#things i lay awake at night thinking about

[skywalker1dream]

part 3 of spin the bottle series

note: so I'm having bad day, but I hope that you are having good day ;)

part one | part two| part three| part four | part five

warnings:you tell me, Im not good with warnings. ----------------

As the weeks passed and Carlos asked you to be his girlfriend, you felt a rush of excitement and happiness, eager to deepen your connection. However, his request for secrecy about your relationship left you feeling conflicted, as you longed to share your joy with your loved ones.

Despite your disappointment, you respected Carlos's wishes, trusting that he had his reasons. But as time went on, his behavior began to change. Carlos became increasingly touchy and possessive, his actions leaving you feeling suffocated and unsure.

One evening, as you sat together in silence, the tension between you palpable, you finally mustered the courage to confront Carlos about his behavior.

"Carlos, we need to talk," you began, your voice tinged with apprehension. "I've noticed that you've been acting differently lately, and it's starting to worry me."

Carlos shifted uncomfortably, his eyes avoiding yours as he fidgeted with his phone. "I… I know," he replied, his voice strained. "I've just been feeling frustrated, you know?"

You frowned, a sense of unease settling in the pit of your stomach. "Frustrated? What do you mean?"

Carlos sighed, his shoulders slumping as he finally met your gaze. "I… I want more from our relationship," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I want to be closer to you, physically."

Your heart sank at his words, realization dawning on you. "Carlos, you know I can't," you said softly, your voice filled with sadness. "I thought you understood and respected that."

Carlos nodded, a flicker of guilt crossing his features. "I do, I really do," he insisted. "But it's been hard for me, waiting."

You took a deep breath, struggling to process his confession. "I understand, but that doesn't excuse your behavior," you replied, your voice tinged with frustration. "I need you to respect my boundaries, as I am respecting yours Carlos. This isn't fair to me."

Carlos's expression softened, regret shining in his eyes as he reached out to take your hand. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I'll try to do better, I promise."

But despite his words, you couldn't shake the feeling of doubt that lingered in your mind. As the weeks went on, Carlos's possessiveness only seemed to escalate. He was constantly texting his friends, even during your dates or while you were spending time together at home. And no matter how much you tried to talk to him about it, he brushed off your concerns, insisting that everything was fine.

As the strain in your relationship grew, you couldn't help but wonder if things would ever go back to how they used to be. And as you lay awake at night, watching Carlos sleep beside you, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that gnawed at your heart, wondering if you were truly meant to be together.

As you strolled through the park together, the gentle breeze and the rustle of leaves provided a soothing backdrop to your conversation. Carlos seemed relaxed, his usual tension replaced by a sense of ease that put you at ease as well.

"Carlos, can we talk about something?" you began, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between you.

"Of course," he replied, turning to look at you with a warm smile.

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts before speaking. "I've been thinking about our relationship, about how we've been keeping it a secret," you said, your voice steady despite the nerves that fluttered in your stomach. "How long do we have to keep it this way?"

Carlos's expression softened, a hint of sadness flickering in his eyes. "I know it hasn't been easy," he replied, his voice tinged with regret. "But for now, I think it's best if we continue to keep things between us."

You felt a pang of disappointment at his response, the weight of secrecy pressing down on you like a heavy burden. "But why, Carlos? Why can't we be open about our relationship?"

Carlos sighed, his gaze drifting to the ground as he struggled to find the right words. "It's complicated," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "There are things going on in my life that I'm not ready to share with everyone yet."

You reached out to gently squeeze his hand, offering him a reassuring smile. "I understand, Carlos," you said softly. "I just wish we could be honest with the people we care about."

Carlos met your gaze, gratitude shining in his eyes as he squeezed your hand in return. "I know, and I'm sorry," he replied sincerely. "But I promise, one day, we'll be able to shout our love from the rooftops."

You smiled, feeling a glimmer of hope stir within you at his words. "I'll hold you to that," you said, your voice filled with determination.

And as you continued to walk through the park together, hand in hand, you couldn't help but feel a sense of optimism for the future. Despite the challenges you faced, you knew that as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm that came your way.

