#sessionvibe

[beatbawksradio]

ੈ✩‧₊˚🍀Cáel • Créidhe🪷⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

#beatsposting #chootvibe #sessionvibe #malzeno #primordial malzeno #monster hunter #monster hunter rise

[soundoracle360]

Making of one of my favorite loops #PREACH #sessionvibes 😂😂😂 @loveofpharaoh with the AT-LANA adlibs ... #Repost @realisticproductions ・・・ Behind the scenes of one of the most popular loops from Vocaine! Preach performed @loveofpharaoh @soundoracle & I present Vocaine. 25 original vocal loops & melodies. The deluxe version comes with 417 total audio files (1GB) Link in bio! • • • #realisticproductions #soundoracle #vocaineloops #BTS #studio #loops #beatstars #hiphop #hiphopbeat #trapbeats #beatstore #rapbeats #typebeat #vocalist #lyrics #instrumental #beats4sale #beatsforsale #rappers #trap #lyricists #singersongwriter #superproducer #hitmaker #recordproducer https://ift.tt/2NswNzi

#IFTTT #Instagram

[beatbawksradio]

*ੈ✩‧₊˚Event Horizon✧˖*°࿐

#beatsposting #tootvibe #vibevibe #aethervibe #leiavibe #keanuvibe #qutevibe #robbievibe #tutajvibe #chootvibe #sessionvibe #dustvibe #solveigvibe

[beatbawksradio]

Soul Dew (2021)

#beatsposting #sessionvibe #latios

[beatbawksradio]

Be careful how you toy with your puppets, Puppetmaster, else one day they may begin to toy with you.

#chootvibe #sessionvibe #solveigvibe #beatsposting

[beatbawksradio]

vent about being irish diaspora

here i go venting in public again but Man.

there is something very strange about being an irish person born in america, and being subject to this weird "unbelonging" from both sides of life. like... my family came here as a direct result of the great potato famine, and most of them lived up north in canada and such, but my parents moved down south just before having kids. so i was brought up into the world essentially believing all white people are the Same and that i was just as responsible for the horrific historical atrocities as the rest of the white southerners were.

but. but I'm not. my family had nothing to do with that. my family was still in Ireland during all that. we only came here less than 200 years ago, as a result of the same people who colonized this country having subject us to a horrifying genocide that wiped out millions of my people, and ended up nearly bringing our language and culture to extinction. we are just as much victims of colonization and oppression as every other victim of the colonistic white people.

and that's really hard to wrap your head around when you're born southern...

but, the fact of the matter is. im not actually "american." im ethnically European. im Irish. and i dont feel like i belong here, on this soil, with this people, speaking this language. its this existential dread i battle with every day that i wake up and look at the world around me. a world that my oppressors built. a world that ive been assimilated into, bc no one ever bothered to correct me or let me know what my heritage actually meant.

and its strange. bc on one end, i have americans who look at me like I'm a freak and a weirdo for wanting to move to Europe, wanting to learn a second language, wanting to embrace my cultural paganism- why go through so much effort when i could just stay here and survive? but they're all so ignorant, they're unaware of how shit this country is and how shit the situation is for someone like me, given my family's history. as ""free"" as people like to sing the praises about this country, there is nothing "free" about our judgmental society that constantly battles to stifle those who don't want to conform.

but, on the other hand, its also difficult and anxiety-inducing to be accepted by Europeans, too. i often feel like im trapped in a destiny that i didn't have a choice in, bc i was born american and disconnected from the motherland. i want to learn another language, i want to speak like a european person, i wish i had a cool accent from a language that isn't my colonizers language... but trying to actually do that in front of others feels so scary. so humiliating. like I'm pretending to be something i could never be. like ill never be good enough to be european bc i wasnt born there.

doesn't help that I've had a european person say that to me, as well. telling me that ill never be able to understand or belong with Europeans bc im simply not one. my circumstances are too different and there's nothing i can do to change that.

but how nonsensical is that, how absolutely insane is that, when im ethnically a european person myself? europe is literally WHERE i belong, its where im supposed to be, and you're telling me that im just supposed to stay here, stuck in this land my colonizers stole, speaking my colonizers' language? you're telling me that my disdain for the english language is somehow "racist"... when I'm fucking irish?? are you out of your goddamn mind?

im so lucky, and so thankful to be rid of those people, and to be with the wonderful, aupportive, loving, and most of all intelligent european partner I've had the honor of being able to fall in love with. they've been helping me undo all these misconceptions about life and helping validate and support my journey into leaving this country. they're helping me learn their language, being so patient and so understanding and listening to every little weird thing i have to say about what I've discovered about my history. its so refreshing to finally have the support I've desperately needed for so long, and to be able to feel empowered that i really can make a difference in my life, i really can pursue and fulfill my dream of returning to where i belong, and leaving behind this oppressive, deceiving world I've found myself in

because i deserve to be where i belong. i deserve to feel like i belong. and i belong in europe

