#this the worst moment of my life rn

[deathcomesalright]

a warning to the rest of my fellow overwatch players: if you look up the heroes burning sounds and you play that on your computer without headphones, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in a ten mile radius will think you’re listening to people having the most intense nut of their lives.

#👀👀💋👀👀 #this the worst moment of my life rn #SOMEO F THEM THO 🤨 #like babe you must know that doesnt sound in pain what you doin 🤨 #GETTIN TO LUCIO THO IS SO FUNNY LIKE YEAH THIS MAN IS DYING #everyone else.... hmm. #overwatch 2 #overwatch

[matchacake]

Hello my silly little sims pals! Hope you've all been doing well. Sorry for the lack of content lately, I've been obsessively playing Stardew Valley instead of my sims lol. Please forgive me! I promise I'll be back with sims content as soon as the high of new content for my second favorite game of all time wears out! In the meantime though I will continue to like, comment, and reblog your amazing stuff, love you!

#I can't stop playing stardew valley #I can't stop watching people stream playing stardew valley #it has taken over every moment of my waking life #I even dreamt about it last night #the worst part is I'm actually busy irl rn too so I can't play as much as I'd like to #who needs a social life when you have stardew valley #ramblings

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

hiya just a small psa, first off--thank you for those who sent in writing asks, I'm going to answer them soon. also I am going to try and update Gibbous on Oct 12 (as a bday treat for myself) but if it doesnt happen, then I'll just post a small teaser on here of what I have so far of it. My mental health is still a work in progress, despite my post after Spoke No More (iykyk in terms of having a mental high followed by an immediate mental low haha) but if I go radio silent on this blog, it doesnt mean anything bad, it just means I need to take time to care for myself

#kat talks #time to ramble in the tags: i think the worst part of going through a negative spiral is when you know youre dealing with irrational though #patterns but they do feel very real in the moment lmao #its so frustrating! anyways i am having a hard time with my bday coming up because due to Events in my life i feel like #i have aged five years in a negative way and I've weirdly been thinking of myself being much older than i actually am #it feels like im dealing with howls moving castle curse irl is the best way i can describe it #so anyways i do want to be able to finish Gibbous chapter so that is something positive i can look forward to for my bday #but im also not going to let my happiness depend on that #because I've placed my happiness in so many things this year only to be let down by it all #i do want to write more and interact in fandom in a more active way but i am going through a lot rn #so if we have talked in the past please know im not intentionally ignoring you! its not anything personal towards you i promise

[clownwwx]

kind of realizing that ever since i left my job and have been doing nothing but focusing on my hobbies / drawing,, i have been the happiest

#jess things #the happiest ever since i graduated in 2020 #idk where life is going to take me and i do feel a lil hazy and anxious rn #but also i have hope that everything will turn out okay #i still have my shitty days and whatnot it cant be helped #but still… better to have shitty days and i can take care of myself through it #rather than have a shitty day and then worry abt going to work at the worst place ever #anyways im v lucky to have some money on the side from some accident lol #and im still looking for a job throughout it all :’) #but in the meantime the little everyday moments make me feel so happy and at peace

[pumakaji64]

convinced people who like alcohol and cheese are both just lying

#theres not juice or cold water in the house rn so out of desperation I stole one of my sisters white claws #(its been there for weeks now so she's never drinking it) and bro it tastes like hell #everytime I get some alcoholic drink and think 'maybe I'll actually like this one this time' and then I don't #also fuck cheese #a few days ago something tragic happened to me #my co-worker was saying something about pumpkin and my mom was like 'hey sweetie wanna try some' and I was like okay #and I bit into this small orange morsel fully expecting it to be pumpkin.............. it was pumpkin flavored fucking cheese #worst moment of my life fr LMAO

[indyfstop]

.

