip to her uvula, Heejin will never give you a tidy blowjob. She salivates, every time, her tongue a wicked beast of its own, a serpent that can't lie above its love. And on the other hand, you can grumble and grouse all you want—if Heejin says your cock is going in her mouth, then…

You should've seen this coming like how you don't see yourself cumming because your eyelids are wired shut by the pretty agony of this orgasm. When you open them, her (fake, important to make the distinction) glasses are covered in streaks, her hands still twisting, tongue still licking your underside. Determination in her eyes says that every drop will be wrung out. It's possible this isn't leisure, but rather, business, and cum margins are getting lower as damnable inflation rises. She'll squeeze you dry for every last dollar of semen, no apologies to the sperm banks.

When Heejin is done, she sips on your cockhead, then a final kiss. You slump over the toilet and she pats your shoulder, laughing; it's a mean-spirited chuckle, but your dying wish is to hear that laugh one last time, so good on her for the penny of kindness she could spare like an insurance company donating to a hospital.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

"How could anyone love sucking dick that much?" Jinsol asks.

You look at Jinsol, then look at Heejin. Then, look at Haseul, and look at Heejin again. You've never gotten used to this dynamic. How much are you supposed to interject between three drunk girls talking? Are you meant to at all? The topic has already gone off-course, and there's no captain to steer the ship back when you're six bottles down.

Your eyes fall on Heejin, then Haseul.

"Oh, man," Heejin says, downing a shot. Her hand falls around her cleavage, as she feels the warmth of the alcohol envelop her and shudders, eyes closed. "Do you really want to get into this?"

Look at Jinsol and Haseul as they laugh, and you join in laughter, and you look at Heejin again; now, she's serious, rolled up her sleeves for good measure. Let's address the whole looking at Heejin thing, because it's so apparent, even to your drunk ass, that it must be apparent to the others too—you asked her out a while ago, first year of college, rejection, but you're still friends now. Then, despite that, she started getting touchier, somehow more flirtatious. Drove and drives you fucking mad. This little hangout thing at Haseul's place is a long ways away (call it half a year) from getting four oral sessions in a day, though you remember it as being a pivotal stepping stone to the routine.

Focus. You're always putting on a performance, and the actors of the nerves of your brain are having trouble getting the script from the filing cabinets. Question: is it more or less suspicious to allocate, say, three glances toward Haseul and Jinsol each to compensate?

"Sure," Haseul says, still giggling to herself. She's been doing that ever since asked the first question. "What's so wonderful about getting your jaw sore and your mouth dry?"

Heejin makes an angry noise and says through gritted teeth, "It's not about that, obviously. There's so much more to sucking dick than the…" She gestures with her arms, unable to find a word.

"Why do you like it, Heejin?" you ask. Everyone stares at you. "Sorry, nevermind."

"No, no, it's fine," Heejin says."Lemme just, how do I put this? It's like, when you're sucking dick, you feel like you're controlling the dude. You decide when he gets hard, when he gets wet, and when he cums."

"So, you're a sadist," Jinsol says.

"Sadist, my ass," Heejin retorts. "It's… empowering. Sucking dick is empowering."

Huh. The alcohol fizzles and dies in your mind, and Heejin's deep voice echoes in your head to take the place—oh, Heejin is fucking wasted, by the way. Drank as much as the other two combined, but still standing (sitting), but barely.

"Weird," Jinsol replies.

Haseul crosses her arms, facing Jinsol. "Hey, don't kink shame."

"No, no, you don't get it. There's another reason," Heejin continues, verging mad by now. Her cheeks are turning red. "Dicks taste good. Taste amazing, even. And… dicks have faces."

Haseul spits out soju. Jinsol coughs soju. You're lucky you weren't mid-drink.

"Dicks have faces?" Jinsol and Haseul say together.

"Y-yeah," Heejin says, her face flushed. "Dicks have faces. Like, if you suck on the head a bit, you can see different expressions. If you lick the underside, you can see them smile. If you swallow deep… they cry."

Your pants tighten. Somehow, you get it.

She says quietly and quickly, "Oh and also I like the taste of cum. Alright, fine, I really like the taste of cum." She gets louder. "Fine, okay, geez, I LOVE the taste of cum! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Everyone bursts out in laughter. Heejin sips angrily on soju.

"Alright, Heejin," you say. "That was quite an enlightening explanation."

"Shut up, you," she says, sternly.

You gulp.

Haseul and Jinsol go get snacks from the kitchen, leaving you and Heejin alone.

"Dicks have faces, huh," you say.

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Not a chance. You know, no one made you say all that."

Heejin grumbles. You try to get closer, but she puts her hand on your thigh.

"You've got a boner," she says. "Stop."

"Wha? What do you mean?"

"Stop." Heejin stares at you with a serious face, contrasting all the redness in her cheeks.

You don't know where to start with a response.

"It's just, I don't wanna make things weird"—too late—"and obviously all this girls' talk has you riled up or whatever"—by the way, Heejin's hand is slinking higher up your pants—"and I know it's not your fault, but, we're friends, and I don't wanna ruin that."

"S-sorry."

"Good boy."

Heejin had to look in your eyes while saying that one, huh?

You clear your throat, and all efforts to tame your second brain fail. Another drink. It's agonizing, waiting for Haseul and Jinsol to return. Then, Haseul and Jinsol return. Snacks. Too little, too late. There are probably other conversations as the night goes on, but your mind is already spinning from the alcohol, spinning even further at dirty thoughts incepted by Heejin. Eventually, Haseul and Jinsol conk out, and Heejin helps you carry them to Haseul's room.

"Heejin," you say. "I can carry them myself."

"Yeah, I know. Isn't it usually Jinsol who passes out last?"

You would scoff at Heejin's remark, though with your mind elsewhere, you just nod. After you lay Jinsol and Haseul delicately on the bed, you excuse yourself to the bathroom, where you jerk off furiously. You've never tugged yourself without a video in tow or some other material to assist, and you've never felt this urge drunk, but the mere concept of Heejin sucking off your cock like she needs it is enough for you to cum. Mark this as the inevitable inciting incident: the door swings open as you pump your last shot.

You make eye contact. Heejin blinks. Cum flies.

"Uh," you say.

"Woah," she says.

You say nothing.

Heejin closes the door.

"Shit," you mutter and you've used too much toilet paper wiping down where you shot and you're fumbling and you almost trip over yourself and—goddammit, what the fuck just happened. Once you clean yourself off, you go outside.

Heejin is standing there.

"It's fine. Don't sweat it," she says.

"I… I don't know if I can. You know. If I can, like, not sweat it, fuck." You sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. Look, I'm gonna take the bed in her other room, you're fine with the couch right?"

You're drifting in and out of consciousness on the couch when Heejin shakes you awake.

"Huh?" you say.

"You know, I lied."

"About what?"

"Sucking dick having faces."

You blink. You rub your eyes.

"I lied. Dicks don't have faces. Cocks have personalities."

You're too tired to say anything. You just stare at Heejin. You smell a bit more alcohol on her shirt.

"Well, no, I mean, it's true, dicks have faces. But also cocks have personalities."

You think, but no words come out.

"The difference is, um, when a cock has personality, it has preferences and stuff. Like… preference for speed, depth, and tightness. When a cock has personality, you can tell when it likes and doesn't like what you're doing."

You nod off.

"Like, I could tell you would really like if I take all of you in my mouth. You definitely look more like an intimate, slow deepthroat kind of guy, you know, instead of the facefucking, gagging thing. It's like MBTI, yeah, that's it. Your cock is definitely an I, not an E. Oh, maybe a lot of tongue action? But not in the teasing the tip for the whole time sort of thing. Or, am I wrong? What kind of blowjobs do you like? Because you have the kind of cock I wanna tease, and the kind of dick I wanna kiss and why did you waste that load on a tissue, like are you kidding…"

Your eyes are closed.

A woman's deep voice. "Right. Well. Anyways, it's pretty late, and we're both drunk. So, uh. Good night. I guess."

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You wake up. Sunlight. Snack wrappers. Haseul and Jinsol nowhere to be found, or awake, rather. Heejin is next to you on the couch—no, you're hugging each other—actually, she's draped over you like a blanket, and your erection is pushing against her ass.

Heejin wakes up.

"Shit," you say, getting up. "I'm sorry."

"Didn't I tell you to... ugh, whatever."

You sit on Haseul's couch, rubbing the sleep and hangover out of your face, crust out of your eyes. You stretch, hearing creaks in your bones. Heejin sits up, looks forward.

"Last night," she starts. "I might have said some, uh, crazy things."

You snort.

Looking at you, she frowns. She doesn't seem hungover at all, not a bead of sweat on her forehead. Her hair is perfect, as are her pouty lips.

Your brow upturned, you scoff. "Like, crazy? That's one way to put…"

There's a twist in those lips now, like she's running it back in her head; now you are too.

"I mean—yeah, that's the right word, but..."

She's still staring at you, and your mind's really running in circles and sure she laid out the track herself but you could just run off it at any time.

Oh, you're following the track still? "It's, just, I'm, I'm sorry for, what I was, you know, doing. Last night."

Heejin sighs. "I told you. Stop apologizing. It's fine."

"Okay," you say.

You make an excuse to Heejin about getting home, despite wanting nothing more than to spend time with her. What's the point of hanging out when it's just going to make your crush on her worse.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

When you get home, you end up jerking off three times in a row in your own bathroom, but at least you aren't interrupted any of those times.

A few days after the party, you've been thinking about Heejin's joke a lot more than you should.

The worst thing is that Heejin is being all chummy with you again like nothing happened. You wonder if she's doing that on purpose. Either way, you've learned that you need to distance yourself. You've been avoiding group hangouts. You haven't answered your texts in a couple days. You've avoided the pet store the both of you always visit, instead opting to support local businesses like—insert large delivery corporation here (no free advertising)—for your fish food. This goes on for a week.

The week ends when Jungeun comes to your house.

"What?" you say, lounging, staring at air bubbles floating to the top of your little aquarium.

"Don't 'what' me," Jungeun replies through the closed door. "Open up."

"No."

"Look, I'm here because Heejin is really sad, and so Haseul wanted to know why you're not talking to Heejin, and I volunteered because I could tell Heejin really wants to see you and not just talk to you."

"Jungeun, I don't know."

"Listen. I'm not leaving."

Ten minutes later, Jungeun is eating potato chips in your room.

"So… why are you avoiding her?" Jungeun asks.

"What does she want to say to me?" you ask.

Jungeun pauses. "She… told me to tell you to go see her."

You sit on your sofa next to Jungeun, grabbing chips out of the bag. They're your chips.

"She didn't tell me to tell you what exactly it is, but it's important," Jungeun continues. "But honestly, what's been up with you?"

"Nothing's been up with me. I'm the same guy."

"That sounds like someone who has not been the same guy."

You eat more chips. "And how are things going with you and Jinsol," you say.

Jungeun stops slouching. "Hey, don't try and change the subject. For the record, it's been going fine, thank you very much."

"Sounds like you're still in the friendzone."

"You're the last person I want to hear that from."

"Me, the last person? I'd assume Jinsol would be the last person you want to hear that from."

"Fine! Just stop being a dumbass, okay? Heejin really, really wants to talk to you."

You put your hands up. "Okay. You win. I'll talk to her."

"Awesome." Jungeun looks down at her phone, then looking back up, she smiles. "Oh, by the way, Yerim just texted me, she finally finished exams for the semester. What if Heejin and Yerim both come over? We can get everything out of the way, two for one deal."

You sigh. "Yeah, I guess."

She pats you on the shoulder.

You feel no less comforted.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Two for one deal, your ass. You're pacing around your bedroom. Yerim and Jungeun are playing Smash in the living room, and Heejin is… somewhere, probably. The door is shut. All the noise in the world is muffled. You don't know what to expect. Obviously, Heejin needs to talk to you; you're her friend, one of her best friends, and you've been ignoring her for the past week. You sit down. Take a deep breath.

Knock, knock.

"Come in," you say.

You sit on your bed. So does Heejin. You look away. Look down. She smells really, really good, sweet and warm. You've missed her, a lot.

"Hey," Heejin says.

So she's talking first. "Hey," you respond.

You were already loosening up your tense shoulders, but Heejin says "So, Mr. Dickface" and you laugh and you look at Heejin, casually stunning in a simple outfit, a white tee, black shorts.

"Heejin, come on. It's been a week. I swear I would've forgotten if you didn't bring it up."

She pouts.

"Okay," you say, "alright, I would have not forgotten, fine. I still can't believe you. Dicks having faces."

She laughs now.

There's a lull in the conversation. The sound of Yerim shouting and buttons mashing is barely audible. You turn to face Heejin, and she's still looking at you. Her eyes are… soft, vulnerable. She's holding herself.

"Listen," Heejin says. "I'm sorry if I've been weird these past... mmm, months? I know you're not dumb, and I guess, I've been treating you like you are."

You whisper, "I am dumb though."

"No, you're not." She scoffs. "I'm sorry, seriously. We're friends. And friends don't lead each other on and play games"—the sound of a cheer coming from outside the room, definitely Jungeun—"okay, well, they do, but friends don't keep their friends wondering."

"Wondering?"

Heejin sighs. "Let me just get this off my chest. So, yeah, I like you. A lot. Obviously, you've liked me since the beginning. Or, well, loved. When you asked me out, I was excited and nervous and confused, but I... You know me. I've got a million things going on at the same time. Dating as a possibility didn't even cross my mind."

"Yeah. I get it. I don't blame you for that. I guess if we're both laying it all out, I get it. I swear I do. It's that dynamic that always fucks up a friendship between guy and a girl, and I think it's good we got that question out of the way early. But like, I was shocked, obviously, when you started touching me so much, holding hands, sitting on my lap, hugging me." You pause and look away. "It felt good, but it also felt wrong. Like you were playing with my feelings."

Heejin reaches out and takes your hand. "I wasn’t playing with you," she says softly. “I was playing with myself"—half a giggle comes out of you, adding some levity, and she smacks your shoulder—"No, not like that. What was I saying? Right, I guess I was trying to figure out what I wanted."

"Right." Your head hangs again. "So what? I'm just a bystander? A side effect?"

"Yes."

She laughs, squeezing your hand. You pout.

"I'm kidding. You're more than that. Way more. I've learned that much by now."

