#there's nothing scarier than your homelife

[charmwasjess]

Uh, I got into the Clone Wars last night. I mean, the Clone Wars wasn’t stored safely out of my reach. I chewed it all up and left the little pieces everywhere like a cat with a roll of toilet paper. 

Anyway, you know that one episode where Savage Opress visits Planet Dumpster Fire to rescue Maul with help from the talking snake from Disney’s The Jungle Book?? Cool, yeah, that one. 

–so could I have a moment to theorize why Dooku thinks Savage being loose in the galaxy is such a big fucking deal in the first place? When Asajj, who hates him a lot more and has tried to assassinate him repeatedly, is like, right over there? When, actually, the galaxy is full of powerful Force users who want to kill him, including some members of his own family?

Could it be that Dooku, in a characteristic spiral of destabilization after losing Asajj as a Padawan substitute right hand man, actually behaved pretty embarrassingly in front of Savage? Does Savage have some pretty bad shit on him?

Embarrassing Bullshit Dooku Probably Said to Savage During Their Infinitesimally Short Apprenticeship:

multiple incriminating monologues about his plans to "secretly" use Savage to finally fuck up Sidious and take over as the King of Bad Ideas instead of the apprentice*

“Here is my annotated childhood diary containing all my most cringe moments, my feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability, some gay subtext, and the origin story of my daddy issues, beginning at age 12…oh, don’t forget the attached media file, so you can see how cute I was as an initiate…!” 

(during movie night) “...and the Wicker Man, for me, as an actor, is definitely the best film…in the end horrifying, but not what I would call a horror film. It was about growth, not decay…” 

it’s a EU/Legends situation, and Sifo-Dyas’s corpse is actually in a cryopod in the basement. Dooku monologues at it constantly. Sometimes, Savage swears he can hear two people talking down there, and doesn’t know if that’s real or if Dooku is doing the other voice, and is legitimately unsure which alternative is more terrifying. Sure, he grew up with witches and everything, but this is a bridge too far?!!

*lol this one's real

#the clone wars #count dooku #savage opress #star wars shitpost #star wars meta #star wars theories #oh dooku #there's nothing scarier than your homelife #the sound of crying in the bathtub should probably be on this list too #for real though Wicker Man is Christopher Lee's best film and my favorite movie #I don't tell a lot of people that #because of all the sex and screaming about burning Christians it's just a vibe