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omegasmileyface · 2 years

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Of All the People - Ch. 11

second to last chapter!! and the last journal chapter! the next one might take a bit to upload, so on our ao3 upload we promoted four fics that inspired the way we wrote this. here are those links! click through or check the end note on our ao3 upload for names and authors. as always, this was written by me and @attackradish and @ectolemonades for InvisoBang 2022, with chapter 1 art by @/toasty-ghosti!

whole fic summary: After a stupid dare puts Dash Baxter in the lab at Fentonworks during the middle of a ghost fight, he finds himself a little more spectral than usual. Apparently Danny Fenton’s gone through the same thing (someone has got to call OSHA on these guys eventually), and who could better help Dash than his hero? His lame, stubborn hero?

warnings: Nothing for this chapter! In others, existential crises, and Spectra.

words: 1981

AO3 link

first chapter

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===

November 21

Today in chemistry we had a lab and it was weird, cuz I wasn't with Star. Theirs no set partners in that class or anything but nobody switches up partners after the first lab. That would be stupid. But before class Star was talking to Foley about some part of the lab prep and they didn't want to stop the conversation so they paired up. It sucks that we had to re partner but Foley's usual partner was Danny so it could of been worse. Apparently hes still banned from the glass wear after he dropped everything in freshman year. Which was totally because he was still getting used to intangibility and thats really unfair. He's perfect at that now. Anyway, I had to hold all the equipment while he read the lab instrutions to me but it worked out fine. I'm glad I'm not dropping stuff like he was. I know he had way more times where he accidentally used his powers than I am (its hard enough to use them on purpose) but I think the training has also helped a lot. If we BOTH got banned we'd be screwed on the lab. It was pretty boring since I was just taking instructions and Danny's used to labs and shit so we ended up talking a lot. I got exited about Invasion Z 2: Redeath coming out this weekend and he kept agreeing with me. Turns out he likes movies too! Mostly sci fi and horror and stuff but hey, a good movies a good movie. He gave me some horror reccommendations and I don't usually like horror but I'm gonna try them. He's probably too busy but I think I'll ask if his friends wanna go see Redeath when it hits the theater.

===

November 22

The Red Huntress was in a ghost fight today. Like one where Phantom was there too. I havent seen her since Igot my powers but I don't think I've ever really thought about her before. I got to get up kinda close without her noticing me cuz Danny had her distracted and… she's so human. Like I mean obviously, she's human but I don't think I ever thought of her with that in mind. She's just kind of a superhero to me more than specificly a human that deals with ghosts. But up close I could hear what she was saying to Phantom and it was so different compared to the ghosts. It was all hate. It wasn't any challenges or competition or whatever mostly. She doesn't yell as much as when she started showing up and I feel like she's less trigger happy around Phantom now but she's still all personal and intense. I guess it just makes me wonder who she is. If she's human she's gotta have like a life and job when she isn't chasing ghosts and it was weird enough learning that it was the same with Phantom but Danny doesn't have a choice. This chick has to care a hell of a lot to keep doing this. What hapened that made her so invested in ghosts?

===

November 23

Me and Kwan and Star and Paulina were gonna go to Nasty Burger with Danny's gang after school today to make sure we are all on the same page about ghosts and everything. But Kwan wanted to bail, which I get. He's still on the football team and so I guess the free time I've got now minus training isn't the same for him. Then Paulina and Star both had family stuff come up. I guess Thanksgiving IS tomorow. So I just went alone but when I got there Manson and Foley had ditched too. That many people leaving is kinda suspiscious, except that I don't see why my friends would do that on purpose. Fenton's friends maybe. Nerds are weird like that. Danny decided to stay even after it was just me there. I mean, foods food. Since everybody else was missing we didn't really talk business, instead we just talked about whatever. Did you know Danny has piloted the space shuttle before??

===

November 24

Turns out the Red Huntress is Val. As in, Valerie Gray. Danny's known the whole time she's been doing the job and he acidentally let it slip when we were talking about having to fight humans. He forgot I didn't know. He felt really really bad about it so obviously I can't tell anybody but it almost feels like I should. Is she okay? I mean she's doing this but shes just a human and I know she did sports before but it's super not the same. Where did she even get all that tech? Did she make it herself? I guess probably not because she was never into techno stuff before but did I is that the kind of stuff she has to do? It's weird that she's in high school too, with how busy Danny is she must have it the same way. I don't know if her grades are worse or anything because I haven't really talked to her since her dad lost his job. None of us have. Since then she's really been fighting ghosts? Why is Why won't Why does she hate them so much? Fuck weve all been such assholes to her and we just forgot about it when we didn't see her as much. I can't invite her back into the group becase she'll find out I'm a ghost and probably try to kill me at school or something. Plus she doesn't even wanna come back I bet.

===

November 25

Lancer wants everybody to do a writing piece on some exhibit at Amity museum. Something about getting imersed in knowledge or whatever. A bunch of us went there after school today to find topics so we could ignore it on the weekend. They have this exibit on the moon landings and mars rovers and all that space robot stuff and apparently Danny hadn't been here since before they added that cuz when he saw it he looked like he found $100 lying on the ground. He was fucking thrilled and he started talking about stuff that wasn't even on the information posters. I'm thinkin he should have designed the thing! His eyes got all sparkly and I'm 100% sure his freckles were glowing like little stars. He was also clearly trying not to float?? Honest to god it was so cute… Anyway everyone else went away after a bit to look at other exibits but like didn't they want to hear what Danny was saying?? I did.

===

November 26

Ok I've been mostly staying out of ghost fights this whole time cuz I get that while I'm still training it's better for Danny if I stay out of his way. But today there was a fight with this ghost skeleton dude in a white suit (he was kinda familiar?? I dont remember any ghosts like that though. ghosts are weird like that) and he kept punching Phantom into the road and shit and it was brutal. So I joined in too at least make it a two on one fight. But there was a bit where Danny was on the ground resting (I think his arm got broken?! Does he have bones?? I mean I do right??? But maybe he doesn't cuz he's a litle different or whatever???) so the skeleton dude started going after me instead. That was scary but like it's what we're training for so I was sticking my ground ready to help out my hero. But he barely touched me before Da Phantom was just… back.

He tackled the skeleton ghost strait into the road and it made another crater. He backed up into the air and fired a perfect ecto-blast that broke up the asphalt more so it looked like gravel around the ghost. I think at that point the ghost had passed out but Phantom jerked his hand and put some kind of green layer around the guy. I guess it was like one of his sheilds but at a distance. Then he came over and got me, I never had time to move away, and he just picked me up and took me to the other side of the street like mom moves Pooky when he's in the way. I tried to get out so I could keep an eye on the ghost and make sure he didn't escape but Ph Danny wouldn't even give me any wiggle room. It was like he was made of iron. I felt that a couple times before when he's saved me from stuff but it's a lot less comforting when I'm trying to fight it. I saw that he was still somehow keeping that sheild up though so I guess I didn't need to escape any way. Man, he looked pissed… but I don't think it was at me. It at least didn't feel that way somehow.

