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beybladefanboy · 2 years

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A brief review of every Beyblade Metal Fusion episode

Okay not all of these are brief but most of them are, and only slightly satirical at times, all my ratings are genuine. I just feel the need to be a sassy little bastard sometimes.

Episode 1: Pegasus has Landed! 7/10

Good introduction to the world of Beyblade, the characters of Gingka, Kenta, Benkei, and Kyoya, and the relationships between them, though it’s absolutely littered with early series weirdness.

Episode 2: Leone’s Roar 7.5/10

Very basic one one one battle but it’s also the first one on one battle that’s longer than a minute so it’s fine. Kyoya is great and Madoka is introduced well.

Episode 3: The Wolf’s Ambition 8/10

The way Doji appears and defeats Kyoya, who is the main villain at this point, is a great way of setting Doji up as a major villain this season. Also, the still newbie Kenta battling on Gingka’s level is great to see.

Episode 4: Charge! Bull Power! 7.5/10

Surprise, Benkei has character now! This episode feels like his true introduction, as we get to really see who he is as a blader and get an honestly really blatant hint that he’s going to be redeemed. Still, it’s cute.

Episode 5: Vengeful Gasher 8/10

This is a really crappy episode. Oh sorry I meant crabby :P

In all seriousness, this episode mainly hinges on your enjoyment of the disaster known as Tetsuya. And well… you see my rating.

Episode 6: Aquario’s Challenge 8.5/10

Hikaru’s introduction is one of the best in this season. She slays fools and Kenta and we even get a brief glimpse of her backstory, which is a rarity in Beyblade. For some reason… also Kenta really shines in this episode too, despite his failure.

Episode 7: It’s Our Special Move! Sagittario 8.5/10

Lots of great moments in this episode: the start of Kenta and Benkei’s wholesome friendship, Kenta’s special move, Benkei officially being part of the crew, Kenta’s first big win in the series. Overall a fun time.

Episode 8: Merci’s Dangerous Trap 7/10

The Kyoya stuff in this episode is awesome, the Gingka stuff is… a little too weird for me. Not bad, just weird.

Episode 9: Leone’s Counterattack 8/10

Kyoya goes feral in this episode and I’m honestly living for it, it’s both intimidating and amusing. And heart-breaking the way it affects Benkei.

Episode 10: Heated Battle! Gingka vs Kyoya 8.5/10

More feral Kyoya, always a plus. This is also the first really intense battle of the series, with stakes that are higher than losing some measly points (and that didn’t involve cheating) so I like it for that.

Episode 11: Chase the Wolf! 8/10

And so the main story begins. Kyoya’s next up for redemption, and he’s just as slow to the punch as Benkei but that makes the moment where he does fight by Gingka and co’s side really satisfying. Also, the scene where they break a metal door by combining their special moves is the coolest moment so far.

Episode 12: Infiltrate the Dark Nebula’s Castle! 8/10

The kids act kind of stupid in this episode I’m sorry to say. “Why aren’t we getting anywhere?” Because you’re on a treadmill! That’s Dora level stupidity. At least they also get some cool moments to even it out.

Episode 13: L-Drago Awakens! 9/10

Ryuga! :D

Do I… need to say anything else? This is an excellent way to introduce a villain. He absolutely slaughters Gingka in the main character’s first (real) loss in the series and makes the previous main villain, Doji, look like a silly wimp in comparison.

Episode 14: Memories of Ryo 7.5/10

Ignoring what comes later, this is actually a really good episode storywise. It answers all the questions about Gingka and Ryuga that the previous episodes raised and honestly just makes me feel bad for the poor kid.

Episode 15: The Mysterious Hyoma 7/10

These kids can’t last a few hours in the woods without trying to kill each other (some of which is amusing). Kyoya is the only one in the group with a brain. Hyoma is introduced really well, saving two of the fools from falling to their deaths with superhuman skills so that’s nice.

Episode 16: The Magnificent Aries 7.5/10

Hyoma is a blader! Who could’ve possibly seen that coming?! :O You know, besides Kyoya, who is once again the biggest brain member of this ragtag group, exposing Hyoma for the liar that he is. Benkei and Kenta’s battles with Hyoma are pretty good.

Episode 17: The Silver Pegasus 6/10

I don’t know why Gingka went up that mountain. I don’t know why his dad left him a passive aggressive letter to find in that mountain. I get what this episode is going for: getting Gingka out of his funk, but the execution feels kind of off to me. In retrospect, it’s honestly the first hint that Ryo is a garbage bag of a human being.

Episode 18: The Green Hades 7.5/10

Hyoma being jealous of Gingka’s new friends is amusing, maybe even a bit sympathetic and the Green Hades was a really cool stadium for their battle. The way Gingka wins is also quite clever. It’s not just a Star Blast Attack Ex Machina.

Episode 19: Conquer the Tag-Team Battle! 8.5/10

This episode is adorable, I won’t accept any slander of it. I know it’s complete filler and the conflict is kinda dumb but Benkei and Kenta are so freaking cute that I honestly don’t care.

Episode 20: Begin! The Survival Battle 7.5/10

Yay! A wild tournament!

Yikes, a wild Tetsuya!

It hurts itself in confusion!

Yeah, I don’t really have much to say about this episode. It’s fine, a good start to the tournament that’s more important than meets the eye.

