#toxemias | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

haute-pockette · 5 months

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The Doctor's incarnations have fears associated to what caused their regenerations Two acting childlike and whimsical because he's afraid of growing old again. He's scared of becoming a crotchety old man that will die alone. He surrounds himself with friends just as he much with surrogates, to help him feel like he isn't too old to be running about having adventures. Three having a lot of complex and mixed feelings about the Time Lords. He resents them for what they did to him and his companions, but also very scared of facing that fate again should cross their path once more. Four can't stand spiders. They didn't directly kill him, but damn did they play a big part leading up to his regeneration. They give him the willies and Sarah Jane and Romana always have to take care of invading arachnids while he is perched safely on the center console. Five hating heights might actually be canon, he's shown freaking out on a cliff in Castrovalva and hating every minute of a plane ride in Time Flight. Boy likes to keep his feet firmly where he doesn't risk falling. He'll get vertigo if too close to a ledge. Six being scared of getting sick. While this one is more vague, it was the fever of Spectrox Toxemia that kills, so I could see him being panicky and over compensating when it comes to illnesses. Pulls manflu pity every time: bed rest, tea, soup, hot waterbottle on the forehead, reciting rhetoric about his woes. Poor Peri and Mel has to tend to his drama. I can also see him hating bats but in a "why can't you fuckers make more than a tiny vial of milk, asshole???" kind of way. I think Seven's might also be canon (in the books at least) with the way he mentally locked away his Sixth self in fear of the Valeyard. Though he wasn't really a cause for regeneration, he certainly set the Doctor on the path to it. Eight terrified of medicine and hospitals. Aspirin is already deadly to Time Lords, anesthesia fucked up his regeneration. This boy won't go to a medical professional unless he's dragged in unconscious. He will look at broken leg twisted out of shape and claim he can walk it off. The Warrior/War Doctor scared of failing people the way he did Cass. His spirit for hope and brighter ending to the war broken when he regenerated. He became the one that got his hands dirty because he was too scared to let anyone else die under his care.

Nine scared of war. War Doctor held off his regeneration for years to keep fighting, and Nine clearly does his best to step away from the incarnation he hated being more than anything. Like he said, "Coward, any day." Ten is a bit tricky. He's scared of Daleks, losing companions. He's scared that people around him will be willing to sacrifice themselves for him. Scared of the heart of the Tardis, the very soul of time itself ripping away what/who he loves. After Rose is safe from it he was very careful to never let anyone open it again. Eleven scared to see another Time Lord again. He's heartbroken about being the last of his kind. Romana, Brax, Damon all gone. The Master's plans had gotten so much more violent and destructive and insane than they used to be. The other Time Lords so desperate to escape the Time Locked war that they'd destroy time to do it. He's scared of everything ending if the Time Lords return. I haven't really seen enough of Twelve or past that to give proper interpretations on them, but I'm pretty sure Twelve is determined not to be seen as an old man. It's like he sees this new cycle as starting over so he's trying to act like he's the young, rebellious first incarnation? idk

#Doctor Who #Headcanons #Classic Who #new who #Second Doctor #Third Doctor #Fourth Doctor #Fifth Doctor #Sixth Doctor #Seventh Doctor #Eighth Doctor #War Doctor #Ninth Doctor #Tenth Doctor #Eleventh Doctor #Twelfth Doctor

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funky-dealer · 5 months

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a couple drawings of @mixey454 's toxemia in celebration of hitting 100 images on toyhouse 😁😁 and also quasar is there

#i dont think quasar is actually that small but whatever #also go gas mixeys art right now 🫵that is an order #aidan art tag #oc ~ quasar

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gazs-blue-hat · 11 months

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Gaz’s Blue Hat Masterlists and introduction! (Please Read Me!)

Hello! I’m Val, or “the hat”. I love the CoD universe and have watched play throughs of most of the games. At the moment, I’m only writing for 141 and possibly other main characters throughout the story.

If you do not have your age in your bio, you’re getting blocked. I’m sorry but this is an 18+ blog. I don’t feel comfortable with minors interacting with my things.

