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dante-mightdie · 2 days

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MORE ANGST.

Like, okay, more angst for reader, but I need some angst for 141. Like PLEASE.

So, the reader, frustrated (mentally and physically), decides to take things onto their own hands. If they treat them as if they don't exist, so will they. It starts simple. They don't greet them good morning and goodbye anymore, when the team would only offer a grunt or nod of acknowledgment. Reader doesn't ask them to hang out, or to join into their plans. They start living for themselves, not quite leaving them, more like treating the four men like roommates. Whenever one would initiate intimacy, reader would slip away, offering some lame excuse. At the same time, just an hour later, they'd see a glimpse of reader, all dressed up and pretty, not bothering to let them know where they'd be going as they run out the front door, only to be heared from a couple of hours later. Stumbling through the front door with a second pair of footsteps following suit, and a hearty male laugh. The apartment was as much reader's as it was the boys' so it should be normal they brought someone home ... but was this what the task force 141 though?

changed it ever so slightly but I love this yes

c/w: poly!141, mentions of emotional neglect, alcohol, intoxication

you got the idea after scrolling through social media, rotting away in bed had become a common routine for you. an advertisement had popped up for a bar that opened up a few months ago, you remember asking johnny and kyle to go with you but they were too busy at the time

it looked like a nice enough place. not like the dive bars in camden that simon takes you to, or those annoying ass scotch bars in canary wharf that john insists on ‘introducing’ you to. as if you’ve never had a glass of scotch before. the memory makes you scoff to yourself

surprisingly, it doesn’t take much to convince yourself to just… go. if they won’t go with you, there’s no reason why you can’t convince yourself. they were too busy ignoring you to notice you’d be gone anyway. so, you drag yourself out of bed and rifle through the wardrobe for something to wear

looking good really does make you feel good, you say to yourself when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror once you were ready. you’d decided on a fitted black dress with a pair of black strapped heels. they wouldn’t notice but you added a bit of detail to the outfit

if they did notice that every piece of jewellery was a piece they had bought for you, it would fucking burn. the diamond skull-shaped studs that simon got you, the vintage locket that john had found for you when he was deployed, and the anklet that kyle had grabbed from some fancy jewellery store on oxford street paired with the stunning ring that johnny found at a local market in scotland

you took a deep breath and held your head high before grabbing your purse. when you entered the front room, all conversation stopped as usual. but only because they were too busy eyeing you up and down, “where’re you goin’ dressed like that?”

you roll your eyes when john speaks up, not even stopping to respond. a curt ‘out’ leaving your lips as you walk out the front door and slam it loudly. the boys all looked at each other, shifting in their seats uncomfortably at the interaction

john narrowed his eyes as he glared at the front door. he didn’t like not knowing where you were. even if you didn’t know it, john always knew about your whereabouts

the bar was nice, nice enough for you to drink your feelings away in. in your head, you imagined flirting with anyone just to make the boys jealous. but every time someone approached you, it just filled you with more sadness. perhaps a part of you just wanted the boys to grab you, persuade you to stay with sweet words and gentle kisses like they used to do when you looked this good

it was a few hours past midnight when you finally returned, simon awakened by the sounds of giggling outside and your keys jangling in the door. he didn’t plan on getting out of bed until he heard a male voice speaking along side yours

he stalked down the stairs, following the sounds of your heels stumbling until he found you in the front room. you were drunk out of your fucking mind with some random bloke holding you up. simon’s fists clenched at his side and he decided to make his presence known

“better take your hand off her before you fuckin’ lose it, mate.” he spits, taking a step closer to yank you from the man’s grip. you squeak and stumble from the harsh tug, landing right against simon’s bulky frame as he holds on to your arm to keep you steady

the man takes a step back, holding his hands up in surrender. “woah, i’m not here to cause any trouble. was just making sure she got home safe. my colleague over served her and she said her roommates were too busy to pick her up.”

simon clenches his jaw, keeping his gaze on the man and just waiting for him to step out of line. he doesn’t even notice that the others have climbed out of bed too, coming downstairs to hear what the commotion is about

he turns his head only to shove you into price’s arms, squaring his shoulders as he stares the bartender down. “well, our girl is home and safe now so you best be on your way.”

“relax, mate. she’s really not my type. that one there is more my type.” the bartender chuckles, nodding his head towards soap before turning around and walking out the door but not before giving you a goodbye

price steadies your body against him, already getting an idea of the kind of drunken state that you’re in. he lifts your basically limp body into his arms before carrying you up to bed but he doesn’t take you to the spare room. he takes you to what you have recently come to know as their room

“had a bit too much, princess?” he chuckles, placing you down on the bed. you look at him confused before letting your head fall to the pillow

“‘m still your princess?” you mumble into the fabric. price frowns slightly, turning his head to look at the boys before making work on taking your heels off

“course. you always have been.” he mumbles. you respond with a small hum before completely passing out against the sheets…

#mw2 #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x reader #captain john price #john price #john price x reader #ghost x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick #john soap mctavish x reader #soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #soap x reader

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featherwurm · 18 hours

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At some point between Moonrise and Baulder's Gate - the crew stops to clean up a bit, and I have an excessive amount of thoughts about social bathing as it applies to the tadfools:

Baulder’s Gate features several bathhouses (including the landmark location Hissing Stones) and they seem geared to a wide variety of clientele; pragmatic (bathing), personal (social and solicitous), and political (a place of meeting) – it can be assumed that group bathing is a norm in the city at all social strata, although wealthier private residences also undoubtedly feature private bathing arrangements. Gender divides do not seem common in Baulder’s Gate on a whole*, and co-ed bathing could likely be a norm as well.

Individual headcanons below the cut - your mileage may vary, this is pulled roughly out of D&D lore, a few character interactions, thoughts about Roman baths, and my ass;

Tav – From the lower middle class of Baulder’s Gate, she grew up with normal family outings to the bathhouse to clean and socialize. In the monastery, cohabiting with a variety of people, group bathing was also a norm (also just… hanging out on a hot day with your buddies or whatever.) Her order views the body kindly, though not worshipfully, and does not view it as a vehicle of shame. It should be cared for with attention and thought to best use it, and while pleasure is inherent (and unshameful) to human nature it is not fundamentally a part of just being naked. She finds nothing out of the ordinary to toss off your clothes and jump in the river with your buddies.

