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kenmakodz · 2 months

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CANDID LOVE ˙✧˖📷

07. i hate men (except you two) ☆

writing in-between cuts!

yuuta practically flies to where his friends are, feeling horrible after seeing maki's tweet. he really does make them wait forever sometimes. it's not his fault! he just.. looses track of time... all the time.

"ah, the man of the hour finally arrives." maki teases, sitting up from the bench her and toge were sitting on. out of all his breath, yuuta bends over with his hands on his knees. "yes. here i am, heaving, because you two rushed me." a laugh rises from the boy beside him, paired with a small push. "isn't being dramatic my thing?"

the three begin walking, and yuuta feels as if the whole time, maki's eyes are burning holes into his side. he tries to ignore it until he cant anymore- eventually curiosity (and anxiety) gets the best of him. "why are you staring so much?" he asks, and notices as soon as he turns his head to her, suddenly her eyes are fixated on the sidewalk in front of them instead. she sighs, "i'm just shocked you didn't invite y/n, i was kinda hoping you would ask if she could come." yuuta stays silent, utterly confused. was it wrong to not invite her? i mean, we all consider her a friend- but by the way maki worded her text, it seemed like she didn't want her to come..? toge chimes in, realizing yuuta doesn't know what to say next. "yeah, last night, her and nobara were conspiring on the phone about this for like.. hours. you were supposed to invite her, and we were supposed to leave you two alone after a while" now, yuuta is even MORE confused. but, at least he conveys it in words this time. "what? why? i would've invited her, but it seemed like you didn't want her to come!" toge turns around to maki, giving her the most intense 'i told you so' look he's ever given. she brushes him off with a click of her tongue, despite knowing he's right. the rest of maki's words resonate in yuuta's head, and he continues. "also- what do you mean leave us alone?" maki sighs again, and yuuta wishes he could ignore the feeling of guilt pooling inside of him. they had a whole plan, and he'd ruined it. even more so, he unknowingly left out the girl he'd wanted to be with the most. "we're trying to get you to confess having a crush on her already." she says, in a matter-of-fact manner. yuuta scoffs at this point, already feeling like he'd ruined the whole night. "i don't need you guys to conspire for me. if i ever decide to confess to her, i will. getting us alone won't help either-- i was alone with her last night and still had crippling anxiety." the two friends laugh, and practically shrug it off.

"...did i do the wrong thing by not inviting her?"

"yeah, but it's okay."

the facetime call clicks on, and immediately yuuji's voice chimes through. "y/n!!" you laugh, setting your phone up next to you in a way that your friends can see your face. the next person to join the call was nobara, and you can tell she's fresh out of the shower. her hair is wet, and her camera is slightly blurry- from steam, you assume. "what's up bitches! yuuji, are you setting up the server?" an affirmative hum comes from the other end of the line, indicating that he is. nobara's phone gets noticeably closer to her face, and you can only feel like she's examining you.

...of course she is. "y/n, are you alright?" you nod, and smile back at your phone. "i'm okay, nobara. it's really not that big of a deal. they're just going downtown, and like megumi said, they were all friends before i came here." you notice yuuji's face starts to soften from the focused one he had on beforehand, seemingly feeling bad for you, yet not saying anything. she sighs, and puts her phone down to rub a towel through her hair. her voice echoes a bit due to her being far away. "you know, though. last night, maki and i made this big plan for yuuta to invite you out with them. i have no idea what happened to it." before you can respond, the sound of megumi joining the call resonates throughout everyones phones. it gives you a split second to feel an uncertain feeling run through your stomach. "do you think.. she told him about it?" you think out loud at this point, knowing your friends would never judge how you feel. "she very well could have, and he could've hated the idea of it." nobara's head shakes aggressively, and water droplets fly all over the camera. "shit! no- no, y/n. no way she told him, he was supposed to do it on his own accord. i guess he fucked up, i'm sure maki has told him now though." you scoff, "how is that supposed to make me feel better though?! that just means he wasn't even thinking about it." a long groan comes from the other girl once again, and she picks up her phone- her whole face filling the screen. if you weren't upset, you'd be laughing at the sight. "if what i hear from maki is the truth, this guy is literally whipped for you. you have nothing to worry about, he's just an idiot." she puts her phone down again, and walks off to most likely put her towel away. the call goes silent, and to the other two boys, it's obvious you're thinking to yourself. her and maki talk about me and yuuta? well, i'd be surprised if they didn't, but they think he likes me back? there's no way in hell he does if he forgot about me. you put your head in your hands, and now it's your time to groan. except, instead of an annoyed one, it comes out as frustrated and lovesick. "i hate men." you mutter, words muffled by your palms. both yuuji and megumi chime in with a synchronized "hey!" which makes you laugh, pulling your head up. "except for you two."

after playing for what seems like a few hours, a disconnection sound turns everyone's attention back to their phones. "who the hell disconnected?" nobara asks, grabbing her phone at the same time as you. yuuji gasps and begins typing rapidly. "it was megumi!"

you and nobara give eachother a knowing look, before you realize there are unchecked notifications on your phone. "oh, guys- yuuta texted me." your voice seems soft, but not upset. nobara hums, "what did he say?" the sound of phones chiming over the call seems to be her answer, you'd sent a screenshot of it. "i don't think i'm going to answer him.. not right now."

fun facts -> yuuta paced around his room, wondering whether or not he should ask maki if y/n could come. her text seemed passive-aggressive, but he could've just been overthinking it. he ultimately decided against it (despite really wanting her to be there), because he didn't want to make his friends uncomfortable. toge knewwww yuuta would do this after maki sent her text, and tried to convince her to just invite y/n herself. but, being her stubborn self, she didn't. drats!! foiled again :/

-> i hope there isn't too much writing...... but anyways ! miscommunication <3

previous, masterlist, next [08. grow some balls!!]

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⤷ © kenmakodz

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elliespeach · 9 months

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tear you apart part two | ellie williams

pairing ellie wiliams x fem reader synopsis ellie owns her own vinyl store and the day you wander in changes both of your lives forever. she quickly becomes infatuated with you, desperate for your love that she believes is meant to be. when things in your life begin to spiral, ellie is there to catch you, but you'd never suspect she was the reason you fell in the first place. wordcount: 3.8k warnings: stalking both cyber and in person, ellie is obsessive, manipulative, a gaslighter, a pervert lowkey, possessive and easily jealous, shes also so delusional like top tier delulu, shes based off joe goldberg so i mean put the pieces together. this is all from her perspective, most if not all of the inner monologue is ellie's thoughts about you, the italics is verbatim what she is thinking in that very moment if that makes sense. like joe, all of her actions are justified in her mind, and she doesn't see anything wrong with them. reader has a dysfunctional family. pls lmk if i am missing something! authors note: obsessive ellie nation RISE, bit of a twist in this one hope shes yummy!!! i have plans i can not share w you yet but i am so hype for the next part, yall should be too, anyway... happy reading

ellie sat in the corner of the bar waiting for you and your friends to show up. she had gotten here way too early, but it gave her time to canvas the bar. the bartenders were swamped with orders, the band playing on the small stage were taking a brief intermission– which ellie was grateful for because she didn’t see the appeal. it was quite crowded, working in ellie’s favor. while she waited for you, her fingers were dancing over her phone any second she got.

firstly, she checked in on you. no instagram posts, stories, twitter updates, nothing to indicate you were going out. finally taking steps to protect yourself, good girl. then, she set her focus on finding this woman. she copy and pasted the phone number into google, loading…loading…loading… god this wifi fucking sucks…

when the circle of death vanished, nothing came of the phone number. the white pages had nothing to report on, the links were dead ends and ellie sat back in her chair with a huff, annoyed by the anonymity of this woman. her thoughts were interrupted when she saw the door to the bar open and your friends and you strolled in. she slouched over, bringing her head down but her eyes remained fixed on you. shauna was the last one to come through the door, but she quickly brought herself to the front of the group and sat you all down at a table nearly across the bar.

ellie rolled her eyes, knowing she would have to move to get closer. so she did, keeping her head down as she went through the small crowd to the other end of the bar. from this seat, your back was turned from her and she felt a little disappointed that she couldn’t see your face, but decided it was for the better. shauna immediately started to order drinks, a round of shots and margaritas on top of it. whats the occasion?

she had to focus real hard, but she was able to make out the conversation happening.

“okay, okay, but seriously, i have something to tell you guys,” shauna started to speak as the waiter was placing their drinks down at the table.

“god, you’re pregnant!” dina shouted to the table, and ellie could hear your laugh clear as day. the same laugh that was used for her just two weeks ago. god, how she missed you.

shauna scoffed, “i’m not pregnant!”

then you chimed in, your voice sounding sweet as ever over the rowdiness of the bar, “then whats so important? should i down this shot beforehand?” you playfully picked up the shot from the table, ready to take it and ellie’s eyes didn’t leave you for a second.

shauna gracefully pushed your hand down, the shot back on the table and she spoke again, “i’m moving to california at the end of summer,”

the mood at the table became somber at her words, the girls looking around to each other. “sorry, what?” cat spoke up, sipping her margarita.

ellie smirked, taking a sip of her own drink. not a bad idea, shauna. sure, she knew you would be upset and she was prepared to be there for you to get over losing your best friend, but in time you’ll realize that shauna was never your friend to begin with, she just liked having you around to boost her up.

“like your whole family? or just you?” you asked her, and when shauna replied saying her whole family, your head snapped back and ellie could see that the shot glass you had in your hands was now empty.

“why?” cat spoke again, glancing around the table to you and dina.

“nevermind on why, i just want to have a good night! let’s get drunk–” she called over the waiter with a snap of her fingers, classy. her eyes met the waiters and then went to you, “another shot for my friend.”

“give me two, please,” you spoke kindly to the waiter, and ellie’s grip on her own drink tightened. no way shauna leaving was upsetting you this much? how could it? ellie reminded herself that you had been friends with her for years, and even despite shauna being the way she is, she’s still your best friend. she wanted to give you a hug, tell you that it was for the better, but she knew she couldn’t. at least, not right now.

the bartender took ellie out of her gaze, “another one?” he said, pointing to her empty glass. ellie shook her head no, if you were going to get plastered, she needed to make sure she was okay to watch over you. the band started to play again and it rang in ellie’s ears, making it difficult to hear the conversation at the table.

the waiter brought the shots over, and everyone took them almost instantly. using their margaritas as a chaser, ellie’s eyes rolled again. the next thirty minutes was her just keeping an eye on you while you continued to get more and more drunk. you mumbled out that you had to “break the seal.” and you got up and stumbled over to the bathroom door. ellie could see everything from her seat, so instead of blowing her cover she stayed in the bar chair.

ellie wasn’t a girls girl by any means, but she knew that once someone in the group walked away, the shit talking would commence. you had barely opened the door to the bathroom when shauna started. shauna, out of everyone. shes not your friend. “shes taking it kinda hard, isnt she?”

