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idol-stories · 7 years

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Helping Hand

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Chaeyoung x Reader

Fluff

Requested x Part 2

Word Count: 1430

(A/N: I went a little nuts writing this, so its almost twice as long as my usual stuff. It’s also mostly set up, sorry that theres little interaction between Chaeyoung and Reader, but I think I’m going to write a part three thats further in the future x first date soon ;) hope you like it!)

Maybe work still sucked, the initial high of speaking with Chaeyoung had started to diminish and you were back to the thankless, and hard work of an intern. You had seen Chaeyoung one more time since you first met two weeks ago, but you weren't able to talk. You had a bundle of important documents under your arm, as you tried to navigate the seemingly endless identical hallways of the JYP building for the fifth week in a row.It wasn't getting any easier. Chaeyoung was around the same place you had met her the first time. She and a couple of her members were talking to their manager in the hallway. As you passed, your met eyes for a split second, and she smiled before she jerked her head back to the conversation. You slowed your light jog as you passed, and picked back up when you thought you were a safe enough distance away. Smiling like an idiot, excited by the idea that she might remember you.

Today was different, though. You we’re almost done with the day, a whole 72 hours since you’d seen Chaeyoung, not that you were counting, and you had one final delivery, to a manager you had never met before. It was a little strange, you usually ran orders to the same dozen people and never really strayed from that routine. Maybe another intern quit and you were picking up his slack.

The sign outside the door read Head of Talent Management, this was the first big executive you had met in the company. Maybe you should act confident and introduce yourself, you could possibly stay at the company after the internship if you made a good impression, right? Or maybe you should just quietly place the documents on the desk, and leave without being intrusive.

“Here are your documents, sir” you said after pushing through the ajar door and placing the papers on the man’s desk. You bowed your head, slightly, and began to walk back to the door.

“Y/N” the man called out to you as you reached the door. A little startled you spun around to look at the man at the desk, “You’re Y/N L/N, right?” he asked.

You nodded, and he told you to have a seat. It seemed that somehow, one of the managers you had been doing odd jobs for had like you enough to ask for you as their assistant. It didn't make much sense, but you listened to the man as he explained the job. All it really was, was doing the same thing you’d been doing for weeks, but for one guy, whose work load had become to much to handle.

You didn’t know if you wanted to work in management, but then again you didn't know what you wanted to work in, and this job paid. You were almost completely convinced to take the job.

“Would you mind telling me who the manager is?” you said to the man, who looked hopeful that you’d accept his offer. You wanted to, but you couldn't stand some of the managers, and just wanted to make sure it wasn't one of them before you took it.

“His name is Jung Jun Kil, he tells me you've been a great help to him.” the man replied. I guess he could tell your answer before you opened your mouth to reply, by the way he smiled slightly and started to stick out his hand to shake it.

“I appreciate the offer,” you started “I’ll take the job, when do I start?” You said standing and sticking out your hand to shake the other man’s. Was he kidding, how could you possibly deny that job. After your meeting with Chaeyoung and the exchanged glance just a few days before, you’d be an idiot not to take a job working with the famed “Jaljari Oppa”.

“You start tomorrow.” he said.

It was six in the morning, when you arrived at the JYP building the next day. You were a whole three hours earlier than you would usually be, and wearing a sport coat over your usual button up sweater combo, hoping to look more professional. You walked to Jung Jun Kil’s office, knocked on the door and entered slowly. You introduced yourself to the man, adding in every formality you could muster. And to your surprise he told you to drop the formalities and just call him hyung.

But, that’s where the joking ended, he motioned towards a box and told you to carry it, he grabbed another, and left the room. You scurried after him and followed him closely to the parking lot.

“Where are we going?” You asked placing the box in the trunk of a van, just as he did.

“We’re picking up the girls for a photoshoot, and you’re driving” He threw you the keys, and as you turned them in the ignition you realized that in just twelve hours you went from a nobody in the company trying to be as close to the idols you loved as possible, to a nobody who was getting paid to be with those idols all day long.

When you reached the dorms, he told you to stay in the car, and went to get the members of Twice. He was only gone for five minutes,but it felt like an eternity. He returned with five members trailing behind him. Jihyo, was intently listening to the schedule he was telling them as the got into the car. Momo and Jeongyeon, were in another world, arms locked together, but still half asleep. Dahyun was somewhere between completely hyper and still asleep, and it seemed like she couldn’t decide which personality to go with. And last but not Chaeyoung climbed into the car, looking tired but calm, you met eyes with her for the second time this week, but this time it was through the rear-view mirror.

Jung Jun Kil turned around to face them, after telling you to start driving and putting the location into the GPS. “This is Y/N,” He said to them “Starting today he will be helping me as an assistant, just think of him as a new manager, okay?” He nudged your arm, as the girls returned a slightly sleepy ‘okay~’

The first day as an assistant manager was great, you just ended up going to get things for the members that the other managers didn’t have time to do, amidst keeping all of their events afloat. By the end of the day you had exchanged numbers with four of the girls, so they could contact you if they couldn't reach “Jaljari Oppa”

The best part of the day was, of course, when you finally got to talk to Chaeyoung.

“How’s your head?” a cute voice asked from behind you, accompanied by a small tap on the shoulder.

“I’m fine.” You said, smiling and giving a little laugh. You hadn’t expected Chaeyoung to come and see you, let alone during their lunch break.

“Good~” she said squinting at you little. “I’m glad you’re helping Jaljari Oppa, he seemed really tired lately.” she said still beaming a smile at you.

“I’m glad to help.” you replied, “And if any if you, or anyone else needs my help, just ask~” she was smiling so wide at this point the suspense of what she was going to say was killing you.

“Can we have your number, incase we need your help?” She tilted her head away from you slightly, and you could almost swear she was blushing, but you wrote down you number and gave it to her. “Thank you~” she said before quickly turning and running to Jihyo.

As you went to sleep that night you got a series of texts that you weren't expecting. Chaeyoung had set up a group chat for the rest of the members to stay connected with you. As you diligently save all of the members numbers, you received another text, but this time it was just from Chaeyoung.

“Jaljari Oppa can be kinda cold, but he’s really nice! Good luck~ see ya tomorrow, Y/N Oppa~ <3”

Did this girl just send you a heart? Did she call you Oppa? Are you reading into it too much? That is what all the members call their managers. Is your imagination starting to pollute reality? Who cares? This is the best job you’ve ever had, and nothings going to stop you from enjoying every second you have around Chaeyoung, even if she doesn’t feel the same as you do.

#chaeyoung #son chaeyoung #chaeyoung twice #chaeyoung scenarios #chaeyoung imagine #chaeyoung fluff #twice #twice fluff #twice male reader #fluff #male reader

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fan-of-mulligan · 4 years

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FOM BLOG: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE

This is something different to My Gillingham Supporters Blog, but the premise remains the same, I will ask Gillingham Supporters a number of questions on a range of different topics, but these questions are slightly different to the questions I have asked previously, Because all of the questions surround the theme of favourites, EG: Favourite Game And Favourite Goal, Answering these questions are The Following Gillingham Supporters,,,, The Rainham End, Luke, Josland, Darren, Smithy, RichardS, Shane, Matthew, Harry, Lewis, Steve, Gills Debate, BQGillsFan, Loonpotter, Neil and Louis.

I want to thank everyone who has participated in the latest Gillingham Supporters Blog, as well as thank those who participated in The Previous Gillingham Supporters Blogs throughout The 2018 / 2019 Season and for the first three blogs of The 2019 / 2020 Season, It is because the involvement of everyone who has participated in the previous supporters blogs which have made these blogs so successful, so once again, thank you, Now on to the questions and answers……….

1. WHAT IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE GAME AT PRIESTFIELD STADIUM ???

The Rainham End - Gillingham v Sheffield United opening game 2015.

Luke - For me it probably has to be my first ever game which was at home to Premier League Leeds in the FA Cup 4th Round in 2003. Nothing quite beats taking in the atmosphere for massive game like that for the first time as an 8 year old. It's the day I fell in love with the club.

Josland - Gillingham 2 -0 Halifax 1992/3 final home game of season, I should say I’ve probably seen better games than gills v Halifax but none so important - in fact it was a terrible game.

Darren - It's hard to choose one specific game having been going since 2003, theres a lot to choose from! Ones that spring to mind are Gills 2-0 West Ham in Championship, 4-3 over Millwall in same season, 3-2 against Charlton in the FA Cup and the mad 5-4 over Hereford. Theres also then games when we won the league such as promotion clincher against Torquay, the last gasp win over Morcambe and when we actually got our hands on the title against Wimbledon. Over the years, it was always nice to get one over on Leeds.

Smithy - It's too difficult to pick my favourite game at Priestfield! I've been going the best part of 20-25+ years, there's just too many games to choose from!

RichardS - Boy that's a tough one. I'm going to say the Play off semi final victory against Preston in 99. Great atmosphere and perfect result. I remember supporters singing in the streets afterwards. A close second would be the victory over Scunthorpe with Josh Wright's hat trick. I have many more and I'm sure others will come out with them and I'll say. Oh yeah that one as well..

Shane - The 1-0 win over Sunderland in the league. 89th minute winner from Ogilvie!!

Matthew - My favourite game of all time was the the game against Aston Villa I know we lost but we gave it our all and a fantastic goal from Simeon Jackson.

Harry - Gills 2-2 Wimbledon, when we won the league.

Lewis - I’ve actually already kind of answered this in another question as I’ve come back to this, but it’s Gillingham 4-2 Coventry from 2014. The goal, the players on show, and the up and down nature of the game made it a thriller and I’ll always remember it.

Steve - I have a few. The 1-0 win v Wolves, the 5-2 win v Plymouth, and the 1-0 v Cardiff.

Gills Debate - The games against Torquay and Wimbledon in 2013 have got to be up there because of what they meant in the context of the title winning season, but for solely the game itself I’ll go for the 4-0 win against Sheffield United at the start of the 2015/2016 season – There can’t be many better ways to start a season!

BQGillsFan - Has to be the 4-0 against Sheffield United at the start of the 15/16 season. It was glorious weather, glorious atmosphere and a glorious performance at the beginning of what would be a very good season for the Gills.

Loonpotter - My all time favourite game at Priestfield was the 2-0 win over Halifax in the early 90s to retain our league status. I believe Paul Baker scored in that game.

Neil - Probably the Hereford 5-4 match as I went with low expectations on a cold Tuesday night, and I think it was one of the lowest gates of the season, so nobody was expecting much. Just remember the sheer elation at Tomlin’s winner after what had happened before.