Karlach – Also from Baulder’s Gate’s lower social strata, she too grew up using bathhouses as a place to get clean, have some fun, and be extremely bored while your parents caught up on the gossip. Similarly, working for Gortash meant the occasional political meeting at the Hissing Stones or other locations (a place you CERTAINLY want to take your bodyguard – although she wouldn’t get to enjoy the bathhouse while working). Living in Avernus for a decade in a militaristic setting has also thrown off her sense of normalcy – if you ever get a chance to clean up there (extremely rarely) you take it whatever the circumstance may be. She’s happy to get naked, get in the water, and get clean whoever the company is. (As little children, both Tav and Karlach had to be actively removed from fountains, the river, and suitably large puddles when they presented the opportunity to be in the water – which both of them love.)

Shadowheart – Sharans and the enclave she is from seem to have some issues with pleasures of the flesh and see them as negative and to be shunned. Life is misery and pain and you better get used to it through daily practice. Given her lack of memory of any childhood normalcy, any time spent around other people in a casual way is long gone. She does not seem to have come out of it with bodily shame herself, but undoubtedly finds the idea of just being comfortable with nudity in a platonic way to be alien. Given that she can’t swim, it adds another layer of discomfort being in the water. It takes her some time to warm up to jumping in the river with the others, but she does come round, although she sticks to the shallows until she learns to swim.

Lae’zel – Githyanki don’t seem to have any shame about bodies, at least given their various styling of armor and clothing. Given their almost eusocial social structure and militaristic culture, it’s unlikely there’s much stigma over the body or that of others. She’s certainly with a peculiar group here, but whatever, you need to get the blood out of your hair eventually – the others are sort of strange-looking to her eye for a while though (Shadowheart, Gale, and Astarion seeming like the frail offspring of some small animal with their soft pinkness, Karlach, Tav, and Wyll resembling more of carapaced insects with their ridges and horns.)

Gale – While Waterdeep has it’s spas, these seem more places of relaxation and retreat rather than practical bathing establishments (he does like a nice relaxing treatment – in a robe of course.) Gale has spent so long cooped up in his tower having a weird relationship with the goddess of magic that the idea of just… casually being naked with other mortal people is probably completely off his radar. It is not culturally or personally familiar to him, and feels a little uncouth. He’s going to find a reason to go cook and then clean up by himself later.

Astarion – Speaking of any sense of normalcy having been long gone, his only real use of Baulder’s Gate’s bathhouses has been picking up victims for the last couple centuries (almost always in a sexual context.) Approaching casual bathing with others as any kind of normal is something that will take a reserved approach and a lot of patience as with most things with him. He’s snarky and weird about the whole thing, but it’s to be expected. He later more politely refuses as he works on boundaries and sorts himself out – there’s not enough time in game to sort this shit out. Plus he smells a bit of death no matter what he does – apart from physically getting stuff off his body he’s more reliant on perfume than bathing to feel clean.

Wyll – From Baulder’s Gate and used to playing around wherever he feels like it, it’s not foreign to him to enjoy a bathhouse or river romp (especially in light of various political bargaining happening in the baths) but being from the upper class of Baulder’s Gate he’s not the most casual about it. In his time away from Baulder’s Gate, and being as young as he was, he’s become a little sensitive about it, given his gentlemanly approach developed through his time in the wilds. Still though, it wouldn’t put him off, prior to Mizora’s transformation of him, at which point he’s got body image issues to work through before he’s comfortable again. The tieflings (Karlach and Tav) try to be re-assuring but they come on a little strong about it (hard not to – what he’s viewing as demonic punishment they view as normal for their own bodies – horns and ridges and all.)

Halsin – Look we all know the man likes to be naked and “one with nature”. Bodies are normal and being naked is natural. He’s not caught up on anything, although he might be literally a bear about it if he’s comfortable.

Jahira – Another Baulder’s Gate native who’s used to the city’s amenities. She is much too old and much too traveled to be fussed about who’s around at the evening wash up. She might pretend to be offended or ruffled (or too casual) if she thinks it’s funny – otherwise she’s too busy soaking her joints to care.

Minsc – Minsc is just happy to be here. Are we bonding by bathing together? Ok! But be careful of Boo – he is a delicate creature and gets very angry if he gets soap in his eyes.

Minthara… wasn’t in my playthough, sorry. But I’m certain she’d have the opinion that it’s normal for the ladies to socialize and such while washing but involving the men is bizarre and tasteless.

*Given the normalcy of non-binary, trans, and intersex bodies and identities in BG3, which I personally love.

#BG3 #baulders gate 3 #headcanon #art #personal #sketch

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arithmonym · 2 days

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i very much need to hear about canaan house but there are cats <3

this AU is ENTIRELY driven by my need for dulcie septimus to interact with cats and say “nyah” to them!!! and then she gets to meet camilla and palamedes, too, i guess. 😊😊😊

here’s a small snippet of what i’ve written so far:

Gideon knelt next to Harrow on the sun-warmed metal of the dock. As the Reverend Daughter prayed on her knuckle beads, Gideon relied on the obfuscation of her hood and sunglasses to discreetly observe their surroundings.

Seven shuttles had landed in all, but there wasn’t enough time to determine which House still remained in orbit. Someone was coming to meet them—and Gideon wasn’t referring to the little old man in priestly white robes, who had been sidelined on his approach by a starched-looking pair in silver and white. No—a sleek, quadrupedal creature stalked towards them, presumably drawn by the clacking of the Reverend Daughter’s prayer beads.

Gideon’s eyes widened behind her sunglasses. She recognized this animal! She’d seen a few depictions of cats in her magazines, but it was still hard to believe that she was seeing one in-person. (It was the first creature she’d seen, really—the Ninth House was depressingly thin on animal life, unless you counted the glow beetles, which Gideon didn’t.)

More cats were approaching the dock now that one of their number had bravely ventured forth. They lolled about, basking in the warmth of the sun, and it was evident from their outstretched limbs and contently-shut eyes that this was a favorite pastime of theirs.

The first cat drew near them without any fear whatsoever, and Gideon stiffened at its approach. Some species, she remembered, were poisonous. No one on the landing dock seemed overly concerned, but—

The cat struck, batting at the strand of knuckle beads with its paws, and Gideon reflexively reached for her rapier. For the first time in living memory, Harrow’s fingers stalled partway through her prayer.

