#this is just straight up crack

[crimson-chaser]

this is the best fic i've ever wrote guys (lie)

#this is just straight up crack #td cody #td noah #trd cory #trd nolan #td noco #noco #tdi #tri #total roblox drama #total drama island

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

#warm up #writeblr #this is also about being ace btw #my identity has slowly shifted over time and maybe if everyone is REAL cool i'll talk bout it #bc it's complicated and nuanced. but this is like #trying to warn u that if you find it “relationship upkeep” to have sex with ur partner #and don't actually enjoy it or seek it for urself. u might just not be attracted to them. #which is fine ! ace ppl can be perfectly happy in any relationship they feel good in! #but also i wasn't as straight as i had expected! #> the first time i saw dick i was like. huh. oh okay that's fine i guess #> the first time i saw pussy i was like. WAIT ACTUALLY HANG ON I GET IT #i just assumed sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be ya know #but also like. btw? this IS NOT saying ''u might be gay not ace'' #bc tbh i'm grey ace/demisexual #it's saying u might not be into ur partner. explore urself & ur feelings. turn inward. #TAKE THIS IN THE MANNER IT WAS MEANT> GENTLE AND KIND #AND NOT IN A WEIRD INTERNET WAY PLEASE #bc the truth is that there ARE ppl who are gay who assume that they just ''don't like'' sex #and ace ppl who might need a different partner w/different needs #and i would have REALLY needed to hear ''check in w/urself about if u actually like sex'' #WAY EARILIER in my life. but nobody said anything bc they assume if ur having sex. u like it. #not just the actual act of sex. not once ur turned on. do you ACTUALLY like it. or is it a burden? #even if ur gay. check w/urself. maybe ur more ace than u realized. in which case. ADDITIONAL FLAG BB #i love collecting my flags. i'm at like 354 at this point #but also btw this is about how toxic relationships are SO normalized that u can be in one #and have everyone around u being like ''THATS JUST MEN LOL''

[mugwot]

someone

#act 5 my beloved my beloathed #at this point in the game i think my brain was a bit fried cos i legit forgot how stories happen and was like yep this is how i die #made it so i straight up exploded afterwards lol just inconsolable #mal du pays #is me when i fucking gets you #cracking open a boy with the cold ones #oh to have your head grabbed in a vice grip by your inner demons <3 #isat spoilers #like kinda big ones #isat siffrin #isat mal du pays #in stars and time #some pose practice kinda got away from me #turns out if you change up how you sketch it can make you a bit looser with it which was nice c: #in this case i sketched with light colour on a dark background #my art

[little-pondhead]

The Curse Of Hope

_

Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.

The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.

“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”

That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.

Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.

“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.

The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.

“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”

Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.

The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”

Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.

-Or-

Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.

Luckily, Danny can provide that help.

But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.

#dpxdc #pondhead blurbs #Gotham is very lanky and tall and had dozens of necklaces around their neck #the necklaces are just cords filled with lost things the citizens have lost over the years #like bits of glass or wedding rings or hag stones made from a destroyed gargoyle #actually I have a weird picture of Gotham in my head I might draw it #it’s giving Bloodborne to me but idgaf #basically Danny meets Gotham and is trying to convince them to go with him for medical help because what the fuck #those curses are the equivalent of leaving hundreds of leeches stuck to your body for ten years #Danny is BEGGING Gotham to come with him #there’s potential for angst but if you want crack then Danny probably replaces Gotham #I think there’s already a similar fic where he becomes the new spirit of Gotham but I haven’t read all of that #anyways the Batfam are like #invasive animals that are actually helping the ecosystem recover from an even WORSE invasive species #but they aren’t supernatural heroes and they don’t understand that the issue is deeper #I’m calling this the Curse of Hope because Danny is offering hope to Gotham #but Gotham is just so tired and sick and hurt that they don’t want to risk it #they think Danny is another curse come to plague them #should he just straight up adopt the city at this point? #idk it probably depends on how it’s written #sad course is to let Gotham die. happy ending is where they are treated and returned #crack ending probably has Danny adopting the city and introducing them to his own city spirit Amity Park #oh shit is that a new ship #guys please I can’t keep doing this #Gotham City x Amity Park #how the fuck do you come up with a name for that #Burger Joints? #Wet Pavement? #bro idk I’m putting this down before I make something I might regret #low key wanna write this but like. I have so much to do

