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bookstantrash · 3 years

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A/N: I can’t believe I’m staying true to my word and posting it before the year is over. My self imposed deadline was met, yey me!!

A little heads up for those who read my stuff: January will be a tricky month for me — I still have one exam left — so I don’t know if I’ll be able to post. Then there’s the acosf release, and I plan to avoid being in social media (aka tumblr, twitter) until I’ve read it at least two times lol. I’ll try to write in any spare time that I have, but I’m sorry in advance.

Now, let’s end 2020 with style!! I hope you enjoy the new chapter and wish y’all a good 2021 💜

In which she makes a friend, Part Five

Nesta woke up to soft knocking on her door.

She groaned in her pillow, wanting nothing more than to go back sleep. She was not used to waking up so early — the sun had barely risen on the sky — and she’d had a poor night of sleep, her latest nightmare still too vivid in her mind.

Nesta had a lot of those. Nightmares. Before, it was of Mandray. Of being beneath him again. Of not being able to scape. After being kidnapped by Hybern, they were about Elain. Of failing time and time again to avoid her sister being thrown into that blasted Cauldron.

Once the war had come and gone, it got worse. She’d dream of Elain in that camp, chained near the Cauldron. Would dream of Feyre failing to rescue their sister. Would dream of both of them dying while Nesta was unable to protect them. Another failure that’d hunt her through all of her miserable immortal life.

And she’d dream of him. Of his wings being broken and his screams piercing her ears, her soul. Of Hybern killing him in front of her eyes while she was held down by the evil king’s power. And once she got free, once she blasted that bastard to nothingness, she’d find herself in world without him. A world where she lived with a big nothing inside her.

Last night, however, had been different. She had been dreaming of failing Elain and Feyre again when suddenly she heard a voice. His voice, talking in that melodic and enthralling language, his voice a soft caress that eased her troubles. But as soon as she felt herself calming down, Nesta felt him go away. And so she desperately asked for him to stay with her. At least in her dreams she’d be less proud and afraid to say what she wished to. What she wished she had said to him two months ago.

Don’t go. Stay.

And in her dream he stayed. It had been so realistic that Nesta swore she could still feel his warm calloused hand against her skin, smell his scent, his voice a lover’s caress in her ears and—

She got up from the bed quickly, shaking her head. No good would come from going down that path. She willed her heart to behave and stay quiet in the cage she had locked it into. Wall after wall being risen, being toughened. Sometimes, feeling nothing was better then feeling too much or even anything at all.

Nesta heard knocking again, and quickly discarded her nightgown for the Illyrian leathers. She had struck a promise to train with Kaelin before the girl’s morning training and Nesta hated to be late.

“I’m awake, you don’t have to tear down the door Kaelin” Nesta said, opening her door and almost hitting her face in a leather clad chest.

Cassian was the one knocking on her door.

“What are you doing here?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“Good morning to you too sweetheart” he gave her a teasing grin “Last that I checked, I live here”

“One would wonder if that is true, given your long absence” she replied, knowing she had hit her mark when she saw a muscle twitching on his jaw “Where’s Kaelin?”

“Training has been rescheduled. The younglings start earlier now so those preparing for the Blood Rite can have more time on the training areas” Cassian managed to say.

“I see” Nesta was thinking about going back to sleep when the male in front of her interrupted her thoughts.

“Would you care to have breakfast with me?”

She opened her mouth to dismiss him when she caught the look on his eyes. Not angry anymore at her earlier jab, but anxious. She had never seen Cassian so unsure before, so difficult to read. It was as if his feelings were all over the place.

“It wouldn’t hurt to eat with him” she thought, recalling her dream.

“You are cooking” Nesta declared, moving past him to the kitchen.

“As you wish, your Highness” he did a mocking bow and followed her.

Nesta eyed the tall male in front of her. He cooked with expertise and seemed completely comfortable in the ambient, humming while he mixed some eggs in the frying pan.

He was so... domestic. Nesta almost smiled imagining him with a silly apron, an image so at odds with his usual scary General appearance.

“I talked with Kaelin yesterday” Cassian said after some time.

“And?” Nesta asked, raising an eyebrow

“He’s been training with you. And I was wondering....” he placed the food in front of her, clearing his throat “I was wondering if I could train you. Both of you. Kaelin is not so advanced with his training and there’s also the matter of—”

“The matter of what” she snapped

“Your powers” he fidgeted with a knife, twirling it on his hand, not scared to cut off a finger by accident “I don’t know where you were with Amren in regards to them, but it’s also important to have them in sync with any self defence moves you can learn”

“My powers are none of your concern”

It was a lie. Her classes with Amren had just grazed the surface of what she knew she could do. But she was scared of them. Of what she could do. Her powers were a wild beast that was she forced to live with, a constant reminder of the life she lost.

She hated it.

However, Cassian was right. If she truly wanted to be capable of defending herself — of defending Kaelin were her secret to be discovered — she’d have to accept his help.

“We can train after breakfast” she nonchalantly said, stabbing a piece of the scrambled eggs on her plate “I’m already changed either way”

“Brilliant” Cassian smiled, his whole face seeming to lighten up like the sky after a storm “Prepare yourself to be challenged sweetheart. I’m not one to go easy on my students”

~•~

Cassian did not lie. He didn’t go easy on her. Her whole body ached and she almost regretted her choice to not stay in the cabin, rereading one of her books.

But she had places to go.

“You’re late”

“I’m not late Esmée” Nesta stated, grabbing an apron by the tent’ side and moving to one of the tables “I’m exactly on time”

“You’re thirty seconds late. That’s enough to lose the boiling point for a healing potion and make it a poison instead” Esmée, the chief healer of Windhaven huffed “If I say you’re late then you’re late.”

Nesta only dipped her head and started to work. Esmée might come out as a grump and mean female, but she was only serious about her work, a work which left her with no time for idle talk or sugarcoated pleasantries.

Nesta liked her just fine.

Kaelin had been the one to present her to the healers. Once her period was over and it was safe for her to leave the cabin without someone noticing the change in her scent, Kaelin had taken Nesta in a tour through Windhaven. Nesta did not know anything else except the area around Cassian’s cabin, which included a solitary trail to the forest and the outskirts of the village.