---------------

its short vey short I separated parts bc it would be longer and it seems that my drafts can't hold that amount of words, I mean.....my finished fics have some parts missing... I have no idea how is that possible..but I hope I can fix it somehow

bye

- sent from my ipheon ;)

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #fanfic #carlos sainz x female reader #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz f1

[tricoufamily]

if you're wondering why bob is here it's bc in the original villareal story there was a very minor background detail that diego lobo and bob pancakes dated in college and broke up tragically and that's where the story peaked. so i included him it's still canon

thank you for these it was so fun!!!!!!!!!!!!

i did these in my this is the fall sim style so i'm thinking. if they exist in this universe what's all their opinions on the 'did jacques do it' situation. let's take a look

don: saw a photo of jacques's wife on the news during the investigation. said "whoa mama that's a hot babe!" like johnny bravo and did not read the headline. does not know anything about it still.

vlad: well he's psychic he could figure out the truth if he actually cared. and he has!

olive: obviously respects it. except for the getting investigated part, would never happen to her.

diego: does not think jacques did it but enjoys the tabloids. knows other rich people personally who he thinks have killed their spouses

morgyn: will post things like "friendly reminder that j*cques v*llareal literally killed his wife and is a billionaire so maybe don't go to one of their hotels" on tumblr and will then do a call out post about like a fanfic writer who wrote an unhealthy relationship with more severity

pascal: knows conspiracy theories and this one is bullshit. or maybe it just doesn't interest him as much as aliens and that's why he thinks that

jeb: has a very "well of course he did. them rich folk can do whatever they want. there ain't no hope for the rest of us" while kicking a can down the road approach

bob: thinks he did it. is very alarmed that it was brushed off. eliza's like bob book the hotel and he's like am i going crazy. does anyone hear me.

#olive and pascal do NOT exist in this is the fall strangetown has their own universe but it's still fun #i really need to finish remaking all of strangetown #for the record human vlad works for the company high up he knows jacques. he keeps his feelings on the matter private. #but anyway yes bob and diego. both from small towns met in college. diego was in drag and bob thought he was a woman #then was still attracted to him out of drag and had a months long spiral about his sexuality it was a thing #they just wanted different things. it wouldn't have worked. bob likes small towns. he wanted to stay and have a house and a family #diego wanted the exact opposite. they had to part ways. bob still thinks about him laying awake at night. kind of a lot #bob is like he probably doesn't think about me at all anymore he's definitely moved on. no diego thinks about him a lot too #the ones that got away #ts4 #ts4 cas #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #townie makeover #townie makeovers #don lothario #vladislaus straud #olive specter #diego lobo #morgyn ember #pascal curious #jeb harris #bob pancakes #this is the fall: extras

[godsfavoritescientist]

Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.

#ford meta #actuallyautistic #everyone go read the wikipedia page for 'stilted speech' right now #long post #ford isnt very good at masking. he doesn't have the kind of (unintentional) autistic coding that is Palatable To Neurotypicals. #definitely looking-too-deeply-at-a-kid-cartoon right now but in *some* ways. a world where the majority of people think its easy to like an #-understand ford is a world that would feel safe for me to unmask in. #i truly truly hate that fully explaining my thoughts on ford requires me to say so much about myself. but god is it such a crime- #-to use a fictional character as a lens through which to try and explain to people how to be more understanding and accepting- #-of things like this. #making fun of stilted speech is so normalized that people don't even realize they're making fun of someone for being weird. #people think its Someone Thinking They're Better Than You but its something people lay awake at night wishing they could stop doing. #and yet they still end up using the Wrong Words and being labeled a Pretentious Asshole just for talking differently than the norm. #maybe there really are people out there who deliberately use big words to try and sound smarter than everyone else. I don't know. #all I know is. in a world where its pretty obvious that people who use a discongruently complex vocabulary get made fun of for doing that. #why would someone deliberately trying to impress people do something that would only get them laughed at. #sorry for being genuine on main. as if its my fault </3

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

So I'm an area director at a summer camp, but yesterday my boss called me and asked if I'd be down to be the director of two areas and I said yes without thinking about the consequences. So now I'm the director of two areas? That means two groups of staff to train and lead, two sets of lesson plans, two areas to teach at and make the schedule for and make the lesson plans for, two physical areas to set up. They're right next to each other, but this is going to be fucking insane