Episode 21: Warriors on a Deserted Island 7.5/10

Yu’s formal introduction is great, you’d never expect anything was off about him :) Also Kyoya and Hyoma have a pretty good battle which leads very nicely into the next episode.

Episode 22: The Fearsome Libra 9/10

I don’t know how this episode slipped my mind when I made my top five Fusion episodes list. It’s a massive game changer. I mean, it’s what sets Battle Bladers in motion but also Gingka loses to someone who is at this point in the plot, just a random kid. Gingka is not infallible! That’s really bloody important. Also the stuff with Kyoya and Madoka in this episode is top tier. Madoka throws herself into battle for the sake of saving Leone and Kyoya puts his bey over his pride and forfeits the battle to save Leone. It’s a scene that gives me chills just thinking about it again.

Episode 23: The Road to Battle Bladers 7.5/10

This is really just an establishment episode, setting up Battle Bladers and dropping the bomb that Yu is a member of the Dark Nebula. However, it does this job as well as it needs to and none of it feels like padding.

Episode 24: The Beautiful Eagle 8/10

In this house we stan mystery eagle boy and eat our vegetables :)

Episode 25: The Sniper Capricorn 9/10

Yes, I am biased towards Kyoya. Thank you for asking. I can’t help it, he’s hilarious in this episode, every little thing he does in this episode makes me at least chuckle in some way. Also it’s a good introduction for Tobio.

Episode 26: Tsubasa Flies Into the Dark 8/10

That title is so on the nose when you know what this episode is about oh my lord. I like the way this episode shrouds Tsubasa in further mystery. He also really gets a chance to show his skills, slaying some fools and tying with the nearly undefeated Yu.

Episode 27: Intruders in the Challenge Match 7/10

This one’s fine. I like all the characters involved and the battles are good, just not exceptional. It’s honestly kind of filler but not bad filler.

Episode 28: Dark Gasher’s Big, Crabby-Crabby Operation 8/10

Why Tetsuya? Why are you the way that you are? And Benkei, why in the world did you fall for that crap?! Was Tetsuya’s ponytail that cute to you? Tell me, simp!

Okay I will admit this episode is pretty funny but that doesn't change the fact that it sent me spiralling into insanity.

Episode 29: Kenta and Sora 6/10

I find this episode kind of dry. I’m sorry. I love Kenta, he’s one of my absolute favourite characters in the show, and seeing him teach someone Beyblade is pretty nice. Sora though… I think he’s annoying. This episode is alright, it doesn’t really do anything objectively bad, I’m just not a fan of it.

Episode 30: The Bewitching Pisces 8/10

Ryutaro is one of the most unique bladers in the series. I don’t think he quite gets the attention he deserves considering how terrifying his abilities are when you think about it.

Episode 31: The Twin Gemios 7.5/10

Dan and Reiki aren’t all that spectacular and two bladers controlling one bey feels like an idea that’s doomed from the start but it’s nice seeing Kenta beat some fools.

Episode 32: The Stormy Battle Royal 8.5/10

I think this is the first battle royale of the series? Unless I’m missing a really small example, this is the first one and it’s epic. There’s so much going on all at once and the outcome is honestly pretty unexpected.

Episode 33: The Oath of the Phoenix 4/10

(Okay this got really long and heated. Also in this section I discuss abuse, specifically a parent abusing their child, so skip over it if that’s a triggering topic.)

The first half of this episode is fine. I mean it’s Tetsuya being Tetsuya so I can’t exactly hate it (as much as I want to) but the second half… okay, maybe it’s unfair for my opinion on an episode to be based on something a later episode did but it’s not like the Phoenix twist was a retcon or a random addition, it was planned from the start and honestly? That knowledge makes this episode reprehensible to me. I know people will disagree with me but Ryo’s actions are abusive. Gingka may not know in the moment that it’s his father berating him with statements of how he’s not trying hard enough (something that’s painfully familiar to me personally) and even putting him in physical danger and possible risk of death by burning the metal beams but it’s something he finds out later and was always going to find out at some point. That’s the kind of crap that leaves lasting psychological damage, especially on a child. Don’t even get me started on him breaking the point counter. Not only is that incredibly stupid, as Gingka NEEDS to get into Battle Bladers as he’s the only one who can literally save the world from destruction (something Ryo absolutely understands as he’s the one who explains it) and this raises a significant possibility of him not making it but it’s also abusive and just way over the line even if he wasn’t Gingka’s father. So yeah, screw this episode.

Episode 34: Shine, Virgo! 10/10

The last episode puts a sour taste in my mouth every time I watch it. This episode is the exact opposite. It lifts me up every time I watch it, both because I love Teru and because his story is genuinely inspirational and sweet. They had no need to go this hard with a random background character but I’m ecstatic they did. Gingka and Teru’s battle is also a really good one in general, with Gingka needing to create a new special move in order to defeat him. It’s a damn near perfect episode in my eyes.

Episode 35: L-Drago, on the Move 8.5/10

This episode consists of Ryuga slaying fools and Tsubasa being a sneaky boi. Of course I love it.

Episode 36: Broken Wings 8/10

Tsubasa and Ryuga’s battle here is really thrilling, even though it’s obvious Tsubasa won’t win. Gingka and Tobio’s afterward kind of pales in comparison but it’s a neat idea.

