#there's nothing n this world i love more

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL #SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS #BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY #THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT #but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested #I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK #bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2 #but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will #bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world #OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through #his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning #when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom #remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i. #LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary #when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED! #he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him! #but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude. #he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude #even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second. #even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself. #one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!! #chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!! #i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is #just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG #but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man. #thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.

[whaliiwatching]

cozy color..

#transformers #starscream #knock out #knockscream #koss #kept freaking out n stimming over this while drawing it #i am SO HAPPY with how it turned out!!!!! #even tho the coloring process was a NIGHTMARE #just. hmngh. peace after war. star prolly escapes jail and hunkers down as far from civilization as he can #there is nothing left for him to fight for—the world he knew is long gone #maybe ko finds him while on a drive through the more rural parts of cybertron #he’s thinking the same thing #not sure what happens from there—maybe ko brings him back and they start a new life together #maybe ko stays with him in the ‘country’ #either way. love and grief. you know the drill #you can’t go home again and all #that’s way sadder than i was thinking it would be #but its hopeful dw i like happy endings

[obsob]

i hve a little sale going on in my shop rn!! 10% off some stuff! trying to move some of my older stock i am. running out of room oh dear oh dear

#barks #its running until next sunday so fill ur boots #my new prints arrived n i was like okay sick. whrere do i put these #my mum has decided she loves. cutting out n sticking labels on envelopes so now i hve a helper ssbgksbgkbs #nothing in the world i hate more than . cellotape noises

[ohlovxr]

ajsskj tell me why when stick said something along the lines of “oh boohoo my dad died and i’m burrowing my sorrows between the legs of some supermodel” to mock matt, my sad little brain went omg imagine being matt’s sweet neighbour that stick’s observed him interacting with - seeing how obviously in love with he is and turned on by you - and saying instead “burrowing my sorrows between the legs of some neighbourhood skank” just to get that much more on his nerves.

hnngggg and it works bc matt immediately comes to his unofficial and oblivious to his infatuation girl’s defence and gets much more hostile.

and the next time he sees you!!! you’re being your usual sweet and helpful self with him and matt can’t help but pile on the praise and thankful touches which have always just been an excuse to touch you as if you’d heard what stick said about you. just one example is how he makes sure to emphasize how “this is perfect sweetheart, thank you.” and his hand rubs your arm. “you’re perfect… you know that, right?”

and it drives him crazy how fast your heart starts beating and flustered you get and interrupts your soft “i mean…” with a firm “you are” as if you not believing just how completely perfect you are was an insult to him.

#i love the sweet neighbour idea bc like #reader being all oblivious and the most she’s felt are butterflies in her stomach n stuff for her kind neighbour #but matt’s completely obsessed with her and how sweet n innocent she is and wants nothing more than to do disgusting things to her #and like he literally believes that she can do no wrong #aksjdkdj #you’re his perfect perfect girl and nothing can change that aksjdkdj #i’ve created a whole fictional world around it #like the psycho i am #this is based off that post i made a long time ago about reader being the neighbour that helps matt with little things yk #matt murdock x reader #notsfw

[jrueships]

Never saw how sexy lou dort was until you drew him like that. Now I want him pregnant. I blame you.

iT AiNT MUCH BUT IT'S AN ONEST WORK, ANON 🫡‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#i have loved lulu for a Long time #but back then the okc were lowkey losers except for shai who always seemed pretty to ppl #but never pretty enough to actually explore his character #so i had to horde my demons until i could find more fans of them #listen. when i say i like men built like a fridge #i am NAWT!!!! talking abt slightly muscular men #i WILL be drawing stretchmarks and hip rolls. #i WILL NOT BE STOPPED ‼️‼️‼️ #esp when theyre so sexc like sorry lu but u so fuckin fine #i have to share u wirh the entire world. it would be a disservice im srry #my art rlly did nothing tbh #without the muse... there is no man (slang for humanity intent) #imagine if i could actually draw #imagine my power #... imagine my rage rn #we could be so strong if i could only have the patience to clean up my shit and also not be scared of bayjayjays n peens #BUT ALAS #in frness tho omg... thank u.. i love putting ppl onto things #mainly cus of ego LOL but it's genuinely exciting to hear just one person say 'this is so cool' to me abt x niche thing #i appreciate all u guys no matter the army size #we are mighty !!!!! #we want to get men pregnant!!!!! HOORAH!!!!

