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traveljaunts · 5 years

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Not exaggerating. Each word in this photo story about my Spiti travel is true and have lived every moment along with the other women in our group.

Let me start with Hikkim, the highest post office in the world. I have the post cards in my hand to send to my loved ones.

Hikkim post office , claims to be the highest in the world

8th day of our Spiti valley tour; date being 17th August and am with my best closeup smile even though a night before I did have weird feelings while writing these postcards from Langza. Firstly because in the world of emails and whatsapp, I was planning to send postcards that too from the top of the world called Hikkim.

And secondly I was thinking a lot as if the messages on the postcards were my last messages; the most important ones & the only things that I needed to say to Sudiip ( my husband ) & Aashvik (my son). At a height of 14500 ft, Langza does make you feel like that, I guess.

Langza village – For sure one of the most exotic places to spend time for introspection

This is Langza at a height almost equal to that of the heaven. Max 8 to 10 houses surrounded by mountains on all sides and a Buddha statue staring across the Spiti valley from a shoulder of the ridge above the village.

Luxurious homestay after a 50min uphill winding ride to this remote village, super tasty food and a phone (BSNL land line) to talk to…Wow! And ofcourse, making a call from the roof terrace of this Langza homestay under the cold starry night, to talk to our loved ones was truly offbeat:-)

This is Sapna and myself having one of the most heavenly soups to beat the cold at Langza homestay after our phonecalls from the roof

Langza was our highest stay but not the coldest. Coldest in the region is Komic village and you can see the highest restaurant board below. Spiti valley claims all the interesting destination selling titles…highest post office, highest restaurant, the last village, the only house, the only dhaba , the only souls and so on.

This is me @ world’s highest restaurant in Komic (Shivering inside, posing outside)

Anyway..from Langza, Hikkim & Komic, we were to go to Chandratal via Kaza. This was almost the end part of our journey which had started at Shimla on 10th Aug and was to end on 19th Aug at Manali. However, by afternoon of 17th Aug the story, the scenes, the sporadic showstoppers , everything changed.

Before taking you to the climax of the story, let me show you some glimpses of our journey so far and introduce you to the characters of our story.

All of us @Shimla, the first day of our women tour to Spiti valley in Himachal

Here we are. This was taken at Shimla Mall road in the evening. Sapna, Bharati, Asha & myself ( right to left). Sapna’s history is interesting she was in Kerala when the floods happened, she was in Khardungla Leh when the snowslide happened and now she was in Himachal when an orange alert was indicated.

Bharti’s last travel was a decade back to Kashmir. She had left work, two daughters, two dogs and a worrisome husband behind to be on this women tour that too to Spiti in Himalayas.

Asha, the third lady in the pic was on her third women trip within a year. Quite particular about the food and stay (disliked tents), she didn’t know the adventure that awaited her.

All women tour to Spiti valley in Himachal- Some flashback

Shimla to Sangla

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Sangla to Kalpa

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Kalpa to Tabo

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Tabo to Dhankar and Mudh

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Oh ! I have to talk about Dhankar experience here.

The monastery that you can see above is Dhankar, built on an elevation overlooking the confluence of the Spiti and Pin Rivers – one of the world’s most spectacular settings. And the village of Dhankar is surrounded by lotus petals like structures which makes it look like the spiritual centre or the place of awakening literally.

I guess we were just short of one more minute of meditation at Dhankar for our awakening to know what was coming.

To compensate, Sapna and I also decided to trek to the holy Dhankar lake for remaining enlightenment. Perched above the Dhankar village and Gompa, Dhankar Lake lies after a steep trek of 45 minute to 1.5 hr (depending on what goes on in your head and body).

From a distance, it did seem simple but that was an eye wash. To add, I also decided to trek in sandals given that I had only seen 20% of the path from a distance and wanted to avoid bothering our driver with luggage shifting to take my shoes out.

Result? Every time I looked behind to assess the descend part while I was climbing up the mountain, the only thought in my head was…

‘Khudi ko kar bulad itna he koi bhi pahaad chad jaaye aur phir khuda tujhse pooche, gadhe chad to gaya hai ab utrega kaise’

Anyway, we did finish the trek somehow and anyhow despite all body odds. And to treat ourselves for the big win we even ate 2 extra nutella chocolate pan cakes at lunch just to keep our weight, fat and sugar levels intact.