#vent #sessionvibe #vibevibe #chootvibe #tutajvibe

[beatbawksradio]

vent about optimism

something else I've been trying to learn is also to outwardly appreciate the good things in my life, rather than just blasting negativity out all the time. bc life is honestly pretty good right now, its calm, i have loving and supportive friends and an amazing partner, and my finances are pretty stable. i think i realized it goes back to that thing i vented about before, about my accomplishments being undermined, and feeling like i can't celebrate anything without it making someone else feel bad or envious or angry.

but, is that any healthy way to live? is that something i should let myself worry about? should i continue to care about the miserable people who look for reasons to be miserable and bring someone else down to make themselves feel better? should i let it affect my ability to be outwardly positive, to talk about my fortune and accomplishments, and to just generally spread optimism in my public online spaces?

bc whats the alternative? if i don't share positive things, then im only blasting social media with art and my silly thought vomit when i get into those moods. im just being Negative, and that's not the kind of person i want to be. but how easy is it to be positive, to share your happiness when you, as a good person who cares too much about the people around you (and NOT around you), cant help but remember how this positivity you shared before had such a deeply negative impact on the miserable you used to be surrounded by? when someone takes someone else's happiness and gets angry or envious over it, is that really your fault? is it healthy to let yourself give in to their will, and stifle your own happiness for the sake of making a miserable person, not happy, but just a little bit less miserable? ...how does that work when the only thing that makes them less miserable is the very opportunity of being able to knock you down and put themselves higher? should this behavior be encouraged? enabled? ignored but still fed into?

i dont have all the answers. im just one guy. but i know myself, most of all, and i know what it takes to be decent and live a happy life. part of that is learning how to accept people for who they are, and let go. i can give advice and show miserable people what it takes to be less miserable all day long, but its not gonna amount to anything if they're not willing to listen, not willing to learn, and most of all, not willing to be an active participant in that change. you can't change people. they can only change themselves. and if someone is perfectly content remaining a miserable pile of selfishness and envy that seeks to use you as their personal emotional punching bag, there's nothing i can do change that.

the only thing i can do, is figure out how I'm going to deal with it. how I'll respond to it. and i choose to not let it stop me from living my best life. i choose to continue being myself and being as positive and optimistic as I'm able to be, because i, personally, want my impact on this world to be as positive as i can muster. there will always be shadows and conflicts, and that's okay, and i don't need to let them rule me or my decision making. there's nothing wrong with me. there's nothing bad or cruel about being a positive minded person. my positivity doesn't torture others, the only ones torturing them are themselves

#vent #vibevibe #sessionvibe

[beatbawksradio]

vent about healthy anger

trying to carefully balance between my learned habit of being a victim of abuse of "i shouldn't get angry, its not worth getting angry over, being and showing that im angry will only make things worse and make people dislike me more" and a healthy level of "no but i deserve to be angry, its okay to be angry about certain things, anger exists as an emotion bc your body is telling you your boundaries are being crossed and disrespected, and i should be allowed to talk about it"

its just hard to judge whats Worth Fighting For when you've been abused into submission your entire life, and every single time you've ever tried to speak out against anything, people who think they're better than you decide "no you're just insane and hostile and nothing you say has any merit bc you said it while being mad and not by following my millions of social etiquette rules for internet behavior that i made up in my head" and man yknow that does start to fuck with you and your ability to defend yourself over the course of your life

i shouldnt worry that much about whatever opinions the weirdos that are still stalking me are coming up with and circle jerking their own groups of weirdos about. they're fuckin weirdos for stalking someones every online action to use as entertainment to make their pathetic selves feel better. i shouldn't be cripplingly afraid to talk on my own online accounts even when my only presence is this tiny little tumblr in the corner of the internet with only a handful of followers. i shouldn't feel like i should never say anything publicly ever again out of this extreme paranoid anxiety that someone will See it and suddenly think im evil or whatever

its just a weird thing to balance sometimes

#vent #tootvibe #sessionvibe

[beatbawksradio]

vent about having my accomplishments undermined

just feeling melancholy today about smth that happened literally 12 years ago, that has ended up still sticking with me today. it kinda sent me on this spiral of thinking about other scenarios like it and how often ive been trapped with people who treat me like this.

