#this is long and rambly but fuck i love gw2 i love its community i love the person im becoming

[commander-gloryforge]

idk how to say this without sounding silly but gw2 has helped my mental health so much. like in my early/mid teens it was escapism for me when the world started to become unlivable, and now in my 20s its a push into confidence and self esteem.

i cant just blame it on gw2, i know that ive done massive steps into healing and becoming human all by myself these past two years, but i cant help but notice how much especially trying out endgame has helped me to not underestimate myself anymore.

when i started playing (and raids didnt even exist back then) i had already told myself that id never even bother to try craft a legendary. id never go into pvp or wvw, i would never be able to complete world exploration. thats all too hard.

raids came out and i knew id never try one because im simply not good enough, and i dont have the friends to try them with. and im sure as fuck not going into lfg. same with strikes. just another type of content i wont be able to play.

then came this community and friends and guilds and people that were willing to take people like me and just give them a gentle nudge. a space where i dont have to be afraid of underperforming. where a wipe isnt a loss but a "ouch oops lets try again!". and once you have people willing to ease you into it, suddenly that one thing you were scared of isnt all that scary anymore.

turns out i can do strikes with my friends! we die a bunch of times and have fun! and then it turned out i can do an easy raid boss, and i can finish the rest of the wing while im at it.

maybe this game isnt that hard. maybe i dont suck at this as much as i thought.

in the past half year ive made three legendaries. thats three more than in the last 9 years ive been playing this game. turns out it isnt that hard, i just didnt bother trying look into what i actually need to do, i didnt bother trying making it easier for me, i didnt bother to just try.

and this isnt just about making a cool weapon or beating a boss in a game, in the end this is about having the confidence to try something. about seeing a task that seems hard, but going into it anyways, just to see if maybe it isnt that hard. and if it is that hard? i can ask for help. there are friends that are willing to help. there are strangers that are willing to help. and if nothing helps, at least i tried.

i forgot where i was gonna go with this. anyways. thanks guil war two for 9 years of therapy

#and also big shoutout and thanks to char and cc #as well as slei and draw #you were the first to guide me into end content and now look at me going “yea lets do w4 i love w4 :3” #dios wisdom #this is long and rambly but fuck i love gw2 i love its community i love the person im becoming #long post

[system-architect]

the summary of that last post is basically if you find yourself struggling to feel passion or inspiration for your characters then it’s likely honestly not You. you’re not Broken or truly unable to write your characters. low self esteem and judgement are the killers of the artistic soul and if you’re constantly fearful about what your friends or the rp community will think of your ideas/characters or are really worried about pleasing certain ppl with your creations then naturally it’s going to stamp out the creative sparks you do have. give yourself some distance and some kindness and assert your boundaries and eventually it will come rushing back to you

#ok sorry this is truly the final installment of this ramble now #i suppose this is all more general art related than gw2 related but #this is something i struggled with for so long and it was explicitly due to shitty people i met via gw2 rp #specifically just one person but then the communitys general attitude issues #i literally thought id never be able to write my ocs ever again. it was that bad #my example is really extreme because oversharing warning the one person in question was really fuckin abusive but #it literally like damaged my connection to my ocs. especially my gw2 ocs #i felt literally unable to think about them or be excited about them #it took many years of getting back on my feet #i got out of that situation in 2014 and its only now in 2017 i feel like i am able to truly love my ocs again #but yeah #this shit really does actually fuck up your creative process #its not just trivial roleplay drama #take care of your creative soul and cultivate it #art and emotions are so so heavily linked #if you find your writing/art/rp skills floundering its actually a good sign some stressful shit is going on