By evening we were at Mudh and this is me having tea. I thought this pic should be the cover page of my book someday.

Sipping green tea in the evening at Mudh

Mudh lies at the end of motorable road in the Pin valley. As you can see, you get totally isolated with tea in hand and views in front here. No phone no connection, only introspection.

Pin Valley views, then Mudh to Kaza

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Beautiful right? Pin Valley was quite scenic. I wanted to stop for pictures at every turn but our driver didn’t really like to be left behind other vehicles on these roads.

The meditation and introspection may not have worked for me but the law of attraction did work at this point, and we got a tyre puncture. Courtesy that, I clicked these and we even reached Kaza on time.

Kaza was the biggest town and the biggest market. We ate (from Thenthuk to Teemo), we shopped (from all kinds of souvenirs to household stuff) and we made calls (from our family members to maids to dogs). Yes, atleast BSNL worked !

Second day, from Kaza we drove to see Key and Kibber intentionally and Tashi gang unintentionally. Let me explain how? Now is the time to introduce you to the antagonist of the story, the showstopper, our driver Mr. Chaman.

He looks daring here but the pic is misleading 🙂

Chaman reminded me of the monsterjob commercial , ‘Caught in the wrong job. Thin, tall, and paranoid. Scared for a driver’s profession and usually expected things to go wrong from puncture, to bad weather to pushing the vehicle to getting stuck in Spiti.’ Would tell us ,‘ Jo driver ka sune to sukhi aur jo na sune to dukhi’

This day, contrary to Chaman’s wish, I asked him to drive to Ghette after Kibber & Key monastery for the views. Chaman was already reluctant and then the weather also decided to play spoilsport.

It started drizzling.. After 30 min of driving, we found a vehicle on the road waiting for its trekkers to return. Instead of asking,’ How far is Ghette?’ Chaman asked, ‘How far’? The fellow said,’ 6-7 kms more’.

Ironically we had already crossed Ghette and the fellow meant Tashi Gang village from there. After many twists and turns we finally reached Tashi Gang on top of the mountains. One small camp around and two souls..

Chaman decided to return immediately to head to Langza but the road had become wet. As we tried to move ahead in speed for inclined roads, the tyres began to lose grip and the ground got messy & slippery. This was too much for Chaman’s tolerance. He began,’ ab kar lo apna intezaam yahin par’ and stopped the car.

Before the chauvinist in him could reach it’s heights, I gave him back. But ya, to make him drive we waited until his enlightenment when he saw other cars coming from either sides being safely driven without fear.

Reached Langza by evening and we missed Ghette even on return.

Langza to Chandratal via Kaza

Chandratal lake on a cloudy rainy day

Camping at Chandratal – Fancy no? This was supposedly our last night stay in our choicest list of govt forsaken places.

Govt forsaken because we are talking about the merciless Himalayas in Spiti Valley, Himachal. These places are highly landslide prone . It’s not a border area so no development, no roads & no Army around to help.

Telephone connection is a luxury. BRO ( border road organization) wakes up only at 11 am to start the work and that too after days of reminder provided one is able to send the information in first place. Afterall, not everyone carries a satellite phone.

We were glad, after Chandratal we would reach Manali soon and then fly back to Bangalore.

When we reached Chandratal, it started raining. Instead of going to the camp first, we thought of visiting the Chandratal lake. It was at less than 2 kms by car and then a few hundred meters by walk. To add to the spice in life, Sapna’s stomach started to hurt. She went to mark her territory for obvious reasons near the lake and realized it was a stomach infection.

With difficulty, we returned to the tent. It was damn cold, very difficult to even get out of the bed. The drizzle turned into a downpour in sometime.

Before dinner, Chaman came with his driver friend called Amar to give another bad news. ‘Manali road is closed due to cloud burst. No one can go ahead, we may have to go back to Shimla from where we started.’

Was it a joke? We had taken 6 days to reach Chandratal from Shimla. I said, ‘we will see tomorrow’.