After that he went back and captured the guy without anoher word to him and he checked me over and told me to "be careful around people like that" and went home. He didn't look me in the eye since he moved me out of the way. Maybe that's good, becuz I don't know if its a ghost thing or what but there was something really heav paralys intense about him at that point. I don't know how I would of acted if we had made eye contact. Stupid, probably.

I've been thinking about it and if I'm gonna be honest I was scared. Part of it was that kinda electric air thing that comes with ghosts sometimes, the feeling that makes you go all still, but I've never gotten that kind of feeling from Phantom before. Still though like I said I don't think it was aimed at me. That must be some kind of ghost comunication like Danny was talking about that one time, and it was comunicated to me that it was for the other guy. And it pretty much went away after he got the ghost contained. Still. I guess that wasnt all of it.

I re I guess I realized around then that like he didn't have to put up with everything. Me being an asshole I mean. When he was in that fight, even though it was worse then usual and he was suffering for it, when he got mad he just kinda switched gears. Ended the battle. Like he was sick of it. It gave me the feeling that he was sort of playing around until he cared enough to really get engaged (but why would he do that? Why wouldn't he just take care of the figt in the first place??)

And I guess that makes sense! I've been looking at every fucking Phantom fight I can these last few years. He doesnt really lose and he's done some crazy shit before. Pauli and I started getting stats at one point, like it was fantasy football. Those are kinda outdated now but I've seen a little stuff like that during trainings too and it's not like hes stagnated. He's crazy strong even compared to other ghosts and I guess I knew that but. I never really thought about what that meant for me. It's got me thinkin back to the times I was bullying him, after he became Phantom. A couple times he said "he didn't have time for this" and stuff like that but wh Fuck I don't know. It's just. He could have killed me really. Easy. If he was tired enough of me. That sucks.

===

November 27

My leg isn't getting better. Niether is my chest. Danny told me, because he still gets numb body parts and muscle spasms. Dying isn't really something you get better from.

===

November 28

am I ok?

#had to put the readmore on this one real early bc of dash's abysmal long paragraphs #danny phantom #invisobang 2022 #my writing #swagger bishie #halfa!dash #halfa dash au #dash baxter #teddy ghost #check ao3 for more tags!

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feuqueerfire · 2 months

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Destiny Seeker Live Blogging

...I actually don't know why I'm starting this right now when I didn't even have this on my watchlist, was just vaguely aware of it, and also was finally in the middle of my Utsukushii Kare S1 rewatch before watching S2 & movie. For the past few weeks I've been really wanting to watch some regular Thai university BL and the last one I'd watched was literally Be My Favourite in November last year. I'd watched some high school/uni BLs from other countries (usually kBL and I literally paused my Utsukushii Kare S1 rewatch to start this ffs) but idk why I'm craving a Thai uni BL right, it doesn't even necessarily have to be great, just a regular run-off-the-mill uni romance.

Anyway, here it goes, I guess. I'm nervous about its subs though because people say those are terrible. Also, found this fun tiktok where apparently a side couple is dating in private but enemies in public, ah one of my fave tropes (Bad Buddy is the most prominent one but My Secret Love also had a side couple like that). Don't know anything else about the show except uni + multiple couples

Ep 1 (Mar 23)

These subs T.T

P'Ai being asked for help by everyone. and he's almost a pushover but not quite, so he's just a caring senior

Gonna have to remember so many names. So far: Ai, Touch, Pop [wait apparently it's Songkhram?], Bright. Seems like it's Songkhram/Ai and Bright/Touch? also Ohm is there. Pluster/other guy. Is Pond/Meen also something I have to be aware of?

what are these tests bro?? handsomeness? wealth which apparently involves taking all your clothes including underwear off? what's going on lmao

loll Songkhram dorm 2 sports leader and Ai dorm 3 handsomeness leader that's so funny

Touch insinuating that Songkhram and Ai haven't liked each other for 3 years now but if it were somebody else, they would've been together by now already waittt so is the secret relationship couple from the tiktok them? I didn't look at their faces. It'd make sense ig since there was another tiktok I saw of I think this couple throwing each other hearts from different lunch tables

so the seniors are living with juniors or what? so hard to understand wtf is going on cuz of the subs

The Meen guy is really pretty, I hope he's here often lol

Songkhram flirting kinda with Meen to make Ai jealous

basketball match? girl Ai is so drunk

Okay, my bad the two of them aren't already dating but that tiktok of hiding the relationship is indeed main couple Songkhram/Ai but it's in episode 8 so I'm assuming they'll take a few eps before getting together

Anyway, it's fun and exactly what I wanted, my nonsensical yet engaging university BL

Ep 2 (Mar 23)

some Tum crypto scam?

okay the guy who was driving drunk last ep + got scammed by bitcoin is indeed Ohm

If Ai helps Ohm in a way that's detrimental to him, he'll go from the initial kind senior impression to indeed being a pushover

Aak, Songkhram likes Ai and is clearly aware of it, that's why he put the water in Ai's bag + (tried to make Ai jealous with Meen last ep but now) is jealous of the guy helping Ai practice basketball

omg and Ai's obsessed with the note + knows Songkhram wrote it for him. Though he also mentioned this P'Bright helping him hm

okay, so P'Bright also came to give some meds to Ai (though he came after Songkhram lol), so we're gonna have a triangle ig but I originally thought it'd be Bright/Touch

not Tum tryna get Ai to pay him through sex

bruh, Ohm so annoying, just get your father to pay the money or whatever

lmfao girl idk what tf they're talking about but good on them for winning her over ig

no like why is Songkhram having to work and borrow 400k from his bather instead of Ohm figuring it out with his dad fr

I actually can't figure out how much they like each other and how much they know about the other liking them like... why are they so nice to each other and smiley as well?

