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shhh-no-ones-home · 3 years

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through the green glass door (*) loki laufeyson x reader

+++++++++ Guess who watched the first Thor movie 😁😁

(*) - leads to smut but it doesnt go all the way. but like, its super suggestive lol

Song: lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by panic at the disco

@cynic-spirit +++++++++

"do you have any idea what the consequences will be if i get caught?!"

i exclaimed as quietly as possible, my three friends giggling as they huddled around me.

"y/n, youre the most agile person we know. and we've all been dreaming of the fruit off that tree for ages. please."

Lenore said and i rolled my eyes.

"if i get caught im taking you three down with me."

i said, gripping the tree bark on the outside portion of the wall.

"we believe in you."

she said as i began climbing. i couldnt believe id let them talk me into this. but they were right, we had all been wanting the fruit off this tree for a very long time. it was forbidden to any outside the palace walls. something none of us had ever or would ever have the pleasure of enjoying. until now i suppose.

"im at the top."

i called back down to them still on the ground. they all cheered and clapped, jumping up and down as they giggled. but i wasnt triumphant just yet. i could see the tree, barely touching the branches of the one i was in. just over the garden wall.

"youve got this."

i whispered to myself, stepping as lightly as i possibly could towards the wall. there was a creaking and i paused, taking a deep breath. it was fine. this was fine. so i kept going, jumping onto the top of the garden wall as the edge of the branch snapped. i took a staggered breath, still hidden within lots of leaves. but there, like a light in the distance i could see the golden fruit. i plucked one off the branch, its smell as it got closer becoming sweeter and sweeter.

then i saw another, plucking it too and tossing both to the ground below. there i saw the three of them, rushing over and picking them up. i grabbed another that was close enough to reach and dropped it down, so each of them could have one of their own. they all celebrated with happy noises of content as they devoured them. as i looked back up to grab another fruit i noticed there were none left nearer to me.

"drat."

i complained, seeing one of the golden fruits just past the wall, barely out of reach. i knew i shouldn't be greedy but i went through all this trouble, it would be a shame to not have one for myself. so i stepped further, to the edge of the wall. i found a branch sturdy enough and planted my foot on it. i took one step, then another, and so on until i was nearing the trunk of the tree and the fruit i had seen from the wall.

"finally."

i whispered, plucking it off the branch and sinking my teeth into it. it was just as sweet as it smelled and i was glad i had continued on my journey over the wall. that was at least until i took one wrong step, another branch breaking under me. then it was one branch after another, falling straight on my face in the grass below the tree. i groaned, lifting my head and my eyes going wide. there in front of me was a pair of black leather boots.

"um, i can explain."

i started, looking up and pausing again. there in front of me was the young prince, holding a book in one hand and a pear in the other, looking just as surprised to see me as i was to see him.

"im sure thats one hel of an explanation having dropped from the sky."

he stated and i moved to my knees quickly, bowing in front of him.

"yes, my prince. i am truly sorry."

he laughed and i looked at him confused.

"please, stand."

he said and i did as told, bowing my head.

"i have not seen you before."

"my prince?"

i raised a brow, watching him as he leaned against the tree.

"where do you come from?"

i cleared my throat.

"outside the palace my prince."

he laughed again.

"do you think me an idiot?"

he asked and i stopped breathing.

"of course not, how could you? you are but a peasant."

then i drew my brows.

"now you wait just a minute! i may not be of noble birth but that does not mean you will disrespect me. arrest me, for all i care, but i will not be spoken to like a-"

"relax."

he said and i stopped.

"relax?!"

he shook his head.

"what is your name?"

i opened and closed my mouth a couple times. then i inhaled sharply.

"y/n."

he stood off the tree, tucked the book under his arm, and offered me his hand.

"well y/n, i am of the impression that you are in need of a new dress."

i looked at him funny before looking down at my outfit. i was dirty and my skirt had torn when i fell out of the tree.

"you arent going to arrest me?"

i asked hesitantly and he smiled.

"i am not."

he said and i slowly took his hand.

"my prince i, i dont believe-"

"you dont need to believe, just trust me."

he said and i nodded. i followed him blindly inside, walking openly past the guards up the stairs and down a long glimmering hallway. it didnt necessarily feel right, but something about him made me want to keep walking. to keep following him.

"my prince-"

"call me loki."

he interrupted.

"um, loki, right. uh where are we going?"

he squeezed my hand before pulling me into a room.

"my chambers."

he said and i froze, the door closing behind us. then out of nowhere a woman appeared, bowing her head.

"bring us one of my mothers old dresses. my guest is in need of some new clothes."

he said in a suave tone, the woman walking past me and out the door.

"i dare say, my prince, i am not worthy of wearing the queens garb."

he looked at me and smiled, pulling a chair out from under a small golden table and sitting at it.

"i think she would disagree."

i smiled back in amusement and joined him at the table.

"why are you being so nice to me?"

i asked and watched as he took a drink.

"it has been a long time since someone has been able to get over garden wall and not get caught. i admire that."

i raised a brow.

"so you like that im mischievous?"

i questioned and he smirked.

"exactly."

i made a small noise of disbelief.

"i should have guessed. the midgaurdians call you, what, the god of mischief? it only makes sense you would like someone sneaking into the palace garden."

"my lord."

i heard from the door and both our gaze turned to the girl, holding a blue dress.

"ah yes, a perfect choice."

i watched as he took it from her, shooing her away afterwards. and then he started towards me, making me more curious.

"for the lady."

he said, offering it to me and i smirked at him.

"care to help me put it on?"

i made a face, realizing what i had just asked and almost couldnt believe myself for being so bold. but part of me also didnt regret it. and i couldnt help notice the knowing smile across his face as he led me to his bed. there he laid the dress out and moved to help me.

"a bit intrepid for someone who believed me to want to arrest them."

i looked over his face for a moment.

"theres something about you i cant get off of my mind."

"and that is?"

he asked, stepping behind me and undoing the top op my dress slowly. i just stood and stared ahead as he did so.

"though i know we could both be in large amounts of trouble with the king if he were to find out i am here, i still feel like i can trust you."

i said, looking at him over my shoulder and we both examined each other. his face was soft. softer than before. and the golden light peaking in over the terrace railing made him look more ethereal.

"i can trust you, cant i?"

i asked and his gaze shifted down my face.

"you can trust this."

he said calmly before capturing my lips in his. it was gentle and i could feel my heart knocking a my rib cage to be let out. i was kissing the boy prince. the heir apparent. and gods did it feel great.

"loki."

i whispered when he pulled away, looking between his eyes for any reason not to trust him and coming up with nothing.

"do you still wish for my help?"

he bargained and i nodded.

"i wouldnt want anything else."

it was said in such a hushed tone im sure no one else would have been able to hear it had they been in the room. i stood there as he stripped me slowly. He began with finishing the top of my dress, letting the lacing down and pushing the fabric down off my shoulders. as the dress pooled at my ankles i was left there in my sark, a small shiver traveling up my spine as his fingers traced up my arm.

"may i?"

he asked, placing his other hand firmly at my waist, tugging at the fabric. i swallowed hard, almost feeling like i shouldnt be doing this.

"yes."

i said quiet and bold.

"you are quite the woman."

he noted, pulling the sark up over my head and dropping it to the floor with my dress. i should have felt more exposed standing there naked but my back was still to him.

"Thank you my prince."

I said with some form of sincerity. He kissed my shoulder.

"I told you, call me Loki."

He whispered into my ear, sending goosebumps over my skin.

"Loki."

I half moaned, leaning back into him as his hands found their way to my hips again.

"May I touch you further?"

He questioned and I nodded against him, feeling his hand trail up my torso painfully slow. He kissed across my shoulder, up my neck, and onto my jaw before spinning me around swiftly. I gasped at the sudden movement, looking over his face as he stepped closer to kiss me properly. When he pulled away I noticed his clothes had also vanished, gone in a flash of green.

"May I make love to you?"

He asked, barely gracing my lips with his own.

"Please do."

I whispered against him before kissing him, again and again, until my back hit the soft silk of his bedding.

#wattpad #x reader #Loki Laufeyson #marverl #imagines #one shots #342 #loki #smut?#idk not really but kinda #smut

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pbandjesse · 3 years

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Today was not what I had planned. I woke up a 8 to a text from the dentist reminding me about my appointment. That I didnt realize was today. I thought it was thursday. So I am very glad I got up! I had about an hour until I needed to leave though. I had plenty of time to get washed and dressed. James wold soon leave for work and I would get all cute.

I didnt have high hopes for the dentist. But it ended up being fine. I parked in the parking garage. Forgot the ticket in the car, would go back for it later. And I didnt get lost finding the office this time.

