#ugh. need to decide by april first tho because thats when I have to get back to the other summer camp by 😭

[trans-xianxian]

hmm feeling very weird abt my job lately.. I love the kids and it's a very easy and comfortable job for the kind of work that it is but I just always feel kept out of the loop on important stuff that everybody else seems to know. like the program I work with does summer camps and nobody told me that it might not happen this year until it was actually approved to happen. but all of my other coworkers were aware of this and nobody thought that maybe that was important info for me to have?? this itsnt even the only instance of me not being told work stuff that everyone else is made aware of

I'm also just so unclear about the rules? like for the kids? I've worked there since the beginning of the school year and there are Still things I don't know if the kids are allowed to do and not for lack of trying. this has bothered me from the beginning like. it doesn't make me appear to be a very responsible and reliable adult or authority figure to the kids when I'm always having to defer to my boss/co teacher about what is and is not allowed. I've literally never worked in an education/childcare environment where the rules were so unclear and flip floppy or where I have no input on classroom expectations

idk I just don't rlly feel like a respected or valued part of the team which is not only frustrating on a base level of like. that's not how you should feel at your job but also like... the kids pick up on that dynamic and take me and my instructions for them less seriously and I often don't feel listened to by them not because they're disrespectful kids or they don't like me but because they see me as less of an authority figure because thats how I'm treated by my boss. and it's like I Know that I'm not bad at my job. I am a good teacher and have literally never experienced this kind of thing before it's just so weird and uncomfortable

not to mention I always feel left out socially but like. that's true in most places. this sounds kind of pathetic lmao but I am used to not fitting in by now I've spent 21 years this way it would be silly of me to be surprised by it at this point but that doesn't make me feel any less lonely and down when I'm left out of social experiences everybody else gets to be a part of

these aren't recent things but I think w everything else going on in my life at the moment its all weighing on me more, and I definitely feel like my boss has been treating me differently and not as well ever since my mom died and I also get the impression that she's getting tired of me still not being able to do certain things because of my foot. idk it's like I came back from my week off after my mom passed and she's just been so much less friendly? I thought I was maybe making it up in my state of emotional distress but it's Only her being like this

but like... I don't want to make any dramatic career choices while going through a difficult part of my life personally and emotionally. I don't want to decide to not come back next year or work for a different summer camp while I'm Not Having A Good Time, but it's also hard to feel great at a job I don't feel like I fit in at while I'm also Not Having A Good Time. it's all made even harder by the fact that I rlly love my students and would feel sad not to see them again next year

#also like. I would hope that if my boss had a problem with my work #she would talk to me about it #like if there was something wrong w the way I'm doing my job I'd hope she would just discuss it with me? #that is both the fair thing to do and the thing that would get her what she wants #idk the stuff abt me not being in the loop about summer camp esp bothers me #I've truly been told rlly nothing about it and only hear things when my coworkers talk abt it as if its stuff everyone knows #like. am I going to get fired lmao #and like. I'm good at what I do!! I'm a good teacher!!! I've literally never had this before! #and its not because I'm the youngest one there there are two more teachers who are my age #idk maybe I Do need to do the summer camp I worked at last year #come back to this job next school year after taking a little break and being in a more traditional teaching environment for a little while #even tho that job was more stressful and exhausting maybe a more organized environment would actually be good for me #ugh. need to decide by april first tho because thats when I have to get back to the other summer camp by 😭 #sighhh #ghost posts #text

[gulmoregirls]

Hey! Sorry for the lack of updates — there’s no excuse this time. I just kind of forgot to post, mostly because nothing overly exciting happened (with the hype and high point of s3 ending, the dean thing didn’t motivated me enough to come here express my hate)

But anyway, here i am! I can’t even remember when i stopped here. So, the good old recap it is.

Luke and Lorelai finally happening, little by little in s4, is everything we ever wanted. My mom was really glad, cause we are huge javajunkies here in this house. Kirk is becoming more and more my favorite character ever. He’s so extra it’s everything.

If that’s wasn’t established before, lemme make it clearer — Rory Gilmore is cancelled. She’s SO out of character, it’s annoying. College Rory is by far not what anyone expected based on previous experiences, and that includes me and my mom. Specially with the whole Dean thing. But that’s REALLY something, so I’m gonna elaborate on that.