[akuma-tenshi]

hear me out

#sorry guys i am so abnormal about gandrew rn #i'm not gonna tag the characters or the fandom because this is an absolute nothing post #but OH MY GOD #so like hear me out they discovered andrew living in the caves separately from them right #which is why he doesn't have the same punk rock end-of-the-world aesthetic as everyone else #my best friend said he should be dolomite and i agree #the whole thing is bare-bones atm but there will be more in the future #esp. considering that i had an idea that involved lily bc i can't talk abt this essence without talking about her and ganji being besties #gandrew in general just has such a funny dynamic to me mainly bc of personal hc's abt how ganji shows affection #they have the potential to be both really sweet and just fucking silly n i love it #rambling

[creativesplat]

That scene from A Tale of Two Stars, from Stan's perspective.

#I imagine its pretty darn scary having your carer/ grunkle beaten up by this random dude from a portal that your grunkle liked #also the 'you didn't tell me you had kids down here' bit Ford looks so guilty like #like he knew he just full on attacked this man - which in his mind is morally fine - but in front of kids? that's where ford draws the line #and stan just looks really sad when he looks at scared Mable #also the r-i-n-g bit is the tinitus caused by Stan's ears slamming into the ground/ dislodging his hearing aid ( and totally #not me deciding that adding the goofy (but still scary) dialogue because it would ruin the tone and also because I hate writing in bubbles #also you all know I had to add the bloodied nose from the story boards what sort of person would I be if I didn't? ;> #when they tell the story it certainly affected Mable but I imagine Stan's joy at seeing his brother being reciprocated by a punch really #imprinted on her I think #she's not scared of loosing dipper until she sees the grunkle she trusts (enough to potentially doom the world as of the last episode) #be so so wrong about his brother - when you see a grown up getting betrayed or being wrong it really impacts a child y'know? so yeah #but I love ford being so caring about children even when he hates his brother and wants nothing more than to slam him repeatedly into a wal #he sees children and immediately changes his attitude #is that because of his parents do you think? did he and stan see or experience physical abuse? is that why he cares so much about these #children not seeing their grunkle getting hurt? Did he see his mother hurt or stan? we all know Filbrick wasn't the best dad ever so... #because as much as stan and ford are jerks to each other they care about Mable and dipper from the moment they saw them and that's just ... #I love them #also I am so surprised by how easily they accept ford into the conversation like I get it for narrative purposes but #someone just attacked your boss/dad or your grunkle/grandpa and even if there were just massive secrets revealed and its like a celebrity ( #aka the author) he still punched your boss/dad/grunkle in the face and pinned him to the floor #did no one want to stop that or... #but for real I love how quickly Mable is like 'hey this guys odd and I love his fingers “a full finger friendlier than normal” my heart #anyway I had to draw it so I did #your welcome! #lol #grunkle stan #grunkle ford #dipper pines #mable pines #stanley pines

[icewindandboringhorror]

I hate the idea of “modernized” adaptations.. if anything we should do the opposite.. take a popular show from 2015 and remake it set in the 1850s or 1400s or something.. it’s about the COSTUMES, it’s about the settings...!! i see fucking iphones and skinny jeans and mcdonalds and automobiles every day of my life.. it’s boring!!!! WHERE are the people in long velvet cloaks.. the elaborate architecture.. the showcase of previously forgotten technology and culture relevant to the time period.... 