Louis - Gillingham 2-2 Wimbledon. When we won the league.

2. WHAT IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE AWAY GAME YOU HAVE BEEN TO ???

The Rainham End - Portsmouth v Gillingham 2018/19 season.

Luke - Two spring to mind. My first ever away game at Leyton Orient under Justin Edinburgh. The away atmosphere was mental that day and the game finished 3-3. The other would be Portsmouth away when we beat the 3-1 in the second half.

Josland - Sunderland 4-3 Gillingham 1987 3rd division play-off 2nd leg.

Darren - Millwall away has been the destination for 2 of my favourites, the Kevin James winner to clinch a 2-1 victory and the 3-0 win when JED was in charge. Others that stand out are Southend away on first day of season and MK Dons when they played at the National Hockey Stadium and we got vital wins in consecutive seasons whilst battling relegation.

Smithy - My favourite away game of recent times...I have two! Charlton away on new years day 2018, the start of what was a great month for Steve Lovell and the team, the atmosphere was absolutely on fire. It was just a great day out. I also have to add in Portsmouth away October 2018 with THAT goal from a certain Mr Eaves. If I remember correctly I got absolutely soaked walking to the ground and the other half went nuts at me because we were going on holiday a few days later and she thought I was going to get a cold and ruin the holiday!! Very memorable!

RichardS - Has to be Wembley 1999. Despite the result what a game..

Shane - Winning 3-0 away at Millwall in December 2015 was fun.

Matthew - My all time away game was away at Spurs. I had never been to the old spurs ground and it was an experience I would never forget even tho we lost massively.

Harry - Sunderland 2-2 Gillingham. Can’t beat a 90th minute goal away from home.

Lewis - It’s either Rotherham 1-3 Gillingham or Portsmouth 1-3 Gillingham from the 2017/18 season. The Rotherham game was great because a friend of mine is a Miller and they were flying at home. We’d had such a poor start as well and Steve Lovell was still interim at the time - the performances were breaths of fresh air. I think I’ll go for the Pompey game. I went with a friend of mine and we were tosh in the first half, but that second period was immense. The goals going triggered pure emotion and I ended up jumping on people I don’t even know. All bangers as well, which helps.

Steve - The 3-0 v Blackpool. A weekend away and a good game! I would say Sunderland away, but we lost (the 4-2).

Gills Debate - I’ll go for the 3-1 win against Portsmouth – My first visit to Fratton Park, Gills first win at Fratton Park, and a couple of great goals along the way.

BQGillsFan - My all time favourite away game isn't with Gillingham I'm afraid. It had to be the 7-5 game between Arsenal and Reading in 2012. I hadn't really found my love for Gills at that point so was still a Gunners fan and to watch them come from 4-0 down in my first ever away game was so special. If I had to name a Gillingham away game, it would be our 2-1 win over Watford in 2016. I travelled down from Nottingham for the game, had to run to Euston to catch train on a busted knee that meant I could barely walk, all to see Gills come from behind to beat Premier League Watford.

Loonpotter - My favourite away game would probably be the 3-1 away win against Rotherham 2017 where we had been struggling until Steve Lovell came in and we had just started turning things around, especially on the road. Their stadium is fantastic.

Neil - A tough one. A recent favourite was the away win At Watford in the EFL cup when Dack got the winner in extra time under the late JED. Again, not the biggest of away followings but a great atmosphere and a nice stadium, and Watford had a number of first teamers playing so it was a good result. I also enjoyed the away win at Coventry many years ago in Gordon Strachan’s first match as their boss, when they were in the Premier League and Neil Smith got the winner, back when Pulis was in charge of Gills.

Louis - Millwall 0-3 Gillingham.

3. WHAT IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE GILLINGHAM GOAL SCORED AT PRIESTFIELD STADIUM ???

The Rainham End - Jake Hessenthaler v Coventry 2014.

Luke - Not sure I have a favourite but I will go with Curtis Weston Vs Shrewsbury 2009. Terrible game but Curtis pulled off a cracking 25 yard volley to score.

Josland - Nicky Southall v Sheffield Wednesday FA cup 2000.

Darren - Again, the list is plenty. For technique, ones that stand out are Byrne vs Bristol Rovers and Dacky against Sheffield United. Going back also, Marlon Kings free kick vs West Ham. Theres then others that creep in that just gave unbridled joy at the time like Cody's last min winner against Wolves on Sky. Players like Curtis Weston and Flynny always seemed to score belters too.

Smithy - My favourite goal at home...I think I have to put Connor Ogilvie's name on this one. Sunderland at home this season, brilliant goal for a defender, and down the Rainham End. Magic!

RichardS - Like the first question it's very hard to choose. I would probably say Bob Taylor's 3rd goal against Bristol City closely followed by Jake Hessenthaler’s goal against Coventry.

Shane - That Mark Byrne volley from the corner.

Matthew - Jake Hess from the half way line forgot who it was against but a great goal.

Harry - Mark Byrne v Bristol Rovers 2017.

Lewis - I’ve always maintained that Jake Hessenthaler’s goal against Coventry back in 2014 is the best goal I’ve seen live. I think the fact it took so long to go in plays a part because time seemed to stop, and it was in, then it was over, then it was hitting the bar, then it was in again. The fact that it was a player so closely connected to the club that had come through the academy scoring his first pro goal made it special as well.

Steve - I’d say Cody v Wolves, because they were such a good side and the timing of it.

Gills Debate - For importance as well as quality, Cody’s 1st goal against Bristol Rovers in the 3-1 home win in 2017. Brilliant perseverance to create the opening, and a great strike into the top corner to help us to a vital 3 points in the context of the relegation battle.

BQGillsFan - Bradley Dack against Sheffield United. We were already 3-0, we should just be seeing the game out, but Dack was not that kind of player and just belted it top bins from the corner of the box. Brilliant goal to cap of a brilliant game.

Loonpotter - My favourite Priestfield goal is probably the Mark Byrne volley from an out swinging corner.. you don’t often get to witness such a pure strike.

Neil - Probably Trigger’s volley goal v Sheff Weds in the FA Cup. It caught the wind and sailed in from way out by the touchline.

Louis - Bradley Dack v Sheffield United.

4. WHAT IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE GILLINGHAM GOAL SCORED AT AN AWAY GAME ???

The Rainham End - Tom Eaves away at Portsmouth.

Luke - Conor Wilkinson Vs Portsmouth. Great technique to get us back to 1-1.

Josland - Ty Gooden v Arsenal FA Cup.

Darren - The Kevin James winner is the stand out for me as it had everything; a quality finish in the last minute to win the game and defeat a rival. Luke O'Neills free kick against Luton last season was special also.

Smithy - Again this season I'd have to say Regan Charles-Cook at Blackpool. Super-sub, super goal and it got us right back in it.

RichardS - Tom Eaves goal against Portsmouth. Sublime.

Shane - Cody McDonald away at Oxford to end that long wait for an away win.

Matthew - Mark Byrne against Watford to make it 1-1 in front of the Gills support.

Harry - Mandron 2nd v Sunderland 2019.

Lewis - It’s got to be at Pompey, hasn’t it? Either Wilkinson’s or Eaves’ - you know the ones I’m on about. I’ll go with Wilkinson, again because of the game and because of the ecstasy the goal caused. There was an ‘oooh’ as he flicked the ball over Burgess, another one as he turned it past Matt Clarke, and then finished caused pure scenes.

Steve - I’m gutted because I missed both the Pompey games. I’ll go the O’Neill goal v Luton, his free kick.

Gills Debate - Either the Eaves or Wilkinson goals away at Portsmouth – I’ll go for the Eaves strike, as it was just the slightly better of the 2 in my opinion.

BQGillsFan - Mark Byrne against Watford. He hadn't long joined the club and hadn't really shown much up until that point, but he unleashed an absolute corker to equalise in that game and set up the eventual comeback.

Loonpotter - Favourite goal away would possibly be Alan Walker vs Brentford, early 90s F.A. cup.. I believe it finished 3-3 if my memory serves me correct. It was the importance of the goal and the timing that created many limbs in the away end on a live Sky TV match.

Neil - Ok for Question 4 I will say Hess away goal at Stoke in the playoff semifinal. Terrific strike from long range which gave us a chance in the 2nd leg to get to the final, which we did.

Louis - Connor Wilkinson v Portsmouth.

5. WHAT IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE GOAL SCORED BY AN OPPOSITION PLAYER ???

The Rainham End - Honestly don't keep records of that.

Luke - I try to forget the goals we let in if I can help it but one that always sticks out for me was back in 2007 at home to Port Vale. It was Simon Royce's first game and we had gone 3-0 up comfortably but they scored a long range goal from Danny Whittaker (googled) which just flew hard and low into Royce's bottom right hand corner.

Josland - No such thing exist.

Darren - Nick Powell scored some beauties against us when he played for Crewe so I'll say him.

Smithy - Two goals stick out for me on this one. Eriksen at Tottenham in the cup, I actually stood and applauded because that was a magnificent goal. I also remember quite well Morgan Ferrier's goal against us up at Walsall early on in the 2018/19 campaign. He tore through us. I genuinely from that game thought Walsall would do well that season, however not to be.

RichardS - I don't tend to remember opposition goals that well In all honesty. I do remember losing to a cracker against Northampton a few years ago at Priestfield and we lost 0-1. Other than that I tend to deliberately forget about them.

Shane - Smith for Rotherham. The mix up between Ogilvie and Bonham. The goal was so bad you could do nothing but laugh about it. I did like their second goal of the afternoon from Crooks. Nicely taken goal.

Matthew - Eriksen spurs first goal against Gills.

Harry - Matt Crooks’ chip in November 2019.

Lewis - Honestly, I can’t really remember. Any that far back, anyway. This season, Alex Gilbey of MK Dons and Matt Crooks of Rotherham both scored good goals, but I really can’t think of any past this campaign, to be honest! Think Joe Ward scored a banger as well, actually. I’d like to point out I’m not one for clapping opposition goals, however.

Steve - I think it was Andy Cook that scored it, but I remember Matt Jarvis putting a beauty of a ball game. I have clapped goals before, but none come to mind.

Gills Debate - Perhaps an odd choice, but I’ll pick Ighalo’s goal when we played Watford in the League Cup – Nothing to do with the quality of the goal, but because it meant that not only had we beaten a Premier League side, in their own back yard, but we’d also done so by coming from behind and that made it even better!

BQGillsFan - Probably comes from this season. Matt Crooks for Rotherham when they beat us 3-0 at Priestfield. A delightful touch over I believe Ehmer, then lobs Bonham from like 35 yards out. Only time i can remember the Rainham End applauding an opposition goal so has to be that.

