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sapphroditewrites · 2 years

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Bishova Drabble #1

(a/n) i originally wrote this on twitter bc my friend @laurie-bishop came up w a good au idea SO im moving it to here thank u very much && i will be writing longer, ramblier versions of my bishova nonsense on here from now on xx

Word Count: 4.3k

Warnings: Angst; childhood-lovers-to-adulthood-tragedy; mentions of homophobia; not technically forced marriage but like, kate is gay and doesn’t wanna marry a man but does it anyway; no happy ending

They meet in second grade. Yelena is new to the city, and Kate is drawn to her in the way we’re all drawn to our childhood crushes before we understand them. Yelena is a little… harsher than most would like, but Kate’s too sweet for her own good.

In short: they’re a perfect match. They share their first kiss in the summer between fifth and sixth grade in the playground tubes, nervous and tasting like warm Coca-Cola. Kate’s family isn’t religious, exactly, but she can feel that there’s something inherently wrong with what they’ve done. And Yelena, sensing Kate’s anxiety about the whole thing, decides to never bring it up again. But she feels something has shifted between them. A precarious line has been crossed.

They don’t date until freshman year.

It just sort of… happens. No big dramatic build up, but a slow realization. Neither have pursued, or been pursued, by any of their peers and if they have, they fade from memory as quickly as they’d come.

One day, as they’re snuggled up on Yelena’s bed, watching Netflix and talking about the future, Yelena asks, “Kate, are we dating?”

And with a soft laugh Kate says, “Yeah, I guess we are.”

And it’s perfect. Really, if it wasn’t for Kate’s fear of her mother finding out, their relationship would be nothing short of perfect. Nothing changes much from their friendship; nothing substantial. They were already touchy in public, what’s adding a bit more behind closed doors? Sometimes, the secrecy is thrilling. Sometimes, Yelena just wants Kate to stand the fuck up for herself. The cracks begin to show by senior year.

“My mom has had my whole education planned out since I was in the womb Yelena, I can’t just go back on it because-” “Because she doesn’t accept you for who you are? What happened to the brave girl I fell in love with? When did you become such a coward?”

They say a lot of things they don’t mean. They make up in the end, through tears and delicate promises of forever and in the future.

The arguments are put on pause as graduation rolls around. But the tension is there. Unspoken, but violently brewing. A storm waiting to be unleashed. Summer is when it hits.

Yelena makes the choice clear. Be honest, and open, about their relationship and herself, or Kate can lose Yelena forever. Kate chooses wrong.

The first two and a half years are hell. For both of them. Yelena comes out to her family, spends half her college years so wasted she almost forgets Kate. Almost. (And so what, if all the girls she brings home are tall and brunette?)

Kate has a harder time adjusting. She becomes reclusive, devotes herself to her studies in a way she hadn’t before. She still does archery, sure, but she feels empty every time she finds another face in Yelena’s spot on the bleachers.

After college, Yelena tries to date again. Tries. She knows it’s pointless though. She already met her person, her One, and she lost her. Kate takes on work at her moms company, is achingly close to getting her CEO position.

Except there’s a hitch. Her mom wants her to be married. To “settle down” — as if Kate has ever once dated (since Yelena). It’s easy to ignore this expectation for a while. Long enough Kate almost forgets about it.

But then her mom begins to talk about stepping down. Kate thinks it’s too early. Eleanor ignores her in favor of introducing her to some random boy. Kate comes up with some excuse to not like him. Eleanor finds another. Kate scares him off.

They go through this process nearly a dozen times before Kate resigns herself to it. And he’s nice, really. He’s… fine. Agreeable, kind of handsome if Kate squints right. Eleanor loves him. So maybe Kate can learn to.

She doesn’t, by the time he proposes. She knows she never will. There’s only one person she’ll ever love like that, ever want to marry. But she made her choice over ten years ago. There’s no going back.

When Yelena hears about the wedding, she’s booked a flight to NYC before Natasha can even realize she’s called out of work. She even wears a dress she designed herself, hoping that at least that might catch Kate’s eye and change her mind.

As their eyes meet, across the room, time doesn’t stand still. It comes to an abrupt and violent halt, the very air from their lungs snatched clean away. Then time moves again. And Eleanor is scolding Kate for ruining her makeup. Kate is scolding herself for ruining her life.

#bishova #kate bishop #yelena belova #kate x yelena #yelena x kate #drabble

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ladyloveandjustice · 3 years

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Fall 2020 Anime Overview

I started out watching the a ton of anime for the Fall 2020 season, but then ended up not being caught up with most of them by the the time the end rolled around. I still pretty much intend to catch up with Yashahime Princess Half Demon someday (I do like the three leads, it just the plot’s been dull as dirt and the fights aren’t very inspired either) and though I dropped Wandering Witch after bad press started rolling in (I CANNOT deal with pointless tragedy in my current state of mind) I might check out a few more episodes someday just to from my own opinion. For now, let’s just quickly review the anime I DID manage to finish on time this season.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle is exactly what it says on the tin: Princess Syalis isn’t too bothered about being captured by demons and locked in their castle, but she does value a good night’s sleep, and she is absolutely ruthless when it comes to getting it- so ruthless, in fact, that the demons realized it might not be that she’s trapped in here with them, but that they’re trapped in here with her.

Sleepy Princess is top tier comedy comfort food. It rarely got a huge belly laugh, but it always but a smile on my face and was a great thing to watch before going to bed. Syalis’s single-minded search for some shut eye is a joke that could have gotten old very quickly, but the show consistently found creative ways to expand on the gags and build it’s world and a fun cast of characters along the way.

Though Syalis is downright brutal to the demons when it comes to getting what she wants (and has a knack for getting herself killed at well), thanks to a demon cleric that offers easy resurrections, you never feel too bad for anyone involved. In fact, the demons and Syalis form a strangely heartwarming bond over the course of the show , and it’s clear by the end that Syalis definitely has the ability to come and go if she damn well pleases and just finds this castle a fun place where she can find respite from her princessly responsibilities.

A nice bonus for those of us who like a little subversion is that the show has a lot of fun playing with standard adventure tropes- the demons often lament that Syalis is not at all what they expected from a captive princess, for one, but my favorite fun little twist is how Syalis feels about the hero currently on a (seemingly endless) quest to rescue her- she manages to both hold him in contempt AND consistently fail to remember his name. That level of disregard takes some impressive effort.

The show has the same director as the Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun anime and as such has a similarly nice comic and visual flourishes throughout. It definitely gets two sleepy thumbs up for me.

Jujutsu Kaisen

Jujutsu Kaisen follows a young man named Yuuji Itadori who, after tangling with a demon, ends up with one inside him. With a death sentence hanging over his head, he’s inducted into a school for “jujutsu sorcerers”, and begins training to use his newfound powers to defeat demons and curses.

Jujutsu Kaisen quickly tells you on no uncertain terms it is Action Shonen, introducing a huge cast of a characters and powers and super high stakes and hey there’s even gonna be a tournament arc soon. It is really, really pretty to look at, with a killer opening and ending, some seriously great animation and cool visuals for the fights especially. But is it particularly memorable otherwise? Noooooot really, so far. The sea of technobabble it tends to descend into when trying to explain how the various powers work often has me zoning out and wishing they’d just let me watch the pretty punches. The villains and the general plot isn’t particularly compelling. The characters are nice enough, but haven’t given me much to be attached to so far. Though I do appreciate this one dude who is the embodiment of millennial ennui:

I’ll keep watching though, because it is a visually stunning, action-y thing to my turn your brain off to and god knows I want to turn my brain off all the time lately.