I did not see the main dentist, I saw an associate. But I loved her. She was so sweet. And while she understood why I wanted the tooth removed, she thinks its salvageable and that insurance should cover it. I got all the xrays and now that I have this insurance I was like. Okay. Im willing to get this fixed, with the caveat that if they get in there and the took is broken (which is what I think), they will pull it. So I felt like things were good. The woman at the desk even called the other office to make me an appointment so I wouldnt have to call and it was so kind.

I left there in a good mood. I went back to the car to grab that parking ticket, and then went to the fancy grocery store. I got some stuff thats hard to get at the regular stores. And just had a nice time looking around.

I headed home after that. High spirits. But almost as soon as I got home I get a call from the dentist that they called the insurance and they wont cover anything. At all. Because I hadnt had the insurance for a year?? I have never heard of this before. Like the whole reason I got this plan was because it covered so much of the root canal procedure. And so I started crying. And they the woman tells me that the first of the three appointments I have would cost $1500. So I was just like. I guess. Cancel it. She apologized but I was just like. I did the thing I was supposed to do. I got the insurance. I pay it on time. But I just felt so stupid.

So I was a bit hysterical and I called the insurance with the plan to yell and then cancel the insurance. But once I got through the robot voices I was mostly just very very sad. I knew the person on the phone wasnt at fault. So thats what I said. I was just like. Hey, Im going to start sobbing in a second, I am not mad at you, I know you just work there, but I dont know what to do. I did the thing I was supposed to do but I cant get the help I need now. And she was so kind and right away put in a request to override the year waiting period. So I have to wait until wednesday to find out if that is approved. But it was a little bit of hope I guess? I called back the dentist and explained what happened and she said to call her back when I get word and that the dentist will see what can be done on their end too.

Its wild though. Why is that a thing?? I would have gotten the cheaper plan if I knew I wouldnt be able to use any of the coverage for a year?? Like I get its probably my fault but I have never heard of anything like that before. It wasnt even like I hadnt met a minimum for the year, they were just like oh you literally do not have any coverage on procedures until next January. Because you havent had the insurance before. If I knew that I wouldnt have waited for the open market. I would have just. Gotten a plan before that. Its such a shit show.

It took a while for me to calm down. I was just so drained and upset.

But I didnt want to lose the whole day.

James would go out for a long bike ride soon after that. They waited until I was alright before they left. I needed to be alone for a bit though.

So I cleaned a little. I hung a tapestry. I cleaned the fish tank. I thought about what I will pack for camp. I had snacks. I played video games. I finished making the bed. I changed all the sheets and the took off the velvet duvet cover. I also refolded and sorted out the winter coats and sweaters I shoved under the bed. They are all folded and nice now.

James would get home before 230. I was laying in bed but once they were washed and dressed again we headed out into the world.

We walked to the art store. And I got all the new paint I wanted. I got the highlighter colors and a few secondaries I thought would be hard to mix. I am very happy with the colors I got. I may go back to buy some medium. But I am very pleased.

And it was so nice going out with James. The weather was warm. And It was just a lovely day to be out. We stopped to take pictures with the knock out roses. And I was just really happy.

Not to long after we got home James got to work making us dinner. And I laid down for a bit. But I never actually slept. Thats alright. I did a little work stuff but tomorrow I will really get into that.

After dinner I got to work on the painted stool project. I was going to do sprinkles but I decided to do Matiesse inspired shapes instead. I am pretty happy with them!! The highligher/neon colors are a little thin, so I will have to do more layers to cover the sharpie I drew first. I wouldnt have used the sharpies if I knew it would do that. Live and learn. But so far so good. One or two more layers of paint and then I will outline and add texture details using paint markers. But I am very pleased with the project. Next will be the little heart shelf.

I have been hanging out in bed with sweetP since then. I am very tired. But I am going to go rinse off and put on soft clothes. Tomorrow I am going to do work and art and try to make myself work on store stuff. Because I have been so bad about that. But I have the pictures so I will get it done.

I hope you all sleep well. Take care of eachother. Goodnight!

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probably-writing-x · 4 years

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Choice you’ve never had.

Guzmán x Reader

Request by anon: hello! i hope all is well 💚 i came to ask if you didn’t mind, could you do an ander/guzman x reader version of “the choice is yours” please?

Gif is not my own

Requests are closed🤍

It should’ve been impossible for his head to be turned. He could’ve accepted having everything that he had and everything that Lu gave him. But somewhere along the line, there’d been someone who changed that so so easily - in fact, the worst part of all, they hadn’t even tried.

It had been so simple really. You’d always been there. You were just one of the class. Never really too loud, always just keeping yourself to yourself and avoiding anything that the other students became wrapped up in. When things started to spiral uncontrollably after Marinas death, it was like you’d emerged from the shadows. You stood up for the girl that had always been a good friend for you. And, just like Guzmán, you’d been completely hell bent on finding who did that to her. You had the same aggression, determination and drive that he did. And the two of you became unlikely allies amongst the chaos. You’d helped him when he had to keep Samuel safe at his grandparents house, and you’d been the one to take the first hit when you found out Polo was guilty. All of those rollercoaster emotions that Guzmán went through, you went through them too. Him, as her brother, with you, as her friend. That’s all you’d kept it as. Beyond your ties, he was still the boy that had mocked you and found any reason to joke about even your presence in a class. He’d ignored you, been rude, and always just been in a separate field to you. Everything with Marina wouldnt change that. It just meant you had pushed that aside for a little time.

For you, at least. For Guzmán, things were very different. He’d seen you in a light that he’d never seen anyone before. You had this deepset passion that he’d seen you unleash on multiple occasions, though you were too wise to let yourself be led by it. You were honest, sometimes blunt, but never offensive. You were cautious, caring, and the way you’d hugged his Mother and offered your condolences was one of the most genuine thing he’d seen in a long time. You were forgiving more than he ever was, but you weren’t willing to be a pushover.

And so, the impossibility of his head being turned suddenly became fearfully possible.

He glanced to Lu who stood across the corridor from him at school. She was talking in hushed tones to Valerio about something. Guzmán couldn’t deny it, she was stunning. She had that obvious type of beauty. Of course she did. It’s what drew him to her in the first place. But the reason he’d stayed for so long went far beyond her looks. It went way past that. She’d become his support system without him ever really knowing. He relied on her more than anyone. Without ever being asked, Lu had stood by his side through everything. Even when they both knew he didn’t deserve it. She’d been there for him more than anybody in his life and it showed in how long they’d been together. That only ended when Guzmán became so wrapped up in questioning who he really wanted.

That’s when he sees you walking down the opposite direction of the corridor. You were talking to Nadia about something he couldn’t understand but you’d just said something to make her laugh. You. So unknowingly ripping at his heart to express how he felt to you. It was like he’d met his match in you. This weird, better version of himself that he’d never noticed until a time that felt a little too late. It shouldn’t have taken Marina for him to see you for yourself. She always spoke so highly of you and he’d always dismissed it, never caring much when she defended you after he’d been a dick. You’d been the one to tell him everything he didn’t realise he needed to hear. Who’d snapped him out of it when he was in the wrong. Who’d shown him what a good person was and what he wanted to be. You challenged him, made it impossible to get any further than surface level - but he still found himself trying.

“(Y/n),” He calls out to you as you’re walking past him, it’s involuntary really - and part of him wishes he’d kept quiet.

“Guzmán,” You nod once you’ve said goodbye to Nadia, “What’s up?”

“I wanted to know if you’re going to the party tonight?”

“The party where you’re made to put in the kind of effort that females are expected to? Guzmán there isn’t anything I’d want to see more,” You joke, tilting your head to the side, “Do you need to borrow a dress?”

He laughs and looks down at his feet like a boy far younger than his age now, “Okay, then I’ll see you there.”

“If you’re lucky,” You roll your eyes.

There was more to you and Guzmán than just allies, even if you’d tried to avoid it for so long. There was a side of him that you’d been exposed to only recently, that side of him that he’d always hidden when portraying himself as the confident king of class. You found yourself admiring qualities of him that you hoped you’d be able to find in yourself eventually. And he wasn’t just Marinas dickish older brother anymore. But you’d shut off those feelings as quickly as they’d arrived. Losing Marina was one of the hardest things you’d ever gone through, it had changed you. But it shouldn’t change you so much that you become a completely different person. You should remain the girl that Guzmán made fun of and constantly treated like he was better than. You were still that girl. Because the second you became different to that was the time you gave in to the years of him mocking you. You couldn’t let yourself fall for him.

“I’ll see you tonight, Guzmán,” You comment as you go to walk past him and head out of school.

He keeps his eyes focused on you as you exit, unable to tear them away until Lu walks over.

“Make sure you bring drink tonight Guzmán,” She reminds him, having made such a point of that ever since she’d first planned this Valentines party.

“Right, yeah, I won’t forget,” He smiles, “Happy Valentines Day.”