[underdark-dreams]

Astarion: Look out, there's a trap over there--

Rest of the party: OVER HERE? [runs straight into trip wire and detonates a chain explosion]

#they just beeline straight for the land mines #they def fixed some pathing in patch 1 #but it still cracks me up #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

[spilledkaleidoscope]

the skill talk got me thimking

Control: +3 Gearhead: +3 Processor: +2 Survivor: +2 Corpus: +1 A Weak Muscle: +1 Vice: -1 (Kim skills from my fic lol)

#disco doodle #a cracked foundation #oh didnt even plan to include them all #nice #he chooses clothes carefully and with intent #which is why the bonuses are so high #ok #also dont make me draw shoes i just wont #also yeh Mechanical Mindset is from ZAUM atelier. straight up pilfered #Kim Kitsuragi #my art

[gideonisms]

I become 300% more of both a lover and a hater when I'm on my period. just a time of the month when I have strong opinions I would say

#i want to kiss a butch for 3 hours. also i'm the only one in the world with correct opinions about everything #me the main character of life #anyway i saw this post complaining about sanitized mass marketable queer art #where the person described themselves based on the interests i guess they thought were most stereotypical and then were like #isn't there something rawer or more real than this #to which i would say there is! but you went to the queer market day #idk it is a frustration of mine too i do get it #but i think some people could stand to just get weirder and like the things they like #idk i buy cute little queer stickers all the time but i regularly stand out as a strange person in both queer and straight communities #get a friend who worked the same shit job who will sell you abstract alien art they made while they were high it's not hard #go to goodwill more. you'll find some raw expressions of humanity. #if you just want your interests to be more genuine to you it's simple #you just have to accept that maybe 2 other people will be able to rec you music or foods you enjoy #being more specific isn't everything it's cracked up to be sometimes #i think the problem here is mainly capitalism

[markantonys]

Let Rand And Mat Kiss 2k23 feat. the Josha And Dónal MLM Character Cinematic Universe

Caged (short film, 2013) Angel (short film, 2018) Gewoon Vrienden (2018) SAS: Rogue Heroes (2022)

#shoutout to tumblr user gay-hypersexual for sending me the link to the Baby Josha short film oh my god he's so SMOL!! #anyway i think they would be down for rand and mat to kiss and i think they should be allowed to #josha stradowski #donal finn #cauthor #caged #angel #gewoon vrienden #sas rogue heroes #mine #i'm cracking up over how sas rogue heroes is just. hand shots and meaningful glances #but somehow manages to be just as charged as the gifs of straight-up kissing #period dramas just be like that! #and yes ofc i had to include 'lately i am changed by him' i've been going feral over that line for a whole year #wot cast

[solcarow]

seafood trio portraits !

+ some alts. with spoilers !

#this is how they look after the 3yr jump 👍 #pretty proud that i managed to capture how i usually imagine them :0 ! been in an art slump so this was a pleasant surprise #idk if ill b able to draw them consistently tho . so these designs r for my brain only #might try to color these but i havent eaten lunch yet so thats a problem for another day #solar-drawss #my art #han sooyoung #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #yhk #yoohankim #orv #orv spoilers #omniscient reader's viewpoint #omnicient reader's view point #cackling at how miserable sp and 63hsy look compared to kdj in the middle #her whimsy … shes living her best life rn #……i lied i think i just gave him My face straight up jfc . get that off of u asshole #anyways if u didnt already notice ! yoohan have matching eyebrow scars 🫶 #kdj has one on his nose in that first one #the second kdj has cracks all over her which i forgot to add is inspired by hehearse’s works !! #the reason why they dont show up in the first one is bc aileen covered it up before he went to 1863 #like . hoseki no kuni style ✌️ #fun fact i ​sketched that hsy the night before her birthday skfjsjf had to give up bc it was too late tho #so now im repurposing it for this #NO WAIT I SHOULD JUST GO BACK AND GIVE HSY A CLEFT LIP …. dam lost opportunity. well whoevers reading this just kno she has one now

