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goldstevn-blog · 5 years

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In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.

⌠ MARGARET QUALLEY, 19, CIS-WOMAN, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, RILEY HAYES-GOLDSTEIN! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in UNDECIDED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ROLLING SPLIFFS ON YOUR FAVORITE BOOKS & COMICS, RUNNING ‘TIL YOU’RE OUT OF BREATH, A MESSY ROOM/A MESSY BED/A MESSY HEAD, A MEME FOLDER MORE EXTENSIVE THAN PICS OF FAMILY & FRIENDS. when it’s the VIRGO’s birthday on 8/31, they always request their MATZOH BALL SOUP from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ jinx, 24, she/they, pst ⍀

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Daria ( Daria ), Seth Cohen ( The OC ), Veronica Sawyer( Heathers ), Ron Swanson/Ben Wyatt ( Parks & Rec ), Quentin Coldwater ( The Magicians ), Pam Beasley ( The Office ), Zari Tomaz ( Legends of Tomorrow ), Nadine ( Edge of Seventeen ), Lindsay Weir ( Freaks and Geeks )

PINTREST: [ x ] PLAYLIST: [ x ]

LIKES & INTERESTS: Cult Classics - Movies ( Heathers, Dead Poets Society, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Cruel Intentions, The Breakfast Club, Almost Famous ), Blue raspberry Slushies, Donuts, Judaism, Arctic Monkeys, Lana Del Rey, The Strokes, The Smiths, the color blue, writing poetry, e. e. cummings, art museums, greek mythology, rmemes, Rolling joints on her favorite books, biblical mythology, astronomy, astrology ( she finds it very entertaining in a mocking way and would never admit there’s a small part of her that enjoys it ), Star Wars, black cats, black cats named Boggart, black nail polish, tattoos, carnivals, comic books, ferris wheels, puns, the sea, jellyfish, NPR every morning, going to the beach at twilight, 4 am drives, 5am runs, spliff.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Observant, Cooperative, Strategic, Witty, Intelligent, Resilient, Morally Responsible, Loyal.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Reserved, Pessimistic, Sardonic, Secretive, Curious ( it will get her into trouble ), Awkward, Suspicious.

tw: mentions of parental abandonment

When you meet Riley Goldstein, a picturesque childhood in a picturesque suburbia in Virginia is not what you would expect and yet it was exactly what she had. Born on the cusp of summer and fall, Rachel and Christopher were over the moon to have their daughter, Riley Hayes, born on August 31, 2000. Finally, a child to complete the perfect family unit. Maybe they had hoped for a boy despite what science said ( hence the name Riley & a full name for a boy they had prepared ) but, they had a daughter and for the first ten years of her life they pampered her greatly. Trips to the coast every summer to visit his side of the family where Riley was praised for being such a pretty, good girl, and what seemed like infinite love from her father was doled out as long as she was what he wanted her to be. The younger girl was cooperative, it was in her nature it seemed, because she loved seeing her parents happy with each other. As long as Riley stayed within the lines, stayed within Christopher’s lines at least, everything would be well. Even when Riley started to develop a few habits and interests that were off the wall, he brushed them aside as childhood obsessions. Never could he accept his family for what they were which is exactly why he left.

The ugly truth was, Riley was an accident and the picture painted had been a lie – not that Riley knew until then. While she knew they had gotten married young she’d never known how much exactly her mother had given up to be with her father. Rachel Hayes had left her family, forsaken her religion ( as Christopher was a very religious Christian man ), and moved from New York City into this suburbia all with the promise of a family. When Christopher left right before Riley entered middle school, Riley was forced to grow up and pick up the pieces of a broken lost woman who simply couldn’t find herself in the rubble that was the aftermath of her father leaving.

As it was, Riley lived in a shitty town, full of shitty close minded people, full of shitty stores besides the 7/11 that had the best slushies and there were many days she just felt like total shit. She did her best to not stand out and she didn’t, she was a bit of a loner in school because at a young age she learned people left -- you could only rely on your own company to get you by. Riley became in engrossed in books, poetry, online communities, she became hungry for a life outside of her town but had no clue how to get there. When the time came to apply to colleges, she freaked out and decided that she was going to take a year off. Her self esteem couldn’t currently handle the rejections from colleges she had dreamed of attending ( though, Riley would’ve gotten in to a few had she tried -- that was the problem -- Riley didn’t often try out of fear ). For a year, she’d work, she’d be involved in her temple hours away in Bethesda when she got the chance, she’d live her life one day at a time while she figured out what to do with her life. She wasn’t special, she didn’t have any skills -- or so she thought.