She practically laughs in his face, “Is it?”

Guzmán can’t find it in him to respond. He’d hurt her. All because of his own uncertainty.

“Guzmán don’t act like things are normal, you and I both know where your heart lies.”

“We do?” He raises his brows, “I’m not so sure.”

“The fact that you had to question it tells me you already know,” Lu shrugs her shoulders like she’s already brushed off any pain he’d caused, “I’ll see you tonight, Guzmán.”

There’s something about the words. How you’d both spoken them. Both with that slight shading of irritation towards him. That glimmer of annoyance that he caused. But there was only one person that said them and made his legs feel a little weak beneath him.

- - - - - -

That night, Guzmán walks into the party alone and that feels strange in itself. He’d always had Lu by his side, even for something simple like this. There are already enough people milling about to make him feel less lonely as he walks in with an expensive bottle held in one hand.

“Guzmán!” Lu calls from the top of the stairs when she sees him, “Glad to see you’ve put in effort to something recently.”

It was an evident dig at how he’d given up on their relationship. But he takes it. He deserved it.

“You look great,” She eyes him up and down, “And you brought drinks!”

He laughs and holds up the bottle, “I couldn’t disappoint you.”

“Are you sure about that?” She cocks a brow as she takes the bottle from him and walks over to the table where all of the other drinks were displayed.

“Is everyone here already?” He glances around the room in search of a face he wanted to see.

“She was in the garden last time I saw her,” Lu states, seeing straight through his asking about the collective.

“I didn’t ask-“

“I didn’t need you to.”

He hated how things were with them now.

Just as Lu had said, he turns to see you walking back through the doors into the house. You were dressed in a lilac suit with a white bandeau crop and sneakers. How could you make a suit look so good? You had a beer in your hand and you were talking to Omar about something that seemed important - he watched as you gave him a reassuring hug and turned to part ways.

In that moment, Guzmán is completely certain of everything he wants. Somehow, in an unexpected and uncertain turn of events, Guzmán had strayed completely from what he’d expected in his life. He’d met you for what felt like the first time, despite knowing you for years. He never really did know you though. He’d been so blind sighted.

But it would be a risk, wouldn’t it? He’d completely lose Lu if he ended up going for anybody else. And you could so easily reject him. How did he know that you’d not just be completely temporary?

Lu walks up to him once again, “Guzmán are you seriously just going to stand in the middle of my house and not move?”

He snaps from his gaze and looks down at her, “I...”

“What are you thinking about? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“How did you know that you loved me Lu?” He asks her so abruptly.

Guzmán was yet to be certain that he’d ever felt that way about someone. He’d like to think that he was in love with Lu. But he’d questioned it recently.

“Fucking hell,” She mutters under her breath before taking a deep breath, “I knew that I’d do anything for you.”

“Weren’t you... I mean didn’t you... did you question it?”

She turns to stand beside him so that both of them are looking in your direction, “If you ever have to question whether you love someone, the answer should always be no. But if there’s somebody who makes you question your love for someone else, it’s normally with pretty good reason.”

“You think I love (Y/n)?”

“I think I never saw you look at me that way.”

With that, she walks off with her shoulders held high as Guzmán keeps focused on you.

He��d never looked at anyone that way.

You’re stood pouring yourself a drink into a red solo cup and you’re trying to avoid getting knocked over by the arguing couple behind you. And he feels it. He knows that he’d do it all for you. He’d give you everything he could. He’d go through the nights where both of you cried for Marina. He’d be the one to pull you away from Polo when you’d first discovered it was him. He’d let you yell in his face when you were so infuriated by everything the world had thrown at you. He’d let himself learn faster and faster who you were, and who he’d been missing.

That’s how he finds himself walking over to you with such intention that he finds it impossible to turn back. It’s focused, driven, so utterly certain of everything he’d been questioning for the past six months.

“(Y/n),” He calls out to you as he’s nearing, watching as you turn around with the most delicate of smiles on your face.

You didn’t have the type of obvious beauty that Lu had - where anybody saw it. You were understated, reserved and so intricately beautiful. All these little features that he’d been blind to not notice before as they came together to create this level of beauty that felt like it was made to be perfect.

“Guzmán, nice outfit choice,” You nod at him, “Would help if you remembered the top half of your outfit.”

“Noted,” He nods, all words that he’d prepared somehow failing him.

“What are you doing over here, Guzmán?” You ask after some time of silence between you.

He looks at you with a bashful smile, “I’ve spent months trying to question whether I was delusional. I thought I was crazy. I had Lu, this girl that would do anything for me. And I just didn’t feel the same.”

“Guzmán, I don’t want to talk about your love lif-“

“Just hear me out, stop interrupting me for once in your life,” He laughs, “Okay?”

You cock a brow, “Continue.”

“But I realised it was all because of you and that confused me even more.”

“Because I’m the girl you made fun of for years?”

“(Y/n)! Just listen!”

You laugh but it’s only to ease the nervous tension building inside you.

“I don’t regret not getting to know you earlier in my life. I think it took everything that’s been happening recently for me to properly see you, for everything you have and everything you are. I really like you (Y/n),” He admits with a shaky breath, “So, I’m asking, would you like to be my valentine?”

You take a sip of your drink, “That was a nice reveal but it didn’t need the big speech.”

He laughs and a bright, dimple inducing, grin spreads onto his features, “Wow.”

“You were a dick to me all through the first years of high school. But now, you’ve become this dick that I actually have stuff in common with. And who knows how to make me laugh. I’m not saying you’re perfect, because you still are the asshole who used to make jokes about everything I did, but...” You pause, “The answer to your very cheesy question is yes.”

The tension in his shoulders visibly relaxes.

“Just because I feel bad for you for wearing such a horrific outfit,” You joke, never being one to keep your sincerity for too long.

“That’s all it is huh?”

You pause like you’re pondering the thought, “Nobody wants to be alone on Valentine’s Day.”

“Ahh, of course,” He clicks his tongue, “Do you want to get out of here? Go get some food or something?”

“Yeah, yeah okay,” You agree, finishing your drink and setting the drink down, “Did you bring a jacket?”

He chuckles at your concern, “You think I’d willingly go out in public like this? Of course I brought a jacket!”

You laugh as he places a hand on your back and guides you through the crowd of people. As he does so, his eyes catch Lu amongst the crowd. She looks between the two of you and lets a smile fall onto her lips. Her martini glass raises in his direction and she gives him a knowing nod. He’d made his choice, and it was never going to be her.