Heejin takes a long pause.

You can hear breathing, neither exhalations nor inhalations matching pace. It's tense.

"You know what else I learned? Because there's something else on my mind right now. Sort of, sparking in my head, shouting. I know we're having this whole heartfelt thing and I'm sorry for ruining it, but I have to say this because you have a boner and it's springing in your pants and I might be drooling or something—fuck. I've learned that I love sucking dick. A lot. Okay?"

This is the first time you've seen Heejin get so flustered, so bothered. So are you.

She isn't looking at you, yet she continues anyway: "Well. I have to be honest. That's all hypothetical. You know, I've never actually done it. I've just thought about it. A lot. And, obviously, you know, cucumbers turn to dildos and other toys and stuff. And then I saw your dick. And now I've thought about your dick and keep thinking about it."

Your heart skips a beat.

"Yeah." Heejin starts nodding, gaining confidence. "Yeah. I'm certain now. And please, don't think you're taking advantage of me or something, because you're not. In fact, I want you to take advantage of me."

Your breath stays in your lungs.

"How about this," Heejin says, leaning in more. "Do you wanna… fuck around? Or, well, I mean, that's a crass way of putting it. Be my partner in crime. Suckbuddy. Fuckfriend. Whatever you call it. No strings attached. You want a blowjob? You'll get a blowjob. That kind of thing. Even if it's not dating or whatever, we just do what we want to do and we can figure it out later."

Your smile grows slowly. "You know what? Sounds good to me."

"That's it? I drop all that in front of you and you're just, 'sounds good to me'?"

"Okay, fine. Here. I forgive you. That good?"

"Actually, that helps." Heejin exhales, a sigh of relief. "Great."

Silence. Cleared throats. The both of you sit closer now. Her knees bump into yours, and she giggles. She holds your hand. Your eyes meet. You're holding her gaze and her body heat is emanating from her skin and you want her, badly.

"You look handsome today," Heejin whispers. "Have I told you that lately?"

"No," you say, quieter, feeling meek. "You haven't. Thank you."

Her free hand brushes strands of hair.

"Your hair, so cute," she says, happily humming.

Heejin scoots even closer as her knee nudges between your legs.

"Nothing to say? Mm… okay. I have a question."

"What is it?"

Heejin kisses you, immediately catching your lips before you can breath, a taste of chocolate-tinged lip gloss, as her tongue mingles with yours. Her hand lays over your bulge, and her leg is still bumping into your crotch. She pulls away.

"Wow. You're kissing good," she says, flustered.

"No, you're better at it. Amazing. You're amazing."

"God, you're sweet." She laughs.

Your mouths are together again. You pull her into a hug, and she squeals.

"Woah there," she says.

"Sorry. Got a little excited."

"It's fine." Heejin looks away.

You squeeze her harder, and she squeezes you harder. You break the hug.

"Hey. How far," Heejin starts, "do you think we want to go?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, right now. In the moment. If I'm reading this right, and I think I am, you really, really want me. So how far? Are we just gonna kiss this time? Or do you wanna go a bit further? A lot further."

You freeze. "Honestly, you decide."

"You sure? Because, if I had it my way, I, um, I don't think I'll stop sucking your dick until Yerim finally wins a round and they wonder where the fuck we've been."

Your eyes are wide. "Y-you're really picturing that, aren't you? The two of them barging in while my cock is down your throat."

She does not reply.

"You are unbelievable."

"I can't help it," she says, almost whining. "You have the sort of cock I really want to play with."

You pull Heejin back into another hug, kissing her. She pushes you onto the bed and straddles your thighs. Her body heat, her scent, her hands caressing you. This is the first time you're feeling this much of her body against your own, and it's incredible. Even better—much, much better—is when she lifts up her shirt, revealing a simple, black bra. She takes her shirt off completely, and your hands grab at her stomach. How many times have you watched her do ab workouts for an ungodly amount of time, hoping one day you could feel her six-pack for yourself? Your hands then trail up higher, until you're grabbing at her tits, still ensconced within the confines of a bra, but her breasts are heavenly, perky, waiting to be squished and bounced on your hands.

Heejin has other designs for you: she grabs both of your wrists and pins them to the bed above your head. Your pants are tenting, and she grinds against your cock. You moan.

"I love seeing you like this," Heejin says. She lowers her torso onto yours, breasts spilling out of her bra a bit. She grinds harder, and you moan again. "You're so hot, and you're all for me. God, I wanna… fuck around so much."

She backs up, dragging her crotch down your leg as she descends. When she reaches your foot, she sits and puts it between her legs.

"Shit, Heejin," you say.

She bends over to kiss your neck.

"Your foot… feels good. I'll never say that again, so don't you dare make fun of me."

"Wouldn't dream of it. You can always tell me what you like."

She's rubbing her crotch against your ankle and taking your shirt off. Her lips move down to your nipple, licking circles around it.

"Your cock… feels big," she says. She grabs at it through your pants. "I'm so fucking excited for the real thing."

You've imagined this moment so many times. You'd fantasized about being pinned to a bed, about being teased by Heejin, of course, but you didn't expect, couldn't ever picture how she'd really sound, how she'd actually feel, how it would feel to be touched, licked, kissed by her. And yet here she is, biting on your nipple, moaning herself as she uses your foot.

She lets go. "Your… chest is so nice."

"Uh, thanks."

Heejin smiles and returns to biting, but on your other nipple instead. Her next pecks and licks are on your own abs, tracing over your six pack, following the ridges and dips with her tongue. She takes your waistband in her mouth. Slowly, she pulls down. You lift your hips, and then your pants are off. Heejin drags her cheek against your cock through your underwear, eyes closed.

"Your scent… is amazing." She licks the fabric along your length, where it bulges. "Mmm, this is what I'm talking about."

Your cockhead is poking out of your waistband. She kisses it, and then sucks on it through your underwear.

"Heejin, take it… off."

She stops, eyes wide. She pulls your waistband with her mouth, and you lift your hips again. She tugs it down, your cock sprinting out.

"Oh, wow," she says.

"W-what is it?"

"Your cock… is really, really gorgeous."

You gulp. "Thanks."

Heejin takes your cockhead in her mouth. You close your eyes. She swirls her tongue around the tip. She bobs down, lips wrapped around your shaft. Then, pop. She takes your cock out of her mouth, holding it in her hand.

"Is this… okay?" she asks.

"More than okay. Really, really, really okay."

"Good." She jerks you off, her spit easing the friction.

"Shit, Heejin."

"God, I love hearing you say my name."

She moves faster, your cock slick in her palm. She alternates between fast and slow. One second, she's going quick, and the next, her hand is barely moving, and your cock is twitching in her grasp. Her thumb strokes your underside.

"I… love teasing you," Heejin says. "I love making you beg for me to go faster."

"Please, go faster, then."

"You're so cute." She goes slower. You groan.

Heejin moves her grip to your balls, stroking your underside with her thumb again. Her other hand grabs the base of your cock. Her mouth returns, sucking on your balls. She's pumping up and down.

"Fuck, Heejin, please… go faster."

"Again."

You gulp. "Please, Heejin, go faster."

"Good boy."

Her hand speeds up. Your balls are getting sucked, her tongue licking around them, and her other hand is jerking, and it's like she's milking you. Your climax is imminent. You warn her.

"You're gonna make me cum."

Heejin pops off your balls and takes your cock out of her hand. She lowers her torso.

"I've been waiting so long for this," she says.

She swallows you.

Her tongue is slathering your shaft, and she's bobbing down, and her lips are tight around you. The tip of your cock bumps into the back of her throat. Her hand is caressing your balls. Her other hand is pumping the rest of your shaft. She comes up, taking a deep breath, and her eyes are watering. You wipe the tears away. She smiles, as if she's satisfied with having gagged on your shaft, as if she believes with her heart of hearts her own doctrine, and in such resolve of her mouth returning, you can't deny it.

Maybe her jaw hurts. Maybe her throat's dry. But you sense none of it. Deeper, you hit the back of her throat again, and her lips still curl up into a smile even through more tears. She's still pumping, and her other hand is pinching her nipples. Heejin moans. Her moan vibrates your cock, and her moan vibrates her throat, and her moan vibrates her tongue, like, holy shit, you've never felt anything better. And then…

"Heejin, I'm… cumming."

She stays down. You shoot. Her eyes widen. Another shot, and her eyes are closed. Another shot, and you're groaning, and her throat is swallowing. More shots. You're pumping Heejin full of your cum, and she's pumping you empty. Heejin, relentless, keeps sucking. You try and push her off, meteors dancing in your mind, but she won't budge. She stays down, her eyes still closed.

"Heejin, wait, wait, I'm so, so sensitive."

Heejin shakes her head. With her mouth still full, she says, "Wah, want… ahll."

You collapse. Heejin keeps sucking. Your cock is twitching in her mouth, and you try backing up in your mattress until you hit the headboard. You grip the sheets. You can't stop cumming. Every suck Heejin takes is another shot down her throat, each one joined by a satisfied "mm, mm", and swallowed without hesitation. You lose track of how many shots you pump into her. Even when you stop spurting semen into her mouth, and your orgasm is subsiding, Heejin stays down. She moves her lips from the base of your cock up to your tip, and she sticks her tongue out to cushion the underside of your shaft. You're shaking. You can't stop shaking.

"Heejin," you say—no, you gasp it; you croak it out; you despair for the name, "wait."

She does just that. Wait. With your cock in her lips like a popsicle, and she's waiting for you to melt. She breathes through her nose, humming to herself. You shudder. Your cock is still sensitive.

"Please… wait."

Heejin listens. She doesn't suck, and she doesn't bob. She waits. Your orgasm is over. Your mind is fading.

Pop.

She sucks the tip. Pop. She takes your cock out of her mouth, holding it in her hand again. Her tongue sticks out and licks up your shaft, where all the leftover cum and spit and saliva has gathered.

"Ahh." Her tongue is covered in white cream. A gulp. "Ahh." Her tongue is clean.

If you need a few more breaths, unfortunately you've used up all the air already, and you're just running on whatever other fumes now. "You… are insane," you say.

She giggles. "Was it that bad?"

"No, no, no, it was… the best. And the worst. A-are you gonna do that every time?"

"Do what?"

"Never mind."

Heejin crawls on top of your body. Your cock is nestled between her thighs. She lies on top of you.

"Did you like it?" she asks.

"Yes."

"Do you wanna… keep being fuckfriends with me? Suckbuddies? While I talked all the game about blowjobs, I wouldn't mind if you gave me a little oral service once in a while too." She says quietly, like she's felt bashfulness for the first time in her life, "And, I, um, am down to do more too. A little later. Or something."

"Of course. Yeah."

You wrap your arms around her.

"Good," Heejin says.

She kisses you. Your cum is on her lips, and she's sharing the taste with you. You taste yourself. It's nothing terrible, but she did gulp your load down without stopping, so, you can't fully empathize with her enthusiasm. Still, you reciprocate, savoring Heejin instead.

You hear cheering from outside the room.

"Think Jungeun won," Heejin says.

You snort. "Should we… go out? Pretend like nothing's changed?"

"I'm sure we'll figure something out."

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You and Heejin end up deciding not to hide anything, but not telling the girls either. They'd find out sooner or later, and besides, you'd both want to brag about it, eventually.

After the three of them say their goodbyes and leave your house, you head straight to your bathroom. You thought Heejin's lips fully drained you dry, but apparently not, because you shoot more loads thinking of how her throat swallowed you.

You receive a text from her.

> miss you already ;)

You smile.

> Miss you too. can't wait for next time.

Heejin sends a photo. A strand of spit falls from her lips, down to her cleavage. Your heart skips a beat.

> neither can i <3

You save the photo.

Your phone buzzes again.

> don't jack off to it though

> Too late.

You send your fingers and shaft covered in cum.

She sends a photo again, of her frowning.

> wtf!! that was my load! i'm gonna kill you!!!

You laugh and send a text with your other hand.

> Love you.

> lol yeah yeah whatever

You send another photo of your cock.

> another pic. As my apology

> wait.... didn't you say you just jerked off

> yeah?

> and you're still hard?

You gulp.

> guess so.

> you're such a stud. come over. i'll help you with that

You can't get dressed fast enough.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You meet halfway. A park, late at night. Fastest option, you're both too horny. You and Heejin are behind a building, some sort of community center, too late to be open or for the sun to shine down on the two of you being so daring outdoors.

Heejin's lips are on your neck, bound to leave marks, but you can't find yourself caring. Her hand is massaging your balls over your shorts, her other hand is down your underwear pumping your shaft, and her thigh is grinding against your cock. She kisses you.

You grab her jaw and pull her off you. "Um, I'm sorry. I, um, I think we might wanna establish some ground rules or something."

She stares at you, wide-eyed. "Ground rules? Like, safewords and stuff?"

"Uh, I guess, yeah. I just… I don't know, it'd make me feel more comfortable if, you know, we had some boundaries."

Heejin sighs. "Fine. Fair. Makes sense, I guess. I'm not a huge fan of… talking about feelings and stuff, but, I get it."

"Right, so, um, obviously, no feelings, and, I dunno, no dating?"

"Yep. You can see other girls. I'll see other dudes. Nothing serious."

"Sure. Yeah. Okay."

Heejin continues pumping your cock. "Anything… else?"

You gulp. "Safeword, I guess. And, like, is there anything you're… not okay with?"

"Um, not sure. Never thought about it."

"Okay, well, what's a word you hate?"

"Hmm… dick."

You blink.

Heejin giggles. "Just kidding. Um, I dunno, uh, penis? Cock? Uhh… sausage."

"Sausage?"

"Yeah. Sausage."

You pause. "And if, you know, I can't speak?"

"Tap three times on me or whatever. Three for sausage. Sounds good?"

"Yep. Three for sausage."

"Great. Anything else?"

"There was one thing in particular I was thinking about. So like, one time, I nutted seven times in a day."

Her mouth starts to water. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Heejin pumps faster. "That's… amazing."

"No, but that's the thing. I gotta set limits, Heejin. Even this, third time, it's, it's a lot. Too much."

She frowns. "What, so… no multiple nut sessions?"

"Once a week. Maybe."

"Fine, fine, okay. Once a week."

"Okay, cool. Ground rules established. Sausage as the safeword. No dating, seeing other people. Three times for sausage. One nut session a week."