For good part of the season Dean has been being mentioned as a good guy, rory’s sweet ex who her ex classmates remember. It’s just annoying! This entire arc with Dean makes no sense — I mean, I know Rory was a bit lost and needed someone comfortable she knew and who she knew wouldn’t challenge her enough. Just something old and familiar. BUT THE OLD AND FAMILIAR BOY IS MARRIED. And the famous smart Rory (season 1 rory) would never do such thing. It was terrible. Poor Lindsay!! She deserved so much better than an idiot as her unfaithful husband. It just disgusts me. In my opinion, it was not necessary to ruin Deans character like that. He could be remembered as the sweet first love that did his best, but instead asp made him a total jerk, and that’s the memory that sticks. And if Rory had to be so out of herself — go thru come kind of crises of something — i’d rather she had took off with jess instead. at least he wasn’t married and truly loved her. Not that wish it had happened — would be just as random as sleeping with a married guy. But between getting together with the married ex and running away with the unpredictable one, i guess the less problematic alternative is really obvious.

Before we pass to the 5th season, let’s discuss jess then. I love his evolution. Wish we had seen it more closely in his spin-off. How he agrees to be at Liz’s wedding after everything he went through with her. And the way he reads Luke’s self-help/relationship books and decides to take an action. Even tho it was kind of crazy, it shows inniciative and I’ll give him that. Ignore this if you think that’s just a jess mariano supremacist saying shit.

OKAY SEASON FIVE

Lorelai and Luke ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤧💝

best part of the season by far.

Somehow, Rory’s relationship with Dean managed to be just as crappy as it was when he was married. Why couldn’t they just move on, right? It was annoying and the last drop that made us hate rory. don’t mind me — i can hate her and love her at the same time. She’s so stupid my crackhead heroin addicted daughter.

Even tho I’m not a team Logan, his appearance helped. He challenged Rory and made her realize that the world is more than that Dean-bubble she was in. During this season i could easily see myself as a sophies.

Then, of course, there’s the proof of how Rory can be DUMB. dropping out of Yale. Season six now.

How she refugees at her grandparent’s at the first sign of trouble and even so finds herself so independent, and the way she cuts off her mom just for wanting what’s best for her. Immature and spoiled.

Besides that, it bugs me that Logan was right there by her side and did NOTHING. Literally, the only thing he did was say that “in less than a month she would be back”. When that month passed by, he did nothing — possibly didn’t even noticed. In fact, I guess he was kind of liking her new life. After all, she did started to have more time for him. That’s probably why i don’t like their relationship (more reasons to come). Rory started to act as if she was him and completely lost track of her true self - even more than before. In her Chilton graduation she says that the person the most wanted to be was Lorelai, but she ended becoming the exact opposite, Emily. The DAR, the maids, dropping out of school, not battling for her stuff, just accepting and BESIDES THIS, acting all superior/wild and stealing a boat. THATS NOT HER. Ok, I get that she was upset because of Mitchum, but it’s not an excuse to that behavior. Plus, the real Rory Gilmore would have used his words as motivation to work even harder and prove him wrong.

In how many languages can you say THANK YOU, JESS ??????

He made her open her eyes - finally - and get her shit back together. He was so important!! And besides, the way he has made his life?? CAN YOU SAY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT????? LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE ON THE BACK!!!!

Lemme tell you, he is doing better than rory — who would have thought, right? The punk hoodlum rebel who dropped out of highschool was doing better than the private school girl straight As girl who got into Yale. And he’s happier too. Guy wrote a fucking book after several problematic life scenarios and is now working with people he likes doing what he has always loved. Ughhhh he has my entire heart.

Paul Anka, BTW!! love him 🤧😍

I also love how Lorelai proposed to Luke. They are goals. When she saw how much he cared for Rory, she was sure. In fact, maybe she was already sure, just needed a little push. And then all the signs and the snow!! I almost cried.