“Griddle,” said the Reverend Daughter in her most forbidding tones. “Remove this creature from my presence at once, or I will delight in violence.”

Then, ruining the effect, she sneezed.

[wip title ask meme.]

#i should really work on this more!!! it delights me :-)#the locked tomb #tlt #dulcinea septimus #gideon nav #harrowhark nonagesimus #m asks #ask meme

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wen-kexing-apologist · 3 days

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Unknown, Ep 11: To Grow Taller

Alright y’all, I just want to say that I am not super thrilled with how Episode 11 went. I felt like they completely obliterated the emotional build up to the change over after they did such a great job of navigating it in Episode 10.

So as much as there were some lovely images of hands, I’m not that interested in writing about it. So it is time, it is time to do the thing I should have done long ago.

It is time to write about Lili and San Pang.

Hands down my favorite part of this episode (and probably one of my favorite scenes of the series) was seeing the two of them interact, of seeing more of Lili’s inner workings, of understanding that she knows more than she lets on. I loved Yuan telling Qian that Lili is smart, and I loved the proud little smile Qian had when he heard that.

The most important scene in this episode, to me, starts with the height wall. That thing has been causing me psychic damage since episode one. It pans down to Lili. I like how long the camera lingers on her eyes. Lili has seen everything that has happened in their lives and she’s been spared from a lot of the violence, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t beared witness to it.

I was really struck by her words to San Pang:

“When we were little, Qian was always there to help us with everything we did. He would measure our height every year. I always wondered when I could grow taller than him. Then I could protect him.”

I know we have seen Lili constantly take a back seat in this story. We have seen her even acknowledge Qian’s focus on Yuan multiple times throughout the show. We don’t see her doing as much for Qian as Yuan does. She doesn’t know how to wrap up leftovers, she’s not a great cook, she doesn’t try to pay the household bills. But that’s because she loves Qian like a sister does, she’s got a secure position in the household, she’s not trying to be Qian’s partner, and it is a testament to Qian’s love for Lili that she does not know how to do some of the basic life things, because it means that she’s been so well taken care of she hasn’t been forced to learn.

There are all these little elements scattered across the series that show Qian’s love for Lili. The picture on his desk at home is of him, Yuan, and Lili at Qian’s graduation. He has the magazine she’s featured in on display. He immediately softens on his anger towards her relationship with San Pang when she asks him to go on a family vacation.

She has seen how much Qian has suffered, and she loves Qian enough to want to shield him from any more harm.

And San Pang is so lovely in this scene, with his head resting on the stair railing, a sleepy look of love on his face as he stares at Lili. I love the way San Pang smiles to himself when she tells him this. Because Qian is family to San Pang and San Pang is family to Qian. San Pang loves Qian and wants what is best for him always. And I do think there is a difference there between the soft, dreamy, comfortable expression he has when looking at the woman he loves, and the small smile that lights up his eyes at the thought of Lili loving her brother enough to want to protect him.

Lili’s face is serious, and she does not always look in San Pang’s direction when she talks:

“Even though he is a few years older than us, his hands are always covered in scars and calluses.” Lili tells the ground. It’s interesting to me to see when she is comfortable enough reviving a memory to look San Pang in the eyes because she doesn’t do so until partway through her hand cream story:

“One year, I took the hand cream my classmates gave me” she looks at San Pang “and rubbed it on his hands at midnight.”

The camera cuts to San Pang who is listening to Lili absolutely enraptured by her. And I do have to commend the show for how they have navigated Lili and San Pang’s relationship change. In very few frames, with little fanfare or flare they have made San Pang and Lili’s relationship clear, understandable, and believable. We’ve had like, two minutes of them together up through now, and all I need to believe these two will be together forever is all in the way that San Pang looks at Lili. That man is not only head over heels in love with Xiao Bao, he’s ass over tea kettle in love with her as well.

“He scolded me for it. Do you know why?”

“I do.” San Pang says with a smile. And I love that because we remember that San Pang and Qian have grown up together. San Pang has been helping take care of Qian and the rest of the family for years. You know in the way that San Pang smiles that he is remembering Qian as a young man complaining about Lili lotioning his hands in the middle of the night. Hell, I can picture Qian’s rant right now. “Because it smelled like roses.”

Lili laughs and covers her face in embarrassment. “That’s right.”

But like a lot of scenes in this show, the transition from lighthearted to more serious changes on a dime. Lili’s face slips back in to a frown as she turns over a thought. “Nobody cares about Qian.”

And this is what it feels like sometimes, with how stubborn Qian is, with how much weight he wants to carry for himself, with how much debt he owes to the likes of Le, Xiong, and San Pang. But they don’t expect repayment, they did this because they care about Qian. San Pang has helped Qian weather many many storms. He has pushed when Qian needed pushing, he has pulled when Qian needed to be held back.

“Yes, they do. We all love your brother.”

Qian has so much love in his life, if only he stopped long enough to see it. If only he let go long enough to feel it. I was not thrilled with how they fumbled so much of the emotional weight of Qian and Yuan getting together in this episode, but I am glad the show took time to highlight how much they all love Qian and to show the audience that they want to protect Qian just as much as Qian wants to protect the rest of them.

All this to say San Pang and Lili work incredibly well together as a couple, and I’m so happy that we got to have this little moment between them, both to breathe a bit more life in to their relationship and to remind us all that Yuan is right. Lili is not as naive as she seems.

All gifs by the lovely, wonderful, marvelous @wanderlust-in-my-soul. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE THE BEST <3

#this scene is so important to me #I have been severely neglecting talking about Lili and San Pang and that sin ends today #unknown #unknown the series #unknown the series ep 11 #unknown the series analysis #unknown the series meta #san pang #wei lili #xiao bao #san pang x wei lili #she loves her brother so much #she sees what he has done for her and for their family #she hoped to one day be big and strong enough to protect him #i was so close to crying about it y'all

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nemesiswithabow · 2 days

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Zuko/fem!reader

“Look at me.”

His heart raced as he struggled to steady his breathing, consumed by an intensity he couldn’t ignore. Pride warred with desire within him, his ego demanding recognition while his heart yearned for connection. He knew he should turn away. She stood out amidst the crowd, a vision of beauty that stirred something deep within him. His eyes traced the curve of her smile, the sparkle in her eyes, each detail etching itself into his mind. He longed to reach out, to bridge the distance between them, but a lifetime of conditioning held him back. Despite the lively chatter and laughter that surrounded her, she seemed lost in her world, engaged in conversation with strangers as if unaware of the tension between them. He felt a surge of frustration, a pang of jealousy as he watched her interact with others.