"Got it." Heejin resumes pumping your shaft.

"Hey, Heejin, um, what do you want me to… do, when you're blowing me? Anything you want? Because it feels like I'm just"—she gets on her knees—"kinda doing nothing and"—she pulls your shorts and underwear down—"you're doing"—she puts your cockhead in her mouth—everything, see!"

Pop. "Yeah. I dunno. Don't worry about me. Focus on yourself."

"Wait, Heejin, but, aren't we partners in crime, fuckbuddies, whatever, I wanna, like, make you feel good too."

"I appreciate the sentiment, Mr. Dickface." She jerks your shaft, and your knees buckle. You figure you might as well sit on the concrete floor, your back slumped on the brick wall. It's a makeshift position that you'll learn to get used to. She lowers her face to your crotch, then continues, "But don't worry. Feeling your cock cum is enough to make me feel good."

Heejin licks circles around your shaft, where the precum has gathered. Her hand is pumping the rest. Your cock is already twitching.

"Besides," she continues, "if you focus on me… we'd never get anywhere."

Pop.

She swallows you.

"Heejin, shit."

Her bobbing is relentless. She's pumping your shaft and massaging your balls, and she's deepthroating your shaft. Her spit is drenching your cock, and her lips are tight, and her tongue is slathering. Heejin's bobbing up and down, and your cockhead bumps into the back of her throat. Your balls clench. You shoot.

Pop.

Heejin takes your cockhead out of her mouth. Her hand is jerking, and the first shot hits her lips. The second, she opens her mouth to catch. The third, she closes her lips. The fourth, she catches in her mouth again. The fifth, she swipes up with her tongue. The sixth, she catches. The seventh, she misses, and your cum lands on her cheek. The eighth, she misses again, and your cum lands on her chin. The ninth, Heejin opens her mouth, and your cum falls right in. She gulps. The tenth, she misses again, and your cum lands on her neck. Heejin's pumping slows.

"That… was… amazing," you say.

Pop. "Yeah."

"Fuck. I'm just saying. Next time, I'm going to get a taste of your pussy." You open your mouth. "See, my mouth's watering just thinking about it."

"Yeah?" She jerks your shaft. Another shot lands on her neck. She wipes your cum and sticks her finger in your mouth. "You're adorable. But you're right. Next time."

✦✧✦✧✦✧

The two of you had ramyeon at a convenience store after, then said bye. Like friends. Just friends.

The next time is two days later, at night again. This time, you finally go to Heejin's apartment. You haven't been here in a long time, not since she moved in. It's cleaner than you remember.

"Make yourself at home," Heejin says.

You sit on her couch. She sits next to you. You kiss. Your hands are groping her breasts, and her hand is pumping your shaft. You lift her shirt, and her tits are freed from her bra. Her nipples are hard. You pinch them.

"Hey, wait, stop, stop," she says.

"Sausage?"

"N-no, I'm… fine, just, wait."

"What is it?"

"Um, so… I kinda… made a mess. Earlier."

"What… kind of mess?"

She giggles. "On my bed. You'll see."

Heejin leads you to her room.

"Holy shit," you say.

"Surprise?"

She's made a mess, alright. Sheets stained white, spots and splotches, streaks and trails, the whole nine yards. Your cock twitches, even if you're confused how one woman could make such a mess on her own.

"I was, um, thinking about sucking your cock all day yesterday. I didn't wanna touch myself, but I couldn't help it."

"I'm glad."

Heejin lies on her bed, pulling her shorts and underwear off. Her pussy is glistening. She spreads her legs.

"Come. Lick it."

"I've been waiting for this." You crawl on top of Heejin's body and put your face between her legs. You lick circles around her slit. You lick up and down her folds. "I don't exactly have toys to practice on like you... so I'm gonna need to do plenty of catching up."

"Don't worry. Practice away."

You lick circles again, and Heejin's quiet. You lick up and down, and she's quiet. You flick her clit, and Heejin's quiet. Your tongue is slathering her slit, and she's quiet.

"Wait, Heejin, is… everything okay?"

"Yeah. It's fine."

"What is it? Is my tongue rough or something?"

She looks at you. "Oh, no, no, not at all! No, it's, um, your technique's, uh, kinda lacking."

"Ah. Yeah, see."

"Here, I'll show you."

Heejin sits up and pushes you down. She's straddling your face.

"First," she says, "spread my… my lips. Like this."

She spreads her labia.

"Then, you wanna, kinda, stick your tongue inside, like, deep."

Heejin uses her finger to spread herself wider. You stick your tongue inside her hole.

"Now… use your thumb to, like, rub my clit, and move your tongue around. Like, you're, um, writing, something, with your tongue, I guess. Inside me. Like, a, um, circle. Shit, I dunno."

You rub her clit. Heejin moans. You lick circles inside her hole.

"And, uh, yeah, that's… about it. Oh, and, move your, your finger and thumb. Not at the same time. And I'll grab your hair and move you around and I guess just tell you what to do. And then you can figure it out after that, right?"

"Yeah. Got it."

Heejin lies back down. You spread her lips. You stick your tongue inside her hole. You rub her clit. You lick circles inside her hole.

"A little lower. And, and, like, lick, not circles, but, a, like, a line. But not a straight line. An, um, I dunno, a diagonal one. But not a diagonal one. A, uh, a curve, but not a curve. Um."

You lick lower. You lick diagonally, but not a diagonal. You lick a curve, but not a curve.

"There. Yeah. That's… good. Keep going."

You lick diagonally, but not a diagonal. You lick a curve, but not a curve. Heejin moans. Your tongue is still licking, and she moans, and her hand is on top of your head.

"Use your, your thumb, and, and, like, stick your index finger inside. Like, curl your finger and, and, find my, my, um, g-spot."

You rub her clit. You stick your index finger inside. You curl your finger. Heejin moans. Your tongue is licking diagonally, but not a diagonal. Your index finger is curling, searching, and you find her g-spot, a soft patch inside her walls. Your tongue is licking curves, but not a curve. Heejin moans again.

"Add… another finger."

You stick your middle finger inside.

"Curve both, both your, your fingers. Both fingers."

You curl both your fingers.

"And, and, like, twist. But not twist. Rotate. But not rotate. Uh, fuck, um, shit, I dunno, uh, fuck, whatever, just, um, fuck, uh, wait."

You lick diagonally, but not a diagonal. You curl both fingers. You rotate, but not rotate. While you're going through advanced mathematics under a tutor under a slightly lust-drunk stupor, you're starting to understand both sides more. On the one hand, your mouth is indeed going dry, and your jaw is starting to hurt. On the other hand, you're drooling. Whatever taste Heejin's pussy has is starting to get really addicting, enough for your cock to stay hard the entire time, enough for you to ignore the fatigue.

"Add… another finger."

You stick your ring finger inside, which immediately earns a moan from Heejin. Your tongue is licking curves, but not a curve. Your fingers are curled, rotated, twisted, whatever. Heejin moans again. You're rubbing her clit.

"Fuck, more, more. Rub my, my, rub my clit faster. Fuck, lick faster."

You speed up. You curl your fingers. You rotate them. You twist them. Heejin moans again. Her hand is tight on top of your head. Her body is trembling. You move your free hand and press it onto her stomach to keep her still. Your three fingers are thrusting in and out of Heejin's pussy, and her hips are buckling. Her walls are clenching. She moans, a final time.

Heejin lets go. You lick. Your fingers are thrusting. Your thumb is rubbing her clit. Heejin shudders. More gushes of cum coat your tongue and fingers. She's going to drown you. You understand how she made that mess. Your three fingers are pistoning in and out of Heejin's pussy as her climax subsides. More gushes. More. Less. Some.

"Wait," she says. "Hold… hold it. My spot."

You stop rotating, twisting, and whatever-ing. Her walls are fluttering. Your three fingers are still. Her girl cum is trickling out of her hole.

You take your face off Heejin's crotch.

"Holy… fucking shit," she says.

"Wild ride?"

"That was… amazing."

You flex your fingers. "Yeah. Didn't know you could squirt like that."

"Neither did… I."

Heejin props herself up. You stick your three cum-soaked fingers in her mouth. She sucks. She moans. You stick them deeper down her throat, and her lips are wrapping. Her eyes are closing.

"Thanks for… teaching me," you say.

Pop. "Mmm. Of course."

Your three fingers return to her pussy. You pump, and her girl cum is slicking your fingers. Heejin lies back down. Your three fingers are pistoning again. She moans.

"Wait, wait, sausage, sausage!"

You stop. "Shit, sorry."

"It's fine, it's fine. Just, sensitive."

"Got it."

Heejin giggles. "Sorry. Sometimes… I squirt a lot. Um. Overstimulated."

"Well, at least you know how I feel."

"Wait, was that a sausage moment, because I feel so bad and—"

You interrupt Heejin with a kiss. "No, it's fine. In fact, it was really fucking hot, and besides, I already told you about how much I can cum. Oh yeah, by the way—" another kiss, because there is no such thing as too many with Heejin "—I kinda wanna see the toys you were talking about."

"Really?"

"Yeah. If that's… cool."

She smiles. "Sure. Lemme, lemme clean up first."

"Alright."

Heejin cleans her bed with tissues, and you help her wipe up. Then, you head to her closet. She opens it, and… holy shit. There's an assortment of vibrators and dildos and g-spot stimulators and other contraptions and tools, almost an entire shelf dedicated to sex toys.

"This is… incredible," you say.

"Hey, um, by the way, could you, um, close your eyes?" she asks. "I, um, dunno, it'd… feel less embarrassing."

"Sure."

You close your eyes.

"And, like, turn around."

You turn around.

"Okay, okay, so, um, these ones"—you hear plastic tapping against plastic—"are just the vibrators. These ones"—plastic tapping again—"are the dildos. And then… um, these ones are for g-spots, and, and then there's more for anal, and then… um, I dunno, basically, um, the rest is stuff I've gotten on impulse because it looked fun."

You snort. "Impulse, huh?"

"Shut up. Um… open your eyes."

You turn back around. Heejin's holding a Hitachi wand.

"Okay, so, like, this, this is probably my favorite. Wand. Magic wand. And then"—she puts it back and holds a simple, white vibrator—"this is the, um, the next one." She puts it back and holds a curved, purple toy—"then this. Um… this is, this is the biggest"—she puts it back and holds a monster of a dildo—"um, and then, this is the smallest." She points to a cute, pink bullet vibe.

So many questions flood your mind, but the only thing you can blurt out is, "Impulse purchases, huh?"

Heejin shoves you. "Shut up! Um… and then, this"—black anal beads—"and, um, this"—clear, pink butt plug—"are for anal. Obviously. And then, um, basically, I've, um, experimented. A lot."

"Experimented, huh?"

She shoves you again. "Stop… saying huh!"

You wrap Heejin in a hug. "I'll say huh as much as I want."

"Whatever. Um… anything you wanna… try?"

You gulp. "C-could I watch you use them?"

Heejin steps away. "Wait, really?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you're comfortable. Like, right now. Or something."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really."

Heejin sighs. "You… absolute pervert."

"You're the one with"—you point to her shelf—"all that."

"Fine, fine. Um, sure. Which… do you wanna see me use?"

You gulp again. "So, um. You said you practiced sucking dick on one of them right? Imagined it was me?"

She rubs her thighs together. "Y-yeah."

"Which… was it?"

Heejin reaches for one. She holds a flesh-colored dildo, about the length and girth of your own cock.

"This one," she says.

"Then, that one, please."

She nods. "Okay… sit on the bed. Get comfy."

Heejin puts the dildo on her bed and closes the closet door. She undresses completely, tossing her clothes to the side. Your cock is tenting. She returns, picks the dildo, and then she lies on her bed next to you.

"So… you, you just wanna watch me use this? Suck on it and stuff?"

You nod. "Yeah. Please."

Heejin bends her legs and spreads her thighs. Your cock twitches. Her free hand rubs her slit. She's spreading her lips.

"Shit, Heejin, you're so hot."

"Thanks… pervert."

She sticks the dildo inside her hole, and you love watching how her pussy stretches for it. Especially knowing your cock will be doing the same soon. That image makes you harder, enough for you to pull down your pants and start jerking.

"Heejin, would, would you… talk? Your voice is so pretty."

Heejin blushes. "Thank you. What do you want me to say?"

"Just, like, anything. Tell me… what you're imagining. What you're feeling.. Your fantasies."

Heejin gulps. "Um, o-okay."

Her free hand is rubbing circles around her clit. The dildo is slowly pumping in and out of her hole.

"Sometimes, um," she starts, "sometimes I imagine… it's you. Inside me. Your cock. And, um, usually, we're, we're doing missionary, and, um, your hands are on my tits. Pinching my nipples. Wait, come here. Pinch my nipples."

You follow her command, sitting closer to her so you can grab a nipple with one hand while your other jerks faster. Heejin moans. You jerk faster.

"Oh, god, mmm. If I could keep your gorgeous fucking dick in my mouth all day I would. I'd suck it every second. God, I'd, I'd wake up to it. I'd go to sleep sucking on it. Hnnh. Your hands… are making me feel really good. Or we could cuddle and watch a movie, and the whole time you'd be... fuck, you'd be slowly sliding your cock in and out of my asshole. Mmnh. God, and, maybe we'd have friends over, and you'd fuck me from behind, and no one would know. Shit, especially when we're at Yerim's, you could take me to her really nice bathroom and rail me in her really nice shower. Mmm."

The dildo speeds up, and her clit rubbing is speeding up. Your jerking is speeding up too.

"Or we'd go out to eat, and, fuck, you'd finger me under the table, and then, and then you'd order dessert, and instead of eating the real thing, you'd feed me your cock, and I'd cream myself. God, shit, your hands. Mmfh. Or, or, sometimes I imagine, we're on the couch, and Jungeun and Jinsol and Haseul are hanging out, and they're just chatting away, and I'm sucking your dick, or you're fingering me, or I'm warming your cock in my pussy, and no one would know. Shit. Or they do know, and they pretend like I'm not even there on my knees sucking you off. Fuck."

You're about to cum. "Shit, Heejin, keep going, I'm so, so, so, so close."

"Nngh. And I'd even—wait, d-don't waste that cum yet." She takes the dildo out and moves closer to you. "Feed me. Put it in my mouth."