[gierosajie]

I feel like it would be funny if Focalors was the only character that could legitimately get on Venti's nerves

#genshin impact #just straight up make him crack or something #he brushes off literally everything going against him #completely unbothered and chill #I want him to be bothered and slowly go insane

[catgriller]

🦋 where you go, I go.. what you see, I see…

#this is gonna happen #no angst no nothing #just straight up crack #catgriller art #catgrillers force ghost tag #ahsoka art #ahsoka fanart #clone wars ahsoka #star wars ahsoka #anakin and ahsoka #ahsoka tano #ahsoka #star wars anakin #anakin skywalker #sw anakin #anakin art #anakin needs a hug #star wars #star wars fanart

[retroautomaton]

🪓

#mans went straight below the belt good for him #this moment always cracks me up just their three very dif responses always gets me #rlm #animated

[iwanttobeacheesecake]

"Hijikata-san only accepts women with V-shaped bangs " - Hijikata Toshirou

Yes, but does he also accept lazy war veterans, with V-SHAPED BANGS?

#Gintoki's hairstyle is just a more umkempt and wavy version of Hijikata's #i realized #toshi having his priorities straight #sakata gintoki #hijikata toushirou #ginhiji #gintoki x hijikata #mitsuba okita #hijimitsu #i always crack up at that soul switch scene

[curiosity-killed]

that post-work crash nap

[ALT ID: A digital illustration of two people napping on top of each other on a wicker chaise.]

#tumblr user fantasiavii if u see this pls know your tags cracked me up enough i almost made this way post canon #to when these two would have their older tats #but unfortunately the siren song of mid-twenties disasters is just. too relatable #my art #story: tcp #calsir #ch: callebero #ch: sirion #things that happen immediately after this: #a) Callebero's neck cramps up from going straight from hunching over his desk to passing out like this #b) Sirion tries to sit up in concern and discovers his hair is caught in Callebero's ring chain #c) his arms are also both completely dead from being pinned between caleb's weight and the wooden frame #d) callebero's legs are also not doing great after having sirion + half his equipment draped on top of them #e) two of arradine's most lauded military strategists and warriors are defeated by a poorly timed nap & wind up fully on their asses on the #floor

[barb-l]

Them: Chaggie makes no sense. They don't even compliment each other.

Me: ... say whatever opinion u want but goddamn cant you even do the courtesy of censoring the shipna--

Them: Anyways, Ch*rl*stor is so much better--

Me:

#hazbin hotel #im sorry but u cant go saying a canon ship makes no sense then turn around #nd claim that a crack ship between a remorseless serial killer and a pure hearted princess #would make more sense #cmon now #i ship crack ships too but at least im straight up when im bein delusional #id say they should just watch ouat #but they probably wouldnt like rumbelle bcuz rumple isnt the attractive tumblr twink they want in their fantasies #but hey at least rumple and belle actually have interactions #conversations even!

[moongothic]

On the train of your last ask, what are your thoughts on dragons sexuality?

