Farewell Wanderlust (The Amazing Devil)
I promise you im not broken, I promise you there's more/More to come, more to reach more, more to hurl at the door/Goodbye to all my darkness, there's nothing here but light/Adieu to all the faceless things that sleep with me at night/This here is not makeup, it's a porcelain tomb/And this here is not singing, I'm just screaming in tune
This here is not makeup, it's a porcelain tomb/And this here is not singing, I'm just screaming in tune
I'm the face that stares back when the screen goes to black/When your mom says you look healthy/But you know she means you got fat/I'm the tales that the guests will applaud and believe/I'm the child that you just didn't have time to conceive
"You may have taken me, and made me, but I am more than what you think, and I will /not/ let you ruin me."
"I have literally fucked up my throat by yelling this song really loudly while driving. Like, my voice was weird for multiple days afterwards. I can't put it into words but everyone I've ever heard mention the amazing devil has been so fucked up by this song."
"Ok I KNOW that this isn't going to win because no one knows the song. therefore the only mark i can leave is this rant ok. So I apologise in advance but: but did you read that absolute CALLOUT section of the lyrics i put up there?? that is only a SECTION ok. this song is so fucking weird its like someone is reaching into your soul strings and pulling on tangling them making u Feel Things like WOW. its such a. callout isnt the rigjt word for it. it just fucks one up ok. like honestly just pls pls i beg of u listen to the song or even just read the entire lyrics its so. you'll get what I mean."
"It’s about breaking under the weight of expectations and showing the world yourself in all of your imperfect, ugly, and raw glory."
I Want To Hold Your Hand (TV Carpio)
Yeah, you got that something/I think you'll understand/When I feel that something/I wanna hold your hand
"gentle heartbreaking gay yearning"
Farewell Wanderlust submitted by @Gimme_DA_PIEEEE + @ceaseless-rambler + @xx0yeet-everything0xx + others
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The wild explosion of a one sided love
Characters: Theo Raeken x male reader, Randall Carpio x male reader
Universe: Teen Wolf/The Order
Warnings: Sad, heartbreak
„Hey bro, get two beers out of the fridge and let us chill on the couch!“, you called out to your roommate as you both walked into your shared flat after a long hard workout at the gym.
„Bet!“, he called back with a laugh, pushing you out of the way, and throwing his backpack mindlessly somewhere in the hallway. For a moment you tried to get him back, but he was faster than you.
With your head shaking, you took his backpack and threw it in his room, before doing the same with yours. Smelling the manly musk, all over the apartment, especially from your roommate and best friend was way too much for you. Already wanting to jump onto him for years, your discipline almost broke. Sometimes you asked yourself, how you could restrain yourself for so long.
You had to open a window, just to get a good whiff of fresh air, before losing your mind. As you, a minute later walked into the living room, Theo already settled down on the couch. The TV is already on, showing a football match. With a little momentum, you jumped over the couch, just to grab the already open, cold beer from the table in front of you.
The moment, the cold brew flowed down your throat you let out an audible groan. „Fuck that’s good, The right thing after a fucking workout.“
„Yeah, all my muscles are screaming dude,“ Theo chuckled lightly, showing the massive gains he had acquired. Sometimes you believed he did this on purpose. But on the other hand, you made moves on him for years, and never received something back.
One moment to the other broke the lighthearted atmosphere, as Theo’s phone began to vibrate. A new message had arrived. You had to take a sip of your beer, to not comment about that. His stupid small smile as he read the message, let your heart drop into your stomach.
He was supposed to look at you like that. Bringing his stupid cheesy pickup lines up to you, just to mess with you. Pose for you and not some other guy. You had seen the pics and seen their chat logs. That night you had to go out, you almost punched a guy into a pulp who had picked a fight with you.
Not enough time since then had gone by, even though it was almost a year ago. The worst part was that you knew the guy, all three of you were friends in high school. But after graduating from there, he wasn’t near you or Theo. You two chose the same university with different goals.
But he still not only kept in contact with him but does all this lovey-dovey stuff, even though they never were together and had no plan to be in a relationship at all. It always was a fuck buddies type of thing.
If it wasn’t for your jealousy, everything could have been normal between Theo and you. On this day, this was the breaking point. „Are you fucking serious?“, you asked him angrily pressing your hand harder around the glass bottle in your hand.
For a moment it felt like the bottle would break, covering you in the fluids inside and in sharp glass fragments. But surprisingly it could hold itself perfectly together.
Theo on the other hand was bewildered. Looking at you, like two other heads grew out of your body. You couldn’t stand all this bullshit anymore. Standing up, Theo could feel the anger radiating off of you. „Dude what is going on?“, he asked concerned.
„Are you fucking serious Theo?“, you asked rather calmly, before completely exploding, „ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?“ Your voice echoed from the walls, followed by a long thud, the clinking of glass fragments, after you had thrown the bottle against a wall, near the kitchen. Covering the floor and part of the wall with the slightly dark liquid that was caged in the bottle before.
„I have done everything for you, Theo! I protected you from guys that wanted to bully you after you stupidly came out at the age of twelve. My parents had to pay thousands of dollars, to keep me in the same school as you just so I would be able to protect you!“, you began to rant, as Theo still did not seem to understand what you were talking about.