I knew that the route from Chandratal to Manali was already at its worst and Chaman had been fearing to drive on those treacherous roads since beginning so I wanted to decide based on what other normal drivers would do in the morning.

Now was the time for some genuine god remembrance. Before sleeping, I recited Hanuman Chalisa and prayed for some divine intervention. That night I couldn’t sleep well due to cold and weather anxiety.

Halfway through the night, I woke up to someone’s singing outside of our tents ,’ Snowfall snowfall.‘ Hum sab phas chuke hain, jaldi utho bhai log.’ And this was the scene outside.

https://www.traveljaunts.in/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Chandratal-day-part-1.mp4

Some were excited to see the snow, some were worried and drivers like Chaman were shit scared. We didn’t know what was the right thing to do. Go towards Manali or go back to Shimla via Kaza or stay where we were.

Within minutes, some of the vehicles started to leave Chandratal. After some group discussion with other drivers, Chaman too instructed us to get into the car . The idea was to atleast try and reach the village on the highway called Batal. Chandratal is connected via link road from the highway so if it takes 2-3 days to clear highway, the link road takes forever. We also got to know that last year in Sept, within 3 days, the place had received feets of snowfall and people were rescued with great difficulty. Even the tents at the camps had fallen down.

With tension in mind and around, we sat in the car. Chaman made sure that our vehicle was amidst other vehicles. We started but hardly a few meters were crossed and Chaman realized that the vehicle wouldn’t restart once the engine is shut down. The vehicle was stuck.

The snowfall was increasing. The tension started to build up not only within our vehicle but also among others behind us. Overtaking was out of question on such roads. People wanted to get to the highway as soon as possible before the falling snow would completely make it impossible and too risky to drive.

The camp owners of Chandratal had the best idea of driving on such roads. They abused our vehicle and the driver first and then tried to help but in vain. Our vehicle had to be pushed aside so that the remaining vehicles could pass.

We were asked to shift to other vehicles. This time, I was in slippers not even in my sandals since my shoes had got totally wet the previous day at lake. With 2 heavy bags in hand, slipper on feet and confusion in mind, I fell flat on the snow. All fine, just checked … the bag was open and the wallet was missing. For sometime, I tried to look around then calculated my survival chances and left the idea of money. That was my true awakening 😉

After all these back and forth actions, getting on a vehicle then getting down, walking on snow and in water, pushing the vehicle and then pulling it aside, we were told that it was too late now. Snow was too much and it was risky for vehicles to go ahead. Even the vehicles that had gone ahead were stuck.

So, we had to walk back to the tent.

https://www.traveljaunts.in/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Chandratal-day-part-2.mp4

It was state of delirium for me. Bharti was down, she decided not to enter the camp but wait outside. Asha too wasn’t in great shape due to her half hearted sleep in the tent last night. The only person who could take a nap in such chaos was Sapna.

Being the poor organizer of this tour, I decided to walk again on the snow in my slippers to talk to the one man police near our camp area who had the satellite phone. Asking for phone was futile. I was told,’wait till evening for information from Kaza, anyway the camps have enough supplies for next 30 days.’

Chandratal after the snowfall – within hrs goats had nothing left to eat

Luckily, sun god came to give some respite. By noon, the snow started melting, the road cleared a bit and Chaman’s vehicle too started with some push and pull by other vehicles. Despite being not sure about the vehicle or Chaman, we still took chance. Lost wallet was the last thing on my mind, I was only saying ,’ God I surrender to your will.’

Chaman stopped the vehicle only at Batal, no breaks . And hurray we were alive!

In this close to a 30 minute journey from Chandratal to Batal, we had easily crossed 5-6 water streams, ditched hundreds of falling stones on the road due to the snow meltdown, skipped a few breaths and missed God like never before.

At Batal, we got to know that Manali road was closed due to couple of landslides ahead. No one had the exact idea as there was no communication. Since it was already evening, none of the vehicles could take chance of driving ahead so the locals suggested to stay put at Batal for the night.

This news made life worse for many sensitive travelers. They all had just realized their own life’s importance for their families. This is another awakening that happens in such trips. You not only start loving your own life but also start fantasizing about how important you are for others and what they would do without you.

