#to grapple with her death

[topnotchquark]

Carl Andre dead at 88, comfortable, rich, celebrated in the art world. Whereas Ana Mendieta never got to have her full life and express all that she wanted to explore through her art. Truly the petty injustice of life is cruel in such disappointing ways.

#justice for ana Mendieta #and I hope it's rhe divine kind finally #whatever exists beyond this life I hope it atleast torments him for a while #to grapple with her death #the fact that ana spent so much time exploring the themes of violence in her work #him being so widely regarded breaks my heart #carl andre #ana mendieta #justice for ana mendieta #personal

[v1model]

merge

#v1model #ultrakill #mirage ultrakill #ultrakill mirage #dect #ultrakill dect #i know nobody's asking but i'm not too interested in drawing stuff for DECT. DGMW i love it and its beautiful characterization #that being said though i'm really uncomfortable with topics of like coming to terms with death and (idgaf if its cringe) v2's death as well #im not a v2 is alive truther in a way v2's death is rlly the only literary direction its path could take but also. cc death makes me squirm #anyways though i just pulled this out of my ass pls enjoy you mirage truthers. i'll still draw her ofc! just not in dect #tw death mention #cw death mention #the text that i wrote here is also stuff i write on behalf of my own personal grapplings with thanatophobia and etc

[magicwithered]

I could go on and talk about how Laerryn is not, in the end, motivated by hubris. Though The Age of Arcane is the age of Wizards who believe themselves bigger than gods. Or, or, I could talk about how Laerryn Coramar-Seelie was pushed by grief so deep it doesn’t just come in waves, it never fucking leaves.

How “It’s stupid to try and become a god” because she asked for the gods to save her friend. Pleaded with them to bring them back. That it was hubris that got her friend killed, and Laerryn is not the smartest person in Avalir for nothing. That she crushed it under her heel, but if her best friend, the greatest person she’s ever known had to die for her ambitions than it better well be fucking worth it.

That it is love, and love lost, that motivates her to do the things she does. And the fear of losing love again and again that motivates her to cast blight, despite her having paused for a second to listen.

Pride was her fatal flaw when Evandrian died. But it was not when she helped cause the calamity. It was love and love alone. Because pride is for people who don’t get shit done, pride is for the undeserving. She built a cathedral with her own two hands between working and researching. Between grief and mourning. Of course Laerryn is proud of herself, of course she believes in herself. She’s the goddamn Architect Arcane, she keeps this city afloat, makes discoveries for people to eventually use. She is the heart of the city. But she does not still her hand in pride, but fear, but love.

Love is what causes the Calamity. Love for Loquatious, love for Patia, love for her people. And also deep unsettling grief. Grief for what was lost to her, grief that the gods did not grant Evandrian reprieve. Grief for all the things that she could not save. Why would she waste her time trying to become a god, when she can show the gods that even them, even the mundane, even the mortals that they’ve created can do wonderful things and perform miracles. That they do not need them to grant them wishes, that they can do it themselves instead of waiting for the whims and whimsies of the Primordials to pay them any attention.

Why would the gods give her this power, this intelligence that she’s honed like a fine tuned instrument if not so that she can show them all that Avalir can be? And in the end, how could she learn? Why would she change everything? Change anything. In the end, her point was proven, the things she lost were no longer for naught. How could she ever regret what happened if in the end it was for love?

#exu laerryn #laerryn coramar seelie #avalir #exu calamity #this was inspired by Laerryn’s hesitation when Nydas fucking grappled her #and then seeing the Tree of Names and seeing Quay in danger and IMMEDIATELY casting blight #also aabria said she didn’t learn anything from the calamity and I was like: shit I wouldn’t either lmfao #I kept seeing like: it was only love #or it was only hubris #and I don’t think enough people think about #how close Evandrian and Laerryn were #and how she TOO was grieving #and how grief can fester and infect #how mourning can rot someone from the inside out #if they don’t have the ability to expel it #AND ALSO! #How Laerryn is as a person as such a goal oriented person #she would have to make his death mean something #because if he died and she cannot be successful in the thing that caused his sickness #then she killed him and it was pointless