Didn’t she know he was there?

Zuko nervously cleared his throat, his gaze shifting slightly as he searched for the right words. “Uh, hey,” he began, his voice betraying a hint of uncertainty.

She looked up, curiosity evident in her expression as she met his gaze. “Hey, Zuko,” she replied, offering a warm smile.

Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Zuko awkwardly fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “I, uh, just wanted to say… uh, you look really nice today,” he managed to stammer out, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping up his neck.

A soft blush dusted her cheeks as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks,” she said, her smile growing a touch wider. “You’re not looking too bad yourself.”

Zuko’s cheeks flushed even deeper at the unexpected compliment, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Thanks,” he replied, feeling a surge of warmth at her words. “So, uh, do you… uh, want to maybe… do something later?”

Chest tightened. Pride urged to turn away, to maintain the facade of indifference. He caught a glimpse of Mai, her presence a stark reminder of the forbidden nature of his yearnings. Guilt mingled with an ache, a heavy weight that threatened to suffocate him. He knew the consequences, the weight of duty to his nation pressing down on him, dictating the path he must tread. A searing pain gnawed at his heart, a constant reminder of the sacrifices he must make. In the depths of his soul, he longed to hold his beloved close, to escape the chains that bound him, to run away with her into the night. And yet, as the evening before their arranged marriage unfolded in celebration, the ache in his heart only deepened, becoming almost unbearable.

“Please.”

Their eyes met under the soft glow of the moonlight, a silent understanding passing between them. Zuko’s heart pounded in his chest as he reached out to gently cup her cheek, his touch tender and hesitant.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

She smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling with affection. “Me too,” she confessed, her voice barely audible over the sound of their racing hearts.

In a moment that felt like an eternity, their lips met in a sweet, tender kiss. It was everything Zuko had ever dreamed of and more.

As they pulled away, their foreheads resting against each other, Zuko felt a sense of peace wash over him. He knew that this was just the beginning of their journey together, but in that moment, it felt like they had all the time in the world.

Wrapped in each other’s arms, Zuko couldn’t help but feel grateful for the chance to finally be with the person he loved more than anything in the world.

He studied her, his gaze tracing every line, committing them to memory with a hunger that burned within him. From the gentle curve of her lips to the delicate arch of her brow, he drank in every detail, each feature a masterpiece that begged to be worshipped. His eyes lingered on the way her hair fell in soft waves. Imagined running his fingers through those strands, feeling their smooth texture beneath his touch. He imagined pressing kisses to the tip of her nose, the smooth expanse of her forehead, lingering on each delicate feature as if trying to capture the essence of her being.

And oh, her lips, soft and inviting, seemed to whisper his name. He imagined drowning in her eyes, losing himself in the depths of their endless pools, adoring the flutter of her lashes as they brushed against her cheeks. Perhaps, they both sensed that this could be their last time together, hence every glance, every touch, etched into his memory for eternity.

Sokka strolled into the room, a mischievous grin on his face. “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” he teased, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Zuko’s face burned with embarrassment as he shot Sokka a pleading look, silently begging him to leave them alone.

But Sokka just chuckled, leaning in closer to whisper in Zuko’s ear, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about your secret crush.”

His eyes widened in alarm, cheeks flushing an even deeper shade of red. “It’s not like that!” he protested, his voice rising in panic.

She couldn’t help but laugh at their antics, shaking her head in amusement as she watched the two of them bicker like an old married couple.

Sokka just grinned, clapping Zuko on the back with a hearty laugh. “Relax, buddy, your secret’s safe with me,” he said, shooting him a playful wink before sauntering out of the room, leaving Zuko to wallow in embarrassment.

“Hey, she is really something, huh?”

Sokka whispered, clapping a hand on Zuko’s shoulder, his eyes reflecting a touch of sympathy.

“You two… that’s rough, buddy, I know.”

His words hung in the air. Zuko merely nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards in a faint, grateful smile. It was a small gesture, but one that spoke volumes about their bond.

He imagined tracing the contours of her body with a tender yet desperate touch, exploring each curve, almost feeling the warmth of her skin against his lips, the way he used to.

As Zuko traced her shoulder with his lips, she whispered back, tilting her head to offer him more space, “Does that feel good?”

“Mmm,” he murmured in agreement, voice low and close to her ear, “I could stay like this forever.”

She laughed softly. Each kiss had been a silent promise, now haunting him.

A cold knot of jealousy twisted in his gut. Zuko watched the stranger approach you, and the way the man smiled sparked a fire in him that was both possessive and painful. His fists clenched at his sides, fingernails digging into his palms as he fought the urge to intervene, to claim his space beside you, where he felt he rightfully belonged.

He recalled the softness of your laughter echoing against the quiet hum of the night, your silhouette outlined by the moonlight as you lay beside him. The warmth of your skin under his fingertips, the way your breath hitched when his lips traced a path along your collarbone. No one, he thought bitterly, could possibly know you like he did. No one could understand the way you arched into his touch, or the soft, pleading whispers that spilled from your lips.

With each gentle touch, you surrendered, body arching instinctively towards his.

“Zuko,” you murmured, voice soft as a melody. Feeling your response beneath him and thrusts growing more desperate. Your fingers traced idle patterns on his chest, a silent language only he could read.

“Stay,” you whispered, “please stay.”

Every glance the man threw your way, every seemingly innocent touch, felt like a theft of what was once sacred between you and him. In his mind’s eye, Zuko replayed the moments you had shared, each memory a testament to the connection that he feared was slipping away as this intruder laughed at something you said. He tried to remind himself of the laughter you shared in your most tender moments, the secrets exchanged with kisses and quiet promises. How could any man understand you as he did? No one, he silently vowed, would ever see the parts of you that you revealed only to him.

Beneath the soft glow of chandeliers, the grand ballroom came alive with the melodies of the evening’s dance. Couples twirled gracefully, lost in the enchantment of the music. Your eyes met those of a mysterious stranger and with a flicker of curiosity, you accepted his outstretched hand, drawn into the whirlwind of the evening’s festivities. Meanwhile, across the room, Zuko stood in with Mai, their movements fluid yet devoid of warmth. Despite the composed facade he wore, you could sense the fire burning in his gaze. From time to time, his eyes would stray in your direction, catching yours in a fleeting moment of connection. As the dance unfolded, you found yourself stealing glances at Zuko from over your partner’s shoulder, each look igniting a spark.

