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beatbawksradio · 7 months

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*ੈ✩‧₊˚Event Horizon✧˖*°࿐

#beatsposting #tootvibe #vibevibe #aethervibe #leiavibe #keanuvibe #qutevibe #robbievibe #tutajvibe #chootvibe #sessionvibe #dustvibe #solveigvibe

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beatbawksradio · 9 months

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╔══ஓ๑☘️ The Gaelic 🍀๑ஓ══╗

｡.･:˚:✧｡🌘 Luna-Horned 🦌✧˖°࿐

┗━✦❘༻🦋 Faerie King 👑༺❘✦━┛

*. .•★|°∵✧❁▪︎🇮🇪▪︎❁✧∵°•|☆. . *

#beatsposting #tutajvibe #monster hunter #irish

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beatbawksradio · 9 months

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̥˚❀Gigantka Bagienna Królowa 🌺♚ ̩̩̥˚̩̥̩̩̩͙‧͙

#beatsposting #tutajvibe #leiavibe #rathian #pink rathian #monster hunter

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beatbawksradio · 19 days

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vent about being irish diaspora

here i go venting in public again but Man.

there is something very strange about being an irish person born in america, and being subject to this weird "unbelonging" from both sides of life. like... my family came here as a direct result of the great potato famine, and most of them lived up north in canada and such, but my parents moved down south just before having kids. so i was brought up into the world essentially believing all white people are the Same and that i was just as responsible for the horrific historical atrocities as the rest of the white southerners were.

but. but I'm not. my family had nothing to do with that. my family was still in Ireland during all that. we only came here less than 200 years ago, as a result of the same people who colonized this country having subject us to a horrifying genocide that wiped out millions of my people, and ended up nearly bringing our language and culture to extinction. we are just as much victims of colonization and oppression as every other victim of the colonistic white people.

and that's really hard to wrap your head around when you're born southern...

but, the fact of the matter is. im not actually "american." im ethnically European. im Irish. and i dont feel like i belong here, on this soil, with this people, speaking this language. its this existential dread i battle with every day that i wake up and look at the world around me. a world that my oppressors built. a world that ive been assimilated into, bc no one ever bothered to correct me or let me know what my heritage actually meant.

and its strange. bc on one end, i have americans who look at me like I'm a freak and a weirdo for wanting to move to Europe, wanting to learn a second language, wanting to embrace my cultural paganism- why go through so much effort when i could just stay here and survive? but they're all so ignorant, they're unaware of how shit this country is and how shit the situation is for someone like me, given my family's history. as ""free"" as people like to sing the praises about this country, there is nothing "free" about our judgmental society that constantly battles to stifle those who don't want to conform.

but, on the other hand, its also difficult and anxiety-inducing to be accepted by Europeans, too. i often feel like im trapped in a destiny that i didn't have a choice in, bc i was born american and disconnected from the motherland. i want to learn another language, i want to speak like a european person, i wish i had a cool accent from a language that isn't my colonizers language... but trying to actually do that in front of others feels so scary. so humiliating. like I'm pretending to be something i could never be. like ill never be good enough to be european bc i wasnt born there.

doesn't help that I've had a european person say that to me, as well. telling me that ill never be able to understand or belong with Europeans bc im simply not one. my circumstances are too different and there's nothing i can do to change that.

but how nonsensical is that, how absolutely insane is that, when im ethnically a european person myself? europe is literally WHERE i belong, its where im supposed to be, and you're telling me that im just supposed to stay here, stuck in this land my colonizers stole, speaking my colonizers' language? you're telling me that my disdain for the english language is somehow "racist"... when I'm fucking irish?? are you out of your goddamn mind?

im so lucky, and so thankful to be rid of those people, and to be with the wonderful, aupportive, loving, and most of all intelligent european partner I've had the honor of being able to fall in love with. they've been helping me undo all these misconceptions about life and helping validate and support my journey into leaving this country. they're helping me learn their language, being so patient and so understanding and listening to every little weird thing i have to say about what I've discovered about my history. its so refreshing to finally have the support I've desperately needed for so long, and to be able to feel empowered that i really can make a difference in my life, i really can pursue and fulfill my dream of returning to where i belong, and leaving behind this oppressive, deceiving world I've found myself in

because i deserve to be where i belong. i deserve to feel like i belong. and i belong in europe

#vent #sessionvibe #vibevibe #chootvibe #tutajvibe

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beatbawksradio · 7 months

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