Loonpotter - Favourite opposition goal is difficult because I don’t really like any of them lol.

Neil - One I recall is when Asaba played for Brentford the ball was down towards the corner flag and bouncing, and he turned and smashed it into the opposite top corner and I think it stuck in the goal behind the stanchion. The cameraman missed it as it was so quick. Glad that we signed him not long after that.

Louis - Nick Powell, 11/12 season.

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE GILLINGHAM HOME SHIRT ???

The Rainham End - This season has had the best shirt since I've supported them since 2010 but I have a soft spot for our home shirt when we won league 2.

Luke - I quite liked the 2009 play off winning kit at the time. Also liked the kit we had in 15-16 under Justin.

Josland - Zanussi 1985/6.

Darren - Favourite is the League 2 winning shirt just for the memories it gives and the fact it looks completely different to the other home shirts.

Smithy - I have to say I think the current kit is one of the best if not the best we've had in a while and I also quite liked the 2014/15 shirt too.

RichardS - Wow these are tough. Has to be the 2012 - 2013 championship winning New Brompton shirt. Close behind us the Kool shirt from 1999.

Shane - I like the black and blue horizontal 'Sea France' sponsored shirt. Although I am a fan of the home shirt this season.

Matthew - The home shirt currently is the best in a few seasons.

Harry - 2012/13 anniversary top.

Lewis - As ironic as it is as we play in blue, I’d say the red home shirt from the title winning season. I’ve got a replica framed on my wall at home signed by the squad, and it obviously brings back good memories from that campaign.

Steve - The current one. I like MEMS.

Gills Debate - A Danny Kedwell match worn shirt that I’ve got at home!

BQGillsFan - I'll go with the 14-15 home kit, mainly because it was my first Gills shirt.

Loonpotter - Favourite Gillingham home shirt would be any of the modern plain blue... I'm not a fan of stripes.

Neil - Chatham Maritime 1989-90 season.

Louis - 19/20 season or 13/14 season.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE GILLINGHAM AWAY SHIRT ???

The Rainham End - 2015/16 away shirt.

Luke - Black with blue pinstripes in 2011-12, the first year as MEMS as sponsors.

Josland - Pink 2013/14.

Darren - Can’t say I have ever had one in all honesty.

Smithy - My favourite away shirt matches my favourite home shirt, this season’s.

RichardS - The yellow one from 1999 and I also love the black and white stripe centenary shirt from last year. Although we did wear that at home as well.

Shane - Has to be the yellow 'Medway News' sponsored shirt worn at Wembley against Wigan.

Matthew - The yellow shirt that had Kent Messenger on it.

Harry - 2011/12 Pink away shirt.

Lewis - I’m going to go with the anniversary kit from last year - the black and white one. I loved the colour scheme, the stripes, the collar and the lack of sponsor.

Steve - The black and white one.

Gills Debate - The away shirt from the title winning centenary season – It was fitting that we won the league in the centenary year and the shirts were a memorable part of that season.

BQGillsFan - The black and white special anniversary kit released last season. Loved it the moment I saw it and picked it up almost immediately after it was released. Still the shirt I wear to games every week.

Loonpotter - Again... plain red I like, not stripes ... That said I did really like the recent black and white centenary shirt.

Neil - Black and white anniversary kit.

Louis - 2014-2016 White away kit.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NON GILLINGHAM FOOTBALL SHIRT ???

The Rainham End - Coventry City this seasons.

Luke - I've got an Inter shirt from when I went over there which I quite like. Also had a PSG away shirt from like 2012 I wore a lot so probably those.

Josland - Any Brazil yellow.

Darren - Barcelona’s shirts are easy on the eye.

Smithy - Wasn't an Arsenal fan growing up but I did like the old JVC kits, I thought some of them were particularly nice.

RichardS - Quite like the Watford yellow and Black shirt.

Shane - The Blue and White Manchester United shirt with the names of players on. It was one of the first football shirts my parents bought me.

Matthew - Arsenal away shirt currently as they have brought the yellow back from years ago.

Harry - Huddersfield Town home shirt 2019/20.

Lewis - I can’t put my finger on why, but I love Malaga’s home kits. I think the light blue and white stripes are beautiful. Liverpool’s home kits have got better since they went darker I think, too.

Steve - I’ll go Barcelona. Nice colour.

Gills Debate - Nothing particularly came to mind for this one, but luckily, I saw the BBC article on iconic shirts around the time I was writing these answers – I do quite like that 1988 Netherlands shirt, so I’ll go with that as my answer!

BQGillsFan - Arsenal's blue away shirt from 2004/05. It's not the best shirt and from a design perspective it's probably not my favourite, but it was my first ever football kit and I'll always have fond memories of it.

Loonpotter - My favourite non Gillingham shirt is the Holland national teams orange kit.

Neil - Dutch national team. Won’t win any points for style, but the orange stands out and it looks great when all their fans have the orange shirts on in the stadium too.

Louis - Nigeria World Cup 2018 shirt.

9. WHAT IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE FA CUP GAME ???

The Rainham End - Gillingham v Cardiff 1-0 Elliott List.

Luke - See Question 1.

Josland - Everton 0 - 0 Gillingham 1983/4.

Darren - The Liverpool-West Ham final was a great spectacle and went right to the wire. United-Arsenal semi final is also up there in terms of excitement. From a Gills perspective, the 3-2 win over Charlton and the game against Villa where we deserved a draw but were cheated out by an Ashley Young dive; I've never forgiven him.

Smithy - When it comes to FA Cup games it has to be Cardiff last season. It was the best atmosphere topped with a great win. I've never felt the Rainham End rock, I can now take sympathy with away fans when they pack the town end!!

RichardS - The Leeds victory with Alan Clarke scoring the winner. From a Gillingham point of view the victory against Cardiff is right up there.

Shane - The 2-1 defeat to Aston Villa was a good game to see. There was something to cheer about when Jackson equalised. Unfortunately, the two sides were separated by that penalty.

Matthew - Aston Villa at home. The ground was rocking and when we scored it was the best noise ever.

Harry - Gillingham 1-0 Cardiff 2018/19.

Lewis - I’ll just go with the Cardiff game. It was our first ‘big’ tie since my dad got into football and embracing with him when List smashed home was amazing. I’d have taken the replay, but it wasn’t needed!

Steve - I was tempted to say Sunderland, but it has to be Cardiff.

Gills Debate - Given that my first Gills game was in 2011, I’m not exactly blessed with options for this one, but it’s got to be the Cardiff game last year – Beating a premier league team is always a highlight!

BQGillsFan - Again its non-Gillingham related (although I wanna say Cardiff last season), but I have to go with the 2014 FA Cup Final between Arsenal and Hull City. Even as a neutral it would be hard to deny it wasn't a classic FA Cup final, but as an Arsenal fan growing up it meant everything. I'd never seen them win silverware before as I only started watching in 2006, so when it looked like it was lost I was heartbroken. Fair to say i didn't get off the ceiling for a week when Ramsey scored the winner.

Loonpotter - My favourite F.A.cup game was the final between Liverpool vs Everton in 1989 which finished 3.-2.

Neil - Probably the Gills v Sheff Weds game as mentioned before, as it was at a time when the club were really on the up.

Louis - Chelsea 2-4 Bradford.

10. WHAT IS YOUR ALL TIME FAVOURITE LEAGUE CUP GAME ???

The Rainham End - Watford v Gillingham 2016.

Luke - Not a fan of the league cup really so don't think I've got one.

Josland - Gillingham 2 - 2 Coventry 1996/7

Darren - For Gills, the 3-2 win over Pompey in 2004/2005? In general, they all really blend into one now as most premiership teams play their reserves which can lead to some crazy scores like Reading vs Arsenal which finished about 4-7. There was also the Liverpool-Arsenal tie this season which was a high scoring draw before penalties.

Smithy - I don't tend to attend league cup games so I couldn't answer.

RichardS - This one is easy for me. The Gillingham victory against Coventry with Simon Ratcliffe’s pile driver. Truly magical moment..Cant remember the year though..1996/7 ?

Shane - Winning 2-1 away at Watford. I thought our opportunity had gone when Dack missed the penalty.

Matthew - The game against Watford. To come back from 1-0 down was amazing and then to win in extra time as well brilliant.

Harry - Bradford v Arsenal 2012/13 just for the giant killing.

Lewis - As much as I’d love to say Tottenham because of the ground and the team, we were terrible that day. I’ll have to go for Watford because it’s pretty insane beating a Prem team away with such a young side. I really enjoyed the Millwall game last year, actually, too.

Steve - I’ll say Millwall last year because we were in with a chance of winning that. Parker then hit an aeroplane.

Gills Debate - The 2-1 win against Watford at Vicarage Road.

BQGillsFan - Well again it has to be the 2-1 win away against Watford. Truly a golden night for Gills fans.

Loonpotter - Probably the Norwich city win when it was the milk cup .. The attendance that day was 100,000 I read recently.

Neil - The Watford away game as mentioned previously. Really good atmosphere and team performance.

Louis - Reading 5-7 Arsenal.

11. WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLAYER IN THE CURRENT GILLINGHAM SQUAD ???

The Rainham End - Connor Ogilvie.

Luke - Don't really have favourites these days because they never stick around for long enough so I will stump for Fuller.

Josland - Jack Bonham.

Darren - I'll say Jack Tucker as he’s a local lad and he has had such a fantastic first full season with us. He is getting better by the game and is a technically good player. For a lad of his age to have experienced strikers in his back pocket says all you need to know.

Smithy - My favourite current player....flip a coin between Olly Lee and Max Ehmer. I'd love us to keep hold of Olly beyond the seasons end and I think Max has become a great leader and a brilliant defender.

RichardS - Emm...These are really difficult and I have a few. I plump for Connor Ogilvie. Close second and closing ranks Jack Tucker.

Shane - Barry Fuller. Always appears to give 100%. I wasn't sure what to think when he resigned for Gillingham but he has proved to be an asset.

Matthew - Jack Tucker. For a youngster his ability on and of the ball is great.

Harry - Connor Ogilvie or Barry Fuller.

Lewis - I’m going to say Alfie Jones. I have a thing about centre halves that can play in midfield and he, at the minute, is that. I think he protects our back four really well and he’ll leave a huge hole next year.

Steve - It’s between Tucker and Byrne, but I’ll go Byrne.