[jfkisonthemoon]

they honestly couldve done so much with junpei beheaded/dismembered and im disappointed that it ended up just being mira. so much of his character and his relationship with akane is characterized by his lack of bodily autonomy, and him being openly beheaded during the nonary games would be the ultimate example of this. its perhaps the most brutal death in the game, and it never really gets explained or developed beyond the one puzzle that we get with it. junpei has been shown repeatedly to be subject to akane's plans or follow her blindly and i just think that would have been a really interesting angle to approach his beheading from. junpei has willingly signed up for nonary games in two different timelines just because he knew he would see her. he was infected with a deadly virus trying to find her. he grew desensitized to death as he took underground jobs to try and find her. his safety always comes second when shes in the picture, and his beheading wouldve been a prime opportunity to 1. exploit his willingness to let himself die/be injured for her and 2. make akane confront the fact that her confidence that junpei will always follow after her is not necessarily a positive thing.

#zero escape #additionally wasnt mira supposed to be asleep?? like i know she didnt get the forget juice but didnt she still get knocked out? #but also!! none of her other kills were like that! none of them were dismembered and she didnt touch junpeis chest #so even that reasoning doesnt make sense #kinda feels like a copout to keep the shock of junpei being disrespected in such a way - to have his very body turned into a puzzle #a puzzle that akane is forced to solve!!! without knowing that what shes looking for is his head - him! #theres so much potential there and they just didnt do anything #im not even saying that akane should have somehow been responsible for that death - only that not having her really grapple with it is such #a missed opportunity #i still fucking LOVE the imagery of it though. i really think its the epitome of the representations of his lack of autonomy #he loses all of vlr. quark. 45 years of his life. because akane decides this is best for him. he dies repeatedly trying to find her. #because she believes that she knows what will keep him safe #and turning junpeis body into a puzzle posthumously is a fantastic example of his lack of control over his body #its like hes literally become a doll. hes jumpydoll - not junpei. hes subject to these games even after he has died. #he gets no peace. no respect in his death. not when hes in these games. not when hes in the shadow of akanes whims and games. #i still love the imagery. i think it was one of my favorite parts of ztd and is honestly now a core tenet of my Junpei Understanding #but i was disappointed in the lack of narrative weight that specific death had. for him to be one of the first dead? for it to be in such a #brutal manner? like come ON. the character analysis for junpei and akane and their relationship is RIGHT THERE. all you had to do was put i #in the game #but nope. #they just handwave it as something mira did. #and dont bring up the details ever again because. plot point solved? #anyway. ive been thinking about junpei imagery and bodily autonomy a lot. obviously. #zero escape spoilers #mak no peeking #marydontlookatthis

[shadowedvales]

when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.

when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.

#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal. #IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't. #i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip. #me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think. #purely self indulgent too i might add! #every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just #selected ones. #but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it. #so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health. #i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him. #and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her. #and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother. #i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories. #terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab. #so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky. #all the good memories! #so when terry dies jane loses all that completely. #which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to #her death. #because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories. #jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else. #in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry. #her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky. #because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her. #but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her. #UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on. #ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.

[feelingtheaster99]

I am so happy that Brennan finally got to spout his own fun animal facts at Hank during gameplay!!!

#and the CAPTIONING TEAM was ON IT in this moment too #Hank exuberant at having finally met his met #you betcha #their own hyperfixations talking at each other #I was so confused why he needed to make a slick check at all #but 100% worth it #AND THE LIBRARIAN’S NAME IS PASSION I LOVE HER #catch me being like Freddie #just like more more fun facts please! #dimension 20 #d20 #d20 mentopolis #mentopolis #mentopolis spoilers #mentopolis grappling with death #grappling with death #hank green #brennan lee mulligan #freddie wong #the fix #d20 the fix #mentopolis the fix #pasha n #live reaction #I’m so happy #hyper fixation #SOMEONE FINALLY WANTED BRENNAN’S BIRDS!!!