Why was Riley picked for Gallagher Academy? She was never the brightest at her school ( at least her grades didn’t show it, though her perfect SAT scores did ), she was never the most athletic ( despite going on runs everyday ), she was never the best at anything but there she was -- at college for people who were all gifted. Truthfully, she’s overwhelmed, she’s cautious, she’s scared, but sometimes she looks around and maybe thinks this might’ve been where she was meant to be. Riley is the perfect spy because she knows how to be invisible, she watches people, when she’s not trying to drown her brain in alcohol, weed or cigarettes, she’s sharp and is able to point out trends, her journals and diaries full of notes about people, how they tick, their little quirks, her observations. You’re able to forget she’s there and she’s able handle herself in high stress situations when it comes down to it. Gallagher Academy saw a girl who COULD reach her potential but didn’t know how, they saw a nobody with barely any family or friends who they could mold, they saw a girl who needed the right push to be someone great. Her biggest hurdle? How she sees herself, how she views the world and her place in it.

LIL THINGS

riley’s aesthetic is if lana del rey and weird al yankovic had a baby!

loves water

her judaism is extremely important to her, i have detailed hcs about it if you wanna ask but her favorite holiday is yom kippur which is NOT a happy holiday

i’ve been toying with her future and what she could do and honestly i could see riley in both research + development, mcguyver survival skills or drivers ed!!

deals with depression and GAD!! i imagine she’s been in and out of therapy, but i could see her going into it properly once school started via the school to help her out??

is trying to find a balance between rambling and being monosyllabic LMAO like sis is not the best at carrying convos like the social skills DEFINITELY need some work despite being really good at reading and observing people

writes and writes and writes and WRITES, writes poetry sure, but often writes about what she sees, who she sees, what is going on with her, her emotions, the world around her, you can always find her with her journal scribbling something

extremely sardonic, her humor can be very subtle

changed her name to riley hayes-goldstein, to honor her mother’s side of the family. she wanted to get rid of the hayes completely but something just made her?? tack on the name instead of remove it

did track and field in school and was honestly REALLY good at long distance running, could’ve been the best, but she just didnt want that kind of recognition or attention

if you wanna plot please like this and i’ll come to you!!

#tldr: jewish queer nerdy meme loving stoner who cannot believe she got into a fucking SPY school #i tried.jpeg #gallagher:intro

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meggannn · 6 years

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more for lydia (of course): 21, 24, 45, 49

i am the worst person for taking like a day to respond to this omg

21) Best Friend(s)?

it’s hard to categorize her best “friends” because for a while she doesn’t really consider them friends, she considers them “acquaintances she has varying degrees of closeness and unique relationships with” while not realizing that like… that is the definition of a friend? lmao (like for example, she only really let herself think of garrus and tali as ‘friends’ instead of ‘crewmembers i’m fond and protective of’ until the shore leave after the battle of the citadel. though while she was close with her me1 crew, i do think me2 is the first time she realizes she’s allowed to think of her team as friends too.

me1: kaidan and ashley at least in the beginning. by the end of the game i think she’s closer to tali as well

me2: at first, garrus and kasumi, and later when they join, tali and samara. i say this with like, knowing she has fondness for all of her crew

me3: garrus and, after renewing their relationship, ashley

24) Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them?

not with any of those mentioned above, though i think her relationships with miranda and jack in 2 are a little… not adversarial, but shepard is wary of them as much as she likes them. miranda for obvious reasons, and jack because she genuinely likes her after a while but being around her for so long is a bit of a drain on her energy, since she kind of reminds her of the kids from her old gangs. zaeed she definitely has a love/hate relationship with in 2, in that she appreciates his talks and advice but doesn’t appreciate his attitude and volatile unpredictability.

45) Do they use social media?

lmfao I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT SHEPARD ON SOCIAL MEDIA OKAY YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED ME THIS, it’s not that she’s very tech savvy (though there’s some proficiency with hacking) just growing up as a teenager on earth who stole/resold a lot of omnitools and translators and laptops, she had very few other pasttimes when cash wasn’t coming in. i think she was really into social media during ict training with other candidates, as a way of bonding and non-physical de-stressing. and she obviously knows a lot of online slang and shitty corners of the internet from her teenage days. in the alliance she goes through periods of activity followed by periods of forgetting about the internet at all, like when she’s on missions.