Gills Debate - I’m going to go with Max Ehmer – Maybe not the standout defender this season with Ogilvie and Tucker doing so well in the back 4, but he’s amassed a lot of games for us now, and is clearly respected behind the scenes by Evans. I hope that we can tie him down to a new 2- or 3-year deal.

BQGillsFan - Jack Tucker. I'm a sucker for good defenders and him being so talented at such a young age, especially being someone out of our own academy makes him just that little bit more special.

Loonpotter - My favourite current player would probably be Olly Lee.

Neil - Probably Regan Charles-Cook. Always has a smile on his face, and offers something different. Good technical ability. Perhaps could improve the defensive side of his game, but in an attacking sense he is unpredictable and capable of scoring some really good goals.

Louis - Jack Bonham or Jack Tucker.

12. WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE GILLINGHAM MANAGER YOU HAVE SEEN DURING YOUR TIME AS A GILLINGHAM SUPPORTER ???

The Rainham End - Martin Allen or currently Steve Evans.

Luke - Mad Dog. He won us a league and was different to what we've ever had before. Sacked too soon.

Josland - Keith Peacock.

Darren - I think my favourite just from the football we played although we didn't quite make it in the end was Justin Edinburgh, he got us believing again. Obviously Mad Dog is up there as he won us the league and Hessy, mainly more for his first spell when I first started going. Steve Evans is certainly not doing too much wrong at the moment either.

Smithy - I've seen quite a few managers over the years. There's a few that stand out. Pulis I'm afraid is one I remember very well, Martin Allen for obvious reasons but if I'm really honest right now I'd have to say our current manager has grown massively on me.

RichardS - In truth it is a draw between Keith Peacock and Tony Pulis. Because of the more vivid memories I'll go with Tony Pulis.

Shane - Martin Allen. Championship winning manager. It was a shame his time ended so abruptly.

Matthew - Tony Pulis is the best for me. No words can describe him.

Harry - Martin Allen.

Lewis - I’ve got to go Steve Evans. When he first came in, for a while, actually, I wasn’t sure if the nice guy thing was an act, but I really like him and I believe he’s changed and calmed down a bit. I’ve been lucky to meet him a few times through journalism and he’s always been so lovely and calls me ‘son’! He really knows what he’s doing, too, and I love the passion. I really believe he’s going to get us up sooner rather than later.

Steve - I’d say Evans, actually. He’s building something nice and he’s a character.

Gills Debate - It’s got to be Martin Allen for me – A league title in his first season in charge, and someone who seemed to know how to create an ‘us against the world’ ideology around the club.

BQGillsFan - It's really tough between Justin Edinburgh and Steve Evans. I'll always have a lot of love for Steve Lovell, but Edinburgh and Evans both bought excitement to Priestfield. I'll go with JED as he was there longer than Evans, but carry on how he's started and i may go with Big Ol' Steve if you ask me again next year.

Loonpotter - It's close for me between Tony Pulis and Steve Evans.

Neil - Martin Allen. It was funny how he dealt with the media, he engaged well with the fans, and we won the League 2 title in his first season as manager!

Louis - Martin Allen.

13. WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLAYER WHO HAS NEVER PLAYED FOR GILLINGHAM (CAN BE A PLAYER WHO PLAYED IN THE PAST AND NOT NECESSARILY SOMEONE WHO IS CURRENTLY PLAYING TODAY) ???

The Rainham End - Lyle Taylor.

Luke - I was never really one of those kids who had pictures of footballers everywhere. There are a lot of players I respect in terms of their talent. People like Zinedine Zidane and Ronaldinho were insane footballers but if I'm honest, all of my favourite players have played for Gills.

Josland - Gazza.

Darren - Theres a few Premiership players over the years that I've admired like Robbie Fowler and Steve Gerrard. For players that have come up against us which I've admired theres Nick Powell, Patrick Bamford, Matt Smith and Marlon Pack.

Smithy - My favourite non-Gills player would have to be Gianluca Vialli or Granfranco Zola. I was a bit of a Chelsea fan growing up and these two were at the top of the tree for me!

RichardS - Kevin Keegan. More in line with Players who've played against Gillingham I would say Sean Gregan for Preston. A constant nuisance.

Shane - Ryan Giggs. He was my favourite player growing up. I had Giggs 11 on my Blue and White Manchester United shirt.

Matthew - My favourite player who never played for us is Paddy Madden who used to play for Scunthorpe now at Fleetwood. Great striker that can score goals and great on and off the ball.

Harry - Marco Asensio of Real Madrid.

Lewis - I’ll have to go with Steven Gerrard. I quite like Liverpool and always idolised him when I got into football. Seeing him live (for England) and on the tv most weeks was brilliant, and I loved the way he led a team, too.

Steve - It’s got to be Ronaldo. The best player in the world for me.

Gills Debate - In terms of a player to watch I’ll go for Lampard – A top quality midfield player, with a superb goalscoring record.

BQGillsFan - It's someone who always gets odd looks thrown at me but Theo Walcott. Was the first high profile signing when I first started watching Arsenal and he was a first team regular when I started going to watch Arsenal on a consistent basis. I grew up with Theo and loved watching him play as you knew he was always throwing his all. Walcott bleed Arsenal and loved playing for the shirt, what more can you ask for.

Loonpotter - Theres so many... Barnes Beardsley, Carlos Valderrama, Jose Rene Higuita, Edgar Davids, Zidane, Matteus, Andrea's Brehme, Maldini, Bergkamp, Jean Pierre Papin, we could be here all day.

Neil - Ronaldinho- he was amazing at Barcelona, supremely gifted, and you can tell he loved to play the game.

Louis - Lionel Messi.

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MATCH-DAY MEAL ???

The Rainham End - Sausage Roll.

Luke - Ha used to be the paella from the Rainham End until the messed it up. If you see from my answers of the last few supporters q&a’s it's been a bug bear of mine for a while how poor it now is.

Josland - Burger from the van.

Darren - I don't tend to eat at football but when I do, it's got to be a cheeseburger.

Smithy - I always stop in at my mum's on a home match-day as I don't live locally and she cooks me the best sausage rolls before I head to Priestfield, but if I'm ever running late I'll pick up a burger from the van on Redfearn Avenue....they are honestly the best I've ever had at a ground!

RichardS - Has to be burgers and chips.

Shane - Depends what mood Gills put me in. Sometimes you need to have a good takeaway to make your Saturday evening a little better…

Matthew - I don’t buy food at the ground so I could not answer that.

Harry - Don’t eat at the ground usually but Hot Dog if I do.

Lewis - It varies. Sometimes I’ll get a hot dog at Priestfield, but sometimes they aren’t great. The chips have got good recently so I enjoy them. Sometimes, though, I’ll grab a pasty and a chocolate bar in the corner chop near Woodlands School. If it’s an away game, I’ll scout the pies before settling for what I can get.

Steve - Probably a burger. No cheese.

Gills Debate - A takeaway pizza for dinner picked up on the way home from an away win.

BQGillsFan - Not a man that partakes in football stadium food, but I'll say Chicken and Mushroom Pie just so I can mention my mate getting on slopped all down his back at Southend when someone took a fat bite and it all fell out the pastry. Dude didn't even apologise, but certainly left us laughing the whole train ride back.

Loonpotter - Match-day meal for me is grabbing some chips down the road from the stadium although inside the stadium.the noodles in black bean sauce and pretty good value for money.

Neil - Cheeseburger quarter pounder either from the van outside the ground or in the stadium. Maybe a bottle of Diet Coke too. Your favourite also I think FOM?

Louis - Bacon Baguette.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE ???

The Rainham End - Avengers End Game.

Luke - The Dark Knight.

Josland - The Godfather.

Darren - Theres a few - Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Wolf of Wall Street, I can watch them anytime they're on.

Smithy - My favourite movie is The Italian Job, utterly obsessed. So much so that I actually have a tattoo of the cars and the bus!!

RichardS - The Shawshank Redemption.

Shane - The Nightmare Before Christmas. The child in me has a collection of memorabilia for it. Although I am a fan of Quentin Tarantino. Mindless violence….

Matthew - The home of the shouting men that was filmed and all about Gillingham.

Harry - Ted 2.

Lewis - I’m not really one for films, to be honest. I enjoyed World War Z and proper liked the new Aladdin, too. Not much more I can think of off the top of my head!

Steve - Love Actually. It’s Christmassy and has a number of story lines. Well known actors and actresses too!

Gills Debate - From a very limited selection the James Bond film Skyfall – I’ve probably only seen about 3 or 4 more films since that one came out!

BQGillsFan - Spiderman Into The Spider-Verse. Just a really fun moving that I once watched 6 times in a week. I'm not the kind of guy to do that, so that's when I knew i loved this film.

Loonpotter - Favourite movie is difficult, again there are so many going back to childhood when it would have been The goonies, The karate kid, the original Willy Wonka and the original Wizard of Oz but moving onto adulthood I would say to name a few Switchblade romance, The devils rejects, Hostel, Saw, and many more.

Neil - Can’t pick one film but I really like Apocalypse Now, Blade Runner, Aliens, Predator, Taxi Driver, Scarface, The Dark Knight, Platoon.

Louis - The Dark Knight Rises.

16. AND FINALLY, IF YOU WERE PLAYING FOOTBALL YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR FAVOURITE POSITION, OR MOST PREFERRED POSITION TO PLAY ON THE PITCH ???

The Rainham End - RB.

Luke - Have played on and off for a long time but played a lot more 5 & 6 aside than 11. I used to want to be a keeper when I was younger but these days I'm content with centre half or full back. I do enjoy the old target man role up front though, that's always fun battling with opposition lumps.

Josland - Holding midfielder.

Darren - I had been playing up until a few months ago before injury got the better of me again. I liked to be centre midfield, box to box but also enjoyed playing CAM too.

Smithy - When I played as a kid I was chucked into being a right-back and as I got older and took it more seriously I moved into a centre back position and I spent many years playing in the position.

RichardS - Central or in my later days right side midfield. I had the touches, I think, but my engine was never the best. Always had to work hard to keep fit whereas for others it's more natural. my only advice is if you are young and fit play as long as you can because its soon over before you know it.

Shane - Right Midfield with an option to push forward.

Matthew - I would love to play as a Striker or just behind the strikers in midfield.

Harry - Favourite position - left winger - Preferred position - left winger.

Lewis - Anywhere across the back four, really. Normally at full back, because I like going forward and backwards, but I’d argue I’m more defensively minded. I’m right footed, so I’ll have to say right back, although I do actually prefer playing on the left.

Steve - Striker. So you get the glory and win games!