And the characters do have potential- the One Girl of the main group, Nobara, has a really fun personality in that she’s a total shitlord doofus brawler who can thus doof around with our equally dumbass protagonist, which is an pretty fun, unusual personality for the One Girl to have! Her interactions with Maki, the weapons expert senpai girl, are promising too. I’m just waiting for her to actually, you know, DO something that really shows off her skills- I’m told she DOES eventually get to (gasp) win fights on her own and do cool stuff, but so far show has kind at that of failed miserably and underused her like most action shonen underuse their girls. Plus, taking Yuuji out of the group for such a long stretch seems like a weird choice, we’ve been deprived really seeing him for relationships with his peers. The pacing seems off. But maybe the upcoming tournament arc will make up for that and actually be worthwhile!

Talentless Nana

In a world where kids with superpowers are sent to island schools to fight mysterious “enemies of humanity”, one class of such kids is thrown into chaos when they find themselves targeted by a deadly force.

It’s pretty much impossible to talk about Talentless Nana without discussing how it deviates dramatically from what its premise appears to be in episode one, so I’ll just say if you like stories with superpowers and intrigue, you should definitely sit through that first episode and see if the plot that’s eventually revealed is something that you’re here for. But if you want to avoid spoilers, DON’T GO BELOW THE CUT, because I’m about to get very spoilery.

Basically, Talentless Nana pulls a bait and switch, starting it’s first episode posing as generic superhero anime where the protagonist appears to be your standard meek-but-powerful anime boy (Nanao) who just needs some support and encouragement from a pink haired mind reading manic pixie dream girl (Nana) to unlock his self-confidence and ~true power~ (ugh)...only to take SHARP swerve when Nana ruthlessly murders Nanao and reveals she’s been sent by the government to take out the superpowered kids one by one because THEY are the considered the true enemies of humanity. Oh, and she doesn’t have any superpowers, or “talents”- she was just able to sus out everything Nanao was thinking through basic deductive reasoning because he was so flippin’ obvious and basic.

As my love for a certain character in a certain game may have clued people into, I am ALWAYS delighted when what appears to be a generic, underwritten girlfriend character is then revealed to be an interesting, ruthless mastermind. And having an anime appear to be about a bland boy with a Dream Girlfriend but then actually turn into a show about a deeply cynical, morally dubious girl who’s clearly holding down a lot of messy feelings as she considers everyone her enemy...well, it may be a cheap trick to some, but it also feels a little bit like justice for all the underwritten female characters sacrificed to bland male leads. It’s still rare enough that I dig it when it happens. And the metatext of Nana zeroing in on this kid as the most standard of main character boys, assessing him as the biggest threat because of it and knowing the perfect way to take him out, is pretty inherently funny to me.

But if the show JUST banked on that twist and was about Nana brutally and cynically slaughtering these kids, it would get boring quickly and Nana would be a bland character herself. Fortunately, it doesn’t go that route. Nana struggles and grows a lot over the course of the show. She finds opposition in transfer student Kyoya, a stoic (and socially awkward) young man who pretty quickly becomes suspicious of her. A lot of the tension from the early episodes comes from her sweating as she tries to outmaneuver him and she makes plenty of mistakes along the way. She also slowly but surely starts to question her mission, and we get an idea of her backstory and how the government specifically has groomed her into believing people with powers to be evil. That belief is one that’s challenged by her friendship with another girl, and it’s pretty rewarding to watch Nana’s feelings and world expand little by little.

The show is definitely a little schlocky-some of the plots (as well as the general premise of the government thinking this is the optimal way to get rid of their superpowered kids problem) fall apart if you think too much about them, and some of the kids Nana goes up against are sleazy and unlikeable in over the top ways (which makes it easy for her to stick to her convictions all these kids deserve to die at first). In particular, I have to give a heads up for some sleazy guys doing and saying sleazy things, though the show never gets too overbearing or graphic with it (and the gore is generally PG-13 level as well).

Basically. There are some truly ridiculous happenings in this show. But how ridiculous and pulpy and over the top it is can be part of the appeal, and it’s fun to just sit back and watch the spectacle of Nana and her peers head-scratching machinations.

So, while certainly not an anime with airtight construction or flawless quality and depth, I found Nana an overall entertaining watch, especially as a fan of cat-and-mouse murder-y shenanigans, and thought it has a very compelling main character and managed to end on a heartwrenching (but earned) note. I definitely wouldn’t say no to a second season and would be interested to see where things go from here.

#anime overview #sleepy princess in the demon castle #jujutsu kaisen #talentless nana #munou na nana #maoujo de oyasumi #fall 2020 anime #anime #my reviews

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mysticdragon3md3 · 4 years

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Reacting to last few episodes of Nippu Sentai Hurricanger.

4:07 PM 8/1/2020 Nippu Sentai Hurricanger ep49; last scenes.

Why is this tragic music playing during Shurikenger's battle scene?

Oh no...I just remembered that Super Sentai Hurricanger is a "ninja story". We know what's the most common trope in a story about ninja... Ninja sacrificing themselves. ;~~; . . . 4:13 PM 8/1/2020 ep50

Wait. Is Gozen dead too? Why did she appear in that flash of remembering Shurikenger being dead? Is that why Shurikenger sacrificed himself? Gozen was already dead?

I think I remember these antagonist ninja girls from Gokaiger. Ever since I started catching Hurricanger on Tokushoutsu, I've been wondering how these 2 kunoichi end up either surviving or defecting away from the villains' side.

And of course the villain in a ninja story is the one who betrays their master. Sandaaru.

Wait. Why did Ikkou and Isshu's mecha blow up? Did they do that cliche where you stab through yourself to get the enemy? Haven't seen that since Jin. I guess we gotta have more ninja sacrificing themselves before the series ends. ~.~; I want to go on about how "cliche" it is, but only to blunt the blow of the tragedy. Because honestly, these tropes really do hit me in the feels! ;o;!!!

Oboro and the Headmaster god killed to?!???? Jeeze, how much tragedy does this story need?!? ;O;!!! ...Oh, yeah, I forgot: This is a "ninja story". Tragedy and everyone dying is kind of the prerogative.

Wait. Why aren't they getting into their mecha to fight? Oh yeah. First gotta have the unmasked character introduction kata/mie pose sequence at the start of the series' last battle. I loved that in Gokaiger! (I'm going to refer to Gokaiger a lot. It's the only Super Sentai series I've finished. I barely started with Shinkenger before my source for episodes dried up.) . . . 4:30 PM 8/1/2020 ep51 "Final Scroll: Wind, Water, Earth".

Oh, yeah. Even though the lead Sentai is red like fire, there is no Fire in the Asian fundamental elements set---noWaitaminute! Yes thre is! Wind is the one that's missing! If anything, Wind is considered Ki. If Fire is there then why isn't the red Sentai representative of Fire? Is this a ninja thing? Ninja and the wind? Probably. lol

Tau Zant is back?! O.o?! Well, I guess building him up as the final boss, all season, and not giving him the final battle would've been disappointing.

Oh, wait. He's a conglomeration of all the villain's evil wills? I thought that trope was only for yokai stories... But I guess ninja stories do use a lot of magic and blur the line with the yokai genre.

I like that they won the mecha battle by pretending to be beaten. They used both the tropes of "an enemy is the most dangerous when about to be killed with a final blow" and "a ninja's primary weapon is deception", to get to Tau Zant's forehead weak spot. And I also like the trope of "the villain makes an obvious fatal flaw" during battle tactics, rather than just the plot. I know all these tropes are cliche in Japan, but I re~ally like them~! ;u;! It's so weird that at the hint of a cliche trope from American/Hollywood media, I get kind of bored, but I love all these Japanese pop culture tropes from anime, manga, and tokusatsu. ^.^; But I guess some things just speak to you, and some things don't. lol

The villains have a combined attack "canon" now? lol "Falling back from the exploooooooooooooosions!" LOL

WAit. Ikkou and Isshu are still alive? Well, it is nice to soften the blow of death for a kid's show. ^.^ And more importantly, they get to fight in the final final battle. If a series finale battle lacked in fanservice, like the fanserive of seeing all the main characters fighting together, then I'd be disappointed.