Walking in a straight line up and down, at the other side of the room, so you wouldn’t ruin your best friend's perfect face. „I took you out, whenever you felt down or when I wanted to spoil you. Always just us two, I paid for everything. Whatever you wanted I got it for you. I did everything to make you happy and keep you that way. I even hid my own sexuality for a decade just so no one would dare to mess with you!“
„What are you talking about? I never asked for any of these things!“, he tried to counter, but you had nothing else to lose at that point.
„But you just fucked around. First in our school, then our hometown, and later the entire fucking state. I had to move with you, because every good-looking guy, there knew how your fucking dick feels. Do you know how bad it hurts to know that you fucked hundreds of twinks, older muscle guys, and everything in between and at the same time using me for everything else? Stability and affection? I flirted with you for years once I even begged you to finally fuck me, but you laughed it off!“
It only seems to confuse Theo even more. „What is going on? What are you talking about?“
His questions, brought you back out of your red anger, bringing you to stop in your tracks. „Are you this dense Theo? The top lawyer of tomorrow? Let me spell it out for you. I. Am. In. Love. With. You.“
Saying it took a heavy weight off of your shoulders. Breathing was so much easier now than it was ever before. „I love you since we were twelve. The night we kissed and looked into each other's eyes the entire rest of the night. I still remember, how fucking tired I was the next day. But you drifted immediately away from me, looking at other boys, ignoring my love drunken glances. I knew then you would be my ride or die, but then came Liam.“
The soft smile that your lips had built up, as you remembered that moment, was dead as you mentioned your friend's name. „Your little wolf. So energetic and new for you. He let you forget about me completely. It took months before you came back to me and I was the happiest I had ever been. It felt different between us as if you would finally come to me, asking me out. But that never happened. Instead, you talked all day long about Liam. How nice his lips and ass felt around your fucking dick.“
All the build-up, down in your heart brought you two to this day. It wasn’t the first time, you had confessed to him, but he never thought you were serious. „I felt sick every time you talked about him. Over any guy. I wanted to be your only one, the love of your life. But I now finally see, that will never happen. I was dump to think, that you will see me and the way I see you.“
With your heart spoken out, your soul empty, and shortly before tears would finally break through the dams you had built up. „Don’t worry, I will move out. You can live here, the flat is paid for until we finish uni. I will crash at a friend's place until I find something on my own.“
Beaten down, you left the living room, packing the most important things together and not even five minutes later, you were at the front door. Theo still hasn’t said a word to you. Just standing in the living room, trying to process what just happened.
You hoped to dream about you leaving the home you shared with Theo for years, for him to run behind you, pulling you into his strong arms, saying that he felt the same way, but he never knew you did too. That he did not want your friendship to end if you wouldn’t.
But this dream never happened. You walked away from the place you had called home, without him even trying to hold you within his reach.
For days, you had crushed on Brett’s couch. The only other one there with you and Theo, you called friends, mostly because he hates Liam with a passion just like you do, also out of similar reasons. Just that he was in love with Liam, not Theo.
You had cried, screamed and Brett was there for you. Until he forced you to shower and everything, pulling you with him, to a party in a pub at a rival university.
Sitting at a table alone, after Brett went somewhere, that you did not care about. Your head deep in your beer, asking yourself if you should get back to Theo, apologizing trying to find a way to make it up to him.
It took a while until you remembered, that it was his responsibility to do that. As your anger grew again, out of a sudden, a guy sat on the empty chair to your right.
„Hey, my name is Randall, why the long face, hottie?“, he asked you with a mischievous smile. Obviously used to be the center of attention.
„You can try it with the next person. I just got away from a pretty boy with dark brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, brighter than yours, but with the same effect.“
He did not say anything, just waiting for you to open up more and he was right. „I ran after him for ten years. We had kissed when we were twelve and ever since I was in love with him. I still am and he never loved me back. Just used me for stability, because he fucked through the world, never searching for a relationship.“
„That sounds horrible. Maybe a couple more drinks and you can tell me everything about us - evil handsome devils?“ You could only chuckle at his confidence. But he had all right to be that arrogant. He was certainly built by a god or something.
„Only when you pay, pretty boy.“
„I would’ve done that anyway!“, he sings sang over his shoulder, as he was walking over to the bar. Getting a mixture of drinks, shoots, beers, and even cocktails.
„Do you want me drunk… drunk?“, you asked him chuckling. He just stared at you smiling.
For the first time, a sad smile scurried over his relaxed face. „I don’t condone drinking at this rate, but I would rather for you to do it when I can look after you as if you do it alone.“
You could only see the sincerity in his eyes. He was willing to look after your drunken ass, talking over the boy you crushed on for years. It felt almost as if you did the same thing, Theo had done to you.
„Only, if we drink together and you tell me about you.“
„Deal!“
Hours later, you two had left the bar, walking in a straight line was impossible at that point. You two had laughed and made each other cry. He was just as unlucky in love as you were and he even played for both teams. For a while, you couldn’t believe it, because he was so handsome. Until he pointed to the girl, that kissed Brett, while sitting on his lap. Just moments, before you two left.
Randall had stopped you from trying to get home that way and even offered you to sleep at his dorm. Which quickly escalated.
You two lay on his bed, looking at each other, as you just blurted out, that you were still a virgin. But not after that night. Randall was not only handsome and tall but also very, very well-endowed. Walking the next day was even worse than the night before. As Brett saw you walking he laughed manically. But was happy that you found a rebound.
But Randall wasn’t a rebound. You actually connected pretty well and a month later, were in a relationship together. Everything seemed perfect, until one day a knock on your new apartment door, brought everything back.
[Masterlist]
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