Episode 37: Rock Scorpio’s Deadly Poison 5/10

Like the last Sora episode, I find this one really dull and it has the additional problem of bringing the pacing of the overall story of the season to a screeching halt. This is filler, and really badly placed filler for that matter. If you skip it, the story actually flows better. Again not bad, I just find it boring.

Episode 38: Run, Gingka! 7.5/10

Gingka makes a really really stupid deicision at the end of this episode, I think even as a kid I was yelling at Gingka for throwing away the opportunity his friends gave him like that. The rest is good though. Hyoma and Kenta in particular have really good battles with Tsubasa.

Episode 39: Clash! The Phoenix Vs The Pegasus 7.5/10

Okay this one is not as bad as Phoenix’s last display. In fact, it’s a pretty good episode overall. This is a cooler way for Gingka to earn his way into Battle Bladers than just earning three thousand points from some random tournament. And Gingka (seemingly unconsciously) using his friend’s techniques was kinda nice. That moment where they basically reveal the Phoenix twist though is kind of insulting.

Episode 40: Go! Battle Bladers! 8/10

This is the last time these characters are all happy and having fun for a while… which of course you don’t know on your first watch but still. It’s a fun episode. Gingka finally defeating Yu is satisfying and the mini battles are fine. It’s got some funny moments and the whole thing is light-hearted… for the last time in the season.

Episode 41: The Serpent’s Terror 9/10

…I mean. What am I sssupposed to sssay about this one that I haven’t talked about before? From the very beginning, there’s this feeling that something is… off about Hyoma’s battle. No one knows who his opponent is, not even the Dark Nebula spy and there’s this uneasy feeling throughout the first part of the battle, even though Hyoma is seemingly in no danger, either confusing the audience or filling them with dread, especially those eagle-eyed viewers that notice the little pieces being chipped off of Aries with each strike. (This is honestly one of my favourite bits of animation in the entire show. It’s very subtle and I didn’t even notice it until my friend pointed it out but it is amazing that they actually show the damage happening before the characters or the audience are even fully aware of it.) Then Reiji shows his true colours… and also speaks for the first time. Did I mention that? Reiji doesn’t say a single word until halfway through this episode, which just adds to the uneasiness as that and his puppet-like movements make him seem less human and more like a monster only created to strike fear into the hearts of his victims… And strike fear he does. Hyoma, who is normally cool-headed and even laid back during battle, is driven to screaming and crying as his bey is cut up piece by piece right in front of him. He’s rendered powerless to stop as Reiji is intentionally drawing out the battle and preventing Aries from losing for the sole purpose of destroying it which is just… sickening. When I describe Reiji’s battling as “torture,” I am absolutely not exaggerating. Some people argue that this battle could’ve been stopped. I argue that they couldn’t because Doji is the one in control. Blader DJ has no control over the matches, he just announces them, and Gingka and the gang would’ve been disqualified if they had intervened, which would’ve had world-ending consequences. They had no choice but to sit and watch their friend be tortured before their eyes. It’s what makes this episode so horrifying and honestly the biggest game changer in the entire series. It shifted the tone completely. The way this episode builds tension and strikes dread and fear into its characters makes it feel like something out of a horror film. And that’s not even including the more plot relevant battle after this one, Ryuga vs Hikaru, which straight up kills a major character on screen and has far reaching consequences later in the series. I could go on forever about this episode.

So if I love this episode this much, why wasn’t it on my top five Metal Fusion episodes?, you may be wondering. Because honestly this episode screws with my anxiety. It messed me up as a kid (though not as much as a certain upcoming episode) and the dread and terror that Hyoma and Hikaru go through is genuinely painful to watch and the only thing keeping myself from spiralling into a panic during this episode is making jokes about some of Reiji’s… odder sounding lines.

Episode 42: The Dragon’s Punishment 8/10

Okay, I’ll try to make this one shorter than the last one. The horror aspects of that one are carried over into this episode, though it’s not as effective as last episode due to the random cut away from the battle. Overall still a good episode.

Episode 43: The Deck is Stacked 9/10

This episode doesn’t get nearly enough credit for how great it is. Sure the two battles don’t have much to do with each other but they’re both top tier and do great things for the characters. Kyoya and Benkei’s battle shows how much they’ve grown as bladers and as characters, and even showing a softer side to their relationship. Meanwhile Ryutaro and Gingka’s battle shows someone with the impossible task of defeating Gingka for his right to live, knowing it’s almost guaranteed he will die and the world will be destroyed. He fights brutally, even being willing to set someone he views as a friend on fire in an attempt to survive. He knows the future is doomed but is desperate to live regardless. It’s just… really cool and makes me feel bad for him.

Episode 44: Entrusted Emotions 6.5/10

Okay this is a tricky one for me, not just because of my past with this episode, although that is somewhat part of it, but because… I honestly don’t know if this is a good episode. Reiji defeating Kenta is terrible writing. It sends a message that you can never overcome anxiety and if you try, it’ll just lead to more pain, something that’s even easier to interpret since the only person who defeated Reiji was the one who was never scared of him. Kenta’s bond with his friends should’ve been enough to overcome his fear, in the eyes of the show’s morals. The fact that it wasn’t weakens the show’s morals. The audience backing Kenta is an insanely sweet moment and Gingka knocking Serpent away was nice but honestly neither of these moments make up for this. If it weren’t for the ending, I would consider this a good episode. The battle is full of so many ups and downs and back and forths that I didn’t know who was going to win when I first watched and rewatched it. It’s thrilling but also terrifying and painful to watch. That is what it’s supposed to do though so from an objective standpoint, that stuff is done well. It’s just… Kenta’s defeat. It kinda kills the whole thing. I don’t think it makes the whole episode bad but it’s a terrible moment. I’d still take it over the episodes Phoenix slaughtered though so that’s why I’m rating it kind of high.