“i’ve seen her more drunk that this.” dina laughed, keeping her voice low as if you could hear her.

“oh yeah, the night she nearly got hit by that cab walking back to her apartment was the drunkest i’ve seen her,” cat laughed with dina, and shauna stayed neutral.

“no but like, me leaving, shes taking it kind of hard, right?”

dina looked to cat, then back to shauna, “i mean, yeah i guess. you’re her best friend.”

is that a smile, shauna?

“i hate to be the one making her feel like that,” shauna pouted, now seeking the attention of her other friends.

“no, no, it’s not your fault–” dina gushed.

“yeah, it’s like, thats on her, you know? you can’t control how anyone feels except for you.” cat said softly, placing an arm on shauna’s shoulder.

jesus christ, the therapy words. where did you people come from?

before they could continue talking, you returned from the bathroom, bumping into the table lightly before sitting down. “another shot?” you asked them, seeing their drinks were empty. you had at least double the shots they’ve taken, no, no more shots. tell her no.

“yes!” shauna said enthusiastically, ordering more for the table. when they arrived they were gone within seconds. ellie was finding it hard to hold back, she wanted to take you by the arm and walk you home herself. though, it seemed with every shot you took, your mood brightened. you were laughing, loudly, and making jokes with your friends. it seemed like you had completely forgotten about the departure of your best friend. ellie was happy you weren’t upset anymore, but the level of drunk you were worried her.

that's until someone was standing behind shauna, and when ellie’s eyes wandered up to see who it was, she almost choked on her spit but quickly repressed it. it was the older woman and she was looking directly into your eyes, your laughter had subsided from the previous joke and you went silent, crossing your arms and shifting in your seat.

the woman's eyes left yours quickly, and she placed a hand on shauna’s shoulder. shauna turned around, seeing the woman and got up from her seat, embracing her in a hug. “hey mom! what’re you doing here?”

mom? you’re fucking your best friends mom? ellie nearly fell off her high top seat, for the first time that night she took her eyes off of you, turning towards the bar just to take it all in. no, no, you’re a sweetheart. you wouldn’t do that, would you? ellie’s mind was racing, but her image of you never faltered in her mind because she quickly figured out just what was going on.

your own parents leave you to move across the country and your best friend lets you move into her place until you get your own. she recalls one of your tweets she stumbled upon from a year ago,

@yndoesartstuff: tfw ur moving into ur besties childhood home bc ur own parents dont want u

—— @shuanamavisxx: my parents want u! adopted child frfr

yeah, they want you alright…

shauna’s mom must have been very supportive of you, for you to fall for her trap anyway. that kind of attention from a mother must have felt good, and ellie decided that shuana’s mom knew what she was doing. prying on your own neglectful mommy issues to get into your pants. shes a fucking predator. ellie knew you were a grown woman, but shauna’s mom was clearly in her fifties, thats being nice, and she found it fucking disgusting that her mom would do that to you. and then to have the audacity to make you so dependant on her that you beg her for attention over texts.

ellie was seething.

and apparently so were you, because you quickly got up from the table, excusing yourself with a quick, “be right back!” trying to sound as chipper as possible, but ellie knew.

you came up to the bar and ellie swiftly lowered her head into her phone. you were too drunk to notice, but ellie heard you order yourself yet another shot. she almost said no outloud, but refrained herself, feeling the heat in her body build up. but the bartender had her back, “you're cut off. here's a water.” he handed you a cold glass of water and your eyes rolled.

“pleasseeee? im not even that drunk!” you fired back, pushing the water back towards him. he looked you up and down, and you smiled at him, holding up just one finger and mouthing the word please over and over again. the bartender caved, pouring you another shot.

what a fucking idiot.

he gave you the shot, which you took almost instantly. you stumbled back to the table with your friends, shauna’s mom still there making conversation. and ellie turned to the bartender, “are you blind? shes wasted,”

the guy shrugged, “shes a good tipper.”

ellie scoffed, turning her attention back to the table.

“so wait mom, why are you here?” shauna asked, sitting back down in her seat.

“i’m actually on a date,” her mom smiled, making quick eye contact with you before doing so with dina and cat to not seem suspicious. she pointed to a table near the band and when ellie looked, it was a man that sat at the table.

“its not a date if you’re married,” shauna rolled her eyes, a laugh slipping out with her words. she turned and faced the man at the table, waving passionately at who ellie assumed to be her father. ellie was sick just watching, and she couldn’t imagine how you felt. she’s just taunting you at this point.

ellie could see you shifting uncomfortably in your seat and soon enough you pulled out your phone. since your back was to her, ellie could see your screen was blank, but you muttered, “sorry gotta take this guys,” before you got up and left the bar, putting the phone up to your ears as if you were actually on the phone.

they let you leave without a second thought. don't they see how drunk you are? she was on her feet, pulling her wallet out of her pocket to put a twenty on the counter before storming out of the bar herself. she glanced around once she was outside, it had grown dark but she could spot you from a mile away.

you were trying to wave down a cab, way too close to the road for her liking. you were crying too, and ellie’s heart sank at the sight. while waving down a cab, you checked your phone, the bright screen nearly blinding you as you did but your fingers were quick to type. your feet kept going as you typed to try and keep yourself up right, you were swaying and teetering all around the sidewalk. all of the cabs went past you, not wanting to pick up a drunk girl who might vomit in their car. your phone fell out of your hands as you were trying to type, landing harshly on the sidewalk and ellie stepped forward just a bit, ready to lie her way out of how she came to find you like this.

as you bent down to pick up your phone, a man got it before you could. he held it out for you and as you went to reach for it, he pulled it away at the last second. because of course he did. there was only about five seconds of back and forth between you and this guy before ellie’s feet started to jog over to you. she heard the tail of the conversation as she approached.

“...i’ll give it back if you agree to have drinks with me.” he spoke in a ragged voice, he was head to toe in dirt and grim. typical male, its disgusting. you didn’t deserve this.

“no, just give me my phone!” you shouted back at him, words slurred to oblivion.

ellie didn’t waste a second. “she said no, man.” she came to your side, putting her arm in front of you to block him. she saw you stare at her out of the corner of her eye but she kept her focus on the guy.

“a guy can’t try?” he said with a small laugh, still holding your phone out of reach.

“if shes saying no, then take the fucking hint.” ellie could feel herself getting angier, the heat in her body rising to her cheeks and her one fist balled up by her side. she doesn’t want to think about what would have happened if she wasn’t here, but her mind plagues her with it. im your hero. and this guy is about to fucking die.

“maybe i’ll keep it, sell it for some money,” he taunted, examining the phone like a douchebag. ellie had it under control, she knew this guy would cave eventually, at least one way or another. but you had other plans and when you tried to reach for the phone in his hands he slapped your arm away.

ellie fully stepped in front of you, her jaw tightening as she did, and the guy continued to run his mouth. “what? this your fucking bitch or something?”

she didn’t even think about it, her fist coming up strong and squaring this guy in his nose. he stumbled back, dropping your phone to the sidewalk yet again. she shook her fist in pain as you quickly grabbed your phone from the ground. his nose was bleeding and he was clinging to it like he was going to die.

you were laughing, which is the last thing ellie expected. your laughter was ringing in her ears as the guy started to get back up, very slowly. “shit, c’mon!” you laughed again, way too drunk, but you did something else ellie wasn’t expecting, you took her hand and started to run in the opposite direction. she obviously followed you, sprinting beside you down the streets of new york until it felt like a good amount of distance had passed.

turning one last corner you both slowed to a stop, you were trying to regulate your breathing as ellie checked around the corner before turning back to you. “you okay?”

“i’m-i’m great,” you sighed, still catching your breath. youre still drunk. way too drunk. “you look so–”

“let me take you home, you’re drunk,”

“i’m not drunk and i know you from somewh–”

“you are drunk, at least let me get you a cab,”

“the vinyl store!”

shit. “oh, oh yeah, i remember you.” ellie stammered out, hoping your level of drunkenness would hide her stumble.

“ellie, right?” you slurred and ellie nodded her head, “oh shit, thats what i kept forgetting to do, i need that album you recommended me!”

ouch. if you didn’t have the day you’ve had, or better yet, the past two weeks, ellie would be more upset. was our interaction that forgettable for you? no, it couldn’t possibly be, you were flirting with me. and now you stand here telling me you forgot about me? she tells herself it’s because you’re drunk, you’d never say these things to her if you were sober.

“come by anytime for it, it’s no biggie,” it’s not like i made sure it was perfect for you within the hour.

“how about now?”

“no, no the stores closed and you should get home,” ellie knew you would persist, she just wanted to see it.

“please,” you dragged out, putting on the prettiest smile you could. “i’m not that drunk, plus i could use the pick me up.”

ellie smiled, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small key. “you’re lucky i carry this with me,” she said with a light-hearted laugh. “it’s only a few blocks this way, can you make the walk?”

“jesus, i am not that drunk!” you laughed along with her, starting to walk in the right direction. “look,” ellie watched as you started to walk in a straight line, arms out to keep your balance.

you stumbled a bit, and you definitely weren’t walking in a straight line. you’re adorable. “wow, i’ve never seen anyone more sober.” ellie mocked you while you regained your balance.

“thank you,” you replied, ignoring her sarcasm and you returned to walking normally beside her. “what a coincidence you ran into me.”

“yeah, really weird, huh?” ellie faked a laugh, stuffing her hands in her pockets and keeping her eyes forward.

“well, i owe you for helping me out,” you held out your phone, which was now cracked. “and for the album.”

she shook her head, “nah, you don’t owe me anything.”

after a few more minutes of walking the store came into sight, sitting between two large buildings, the closed sign burning red in the window. ellie pulled the key out of her pocket and started to unlock the door, with you happily standing idle behind her.

she held the door open for you to go in first, it was dark inside and the smell of wooden boxes was pungent. but as ellie stepped in behind you and flicked on the light switch, the store came to life. “wait here, it’s in the back.”

ellie went through the beads into her back office, searching around in her desk until she found it. it was sitting next to the red thong she had swiped from your apartment and when she pulled the vinyl from the drawer and spun around, you were right behind her. “it’s seriously creepy back here,” you took notice, looking around the small room while ellie slammed the drawer shut.

you weren’t wrong, and that’s why ellie had asked you to stay up front. the paint had begun peeling off the walls years ago, and the room was only lit up by a bare bulb at the top of the room. “this where you keep your victims?” you joked, dropping your voice and toying with the papers on her desk.