Now the Logan thing again. I like him — I swear!! I know it seems like i hate him and maybe i did when i first watched it, but now i see he is not that bad. But their relationship- nah. They’re annoying and rory has her weight on that, but that’s not just it. They’re cute, but there’s something missing. AND HE CHEATED ON HER. His story doesn’t match. It’s bad enough to break up with someone without them knowing. In fact, it’s REALLY bad. Rory was so confused and devastated. He should be more mature than that. Than ok, he says is just something he said Honor to make her stop talking. But then he sleeps with the bridesmaids. If he was honest with Rory and really didn’t mean it when he said they were broken up, then he TRULY cheated on Rory. If he lied about that, then he really decided that they were apart on his own. Their fight wasn’t even that serious, and he didn’t even reach out to her after that. The way she found out both times — through someone else — that is just wrong. Then he crows back buying her with money and stuff he knows she loved and she suddenly forgives him and moves in with the guy. Wrong too, ugh. Paris’ speech about Logan was everything. We deserved healing Paris and Rory growing their friendship together for more than five minutes.

I said she forgave him, right? Well, maybe not after all, because she wants a little revenge and decides to play with someone else’s real feelings. cold!! baby deserves better ); and then he gets into an accident and it’s all forgotten. ok....

just here to say that jess deserved recognition. He was the whole reason Rory came back and he did something great with his life. Still Lorelai sees him as the immature 17 yo he was. We were robbed of a great duo, them both. Their humor is really alike, a shame...

APRIL.

Poor girl, she doesn’t deserves all the hate. It’s not her fault duuuh

Asp could have made up something better for Luke this season. I think the storyline was a little non-sense and Luke, my sweet baby, gained my hate too.

Well, maybe not HATE but yeah i get where he’s coming from but it’s no excuse to lie to Lorelai and ruin their relationship. It was a pitty, really.

Then Lorelai coming to chris! what a breakdown huh? I guess it was expected, but i really hated it.

[chroniclesofamiddlechild]

THE DAY I WENT TO THE WRONG PAVILION: JAPAN DAY 8

today was going to be my only full day in kyoto and i had planned a lot of good stuff such as: going to the golden pavilion and then going to the ryoanji zen garden and then making my way to the north east side of kyoto to have a cup of green tea at nanzenj and then walk around gion and go back to eikan-do for the night time illuminations. quite an AGGRESSIVE plan that i BRACED myself for. BUT DID NOT GO AS PLANNED. 

first of all, i left the hostel before 9am today. DIDNT SEE THE CUTE GUY in the olive green rain jacket. DIDNT SEE THE CUTE GUY THAT WORKS THERE EITHER. -.- before i left canada, today was the day that i planned to buy a bus and subway day pass, but since i was so successful with bussing the previous day, i opted to buy a bus pass to save some money. lol. so BEFORE i hopped on the bus to go to KINKAKU-JI (golden pavilion), i went to the convenience store to get a 500ML bottle of water and an onigri. the family mart was right outside the bus stop which was nice. so when i got on the bus, a few stops later, I NOTICED I WAS ON THE WRONG BUS -____-. so i got off AS SOON AS I COULD and went to a bus stop that would take me to the right place. luckily that bus was coming soon so i just waited and THEN HOPPED RIGHT ON :P. AND THEN THE BUS WENT OUT OF SERVICE SO EVERYONE HAD TO GET OFF. LIKE WTFFFFFFF -__- AND THIS BUS STOP WAS RIGHT ACROSS FROM THE FAMILY MART I HAD MY MORNING ONIGRI AT... WHICH MEANT THAT I WAS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STREET WHEN I FIRST BOARDED THE BUS. anyways, so then i just went on the next bus, since it was the same bus number. THEN I HAD TO GET OFF SOMEWHERE TO TRANSFER, which i did. HOWEVER, i transferred to the WRONG BUS. the final bus that i was on had “ginkaku-ji” on it BUT I TOOK IT AS KINKAKU-JI because “g” and “k” are often interchangeable in asian countries. (i.e. eunkwang, the leader in btob, is sometimes referred to as eungwang. also another example is the guy from infinite - sometimes he is sunggyu and sometimes he is sungkyu.) but DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AS ME! so i i just rode the bus leading to ginkaku-ji until i hit the destination. once i got off the bus, it was around 11am. it took me 2 hours to reach this place -_____-. and I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I WAS AT THE WRONG PAVILION UNTIL I WHATSAPPED A PICTURE TO MY FAMILY AND THEY NOTIFIED ME I WAS AT THE SILVER PAVILION AND NOT THE GOLDEN PAVILION. LIKE FML. SO MORAL OF THE STORY: GINKAKU AND KINKAKU ARE NOT THE SAME!!! 