Personally I think he’s Demi something (more attracted to personality than looks or gender)

Honestly because we don't know that much about the guy it's kind of hard for me to form an opinion, and if Crocodad Real then we're going to find out his orientation eventually (since we gotta find out if that was a contributing factor to the Dragodile Divorce (assuming they're divorced)) so I'm kind of okay with not forming any headcanons, since the headcanon could get thrown out the window

If anything, what interests me is how Dragon's orientation could impact the story-- like when I've discussed the Dragodile Divorce I have mainly focused on speculating how Crocodile would've felt about it, but how Dragon felt about that is interesting too

Because if he's straight then yeah that probably contributed to The Divorce, but how did Dragon feel about it? Learning that the love of his life is now happier than ever before after transitioning and being happy for him, while also losing the version of Crocodile that he fallen in love to begin with? No longer feeling thet draw to him because of the thing that has brought him so much joy and comfort? Knowing that even if they did take down the WG the family Dragon had hoped to have would never come to be, because their relationship would now end? And that it would be on some level his fault, because he's not attracted to Crocodile anymore?

Like even if Dragon took things well and the divorce happened "on good terms", it would've been sad for Dragon too.

But then there's a slightly juicier option, because what if Dragon was bi, but the Divorce happened under unpleasant circumstances (be it Dragon lashing out or things getting violent because he couldn't recognize Crocodile) and he didn't figure it out until it was too late?

Because you'd still have Dragon going through some if not all of those previously mentioned feelings, of having to come to terms with the version of his significant other whom he had fallen in love with no longer existed, the family had pictured in his mind would never become a thing, that those things were be kind of his fault and that he had hurt Crocodile deeply in the process. But then he'd be looking at some news article of Crocodile's most recent heroic stunt, seeing his handsome face with that usual, unbothered expression, and realizing he still loved him? That he still wanted to be with him, wished they were together, even now that Crocodile was a far more handsome man than he was? And then the realization that he's bi hitting him like a fucking truck But it's too late. The divorce already happened. He already hurt Crocodile too deeply. Knowing Croc, he had probably already moved on. There was no fixing it, the relationship was over. At least for now, trying to go see Croc could be dangerous due to the WG and not wanting to risk the WG finding out about them and The Kid and Croc would probably be furious if Dragon even risked that at this point, after what he had done. Oh, and then Crocodile killed thousands of innocent people attempting to usurp a country by manufacturing a civil war. Something Dragon can't forgive. (Not to mention, hearing he had been taken down by their own son... Oof)

But what if despite all that, and not knowing the full circumstances behind what had happened (like the fact that Crocodile didn't know who the hell Luffy was), Dragon still loved Crocodile? What then?

#Moon posting #Asks #Dragodile #OP Meta #Answering an unusual amount of asks today because 1) Compensating for being AFK for a while and #2) The Tumblr News are deeply fucking upsetting and I need something to lighten my mood desperately ngl #So clearing my ask box it is wheeeee #Sorry this is a little incoherent lmao #Something about Dragon looking at Crocodile and being like ''why the fuck are you more handsome than me'' cracks me up okay #When your transgender husband gives you gender envy #I just love the story telling potential bi Dragon would give us because like. Yeah if they're straight then the relationship is joever #But if he was bi then there's that theoretical possibility they could maybe reconcile and get back together #And the fucking drama? The possibilities? I'm so here for that man give it to me #Luffy and/or Ivankov telling Dragon to get over himself and admit that he still loves Crocodile and wants to be with him? Gimme #Dragon taking a deadly blow to protect Crocodile because he doesn't want to lose him again? It's a trope for a reason #OR Dragon craddling a dying Crocodile begging him not to die because he still loves him? Oh yes #Crocodile trying to sneak away while everyone celebrates the destruction of the World Government #And Dragon showing up like ''I don't wanna lose you again pls don't go ;_;'' #And Croc telling him to either piss off OR to hurry up and get on the ship so they can leave before Luffy finds out #I am. Obsessed. Dragodile Retirement Romance let's fucking go #THE POSSIBILITIES MAN. Like I don't wanna get my hopes up because I doubt we'll get Canon Gay Dragodile BUT IT COULD BE SO GOOD