Kaelin appeared to know everyone they passed by. The younglings — who were yet too young to train — happily waved at her when they passed, as did some females who were working. On the other hand, it was different with the males. They eyed Kaelin with distaste and something akin to betrayal in their eyes. Nesta had yet to ask Kaelin why. Was it because she was walking with Nesta, an outsider who not only was High Fae but also the sister in law of their High Lord? She had tucked the information inside herself, analysing everything and everyone they met.

And it was when they were nearing the end of the tour that they had come upon the healers tent. Nesta recalled helping them in the war, bringing buckets of water, doing bandages for the wounded and holding the most serious ones down while they were patched up. She had felt like she had a purpose back then. Like she was not a burden.

She tried not think how it also helped her take her mind off the fearless Illyrian who leaded the troops, leaving only dead bodies with whoever met his blade.

Esmée had remembered her, as did some of the other females that worked alongside her. They had not eyed Nesta with pity or distaste, something she was used to in Velaris. No, they simply gave her a nod of recognition and went back to work, mixing herbs, cutting straps of bandages and tending to patients.

“Are you going to help or will you stay all day there?” Esmée had snapped “If you want to, grab an apron and come here. We need more jambu to be ground so that fella over there can stop whining”

Kaelin had come still beside Nesta, fearing she had been insulted by the healers harsh words. But she simply grabbed an apron and rolled her dress’ sleeves.

“Which one is jambu?”

And from that day onwards Nesta began to help the healers in any way she could, going after her training with Kaelin in the morning and coming back in the late afternoon. Kaelin always walked her back, stopping at the tent after her training.

“It’s not safe for females to wander alone” the young girl had informed Nesta “Specially when it starts to get dark”

Nesta knew better than to dismiss Kaelin’s words. She knew what males were capable of doing to those they thought inferior to them.

“Charming as ever, don’t you agree?” Jacira said, appearing beside Nesta.

“Lovely” she mumbled back, the corners of her lips almost raising in a smile.

Jacira was one of the least shy healers around Nesta. She had beautiful dark green eyes, which contrasted with her dark raven hair and dark brown skin. She also had a very sharp and curious mind, and was teaching Nesta all she knew about what being a healer was like.

Nesta liked to think she had found another friend in Jacira.

“I see the General has come back”

“Really? I didn’t notice” Nesta replied, busying herself with her task.

“He had been gone longer than usual this time for the inspection” Jacira whispered “Word says it’s because some serious trouble has risen in other camps, specially Ironcrest”

Jacira was also a shameless gossiper. In the two weeks Nesta had started to work with her, she knew practically everything about anyone that lived in Windhaven. She said to herself that no harm would come to listen to Jacira’s blabbering. She was simply gathering information as to not stay in the dark.

It was not gossip. It was only intelligence material about the Illyrians in Windhaven.

“Trouble? What kind of trouble?” Cassian had not spoken a word about it with her.

“I don’t know. I only know that the camp lords are whispering between them, and seem to be anxious about the Blood Rite.” she got closer to Nesta “In my opinion, they want it to arrive fast so any feuds can be resolved there”

For the Blood Rite was not only the chance for the Illyrians to prove their worth as a warrior, but a bloodbath. An event that allowed matters to be resolved without the laws of the war camps binding them.

“More work and less talk ladies” Esmée hissed at them “Those tonics won’t be done by themselves”

“Yes, m’am” Jacira replied, batting her eyelashes innocently, making Nesta snort. That girl had no fear of danger.

They kept to their work, Jacira talking when she thought Esmée was not looking, Nesta saying something now and then. The time she spent among the healers was precious to her. It brought a sense of normality back to her life. Even the wild beast inside her gave her a time out, seeming to purr whenever she dedicated herself to chopping herbs and making tonics or healing potions, the scent of all the ingredients calming her.

But the thought that something was amiss among the Illyrians bothered her. It was something that stayed on her mind all day.

Nesta was quieter than usual at dinner — she caught Cassian glancing worriedly at her when he thought she was not looking — the gears inside her head turning and going through every possible outcome.

She went to sleep still thinking about it, and came to a conclusion.

Something bad was coming.

And she would get Cassian to tell her whatever it was.

•

Tags: @sayosdreams @thewayshedreamed @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @arin1030 @caotica-e-quieta @vidalinav @swankii-art-teacher @ireallyshouldsleeprn @duskandstarlight @greerlunna @thegoddessaltenia @dayanna-hatter @verypaleninja @awesomelena555 @courtofjurdan @allilal @sensitiveillyrian @moe8 @illyrianwitchling13

{Please let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list}

#sarah j maas #sjmass #sjm fandom #sjm fanfic #nesta archeron #cassian #cassian x nesta #nessian

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sweetwriting · 7 years

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Tim Drake Positivity Week -Day 4: Funny or Serious

Category: Gen

Genre: Humor/Fluff/Angst/Family

Fandoms: DC Comics, Batverse, Superverse

Continuity : Post-Crisis/Pre-Flashpoint referenced. Rebirth

Summary: Family is a tricky matter in those parts and it's especially true for people who were gone from the world for so long. (featuring Jon, Clark and Conner)

Word Count: 4 979

AN: I'm very late because while this piece has been finished for like a month, I didn't have time to write it on my computer so its posting has been delayed and I apologize (I was already late because it got away from me and started getting long. I had to cut some parts).

This is part of my own version of Tim Drake's come back in the DC Rebirth Plot which I've been working on and planning for, for about a year and a half now. Since I kind of loath Tynion's take on his character...I mean people talk about Lobdell but Tynion worsened everything like 100 times and at least Lobdell admitted to his fault when he created his first Origin Story by saying it wasn't Tim Drake... they literally had everything on a silver platter and they decided to throw it out. It's ridiculous I'm telling you. I still haven't read A Lonely Place of Living, I'm waiting until next Thursday to read it all at once partially because Tynion's writing feels so bland -mostly bc his notion of character development is using timeskips and because he's told a fan he considered Rebirth!Tim to be the same as preboot!Tim and it scared me more than anything because he's exactly the same as N52!Tim- partially because I didn't want to have to wait for a story I had 99% chances of disliking because of the issues I mentioned in the tags and here (or as Shawn Spencer said in Psych, "Just 'cause you put syrup on somethin', don't make it pancakes").