Episode 45: Eagle Counterattacks 8.5/10

This is just a really good Ryuga battle. They’re good by default if the opponent puts up a fight and Tsubasa’s strategy is so genuinely clever it really feels like it could work. Overall just a really great episode of two great characters clashing.

Episode 46: Libra Disappears 7/10

Gingka’s super important semi final! …is cut off by a subplot. Admittedly the subplot isn’t actually that bad here. I like seeing Kenta and Hyoma and the cutaways don’t feel as frustrating since Gingka and Reiji’s battle is… pretty unspectacular stakes-wise. The next episode though…

Episode 47: Bonds of Steel 6/10

Ryo and Doji’s battle looks kind of cool and the bit with the fragment of Sagittario breaking into Dark Wolf was nothing short of spectacular but the battle overall isn’t that great and the way it cuts off Gingka’s semi final still really annoys me. Also, Gingka vs Reiji is garbage. Pure unadulterated, unfiltered garbage. I hate that Gingka doesn’t struggle with it at all compared to Reiji’s previous opponents and like I discussed in Kenta vs Reiji, it feels like it’s teaching a bad moral … but this battle is too hilarious for me to hate. I recorded myself watching this episode (with facecam so it’s not public) and I was cackling the entire time. It’s absolutely ironic entertainment and it’s a terrible reason to give this episode a higher rating but I get more enjoyment out of this episode than I do from the episodes I rated lower or similarly so… sorry, my reviews, my rules.

Episode 48: The Truth About Light and Darkness 3/10

This is the worst episode of the show. It’s nothing but exposition dumping and abuse apolosing with one fun scene at the end. Even if you don’t hate the Phoenix twist, this episode is just boring, and useless on rewatch. Goodnight episode 48. I refuse to talk about you any longer.

Episode 49: Fierce Battle! Lion Vs Dragon 10/10

This episode is nothing short of epic. The result of Kyoya’s growth this season is on full display in this battle and seeing him constantly picking himself back up and continuing to fight is inspiring in the same way Teru’s episode was. It’s also a really good lead into the finale and hints that Ryuga may actually have some honour as a blader.

Episode 50 and Episode 51: The Furious Final Battle! and Blader’s Spirit 9.5/10

These episodes are definitely Beyblade’s best finale episode, and not just because it’s the most iconic. It honestly just is that good. This is the only season where Gingka felt like he had significant importance to the story or a character arc and I think it’s concluded quite nicely here. And I will forever love the shift from defeating Ryuga to saving him from the dark power. I love stuff like that, especially here where the dark power is basically a representation of humanity’s greed, hatred, and anger. Just, good stuff.

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Witch”

Happy Saturday, everyone! Well, it's perhaps happier provided you didn't watch today’s episode lol. Getting through these 18 minutes felt like watching an extended version of a CinemaSins vid. I heard a little 'ding!' every time something nonsensical, contradictory, or just downright stupid happened. My mind became a pinball machine.

Which, in the interest of being fair as opposed to just snarky, only matters if you're looking for something resembling emotional depth in this show. RWBY, for all its faults, is enjoyable as a mindless spectacle. It's when you expect — or simply hope — for anything more that this very fragile house of cards comes tumbling down.

If it’s not clear already, today’s recap contains copious amounts of salt. Fair warning.

With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s dive in. Episode nine is titled "Witch," which is fitting since many members of our group go toe-to-toe against Salem herself. The narrative issues inherent in having your heroes fighting their final boss years before the series is meant to end might have been avoided if it weren't for Oscar's ridiculous, sacrificial attack... but we'll get to that.

We open with a sweeping shot of the Atlas battle, as hundreds of dead soldiers segue into endless grimm. Hold onto that image for a bit. At the end of this carnage is, of course, the mouth of the whale. We cut to Jaune, Ren, and Yang already safely inside.

"Well," says Yang, "that was harrowing."

I'm on the fence about this choice. On the one hand, yes, it's good that RWBY knows it can skip over extraneous scenes. We have NINE characters to keep track of and develop, fourteen if you count Ozpin, Maria, Winter, Ironwood, and now Whitley. Plus villains. There simply isn't time to show every insignificant moment... but was this insignificant? Obviously finding Oscar and escaping Salem's clutches is the true hurdle of this mission, but that doesn't mean getting through an entire army of grimm is in any way a cake walk. I'd be more willing to ignore this time skip if it weren't likewise presented as such a challenge for Winter's team. They have to "clear a path" to the whale, but our trio got there unscathed and unnoticed? The obvious implication here is that Ren just masked them the whole way — supported by his aura breaking later in the episode — but it still feels like we missed an important chunk of this task.

I'm nit-picking though. As said, I’m straddling the fence on this one and, given that, I'm inclined to settle on a, "Good job, RWBY. You're keeping the writing tight," if only because I don't have much else to praise about this episode. Throw the poor, struggling show a bone lol.