#I can't think of a single show that I wouldn't like MORE if it were set in either a historical or a fantasy world #(so long as it had an actual budget and the 'historical fashion' wasn't like.. a prom dress from JC penny or something) #even reality tv shows #I would love a mockumentary style fake 'reality tv' (since it's actually actors doing improv not real people) version of like #bad girls club set in the 1600s or like in a fantasy setting ghvghvgfh #NOTHING.. NOTHING can not be improved by simply setting it in a time and place that is not our own #n o t h i n g #and EVERYTHING can be made worse by setting it in modern times #i have had ENOUGH of modern times.. i fucking LIVE here #let's see something else for a change PLEASE #I don't want to hear a character talk about TikTok... they should be talking about Telegram or Treacherous Magic Portal #Of Communication. #All characters are instantly made better with the knowledge that jeff bezos does not exist to them and none of them have #ever sent a text or rode in a car #(single exception is like 1890s-1910s automobiles that look funny and ONLY if they're a very minor part of the setting OR in a fantasy world #(like.. orcs that actually have cars but it's that type of car gjbjhhj... I like the idea of elevanting fantasy technology in a world #beyond the typical like weird medieval sort of vibes where some groups DO have tech similar to the real world but just older or worse #or weirder versions. elves have basic telegrams and are figuring out glass plate photography. vampires are trying to master #flight at the moment and they keep failing and just sending people off the edge of cliffs to explode. etc. etc. ghbhjb) #ANYWAY .. you get what i mean ghbhj #I'm still trying to go through every media I've ever watched and think if any of them would be worse set in a historical or fantasy #world and I can't think of any.. ultimate improvement tool (again. with the assumption that it's actually handled WELL with a thought out #researched world and decent budget. etc.) #*watching masterchef or something completely average* wow what if everyone was in baroque costumes instead.. this would be better #somehow.. surely the cooking would be improved

[hua-fei-hua]

when i was a kid i really resented the fact that my mom kept forcing us to check out nonfiction books alongside our fantasy novels in order to "broaden our minds" and basically ensure we were learning Real Factsies(tm), but now that i'm older, if i don't go off and learn some Real Factsies(tm) every so often, then i'll end up finding my fictions dull and uninspired

#i guess i just also hated how kids' nonfiction tended to present itself. unless they were like those slim encyclopedias #with all the sleek pictures n glossy pages of diagrams n shit #bc i remember reading a nonfiction book abt seahorses for adults called 'poseidon's steed' in like fifth grade and loving it #adult nonfiction books (in my limited experience) tends to read more like storytelling except everything is real and has citations #also now that i'm an Adult(tm) with More Life Experience(tm)(tm) (this is a cue for my older mutuals to laugh at my precociousness or w/e) #i find it easier to connect to the text-- in this case a book abt a guy called paul otlet n his contributions to information science #which is a thing i am Very Much interested in bc the internet has spoiled me with its indexing and yet i love analog information #also it was right next to two volumes from the 60s detailing various historical book burnings #and indeed the intro talked abt how this man's life's work was handily destroyed by the nazis who thought he was cataloguing garbage #learning abt all the lil guys in the 20th century who fuckin loved organizing information n bitched abt there being information overload #they are So Real they would have looked at the modern internet n gone 'this is too much make wikipedia the main page' #花話 #anyway i doubt i'd have appreciated reading so much had i not read fiction so avidly growing up #and i rebuke the idea that the fantasy novels taught me nothing at all bc stories teach us abt being people #and demonstrate experience better than a more academic n factual analysis/write-up or w/e #yes i do love to learn abt philosophy in its like. rigorous academic state or form or w/e. #but that's diff from seeing it in practice in the real world or in people's stories n how it Affects Things

[nomaishuttle]

its impossible for you all to understand how much of my thoughts r in sweeney references. like there is one person on this earth who understand and its my sibling who is similarly inclined...