ANYWAY, this happens during my AU which I promise I will start posting some time in November. It kind of gives away a part of it but at the same time, it's something that's so obvious it's not really given away (especially if you've read some of my Tumblr posts). The point of the other fic being "how does it get to this point?".

To read it on AO3

Finally! It was time. Jon had been waiting for this for months (well three months). Which was when Kon-El/Conner had come back to the land of livings...or Earth. True he hadn’t been thrilled to learn about Jon’s existence at first -more the opposite actually- apparently because he and his dad had had issues? And Jon being the new Superboy or something. On top of which there had been the Tim Drake and Bart Allen cases to deal with which prevent any of the older Super’s issues to be solved. But Conner had warmed up to him and now Jon was allowed to spend his Week-End at his place. In Ca.li.for.nia!

Now Jon had gotten used to Metropolis (his self from three months ago would have killed him for it) but the sun of Metropolis wasn’t as agreeable as the one of their old town? And definitely not as nice as the one in California!

He was also finally going to really meet Damian’s “lost” brother whom he had nicknamed the “real” Tim Drake (not to be mean to the other Tim but Witness Protection program and all that Jazz made it his fake name).

So Jon was really excited. His dad was coming down the stairs now, so he could fly him over (Jon still had trouble controlling his power of flight). Jon had just kissed his mom goodbye and was literally jumping to the ceiling in excitement.

“Conner, if you keep pacing like this you’re going to leave a trail on the ground.” Conner stopped. He turned to his right to look at Tim who was reading something on his tablet, comfortably settled on the couch, lounging in jeans and T-shirt, a look Conner was still trying to get used to. Not that Tim had never worn those before, it simply hadn’t been a common sight. He tried to glare at him but the panicked look in his eyes and seemingly emanating from every pore of his skin made him look more like a scared puppy than anything else.

“You don’t get it Tim. You didn’t completely mess up with your younger brother!”

Tim looked up from his Tablet, stared at Conner for a few seconds while raising his eyebrows. It was quite obviously meant to be taken as a “seriously?” and When had Tim learned to do that? And from who? Okay, that question was easily answered. It was probably Alfred.

“I meant as a first meeting! You tried to welcome Damian while I basically just had a small fit like a spoiled brat.”

Great. He was pouting now. Tim sighed and put his tablet on the coffee table next to him. Conner sighed as well and went to sit on it so he could face Tim.

“Look I understand you’re stressed out but it’s quite clear that the kid is ready to forgive you…Plus you had extenuating circumstances…you know with the “mixed memories” and the “having just woken up in a tube” things. And you’re great with kids. Remember Traya, she could make you do anything just by looking at you? You’ll be awkward at first and then you two will be planning my doom”. He paused, seemingly deep in thoughts. “Now that I think about it, I should probably be the one to worry. I mean your little brother or nephew or cousin or whatever is friends with Damian.”

Conner snorted and looked at Tim, now a lot calmer.

“Please. I’m pretty sure you’d be able to tell if he was planning something, he’s not very sneaky”. He paused, breathing deeply. ”Okay, I’m feeling a little better now. Thanks, Wonder Boy.”

He clapped him on the knee as Tim started to smile at him. Both started when the doorbell rang and Tim saw Conner stiffen. Seeing as the meta was starting to panic again, Tim got up first, quickly followed by Conner, and answered the door. He couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face as he saw the new Superboy bouncing on the ball of his feet. He would have smiled anyway (he wasn’t the social butterfly of the Batfam for no reason after all) but at least now it was completely genuine.

“Hey, Clark, Jon, welcome.”

Jon beamed up at him and bit his lower lip as Clark had settled his hands on his shoulders, probably to prevent his son from accidentally showing his powers to their neighbors. Tim moved to his right so they could come in, closed the door and turned to see Conner awkwardly trying to start a conversation. Jon looked at them, in boredom or disbelief, Tim wasn’t sure. So he walked toward him, leaving both “older” Kryptonians (and damn, Conner was younger than his younger brother) trying to avoid the elephant in the room as he addressed Jon.

“Hey, do you want me to show you your room while these two shuffle awkwardly?”

Jon looked at him with pure relief in his eyes and replied with said relief seeping through his words.

“Yes please” He paused “Wait.” He looked between Conner and Tim “I get my own room?”

Conner, who had been glaring at Tim along with Clark, nodded at slowly, taken aback by the kid’s excitement but a smile started to grow because of it. He was definitely a cute kid. Now the point of this Week-End was to find the personality hidden underneath all the cuteness and see if they had a chance of getting along even outside of the vigilante field. Tim had been right when he had told him, a few days after being back, that Conner needed a family outside of the Teen Titans. Something more stable that didn’t rely on a roster and Tim himself was looking for his own place within the Bats or…How had he said it again? “I’d help you by lending you mine but I’m not sure what it entails right now”. And of course they had each other but Conner was sure Tim meant “aside from each other”. He used to have Ma (and Pa for a short time) but he was barely starting acclimating to them when he died and he had finally (relatively) gotten used to it, having a stable family life when those world-changing event happened. There had been that first year in Hawaï with Roxy, Tana, Dubbilex and Rex but “stable” wasn’t the word he’d use to describe that time (still the closest he had for about two years)…And well he did miss Clark and Steel (and Kara and Matrix but…). And Okay, he had never really thought about having siblings. He already had Roxy and Bart and the kids from Cadmus but the idea was appealing even if, technically, Jon would be his nephew? What did you call the child of your cousin? Now that he thought about it was his cover still that of Clark’s cousin? Or was he his brother now? His son? No. He was brought back to that first time of awareness in this new world and shuddered so briefly that only Clark had noticed it. The fact that Tim had apparently lead Jon to his room and left them to their own devices while Conner was daydreaming might have helped in that. Clark who was now lifting an eyebrow, demanding an explanation for Conner’s mind’s wandering. Nice to know Clark was still the king of righteousness. Conner sighed and replied to Clark’s silent probing.