“not here, i got somewhere else i keep them,” ellie returned your joke, although she wasn’t exactly joking. but you don’t have to worry your pretty little head about that. “here, pink floyd’s best album at least, in my opinion.”

you gracefully took it from her hands, examining it before looking back to her. “thanks,” anything for you. anything.

you both wandered out of the back of the store, and ellie could sense that shauna’s mom was still plaguing your thoughts. you had gone quiet, staring longingly at the album in your hands. “you wanna tell me why you were so upset before?” she asked casually, flicking off the light in the back room.

you sighed, “i’m a mess, that’s all.” you leaned against the counter and ellie positioned herself behind it, just like how we met.

ellie didn’t mind that you wouldn’t open up to her, to be fair you both were still basically strangers. strangers that flirt. strangers that save each other from themselves.

“relationships suck,”

“how’d you know it was about that?”

ellie blinked, think, idiot, think. “well i mean, you got wasted and you were crying. i kinda just took a guess,”

“you got me there,” you laughed, taking in a deep breath. “people never change, i can’t seem to get that through my head.”

“the right people will,” was all ellie replied with, a small smile appearing on her face.

“yeah, yeah you’re right.” there was silence for a moment as you both held eye contact before you broke away with an embarrassed smile.

“you deserve better than whatever this asshole is putting you through, you know that?”

“you don’t know me,” you said shyly, the drunkenness wearing off. “i could be horrible and deserve it.”

“i highly doubt that,” ellie knew what you were thinking, if she only knew i was fucking my best friends mom. ellie didn’t care, she knew who you were. if it wasn’t for that borderline predator, you wouldn’t be in this position to begin with. she wanted you regardless. she needed you regardless.

“yeah well, thanks ellie. i should get home, like you said i’m a little drunk.”

“a little?” ellie laughed, earning a scoff from you.

you playfully pushed her shoulder back, “i can hold my liquor, thank you very much!”

ellie ordered you a cab to take you home, she would’ve walked you home herself but you insisted on a cab, not wanting to bother her. ellie would end up at her usual spot across the street from your place anyway, so she didn’t fight it, knowing she would see you soon.

she glared up from the sidewalk while you shut your door behind you, pulling your cracked phone out of your pocket. it didn’t take long for you to throw it to the couch with a huff, probably an unanswered text from shauna’s mom. ellie sighed, she would have hoped your little run in with her would have lifted your mood but as you sat down on your couch, slowly starting to cry once again, she knew it was a lot deeper than you were letting on.

you won’t be upset for much longer, i’ll make sure of it.

-------

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ taglist: @aouiaa @kissmxcheek @mcqsx @spaceshipellie @strgrlxox @machetegirl109 @uraesthete

#ellie williams #ellie williams au #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fic #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams tlou

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whosaidsealscantfly · 1 year

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My two cents on the whole situation

I think a lot of people in the Welcome Home fandom are misunderstanding the bigger picture here. It's resulting in a lot of people expressing disappointment and pointing fingers at people who aren't even the problem, and while the intentions mean well, it's causing the toxic environment Clown doesn't want.

In his post, which has now been privated, he talks about how overwhelming everything is. He even directly states that it's not just about boundaries, and while he has trouble putting it into words (and I will not put words in his mouth in the process either), Clown indicates that the sudden spotlight and attention is overwhelming him. And that's completely understandable - he's just one guy! Plus, he's been making stuff for Welcome Home for years, so it only makes sense to fluster over the sudden rush of attention in only a week. A week!!!

The reasons why boundaries come into play with all of this isn't just because his THREE rules were violated by garbage people. It's the fact that he had no time to establish boundaries beforehand, and it's stressful to suddenly have to think of EVERY facet of fandom culture and establish the dos and don'ts. But as Clown said, what's happened has happened, and all we can do is move on. Which leads me to my next point:

Clown explicitly said to not reprimand people on his behalf. He doesn't want the fandom to waste time and energy on people who have already crossed the line. What has happened, has happened. With that said, it's important to educate and point out when someone has crossed a boundary, but you shouldn't go through so much effort and anger over someone who clearly doesn't give a shit.

I've seen a lot of people who are making posts with a lot of "shame on you!"s and "You are all trash." I've also seen comments on harmless fanfics or art saying things like "You're the reason this fandom sucks." What awful things to say!

This fandom is probably one of the best fandoms I've been a part of. Why? Because a large majority, and I mean a LARGE majority, are respectful of Clown and want to do right by him. I've never seen a community band together so quickly to change their ways, apologize, spread the word, and evaluate the decisions they've made: not just in this fandom, but every fandom they've ever been a part of. That's HUGE. I've been on the internet for a very long time, and I don't think I've ever seen anything like that.

Yes, there are BAD eggs in this fandom, but there always is. What's important is that I haven't been seeing those bad eggs. Like, at all. I haven't seen a single explicit NSFW post, and I haven't seen a single piece of mass-produced merch. I've only heard about them through word-of-mouth, but I've never actually seen anything with my own eyes. Not that I doubt anyone, but I'm saying this to illustrate just how little bad eggs there are in the community. And this is a HUGE community.

In fact, I think we're so good, that we're starting to punish ourselves for making fandom content, and that is also awful. I want to reiterate what Clown's three major rules are:

Refrain from publicly posting NSFW content or content that wouldn't be safe for children to see/read.

Do not mass produce merch. Commissions and personal projects are fine, but they cannot be mass produced to be sold.

Do not impersonate and claim his art as yours. Give credit!! Don't trick people, and don't profit off of someone else's work!

And that's it! I've seen a lot of people taking down their fanfictions and art and AUs just because they're worried about Clown. That's super sweet and it warms my heart to hear that the community is so considerate, but remember, the three rules above are the only don'ts. Lots of people are scared of continuing to overwhelm him, and they're also scared that he might stop the project all together.

I assure you, he's not. Firstly, his fan works guideline is still pinned on his Tumblr blog!! If he wasn't sure of fanworks all together, he would have simply privated the post and write a new one with new rules. The rules have not changed. He loves to see fan interpretations, your AUs, your OCs, and your art! This is all explicitly stated! You can read it here incase you forgot -> https://www.tumblr.com/partycoffin/712519493403934720/apologies-if-this-has-already-been-asked-but-how?source=share

Secondly, he actually posted an update on his ko-fi that indicates that he's doing much better and that he's "elbow deep" into working on Welcome Home! I'm a member that gets to see all of his posts on ko-fi, and while I'm not going to show you the whole post (obviously), I will quote an important part you guys should see: "You have all been so delightful to me (Setbacks happen with an abrupt shift in attention, I realize, so roll I will with this newfound experience!) and I was like 'Oh, let's post a tasty preview!'"

Clown acknowledges all of the goodwill and kindness the community has shown. He even states that he's learned from the experience and he's working hard on Welcome Home to see it through!

This was a very long two cents, so I'll end it here.

tl;dr, You guys are being too harsh on each other/yourselves, and that's the last thing Clown wants. He's doing better, Welcome Home is still being worked on, and you shouldn't have to shame yourself or others for posting perfectly kosher fandom content. There's only three major rules, three, so you shouldn't have to feel bad about what makes you happy.

#welcome home #wally darling #welcomeh #frank frankly #julie joyful #eddie dear #poppy partridge #howdy pillar #barnaby b beagle #sally starlet #i think those are all the tags lmao #erica speaks #anyway stop being mean!! y'all are fine just be your silly little selves #I should also note that this isn't to change your mind if you want to delete your stuff #This is just a reminder that your stuff is okay! As long as it doesn't break the three rules ofc

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reachartwork · 13 days

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devlog #6

lets talk about precomputation

computers do math faster than you but that doesn't mean all math is fast. in fact, doing lots of math repeatedly, including complex math, is quite slow, relatively speaking in computer world. so we want to avoid math if at all possible.

what computers do even faster than math is looking things up. so if you can do your math *beforehand* and write down the list of answers to your math you can make your computer go much faster, because you can simply consult the answer sheet.

this is called "precomputing" and the thing that we made is called a "lookup table" but i call it a "codex" because that's fewer letters to type.

</vast oversimplification>

now lets talk about mazes

there are many ways you can make a maze. the most common ways to make a maze rely on a maze that is created one cell at a time (one grid square), which produces tight, winding, narrow mazes. this is great for some purposes. this is not great for my purposes, because the mazes do not look very designed, are slow to generate (relatively speaking), and are TOO twisty. we need more straight corridors! we need it to generate faster! and most importantly we need to be able to fill spaces in the map so that we can bridge the gap between prefab map elements (like the entrance/exit to a maze, campgrounds, shops, etc.) and the map elements we want to have randomized!

so instead, we are generating our maze in 3x3 "megatiles". minecraft fans might know this sort of thing as a "chunk" so we'll use chunk.

we can pre-define most of our common chunks. as it turns out, in a maze the only thing we really care about is "walkability" - we can do a second pass for decoration later, but in terms of map generation we really only care about walkability. you could make a very satisfying maze out of only these and it would be pretty good!

BUT!

we run into a very large problem, which is that its very easy for algorithms to understand a binary maze consisting only of "you can walk here" and "you can't walk here" in terms of graph theory. any 1 can traverse to any other 1. you can't traverse from a 1 into a 0. you can't traverse from a 0 into anything.

once you get more complicated then you need to start defining things more rigorously. the simple rule i'm using so far is basically an opening check - if the middle tile of a side is grass, then the tile is "open" on that side. if a middle tile of a side is wall, then the tile is "closed" on that side. you may see some of the example tiles don't really follow that rule but programming special cases is annoying and it works WELL ENOUGH that you can fix it in post by burrowing through any maze-blocking walls and turning them into floors for minimal overhead.

okay so what are we doing here. are we taking the grid (2d array) that represents the map three tiles at a time, comparing it to every other possible 3x3 array in real time, and plonking the best one down?

that's STUPID.

remember when i mentioned precomputation? that was for a reason. an important thing you might notice is that all of these chunks are represented with exactly two values. either it's floor and walkable (1) or it's wall and unwalkable (0). that means that each chunk/megatile can be represented by a unique nine-digit binary number. and that can be turned into a decimal (base 10) number.

anyway, this is useful because this drastically shrinks our possibility space. not only are there only 512 possible arrangements of 3x3 walls and floor, there's really only about 80-90 that are useful, and specifically, only 63 in our lookup table.

so, here's what we can do:

we take all of these 63 arrangements on this sheet, these are our "common tiles". we compute its decimal number equivalents to create our indices, which happens to look like this;

for each of these tiles, we can "unfold it" back into its 3x3 binary representation, compare it to every other tile, determine which ones it connects to (NESW-wise), and store that. Sure, this is (relatively) slow, but the important part is that we can do it before runtime, which lets us create this;

this is not a perfect process, because a thing i did notice is that by our heuristics, all tiles with certain connections are topologically identical, so a lot of our work is wasted tbh. that is to say, any tile that has any bottom connections has the same bottom connections as any other tile with any bottom connections. this is not necessarily true, but figuring that out is a more complicated process and one we can save for next time.

anyway.

now that we have a bunch of tiles and the "rules" of how they can connect to each other, so then creating a maze is as simple as "put a tile down, look up all the tiles it can connect to, and randomly pick another one from that list to put down". we enforce some rules such as "all tiles put down in the main path must have two possible connections" and stuff like that to ensure the maze is coherent and traversible, but this is much faster to do than computing all that stuff during the generation of the maze.

as a bonus, by reducing our map in this manner, we also cut the size of the array by 1/9, which makes general computation on it faster as well.

anyway, so we lay down a bunch of these decimal "chunks" and produce a maze that looks something like this;

and "unfolds" into something like this;

and this is the level generation strategy i'm going with for now.