#the amount of days recently where im like!!! i love my friends!!! i love racing!!! i love how life is rn!! is insane #im still not good #and life is very hard and very rough #but the simple fact that i have SOMETHING to keep me fighting for the future is huge #thank you if you talk to me about racing or simply engage slightly #you contribute to helping me through my worst moments #and have given me some genuine joy that i havent had in my life for awhile #its hard having a bad mental illness but i feel sometimes like it eases

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

Ngl I’m boarding on a crisis and I have to go to work where I may or may not continue to spiral but can’t do anything about it and it’s terrifying but it’s only me and manager so I feel too guilty to just take a break every time this happens plus it won’t help anyway I don’t need a break I need to be knocked unconscious where the horrors can’t get me 😢 I’m just venting to feel better coz that’s all I feel I can do rn but dw

#vent #negative #i know I said it keep mental health shit to my side account and I have been (mainly) but #but I’m just scared rn and I want to post where I know someone will read coz it does make me feel bit better tbh #sorry about this #i just love starting the new year productive and ending up suicidal and having a near full crisis alone in my room anywa #god I’m scared #i need to go back to the doctor or therapy because I need help fr and like I will make sure I do as it’s my responsibility so like that’s go #good* #:( #my god #i think I fooled myself into thinking I was truly getting better but if last nights an indication I think the hell was just I’m hiding #ready to come back at any moment which was my fear and it did #depression and anxiety but the depression is making me want to die again and idk what to do #i can’t bring myself to go to my mother though so it can’t be it’s absolute worst #i just wish I wasn’t too scared to have a social life anymore because I the suffocating loneliness ain’t helping shit!!

[oatbugs]

listening to music on blast removing my own sutures x

#vibez tbh #anyway . i have my medical tape off rn bc i just took a shower #will remove this thing then put it back on . but anyway slightly sinking in. had a what have i done what have i #become kind of moment . like i am no longer in pain so i can think now . i cant feel my nose or my thighs or my jaw properly #looked at my face and i was like oh . ok. got held up at iran passport security started saying my prayers #and they were like we dont think you are the person in your passport. and i had to show them evidence etc like #yeah i literally am unrecognisable as a person actually. same w the UK e-gates #i have someone else hair laser glued onto mine. i have a part of my body #grafted onto another part of my body. i had my nose broken and restructured. #i had half of my corneal tissue removed to see better. on their own these are all minor #but altogether at the same time i look. different. #it's so fascinating. interesting . etc. like genuinely what the fuck #to wake up and just look like a completely different person . knowing you have been rearranged and subtracted from and added to. #i feel like an art project. i feel like art. i feel like a monster. i feel fascinated. #i feel fascinating. #still have 8 lives left its alright . #when i had femto lasik done (which is supposed to be pretty much painless) i experienced the worst pain of my life #this is because i forgot to tell them about the grafting under my eyes and because there were two initially imperceptible wounds/scars #in both of my eyes. i felt the heat and pressure inside my eyes and i felt them cutting into #infinitely small points of pain. my head felt warm and my eyes were melting. my doctor apologised for not seeing them before #and he told me to focus on the green light in the middle of the red and i did . and they spread into a thousand stars #and i kept repeating to myself JUST GREEN NOTHING ELSE JUST THE GREEN NOTHING ELSE until it was over #i spent the next day in agony despite the pressure lenses and the apologies #but that constellation of green and red overlayed on nothingness #and patterns generated by blood vessels and lasers #was one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen to this day. #maybe the most beautiful thing . i dont know.

[annoyinglibra]

They should invent medications that don’t make me believe my friends would be happy if I died as a side effect

#so far I don’t even know if these are going to help me with my physical pain #nor can I be sure that the emotional side effects will stabilize #but within an hour of taking my meds I’m convinced my friends would have better lives if they never met me or if I just ended it all #the secret third thing it makes me think is that I don’t mean enough to anyone for them to care that I’m in their life to begin and #to begin with and* #subsequently don’t care whether I’m dead or not #so I would simply like medications to not do this to me #because it makes me have a terrible night with terrible dreams and then my day starts terribly because of it #and I have to hope that I can turn my mood around at some point or else I’m just depressed all day too #I told myself I’d stop making vent posts after I was getting dangerously close to talking about certain things but I’ve come to terms #with how I can’t tell anyone for a myriad of reasons. not sure I’ll ever even tell my therapist. but regardless I’m not worried about that #now. so at the moment it’s literally just me needing to vent that these medications make me want to fucking die because I believe people #are either better off without me or that I’m meaningless enough for nobody to care to begin with #like the other day I literally dreamt that I got shot and was bleeding out but my friend didn’t give a shit #which is entirely unlike him he’s a good person even if I’m worthless he’d care that someone is like. dying. #ugh and even this! I genuinely believe I’m worthless rn #all sorts of stupid shit that I’ve mainly gotten through except at my worst times #has come back to just being a daily thing #and I don’t want to talk about it because it makes me feel pathetic and like a burden #and if I talked about these feelings to andrei it’d scare him so much that my guilt just won’t allow it #<- for the record if you know him please don’t tell him all of this he already knows and also even though I want to kms I won’t #it’s just that I can’t like.. get help for it as often as I feel it because nobody in the world is equipped to hearing the person they love #say they think the world would be better if they were dead literally every night because that’s how often I feel it #the funny part for me is literally nobody irl is aware of how bad this is because I’m 1) good at acting 2) don’t want to scare my mom or #brother because they already had to deal with years of me actively being suicidal 🤪 #if you managed to read all of this you’re a fucking saint and I don’t deserve you in my life even if you’re just a follower who’s never #interacted with me before. I still appreciate you #delete later

