#this book kills me every time i read it

[why-lamp]

i'm finally getting around to reading Killing Time by Della Van Hise.

you know, the Star Trek book that was so gay that it was recalled and reprinted with over 50 changes.

I got my hands on a first edition copy from Thriftbooks and decided to use a sticky tab every time something "spirk" happened

I'm only halfway through.

update its very fucking gay

#this is an unparalleled reading experience #nothing that happens in this book would phase me if i was reading it in a fic #but because this is an official published Star Trek tie in novel #im going bananas #screaming at almost every page #star trek #star trek tos #jim kirk #spock #spirk #k/s #let me know if you want a thorough analysis when i finish #or dont because ill probably do it anyway #killing time #star trek killing time

[syn0vial]

the way murderbot keeps saving people with stories. it (well, technically 2.0) saved three with its own story and now it's saving the adamantine colonists with the stories of its friends. because stories are what saved it when it first broke free of its governor module and stories are what keep saving it again and again, and that's why the series is called "the murderbot diaries," it's a killing machine trying to save everyone with a story, i—

#system collapse is killing me thanks for asking #i love everyone in this book so damn much 😭 #how does martha wells do this every fucking time #the murderbot diaries #system collapse spoilers #the murderbot diaries spoilers #this is your sign to start reading the murderbot diaries if you haven't already #join me in robofeels hell

[danothan]

finally finished flash rebirth vol 4 after a year+ of stalling and…

myeah that shit was scary. like tearing up, heart drop, pit in my stomach-scary

yes even his pathetic ass line. ESPECIALLY his pathetic ass line

#killing me w the parasocial + stalker combo here #i’ve had nightmares like this #dc #the flash #eobard thawne #barry allen #flash rebirth #panels #‘i was never alone.’ punctuating the running theme of isolation (both external + self-inflicted) made me feel so sick #ive never read any other vol in this run and i rly should #like i started w this one. this was my first dc comic ever lmao what an introduction #and to only finish it a year later #‘why did it take you a year to finish it’ bc i was reading the halbarry chapter over and over every time i picked it back up okay. #i gotta stop reading at random like this im like a grazer but for books

[magistralucis]

ough 😳

#magistralucis plays disco elysium #disco elysium #harrykim #kimharry #i am checking out every book atm since i only read like two last time and one of them almost killed me #this and the dick mullen book are incredible lmao

[vulpinesaint]

listen i am geralt of rivia hater number one but one thing i actually CANNOT stand is when the fandom mischaracterizes him. took one look at this man who speaks very straight-forwardly and matter-of-fact and is a little recalcitrant with his words sometimes and went "haha he communicates in grunts! man who only says 'hm'!" and then won't even write him to speak in full fucking sentences. hello???? hello???????? yes the netflix show was a bad influence on everybody because they were trying too hard to depict geralt as a stoic manly badass but we CANNOT let that distract us from the REAL thing to make fun of geralt for. which are his Constant Unprovoked Monologues

#also the fact that he fakes his dumb stupid little rivian accent because the man was NOT raised in rivia. but i digress #'haha he only says hm!' where were you for every episode when he launched into a speech about the lesser evil. that's like. the whole thing #geralt of rivia will do nothing But talk once you let him. don't give that bitch a chance! he'll start up about honor again!!! #convinced that most of this is because netflix show insisted on showing us him around jaskier so much #and jaskier does not shut up. love him to death. but geralt genuinely does not have time to get a word in edgewise #i will admit that this is something that i had to learn by reading the books and paying more attention to it #but it's not like he DOESN'T do it in the show. if you ever sit with a witcher episode transcript for whatever reason #and really take a look at geralt's lines. man he talks a whole fucking lot. #again cannot emphasize enough that he Monologues. HE TALKS HIS WAY OUT OF SO MANY SITUATIONS. #me when i look filavandrel of the elves in the eyes and 'hm' at him and he lets me go. no bitch he monologued!!!! #terrible. terrible. let this man speak. if i see you fanfic bitches continue making him talk in sentence fragments again i'm gonna kill #as for my own fanfic. i will always prefer a geralt who talks too much to be believable over a geralt who barely speaks at all. #both because i believe in letting him speak his mind which he OBVIOUSLY likes to do. sideeyes him. #and because it's just fucking boring and a little annoying to read speech patterns that don't sound like how people talk. #cough cough lan wanji the untamed. man i'm not sitting here and reading this motherfucker's two word sentences #let him speak!!!!!! #anyway. #geralt of rivia #witcher #fanfic