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angeliclunaetic · 4 years

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just thinking back to the day i met him, till now and,, there was always something about him. something that drew me in and everything just felt right. That day we met,, something about him just drew me in. idk if it was his sense of humor or just how polite n sweet and caring he was in general but it was,, something. idek why i even texted him in the first place. i just commented on his stuff and decided to text him. we talked for a few and then he showed me a pic of himself and i was just,, in awe. he really was the cutest thing ever. yes i had thought abt using him when i first saw him but,, i couldnt even if i had wanted to. i seen his pic and thought “yeah he looks like he’d be easy to use” but then by the end of texting him that night,, i fell so deeply for him. actually no. i already fell for him. way before we even met. that must be how everything felt so right. but just texting him a little bit that first night,, i just instantly wanted to know more about him. i never even talked abt someone else to my gc and for some reason i had the urge to talk about him,, like i knew he was the one but didn’t realize it. and then when we called for the first time,, i swear i had butterflies. even though i was otp with him and his friend,, i was so nervous to just talk to him. i had thought of him as my crush at that point. no one had ever made me feel that way. i never got so nervous to talk to anyone. i wanted to stay quiet that entire time so i wouldnt say something stupid and embarrass myself but something about him,, made me want to be so open. so i talked to him,, and when we got off the phone of our first call,, i was so incredibly sad. i wanted to talk to him more and more and i just wanted to call him again already,, but i wasnt sure how he had felt or if he even felt the same. i thought he did but i didnt wanna assume and make a fool out of myself. i wasnt sure if he had a crush or if he was just being nice. but after a while it was easy to realize. he was way too sweet and caring to me. more than a friend should be. he was there for me the night i was bawling otp w my ex. and he got mad and upset about how my ex was treating me in a way that was different than just my friends. and thats what made me fall for him even more. just him. being himself. him being so sweet. so caring. him just being there for me and not judging me and wanting others to treat me right. and when we videocalled that first time,,i was so nervous. i was worried he’d see what i look like and not be attracted to me anymore. but he still was. but i was so nervous anyways. but when i saw him on video call for the first time,, i was in shock. how could someone be so cute. so perfect. how could someone capture my heart just by simply smiling at me. i knew from then, that i, was in love with him. i wanted to be his so badly. but when he had asked me out i wanted to just scream yes at him,, but something in my mind told me to just calm down and wait,, however a part of me was worried that if i had made him wait that he’d find someone better and leave me. but he didn’t he stayed. even after that night i had told him everything. of how i used to use people and how i had originally planned to use him and he still stayed. i swear i felt my heart break that night and i was crying so much out of fear that he’d leave me before we even got together. i had such strong feelings for him and i wanted him to be mine. but i wanted to make sure i was away from,, that thing,, and that i fully loved him before i got into anything serious. i didnt wanna jump from relationship to relationship either. a part of me just wanted to be single and just have fun. but just,, talking to him and texting him,, i wanted him. i didnt care if i wasnt single. i just wanted him. but also a part of me didnt want to love again. or “love” as i should say considering i never loved anyone before him. i was mentally and emotionally exhausted and relationships are just so much work and you have to give someone such a large piece of yourself and i wouldnt be able to handle being broken again. so many thoughts ran through my head. “what if i dont love him, what if im just attracted to him because im going through things and he’s there for me” “what if he wont wait for me” “what if he doesnt like me “ “what if im using him and dont realize” “what if i get hurt” all these “what if’s” and i never once thought abt the reality of it all. that i, had feelings for him. that he felt the same. that he was willing to wait for me, even if it took years. that he would never hurt me and even allowed himself to be hurt by me if that meant even just getting a chance at me loving him. i guess i was just so worried and just in shock. no ones felt so deeply for me before.and that night that i had asked him out,,, i had seen a pic of my ex with this new girl and i felt absolutely nothing towards it. so then,, thats when i knew. i was over him. that emotional attachment was gone. and my feelings for sam were real. and we had called that night,, that entire night i was so nervous and got butterflies, and i realized i never stopped smiling once during that whole phone call. and after we got of,, i, once again, was extremely sad. i wanted to hear his voice talking to me for hours and hours. i wanted to smile and feel nervous and get butterflies. and at that point i was like,, fuck it. yes i was still worried that my feelings werent true. but what was the harm in trying. he was the only person to have caught my eye in like,, ever. he was on my mind that whole night and probably abt like 30 mins after we got off call i asked him out. my feelings for him were too strong. i was worried he wouldnt wait and i couldnt risk losing someone as special as him to someone else,, if i did, i wouldve never forgiven myself. im glad i asked him out. even though i had surprised myself by it,, i just couldnt wait any longer,, i needed to make him mine. and i did. and i wouldnt change it for the world. the first month for me was very,, rough. of course we were still getting to know each other and our boundaries,, and i of course made some mistakes. my fears of possibly not having true feelings were coming back. and it pushed him away because he didnt wanna get hurt. and he almost left me. those two nights that we had an issue and he had left me,, they broke me. they really did. that was the worst i had ever been. the crying,, the screaming,, the anger and complete sadness i felt. i felt as if i had lost everything. i felt as if i had nothing left. if i didnt have him,, then,, who am i. im nothing without him. he’s my other half. my soulmate. and i thought i had lost him. im glad im so annoying and clingy otherwise i’d be so fucking heartbroken without him. we had only been together for less than a month those two times and yet i felt so strongly for him. nothing has ever made me feel this way. i had never wanted to keep someone in my life so bad before. it was like,, i needed him to breathe. i needed him to smile. i just,, needed him. i cant live without him. just thinking about a life without him makes me fucking sick. i want him and only him for the rest of our lives. no one can even compare to him. im just,, in shock. like im really in love with him and it just amazes me. im sitting here writing this as he’s sound asleep and i just. i miss him a lot. i guess all my feelings are coming out now since ive been distant the past month but,, i dont care. ill gladly shout from the rooftops how much i love him. god there’s so much more i could say about us. even before we started dating. i cant get over the rush i felt. the excitement, the nerves, the butterflies,, even all the “what if’s”,, i still get nervous and get butterflies when talking to him but ofc they’re not gonna be as strong as when we had met and declared our love for each other. speaking of love,, now im reminded of the day i had told him that i love him,, we had “argued” the day before and i thought i had lost him for good,, and that next day,,i wanted nothing more than to just hold him and kiss him and tell him that i love him. i know the words “i love you” is such a meaningful thing,, i couldnt help but tell him. its exactly how i felt. i loved him. i couldnt be apart from him,, even after only a week of dating him,, i was in love that night i thought he was leaving me for good,, absolutely broke me. and the next day i just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. even though i was so nervous to tell him that i loved him,, i just,, i knew i was sure. no one had ever made me feel so strongly about them. yeah ive cried over my ex. but nothing could ever compare to just the complete distraught i felt that night. that crying so much it burned my throat and threw up,, the screaming,, just the complete sadness and anger i felt. after that,, i knew i loved him, and i wasnt afraid to tell him. i was nervous bc of how he’d react but i knew that i was never more sure of anything else in my life. i love him. and i want to be with him forever.

#lovenotesforsam

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kaywritesthings · 7 years

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Breaks hearts like Gaston [Past para]

The bar was messy. Gaston was in a mood. Belle had just rejected him and he was tossing beers back. I had the bartender water them down. He wouldnt know. I was exhausted. He kept me busy. Then he wanted me to sit beside him as he talked. I didn't mind. I loved siting beside him. It always made me feel.. warm? Warm.

I put my hand on his arm. A few men came in from getting wood and rolling in kegs of beer for the bar. I looked up smiling at them. "Thanik you." I said because I knew Gastion wouldnt. I went behind Gaston. I took his hair, and undid the pony tail. I combed his hair out and started to comb his beautiful hai. I leaned in to smell his hair when he wasnt paying attention.

Tee Anderson 9:39 pm I still wasn't precicely sure why I came to this bar every night. Lately it had seemed like more of a lesson in torture than anything else. All I wanted was some hint of notice from LeFou, but most of the night I would drink and watch him fawn over Gaston like he was some kind of diety.

I had such high hopes when they both came back from the war. I hadn't been able to go- my father had died recently and the farm wouldn't have survived without me- and it had ached every day, knowing that the boys I had cared about were out fighting and I was stuck at home. It wasn't boys though, I knew that, even then. It was LeFou.

And he was back and now I should be able to...to something. Something nameless and indescribable. But it was gone from me now. It was in the ether. And now I was drinking a beer and watching LeFou braid Gaston's hair. It was terrible to watch. I looked over and sighed, resting my hand lightly on my chin before forcing myself not to be obvious. I ordered another drink and went up to him. "I see you haven't had a pint yet," I said softly and set it near LeFou's arm.

Kay 9:46 pm "Do you think I came on too strong?" He asked LeFou. "No, Gaston. I thinkkkk belle has an eye problem. She has no taste. " He sang. "I mean, if I was Belle. I could not resist you." Gaston sighed. "LeFou if you were a girl, you'd be a pretty ugly one." LeFou shrugged. He looked up when Stanley brought a pint of beer. He stopped braiding Gaston's hair to turn to STanley.

"Thank you. ' I mouthed to Stanley. Watered down? I was tryin desperatly to keep Gaston from getting too drunk. Gaston sighed. He looked back to see me focused on another man. "LeFou. Come here.' He said. I stood up and ran over to him. I got in front of him. He grabbed my hand and had me sit in front of him. He rubbed my cheek. "I apperciate everything you do, and if you could get me a steak sandwich." I stood up. "Yes. I was about to say you should have one." I laughed. I slid by Stanley to run to the grill next door for the best sandwich for Gaston.

Tee Anderson 9:52 pm Stanley let out a soft sigh, as he went closer, hating to hear their converstaions. Sometimes they were just annoying but tonight felt particularly awful. There was no way that LeFou could be ugly, regardless of if he was a woman or man. At least as far as Stanley was concerned. But he knew he couldn't say it. He'd get made fun of again, and Stanley was so tired of it...

He sighed and pursed his lips. "You're welcome," he said softly in reply. And then, amost reading LeFou's mind, he added, softly, amlost into LeFou's ear, "It's for you." He was about to say more, but stopped when Gaston spoke again. Gaston was always talking, or grabbing or being particularly obnoxious. And LeFou just took it. It made Stanley let out a frustrated breath and he moved past LeFou and grabbed his arm. "I'll do it," he said. "You don't have to do every single thing. I can make a sandwich. Go sit down. Have a drink."