[rebelontherocks]

the string of events that led me to watch dune 2 in theaters is something... and sent me into the rabbit hole that is only possible when you watch something that is 'good' but not 'great' and which doesn't seem interested to grapple with its own themes.

#anyway what i've been writing for dune will remain anon until i finish crossed blades because i don't want a repeat of my last succ fic #i will say tho that what i like about dune is the same thing i like about succ: family as a tool of empire #plus there are some interesting parallels to be made between the rancid misogyny of the empire and the more egalitarian fremen #i love that scene where paul says he'd 'very much want to be equal' to chani and then well... there's the whole ending scene... #chilling depiction of heterosexuality i don't think i've seen such a scathing portrayal of cishet relationships under patriarchy #in such a mainstream movie at least (this is coincidentally the theme i think the movie doesn't grapple well with it's just there #the eugenics of empire are never allowed to become a full source of horror) #the way this reverberates through the genuine tenderness between feyd and paul as they are literally fighting to the death is v moving tho #i have to write something for irulan and chani there's a lot of potential there: the white woman who benefits from empire #(very directly being the emperor's daughter but who is reduced to breeding cattle + war prize by the misogyny of the empire) #and the black woman who is directly victimized by empire but is liberated in her struggle against it

[fellhellion]

This part of the editorial from 2099 (pic sourced from this post) is so interesting to me because i don’t even think the idea of Miguel having these kinds of flaws is uninteresting or impossible, but I just personally would never have come to this conclusion just based on the text.

Like, when I personally look at how Miguel and Dana interact, I don’t see any indication that he emotionally condescends to having a relationship with her, when you’d think this strain of elitism should shine through in some part of their relationship at least initially in his arc.

I don’t look at Xina and Miguel’s interactions and interpret any sense him feeling threatened by her intelligence (even if we're just talking purely pre-spidermanning), when you’d think an element of that would be present, even in a flashback. He was a callous dickhead about the cheating explanation, but that alone without some corresponding behaviour to how he speaks to/treats Dana, even just as a flashback, just doesn’t offer the bridging piece to displaying what the authorial intent apparently was, at least for me.

Also, and by god we always come back to Dana’s writing being so damn lazy, but if Miguel - even if only at first - sought Dana out due to the emotional convenience she provided, what has prompted enough change that he is willing to bear and forgive actions like her seeking out the company of the man who drugged him when she wants to needle Miguel.

ALSO. PETER DAVID I AM SPEAKING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EAR RN. ITS VERY SILLY TO ME TO POINT OUT THE MISOGYNISTIC STREAK INTENDED IN MIGUEL’S ACTIONS HERE BUT THEN LITERALLY JUST NOT BOTHER TO MAKE THE WOMAN THIS IS ABOUT MAKE LIKE. SENSE WHEN YOU WROTE HER. OFFER NO EXPLORATION INTO WHAT HER ACTIONS SPEAK TO IN HER PERSON AND DELVE INTO WHAT CONTRADICTORY ACTS MIGHT TELL US ABOUT HER.