[covenofthearticulate]

#reposting from my rp blog because i need to be emotional about louis on main actually #i know iwtv is my fave book but when i tell you i have these 3 pages of totbt memorized BY HEART— #i'm going to throw up i love louis de pointe du lac so much #the ink smudge on his cheek kills me EVERY TIME #also i know i talk about it a lot but the fact that he reads with human speed is something that can be so personal actually #i try to incorporate that into all my fics LOL he loves reading but he's a slow reader <3 #i need to start my holiday fic but i gotta cry over louis real quick first

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be #so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating #like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read #and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’ #bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere #but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak #and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u #and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN! #HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD…… #my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing #i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘ #and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War #Please Hug Me Though. #imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy #and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool #your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock #how are you supposed to respond to that. #snack time #toa #longpost

[schleierkauz]

all the inkworld promo on social media is killing me rn like why, of all the inkspell quotes,

("Basta (...) reached his target, the one he had always aimed for: Dustfinger's heart, his stupid heart. It broke apart when he held Farid in his arms, simply broke apart, even though he'd guarded it so carefully for all these years." I can't be bothered to find the official translation but you know. THIS PART. and then the little caption Dustfinger is back! :) kfdghgfhjgfjk)

#namedropping basta to get his fans to pay attention i see you öttinger verlag i see you #god and all the people in my notes going OH theres gonna be a fourth book? #you guys are killing me. god bless but yall have to wait like what. two months. #i've been sitting here for a decade #every time i think about tcor too long my hands start shaking. august is almost over. tcor in october #what hte fcuk am i supposed to do with that book? just read it?? just like that????? #HUH???

[smol-blue-bird]

I feel like every writer/producer/etc in charge of every major franchise in the world is infested with brain worms that do nothing but sit in their minds all day whispering "kill off all of the fan-favorite characters! retroactively make that happy ending miserable!! destroy the expanded universe to make way for our controversial sequels!!! do itttttttttt"

#I just found out how the Star Trek novel verse apparently ends lol #the writers decided to erase the timeline from existence I guess? #they didn't just abandon it the way the Star Wars people abandoned their EU novel verse #the Star Trek people made the conscious decision to put out a book series that canonically erases the novel verse from existence #and kills off every character within it #so the only timeline left is the one that aligns with the new TV shows #which is very frustrating to me even though I have never read a Star Trek novel in my life #this is a franchise with so many alternate timelines and universes that you can easily have multiple continuities running at the same time #idk it just makes me sad for all of the authors and fans who must've cared about the book continuity #like abandoning it is one thing but canonically destroying it strikes me as a very weird and potentially fan-alienating choice #all so some loser can be like SORRY YOUR BOOKS ARE CANCELLED. ANYWAY WATCH PICARD ON PARAMOUNT PLUS

[graveyardmouth]

its that time of the night

#and the year. #really makes me feel like summer especially middle school and before #completely isolated from all my friends panic attacks every time the sun went down hiding from my mom trying to block out screaming as #best i could staying up til dawn drinking dr pepper stealing my moms books listening to my dads cds stealing chocolate chips and eventually #wine from the kitchen puking in the bathroom reading the perks of being a wallflower goinf out for bike rides in the early morning walking #to the library and collapsing on the way home cause i hadnt eaten in 2 days walking past the church holding a knife in one hand #biking because i just knew there was somebody waiting to kill me dying my hair three times begging for escape from the monotony making #friends on twitter and discord in bad places getting attention from strangers for my relationship with a razor blade staying up all night #for the quiet because i needed to be alone because i couldnt sleep to feel something besides numbness getting yelled at for keeping my room #messy and crying thinking about people knowing i was eating finding a book that made me happy and knowing that once i finished it id #return to awful numbing boredom nothing could fix god ive typed a lot #sorry im feeling nostalgic about feeling bad and summer has always been one of many low points in the year for me #anyways ✌️ #dw about me im actually in a really good place mentally rn i just. am worried for how long itll last #and quite scared about getting taken off my antidepressants tbh #bug shut up #delete later #Youtube