“It’s nothing, something just reminded me of the tube I woke up in. Which got me thinking, are we gonna use the same “I’m your cousin" I.D?”

Clark cleared his throat having been clearly hoping he’d be able to avoid the topic or maybe he was just that awkward with him.

“Actually, Lois and I were thinking that since, uh, you’re not 21 yet, and Ma’s not here anymore”, he paused. Both Kents feeling the weight of her loss in their heart, she was much better at dealing with these family matters than either of them. Conner should have stayed with her. He wanted nothing more than to have stayed with her –with Tim while he sorted through his own family matters of course. But she was gone. And he had to get used to that fact. Apparently, all his parental figures had died while he was “asleep” or whatever had happened to him. Clark’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. “We thought we could be your legal guardians with me being your big brother. It’d be a little hard to explain your existence any other way without making up a whole different family tree.” He paused again. He had started to gain a good rhythm but it seemed like it wasn't easy. Clark was more used to forcing his will on Conner (even if he had gotten better at talking to him over time…Clark still wasn’t Ma Kent and the thought almost had him panicking. He tried to control his breath again -his meeting with Parallax and Sinestro not yet forgotten- and continued. Conner’s little frown didn’t help). “I meant that we would have to create a new mother and where you’d have lived before coming to Smallville -you know how thorough Batman can be when he wants to- and I just thought that me becoming my younger brother’s legal guardian after the death of our Mother made more sense. It allows you to stay here and continue your studies, if you want to. But if you need anything you know my home is yours.” Clark stopped. He was starting to mumble. This situation, with Conner, had never been easy. He had barely started to hit his 30’s when Kon had first appeared. He was too young to have a teenage son (it didn’t help that the child in question was born because a creep stole his DNA to experiment on). Now he was hitting his 40’s and Conner had lost so many years, first with his own death then with the last world-altering nonsense (if only it was only those) and he hadn’t caught up, Conner was barely out of his teens and while Clark could now be a father. Their history got in the way and Conner had a confusing enough track record and putting a little “normalcy” and “stability” in his life had been one of his main reasons to have him live with Ma in the first place. And yet, things had gotten so messed up. He looked at the young man in front of him (because at virtually 19 that’s what he was now and if it that didn’t send a wave of regret…-for Conner’s missed childhood? For not helping him like he should have been helped in his first few years? For everything Conner missed while he was forced to not grow up (and there were too many times it had happened in his life)?- then what could?). Conner seemed startled. Clark didn’t know what exactly had startled him but then he grinned and held out his hand for Clark to shake and said:

“Deal.”

Of course, Clark wasn’t naïve enough to think Conner was perfectly okay with this but being given a chance was all he could ask for. And they smiled awkwardly at each other. Damn.

“Hey Tim, what’s the matter with dad and Conner?”

Jon had just finished putting his clothes in the dresser of his room under Tim’s watchful eyes –he felt lucky he had had to deal with Bart for years and learned to watch out for hyperactive-like kids. The question, while expected was not one Tim was keen on answering.

“It’s not really my place to say at this point. Maybe you try asking him tomorrow morning?”

That pout. Damn. Tim could definitely see the family traits. Though Conner’s always seemed a lot less innocent (to be fair he never looked like an 11 years old and he almost always had terrible ideas fueling them). On a side note, what were the chances Jon had listened in on the other two? Tim didn’t know him enough to actually utter a guess.

“Anyway, due to various time issues we weren’t sure what kids your age like but we thought Video Games was kind of a timeless thing and we’ve got tons of them. Cass has been filling our living room with books if it’s more your thing but Conner and I are more comic books people…There’s also my own training gear in my version of the “Batcave” if you want.”

Apparently, those were the right things to say to divert the child’s attention because he seemed ready to start jumping again (it was probably the mention of video games).

“You’ve got video games? Are they old? ‘Cause you’re old, you’re even older than Conner and you guys haven’t had a lot of time to adjust right?”

Tim felt the urge to cry in protest but had to remind himself of the kid’s age and managed to avoid snapping at him.

“We’ve got all kinds, remember one of us is a speedster so even if Conner and I hadn’t yet, he’s had the time to catch up”

“Cool! By the way, did you mean it when you said I could train in your…what did you call it again? Nest?”

Once again Tim was glad he had had to deal with Bart for a long while otherwise, he’s not sure he could have followed Jon’s babbling. He wondered vaguely if Conner would have acted in a similar way had he been given a chance to be 11. And the bad jokes…Was Superman as bad? He seemed to be from the little times they had interacted and from what Conner had told him (though that one seemed more like unreliable narration).

“I don’t call it anything other than HQ. Conner calls it a nest too though so you can do it.” He paused. “Just please don’t use it outside of this apartment”.

Jon tried to hold in a laugh (and quite obviously failed) before Tim ushered him back downstairs.

“C’mon let’s save those two from an awkwardness overload.”

As Conner closed the door behind his cousin. Wait. Brother. It felt weird. He turned to his best friend and to the kid who apparently was his nephew now.

“So…This is finally over.”

He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket and he felt his cheeks heat up as he read the message he had just received: “I heard that you know.” Tim and Jon looked at each other questioningly but seemed to decide not to pry (if only because they had already guessed what had happened, Jon himself having been on the receiving hand of his father’s hearing quite a few times). Conner tried to ignore them as he started walking to the kitchen.

“Alright, it’s time to eat!”

Tim’s deadpan voice came from where he and Jon and stayed, making him stop in his track:

“Conner it’s barely 6. How about we spend some downtime together”

Conner’s cheeks turned pink. in his hurry to forget what had happened with Clark he had forgotten pretty much everything else that was going on. He took a sudden turn to the right, toward the living room as he exclaimed:

“Video Games it is.”

Tim sighed and mumbled something about how it was lucky Jon was part of a video games generation and they had already decided it was going to be their next activity or the night would have started badly.

“Right, turn on the Switch, we still have the last sonic game to play and it’s ideal when we have guests”.

Tim snorted as he approached his best friend who had paused in the doorway, patting him on the back as he took his wrist to lead him toward the various video game stations they had. He turned to John.

“C’mon, want to help me destroy his sorry ass?”

“Tim! Don’t talk like that! Clark’s never gonna forgive me if we talk that way in front of his kid!”