Now that they're doing their poses with minimal costuming, I can see more clearing that they're doing actual kabuki mie poses. ^o^ I love it! ^o^

Of course, Oboro and her dad turn out to still be alive. LOL I'm sorry, but I feel RELIEVED! ;u;!!!!!! All those tragic deaths, from the previous episodes, all at once, was too much. ;o;! I mean, it was really effective for The Feels at the time, but damnit, I watch fun kid shows to get away from my anxiety/depression! Later, some jerk always comes out of the fandom woodwork to complain about "undoing character deaths is cheap" or "it cheapens the story". Blahblahblah. I'm sorry, but if you can't retain the lessons/emotions/revealations you learned when you *thought* tragedy happened, unless the tragedy stays, then I've got to question your ability to learn from events and not take stuff for granted! All these crybaby fanboys complaining about the effects of a death not staying unless the death stays...I don't think they even got the important effects of a death. I don't think they really learned what's important. When a character dies, it's supposed to bring to mind all regrets left unresolved. And then, more importantly, the surviving character(s) is supposed to resolve to change themselves to not make those same mistakes. Not the mistake that specifically got the other character killed in their death scene, but the mistakes of all those everyday things that were left unresolved, out of an assumption that there would always be more time with that killed character. I personally think that striving everyday to guard against making those same mistakes is a whole other, brand new battle, that needs to be taken on everyday. To me, that's a whole new world of tension and drama that doesn't get erased when the "killed" character returns from the dead. When the "killed" character gets resurrected, that's the START of a brand new battle, a battle that the surviving character has already proven to have LOST BEFORE. That's why it became a regret---Though a regret unnoticed until the "killed" character died. The "killed" character's resurrection inherently has drama because the surviving character might fail again, might prove that they either learned nothing or more tragically, are unable to overcome their everyday flaws, to avoid repeating that same regret. That's a whole lot more tragic to me than a character staying dead. (When [spoiler] returned from the dead at the end of Kamen Rider W, I ranted so much against those fanboys complaining that his resurrection "ruined" everything. Urrrrgh!!! https://mysticdragon3md3.tumblr.com/post/111356254057/spoilertastic-rant-warning-for-kamen-rider-w)

But yeah, Gozen and Shurikenger remaining dead works. I didn't watch many episodes of this season, but there was a lot less connection between the audience and those 2, compared to with the other Hurricanger.

Is that a persimmon? He better be eating a persimmon! ^O^ Can't have a ninja story without eating persimmon! LOL

Wait. Did PlutoTV just cut off the last scene of the last episode?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, good. Tokushoutsu came back. I wonder what all that back to back loading was all about?

I just realized "Ikkou" and "Isshu"... Doesn't that mean "Let's go together"? ;U;!

Aaaaahhhh! Another trope I love! Catch something from the master to complete your training! ^o^

Are they seriously intercutting between this graduation fight and their future careers? lol I guess it makes more sense

Big Shurikenger cameo at the end. lol Nice to get all the actors together. I did like that joke about never really know what Shurikenger's real face was.

Ah~ I didn't watch the full season, but Super Sentai finale episodes are always satisfying. ;u; . . . 5:02 PM 8/1/2020 I guess PlutoTV/Tokushoutsu is starting again with episode 1.

It was a persimmon in the final episode! ^o^

Wait. So the only reason this trio became Hurricanger was because they were the slackers playing hookie while everyone else was attacked?! LOL I love that trope. lol

But wait... So did all the other students DIE?????????????? ;O;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaugh! O~O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg. They just rushed into battle, all at the same time, with no cover, and all obvious moves... They really are idiots. lol I love them. ;u; Well, I love knowing how much they're going to grow from this low level. . . . 5:28 PM 8/1/2020 So I went on YouTube to try to find Power Rangers Ninja Storm episode 1, just to compare how they handled their character introductions. And OMG. I'm sorry, I hate them. ~_____~;;;;;;;;;;;; Everyone is snarky, disrespectful in ways that imply a lack of common compassion, and they're too much dialogue like "dude, I don't get this because I'm totally stupid". Uuuuuuuuuggh~ ~o~;;;;;;;;;;;;;; See, this is what I mean by how astonished I am that get sick of American fiction tropes so easily, but inexplicably just eat up those J-pop culture tropes. ~_~; . . . 5:31 PM 8/1/2020 Hurricanger ep2

Oh, these are the jobs that tied into the final episode's montage. I like the lesson about not forgetting the "important Fight in your heart" even while you're doing everyday mundane life.

Sorry, I'm not paying attention, but I've got stuff to do. ^^; Well, looks like Tokushoutsu is ending their Hurricanger marathon block, so I'm going to switch to some studying concentration ASMR.

Wait. Gotta listen to Kamen Rider Ichigo's opening theme! ^O^!!! "Rider jump! Rider kick! Kamen Rider, Kamen Rider! Rider! Rider!" ^U^!!!

#reactions #md3 watches hurricanger #nippu sentai hurricanger #super sentai #tokusatsu

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moistwithgender · 5 years

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Monthly Media Roundup (April 2019)

April was a bit of a disaster month for me, and as such I didn’t get much of anything finished. Old wounds got reopened, I was sick all month, I had an unavoidably bad birthday, and a lifelong pet died. I didn’t engage with a lot of things, and mostly slept. I did play a lot of Breath of the Wild, but seeing as I didn’t finish that, I’m not including it yet. Here’s the things I did finish:

Games:

Blaster Master Zero (Switch): I actually first bought and finished this two years ago, and since the sequel has come out I decided to replay it with the Shovel Knight DLC character. While I genuinely like this game (I 100%’d it both times), I was not really in a good spot to enjoy this playthrough, and just kinda mindlessly pushed through it for nine consecutive hours, beating it in that single sitting. Playing as a DLC character removes the story, which is fine since they’re intended for replays, though I wonder if it added to my emotional disconnect. SK doesn’t receive fall damage, and so the precariousness of navigating the world outside of the highly-mobile tank doesn’t exist nearly as much, though the trade-off is that SK’s combat abilities in dungeons are hindered by an overall lack of range. The game is still rather easy, though, so I can’t say any particular level cadences or combat scenarios carved their way into my memory.

To the game’s credit, though, the things that are good about it are still good. If you have an attachment to the original NES game, or an interest in retro properties, or just want a nice, breezy platformer, it’s very good. It’s interesting in how it repurposes the altered plot of the US version of the original game (where it was its most popular), including even the plot of the little novelization that came out because Gotta Get Those Video Game Kids to Read Something. It has a fake out ending, and if you 100% the maps it unlocks a final map that is genuinely surreal enough to be the highlight of the game. Despite my sighing, it is a genuinely good time, and I’m very curious to play the new game, somewhat hilariously titled Blaster Master Zero 2.

Anime:

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I chewed through the last four episodes of this so that I could say I finally finished the season. I didn’t watch the post-season recap episode. TenSura (the abbreviation of the Japanese title, which I will use to refer to it because satisfyingly abbreviating the english title is impossible) is not a very good show, but for about half the length of the 24-episode first season, it fascinates due to how it functions at all. TenSura is an isekai show, much like the other isekai shows, where a person dissatisfied with their life is brutally murdered (usually by a truck. USUALLY by a truck) and is reborn in a fantasy world that coincidentally gives them an absurd advantage over other people, allowing them to live out all the decadence they felt they deserved in the real world. If this sounds like the most boring kind of wish fulfillment possible to you, that’s because it is. It’s also extremely popular with consumers. Which is interesting! I think the isekai boom is indicative of how late-stage capitalism everyday people the world over, that we envision or escape to worlds where your efforts actually return appropriate reward. A bonkers concept, to be sure.