#bc i cant at work just be like. I had him and then . but with lamp. i can say the first thing that comes to mind #which lets say hypothetically its oot and im trying to get all the poes and theres one left.omg just have to get this one FUCKING poe. so #easy. go to the cunt. its under that little thangy on the other side of the river from the stairs to kakariko. spoilers if yr trying to #find all the poes in oot but im gonna go ahead n tell you nothing is worth dealing with this cunt. #but anyeays. Omg there he is. shoot him. he runs away #im riding on epona teying to catch him trying to shoot HE KEEPS FUCKING GETTING AWAY. IT TOOK ME 2. FUCKING. HOURS. #and like. my 3rd to last attempt. i was so. so fucking close. like one more shot i wouldve gotten him yk. so close. but he gets away. and #Immediate immediate reaction was I had him and then . his throat was there beneath my hand. NO I HAD HIM !!! HIS THROAT WAS THERE NOW HELL #NEVER COME AGAIIIIIIIIN. it was very funny #bc i was genuinely shaking with rage look i dont often relate to sweeney im gonnacome out and say bad dude yk. in that moment ? i was like #no to be honest there IS a hole in the world like a great black pit and its filled with people who are filled with shit and the vermin of #the world inhabit it . and yk who one of those vermin is. That fucking poe that fucking poe i hate him i want him dead. #i want his wife. Dead. i want his wife. Dead. i want his wife. Dead. i want his w #my fav video i miss it.. #but anyways yes its near constant. i cant even say yes eithout my brain going yesss... Isnt that her . Shadow-on-the wall 😏? where Theree #Primping making herself even prettier than USUALL if possible.pretty women etc #i cant say oh no without going OH NOOOOO!!! ohhhg goddddd... dont i know you... she said.................... #i love final scene mainly bc i love hearing all the sweeneys realizing its lucy Spoilers btw. not bc its like an avting momentbut bc its SO #FUNNYYYY. 2006's oh god genuinely sends me into hysterics. hs says oh no in lowercase and then goes oHhhfh goD...... its so funny #and who is it that does the rly ling OH NOOOO. its the original one ITS SO FUNNYYY #first of all the kittle bahbuh!!! after Its only a miserable old be- is so long its so funny #and then awkward beat of silence and then OH NOOOOOOO!!!!! and then he says oh my god . in the most harrowed voice ever #ITS SO FUNNYYYY #everybody go listen to final scene Firstly it is my favorite sweeney song probably. love loven ofc 2012 number one 4everr the lyrics r #slightly different from every other version bc 2012 sweeney Technically likee. well its set in a different time period normal sweeney is i #think like. late 1800s? 2012 is 1930s bc of the parallels with like capitalism and what have you.. so the framing device is its a group of #factory workers talking abt sweeney GUYS 2012 IS SO FUCKING GOOD IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL. #but ya its be like. og sweeney is set during the industrial revolution so like yk. n then the 1930s with labor unions n all that was going #on.. u get it u get it anyways. its so good but some kf the lyrics r sliiiightly tweaked just to like. suit the time period better and im #going to say something blasphemous . 2012s lyrics r so much better and flow nicer and dont sound as stilted like. the older ones dont sound

[red-dyed-sarumane]

crying at work today bc i had a sudden realization about tenshi as i was retranslating aru sekai shoushitsu. noticed the word saisei used in both songs and had a thought. like. the whole rebirth type theme really does tie to her. its not just the umareyou mou ichido melody as lyrics at the end of the song its in the other lyrics as well its in the first ou line in aru sekai shoushitsu. she has something to do with this. so say she is the reason they get second chances. we also now get to answer the other question i had, which is if the other's are people and they can lose that and therefore no longer repeat, does tenshi have something to lose? and i dont like the answer i got. shoushitsu calls it a "major sin" and since she's an angel naturally theres going to be a punishment for that. we know the song starts with rain, and rain is our symbol for this whole calamity, both end and beginning of it, but it doesnt end with rain. it ends with the motif. it ends with the world going dark. at first i thought u know well yeah if u die in one world its going to go dark before u wake up in another. but i think this is different now. & i draw ur attention to the art again. the umbrella- she was a safeguard, but theres nothing left to it now. its useless essentially. shes sitting not standing, shes not fighting anymore. shes crying but she's also smiling- like shes made a decision she doesnt like, but shes sure of. i think she self sacrificed for them. she wanted to help, to give them a chance, but in doing so she passed limits she wasnt supposed to (similar to what happens in laboratory but more specific to her).