Conner was starting to panic, and Tim felt sorry for him. That he was so stressed out about something as simple as…What was wrong exactly with what he had said? He looked at Conner Questioningly.

“You realize you’re not supposed to use words like “ass” in front of a kid, right?”

Tim’s eyes turned slightly vacant. He had, in fact, not known that.

“Oh.”

He turned toward Jon who, annoyed, was grumbling about not being a kid.

“Sorry Jon, I had no idea Conner had become a proper adult. You shall now only refer to him for adult matters. He’s the responsible one”.

Tim had left Conner’s side to set up the console with Jon while his friend was still shell-shocked. Conner was fuming, and he started to raise his arms in frustration.

“It’s not funny Tim! You know how much is riding on this!”

Tim stopped for a second and signed for Jon to keep taking out the console. He got up and walked toward Conner setting his hands gently on his right shoulder and forearm so Conner would drop his arms. He did, forcing Tim to drop his hands and turned to face Tim whose left hand had replaced his right one on Conner’s right shoulder as the other settled on the left side of his neck, hoping he could get his best friend to look him in the eye so he could try to ground him and avoid what he knew was going to turn into a sour mood.

“Hey, it’s okay Conner. Jon’s 11 so I doubt he’s never heard the word before that and he probably knows not to use this kind of language in front of his parents. And you’re stressing yourself too much this is just a mise-en-bouche.”

He stopped for a second, making sure Conner was looking into his eyes “But I promise I’ll make an effort” He patted his friend’s neck and put his hands back to his side and started to walk back toward the consoles. “C’mon let’s get defeated by your brother…Nephew...whichever.”

Conner caught up to him in a few tranquil strokes (being taller than Tim had its advantages and reminding him of the fact was one of them).

“Apparently, it’s Nephew, I’m Clark’s little brother now. Also you might get defeated but that’s because you su- I mean you’re awful at those kinds of Video Games.”

Tim was smiling. He knew it. He may not have been able to see it but he could feel Tim’s wry smile. It was there. Because not two minutes ago he had been pani- no he had been lecturing Tim about his language and he almost had a slip up himself. But Tim seemed to feel magnanimous enough not to mention it…yet.

They had been playing for about an hour and Jon had, in fact, kicked their asses. Conner would probably feel less sulky if Tim hadn’t gotten the best of him too.

He was starting to pout (glare. He was glaring at them) when Tim interrupted the game to say they should prepare their snacks-dinner and to join him once he was done taking the ingredients out. Conner wondered what it could be since they didn’t have much more than pasta ingredients and it wasn’t really “snack-dinner” worthy…Unless…Nah Tim wouldn’t show this side of them to a new guest…Would he?

Anyway, Tim had been in the middle of the couch, between the two Supers and feeling him slip away had Conner almost latching onto his arm and beg him to stay with them when the older teen threw him a look that meant “He’s here so you guys could bond, I’ve been playing the mediator for the past hour and a half, it’s time to deal with your shit”. Okay, so maybe Conner was reading a little more into this and the look just meant “grow a pair”, or “grow up”. The point of the message was still the same.

And damn, it was probably gonna be awkward. What if it was as awkward as when he talked to Clark but this time he would be in Clark’s shoes? This is a terrible ending. What if…

“Tim’s really cool! You’re lucky he was your Robin. I have to deal with Damian. I mean, we get along better (way better) than we did months ago but he’s still a pain. Tim was probably a thousand time more fun to deal with! I mean he’s already much more fun to deal with than most of the other bats even if he’s old.”

Conner looked at the new Superboy, mouth slightly open at having been interrupted in his internal freakout. He couldn’t help but laugh, both at Jon’s conclusion and in relief, startling the kid.

“Oh, Believe me, Tim wasn’t fun or even funny back then. Well…He still isn’t funny. His jokes are awful. He was our leader you know, so he felt responsible for our lives. Plus back then there was the secret identity issue. It frustrated me a lot. Back then we…We didn’t get along actually. In a different way from you and Damian because we wanted to be friends but the circumstances got in the way and pushed us apart. It was quite complicated if I’m being honest. Way more than I realized back then”.

He paused looking at his hands. He had loved that time; when they were all pretty innocent even if some of the most tragic moments of their lives happened during that very period of time : Tana’s death, Guardian’s, Gotham turning into a No Man’s Land, Bruce being accused of murder and going awry, the first time the gap between Tim and Steph really made itself known, Cissie almost killing someone, one of Bart’s clones dying…Apokolips in general…, among others. He really missed the innocence they had before all those events started accumulating. On the other hand, and he knew it was selfish of him considering all the hurt that was needed to get there and how much it caused afterwards, he wouldn’t give up the depth it had given to his and Tim’s friendship for anything in the world, with maybe the exception of Tim having a happy life. He looked up at the kid beside him, hoping he wouldn’t have to go through half as much as he did (but he had Clark and Lois and there was a better support system for young Heroes so he was already off to a better start than Kon had been, and he’d make sure to help keep it that way). He had to take a deep breath as nostalgia took hold of his heart. Because despite everything he had just thought, he wished the evolution of his and Tim’s relationship hadn’t happened at the expense of their innocence and he felt terrible at being responsible for such a big part of Tim’s own. Whether during the war or when he died. He was brought back to reality by Jon hovering next to his arm, looking slightly worried. Conner tried to recompose himself as he continued:

“What I mean is that we had to go through many trials for Tim –and the rest of us really- to learn, and re-learn to have fun and stop being so serious all the time. Now that Tim’s not needed in Gotham, he’s free to be more…at ease I guess…That and he’s trying to make us more...content I guess, so we would have less of a chance to end up like his family.”

He watched Jon grimace and mutter a small “yeah no kidding” and he winked at the kid. He was starting to truly like him. But he felt it was time to join Tim, after all –and despite what Tim himself might think- he needed to bond with Jon almost as much as Conner did.

They both got up as Conner ushered the young hero toward the kitchen which they found filled with recipients and when Conner started smelling it, all he could do was stop abruptly and say:

“Wait a second. Cheese? Potatoes. More cheese?” He paused, his voice going lower as if he had found the answer to the universe because he realized Tim had actually decided on what he had hoped they would be eating. “A deep fryer.”

