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kaiticn · 1 year

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you my dear, know how to think

I don't know why it is that I've maintained an online connection with KW, but I have, regardless.

On occasion, she says things that are extremely supportive and reassuring. She's a mother and mature student in a social work program, so I believe it comes to her honestly.

Today we were discussing the phenomena of recent graduate students being incredibly unprepared for the professional world post-graduation. I mentioned that, in some ways, I can personally relate. And that worries me.

I see the ways that I struggle to think on the spot; I often cannot think of responses or solutions without a period of processing time that grants me space to really piece things together. This proved to be challenging when I served as a front-lines social worker at the warming centre. (That, combined with my personal history of anxieties and stress responses led me to the conclusion that I am simply unsuitable for reactive modes of work.)

I also see patterns in my ability to retain information. I don't keep in mind particular theories, scholarly theorists or the concepts they propose. The kind of information I remember are simply broad ideas that I can apply to my own fields of interest to better understand them. I am not confident that I would fare well in higher education.

I often have trouble reading between the lines, asking the right questions that would imply a critical analysis of the work. I can struggle to look at things beyond what they express at face value; a quality that extends beyond academic pursuits and into my interpersonal relations/experiences.

Of course I didn't flesh out to her all of these self-generated criticisms, but I did say that sometimes I'm not sure if I'm picking up on the right stuff and just trying to scoop up grades where I can.

To which she immediately disagreed, saying that while we can reference notes and texts anytime, the major issue seems that students are stuck in systems of regurgitating discourse and do not know how to think critically for themselves. Then, "You my dear, know how to think"

...

Just like that, she confirmed my progression towards one of my ultimate goals: to think.

As unpopular as it is, I must admit that the gateway to my journal of healing and self-development was none other than one of the most controversial figures of this nation: Jordan Peterson. I do, however, abide by the acknowledgement that he is quite powerful (politically; economically) and powerful people are never stupid. They are actually very intelligent, and even from powerful individual, despite their political stance or commitment of heinous, inhuman activity, there is always something of utility to take from their path; their process.

One of the most influential things that Peterson has ever said is that "If you can think, and speak, and write, you are absolutely deadly"

And I agree. Those of influence are those who are communicative; critical; articulate. Your depth & prosperity of ideation makes no difference to the world if you cannot manage to convey it to anyone, in any way.

I see the way that this is true, in the case of others and Peterson specifically. I can't neglect the way that he, now, speaks in ways that are intellectually convoluted and even tautological at times, but there is reason for that I'm sure. Prior to his success though, he pursued psychology and was an incredibly sought-out professor at U of T. He knows exactly what he's doing to ensure the outcomes that he wants.

I digress.

So, I can think. I've questioned my ability to think, but quite a few now have confirmed otherwise. I can write, too. Boy, can I write. I take a lot of pride in my writing. It's probably one of my favourite qualities. Not that I'm the best, most innovative and flawless writer to exist, but I can get my point across and sound good. Peterson actually hypothesizes that there is no difference between thinking and writing, so, actually, now that I think about it, I suppose I've been able to think this whole time.

I can think, I can write. But can I speak?

Well, I surely can't speak to the degree that I can write nor think. But I'm getting there. I believe that I first need to overcome the hesitation of speaking before I can narrow down how I develop the quality of expression.

I feel like communicating with my therapist, and M, and KZ will be effective tools in working on my speech skills.

...

Disclaimer: By no means am I positing that I've perfected any of the skills that I claim to have "achieved", but by God, have I ever created a solid foundation for myself moving forward.

Disclaimer: Also, I don't like Jordan Peterson. He's caused enough problems for me and the world at large than necessary.

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