You do. Heejin's jerking the rest of your shaft, and your tip is in her lips, and she's pumping, and her spit is slathering. You groan, and she moans, and a shot fires into her throat. Her jerking doesn't stop. Another shot, and your mind is fading. Another.

Pop. She's gasping for air, trying not to spill the load as she speaks. "Ahh, waih, feed me, hah, some cum, wifh your hand."

You take your cock out of her mouth, masturbating some cum onto your palm. Once your climax eventually subsides, you offer your hand to Heejin, and she makes eye contact as she slurps up your seed and licks every joint of your fingers.

After she has every drop she can get in her mouth, she looks up, gargles, and then gulps. "Thank you for the meal."

You sigh. "Jesus, you're crazy."

"Only for you."

You kiss. "I'm honored."

"Um, by the way, can I finish?"

"Yeah, of course."

Heejin lies back down and picks the dildo. Her free hand is rubbing her clit again, and the dildo is pumping in and out of her hole.

"Hold on," you say. "Could I… use the wand on you?"

She stops. "Really?"

"Yeah. Unless it's sausage time."

Heejin giggles. "No, no, it's fine, just, um, lemme… get comfy again." She gets on all fours, and you move to a squat, holding the wand in one hand and the dildo in the other. "And, um, don't turn it on the highest setting. Not yet."

"Got it."

You stick the dildo inside Heejin's pussy and move the wand to her clit. You turn the wand on, and the sound of buzzing fills her room, followed by a moan from Heejin.

"Tell me more fantasies," you say.

She tries her best to give you everything she's thinking about, from bending her over the kitchen counter to tying her up and edging her, from fucking her mouth blindfolded to having a whole day where you fuck her whenever you want, free-use style. You're glad that she trusts you enough to share her kinks. You're looking forward to experiencing them someday.

Her dirty talking devolves into incomprehensible moans, and her doggystyle position is faltering, her face in the mattress. You stick the dildo deeper, and you turn the wand to a higher setting. She screams.

"Shit, sausage, sausage!"

You immediately stop everything. Heejin's trembling.

"Oh, god," she says.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. Just, too much."

"Fuck, I'm so sorry."

"No, no, it's fine, just, sensitive. But you owe me."

"What do you mean?"

"Turn the wand off and give me the dildo. I'm going to cum with your cock in my mouth because that's where it belongs."

You comply, handing her the dildo and turning the wand off. Then, Heejin lies back down on the bed. You're uncertain about where to go, until she grabs your ass, pulling you to mount on top of her chest.

"There we go."

You look back and see Heejin starting to dildo-fuck herself again, and before you can look at Heejin's face again, she's already captured your cockhead in her lips.

"Oh, fuck," you say.

She moans. You jerk off the rest of your shaft, and she's moaning hungrily around you. Heejin's free hand massages your balls, and she pistons the dildo at a hearty pace, a loud, sloppy pace. As if she were imitating what your cock would sound like, if it were pounding her hole. Having painted a million pictures in your mind, and having heard her talk about so many fantasies, your mind can't help but fill in the blanks. The biggest blank is her throat.

"Heejin," you say.

Pop. "Mmm. Yeah?"

"Could I… choke you with my cock?"

She giggles. "Go for it, stud. Shoot it straight down. I don't care. It'll make me cum harder. I wanna feel my throat bruise."

You gulp. "A-are you sure?"

"Mmm. Totally. I'm gonna keep fucking myself and sucking you off and if I tap three times on you, then it's sausage time, and you stop choking me. Deal?"

"Deal."

Heejin takes your cockhead back in her mouth and moans. Her free hand goes back to your balls, and you place both your hands on the sides of her head. Slowly, carefully, you force her lips to travel past your tip, and to reach halfway down your shaft. Her cheeks are concave and your palms can feel her slobbering. Once she reaches your base, her eyes are watering. She looks up at you, her dildo fucking faster, her lips tight. You pull on Heejin's hair to move her head up. She moans. Her whole body is trembling again. You slam her head back down.

"Heejin, I'm"—she moans—"about to"—she gags, a broken vibration around your cock, and she moans—"cum!"

Her gagging, however, only urges you more to fuck her throat with your cock. Heejin gags again, and her throat walls are clenching, and a whole bunch of spit comes out, drenching your balls. The last thing you feel before your mind fades is her final whine, lost to the whole of her universe. Your spasms return, your hips shake, and this time, you see her whole body tense up—finally you and Heejin cum together, with her dildo ramming her hole and your cock ramming her throat. She's squealing and squeaking while taking your cock down to her base again, her gagging more persistent. After all her fantasies, the real thing is so much hotter than your imagination, and your brain starts painting new pictures on instinct.

Pop.

"Holy. Fucking. Shit," she says.

Your cock twitches out spurts of your seed, coating her face. Her dildo has disappeared from her pussy.

"I'm, I'm sorry, about, um, being… a bit too rough," you say.

"Are you fucking stupid?" she asks. "Do you have, do you have any idea how fucking hard I came? God, and the cum you're firing in my throat, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your cum is what gives life purpose."

You grin. "I'm glad you think that way. My cum was only alive because of your pretty little mouth, though."

Heejin licks up every streak and spurt.

You lie back down on her bed next to her. "Hey, uh, you… still owe me though."

"True," she says. "What do you want? Another oral service tomorrow?"

"Can't tomorrow. It's already one in the morning."

"Ah, fuck. Morning."

"It's fine." Your voice is meek. "Let's not do anything. For a while."

"What?"

"This is fun. And I'm sure we could come up with a million ways to jerk each other off with our hands and mouths and words. But, you were thinking it too, right? When you had that, that dildo inside of you. Fucking you. I mean, I don't, I really don't wanna pressure you, but I thought it'd be fun. You know. If we just held off of anything, sex, cumming, masturbating, all of that, and we just… wait. How about until your birthday?"

"What?! That's like, twenty days away."

"Exactly, once in a while we could do other stuff. Wouldn't it be fun to just get edged every day until then, waiting, anticipating, and when we finally do fuck, it'll be the best sex of our lives, the perfect present. I mean, you got yourself off plenty of times already. I bet you could go without a nut for a while."

"Oh, no. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"And vice versa, I guess."

Heejin grumbles. "Fuck. Fine. Deal. But no matter how much I tempt you, no matter how much you tempt me, we're not going to cum. We're gonna edge each other. No matter how hard I suck. No matter how hard you thrust."

"Deal."

You shake hands.

"Um, by the way," she says.

"What?"

"You, um, you're a pervert."

You sigh. "I know."

"But you're, um, you're a pretty nice guy. And smart. And hot. Okay, that's enough for your ego, goddammit."

"Keep going, you're gonna make me cum."

Heejin grins. "Oh, that's all it'll take, huh?"

You kiss.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You wake up on Saturday morning, having stayed the night at Heejin's place. The two of you have a breakfast of leftover ramyun, and you say goodbye at the door.

"Wait," she says. "Hold on. I forgot something."

You turn around. "What?"

Heejin kisses you. "Bye."

You return the kiss. "Bye."

You go home, and on Sunday, you wake up to a text from Heejin.

> morning. :)

You smile.

> Good morning.

You send her a picture of your cock, already hard in the morning. She sends a photo of her own pussy, spread open with her fingers. It's scintillating, dewy. Your cock twitches.

> morning wood?

> Yep.

> you know how bad i wanna suck that dick right now

> Yeah. I'm thinking about fucking your throat.

> godddddddd i love it when you say that shit

> Do you think you're gonna nut today?

> probably not. if i can't even last a weekend without cumming, i srsly need to reexamine my life

> lol. true. well, good luck.

> you too

You send a photo of your cock, with a drop of cum at your tip. It only took a token effort of stimulation to get a bead of pre-cum.

> wait were you fapping just now

> Yeah. Just a bit

> godddddd youre so bad

> Don't worry. I don't plan on cumming until it's inside you on your birthday :)

> fuck you

> I thought we were gonna save that for your birthday too :(

> shut up

You smile.

> I miss you.

> me too

> Next week. We can meet up. See how we're feeling about this whole thing. Maybe get dinner or something.

> like a date?

> Well, no dating. Obviously. Ground rules and all.

> "k fine. sounds good

> See you then <3

> yeah yeah whatever <3

You laugh. This is going to be fun.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Happy birthday to the best girl! Once again, this falls under my time-honored tradition of incomplete-but-complete-enough stories to post for some deadline, so I'm not bothering with crossposting (okay fine I am just too lazy).

#kpop smut #reader insert #male reader #loona smut #artms smut

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wildernessuntothemselves · 1 year

Text

You Are My Queen Now | Part 12

Word Count: 14k

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: fingering, cunnilingus, overstimulation, missionary degradation, sub!gyu, dom!gyu, sub!oc, dom!oc, breeding kink, inaccurate portrayal of an old wedding, oc has a mini panic attack, knife and blood play, self harm and harming others, mentions of past rape, slapping, smothering gyu with your pussy lmao, pregnancy, extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics, manipulative characters, mentions of and justifications of rape and blaming someone for their own rape.

It’s been about a month since Beomgyu officially declared war on Taehyun.

Beomgyu doesn’t tell you much about the war but from what little he’s told you and what you’ve gathered, Taehyun’s wasn’t doing good. Even though he has gathered more allies now other than Ryujin’s father, like Lord Seojin who joined up with him after that disastrous meeting and Heejin’s family who turned against Beomgyu after she got kicked out of court, as well as their various associates, but the best they can do right now is merely hold their ground.

Beomgyu doesn’t seem concerned about the war or the loss of some of his allies. Instead, he focuses on strengthening his relations with the existing members of his court and continually gaining the public’s support.

“You’ve gotten slimmer again.” You comment as you move your brush over his skin, noting how his back lost much of the bulk it had when you first saw him again. “And your hair got longer."

You’re having your painting session with just him today. Lately, he’s been so busy with meetings and the like and so he’s using this as an excuse to spend more time with you. He had volunteered to let you use his body as a canvas and now he was laying on his stomach over a large sheet as you paint his back with vivid red colors.

He cranes his head back and grins. "You said you loved your lanky idiotic best friend."

That’s true, and he’s starting to look like him too. But will you ever be able to see him in that way again? You know your love for him will never go away–it hasn’t even waned a little bit after everything he’s done and you’re sure even if he were to kill you, your heart would pump the last of its blood with love for him. But will you ever look at him the same way again? Will you ever trust him? Will he ever be your knight in shining armor? Will he ever be the innocent warmth you seek against the coldness of the world?

He has hurt you too much, too much. But the gods have turned their backs on you long ago and only the devil would embrace you. He beckons to you with open arms, a soft smile and the promise of the whole world in your hands.

And how can you refuse his bastardized gift–your fallen angel–when you incited his revolt against the gods? You’re as doomed to the fires of hell as he is, you rotten sinner.

As the bloody strokes of paint take shape, Beomgyu tries to get a peek at what you’re painting. "Are those wounds?"

“Yes.” You confirm monotonously. "Ripped wings."

“Am I a fallen angel?” He frowns at that, the negative connotations hanging in the air.

“The devil.”

Beomgyu pauses for a minute, perturbed by your words. You don’t know why he always acts so surprised by them, as if he just expects you to get over everything he’s done and forgive him already.

"I am not going to get upset by your sharp words anymore. You chose me. That tells me all I need to know." He says, hurt apparent in his voice despite his words. "You pouting and sulking is not going to save him and you know that very well. So you might as well drop it and start enjoying yourself."

He shuts his eyes and rests his head on his arms again, trying to give off the impression of nonchalance, but the way the sun hits his face illuminates his thick eyebrows with a golden glow that highlights the way they are pulled together in a small frown, and hanging in that beam of sunlight are the little frustrated puff of air he lets out, like a sullen little puppy who has been chastised.

He’s right, however. Sulking won’t save Taehyun. You know what you should do and you refuse to do it. You feel it with every dig of the dagger into your skin as you move–the dagger Beomgyu let you have back, not because you asked for it but so that it would act as a constant reminder of how your words mean nothing.

Because if they did, Beomgyu’s back would be stained with real blood instead of paint.

______________________________________

You chew on your nails as you anxiously await the results of Wonyoung’s test. Your menses has been late for over a week now, when it has always been a punctual visitor every month. So what could be the cause of such uncharacteristic delay? Well, there was only one possibility at the forefront of all your minds.

You tried to maintain denial at first. You did not even mention anything to Beomgyu about it, hoping your fears would be proven wrong with time. But it was no use. He knew your schedule better than you did and he was on you after only a day of absence.

Of course, he had turned to Wonyoung then, excitedly asking her if this meant that you could be pregnant, but she had prudently advised him to wait a few days to see if it was just tardy.

And so you did. Those few days were some of the longest of your life, the hours of the day seeming to stretch on forever as you awaited your fate. But there was one thing that made it better–Beomgyu presence. In fact, during those few days he hardly ever left your side, choosing to relegate his duties to Wonyoung so you wouldn’t have to wait alone.

It was heaven and hell, just like everything that is Beomgyu. That week cut in time just for the two of you was utterly joyful, and you cherished the chance to spend entire days and nights with the love of your life, wrapped away in each other’s presence. But the circumstances of that week never escaped your consciousness–the possibility that you could be pregnant a looming cloud over your sunny paradise.

And now is the moment of truth.

“What is it, Wony?” Beomgyu asks, jumping out of his seat as Wonyoung gets back into the room.

Her unreadable expression was like an icy grip on your heart, and her revelation squeezes it into a tenderized pulp. “She’s pregnant.”

Beomgyu lets out a shout of joy and takes you into his arms, twirling you around before Wonyoung promptly stops him. “What are you doing, idiot? You’ll hurt the baby!”

He jerks to a halt, apologizing profusely and jumbling his words. “I’m so sorry–I didn’t realize–I’m just so…” He trails off and looks at you with teary eyes. “I’m so happy. We’re going to have a family!”

You get teary-eyed too, but for a different reason, and just nod, not trusting yourself to speak. But Beomgyu still notices your gloomy mood right away. “What’s wrong, baby?”

You didn’t want to say anything. It was no use. Beomgyu will do whatever he wants anyway, but you just can’t help it. You burst out crying, “My child is going to be a bastard!”

“Oh, darling.” Beomgyu coos, cradling your head and pressing it to his chest. “Wony, leave us alone, please.”