Another thing. I will write rough topics. I’ve struggled with Suicide, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Addiction and many other vices. I feel like there (rightfully) is a lot of hesitation to write these topics. However, I find comfort in stories. Of course I’ll put trigger warnings on every piece I do, but I want to let you know that you’re seen and you’re heard. Final thing and I'll stop my rambling, I promise. I won't tolerate hate here. I do my best to stay educated on things and thus, this is a safe place for people to ask questions and learn about things they might not know about. Be kind folks.

Key:

💖-Fluff

🪄 -Silly

🩸-Whump

☠️-Angst

❤️‍🔥-Smut

Series

-Fair Winds and Following Seas- Simon Riley x Reader (Tempest)

Read on Ao3: Here!

Chapter 1: Pilot

Chapter 2: The Winding Road of Introductions

Chapter 3: The Calm Before the Storm

Chapter 4: Speed of Sound (Wip)

Glacial Tides- King!Johnny MacTavish X Siren!Reader

Masterlist Found Here!

--------------------------------------- Small Town UA- Hiatus

-Sunflowers and Shotguns (Small Town UA)- Soap x Reader (Lamb) 💖🩸

Welcome

Southern Hospitality

Around the Fences

Air Pressure

Tornado Sirens (Wip)

Toxemia (wip)

-Injections and Ivermectin (Small Town UA)- Ghost X Reader (Tens)💖

Moos Malady

Like Little Railroads

Riley and Riley (Wip)

Concussion (Wip)

CPR (Wip)

Fireplace (Wip)

-Books and Bombshells (Small Town UA)- Gaz x Reader (Keys)

Books Bring Us Together

WPM (Wip)

Dewy Decimal System (Wip)

Movie night (Wip)

Kickstarter (Wip)

Dog-earing (Wip)

-Waves and Warfare (Small Town UA)- Price X Reader (Skip)

Captain to Captain

Come a little closer (Wip)

Kate Kate Kate (Wip)

High Seas (Wip)

Depth Charge (Wip)

Songs of the Deep (Wip)

-TF141 and the WSM- (Small town UA blurbs)

Wear the hat, ride the cowboy 🪄

Beware the Wave Soaked Maidens (Wip)

---------------------------------------

Dungeons and Dragons AU (All characters have three parts)

Seeing isn’t everything (Kyle “Gaz” Garrick X F!Reader) (Medusa)

Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Pt. 3

Songs across Seafoam (Johnny “Soap” MacTavish X F!Reader) (Siren) (Wip) 💖🩸❤️‍🔥

Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Pt. 3

Shapes in the Mists (Simon “Ghost” Riley X F!Reader) (Changeling) (Wip) 💖☠️❤️‍🔥

Pt.1

Pt.2

Pt.3

Curls of Smoke and Embers (Captain John Price X F!Reader) (Dragon) (Wip) 💖☠️🩸❤️‍🔥

Pt.1

Pt.2

Pt.3

--------------------------------------- One Shots

Captain John Price

Left Behind ( Wip) 💖🩸

Yours to command ❤️‍🔥

Wedding ring (blurb)❤️‍🔥

Cherry stem (blurb) mild❤️‍🔥

Bad day (blurb) 💖

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Potent Poisons and Precious Passions (Fem!Reader) 💖❤️‍🔥

Loving Something So Broken (Gn!Reader)☠️💖

Forged in Blood, Bonded by Steel (wip) 💖❤️‍🔥

Hearts Do Mend ☠️💖 (Slight❤️‍🔥)

Cherry Stem (blurb) mild❤️‍🔥

Tags (Blurb) ❤️‍🔥

Bad day (Blurb) 💖

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish

Whispers in the Night (Wip) 💖❤️‍🔥

Domestic Bliss (wip) ❤️‍🔥💖

Cherry Stem (blurb) mild❤️‍🔥

Desperate (Blurb) ❤️‍🔥

Bad Day (Blurb) 💖

Talking you Through it (Blurb) (Capt. MacTavish) ❤️‍🔥

Headboard (Blurb) (Capt. MacTavish) ❤️‍🔥

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Passing Notes 💖

Cherry Stem (blurb) mild❤️‍🔥

Natural Remedy (Blurb) ❤️‍🔥

Bad Day (Blurb)