[gods-favorite-autistic]

If you are actively spoiling things for new fans of anything I legally get to kill you. By the way.

#you give me my license to kill. thanks #madurday night live #I’m always so annoyed when I’m reading a book series and I have to wait until I read every single book to join the fandom #like I wanna participate based off what I have!!! but I don’t want it to be spoiled!!!! #still remember reading the hoo series for the first time and getting it spoiled because I wanted to look at the fandom and what was in it

[vanyafresita]

WWGRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHH <- it wants to buy a secondhand book that is on sale, but it already has several books to-read right there in its bookshelf

#okay imma sound insane for a moment but bear with me #ive been avoiding the lord of the rings movies since i was like 14 cuz i wanted to read the books first #but then i never fucking did I KNOOOOOW OKAY every single person ive met friends professors and randoms tell me i should read the books !!! #and a few weeks ago a friend was like #if the lord of the rings books seem a big intimidating you should try reading the hobbit first its a light read and will get u in the mood #and today i was casually checking for 2nd hand books of le petit prince in french bcs thats the type of person i am #(<- collects the same book in different languages) #and suddently i saw on sale the hobbit book and im soooooo *explodes* #I NEED ITBSO BADLY BUT I HAVE MY BOOKSHELF RIGHT NEXT TO ME WITH AROUND 20 BOOKS I HAVE YET TO READ #/AND/ THREE BOOKS I STARTED AND HAVENT FINISHED YET #SOMEONE KILLLL MMEEEEEEE #''just watch the movies they are well adapted'' #what if i told you i'd rather kill myself #i already hate coraline as it is YES THE MOVIE IT FUCKING SUCKS THE BOOK IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES AND THE MOVIE MESSED IT SO BAD #I COUDL WRITE A WHOLE ESSAY ON WHY IT SUCKED the animation and technique was cool i dont have a problem w that THE STORY THO- !!!!!! #anyways the thing with me is that i usually prefer reading books first and then MAYBE checking visual adaptations #cuz i like when my brain gets to imagine things i hate being given everything I WANNA MAKE A MOVIE IN MY HEAD FIRST !!!! #so yeah i will suffer for some more time until i finish reading my to-read pile of books and then i'll continue buying books #sorry for being insane tee hee #vanya strawberry flavored

[whatkindofnameisella]

burrich calling fitz "my son" moodboard

#I LITERALLY DONT CARE I DONT CARE FOUND FATHER TROPE GETS ME EVERY TIME #me reading the fool recounting burrich dragging galen to the stones and beating him within an inch of his life for hurting fitz 🧍‍♀️ #AND FITZ THINKS BURRICH DOESN'T CARE FOR HIM!!!!!!!! KILLING MYSELF BRB #assassin's apprentice #books

[navramanan]

So tired of continuesly feeling this way I keep trying and failing time and time and time again