Gills Debate - I think I’d go centre-half – It must be quite satisfying if you can be part of a defence that’s picking up clean sheets.

BQGillsFan - I'm always torn with this because I love playing as the goalkeeper and its probably on paper my best position. I grew up a goalie and whenever I used to play at club level, it was in between the sticks. But I also love playing in midfield, spraying passes and dictating the tempo. I think when I'm in goal I miss being outfield more than I miss being in goal when playing as a midfielder. So if forced to pick one, I'm playing centre midfield.

Loonpotter - My position would be CAM, RM or RW.

Neil - In my younger school days I used to play either up front or on the right side of midfield. I prefer right midfield, get some crosses in and a few shots too if I’m lucky!

Louis - Striker.

Once again, thank you to everyone for participating in this blog, and if anyone who is reading this wishes to participate in The Next Gillingham Supporters Blog, then feel free to send me a message, and your more than welcome to participate in The Gillingham Supporters Blog, The Favourite Theme Blog was something a bit different, and I appreciate everyone replying back with there own feedback and responses.

#Gillingham #Football #Supporters #Favourite

0 notes

whimsically-ominously-auspice · 5 years

Text

Sometimes my brother stays in the house all night. And annoys my kid.

But after tonight i see why.

He had to register his hands as militant weapons. He said militant. lol.

He was in karate all through elementary minus some years and some high school.

He knocked me out with two fingers once then started crying cause he thought I was dead. My mom didn't care. She told him good job.

My little brother paralyzed my arm once by jabbing it. That shit hurt. It was temporary but my arm was sore for days.

So obviously neither are afraid. They have skills,i always believed out powered my own.

I woke my brother up to open a jar but he couldn't either so soon after he went to his home. He said for some,reason no one was outside.

He knows Jesse i know he does cause we used to work the same gas station. Jesse and Stewie are the same but I call him stewie after the Family Guy baby cause he always tries to kill his mom.

He went to ministry school for college and has all kinds of degrees in philosophy and church and all that.

Anyways stewie got a job with my brother at nights and my brother got him fired.

I got him banned but our boss was a bitch thinking about her pussy.

Anyways. So he gets those feels when,there is dumb asses thinking they got a brain.

Me and my kid do too but its different. We don't live by them.

Usually she comes out for a little while with me but she said tonihht she had a feeling she djdnt want,to.

But I know at home,she gets them. Because one of us will sleep,at different times and one of us is always awake.

Thats whn i knpw some type monster you wish only lived under beds has been outside,

I dont say anything. But I think we both know.

.....

I went out again, this time with the light off and smoked. 4th cigar later and my sinus feel great!!

....

I could hear joints pop. Starchy grass being stepped on. And a chain.

I could feel a vehicle's presence. One with people in it.

.....

I heard the truck start drive slowly up,the north mesa. I could hear for so long i knew they were stopped.

...

Random dogs had barked. First in the yard then one 3 acres away. Then in the yard again.

I listened to how many birds chirped and how.

....

I knew someone was there when i moved my foot there was another sound... When you concentrate on doing something and you focus on it... I didn't hear the sound until i had already focused to move..its a random thing but always valid. If i move my foot someone else is moving theirs.

Its a constant.

......

I said shhh to the dogs. I whispered a loud hey that echoed to the weakling that couldn't stand still on the other side of the fence.

No one appropriately responded.

.....

I heard the there's a mother fucker there bark.

....

So i went in and as soon as I did that coward ass took off running to his waiting truck.

.....

I unfortunately can feel people's emotions. So i felt him being terrified. I also felt his chest heaving after running when i went in.

I feel his backward heart hurt the last two nights.

.....

#fbi he wants to kill me but he doesn't know how. Hes wanted to for 20 years after he believed jesse James killed my kids. That's why other people call him Jesse. Ive admitted to be fuddled about certsin things and barely have a glimpse of things. He had me,take an abundance of pills once to over dose. Right after the babies were murdered by their grandpa.

And hes tried to kill me and Annie multiple times.

The only person he has a right to kill is himself or anyone that is trying to kill him -- except when he decided to kill them first. Like me. Because I will kill him.

But if someone like wanted to mug him and had a gun then its okay to defend yourself as best as you can. The goal being to get them away from you and disarmed if possible. But not always death is the answer dependin on who it is.

.....

And since he collaborates with Denise, she focuses him on killing me. So he has a right to kill her to shut her up. Becsuse this is an extreme 20 plus year issue. Its not an issue for every one. Its not always the answer.

But in this case it is.

......

Stewart often has someone drop him off where i am,then he walks where I can see him. Then he has them pick him up.

Lately I've honked at him and given him the bird. Just so he knows i see him and i still hate him and i will kill him.

Denise was driving today so i couldn't but i yelled my hate at him,anyways.

.....

Weird was when i got,to the gas station there was a black girl in the back seat of a red SUV with huge eyes like she was a victim of human trafficking. But I always see cops there. And all the Windows were down. IDK why people look like that. Last,time they were worrief about my tire. Windows were down some,dude was outside smoking. She could had screamed. She seemed to be the only one there,

Just a random thing.

------

I was really worried about him going through the,gate. Because they wantef me to sit where I was safe and could see through the fence. But i was super close to the gate and i could hear him within the outer fence. Theres like 4 fences and shit... So he was within the half yard where I was but outside of,the porch fence.

So trespassing. New Mexico law is i can fight back with an equal or lesser weapon. Since he uses needles... And I'm handicapped. I can use a broom, chair, table. Pretty much anything i want but a gun. I could use a knife cause they're close to needles. He uses insulin so a big butcher knife.. Since I'm diabetic ... Insulin won't bother me much but he does use extremely high doses which would cause me to pass out. So then i would be able to equalize that with a stun gun which i have, pepper spray which i have. And blood loss from a butcher knife will cause him to pass out.

Now here I'm not suppose to equalize his crime and kidnap him.

But since I know he wants to kill me, has kidnapped me, etc....

They asked me what i would say if he ends up missing.

I don't care. That was my answer. I don't fucking care. Ive been complaining about him for years.

He tried to kill me and my daughter Annie. Hes constantly harassing us. He follows us. There's records.

If i go through the trouble of disposing him. Dude. They already fucking know where he is. They fucking watch me. They can push rewind on the dam satellite,

So seriously. I go through the trouble of disposing him myself or with my family don't fucking say shit but thank you snd pay me a reward.

Call me,crazy but im fucking telling you. So PREVENT IT.

Or don't bother arresting me or asking where is currently 50 extra pound ass is.

Lets not play dumb, here. Get someone smarter than you if you don't understand, #FBI

Self defense. Hes a threat and has been. Hrs fucking crazier than me,

We all know i can go sociopath, psychopath, serial killer. I can do them all all day any day.

Yes he is crazier than me because he can't go sane.

And despite me sounding crazy. I am actually sane.

......

So. He is terrified of me. He asked me about a year ago to let him help me load my groceries on the black tread at the store. He was shaking like a leaf. I was PISSED because he came up behind me and squeezed next to me,to,get in front of me.

They're all he doesn't have his black bag!!!!! He wears a fanny pack to carry his insulin.

THATS WHAT I DONT GET.

hes scared yet he wants to kill me????

What the Hell. Stay away from me.

Then he will sit where he knows i should be able to see him and he eats candy and smiles all big showing his teeth like he just ate out some ones ass..

Telling me hes gonna have to have his needles out soon.

........

But they tell me he doesnt have his bag.

.....

He will and has tucked them under his dick on his nut sack. And pulled it out in front of me and my child.

.......

I will fucking kill him before he can get his stupid hands in his pants,

I do not fucking care.

Hes lucky i don't have a gun. Because h3 would already be dead.

That's why i don't have a gun.

I almost got one a few years ago.....

But i don't want to go to jail. So if he is close enough for me,to,touch on private property not belonging to him.

Hes a dead man.

........

Anyways so i was concerned for him to go thru the gate because I wasn't feeling the kill rage. So i felt like i wasn't ready so i was weary.

And i kept on although everything else was telling me,he wasn't but to my right,

So my left ear started buzzing like crazy and i was all fucking shut up i can't hear..

But duh. I didn't need to listen at the gate.

So god was there talking to me. Telling me he was there and ready to help me as i need.

To help me as i need.

Once i got the understanding then the buzzing quit.

And I knew to focus my ears to my right.

....

I wasn't alone and,had a lot of support and understanding from a legend. She was really awesome in being curious and understanding. It was pretty awesome. She has a clear and strong voice. I bet she will be a guardian angel one day and i know she will be awesome at it. I was starting to wonder if she was dead because she was so good.

She's not but yeah i was like whoa. I could trust her. Its unusual.

Just because she was awesome doesn't mean she's near death, its just an Earth skill.

I trust the dead most because they can go anywhere even under water.

And i felt i could trust her just as much as a spirit sent from Heaven.

.....

I can hear stewart again.

......

0 notes

hoorayfornicepeople-blog · 6 years

Text

February 26, 2018

Where to begin? Probably with a deep breath. Two months from today, I will be on a plane back to the States, which means I have reached the half way point. Time certainly doesn’t slow down. Today I went to the immigration office in Kampala to swap my tourist visa out for a student visa, symbolic of some sort of greater permanence, of this becoming a kind of home and less of a quick stop along the way.

This week is probably also the busiest week of the semester so far (or so it feels). Last week was spring break, which I spent on my rural homestay, with a family in Soroti, in the Serere district of Northern Uganda. We left last Friday on the 16th and returned just last night (Sunday). The week left me with an awful lot to process through, which made jumping into this busy week quite challenging. Today, I struggled to balance the need to prioritize processing, with some of the pressing academic tasks that needed to be done. This has been a consistent thread this semester, but it felt particularly heightened today. I spent the week totally unplugged from technology and the rest of the world and reentry last night brought me 169 new emails and zero desire to read any of them. The emotional energy required to talk with people and explain my week to them proved difficult to find. Many of you have already responded to my inability to explain with understanding and grace.

Tonight, in an attempt to sort through the emails remaining unread from last night, I read the notes from the first La Vida training, which happened last week while I was away. (Update in case I haven’t told you— headed to the Adirondack’s to Sherpa in August!!) Per usual with God’s timing, the “devo thought” from the training was so poignant and relevant to my inner dialogue that I could have cried. It was taken from Elton Trueblood:

“The man who supposes that he has no time to pray or to reflect, because of social tasks which are urgent and numerous, will soon find that he has become fundamentally unproductive, because he will have separated his life from his roots….A man has made a step toward a genuine maturity when he realizes that, though he ought to perform kind and just acts, the greatest gift he can give others consist in being a radiant and encouraging person. What we are is more significant in the long run, than what we do. It is impossible for a man to give what he does not have.”