Paperwork Shmaperwork 💖

Alex Keller

K.I.A to C.I.A (Wip)💖❤️‍🔥

Konig

Love on the Battlefield (WIP)💖❤️‍🔥

Keegan P. Russ

Rupert’s Drop (WIP) 💀🩸

No Nut November (Blurb) ❤️‍🔥

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blurbs

No Pairings, just brainrot

What really happened at the end of MWIII

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

🩸Whumptober🩸

Intro (Please Read)

Character taking care of Reader Whumptober list

Reader taking care of Character Whumptober list

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reblogged Masterlists

These will be complete lists of everything I have ever reblogged about these characters. I don't like the Tumblr Tagging system to look through my stuff so I made my own list like this. I'll be going backwards from present day to the very start of this blog (June)

(11/5/2023 update): I'm working hard on linking and sorting everything I have reblogged. I have organized up to October. Everything that has yet to be linked will have the tag 'To Be Linked' on it. Feel free to rummage through the bins while I get my books on a shelf. Thank you for your support!

Simon "Ghost" Riley

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

John Price

All Others /Multiple

#masterlist

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themultifandomgal · 1 year

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Tommy Shelby- Didn’t Have To Learn To Love Pt2

Trigger Warning! Illness, sick, preeclampsia

Pt1

I've just finished up feeding mine and Tommys baby, Charlie. I haven't felt well all day, not since giving birth yesterday morning. We're sat downstairs, Tommy reading the paper. He looks up at me as I place Charlie in is bassinet

"You alright?" he asks frowning

"I don't know. I haven't felt well since having the baby. Headache, feel sick, hot but cold at the same time. Pains. Dunno Tommy just don't feel right"

"I'll get Polly" Tommy gets up and shouts for Polly to come out of the kitchen

"What's wrong? is the baby ok?"

"Yeah but YNs not. Is this normal?"

"No. I think you should call the midwife to come and check over YN" Tommy rushes out of the room while Polly comes over to me placing a hand on my forehead "your burning up"

"But I'm so cold Poll"

"Tommy I think we need an ambulance!" she shouts from the living room. A few seconds later Tommy comes back in

"Midwife will be here in a bit, ambulance will arrive in 20 minutes. Is she ok Polly?"

"She's getting worse Tommy"

"Gonna be sick" I breathe out

"Grab a bucket or bowl, quickly Thomas" Polly shouts. But before Tommy has time to get anything I throw up on the floor

"Sorry. I couldn't..."

"Shhh it's ok. We can get that sorted later aye" Tommy strokes my sweaty hair from my my face

"Midwife here" I hear someone call from the front door

"We're in here" Polly shouts back, Charlie starts crying so I lean over trying to get to him

"I've got him love, you just listen to the midwife ok?" Polly says picking up Charlie

"Ok so headache, vomiting, any other symptoms?"

"A pain. In my ribs"

"I think we need an ambulance"

"Aunt Poll already rang one"

"Perfect. Ok let's get her up and start making our way to the front door" Tommy takes my one side while the midwife takes the other

"What's wrong with her?" Tommy asks

"I think it could be a condition called toxemia also known as preeclampsia. It can affect woman during pregnancy and on the rare occasion it can happen after mother has given birth"

"Will she be alright?"

"Yes as long as we get her to the hospital"

"I can't loose her"

"And you won't" Alice says before I pass out.

A week later and I'm feeling so much better I've also been let out of hospital

"Shhh shhh come on Charlie, mamma wants to go to sleep" I bounce the baby in my arms

"Here let me try, you go lie down" Tommy takes Charlie from my arms and starts rocking him. I lie down on the bed, on my side, watching Tommy interacting with Charlie. He sits on the bed bouncing our boy in his arms, who no has started to settle down

"I never thanked you"

"What for?" Tommy asks looking at me confused

"Well for a start, getting me through those first months after the war. Then when I said I was pregnant you could have easily left me to deal with this on my own. You've given me a safe place to live, food, water, protection. And then when I was ill you helped me. You did all of that and you don't love me, why?"

"Whoever said I don't love you?"

"Well it's just you've been cold ever since you found out I was pregnant so I just thought..."

