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hatsukeii · 4 years

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Yikes I thought of something BUT

Here’s a big trigger warning. This post will contain mentions of the blue whale game, forced self harm, forced suicide, etc. Please proceed with caution.

Anyways since the blue whale game is being talked about again (Although it started in 2013 and I learned about it when I was like what 11) I thought of something to sort of raise the awareness (??) all while sticking w the whole writing blog theme.

So,

Here’s something for ya.

*gif is not mine:)

The Blue Whale // Akutagawa Ryunosuke x Reader

Word Count: 1.9k+

Trigger warnings: cursing, mentions of death, mentions of suicide, forced self harm, the blue whale game, blood

Summary: No one should have blood in their room, but Akutagawa woke up to smell it all over you.

Tears flowed freely from your eyes as you frantically tried to scrub off the sticky, crimson liquid that stained Akutagawa’s desk. Next to the pool of blood, lay a pocket knife, the blade tainted red. The wet kitchen towels in your hand soaked up the blood, leaving the table squeaky clean. Discarding the mountain of kitchen towels, you scrambled for your phone, snapping a photo of your arm, before sending it to your curator.

Are you happy now? Is this enough for you?

Trying your best not to wake your partner up, you tiptoed to the bathroom, grabbing a roll of bandages from the cupboard. You bit your lip as you ran your cut arm under the ice cold tap water, suppressing a few pained groans. Pulling the bandages out, you began to wrap your arm up, the blood staining the white fabric as you winced in pain. The metallic stench of blood was enough to make you puke as you made your way back to the bed. From next to you, you could feel Akutagawa stir in his sleep, before he groggily forced his eyes open.

“Why the fuck are you awake again?”

“Sorry, nightmare.”

Seeing Akutagawa’s figure relaxing, you heaved a sigh, slipping in bed with him. Accidentally putting pressure on your arm, you winced, hissing silently as you flinched. He responded with a light snore, signalling that he was fast asleep. You inched closer to his body, burying your head into the crook of his neck, hoping that subtle action could give you even the tiniest sense of security in this situation.

It didn’t.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to forget about the game for even a second, but the gruesome images of the horror movies you’ve had to watch, the mutilated images you were sent, the blue whale carved deep into your arm, all those horrifying things came rushing back to your mind like a flood. You couldn’t forget them. Even as you nuzzled yourself closer to Akutagawa, a shiver made its way down your spine, despite the warmth his body gave off. It was the sense of uneasiness that really did the job. Who was this “whale?” What did they want with you? How did they find Akutagawa’s address? What would they do if you refused to complete your daily mission? You were on day thirty five with no way out. They have already forced you to make a choice of where and how you were going to kill yourself. No one knew of the dangerous situation you were put in, you were all alone. Eventually, you dozed off out of exhaustion, gripping tightly onto Akutagawa’s sweater.

You stood in the middle of your shared bedroom, too petrified to even move. it felt like you were drowning. Just drowning in a deep void of water, with nothing to grip at. Blood was smeared everywhere, not an inch of space left empty. The floor, the walls, the ceiling, the bed, everything was stained and tattered. To your absolute horror, from the curtain pole, hung Akutagawa, his eyes lifeless and dead. You tried to scream, but it was as if your lungs gave out. You were suffocating. This was too much to handle. Forcing your eyes shut, you take a few deep breaths, before making the terrible decision of opening them again. All over your room, eerily detailed drawings were stuck everywhere. Whether it be a knife, a wound, or even a noose. Bringing your hand up to cover your mouth, you stagger out of the room, horrified to see the rest of the apartment. Nothing struck you as abnormal, except for the final painting you found.

It was a painting of a blue whale, stabbed into your front door.

You let out an inhumane scream, tears staining your face as Akutagawa woke up from his slumber. Your knuckles were white from gripping his sweater so hard, the fabric now crinkled. Seeing your visible distress, the black haired man didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around you, drawing small circles into your back as you grabbed your chest, heaving uncontrollably. Akutagawa scrunched his nose, sniffing the air.

“Blood?”

Hearing the click of a lamp switch, along with the light that turned on after that, you grabbed onto the sleeve of his sweater, trying to pull him back to bed.

“It’s fine! Really, just deal with it later in the day, it’s like three in the morning right now.”

His expression was full of worry as he softly pulled your hand away from the fabric.

“You woke up screaming at three in the morning and I smell blood in this room, I’m gonna check it out and be right back.”

Refusing to let go, your heart raced as you tugged harder, making him fall back, the mattress dipping as he fell onto your wounded arm. A loud hiss sounded from your mouth as you groaned in pain, cradling your arm as you heaved heavily. Akutagawa’s eyes widened in concern. Turning around to face you, he gently took your arm in his hand, poking on it. You flinched at the sensation, feeling every nerve in your arm tingle with pain.

“(Y/n), lift up your sleeve.”