Please not Ai being like "okay Songkhram to pay you back, I'll set you up with Meen, the guy from dorm 3 who you like" lmfaooo

meanwhile, Meen knows that Songkhram was tryna flirt with him to make Ai jealous

loll Meen and Songkhram are such a fun duo

Songkhram's liked Ai for 4 years girl

oh Meen likes Bright

This show is ridiculous and somewhat nonsensical but I'm having fun

Ep 3 (Mar 23)

ah, that's how Songkhram knows about Ai's diary

lmfaoo not Ai trying to set up Songkhram and Meen frfr

this stupid ass date lmfaooo

not this Songkhram and Bright dick measuring contest over whose idea Ai likes better

I have finally realized the guy who's paired with Plustor is named Nano

Songkhram and Meen are the funniest because they know who the other likes + that Bright likes Ai so their convos in secret are always funny

not this random sexual assault agh

Ai's mother reading yaoi on the hospital bed, she's so real

not Ai's UIT badge falling

Ai's mother fr being like I know yaoi when I see it! but so funny that Meen, Bright, Ai's mother all know Songkhram likes Ai but not Ai himself smh

Ep 4 (Mar 23)

ohh someone from Dorm 2 went to Dorm 3 for the night, scandalous

crying, not Bright and Songkhram both at Ai's house to tutor him

and they dragged Ai's mom into their silly competition too

not the chili sauce ad lmfaoo

bruh the restaurant handling is really stressing me out fr... why can't you just close it for one day maybe or have fewer tables for the day yikes like i get profit, but you're leaving a bad impression on customers this way and they won't return, which is worse than 1 smaller pay-day

bruh Ohm actually needs to get his ass kicked fr like not only is he not grateful towards Songkram and Ai nor does he try to pay them back the 400k but he's now spreading false rumours to Ai's mother about Songkram? kys

and saying Bright and Ai have been dating secretly since freshmen year... does Ohm actually believe that?

Bright found Ai's diary of love... from his expression, does it mention Songkram?

ahh Songkhram also found the love diary and it's indeed all about him heh so I hope he'll actually confess soon

oh yeah, how's Ai just been living without his UIT badge? I assume Pluster still has it?

Does Bright know it's Ai's badge?

Ep 5 (Mar 23)

I love Meen and Songkhram's scheming friendship fr

Nano saying "I hope my baby elephant can meet the one" ?!?! is he talking about his dick?? lmfao

brooo not Pluster (and possibly the one person who's in his live lol) listening to Songkhram and Meen rig the drawing lots while they talk about how Songkhram likes Ai lmao

and ofc meddlesome Pluster so funny, 1 orchestrating Bright to sleep with Meen so that he himself can sleep with Nano and 2 talking with Nano about how maybe it's Meen's badge that they found (though they realized that's probably not possible since Bright rooms with Pluster)

wow we get actually all the dudes playing shirtless in the water instead of tops shirtless and bottoms with tops on lmfao

ohh Meen and Bright have known each other since high school?

ah showering him

Ah, Bright indeed knew that Ai slept over at Songkhram's and helped to switch out the badge

Ep 6 (Mar 24)

oh wtf ? rando forced kiss by Pluster to Nano ????

Ohm just occasionally appears to cause trouble fr

this is so contrived that I don't care about Songkhram taking care of sick Ai

wait that's kinda fun like go into making out and taking shirts of and Pluster's like "...sorry No, idk how to go on because I've never had sex w a boy before"

oh and then they end it? I thought maybe Nano would teach him lol like just give each other handies easy peasy

damn Songkhram confession kinda

lmfaooo wait are Pluster and Nano gonna watch porn together to learn how men have sex? also is this a diff day? Yeah, right?

wait Pluster and Nano kinda cute like aw yay learning

This episode's timelines kinda confused me, esp toward the end like are multiple days passing?

Ep 7 (Mar 24)

Damn, Bright's been keeping his distance from Meen for like 4 years but Meen's crush has still remained? bruh

also did he fr steal someone's bf lol

Like I get that Bright didn't like being kissed (on the cheek I think?) by Meen while he was heartbroken and sleeping but just telling Meen to fuck off without saying the reason why but now always going around minding Meen's business is annoying

what's up with Ai

did bright clear up Meen's scandal? I couldn't understand from the translations

well, at least Ai's chasing/apologizing to Songkhram now for a change of pace

you know what! Pluster and Nano are cute! taking a little shower together after having sex and being like how do you feel? I feel good ^.^ like aw cuties

Not sure the character motivations and stuff really made sense this episode but sure, why not

Ep 8 (Mar 24)

ah, saw these moments in that secret relationship tiktok lol

They're pretty cute as boyfriends lol

and Ai getting angry and hitting Songkhram every time they're caught lmfao

and then them making up by physically being affectionate and then getting caught + violence and then making up and getting caught and

Bright and Meen are a thing now I guess

oh Songkhram going yeah I was too hotheaded, I'll try to change for you and Ai being like you don't have to change for me, I've liked you since the beginning is cute

Is Ohm's dad fr? He sent his son who lost 400k and was in debut another 400k to send to Ai? Instead of giving the money directly to Ai (after profusely thanking him for saving his useless son)?

Pluster and Nano being the biggest gossips and yet not knowing that Songkhram and Ai are dating? lmfao. or are they tryna throw ppl of the seniors' trails? Meanwhile everybody knows about both Songkhram/Ai and Pluster/Nano

It's always interesting the implications of people who occasionally speak in English, like the senior person who sprinkles in English in a funny way that's over the top and is meant to seem a bit ridiculous vs the woman in charge of Sandbox whose English sentences is supposed to give an air of sophistication and worldliness I guess?

and the firneds all playing along heh

bruhhh Ohm needs to like just die fr

Ep 9 (Mar 25)

loll not the friends torturing them basically

lmfaooo it doesn't end with them just asking to spend Saturday with them but the gang also showing up at the park as well

they're terrorizing them fr so funny

skimming the presentations idc

bruh not Ohm doing a "gay detector" but also the way the subtitles call it f- detector even though the line says gay

bruh I need Ohm to actually get killed by the end of this show like no joke

I skipped so much bruh, so they get an extra week to try to improve it to beat another team they got same score and similar theme as?

Ep 10 (Mar 26)

last ep, whew. ik there's apparently a 3-year gap + a sex scene that hints at rimming

love how Pluster and Nano are eager to tease Ai and Songkhram but like you're in the same boat girl

ik ppl were raving about the NC scene but i'm not in the mood rn, so skipped

bro i'm bored idc about this fucking funding

another bird poo lmfao

at least there's some drama but it's not as fun bc Ohm is the flattest most irritating villain

girl wtf sick mother is this gonna be related to the 3-year separation or whatever?

ah, so it's just working abroad, not breaking up and not contacting each other or smth

ay Songkhram pilot

not Boeing

these bulky ass masks bye

skipping the speech idc Ai

aw an elusive child in the stroller lol

Overall:

Not very good, it's kinda non-sensical and has terrible subs and I watched it all on 1.25 speed. However, I was deeply craving a typical university Thai BL and it gave me that with engineer students and enemies to lovers. Sonkhgram and Ai were pretty cute and their pretend enemies while both likes the other for years was endearing ig? The freshmen Pluster and Nano were also really good toward the middle-end, the little gossips and schemers. Meen and Bright were meh, which is disappointing because it could've been something more compelling. All in all, a meh show to watch if wanting something really tropey that requires 0 thought.