"God YN I didn't want you to think that. Fuck" Tommy runs his hand through his hair "I was scared YN. Scared of getting my hopes up and being happy, because whenever I'm happy and in love that person dies. I didn't want you to die. Or this little one. Hell YN I fell in love with you as soon as you told me you were pregnant. I'm so sorry I made you feel like I didn't care" tears fall down my face. I sit up and move so I'm sat behind him

"Tommy Shelby apologising, never thought I'd see the day" I chuckle

"Don't joke about that" he shakes his head

"I'm here, I'm ok. We're ok" I stroke Charlie's cheek "so when are we introducing this little on to your brothers?"

"Not yet. I want to keep you both to myself a little longer" Tommy places Charlie in his bassinet and gets into bed with me. I rest my head on his bare chest

"I love you too Tommy" I tell him before falling asleep.

#peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x wife #tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n

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matenrou-fan · 1 year

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Hi I just see that your request are open and also some of Río, he is one of my fav, and can you write about him in headcanon about his reaction of s/o telling him, that his is going to be a father but after in his first check UP the doctor tell them that she is going to have triples? Please

(I don't know why, but I think that he along with Jakurai, samatoki, kuko and ichiro are among the people who can be parents of twins or triplets.)

Rio reacting to his fem!s/o being pregnant with triplets

I could not agree more!! I feel like Rio, Ichiro and Jakurai would be especially glad to have twins or triplets with their darling..!

Femreader, fluff, just wholesome stuff, mention of pregnancy;;

-For Rio, his friends and family always came first. Even despite the fact that he spent so many years in the army, he does appreciate a calm life in peace, and sometimes imagines how it would be, to have a family with you.

-So when one day you told him that you also wanted to raise kids with him, he would be so glad, barely controlling himself from lifting you up and hugging with all his strength.

-"I.. You don't know how much it's meant for me, s/o.." - the brightest smile was playing on his lips as get on one knee and held your hands tightly. - "There's nothing I value more than you. I promise to be a good husband.. and a good father.."

-He's willing to support you through your pregnancy, doing everything for you: cooking healthy stuff (only natural ingredients that he picked/hunted in the forest, Rio doesn't want you to eat frozen stuff or junk food), keeping track of your well-being and sleep schedule, and of course visiting the hospital with you for your check ups.

-For doctors and nurses Rio's face looks so unemotional and cold, but you have known him for a long time to notice just how excited and nervous he is.

-Rio keeps holding your hand while the doctor looks at your ultrasound results with a serious face. Then, with a soft smile, he announced that you would have triplets.

-You froze, for a moment, shocked and scared, and looked at your husband. But he just nodded and smiled, pure excitement and happiness in his eyes as he hugged you tightly. Are these little tears in his eyes?

-"I hear it's really hard to carry two or more child's in the same time.. But don't worry, darling." - voice so soft and gentle, almost trembling but at the same time so strong as he soothes you, noticing your surprised reaction. - "I will do all the household chores and other work for you, you can ask for all kinds of help from me."

-Rio does have an inner child who wakes up when it's time to think about names for your babies. Oh, and when you need to buy clothes and things for them too..! He wants to do all this stuff together, as for him it's a really important intimate moment of true love.

-For him, it doesn't matter how many kids you two would have. The more the better, actually, as he can see his family as something big and friendly.

-What actually matters is your well-being, as it's more important than anything for your husband, that's for sure. He's ready to cheer you up and soothe you if you are scared or confused about having so many kids, ready to help you to deal with toxemia or other sickness you will feel, with anything.

-"Here, s/o, I make you some herbal tea, it will relax your muscles and reduce headache." - with a loving soft smile Rio hands you a hot cup. Even when you take it, he keeps his arms around the cup, supporting you while you drink. Sometimes it feels like he starts practicing his father role on you, spoiling and babying you to the moon and back. - "Is there anything else you want? Don't be shy, you know I'll do everything for you and our kids, my dear.."

#hypmic x reader #hypmic imagines #hypmic #hypnosis mic #rio busujima #riou x reader #rio x reader #riou mason busujima #rio mason busujima #rio mason busujima x reader #riou mason busujima x reader #riou busujima

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cowboyrainy · 1 year

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Tuberculosis in Red Dead Redemption 2

In the beginning of the 20th century, Tuberculosis, also known as consumption, was the second leading cause of death, after Pneumonia. It caused 25% of all deaths, throughout the 1600-1800's Europe. The disease has been around since antiquity and has been discovered in 17,000 year old bison.

