#tomatoramensoup

[astramthetaprime]

What Does Pride Taste Like Anyway?

Despite everything, I have always been determined to Take Care of Myself.  

Being the only child of a single mother from the age of eight, I have had to take care of myself for almost all my life.  I was one of the original latch key kids. Which was largely fine as it allowed me two and a half hours every weekday alone to do what I wanted, be that wandering several blocks to buy comic books with saved-up lunch money, sing along (badly) to my music, do my ritual recitals of Star Wars, cull the herd of edible substances from the fridge, what have you.  So I learned to heat up a can of soup when I was hungry, do my own laundry, and not burn the house down.  As far as my mom was concerned, that was good enough.  There was that time I ate an entire jar of wheat germ she was saving for a recipe, but not everything always went to plan.  Also, the occasional half-box of confectioners sugar.  And I had a phase where I was taking endless photographs of vegetables.  On film, mind you, when it was expensive.  If I’d had digital back then I might still be trying to suspend lemons with fishing line to this day.

Nowadays I have to make much more difficult decisions.  

It looks like I won’t be paying my mortgage this next month unless I eat some crow and ask mom for money.  

I don’t make enough money to afford my bills, my mortgage, and still eat for a week, and yet the state of Tennessee says I make too much money for food stamps.  I work 40 gods-be-damned hours a week and I don’t make enough to live.  And for the record, my mortgage payment is much less than most rent payments in this current economic climate.  

I stopped asking my mother for money a long time ago.  I was and still am determined that, for good or ill, I will be responsible for all my own mistakes and decisions.  I’ve never and will never blame my misfortunes on anyone else.  It’s nobody’s problem but my own.  

And yes, that’s probably an unhealthy attitude.  

But that’s the hand I’m dealt at the moment, so I’ve got to play it and go on with my life.  

#livingwage #tomatoramensoup #actuallyautistic #adultautism

[astramthetaprime]

Scramble the Eggs and Water the Soup

Excuse me, I want to complain to the management.  

Matters are worsening here at Casa Tranquility.  My grocery list this week consists of only 4 items -- the absolute minimum to get me through the next week while eating down my pantry.  So.  Dog food, toilet paper, drink drops and sunflower seeds.  Dog food for obvious reasons, who is laying happily behind me on the bed staring out at the Squirrel Tree.  Toilet paper, again obvious reasons.  I don’t drink coffee but I do drink this... the actual name is “water enhancer”.  I just call them drink drops.  I get a “tea” version because, hey folks, I’m from the South, ice tea is the house wine of the South.  I also get a caffeinated cherry version and a “huckleberry” version that has Theanine in it.  I drink a mix of the cherry and huckleberry together and I’ve found that the combination of the caffeine and the theanine keeps me calm and lets me actually concentrate for work.  So I’m not going out of my mind wanting to jump up five times an hour or mess with the stuff on my desk or what have you.  This is a primary reason why I suspect I may be ADHD, aside from being able to tick off many of the listed symptoms.  Which, ya know, Autism and ADHD have a great deal of overlap and a high percentage of Autism folks can and do also qualify as ADHD.  So not out of the realm of possibility and I’m fine with that.  Also the drink drops are actually quite cheap on a cup by cup basis.  Those 3 bottles will keep me going for a week, and I drink like a fish so all good. The sunflower seeds are a similar thing, a 16 oz. bag will last me a week.  My work is boring, mmkay?  Like, drive you out of your mind boring.

4 items.  From Walmart.  $35.  

So there was some assessing of resources here a few mins ago and I’ve got the means so... yeah.  

I was able to buy a few more actual food items last week so it’s not as bad as it could be.  I’m waiting on word back from the state of TN as to whether or not I qualify for food stamps but the lady already told me I didn’t but my uncle and my mother can be pretty persuasive.  Or my uncle went full New Yorker on them and then my aunt grabbed the phone and went off on them and no one could understand her because she’s Polish and whoo doggies no one understands her when she’s mad.  The next time I apply I think I’ll do it when I’m living in my car broken down on the side of I-75.  And I think by then everyone will moan and decry and “why didn’t u apply for assistance befoooorrreee???”  

And I’ll show them my collection of rejection letters and say, “I did.  Why didn’t you say yes?”

I hate people.  Computers are so much better.

(P. S. there will be another post tonight actually about Autism, so yeah, watch this space folks, thanks!)

#actuallyautistic #tomatoramensoup #livingwagepls