see, back in 2012, i went to my first and only ever convention. I've never gone to another mostly bc ive struggled financially all my life and can't afford the tickets for such a social luxury that im too anxious to even properly enjoy. but, its also bc of how... conflicting my first experience was. there was a panel for pokemon fans basically, which my friends was excited to bring me to, and during this panel, they held a tiny little drawing contest. it was like, you got small dry erase boards, and 15 seconds to draw the pokemon described. being an artist and also young (still in high school), i was super pumped to volunteer for it- i have always had very extreme stage fright, as evidenced by me being red as hell and sweating the whole time, but i powered through that for the sake of having fun in my Element. the final challenge was a 60 second chance to doodle mewtwo, and this was right when the y mega was revealed so i went with that, and the crows went insane. i won the contest, by a landslide, and it was such a genuinely amazing and unbelievable moment in my life. it was just a stupid local 15 second drawing contest with a small crowd of people, but hearing everyone be so excited about my art was so. just incredible.

but... afterwards... the friend who brought me there, while i was excited and celebrating that id actually, yknow, won something for the first time in my life, instead just. told me "well it wasnt really fair bc those other people weren't actually real artists like you are"

and that completely took the wind out of my sails. it crushed me. i felt like i had cheated, like i had stolen a victory from people more deserving, and that i should've never have raised my hand to begin with. id won a little prize from it but couldn't even feel all that happy about it. i felt like i didnt deserve it. i felt like people were mad at me for being decent at art

12 years, and that experience has still stuck with me. i remembered it bc my job is doing this funny little "daily stretching" challenge, and i was going to sign up for it bc i already stretch all throughout my work day, but i ended up holding myself back. bc i thought, well, is it really fair when i already do this as a daily habit? this challenge is to get people who don't stretch often to do it more, and reward them for it. would it be right to reward someone who doesn't need the extra push?

so i didn't. i thought itd be unfair. i thought people would be mad at me if i won bc i have such an advantage already.

and its just sent me down this spiral of remembering all the times ex-friends and past abusers have done this. how I've never been able to just feel proud of myself or happy that ive accomplished something or that im even just decent and capable at whatever the thing is. i can't talk about my meta-raised pokemon bc it isn't impressive when meta specialized mons plow through things. i can't talk about my art getting big numbers bc it isn't impressive when you bandwagon something and it gets spread around bc of that. i can't talk about defeating a tough monster in monhun bc its just my leveled up equipment carrying me. I'm not allowed to be good at anything, bc I'm either just cheating or i dont deserve the win bc i work harder than others. and me winning makes everyone mad that they didn't win instead

so i just accepted being a loser. being stupid. being bad at everything. bc it was easier to be a loser and let my friends always beat me at everything than to make a loser out of my friends, even though i was never trying to compete to begin with, i just wanted to have fun. but I'm not allowed to have fun bc me having fun makes other people upset and mad. and that sucks. id rather just lose. then everyone else can be happy

but. yknow. obviously that's not healthy. and what it ended up leading to was me just, isolating. i didn't wanna show my art to people anymore, i didn't wanna play games with anyone, i didn't want anyone to see me and be negatively affected by my existence. so i just started doing things by myself, and trying to live off self-sustained validation and happiness. and there is some merit to learning how to validate yourself and make yourself happy, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your ability to socialize entirely.

bc the problem was never with me. it was the people i was surrounded by. bc real friends talk you up, cheer you on, and celebrate your accomplishments. they dont see themselves as losers just bc you've won, they see themselves as teammates who have won simply bc you're happy. they don't make life a competition. that's how friendships are supposed to be. it was never about there being something wrong with me. i wasn't the problem

#vent #tootvibe #sessionvibe

[beatbawksradio]

you know you've been through some real fuckshit when someone actually just genuinely loves you and shows you true kindness and support and your silly traumatized brain hits you with intrusive thoughts that say "but what if the only reason they're being this nice is bc they want to murder you. like what if they end up killing you though" like AH YES THANK YOU BRAIN, THIS IS DEFINITELY A RATIONAL THOUGHT

#vent #sessionvibe #like it's bc ive been in scary scenarios like that and that sucks #i wouldn't have this trauma if it didn't come from a real place yeah #and ik that's my brain trying to protect me #but do you hafta go SO EXTREME when all they've done is BE NICE LMAO #hey humans out there could you maybe try like NOT threatening the pacifist with physical violence #id appreciate not having this trauma anymore thanks

[beatbawksradio]

ik i haven't been using this site much since i got here, but honestly the therapists are kinda right. there is something freeing and relaxing about setting social media aside and like, actually going out and experiencing life in person, exploring your local world, exploring yourself. i feel like twitter especially was locking me into bad mental habits that i couldn't pull myself out of, and forcing myself to cast it aside has done wonders for my comfort and self esteem. when you zoom out and start to see the forest from the trees, you kinda realize all these social pressures from weirdo strangers are just holding you back from letting yourself be alive. you don't have anything to prove to anyone, you're perfectly valid existing exactly as you are