Kay 9:58 pm LeFou heard Stanley. He had no idea why Stanley wanted to be the best one here. He felt like Stanley was trying to take his place. he wanted to be mad, but then Stanley had never looked at him that way before. He let out a squeak. "He's very particular abut the cut of sandwich, and the bread.. I know what he likes." I whispered back, not trying to start a fight. I knew Stanley wanted to prove his devotion to Gaston. "Show me the sandwich before you give it to him." I hinted. I sat down with a beer. Gaston did not turn back to see if I had left or not. He had a couple of girls around him trying to get him to come home with them. He huffed and sent them away. I smiled at that. HA! I sipped on my beer, which made me drink all of it. I had never really had a beer to myself without requests from Gaston

Tee Anderson 10:02 pm Stanley sighed. He felt some resistance even when he was trying to help LeFou. It made him feel something desperate crawling at the inside of his chest. He just wanted to be his friend. His friend, he assured himself. Nothing more. "Then maybe stay with me and tell me what he likes," Stanley said, surprising himself a little. "Pull up a chair and have a drink, please," he started to say and then sighed when LeFou went back out to Gaston. Stanley hoped at least he was getting a break from being the errand boy. He made a sandwich- two of them, because LeFou deserved to eat too- and then broguht it out to LeFou. "Did I do okay?" he asked, letting LeFou look over the plate. "The other one is for you."

Kay 10:06 pm I saw him with two sandwiches. Good idea. IF one didn't work. I opened the sandwiches. One cut of meat had more fat and less muscle meat. I took a knife and cut the trim off the meat. He liked in a circle shape. He liked sour dough bread. I removed the bread from anotehr sandwich and gave him the better bread. I grabbed a ganish type leaf to put on the side, and took a pickle as I cut it in four long pieces. He fanned out the pickles. He sighed and sniffed the meat to make sure it was good. He smiled and closed the sandwich and handed it off to Stanley. He took the less of the two sandwiches and glanced at it with a happy expression. He was hungry, but he usually forgot that when he was taking care of Gaston. "There, take it to him. He'd be so happy!"

Tee Anderson 10:10 pm Stanley hadn't been sure what to expect, but he didn' expect LeFou to take apart nearly everything and reconstruct it. It made something in Stanley's heart hurt. He just wanted to do something to ease LeFou's burden but he wasn't sure he had. Stanley stood around awkwardly. "Maybe next time you should stay with me and show me how-" he started to say and then trailed off. "Well. I.... you can take it to him," he said finally. "I was just...I wanted you to take a break." Stanley flushed and pusehd the plate back to him and then head back over to the bar, feeing foolish.

Kay 10:21 pm LeFou felt terrible. He ran after Stanley. "Wait, please. Thank you. I really appreciate it. I had a beer for the first time and it was nice. My feet are so damn tired, my back hurts. I really .. mean it when I say thank you." He closedhis eyes and felt tears in it. He turned away from Stanley. "Gaston needs the support and I am thankful he has friends like you to do so. He really will need all of us tonight.;' HE leaned against the wall of teh bar, he was so tired. But he could do this. "LEFOU." He heard Gaston call out. He stood up and stumbled into the bar

Tee Anderson 10:26 pm Stanley was surpised to hear LeFou come after him, and just that fact made his heart pound, just a little bit. He turned and offered LeFou a smile. It was too tender at first, and then he remembered he was supposed to be manly and drew himself up a little more. "Thank you. But don't worry about it," he said and then clapped LeFou's shoulder, trying so hard to make it friendly and not overly affectionate. It was so hard to know the line. "I think Gaston is fine," he said, trying to be hopeful. "You aren't in charge of his moods-" Stanley started to say feeling the annoyance grow when he heard Gaston's voice. "Did you eat?" he started to ask, but then LeFou was already stumbling away. Stanley groaned and ordered another beer.

Kay 10:37 pm Dick pulled Stanley to come drink with them. He liked when all three of them were together. LeFou ate a big bite of his sandwich. Gaston had a few bites in his, but was finished. He told LeFou he could have the rest. Lefou ate his sandwich just to please Gaston and make Gaston feel like he wasn't rejecting his gift. He was just thankful for a meal, even though Stanley made him a meal. He finished his meal. "I bet yuo liked that, you always like to eat, LeFou. It's so easy to reward you.' He smiled

Lefou felt like it was a low blow complement. They usually were. "WEll, Food is good." He smiled, alwasy glad to be the butt of the joke. He looked over to see Stanley with his two friends. He really liked Stanley's style, but was nver able to really tell him that.

Tee Anderson 10:40 pm Stanley sat next to Dick and sipped from another pint, telling himself over and over again not to worry about LeFou. He couldn't keep looking over there. He needed to stop that, it wasn't...there was something wrong about it. He could hear his father's voice in his head and knew it was something he would label as wrong.

But he looked over again anyway, and for a moment, caught LeFou looking back. Stanley smiled and lifted his glass, but then felt a little stupid and turned away. LeFou didn't care. Did he? Maybe he was looking because he and Gaston were making fun of his sandwich. Maybe it was that.

Kay 10:50 pm LeFou heard him talk about Belle and wanting to have babies and why wouldn't she want that. LEfou sighed and went to rub his shoulders. He needed to give Gaston some encouragement. The beer Stanley handed him over was getting into his brain cells. He found a second wind. "Gosh it disturbs me to see you Gaston, looking so down in the dumps. Every guy here would like to be you gaston, even when taking your lumps." I thought maybe if I sang (added on with my own words) his theme song we sang at the bar after his hunting trips..

"There is no man in town, that's admire as you.." HE sang out loudly. He knew people probably were drunk and maybe would join. Lefou could only hope. Lefou knew that he had a good voice, sohe wanted to use that.. He seem to have their attention"No ones slick as Gaton, no one is quick Gaston." He got on the table and grabbed a man's neck to prove his next line. "Thick as Gaston.." He posed sexy, since he felt sexy as the girls sang.

Tee Anderson 10:55 pm Stanley turned back to his beer, telling himself to focus just on that and not anything else. Not on the fact that he could see LeFou massaging Gaston's shoulders out of the corners of his eyes. Which made him feel a flare of jealously and wonder. He wondered what LeFou's fingers would feel like on the back of his neck and then chided himself for even thinking about it.

He kicked back some more beer and then felt some internal sort of groan when he heard the music kick up. Stanley had such conflicting feelings when it came to the song. He loved watching LeFou. His voice was so beautiful and Stanley loved the way that LeFou draped himself on tables around the bar, but he also hated singing about Gaston. He wasn't really into it, ever, but then he wanted to impress LeFou too, to maybe get noticed more. The whole thing was so conflicting. But either way, he was watching LeFou with a clench in his gut.

Kay 11:03 pm LeFou went over to the bar to get back up encouragement. "You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stannnleeeyyy." He pointed at Stanely and winked. "And they will tell you what team.." He got on the bar and sat down. "they prefer to be on." He turned tom and dicks head, and reached over to slap Stan's head to pay attention and remember the lyrics he wrote. He could see they looked a bit lost, and did dart motion to remind them, and then clapped his hand with a smile and tapped his heart. They seem to get the lyrcis after that.

Tee Anderson 11:15 pm Stanley tried to tell himself that he wouldn't get sucked into it this time. That he wouldn't let himself get carried away in celebrating a man he pretty much despised. But LeFou was compelling, despite it. He looked away, a frown on his face, telling himself again, that he wouldn't give in. But then he felt a slap on the back of his head and startled. He knew who's fingers it had to be and looked back, something in his heart jolting. He saw LeFou draw his hand back and felt a racing to his heart. He knew the words to the song, but he forgot them for a moment, looking at LeFou in a sort of wonder for a second before giving himself over to it. LeFou had touched him. His mouth was singing the words but he wasn't thinking about them. He was looking at LeFou and trying to figure out what it all meant.

Kay 11:26 pm LeFou danced on the table. If anyting, singing out loud and making a fool of himself made him feel better. He even had Gaston singing along. He did let a insult slip. "There is no oen as easy to boaster as you!!!!!" He didnt mean to let his thoughts slip out. OOPs. "Too much?" He felt gaston squeezed his hand in warning of a talk later. "YUP." He didn't care, he kept singing. He got on the table as much as he could and sang his heart out. There was always something so theraputic about singing with a bar of people. It almost made him feel .. happy.

Tee Anderson 11:35 pm Stanley hated how conflicted he felt, wanting to watch LeFou dance and display his talents to the best of his abilities, and the equal urge to try to find somewhere to hide and lick his wounds. He wanted to be the one getting that close to LeFou, to be the one that was cherished enough to have a song written about him. It made something clench in his chest to see how casually Gaston would dismiss the gift that was being so close to LeFou. And LeFou did look...happy. Content. And that was good. Even if it meant Stanley had to keep playing along to something he didn't feel in hie heart.

Kay 11:43 pm He sang the song with his heart and felt better. He could tell it madeGaston happy. Gaston was in good spirits and took a colored girl home. He dismissed Lefou.Lefou was sort of glad he was indeed dismissed. He left to go to the lake and swim in it. It always did something wonderous to his back and aching muscles. He would spend hours just massaging and working on his voice.