In TenSura, the formula doesn’t stray much. The main character is a man in his 30s (?) who has never fucked and gets knifed to death while HEROICALLY saving a coworker from a plot-irrelevant stabber dude who was running down the sidewalk with his knife out for no reason besides Main Character Needs an Inciting Incident Now. It’s actually pretty weirdly violent for the start to a show that is almost entirely light-hearted. Dude dies, his coworker dumps his hard drive in the bath out of respect (lol), and he wakes up in a fantasy world that works on videogame logic, including loot, skill trees, and class upgrades. He is reborn as an adorable slime a la Dragon Quest, but the personality traits he had in his previous life (and I guess his choice of dying words) scan to obscenely convenient passive abilities that ensure he’s not only invincible, but will never stop experiencing exponential power growth. Also he immediately makes friends with a final boss-level dragon and then eats him. That’s how he makes friends in this sometimes.

I’m being very cynical here, but the core narrative loop (and it IS a loop) of the series kept my interest for longer than I expected. Rimuru (the name of the reborn protagonist) goes somewhere he hasn’t been, astonishes the nearby (sometimes violent) inhabitants with his overpowered abilities, makes friends with them, and then improves their lives with community. Goblins, direwolves, orcs, demon lords. It stacks and builds upon itself to absurd degrees but it’s interesting that in a genre loaded with very problematic stories of disenchanted dudes finally getting the underage harem they’ve always wanted (aaaaAAAAAAAAA) that the main concept of this series is improving the lives of others and giving them closure for the ways life has hurt them. Even if. Sometimes that hurt was the main character’s doing? Like Rimuru absolutely decapitates a direwolf leader and then adopts the pack who from then on absolutely LOVE the dude. Also one of Rimuru’s abilities is that if he gives a monster a name, it class upgrades, which is generally and reasonably seen as a life improvement. Though, these class upgrades are almost always decidedly “less-tribal” or outright human, which smacks of some imperialist thinking. It’s also something I’m sure I never questioned in old videogames growing up. Meanwhile, there’s also a bit with a woman who came from Japan during that one really bad war, you know the one, and the closure she’s given as she’s dying is handled with actual delicacy. It’s a weird series! It’s only a shame to me that after most of the first season, there was less to talk about. Sometime after the halfway mark, you realize the show is never going to maintain tension for more than half an episode, that all problems are solvable (yes, even terminally ill children), and that the show isn’t going anywhere you can’t predict. It’s a checklist show, and the plot points are a list of achievements being checked off one episode at a time.

I don’t think I would actually recommend the show to most people, despite how popular it is. It’s not a great show, but it does weird enough things for a while that it generates conversations. Which is honestly pretty okay. It’s a pretty okay show. Also, Rimuru is effectively nonbinary (with he pronouns), and that’s… somethin’! (24 episodes, finished 4/17/19, Crunchyroll (Funimation also now has the dub I think? Clips I saw were pretty weird, Rimuru seemed to be characterized differently.))

Manga:

Nejimaki Kagyu Vol 1: You would think a manga that immediately starts with a reference to Phantom Blood would be, well, at least interesting.

Okay maybe invoking a beloved work doesn’t actually mean anything. I just wanted to share this blatant callback. Nejimaki Kagyu is a seinen manga about a highschool teacher whose tragically cursed to, uh, have all teenage girls fall in love with him. And the highschool-age childhood friend of his who has spent her whole life obsessed with him and learning super martial arts to defend his chastity. Her supers make her clothes explode.

…

I take no joy in this travesty.

Anyway, uh. The biggest tragedy here is that the art is actually really good, though the paneling is regularly squished around to hilarious degree. Let’s look at some pages and then forget this manga exists forever.

That horror face is how I feel the entire series should be portraying itself. The manga has a distinct lack of self-awareness.

The fan translation for this series appears to have dropped off halfway through and hasn’t been picked up for years, and based on reviews I saw on MAL talking about the directionlessness of the later volumes, I wonder if the translator got fed up with the series. Oh well!

Kyou no Asuka Show Vol 1: Oh god damn it I just got done with talking about a series about ogling the youth.

BLEASE STOP

Okay so. Kyou no Asuka Show, or “Today’s Asuka Show” is an older slice of life manga by the same author I mentioned previously who is doing an edutainment series about people working in a condom factory. Innocently-minded women in comedically lewdish situations appears to be his whole bag. I think Asuka is pretty charming, but I also know she’s designed to appeal to my monkey male gaze. Obliviously sexy is very much a mood, and in a more adult context I would be all for it. There have been a few chapters where I find myself at odds with the wisdom the author is attempting to impart, sometimes through Asuka’s father, who works as an adult photographer, and doesn’t want his daughter involved in anything that could cause her to be ogled. Like, that’s already something that requires a lot of unpacking in the modern day. Aforementioned wisdom sometimes takes the form of Asuka doing something stupid and innocent and ripe for objectifying, like wearing a school swimsuit in a rainstorm. Or she’ll work a job as a cute girl courier and inadvertently turn a shut-ins life around. Situations where, if it were in real life, I’d think “wow that’s weird and charming,” but by being a work of intentional authorship, it inherently loses some of that innocence, and becomes something well-meaning but problematic. Is that the second time I’ve used the word “problematic” in this post? Is this 2014?

I may continue reading this, but I really can’t recommend it to most people I know in 2019 without several disclaimers and also without probably getting some side eye. I think it’s worth a couple chapters to feel out what its doing before you decide whether you can siphon the charm from it, or would rather move on to something else.

Me enjoying myself when this manga tries to suddenly get up to some shit.

Blue Period Vol 1: This is the last thing on my list, because I don’t want to expand this list beyond the three mediums I’ve already assigned to it. Also, I actually finished this May 1st, but I wanted to talk about it now.

If I had the power to actually get people to engage with a specific work once per month, Blue Period would easily be the one I pick. That doesn’t mean as much when all the other things I finished this month were conflicted experiences, but I really think everyone would benefit from this series. Or at least anyone with even a passing interest in visual arts.

Blue Period (named for Picasso’s Blue Period) is about a highschool delinquent who has a knack for studying, a safe social life, and no interests in pretty much anything. He’s on the road to do fine in his life, and he doesn’t question it much, but that’s it, until he discovers art and realizes it’s the only way he’s ever been able to truly communicate his feelings. It changes everything about him, for more emotionally satisfying reasons, but also riskier ones. He only has one year of highschool to go to decide what he’s doing with his life, and Japan has a very strict education system. You’re not really allowed to just “get around” to things.

Apologies in advance if you’re tired of me spamming full pages but I really do wanna show this off. This is another series with an educational angle to it, though the emphasis is definitely more rooted in a personal narrative of growth. The explanations of art practice and the functionality of exercises and tools are both very informative and relevant to the characters, never feeling like the story is taking a backseat to explain. The characters are, hilariously, everyone I’ve ever met in an art class. There’s the kid who would rather exclusively draw the things they like, there’s the kid who likes art as a hobby but haaaates being given a project, etc etc. There are students who have an innate grasp on how to draw but haven’t internalized the Why of the exercises, and students who are receptive to the lessons but don’t have the ability to match. The narrative is extremely even-handed towards all of these different levels of skills, and places a lot more importance on why, emotionally, you should totally care about drawing apples and water pitchers for five hours at a time. It’s GREAT and I want to force it on every creative I’ve ever known.