You sob into his chest as you hear Wonyoung walk to the door and get out before shutting it behind her. Then Beomgyu pulls your head back to brush your tears away and gives you a big smile. “Our child will never be a bastard. I promised you that, didn’t I?”

“But–” You’re cut off as he gets onto his knees. “Marry me, baby. Be my queen.”

You can hardly take in enough breath to form your next words. “How? People will know we lied.”

Beomgyu smiles knowingly and kisses the backs of your hands. “Who will? The public? I can easily sell them a made up story about us finding comfort in each other after the betrayal of our spouses, and even if they don’t buy it, what are they going to do? I feed and protect them. You think they’d choose a warlord and a foreign king over me? And the nobles–most of them know the truth and don’t care. They only care about maintaining their power and riches and that idiot jeopardizes that.”

“You have it all figured out, don’t you?” You ask bitterly, your tears drying up. Beomgyu has everything planned out, even this. From you testifying in the trial, to securing the letters, to impregnating you. He is always two steps ahead of you.

“Does it matter?” His hands squeeze yours tightly. "Don't you want to finally be my wife? To be recognized in front of everyone? Don’t you want your child not to be a bastard?"

Once again, Beomgyu comes out on top. It's so disheartening to see how someone like him can so easily twist the narrative in his favor and squash the side of the truth under his iron boot.

If you had stayed with Taehyun or spoken out against Beomgyu, would it have made any difference or would he have silenced you too? Would he have called you crazy? Locked you up? He certainly wouldn't have been able to marry you. Would that have been a punishment for him or for you?

It's no use speculating on what would’ve happened. You can't change your mind again, every time you do something disastrous happens. You have a child now. You have to protect them.

I'm so sorry, Taehyun.

“Okay.” You give in, trying to hold your tears in but they burst forward in a loud sob. “I will marry you.”

But Beomgyu doesn’t dwell on your obvious turmoil, and through your tears, his wide smile looks distorted and monstrous. “This is just the beginning, my love. Soon, we’ll have everything we ever wanted.”

He pulls out the ring that he once offered you on that fateful night at the beach and puts it on you. This time, there was no escaping–your once hero soon to be struck down.

_____________________________________

Back at your chambers, Beomgyu can’t keep his hands off you. He’d gotten so excited about the news of your pregnancy that he had to retire the both of you back to your chambers so he can have his way with you.

“Look at you, baby.” Beomgyu murmurs, prompting you to stare at yourself in the mirror that he has you positioned in front of, bare and exposed in his arms. “You’re ethereal, exquisite. You were made for this, weren’t you?”

What is this? Being toyed with? Owned? Used?

He spreads your pussy apart with his slim fingers–the treacherous thing puffy and wet for the taking, having surrendered itself to Beomgyu long ago.

“You’re going to be even prettier all swollen up with our baby.”

He rubs the pads of his fingers over your clit gently, getting you as worked up as he is and making you watch your hole pathetically clench around nothing.

“You’re so wet.” His hand slides down to scoop some of your slick on his fingers, and in doing so making you jump as his fingers brush over your hole.

“Oh? You want my fingers, baby?" He coos, hand sliding down again so the tip of his middle finger slips in and you squeak. You’re so fucking sensitive. You feel him chuckle against your back. “Hmm, you like that, don’t you? I already got you pregnant but you’re still so needy to get filled, huh?”

He sucks in a sharp breath as he eases a finger inside you. “So tight.” He groans, stuffing another one inside, making you gasp as you grab onto his arm. You can feel his hard cock poking against your back as pumps his fingers slowly in and out of you. “Am I not fucking you enough, pretty?”

He’s really not. Yes, he fucks you way more than Taehyun ever did, but he’s still somewhat mindful of how upset you are at him and while he’s not shy about taking you, you suspect he still holds back quite a bit.

Despite your lack of response, Beomgyu reads your reaction clearly enough. “I’m sorry, baby. We’re going to have to remedy that, won’t we?” He purrs darkly, slamming his fingers into you, the palm of his hand smacking against your clit as he repeats that actions again and again. “Just have to loosen that tight pussy up a bit.”

“Beomgyu…” You whine, clinging onto his arm as your legs automatically try to close against the sudden onslaught.

“No.” He growls, using his other hand to shove your legs apart. "Keep your legs spread. Want to see your needy pussy swallowing up my fingers."

You whimper, your leg muscles tensing up as your arch onto your toes and give in to his rough ministrations.

“Yeah, that’s it. Love it when you act like such a whore for me.” You can hear his own need in his voice, and you know he won’t be able to hold back much longer. “Come on, show me how much you need it. Spread your legs wider and put your feet in the air."

"You're such a pervert." You gasp out even as you do as he says, letting him feast his hungry eyes on your lewd display.

“Fuck—” He can only manage a few more pumps of his fingers before he rips them away and yanks the both of you up to your feet.

Beomgyu carries you to the bed and lays on your back at the center where you immediately spread your legs and pull them up next to your body the way you know he likes. He hurriedly takes off his clothes before climbing onto the bed with you, but then he pauses, taking a moment to loom over you with his dick in his hand as his eyes rake up and down your body.

“Fucking perfect.” He gives his cock a couple of jerks while his other hand finds your pussy and stuffs it with his fingers once again. “Can’t believe I get to have you like this. I’ve waited so long just to have my princess warm up my bed like this every night, all spread out on her back and waiting for me to fuck her full.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” You mewl impatiently. You hate it when he makes you wait. It exposes you for the hypocrite you are. “Just fuck me already.”

He bites his lip, a cheeky grin etching itself onto his face. “Oh, I will, but why don’t you whine a little more for me first?”

Like hell you will. He’s been acting like a little shit for too long now, as if he won’t cry if you close your legs and decide to leave him high and dry.

“No. Why don’t you be a good boy instead and fuck me before I get bored and just get myself off?” You raise up on your forearms to lend more credence to your threat, and Beomgyu doesn’t care to call your bluff, not when he’s so worked up because of the pregnancy.

“No!” He yelps, and you almost get whiplash from how fast he replaces his fingers with his cock, gasping out a little whine as he slides himself into you. “You’re so mean.”

“Me? You’re the one who is teasing your pregnant fiance when you should be keeping me fucked and happy like you promised. Or were those just empty words?” You rile him up even more, knowing it will make him lose control and it does.

“No. I can. I can.” He insists, his hips smacking into yours. Beomgyu hates when you imply that there is something he can’t give you, partly because of his fervent need to prove himself to you and partly because he’s so afraid you’ll look for it someplace else. Your escape really fucked him up more than he already is, and so you’re quick take back your voiced doubts or he’ll go off the rails.

“Yeah, that’s a good boy. Show me how well you can fuck me.” You clutch onto the sheets below, holding onto them as your body jostles with every vigorous thrust of his hips against your.

God, he’s so fucked in the head but it’s hard to think about that when his cock is filling you up just right and he’s fucking you this good. And the bastard knows it too.

“You sound so good.” He groans happily, "Come on, whine louder for me, my needy girl."

You give him what he wants. “So good, puppy. Fucking me so good.”

“Yeah, is this what you wanted?” Even though his question might sound domineering, you can easily detect the neediness and desperation for validation he always wants from you.

“Uh-huh.” He barely lets you affirm before his lips are on yours, tongue greedily pushing into your mouth as he kisses you frantically. It’s so good, too good, and at times like this when the heat of it all sears your brain, you can’t think about how wrong it is to allow him these moments, to give into him so easily and willingly.

You feel his hand rest on your belly, his fingers splaying to cover as much of it as he can, and he pulls back to murmur heatedly, “Once this baby is out, I’m going to knock you up again and again. Never going to let a night pass by when you’re not filled to the brim with me.”

“Beomgyu–”

“You want it, my queen?” He whimpers, his hips stuttering but he still drives his cock into you harshly, making you struggle to keep your eyes trained on his drunken expression. “Want my cum in that tight pussy?”

“Yes. Give it to me, puppy. I need it.” You moan, pushing him to the edge.

His hand quickly moves down to your pussy, thumb flicking your clit earnestly to help you over the edge with him, and you scream at the sudden spike in pleasure, your pussy clamping down on his cock as it spurts inside of you.

“I love you. I love you.” He whimpers, only able to grind against you now as your pussy milks him dry, the little movement still too much on your poor pussy and your body jolts with little spikes of overstimulation each time he moves.

With a final jerk of his hips, he’s drained. He rests his forehead against yours and presses a soft kiss to your parched lips. “We’re going to have such a big, happy family, my queen.”

You’re so fucked out that you can do nothing but hum as he lays down next to you and takes you in his arms, the heat of his body combining with the heat in the air to keep your poor brain feverish and blissful.

And he keeps it that way too–with his cock firmly stuffed inside of you throughout the night. You awaken every few hours by the thrusts of his hips to find yourself in different positions on the bed–once on your side with one of your legs nudged up to allow him easy access to your pussy, once plopped onto your stomach as he takes you from behind, once with your body splayed on top of him as he pushes his cock up into your pussy… every time you would whine and he would shush you, telling you to just go back to sleep and let him do all the work.

And so you do, happy to just lie there pliantly while he brings the both of you mind-searing pleasure that chases all your pesky worries away.

________________________________

“I have something to show you, baby.” Beomgyu tells you one morning, leading you to the room adjacent to yours.

You have no idea why he’s taking you there. As far as you know, that room wasn’t of any particular note. But you find out as soon as you step inside, choking back your emotions as you realize why exactly he was showing it to you.

The walls of the previously nondescript room were now painted in baby blues and soft yellows–an intricate but complimenting mix of you and Beomgyu’s favorite colors–the room decorated with masterfully sculpted furniture and filled with all kinds of toys and trinkets. There was a large bed to the side for resting and even a bookcase filled to the brim with what you just know are mounds of fairytales from all over the world. But the centerpiece of the room was the small crib colored with those same soothing blues and yellows and framed by a large white drape with a statue of an angel sitting on top of it.

It’s a nursery. He has transformed the room into a nursery for your child, and it's fucking perfect. It’s everything you couldn’t have even dared to wish for as a kid and the fact that a child of yours–you, the lowly born lady everyone regards as Beomgyu’s whore–will have this room to call their own brings tears to your eyes.

“Do you like it, my queen?” Beomgyu asks, but the grin on his face tells you that he already knows the answer. Of course, he does. He knows you so well, that’s how he knew to make this without you even asking.

God, how can he be so demented, yet so utterly perfect?

You throw your arms around him, pulling him into a heated embrace. “It’s perfect.”

“Our children are not going to want for anything, you know that, right?” He promises you and you nod, kissing him. And you wish he would’ve left it there, let you enjoy this beautiful moment without reminding you of the horrors he built it with.

“But this is just the material aspect of it. We have to be there for them too. Will you be there for them?” He asks somberly, demanding that you pledge yourself to him, that you won’t choose anyone else again.

“Yes.” You answer in a small voice.

“I want to build a good life for them, my love, keep them safe from those who would wish to harm them. Which is why I must get rid of the complications you created. You understand that, right?”

You hold your tears back, pressing your lips into a thin line so you wouldn’t sob, and nod. “Yes.” You pull your arms off him but he holds onto them.

He wraps your arms around him again, and kisses your taut lips. “We’re going to be so happy.”

Happy. Is that what you look like to him? Why couldn’t he have just let you enjoy this moment? Why can’t he let you live in blissful oblivion for just a few more seconds?

But he wants you to choose, and now you have to–choose between the love of your and the child he gave you, and the man who dared to stand up to him and show you another way.

The answer is shamefully clear to you. You wish it was harder. You wish you would’ve struggled more with it, but you didn’t. You choose Beomgyu and the baby. You can’t let your child live the same wretched life you did. You’ll do anything you can to protect them and love them and spare them from this horrible world, and if it means playing along with the delusions Beomgyu is selling you, then so be it.

You will try to be happy, for your children. You will raise them to be kinder, gentler, and hope they grow up to be the kind of people who will despise the likes of you.

___________________

“How is the pregnancy going? Is the sickness too much to handle? Are you taking the herbs I’ve gave you?” Wonyoung asks you when you meet up with her for tea and a chat, referring to the bouts of vomiting you’ve been going through lately.

“Some days it’s better, some days it’s worse.” You tell her, shrugging. “But your brother is always right next to me and he makes sure I’m drinking all the herbs and eating well.”

She smiles in relief. “That’s good. We want this baby to be healthy and happy.”

“We?” You ask, taken aback. “You want me to have this baby?”

When Wonyoung had told you that she wanted to talk to you alone about the baby, you had internally freaked out. You hadn’t really talked to her about it ever since she revealed the pregnancy to you and you worried about what she’d have to say.

You’d gotten so much pushback from Kai when you married Taehyun despite his initial welcoming, and it was one of the most painful things you’ve ever gone through–to finally feel like you were accepted and wanted and protected, only to have it all ripped away from you when the actual family member is in jeopardy.

You weren’t stupid. You knew Wonyoung's priority has to be her brother’s safety and wellbeing, and you being pregnant with his child threatens that. You know that. You expected it, and you told yourself that you can take whatever abuse she has to hurl at you, that this child was Beomgyu’s way of trapping you anyway so her opinion doesn’t matter. It’s not like you wanted it in the first place…

But then why the hell is your heart almost beating out of your chest? Why are you so scared of what she has to say? Why does Wonyoung’s acceptance or lack thereof matter so much to you?

You know. It’s because you actually want this child. You want to be Beomgyu’s wife. You want to be accepted as part of his family, to not be treated as second class. You yearn to belong, and whether by good nature or by design, Beomgyu’s family gave you that and you’re so scared of having it ripped away from you again. That’s why his plan is so effective. He knows well just how much of a hypocrite you are.

Stop pretending to care about them.

Wonyoung frowns. “Why, of course. Why wouldn’t I? It’s what you and Beomgyu want, isn’t it?”

“Yes but…” You trail off hesitantly. “Don’t you think it’s too risky? That people may catch on?”

Despite Beomgyu earlier reassurances, you still worry that the news of the pregnancy and the intended marriage will hurt him. That’s another proof of your hypocrisy. You can’t stand the idea of him getting hurt.

“Oh sweetling, is that something you’ve been worrying yourself with?” She coos, taking you in her arms like her brother so frequently does and you nod shamefully. “It doesn’t matter what they think. You are having this baby and we will protect you. You’re part of our family, as is this child, and we will not let any harm come to either one of you. You’re one of us now, sweetling."