Now that they're inside, they realize they haven't the slightest idea how they'll find Oscar. “Like finding a needle in a giant…whale… why did we think this was a good idea?!” Because you and your friends are idiots who no longer bother to think about a situation before throwing yourself straight into it? This isn't me being mean to Yang, she literally says as much later on. Our heroes no longer get by on intellect, strategy, and skill, but rather plot armor and a staggering number of coincidences. For example, Ren.

Yang: Wow, it sure is lucky for us that on our way to this incredibly dangerous mission Ren inexplicably developed a new part of his semblance. Now he can not only mask peoples' emotions, see the true emotions that someone is feeling, pull thoughts out of their head about what they believe about a situation, but can also track someone across long distances through their emotions alone. Even that doesn't actually help us find Oscar, we just got lucky again when, in this maze of a whale, he ran right into us!

Me: So what were you going to do if this meta-world stopped giving you the most contrived solutions in Remnant history?

Yang: Die gloriously, I guess.

What Yang actually says is, "Okay. That's new!" and they enter the literal belly of the beast wielding a shield of convenience.

Jaune is also being awkward again because remember, RWBY doesn't know when to incorporate humor and when to treat a situation seriously. He reminds Ren not to "drain [himself]," he'll help him, and it's clear the scene is hinting at their earlier fight. There's a lot to unpack there, but I want to save it for the second conversation.

For now, we cut to Oscar, curled up in his cell, repeating stories to comfort himself. Yeah that's fine. I could use a broken heart right before Valentine's Day.

“She brushed off her bumps and bruises, for nothing hurt worse than the loneliness in her chest." It's a line from The Girl Who Fell Through the World, which Ozpin recognizes given that he's "lived through" a fair number of fairy tales. He immediately asks how Oscar is holding up — because he's a caring person! — and Oscar admits that he never understood why the girl of the tale was sad upon reaching home again. Now he does: she wasn't the same person anymore. I don't think the fact that Oscar has had both a metaphorical fall — leaving his farm to 'fall' into this war — and a literal one — falling through Atlas to unlock his magic — is lost on anyone. This is a nice allusion to our themes. Yang's speech to Salem later on? That’s something else entirely.

Storytelling done, Ozpin says he thinks "this plan to divide might have run its course” and it's time to try and find a way to leave. I'm sorry, I love my farm boy, but what plan? He didn't do anything. At least nothing that could remotely be termed an intellectual plot. Oscar convinced Ozpin to try and turn Hazel by telling him the world would end under Salem's rule and the only reason that worked is because the story decided to chuck out Hazel's entire character. You know, the one that hates Ozpin above all others, wants the world remade into a non-Academy horror show, can't understand that people make their own choices, is terrified of Salem, and has no reason to trust a prisoner he's currently torturing. Oscar's "plan" hinged on his writers erasing a great deal of work to build a new story that fits said “plan.” He didn't even get Emerald involved, she just — again, conveniently — eavesdropped outside their door at just the right moment.

To be clear, I'm not against a story being written to work in the hero's favor. Of course things are going to be convenient in a happy-ending tale. Someone manages to hold out just as long as they need to, a sword is lying just within reach, you, yes, happen to run into the one person you're desperate to find. This kind of stuff is reassuring, telling its audiences that sometimes things do work out for the best. It's enjoyable... but only provided the hero's entire success doesn't hinge on fate being shockingly kind to them. That's what RWBY has become. A world where Salem doesn't attack Mantle, Amity Tower is suddenly finished, the group can charge into any deadly situation they want to and bank on destiny twisting around itself to ensure they come out of it safely. A hero finding a convenient weapon nearby to defeat their enemy with is only reassuring after we've seen them implement a brilliant attack, struggle, nearly win, but then suddenly be faced with failure, necessitating that little push from coincidence. They earned it. The hero doesn't get to run in blindly and find a Defeat Bad Guy plot point gift wrapped for them at the first sign of trouble. They just die.

RWBY used to be a better written show because that's precisely Pyrrha's story. She charged a Maiden unprepared, without a single plan or hope for success, and she died. That's what happens in a dangerous, internally consistent world, but RWBY has since lost the second half of that formula.

I'm harping on this because this entire episode is built on that foundation of coincidence, something that shouldn't be happening at all, but especially not when you're pitting the heroes against Salem herself.

So yeah, it just gets worse from here.

Back to Oscar. Without the cane magic is the only weapon they have at their disposal, but he's reluctant to use it because every time he does, they merge more quickly.

They... do?

Okay, there are three major problems with this announcement:

I'm pretty sure we've only seen Oscar use magic once: creating that barrier to survive the fall through Atlas. That was the point of his near death experience, to unlock something that had previously been unavailable to him. Yet if he's only used it once, why is he so sure that it hurries the merge along? What's this "every time" business? This confusion could have easily been avoided if the show had just let Oscar use his magic this volume, tackling some other questions and gaps in the process. Let him use it to fight off the grimm in Mantle, giving him the opportunity to admit to at least Jaune, Ren, and Yang that Ozpin is back. He could have used some magic against the Hound with Ozpin's encouragement, answering the question of why he was entirely silent while the two of them got their ass beat. Give us a moment where Oscar uses his magic against Hazel, nearly escaping in the process, but is captured again at the last moment. Basically, his line makes it sound like magic has been this ongoing resource with an established downside when... it hasn’t.