Another thing I appreciate about this series so far is that while there has been something resembling sexual/romantic tension, it’s kind of not like that at all? In the first volume I haven’t been able to pinpoint where a potential relationship subplot would go, if at all. Two possibilities are this girl:

...who is a very likable character but surprisingly doesn’t fit into that box of “standard love interest”. The protag’s interactions with her have been exclusively respectful and admiring, which doesn’t even necessarily imply a romantic subplot, but would be pretty cool if it did? And the other girl:

...who is featured in decidedly more sexual tension-y contexts, is actually TRANS. The manga actually portrays them so uncompromisingly feminine that I didn’t realize they were crossdressing (the term used in the text) until the author’s notes at the end of the volume. I will partially blame this on me being out of it this month, since I just went back to their introduction and yep, they got misgendered and contested it. Given how the character is regularly framed (confident, attractive, skilled, nonstereotypical), I’m… pretty okay with this! If a romance blooms between a delinquent boy and a trans girl, that’s amazing.

I hope y’all understand where I’m coming from in expecting a shoehorned romantic subplot. I’m not hoping for one, I just know the product by now. And if it happens, the options are considerably more interesting than usual.

These are pretty good kids.

Manga licensing is a lot better nowadays than it ever was before, with lots of obscure series being picked up, old series getting re-localized, and translations being better than ever. I really really want this series to get licensed so someone can be compensated for it, and so more people might read it. Until then, I think you should look up the fan work.

---

So that’s all for April. If these posts included live-action movies, I’d have talked about Endgame, but I also don’t want to go spoiling anything for someone who still wants to go see that (it’s probably one of my favorite MCU movies, though). I read most of 1970-71 in Marvel comics, or at least most of the issues on my reading list, but I semi-liveblog about those, so you can just search my “curry reads comics” tag for that. Here’s hoping I have more interesting, more positive things to say about May in a month. I expect to finish Breath of the Wild by then, so I’ll finally talk about that. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far! Go check out Blue Period.

#curry reads manga #curry watches anime #curry plays games

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purpleyin · 6 years

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Six Songs Sunday

Trying something a little different this Sunday, since I want to motivate myself to do more vidding as well as fic writing. I’m still organising all the ripped files for The Flash and BBC Sherlock but I already have a load of vid ideas to get to once I do. So here, let me share six songs I am totally into for vidding once I get my setup sorted.

Tessellate by Alt-J - BBC Sherlock - The lyrics for this really lend themselves to an OT3 vid in my opinion and it took me a while to decide which one exactly but eventually I realise it really has to be Sherlock/John/Mary for me. The tension, pace and sharpness of the song all seem to fit the action and intensity the show has with the relationships between those three.

That’s When I Reach For My Revolver by Moby - BBC Sherlock, S1/2 gen vid - I originally liked this for the interpretation of John as his revolver, though I think his weapon in this is Sherlock’s increasing ability to care for more people, who he will fight for. So I see this as good for showing emotional development but also good for a vid that builds up the action/arcs in S2 to a climax of his fall.

Even Though Our Love Is Doomed by Garbage - The Flash, Savitar/Killer Frost. The title pretty much sums up why this is so fitting, their love most definitely is doomed by definition due to the tragedy inherent in both their origins. This song also neatly encapsulates the sense of cruelty and obsession of them, their need for revenge, as well as touching on their acceptance of each other as they are.

Born Too Slow by The Crystal Method - The Flash, Barry Allen - This is my ironic title Barry Allen vid idea. But in more seriousness, I liked this for the fast action feel of the song that fits for a speedster but also for the angst. The too slow here being used for all the times Barry hasn’t been able to save people that he feels guilty about.

That’s My Girl by Fifth Harmony - The Flash, Iris/Caitlin AU - I love the energy of this for showing them being kickass ladies, though I’m expecting this to be hard to vid for the pace and also since they don’t really have many scenes together until S4, but definitely want to try for this because it’s a small ship that I’d really like to make some content for.

It’s Friday I’m In Love by The Cure - Fringe, gen / humour - This one isn’t happening any time remotely soon as I don’t have the files ripped yet for Fringe but I love the idea of doing this a sort of meta vid (because Fringe aired on Fridays) about loving Fringe itself. Also, I wanna do a cheery Fringe vid sometime and I feel like this could be pretty fun with some tongue in cheek clip choices, as well as just nice one for characters and different ships.

#snowest #savifrost #barry allen #fringe #bbc sherlock #the flash #six songs sunday #purpleyin: fanvids

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vesperthine · 7 years

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will it wash out in the water (or is it always in the blood)

one day i’ll write fluff. this is not that day. lots of love to @junkshop-disco for being a beta and providing helpful thoughts ♡

Even asks him, and everything sort of stops.

Tapping the joint on the cold stone, Isak scrunches one eye up. “Haven’t really thought about it,” he says. “What about it?”

They’re huddled together out on the balcony. Watching, on an impulse of the best kind, a rainstorm and sharing a beer, a smoke ( – weed for him; tobacco for Even – ) and a blanket between them. Thunder rolls in the distance; the rain patters like gun fire against the roof and the tarmac below.

Even’s eyebrows go up, watching with that careful intensity that Isak won’t ever get used to ( – will forever want to bask in, like a cat on a window sill – ). “Nothing, just thinking it’d be nice, later,” he says, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “To have a little thing running around.”

His long fingers run in the air, then up Isak’s arm to his shoulder. Squinting, Isak takes a drag of the joint, sweet smoke billowing out in the drizzle. There’s a slight pressure behind his lungs: one that stays even as the air leaves them.

“But not before you’ve gotten a job, though. Tips won’t cover those expenses.”

“Yeah,” Isak says, slowly, scratching his ear. “But – kids don’t like me, just so you know.”

The words seem distant, spoken from a mouth ( – with jagged teeth and a void for a throat – ) that’s not his own. Another swig of beer. It’s lukewarm by now, but it does the job of washing out the taste of the joint. The pressure stays.

Even’s face goes sort of blank ( – and there’s a tug in his stomach, like tipping over a precipice, going into free fall – ) before he smiles an eye-crinkling smile and tucks Isak’s head in under his chin. “Ours would,” he says, as he shakes his shoulder. “It’s impossible not to.”

“Maybe,” Isak smiles back ( – tries to smooth this over, what the fuck is this – ) at him. “Let’s start with a dog, though. Less of a mess.”

Even’s leans back to get a better look at Isak’s face. “A dog?”

“I’ve had a dog,” Isak says with confidence, and swipes his nose when Even still looks doubtful. “I’ll know what I’m doing!”

Even laughs then, loud and joyous ( – and some air flows in, loosens the tension – ) “I thought you got Lea from your aunt?”

“We did? She couldn’t keep her because of work, so we got her as a two-year-old. What about it?”

“I know you took care of her. All I’m saying is that you’ve never dealt with a full-on puppy. And, from what I’ve heard, they’re messier than a kid. Pees in the bed, chews up your shoes – ”

“Fine, fine!” Isak says, shoving him playfully, laughing to keep up the lightheartedness ( – avoiding the edge he can’t figure out where it is, fumbling in the dark with hands outstretched, hoping he doesn’t get cut – ). “Doesn’t need to be a puppy. You can get older rescues, which, by the way, is better for the karma account.”

“It is.”

Even smiles, but somehow, it only leaves Isak wishing he had more beer.

Suddenly, the sky is lit up by lightning. The sound rattles the windows, making Even startle beside him and then laugh at his own ridiculousness. His eyes go thin with joy as he pulls Isak into his warm, solid side and they share a chaste kiss tasting of nothing but beer and crackling static; Even’s hand gripping his hair so tight his scalp prickles.

And Isak wants to give him everything; his whole damn being if he could.

A lot of what they have is a defying of expectations. They fell in love too quickly, moved out too early, matured too fast. Despite all of that, everything somehow works out fine. They talk more than most couples their age; they’re too keenly aware of each other's weaknesses to let it be and there’s no disillusionment, because that curtain was ripped open in that first week, showing it all ( – the heaviness, the ugliness in them both, always on display, like a war memorial – ) and it never closed again.