On March 24 1882, German physician and microbiologist Robert Koch, identified and described the bacillus that causes tuberculosis. Today, March 24 is World Tuberculosis Day. Before this discovery, it was believed (commonly in New England) that the disease was caused by vampires or curses.

During chapter 2, when you collect the depths from Thomas Downes, he'll cough on Arthur, transmitting tuberculosis. Tuberculosis takes a few months or even years to develop and to start showing symptoms, but in poor living and health conditions it can take only but a few weeks for symptoms to show. Active infection occurs more often in people with HIV/AIDS and people who smoke. Today a diagnosis of active TB is based on chest X-rays, microscopic examination and culture of body fluids. Common symptoms include, chronic cough, fever, cough with bloody mucus and weight loss.

Living in the countryside in 1899 could certainly be unhygienic and put you at risk in many ways, especially when you live outside, like the Van Der Linde gang does. The first sign of Arthur's TB is often considered to be in chapter 4, Shady Belle, when he talks to Herr. Strauss about the depths. If you choose to rob a homestead with Javier in chapter 2, you can hear Arthur cough at the end as well, but since you can complete this Companion Activity before confronting Downes, the only way Arthur could have contracted the disease, is when Thomas Downes breaks up the fight between Arthur and Tommy during "Americans at rest", but it seems unlikely this is a TB cough, due to the short period from exposure to disease (Let me know your opinion :) )

youtube

In chapter 4 after "Revenge is a Dish Best Eaten" Arthur writes in his journal,

"Keep feeling sick but I'm sure it's nothing".

There are three stages of TB. Exposure, latent, and active disease. Exposure is simply when you are exposed to the bacteria. Latent is when the bacteria is in your body, but you don't feel sick. Latent can then develop into the disease, where you do feel sick. The symptoms can be mild for months. This means Arthur could experience coughs, fevers, night sweats, weight loss and feeling sick or weak, for a while without the bloody coughs and chest pains. I think one reason that his TB develops fast is, like mentioned earlier, poor living conditions, bad hygiene and stress. There was no cure for TB back then and the only thing the doctor can prescribe Arthur is rest and getting somewhere warm and dry, which is the exact opposite of what Arthur's been doing / is going to do.

In 2021, 10.6 million people were diagnosed with turberculosis and around 1.6 million passed away from it. It's the second deadliest infectious disease, after Covid-19.

Trivia

The doctor in rdr2 who treats Arthur, Joseph R. Barnes, is likely named after Joseph K. Barnes, a US physician and surgeon general, who served President Lincoln and Garfield.

The doctor's appearance looks sort of similar to Robert Koch

TB was also known as "the romantic disease". Many romanticized the disease, finding the bed written, skinny people beautiful. Some also believed the fevers and toxemia from TB assisted the artistic talent, allegedly helping people to "see life more clearly" and "to act decisively".

Hello! Thank you if you've read this far. I've been trying to make this blog my primary, but that's not really an option, so i might make my primary a bit more personal, so i can interact more with the community lol. I enjoyed writing this alot and hope someone else found this as interesting as i did. Might make a part 2 to this post, but i'll definitely keep posting "essay" or what ever you wanna call them, because they are great fun to research and write (my autistic brain is happy) . Have a great evening :)

Also! Here are some great videos about TB, the victorian view of illness and fashion, that i think you should watch :)

youtube

Sources:

#rdr2 #rdr2 fandom #rdr2 arthur #red dead redemption 2 #history #Youtube

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imissthembutitwasntadisaster · 9 months

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If it is not the day of your birth I apologize and please consider that I'm American and probably suffering from water toxemia.