but i still went inside the silver pavilion which was 500 yen. 

pretty leaves and trees, but the pavilion itself is a little underwhelming. like WHERE IS THE SILVER?! i think if you are tight on time in kyoto, this is somewhere you should skip. the trees/foilage is pretty but i cant imagine going to the silver pavilion when its not fall and when all the trees are green and boring. 

after leaving the silver pavilion, i walked along the philosopher’s path. during march and early april, the philosopher’s path is where all the cherry blossoms are. but during the fall the trees are a bit bare. its a little bit of a dreary path but i kinda liked it. 

there were a lot of cool shops along the path. i went into one and i bought this really pretty accordion style scrapbook. i dont plan to use it, but the cover is a cherry blossom design, and its just a nice souvenir. there were a lot of other cool sights along the path. a lot of old people painting and i saw some cute japanese girl wearing a beret practicing her flute. def the type of girl some of my guy friends would lust over haha. 

so after my leisurely stroll along the philosopher’s path, i decided to go to eikan-do in the day time instead of night time because I NEEDED TO BUY STUFF AKA GREEN TEA before THE SHOPS CLOSE since EVERYTHING CLOSES EARLY IN KYOTO. and I ALSO decided to not go to nanzen-ji because BY THE TIME THAT I FINISH NANZEN-JI AND EIKAN-DO then it’d be too late to go to kinkaku-ji (MY ACTUAL FIRST DESTINATION FOR THE DAY) and why go to kyoto if you dont go to the GOLDEN TEMPLE?!!?! 

so eikan-do is SO GORGEOUS. it is quite pricy at 1000 yen (around $13 CAD), but totally WORTH. when you walk in, its just a colossal of colours just hitting your eyes since the trees are red, orange and yellow. 

this is the entrance of eikan-do. pls take in all the TOURISTS there. x.x. with all the tourists, it was a little difficult to walk around and take pics but i managed. 

so fricking pretty. i dont know what that stone monument is and/or what it means, but i liked it. 

look at the colours! so gorgeoussss~ the key to having pics with no people in it is to take pics of random things, or just random small paths inside the temple. there is a pagoda inside this area, but when you go to the pagoda, you have to walk up some NARROW STEPS. i was EXTREMELY SCARED but i dont advise people with weak legs to walk up those steps. VERY NARROW and the STEPS ARE VERY SMALL!  that was the only thing beside the massive amount of tourists that i didn’t like. 

after eikan-do i was going to go to kinkaku. BUT ONCE AGAIN, I GOT LOST GOING TO KINKAKU. GODDAMN, i really HATE BUSSING. google maps IS SO UNCLEAR WITH WHERE THE BUS STOPS ARE. i think that part is a little inaccurate in kyoto. so i walked to some BUS STOP as per GOOGLE MAPS and then I TOOK THE BUS, AND IT LED ME BACK TO EIKAN-DO. like WTF?! so i asked the bus driver if i was on the wrong bus and he was like yeah, SO I GOT OFF. and then I JUST WALKED BACK TO WHERE I WENT to go on the WRONG bus, and then walked more to another BUS STOP and then FINALLY, I WAS ON THE RIGHT BUS. thankfully i DID NOT HAVE TO TRANSFER. so i just rode the bus until i hit the GOLDEN PAVILION. phew. PHEW. when i got off the bus stop, i was STARVED. there was a udon resto right outside the bus stop, but i looked it up and the google reviews didn’t look that good AND PLUS THERE WAS NO ONE INSIDE. but i had an okonimiyaki on a stick. i dont think it was particularly good since it was geared towards tourists, BUT I WAS JUST SO HUNGRY I DIDNT CARE. 

so after wolfing down that okonomiyaki on a stick, i entered the golden pavilion and realized HOW BIG THE DIFFERENCE IS BETWEEN THE TWO PAVILIONS. the golden pavilion is just SO GOLD. ITS GORGEOUS! 

