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claireandacat · 8 months

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Simping over middle aged actors who don’t know I exist. An essay.

Maybe it’s just a general lady thing, but I have a tendency to crush on actors 10+ years older than me. Am I a lonely 26 year old lady waiting for her happily ever after while my catholic match profile is crickets?

You got me there.

But like seriously it is a general human thing to find someone attractive and to feel feels. It’s in everything, life, movies, music, ballet, art, history. Don’t get me started on my favorite Corinthians verse about love.

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while now. I was basically inspired by Brittney Broski, who simps all the time and people relate to that and listen to her ramblings. I’m sure one other person out there is interested in hearing my simp interests. 😅😂

I have a top 5 of middle aged hot guys I absolutely love. All of these are crushes that started when I started getting crushes and I still find them attractive today as a 26 year old lady. In order of discovering and falling for them they are…

Ben Barnes

Robert Pattinson

Cillian Murphy

Sebastian Stan

Daniel Brühl

1. Ben Barnes

I was 11, snacks and dance class was life, the hormones were starting to kick in and the second Narnia movie had come out. I wasn’t much of a Narnia fan but I was forced to tag along with the after school program I was in to a showing of this movie as a last day of school celebration. Ben Barnes as Prince Caspian was FINE AF to my 11 year old eyes and heart. I fell for him like a ton of bricks and would get 11 year old girl fantasies of being Prince Caspian’s princess.

He is over 40 now and still fine as hell. His character in Shadow and Bone is amazing. He def plays dark personality characters very well. He has a singing career as well and his cover of River was in my top Spotify songs last year.

I love that he is in T-Mobile commercials now. He is perfect. He is THE ultimate hot British actor. I hope T-mobile paid him well because my man is talented and deserves to be more than just a face of T-Mobile. When I was stressed and on edge at my previous job at an urgent care, seeing his face on commercials always made my 12 hour shifts better.

I’m surprised he hasn’t been in some BBC new classic considering he is both British and adorable and would totally make a good heart throb protagonist?!

2. Robert Pattinson

I was in 6th grade and the Twilight books and craze was big at my middle school. Every other girl including myself was wearing team Edward or Team Jacob shirts. The Twilight movies also had come out. RPatz was the heartthrob of every girl. Move over Prince Caspian, Claire is grown and edgy and likes edgy hot guys that match 😂.

A couple years ago I watched his video on GQ where he takes a look into his career and decided to dive into some of these movies myself. His young self is cute as a button in the 4th Harry Potter movie even though his charming character has an unfortunate fate. He makes the perfect Batman, just add in the Chris Nolan plot and music and we got a perfect match. He totally captured the darkness and loneliness in Bruce Wayne/Batman.

Of course I HAD to see his Chris Nolan debut. If you read my other posts, you know I am a superfan for Christopher Nolan movies.

He is fine and cute in that movie. His performance is great. His performance in The King was also great. He def nailed that French accent.

He can be the American heart throb AND the British heart throb at the same time

3. Cillian Murphy

I’m 16. I’m into zombie movies and 28 days later is on BBC even though the plot and IMDb pictures are scary, I still ditch my chemistry homework to watch it. Totally fine with any nightmares I’ll probably get. Still my favorite zombie movie to this day and one of the few horror movies I’ll still watch since converting to Catholicism.

This is the first time I actually fell for an actor because of their performance and then I deep dived into other works he is casted in.

I love his intensity and dedication to roles as well as approach. Even during his small role in Dunkirk. I love the power and darkness he puts into Tommy Shelby. I mean have you seen the scenes where Tommy is in full blown rage? He goes from zero to rage effortlessly.

His performance in Oppenheimer deserves an Oscar and if he doesn’t get it I am rioting. He nailed the look. He nailed the sensory overload/overwhelmed looks. Just perfect.

I’d love to just have a Guinness with him and just discuss Irish culture and his career over.

4. Sebastian Stan

What is funny about this one is that for a bit I was a Steve Rogers stan. Like from ages 16-21 Steve was my man. That was until his friend Bucky stumbled upon in my dream one night. Originally that is how I knew Sebastian but then i stumbled upon The Devil All The Time where he has a small part as a corrupt small town sheriff and became curious.

Last summer I had a random dream about Sebastian whist I was simping on RPatz. Somehow my curiosity got me and I became a Bucky stan. Still to this day I simp over him, even though there’s another guy I’m simping over even stronger (see below).

He is just so fine and such a sweet human being. I read a buzz feed article about people who have met nice and cool celebrities and my Sebbys was on it. In that video he did for GQ of him reviewing his career, he is so humble, so genuine and always has something nice to say about everyone he works with.

And now the current middle aged actor I’m simping on…

5. Daniel Brühl

See my alienist blog post

Three words. Calm. Collected. German.

Well more like handsome, multilingual, and German 😂

Wes references aside, It all started with my curiosity with the movie Rush. I had only known Daniel as Zemo in the marvel movies so I thought let’s see his other filmography. I fell for Daniel like a pile of bricks. The eyes. The hair. The talent. It was really Dr. Laszlo Kreizler that did it for me. According to Niki Lauda himself (God Rest His Soul) Daniel is a “down to earth guy” like who doesn’t love that?! Plus being a wannabe #tradwife finds it so adorable that he has a wife and kids. I never want to cheat on those ever I’m not that lady. But there is something so cute to me about a man with a family. Then again that’s what all my fantasies are.

Like 🥹🥹🥹

He is a perf trad man vibes. Who doesn’t love that?! His character in Rush gives the same vibe too. I also love me a smart and sarcastic man like Dr. Kreizler. Then again I’ve been told Germans are just that way and being that I’m about 1/3 German I could just find that sexy in my blood 😂

In conclusion

I have one goal in common with these men. I want to see them each in a Chris Nolan movie AND a Wes Movie. Not one or the other. Both. Rpatz and Cillian are halfway there.

My top 5 of middle aged actors that I will forever simp on: honorable mentions

Matthew McConaughey - his performance in interstellar is so amazing I’m naming my son Joseph in honor of not only the OG St. Joseph himself but his character in Interstellar. Also is pro American and sometimes stars in comedies.

Adrian Brody- a Wes regular. And on Peaky Blinders. I love his variety. “I think it STINKS!!!”

Chris Evans- I was obsessed with him and Steve rogers during my late teens for a MINUTE. So he has to be included here.

Ryan Reynolds’s. He was pikachu and he is a family man and has a beautiful family with Blake Lively.

Honorable mentions but they’re actors I find hot but they’re my age (Oct 1996 or younger/older by 5 years)

Tom Holland. Fellow 1996 baby and I’m pretty sure he would’ve graduated in my class. Plus he is faithful, anti Hollywood actor, and a loveable dork. Also he does it all.

Timothee Chalamet- probs the Leo DiCaprio of my generation. Plus that jawline and hair. Hard to find a cutie with hair texture like mine.

Tony Ravilori. Also a fellow 1996 baby and Wes regular. Has a charming simplicity in his characters.

Freddie Highmore- I just love his performance in The Good Doctor.

If they’re my age I may have an expressed interest in their work because they’re my age. I’ll be seeing them in 40 years on tv looking as perfect as ever still and me with my greying hair will wonder where time went.

Harry Styles. I was a one Direction girl. Been following his solo work for a bit and he is a fellow 420 user 😂

Honorable mentions but they’re actors older than my parents

Wes Anderson. year older than my mom and he fine as hell on top of being my favorite director.

Jeff Goldblum -it’s Jeff Goldblum

I’m not too crazy about the honorable mentions but they’re still cool. I’d have a glass of wine or blunt with them. We all have our favorites on differentiating levels.

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