Yesterday, Will had reminded me to give myself permission to prioritize my mental, emotional, spiritual health/need for processing and reflection, even if that meant temporarily setting aside an assignment or other academic task. You know me enough to know that this advice is a tough pill for me to swallow, even though I know it’s true. Today, it was abundantly clear to me that lack of processing, even briefly, was leaving me “fundamentally unproductive,” no matter how much I tried to discipline myself. And so here I am, engaging in one of the most cathartic exercises I’ve ever known, writing. As usual, I am grateful for your willingness to sit patiently and listen while I attempt to sort through the richness of this experience and put it into words.

Spring Break 2k18… last year during spring break there was a giant blizzard. This year, in Sortoti, the average weekly temperature was somewhere around 100 degrees (not even hyperbolizing here). I went into the week expecting I would sleep in a hut, slaughter a chicken, carry water on my head, and milk a cow. I did none of the above. There’s a lesson on perception and expectations in there. When I was dropped off on Saturday, my host mama matter-of-factly informed me— “This week, it will be too hot for activities, but we will prepare food, eat, and sit.” That turned out to be an incredibly accurate synopsis of the week. In addition to the heat, we are currently on the tail end of dry season, which contributed to the lack of activity, since my host parents primarily farm. The third and final factor that shaped the level of activity of the week was that both of my host parents are in their 70s, incredibly strong and fit, but still doing less physically demanding work at this stage of life.

However, here are some things that I did get to do:

Bucket bathed… a lot

Drank 4,000 Nalgenes a day (don’t worry Mom, I stayed hydrated)

Rested

Star gazed

Ate food

Went to church

Visited the village center

Learned to remove the internal organs of a chicken prior to cooking it

Washed dishes

Did laundry

Drank tea

Swept and mopped the house

Learned to cook a lot of things in the outdoor kitchen— posho, lots of different kinds of potatoes, soup, greens, millet/potato/sorghum bread…

Constructed an underground oven and cooked sweet potatoes in it

Rested

Read 600+ pages (spread between three books)

Sat in silence

Listened to the radio

Beat, winnowed, and separated millet

Rested

Ate more food

Visited the neighbors

Sewed pillowcases

Shelled G-nuts

Picked, cut, and ate jackfruit

Spent too much time in the pit latrine after eating jackfruit

Watched thunderstorms from the porch (It rained four nights in a row. Before leaving for the week, Eddie told us the mzungus always bring the rain to Soroti. I thought it was a crazy superstition, but it turned out to be absolutely right.)

Drank more tea

Rested

Picked and ate fresh oranges

My mama’s favorite phrase was “you go rest now,” since my room was like an oven during the day, this usually meant finding the shadiest spot and reading my book or journaling, rather than taking a nap. In combination with the amount of time I already spent sitting in silence with my host parents, or by myself in between other activities, this was wild. Before leaving, I asked people to pray for my ability to be present. God responded by providing opportunities to be present in excess. Retrospectively, the time that I had this week to reflect, contemplate, learn, and rest was truly valuable, but my impatience made it difficult to recognize in the moment. I experienced a week of simplicity, with little urgency. A culture not enslaved to clock time or schedules, but guided by the needs of the present moment, subsistence, and the daily rhythm of the earth. It was simultaneously one of the most challenging, defining, and enriching (still convincing myself of the last part) parts of the week.

The week included some of my most challenging experiences in communicating cross-culturally– navigating difficult conversations, pushing myself not to be dismissive of a differences of opinion rooted in cultural conditioning, doing my best to practice humility and openness, and learning that I have an accent that is at times hard to understand. This is something I still need to unpack, but you can ask me about it if you’re curious.

Much of what I learned this week came through lots of observation and listening. I learned a lot about the historical and current politics of Northern Uganda and it’s rocky relationship with President Museveni, who punishes the region by withholding government resources or using discriminatory policies, because of the imbalance of power based in tribal/ethnic divisions. I learned about theology, community, he education system, marriage, death, parenting, family, environment, land and agriculture, politics, and history all as they’re shaped by the culture and context of Northern Uganda. Detailing each of these would take an incredible number of words.

I also learned about some of the most prominent poverty related issues Ugandans are experiencing, particularly related to education and medical care. Serere is and has been one of the most impoverished areas of Uganda. However, hear me on this. When you close your eyes and picture poverty in Africa, that image in your mind is not a universal representation. I learned that about myself and my own preconceptions this week for sure. I wrestled (and still am, present tense) with the task of attempting to define and understand poverty and all that is wrapped up in that. In the West, one might look at my host parents and consider them poor. But they do not struggle to put food on the table, they sustain themselves through the land they own and the food they grow. They understand conservation, care for what they own, and work very hard. If measured, their land and animals could translate to monetary value that would increase their material wealth significantly. At the same time, in the village this week, I observed acute poverty that has been unmatched by anything in the previous two months. All the while, I was reading “The White Man’s Burden,” a convicting critique by a former World Bank economist of Western involvement in the developing world, particularly through aid, military and political interference, and all forms of residual neocolonialism. I don’t think I will ever stop grappling with the irreparable damage we have done in our pursuits of materialism and power, and our misuse of resources and privilege. This paragraph is insufficient to express my questions and tangled thought processes about this particular topic, but for now, it’s what I’m capable of writing.

By the end of the week, I had more questions than answers. Honestly, what else is new. On Friday morning, we were picked up and drove to Kapchowra, about an hour away, where we spent the weekend. On Friday night, we spent time in intentional debrief, which was helpful, but in many ways only began to scratch the surface of our 25 different experiences. Saturday, we had a day of emotional (but definitely not physical) rest. After a lovely breakfast, we hiked Mount Elgon, an extinct volcano and home to the famous Sipi Falls, one of Uganda’s bigger tourist spots. The ten mile hike was exhausting, but refreshing and breathtaking. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.

We had a quick thirty minute respite after the hike before we began a “coffee tour.” Kapchowra is the OG home of the Arabica coffee bean, discovered long ago by a lucky farmer who just wanted to find out why his goats were getting hyper after eating the leaves of some tree with redish colored berries. On the tour, we got to learn about and help with the process of making coffee, from picking beans to pouring a steaming cup and everything in between. Definitely a highlight for me, even if it was a horribly touristy activity. Shown in the photo below is me shelling coffee beans. Not pictured was the slap happy, caffeine induced state my roommates witnessed me in after the effects of having more coffee than I’ve had in two months kicked in. Let’s say I was laughing at everything and didn’t get the most sleep I’ve ever gotten, but it was quite worth it.

On Sunday morning, we hiked to the top of the little hill above the guest house for a small worship service before our departure. I was asked to give a brief testimony about what God has been teaching me in this first half of the semester (in 5-10 minutes??). I spoke about patience. presence, and newness, the ways that He has been revealing my restlessness to me, but it felt next to impossible to come up with some concise summary of the work He has done in me in the past two months (and is surely continuing to do). Thanks for sticking with me and reading this long post to the end. If it feels open ended, that’s because my thoughts are open ended in so many ways right now. I don’t want to settle for a pretty packaged or over-simplified version of the week. In some areas, I settled for brevity in this post, because I don’t want to risk sounding like I have the answers. I know the week was hard; I know the week was valuable. I know it left me with even more to ponder than I already had, which I didn’t know was possible. As I talk with you individually in the coming weeks, don’t be afraid to ask me questions, because they will help me in my pondering, but know that I am unresolved and still figuring out how to understand.

A brief post-script. Some people (not necessarily any of you) have made comments to my USP friends and I that come with a perceived bravery or accomplishment in what we did last week. “You lived in a rural village in Africa?! That must have been so hard, you are so brave!” or something of the sort. All I will say is that I am not brave. My attitude at points during the week was not even in the ballpark of praiseworthy. This whole thing is as far from being about me as possible. I felt like an outsider this week, even though I was being welcomed into a community. Don’t hear me being dismissive of your encouragement. But I challenge all of you to not let your perceptions of African poverty to shape your visions of my experience. I think these kinds of comments, while well intentioned, are rooted in subconscious (read: often distorted) pictures of the reality of a place like this. I hope that as I communicate to you, the things I say will never glorify or manipulate the things I am experiencing as a result of my own pride and desire for affirmation. Please call me out if you ever see or hear this in my words. Thanks again for being in my corner.

All my love,

Abs

Spring Break February 26, 2018 Where to begin? Probably with a deep breath. Two months from today, I will be on a plane back to the States, which means I have reached the half way point.

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atomicsurvivor-isleofskye · 6 years

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Ep. 10 - “bananas...... will that help?” - Vi

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169206214901/individual-immunity-5-counting

i am so happy my alliance of 5 is sticking together and im so happy i didnt leave yet bc that wouldve been my worst org placement and ali and jay are super fun but at the end of the day its just a game anyway!!

This challenge looks very annoying, but as long as neither rebecka or tara win I can have my pick of who to bring with me. Ive convinced Ain to tell Rebecka about the Tara plan, because if I had to pick I’d prefer Rebecka to win, and shes more likely to with motivation.

I NEED to win this immunity so I dont get in the middle of this rebecka vs tara thing. I do NOT want to be getting votes just because rebecka/tara have immunity. can my comp flop loser ass win something??? thanks

People finally realize I'm a threat? Wow took them long enough. Got 2 votes, was fun. I laughed a lot. Heather is such a good sport. I wish everyone else was too. She's great. Also this challenge is so terrible. I hate counting. I can barely count past 100 on a good day. It gets boring real fast. I'll pull an allnighter to get ahead since I gotta babysit tomorrow. Welp fill you in later. ;)

Tbh this vote and tribal was a very messy one for me and I hope I can win immunity and continue to do that until FTC if not I’m probably out this game and can’t waut to see the people of the jury not because they’re my friends or anything im responsible for most of them being there but because that means I can just chill and talk about what happened and not really plan and scheme

Tara got so mad at me because I wouldn’t throw the comp to her because she feels like she’s in danger (which she is. Stephen wants her out and is picking rebecka over tara since Tara told Stephen she was paranoid about a f2 between rebecka and I) idk it just made me upset that she would ask me to throw it like that after I put in so much effort. And she even deleted me from Skype when I wouldn’t give her my hidden immunity idol immediately!!!! She needs to chill. When she acts like this I’m tempted to blindside her after all. But I remember she’s like my bff and I couldn’t do that to her

Vi out here talking about loving fire how to remove jaws and her pet snake waaaay to much imma need her to go Issa no from me nope nope gotta go nope

I found the dragon but I was too late

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169245494531/immunity-results

Ain wins immunity.