#i dont want to feel a profound sadness anytime anyone (especially someone i know) expresses being grateful about their group of friends #i dont want to feel this way every time i find out about them being at a social gathering or whatever together #i feel so awful so so awfully patheticly lonely i feel so stupid and i feel so horrible when admitting it #and i fall into deep worry about my situation never changing bc everyone i know has a network of friends from childhood or school #and pretty much no one from my childhood or school stayed in my life i feel so scared of my future how will i live a life this way #anytime i come across a post talking about long time friends i cannot stomach reading it #it's all so debilitating and i dont know how much longer i can keep on ranting like this #i moved countries i hoped things would change i approached people i talked i asked to hang out three years later i'm left with two #(used to be three but she seems to not care about me at all) seperate friends i'm so grateful for both #but it doesnt work out. it doesnt work this way. i cannot socialize with them since theyre not muslim n we have very different life styles #so i tried finding muslim friends i got associated with the muslim students association went to gatherings joined the book club #i met very lovely girls but nothing more came out of it #i remember the first time i took part in something it was two years ago i talked with a group #it was a group who already were friends and one girl who also had just met them #a year later i find out theyve all become friends and hang out. vallahi i dont know what it is i'm doing wrong i'm so tired and so desperate #it kills me. it's so scary to not have a social network not have friends to lean on to call when youre in need it's so isolating #i've lived my teen years this way i'm continuing to live my 20s this way and cant stop but think it has to do with me #anyways enough of that now bye #nesi rants

[mosstrades]

.

#I hate spending money I hate spending money I hate spending money I hate spending money I hate spending money #buying stuff for university with the money I'm being given by the state to finance my education. monstrous #i just wanna hoard it forever in case of emergency but nooo i have to use it for its intended purpose. fuck me #[muffled scream into hands] #i could never have a shopping addiction I'm getting palpitations at spending 130E on books I explicitly need #and tbf could i get them at the library and i DID whittle down the list and will just get some at the library #but i work unthinkably better when i can write on them #so add THAT to the guilt #vent post #economic anxiety cw #nick.txt #'nicholas are you literally complaining about having money' yes and i deserve to be killed for it. are you offering #'what practical use is for these books is it even worth the money? am i even gonna read them? we're not even getting tested on them. why #should i read these?' #girl youre literally enrolled in a philosophy major. why do you do anything. to learn. give yourself the chance to learn the way #you have access to. come on #i gotta be kinder to myself my god #anyway sorry for the tumblr tag dialectics im having such a time about this very simple purchase. it literally set me back on a month of #coursework bc ive gotten so disquieted every time i looked at my basket in the secondhand book website lmao #(through gritted teeth) ask not what men deserve #(can you believe my teacher looked me straight in the eye and listed 40 books i should read. for a single semester.)

[nomaishuttle]

sry i also started thinking abt how great my life would be if i was trapped in a timeloop again. i meant again as in i thought abt it again not as in I was trapped in a timeloop and id love 4 it 2 happen again. never been in one unfortunately.

#id be so awesome in the timeloop dude. you guys dont get ittt id slay in the timeloop #id memorize every single thing that happens nad itd be awesome id write a book abt everything that happens even. and id be able to sleep so #much and therd be no consequences for anything (aside from. what. me being stuck in the timeloop longer? DONT MIND IF I DO!!!) #and like if itsba 24 hour timeloop. dude i can do anything in those 24 hours. i could go across the world PROBABLY #like i could just empty allll of my savings and book a same day no stops flight . and then id just like be somewhere else. ajd i wouldnt #even have to worry abt getting back bc timeloop my guy!!! #sighh .. yk. every day alreadh feels all the same due to depression so mayyybe everyday feeling the same due to timeloop wouldnt actually b #awesome but i think it would be avtually bc the reason every day feeling the same feels Bad is bc i know they shouldnt.ik theyre different #im justgoing through the motions every day and i hate it. if every day actually was the same ? dudeee i wouldnt be sad abt every day #feeling rhe same bc it straighr up would be. i wouldnt feel like im missing out on something... And idbe able to DO different things bc i #wouldnt have to worry like Omg what will happen tmrw if i do something reckless today.. omg i cant spend this money bc rent is due next #week. omg i cant go do thus activity bc i have 2 work today.. Brother nobody has to work in a timeloop!!! #and all id have to do is like. kill somebody every so often so the time god or whateber doesnt think ive learned my lesson. and itd suck to #kill someone yk id feel badd. ig rly i could just rob a bank and not have 2 kill someone #well yk. some ppl. i would murder. mainly bc i think itd be kiiinda funny. but i shant go into thay more #Dude i could literally learn every language and read every single bookkkkkk god i wanna be in a timeloop so bad id thrive in the timeloop