#the reason this is happening is because we dont have a dining hall director anymore because the first decided to take summer classes #and the second got a research position. so the director of the area that my area is right next to. volunteered to switch #so the camp director called me yesterday and was like 'this is all happening would you want to take on another area?' #so i would be director of both. with kind of a concentration in the new one. while my assistant director concentrates on the first one #but id still have to lead both staffs. teach at both. be available to both. do records for both. set up both #i start thinking about it and i always realize another thing thats gonna be weird about it #but on the bright side ive decided i cant do the 5 mile hike requirement for my old area #every thursday we do a five mile hike for our class because its for requirements. and i hate it cuz its hard lol #but i realized that it wouldnt really work out for me to be across the lake with one area and leave the other area directorless #so guess i cant do that! oh nooo /s #but i have to make two teaching schedules.whoch i started last night #i have to both teach a suitable amount in both areas but also have enough free time to be flexible and available for both #i am so tired already. and i just got this news yesterday #i was up until 5am because i was planning shit and then i layed awake anxious for another hour #also i watched the disruptors which admittedly got me to stay up pretty late too. the grant obrien and ally Beardsley movie #its very good. but mostly i stayed up late because i was trying to figure out being the director of two areas #i think about it for two seconds and i realize another reason itll be super hard. i have to introduce two staffs at the campfire #i have to talk about two areas at the leaders meeting. i have to learn a whole bundle of new merit badges #im so tired

[xiiiwayfinders]

Feeling like you're gonna have a panic attack again because of that one dialogue about the ingredients Jessie mentioned because everyone is taking it seriously and thinking she was gonna actually dr*g Cloud, and feeling like you've lost a dear friend because you feel like you're not allowed to like one of your favorite characters anymore 🙃

#i mean she was probably joking right #like it wasnt that serious right #like it just seems really weird for square to be like 'oh hey this character was really popular in the first game #let's ruin all of that and reveal something awful in part 2 :D' #idk i remember seeing people talk about this once on like reddit and i genuinely layed awake that night overthinking about it #like. i didn't think that much of it hearing it in game. but online made me start worrying #anyways sorry haha this is just another dumb thing i worry about and i had to vent #panic attack mention

[the-whispers-of-death]

TW: Mention of child abuse

Thinking about the fact that I wrote Bharat having physically scarred Stone during his childhood years and how two of Stone's facial scars are from Bharat. And we know of one (due to a post about Kali cradling Stone's scarred cheek) facial scar Bharat caused was the knife scar that goes from Stone's right ear to the corner of his lips.

And there's only two other facial scars that Stone has which is the knife scar that cuts through his left eyebrow and just barely stops before it reaches his left eye and on the same side of his face, there's a scar where a bullet grazed his left cheek. It hurts to know that either of those scars could've been caused by Bharat because I wouldn't put it past Bharat to have grazed his own son's cheek with a bullet shot near his face.

#task force 141 oc #call of duty oc #cod oc #task force 141 oc: stone #call of duty oc: stone #cod oc: stone #tw scars #tw child abuse #tw child neglect #tw abuse #just thinking about all of the things Bharat did to make Stone into the man he is makes my heart hurt #I just know Stone lays awake some nights & wonders if he should've reported his father after he got kicked out since Bharat has another son #tyler talking into the void #:)

[yearning-butch]

starting to realize i’ve spent so much of my life longing for and working towards the future and now i struggle to just. live in the present sometimes

#I had to do good in school just to be ready for college #I would lay awake at night longing to be independent and out of my parent’s house #hitting college and suddenly everything is about a career #my major and taking honors courses and research all to get a job in the future #and now I’m about to graduate and I don’t have a Big Thing to work towards #unless I go to graduate school which I’ve been second guessing #did I decide to go to grad school for the right reasons? was it just something new and bigger to work toward? #and realizing how I haven’t let myself be present #I wonder if it’s why I lost contact with my board game group #in part anyway #idk I just struggle to think about Now #it’s always needing to be prepared #I need to figure out housing for next semester #and money to save for a new car #I have to look for jobs for the future #I have to figure out where I’m going after graduation #if there’s any way to get away from my parents #I don’t want to run toward the future all the time #I want to take a break and sit on the porch and relish the Now #idk it’s 2:30 and my brain is being Weird #but I think y’all and D&D have really helped me slow down and take time to appreciate where I am Right Now #nonsensical 2:30 am rambles

[reikunrei]