#'a component to miguel's cheating is misogynistic thinking' AND IS THE MISOGYNISTIC THINKING IN THE ROOM WITH US NOW #idk idk...i genuinely have no issue with grappling w this as a character flaw of his i just would never have come to this conclusion on my #own PURELY from how he treated dana and xina. absolute asshole move w how he spoke of the cheating intially to xina #but that alone just makes him an asshole. not someone who felt threatened by her intelligence and THATS the piece that i dont personally se #in the text. #not to mention. the way dana and miguel's relationship is tonally depicted just. speaks of some lvl of sincerity to me. miguel isn't an #overly physically affectionate person and the times he does display that are really interesting (holding Gabriel when the abuse was going o #holding Xina when she blamed herself for Dana's death etc etc) #and then you have the way he holds Dana when he accidentally hits her while hallucinating from the rapture. he calls her lover and honey. #they cuddle in the bath that one time together. he recognises he hasnt been spending enough time w her and went to invite her out because o #it. and yeah. some of these we can absolutely chalk up to the character development hes having at the same time due to spidermanning but #even BEFORE that its like. it feels tonally dissonant to even try read Dana's actions at face value because the narrative doesnt CARE #about them making sense as part of a coherent whole person who thinks and rationalises actions to achieve a certain outcome or satisfy a #desire. it doesnt CARE enough to give her that sadly and so youre just left like. what does this relationship mean to these two characters? #for one party in particular i genuinely have no idea. and i dont know what to infer is the reason for a change from the mentality outlined #as authorial intent. because i didnt get that impression in the first place. #tunes talks 2099 #tunes talks critical #long post

[fungi-maestro]

The Question #4 (1987)

#book club #the question #vic sage #dc comics #comics #myra connolly #myra fermin #one of my favorite scenes in the series #i think the points where vic grapples with murder are so important #you can see how much he's already grown since the 60s thing #even when he saved those guys earlier in this issue from burning to death in a room #his ENEMIES #ditko sage would have let them burn no doubt #it's just so fascinating seeing the change. and how it isn't an easy decision. #and then of course myra being amazing #we as the audience already know how much she cares about her child but at this point vic had some baggage to work through with it all #i dont think he blames her for doing that #anyway ummm comparing this to the first time he directly takes a life in the quarterlies. also to protect jackie. #he wants to see that girl grow up happy and loved and not in danger #i think he sees himself when he sees her in a way. especially with her temporarily living in the same orphanage he grew up in #and her fate..... :( well... yeag.

[chronal-anomaly]

Thinking about how Lena was blamed for Mondatta's death and almost indirectly lead to a total all out war between Omnics and humans in Kings Row on this fine Tuesday.

#( ooc. ) #yall can blame col for this #the war was brewing for a while but it was definitely his death that was the catalyst for it #she already blamed herself deeply #carried that guilt so damn deeply #considering that was her role model #he saved her during those days in the iso chamber where she was grappling with what she had become #Then to have her friends find her with a broken accelerator and in agony and for them to be like “why did you kill him???” #that shit HURTED #She still can't look Zen in the eyes. Ram is a little bit better considering they're on opposite sides of the field #but any of the current shambali? nope she Cannot Do It #anyway I'm off to clinic but i'm in hell and taking you all with me #blame col

[ecl1pse]

so my grandma is dying.

my dad flew out to see her on friday bc she's been staying with my uncle on monterrey since late september(??). my sister flew out earlier on january & stayed there for almost a month but by the end of her stay, my gradma's health went into a downward spiral. my sister accompanied her to san miguel, my ucle believes she might've had a stroke on the way back to monterrey bc she came back with such a different attitude & even lower appetite.

we've been getting updates on her since & it's honestly gotten worse. she's at the point where she can't get off bed, doesn't eat & can't recognize people anymore. my dad sounded so sad.

honestly, i'm not doing great but i'm not as sad about it i thought i would feel. she's 92 years old. maybe it hasn't fully sink in, or maybe i've done a good job at preparing myself emotionally bc it already hit me just how vulnerable she was back in 2021 when she had back to back injuries. the fact that she recovered from a broken clavicle & broken ribs in the span of 6 months was miracle on itself, but then i gave her covid on january 2022 & she still managed after that. the lady has beaten nearly anything that has come her way. except old age, i guess.

she's been declining a lot mentally, though, so i was expecting something like this for years now. not so quickly, but i guess at her age, anything becomes catastrophic so easily. i honestly felt like she wasn't going to make it at times when she was sick with covid. there's no making it out of this one, though. i think this is it.

i'm not sure of what to do now. they said she looks really bad and it's just sad to see her but we don't know when she's going to go. i wanna go say goodbye but i'm not sure how hard it's going to be to see her like that or if it will even help. there's been too many instances in my family of someone dying just as the last person came in to see them & idk if i'm prepared to see her actually go in front of me. she's been like a mother to me, she was my favorite person growing up, i think i grew up to be just like her way more than i'd like. my uncles say i should go and see her, but my dad says i shouldn't, that it's really bad. plus taking time off for this & then the funeral wouldn't be ideal. i just hope she's not waiting for me. i hope she's comfortable & not in pain. it's what she deserves now. blissful ignorance is the only thing i want for her in these moments.