Though there were many who cried in Batal but the main character of this melancholy scene was a bong women from Kolkata, a solo traveler. She even anticipated that her father would get hospitalized and her husband would reach asylum without any news of her. Commendable! Infact, she even made sure that everyone on this route from fellow travelers to locals who face such things every year knew about her painful story.

I couldn’t afford to express anything other than arrange for the food and tents as the dependency was on one camp, one shabby guesthouse and two small dhabas for so many of us stuck at Batal. It was already 18th Aug and in no way we could catch our flight from Chandigarh on 19th, when Manali itself was a distant dream.

Good thing, in Batal I found my wallet inside the suitcase. With money in hand now, I bought warm socks and gloves to survive another tent night. Thankfully the highway dhaba there, did keep all this stuff too.

Morning view from our tents at Batal the next day

Next day, JCB was supposed to come from Kaza to clear the highway. Till 11 am, there was no scene but vehicles started to move ahead to wait near the landslide. This route from Batal to Chantru was the worst and has always been.

We asked Chaman if the vehicle would go. Chaman showed confidence for the first time,’ I won’t stop the vehicle till Manali’. Mountain Dew or Old Monk effect, don’t know.

Spana was worried that our vehicle shouldn’t be the last vehicle on road since if we were to get stuck for some reason, there would be no one behind to help. We did start before others but just a few meters into our mission and Sapna realized that she had forgotten her bag.

We had to go back. Fears too come true. Now we became the last vehicle on the adventure. As we continued, some 1.5-2 kms ahead, our vehicle took its last breath and stopped for the final time.

Sapna and I immediately got down from the vehicle and started waving and screaming at the vehicles in front of us. There were two ahead of us but only one stopped and agreed to help. They were some boys from Delhi who were on this road trip in a zoom car.

We left the luggage & our vehicle and Chaman there itself and somehow fitted ourselves in the other vehicle to get to the landslide point where we could find help from others.

As soon as we reached, to my luck I found one vehicle which was going empty till Manali. It belonged to Mr. Shiv Raj Bodh, the owner of Moon lake Camps, Chandratal. He was coming from Kaza. The biggest helper and the God send person for us.

He was the hero of this scene. He even agreed to come back with me to the place where our vehicle was stuck to get the luggage while others waited at the landslide point.

By noon, the road opened for the adventure ahead. Bharti and I got into the backseat of Mr Shiv Raj Bodh’s 4 by 4 vehicle along with our luggage . Sapna and Asha stayed in the same zoom car with Delhi boys.

The route from Batal to Chatru was nothing less than a dream sequence, it definitely crossed all limits of an unforgiving adventurous terrain. On top of that Mr. Shiv Raj bodh was the Michael Schumacher of Spiti region.

Throughout, I kept reiterating the movie dialogue from Jab we met movie

‘ Babaji ab please is trip ko boring bana do ji.’

This is what am talking about- The complete route from Batal to Chatru was similar or worse.

After the ride of our lives,’ we reached Chatru by late afternoon. At Chatru, another news – Two more landslides, the road itself got washed off so it would take days.

Chatru is where the Police made an entry into the scene by evening. They said,’ Go back to Kaza and stay there till things improve’.

We were almost 150 people stuck in Chatru. Bikers, trekkers, our women group, some solo travelers, a malyalam movie crew including the leading actress Manju Warrier and a few foreigners. Our bong girl said,’ we would die and not go back’.

Hrs of discussion with the police resulted in all of us getting a chance to speak on their satellite phone to atleast inform our families that we were alive. In the meantime I had already arranged for the tents from India hikes base camp so that in worst case we would have some place to spend the night.

And it was the worst case, we had to spend another night in the camps you can see below.

Another night being stuck in Chatru due to landslide – Our camps

Next morning was beautiful but none of us was really able to enjoy and acknowledge the beauty around. And how could we? Our Sapna was still struggling with her stomach infection and the biggest wish of her life was a comfortable loo at this point.

By 9 am, there was an ambulance in Chatru which had come from Kaza and some additional officials for rescue operations. We were told, the only way out was to walk, trek and cross the landslide.