Rating: 5.5/10

#ep by ep commentary

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ocean-anchored · 6 months

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November 23, 23... continued

Saturday evening I went to Grape Fest with Sasha which was also really fun. It was super busy but we had a good time & some good laughs, I enjoy her company a lot, she's a good one. Sunday I went to a new church. I was a bit nervous but I'm glad I went. A girl my age sat beside me & we ended up talking afterwards, I asked if she needed prayer & we exchanged prayer requests & numbers. Later I met up with Daniel at Courtyard for a beer & then we went for nearly a 2 hour walk. It was pretty nice, he's really genuine & intentional. We had really great conversation about life & ended up getting pretty vulnerable. He's a good guy & I'm glad to have him as a friend. Monday I ended up going to Okotoks because Ed canceled our meetings. I told Danny I forgave him which was nice, we hugged it out & its in the past. This guy Braeden works there, I know he's just a young kid but damn he's nice to look at. I went to Anneriekes for late birthday dinner & visit with J. It was good but always all about Steve. It was nice to hear the update at least but man, it's like you try to keep her at arms length but after that night she's texted me like 5 times, sent me a bunch of stuff on IG it's just a lot. I feel bad but I just got to watch myself & my time. Tuesday night I went for sushi with Kamber - finally met up with her since like 3 months ago. I really love that girl too, she's so sweet & we always have such a great time. I'm really glad to have met her & our friendiversary is coming up too in January so I need to find that out. Yesterday I essentially got off for the week since it's US thanksgiving. I had a meeting & cleaned the house etc. Zack started texting me a bunch again. I really did plan to never talk to him again, but I was worried about him again... we ended up talking, went to nose hill & just had a brief talk. I could see it in his eyes. I understand his pain. I understand how much he doesn't want to live like this. It really saddens me. I stood my ground though & my boundary was clear. He knows if he does something again that I'm blocking his number 100% & he will never hear from me again. I think he gets it but who knows. I wonder why I do this. He's my kryptonite. He's that one person that could treat me horribly & I will always come back because I fell so hard. I find him so attractive that I can't not look at him. I hate it. I hate what he does to me, how he makes me feel. But I will keep my stance & I will protect myself. I deserve more & i deserve better, I know. Then Shane came over & we played some switch games. It was nice, chill. He bought me a vegas knights toque & signed Marchessau jersey. I was beside myself.. He does too much. He's too kind. I feel like I trust him but I don't want to hurt him & I know I'm in no place to be seeing anyone anyways, nor do I even want to. He's a good friend though, really does respect my boundaries which I appreciate. Anyways - that's all for now. Im heading out for dinner at the Keg and have a massage tomorrow morning. I'm becoming happier. I'm reading more, including an audio book. I'm spending more time on myself & my self care. Spending more time with nova going out, eating cleaner & have been exercising & working out a lot more, been essentially every day for just over a week now so I'm feeling pretty good again.

#personal #dear future self #life update #dearfutureself #monthly update

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fenimores-book-nook · 6 months

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Day 2 of self care :)

November 15th ~ 2023, Wednesday

Good morning to whoever decided to lay their eyes on this. Or, good afternoon or evening, whatever time it is for you. For today's self care writing, I think we'll start out with the lil' things I've done today already.

6:30 am - woke up, did some yoga, and got dressed/ready for the day.

7:00 am - got *one of* the books I am reading, Trouble by Lex Croucher, and read for a while before I had to leave for work.

7:30ish am - left for work! I say "ish," because I was running a few minutes behind. (but that's okay!)

7:45 am - arrive at work and open the shop at 8.

8ish 'til now (9ish) - done some tasks for work and chilled with coffee and writing this. :)

I've learned that I love annotating my books as I read them and I also love reading advanced reader copies, because it makes me feel as if I'm in on a fun secret. :) (this book comes out March 2024, by the way) I'm only about 40 pages in and I love it, it's hilarious and adorable.

Flash forward into the day a bit ~

3ish pm - picked up one of my besties and we had a blast together, going around town, having a lil' shopping trip and taking cute photos. :) (I got sooo many grandma thrift store Christmas sweaters- I LOVE THEM)

Our lil' signatures at a bakery downtown. :))

6:30 pm - came home and ate some dinner and watched Wizards of Waverly Place. <3

And now, 8:23 pm - listening to Lauren Daigle's self-titled album while I write this. Usually I wouldn't be able to listen to music with words and write but since I haven't heard all the songs, I can multitask..mostly.

Now, onto more of the *self care things.*

I am continuing this writing series for the second day! To not only keep a consistent writing life but also to focus more on my mental health. <3

I talked to my mom about some things I was really struggling with that I was planning on mentioning to my therapist at my next session, but I know myself well enough to know that I needed to talk to someone about it now. So, I did. And it was kind of hard but it was extremely helpful. It reminded me, as cliche as it sounds, that I am not alone, no matter what. And that there are people who see me and the hard work that I am doing, even if it doesn't feel like they do.

Some end-of-day mindful journaling:

(pinterest)

I am better than I was yesterday. Not perfect, but well enough to say okay. And that's something. :)

That there is always someone who really sees you and how brave you've been and just how hard you've been working. Even if you don't see it yourself, someone sees you.

To listen to what feels good and right to me and to my brain. Not feeling guilty if I just want to sit down and enjoy a good tv show or a good book (no matter what book)*. Rest is important.

I'm grateful for a fun day out with one of my friends! It was nice to do that again. I'm so grateful for my mom, that she listens and shows her care for me. AND I'm grateful for crazy Christmas sweaters. :)

I am working hard on myself! This right here is working on myself and I should be proud of that. It's hard to let yourself feel proud for yourself sometimes, but it's necessary.

*cause I've been trying to get into Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros (Fourth Wing was amazing) but I'm more focused on the romcom I am loving. And THAT'S OKAY. 'Cause I should read what I'm enjoying at the moment. ;)

One more peaceful photo from pinterest to sign off. :)

I hope that whatever you're going through, you will also see that someone does see you. (I do!) And that you aren't alone. It's a journey and a struggle, but we're all here together.

Until next time,

Thalia <3

#self care #blog #romcom book #pinterest #lauren daigle #wizards of waverly place #journaling #mindfulness #you are not alone #self care writing series

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dreamsister81 · 3 years

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Happy anniversary Grace! Released August 23, 1994 📷 Merri Cyr

What were you aiming to achieve musically when you went in to record Grace and are you happy with the results?