:/

#food and weight talk ig. just in case. but #i would love to know wtf happened to make me like this rn.. #had a lot of food for dinner last night and now I’m laying here awake like. okay so I can’t eat anything today #like. i know why this is happening. it’s because I’ve been getting my weight taken a lot recently bc of all my dr appts #so it’s just. made me Super aware of it as a number which has always been bad for me #but it’s also. gender dysphoria. and just general feelings of self consciousness about my body that I’ve always had #but just feel so Heightened lately. like the last month or so it’s been so so so bad #and I’m just so stressed about other things that everything is just exacerbated so like. idk my brain has latched onto this #and it’s… really hard to shake. i keep restricting what I eat bc if I then eat too much I feel guilty about it #thoughts like this have been beating at my skull for the last like 2 years bc of dr appts and stuff. and I guess it’s just finally reached #a head that makes me wanna disappear into nothing #last night I think was the first day in 2 weeks or so I didn’t go to bed hungry bc I actually ate enough. and that makes me feel Bad #i say things

[flovverworks]

brought it upon myself but in pain over the many familial & teacher-student relations in mhyk again. like the 'this is the teacher for each country' is Obviously there, but anytime i think about snow & white in regards to figaro & oz......T_^?!?!? yknow??!?!?!?! messiest family ive ever known (overexaggeration). that one figaro line in 2nd anni(???) agbout him having taken in kids before. figaro & rutile & mitile. oz & arthur. 13yo chloe who was treated badly by his family & decided to go with rustica. the chloe plot especially gets to me cuz it Always makes me think of natsume asking the fujiwara if he could go with them.....izumi talking to sakuyas relatives...... figaro whos so clearly treated as a guardian-ish for rutile & mitile in the writing (thinks of his june bride training ep 5ever). oz who learned about the world because baby arthur asked the questions that kids does. the oz castle event. tiretta and mithra. strangest uncle of all time. faust & neros care for shino & heath. neros care for riquet.

#stardust speaking ! #lays awake at night thinking about wizards and their relation to one another #im always so attached to charas who treats kids well and ofc the teacher position hands that naturally but also #charas like faust who says they dont care but cares so so deeply #like at the end of the day the only 2 im willing to actually say 'yes that is a dad and his son' is rustica & chloe #but thats fine cuz relations are difficult and family is not only those 2 roles and (writes an essay) #the talk about teacher-student relations too...........u teach them everything u know........u open urself.......u give them the way u thin #and the way u do things and the way u are #its so INVOLVED i love the ties all of them share i love that nero couldnt take seeing brad in danger anymore and left im so sorry he was #forced back into that (in some capacity). riquet who was raised in a cult and now is being told all these other things and tries to navigat #it all and gets angry and sad and cries and how they all try so so hard to treat him well #15yo mitile who doesnt know how to convey or explain his feelings toward how riquet grew up #17yo shino who apologizes with a bouquet of handplucked flowers #heathcliff.................................................... #mhyk.....T___________^

[glamourslime]

Sometimes I think "I'm not That anxious as a person" but when I sit down to think about it it's like. What If I Accidentally Get Chemicals On My Skin And They Kill Me, and that's been a factor in my life every day for literally as long as I can remember. Which seems like maybe something someone who isn't particularly anxious would not spend a lot of time thinking about

#its not as bad as it used to be which is good #when i was little i would lay awake at night because i knew anthrax lived in soil and i had touched a rock which had touched soil #which meant inwas potentially exposed to anthrax which meant i definitely had it #and it was only a matter of time before i Died #and that doesn't happen anymore #but its still like oh my god what if i touched something that had been exposed to some disease causing agent #and i just keep thinking about it #and usually it doesn't impact my ability to function day to day because like #i know intellectually thats not a rational way to go about doing things #but its still there

[lunarsapphism]

.

#miss my partner :( want to hold her and just sleep #they radiate heat like a fucking space heater and its a little insufferable in the warm months but i always miss it when its gone anyway #they always nearly push me off the bed and steal the blankets from me. sometimes even my pillow will get halfway stolen #it takes me ages to fall asleep when theyre here cause they move so much (she cant help that though so i dont mind) #but the whole experience is a lot nicer when they're here to share it with me #i think i like to complain and pretend i think all of those little things are annoying cause theyre inconvenient but i actually love it all #because i love them #not being able to fall asleep and waking up at every little thing means i get to be awake when they reach for my hand to hold in their sleep #and it means i get to lay there and just listen to them breathe or listen to their heartbeat #and sometimes if i wake up a few hours too early #to the first light of the morning shining through my window #i get to look at her for just one quiet moment in her most relaxed and peaceful state and its so beautiful to me #the way that the light dapples her skin and kisses each one of the freckles on her cheeks. its so pretty #everything about them is lovely #i wouldnt care if i never slept well again if that meant i could sleep next to them every night