Coinciding with all of the above, how is it that Oscar can suddenly use magic at will? Yeah, yeah, he unlocked it during the fall, but really? You open up the magic gates and from then on out it's as natural as breathing? This is the same issue with Ruby's silver eyes. The story gives these characters incredible powers, but never has them talking about how they work, let alone training them. They just exist, perfect in execution, as soon as the plot needs them. (See: the final shot of this episode.) At least Weiss had to practice her summoning for multiple volumes.

Finally, the question of how Oscar instinctively knows how to use magic could easily be answered with, "Well, he's kind of Ozpin now," but that would require the story to actually explain what the merge is. "We merge faster," Oscar says, but what does that mean? The Ozpin and Oscar we see in this scene are fundamentally indistinguishable from the Ozpin and Oscar who existed at his aunt's house, four whole years ago. They're still separate people, with one controlling the body and the other existing as a consciousness he can talk to. Nothing has changed. The show keeps insisting that Oscar is going through this deep and painful arc of losing himself to Ozpin... despite the fact that he has yet to lose a single bit of Oscar-ness. Has he changed? Well of course, but anyone going through these experiences is going to change. Remove the "merge" aspect and Oscar's confidence or power up is likewise indistinguishable from any of the other characters' developments. Nora is becoming more of an individual this volume. Ren is becoming more powerful in his semblance. Neither have an Ozpin to force that change, it just happens on its own. So what separates Oscar from every other character going through a formative experience? When is “I’m not the same person anymore” due to unnatural magic vs. just growing up?

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy our boy is getting more screen time — and that the cast is actually being kind to him now — but overall his arc is objectively terrible. He bought some clothes, told Ironwood he was as bad as Salem, told Hazel how to access the Relic, and then asked him not to be a villain anymore. Somehow these things are presented as significant moments of growth while the real questions surrounding his merge go unanswered.

“Honestly, I think you’re doing just fine on your own," Ozpin tells him, but he's not. God knows our boy is trying, but this is a moment where Ozpin's self-hatred (and the story's insistence that the younger generation is intrinsically better than the older) is blinding him to the situation. Oscar has made terrible decisions lately, in as much as he's been able to decide anything at all, and now he's rejecting escaping captivity because he's terrified of a concept he doesn't even understand yet. None of that is fine. Reassurance is one thing, but painting this situation as Oscar making better choices than he would with Ozpin's input is insane. He literally just decided to keep them in Salem's clutches indefinitely because something something magic is scary, I guess. Oscar doesn't need a, 'You're better than me' speech, he needs a reality check so they don't both die. Remember back in Volume 5 when Oscar, a brave but idiotic 14 year old, insisted on fighting someone entirely out of his league and Ozpin was like,

then saved him from getting his head crushed in like a cantaloupe? We need more of that. Our teenage heroes need guidance, but because RWBY keeps insisting that every adult they encounter is corrupt or incompetent, that hasn't happened in three volumes. They're just aloud to decide things like, “Let's tell our captor the Relic's password because UwU ~trust~” and then the story bends over backwards to make that work. Instead we could, you know, let characters learn that they can be wrong.

The snow scene was the beginning, but RWBY really went off the rails the day it let Qrow warn the group against stealing from and attacking an allied city, only for them to call him an idiot for doubting them. Now, Ozpin doesn't even get to warn Oscar about stupid decisions, he just agrees with them, reassuring and passive. Never mind the complication of whether Ozpin is even emotionally capable of providing guidance after they labeled him the worst thing to ever happen to them.

Why does RWBY keep ruining my faves 😔

Anyway, we’ve got to stay on track. Oscar has decided to just lie there but, luckily for him, Hazel's redemption — I use that term so loosely — has begun. He drags Oscar out of his cell before we cut to Winter.

She's leading a portion of Ironwood's army, trying to get things ready for when the bomb arrives. Neon and Flynt are a part of her team, sharing scared glances and trying to remain optimistic. It's a legitimately hard-hitting moment, striking that balance between horror and hope. Funny though, I wonder that RWBYJNOR would think of their friends fighting for evil Ironwood...

Marrow, continuing the tradition of insisting that our heroes be both adults and kids simultaneously, looks sadly at the soldiers heading into battle and goes, "But... they're just kids." I would like to remind everyone reading that Ruby is younger than them. Anyone who thinks that these teenagers shouldn't be fighting grimm — the thing they have been training to do as their professional career, during an unprecedented attack on their home — should not simultaneously be looking to the girl who is two years younger as his savior. (Something that, while not overt yet, is very much where Marrow is heading as he continually doubts the Ace Ops and looks to RWBY's group as his new, moral leaders.) I'm glad that, for once, this perspective is firmly called out. Elm arrives to tell him point blank that he needs to figure out his personal ethics later. It doesn't matter because there's an army of grimm out there and monsters aren't going to spare anyone, adult or child. Quit philosophizing and kill some already.

Back to Hazel where we get the doorway shot from our trailer. He's taken Oscar to the Relic, because of course he has. Do I really need to list how convenient this is too? Apparently, "the moment we move that thing, this place goes on high alert," but there’s no alarm for when Oscar is taken from his cell, they enter the Relic's room, or when they use it. What does a movement alert matter if someone can just waltz in and waste the last question themselves? Put some of those endless grimm in the room to guard it, Salem!

Just assume that I am, at any given point in this episode, letting out the longest sigh my lungs are physically capable of.