And layering, you're wearing so many layers I know in me BONES

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augment-techs · 9 months

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Whump Ask Game: “Only, Only the Promises I can’t keep” + Adam Park

Title: Only These//Only the Promises I Cannot Keep Rating: E or U Warnings: Rape; Graphic Violence; Character Death. Relationships: World of the Coinless Adam Park/Tanya Sloan; World of the Coinless Adam Park & World of the Coinless Eugene Skullovitch; World of the Coinless Adam Park/Scorpina; World of the Coinless Adam Park/Rocky DeSantos/Aisha Campbell. Additional Tags: World of the Coinless; Alcohol Abuse; Asphyxiation; Depression; Child Death; Non-Con; Medical Assault; Consensual Somno; Consensual Making Out; Poly Characters. Summary: Here's the thing, even while the world was falling apart around their ears, even with the separation of friends and family and the familiar, life finds a way. Adam managed to finish out his last year of high school while Rita Repulsa and Drakkon were fighting the Power Rangers. Had managed to learn and earn a trade in tailoring and textiles and weaving. Had found a girl to fall in love with a have a baby. Life finds a way. Until it doesn't. Toxemia after giving birth to a child is rare, but stranger things had happened by the time Adam and Tanya were in their twenty-third years. Even if the mother had no complications during the pregnancy or birth, there was always danger from infection or hormonal fluctuations that could lead to depression. "I'll find a way to help you." Then the baby, which they had not named until they thought they could get a grip on a nonbinary name to choose from with their personality; they got sick from a lung infection. "I'll find a way to help you." Adam was going to try and go to the Coinless, bargain or barter or beg for contact with a doctor or Trini; but there was a flier on display at the market encouraging people to sign up for Sentry duties, which listed benefits highlighted in bright green that gave Adam something to hope for. ...Two months later, his wife was dead. And his child. And he was still in training, which was required before any benefits could be given, and only after Adam had spent at least thirty days in service. Three months later he was on guard duty in front of Drakkon's bed chamber, half in the bag because some of his fellow sentries had given him a warning about what that meant. Four months later, the only reason he had thrown himself off of the highest building he could find was a pair of warm, strong hands pulling him up, cleaning him up, and saying the right words, "But what would Rocky and Aisha think?"

#boom! comics power rangers #mmpr #World of the Coinless #Black Sentry Adam Park #ask fill #prompt fill

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sethshead · 7 months

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"Update for October 28.

"On Thursday I sat down to write at 10. By the time I had finished emptying most of the thoughts that were crashing inside me, and cutting out entire paragraphs that made the whole thing impossible to navigate, it was 5pm, and I hadn't eaten lunch or looked up from the computer for 7 hours. I hit send, and then spent the next evening and day trying to understand why a quarter of the people on my mailing list don't seem to be getting the posts, all the while pushing down inside myself the next paragraph I want to write, the next paragraph I have to write.

"Friday afternoon a correspondence with a friend I haven't seen since Harvard brought home that she doesn't understand the context of things that I take for granted. She wants to understand. I want her to understand. But I can't assume that when I use words like 'settlements' or 'kibbutzim' she knows who I am referring to and gets the right pictures in her head: that I can't use the shorthand I am accustomed to when I try to explain our predicament. Our bloody, ancient, convoluted, cruel predicament, that cannot be boiled down to black vs. white, good vs. bad, truth vs. lies or justice vs. injustice. It's all shades of black and bad and lies and injustice.

"By evening I was shaking. As my husband and daughter cooked Shabbat dinner for me and the boys and my mother who came in from Jerusalem, I was falling apart. My saint of a husband saw this and said – would you like a Lorivan? I have never in my life taken anti-anxiety pills. Yesterday I took one, gratefully.

"My every hour is a vacillation between grief, anger, horror and guilt. Yes, guilt. I needed to read posts by more than one psychologist on Facebook to realize that guilt is currently the normal response felt by most people. Guilt for what we might have done to prevent this situation, guilt for what we might have done to protect our children, guilt for what we are currently neglecting – all these hours in front of the computer, for example, are coming at the expense of my family, of my work which I used to believe makes a difference in the world. Guilt for what is being done in my name. Guilt for my anger. Guilt for drowning in my own pain while all around me others are suffering so much worse.

"In fact I think that at a time like this, the only people who feel no guilt are psychopaths. Unfortunately, our Prime Minister is one of them, his attitude expressed perfectly by the Minister of Communications, Shlomo Karhi, who in a brief television interview this week said: 'I hear people telling us to apologize, to ask forgiveness – for what?'