i wish it was a less cloudy when i went so i could see the sun bouncing off the gold of the pavilion and then the reflection in the water would be prettier. but still, it was so pretty. NOW THATS A PAVILION. i walked around the whole pond just to get the pic at different angles. there were A BUNCH OF PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. november is truly peak season for kyoto -.- . theres a few things to do after looking at the golden temple - there is a coin toss monument and some other souvenir shops. at most of the temples/shrines in japan, you can write down your wish and or get your fortune. i got my fortune for 100 yen from a machine. 

haha i was so happy when i got this fortune cos its SO GOOD!!!! BUT i dont think its very accurate because my luck has been quite poor since coming back from japan. but who am i to rely on a piece of paper from a machine to give me luck?! 

i spent around ~1 hour at the golden temple and by the time i was done walking around it was about 4:30pm. MY NEXT DESTINATION WAS TO GO TO GION FOR SOME ICECREAM AT GION KINANA. but AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. GETTING TO GION WAS NOOOO FUN. LIKE OMG I KEPT ON GOING TO THE WRONG BUS STOP AS PER GOOGLE MAPS. i had to ask around and the girls that i asked told me that i was at the wrong stop. -.- BUT WHEN i finally got on the RIGHT BUS AND IT WAS PACKED. SOO PACKED. SO THAT WAS VERY UNAMUSING. but luckily i got to transfer buses BUT WHEN I TRANSFERRED THE BUS, IT WAS JUST AS PACKED AND WAS PICKING UP EVEN MORE PEOPLE. SO I WAS EVEN MORE JAMMED. UGH. just thinking about it IS SO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE 1) I HATE BUSSING 2) I KEPT ON GOING ON THE WRONG BUS THE WHOLE DAY AND WASTED SO MUCH TIME BEING LOST 3) IM ON A SUPER PACKED LIKE SARDINES BUS. ughhhUGHHH. eventually I GOT TO GION. BUT WHEN I GOT THERE, it was just too late to see any geishas walking around :(. 

but when i got to gion, i noticed there were a lot of mainland chinese tourists. I SAW ONE OF THEM PICK THEIR NOSE WHEN CROSSING THE STREET. LIKE OMG...so gross. anyways, my main intention in gion was to go to gion kinana which is famous for their roasted soy bean ice cream. SO I FOLLOWED THE DIRECTIONS TO IT using google maps OF COURSE. and it led me to these dark alley ways in gion which was a little scary since it was night time. but google maps told me that i had reached my destination. i looked at my destination and i saw 7 GIRLS IN KIMONOS ENTER THE SHOP FOLLOWED BY 2 MEN IN SUITS. LIKE WTF? DID GOOGLE SEND ME TO SOME GEISHA HOUSE OR SOMETHING? I WAS SO CONFUSED and i WALKED AROUND to make sure that google was right and GOOGLE WAS RIGHT!! THAT WAS THE ICE CREAM SHOP. but when i got in, i noticed that the 7 girls in kimonos were not related to the 2 men in suits. they were each their own party. haha. PHEW. 

so at gion kinana, they make all their ice cream IN SHOP. i was FRICKING EXCITED and i ordered a taster of 3 flavours. there was a bunch of other items in the menu but I REALLY WANTED ICE CREAM!!!!

all of the orders come with their hojicha tea which really goes well with sweets. the ice cream flavours that i had were what was available for the day which was brown sugar, vanilla and roasted soy bean. i was so disappointed when they told me that i had vanilla because vanilla is such a BORING flavour, but it was pretty good. it wasnt too sweet and not too creamy which i liked. the roasted soy bean was BOMB tho :P. the one that i didn’t really like was the brown sugar. it just had a weird after taste. thankfully i ate that first and didn’t save it for last. that would have made me really sad. i think this shop is a MUST VISIT for kyoto! I WANT TO GO BACK and try more flavours of their ice cream and i wanted to try some of their parfaits too BUT I CAN ONLY EAT SO MUCH AS A PERSON. next time.. next time...