#aru sekai series #CAN I PLEASE HAVE ONE. O N E FAVE CHARACTER WHO LIVES. IN FUCKING ANYTHING #u dont understand this hit me in the MIDDLE of my shift and i immediately teared up #i love how im never right about her character but everything i discover something closer to the truth my opinion on her never changes #i dont believe in unconditional love but this might be the closest to it #I KNEW SHE WANTED TO HELP BUT IT WAS MUCH MORE TOLERABLE WHEN I THOUGHT SHE JUST. COULDNT. #THATS THERE WAS SOME BARRIER THAT STOPPED HER #but to think it could be. that nothing else worked. so she gave herself up. #i love walking into the end of the world series and being surprised when my heart gets ripped out #i dont think theres a single song in this series that doesnt give me a crisis when i actually think about it #i still have no idea how shes connected to apoptosis chara. but if their relationship is not causing problems for each other then What #i WILL find out #also spoilers but the secondary parts of the ou lines in shoushitsu are 100% referring to apoptosis #also hit me like a brick today #im back only to say this bc i already bothered emimin all day about it but i still havent processed it & need to yell about it

[bo0zey]

everyday i wake up against my will n im lettin y’all know now that i’m abt 1 more waking up against my will day away from somehow someway making it god’s personal problem

#blueface baby ayyy #i love my cat but sometimes i am annoyed bc if it wasn’t for his existence i would said sayanora Long ago lmao #i wanna d word i was not supposed to make it past 18 i’m so fucking angry #im not gonna amt to anything in life i’m so scared of it all so pathetic and weak #i’m too weak for this world someone else can have my place i was never supposed to be here anyways hahah i’m not good at anything #i have zero talents ive wasted 10 years of my life writing books and publishing nothing i live in my stupid dreamworld #i don’t know how to hold a conversation i don’t want to go outside i want to rot in my bed i am so sick of myself #also don’t come in my ask box on some wahwahwah stop self pitying crybaby grow up ok bc i’ve literally been telling myself that for years #if someone walked up to me rn n was like here have this euthanasia pill and i knew my cat would #be safe and happy w someone else then yes i would take it in a heartbeat lmao no water necessary !! #im a burden to my family a financial burden all i’m good for is putting more debt unto others how USELESS!!!!!!!! #i have no friends but it’s my fault bc i don’t talk to anyone back i just i can’t #i think subconsciously i’m trying to push everyone further and further away so when i die they aren’t hurt #i don’t want a funeral i don’t want anyone to grieve me i feel like a narcissist even assuming someone would grieve over me lol #i just want to be forgotten about i want everyone to keep living and doing well without me to get in their way #i’m just an obstacle in other ppls lives a hindrance a fucking troll without a riddle just hurtful mean words #i’ll write everyone apology notes #i have so much guilt inside me it’s filled my lungs and heart sometimes i can’t breathe if i think abt all the ppl i’ve hurt by being alive #god put me on this earth to teach ppl lessons abt avoiding ppl like me #fuck god i’m done being his puppet i’m done hurting ppl i’m gonna go away someday and no one will ever hurt again #why do i want to cry i’m so fucking self absorbed why the fuck am i sad abt myself #i think subconsciously there’s something in me that wishes to stay alive and be the positive impact on ppls lives like i always wanted #i always wanted to help ppl and make friends and include everyone and now i’m just so toxic i let younger me and everyone else down so bad #i feel like my mom hated me too right now i feel like she deserved a better prettier smarter funnier more selfless daughter #im ok everyone btw im just being dramatic n venting lol dw i’ll start writing in a journal instead of tags soon #shut up cianna

[lavellander]

been laboring over alani’s romance even more lately and had an absolute fucking brain blast

if I’ve decided merrill is the inquisition’s arcane advisor. which I have. there is no reason her and alani can’t smooch about it 👀

#not setting anything in stone yet ofc but I can’t believe I never had this thought……….. #im still very attached to the alani/solas dynamic i created in my mind but she is simply too good for him lmao #and I’m finding it more and more difficult to figure out what a good endgame for them would entail 😭 #ik the remaining games (if they ever come out lol) will do him and solasmanced inquisitors dirty #n she simply deserves the world! she deserves nothing but love n joy n happiness #and i! drastically underestimated how fucked I’d be by the solas romance #so I’ve been in a toggle ever since. as y’all have seen a trillion times or so. depending on how long you’ve followed me lol #SIGH!! #sigh. #im going to let this thought marinade in my brain and see what happens

[crossbackpoke-check]

Hi! Its the Anon re Mo and Zegras hanging out. So I got this from the interview of Mo on the spitting chiclets podcast (which...I really dont like spitting chiclets but I had to listen bc Mo). But if you want to listen to it, the interview (either podcast or youtube version) as a whole is like an hour and is incredibly interesting and the part re zegras is brief at 2 hours 1 min if you would like - Mo apparently chilled with the U18 USNDTP guys so it fits your story! Thanks again for your lovely thought spirals!