It is a normal question: an expected one. He doesn’t need to think about here and now; not with Even’s arm around his back and his fingers skirting his waistband; not here, with the rain against the roof and the air filled with oxygen and the distant rumbles of Oslo behind their building.

So, inevitably, he does.

Visiting the old house is exhausting.

He’s tired before he even gets off the tram. There’s just something about stepping into this house and noticing that it has a different scent now ( – hits that he’s actually been away so long that the inherent smell of this house isn’t categorized as home anymore – ) that brings back thoughts he doesn’t like to think about, but does anyway.

Like how the whole situation is a tragedy; one reinforced by Mother’s Day adverts, the complete dependency on public transport and the knowledge that he truly has replaced them with Even, kollektivet, and a bunch of other clueless teens. That he took the choice and left, knowing she needed him, but that he couldn’t do anything about it. Like how his father was and continues to be even more worthless in that aspect; entertaining for even a second that a sixteen-year-old could do a better job than a grown man.

The visits help with the guilt and the anger. Somewhat. Makes it a little easier to deal with; relieves some of the pressure. He makes himself go once a month, just to check in. For her sake, Even’s – and a bit for his own.

Marianne has been taking her medication, and is in a good mood. His dad’s text is from two days ago, but it’s confirmed when he steps inside; the house smelling clean and no mail littering the welcome mat. It makes it a bit easier ( – less heartstopping, less flashback triggering, less terrifying – ) to enter. When she sees him, she hugs him and her eyes are clear and focused as she watches him with reverence; holds his face in her hands for a moment too long before letting go.

There’s still pictures of him left on the walls in the hallway, and he avoids looking at them; his own smiling face, her, his father and even Lea’s black, blurry presence in the background of some. All to avoid them reminding him of a time before it all went to shit ( – but it was always a bit shit, wasn’t it, just hidden underneath a veil of make-pretend and he hasn’t truly forgiven either of them has he? – ) as he toes off his shoes and puts them on the shoe rack.

He knows it’s not her fault, and that she does love him. Always has, and always will, because he is her son. And she’s his mother. So, it should be mutual, shouldn’t it?

But, it’s not that easy. It’s a lie to say it was never that bad. After many a night of hushed conversations, Isak now knows that what he went through is a sort of trauma in and of itself; something he’ll carry with him for the rest of his life.

He might’ve survived, but that’s not bravery: leaving someone behind to save yourself, that is. Someone like Even is strong ( – to come back to the same place, the same body, and bear it after something like that – ) and Isak isn’t. That’s just fact. Not even now, when Isak knows where he belongs. He can grow where the odds are against him, through malnourishment, wear and tear, but it’s just not the same.

There’s a big difference between resilience and strength, after all.

She’s made tea, and her hands are shaking slightly as she pours it into his mug and then her own. “Where’s – how’s Even doing?” she asks, eyes skittering around, not staying put.

Taking a bite of the sandwiches she’s also cut up, Isak shrugs. “He’s – he’s good. Says hi.”

She seems to steel herself for a moment, gaze flitting out through the blinds and onto the street outside. Following her gaze, there’s a couple of young girls biking up the little hill; giving each other rides on the luggage carriers.

“You should bring him sometime. I’d love to meet him.”

Swallowing, Isak nods. It’s the first time she’s asked, and his first instinct is to lie. Tell her that Even’s really busy with school and work, and that he’s not at home at this instant, pacing or distracting himself so that he can drop everything and hold Isak for a while when he gets home ( – absolutely emotionally drained from upholding this mask shielding his crushing guilt and the horrible fact that while he doesn’t hate his parents, he sure doesn’t love them anymore, either – )

He couldn’t uphold it with Even here; that’s just something he knows. So, he settles for the middle ground.

“I’ll ask him.”

She smiles at him, small but still there, and nods. “Please do. He seems like a nice boy.”

Even asked him, before, if he wanted kids, and everything in Isak just screamed please no.

When the question had come out of Even’s mouth, a too easily awoken thing inside of him had raised its head, thrashing and snarling and he doesn’t ( – does, though, it’s just that he simply can’t say or even articulate it in his mind, too abstract but oh so potent – ) know why. They are a success story, in so many ways; a paragon of overcoming the things people refuse to deal with or talk about. Having kids would be ideal, within a relationship like theirs, would prove a lot of people wrong, but –

Isak doesn’t even want to try.

They’re in bed; him curled around Even’s body, trying to trick his own anxious mind into sleep for the fourth time this week, when it slips out. It has sat in in his throat like a glass shard ever since the visit home; jagged and hopeless and causing as much damage coming up as going down.

“Even?”

A grunt; an onomatopoeia for please, try to go to sleep Isak.

“I don’t think I want kids.”

Even’s breathing stops for a moment and Isak wants nothing else but to go back ( – sink back into that previous reality, let the escapism wash over him – ). It never gets easier; being stuck in the liminal space of ignorance and knowing the outcome.

Under his hand, Even’s ribcage expands, and then collapses again. “Oh?”

Isak closes his eyes, brushes his nose against the topmost knob of his spine. “Yeah.”

“You know you don’t have to think about that now, though? I was just curious, before.”

“I know. But, it’s true, and I don’t think it’s going to change.”

Even turns his head to catch his eye. “Can I ask why?” he asks after a moment, voice rasping and low with sleep, and the free fall feeling in Isak’s chest comes back with a punch. It’s not just a simple question. It holds so much more weight than Even probably even realises.

It’s not even jealousy. It’s something entirely different. Isak’s keenly aware that Even’s parents are very human; has seen it up close in the form of frustrated phone calls, in texts from a worried father, unwanted reminders for the blood tests and in the edges in Even’s voice at dinners when his mother oversteps yet again.

Still, they didn’t give up. They learned and adapted as their son spiralled in front of their eyes to the point where they almost ( – in the bathroom, Isak, not that he is likely to go for it again, but don’t let him lock the door, darling, I really don’t want you to find him like that, it changes you as a person – ) lost him. They answer on the third ring in the middle of the night, pay more than half of their rent, and even though there is some roughness, there’s no doubt that Even’s parents make him their first priority, and they always will.

Thinking about the photos still up in his mother’s hallway, about how much of her and his father is still and forever somewhere inside him, breathing gets a little harder to do. Isak shifts, puts his cheek on Even’s shoulder, breathes him in; all freshly washed cotton, boy sweat and just that smell of home and safety.

“I just don’t want to ruin this,” he whispers, closing his eyes again.

Even makes an incredulous noise, turning onto his back to look at him. “What?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbles straight into the worn fabric of Even’s shirt, not fast enough to swallow it down. “It just would.”

“Hey. Isak?”

Even’s voice is serious, and when he strokes his shoulder, soothing, Isak swallows again.

“I don’t want them to grow up like I did,” he whispers.

The arm around his shoulder locks up. “What are you trying to say?” Even asks, a beat too late and Isak bites his lip, knowing he fucked up. Even is stiff like a board, a held back edge in his voice ( – they match now, jagged words in both their mouths – ). “Just because your parents couldn’t handle it, means we’re doomed too?”

“No – ”

“Then what, Isak?”

Whatever this is, bubbling and itching under his skin, it’s contagious, spreading like blood in water. “I just – I guess I think it’s selfish,” he deflects.

Even goes quiet. “It’s selfish to adopt a child no one wants?”

Sighing, Isak drags himself from his stiff embrace and sits up against the wall. Clicks on the bedside lamp. His right foot sticks out from under the blanket, and he wiggles his toes; watching the shadows they make on the floor in the light. “No. But, I think it’s – I mean, you’ve put more thought into getting a dog. You’re basically getting a human being to groom for your own enjoyment. Because of something you want. Not for them.”