after gion kinana, i wanted to try some kyoto style sushi which i heard is pickled sushi. i went to izuju sushi which is famous of their kyoto style sushi, but it was PACKED. there was no way i was gonna be able to get in before closing and i was kinda full anyways so i just walked around. i wanted to find a container to hold some green tea leaves, but i couldnt find one that i liked and was of a size that i wanted. :( i also, walked past the mannequin restaurant, and was standing outside of the restaurant deliberating whether or not i should eat there. the restaurant only serves one type of dish which is the kyoto style okonomiyaki. i saw the chef make it but as i was looking inside the restaurant, looking RIGHT AT THE MANNEQUINS, I WAS STARTING TO GET REALLY SCARED. I WAS IMAGINING EATING MY FOOD, AND THEN THE MANNEQUINS STARTING TO MOVE. that thought really made me lose my appetite so i just left and walked more around gion. but the next time i go to kyoto and if im not by myself, i will DEF GO TO THIS RESTAURANT!! 

after walking around gion, i went back to kyoto station as i had to buy a bunch of stuff like TEA. getting back to kyoto station is EZ by bus because there are a bunch of buses for kyoto station. PHEW so i didn’t get lost getting there. when the bus dropped me off at the bus stop, you can see kyoto tower in the background which i recognized from an instagram pic of hyunsik’s. <3 aka i WAS WHERE HYUNSIK WAS <3 anyways, i went to kyoto station and i bought a lot of tea from nakamura toichi (aka matcha buckwheat noodle restaurant) and fukuguen. buying all that tea really took up a lot of time cos i had to buy for gifts and others. and i had to smell the tea too to make sure that i liked it. after buying a lot of tea, i went to daiso and this daiso was amazing. IT WAS SO BRIGHT AND CLEAN AND SPACIOUS!!! this daiso was outside kyoto station and it was at the mall that i went to the day before with uniqlo. i bought a lot of random things from daiso like cloth covers for bento boxes and instant miso soup. so fun fun, but to this date, i have not opened the cloth covers for the bent boxes and truthfully, i cant even remember where i put it... -_____- 

so after shopping for tea and other souvenirs I WAS STARVED. but the only thing that is opened past 9pm at kyoto station is ramen street. THIS TIME I WAS ABLE TO FIND RAMEN STREET! (you have to take the elevator at the south side of isetan.)ramen street is CRAZY. LIKE THE WHOLE FLOOR IS FILLED WITH RAMEN RESTAURANTS. i really didnt know what to get since everything looked the same to me EXCEPT ONE RESTAURANT, the tsukemen restaurant. i prefer tsukemen over ramen cos i just dont like submerged meats that much. most of the ramen restaurants on this floor required you to order from the machine. and most of the machines had an english option which was blessed. at this restaurant, i just ordered the small size of the tsukemen and i ordered gyoza too cos i was so starved. 

the gyoza was gyoza..pretty standard. but OMGZ. i love the tsukemen. the flavour of the broth was so strong, the noodles were JUST AL DENTE. SOO GOOD. the broth was PIPING HOT and it was STILL HOT even though i took so long to eat my noodles. ugh this is something im missing from japan. i had tsukemen in toronto recently, and it wasn’t comparable to this. :( i purposely ordered the small size, because i was hoping to try another ramen restaurant afterwards. but i COULDNT COS I WAS TOO FULL AND PLUS since i eat so slowly, by the time i was done, it was almost 10pm which was closing time. SO SAD. tried to be ambitious, but i failed :( 

after finishing my tsukemen, i went back to the hostel to pack my purchases since i was going to nagoya the next day. i washed up and just relaxed and then fell asleep. and if you are wondering, i did not SEE ANY OF THE CUTE GUYS. which was good cos acne attacks dont go away in one day. 

what i learned today: kinkaku and ginkaku are NOT THE SAME. G AND K ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE IN THIS SCENARIO. also, kyoto is a beautiful city and next time, i need to be in kyoto for longer. theres so much more i want to do there. 

high point: kinkaku-ji. so pretty. and im glad i still went even though i went to the wrong pavilion initially. 

low point: just the bussing. getting from one place to another was so difficult. it was also my fault cos i would get too anxious and i would just go on a bus without checking the numbers and asking around. 

#travels #kyoto #tsukemen #eikando #kinkakuji #ginkakuji #kyoto station #uniqlo #fukuguen #daiso #nakamura toichi #gion #gion kinana #geisha #bussing #nanzenji #getting lost #family mart