by me1, she’s established enough that i think she’s convinced herself a commander shouldn’t post on social media, that’s not appropriate, blah blah. so for a while she’s mostly quiet with only occasional funny but nonoffensive comments on things like pop culture or whatever. then after the battle of the citadel she gets a huuuuge influx of followers, and she’s like ??? cause she doesn’t use her space twitter much, so she kinda posts once like "hey thanks for the support, look out for my album coming out next spring” and everybody loves it, until she starts talking about the reapers publicly and preparing for war, then everybody’s like “god shut up i thought you were cool” so she gets angry when it becomes apparent that most people just want a figurehead, not her to actually say anything, but she can’t go back to making jokes and pretending things are normal, so she stops posting altogether. maybe like, once or twice more about something irrelevant, and then three weeks later she’s dead. (and then her crew like garrus and tali in particular waste so much time on the internet looking at her online profiles, rereading her last posts, hunting through years worth of her feed far back enough to see she was a different person once, both of them in mourning but garrus denying it)

and then me2 happens, and she’s obviously not thinking about social media for a while. when she does, it’s like maybe midway through the game, like maybe on illium kasumi drags her out to dinner cause she found authentic thai in the markets, and shepard’s just content enough to think “this is the kind of meal you post a picture about and share on social media” and she considers it before remembering oh yeah i was dead……. is my account even still there? how weird would it be to suddenly post out of nowhere again? i know the rumor is i was just under cover, but would it help or hurt the war to treat this like normal? and she basically overanalyzes and decides not to say anything at all. (in reality i think after she died her account was given the space equivalent of a twitter verification, like Yes This Was The Real Shepard’s Account, Tweets Might Be Recorded, which she only discovers after she logs in on a whim back on the ship). i don’t think she breaks this social media fast until she either uses it one day because she 1) completely forgets she was avoiding it, like she just wakes up randomly and types “i had the weirdest fuckin dream let me tell yall about it” because she’s still half asleep and convinces herself it’s a good idea, then goes back to sleep and wakes up to a million notifications like “i KNEW YOU WERE BACK!!” and “SOMEONE HACKED SHEPARD’S ACCOUNT THAT’S DISGRACEFUL” and she’s like oh boy. OR 2) she gets so heated over something stupid (that is definitely about human pop culture) that she completely forgets/doesnt give a rat’s ass anymore about maintaining silence online. like “I JUST HEARD SPACE BEYONCE WASN’T NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY LAST YEAR. WHAT THE FUCK?” after the collector base, she feels a little more freedom to be funny and has the time to engage and post about pop culture again, so she gains some attention back for that

by me3, coming out of alliance-imposed isolation, i think she takes back to the internet whenever she can, for better or worse, but because most of the news she swallows is so awful, she tries to be positive and reach out to people who @ her, like she doesn’t want to lie to them, but she tries to signal boost official evacuation and relocation efforts and stuff. when the alliance starts gaining allies, there’s a little bit of expectation for her to use her accounts as a political “so honored the turian hierarchy is joining us” blah blah kind of tweet, so she’s kind of like…. well people deserve to know we’ve made an accord, but i’m gonna do it my way, and she essentially starts sharing all the stuff that’s happening on the citadel that might get easily lost in translation, like

“i can confirm councilor udina was just killed by spectre williams after a standoff on the presidum, after he threatened the life of another councilor. we have confirmed that he was compromised by cerberus after his participation in a failed coup. please see the official statement for more details. the death of a high profile politician is always a shock, but to those feeling betrayed, i want every human and alien to be reminded that spectres are chosen to protect the galaxy from both foreign and internal threats. ashley williams takes her role seriously, as do i, and her actions saved lives yesterday. in light of the recent citadel attack, the alliance would also like me to encourage people to remain vigilant against cerberus cyberwarfare and contact with reaper tech. stay safe, everyone.”

just like, very honest, frank statements or clarifications that might not otherwise get out there, with an emphasis on trying to keep morale as high as reasonably possible. it’s not classified info, but she wants people to stay informed, like she wants people across the galaxy being bombarded who think they’ve been abandoned to know that she’s still fighting for them everywhere she can. even though she’s feeling really dejected and pessimistic sometimes i think she’s determined to make other people believe they can win even when she isn’t sure herself.

post-war (AHHA YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE AFTER ME3, DIDNT YOU) as soon as she can travel, she kind of shoves her way into politics via reconstruction efforts despite her unstable health because she’s terrified everything will just go back to normal and the underprivileged people in slums and terminus colonies will be ignored. i think she keeps up the informative trend of letting people know what’s going on, like explaining what this or that emergency bill that was just passed by the council means, ‘cause she’s still new to politics and honesty all this dense language would’ve definitely confused her too. eventually as things start getting more settled she feels less guilty posting about how her day’s going. and then at one point, there is definitely a collective internet freakout when shepard acknowledges/makes a joke about one of the memes about her, and she’s like “what, you guys think i never go online or something?? i was a teenager once, i know how the internet works!” (she actually doesn’t spend that much time in forums or the like, she just learned about the meme from garrus and vega.)