GO INTO THE FUCKING DUNGEON!

#indie game #indie games #gamedev #indie dev #rpg #rpg maker #go into the fucking dungeon

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ineffablydelighted · 7 months

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[How exploring the Ineffable Husbands' dynamic in Good Omens can help us figure out what the show/book is all about, Part 3.1/?]

Also called: This human has, apparently, too much time on her hands and will be trying to Effable the Ineffable for [...] hours.

Hiya, Angels! 👋

Hope you're all doing well!

First of all, if you randomly came across this analysis, I guess you would expect me to entice you to read the first two parts beforehand... And you would be absolutely right.

"Obviosleh."

And since I'm nice [and because I fully understand the importance of saving people as much effort as possible to catch a larger audience - Duh 😇], here are the links for Part 1 and Part 2 🥰 so that everyone is on the same page as we dive into Part 3.

As I previously announced, we'll dissect our favorite pair's next two encounters today which are S1 3004 BC (Noa's Arch, The Flood) and S2 2500 BC (Job's ca-

[future me rereading this before dropping - Yep, nope, not happening just yet]

By doing that, I will try my best to prove to you the main point of my analysis I've revealed at the end of Part 2.

Repeat after me: Good Omens is a philosophical essay disguised as comedic/satyric/romantic fiction.

[Yeah... here she is, already giving orders strong recommendations... I'm so Metatroning you right now.]

[And, since I'm at my best when I'm Metatroning people, this is the moment I'm gonna take to strongly recommend you to ingest the human matter of your choosing - Num num num.]

*In Crowley's voice* OOookaay, let's start!

3004 BC (Mesopotamia - Noa's Arch, The Flood)

In S1, Right before this encounter happens, the scene starts by making us, the audience, witness Aziraphale very badly lying to God about the flaming sword, an event that I already mentioned in part 2 because of the contrast it was considering he did tell the truth to a newly Demonized Crawley in comparison.

BUT [Yay, first "but" of Part 3! Are you having fun?], I really want to talk about this bit some more because that remains one of the scenes that, to this day, bugs me THE MOST in Good Omens as a whole.

To sum things up, you're telling me that GOD:

BOTHERED to pop in to ask one of their Angels a question.

That the said Angel seemed suuuuper anxious about from the start: looking everywhere aimlessly, almost asking them WHAT A DAMN SWORD EVEN WAS... basically giving away EVERY TELLTALE SIGN, both in their voice, mannerisms, and the simple fact that they were literally back to the wall, that they were about to LIE, proceeded to give God the UNanswerest answer EVER:

"Oh, must have, uh, must have put it down here somewhere."

And God just... just... LEFT THAT LYING ANGEL ALONE?! Just as quickly as they arrived?! No arguments, no further questions, no reckoning, just... NOTHING. HAPPENED?!

HUH?

WOT?!

WHO?!

WHO THE F DOES THAT?!

WHO DOES THAT?! That is a real question! WHO?!

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY. SENSE!

THE F-

I mea-

I'll never recover from it.

Oof. Okay, I'm fini-

I NEED an answer in Season 3! This is all I ask! I don't need the world to be saved, I don't need Alpha Centauri, man, I don't even need Aziracrow to reuni- [okay, no, can't say that, even if I like being dramatic, I take that back, this is all I want and all I've ever wanted, please, I just need to see Aziraphale in a white dress and Crowley demanding him to remove his 200 yo jacket on top of it because it "absolutely ruins it", please!] I. NEED. ANSWERS.

*clears her throat* Yeah. So. I'm perfectly fine with this scene. Moving on!

Aziraphale and Crawley meet in Mesopotamia during the year 3004 BC.

Crawley is the first to notice and to greet Aziraphale VERY enthusiastically. Which is, first of all, cute, but also an indicator that they haven't seen each other in a very long time, more precisely, since Eden (a thousand years prior to be exact). We know that because the first thing Crawley says after his "Hello, Aziraphale!" is the direct continuation of their conversation back in Eden:

"So, giving the mortals a flaming sword. How did that work out for you?"

Aziraphale answers what will never cease to bug me:

"The Almighty has never actually mentioned it again."

Which still peaks my interest because it could mean two things, and pretty different things at that:

One, God and Aziraphale never directly interacted again and nobody from the Main Office ever asked him about the flaming sword at all, which made Aziraphale believe that God never asked them anything about it.

Two, God and Aziraphale DID directly interact again but the flaming sword subject has never been brought up once more.

Given the way this sentence is constructed and the emphasis on "actually mentioned it again," I'm more inclined to believe in the second option, which would be a very interesting thing to pounder:

Aziraphale might have a "privileged" relationship with God considering they probably interacted somewhat directly and more than once.

I'll go back to it later because we need to keep that in mind for the Job's case encounter.

Crawley says that it is "probably a good thing" until his attention is drawn to what is happening around them.

Then, they will debate the subject of the day, which is pretty much the same thing as before but formulated differently and condensed:

What is the point of Good and Bad? Do these concepts even have a meaning or not?

The main difference between the two previous encounters compared to this one is that this time, Aziraphale and Crawley are both active in the debate and do find common grounds here and there. It is shown cinematographically: they share the screen.

Aziraphale explains to Crawley that God got "a bit tetchy" and wants to drown the human race (well, at least the Middle Eastern humans) and Crawley takes that announcement astonishingly, which still aligns with his creator-at-heart persona.

"All of them?"

Insists Crawley.

Aziraphale first tries to mitigate what appears to Crawley as an extreme reaction by stating that Noah, his family, and their spouses will be spared but you can see that he, himself, doesn't really believe in what he tries to say.

"But they're drowning everybody else?"

Crawley really, really cannot comprehend what is happening.

"Not the kids. You can't kill kids."

This reminds us of their very first meeting because Crawley, here, judges God and tries to put himself in their place. Again.

Aziraphale answers with a worried nod: both because he is scared (his Fear of God cannot be anything but present at that moment) and because... he agrees.

And THEN, Crawley says that:

"Well, that's more the kind of thing you'd expect my lot to do."

Now that Aziraphale is more inclined to be part of the debate, Crawley tends to be more forthright about his opinion:

If God can do what Satan and his demons do, what is the point of separating the two? Are they, really, that different?

And, more so:

Is God a Good being anyway?

If Good or Bad exists, of course. [Oh, yes, I know I'm annoying. 100% aware. 😁]

To Aziraphale, it is clearly the case, and that is why he tries, again, to mitigate God's actions:

"The Almighty's going to put up a new thing, called a rainbow. As a promise not to drown everyone again."

A rainbow, huh? How interesting...

A rainbow is basically a demonstration of the union between Water and Fire. God and Satan. Good and Bad. Blah blah blah.

Almost as if...

Nahhh...

Almost as if they both needed to exist at all times!

Also, Aziraphale almost sounds like he is interpreting the rainbow as God's excuse for having a tantrum.

Which Crawley responds with a very sarcastic:

"How kind."

That's when Aziraphale cannot bring himself to follow Crawley's opinion any further (even if it is clearly shown he DOES agree, he is just SCARED to be).

After telling Crawley that he cannot judge God, that's when the "Ineffable" word is brought up again. This time, by Crawley. Because he already knows what Ineffable means to Aziraphale:

I am not important, or mighty enough to judge God and I am not supposed to. I am supposed to do what I am told, no questions asked.

Does it sound repetitive? Yeah, because it is 😅 That is Good Omen's main theme, after all.

This story is, as I mentioned before, a satire. Of religion, but also, of the concept of hierarchy, and the danger of ideologies as a whole. "Ineffable" is an ideology. "Ineffable" literally means "so emotionally overwhelming and powerful that you cannot translate into words"...

But Good Omens wants to bring you to ask yourself: cannot or don't want to?

Aziraphale is a character who doesn't want to think by himself because he is scared of a higher power (hierarchy). But he cannot just... stop thinking. Oppositely to Crowley, who kind of always, naturally had that ability.

Therefore, that makes it difficult for the both of them to understand each other [Oh yes, we'll talk about that further when we finally talk about that S2 finale that left us traumatized. According to my rhythm and how my Muse is an erratic bench, I'd say this conversation will occur in about a year or two.] Just as it is difficult for any of us to understand the people who think dramatically differently than us. Good Omens is an invitation to debate with people who do not share our views. That is how we stay open-minded and prompt to change.

Basically, folks: don't blindly stay in the boxes you're in.

Hierarchy is heavily criticized too, because it is a big cause - if not the main one - of people staying put in their respective boxes. Religion is a box among many others, hence the fact I prefer to say that GO mocks ideologies as a whole.

But hierarchy can be different things, and, more so, can use many different tones towards its subordinates: hierarchy can be nice, and affectionate (family, for instance - or not, definitely not always). Hierarchy can also be threatening, physically or mentally, or both (dictatorship, for instance).

Basically: hierarchy can either come from love or fear.

Or... well, both. That's how you get... propaganda? That is the most blatant example that came to my mind. We tend to associate love with good. We also tend to forget how often love has been used as a weapon.

Good and bad are...

[You know the end of the sentence, now, do you? If not, it means I haven't harassed you enough, so let me remind you]

Good and Bad are always mixed up. If they exist.

Anyway, I feel like I'm starting to digress.

.... Actually? I'm not done with that segment just yet.

[You right now.]

Hierarchy can also come from... habits. History. Some hierarchies that we are under today are still there because of how long they have been installed, but not really because they are that relevant anymore. I am not going to bring examples here because I do not want to offend anybody and because you are more than capable of interpreting this statement in a way that speaks to you.

We'll talk about this more when we'll reach the... Jim/Gabriel subject. [In about a year and a half.]

ANYWAY. Moving on to a lighter reflection:

Romantically speaking, Aziraphale remembers that encounter because Crawley displayed strong empathy and concern during that whole meeting.

He asked Aziraphale how he was after the flaming sword incident,

He could not comprehend how killing kids was okay,

He bothered to alert Noah about the escaping unicorn.

[Also, maybe, because damn - Also, it might come as a surprise to you who have seen me fangirling over Crowley for the last 3 parts but my favorite is actually Aziraphale 🤣]

After this conversation, The Flood starts and neither of them is protecting the other from it. Because of habits (after a thousand years spent on earth, they know this will not hurt any of them), but also as a way to tell us, the audience: they have started to realize they were in this together.