[blazeball]

OHHHHH MY GOD. EATS THIS

#im npt even at the dorian chapter yet i skipped ahead for this because. oh my god. OHHHH MY GOD #YESSSSSSS KILL! HIM! AND FEEL THE WORST YOU OR ANYONE ELSE IN YOUR LIFE HAS EVER FELT #i can't believe he actually did thta. did not think. That would happen #genuinely. This is making me explode (positive....?) and go bonkers #when you are in love and you ruin each other. GRIPS THIS #i need to actually continue this but i am living in this moment and having the time of my life #and i know zachary will be okay so im like. Not concerned at all #part of why this is working is bcos i am reading zachary pov chapters rn. And he is fine (dead. but fine) #and there are criticisms to be had with the book but i am having the time of my life #okay. i get back to it o7 #quincy.txt

[phantomthievez]

it's too late im emotional over akechi again

#.txt #rn my poison is: would akira actually move on #like maybe he'd live his life until he was 100 years old but would he ever forget akechi? i don't think so honestly #how could you forget your equal and opposite? he was akiras friend. akira could have given up reality itself for him #or even in shke terms #i feel like he's date looking for that emotional fulfillment of their dynamic but in the end nobody can #bc akechi was special!! and i think the moment he realizes that he would truly allow himself to mourn akechi #or maybe i'm thinking abt this too hard bc it sucks that akechis like 'i had a shitty life and this special thing (personas) is #all i had. i pulled myself up from the ground to fhe very forefront of the media. im an ace détective a celebrity. one of my worst fears is #that it's all for nothing and i'm not special and everyone hates me and i die forgotten' #and then he faded from the peoples cognitions and died (or 'died') forgotten #doesn't that leave a bitter taste in your mouth? he makes me so fucking sad #goro akechi goner by twenty one pilots moment

[timehascomeagain]

It's getting bad again

#feeling so overwhelmed by life rn everything feels too big #need to wake myself.up but im so tired and my stomach really does hurt so i really might just keep lying here watching brba and hope for #the best. which isnt ideal and is the worst option but whatever #omg had a really horrible moment saturday night where i was totally pooped just lying in bed watching the new lucy moon video like on the #verge of falling asleep but not planning to and then it got away from me n i started drifting off but b4 that happened i started nodding #to what she was saying like so intently. she was like i feel like i was compensating for my high street shopping and i was like 😮⬆️⬇️⬆️⬇️ #i just need to take it slow and i'll be alright. but it is hard to take it slow and be alright #i want to feel ok forever. i just want everyone i love to be ok and safe and for me to be able to deal with things

[grandtheftpoptart]

Babysat a 5, 3, 2 year-old and 10 month old for 6 hours. That's 1 kid per age group. I got a hot chocolate and 5$ for it