#death mention #cw death #honestly this me trying to grapple with all these feelings #i havent cried too much abt it. at least not as much as i thought i would #i think i'm prepared. i thinm #think* #i guess we'll see how it goes #but at least i don't feel like there was anything unsaid between us or that i need more time #of course i would've like to have more but i don't think i neeed it #i'm gonna miss her so much but if it's her time i'm ready to let go #i'd rather not see her suffer for our comfort. she's been so strong for so long

[blightbear]

the more i write for mo the more i realize it’s just me putting her mother through things™️

#personal #husband? missing probably dead #daughter? at death’s door on multiple occasions #gets roped into a shem war #has entire worldview shattered #son? trying to handle and grapple his magic always fumbling #torn between duty and sibling hood #her? gets tongue cut out #i’m sorry mamae lavellan you are the strongest warrior 🫡

[iron-sides]

i had like a whole paragraph about how fanon depictions (bc i havent read those comics..) of batman dealing with jason todds death is similar to gilgamesh dealing with enkidus death adn then i deleted it bc i dont know this professor THAT well yet...

#my thots #sob shes about to get um. well lets say a paper written for my high school english teacher #'s entertainment #<- not really but i might send her this i do think shed get a kick out of it #but yh ive known my old eng teacher well enough i have her number and were on first name basis and i am NOT there #yet w this prof so. #the editing process is. extensive <- i had three sentences about dear fellow traveler that i had to take out bc theure #100% unrelated to my thesis os #of #'In The Epic #Gilgamesh’s best friend dies in a tragic and unforeseen act of Ishtar and Enlil. Gilgamesh spends the rest of the book grappling with the l #and his newfound fear of dying #indicating that the Mesopotamians felt very similarly about death to modern people.' #so uh. well

[feelingtheaster99]

I’m absolutely obsessed with Danielle’s raccoon dress

#like she looks STUNNING #and it’s adorable #and the dress with the gloves #and her glasses #and the low lighting #it’s a fucking mood #I have lost the ability to even #dimension 20 #d20 #mentopolis #d20 mentopolis #I finally get to watch an episode the night it airs #I’m excited! #grappling with death #mentopolis grappling with death #live reaction #danielle radford

[somekindofquotejournalidk]

Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved, Kate Bowler

Kate: I just don't know what to do.

Beth: Die.

#convo #everything happens for a reason: and other lies i've loved #kate bowler #okay so taken out of context this is my brand of dark humour #but the context being the author grappling with her cancer diagnosis #and the very real possibility of death #i have to say i cannot relate as someone who has lived most of my adult life ready to die at any time #not that i'm asking for a cancer diagnosis because that's a whole different brand of dying #but it always surprises me that people forget about death #as if we do not begin the process of dying from the very moment we are born

[stresslitzia]

When you realize you ship two obscure characters and AO3 only has two works for them

And then you find yourself tapping away at your notes app to write a new piece based on the Dreamlight Valley AU between you and your friends, which has already been used on AO3 for one of your other ships

#ramblings #I have literally two things on ao3 and both of them are sad songfics #(one is a Selena/Subaki AU following some lovely character death) #(the other is Elrena grappling with her emotions after reuniting Lauriam and Strelitzia. that one was from my rp server) #...my ao3 is gonna be mostly Elrena if my brain keeps up like this actually #but this post is referencing Hermod/Urd. cmon they're CUTE why do they not have fics