Just to express, just to make a record of pure expression. Am I happy? Well...well, it's uh, it...Grace...a record that you make is something that changes and shifts and I am something that changes and shifts and I'm gonna have to really be a mature human being and say against all my sensibilities, yes, I'm pleased but I'm horribly self critical. I'm horrible. So sometimes I'll just say "oh this is the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen in my life, blah, blah, blah," but I won't...I mean, but because Mickey and Matt and Michael are on it, I can't really say that 'cause they do...I'm so proud of them. It's alright, you know, it's alright, I just can't wait til the next one. I can make a better record than Grace.-interview in Paris for Rock Rush, September 22, 1994

The next album will probably be more joyful but this time, it was impossible...You can be cute, funny, generous, there's always the danger of a break-up in a love relationship. No one is safe. Grace, this is the album of a jealous, poor guy who just got dumped."-Les Inrockuptibles, October, 1994

"I know the next album will be a very different kind of work—even more direct than Grace, but bigger in scope. If people were confounded by the range of the first album, they'll probably run to it as a safe haven in light of what's to come.

"I can see it now—'The amazing, beautiful disaster pastiche of Grace is totally lost in Buckley's newest work.' We haven't started recording it yet and already I'm bored with the reviews."-Now magazine, 27 Oct, 1994

I mean, I hope people don't get too attached...no, that's impossible...hope the media and the wheels that turn don't get too attached to Grace. 'Cause you know, it's out and you know, I just want to make another one and another one and we've grown so much already, we've completely mashed that album into the ground.

Is what you're saying is you don't want them to want you to do another album like Grace? Because the next one will be different?

No, no, no, no...I mean just like...uh, yeah,you know...I don't know, what is it? I just...

You know how sometimes the company will say "oh that one was so good, so do it again"?

Nah, the company is like the least of my problems actually in that respect 'cause they know everything's growing and the people I deal with are very happy and pleased as they say in the music biz. They know where I'm coming from but it's just like in another interview...um, we've evolved, and we'll keep on evolving, I mean like radically. Like radically. And Grace is, Grace is just a completely different work unto itself, it's a box where I put things in my past that have made made my past live, in a box, away.

So you're done with certain things?

Yeah, in a way. But on to new things. It doesn't mean that I'll completely eskew, or astew, or get rid of, whatever that word is, get rid of the old things, it's just that I like the present so much.

How do you feel when you listen to those tunes and how they were recorded?

Sometimes we can't listen to 'em and sometimes we're totally in love with 'em-WDET, October 31, 1994

The New York Times has called "Grace" the best debut record to come along since Tracy Chapman's in 1988. "I can't listen to it anymore," said Buckley, 26. "The songs have changed. I like it, but it is sort of like looking at baby pictures."-Salt Lake Tribune, November 10, 1994

What about Grace? So many people, at least in France, the press is all unanimous, your records are selling, it's a masterpiece...what do you think about it now?

'Massively beautiful album'...somebody gave us a rush of a commercial, that was supposed to go out on the TV and I hope it doesn't make it: 'Grace, it's unanimous, blah, blah, blah...' Not that's bad, but it's just a first album and we've really grown since then and it just doesn't make sense that it seems to have this kind of impact, commercially. The people who really...you know, like...I don't know, I'm sick of magazines, I can't even buy them anymore, just tired of 'em, they don't say anything. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm whining, and maybe I am, but it's just...it's boring man, I'd rather go to the gig. Now there'll be people who will come out with something else and people will say 'obviously lacking the splenderous chaos of Grace, this new album falls short...' I can hear the reviews already and I'm totally bored. I hope that people just calm down really. Actually our fans are pretty normal, they're pretty cool, they're pretty calm about the whole thing. But the media seems to...you know, the media, the rock critics they've lambasted plenty of brilliant friends of mine which just shows me they have no taste whatsoever, and usually in most cases. Just totally destroyed people who've made great work. And then this comes along and 'this obviously is the thing,' how am I supposed to trust that? I can only trust my friends, and my band, and the people that come.-interview for Top Live in Paris, February 15, 1995

Praise has been especially glowing in England, where the respected pop monthly Mojo named "Grace" the album of the year and Q magazine hailed it as "an enthralling, endlessly playable piece of work...the missing link between (Van Morrison's) 'Astral Weeks' and (Nirvana's) 'Nevermind.' Isn't Buckley flattered? "Of course I am," he says, shifting in his chair as if annoyed at himself for admitting it. "At the same time, I'm not 'Grace.' That album is like a brick onto itself. It's like a coffin that I put certain feelings and observations in so that they can be capsulized forever. I wanted to put them there so I would be free to move on.-Los Angeles Times, February 19, 1995

“I just thought it should link this album to my past a little,” he said at the time. “Grace is like...a lot of this stuff ... I don't know how to describe it to you...It's just a bunch of things about my life that I wanted to put in a coffin and bury forever so I could get on with things.

"On the outside of that you can say that I find great joy in the things that are sad. That's the way emotions are in people. They fall down on you and there's no way to get out, except to go through it. There's no way you can control it, there's no essay you can write to answer yourself out of it. It just soaks you like the rain. There's nothing you can do. Then it's gone and then another comes around. But tears are not all I deal with. I'll leave that to the next album.”-Juice, February, 1996

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fuck-customers · 5 years

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Holy Shit Buckle Up Y'all

(TW: mentions of transphobia, racism, and self-harm)

A little backstory:

In November we hired three new people to help with our workload around the holidays, and we've kept them on. Two of them are very hard workers, have great personalities, and nice work ethics. The third, who I will be referring to as J.....does not.

She constantly asks to switch shifts instead of putting in for time off or changing her availability (said that its "inconvenient" for her to change it), if you're even a minute late to covering register for her when she's supposed to get off, she'll just abandon the register and clock out and then shop for thirty minutes, and she is constantly walking away from her post bc she's "bored" and "doesn't feel like working" when there are literally people in line.

So about two weeks ago, she scheduled for five days off. Sweet, shes learning. She then proceeds to call off the day before her five days and the day after. So now she has a week off. Dick move, but I can't say no one has done it before.

Her scheduled day back is a Wednesday. She texts one of my coworkers, P, and asks her to take her shifts for Wednesday AND Thursday. P agrees because she wants more hours, but all of us, including the managers, are irritated now. This is now nine days off she's gotten.

On Wednesday, I got a text from her asking if I could take her shift Friday. Now as of this point, I've been sick all week - hacking my lungs out, not able to breathe, but working bc we're short staffed (bc of her) and bc I need the money. I had Friday and Saturday off for the first time in MONTHS so no way in hell was I gonna take it. I just said no, firmly.