#and to spend quality time with the kids wherein they all battled for my attention and i missed work where i could take a break #loved that my mom used this as a 'and you want kids' moment #like shut the actually up? #because once i have kids i know ill have a surplus of support (for 1) and for 2 i wont be having them so close like thatt #it feels like everyone is against me having kids these days or at least turning it into a 'you cant handle it' or 'you have alterior motive #s' #one person said i was thinking abt my retirement plans #another asked if id like to travel first #and im kinda annoyed bc its always unwarrented shit too #like im not saying this to start an argument or to recieve your opinion on how me having kids is bad bc it doesnt aling w #what you want specifically like #if you cant imagine yourself havign kids thats great! be happy and live your life #but as soon as you start to hope i dont have them or question me abt why i want them etc it makes me feel crappy #the worst thing you can do is said somethign like 'i hope you don't because thats not something id want right now' #this isnt about you! #it's about me #or ill get the opposite reaction like 'so just have kids then rn' i have to consider the other person involved in the procreation #i want someone who wants a baby to be involved w me in that aspect rather than someone who is openly against it

[6ebe]

#f1 #lol this has been the worst shift of my life haven’t been still for more than 5 seconds in 1.5 hours this was my first free moment #and I was like f1 even if nothing is happening rn rly sndndnfk

[chrisbangs]

lol anyway my mom decided she really is gonna go and now booked the ticket etc etc blah blah... idk how to feel .. part of me is happy she is leaving lol... part of me is miserable she really does not care 👍 whatever ....... i hope i die or smth 🫶 etc etc blah blah

#her voice: u ruined my life xoxo ... #LOL.... #whatever #ik i am the worst child anyone could ask for #it's fineeeee #life is garbage so am i etc etc idc #just kill me #the way i am SO depressed . lol ....... but ....... 🚶‍♂️ i don't have time to acknowledge it bc LOL IM JUST SO BUSY!!!!!! #eeeeiiiii i love being busy... #i don't have time to fucking think... #it's so good ngl... #i get home from work and i crash and i wake up at 5 again after 3 hrs of sleep and just 👍 #and when i'm not working i'm so busy with group orders i don't have time to think . #it's ridiculously funny ... it's actually genuinely so fantastic ......... 🫥 #ik in my heart of hearts i am so dead and tired and miserable and broken inside LOL... 🫥 #but whatever . 🚶‍♂️ if i don't have time to feel it ! it's not real 🤔 #or smth like that... #i was just lying awake in bed and started crying bc i'm so overwhelmingly miserable and heart broken rn but ayoooo 🤩 now i have to go and #do work so ?? ????? ? ? ? ???? #love that not even for a moment these days... i am not able to focus on my brain or my life or blah blah blah... #idk it genuinely feels good that i don't have time to think abt things .......... like damn .......... #is it THAT bad... #maybe... #smtimes i just wanna talk abt how i'm feeling but 🫶 for no one to talk to abt this so LOL JSNSKSNDKSMS #just keep it in and continue working so hard i pass out etc etc ... 🤩🫶 #cannot wait till i burn out from this too... like everything in life .. eventually i will get tired of it or bored of it #dl #neg #li.txt

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#its valentines day (yesterday but i havent gone to bed yet so its the same day) so im gonna talk about my crush #i figured out its really a crush because if it was just hyperfixation it wouldve been done by now #but its been months and i still really like her so its real #anyway. we became friends during one of the shittiest weeks of my life #in a time when everything was difficult and i felt so out of my element and inadequate and altogether bad. she was kind to me #she approached me. made conversation. several times. was the friendliest any stranger has ever been #at the end of the week i asked for her number to keeo in touch. and she gave it to me. and texted #i figured the friendship might fizzle out. but she kept texting. we kept talking. she talked about her problems and her happiest moments #shes trans and like me got put into the 'only out trans person for queer kids to look up to' slot at our summer camp jobs #she once texted me at 4am about horror movies and we ended up texting until 8am #she has a guinea pig named Agnes. she dropped out of college. she joined camp staff to avoid helping her mom move #and i love all of that about her. and i wish i could say these things but i dont want to freak her out and lose one of the best friendships #but im playing the long game because. this summer she applied to the same summer camp as me. so we'll be around each other a lot more #and that kind of proximity fosters incredibly close relationships. most of the people ive dated have been from that camp because of that #so im gonna spend the summer trying to get closer. and then maybe by the end ill shoot my shot #worst case ive just gotten closer to a very good friend. im not going into the summer with the goal of dating her #just the goal of getting to know a wonderful person better. and im just very delighted to have her in my life #and have the chance to work with her this summer. its all just good and makes me happy #its one of the only things keeping me going rn #so happy valentines day everyone