With each step, each graceful turn, the distance between you seemed to shrink, until you stood mere inches apart. As if drawn by an invisible force, your eyes met in a collision of emotions, the intensity of his gaze sending shivers down your spine. Caught in the depths of his eyes, Zuko seemed to drown in the sea of your own. For a fleeting instant, time stood still. It was as if the universe had conspired to bring you together. Mai in his arms, their steps matching the rhythm of the music, his mind drifted back to that fateful night when he had held you close, your bodies swaying to a melody only the two of you could hear. Just as quickly as it had begun, it was over.

She reached up, brushing her fingers against his cheek, her touch gentle yet filled with a depth of emotion that words could never convey.

“I love you.”

Her steps faltered, a silent hesitation gripping her heart. She turned back, her hand reaching out instinctively, drawn to him by an invisible force. Their fingers brushed for a fleeting moment, sending a jolt of electricity coursing through both of them. His skin felt warm beneath her touch. She pulled her hand away, her gaze meeting his for one final moment. There was so much she wanted to say, so many words left unspoken between them. With a heavy heart, she turned and walked away, each step carrying her further from him. And as she disappeared into the night, he remained standing there, his heart full of regret, a silent witness to the end of their chapter together.

“I love you.”

#zuko x reader #atla x reader #fire lord zuko #zuko x oc #avatar the last airbender #atla zuko #zuko #prince zuko #avatar zuko

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dragonfirerogue-writes · 2 days

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hi this is my first time sending a request and this one was rejected by other writer so I wondered if you could write it instead. I love quinn and I was thinking about a quinn fabray x fem!reader where reader was quinn first love back in middle school in that old school of hers and they had confessed to each other. reader loved quinn since her lucy caboosey phase and you could add that russell or Judy found out and separated them and encouraged quinn to get the nose job and lose weight. anyways, reader goes to McKinley during season 2 where quinn is trying to get her life together and she snaps when reader tries to approach her using her old name they don't speak anymore but reader always look out for quinn from the sideways (she's not from the glee club but she befriends Rachel) and quinn gets even more pissed when she catches rachel mentioning you before glee starts. the whole mess with lucy caboosey gets out and they finally speaks w reader comforting Quinn. make it angsty with a happy ending do not spare our feelings😂

-🫧

Still By Your Side

You know you're staring, but you can't help it. Something about this girl in your class is so familiar. You just can't put your finger on it.

See, you used to live in Lima, but you moved away in middle school. Forced away, rather. Now you're back and junior year began at McKinley High. While you recognized a lot of people, this one person just couldn't jog your memory.

Not until her eyes bore into yours.

As soon as class ends, you pack up your things and dart after the blonde.

"Hey! Wait!"

The blonde turns around, eyebrows cocked with an annoyed look on her face. She doesn't say anything, waiting for you to tell her why you're bothering her.

You take a moment to take her in. This girl was beautiful, that's for sure. There was a grace about her to match. Even her annoyed face looked pretty. You shake the thought from your head before finally speaking.

"Lucy, right? Lucy Fabray? It's me, Y/N."

Almost immediately, a hand covers your mouth and you're shoved against the lockers. Eyes blazing with fury found your shocked ones.

"I don't care who you are. I don't care how we met. But you will NEVER utter that name ever again." She leans closer and dangerously lowers her voice. "I am not Lucy and I will never be again. I am Quinn Fabray. Lucy is dead."

She pushes off of you, shoving you further into the lockers before striding away. You just watch her leave, your heart breaking with each step she takes. You didn't even notice the person next to you until she spoke.

"Sorry about her. She's always been like that."

With a jolt of surprise, you turn to look at the short brunette next to you. There's a moment before you look towards Quinn again.

"No... Not always." A sigh escapes your lips before you turn your attention to your companion. "You're friends with Lu-er... Quinn?" The brunette lets out a soft, rueful laugh.

"Kind of? More like rivals, I guess. We're both in Glee Club together. I'm Rachel Berry." She holds out her hand, which you take to shake.

"Y/N," you reply. "Y/N Y/L."

"If you wanna get close to Quinn, you can join Glee. We always need more members anyway." She offers. You consider it for a moment before shaking your head.

"Nah. I won't bother her like that. And I'd rather get myself settled before joining any clubs." You smile. "Thanks though. Maybe in the future." Rachel returns your smile with her own wide one.

"I'll hold you to that."

-----+++++-----

As the days pass, you learn more about Quinn thanks to Rachel. Her pregnancy and the resulting fallout with her parents, her life with the Glee Club, and now her determination to return to life before her baby. It was a lot and you weren't surprised by how much it affected her. You've already decided to stay out of Quinn's way, but they didn't mean you weren't still drawn to her.

While you tried your best to avoid directly interacting with the blonde, there were times when it was inevitable. Much like when she and Santana got into a fight in the hallway and you made it a point to pull Quinn away while blocking the Latina's attacks with your body.

Quinn didn't even acknowledge you.

It wasn't ideal. Your heart squeezed in pain with every rebuff. But the love you held for her, from the moment you met Lucy, it was worth every glance.

Only once did Quinn speak to you after meeting again. It had been months of just being in her orbit. But suddenly, you're slammed against the wall.

"Stay away from Berry." She growls. "I already have to deal with you everywhere else. I don't need that dwarf opening her big mouth to speak your name."

Recovered from the push and sudden rant, you retort.

"We haven't spoken since the first day! I even honored your request, Quinn. I don't understand why you dislike me so much."

"You don't get it." She leans into your space. If you weren't so frustrated, you would've blushed. "You're the only one who knows about Lucy. About everything I had to go through because of her. You can ruin my reputation with that knowledge. How can I not hate you?"

You could only blink in shock. So much was forgotten. Or rather, repressed. After a moment, you sigh.

"Quinn... What would I gain from that?" With a slump, your head thumps against the wall. "You may have forgotten but I... I loved Lucy." You hear a soft gasp. "I still love her. Even after your parents forced me away. Even after all this time."

You finally look straight into Quinn's eyes.