She continues to pester me, asking why, since I don't work Friday I should be able to, etc, and I kind of snapped:

Which, okay, maybe I shouldn't have snapped like that. But I was exhausted and frustrated and so sick of her getting to do this that I just couldn't take it anymore. I expected her to call me a bitch and then ignore me but hoooooo boy nope. (Names are blacked out) (and if this many photos aren't allowed feel free to delete this submission)

First of all, the racism comment:

She was buying cigarettes and even though shes a coworker, I have to ID her bc she's 19 and I can get fired for that shit. She told me she had lost her ID and asked to just put her birthday in. My manager said it was fine, so I did, and I made the offhanded comment about how she should get a new one so she didn't get pulled over by a racist dick while driving. We live in an area where the cops just looovvve to profile people (if you know Ohio, you know where) and I'd had that conversation with so many of my friends that I didn't even think about it, I was just concerned about her getting home safely to her kid. She didn't react negatively at the time, just said "oh I didn't think about that, thanks" and we moved on. If she had really had an issue with it she would have spoken to our managers, so clearly she's only bringing it up now to scare me. I just.....I mean obviously if I am being racist I want someone to tell me so I can fix my actions, but I didn't even think that came off that way in the moment. Maybe I was out of line, but the same thing has happened recently to my 16 year old cousin (he's fine dw) and so its been on my mind.

Second, no, I am not a manager. But aside from four other employees, two of which only work part time, I am one of the oldest members of staff (time wise, not age wise, I'm 23). So the managers put me in charge of a lot of shit, which means that I end up being in charge of people. Which apparently she did not like.

And third no, I do not have a kid. I'm not married, I don't have a partner, and I barely have the income to make half of rent with my roommate sometimes. I would not bring a child into this world if I could help it, and it pissed me off that she would imply that if I had a child, I'd be more mature. I wanted to scream at her and tell her that if having a kid makes you more mature, it clearly didn't work for her. I feel so bad for her kid; he's like two, and she's already constantly using him as an excuse for not doing things and not going to work. She lives with her mom and her boyfriend, so she has a support system (her mom is retired, and a very sweet lady). Like again, I don't have a kid, but all my coworkers who do don't pull this shit ever.

Anyway

I was physically shaking by the end of these texts, crying, because I HATE when people yell at me, especially when they know me IRL. And especially cause she was accusing me of some nasty shit. I sent them all to my manager in the least professional set of texts I'd ever written and then two hours later had to go to work.

My depression was up, my anxiety was through the roof, and as soon as our floater manager asked me if I was okay I burst into tears again. I showed her and the closing manager the texts and they were both appalled but then

They fucking started trying to "comfort" me by making racist comments!!! "Oh, thats just what her people are like" "you know she grew up in the ghetto part of town" "that girl is straight up hood" like!!!!

I was furious. I was so mad it wasn't funny, but they're my MANAGERS and i need this job and they're both old, so they don't think what they're saying is wrong. I tried desperately to derail it by saying things like "where she grew up had nothing to do with it" but they just kept going and I just....that made it so much worse tbh I just walked out of the office to do my fucking job.

A couple hours later, right as I've started to calm down, one of my coworkers started making really transphobic comments about one of our old coworkers who I'm still friends with, deadnaming her, saying that she's allowed to deadname her bc its part of her religion, etc etc.

Y'all I just....walked behind the photo counter and had a fucking meltdown on the floor. I dragged myself to the pharmacy to get their trash so I had SOMETHING to focus on and as soon as I got there the tech took one look at me and held out her arms and I just lost it again.

I go to my manager and basically just ask to do trash and go home. I was supposed to close, and I have left early only once in my life, when we were too dead to need me, but I had just mentally had it. I knew that if I didn't leave in that moment I wasn't going to make it to the end of the night without hurting myself.

She agreed, I finished trash, and got one of my friends to come pick me up.

My GM texts me the next morning (Thursday) and says she's giving me PTO for the hours I didn't work Wednesday night and for my day off on Friday. I almost cried again bc I was so stressed about the money.

Fast forward to a week later, today, and J still has a job, but she has now also called off 16 days in a row. Claiming she's still stuck in Texas with her kid (which was why she was asking to trade shifts last week).

I don't know how much longer my GM can hold out before firing her. I really don't.

Tldr; coworker asks me to take a shift for the hundredth time after calling out for a week, I say no (albeit a bit rudely), they start screaming at me via text, and I have a mental breakdown.

#fuck co-workers #fuck coworkers #fuck managers #tw: racism mention #tw: transphobia #submission

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juzuya-13 · 5 years

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28 November of 2017, I woke up early in the morning, anxious and sweaty, I made my way to the bathroom downstairs and took the 3 pregnancy tests I was hiding in my purse, all of them came out positive, I couldn't believe my eyes, I knew I was expecting you before I actually took those tests, but they just made everything so much more real, I cried and I laughed at the same time, alone in the bathroom while your dad was at work oblivious to our little ordeal. Later that day I went to work and on my way I stopped by a baby clothing shop, I bought you a pair of little slippers, they were so cute and I couldn't help but imagine your little feet in there, they wrapped it up since I told them they were a gift. Later that evening your daddy arrived home, we had dinner as usual, we talked about our days and by the end of it I ended him the little gift box with your little slippers, he opened it up and looked at it silently for what felt like an eternity for me, he lifted his head up and we locked eyes, he smiled and pulled me closer, we hugged for what felt like hours and I felt so warm, I'm sure you did too.

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5 December of 2017, our first ultrasound, 5 weeks pregnant, we were so excited to see you for the very first time, soon as the doctor started it our eyes were frantically searching for you, you must've been the size of a little green pea and that's what we saw, you were our little sweet green pea now, despite how small you were the love I felt for you was overwhelming to say the least, you were so loved already.

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23 January of 2018, 12 week pregnant, we were so excited to see you, we knew this time you'd be looking more like a little human and we couldn't wait to see it. It was all so intense for me, knowing I was growing life inside of me, I felt so privileged for it. Before I knew it there you were, moving your little arms and legs and I cried because I was so happy you were growing healthy so far.

We also got your due date! 15 August of 2018.

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4 April of 2018, 22 weeks pregnant, we had your anatomy scan, we saw your heart, brain, your little bones and organs, you were developing just perfectly, you were the loveliest baby and so kind to mommy, also we found out you were a girl, we couldn't be any happier, you were my dream come true.

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24 April of 2018, 25 weeks pregnant, we got to see you again, and the doctor assured us you were still a little girl, not that it was all that important but he must've felt the need to repeat it. We saw you wiggling around, moving and exploring your surroundings. Mommy could feel your movements at this point, see them too through my still somewhat tiny little baby bump, you almost felt like a little fish swimming around at first, it was the best feeling ever, to know you were there and you were safe, your dad was a sucker for feeling you move around and seeing you kick too, he'd also talk to you everyday and play lullabies for you, we loved you so much already.

The rest of the pregnancy went smoothly, mommy didn't have much appointments since you were always doing so well and so was I, not a single complication, I was very grateful for our journey and for how well my body was handling the whole process. Blood tests every month, blood pressure and weigh control, your growth, I could not have asked for a healthier, uncomplicated gestation.