Maybe she’s telling you what you want to hear just like her brother does, but you can’t help feeling emotional. They want you. They want this baby, and they’re not going to leave you behind.

“Wait,” You sniffle, confused. “If you didn’t call me here to tell me not to have the baby then what did you want to tell me?”

She takes her hands off you and straightens herself up. “Okay so this is not an exact science and it’s not always correct,” She starts, looking a bit unsure of herself which is a first from the usually confident princess. “But I have done a further test on the urine sample you’ve given me and I may have an inkling of what the sex of your baby is going to be.”

You gasp, straightening up too, and waiting for her to continue with bated breath. You don’t know if she pauses for a while or if your world just freezes around you, but eventually she speaks up.

“It’s a baby boy.” She tells you at long last, and you gasp, but she puts her hand up to halt your reaction. “I haven’t told Beomgyu because it might not turn out to be true and I don’t want you to feel pressured about it but I thought you’d like to know.”

“I-I… Thank you, Wonnie.” You gush tearfully, overcome with emotion, and she takes you into her arms, embracing you heatedly.

You did it. You’re going to give Beomgyu an heir. Your dreams really are coming true.

_____________________________

Unlike Beomgyu’s family, the rest of the royal court isn’t as enthusiastic about your marriage news, with some even daring to voice their opinions about how it might weaken Beomgyu’s position in the war. But Beomgyu stands strong and firm, informing them that the wedding will take place, and that if they want to try their luck joining up with Taehyun, they’re more than welcome to. That shut them up fast. Of course it helped that he could afford to splurge to buy their silence, but he was also clear that if anyone even thought about standing in his way, there would be hell to pay.

So with the entire royal family united, and the court more or less supportive, the wedding is announced to the public, and Beomgyu makes sure to spin a pretty picture about how all this came to be for his people.

“I know this might come as a shock to some of you, and to some it may even seem like proof of what the traitors have been saying, but I ask you to hear me out before you cast your judgements.” He beseeches his people, once again playing the innocent role to perfection. "In these turbulent times, in which both me and her have gone through one of the worst pains one can imagine - being brutally betrayed by those we loved so dearly - we came to find solace in each other, and by keeping each other's heart close we found the strength to live. That's when I realized how precious it is to have had her loyal heart my whole life. First as a friend, then family, then as a victim of circumstance I so desperately had to save... and now, surprisingly, I realize she saved me as well. I now find in her a love I thought only existed in books. I find in her the only one that could truly understand my heart, that has always been by my side, that has always seen me for who I am and that I now know will be in my heart forever.”

“I know that this announcement might seem sudden, maybe even too soon, to some of you. But it took me my whole life to realize that happiness has always been right beside me... I could not waste another day not letting her know how much she means to me. They may have been lying when they accused us of those vile betrayals, but the gods saw fit to make truth out of those lies, to bring forth love from the hate they spewed. And If we are to die at their hands, then at least we’ll die in each other’s arms.”

Beomgyu’s impassioned and romantic speech tugs on the heartstrings of those present, and they once again believe all the pretty lies he sells them. Can you blame them when he doesn’t even need to lie to you to get you to do what he wants anymore?

Taehyun never stood a chance. People like Beomgyu will always come on top.

_____________________________

Though the response to the wedding news has been mostly positive, it wasn’t entirely so, and Beomgyu does lose some of the public’s support because of it. It even put some of the nobles who supported him before on the fence.

But it didn’t matter to Beomgyu, he was still on top and he was sure that he would win back all the people he lost when they saw that they wouldn’t be risking anything by continuing to support him.

Most importantly however, he gets to marry you, and that’s what he really cares about. And so the wedding commences.

It’s an extravagant and public event–probably not the wisest decision in the middle of a war, especially following Ryujin’s death and the accusations she and Taehyun have been hurling at Beomgyu and you, but Beomgyu didn’t want you to think for even one second that you’re less than Ryujin in any way and so he had to top his previous wedding in every aspect. He wasn’t going to settle for a small, private affair. The wedding had to be grand, spectacular–a visual representation of his overflowing love for you.

Yes, it might’ve not looked good, but it felt good for everyone involved–the nobility who got extra benefits for standing by him, the common people who received a huge feast and precious little trinkets to keep and got to see their king walk amongst them, but most importantly you who got to finally belong to the love of your life in front of the whole world.

That’s another proof of your hypocrisy. You adore every stupid, reckless detail of it all–his elaborate display of love and devotion for you. You eat it all up.

The wedding was sunflower themed of course, just for you. Everything from the decorations to your veil to the huge gold necklace Beomgyu wears were either real sunflowers or embroidery and jewelry made to mimic sunflowers and the sun with rays coming out of it. Even your dress, which was the most magnificent piece of art you've ever seen, was embroidered throughout with sunflowers of all sizes. It all looked so gorgeous, the flair of yellow scattered throughout casting a radiant and hopeful glow on everything it touches.

Still, you have the decency to feel shame and guilt about how much you’re enjoying this, the unwelcome feelings transforming the beautiful carriage you’re riding in on your way to the temple into a cage where you’re trapped with your self-deprecating thoughts. They gnaw at your feet and compel you with an overwhelming, irrational urge to burst open the door and run away from it all. But you know it’s futile, for there is a much bigger prison outside made up of the countless citizens flanking the road to watch the royal carriage pass by. You see them waving at you through the window, visitors coming to witness the curious caged bird their king has acquired.

You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe. You can’t–

Suddenly, you jolt when you feel a hand on your thigh, and you look up wide-eyed at the queen next to you. “You’re shaking, child.” She observes kindly, and you blink.

“Oh, I suppose I am.” You stare at your legs as you will them to stop jerking. Curious. You’ve never been known to do that anymore. It must’ve been a habit that you picked up from Taehyun…

No. Don’t think about him. Don’t let yourself go down that road. You’re doing this for your child. It’s over.

You hear a sigh coming from the queen and your eyes snap back to look at her in shame. “I’m.. I’m trying.” You don’t know why you’re explaining yourself to her but you just can’t handle being a disappointment to one more person. You need support. You need acceptance. You can’t keep fighting anymore.

But the royals know that all too well. They’re masters at reading people and giving them what they want. “It’s okay, child. It will all be okay. We’re all here for you. We’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Yes, just like a warden guards their prisoner, the owner must keep their prized pet safe. But the door was open once… you were free once, and you still came back. So how can you protest now when they’re cutting your flight feathers away?

So you swallow your useless feelings and let them guide you where they want you. You let her take you by the hand as you arrive at your destination and lead you out the carriage and up the vast steps of the sacred temple.

She stops at the landing and turns the both of you around to face the crowd gathered beneath. “Wave to your subjects, dear. They’ve come to celebrate this day with you.”

You raise your hand shakily, and the noise from the crowd surges in response to the small action, shouts of “My queen!” “You look beautiful!” “Gods bless you!” reaching your ear but not making it to your brain.

You can’t process their words, can’t make out their meaning. You feel as if you’re a stranger in your own body, as if you’re watching through the eyes of someone else.

Ryujin. That’s what she saw on her wedding day. This exact scene, and look where she is now, rotting in the ground.

“Can we go inside now?” You whisper urgently to the queen and she regards you for a second, no doubt taking in your frazzled state, before she nods and turns you around, walking you towards the grand door and giving your back to the chorus of disappointed shouts of “Stay!” “Look at me, my queen!” “Why are you leaving so soon?” and “The other one was nicer.”

That last one almost knocks you to the ground. They’re not done with the spectacle yet. Funny how in all your years imagining this very moment, you never knew that you’d be nothing more than a spectacle for these people. None of them really care. They’re just here for the show.

You feel your knees buckling and your chest tightening but the queen never lets her grip on you wane, dragging you behind her firmly. You absolutely cannot collapse right now. You’re not allowed to.

Wonyoung greets you at the doors, and her warm smile as she extends the lovely sunflower bouquet to you helps ground you for a second.

“You got this, sweetling.” She murmurs in your ear when she bends down to kiss you. Your only answer to her is a shaky intake of breath as you walk through the threshold.

As soon as you do, a line of dancers on each side of you start moving to the music that begins playing, elegantly leading the way down the aisle and towards Beomgyu in the distance. You can’t see him well from all the way over here, and you lean on the queen and try to focus on the delicate moves of the dancers as you move forward, little bursts of sun glimmering in your vision from your decorated veil, the light scattering further when refracted by the tears in your eyes–tears of happiness, tears of melancholy, they all mix together until you can’t distinguish between the two.

You start to swoon as the queen leads you up the marble stairs and to the platform Beomgyu is standing on. Traditionally, your father would be the one giving you away, but Beomgyu didn’t want to put you through that. He didn’t want you to have to face your family on the day that is supposed to be the most joyful of your life, and so he spread word that your mother was sick and your father had to stay behind to attend to her, but that they both begged you to go along with the wedding and not postpone it. That way you’d all come across as wonderful, selfless people, just the image Beomgyu liked to sell.

Beomgyu doesn’t wait until you’re all the way up the stairs. Instead, he meets you halfway, taking you from his mother and leading you the rest of the way to the chorus of ohhs and ahhs at the eagerness of the love-struck king.

You are so close to fainting now, and as Beomgyu starts to lift your veil, your hands almost shoot out to stop him.

But with the dazzling yellow reflections out of your sight and Beomgyu’s radiant face coming into view, your world goes back into sharp focus. Standing in front of you isn’t a strange man who doesn’t know his own heart, let alone how to let you into it. It’s Beomgyu, the only person as sure of his love as you are, adorned in his white and golden attire and holding everything you’ve ever wanted in his being, looking at you like you hold his own world in your hands. Nothing else matters.

There is no hesitation from either of you as you relay your vows out loud, a sense of giddiness and almost urgency coloring the fanciful promises that pale in comparison to what you’ve already proven you’d do for eachother. You don’t take your eyes off one another for even a second, and as soon as the priest announces you husband and wife, you’re swept up in a kiss that you couldn’t tell which one of you initiated.

The following celebration is held almost entirely outside as you share your joy with the whole city–Beomgyu seemingly intent on making up for all the times he had to hide you by proudly parading you around in front of everyone.

You have your first dance in the spacious courtyard of the grand temple. The orchestra playing is large, as was required in order to allow the music to be carried out in the open area. It also had the added bonus of involving not only the royal's musicians but some of the more talented musicians from the common folk. Such involvement of the people in the wedding preparation and ceremony allowed the public to feel personally involved and attached to it, therefore strengthening their loyalty. It also led to some of them being paid handsomely for their contribution and further cemented Beomgyu's reputation as the kind and generous king.

It’s an incredibly emotional moment for you. You don’t want to cry yet again but you can’t help yourself–standing here in the middle of the grandiose courtyard as not just the people present, but the heavens themselves look down on the first act of your long estranged souls claiming each other again.

It somehow felt sacrilegious, and perhaps it is.

After all, Beomgyu committed some rather grave sins in order to make your union possible. Maybe you should be hiding. Maybe you shouldn’t be parading around like this right under the noses of the scorned gods. But it still means so much to you that he’s doing all of this for you–the devil’s revolt for the sake of love–and you honestly can’t tell if the cold surge of nerves that freezes your lungs is because of the fear that you’re partaking in this horrible sin or because of the exhilaration of finally getting what you’ve always wished for.

You try not to think about it much, pressing closer to Beomgyu to ward off the coldness as you let him guide you, starting from the movement of your feet up to the swelling of your chest as you take in your breaths. You follow his lead–taking one breath in and then out, just like he’s doing, and that’s when you discover how feverish he is too, his breathing shallow and rapid as he peers at you, cheeks flushed and irises barely visible. You wonder if he too can’t see the faces of those around you, if whatever mangled mixture of fear and ecstasy is only letting him focus on the person in front of him and nobody and nothing else in the universe.

“You look… ethereal.” He confirms your suspicions, speaking with the little air he manages to breathe in. “The most beautiful creature the gods have ever created. And I can’t believe I finally get to call you mine.”

He’s saying that to you? The man so beautiful you’ve doomed your everlasting soul to hell just to stay with him?

But you don’t say anything. There is no need. You’re here, aren’t you? That’s all that needs to be said really. So you rest your cheek against his chest and let the beat of his heart overpower your weaker rhythm.

The position greatly hampers the dance but Beomgyu refuses to separate you from himself to execute the moves and you refuse to let go of him. You don’t care. Let the dancers entertain the crowd. You need this more than them.

After the first dance, the cake is served, and it is huge, superfluously so. It also required a ton of workers to make–just like the orchestra and the extravagant decorations adorning the city. It was made in the shape of the palace and you’re struck by how skillfully it was made and how similar it really looks to the palace.

You’re given the first bite, another hidden affirmation by Beomgyu that he and all his wealth now belong to you. But the cake is so big, almost everyone gets to have a taste, even including a sizable portion of the common folk gathered around.

The rest of the celebration is held outside of the temple walls and in the heart of the city itself that bears witness to the odd mingling of the nobles and the common folk in a strange dance that is the first of its kind. Both factions treat each other like strange zoo animals, with fascination yet guardedness, and maybe that’s for the best because it prevents any major instances from happening and disrupting the celebration.

Of course, there are a multitude of guards keeping the peace, and especially protecting you and the royal family, but this kind of interaction is still unprecedented. But that’s to be expected from “the people’s king”.

The city is abuzz with excitement, and even as the evening descends, the moon casts a soft, soothing shade of yellow on everyone present.

Aside from the celestial decorations and delicious snacks and drinks provided by the palace, there are dozens of booths manned by various common people to sell their wares to the crowd gathered, and you see the noble and rich flock to them to indulge in the odd street food here and there or buy overpriced trinkets to remind themselves of this strange day when they’re back safe and comfortable inside their gilded mansions. It’s a win-win for everyone involved.

Beomgyu really made the best out of this possible faux pas. He turned the awkward wedding into a festival of sorts–a day where the rich and poor, the privileged and disadvantaged can come together and celebrate beside each other the union of the kind, generous king Beomgyu and his loyal damsel in distress.

“Would you like something to eat, my queen?” One of the servants passing out food approaches you, and you try not to act too startled by someone other than Beomgyu calling you “queen”.