He shared a look with Tim who smiled at him and they both exclaimed at the same time:

“Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos!”

Jon started, surprised at their exclamation, staring at them as if they were aliens. Okay, wrong choice of word. Not alien, but something he hadn’t expected. Wondering if they weren’t lunatics –or if they really were adults. He asked in a small voice:

“What’s Quatro Quesos Dos Fritos?”

Tim seemed to remember they had a novice in the delicious art of cheesy food with them and started explaining as he got close to the oven.

“Only the most delicious snack of all time. It’s potatoes filled with a cheese mixture. And when they’re finished, they look a little something like this.”

While he had been distracting both Supers with his little explanation, Tim had taken a plate from within the oven and showed it to them. Conner looked at him, half amazed, half laughing.

“Dude, how did you just fabricate Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos out of thin air?”

Tim smiled as Jon looked like a fish out of water. Luckily Conner had decided to humor him in his little game.

“C’mon Conner this is how all successful TV chefs do it.” He turned to Jon, his smile threatening to break his face as he took in Jon’s amazed look. “Try one of those, kid, because here’s the best part, they’re very healthy for us."

Jon snorted as he tried one of the Cuatro Quesos dos Fritos then stopped as he was hit by the amazing flavor of the treat, ready to complain to his father for hiding such marvelous food from him all his life. Conner, for his part, rolled his eyes and chose to focus on the delicious taste of the potatoes as he replied:

“I don’t even care that’s not true”

Tim looked affronted as if Conner had said the worse possible thing.

“Are you kidding? All major cheese groups are represented, you’ve got yellow, orange and white!”

Jon grinned as the two almost adults started arguing on the benefits of cheese.

They spent their night making Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos and playing video Games. Jon complained about Damian (fully supported by Tim) and talked about his adventures in Super Hero-ing while Conner traded him for some of his own. Mostly those back in Hawai (no need for the kid to know about those times he was left to his own device or his Luthor Paranoia) with Roxy, Tana, Dubbilex, Rex and Sam. And while his heart squeezed when he thought about them (Dubbilex was dead and there was nothing he could do about it), they remained at the back of his thoughts. He was starting to truly move on from that part of his life and the various circumstances that had caused him so much grief. He was happy. His relationship with Jon was merely in its early stages, they were merely acquaintances at this point, but he could actually say “early” and believe there would be a follow-up.

He was happily settled against Tim, sharing his family with him because that’s how far they had gotten and he now had a nephew who looked up to him and it both scared him and left him elated (it almost reminded him of Bart when he was Impulse but he had known Kon’s issues better than Jon did and was much less star struck by him).

The best part though was that they were here making jokes and smiling and being happy without thinking about what could go wrong and, really, he couldn’t think of anything he would want more at this point (except having Bart and even Cassie with them).

Bonus:

“Can you believe it Robin? They had so many video games it was amazing! And Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos had to be made in heaven, it’s hard to believe they exist!”

It was Sunday night and Jon and Damian had gone out for “Patrol” as Damian called it, and Jon had started rambling about his week-end in California the second Damian showed up. He snorted. His relationship with this Drake was more vitriolic than with the other one. Some details were confusing. The merging of the worlds meant that some things didn’t make complete sense as their different sets of memories adjusted to each other and some were just lost. In any case, it didn’t mean he had to be happy to hear about Drake’s “amazingness”.

“I’ve got to say though, I didn’t know what to expect when I got there but they’re so cool. Conner’s so lucky to have a boyfriend as cool as Tim!” He paused. “Wait, does that mean that we’re…kinda officially a family and…”

“They’re not dating”.

The voice cut right through Jon’s monologue like a cold shower would a heat streak gotten on a beach near Ajaccio. Jon was dumbstruck.

“What?”

Damian tried to level his eyes with Jon.

“I said that they’re not dating. As in they’re not together, not in a relationship”

Jon froze and Damian started waving his right hand in front of the younger boy’s eyes until he started blinking again. It was as if his stress levels had risen all at once and so had the pitch of his voice.

“How the hell is that possible ! ? “

Jon was now reviewing his whole Week-End, completely lost and looked at Damian when the boy, coming out of his own shock at Jon’s vocabulary, cleared his throat, trying to regain his snark.

“Now do you understand why I call Drake an idiot?”

AEN: First thing firsts, Conner actually knows what happened to him he just doesn’t want to think about it more than he has to. It was also a fairly important plot point in the real fic so when I thought about it later on I was fairly relieved :p

2nd, in my mind, Tim is about 6-10 months older than Conner. Because Conner was 16 for like a year and a half but when he started aging Tim was 15. So he died when he was 17 and Tim had turned 16 like 3 months before (Tim’s 16th Birthday issue happened around the beginning of Teen Titans). Then Kon was dead for a year and a half going on two years, Tim was 17 almost 18 at the end of Red Robin (we know that if N52 hadn’t happened we would have an issue about Tim’s 18th Birthday fairly soon after) so he was about 17 and a half (probably a little more) when Conner came back to life. Hence Tim being between 6 and 10 months older than Conner.

3. they need hugs. They all do.

4. the Cuatro Quesos Dos Fritos was shamelessly stolen from the Psych Slumber Party bit on USA today for a Psych Marathon a few years ago. Because Half the time I see Shawn and Gus I can't help but think of Tim and Kon (except I reverse the roles often). I just slightly modified it to fit the story. (but seriously if you haven't, go watch the first four seasons of Psych).