Meanwhile we were getting ready for you, we moved to a new apartment so you could have your own little nursery, we worked hard especially your dad to make sure you had what you needed, we were young, yes, but we've always known what we wanted and that was a family, together.

We discussed names for you, and we eventually came to a conclusion, you finally had a name! We were excited about it because after all it wasn't an easy decision with all the wonderful names out there, but we felt the one we've choose would fit you just perfectly.

Time passed, we enjoyed our summer as we could, we went to the pool and mommy ate a lot of ice cream and barbecue, probably more than what I should have but doesn't matter. Before we knew it, you completed 40 weeks gestation and we were a week away from your due date (since they established your due date to 41 weeks). Mommy was quite tired from pregnancy at this point and wanted to meet you really bad, I couldn't wait much longer, I'd walk, dance, clean around, among other things to get labour started. 15 August of 2018 I woke up at 3 in the morning in what felt like mild contractions, I went to the bathroom and realized I was having my bloody show, I washed myself and went back to bed, I ended up not being able to fall asleep with the contractions, your daddy woke up and stood with me through the rest of the early morning to make sure I was alright. 8 in the morning we leave for the hospital for a stress test as it was the day of your due date they had to mesure your stress levels and my contractions, you were doing great as usual, my contractions were indeed getting stronger but I wasn't in active labour yet so they sent us home, at home I took care of everything I had to, I danced slows with your daddy (pretty lame I know). We had lunch and as we had been awake the night before we went for a nap, as we were getting ready to lay down and rest my water broke, it was around 2:30 in the afternoon, we drove back to the hospital where they admitted us, I got a private room for myself so we had our privacy during your arrival, the rest of the afternoon went as I was expecting, contractions, breathing lots of breathing, doctor checkups, the contractions got worse gradually, to the point where I actually puked over and over again, it was the most intense pain I have ever felt but I knew it was you making your way out so I embraced the pain and finally after 19 hours of labour with very little intervention but a lot of love, you arrived in our lives.

16 August of 2018 at 10:26 in the morning.

The best moment of my whole entire life was when I first heard you cry and when I held you against me, you were indeed the most beautiful angel, my most precious gift, we cried and cried and cried a little more, we also kissed you a lot, we couldn't believe you were finally with us, after all the wait, all the dreaming, we loved you more and more, it was overwhelming. The day I gave birth to you I was reborn.

Eliza Sophie M. Rahaman.

Ma vie en rose ❤

One of the several letters I wrote for my daughter.

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ocean-anchored · 6 months

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Dear future self... November 13, 23

I haven't written an actual update on things in a while now. I've been pretty mentally burnt out, especially emotionally with the whole Zack situation which I'm not going to touch on, so I thought I'd get another recap out. Work. Well things with Ed have still been going really well, we've downsized back down to just us two essentially as a team, things with Jordan didn't work out which is ok because he was tough to deal with and Orlando sometimes is in the background but wants to do his own thing. Ed still appreciates me hugely and encourages me a lot so things are still really great. Hoping our Funding might come through in the next week or two cause we could possibly go to Florida the last week of the month which would be awesome. GSU is kind of at a hold which has taken a lot of work off my plate. I'm in more meetings down which is great, keeps me busy but sometimes I wish I had a bit more work, but the flexibility is amazing, I really can't complain, he takes really good care of me. Things with Danny aren't good. I've been saying now for like 6 months that his company isn't going to last long, which still is true. I don't understand most of his business decisions, he's just so all over the place and brutally annoying and hard to deal with. He makes my life and work very very hard, always changing procedures etc and then micro managing when Chrystal & I have never been an issue in the 5-6 years we've been there. I already knew we shouldn't have gone into the meeting 3 weeks ago because he was in sour mood already, but I bit my tongue that meeting a lot, till he continued to push my buttons and nit pick everything so badly so I decided to comment on how he doesn't follow his own damn processes which resulted in him getting very angry and essentially raising his voice yelling at me and cut me off multiple times for the stupidest thing that also had no relevance because HE changed his stupid procedure 6 months before then. Anyways, I've been dodging him since, I guess we'll see if he ever apologizes, right now its just easy money for me to go in, do my work and leave so whatever. I finally met a new girl friend from Bumble, Sandra, last night for a drink and she's so sweet. I was super intimidated initially because shes's super pretty & would be labeled as one of those super hot fake looking girls which she's SO down to earth. We had so much more in common than I imagined, it was really wild talking about relationships, going to therapy, attachment styles, and what growing up in a narcassistic household was like. I don't think I've personally met anyone that has had a "worse" story than I have, people have always looked at me funny when I say things I dealt with growing up because no one could relate, but she definitely topped mine and it was baffling. She's really strong and knows her worth now which is incredible to see what she came from and who she was. She's really sweet and we had a great time so I'm really happy to be adding her to my circle, hopefully someone I can grow with over the years. It was mine & Ambers 1 year anniversary yesterday, she did remember which was nice as she's in Dominican right now. Man I just can't say enough how much I love that girl though, she's really my little soul mate. It's nice to have some other girls though cause sometimes I feel like she can't really relate to my relationship issues because she's been with Naythan forever, which is amazing but just sometimes hard for me to talk about with her so thats why it was so nice to connect with Sandra. Things are good with Sasha still as well, had a nice dinner out a week ago with her an Shruti & we're going to the grape escape this weekend together which should be fun. I definitely have got some really good girls around me that I'm really thankful for, our relationships are really growing and strengthening and I couldn't be more grateful.

#personal #dear future self #life update #dearfutureself #journal update #monthly update

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dreamsister81 · 3 years

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"If you listen to the lyrics of Hallelujah closely, you notice it’s a song about sex, about love, about life on Earth. The hallelujah isn’t a tribute to a worshipped person, an idol or a god, but it’s the hallelujah of orgasm. It’s an ode to life and to love."-OOR, August, 1994

Why did you cover a Leonard Cohen song?

Because I find myself in Hallelujah, not because of Cohen.-Knust interview, September 13, 1994

“Any of the covers on the album are there because they mean a certain thing in my life that I love and I miss. One day I was house-sitting for a friend and she left her whiskey out and I got into it and hit this horrible sorrowful jag. I went to the gig-Sin-É, in fact-weeping like a fucking animal. The whole time. I sang ‘Hallelujah’ that night and I got through the show just on the edge of tears. I don’t know why. It just wells up inside you."-Hot Press, October 5, 1994

And this version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah", does he know the John Cale version? "Well, actually, I'm playing John Cale's version, that's where I got it from, from that record "I'm Your Fan" that I listened to at a friend's house. I also know Leonard's original, but he doesn't sing every verse, the way John interprets it is so...simple."-Rock & Folk, October, 1994

" 'Hallelujah' for example I learned in New York from John Cale after a year working at Sin-é on a day when I found myself crying like a baby and that song expressed exactly what I was feeling. A title like 'Hallelujah' makes one think of the church, of morality and instead there is a deep humanity inside, there is the idea of making love, losing love, being crucified. Leonard wrote ten verses for that song and I don't know why he didn't sing them all, I just chose the ones I felt were most mine. He has this extraordinary ability to grasp the fundamental element of a certain situation and to "steal" it, make it his own and build the text around it."-Rockerilla, October, 1994

The artists you've covered so far are Van Morrison, Leonard Cohen, Alex Chilton, they're connected on a certain line. It's kind of cult people or like that. Do you select those songs consciously?