Emerald shows up, demonstrating both the convenience of everyone arriving when they need to, and the very real danger that Salem herself could come in and discover what they're up to. Hazel has Oscar summon Jinn, only to immediately say that “Actually, I think all my questions are answered now.”

I'm sorry, how does this answer any of Hazel's questions? His driving question was not, "Is the Relic actually a magical object capable of doing magical things?" but rather "Are you telling me the truth about Salem's plans to summon the Gods and destroy all of Remnant in her quest to finally die, thereby changing who I'm going to support in this war?" Seeing a naked, blue djinn does not answer that question.

Hazel's "redemption" is non-existent. He — we — learned about Salem's death wish despite how that contradicts previous lore, then he trusted Ozpin despite that contradicting his entire character, now he joins the heroes because, literally, he sees Jinn floating there. It’s bad enough that Hazel goes from clear villain to sacrificial hero in a matter of in-world hours, but we don’t even get a reason for why that change occurred.

Oh, there's also this:

So Jinn doesn't come out of her lamp unless someone intends to ask a question, but does it for Ruby because she's special, yet still reiterates that this won't happen again. Then Oscar summons her without intending to ask a question, she comes out anyway, confirms that none of them seek knowledge from her, and happily pops back inside her lamp because eh, it’s whatever.

If RWBY had any courage the three of them would be cursed now for toying with a powerful, magical object. Remember the days when Jinn was a little terrifying because it felt like she was warping her answers and we had no idea what she might do to someone who used her carelessly? When she felt like a djinn? Good times.

Or better times, at least.

So Good Guy Hazel and Good Gal Emerald promise to get Oscar out. Never mind all the horror they caused, the people they killed, and that for Hazel, at least, this defection is coming out of nowhere.

Anyone remember that Emerald orchestrated Penny's death? No? Just me?

As they leave it turns out Neo was camouflaged against the wall, because she was also precisely where she needed to be. Does everyone just periodically pop into the Relic room to see what’s going on? At least this time it's not working in the heroes' favor. Remember when I said it's beyond idiotic for Oscar to just hand out the Relic information to known enemies currently holding him captive and torturing him?

Yeeeeaah.

So Neo's got the Lamp. Funny how all of this could have been avoided if Ruby had just put it in the vault like she came to Atlas to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We return to our trio where Jaune and Ren need to rest because their aura is giving out. Good! These guys fought a battle, fought Neo, fought more grimm, fought the Hound, traipsed through the tundra, presumably fought through more grimm to get to the whale, and have been using both their semblances to look for Oscar. It's about time their reserves started to falter.

Jaune decides to scout ahead a bit, leaving Yang and Ren to talk about nothing of importance. I mean that seriously. Remember a few days ago when I spoke about how, if the snow conversation does come back up, Ren's points would be entirely ignored for a nonsensical “I’m glad we’re friends” speech? Remember how I also spoke about how every emotional beat now is entirely generic and you could replace any character with another and not a single thing would change? Yeah. This is both those arguments in one. Nothing is said about the points Ren made. His problems with how the group has been acting lately and the very real, very deadly consequences it has had are flat out ignored. We went from

"But these aren't the kinds of decisions we should be making because we have no idea what we're doing!"

"Forward, no matter what!"

in a matter of hours, with precisely zero insight into how Ren went from one perspective to the exact opposite. Kind of like Hazel. Because see, RWBY doesn't write arcs, it just writes one thing until it decides to switch it up for something else, with the opposite idea presented as a “resolution” or a “twist.” Our creators writes scenes they know the fandom is begging for without considering how to get a character to that place, let alone how to get them out of it. That's all Ren's speech was, the equivalent of moral fan service. Here's a glimpse of actual character depth and a morally gray situation... now forget it ever happened because we're back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Instead of working through the laundry list of issues Ren raised, Ren instead accepts Jaune's aura help — something they've been doing since Argus — and tells Yang it's okay to be scared. These moments are meaningless and, as said, could have been between anyone in our cast. Ren could have told Nora she doesn't have to use jokes to cover up that she's scared. Jaune could have reminded Ruby that she can depend on him. Yang could have tried to keep Blake and Weiss' hopes up. This scenes ignores the individuality of the characters, like the fact that they just fought over very different world views, to instead favor any dime-a-dozen moment of support. The number of times this volume has rejected the conflict and resolution the group needs for bland, generic reassurances staggering.

Also, apparently Jaune isn't scared at all? I don't think that's as good a thing as Ren seems to think...

Then Jaune immediately rounds the corner, terrified lol.

One of the seer grimm is on its way and he tells Ren to mask them. Apparently he had been masking them before — one of the reasons he's so tired now, trying to do two things at once — but it's only here that they go black and white again. Ren manages to keep it up for a little while, but his aura breaks before the seer passes and they're spotted.

Hark! A consequence!

That was well done. It makes sense and it adds to the stakes. We've seen the insane amount of fighting the group has done since Volume 7, we just established that they're at their breaking point, and then Ren's aura fails him right when he needs it the most. Add this to the miniscule pile of things that were well done this episode.

Salem runs into Emerald and Hazel, the former of which is acting very suspicious when asked if he's made any headway with Oscar. The seer's alarm interrupts them though and... okay. Was I the only one who cackled during this moment? Between Salem's voice acting and the fact that she just yeets herself down the hallway, it came across as really funny to me.

Either way, it is a bad situation. Our trio is trying to figure out what to do, to which Yang responds, "Do what we do best… charge blindly into danger!!”