"When my eldest son, Roi was born, the size of a premature baby though he was carried to full term (due to undiagnosed toxemia), he was placed in a neonatal intensive care unit. There in a metal cot, lay an infant so small and wrinkled, trussed up in so many wires and sensors so that I was afraid to even touch him for fear of detaching something important. All these wires were hooked up to monitors that were constantly beeping. Every few seconds a new alarm would go off at one cot or another. When it happened at our cot, we panicked, until an NIC nurse, worn and weary, came over and gave the monitor a heavy thunk to silence the beeping. After that we learned to ignore the alarms. They call this 'Alarm Fatigue'. And I realize that for much of my adult life in Israel, I've been suffering Alarm Fatigue.

"It's not that we didn't know that life for people in Gaza was hellish. That even after Israel withdrew from Gaza in 'The Disengagement' of 2005 – a highly traumatic rift in the political fabric of Jewish Israel – life in Jewless Gaza did not improve much. On the contrary. Take it from Palestinians like Yasmine Mohammed, whose father's perspective is that the heaviest blows to civil rule in Gaza came in 1994, when the Palestinian National Authority under Yassir Arafat took control of administration and policing in Gaza following the Oslo accords; and worse again in 2007, when Hamas violently wrested control of Gaza from Fatah, the ruling party of the PNA. As Prime Minister of Israel since 2009, Benjamin Netanyahu's policy was to support Hamas against the more moderate PNA, so as to delay talks and foil the option of a two state solution. Netanyahu raised Hamas much as one would raise a Pitbull for dogfights, keeping it just healthy enough to stay alive, just angry enough to preserve the killer instinct.

"The simplistic narrative that Gaza was peaceful and self-ruled before the Israelis came along is simply not true, historically. Gaza was under centuries of occupation, with control shifting from the Ottomans to the British to the Egyptians and then – only for a few decades – to Israel. There had been continuous Jewish presence in Gaza from the days of the Second Temple (600 BC) until the Palestine Riots of 1929, when British Mandate forces evacuated the Jewish community of Gaza for their own protection. Jewish colonialism? Were the waves of Jewish refugees fleeing pogroms and persecution all over the world – NOT JUST IN EUROPE – from the 19th century onward – NOT JUST AFTER THE HOLOCAUST – a colonial movement? To an independent state established by a multi-national vote of the United Nations, on land that had been under British rule for the previous 30 years? Whether this is colonialism or not is a matter for historians to argue and politicians to leverage. My concern is with human suffering. And human suffering has been going on for centuries, on all sides, with responsibility shared by any number of entities.

"The problem for me, my guilt, is that I developed Alarm Fatigue. I developed Learned Helplessness (this is also a term in psychology that you can look up). I knew things were bad in Gaza. I knew – and know – of human rights violations and terrible injustice in the West Bank. Pogroms now, too. I vaguely knew of the terrible atrocities and suffering to the north of Israel, in Syria and Lebanon, with minimal Israeli involvement, and felt comfortable slipping into the Israeli mindset that as long as they're busy killing each other, they'll be less concerned with killing us. But I also knew of a whole slew of social injustices in Israel that were growing and festering, feeding off neglect, prejudice, global hypocrisy, despair.

"In the past decades since I reached adulthood we've had strikes, rallies, riots, police brutality, roads blocked, violence and assassinations related to so many social issues: • Disabled citizens demonstrating for their disability allowances to match minimum wage, so that they can have a living pension • Israelis of Ethiopian origin protesting racism and discrimination • African asylum seekers, whose petitions to be recognized as refugees have been ignored for nearly a decade • Riots of Eritrean asylum seekers between supporters of the Eritrean regime and rebels • Protests against the expulsion of children born in Israel to migrant workers whose civilian status was never granted • Teachers striking for livable wages, improved work conditions and smaller class sizes • Interns and medical students striking for livable wages and work conditions • An assassination at a Gay Pride parade • Discrimination against "the periphery", towns not in central Israel that for years have been neglected and kept poor • The mass social protests of 2011, crying out against the rising cost of living and housing

"And on and on it goes. All so painful. All so unjust. Which cause takes precedence? Which can I care about today?