[Insert the "We're all in this together" Disney's High School Musical song right here... Yeah! I'm a Millennial, how could you possibly have guessed?!]

They are Equals.

Another really important topic in Good Omens, by the way, but it is time to dive into one of my favorite encounters between Aziraphale and Crowley and-

Huhhhh. I feel like analyzing two meetings including a whole episode in only one part might feel too heavy (to me, at least). So... I guess see you next time? 😅

Bye, Angels!

[No, no, I'm not saying you are "sssuckersss" okay? Just wanted a Crowley gif.]

Need help to find the rest of this analysis? I've got you covered! Follow me, Angel 😇

Previous - Beginning - Next

#Ineffable Husbands #Good Omens analysis #Good Omens #Good Omens S1 #Good Omens S2 #Aziraphale in love #Good Omens theory #Aziraphale #Crowley #Aziracrow #Effable the Ineffable #Philosophy #Good Omens is a philosophical essay disguised as comedic/satyric/romantic Fiction and I am here to prove it #What is Good what is Bad does it actually exists anyway #This analysis turns to 40% actual GO analysis VS 60% me digressing #I'm not sure I am mad about it though #Maybe you are? Idk #Can't wait to analyze the Job episode even if that alone will take over a month

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not-poignant · 11 months

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Techniques for writing a bad drug trip:

We're going to be using excerpts from one of my own chapters here from my story Eversion to discuss the kind of writing techniques that will help make a bad drug trip more believable. In context, the character Connor has nonconsensually been given a synthetic made-up highball of drugs that gives him a horrible time, and this does not accurately reflect what bad drug trips look like across all drugs, for example sometimes throwing up on ayahuasca is a feature, and not a bug. What I'll be focusing on instead are the actual narrative techniques that indicate an affected mind and body vs. specific technques for specific drugs.

Beginning Stages:

Firstly, pre-bad-trip, it's useful to depict your character beforehand as being fully - or as close to fully lucid as possible. Have them realising things, actively thinking, describing their surroundings, and doing things in a kind of logical way - show them doing something mundane even, like walking into a room, or a cafe. In this case, Connor walks into a cafe, describes the cafe, makes some mental notes and then has a lucid conversation.

Next, most of the time any drug gives you physical symptoms even before the bad trip part, so describe those. In this case:

Seconds later Connor’s heart began to race

The needle slid free and Connor hardly felt it.

He stumbled over nothing as he passed the group of cyclists, staring at them as his heart beat harder and harder, as sweat broke out over his forehead.

At this point in the story, another character takes over, the person who gives him the highball picks up the conversation because Connor is overwhelmed by the physical sensations and doesn't feel like talking. He stops thinking about his environment accurately and starts to notice things while dropping others. His thoughts are already being affected.

This is when you can start using techniques like time skipping, forgetfulness, memory loss, or alternatively focusing on one thing a lot and a lot of other things a little.

Connor nodded, thinking that he needed to get away, that he needed to go somewhere. He reached for his phone, but it wasn’t there. Where was his phone? His vision slanted, time slipped away from him. He was beneath a tree, throwing up while Gabriel petted his shoulder and waited beside him.

Here we have a strong time skip - Connor goes from looking for his phone, in the next paragraph he's throwing up by a tree. This progression of events has no logic, except for the bad drug trip. Which means we now know Connor is being really affected by what's happening. These two paragraphs also show forgetfulness - Connor needs to get away / needs to go somewhere, but can't remember where. He looks for his phone, but has forgotten Gabriel took it from him. You don't even need the 'time slipped away from him' description, vision slanting or blurring tends to indicate to readers in situations like this that someone is being quite seriously affected by what's happening to them.

Middle Stages:

Then, he was walking, but couldn’t think past the scattered, rushing noises in his ears, looking like black jags across his vision.

He landed hard on his knees and stared down bewildered at the grass. He looked around, vision turning to brightness, cars zooming by too fast and too large, the sky distorted, the clouds inverting. He raised a hand to his head, but another hand – warm and gentle – rested at his temple, thumb gently stroking. Connor leaned into it, whimpering.

We're doing a lot of time skipping now, alongside mental symptoms.

The writing technique itself is changing. In one sentence we cover a lot of choppy subjects - vision turning bright, cars too fast, sky distorting, clouds inverting. It gives a sense of too much information happening at the same time - Connor's senses are overwhelmed.

This kind of choppy information can be delivered in short complete sentences, but I liked one run-on sentence here because it gives that sense of 'and then this and this and this and this and this' which is sometimes how it feels to have too much information coming in at once.

It's also making use of the senses. We have vision and hearing and touch all in the same paragraph. We also have 'too fast' 'too large' - things are too much. Not only that, but describing things as distorted indicates strongly that Connor's already hallucinating and hasn't realised yet.

At this point in your bad drug trip, you should not be using your regular writing style. If your character isn't thinking like normal, you might want to consider also not writing 'like normal' for that character.

(This is the same for when a character is having a flashback, is overwhelmed, or is experiencing something intense for any reason).

He took great, shuddering breaths and then pressed shaking fingers to his stomach. The knot of pain in his thigh was manifesting there as well.

Now, for the bad drug trip to truly be bad, we also have the physicality of the experience. The body comes along for the ride and it often feels like it's dying during a bad drug trip.

Huge shuddering breaths and shaking hands can indicate an overloaded nervous system, also someone who might be going into shock, or who is hyperventilating, or who is literally experiencing respiratory distress. We don't have to know what it is - one or all of them could be true! A person on a bad drug trip, unless they're a medical professional or experienced with bad drug trips, will not know or be assessing what is happening to them as it happens.

He flinched back when he saw black inching out from beneath his knees on the grass, dimly knew it as a hallucination before that awareness vanished and he pushed himself back and away.

Boop a hallucination. Connor was already hallucinating, but now he realises too. You don't need to include this. I was writing a smart, analytical character, and he does know he's having a bad drug trip, so he's allowed little moments of realisation. Your character might know more, or they might know less.

Intense / Peak Stages:

He could feel the way his body pulsed at discordant rhythms, too fast, too slow, never in sync throughout his body. The tips of his fingers were throbbing. His feet felt like stones. He looked at Gabriel’s perfect beard and thought of tearing his face off. It would be brief, brutal, bloody, but then he could just lie down.

Writing emotional distortion here is that Connor feels like behaving violently, which - to this degree - isn't normal for him. The drug overdose is making him vengeful. We know it's part of the drug overdose because the first part of the paragraph focuses on all his physical symptoms. The drug trip might make your character too terrified to function, it might make them aroused (i.e. fuck or die sex pollen scenarios), it might make them giddy. Have some emotional distortion going on on some level. Even if it's extreme anhedonia or apathy in the face of potentially dying.

The hospital was clearly giving him too many sedatives. He didn’t know how to tell them that he had no tolerance, he couldn’t take the dosages that his father was pushing for.

Now we hit full flashback. Connor now believes he's being overdosed with sedatives in the hospital, and is no longer in the present at all. He's not even 'I remember' - he's just there. Flashbacks won't happen with every bad drug trip but they are common to any bad drug trip that is hallucinatory in nature.

Connor stared up at the ceiling of his apartment, and his hands rested on the floor. His heart was beating far too fast, fluttering in his chest. He felt hazy. Every now and then he had to clench his hands into fists so tight that his knuckles ached. A compulsion. He couldn’t stop himself from doing it. He’d feel himself shake, and then he’d stop, and he’d stare upwards. He was lying on the floor.

Connor stared ahead. The corner of his mouth felt wet. He was drooling. His fingers and toes kept twitching against his will.

What Connor is describing now is seizure activity.

Connor isn't consciously clenching his hands into fists, his body is doing that. He calls it a compulsion, but it's not. Feeling your body shake and then stop and then shake again is - in this instance for Connor - active seizure activity.

Not all seizures cause full unconsciousness of the entire brain, for example. Connor doesn't know what's happening to him, but we can tell from the physical symptoms here - heart fast and fluttering, feeling hazy, physical movements completely beyond his control - that he's now in a danger zone.

If you want the bad drug trip to reach 'a normal person would be in an ambulance by now' - this is a good place to be. Focus on strange sensations of the heart, the pulse, shaking, the sensation of overheating or being too cold. If you want, look up the symptoms of shock, or tachycardia.

Aftermath of bad drug trip:

In the aftermath of a bad drug trip, be aware that it can take some time for a person's thoughts to return to normal. Don't write an instant return to normalcy once a person is physically stabilised. Often they show mood shifts that are quite profound. Even a person coming down from MDMA often experiences depression or flatness after a great night out with zero negative memories.

Normal aftermaths/ongoing side effects from bad drug trips include apathy, depression, suicidal ideation, anhedonia, flatness, lethargy, exhaustion (literally, the body physically went through several marathons), pain, and foggy, disconnected thinking (both because the brain went through something traumatic and the drugs take a while to work through the system). GI (gastrointestional disturbances) are common, from 'not going to the bathroom at all' to 'diarrhea' etc. Sometimes these after-effects last days, sometimes they last weeks, sometimes they even last months.

So! In summary helpful techniques for bad drug trips can include:

Shorter, choppier sentences to indicate overwhelm

Physical symptoms being 'experienced' - character often doesn't know what's happening except in special circumstances

A progression of physical symptoms.

Focus on all of the senses

Hallucinations and/or flashbacks (one usually happens with the other)

Unusual emotional affect or emotional distortion

Time skips / non-linear time jumps

Inability to think properly

Focusing on some things too much and other things not at all

Realising there is a progression, that must include a heavy aftermath (unless you're trying to be special, or unless it's one of the few drugs that can make you feel unusually euphoric afterwards and then there's still usually a crash after that lmao)

Different drugs create different, known effects, however, people will have different 'bad drug trips' depending on their circumstances.

I'm a little bit afraid this post is going to crash so I'm going to post it now! And for that anon who asked me what kind of writing I used - this is it! :D

#pia on writing #writing techniques #dodgy advice #always use drugs responsibly folks #save the bad drug trips for #your characters #when you want to whump the fuck out of them #there are also OTHER ways you can write bad drug trips #this is just ONE way #but you can use some or all of these techniques #and they will help you a lot #imho these techniques will help in ANY high intensity scene writing #if you ever want to know more pls just shoot me an ask #and i'll do my best #if you don't know much about mind-altering drugs #please do your research

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midnightmah07 · 7 months

Text

Boundaries.

As I talk more to people on this platform I feel a bit of a necessity to state some boundaries just to be safe

- please NEVER refer to me as the b word or anything offensive like that, I can handle aggressive humor with people I get closer with but I don't like when people call me these things even if it's playful.

- if you can avoid curse words please do so!! I personally don't like them because of my religion, so if you can avoid speaking curse words near me I'd appreciate it! This is not a hard rule as I won't mind if you curse a few times, but if you have a really dirty mouth please try to tone it down when talking to me.