"If I ever talk about Lucy, it will only be with love and adoration. But since you don't want any indication of her existence, then she'll live in my heart. I'm not here to hurt you, Quinn. You have my word."

With that last word, you push past Quinn, leaving her in the hallway. You laid everything out there and you hope the blonde would trust you.

You didn't notice the look of awe in her face.

-----+++++-----

The first thing you noticed when you walked into school the next week were the whispers. Gossip sprung up all around you. You were confused until you were faced with a poster of a familiar photo.

Lucy Caboosey.

Almost immediately, you move to look for Quinn. At the choir room, you were met with most of the New Directions. Upon seeing you, Rachel rushed up.

"Y/N!"

"What's going on?" Another girl piped up.

"Fabray was being more annoying than Rachel." You recognized her to be Lauren Zizes. "I found out her little secret and decided to even the odds for Prom Queen."

You just stared at her. "YOU WHAT!?"

Everyone jumped at your voice.

"Do you know what she had to go through because of that bullying? I basically had to be her bodyguard in middle school just so she wouldn't be pushed to do anything drastic. And. You. Bring. That. BACK!?"

It didn't matter that Zizes was twice your size and stronger. She shrunk at your rage.

"You better damn well hope I find her before I see you again."

You whirl around to continue your search for Quinn, leaving the group in fear and awe.

Eventually, you follow the trail of torn posters to a classroom where you find the blonde crying at a desk. Quietly, you take a place across from her and wait for her to acknowledge you. It didn't take long for her to look up at you with teary eyes.

"Y/N..."

You smile. "Hey, Luce. Sorry I wasn't around to protect you this time." Quinn let's out a scoff.

"Please. I pushed you away. It's my own fault." A sigh escapes her lips. "How am I going to face the school now?"

"The same way you always did."

Quinn just looks at you, confused.

"Sure, you had an outburst. But you can't let that, or your past, dictate what you do now." You reach out your hand, palm up in an inviting manner. "You show that it doesn't control you. Even if you're just faking it."

She stares at your hand.

"Why are you doing this? After everything that's happened between us." You just give her a sad smile.

"I told you before. I love Lucy. Always will. I told her that as long as I was around, I'd protect her. I intend to keep it."

A tear falls from Quinn's eyes as she looks at you with wonder. Her hand covers yours and she revels in its warmth.

"Do you think you can... Love Quinn like you did Lucy? I've changed so much since you left. I'm not Lucy Caboosey anymore."

"Quinn," you start. "I don't think I could love you like I did Lucy." The blonde wilts, her heart breaking. Her hand clutches tighter onto yours. She had been so scared of her reputation crumbling that it masked her own feelings for you. Feelings she held for so long.

Quinn's actions catch your attention and when you look into her eyes, you're struck by the emotion in them. In an instant, you're back in middle school and falling in love all over again. You let yourself stay in that moment for a bit before speaking again.

"Lucy has a special place in my heart. She's my first love." You watch as your thumb caresses Quinn's hand. "It'll always be there, but it'll never grow." Your eyes meet again. "It can grow with you though. I may not know Quinn as well as I did Lucy, but I'd like to."

The smile on your face is immediately covered by soft lips. In a surge of emotion, the blonde leaned forward to kiss you. Before you could even react, she retreats.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself..." The light blush on her face sparks another memory and your smile widens.

"And here I thought I'd be the one to break." You chuckle. Gently, you lift her hand and kiss each knuckle. "Maybe let me kiss back this time?"

Quinn's blush deepens.

#a dragon tries to write #asks #quinn fabray x reader #glee imagine #quinn fabray imagine #quinn fabray

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fregget-frou · 2 days

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Self awareness in video games are such a great idea and it’s underutilized, the horror of realizing your reality :) ft. One of my TAVs Fitz

Some rambles of self aware/4th wall breaking in BG3 under cut

Wish we had more fics/writings about how the characters would interact and process being a game character, because the game is aware of its self (at least for characters like Karlach and her cut 4th wall break scene). I just like the thought of one of them making a high perception check and suddenly gaining awareness and the surrounding world goes down in quality, and they see the underlying textures of their party members.

The sudden freak event ends quickly, but just enough to keep their mind on it. Then as things continue they just notice it more. How Tav sometimes just walks around without reason, how they seem to be so aware of things even they don’t know why, and how their eyes don’t shine in the same way others do. Think of Tav realizing they don’t have as much control as they thought, feeling the tugs of the code pushing them towards decisions, even if they seem small. Until after the game, they feel the tug leave, like a breath of fresh air, collapsing and confused. Only for their freedom to be short lived, once the epilogue happens.

Characters like Gale feelings the weave, and for just a moment it doesn’t feel right, and he sees the webbing of model joints and the polygons, and the code. And he hears the narrator, and a sudden awareness of thinking this isn’t a god, it’s so much more, and it’s ripped away from him.

Seeds of doubt and confusion spread throughout them all, confused to high hell.

Personally I think Tav wouldn’t really recognize themselves as a person, or were they ever really one? Are they just a puppet for this thing, to act out on the stage of this world? Are all there memories false, do they even have a deeper level of consciousness? Sure the others are game characters but they aren’t being controlled like them. A shell, a vessel. Where do they end and the player begin? And will coming to an answer help them, or just doom them to the realization all the suffering and acts happening around them are for the amusement of god like creatures. Dolls, even if they interact with them these creatures seem nice, but they don’t view them as people. Like pets, dolls to dress up and crash their faces together. Did Tav even love their partner, or was it just because the player wanted it to happen?

Just thoughts of existential crisis being a topic of discussion :3

+ Fitz in color!!

#hehe #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 tav #freggzartz #baldurs gate fanart #baldurs gate imagine #bg3 fanart #bg3 au #self awareness #self aware au #4th wall break

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hexados-on-a-string · 7 months

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the only reason hydron didnt live is bc if he was part of the brawler's interdimensional found family, that'd involve him getting a character arc on account of actually having a support system and also the fact that zenoheld is dead and they didn't wanna write that so they just killed off hydron. this lives in my brain though.