#Tim Drake #Clark Kent #Conner Kent #TimKon #Tim Drake Positivity Week #Batverse #BrOTP: TimKon #OTP: TimKon #DC comics #Angst & Fluff #Psych #Jon Samuel Kent

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j2littleshits-blog · 7 years

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Kourtney’s submission

I love the latest meditating picture(1) she shared, the caption was perfect as well. I’m all for promoting what you love and whatnot but she comes off as a phony, ya know? I don’t care if celebrities share their gym experiences or like when Le@ Michele shares 900 green juice photos (gross!) because it’s just them sharing what they love. But with G it always seems like she’s sharing the picture to show off how much better she is than anyone else but in a subtle way. I’m always thankful, meditating keeps me sane, I use a 600$ blender because it gets my kids to eat their vegetables. It’s never just a simple “I mediate because I like too” or “We put vegetables in smoothies so the kids will actually eat right”. There’s always some underlining meaning to her captions and it’s mind boggling that people can’t see that. Or they see it and they’re choosing to ignore it for the sake of a peaceful Tumblr experience.(2)

Her need to share Girl Power and Girls Run The World is getting old. I’m all for unity and bringing each other up rather than tearing each other down but she’s going about it the wrong way. Your daughter needs to know the sky is the limit and she shouldn’t be held back just because she’s female but she doesn’t need to know that she’s better than another person because she’s female. Her two boys don’t need to grow up thinking they need to step aside so there sister can shine and she doesn’t need to grow up thinking they should step aside for her because she’s female. G is teaching her that she’s entitled all because she was born with a vagina. Again, I’m all for being a feminist and teaching girls AND boys that we’re all equal but I’m not about to get behind someone that wants her daughter to feel better than her own siblings just because she’s a girl. It’s wrong.(3)

Not even going to lie but when I saw the picture she shared of her and T with the caption “This was snapped right before a 🐝 headed right in our direction…. 🙃 thanks to ___ and ___ we have an apiary. Who wants some P@dalecki honey? 🍯” (4) my knee jerk response was to roll my eyes. I’m all for doing our part to bring back the bees but getting an apiary in your backyard seems a tad extreme. I just imagine these kids going to school and being asked what they did over the weekend and them talking about the pictures being taken.(5) Kids don’t have a filter so I can’t imagine what T has to tell his teacher after a weekend at home or whatever. The funniest part of the photos is that she couldn’t even be bothered to change her top or anything. It’s obvious that certain pictures were taken on the same day and others on another.(6) But generally speaking they were taken all around the same time because the bump is pretty much the same size. I will say that with T she gained weight throughout her body. She wasn’t fat by any stretch of the imagination! But her cheeks were fuller, she looked a little more tired and honestly pulled off the being pregnant look better with him than she did with the other two.(7) If you look at the pictures of her doing yoga you can see the outline of the photographer being reflected in the window. And then if you look at the picture of them in bed with S being held over her head you can again see the photographers shadow!(8) We all knew the photos were done by a professional but that just made my a little nauseous because it just seems so wrong to put your kids in their pajamas and create a wonderful family moment like that just for a blog or whatever. Jessica @lba owns her own company, has a website and an Instagram for said company but never once has she used her kids to promote her things. Yeah over Halloween she did her daughters makeup using her product but that was it. Promote your project and perfect life all you want but why add your kids in it like they’re props? It’s just wrong.(9)

Speaking of websites, I’m not sure if you know this but G actually had a website before!(10) It was a fan dedicated website that this one girl ran and G approached her about it. They met up a few times and the girl made sure that all content on the website was completely true and even got G to do a Q and A video. G ended up co-running the website with her until it was taken down because the girl just didn’t want to run it anymore and I’m assuming G realized how odd it would be for her to run her own fan dedicated website. But yeah one day the girl asked G if she could do a meetup and maybe meets some fans, G agreed and they went to lunch. Wanna know who made a surprise visit during lunch? J did!(11) It was such a surprise too, I mean it’s not like G asked him to come or anything. Yeah, I don’t believe that either. That’s why I was surprised that she was creating another website because I didn’t think she had enough of a life outside of J to actually have one just as her own. That sounds really harsh and I apologize for that but if you look at her life she has nothing that’s just her own. It always comes back to J.(12) I did see her new website before it became password protected and I truly hope people take what she posts with a grain of salt. There were sections for parenting, recipes, fashion, lifestyle and a couple others. I’m all for giving advice but I don’t want a first time mom going into her blog and taking everything she says for fact. She talks a lot about things (home birthing, organic living) like she’s an expert and that’s not good.(13) G does have people that look to her for advice and take her word as gospel so I hope she keeps that in mind and puts somewhere in her blog how she’s not an expert on these topics.

I forgot last post but I wanted to say I agree whole heartedly about J and D sharing photos of the kids lately! What is up with that? J actually told the paparazzi in Vancouver he did not want little J photographed.(14) They could photos of him and D all they wanted but his daughter was off limits. They very rarely shared pictures of her and when they did it always came from them, not a family member or friend because they didn’t want it to be stolen. Fine, I get it, you want her to be shielded from the media and the crazy side of the fandom. But now it’s like here’s a picture of the twins, here’s a picture of J, here’s a picture of us being happy together, here’s a video where you can actually hear little J’s voice. Which, again, wouldn’t be weird had they not been so protective of her. That situation has honestly thrown me for a loop and I can’t think of a reason for the sudden love of sharing pictures of their kids.(15)

I’ll tell you about my theory as to why she remained silent on the A_F campaign in another submission so you don’t have to read an essay because I didn’t realize how long this was until I started writing this! Hahaha, sorry!

I hope you have a nice weekend!

Yo Kourtney, happy to see you again! Sorry for the wait, I should’ve post this earlier. Always with something bumped in when I was going through your “essay” ;) And I don’t quite follow G so it took me some time to run through her things *ouch*

Here’s my little side notes (according to the numbers I added above) :

Yoga class?

Peaceful internet platform behaviour. I agree with “phony” but it’s like a basic foundation for business accounts, so I won’t be easily brainwashed by… WAIT. THIS IS THE POINT. I don’t care how fake her IG is because I never consider myself looking at a real life journal wtf! Holy shit! How should I tell her fans about this, Kourtney?! My mixed feelings all the time is explainable? Her business heavy IG with heavy charity promoting? Is she taking my money or is she helping me to donate my money? How about Jay’s part? Why is he there?

I’ve talked about this with my professor IRL on ppl’s misunderstanding and media’s misleading portraying to feminism. Tricky topic.

Cute muffin T is scared of bees aww

Only when kids involved I’m a little mad

Stocked photoshoots I’ve no problem with that *proud*

Asking for science, any mamas out there gained weight with some babies and none with others?