- please use tone indicators when making jokes that you believe may be mistaken for something rude, especially if we're not that close.

- I don't mind hearing ramblings, I love seeing how excited people talk about their passions, but please ask if I'm comfortable with you doing so beforehand and be careful with how often you do that.

- please do not flood my inbox. I don't mind people coming to my inbox frequently but if what you're sending me can be talked either in DMs, comments or reblogs, do not send me billions of asks. It makes me uncomfortable and honestly makes my blog a huge mess.

- don't look down and badmouth my religion in any way, shape or form. Being a Christian is the most important part of me and it defines who I am as a person, so please be careful with what you say. Also, my views, beliefs and convictions are and will always be dictated by my religion, I will not attack you for believing something different from me but respect is a two way street, if you attack me for saying stuff accurate to my religion and faith, you're getting blocked.

- don't talk about political issues with me unless you're willing to be respectful. I've seen a lot of friendships being torn because of how different their political views were and I'd hate that to happen to me and my moots. In fact, if you can avoid this talk, please do so. If you must know my stance politically, I mostly align with conservative values.

- unless you were rude to me or attacked me, if you see I have you blocked/soft blocked, it's probably not personal. This is the internet so I will block/unfollow people who post stuff that make me uncomfortable/I don't think what they're saying is correct. Doesn't mean I don't think they're a good person, just means I don't want to interact with them. I have NOTHING against them if the day ever comes that I block/unfollow someone on Tumblr "at random"

- don't talk about anything nsfw/explicit with me. I might not be a minor but this type of talk still makes me very uncomfortable. If you send me something in my inbox that's nsfw/explicit I will delete it and pretend to not see it, however if you do it because you want to make me uncomfortable or if you do it more than once I will block you.

With that all said, feel free to talk to me whenever you want, just be mindful of these boundaries :))

#💙! mah rambles #‼️important‼️

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princess-of-the-corner · 5 months

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I think Adrien always being on time, Akumas or not, is more indicative of the writers not wanting to do anything with him than it is of Marinette's character with her always being late

Realistically, who should have a harder time balancing their super and civilian lives timewise, the intended to be average girl from a middle class working family, or the teen model who's been well known since he was very young, is the son of a former film star and the fashion designer who's outfits he models, who's super busy and restricting schedule is constantly mentioned? Adrichat.

Except, of course, Adrichats super busy schedule, his controlling father, and the two fully grown and very competent adults who's literal jobs are 'get this kid to this place at this time and don't lose track of him' never actually matter when he needs to be Chat.

But hey, an actual story arc where something like, idk, Adrichat being stuck at an event for so long he completely misses an Akuma fight where Ladybug is barely able to scrape by without him happens long before episode 100, and Adrichat realizes 'oh, this is gonna happen again if I can't figure something out' and he spends a season going back and forth with his father until he finally manages to get Gabriel to drastically cut back on his modeling, which then opens Adrichat up to being involved in his own civilian plots that don't just involve Gabriel being a dick would be ... a fun and interesting use of the characters.

Let's point and laugh at Marinette being late bc she spent so long drooling at...an add of Adrien in his normal civilian outfit.

Bc that's better writing!

(i know we've all pointed out on this blog that Mari getting in good with a bunch of celebrities in the past year kinda defeats the point of her being a 'normal girl with a normal life' but the writers never address that, so I believe they do intend for Mari to be seen as a mostly average teen with a talent for fashion and a secret identity, so thats how I talked about her in this)

Oh yeah no like.

It's absolutely a thing where they should focus on both of them but they just don't.

Because yeah it's. Logically: Adrien /should/ be having far more trouble than Marinette if only because even his free time should be accounted for. While Mari has some genuine free time where she doesn't have anything planned and can do whatever she wants last minute and off schedule and just say to her parents 'hey I'm going to go out' and they're like 'okay cool be back by curfew', Adrien has to request hangouts 4-7 business days beforehand and is often told no because Gabriel is a controlling fuck.

And there's multiple potential stories with this!!

As above: Adrien is having trouble sneaking away to be Chat Noir. Either he ends up being unable to leave and Ladybug suffers for it, or he does leave and ends up missing/late/etc. for his other duties and he's punished for skipping out. Maybe even accidentally making his friends look bad because Gabriel thinks they're bad influences encouraging him to skip out. This forces Adrien to either figure out better ways to sneak off, or he manages to get Gabriel to relax his schedule to allow for 'more social life', or hell maybe we have a Gang of Secrets situation with The Gorilla as the confidant and he helps convince Gabriel that Adrien is where he's supposed to be.

OR! Or! Let Adrien lie. We've already had one or two instances where Adrien sneaks out/lies about where he is. Go full force on it. Sneak around Gabriel by pretending to be where he's supposed to be. Forge notes and gaslight Bustier into thinking his father pulled him out of class. Might be a little tricky since this is a kids show to teach good morals but 1.) HA! 2.) they have Adrien break these rules on occasion anyway and 3.) just have an exchange with Plagg where he suggests sneaking out again for fun social friend things, and Adrien goes 'no, that's wrong. I only break the rules because I have to be Chat Noir and save people! I'm not going to do it for fun!' This could even set up for the Lila plot as a narrative foil in someone who lies because they have to vs. someone who lies for fun and profit. Even hammering it home with Adrien feeling guild despite his situation.

Hell, you could even set up other plots like the Chloé stuff! Have the school staff not report Adrien's absences. Either because they think he'll be like Chloé and demand daddy fixes it, or even have Chloé cover for him by actually playing the card. Whether you see this as her using her abilities for good to help out a friend even though it's still 'wrong' she's trying, or any abuse of power is bad and therefore more proof she's a dick depends on the season.

Just. Could've done plenty with it.

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thatgirl4815 · 7 months

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Just piggybacking onto an earlier Ask pointing out how Ray doesn't react when Top holds Mew's hands - I actually found that whole sequence starting from the coke-snorting quite upsetting precisely because of how passive Ray seemed throughout. Admittedly I'm still very angry at Mew so it might be clouding my judgement(!), but first we see Mew's lacklustre response when Ray thanks him for picking him, his almost scoff when Ray tells him he loves him, then we get the avoided kiss and him leading Ray out by the hand, and then the Top confrontation where it felt like Ray had been totally reduced to an accessory - he's virtually silent throughout, his face is mostly pretty blank, and he doesn't even really react when Mew throws his drink in Top's face, and definitely doesn't look like he's enjoying the encounter, at least until Mew kisses him. Mew might have been the one in the collar but in that scene it's Ray that reminded me of a dog, and it just made me super sad. It's yet another reason they shouldn't be a couple - Ray's sense of self is entirely subsumed by Mew when they're together because of the imbalance in their relationship aka Ray's idolisation (which in itself obviously isn't Mew's fault - it's when he takes advantage of it that I get mad). We see it even before they "get together" - in almost all their 1:1 scenes, Ray immediately deflects any attention back onto Mew. The only time we really see him express his own agency is unfortunately/disastrously a) the bathtub scene, b) when he kisses him while he's sleeping, and c) his ep 6 meltdown (I'm not counting the end of ep 7 convo cos I 100% believe Ray wouldn't have brought anything up if Mew hadn't led the convo in that direction). Anyway, don't really have a point much beyond expressing how, given what happened beforehand, Ray still just makes me ache with pity and sadness, even after he turns on Sand.

“Mew might have been the one in the collar but in that scene it's Ray that reminded me of a dog”

^Yes, that is a perfect way to describe it!! I think all the context before Ray’s fight with Sand is what makes that scene hit so much different than it does in the Ep8 preview. That might also be why we see Ray fade to the background so much during the encounter between Top and Mew. Ray’s realizing that he’s only a pawn in Mew’s revenge plot.

You’re right—Ray’s agency with Mew is extremely limited. The interesting thing is that Ray has kind of imposed these limitations onto himself by putting Mew on such a pedestal. I think there’s a part of him that is utterly terrified that he will do something wrong and lose Mew. But I suspect there’s another part of him that wants better from Mew; I wouldn’t be surprised if he denies those thoughts though, because he thinks he has no right to them. He has Mew, and that’s already more than he deserves (obviously that’s not true, but I could see that being Ray’s thought process during the scene with Top).

Really, the ways Ray interacts with Mew are so painfully indicative of how much he craves someone to care about him. He’s decided that Mew is that person, so he will do all he can to make it so, even if the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy. Of course it will take a lot for him to finally admit it won’t work out, simply because he’s spent so long wanting it.

Ahh, tbh the psychological insights are the only compelling aspect of the RayMew dynamic for me, haha. Poor Ray.

#excellent way of describing Ray’s relationship with Mew!#I agree 100%#only friends the series #once again I feel like I always sound like a Mew anti #not the intention but…Mew is not high on my list these days #ofts #only friends #raysand #RayMew #only friends meta #sandray #only friends ask #ask #Ray X mew #mew X ray #Ray X sand #sand X ray

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yibocheeks · 1 year

Text

Wu Ming Promo Tour - Guangzhou Interviews (translations)

Some parts were difficult to hear on the recordings I found, these are the parts related to Yibo for the videos I could find. (Note that this contains some spoilers.)

1st Showing:

They start by asking Yibo to say "Happy new year, gong hei fat choy" in Cantonese, which he learns from an audience member.

Then it is audience Q+A. One audience member says this is her 4th time watching, and each time she will notice more details. One thing she is curious about is why Yibo doesn't spit out the shell when he eats the drunken shrimp.

Cheng Er: The small river shrimp from Ningbo can be eaten without spitting out the shell.

MC: Yibo do you remember how many you ate?

Yibo: It should have been...a lot. When you soaked it in the wine, it would still be jumping and then you put it in your mouth.

MC: Very fresh, so whether or not you spit out the shell, did you ever this discuss this? Or did it happen naturally

Yibo: We didn't really think much about this matter. It was also my first time eating it. Before eating, it was a bit hard to stomach initially.

MC: In the shrimp there was also the colour of red, what were your thoughts behind this?

Cheng Er: Some methods of making this dish will use fermented tofu brine, which gave it this colour. In our movie, it did also contribute to the imagery - even within a dark scene there would be this conflicting vibrance, where the red is reminiscent of blood, like the persistence and struggles of Yibo's character or the people of that time.

Another audience member says this is her 2nd time watching. The question she has is why Tony Leung and Wang Yibo's characters fought so fiercely, weren't they friends/comrades? Then she wonders about the camera perspective chosen at that time, was it to indicate that perhaps there was an enemy watching their fight?

Cheng Er: Yes, through watching the second time, you've answered your own question. Through your question it seems you've spoiled this detail for other people

The audience member: But we've all already watched it, how can it be a spoiler! (laughs)

Next audience member says this is her first time. When Yibo was on the truck with Tony Leung, she wonders why Yibo would make such a symbol with his hand. Then when she saw Tony Leung's slight smile, she wondered if they were making secret signals at each other.