😪 literally just listened to the broadscast round table discussion on hockey media today lmao so my ire for sp*tting ch*clets is even more than normal! which is quite a lot! thank you for your service (✊😔 listening to That Podcast and sharing the important information so the rest of us may have content without suffering)

on a better note OH MY GOD i’m???? no words. how would they interact the dynamic this now gives the calder contention why did no one talk about this before 🤌🤏🫴🫰mo & z FRIENDS? frenemies?? is zegras mentioned by name?? which usntdp u18s were named or was it just mentioned as the entire (gestures towards amoeba in a FUCK OR DIE t-shirt) vague conglomerate Entity™️ that is the usntdp??

#me seeing you in my inbox again: HI BESTIE HOW ARE YOUUUUU #i’m not debating listening to it just for mo i’m not (mo reilly voice: willpower) #but i might google a transcript. or someone’s highlights post of the interview but i want the character information but i hate b*rstool 🤬 #liv in the replies #i’m so. i’m so. ????????????????????????????? babe ur kids leave for one summer & you’re having empty nest syndrome #where did i put. hang on did i post it yet somewhere i had a moment about the couch poem i’ve got to find it i’m out here like i refuse #but also it just lives in my brain now the mold is in the tupperware folks & it’s not coming out hEY DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW JOE VELENO #IS CANADIAN AND SO IS JAMIE DRYSDALE HOLD ON LET ME GOOGLE SOMETHING #HAND OVER MY MOUTH SCREAMING FLAILING ALICE YOU’RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE YOUR HOCKEY TEAMMATES WEBSITE IS THE 👌🧑‍🍳💋✨ BELOVED BEAUTIFUL PERFECT #S H R I E K I N G i. i typed in joseph veleno because i was like ‘official prospect right like they’d full name him’ & it went ‘ha that #doesn’t exist’ & i’m like oh no have i found the man that this system doesn’t even know?? but we’re not that niche ! joe isn’t !! & tHEN I #TYPE IN JOE & IT POPS UP & JOE&JAMIE PLAYED CANADA U20 ‘22 TOGETHER I CAN SPIN A NARRATIVE HERE SOMEHOW but i just about fell out my chair #i’m not retyping that tag but i mean 2020 which is the year z won gold & jamie was PISSED at him about it & at this point mo & joe had #already been playing together on the griffins & somehow?? z & mo saying hi after the draft running into each other at worlds OH MY GOD THE #FULFILLMENT OF THE NARRATIVE THAT’S THE EPILOGUE THEY HAVE THAT COUCH MOMENT & THEN A YEAR LATER EPILOGUE THEY’RE BOTH IN LOVE WITH BOYS ON #TEAM CANADA STANDING DOWN BY THE GLASS AT THEIR PRACTICE IN THEIR DIFFERENT COLORS JUST LIKE THE DRAFT mo in wings red z in anaheim black #but now mo in germany black z in usa rw&b somehow there’s something there about them reversed colors but idk yet & maybe it’s nothing more #than a nod a hello the gentle knowing of each other in companionable silence z looking up after joe shoots a puck at mo on the glass & z #says ‘that’s yours? your island?’ & mo says yeah & of course trevor hasn’t quite found his yet but there’s a comfort in knowing that someone #else has gone before you someone else made it through & maybe it’s just that jamie catches his eye here & dramatic irony we the reader know #the future here but of course trevor doesn’t mo’s smiling stupid big & z’s watching them skate around gets caught on number 6 (trevor’s no.9 #& somewhere in my brain there’s a thing about reversed tarot cards/flip sides of a mirror/mo & z parallels more like tangent lines but #jamie/z sine waves collapsing idk it’s just brring up there we’ve got mo/z NARRATIVE FOILS OKAY) & of course what z actually says to mo #what he calls joe is a poignant callback to the couch island discussion which i have not written & thus cannot properly state bc. no context #love to fully go off the rails about something unrelated to literally anything & also does not make sense unless you’ve read the post #i’m talking about which i will reblog in one moment see above and/or below i don’t know chronology it’s a poem bUT OH IF I KEEP BABY MO & Z #AS HOCKEY PLAYERS I CAN HAVE DYLAN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH THEM as the au pair when they’re twelve & do you think everything would be #different if they could’ve known when they were twelve that it was okay for hockey not to be everything to have someone sit them down & tell #them they are loved & good enough & i’m not saying this like it’s bad right now but also i’m thinking about that one post that talked about #how we do not love men & now i am projecting onto au pair dylan who maybe burned out of hockey but takes care of these kids now can take