In desperation, we decided to do that but we had luggage and a lot of it. Finally we got a govt vehicle to drop us along with our luggage till the landslide point. This was the scene there.

Thanks to all the saviors especially Mr. Shiv Raj bodh, his friend (who had reached the scene already) and our govt vehicle driver among many others who helped us cross the landslide area along with our luggage.

A Govt bus was waiting on the other side of the landslide area to help the trapped tourist reach Manali. We took a sigh and boarded the bus. Atleast now we would reach Manali…

Just a little further ahead of Rohtang pass another scene awaited us.

Landslide near Madhi on Manali Rohtang highway

Landslide before Madhi and we were stranded again. Thankfully, at least the phone network was there. Most of us got down from the bus to make calls. The next day that is 21st Aug was my husband’s birthday. Since there was no way I could reach Bangalore I decided to make arrangements from there itself.

The hero of this scene was a regular truck driver who overheard me telling my neighbor friend,’ I might not be able to reach Bangalore so please arrange for the cake and food.’ When I finished my call, the truck driver came up to me and said ,’ Gudiya app zaroor ghar pahunchogi’.

I was touched. It felt like the most positive message straight from heaven. This fellow was empathetic towards me, who himself has a hard life on roads. I just happened to be in that situation by chance whereas he would have faced this many times. God, your creations never cease to surprise me.

Stuck before Marhi on the way to Manali near Rohtang pass

Now getting back to getting stuck part. So we had just crossed Rohtang pass and the nearest village Madhi was 5 plus kms ahead on the highway to Manali. Being stuck in Himalayas near one of the high passes with rains and chances of snowfall is not a good feeling.

In sometime it got dark and started to drizzle too. Babaji had decided not to make this trip boring at all. By 8 pm all the hopes to reach Manali died down as even the JCB stopped working.

We were to spend the cold night in the bus. The only respite was that we could talk to our families in our last moments. No water, no food and no blankets.

The hero of this night scene was Neeratram, our bus driver, who decided to trek downhill till Madhi Dhabas to get food and water for all the passengers in the bus. Some brave bikers too joined him as the rain subsided. That night we ate post midnight.

Morning came with another challenge ,’ the loo challenge’. Instead of waiting for the landslide to get cleared, we decided to leave the luggage in the bus and trek downhill till Madhi and take a vehicle from there for Manali.

I went ahead assuming everyone to follow but only Sapna came down. Bharti and Asha went back to the bus and decided to wait for the road to open rather than trek downhill. On the highway down, we got lift from a small cattle carrying truck.

I would never forget those 5kms, the surface literally created dents on my bum.

Once in Madhi, I started looking for another vehicle to go to Manali and got a shared vehicle after some additional circus.

Now the story should end right? but no..at Gulaba just before Manali there was 4-5 kms of traffic jam. Sapna and I got down from the vehicle along with other locals and started to walk downhill taking short cuts. The locals had called the vehicle to the point where the jam ended so we tagged along.

Finally, by 2 pm this ordeal ended when we reached Manali. Gosh!

About the other two? So once the landslide area got cleared a bit, they also took lifts in smaller vehicles as the bus wasn’t allowed to cross till evening and reached Manali by 4 pm comfortably.

That day, we ate like there was no tomorrow and laughed at every incident like it was so much fun.

Not sure about others but I were to ask myself

Will this deter me from traveling or taking such trips? I would say no

Secondly, will this discourage me from organizing tours in Spiti valley?

I would still say no because no other tour can offer such ROI… Within 10 days you learn from camping to trekking to crossing streams to walking on snow to taking the roller coaster rides to ditching bolders and to surviving on kadhi chawal, rajma chawal, bread anda and maggi . Last but not the least, free weight loss is complimentary 🙂

Ready for the next adventure with me girls?

Spiti valley tour- One hell of a trip to Govt forsaken places ! Not exaggerating. Each word in this photo story about my Spiti travel is true and have lived every moment along with the other women in our group.