Tee Anderson 11:46 pm Stanley sat back down at the bar again when the song was over and told himself again that he wasn't getting drawn back into it. He ordered another beer and shot it down quickly, letting out a soft sigh. He saw Gaston on his way out, and saw LeFou about to leave too, and stood, thinking about going after him. But Tom put his hand on his shoulder and he stopped. He sighed and sat back down again. It was probably for the best. LeFou didn't need him.

Kay 11:48 pm AWW GO AFTER HIM jk no shut up me i didnt mean to press ente rhah

Kay 11:50 pm LeFou fell asleep face ni the mud. It was so warm and comfortable. He knew Gaston wouldn't let him in the house with a woman friend over. He never understood what they did in the house. He just knew sometimes he had to break their hearts for Gaston. Tell them it was over and they had to move on. The saddest thing LeFou ever had to do for Gaston is send a pregnant woman by Gaston away. He hated that. She insisted it was Gaston's, but Lefou told her to go away. He felt scuh guilt with what he had to do for Gaston. He woke up to horse hoofs on his face. "Lefou, get up this once. why are you in the mud?" Lefou was butt naked in a body shape of mud around his body, and water up to his hips.The horse kicked mud in his face, and Gaston laughed. "Wash up.. we have to go."

Tee Anderson 11:56 pm Stanley's life was rather boring and predictable when it came down to it. He went from being hyper aware of everything when LeFou was around, and back to feeling like life was dull and colorless when he wasnt. It was like moving through some very thick mud, and never getting out of it. He had drinks until he was as drunk as his friends, and then stumbled home. He slipped into his small run down cabin and slept on the floor next to the woodstove, knowing he would have to wake with the sun to tend the cows and see if he could harvest any of the crops. It was endless, day in day out, and the only think he could hope for was to see LeFou in some errant moments at the bar.

Kay 12:04 am The next few hours were me doing hard word and again dismissing girls who wanted him. I got washed up and cleaned. I even had time to eat breakfast, of course when I ate. Gaston liked to say how fat I was, but encouraged me to keep eating. He even gave me more eggs. He seem to like me fat. That night we were sitting around the fire in the bar. I was sitting on Gaston's arm rest when Maurice came in shouting about a beast. I was worried abou tMaurice, and Belle. even if she was a funny girl, she had been away for a while. I was prou dof Gaston when he said he wanted to help, but realized why he wanted to help. To ask for Belles hand.. ohh. I looked at Stanley, I felt his staring at me as we left to search for a "beast"

Tee Anderson 12:11 am Stanley found himself where he always did after another long day working, sitting right back at the bar as he usuall did. Sitting next to Tom and Dick and trying not to be too interested in what exactly LeFou was doing to fawn over Gaston again. Today he was feeling a little down, so it was eaiser to focus on the bottom of his mug. He did lift his head when he heard someone raving. Stanley was so concerened with keeping his head down that it starteld and frightened him when someone else did. He wanted Maurice to be quiet just because he was bringing to much attention to himself, and they way to get by was to be quiet. There were so many ways to be wrong and talking that loudly about anything was wrong. He knew that. And he knew that nothing good would come from it. And his heart clenched when he saw LeFou going out with him. A part of him wanted to follow, just to watch ove rhim, but what excuse would he have? None. There was no good explaination. So he sat back down, and frowned deeply into his beer.

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celestialallstars · 5 years

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Episode #6: “Can i PLEASE get a blindside.” - Jared

ok so basically the game has been sooo quiet and ive like. felt dead. idk. i had a breakdown last night bc of it and i cried on my couch (KNOW THERE WAS A LOT MORE THAN THIS LKSDJGKLDSGLS I WOULDNT CRY PURELY BC OF THAT) but yaaa and now im better but like the entire day i was throwing up in class (or like feeling anxious im exaggerating sorry) about going home.

i didnt want mo out but with that being said i didnt want anyone out?? after i mentioned to him that stephen/mo were targeting each other, rhys came to me with the idea that like him jared chloe and i should make a chat, and i was down for that bc it would secure my positioning and like ALSGKSDG who'd flip on an alliance THIS early.. right?? right..

chloe was really not talkative with me. stephen/jared were active so i appreciate that immensely. im just thrown off. i dont really know who i can or cant trust.

OK ALSO SIDE NOTE CHRIS SENT ME [IM NOT EXAGGERATING] 55+ MSGS SPILLING TEA ABOUT HOW THE TUATHA HAD AN OG ALLIANCE WITH EVERYONE BUT MITCH + MAYNOR - which i knew about but LASKGLDKS AHHHH. and he leaked that stephen wanted kori/bryce targeted and i leaked that to bryce to further stephens target. IM JUST SO MESSY LOL

also i kind of predicted a swap likeee omfg. and i dont know how i feel. i kind of felt safe on my tribe??? but like.. oh no. anyway, my tribe isnt super dominant in challenges or anything (compared 2 the other tribe who has bryce/stephen/drew), but i think we can win a lipsync since we have a woman, gay men, and a metrosexual male who has an outgoing personality (and i mean that in the nicest way obviously). IDK I HOPE WE WIN BC THAT TRIBAL WAS HORRIFIC AND I LOVE MO SO MUCH AND AHH.

ill probs give a video soon in more depth with what chris said. yalls deserve it.. oops period.

I HOPE YALL CAN FORGIVE ME. im eating hotdog. bye bye love u all.

Wow I like the whole tribe! Alyssa is probably my front runner of talking and honestly she's great! I am in her spell ahhhh but hey JARED is here too woo! I think at least with Mitch and Zach too I'll be safe but I'll see! This challenge could either go really well or really badly for us but I'm excited to do anything creativity!!

I absolutly love my tribe at the moment, i'm getting along well with alot of them except Kori who i haven't spoken to much at all but im confident in our abilities to win! Jared is talking a little bit about wanting the game to pick up a little bit and i agree to some extent however blindsiding someone just for the sake of a blindside isn't smart gameplay so im just gonna lay low nd continue making those strong bonds here there and everywhere to hopfully come out on top should we end up at tribal

youtube

Can i PLEASE get a blindside

________________________________________________________________

hi it's 6 am but rhys fucking filmed vertically so if we lose he automatically has my vote

I feel good but also scared. I dont think I'll do as good of a job as I hope, but it also is turning out decently so far. My biggest concern is time. With having work tomorrow, I can only do the editing on my lunch break of 90 minutes, then whenever i get home which probably wont be until 6, given the upload time that leaves me with about 3 hours in total. Hopefully I'll be able to work with Rhys and Jack's stuff, as i think it'll be easier for me to do it then. Regardless, I'm gonna be a zombie but LOL this is the second Wednesday in a row I stayed up late except this is not for school and instead of 3 hours, ima get 2 hours of sleep haha that is so sad and funny and heebee jeebee zoinks, alright goodnight

Two things: 1) there's really nothing quite like making a fool of yourself multiple times in a single org, just to be immune for one round. 2) i am horrible at looking for idols

So Matt just told me he thinks we’re gonna have a double tribal right before merge which is like ew I hate that throw it out please, speaking of throwing out uh Kori can go because he’s wearing on my nerves like yes we’re gonna get things done on time calm down please and thanks.

these people are actually delulu if they think that video is winning. no fucking way we are winning. time to go to tribal!

So the swap has happened, and I get what is almost probably my worst case scenario player-wise. All of my close allies, with the exception of Kori, are currently on Cyrena. Meaning that winning immunity isn't even really good, since it puts them in danger.

I think there's a way to make this bad situation good though. Getting to finally work with Michael, Matt, Loris, and Drew can actually be a blessing in disguise. If I get on their good sides now, they might clue me into their plans once merge rolls around. That's the hope, anyway. For now my goal is just to survive being swapped with a bunch of people I've barely spoke to!

The past 24 hours have been major toughie for me. Staying up late and then trying to manage editing a video, work, and time constraints, and I won't lie, its been exhausting, but I didn't want to let my tribe down, or anyone down I guess. A little ways through, I kinda felt pretty defeated and then learning at last minute it was due an hour before I predicted made me panic A LOT internally, but it does seem like the tribe likes it so if we do lose and if they do vote me out, I can look back at this and feel like I did something right.

Well a lots happened and to be honest at times life and this game move too quick for me to even remember if I've mentioned it. We swapped, and I'm trying to just keep myself afloat however I can.

The challenge was overly stressful and I have no idea if we'll pull it out. Editing has been so stressful and I've found new appreciation for the people that do it. I just hope whatever I whip together will just be enough so that I can breathe and really take stalk of my new situation.

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So, I haven't been around a whole bunch recently. However I'm glad we didn't go to tribal, that could've been a reason if my name came up. So I'm glad I have time to more cement my bonds on this tribe and keep my name out of peoples mouths.