"'You bore me,' said Benjamin Netanyahu in October of 2018, to a resident of the far north town of Kiryat Shemona who cried her plight in his ears. We all bore him. Election after election I cast my ballot, only to see Netanyahu return, while the parties I vote for shrink and shrink.

"Years ago, my husband Hemmy volunteered to oversee a voting station at one of the elections. He tells of a woman who walked into the room where she was to cast her ballot, loudly cussing out Netanyahu and the Likkud and how much they are responsible for her terrible quality of life, for everything bad in the country, talking so loudly and angrily that overseers hushed her, because political campaigning is forbidden in the voting room. She went behind the curtain, selected the paper ballots to put in her voting envelope, came back and threaded the envelope into the ballot box. 'F8ck me,' she said. 'I voted Bibi again.'

"How does he survive? Unfortunately, there is one thing Netanyahu does better possibly than any politician in the world, and that is to sow hate. Netanyahu is master at pointing you in the other direction: look, there! THEY are to blame! THEY are living the good life at your expense! THEY think they're superior to you! THEY want to keep you poor! THEY want to see you die! Because as long as we're busy hating each other, we're less concerned with hating him.

"Most of the citizens in Israel believe they are, by some measure or other, second class citizens. Most of them feel discriminated against. Most of them feel neglected and ignored. And they are – but they're busy blaming each other.

"And Gaza? Since 2007 we've been treating Gaza as though it's an unruly lawn to mow from time to time. Life may have been intolerable in Gaza, but it was tolerable enough for us, and we had our own injustices to attend to. Occasionally they sent missiles, we bombed them. They sent thousands to stand at the fences, we shot them, then bombed them. They sent balloons with explosive devices to ignite fields, we mocked them, then bombed them. They dug tunnels under the fence, we mocked the Kibbutzniks' alarm over this, and bombed Gaza some more. We keep chopping the head off the snake, ignoring the fact that it's a hydra: that for every head chopped off, three more grow. We keep orphaning children, ignoring the fact that a few years later those children will no longer be children, but adults who were orphaned as children, who grew to adulthood festering in injustice, in privation, in hatred, in revenge. When there is nothing to lose in life, thoughts to turn to glorifying revenge in death.

"So, what now? Some of you have asked me.

"Ceasefire? How can we cease firing, when Hamas is still firing daily at us? Thousands and thousands of rockets. Yesterday some of them evaded the Iron Dome defense system, and Israelis were killed in my city, too. Missiles landed on buildings across the street from where my cosmetician lives with her daughters aged 4 and 8. Next door to where one of my husband's employees lives. These are not detached hypotheticals for us to discuss.

"How can we lay down our arms when Hamas still holds over 200 hostages, and refuses to even grant access to Red Cross representatives who can tell us how many of these people are still alive, are still intact? Not that Bibi cares about the hostages. A bunch of peacenik kibbutzniks who never voted for him, foreign migrant workers who can't vote for him and maybe some boring lower class citizens from the periphery towns who will always vote for him, no matter what.

"So, what CAN we do?

"I don't know. I'm helpless. Talks? Who will do the talking? Netanyahu, on our behalf? He can't even talk to his own citizens. Talks should have been the solution years ago. Decades ago. Who is there left to talk to? Who cares what I think, anyway? I'm boring.

"And I'm guilty. You are too. You know it. You know that the computer you are staring at could not have been manufactured without exploitative sweatshops in distant countries, where people suffer out of sight, out of mind. You know the land you live on is steeped in the blood of indigenous peoples, the wealth of your country was built upon slave labor, through the pillage of colonies. What About-ism works without fail, because we all carry this guilt inside us, guilt we were born into, for crimes we are complicit in every day just by living our lives and ignoring the suffering of others. I would walk away from Omelas, but where to?

"I don't know what Israel can do right now. I don't know what you can do right now. I don't even know what I can do right now, except maybe take another Lorivan in a few hours, and reach out to the people I love and tell them that I love them, that I am grateful for them, that I wish for them to survive, and hope by some miracle that this will pass so that someday we can help each other rebuild a more just and caring society.

"#gili_from_telaviv"

h/t Gili Bar-Hillel Semo

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