#sessionvibe #tootvibe #chootvibe

[beatbawksradio]

Ambience 🎮✨️

back in the olden days of 2008, i used to be writing this really silly book about 4 kids who transformed into dragons in order to save the world from spacetime dilation. ik ik i was a literary genius at 13 lmao. two of the main characters were a self-insert persona named Amber (the ginger girl here) and a boy i literary saw in my dreams, named Alex. while I've of course scrapped most of those ideas by now, I've actually still kept the characters around! Alex became the silly little Toot we all know and love today, and Amber stayed mostly the same, though shes now a paleontologist and bird-lover, studying the connection between birds and dinosaurs. i found those old stories the other day and have been reading through them and dorking on myself, and it made me wanna draw these two together again, for the nostalgic serotonins. except this time, toot's trans bc he deserves it and its the better canon 😎

#beatsposting #sessionvibe #tootvibe #vibevibe

[beatbawksradio]

your friends shouldn't make you feel stupid. your friends shouldn't make you feel crazy. your friends shouldn't make you feel embarrassed. your friends shouldn't make you feel unsafe.

friends are the people you should feel comfortable with and accepted by. friends are people you should feel confident reaching out for support to. friends are people who care about and understand you. friends are people who want you to feel happy and safe being your true and honest self.

#beatsposting #sessionvibe

[beatbawksradio]

the right people will find you. the right people will see you, they'll listen to you, and they'll care about you in a real way. you'll feel the difference. so don't be anyone except yourself, and don't make yourself easy to find. the right people are the ones who don't mind looking, because they know the best people are not only rare, but also elusive. stay hidden, and let people work to find you

#beatsposting #sessionvibe

[beatbawksradio]

give yourself time. give yourself space. give yourself reprieve. give yourself love. you have nothing to fear if you remain humble and earnest at all times, and the easiest way to keep that up is to give the same kindness you would others, to yourself, too. people can be as negative and malicious all around you as they want to be; these people are lost, and blind, they're not aware of themselves and cant perceive the harm they're causing. if you tried to show them light, it would just hurt their eyes. so let them be blind, let them bumble about and knock into everyone on their way. let people be mean and hurtful and manipulative; they hurt themselves far more than they hurt you. anyone who listens is either mean like them, or is a victim to their manipulation, too, and neither are worth fighting for or proving yourself to. people will always dislike you; some will do so by virtue of you being a nice person. yes, there are, in fact, people who deeply despise naturally kind hearted people. why?

because you being kind shines a light on how unkind they are, and it makes them insecure. they're insecure, bc they hate themselves, and they know exactly what kind of monster they are. and they can't let anyone else find out; so theyre driven to instead villainize the kind hearted, in order to prove to others that they're not as kind as they seem, to take the spotlight off themselves. you attempting to be kind to them in order to break this behavior will only make them even more angry and insecure. there is no amount of kindness you can give them that will make them stop despising you.

so embrace their hatred. embrace their judgement. zoom out, and recognize where that maliciousness is coming from. its okay to have enemies, its an inevitability in this world; so pick your enemies just as well as you pick your friends. if hateful, malicious people are your enemies, what exactly is that saying about you? don't generalize it as "people dislike me," contextualize it as "malicious people dislike me," because malicious people will always dislike kind hearted people. you'd want to be someone that they cant stand, wouldnt you? someone so kind that malicious people are angry and frustrated that they can't get away with their poor behavior around you?

be proud of your enemies. they're a part of who you are, too

#beatsposting #sessionvibe

[beatbawksradio]

i encourage 100% of people to look up a good little list of toxic and abusive behaviors and vibe check yourselves, both for the sake of your own self improvement, and for the sake of the wellbeing of those around you. many abusive people are that way bc they are legitimately unaware that what they're doing is abusive, the only way to become aware is to make yourself aware. teach yourself. and when you do inevitably relate to at least one of those toxic traits (bc we are all flawed and its okay), don't take your ability to empathize with bad behavior as "its not actually bad," or that you're somehow a good person bc you can empathize with toxicity- you empathizing with it actually confirms that you are, in fact, a toxic person, too, and that's the thing you should be working on. and, you'll also be more informed in general, so when someone points out toxic behavior either to you or around you, you'll understand that its not the messenger you should be mad at- its not like they invented the definition of abuse specifically to make you look bad or anything like that- the person you should be mad at is YOU. you are the one who is doing the toxic behavior that's hurting people. the reason why people keep coming down on you is because you are the problem, and if you don't want to hear it from a messenger (or should i say, someone trying to set a boundary with you), then please just go look it up for yourself

#beatsposting #sessionvibe #being a good person isn't about not being a bad person #its about accepting and admitting when you are