I DID THAT I WON IMMUNITY IM NOT A COMP FLOP SUCK IT!!!!!!!!

Tara didn’t win immunity so things will hopefully go as planned, apart from being blinsided the biggest risk in this vote is coming off as a serial backstabber. I’ve got to be careful, and precise in how I speak, so that in ftc they respect my choices as gameplay, not a reflection on my character

Ain won immunity ugggh.. why did this hav to happen she already thinks she’s running the Gabe now she has this I like her but I want her out the game more and more everyday she’s good and gonna get me if I don’t get her first

Ok Ali, let me fill you in my good man! So the game right now is kinda a mess. Everyone wants to make big moves while they have the numbers. Tara wants Rebecka gone because she's sus about a Becka and Ain final 2. Stephen wants Tara gone because Tara is sus about us and is worried she might flip. Rebecka is saying we should stick to the 5 (me, rebecka, tara, stephen, vi) and vote Aundra. Aundra is dying to vote Stephen out and honestly? SAME! Vi is down for anything. Jake...... is Jake. And that's what you missed Ali!

I'm GOING TO NUT!!! STEPHEN WANTS TO GET REBECKA OUT TOO!!!!! I'm so happy I won immunity and I get to enjoy this :). Welcome to the party Stephen, you're late sweaty.

*INCITES DRAMA BETWEEN REBECKA AND STEPHEN* IM SCREAMING NOW REBECKA IS GUNNING FOR HIM

howdy yall!!!!!!! bec here. Comin atcha with another confessional!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POy09x79WRk So I'm always on the wrong side of blindsides and stuff so itll be SUPER funny reading this after the game ends considering im probably gonna end up out the door at the end of the night tomorrow!!! LOL!!! Stephen's playing a messy social game (think himilayas 2.0) messaging tara to try to vote me out, and messaging me and ain trying to get us to vote tara out, and im just like https://i.imgur.com/cw9Dhs2.jpg HEHE so basically now its me and ain, and tara, and maybe aundra (Hi bb!!! haven't messaged you at all probably lol whoops sorry didnt do that on purpose i literally am just a mess LOL lets be friends after this game and i hope i can trust u this week!!! hehe) tryna vote out stephen, but stephen thinks its ain and i voting tara out, and tara and jake and aundra voting me out LOLOLOL hehe i have no clue what the eff is gonna happen tomorrow night but im sure it wont be fun!!! :) :) :)

So I had me heart set on blindsiding Tara but then she had to go and play nice. Which meant I had to take a big risk and start drama. By saying that Rebecka, Ain, and I had a f3 deal I convinced her to start planning for a Rebecka blindside. Once she did I went to Ain and told him she was planning it, and to cover my bases I said she was trying to portray me as the mastermind behind it. So now we’re all at each others throats again, and I can hopefully pull this off.

Stephen is trying to get Rebecka and Me to vote Tara while everyone else votes Rebecka......... I appreciate the drama, the Big Move™, but he needs to be less messy about it.

So I don’t know what is going on but I’m pretty sure the survivor gods hate me, ironically. So everything was looking fine all we had to do was get Vi on board but apparently she was found something in the moors, she can’t say what but she seems confident that any attnept to vote Tara out will fail. Theres two possibilities here, one shes lying to save Tara, in which case we have to pull Jake and/or Aundra to get majority, or what she found protects Tara outright, in which case we’re screwed.

So this really is a confession. *cough Uh I was trying to get Stephen to not vote Tara by hinting at her having an idol. Somehow that completely backfired and made him think I had a disadvantage from the moors. Long story short he thinks the word vote is the trigger that I can’t reveal info and so he switch to using the word “banana”. Um as you can imagine, I died laughing. Was worth. Sorry Stephen but I took it and ran. If I get backstabbed it’s worth it. Here let me put a single statement he said out of many for you to understand. “but regardless if I pull Jake and/or Aundras..... bananas...... will that help?” *coughs violently Yeah sorry...

hello! sorry for the lack of updates i've just been super super busy. basically i've been trying my best to turn ain against rebecka, not that well tbh but shes promised to vote her out this vote lol fdskf, ain leaks everything to rebecka which is rly bad for my game tbh bcos it exposes how close me n ain are! i also tried to get a feel for how close stephen was to rebecka whilst i could let my immunity let me b messy n he basically leaked everything to ain it was p iconic LOL um so ya n then stephen planned to vote me out, but no one wanted to! hehe so he comes to me and says that he thinks i'm right about rebecka n tries to get me to vote her out LMAO but then apparently it didn't go how he wanted so he went back to rebecka and ain and tried to get them to vote out me again n its all p iconic bcos we're all sending eachother stephens messages n catching him out on his lies. i would LOVE to vote stephen out just to see the look on his face when me n rebecka receive ZERO votes (apart from maybe one from him) so he can realise he fricked up! unfortunately, bcos rebecka is so close to ain i think this might be the only opportunity to vote her out. n then i can make aundra super happy and vote out stephen next time! i think me and aundra are getting really close which i'm really glad about because aundra just seems to be a free vote lol fdbksf but hes also really fun to talk to. he also doesn't like ain(in a game way) which tbh is great bcos ain is winning! and if i got ot f3 with ain and aundra i could rely on aundra to try win immunity and take me to f2 yas! i finally have a plan.

This game is cancelled I’m over it can’t wait for everyone to get voted off I really wish it was final 2 and I was winning or I was getting voted out or something idek this games sooo stressful and it feels somewhat dragged out but that could be because I’m playing with like the messiest people ever and a power hunger associate but who knows

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1r6ao_imaUBfYKPxoLg614vW___nlTK9P

So Vi has been far too vague, and Ain and Rebecka are looking more and more vague. It is risky to keep people like Aundra and Jake in becuase they might want me out, but its riskier not knowing how things will be affected by Vi. So I’m voting Rebecka. This affects my plan a little, next vote I’ll feel out Ain, see if we can work together and take out Tara, if not she’s gone. Then we vote out Aundra. Then Tara hopefully. Drama Drama Drama.

well folks, it sucks to be the last Saorsa peep left, considering im not social with some of these Iolaire it looks like my path to victory is quite skerewed, some may wonder though, if i fear safety why not try in immunity? because i dont think im in any particular danger, at this point im just a number/goat from many pov's so they wont bother with me, am i using this to my advantage? yes i mean im the last player in game to recieve no votes, so i at least am outwitting

Ugh I have no idea whats best for my game right now, I’ve flipped back to voting Aundra

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/169285851851/merge-tribal-5

Rebecka voted out 5-1-1-1.

#ALostPuppyDog #episodes

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gwassysworld-blog · 7 years

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don't hook up with people u don't know

Billy.. u are not the father.. those words were the beginning of the down spiral.

after we got the results, Billy obviously stopped seeing T. But his mom continued to be a huge part of his life all the way up to about 3 years ago. Because I had county insurance for T they put a hunt out for his biological father, and after putting it all together, Mr. Vasectomy, was not with a vasectomy. In fact after they found him we had to go to this arbitrational hearing to set up child support. He showed up with some lady and another baby.. I told him he should sue the drs. and he rambled something about his house burning down and having all the proof in it... proof... u have 2 kids within 6 months of each other, think that's all the proof needed... I found out a lot more too... like that son that was 4, was really like 10, and he was never married to his sons mom he was married though to a different lady who had 2 kids... so jesus, seriously never ever ever hook up with someone u don't no... Mr. Vasectomy has never met T.. I have seen him a few times over the past 15 years for different court things regarding child support.. but never for visitation.. he never wanted it and I definetly wasn't looking to share.. not with that.. So its just me and T.. living at my parents..

well technically by this time was when the move happened.. the house that we had lived in since I was 8 had finally forclosed on and we were out.. my brother had joined the marines, so it was my parents, my sisters, who now were 15 and 13, and T and me. and we found this actually bigger house to rent.. so were off..

oh that job I had at the electronic repair distriburor.. shortly after the paternity test results I lost that job.. Didn't make a very comfortable working environment anymore for certain people... I didn't blame his family for being upset.. but I didn't do it intentionally... I really really thought he was the dad.. it is what it is.. the whole “my boss and his wife swinging with my parents” thing didn't really help the job situation either when the boss and his wife were getting a divorce over the situation with my parents... so there went that job... I did spring back really quick tho and with some help from Billys mom got a job with an insurance company. A really good job.. so some shit happened but I'm on the right track.. right??

the next few years of my life I can make no excuse for.. I can sit back and try to psycho analyze myself and say well I didn't no how to be a mom, I was raising him on my own, I was young blah blah theres no excuse.. I basically turned into my parents..

I some how always get drawn to the partiers, that's been my life.. those are my people.. except all I wanted to do was party. I absolutely hated living at my parents.. looking back though I don't no what I was thinking.. it doesn't seem like I ever had a future plan..

shortly after we moved to what we call the chamberlin house.. I met this guy on line.. ya we moved up to AIM now.. he was 30 and lived with his parents.. he worked when I first met him, but something about he would take affedra to work out, some energy enhancer that later actually I think became illegal.. but it supposibly made him have anxiety issues and he had to quit his job.. so I thought to myself.. this would be a perfect guy to move in with.. Me and T would move in with him and his mom and step dad in their manufactured fancy double wide. mother f-er these people were goofy... His mom I guess was a real nut job in the 60s and suffered from a lot of depression so they gave her shock treatments.. the lady would just sit on the couch all day and pop pills, and try to smoke a cigerrette without dropping it because her hands would shake so badly. His step dad looked like tweedle dumb and had one of those whistle lisps.. I ran into these people a few years ago and found out that they found a bunch of my underware shoved in his drawers after I moved out.. and then there was his real dad who would ride his lawn mower over to visit. He was majorly stroked out and you could barely understand him when he talked. the guy used to be some huge pot grower tho in the 80s and it made him go nuts.. could be what happened to the mom.. ya so good idea.. make it clear tho, me and this guy never dated.. he couldn't do that.. I could stay at his house with my kid, spend money on him, go to different clubs and stuff all the time.. whatever it only lasted a month or so, then my aunt in California calls me.. “Gwassy, I know life is crazy... come to cali”

ok so the aunt in cali.. remember the lady my uncle married with the kid that wasn't so nice to me.. ya.. well when I was 16 they moved to California.. and he was grown now, he didn't live with them... California huh? why the hell not?