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wereachingthesummit-blog · 7 years

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On Authenticity

Authenticty (n) etimology (authentic + -ity) – undisputed credibility, 2. genuineness, 3. legitimacy According to the dictionary authenticity refers to genuineness, that is the subject of the next few paragraphs and how adopting the practise of being authentic with myself and others, how it became a key to gaining clarity in my own personal space, and a liberating perspective within itself we should all live by. Before I start to telling you of my encounters with authenticity as a practise for daily living I, will start explaining some of the serendipitous events that occurred throughout my journey that would come across to the un-descerning mind as unfortunate circumstances. Choosing to wear a mask for my public life was a painful process that required me to enact and behave in a particular way for those in my circles or on-lookers generally trying to hide all the perils of unfortunate events of failing to plan and make concious decisions about my life which and chosing to live all daily activity to routines and chance. This was a straining process emotionally and was a source of shame in my personal space when no one was there to share those moments with me and yet I was availing myself to those in my circles to help even at times without requests when I had recognized or perceived need. Currently as I am sitting and writing this reflecting on how in-authenticity is an emotional burden that we can put on ourselves to seek approval or validate our self-worth to others or through external relation to the material world much like buying a branded shirt you don’t need so that people notice you while it doesn’t add to your happiness or value, with this trend of behaviour as it started becoming apparent to me now the decisions to start a different practice to simplify my life was a bit scary, as with humans a friend of mine would at times say “humans we are used to a familiar suffering” and worry about what could happen when we step into new terrain instead of giving attention to what we can make do. As exhausting as this process was as I could reflect on fading smiles when alone how they were forced and depressing over-all the decision to start practising authenticity became the flow of thought I was now gravitating towards. Now with authenticity the seemingly scary part was stepping into the marvelous light of life for all to see in private and in public an equal light of an individual who is not vulnerable but finds strength in that vulnerability of being authentic with self and with others. Authenticity, initially as I thought it to be a process of letting others step all over you because you’re perceived as weak and as my perception of it matured over time with practise there was an ease of tension emotionally in my personal space, this was not to say I was being positive about life but being present in the moment without a bias towards what narration I would tell myself about how I feel at any given time. This is more like the sticky notes I put at the back of my bedroom door a while ago that reads “ if you feel tired rest, if you feel overwhelmed remember to breathe” looking at this note on a daily basis is a personal encounter with authenticity in my own space that I had took upon myself to practice, which now meant if a friend asks me to go to a social gathering with them and I don’t feel up to it I now had the power to influence the outcome of that situation instead of accepting an unwanted invitation to fit into a certain bracket. As a personal practise, at the back of my bedroom door that now could influence my public space, at times while walking from school, the library or walking home from where ever I no longer feel guilty about just standing there and taking a deep breathe, no longer concerned with what an on-looker would thing of me. A freedom occurs when we practise authenticity and life rises to greet us with a kind and loving embrace because realizing how being true to ourselves is godly within itself is a wonderful realization. Authenticity also has started to produce a discipline within me to know through denial of what is not worth allocating my time to because energy no longer has to flow towards endeavours that are a burden in search of acceptance. It is a gradual learning curve because even as I write these words I am still shedding old habbits that are obsolete and with the results that are not only apparent in my own mental constructs or interactions with others, authenticity gives us that “much needed deep breathe” when we begin to see ourselves as worthy of love and goodness this life has to offer without feeling intitled to anything or false notions of problems that arose from my old ways of thinking. The second lesson towards my journey of authentic living was another sticker stuck at the back of my bedroom door that read “ it is never somebody else’s fault” this one was a lesson in acceptance of myself and others, the fact that we are all different and have a different outlook on life was the beauty of life there within itself. I now began a practise of questioning every conflict between myself and others if I had contributed towards it occuring in the first place or responsible for not reaching an amicable resolution with the other by apologizing if in the wrong. This practice is one of the most difficult encounters I have had with authenticity because everytime we live life we by default have a keeness towards perceiving every notion of wrong as somebody else’s fault even if that is not the case, what if the way you think is the problem and not the problem itself I thought to myself. This notion made me realize we can create conflict where none exists because we think in a particular way that affects whether we react to another or accept them for being as exactly they are. So this thought did not manifest out of the blue but was a result of a situation that I found myself in and realized maybe the problem was with the way I was thinking and how I was