#he would be part of the found family the brawlers just let anyone in #they were gonna let mylene and shadow join despite the fact that they literally had just tried to kill mira #spectra and gus are part of the brawlers and dan literally calls both of them family #do you think they're not going to look at hydron. with his huge amount of issues. and NOT let him be part of their found family????#i think if hydron lived. i think gus and him would end up like brothers but like acting like actual siblings #keith and mira are too nice to each other #i need gus and hydron to insult each other. then go into an autism echolalia feedback loop. then try to go gaslight someone.#thats based on irl experience with my own younger sibling #we are menaces and gus and hydron would also be menaces to society too #other than that uhhh honestly i think itd be funny if he was friends with julie. i think all subterra brawlers should be friends w julie #by law julie is friends with every subterra brawler. ur a subterra brawler and u think u arent gonna end up friends with her? ur wrong #i kinda wanna see him interact with fabia in some way but idk how. it could be interesting tho.#not hydron related but id love to see ren and gus interact before the events of gundalian invaders.#i think gus would be sus abt him but like not actually care too much bc that's the human's problem not his #i think they could have an interesting conversation about loyalty and shit idk #i dont know toooooo much abt ren my memory is spotty but i just think it would be neat #anyways i was having an autism moment im not sorry this is just self indulgent

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eggs-can-draw · 1 year

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Kokichi physical therapy arc real

#eggs can speak #kokichi ouma #writin a little thing abt Shuichi and Kokichi and the beach #I’m Exposition Dumping in the form of Shuichi Internal Monologing #and they have like. a part of the day every day set aside for memory rehab mnstuff cause yeah they got the bull but there’s still a bit of #brain fuzz yknow? yeah they do it all as a group but I DIDNT GET THE CHANCE TO MENTION that while everyone else is working on that Kokichi #is working on some physical therapy since he HAS all his memories lol #yah immediate left turn I feel like things are a little Tense post game between Shu n grape bitch #yeah they definitely had a tear filled reunion post game but Shuichi also feels really fucking guilty for how they interacted in game and #YEAH it wasn’t really his fault but he Knows that regardless he hurt Kokichi yknow? yah. it’s funky I unno #I might post it when im done #Kokichi isn’t the only one doing physical therapy tho impostant mention #all the folks who died have to live with weird after affects #like Kaede and Miu have to be really careful when running and stuff because sometimes losing their breath causes them to Lose Breathing #Privleges for a sec and it’s just all around not fun #(this infuriates them both to no end)

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queen-beefcake-sqx · 11 months

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me, knocking back THC drinks and xanax: I’m going to commune with a parrot again.

#say more sadie #In 2021 I went to my life partner’s parents for Thanksgiving #that morning involved a series of personal explosions in the lives of people around me because of course #and I was stressed and overwhelmed from work and a recovering relationship after a very stressful year #so I knocked back two glasses of wine and three weed gummies #BEFORE ever arriving for the dinner #on top of my medications (don’t do this kids esp not without knowing your personal limits on all of them and how they interact)#(which I did for the record and felt confident I wouldn’t drink myself into the hospital)#and wound up having a spiritual out of body experience with a cranky African Grey who hated most of the actual family #but decided I was friend shaped #(It helped that I had flaming red hair with a grey dress so I think he thinks I was another African Grey)#Anyway it turned a day that could have been very exhausting and traumatic into one of my favorite memories #so we’re shooting for that today #drug mention #sadie has mental illness

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vvanessaives · 1 year

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no pairing in the world will ever serve as much cunt as a courier x benny one, i will die with this truth in my heart

#rena.txt #benny is bi btw you can try and tear away from me this notion but i will bring it with me in the grave #like it might be my bias for my moira/benny but like the insanity of it all makes me delirious.#this guy in a fucking checkered suit talking all weird puts a bullet through the couriers head but he's so fail cringe that they survive an #now they are hunting him down. like for me the funny thing with moira is that it's all a matter of obsession. you saw me put benny under #enemy & lover in that template but lord is it all in her head. like she wakes up after a near death experience with half of her memories #lost and pre-incident moira would've tried to get the package back only out of spite but in this case it's simply bc..she is missing a #purpose now. she doesn't remember any family or friend or personal desire beside the fact she was there to deliver a package and she doesnt #even know what's inside. retriving is the only purpose to keep on living now. that and revenge which leads to obsession. but along the way #as she discovers piece after piece of benny. retracing the road that lead him to her..obsession gets more and more intense and suddenly #he's like a lover to her like they just had a silly little lovers quarrel that ended with a bullet. and it's all in her head and ofc ALL on #sided like the only interaction is the canon meeting at the tops that leads to the canon fucking akfjskf (again very silly cringe fail of #benny to even accept fucking the person he thought he killed. i love him) and it's like. the whole road she did with this idea of meeting #him and love (lmao) but he's there now and she can't kill the revengeful part of her obsession and for a second it's all like a dream. THE #dream that lived so long in her head. the ILLUSION. but now it's all so real and the Only end here is his death and she doesn't avoid it.#she embraces it she's HAPPY to kill him to have her revenge but the obsession..the obsession never leaves. now that he dies what's left?#and what about all the lil movies of them (insane) she played in her mind? so she's crying and laughing at the same time now in a mixture o #euphoria for finally taking tf out from the world that piece of shit and pain for the end of her little mind-movie. a fight between #irreality and reality. her illusions and the cold dead body resting next to hers.#i could eviscerate this concept forever just know i love my insane lil gal