(and then at some point post-war garrus, who used to have a dumbass video game let’s play account that gained a ton of popularity after me1 when shepard found out about it and asked to play turian call of duty with him on it (the vid was entitled “i play turian call of duty with commander shepard (my co)” and was mostly just them horsing around and then it went viral, but he took it down after she died and then purged the whole account/his entire online presence when he went to omega. but anyway a while post-war garrus comes to her like “hey you remember that video we made” “i remember the jokes about it” “well uh, i just managed to fix this old console i found at a flea market, do you want to do it again? yknow just kill time and lift people’s spirits?” so he makes a new account and introduces her to a lot of other games, she’s good at space overwatch but then when she gets cocky he makes her play like turian dark souls or some shit, and they record and post it online for kicks too)

fuck, i still have one more question left to answer???? i spent a fucking lifetime writing up this, I TOLD YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT LYDIA WAS A MISTAKE

49) Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey?

mostly i dont think she lets herself think about whether she’s a “good” person because emotionally, and morally, she doesn’t feel much different than she was when she was committing crimes for a living (though she knows logically she’s grown a lot, she convinced herself back then that she was justified in doing bad things by just trying to survive, which is… not entirely too different from now). anyway she still feels like she’s trying to make up for who she used to be, like she wants to put more good into the world than the harm she once contributed to, or failing that, she can at least remove as much of the evil in the galaxy as she can. (i keep forgetting to clarify, she didn’t just do petty theft and break-ins and lookouts and illegal reselling, she was occasionally a debt collector and beat people near to the point of death with biotics, and she hated it but it was mostly out of sympathy that she insisted on going instead of another gangster because if it were anyone else she knows they might’ve dismembered or tortured the person too.)

god i still haven’t answered your question. ive been writing for a full hour, keely. the long and short of it is that i think she’s morally gray. i call her paragade for a reason. she tries really hard to be a good person to make up for who she was (who she “had” to be), so she fights to save every life she can, but against enemies that show no remorse or whatnot, some of her old habits of ruthlessness and reluctance to forgive die hard.

ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY OCS IF YOU FEEL LIKE SCROLLING PAST MORE LONG PARAGRAPHS ON YOUR DASH, YO