Wait! Some fans say the photos are taken by Jay! ;)

Imagine if these was done by non-celebrities. Normalizing everything is THE TREND in 21st century, sadly

I know! Now we have a similar /dress-like-g______/ *insert eyeroll here*

Oh wow this is new to me omg

Who would pay attention to her if she’s not his “wife” honestly sorry

Life-related reminder alert. Although I’m not a mom, I can sense how ridiculous her advices are

LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!

Can someone write a meta for this? jk lol

Thanks for this informative submission again, sweetie! It’s really long, I survived lol. Please don’t hold back to talk why she isn’t supportive in A/_/F, and please don’t hold back to write it long! You become an important role here you know? I can’t make quality posts on my own! Have a nice day and hope to see you soon, XXOO

#submission #beard talk #kourtney submission

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reflectiverecovery · 7 years

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The Road to Recovery

Firstly, hi! It feels so good to write again. I decided to make a new blog as my other Tumblr is quite old and polluted with a multitude of emo-angst and cat picture posts. Here’s a shiny new one, just for you. I can’t promise there won’t be any cat pictures. As it’s World Mental Health day (woo) I decided to write a personal mental health update. As many of you know, I’ve been partial to doing this in the past, but with change in jobs and general life I’ve not done so in quite some time. As with any mental health blog, this comes with a trigger warning attached, so please be mindful of this if you choose to continue. Also, I’m not a professional, so the views and ideas here are just that - ideas. If you require support please utilise the links at the end of the article. According to The Telegraph, 1 in 3 work sick-notes handed out by GPs are for mental health, with 1 in 4 of us still experiencing mental illness each year, and 1 in 5 considering suicide - it’s clear mental health is still an area of need and importance for the general public. The Independent, too, discusses some interesting statistics on the why and how of modern-day mental health issues, with social media and finances/debt being listed as key contributors. On a personal note, I myself have regular struggles with my mental health. After childhood trauma, coming to terms with being gay and other personal challenges I have a history of anxiety and depression, and traits of Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. This means I tend to have heightened emotions and can struggle with some social situations, and those present in relationships. I have had several forms of talking therapy - counselling, CBT, Cognitive Analytical Therapy (CAT) and most recently Psycho-Dynamic Therapy, mixed in with attempts on pretty much all of the common antidepressants (Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Mirtazapine and so on). But despite the rocky road I made it through - and you can too. Mental health is really tricky. I often find myself second guessing my own mind (am I really ill? Am I doing this just because I think I’m depressed, or am I actually depressed?) The truth is, only you know, and you need to trust in your instincts. If you’re doubting your own stability or your own health that is an indicator something needs to change. But the change doesn’t have to be drastic - a former therapist of mine warned that it’s easy when you’re on a downward spiral to impoverish yourself, and push away things that could actually help. What you can do, instead, is create time and space for reflection. As cheesy as it is, mindfulness and meditation really can work wonders - even if it feels next to impossible to fit this into your working day, make the time. I’m sure your employer would rather you spend 10 minutes meditating at work than 10 weeks off sick as a result of stress... but you didn’t hear that from me. In terms of where I am now - I recently had my review from my last talking therapy. This basically involved a 6 month gap after my 18 months of therapy, during which I could reflect and work on myself. Due to budgets and the NHS mental health services being heavily stretched (definitely a conversation for another day) my therapy couldn’t be extended, but group therapy was an option if I needed it, or we could look to alternatives. However, I’m pleased to say that my therapist and I both agreed no further course of action was needed at this time. Progress! I’m lucky, the past year or so has been groundbreaking for me. I got a great job and I’m the most independent I’ve ever been - perhaps at 26 years old that’s strange to say, but it’s true. That being said, I still have down days and weeks and I’m still on antidepressants - though I’m currently on the lowest dose of Venlafaxine, which I’ve been taking for several years. That last step of coming off completely is still a little scary for me, but I know I’ll make it when I’m ready. My journey hasn’t been easy and has taken many years - I don’t know if it will ever truly be ‘over’, and I imagine there will always be struggles, but I’m pleased to say my recovery is steady and I’m happy with where I’m going. Of course, healing and recovery will look different to each individual, but here are a few things I truly believe will help along the way, and have certainly helped me:

1) Family

Each family is different, and I don’t necessarily mean a relative. Surrounding yourself with people you value is so important - I’m lucky my employer believes in family values, so I have my ‘work fam’ alongside my actual family. Find out what family means to you and immerse yourself in it - whether it’s friends, colleagues, relatives or even an online community. My family (or families) have genuinely kept me alive on more than one occasion.

2) TALK

Breaking the stigma around mental health is impossible without talking about it (see Time to Change, they’re awesome). Talk to your friends, your manager (or HR department), you could even write about it. You don’t need to suffer in silence. This also leads on to:

3) Seek Professional Help

I know, the NHS isn’t great. Wait times feel endless and it’s easy to presume they won’t do anything for you. But you won’t know until you try - I waited years to get the support I feel ‘worked’ for me, but I’m so glad I did. Also, don��t be scared off by antidepressants. We all need a little help sometimes and there’s no shame in this. You wouldn’t refuse insulin if you were diabetic - this is just the same, and it doesn’t have to be permanent. Start the process, speak with your GP and take control of your situation - you’ll be all the better for it.

4) Find Value

I’ve had several jobs over the past few years and it took me a long time to find my fit. However, it’s not all about your employment. After the suicide of a girl in my year from school I found inspiration to volunteer in a cause that mattered to me - Nightline. Nightline aims to reduce student suicides, and is a charity I’ve worked with in the past. Even though I struggle for time (who doesn’t?!), giving back to something that matters to you is a fantastic way to enrich your own life and find purpose where you may have felt lost in the past. Give it a go!

5) Be Mindful

Vague... I know. But sometimes you need to think of the bigger picture. Look at how far you’ve come - everything you’ve faced and beaten. I truly believe people who have been through mental illness are the strongest out there, they just need the time to realise it for themselves. However, never underestimate the struggles of another - kindness goes a long way and could save someones life.

If you do seek professional support, please check out the NHS website here. And in times of crisis, Samaritans are always there - I’ve used them myself in times of need. You really are never alone in this.

#mental health #mental illness #bpd #world mental health day #depression #anxiety

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