“Is that what you think?” Even asks, and this harsh disbelief is not playful, not even close. Isak bites the inside of his lip; taking comfort in the taste of his own blood. It’s better to fight about this than the real thing. “Adoption isn’t like that – it’s a hassle. People do it because they truly want a child, you know?”

“But that doesn't change why you want it in the first place,” Isak says, quiet. Because this feels like an actual fight, and being calm when it’s important is the little thing that separates functioning from disaster. “My parents didn’t have me because they wanted me. They wanted something to care for apart from themselves, and when it all fell apart, I was just – expected to want to take care of everything, too.”

The glass shard slips down a few notches and the pressure behind his lungs suddenly bursts and blooms out, tender like a bruise. Like a project, a child can be a last ditch attempt to save something already unsalvageable ( – and if you focus your energy right, then your marriage can get another sixteen years added to its lifespan, even though it’s having death spasms from the day you’re born and causing your mother’s first psychosis – )

Both of them might love him, but sometimes you’re just too selfish to love someone back after they hurt you badly enough.

“You don’t think you’re projecting a bit now?” Even ask after a long while, sounding hollow. “That’s your experience; doesn’t mean it’s universal. Magnus’ mother manages just fine. She loves him and his sister so much, and – they function, Isak.”

Instantly, Isak hates himself. He closes his eyes. “This isn’t about you, okay?”

“What is it about, then?” Even’s voice is so soft, it’s almost inaudible. “Because I don’t like what you’re implying now. Not one bit.”

He is right there, radiating warmth, but his eyes are haunted. Isak wiggles his toes some more, air rushing between them. Getting what he truly feels off his tongue is still a struggle, and sometimes Even does him a disservice with letting his lies and deflections slide until they all crack open in his throat and spill out in ugly, chopped up truths.

“It’s just – I don’t want to be responsible for hurting anyone, okay?”

“You’re not really doing a good job of that right now, just so you know.”

Looking up from his foot, Isak snaps his head back towards him. Even is twisting his mouth, the harshness all gone; his eyes trained on the duvet and his large hands

“It’s not –” Isak tries, reaching out a hand towards him. “I’m – I choose to, Even. It’s not because of some sort of obligation. Family makes it – it’s just, children shouldn’t have to stay, for any reason, because that makes them resent their parents like you wouldn’t believe and – and then, if they do leave, for their own sake, they can’t stop hating themselves for letting them down and – ”

He stops. Swallows. It stings behind his eyes now, and there’s nowhere to hide apart from behind his own hands. So he rubs his eyes, just to be able to breathe.

“If we do it right, they wouldn’t want to leave,” Even says, still as quiet as before. “You make it sound as if this will blow up, no matter what we do. That’s not true. We can have exactly the life we want.”

“But I don’t want to,” Isak finally makes out, swallowing back the growing lump ( – truth, the inevitable truth, call it what it is – ) in his throat. “It’s just – I can’t. I can’t be responsible for more – ”

“More? You mean me. You’re not responsible for – ”

“But I am,” Isak says, breathing harsh and too loud in this room ( – the glass shatters in his throat, cuts up his gums and crunches between his teeth – ). “And you’re just as responsible for my well-being, Even, and I – choose to be here with you, I want to be with you, and no one else, and I don’t want to bring someone in here that didn’t choose to be here! I just – why can’t this be enough? Why can’t I be enough, for once?”

He doesn’t plan on the next breath going in through his nose to turn into a sob. It’s so unexpected, four nights of no sleep catching him completely off-guard, that he freezes for a moment, then harshly wipes the tears away before they can fall. “Fuck’s sake.”

Even doesn’t say anything; just looks at him for a long while. Where his jaw was set in that subtly defiant way of his, it goes softer the longer the silence stretches out; Isak’s laboured breath the only sound left. Then, he seems to see something in Isak’s eyes, and in an instant, his beautiful face crumples; eyes glistening a bit in the light from the bedside lamp.

“C’mere.”

Crawling on his hands and knees, Isak tumbles sideways ( – grey, free fall feeling coming to an end as he catches him – ) into Even’s open arms.

“You’re my baby, okay?” Even breathes into his ear, clutching him close and rocking him back and forth. “Of course you’re enough. Fuck, Isak, I’m sorry.”

Isak holds back just as tight; his nails digging into the Even’s back. “I just – I don’t want to,” he mumbles into his neck, throat clamped around that small, leftover kernel of truth ( – wanting to pour every cell of his being into him, knowing he will be there for him in return, and that never changing because there’s nothing but choice anchoring them to each other, making it so much more, because what could be more than this, this state of being, this chosen commitment to togetherness – ). “You’d be a great dad, but I don’t want to.”

“It’s okay.” Even puts his lips to his forehead. “You don’t have to. That’s okay. ”

Into the white cotton of Even’s t-shirt, Isak mumbles, “Is it, though?”

“I would never force you to do something like that.”

Swallowing, and so glad he doesn’t need to look at his face, Isak says, “But won't you feel like you're missing out?”

A hand goes into his hair. “A bit, perhaps?” Even’s voice is all contemplation and honesty.

Isak nods. “Okay.”

Kissing his neck, Even shakes his head. “No, listen. Sure, it’s something I’d like to do, but I wanted to do it with you. But it’s not the most important thing in the world. And our friends will probably have kids. I mean, Yousef said he and Sana might be aiming for twelve so, you know. They’ll probably need a tiny bit of help.”

Isak tries and fails to suppress a smile against his neck at the casual tone, and Even ruffles his hair.

“It’s really okay. You still up for a dog, though?”

Touching his nose to Even’s, Isak remembers a time when Lea was still alive and his mother had a particularly bad episode; thinking he was the bringer of the rapture. He’d been fifteen, his dad away on a business trip for the week, and when she’d finally stopped screaming and gone to bed, Lea had pushed open his bedroom door, and then slept beside him all night; a wall of black fur and slow breathing between him and his mother’s hallucinations.

“Yeah,” he whispers into Even’s mouth. “I can share you with a dog.”

Even breathes back. “Good,” he says.

“I want a rescue, though.”

“For that karma account?” Even jokes, and Isak nods.

“It’s always good to be in the positive there.”

At that, Even tilts his head back and Isak loves him. He gives a lot more than he takes and at times, Isak can’t help but wonder if he is taking care of him at the expense of his own wishes. But, if it’s something he’s learned from this whole thing they’ve got, is that he can’t know and shouldn’t speculate until Even tells him with his own words.

Which he will.

So, taking the invitation, Isak kisses him, chaste and quick with a hand in Even’s hair; his apology transferring with the touch. His heart's still racing and there’s another collection of words waiting in his chest, but ( – the edges are smooth and he can hold on to them, tightly, now – ) it feels alright.

Nothing they can’t handle, when it comes.

“It is.”

#skam #*fic #isak/even #even bech næsheim #isak valtersen #wc: ~3.5k #this got heavier than intended #but ends on a good note!#will crosspost to ao3 #in a minute

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popcartoonkabala · 7 years

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Division Resolves, the center cannot hold: The Core of the Core/יסוד שביסוד

To wit: the pop cartoon medium begins with the inversion of the reigning narrative: whereas in traditional myth, the triumphant king was the hero and the inauthentic pretender the villain, much of the pop hope of populist Rome was the inauthentic pretender genuinely aspiring to fix a problem in the seat of royalty. The small loser who ascends to criticize the crown is the main hero, to the degree that mafia crime lords are the face of the crown acceptable to vilify. This is much of the contrast between He-man and She-ra, one from the perfect world ruled by the good royalty, threatened by the wicked warlord, the other in a universe ruled by Evil Horde, the rebels seated as heroic resistance for the human and virtuous. Tipheret(netzach) = Eternia and Yesod(hod) = Etheria

This is the difference between the Hero on the Level of Tipheret and the Hero on the level of Yesod: how much closer they are to the real. The Tzaddik is defined partially by his failures (hod) against which he does not stop strugging (netzach). Does not stop is the main virtue of the hero-tzaddik, what defines him/her as functionally divine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f2J4ceCikI -------------

A thoroughly justified hero, whose struggle and the awesomeness in it aspires to a wholeness of sympathy unavailable in most of the purer heroes is exemplified in X-men’s Logan, the Wolverine. How great and terrible to be Wolverine! Unkillable and unconsoleable, beloved and beheaded, what a nice guy! What a respectable sense of values! Noble and oppressed, practical and invincible. Scrappy and civil beyond civil but totally uncivilized, he is the savage fantasy that really represents the finer aspirations of Tribalism. And this is reflected in Willingham’s Fables. Bigby Wolf is Wolverine, and that’s all the virtues that make wolverines so meaningful, including eternal puppy-hood, and defense of the clan.