[noxtivagus]

bro i just want to sit n think of stories ( i got off-topic in tags but oh my god i really just want to write again.. SO MUCH WORDS N THOUGHTS N IDEAS IN MY HEAD HFLKASJDFS ><; )

#🌙.rambles #I RAMBLE SO MUCH tbf it is 2 am.. #can't help it hdljfdsk it really means so much to me to feel more like myself again #like there's still so much more i haven't been able to do n. regrets.. many of them but #there's so much more to life than that grrr i just need to remember that #success to me in school or work means nothing compared to the love i have for life and humanity as a whole #and my desire to.. really just live n be human #= stuff on family friends love in general in whichever form. learning more. of the world. indulging in my passions n being creative ykyk #the.. idea of success though is something that's a bit of a weak point for me bcs i really get too harsh on myself #but just. so long as i'm here in some way then #even if it hurts n the pain is hard to get rid of i'll live with it. i'll manage if i hold on to what's important to me #i. do feel bad bcs there r some things i wna do right now but i'm still.. v hesitant to do #i am rambling again oh my god i told myself i'll shut up but hdfjalds disappointment n self-doubt rlly r hard to deal with :< #smth i'm really trying to work on is being kinder to myself when it comes to others #bcs it's not that i necessarily think lowly of myself but i have difficulties with accepting stuff like #i don't know stuff like what i mean to them? i'm. really weak to that bcs when it comes to that i often cry actually #not that i necessarily doubt the other but it has something to do with how i feel i belong in this world #there's this.. barrier that's constantly there. i want to belong but i'm afraid. #i repeat saying these stuff often bcs. i don't know it really just often bites at me n sometimes the hopelessness #i feel within myself with a certain incompetence to change despite knowing what i need to do gets too much sometimes #i think that reflects on how i reach out to others sincerely. i genuinely want you to know that. i really care #sorry though if i disappear or get quiet at times. i feel really bad about that but it's really hard for me to get past that kind of #mental block. #but i'm afraid i suppose that if i'm the first to reach out maybe it's totally unwarranted n unwanted n i'm just a bother #i isolate myself often bcs of those thoughts. but like yeah it loops back to i need to do better n i genuinely wnt to improve myself #i don't want to be a burden but i want to stay true to myself. so i end up returning a bit #but then loops back to. yeah. being too much or too little. overwhelming or distant. extreme ends. #i end up often unintentionally restraining myself. hiding certain aspects n i hate it. even being affectionate or kind sometimes #bcs i really just want to be who i really am but i'm afraid that if it doesn't fit a certain standard set of myself then i'll be alone #i'm really trying to improve but there's just so much to think n feel n do n i just hdfkdfjlsd but i'm genuinely fine rn /gen 🥹🫶🏼

[andsoshespeaks]

29.04.24 2:23AM

i love writing letters i love finally being able to journal again i love this aliveness i feel the sun now i feel the moon i feel fucking everything and i love leaving little notes in the morning by the bed i love waking up without dread i love when you’re in my head i love that i was never dead for all the shit you said simply led onto something i’m proud to have bled for ,,,

#i’m feeling again #heart centre open #it’s confusing #so much hatred #but so much love #i think what matters is i’m actually thinking for myself and feeling my feelings rather than living thru others #no more wasted time #the world is mine #divine by my side #soul left their stride #go on & hide #i ain’t got the time for lies #tha world is mine #dear diary #i love you #april 2024 #mixed episode what it do baby bOooooO #did i frighten U? #ain’t got nothing to do with the meds #them blues #had me feeling brand new #but now i realise i’m actually just a manic piece of shit whether or not i’m drugged up or out i’ll always be up n about or down n clownd