always reactive to events that stirred unwanted thoughts and unconscious decisions that create a ripple of results in my life that would be unwanted because of not knowing acceptance as a practice. As they say when the student is ready the master will appear, Authenticity my master appeared to teach me as the student three important principles in life with the first and most important knowing love without condition whether for myself or another, patience to know that it is okay to have some aspects of life not all figured out and perserverance above all else. Authenticity, we must all become accustomed to it as a way of life, it is not an instantaneous transition but a process and personally I used stick notes at the back of my bedroom door to practise personally and then practise with others once I had figured how to be true and sincire with myself. It is a continous life process that we live and learn from as it becomes challenging when we live or work in an environment where authenticity is perceived as a weakness or a fault because in that regards we can influence others to become authentic with us and themselves firstly or we can be influenced with them to become in-authentic. The theatrics of life I once alotted time to creating on how to interact with others and behave for approval have become mundane and, a nakedness of thought occurred which was worrisome at first because there is that constant thought if others see it that you’re somehow vulnerable or not and it gives you power recognizing that being in this position does not disadvantage you at any cost because you have no energy to give towards the mental voice over always labelling and worrying about others but for the first time you’re able to focus on the yourself, people and things that matter to you and be at your best daily. Authenticity is like the prunning process that fosters growth in plants, when a farmer prunes a tree it gives new buds and healthy living parts of the plant will spring forth, just as with practicing authenticity we foster these new ways of living life consciously with purpose, as with myself I discovered that loving myself fearlessly has taught those I come into contact with to reciprocate this appreciation of self. I no longer force relationships, communication with others as all these things happen naturally and effortlessly, which brings joy to me because there is no longer that need and emotional burden to manufacture a story through mental voice overs on how to handle situations of things that should occur naturally as we allow ourselves to be and let life take its course, this is not giving up control but being truly in control effortlessly. As I start living with this notion of authenticity, there is an over bearing feeling of loneliness initially, feelings of resentfulness towards myself of having alienated everyone from my social circle but this is merely a thought that rises and subsides over time when the truth, overtime a realization has been dawning on me that only people with purpose in their own and my life remain within my professional and social circles and so it should remain as a stepping stone towards happiness in my personal and shared space. It seems a burden to think that with authenticity is not simply as we would like to think “being true to yourself” but an introspection from time to time that demands we have a look and reflect on what we value in this life, people that aid to the mosaic of meaning we ascribe to our own daily lives, the purpose we ascribe to our own lives is part of that process. I have thus far dropped the notion of living off a basic time-table with daily routines, get this I’m not advocating living a life without order or a sense of direction, this is simply pointing to how I have somehow with adopting authenticity as a daily practise I have gotten rid of “stupid and busy” notions we ascribe to our lives as a default, thus have started living more meaningfully with purpose and intent. At this point in time as I write these paragraphs thinking on how I could relay the fact that I have all this time on my hands that I am seeking a path way of expression to utilize through creative pursuits but the last lesson I am coming to grips with is focus, and the fact that in my bedroom on my bed there is this shoe box next to it is a note pad and a pen, in it are pages and articles from magazines, journals in it. The reason why I mention this box and “focus” that seems to be a disconnect from the flow of thought I was articulating is because it aids to make a point on how writing ideas, thoughts and concepts for storage as having learnt the process of prioritizing as in this particular box there is only lists of activities that I must undertake within the short and long-term context from this moment as they have and are all shaping my life within the social and professional context. Learning the importance of focus from this process, there is a thought flooding my mind at times as I write some of the notes, “renounce all the busyness and focus on what matters”. What does it mean to focus on what matters, because at times life passes us by while we are stuck up with “what matters”, the paradox of not allowing life to pass you by and focusing on what matters eludes me. Usually in times past if you where to ask me what matters, probably pointing out financial pursuits would be the only thing on my list not that it is wrong to be this way but a friend of mine, taught me about his philosophy how he perceives that health is wealth and what matters to him, while for me a philanthropic train of thought would be mine even though this would not be the absolute truth. The underlying reason for this being my affinity for financial well-being that I am slowly learning to balance with being in good helath, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Mostly the notions we point out as “what matters” are merely for advancing our cause even at the expense of others regardless of how we frame it in our minds and to others, authenticity does away with this way of living.

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