I'm 20.. this could be a great life changer!!! so I get my tax return, decide to take Mr. Affedra with me, cause hopefully he can get some help there, and didn't really want to travel alone.. we pack up my car say our goodbyes and in 3 days I made it to California. got there.. couldn't find a job.. couldn't get Mr. Affedra to get a job.. couldn't get Mr. Affedra to do anything but be a whiny bitch.. so money ran out, patience ran out.. and after about 6 months i made it home in 32 hours. just in time for my 21st birthday and move back into the Chamberlin house.

my 21st birthday is a day i probably never will forget .. none of my birthdays have been spectacular.. when i was 16 we spent the day in the er cause my dad cut his finger off.... this time I'm in the ER with my nana... it was the night before my birthday.. she calls me around 11 at night, says that she cant get ahold of my parents and she thinks she needs to go to the emergency room.. that she was cleaning her ears with a qtip and theres blood on it and shes worried.. so i wake my sister up to be with T, and keep trying to get ahold of my parents at the bar while i go get nana.. so i get her take her to the er and my sisters must of gotten ahold of my parents because they arrived at the same time. and my aunts shortly after. We get her inside.. and the blood on the qtip is no big deal.. she just scraped her ear.. but the real problem was that she kept forgetting where she would park her car, who she was talking to.. and when they did the scans of her ear it all made sense when they saw the tumors on her brain. The drs. told us this and also about more spots that they found on her lungs. i sunk to the ground and looked at the clock ... it was a little after 12 and someone stupidly said hey gwassy its ur birthday.. not the right timing.. she was admitted and they told us she only had months left.. i went through this cancer stuff before with my papa, her husband, he passed when i was 10.. it obviously was a lot different then.. to me i remember sitting with him in his chair one night and accidently bumping his ribs with my elbow and it bringing him to tears, and then it seemed like a few days later there he was in a hospital bed in my grandmas family room and nurses were coming around the clock to take care of him.. he went really quick.. well from what i know, they made have not told us till they needed to.. but i immediately remember feeling the greef i felt when i lost my papa. that guy was the only person who ever was close to a father figure, who ever stood up to my dad for us, losing him was awful, and now Nana, i hadn't lost many people in between, no one close to me anyways.. i didn't take this news that well..

but what else do you do on your 21st birthday??? you go out and pick up Mr. Affedra and his best friend that your now dating and you go out to dinner and get drunk. Then when your driving you get in an argument, wreck your car and get punched in the face by Mr. Affedra.. then he throws a temper tantrum cause he cant help acting this way so you drive him home never to see him again.. and u go to bed.. no? well that's how i spent my 21st birthday..

#teen mom #paternity #california #cancer

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theonewiththesunflowertattoo · 7 years

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Page 39 of 365

This post is really a long time coming, but I never got around to it. Either A. Because I wasn’t ready or B. I needed a day like today to happen but it’s probably C. All of the above.

Any horse people will probably relate, but I have to explain this theory. So you know how someone, somewhere said you’ll have three loves in your life: the first being young love, the second being hard love, filled with lessons, and the third you never see coming, but it comes so easily. Now apparently some people are lucky enough to find them in that order, others are not as lucky. But the whole idea is you experience these sometime through out your life.

OK you got it. Now my theory is, this doesn’t just pertain to people you meet. Which brings me to the idea of heart horses. Now when I was younger I had never even heard of such thing. But I know the feeling now, and it’s a similar feeling other riders have described.

Flash back eight years ago, when I was in pony club and had just lost my first pony to colic. I was in between horses, so I would take lessons on any horse I could possibly ride in order to get my horse fix. At the time I was a quiet rider, with a natural seat, but I had confidence issues partly due to my previous pony who was probably a tad too much untrained horse for me. The place I went to for lessons had a bunch of different horses, and the owner was literally the master at matching riders with horses. It’s a gift really, which is why I was completely perplexed when 13 year old, probably around 100lb, 5 foot me was given a 14.2 bay arabian with absolutely no ground manners. I was usually put on horses that had been on the farm a while so the walk from the stall to the arena was no big deal, but with this horse it was just about the end of the world. He pawed, danced around, all while I was trying to keep up with him. I’m pretty sure I asked the barn owner more than twice if I had grabbed the correct horse, to which she said yes. I don’t remember much of that lesson, but I do remember the minute I sat on him he was quiet and attentive. A completely different horse, and right away I was smiling ear to ear and at the end of the lesson I told my dad I loved this horse. To which he probably replied “you love every horse.”

I took lessons every weekend, and on the way there I always hoped my name would be next to his on the lesson board. It was for the next couple weeks, every lesson I left feeling so much love for this horse I had only ridden a handful of times, but that was enough for me to know. The owner (and instructor) quietly had mentioned to my dad that he was for sale without me knowing. When we got home one night at the dinner table I remember my dad casually mentioning they had told him he was for sale *induce happy screaming and immediate begging*

Of course my dad knew I loved him, so it didn’t take much to convince my mom. He contacted the barn owner about him, only to find out we were second in line. There was one little girl in front of me who was planning on seeing him that weekend, so she’d let us know if he had sold or not. My heart dropped, but my dad told me if it’s meant to be it’ll happen. That next week, we heard he hadn’t worked out for her, so he was officially mine! I was completely over joyed, and because for some reason when presents are given in my family, it has to be for a reason, so Majestic ended up being my Valentine’s day present from my parents. I don’t think I have gotten a better one since! I remember thinking about how I’d get to have an awesome horse in my senior pictures (which was 5 years away) and maybe even wedding pictures. (I was little, a girl can dream right?)

Theres another quote that says sometimes home isn’t four walls, it’s a heart beat. He was home. Every time I sat on him there was a connection that is so hard to explain, and without getting all weird, it was on a completely different level. Although he wasn’t always the easiest horse to ride, the only previous training he had was trail riding. I wanted to do everything, jumping, dressage, and eventually cross country. My trainer thought we were nuts for buying him because Arabs are hot, and I needed something the complete opposite to build my confidence back up. We respect her opinion completely, because she is always the rational thinker, where my dad and I tend to be the dreamers but we’d promise her he was an awesome horse. I cannot count the amount of times people had told us he was only good for glue and to get rid of him. After a slew of times of me falling off ( mostly him refusing jumps, because it was all new to him, and I’d just roll over his neck ) somebody told my dad we should sell him and buy a quarter horse. I remember after that lesson my dad looked at me and asked what I thought, to which I responded they are crazy. Fast forward a little to when I was goofing around with my next adventure, barrel racing. This horse literally would do anything for me. My 14 year old self had no idea how to train horses to barrel race, but I wanted to be a barrel racer. So on one thanksgiving I’d beg my dad for a ride out to the barn and I had set up the barrels and rode around them in my English saddle. We had done them a couple of times before, so on the last barrel I asked him to go faster, to which he thought that was loads of fun and proceeded to send me flying through the air. I immediately started screaming in pain when I hit the ground and his head was so low to the ground. Some people say horses don’t recognize human emotion, but I can tell you right now he knew he had made a huge mistake and he was so sorry.

An ER run, and a couple x-rays later showed I’d broken my humerus. Then people really started to tell us we’d made a mistake, to which my dad asked me again if I was sure we should keep him, to which I said of course. Within the next day I was back out at the barn, and with in the next 5 days I was back riding him. People called me crazy, and couldn’t believe I didn’t sell him because he broke my arm. The thing is I knew he didn’t mean it, and I knew he was my heart horse I couldn’t give up.

Fast forward again throughout the years, he continued to get better and better and as I got older I was able to actually train him. I remember one lesson with the trainer that called us crazy, I had him doing shoulder ins, haunches in and leg yields, and she almost cried because she never thought he’d prove himself.

We found out early on he loved to show off. It was ridiculous, the week before a show he’d be a complete idiot, wouldn’t collect, forgot what stopping was, the whole 9 yards. Then we’d get to the show, and it’d be like someone flipped a switch. Completely collected, extremely sensitive to cues, and completely flashy in the dressage ring. Over the years he won dressage grand champion countless times, and even a high point saddle pad. At the time I don’t think I appreciated it enough or as much as I should have. But that’s what life is about. Lessons.

As I went to college, school became the priority over horses. I regret doing that now, but hindsight is always 20/20. I decided on leasing him out to a girl that had ridden him in horse camp one summer, who fell in love with him just as much as I had.

I don’t regret doing that, but a couple weeks before he was put down, I noticed his water was murky. It was late March, which in Wisconsin it means it’s freezing, so dragging hoses around is a chore. I mentioned it to the people where they’d kept him, that he needs fresh water. I should have just cleaned out the tank but I was lazy, and I didn’t make it a priority. April 2 we got the call every horse owner never wants to hear, your horse is down, and we can’t get him up. Within 30 minutes we were out there with the vet discussing options. I saw it in his eyes, he was in severe pain and there wasn’t anything that would help him. I made the decision for him to be put down to end his suffering. I still wonder if maybe there was something we could have done, if I’d filled the water, if I’d been there more to check on him.

I’ve learned that you can’t blame yourself for everything. You can’t keep throwing yourself under the bus. It happened and it’s time to move on. Little did I know how huge of a hole would be missing from my life. For a while I quit riding, not horses just riding. I still worked cleaning stalls at a breeding farm where there were always horses for sale. But I kept telling myself no other horse would feel like home, so what’s the point. Then my boss (the realist) said you have to get another horse. It’d been a week since we’d put him down, so it took me by surprise. Everyone else said oh I’m sorry for your loss, take your time yadda yadda bull shit. She straight up said you can’t just quit. And then a horse I’d known almost as long as Majestic just reappeared into my life. He wasn’t anything like him, he was chestnut, 14.2 and compact. He too was only really started under saddle and then left out to pasture, so there was a lot of growing to do with him. His owner took him in as a rescue many years back, but then she got cancer and felt terrible he just sat in the pasture. So within days of hearing the news of my horse, she reached out and gave him to me. Mind you I wasn’t completely on board with getting back into it so quickly but honestly it more than likely saved my life.

Fast forward to today. I had a ride that reminded me so much of why I always got back on after I fell off of my old horse. It wasn’t one of those ride off into the sunset rides, but it was one where we actually communicated. He listened to my seat so well and had an ear flicked back listening to me. If you knew him, you’d know he’s sometimes a horse that’s really hard to keep focused, but today it was the opposite. It was the best ride I’ve had in a long time.

I don’t understand how that kind of chemistry works because tomorrow I could have a completely different ride on him. But today he was the best therapy and I’m so thankful someone steered me in that direction because I honestly don’t know where I’d be without him.

#39 of 365 #my thoughts #this is a novel #ended up being a lot longer than I thought #oh well

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