#lydia shepard #keelificent

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

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I had been dating a girl for close to 4 years. Just recently we unfortunately broke up. We had always had our disagreements and took a day or 2 to cool off and talk through things, but it's been 2 months since i really stopped talking to her. We both moved away to graduate school. Luckily, our schools were only 3 hours away so it was more or less an ideal situation for what it was. In the beginning I was extremely stressed with my school (Medical) and she got less attention. I could see her becoming more and more sad because I was so busy and she had a-lot of free time. Finally, we agreed to take a step because in her mind she wouldn't expect as much. But i still texted whenever i could, would call her at night and nothing really changed. In undergraduate she did not really drink that much nor go out that much, once she got to her graduate school she started drinking more and going out more. I was a little uneasy about it but knew that I couldn't tell her what to do. Her roomates were both single and kind of boy-crazy and just in general not what she was used to. At one point they hooked up with the same guy and were mad at each other and I told my girlfriend that this is crazy and not good people to be around. She agreed they have issues and assured she isn't involved in that. Her birthday was in the fall and I asked if i could drive up and take her out and spend the weekend together. She was very excited and it went really well. I came home and I guess you could say understood what school was going to take and understood how to balance everything. I asked if she would consider getting back together. I said missed her and love her very much, reiterated that I want to make this work and ultimately want to do life together. I told her this would only make us stronger and i am not interested in anyone else. She took some time to decide and agreed to meet up in a city that was in-between us for dinner. That day comes around and she says she is still on and just has to make sure an assignment is done before we go. I wait until 7 pm knowing this city was atleast 1.5 hours away. She calls and says she forgot about another assignment and wont be able to make it and would call me before midnight (when the assignment was due). She calls and says its not going to work this and that, I was furious just cause we had been dating for 3.5 years, traveled all over the world, had a ton of life experiences together, very involved in each others families, and quite frankly were inseparable (so i thought). I kind of told her how I felt and she was a little suprised i was that angry. I felt like I got played. She asked if she could drive up the next day because the way she did things was not a representation of how she felt about me. I denied. She asked a couple days later if she could come to my city for the weekend and see how it goes. I finally said sure. Weekend went great, I went all out. Flowers on the ground, candles, flowers, took her out to dinner, expressed my feelings. We got back together officially and things went great for a month. I took my finals and was extremely stressed and was busy and not happy. I decided to visit a friend before i went home for break with another buddy of mine. We had fun, but she was on snapchat and i guess tracking my location. I did not know at the time, nor did I do anything wrong or was at places I wasnt suppose to be at. Was with my buddies, my one buddies girlfriend, and her friend. My girlfriend didn't like that I was sitting next to this girl at a sports game? Legit do not now this girl. She was acting weird and i asked whats up via text, she said nothing (i knew that was a lie). 3 hours later she tells me she didnt appreciate me sitting next to this random girl. I was just like wtf, we talked about discussing issues right away. Kind of annoyed. I go home for break, enjoyed time with my family. I go to her city for new years. We have a GREAT time, 4th new years together. Had an awesome time. I asked her late that night after hooking up, if everything was good and are we good. She proceeds to blow up on me. Saying I was somewhere at 4 am on my trip when my buddies were not with me? I guess snapchat only logs your last location when opening it up. Once again she let that simmer for 3 weeks and then blows up on me? Once again i was calm and she was drunk, prob most drunk ive seen her. I go to bed and let things cool off. We agree that it's tense and I don't want her upset, I said i don't want to be with anyone else and am not looking to be with anyone else. Agreed that we need to work on things. I go back to school. We talk, call, facetime, everything is normal. I go skiing at same place with same buddies, and she freaked. Blocked me on everything except text/call. I called for a couple days and was like wtf? Nothing is happening, I'm not with that girl or whatever you are thinking. She comes around and apologizes. We are good for 4 weeks, things aren't perfect, she seems to withhold info from me but still texting and calling as we do. One day I could tell she was off and asked whats up and she was like I am just letting you know I'm not over your trip and still upset. I kind of freaked and took it as the worst like she was trying to run away again. For a week it was back and forth bickering untill she blocked my phone number. I sent her emails of text threads where just weeks ago she was talking about marriage and doesnt want me out of her life etc. I sent her flowers, she responded 2 days later with a cold voicemail. Saying she doesn't know what to do and there was no need to call her. I texted from a different number and just asked what was up, if she was seeing someone else (I saw a picture online that was just questionable, nothing too direct, just had my suspicions), I asked if she could call me and give me some respect after 4 years. She decided to call at 1:45 AM, I was sleeping, she sounded drunk. And just laid into me, saying just straight hurtful shit after all this years. Was mad I saw a picture, said it was nothing, a work event blah blah. Hung up, blocked me again. My birthday was this week and didn't get a call, text, nothing. Meanwhile this dudes bday was around when we stopped talking and she wished him a happy birthday. We always agreed to being civil if things didn't work and still be friends. She said she doesn't wanna be friends and this and that. Just confused how I legit took her on a trip for her birthdays, made her days awesome and I can't even get a text. How she waits 4 weeks to says shes mad at something. She got 2 jobs and said she is working all the time with school and says is so hard and she works 40 hours a week. Never has her phone, which is a lie. I don't get how if her school is so hard why is she calling me that late drunk complaining that she cant talk all night cuz she has work in 4 hours? I feel like the girl completely changed the second she move. I've sent her flowers (multiple times), wrote letters, sent edible arrangements all since we moved to our schools. I feel like she gave up and I am slaving away with school and she is just living it up cause she has some new friends and this and that. My suspicions is she's talking to someone else cause she did this to the ex boyfriend before me. I just don't get why she wouldn't tell me straight up, why I just get blocked and thrown to the curb after 4 years of being each others rock. Its been about a month the last time I've heard her. Last time I talked to her was on a phone at 1:45 am when she was drunk and just saying how bad of a person I am, how I wont be a good husband this and that. I battle everyday because I know I could of done things differently and so could she, I mean 4 years there are going to be hiccups and minor things. But to be kind of ghosted fucking sucks, like I'm away from home, slaving away in the books, and the person who I thought would always be there for me just dipped out with no real explanation. She comes from a family of all girls and things seem like they are just given to her. Idk, it's a weird dynamic so I wonder if that has anything to do with it. She calls her mom every-morning and I know she doesn't discuss her flaws or what she's done to me, just the horrible things I do to make me out to be a villian. She's told white lies to me in the past, but I worked through it as i have made mistakes to. No cheating, or anything like that. I'm just kind of hurt but at the same time like fuck her. It's a weird dynamic, being abandoned by someone who told you weeks before they only saw me in their future and couldn't wait to grow old together sucks. I have no idea whats going through her head, she wont talk to me and I guess that' that. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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