[grey-has-rusted]

local man receives a nice ask in inbox; dies because he experienced too many emotions at once

#ramblings #people who are actively kind keep this earth spinning <3 #literally just a few compliments make my whole entire week #and i will literally lay awake at night thinking about all of the nice things people have said to me #not just on my art btw. #if you've ever said anything even remotely nice to me chances are that i have thought about it for days on end #it makes me feel like laying on the floor on my stomach while kicking my feet in the air and being all giddy lol

[cappurrccino]

something something stress, something something depression, something something

#i loooooooooooove laying awake for hours at night bc i have too goddamn many thoughts and emotions #and knowing that i have no way to Get Them Out bc i wasnt born into a family that communicates #and knowing that no one likes a pessimistic skeptic with doubts about things #and knowing that no matter what i do or dont do i'll probably just make life worse for myself #bc thats all ive ever managed to do #and knowing that despite my yearning for a companion i can Talk To and who can Help Me #that'll never happen bc of the aforementioned ''being raised in a family that doesnt communicate'' #and bc like. where and when and how am i ever even gonna meet someone under these conditions #i know it's the middle of the night and middle of the night brain is a bastard #but like. it hardly matters when these thoughts plague me 24/7 and arent. wrong. #when it rains it pours and baby i think im trapped in jupiter's permanent hurricane

[elytrafemme]

i find it worth saying that for all the people who have their emotions destroyed with cough syrup, the karma for those actions has been well administered, because i am caught in a hell of my own making as i think up before / after CS events related content that i will never actually write and is too specific for me to have any business sharing, but will make me overly emotional at midnight. so in a sense, i make matters much worse for myself

#nightmare.cough-syrup #of course to know the prequel or sequel content would warrant knowing the full events of the plot and how CS ends #so i can't exactly. share all my thinking here #but i am thinking quite a lot about cs!tubbo and the concept of breaking habits #or alternatively in a few separate thoughts. cs!ranboo and the task of accepting a purpose for oneself #lot of interesting things. i just thought i would share that as i am laying awake currently #some of this content will be shared in a drabble/one-shot once i post cs but not all of it will #it's just a lot more hurt/no comfort kind of content plus some fluffy content i just don't give enough damns to write out tbh #anyway. that's a bit of mare thoughts for the night if you wonder how i spend them

[scatterpatter]

I think the funniest thing about the whole “not realizing instantly going into REM is a sign of narcolepsy or some other sleep disorder” is, on numerous occasions, literally timing myself on how quickly I can get myself to dream

And then realizing that Thats Not Normal and Most People Cant Do That

#Ill admit it can be a bit hard to determine fully when ive hit 'dream mode' #because the line between 'imagination doing its thing' and 'full on dreaming' can get quite blurred for me #I usually just play it by ear and then when thoughts get 'nonsensical enough' i count that as beginning to dream XD #though when i get times THAT low its usually special circumstances #like im excessively tired to begin with and have been laying in bed for a time #but yeah ill sometimes start a stopwatch; close my eyes; and the second i catch on that im dreaming... #... ill snap myself awake and quickly stop the timer- its probably not the BEST judgement but i usually am Dreaming Enough for it #I hit a pb of 28 seconds the other night because it was a record for a nightmare #deadass jumpscared myself with an Alternate oops #if i ever do a multi sleep latency test i cant WAIT to see what my actual REM time goes #narcolepsy tw #i dont think thats a trigger but? just in case #WAIT OMG I FORGOT #FOR SOME REASON WHILE FALLING ASLEEP I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MANDELA CATALOGUE FOR SOME REASON #AND DEADASS HYDE(MY LIL DREAM BUDDY) FUCKING TRIED TO WARN ME TO NOT DO THAT BEFORE I JUMPSCARE MYSELF DSKJBGFSDKJBGKJSD

[archibaldtuttle]

Anyway hi I'm pretty sure I have OCD

#I've thought about it long and hard #and I think that it definitely isn't normal to lay awake at night in silence #unable to close my eyes because my mind is burning with the idea of glass shards #stuck in my eyeballs and scratching the inside of my eyelids when I close them #like I'm pretty sure that's not a normal thing to be spontaneously thinking about for an hour #to the point that it becomes distressing #tw injury #tw pain #tw intrusive thoughts