You take a look at what he’s holding to see an assortment of strange looking sweets, most of which you’ve never seen before, but it’s no surprise. You know Beomgyu has enlisted the help of cooks and bakers from all over the world, asking them to make the delicacies of their people just for you, and this must be the result.

“Oh, I don’t know what to pick.” You hesitate, stumped in front of the wide variety in front of you.

“Here, try this, my love.” Beomgyu offers, picking up a reddish piece of confection and bringing it to your mouth. You open up, taking a bite out of it and humming in pleasure. Not just because of the food–which tasted delightful–but because for the first time, you don’t feel the need to shy away from his public displays of affection. You’re his wife now. You’re allowed to be together like this. It might even be seen as endearing to some, as you’ve been told.

“Hmm, is that strawberry?” You ask, and he shrugs.

“I don’t know.” He answers, bending down and kissing you, tasting the candy on your lips. He pulls back, licking his own lips cheekily. “Yes, strawberry.”

“What was that for?” You laugh, incredulous at the sudden kiss.

He shrugs once more, as careless as a little boy. “You asked me what the flavor was.”

“You have the rest of it in your hand. You could’ve tasted that.” You chastise, no edge to your voice at all.

“Yes, but it tastes much sweeter from your lips.” He grins, popping the rest of the thing in his mouth before pulling you into another kiss. “What do you think? Is it sweeter?”

You hum in agreement, your hands finding themselves around his neck, without any input from your brain, and pulling him into yet another kiss that is broken abruptly when you hear a familiar tune reach your ear.

You pull away and turn to the band who just started a new song, a song that you know all too well. You snap your head back to Beomgyu who is grinning at you. “No! It’s that ridiculous song you used to sing to me all the time!” Your outraged cackle is carried into the heavens by the light air.

“It’s not a ridiculous song.” He protests, acting wounded. “It was the clumsy confession of a lovesick little prince that you so savagely crushed every time. Do you know how much it hurt that you not only didn’t notice what I was hinting at but that you would make fun of me every time I sang it to you?”

“Oh, you poor puppy.” You pout mockingly. “Maybe if you sang it better, I would’ve received your inelegant confession a little more kindly.”

He gasps, scandalized. “How dare you? Maybe you just can’t remember how good I sounded.”

Beomgyu starts belting out the sappy love song along with the music, attracting the attention of the people around you. You squeak, embarrassed at his display, and you try to hide behind your hands and step away but Beomgyu is having none of it. He is relishing how flustered he’s gotten you. It’s been so long since he has last pulled something like this or even that you’ve been in the mood to receive it. It reminded you of your younger years and Beomgyu won’t let this golden opportunity pass him by.

He drags you in front of him and dances around with you to the song, all while shouting out the lines and cackling every few words. This dance is much more fun and lively than your first one as you finally start letting go and enjoying yourself.

And the difference in response from the crowd is palpable as they cheer you on. You and Beomgyu dance and laugh and dance and laugh. You haven’t gotten a sip of alcohol the whole day but you feel drunk. For the first time you allow yourself to forget everything that led up to this moment. For the first time, you are just a silly, lovesick girl getting married to the man she’s loved all her life. For the first time, you let yourself buy into the revelry of everyone around you, let yourself think they really are happy for you.

But then you see him, the crack in your perfect illusion, the stone thrown at your glass house.

Before you stands the man you met the last time you headed down to the city before beomgyu's marriage. The man Beomgyu introduced you to as Ryujin, and the man who now must see through all the lies Beomgyu has weaved. He doesn’t say anything to you but you can see the recognition and realization in his eyes.

Your house of deceit shatters around you, driving thousands of shards into your liar’s skin, the pain ripping you out of your selfish fantasy.

Beomgyu quickly notices the change in your demeanor, and he follows your petrified gaze to see the man that’s effortlessly terrorizing your thoughts. He bends down to whisper in your ear. “Relax, my love, he’s not going to say anything. He’s not that stupid as to risk all I’ve given him. He’ll shut up and keep taking my money and my help.”

And that’s what it really is. No one will ever stand up to Beomgyu. They all have families to tend to, lives to live, jobs to protect–no one will ever risk that for something as trivial as the truth. Who cares if Beomgyu is lying and Taehyun is in the right? They will still stand behind Beomgyu because that’s what will bring them more profit, more stability, more gain. They’re all liars.

And that’s when you see it. They don’t actually accept you. They’re not happy for you. They just want what you have to give. They smile at you the same way they smiled for Ryujin, and they would tear you apart the same way they did to her if it meant they had something to gain from it.

A second look at the crowd gathered around you transforms their kind smiles into duplicitous smirks, their happiness for you into greed for what they could take from you, their good wishes into poisonous intentions.

You feel sick. You don’t want to dance anymore. You don’t even want to be here anymore. Every eye that lands on you feels like tongues of flames, every hand a potential strangler, every soul a demon waiting for your downfall.

You can’t do this anymore. You want to go back to the palace, to be safe and away from the hell Beomgyu built around you to keep you in his clutches.

“Baby, baby, breathe.” Beomgyu cries urgently, and you realize you’re hyperventilating.

“I want to go home.”

“But the celebration isn’t over.” He tries to dissuade you but you shake your head urgently. “Please, take me home.”

One look at the desperation in your eyes and he’s whisking you away from everything, tucking you under his wing and hastening back to the palace.

______________________________________

Beomgyu tries to hold back. He tries to coax you into opening up and calming down, but you know he can’t help his excitement. This is the day he’s been waiting for for years.

“Baby, he will never speak a word of it to anyone.” He assures you, his lips following close behind his words, sealing the promise in.

And you know he’s most likely right, but neither possibility makes you feel much better. On the one hand, he stays silent just like all the others and Beomgyu has his way. On the other hand, he speaks up, causing a small ruckus but ultimately no one believes him and once again Beomgyu has his way.

That’s the way it is and always will be.

“Let’s just focus on ourselves, okay, love?” He murmurs, slowly stripping you of your dress, his lips covering every inch the fabric leaves exposed until soon enough, he’s on his knees, kissing your stomach behind which your baby lies. “Let’s focus on our child.”

You have to give it up to Beomgyu. He outsmarted you and everyone else at every turn, and here you are, standing there like an obedient little doll as he hikes one of your legs over his shoulder before burying his face in your cunt, moaning out loud at the taste of you. He takes his fill of you, his tongue insinuating itself between your lips as he laps up your arousal eagerly. He has you right where he wanted, and you begged him for it too–begged for his messed up love and attention, and now you have it, till death do you part.

"You're finally mine. I can’t believe you’re finally mine.” He murmurs in awe as if he didn’t meticulously plan and scheme for this very moment, as if he hadn’t been dictating and manipulating your every move until you ended up here.

You should be happy. Damn it, be happy, you bitch. You wanted this. You did this. You caused this war and you abandoned the one man who allowed you to be your own person. So be fucking happy, give in to the pleasure and decadence Beomgyu is offering you, give into his sweet, poisonous temptation that you allowed him to feed you and be done with it. Stop hanging on the fence. It’s not fooling anyone, not Taehyun, and certainly not Beomgyu.

But you can’t. You can’t just let the luxurious celebration or the soothing moonlight or his soft touches and earnest eyes make you forget what he did to arrive at this moment–the pain, the lies, the betrayal… He didn’t just hurt Taehyun, or his father and brother… he hurt you too. It was on a night just like this–maybe as beautiful to Ryujin’s eyes–when he took you against your will in order to ruin you for other men. He didn’t listen to you as you begged and pleaded for him to stop. He didn’t care that he was breaking your heart. All he cared about was ensuring that you stayed by his side and he was perfectly willing to break you in order to achieve that.

He forced himself into every aspect of your life–he forced himself on you, he forced himself into your marriage, how he's working so hard to erase any sign of the life you had without him.

No, this isn’t perfect. This is messed up, just like the both of you.

"My queen. You are the only thing I ever wanted and now you’re mine."

Have you ever not been his?

He gets to his feet, making you taste yourself on his tongue as he kisses you. Then he tries to nudge you towards the bed but you remain fixed to the ground where you stand, giving him pause.

“Come on, need you, baby.” He pouts, kissing you, but you won’t kiss back, which makes him grow frustrated. “Please, won’t you let me have you?”

You can’t hold it in. You can’t lie to yourself anymore. This is not the dream you’ve always wanted, this is the ghoulish version of your wishes that the gods are taunting you with for being such a wretched sinner.

"Now you're asking?” The illusion of the perfect night shatters on your sharp words. Your dream wasn’t for free. It was built on tears and blood, some of them your own. “You didn't ask when you forced yourself on me."

"Baby…" He's shocked by you bringing it up again on your wedding night. Did he expect it to just be brushed aside and not mentioned again? He probably did. He never really owned up to it, just blamed it on you, made excuses for why he did it, tried to make you forget it even happened.

He must’ve counted on you being dazzled by the glamor of it all, on you being swept off your feet by his extravagant show of courtship that you’d forget about all his atrocities even if for one night. But you suppose even someone as smart as him can fall prey to wishful thinking.

"What? You’re uncomfortable hearing what you did to me?" You mock cruelly and he winces. "I'm sorry."

That makes you lose it and you slap him, unable to hold yourself back when faced with yet another lie spilling from his mouth. He holds his hand to his face in shock but doesn’t retaliate.

"You're not sorry. You got what you wanted.” You sneer, anger bubbling up in your stomach and leaving a sour taste at the back of your throat. “But I want to hear you say it anyway. Show me how pretty you can lie.”

“Baby–” You slap him again, as hard as you can, and this time there are tears in his eyes as he looks back at you. “I’m sorry.”

“On your knees.” You order him, and he obeys, slumping to his knees so hard the sound makes you cringe. But you refrain from showing him any mercy, drawing your hand back to slap him again, on both cheeks this time.

He takes them in stride, quickly turning his face back to you following each one, apologies spilling from his tongue to attempt to assuage your wrath.

But it’s not enough for you. “Say it more. Cry for me." You growl, hitting him again and again.

"I'm so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry."

You don’t know why you insist on hearing it when each time he says it, it fills you with more rage. Maybe it’s because you’re hoping to hear a genuine apology from him–hoping that one of his pathetic emulations of sorrow would sound close enough to the real thing to allow you to trick yourself into believing it.

But your striking hand turns red and sore long before that fabled utterance leaves his mouth, and before his reddened cheeks and teary eyes beg you for a break.

“Get up.” You scoff, dragging him up by his hair and throwing him on the bed, and he lets you throw his weight around without a fight. “Take your clothes off and lie down. Hands above your head.”

You turn your back to him to go grab something that could be fashioned into restraints of some sort. You don’t have the luxury of having spare ropes lying around and maids paid and willing to restrain him the way he did to you, but you’ll make it work.

You settle on a thin, long piece of cloth that you take with you back to the bed, only to find him still dressed. “What did I say?”

Beomgyu flinches and starts taking his clothes off, mumbling, “Wanted you to look at me.”

You scoff, glaring at him as he strips, but that’s good enough for Beomgyu. At least you’re paying attention to him. When he’s done, he lies down on the bed and you climb over him, tying his limp hands to the head of the bed and making sure he can’t get out of them. You are no expert in such things, and you may have put them on a little too tightly, but you don’t care. He deserves all the pain.

“What are you going to do, my love?” He finally wagers to ask once you’re done.

“What? Are you scared of what I am going to do to you?” You ask, and he shakes his head. “I know that whatever you do to me, I would’ve deserved it. But I also know that you love me and can’t be without me. So whatever you have in mind, do it. Take your revenge on me, hurt me, make me suffer, do whatever it takes to come back to me.”

His words infuriate you more. How is it a punishment if he wants it? He can’t even give you that, can he? This is another means to an end for him, a way for him to get what he wants again. “You really don’t care, huh? As long as you get what you want, you’re willing to hurt yourself, hurt me, hurt anyone.” Your voice drips with spite.

“It’s for the best.” He maintains and you rage, putting your hand over his mouth and nose, suffocating the words inside. “Shut. Up. Shut the fuck up.”

You keep your hand there for a while, smothering him, and yet he lies still, the only movements coming from him are the small jerks of his muscles as they try to jump into action to push you off before he prematurely aborts the action. He becomes so starved for air that the moment you release your hand, the breaths race to enter his body as he heaves them in, and yet you don’t hear a peep of protest from him.

Whatever. You’ll find a way to make him hurt. You’ll find a way to have him begging for you to stop. If you’re going to let him win then you should at least make him suffer. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel as guilty for giving in.

“You want me, right? Did all of this just to get me?” You ask cryptically and he regards you warily as you climb up his body and position yourself over his face. “Then take your fill of me, baby.”

You sit down on his face, smothering him before he gets the chance to regain his breath. You don’t know if Beomgyu doesn’t notice your intention or if he simply doesn’t care, because as soon as your pussy is on his mouth, he gets to work, kissing and licking at it as if he’s been waiting for you to do just that.

Damn him to the seventh hell.

You make sure to hold your sounds in as he all but devours you, his tongue sweeping along your slit, hungrily lapping up your juices that he so easily commands. Does holding back even make a difference when your body is always so honest with him?

Yes, because Beomgyu is greedy. It’s not enough for him to have physical evidence of your desire and damning need for him, he also craves the spoken confessions, whether reluctant or enthusiastic he doesn’t care. He just wants you to say it.

So you bite down on your lip until you taste blood, uncaring about how harshly you’re gripping his hair or how roughly you’re grinding yourself on his face. And Beomgyu takes it, eagerly mouthing at your pussy as his teary eyes peer up at you, pleading with you to say something.

You hold in all the moans that struggle to get out when his lips wrap around your clit and suck, all the sighs that are trapped in your throat when he pushes his tongue inside you, all the “good boy”s that ache to burst out of you when he sticks his tongue out and lets you ride it.

You only speak when the air in his lungs reaches a critical low and he finally starts choking under you. But you still don’t immediately get off him.

"What's wrong? Want to breathe?" You taunt, and he whines into your pussy, arching his back and prompting you to glance backwards, your eyes landing on his leaking cock that is dripping onto his tummy. "You like this, you fucking pervert? Like choking on my pussy?"

He moans again, his body jerking under you from the lack of oxygen, and you finally rise up, letting him heave in some much needed breaths. Then the idiot uses that precious air to whine, “Tell me I’m making you feel good.”