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waywardsalt · 29 days

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#some tag rambles bc im having a bunch of loz thoughts to hey why not do a short lived tag ramble #starting with the bad i have thought more on how i feel totk fucked up its characters and its like. yeah any arcs that are there are bad #zeldas is dogshit all of the sages are just. VERY tell no show and it really doesnt matter and otherwise idk #nothing wrong with a static character but imo with a static character you then have to show more of them #reveal some things. also doesnt really happen. the main speaking cast are also kinda weak in relation to link #they dont really work off of him very well bc hes… not treated like a character. hes just some virtuous everyman in the story #so theres no actual chemistry between him or the other characters bc he isnt treated a character so like. he has almost no chemistry #its all mostly one sided and none of the sages but zelda have any real chemistry with other major characters either #and the major characters zelda has chemistry with barely matter so fuck it. like when ppl talk abt like. loz stories #and ppl talk abt how yeah they arent the best but totk is rlly bad. i dont feel like any other loz stories are baaaaad #not in the same way. but they dont feel as egregiously fumbled. imo its bc of the characters most of them time #ofc story can be strong enough and im not discounting stuff like mm and oots themes and atmosphere and stuff #it seeeems to me the most popular non zelda sage is tulin? but mostly bc hes a sweet kid and thats fine and all but there doesnt seem to #be much else to him hes otherwise kinda unremarkable bc he just doesnt do much else and seems to exists mostly to serve gameplay and plot #botw did it better bc the champions actively had a dynamic and a relationship with link they arent the deepest but they have more substance #botw zelda is arguably the strongest character in botw with a unique personality and genuine relationship to link even if we just see it #in the memories and seeing her warm up to link is cool but imp they fumble it in the ending of her arc and how it kinda contradicts stuff #and in totk they doubled the fuck down on her unlocking her powers for reasons related to link and decided ig shed figure she needs to be #links forever bestie and hypeman and she kinda just revolves around him in a really superficial way and this is the negative extreme #of a character being bolstered by being connected to link. but anyways in loz its the characters that tend to be the strongest points #and the characters with a clear dynamic and relationship to link shine the most. think groose ghirahim ravio midna fi marin linebeck sheik #the list could go on but the characters who get a chance to shine by interacting with the Player Character are the ones who stick out #and ofc they get more screen time but they cant avoid that character development or general character fleshing out bc they are in some way #tied to link and in a sort of way link himself is more fleshed out through how those other characters react to him if that makes sense #i think loz is at its best when a good bit of emphasis and effort is placed on characters and character relationships #and when thise relationships and character are written well ofc this fucking matters too #anyways thats why ph is one of the best we love our character heavy black sheep them ds characters carry so hard and so fucking well mwah

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miallurk · 4 months

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Damn. One thing going wrong and I'm going full mental breakdown huh.

#probably because of bottling my feelings up #honestly at this point i'm considering giving up but some people were really sweet to me and that's really been helping #and that one anon in my other blog who almost got me to cry just because they said “i love your writing”#shit i am legit tearing up #people are so nice sometimes i just. fucking hell i love when people are caring but i have feelings that are kept in a bottle from before #i was even like. in 3rd grade.#i want to keep reaching out i do #but i feel so insignificant when i do some stupid shit and. people want to talk to me. they care. and they listen.#i feel so. bad for taking up their time. surely they have something better to do than waste their time on me im a failure. i cant do anythi #g. but. they do. and that fucks me up so badly. those people do not know how much i appreciate even a brief chat.#i am starving for humanity and its connections.#i am also struggling #and living in times of war is so fucking hard when no one cares about you. it was so hard to come to terms with that i'm a war child.#a child of war. fathered by a soldier who had seen horrors of it beforehand. and who has not spoken of them despite screaming in the dead #of night. i am. having a full on breakdown huh. apparently. it's just. fucking insane. i really need to talk to someone about this. and hav #a ten hour nap preferably.#looks at crow bubbles miss detective log and hannah and my old old mutuals. i love you all still no matter how brief or insignificant our #interactions were. i love you. you mean the world to me. you made me who i am like an amateur makes a silly clay figure never meant for muc #it is so hard to go on with old memories as bugs in my brain #this.. started as a drawing program error vent and became me pouring my feelings here. same as always ig.#i love you humanity i love you reaching out i love you desire to care and ve cared about i love you yearning i love you helping without a #need to ask i love you human emotions i love you people #it feels like i'm not one myself honestly. humans are so.. so horrifyingly endearing to me i am suffocating with unspoken love #fucking my love is mine all mine and poison and ghosting and oleander fuck you songs you make me emotional too. humans are so humans.

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vadlings · 4 months

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Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #laios touden #shuro #toshiro nakamoto #the winged lion #autistic #autism #clay writes #i GUESS #this was so spur of the moment. im so busy right now i dont have time to be analysing laios touden #i wuont angry autistic rep..

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unexpectederawhilesubmitting · 5 months

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WARNING: DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS EXPLAINING REGENERATION SHENANIGANS

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okay so I was kind of not on board with the concept of bi-regeneration, mainly because of how it seemed like all of the Sad and the Trauma that the Doctor had undergone got kind of handwaved away? i'm all for ncuti's Doctor being sort of a fresh start/jumping on point for new viewers, but i didn't get how that could work if like, literally 40 minutes ago he was David Tennant being a sad wet puppy dog of a man

however, after rewatching it, i've realized what i think happened there, and it goes all the way back to something introduced with the 4th doctor's regeneration that was never explained: the Watcher

^this spooky guy

so, for those that don't know (or haven't seen every episode of a show that is over half a century old), the Fourth Doctor regenerates at the end of a story called Logopolis (he falls off a satellite dish, but that's not important right now). all throughout the episode, this weird figure, The Watcher, stands off in the distance, and even intervenes slightly by saving the Fourth Doctor's companion. there's not much given in the way of an explanation until the Fourth Doctor regenerates, saying "it's the end. but the moment has been prepared for..."

the watcher walks up, and gets absorbed in a super rad 1980's digital effect (never change doctor who), while his companion just gives us the not-super-helpful-for-lore statement "He was the Doctor all the time!"

then, in a crossfade, the Doctor goes from Four to weird-powder-man to Five

canonically, the Watcher is explained as a future version of the doctor that comes about in sort of a weird overlapping thing with the doctor's timeline, it's very wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey.

-------------------------

SO what does this have to do with biregeneration and satisfying character arcs/moving on from trauma?

Well, remember, Fifteen said this, about Time Lords doing rehab out of order:

so, here's the thing: Fifteen is the Doctor AFTER Fourteen (duh, I know?) But to be clear...Fourteen lives out an entire lifetime with Donna and family, gets to a ripe old age, and then, when his lifetime of healing is over, he gets yeeted back through his own timestream just to zoot himself out of David Tennant's chest.

Remember, his first words to Fourteen (after popping out of his chest) are "So good to see you! So good!", not the RTD classic "what?". He greets himself like he's almost expecting this, he then says "does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?" which only makes sense if he's coming from a different point in his own timestream (remember, when two doctors interact, memory gets really weird, 10 and the War Doctor don't remember the events of Day of the Doctor until they live through them as 11).

SO TO BE CLEAR: Ncuti Gatwa is playing the Doctor AFTER he has spent years healing from his traumas. His Doctor is fine because Fourteen takes the time to rest and work on himself.

tl;dr: I didn't like biregeneration at first because I thought it looked like this:

In actuality, it looks more like this:

#doctor who #fourteenth doctor #fifteenth doctor #the giggle #dw #dw spoilers #dw 60th #tenthree #the doctor

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