We JUST WON IMMUNITY WOOHOO. I was kind of nervous with a music challenge considering the only other one I did previously I did not do the greatest in :P. Both videos were amazing and im so glad Eve and Jones's mom liked ours significantly greater than the other one! As far as my position is concerned, I am reunited with Jared and our relationship is still strong I think so that's good. Stephen I am HOPING will be ok by just latching on to Kori at least for premerge. Those two are still the ones I trust the most, but I also like Alyssa Chris and Zach. I WISH i could connect more with jack, but i feel like every time we play together it gets more difficult to hold a conversation, so that's a yikes. Jared myself and stephen are diligently working on the idol search, but it's likely already found. I'm pretty sure there are too many components for someone to just find it by themselves

WELL. Im a target tonight! God we really do love that for me. We really do. Kori, eat my fucking ass. You leave me on read all the time. And then you have the NERVE. THE ACTUAL NERVE. to be like "omg stop slipping in my dm's!" Boo if you didn't leave me on read constantly then maybe i would actually want to speak to you! an actual moron. And then STEPHEN HAS THE FUCKING AUDACITY to me like "ya lol i'll be at tribal i'll make the decision between you and Kori at tribal!". BOI. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU GET TRUST IN SOMEONE. Its fucking ridiculous. Thank god Michael is in my corner, hopefully drew and bryce too. I am NOT getting 15th right now, no way. I am BETTER than this. i am going to make it work, tim gunn style. maybe its time to break the fajitas and channel their energy once again

Why do I go on the initiative literally ever? I'm clearly bad at it, I wasn't even remotely thinking things through and I SHOULD have let Stephen or someone else suggest someone but no I had to be mildly greedy and wanna send home Matt whom I barely DM.

I already flopped editing the video, and now here I am flopping the social/stategy game that I love playing supposedly.

Of course I tried reaching out to Michael and Drew FOOLISHLY because I wanted to build trust and maybe work with them. So naturally Michael tells Matt because ofc they'd be close as would Drew probably since he and Michael have been together since Day 1. As it stands I'm stuck praying Loris is gonna vote with me and it just sucks because I'm so bad at this game.

I'm trying to keep a cool head right now because there's still time. Stephen and I are trying to work logistics, see if we need to switch the vote to say Michael in case of an idol, but I'm not sure Loris/Bryce would be on board for that.

There's a pretty good chance that I'm definitely dead. But I'ma fight to the bitter end!

Today I learned from Stephen that Kori is in some dangerous water. He I guess said Matt's name to Michael who told Matt and now them and Drew are voting Kori. However Bryce and Stephen and perhaps Loris are all voting Matt. Now this is good if it works because honestly that group having to endure their numbers dwindling is good for my game. It only leaves Jack and Alyssa but I think we better be careful because I can see both of them slipping through the inevitable war zone that is gonna be happening.

Today's been a pretty informative day for me. After losing the immunity challenge by a hair, I was worried because I didn't think I had bonded very well with my current tribe through One World, luckily for me, that doesn't seem to be their biggest concern at the moment.

During the initial stages of the vote, I talked to Kori and the two of us decided Matt would be the easiest target to take out. I was leaning towards voting Matt because we hadn't talked very much, so hearing Kori was on board right away simplified things for sure. Bryce and Loris both seem to be on board with it too so I shouldn't have anything to worry about at this point.

In the morning, things got a whole lot more complicated. Matt found out he was the target through Michael, and began his campaign to get Kori out instead of himself. I'm not entirely sure why Michael decided to do this, but it doesn't make much of a difference at this point. Matt campaigned to me, and I sorta pretended to be on the fence. I was listening to what he said, but Kori is realistically one of my closest allies, there's no way I'm voting him out to side with people I had just met.

Once campaign season got under way, I had a conversation with Chris. Chris tells me that on original Orfeo, him, Loris, and Zach believed there was an alliance of Chloe/Sharky/Drew/Michael formed. This explains not only why Sharky was seen as an easy boot on swap-Tuatha, but also why Michael wants to keep Matt instead of Kori. With Chloe re-joining after tribal, him/Drew/Chloe/Matt would form a tight majority. Without Matt, they're a minority.

I proposed an idea to switch the vote from Matt to Michael or Drew. I said it was because I was worried about an idol, but this alliance is the real reason I wanted to do it. However, Kori, Loris, and Bryce are comfortable with the status quo and since it's not my neck on the line I didn't feel the need to push too hard.

Me, Kori, and Bryce now also have an alliance with Loris, which is cool? I haven't gotten very close with Loris yet but he seems like a smart player tied to Chris and Zach which spells good things for us working together in the future. Assuming I survive this vote and have a future, of course.

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hi I think I might make it past final 15 that’s nice umm... I suggested an alliance of me Bryce Stephen Kori to counter the potential power of chloe Matt Michael and drew once chloe joins our tribe because my brain is massive. but now we’re like scared for idols . scary shih anyways like how r u I’m good.

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oh huh tribes r gonna be even again next round... so I have to make this conf by default just in case of a you know what wait no anna u said no more 24 hour challenges QUEEN ... thank god I can’t be bothered to delete this so she’s being SENT

Right now there's so many things running through my head with the introduction of Matts vote steal, because realistically i could convince him to give to me or i could keep him around as a potential shield. I don't want to do it to the guy but also a vote steal could shift the tides of the game in my favour later down the line. so it's a difficult decision and one id rather have more time to contemplate.

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Wooo ok operation vote steal is a go and next round we’ll be swimming in green hopefully but with one world sis og tribe lines just ain’t it!

God im over this tribal. Like ugh these people really are under Kori's mist so like im probably going home. Do I think i might be able to survive? a small glimmer of hope says yes, but i'm not confident. God im just... so annoyed at this. Im clearly on the outs here and I just HOPE i can pull through i just am so scared. I know if i do leave though that I have fought my damn hardest to stay tonight. Im trying to think of the positives because its hard to do so because im being sad atm.. UGH. the fajitas really have failed me tonight, their light has dimmed and their guidance is no more. i am now with the darkness. we r one.

Oh my fucking god my heart is breaking. Matt is basically in such a deep hole he's going to go home, unless he plays an idol. And Alyssa has an idol. And she doesn't think it's smart to use it on him because Michael says he's just gonna go home next round. His social game hasn't been up to snuff and they're gonna boot him regardless, so she wants to keep us with power and let him go. And I agree with her. Which kills me. I'm usually able to just be a robot when it comes to this like yes I will make the smarter decision if it means I'll be emotionally torn, and this is such an instance. Luckily, it's not my idol to give up. Yes Alyssa says it's "our" idol but it's her call end of the day. I just... fuck. This is all stars man. And I'm actually starting to feel, for once.

Well it's about an hour before tribal and at least on it's surface it would seem Matt is going. I'm not confident though because any number of things COULD happen. I'm hoping there's no idol play, just because I feel like pre-merge just isn't a good look for me.

If Matt does pull something off, then kudos to him, and if it's me that'd make this my final confessional for the season. I've had such an amazing time playing and while I feel like I've been playing a lower key game on purpose I feel like I'm doing what I can to really come into my own. I hope the bonds I've made are gonna stick and that everything works out for us.

But if it doesn't I guess I'll have to find a way to be ok with that. This has been such a unique All-Stars experience so far, and I hope I can take what I've gotten from it and make myself better for it. (Also highkey hopefully this isn't my last confessional and I'm getting sentimental for no reason.)

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Kori is voted out 4-3.

#shinebright #episode

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l-brouillette · 6 years

Text

Marinette's Diary (3)

I cant even begin to say how much nicer and easier things got, being able to tell at least one person about being a superhero. Everyone at school seemed happy we were together, although Chloe naturally was a bit upset.

"WHAT?!? you cant be serious!? You and the baker girl?? Over me?!? Re-diculous! Utterly ridiculous!" I smiled as i recalled how she took it. True Chloe fashion.

Alya was understandably a bit confused, but still happy for me. She even said we could double date! If only she knew our double date was a group of all of Paris superheroes! I hadnt even told Adrien that part yet, and he hadnt asked. Yet. Im sure he will, once the need for their help becames necessary, but, one bridge at a time!

Adrien keeps asking when i can come meet his dad. While normally I wouldnt hedge and find excuses not to go, in this instance, after that fiasco with his dads book, Im not in a rush to look his dad in the face any time soon! But i CANT tell Adrien that!

Although, maybe i should? Gosh! I dont know! Its all too much at once! Not that i would EVER give up anything in order to change the outcome, but still! How do i deal?!

This evening, Chat Noir and i finished defeating the bad guy and capturing their akuma when Alya ran up to us, trying to get a new scoop for her ladyblog.

"I can only give you a minute," i told her, as my earrings started to beep.

"Wow! You guys are getting so crazy good! At this rate Hawkmoth wont stand a chance!" She exclaimed, videotaping the whole time.

I smiled at her, trying to think of a whitty response, when Chat Noir dropped down beside me. He ran his hand over my hair and gave me a warm smile.