Cheng Er: I think that it's because there were Japanese people there, in the second half of the movie Yibo tries to win Mori Hiroyuki's character's trust...I think you should turn your attention to the fact that this was a part where Yibo performed very well.

(audience chimes in their agreement)

MC: Many of our audience members have been scared by this smile of Yibo's. So in that scene, did you discuss with the director what kind of smile to use?

Yibo: Before filming that scene, I felt a lot of pressure. Because the director would tell me beforehand that we would film this scene, that I would have to prepare the gaze that I needed for that scene. Because Mr. Leung is also quite a bit older and it was a scene in the rain (audience laughs and Yibo bows and apologizes), because the rain was quite heavy and it was cold, so I didn't want us to have to film multiple takes because of me, so I felt quite a lot of pressure.

Next audience member says this is her first time to watch. She compliments Director Cheng Er and then asks Yibo when he had a crying scene, through what state of mind was he able to give such a moving performance?

Yibo turns to Cheng Er, likely to confirm which scene it is that the audience member is referring to.

Yibo: Are you asking about...(audience member clarifies, it is when he's reading the newspaper, the scene where Ms Fang dies)...ah I know (which scene it is). When I'm performing these sort of emotions, I would use my own experiences and emotions and listen to music to help find these emotions.

2nd Showing:

MC: Let's ask if our two leads have anything they would like to say to the audience.

Cheng Er: I’m really grateful for such enthuasiastic movie fans. Thank you to the audience. Thank you to Wang Yibo's movie fans who have supported Wu Ming. And thank you to those passersby movie fans who are not yet fans of Wang Yibo, for your love of Wu Ming. I am very moved. I wanted to say a bit more on the previous question about Wang Yibo's performance. Because everyone (here) has actually seen Wu Ming, whether you're Yibo's fan or our movie's fan or just a passerby who happened to choose this movie, I believe that our cast's efforts, including Wang Yibo's efforts, will live up to expectations. We wholeheartedly filmed each scene and every scene detail. This includes Wang Yibo's efforts. He was very attentive, including that scene with Tony Leung in the rain, Yibo would be very uneasy. That rain was heavy, it would soak your clothes immediately. He and Tony Leung and the other actors had plastic wrap around their bodies, because the rain was so heavy. Yibo was very uneasy because he was worried that he might bother Tony Leung to have to refilm another take. So I said, yes there could be this issue, so why don't we prepare beforehand. Because of his preparations, we were able to film the scene within four takes, within four takes we were able to capture Yibo's demeanour and gaze in that scene. I'm very grateful for such a talented actor. Because you've all seen the film, I dare to say such a thing. Recently I don't even dare to say too much praise because (fans: praise him more!)...I hope that those who have actually seen the movie can sincerely spread their honest opinions about the movie's situation and quality.

Yibo: After hearing the feedback from the audience, I feel very moved. We worked hard to film a good movie to show to everyone. That the audience is willing to further discuss the details and characters within the movie and would be willing to rewatch it shows that our efforts have been seen, I'm very happy, thank you.

The MC asks them to share their thoughts now that the movie has been showing for a couple of days.

Yibo: I also feel moved to be able to interact with the audience like this.

An audience member asks Yibo what was a difficulty that he faced.

Yibo: Without exaggerating, I think everyday I felt a lot of pressure. You could say that this was the most pressure I've felt in my life up until this point. We would film from 3pm to 5-6am everyday in a very quiet atmosphere. My co-actors were all incredible actors, so I felt a lot of pressure, but this pressure also helped me to better fulfill my role.

MC asks if Cheng Er could see the pressure that Yibo felt, or if after filming that the pressure would be relieved?

Cheng Er: That wouldn't be the case, because once I appeared then he would feel pressure.

MC: So the root cause of this pressure is with you?

Cheng Er: Right. So although after filming he felt very content, but during the filming he was under pressure. I am aware of his persistent efforts, the way he immersed himself fully. The outcome that you all see in the film is through his efforts. So actually earlier I should have added another feeling that I have, towards Yibo I have a feeling of pride. I really feel proud for Yibo's performance.

A lot of audience members brought dolls to watch the movie and the MC points this out. Cheng Er and MC point out the dolls. They point out an audience member holding a doll. This audience member asks 1) What was the first scene or character that inspired the film for Cheng Er? 2) When filming the emotional scenes, which scenes moved Yibo?

Cheng Er: I remember clearly the first scene I wrote, which was 11 lines. "A crippled dog walks past the ruins." This was how I started writing the story.

Yibo has trouble following up after this and so the audience member repeats her question. The MC gives some examples and asks how he might have prepared himself.

Yibo: I would be very calm/quiet, like when I was reading the newspaper, in order to feel more troubled I might listen to certain music or think of more emotional situations to try to grasp this emotion. In the scene with Mr. Leung, it felt quite complicated, because it was another scene with Mr. Leung. I would prepare beforehand because I would be worried that my shortcomings might cause us to film multiple takes, so I felt pressured.

MC asks about the doll, the audience member shares that the doll is dressed up like Secretary Ye. Yibo nods. MC asks if this is a gift for Yibo, if it needs to be given to him and Yibo laughs. Audience member says she had originally just wanted to quietly check off a fan moment with her doll. MC suggests that she can hand the doll to the staff member to pass to Yibo so he can get a closer look at it. The staff member passes it to Yibo, who holds it for a moment before returning it to the audience member.

Next audience member makes note of how Yibo's character is cruel in some scenes, and asks why he wasn't cruel all the way to the end.

Cheng Er: So you want Yibo to be a villain from beginning to end next time?

(audience yells yes and Yibo smiles)

Next audience member asks about the fight scenes, were there any accidental injuries? (I can't hear her question very well in the video)

Yibo: We had practiced these fight scenes for a long time because we had to make them realistic, but I wasn't injured, thank you (for asking).

MC asks the two to give their final thoughts.

Cheng Er: I am very moved and excited. I'm very grateful to the audience and their supportive feedback. Everyone in the Wu Ming cast has wholeheartedly tried to make a sincere film. So everyone has worked together to bring something that is worthy of being shown to the audience. Even though Yibo says he wasn't injured during the fight scenes, say for instance...ah but don't be too (worried) this all happened in the past...for instance every night he would be able to film four or five takes of the long fight scenes, we didn't film it in cuts so it was very difficult. Yibo would film the fights from beginning to end, so towards the end his knuckles might be worn. He would go back to take care of it. He has a very hard-to-find and valuable earnestness.

Yibo: I am very happy to hear the audience's feedback, that everyone genuinely likes the movie and would think a lot about this movie. I'm surprised that everyone wants this villain role to last until the end. In some sense I've accomplished one of my own dreams. I've said from early on that I would like to try the villain role and in Wu Ming, in some ways I've been able to try this.

Other clips of final words:

Another showing where an audience member asks about the scene with Yibo’s scary smile, whether he had thought to imitate the Joker.

Yibo: I really like Heath Ledger’s Joker. So for you to compare me to him, I am very happy. But in that scene, we did not try to imitate or use any reference. That scene left quite an impression. After the first day of filming we weren’t able to keep any of the footage. I felt a lot of pressure because had filmed from afternoon until the next morning but were unable to use any of the footage. So under that pressure I returned to my room, then returned the next day to complete the filming with this feeling.

Yibo: After seeing so many people like the movie I feel moved. Before in our promos we spoke about exchanging sincerity with sincerity, and to be able to do so in such close proximity, I really feel grateful for everyone acknowledging my performance, I will continue to work hard.

Cheng Er: Honest feedback can help creators to improve and create better films, but one shouldn’t lie or spread malicious slander. From a different perspective, the opinions on a movie are not important and are irrelevant for society. So no matter how you lie or slander, I think it is irrelevant. One thing that is important that I want to mention, is that the habit of lying or being malicious is something that will fester. It will extend to other areas. Today you may have received money to spread lies about a movie, tomorrow you may say something else for the sake of profit. Just like what we just watched, for the sake of profit we might experience so much suffering. I don’t think that we should casually lie or be so malicious over a movie, because this habit will fester. Although these actions may be detrimental for Bona Film Group and for me, it really doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter for the world. But once it festers, it will eventually harm the individual.

Yibo: Just like Cheng Er said, a movie is just a movie. Maybe after watching a movie you would be left with many thoughts, but you will still continue on with your life. With our movie we hope to exchange sincerity with sincerity. We wholeheartedly filmed this movie and sincerely hope that everyone may like it and sincerely appreciate it. Of course after watching the movie you can not like it, that's not a problem. Exchange sincerity with sincerity. Thank you.

#wang yibo #cheng er #wu ming #hidden blade #translations #yibo deserves all the praise

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thefirstknife · 1 year

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Are Ghosts permanently bound to one person, and one person only? Like if for whatever reason they refuse to rez somebody again, are they stuck with a corpse forever or can they find somebody else to share their Light with?

It's unclear as of now. It might be possible, but Ghosts maybe just refuse to do so.

In Moths to Flame Part II, which is in early Dark Age, Osiris kills a Warlord and captures his Ghost for questioning. Osiris wants to know why the Ghost chose someone who is doing bad things. Sagira tricks Osiris into letting the Ghost go because it appeared frightened. Osiris asks Sagira what she thinks the Ghost will do now that their chosen is dead:

"Where will he go?"

"To reunite with the Traveler. To find someone new. Someone better."

Sagira's reply implies that a Ghost CAN indeed choose to rez someone else and not return to the original corpse. However, other sources imply that while Ghosts CAN do that, they most often choose not to.

Ghosts can temporarily rez someone who is not their chosen, thought it's unclear when and how they would be able to abandon them. In Confessions of Hope Part I, a Ghost does just that to save a dying baby. The baby is not the Ghost's chosen, but it rezes the baby anyway.

In No Rez for the Weary, a Ghost loses their Guardian on the Almighty where the Guardian gets stuck in some peculiar device that slows down time around them. The Guardian cannot be rezed and the Ghost eventually decides to leave them alone:

There will be no alternate worlds in which my Guardian escapes that trap. There will be no hope of resurrection.

I will be a Ghost alone.

But the thought haunts me that I might be wrong, and that he is still waiting for me…

The commentary at the end tells us that the Ghost is severely emotionally impacted by this event and even though they are technically free to go do whatever, they cannot bring themselves to do it. It might be that Ghosts don't choose another Guardian because of that emotional tie to their original chosen or even because of a genuine belief that they're not truly gone.

Another example of a Ghost choosing to leave their Guardian dead here, as well as one example where the Ghost parts ways with a Guardian but this time the Guardian remained alive (another one of the same variety). There's also this one, where a Ghost finds their chosen for the first time in a dangerous position where their body is in danger of being too damaged to get the first rez done which prompts the Ghost to think about living without their chosen for an eternity:

Problem was… my Guardian—the one I'd spent a very long time looking for—was lying dormant in their path: a lifeless husk in need of a wake-up call before her remains were atomized and I was left, for eternity, without my chosen.