“No, it’s really fine-”

Without listening to you, Akutagawa pulled your sleeve up to reveal the bandages wrapped around your arm, now stained a reddish brown from the dried up blood. You felt your throat close up as you started to wheeze and choke, panic overtaking your senses. Sweat gathered around your forehead, tears threatening to spill from your heavy eyelids as you fought the urge to pass out. From the corner of your eyes, you could barely make out the image of Akutagawa with the tears blurring your sight and the blinding light that was the lamp. Your mind raced, only just realising the worst case scenario had come true. He was at risk now. You should’ve just held the screams back and shut the fuck up but instead you put him in a dire situation along with yourself. What if he got hurt because of you? What if the whale found him and made your nightmare a reality? You would never be able to live it down knowing you were the cause of pain or suffering for your loved one. He cared for you so, so much, and what did he get in return from you? Danger. You were guilty. Terribly guilty. Akutagawa has been through enough already, he shouldn’t have to put up with your shit as well. You stayed silent about the game, hoping to just get it over with and figure everything out yourself so you wouldn’t be a burden to anyone, but of course that didn’t work out and here you were.

Akutagawa’s eyes softened as he let out a tiny exhale.

“Oh no, what the fuck happened love?”

You bit your lip, tears now sliding down your hot cheek as you squeezed your eyes shut. Love? You didn’t deserve to be called that, especially when you’ve just put your partner’s life in danger.

“I told you... it’s okay, don’t worry about me.”

Hearing your voice crack, Akutagawa felt his heart ache as he reached out, pulling you into his chest. Don’t worry? How was he supposed to not worry? It would be plain wrong for him to not give a fuck about your struggles and go on with his life. When he fell in love with you he swore to himself that he would protect you with every ounce of his life, even if it meant putting himself in danger. Seeing you so vulnerable and hurt, it made him want to cry. It made him want to beat himself up for not noticing it earlier. For not noticing anything wrong with the way you woke up at ungodly hours, searching for your phone. For not even suspecting the way you jumped at the tiniest noises at night. He had to hold his tears back. He was going to stay strong for your sake. Planting a gentle kiss on your forehead, he rested his head on top of yours, not even thinking of letting you go. He was going to keep you in his embrace for as long as it took to make you finally feel safe and at ease again.

“Please, just let me change out the bandages for you, okay?”

Feeling you nod under his chin, Akutagawa gently released you from his hug, before slowly grabbing your arm. Eyeing the bandages, he winced, imagining the pain you must be in. Carefully, he peeled the stained fabric off your arm, trying not to inflict any pain on you. His breath was caught in his throat when he saw what was carved onto your arm. As if it was on instinct, you shoved your head back into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

“(Y/n), don’t tell me...”

His sentence may have stayed unfinished, but he knew exactly what was going on in his head. Your tears stained his sweater as you continued to cry, but not out of sadness. He knew the feeling all too well. You were scared. Terrified. But could he blame you? The game had two mafia members murdered in the past week, any normal human being would be petrified.

“The blue whale game?”

You gripped his sweater even tighter, your fingers hurting as you nodded into the fabric.

“How long has it been?”

“Thirty five days.”

Before you could comprehend the situation, Akutagawa was carrying you to the bathroom, his arms hooked underneath your legs and back, dirtied bandages in one hand. Setting you down on his lap, he threw out the stained fabric, grabbing the roll of bandages. Gently, he wrapped them around your arm, making sure not to put too much pressure on the wound. He didn’t want to see you in pain again. Not tonight. Not ever.

“I’m sorry.”

His hands froze at your words.

“For what?”

Your eyes were empty, holding close to no emotion. They were dead, as if you were nothing but a talking corpse.

“You should stay away from me. It’s too dangerous for me to stay now.”

“If I stay away, then who’s going to keep you safe, idiot?”

His words may have been harsh, but it was clear as day the concern that was laced in his voice. The air was thick, the two of you silent as he continued to bandage your arm up. Securing the fabric, he gave your arm a tiny squeeze, his hands warm even through the bandages. Carrying you back to the bedroom, he gently laid you down, before getting in bed himself, draping the blanket over the two of you. He then proceeded to pull you into his arms, his hair tickling your forehead as he stroked yours in return. Your arms shakily wrapped around his torso, taking in his scent. It was comforting to a certain degree, but you shook at the thought of the nightmare. Feeling you shake, Akutagawa started to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, hoping that would comfort you.

“Shh, I’m right here, don’t worry. You’re safe, come closer. You can squeeze me as tight as you want, don’t worry. We can sort all this out tomorrow. For now, just get some rest. Careful about your arm too.”

Hearing that, you tightened your grip on him, pulling yourself into his chest as he wheezed slightly.

“Well that’s quite tight.”

Continuing his calming strokes on your hair, Akutagawa littered your head with soft kisses, each and every single one of them filled with emotion as he held onto you. You were so fragile in his arms, seconds away from breaking completely. Hearing your soft snores, he smiled to himself, starting to drift to sleep himself.

“Never, ever, be sorry for something like this. I’m willing to put my life on the line if it means you’re protected.”

Yikers this seems underwhelming now that I’m done w it-

But still hope you enjoy it!!

First bsd fic DONE LMAOO

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