“What does it matter what I’m feeling when it has always been about you.” You hiss, reaching back and taking his cock in your hand, jerking it off slowly. “As long as you get your cock wet, nothing else matters.”

He shakes his head harshly. “No, that’s not true. You don’t even have to touch me. Just let me make you feel good.” He whines, sticking his tongue out for you to sit on again, perfectly fine with you suffocating him if it meant he’d continue to taste you.

But you don’t. He’s not getting what he wants. Instead you grab his tongue between your thumb and index finger and pull on it.

“Bastard.” You sneer, spitting in his mouth, but once again, that only makes him moan.

“You’re fucking crazy, you know that?” You mutter, letting his tongue go and he pulls it back in his mouth and swallows, smiling. “I know. I wear it like a badge of honor. I never would have gotten you if I wasn’t a little crazy.”

“Are you proud of what you’ve done?” You question in disbelief.

“Hurting you? No. Everything else, yes.”

“As if you could separate the two. It all hurt me.” You shake your head. “You’re a monster.”

“And yet you want me. You love me. What does that make you?”

“Yes, I am a monster too.” You finally admit, and he smiles, smug. “Should I show you how much of a monster I can be? Perhaps I should celebrate this night how you celebrated your first wedding and get someone to take you against your will, make you feel what it’s like.”

"I know what it's like." He grits.

"Oh, please. You dare compare what she did to you to what you did to me?"

“It’s the same, you just won’t admit it. You’re only angry she took what’s yours. You don’t care about how I feel or how much it hurt me. You’re even blaming me for it.” He growls, smirking bitterly when you don’t deny it. “It doesn’t matter anyway. You would never let anyone else touch me.”

“You’re right. You’re only mine. I can’t let anyone else have you.” You tell him absentmindedly, an idea popping into your brain, and you ignore how his smile gets wide, getting off him.

“Where are you going?” He asks worriedly. The crazy bastard would rather get slapped and smothered than lose your attention. Well, you’ll give him all your fucking attention.

You return to the bed, brandishing a new item as you straddle his legs. He frowns at the sight of the dagger you’re now holding, the metal of it gleaming in the candlelight.

“What are you going to do with that?” He questions you, and you chuckle, trailing the sharp tip from his belly button all the way up to his neck. “Are you scared now?”

“No.” He answers steadily, craning his head back to expose more of his neck for you. "Come on, kill me and save your precious murderer." He taunts carelessly, "You can't do it. You can't live without me."

“Oh, puppy, I know. And I know you know. You know me so well, as I know you.” You drawl, moving the knife slowly back down towards you. “And I know the one thing you’re scared of… losing me.”

At that, you raise the dagger up and put it to your own neck, and just like that, his expression dramatically changes.

“What are you doing? Careful.” He scolds, all confidence fleeing from his body.

You cock your head at him curiously. “What? Scared I’ll hurt myself?” You taunt, moving the dagger downwards and pressing it against your chest..

“This isn’t funny.” Beomgyu tenses.

“Oh, but I disagree.” You laugh, wincing a bit as you drag the knife over the skin above your left breast.

“Stop it!” He screams, attempting to get out of his binds for the first time. His eyes follow the trail of blood slowly seeping out of the superficial wound.

“But it just got interesting.” You mock, making another cut and causing Beomgyu to scream. “Please, I’m sorry. I’ll do anything, just stop it.”

“What can you do?” You bark, “Go back in time and not rape me? Stop yourself from interfering in my marriage? Not start a fucking war to get me back?”

He clamps his mouth shut and you mutter dejectedly. “No. Of course not.”

You grab his cock again, stroking it. You pay close attention to his reactions as he tries to stay focused, tries not to let his brain fog up at the pleasure, but your touches are deliberate and purposeful, touching him just the way you know he likes, and before long you hear his little frustrated puffs of restrained pleasure.

“Does that feel good, puppy?” You purr, gliding your pussy over the base of his cock while you cradle the head of his cock in your palm, your thumb swiping at the sensitive spot just under the tip.

“Yes.” He huffs, still valiantly trying to stay alert but you can see the haziness taking over his eyes as he peers through his long lashes at where you’re touching. “You know just how to touch me to have me wrapped around your fingers. Please, just fuck me and forget about all this madness.”

“Easy for you to say when you’ve gotten everything you ever wanted.” You circle your hand around the head of his cock and move it in a twisting motion that has his jaw slackening and whatever comeback he had die on his tongue.

“Do you want my pussy?” You ask curiously as if you don’t know, rising up on your knees and lining his cock with your entrance before sinking down the slightest bit, letting the flushed head breach your hole before quickly taking it out.

“Oh, please!” He mewls, his hips pushing up to chase your warmth.

“Stay down.” You suddenly growl, all fake sweetness gone from your voice as you point the dagger back at yourself and Beomgyu immediately stills, whimpering, “Okay, okay, just put that down.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do. You’re not in control here.” You spit at him, wishing that by saying it you could grow to believe it. For his part, Beomgyu nods obediently, keeping his mouth shut.

You sink down on his tip once again, letting him enjoy the warmth for a few seconds before pulling off him. You repeat the same thing over and over again, for no reason other than to see him pant and whimper and struggle to stay still.

“Does it hurt, puppy? Look how red your cock is. You must be dying to bury it inside my. tight. wet. pussy.” You tease him, punctuating every word by giving him a short taste of your pussy.

“Yes, hurts so bad. Need you so much.” He sniffles.

“Yeah.” You coo, sickeningly sweet to distract him from the coming attack, “Tell me, did it feel good when you forced me to take your cock on your wedding night?”

Immediately, his defenses go up. “I had to–”

You press the dagger to his abdomen and make a long shallow slice that has him sucking in a sharp intake of air as the trail of the dagger blooms red. “Don’t you dare lie to me. You came. That must mean you liked it. Or was that something that you had to do too?”

Beomgyu chews on his lip anxiously, afraid to say anything that would push you off the edge right now when even his excuses can give rise to such an outraged response from you.

“No, you just wanted to claim me. You couldn’t handle another man taking me when you’ve worked so hard on me.”

He tries to reach out to you but the restraints keep him in place so he settles on whimpering, “I just loved you too much to let you go.”

“Well, here I am.” You grab his cock, lining your pussy up with it before sinking down on it, sighing, “There you go, just what you wanted. Are you happy now?”

“No. Want you to be happy first.”

“Stop lying.” You hiss, making a deeper cut over where his heart lies. “This has only ever been about you.”

Beomgyu he shakes his head in denial still, letting you marr his skin the same way he marred your soul.

“No? So if I told you that I would be happier dead, you’d let me go?” You ask threateningly, pointing the dagger at your belly. “If I told you I don’t want this child, would you let me carve it out?”

“You wouldn’t.” He croaks, tears filling up his widened eyes.

“Are you sure about that?” You bottle up every icy tendril of fear trying to grip your heart as you dig the tip of the dagger into your skin. Beomgyu completely loses it, starting to yank harshly on his binds so hard it rattles the bed and almost throws you off.

“Good job, Beomgyu. You almost made me stab myself.” You lie but he immediately ceases his struggle. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that! You're not sorry." You shout at him, and he wails as you cut yourself again.

“Please, I’ll do anything. Just don’t hurt yourself. Don’t leave me. Please, stop this.” He cries inconsolably, large teardrops splashing down his red cheeks. “If you don’t want the child then we can get rid of it. Just don’t leave me.”

That stops you in your tracks. “You would give up our child?” You ask incredulously and he nods. “I would do anything for us to stay together.”

His words unsettle you deeply. So even the child you’ve both been dreaming of can be sacrificed in his relentless pursuit of you? What will he not do in order to keep you? Is anything sacred to this monster you love?

Beomgyu grows uneasy at your silence and he calls out to you in a weak voice. “Princess…My queen, please say something.”

“There is no redemption for you, is there?” You ask, and he presses his lips together stubbornly. “I don’t want redemption. I just want you.”

And there it is, proof that there is no redemption for you either–the tightening of your chest at his heretical proclamation of his love for you.

“You’ve ruined me. I should hate you. I should kill you… but you’re in my blood like poison.” You mutter bitterly, clenching your pussy around him in a way that has him bucking his hips up into you. You suck in a sharp breath at the spike in pleasure as his length fills you up to the brim.

”But none of that matters to you, does it? As long as you get to fuck me, to own me.” If it’s hypocritical for you to say that while bouncing on his cock then the irony is not lost on you, but who do you have to impress anyway? Beomgyu knows you too well for that. “You only think with this cock.”

He shakes his head but his hips have a mind of their own and they continue to thrust up into you so you discard the dagger and press your hands against them to keep them in place. “No. Down boy. You will lie back and take what I give you. Just like you did to me.”

He whimpers pathetically but obeys. Only when you’re sure he’s not going to move do you start moving over his cock again, bringing forth more pathetic cries from him.

“There you go, cry louder for me, my monster.” You sneer, your nails digging into his flesh as you ride him ruthlessly.

“Yes, anything you want.” He babbles, struggling to keep his eyes from rolling back.

“This must be heaven for you, marrying me, knocking me up… it’s everything your twisted mind wanted.”

He nods shamelessly. “Waited so long.”

“How does it feel then?”

“So sweet. So–ahh–so good.”

“You want to cum, don’t you?” You narrow your eyes at him and he nods eagerly. “Already? God, you’re pathetic.” You degrade him but Beomgyu doesn’t care, eating it all up. “Only for you.”

“I know.” You say dismissively, as if you don’t crave that validation just as much as he craves your attention. “Cum then. Spend your seed inside me.”

“Yes, my queen.” He answers with the devotion of a priest offering up a sacrifice to their god. You feel his warm seed filling you up and you slide your hips against him deliberately, milking his cock. “That’s it. Does that feel good?”

He nods. “Y-yeah… so good. Want to make you f–fuck–feel good too.”

“Aw, how sweet. Why don’t you then?” You coo, picking up your pace over his spent cock once more.

Beomgyu’s look of shock only lasts a second before realization sets in. But he bites his lip, holding in his cries of overstimulation.

“What? You’re not going to beg me to stop?” You ask mockingly and Beomgyu shakes his head. “No. You can use me however you want. I’m yours to break.”

Your lip curls up in a sneer. Once again, he won’t give you the satisfaction of having hurt him. You’re almost tempted to grab the dagger you had discarded just to make him freak out again.

But you’re painfully close and edging yourself while letting him cum doesn’t exactly sound like a punishment for him. So you trade your energetic bouncing on his cock for more deliberate swivels of your hips that allow you to snake your hand between your legs to rub at your clit.

Beomgyu eyes immediately follow your action. “Untie me. I want to do that for you.”

“Oh, you want to? So I should let you, because Beomgyu always gets whatever the fuck he wants, huh? No one else matters.”

Beomgyu shakes his head harshly, crying pitifully, frustrated that you’re twisting his words. “No. That’s not it. Just want to make you feel good.”

But you won't give him a break, even if he's all pussydrunk. “Want. Again, it’s all about what you want.”

“No, no, no…” He wails, shaking his head in denial, his mind too fogged up to argue with you.

“Don’t lie, Beomgyu. You said you wanted to fill me up every night, right? So do it. Cum in me until you ruin me for everyone else, just like I know you want.” You goad him. “Claim me just like the animal you are.”

“Yes, my queen. Anything you want. I love you so much.” He sobs as he cums a second time, not trying to deny your filthy allegations anymore. As his hips buck up, frenzied by the second orgasm, he pushes you over the edge too, the both of you shuddering in ecstasy, joined together like you are meant to.

Orgasming together with Beomgyu always feels almost spiritual, the way the barrier between your two beings blur and for a few seconds you become one. In those few seconds of utter bliss, you feel like you might just tumble into his body and never come out again.

It’s an intense feeling and it leaves you exhausted, the both of you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to give him a break. Powering through the discomfort, you keep riding him, not giving him a moment’s reprieve, and Beomgyu’s body twists and squirms under your merciless ministration.

“No more. Please stop.”

“What? Don’t you want me anymore? You did such disgusting, sick things for this pussy, didn’t you? Acted like a rabid dog and tore down anyone who stood between you and me but now you want to stop? No, you're going to lie there and fucking take it.”

“Please, p-please, aghhh—no more.” Beomgyu cries, his body contorting under you but you hold him in place, your hands bruising his slender body.

You laugh at his struggle. “Come one, Beomgyu, you don’t expect me to stop just because you’re begging me to now, don’t you? That’s not what you taught me. So come on, be a good mutt and take it.”

Your pace is brutal, the fury coursing through your body searing off your nerves until you can’t feel the overstimulation and the pain anymore, the only thing on your mind is to make him hurt for what he did to you.

And he does, cumming and crying, crying and cumming. You don’t really know how many times he orgasmed because after a couple of times, his drained balls didn’t have any more seed to give you. But his tears never stopped, overtaking his useless pleas until nothing but garbled cries left his swollen lips.

“Nghhh–ahhh, pl…ease…” You hear Beomgyu croak when you finally slow down, and you look at his face to see it drenched with tears and drool–his lips bitten raw, his pupils dilated, his cheeks flushed, and his whole expression fucked out. “C-can’t…”

He manages to articulate what you can plainly see. He can’t handle any more. His body trembles beneath you, and his limbs fall uselessly against the bed. He has no fight left in him.

You grab the dagger again and point it at him. He doesn’t react, no more wise words, no more challenges, he just stares at you and waits, entirely drained. So then you direct it at yourself and he musters up energy from thin air to beg, “Don’t… leave…me.”

Beomgyu is not afraid of death. He’s afraid of being without you. You know what that feels like all too well. Isn’t that why you haven’t killed him yet?

You use the knife to cut off his restraints, and as soon as he’s free, he reaches out to you, weakly, powerlessly, but you let him take you into his arms, embracing you like the devil welcoming a sinner to hell.

There are dark circles under his eyes and the both of you are covered in blood but his smile is serene as he looks at you. “We finally belong to each other.”

“I have always belonged to you, Beomgyu.” You reply defeatedly, finally giving up.

_____________________________

A/N: next chapter is the final chapter so be sure to let me know your predictions/wishes for the end! i love to read your theories and hear your thoughts ❤️

also here's a poll. it won't affect the ending at all, i'm just curious lol

#txt smut #tomorrow x together smut #beomgyu smut #yandere smut #yandere!txt #yandere!gyu #switch!idol #switch!reader

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