Contrast this with the decadent Protestant grace of Batman, the commander of a different kind of clan, with utterly different relationship to responsibility. Who is Batman protecting? Strangers, “innocent” and guilty alike. Batman, touched by the tragedy that wiped out those closest to him, tends not to play favorites in the defense game, identifying the danger that struck those closest to him as utterly impersonal, a sociological abstract trouble that can hit anyone, and/or hits Everyone. Stopping the mugger and fighting the alien invasion are utterly equated in terms of his dedication to Helping, and the only ones he seems to hold to any higher standard are those closest to him, protecting them very little, choosing instead to train and challenge them viciously, to become little psuedo bat-people, turning the tide of the world away from the savagery that kills.

Batman is not meant to be the reluctant head of a Justice League, no matter what a great strategist he is: he hates clubbing. Circumstance may force him into the role, especially in a foundational context (Yesod) but he will eschew it as soon as he can, at least at this stage of the charachter’s development. Wolverine struggles to take any pleasure out of his existence that he can, and smiles any chance he gets, warmly, not even spitting out the blood in his mouth. With Batman it's the opposite: he has infinite opportunity to just enjoy life, and he's constantly putting that aside in order to focus on the mission(s). Both of these principles find their exceptionalism and tempering in the translation of both characters into both classic and supermodern Cartoon adaptations, and in the recent contrasting works that Grant Morrison's has done involving both characters, in what was briefly syncretized as their ultimate forms.

Morrison's X-men run was one of the most shocking transformations of classic Comic archetypes into more realized narrative figures in pop-comic history. His Batman work was been similar in radical aspiration, though much more accountable to the celebrated ways that Batman has already been successfully defined and redefined in modern popular culture. But really, Wolverine might suffer from a similar, though less eponymous definititude: the Fox cartoon of the middle nineties established the character for many of us, and the success of the first two X-men films (and even the failures of the last two) made the character relatively iconic, but still less universally pictured and iconized than Batman, who graces the halls of everywhere, and is known by All Kids, and All Adults. Why? Because Wolverine is inherently a more terrifying concept character.

The Big Bad Wolf on the side of the struggling minorities is no less a socially threatening reminder of the savage competitive chaos of Our observed world than when he was the bad guy we prayed for a hunter to come and put down. Rather the opposite, in our environmentally sensitive post-post-post modern era, he's reminder of how noble the savage can be, and all the more problematic for a civilization that still can't quite come to terms with how to deal with our ambivalent appreciation for everything we've done, do, and have to do to “get by.” Batman is much cleaner. He rarely kills anybody, and when he does, it's only the most unmistakably problematic of chaotic forces. And even then, most Batmythology has him defending the rights and lives of the insane super-criminals he's fighting, as much as anyone else's. Tim Burton's vengeful aberration was apparently not forgotten as the rough angry crazy of Zach Snyder's perception misunderstands the strange self-righteous-decadence of the Nolan films. The subtler levels of weird courtesy as initiation-into-nobility-for-kids is best offset with a sort of pious impatience for disingenuous veiling or responsibility, often dovetailing into more overt play/sex/recreation metaphor as in the 60's pop-art demi-psychedelic version and the later-day creatively inspired pastiche-core cartoon Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Here is where Morrison's influence might be most conspicuous, although only retroactively, and perhaps invertedly; in the infinite wake of Morrison’s building on the Alan Moore discoveries. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Moore%27s_The_Courtyard#Plot_summary

To define: the Ultimate version of a character is inferred from the best and most resonant of all their appearances, and defined in part by their most obscure and peripheral stories. This is part of what Alan Moore defines in passing as “Anomaly Theory,” secretly much of the backdrop of his integrative relationship to mythic characters, as elaborated in his later work from Supreme to League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The unusual version, rejected and willfully resisted version of a charachter actually describes an actual aspect of that charachter, and our resistance to the interpretation describes our resistance to the reality or even truth expressed in that use of the charachter. This is much of my contempt for the Christopher Nolan Batman films: I really don’t like the neo-fascist romance that can emerge as part of why “kids” love Batman. But this is why satires of this model, from the Simpsons’s Monty Burns playing Super-hero for his own self indulgence, to Grant Morrison’s inversion of the Batman/Superman dynamic in his Action Comics conflict between a-now overtly socialism Superman and a dissappointingly conservative Batman (”You’re a Snoop!) Exceptions only define rules when met with the contrasting rejection-satire. Even parodies must be integrated, as in the adaptation of Batboy and Rubbin on Brave and the Bold. Grant Morrison’s Wolverine was also defined, in large part, by his almost total altruistic self control. He is able to refuse Jean Grey's romantic advances early on in New-X-Men, and is able to kill her, for her own sake, despite it certainly being the thing he'd rather do least at that point. He can give his all or hold back anything, according to his familial priorities. This Wolverine is the one that survives into Wolverine and The X-men, the best animated X-men effort to ever come down the wire, to at last lead at the trusted head of the team, the family. Similarly in Jason Aaron’s Wolverine and The X-men comic, where Wolverine is the defacto headmaster of the Xavier school, once Cyclops falls from grace, and only Logan has the priorities in order enough to continue the educational work that X-men was built on.

The contrast with the later, and “Ultimate” versions of Logan in the last of the Hugh Jackman films is telling, of course. As popular personal expression of the moral changes, so does the nature of the tragedy, and in this shift we can see a range of the redefinition of the Righteous, as willfully expressed in the dynamic between Jackman’s Wolverine and Patrick Stewart’s Xavier, here at the end of things. Their meaning is bound up in their end, their punchline, and similarly is Yesod an expression of, not only Tipheret or Daat, but actually the purest and highest priority in the original pure will. This is so much why some adaptations of Super-Heroes Tragedies are So Weird and irritatingly dissonant: they’re trying to push meaning forwards, because of where they are at, the producers or directors or whoever. they’re trying to be true to a personal clarity, and it affects both the purity of their adaptation and the future nature of a given character. Note: at the end, he is still in service of The Mutant Children. Even as he dies to protect them, because part of the emerging moral in James Mangold’s Logan is the futility of survival, and the End of Nature through State and Science in cruel controlling covenant. That’s just where we’re at nowadays, it seems, and any later version of Logan/Wolverine to emerge will engage this tension, just by dint of existing differently. Why kill off Wolverine, who, traditionally, needs to die less than most charachters? This is ultimately his ascention from the lunar or martial into the solar and perfected, martyred into total virtue. Only in death are heroes really trustworthy, otherwise they might fail you again, at any time, a moral limitation unelaborated in many of the least popular hero narratives, notably, again, Batman vs. Superman. The depth and trouble in Zach Snyder’s Superman adaptation will be elaborated soon enough.

In summation: Heroes and G-d must be confused: One is only experienced through the other, the truest G-d is unavailable except for the nice people who care about the absent virtue, and fix reality accordingly.

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