It doesn't matter who's song it is. I did it because each moment in my life matched the song so well. For example, Leonard's "Hallelujah." One day, I was intoxicated with so much sadness, I was totally wasted after drinking whiskey and practicing this song. Right after that, I went into the gig as I was, and I was screaming like an animal. I'm singing that song with those experiences in mind. I have to be myself before the song exists.-Rockin'on October 1994

"Hallelujah, I was just housesitting for a friend, watching her cats while she was away and I got into her whiskey and got into her record collection and there was there was John Cale's version of Hallelujah on I'm Your Fan. And I'm not...there are Leonard Cohen enthusiasts...it's not because of Leonard that I did the song, it's simply because of the song and because of the verses. I'm just in there somewhere. I have no blood bound allegiance to Leonard, although i have an incredible admiration and real great love of his work you know? There's a difference between somebody who's a total Tom Waits freak and just somebody who just likes to listen to them, and you know, the Tom Waits freak will know everything: the demos, the back in the days when he used to sound like Billy Joel, blah, blah, blah...hear the European demos, well, he didn't used to, but back when he was a bit smoother. You know, just knows everything. And I don't know everything about Leonard Cohen, and I haven't read Beautiful Losers, and I haven't done that, but it was just a great song."-WBCN's "Nocturnal Emissions", October 23, 1994 in Boston, Massachusetts

" 'Hallelujah' I didn't do it because it's by Leonard Cohen, but because I like the song. Based on that it was done for all the songs, including mine. The version that inspired me is a John Cale version with all ten verses, unlike the way it appears on Various Positions. The night I first proposed it at Sin-é was a special night, I had also been a bit of a jerk. You see, the word Hallelujah has its own definite sign, you connect it to the church. Instead, for me it is a word that celebrates something very human, it speaks of a deep connection between pain and the human condition. That word has nothing to do with being nailed to a cross: there's when you're hurting, but there's also when you're making love, when you're losing it."-Buscadero, November, 1994

"The fact that I did Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah doesn't mean anything, Cohen is something you discover when you're discovering life, you don't get there when you're very young."-Rumore, November, 1994

"Finally, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah not for the meaning of religious purity that anyone can see, but for more earthly reasons: pain, sex, orgasm and the cruelty of everyday life. I believe in people, not in heaven. Without people God would not exist, he would not make sense."-Tutto, February, 1995

I wanted to ask you about your version of "Hallelujah". I guess its based more on John Cale's version than Leonard Cohen's original?

Yeah. But I heard the one on (Cohen's album) Various Positions first. Then I was stuck in a room with that I'm Your Fan CD (a Cohen tribute album) and I listened to (Cale's version) and it was, again, very simple. Then I heard that version one time again in Tower Records, and I was just struck. There and then, I thought, "This is wonderful ."

But am I right in thinking you don't really rate your version, compared with Cale's?

Well, he's a man. Mine's too fast. I know the difference between myself in a totally empty situation-which is best, where anything can happen-and in a situation where something's expected. And I don't feel very good about that day, and the time I chose that song to be included on the record, it was between that version and another version that I really despised. All in all, there must 22 versions floating out there. It's just never the right time. It seems that the only right time is when I'm telling it to people. And I guarantee, I have mashed that version into the ground nightly on tour, just creamed it. And there's also a version on the master reel for "So Real" that, because I was so wiped out and exhausted after that day-we'd recorded "So Real" and I recorded one last "Hallelujah", and that was my best one-I just forgot about that "So Real", I was so tired. So it's just hanging around out there. C'est la vie. Part of making records is letting stuff go.-February 28, 1995 interview, published in Uncut, September, 2004

I tell him that Bono loves Grace and says that Buckley's cover of Cohen's Hallelujah is better than his own. (Buckley plays John Cale's slightly altered version of the song from the I'm Your Fan tribute album to Cohen.) Buckley slumps back in his chair, as he does when on the defensive, and curls his lip in a manner that accentuates his resemblance to Matt Dillon. "I don't think I did that right," he sighs, passing over the compliment without comment. "I hope Leonard doesn't hear it. The way I do it live is better. I did it all live in the studio, there's no overdubs at all, but I pop it in unexpectedly in the show and it works better. The way I did it sounded more like a child and sometimes I've sung it more like a man."-Mojo, March, 1995

"It's a hymn to being alive. It's a hymn to love lost. To love. Even the pain of existence, which ties you to being human, should receive an amen-or a hallelujah."-Schwann Spectrum, Spring 1995

"I found myself in that song and I performed it many times in solo shows. But I'd be neglecting something if I didn't say that I learned it from John Cale. John Cale was the one that brought it to recording first, on the tribute album I'm Your Fan and he used these lyrics, these verses, for the song that didn't appear on Various Positions, which was the first album that Hallelujah appeared upon. I was house-sitting for my friend Susan and she had some whiskey...I don't know, I just hit a big, really bad sorrow jag and put on the song, and it was so simple the way John sang it that the words went through me, and I learned the words that night, played it that night at my gig at Sin-e...I don't know, it just stayed with me ever since. I wasn't gonna put it on the album at first 'cause I didn't write it and it would be kinda cheesy but I thought better after a couple suggestions from a friend of mine, and I did. Unfortunately, I think people will ask for it until the day I'm grey and old and fat, which I don't like, so I'll have to write something better, and I will."-Sony promo interview

"He has a unique talent for making everyday life poetic and surreal-the most difficult way to write. However, on Hallelujah, I much prefer the lyrics rewritten by John Cale for the I'm Your Fan compilation. It is this version that I have taken up, not Cohen's version."-Les Inrockuptibles, July, 1995

"That's not a hallelujah of chasteness and piety," Buckley explains. "It's more menstrual. It has more to do with the hallelujah of orgasam, of pain, of joy, of flesh, of being tied to the earth. Not of invisible angels in heaven who may or may not come down to tell you how good or bad you are, or Santa Claus."-Sydney Morning Herald, August 25, 1995

#jeff buckley #hallelujah #mylove #supremebeing #favorite #music #behind the song #it's NOT a bloody Christmas song folks #or meant for a church or kids #please and thank you

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