We also obviously have Fynch who isn't rezing his Hive, but he hasn't talked about changing a Guardian. Again, unclear if he can't or doesn't want to.

We have one example of it being done, sort of; Jaren Ward's Ghost chose Shin Malphur after Jaren was killed. The situation here is unique however:

Jaren was killed permanently.

Jaren and Shin were already close beforehand and considered each other family so there was a familiarity between them and the Ghost, which could indicate that there has to be a bond for the Ghost to feel comfortable doing it.

Shin was already rezed once before, as a baby (the baby from Confession of Hope) so he had the Light already. The Ghost that originally rezed Shin also died since. And Shin wasn't that Ghost's original chosen.

As of now, it's unclear if Jaren's Ghost actually functions with Shin as Ghosts normally do. Can it rez Shin? Heal him?

It's unclear if any of these specifics influenced what happened with Jaren's Ghost and if in this situation things even work as they would otherwise.

I would say that it's possible from the technical side, and that the reason it's not happening more often is emotional. A bond between a Ghost and their chosen is unique and incomprehensible even to Ghosts and their chosen themselves. A Ghost most likely doesn't feel like it's right to just find another person or they have other emotional reasons, like that one who still thinks it might be possible to save their Guardian.

#destiny 2 #ghost #ask #lore vibing

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ihopesocomic · 1 year

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Tbh I wish Proud was less of an asshole to justify his "It's just what a mane has to do to survive", to show how patriarcal societies, while much more opressive towards females than to males, are still toxic to men.

There is just no nuance. Every male is a sexist (sometimes homophobic because we can't have a story about LGBT+ characters without homophobia🙄) piece of shit who really loves Pride law even though it forces them to leave their homes and family to a world who gets harder to survive thanks to the longer dry season (Which is supposed to be happening but we don't see any evidence of it 🙄🙄🙄) , and gives a higher success rate to those who are monstruous enough to kill Fathers and their children.

I guess his name is a good indicator of how much he is practically the living incarnation of Pride Law (His name is fucking PROUD), which could just be a really bad way to show that he's Lite, but I dunno, I feel like it would be much better if the show made him more of a morally gray character to show how destroying the patriar- I mean Pride Law would be better not just for lionesses, but for manes as well.

I suppose what I want is Proud to be completely transformed into a whole new character because this dude right now is just the walking and talking embodiment of everything wrong in MP's world and I think that's boring.

Ugh you have no idea how much I agree with you on how this show was a completely missed opportunity to show how the patriarchy negatively affects men and it's perpetuation just further hurts the future generation, even if people can sit down and think about it and agree with how it's harmful. But then again it was a missed opportunity for many things, and considering how much this show revels in demonizing its male characters no matter how little sense it makes, I can't say that I would've expected them to handle such a complicated topic with any ounce of sensitivity.

One of Proudmane's biggest problems is he's just Quickmane But Worse™ so Quickmane could've easily just existed on his own as being the talking embodiment of everything wrong in MP's world. And Proud should have been something different, to present the opposite side of Pride Law of someone who isn't Fire, someone who's been out on their own for longer and the consequences of that. But he's not, he's exactly the same as Quickmane, right down to having the same exact purpose to his entire existence lol

Proudmane's other problem is, they literally set him up to be sympathetic right after setting him up to be an asshole, only to make him become an asshole in the end anyway (which begun the 'Quickmane may be ableist but he's better because he's not homophobic' conversation lol)

Even then the whole "Its just what a mane has to do to survive" is not only debunked by what we see with our own eyes in the previous episode, which is that he was in a big group of males and eating well, which even according to Fire was a good ol time. The statement is also directly contradicting what he did... seconds beforehand. Which was... what was it... oh yeah threatening to kill Nothing, who wasn't a hinderance on his survivability lol Pretty sure killing cubs is also not a hinderance to his survivability, since 1) This aspect of Pride Law isn't exactly reinforceable, and 2) This particular pride has no qualms about accepting a mane who doesn't kill babies, case in point, uh...... the first fucking episode.

That whole scene in episode 5 annoys me for a variety of reasons lol like Proud having a literal debate with Nothing about why he should kill her, when he could. I dunno. Just do it.

But let's pretend for a moment that being a no-mane/prideless (is there really a difference here? Do we really need two different words for males and females? lol I hate the word 'no-mane' it's so dumb) in this universe is as bad as everyone says it is. Let's pretend that being prideless is closer to being a death sentence.

We could've had first-hand insight into a typical male lion's life in this world. From learning that their father murdered someone else's father, and children, in order to have a pride (and that the feelings of the pride itself on the matter is irrelevant to one's own survival). The near-constant fear knowing that one day that same thing could happen to you and your siblings and father, and knowing one day he's going to have to do the same. Being raised to believe he's worthless unless he gains control of a pride, taught to treat lionesses like they're inferior. The traumas of being forced to leave his home, and be subjected to starvation and facing other dangers alone, and how being alone can seriously impact a social creature's mental health. But he believes that in order to survive he has to be just as horrible as everyone else, and his justification is Pride Law and survival. In order to live, you have to exploit everyone's weaknesses, because it's for your own good. And then he's going to raise his children the same way. Not only showing the cycle in real time, but that also could've shown that Pride Law doesn't in fact benefit males like everyone is told it does, and that in many instances they're victims of the system as well, just differently.

And that's where you'd bring in Fire or Feather to be his foil, to show no, you don't have to be awful in order to survive, and you should reject everything about Pride Law. (And Nothing could raise Feather that way, and/or Fire could come to his own conclusions since he was allowed to live in the first place, but only because his sister went against Pride Law from the start, and he either didn't think it an option to do so, or felt too scared to do it himself. Him being alive to this day should allow him to have new perspectives on Pride Law. Either way Nothing's sole duty was to end Pride Law, but the writers don't permit her to succeed lol)

But nah, its more dramatic and therefore more entertaining if you just have your villain be a homophobic sexist prick that the show tries gaslighting you into feeling bad for. Instead of having the villain be the patriarchy, it's just men who are the villains lol And if you're a nice guy, you die, sorry.

As a super huge lesbian, man-hating (intentional or otherwise) is not the progressive messaging people think it is. - Cat

#ask

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jojotichakorn · 1 year

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honestly, palm can sometimes be fairly accused of having his world revolve around nueng too much, but i do not think this is one of those situations at all. when you are a couple, you do plan things together. it doesn't mean that you're only thinking of the other person or not taking yourself into consideration, it just means that you are mindful of the fact that there is someone else apart from you that is now permanently in your life, and you don't make life-changing decisions without considering that fact.

there is nothing wrong with palm deciding to move to bangkok upon realizing their relationship would have to stay long-distance if he lived at the resort, which is something palm doesn't want, meaning that, while making that decision, he was thinking of his own wishes too, or maybe even primarily of his own wishes. he wants to be where his boyfriend is, and he made some rearrangements for it. and the fact that he would have planned differently if he knew nueng wouldn't be in bangkok for another two or however many years is also not indicative of him thinking of nueng only. because this is really just about palm's wishes of wanting to be with nueng being crushed rather than a life that he planned "for" nueng being crushed.

frankly, if he were only thinking of nueng, he wouldn't be so upset at this new development - he'd just instantly and excitedly support him in this new endeavor and go on waiting for him like a puppy. but he's not doing that. he's thinking of what he wanted, which was a happy settled life with his partner, for which he planned, and which now hangs in the air because his partner decided to postpone that without telling him (and, to be fair, he himself also hid the fact that he was making rearrangements for their joint future that was meant to come very soon, which is also not ok).

so really, this conflict is about two things.

firstly, it is about a certain lack of communication, which doesn't necessarily come from a bad place, but which needs to be worked on. nueng needs to take a page from my school president's tinn's book with his brave and incredibly mature approach of "i will put this fact out on the table, even if it is hard to say and can potentially hurt the other person" because - believe me nueng - hiding it eventually leads to much more hurt than dealing with it immediately. as for palm, i do think his secret is less offensive in this case, because he was absolutely sure that he and nueng were on the same page about their future, so it was more of a fun surprise kind of thing. however, palm dear, moving to a different city to start planning a future with another person is still too big a decision to equate it to a surprise birthday party and not talk about it beforehand.

but in connection with that, the second thing this conflict is about is them having different priorities and different outlooks on life in general, at least at the moment.

nueng sees their relationship as a separate entity, which is why he talks about their love and their future not just as things that are separate from each other, but things that can actually stand in the way of one another.

palm sees their relationship as an inherent part of their future. to him, the idea of their love being an obstacle to their future doesn't make any sense then, because something that is a for-sure-thing inside of that future literally can't be an obstacle to it. so what nueng is saying sounds to palm like he just doesn't see him as a part of his future, while palm is very much planning his own future around their relationship.

in fact, that conversation at the end is where we see palm falling back into his unhealthy habits of fully prioritizing nueng.

the reason why palm has this habit in the first place is because of every traumatic event that he's been through where not only was nueng's life in actual danger, but it was also literally dependant on palm. so whenever something like that happens again, it quite literally triggers palm to act like nueng is the most if not the only important thing in life (he metaphorically disregards his own wellbeing by jumping in front of the bullet directed at nueng so nueng would be fine).

and even though nueng tries to compromise (which i appreciate), i do not think it is enough. because again, i do not think that it is unhealthy of palm to build his life around his future together with nueng. his main priority is simply his romantic relationship and consequently future family. that seems pretty normal to me. but at the moment nueng's main priority is clearly his education and career (also fine btw), and that is - for the lack of a better term - a conflict of interest that cannot be resolved with one conversation, especially when its conclusion is essentially "idk i guess i can figure something out".

and if they are going to explore it further (which i hope they do, because if they for real think that conversation resolved the issue then wtf), i think it is truly a good step towards ending palm's past unhealthy habits of not taking his own wishes into consideration. because - again - him prioritizing his relationship with nueng over other things doesn't automatically mean him disregarding himself. and in fact, the future that he is planning with nueng mixed with the fact that he initially didn't just silently and obidiently accept nueng's sudden change of plans means that he is finally seriously thinking about what he wants, which just happens to be a settled life with nueng.

and that's one of the main things i want to see since we are getting a chance to revisit these characters. the new obstacles they've set up are good too and i want to see them dealing with the differences in future plans and current priorities as well as not communicating well enough, all of which can even be traced back to the original drama. but the main issue i think we were left with after the end of never let me go, which was not sufficiently explored (in my opinion), was palm sometimes entirely disregarding himself in favor of nueng. and i want to finally see them put an end to it. for good.

#never let me go #our skyy 2 #archer watches our skyy 2 #our skyy 2: ep 1 #archer's meta

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