I smiled up at Chat and he asked, "Is My Lady telling you all about how her ah-mazing partner makes her a better hero?!" He joked, grinning for the camera.

"Oh, for sure Kitty Chat," I smiled coyly at him, and batted my lashes, "we make the purr-fect team!" Chat laughed at my joke.

I looked back at Alya who had a different light in her eye than usual. Like she wanted to ask something, but just wasnt.

"Wow, no more questions from Miss reporter tonight? Cat got your tongue all the sudden?" Chat Noir asked Alya with a laugh.

For once, Alya didnt respond. She just clicked off her video without saying anything further.

I stared at her a bit surprised, this was not like Alya! I was brought out of my thoughts when my earrings beeped again, and Chat touched my hand in warning.

"We have to go Bugaboo," and he lightly tugged on my hand.

I looked at him, nodded, then looked back at Alya and gave her a quick smile and a wave. Still holding Chats hand, we ran aways away before Chat pulled me close and extended his pole to vault us out of there.

We landed in the park next to my house just before both of us transformed back. I reached into my bag for a macaroon for Tikki, and a piece of cheese for Plagg, which i had started to carry just for him. He really was just adorable!

"Its kind of nice, having your secret stash of cheese for Plagg," Adrien remarked, as both Quamis flew up into a nearby tree to eat and talk between themselves.

I smiled at Adrien before holding out a hand for him to take.

"Its not really a big deal, but your welcome."

We walked around the fountain in the park holding hands, while i chewed on Alyas behaviour tonight. What could it mean?

"I can just hear the gears working inside your head," Adrien remarked. "Whats got you worried?"

I pulled him to sit along the edge of the fountain with me, where he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. For a few seconds, i didnt say anything.

"Do you think Alya is suspicious of us?" I finally asked him. "I mean, it was very unlike her tonight." I looked at him, to see if I could tell what he was thinking.

He pursed his lips for a few moments, thinking, and finally shrugged his shoulders a bit. "Honestly, its kind of hard to say. Maybe something we said tipped her off? But i dont remember saying anything out of the ordinary."

I laughed. "Nope, you were your usual Chatty self!"

"Hey!" He exclaimed with mock shock, "you happen to like my witty humor!"

"My Silly Kitty." I whispered, with a smile on my face, as i wrapped both arms around him for a real hug.

He rested his chin on the top of my head, and i could feel him smile. I was exactly where i wanted to be, and, i thought, exactly where Adrien wanted us to be.

Just then, the evening was broken by the sound of running feet, and suddely Alya came into view.

Adrien and i both jumped up from our seated position, and i worried something was wrong!

"Alya, whats wrong?" I called to her. And started to head her way. I glanced back to see Tikki and Plagg perk up and zoom our way. Tikki hiding herself in my bag, and Plagg hiding inside Adriens shirt. Better keep them close in case there was a problem.

We met Alya part way through the park where she stopped and rested her hands on her knees, and bent over, breathing hard.

"I got over here as soon as i could." She managed in between pants. "I REALLY need a word with you!!

Her expression looked serious. I glanced back at Adrien, making sure he was fine with everything.

Alya jumped in quickly, "Oh, him too!" And she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my house.

Once we were safely inside my room, Alya turned to Adrein and i and demanded, "Are you Ladybug and Chat Noir??!"

I was super shocked! I stared at her wide eyed, not sure what to do, what to say. Where had that come from??

"What?!" I tried to brush it off. "Why on the world would you think that??! Of course we aren't!" I looked at Adrien to see if he had something else to add. Something better to throw her off.

"Do you really think we could pull off being the saviours of Paris??" He asked.

I looked back at Alya, and it didnt look like she was believing us.

"Where did you get such a ridiculous idea from?" I asked her.

Alya crossed her arms in front of her chest and started taping one foot. "Oh come on. I have just spent the last week watching you two being all lovey dovey to each other, did you really think it would skip my notice when Chat Noir was touchy feeler with Ladybug and she DIDNT push him away?!"

"Uh, um, I-it - m-maybe there was a fly? I mean, who knows!" I stammered.

"Ya," Adrien tried to help, "or maybe, coincidentaly, Chat Noir and Ladybug got together around the same time we did?" He mentioned questioningly. "Or who knows, maybe longer and nobody noticed?" He added with a shrug of his shoulders and motion of his hands, trying to look unconcerned.

"Oh come on!" Alya exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. "Your gonna actually try and lie to me? I'm your best friend Marinette!"

"And its my best friend I am talkimg to and thinking of." I said quietly.

"Oh, I get it," Alya finally said, as she paced away from us, and back again, "this is about the conversation we had the night my sisters were akumatized. About wanting to protect your friends and family from the badies."

I clasped my hands together in front of me, and looked down at the floor. Then i felt Adriens hand on my shoulder. I looked at him, and the look in his eyes made me wonder if he was telling me to just tell her. But how could I? Not only was that one other person who knew, but then Rena Rouges identity was out too! And then how long before Ninos?

I was Ladybug. All of this fell on me.

I walked away from them both to the window and rested my hands on the sil, and lowered my forehead to the glass. What to do, what to do...

I saw Tikki in my bag, trying to catch my eye. She nodded at me, and whispered "trust your instincts."

I smiled at her, glad she understood. So i straightened and turned back to Alya and Adrien. Walking over to Adrien, I took one of his hands in both of mine, as a kind of support.

"Your right Alya, I am Ladybug."

"Ha!" She yelled, and pumped a fist up into the air. "I knew it! There was no mistaking that telltale Adrien hair rub back there!"

Adrien and I looked at each other, and we both blushed. I guess it WAS fairly obvious.

"And your right as well that I am Chat Noir," Adrien said with a smile, never letting his gaze leave mine.

I looked at Alya, finally, to see her grin running from ear to ear.

"This is AWESOME! now we can fight the badies together!" Alya beamed!! So excited that she didnt notice Adrien raise a brow at her.

"Um, Alya?" I drew her attention to me. "Just bc Adrien knows I am Ladybug, doesn't mean he knew who everyone else was..." I left it at that and let it sink in.

Her mouth moved into an "O" and she blushed furiously. "Man, if i had been with anyone else that would have been a major oops, huh?"

"Kind of," I agreed.

"So i take it then that Alya is Rena Rouge." Adrien stated.

"Uh, ha ha, ya," Alya rubbed the back of her neck. "My bad."

I couldn't help it, I let go of Adriens hand and gave Alya a hug.

Alya pushed me back quickly and held me at arms length.

"Oh my god! I can't wait to tell Nino!" Alya exclaims in excitement!!

"Alya, whoa, we can't just tell everyone," Adrien begins, stepping forward and putting a hand on her shoulder, "we still have to keep ourselves safe."

Alya lifted a brow and smirked at me. "He doesn't know does he?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I guess there went my earlier dilemma.

"Nino is Carapace" Alya tells Adrien matter-of-factly.

"What?! No way!" Adrien says excitedly. "Really?"

"It was SOO obvious," Alya began, "im surprised you didnt notice. It only took me like 30 seconds."

I chuckled at the two of them, and put my hand on Adriens shoulder, "don't feel bad for not knowing. Its supposed to be a secret identity, after all. Im sure how close Alya and Nino are is what made her recognize him."

He smiled at me, "ya, your right... But wow! Nino!"

"He was Awesome, wasnt he?!" I said with a chuckle. "I made a great choice with him."

"So wait," Adrien frowned, "do you pick everyone?? Did you pick -me?" He looked worried about that fact. Did he think i had chosen him just because i liked him? I sure hoped not.

"No, i didnt choose you. We were chosen by a..." I tapped my lip and I searched for a good way to put it, "higher power, well say. Only when we needed extra help, did we recieve it."

"Well i dont even care how, I LOVE it!" Alya exclaimed excitedly! "Do you think there will come a time when i DONT have to give you back the Miraculous?"

"I cant answer that." I told her, frowning a but. It was a really good question. One id be sure to ask Master Fu when i saw him next. "That part isnt up to me."

Just then, Tikki and Plagg flew out from their hiding place. Tikki flew over to sit on my shoulder. "The Ladybug and Chat Ring go hand in hand. You cant JUST put out Ladybug, you need the other side to her!"she explained to us.

"Oh wow!" Alya exclaimed, putting her hands on either side of her face. "Is this your Quami? She's adorable!"

"This is Tikki." I told her.

And, not to be outdone, Plagg did a Double flip and hovered next to Adrien, "and im Plagg!"

"Man, this is so Awesome!" Alya did a fist pump in the air. Then flung one arm around me, the other around Adrien, for a group hug.

I was glad it had all worked out. I'd have to explain to Master Fu, but there was no helping it. As i looked at my 2 friends, I knew it was the right call.

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