Ren's aura is broken. Jaune barely has any left and it’s unlikely he could heal right now even if Ren had any aura to amplify. If Ren takes a single hit anywhere important he is dead.

Me, on my knees, surrounded by the ashes of the Hound, the last bit of serious storytelling we had: "For the love of God, the kingdom is on fire and simultaneously dying of cold. There's a grimm army decimating hundreds outside. Half their group is missing and they're wandering lost inside a devil whale, about to have the most powerful being Remnant has ever known personally try to kill them — can we please have their attitudes reflect that?"

The answer, in case you were wondering, is no.

Back to the bomb. Whatever scientists were given this task have completed it and Marrow watches as it's flown out towards the whale. "Come on, Juan" he whispers and I'm all, "Juan?" Apparently it's a callback to last volume when Marrow couldn't remember Jaune's actual name, but it took me hopping onto the RWBY wiki to remember that.

As death via explosion inches closer, the trio runs into Hazel and Emerald. Turns out though that Hazel is really Oscar, disguised through Emerald's semblance. Nice trick! Jaune immediately drops both weapons to hug Oscar and, while that's nice and all, it's also the stupidest thing he could possible do in enemy territory. Also, Oscar has been beaten up by the Hound, tortured with magic, and likewise beaten bloody by Hazel. I was hoping for a tender hug like the one Nora gave him, not a giant squeeze for more comedy purposes. It just feels like RWBY has no idea how to manage the tone of this volume, let alone the torture of a child...

There's the obligatory, "Why should we trust you?" from Yang regarding Emerald joining the team, to which Ren responds, "Because she's scared, just like us."

That doesn't prove anything. Literally everyone is scared right now. There is a war going on. I really cannot emphasize enough how RWBY throws out Deep™ sounding lines that are, upon inspection, absolutely nonsensical. Nora reminding Penny that there are different parts to her personhood, Hazel saying that all his questions have been answered, Ren announcing that Emerald is scared... it's all worthless chatter that has no bearing on their problems: How do I keep from being hacked? How do I know you're telling the truth? How do we know you're trustworthy after you spent years trying to kill us? But of course, because it's RWBY, Ren's announcement is treated as some sort of secret truth that everyone accepts. Emerald joins up.

As they head for an exit we return to Marrow who, frankly, is getting on my last nerve. I know the fandom loves him because he's clearly leaning towards Team RWBY, but does anyone actually listen to what he says? He starts yelling at Winter for sending in the bomb because the trio might still be alive in there, despite:

Seeing for himself the hundreds of soldiers that have fallen trying to keep Atlas safe

Knowing and hearing again from Winter that the only way to stop this carnage is to take out the whale. Given more time, the whole city falls

Sadly announcing to the world that children shouldn't have to fight in a battle, rather than just joining the fray and helping to keep those kids safe

How does Marrow think those kids are going to be able to stop fighting? How does he think he'll get a city to return to? It's no wonder that he's drawn to Ruby because both characters stand around twiddling their thumbs, mourning that things are bad, and blaming others for imperfect solutions rather than doing something to make the situation better. Marrow's disgust at Winter over the bomb is precisely the same as Ruby's disgust at Ironwood over Mantle: how dare you not have a plan that results in both victory for us and zero sacrifices? They want perfection which, yes, is an admirable trait, but their problem is they refuse to do anything until that perfection appears. They’re paralyzed, a trait that’s particularly dangerous when your story insists that perfection will never appear: it’s not a fairy tale. So they just continue to get mad at others for the fact that they live in an unfair world. You want that perfect solution? Think it up yourself. Otherwise, stand aside and let those coming up with something do what they can to make things better.

Marrow goes so far as to drag Weiss into things, trying to guilt Winter with the knowledge that she'll have to relate the death of her sister's friends back to her. Winter, because she's a badass who isn't in denial over the situation, tells him that yes, she will shoulder that responsibility. To Marrow's credit he backs off then, but man. RWBY has legitimate moral questions here — when is holding out for a few worth risking the many? — but they go about exploring it in the most frustrating way possible. I personally have no respect for the guy who wants to announce that Children In War Is Bad instead of, you know, using the power he currently has to protect those kids already neck deep in a battle.

Because John Mulaney remains relevant:

"There shouldn't be a horse in the hospital :( "

"We're WELL PAST THAT."

Marrow is the one going, "There shouldn't be kids in a war :( We shouldn't have to kill a few to save the whole kingdom :( " and everyone around him is like, "No shit, dude! But this is the hand we were dealt! You going to help us, or what?"

Literally all of these characters could have been so much more than what they currently are.

Except Winter. She's doing great.

Now for the final scene. Our group nearly manages to escape the whale, but is incapacitated by some sort of screechy power that Salem employs.

She contorts her body, stretching out her arms to snag Emerald, and the others have a brief, but intense skirmish. Jaune manages to block a blast of magic aimed at Ren with his shield — nice — and Yang dots Salem's face with a bunch of bombs before blowing her sky-high — double nice. Oscar shoots out some magic of his own because, yeah, I guess he can just do that now? It really feels like it came out of nowhere after eight episodes of being the punching bag.

Of course, Salem immediately reforms. She traps the group with grimm arms that come out of the whale, interrogating Ozpin about why he bothers to keep coming back. There's a very sad answer there of, "I don't," referring to his lack of choice in reincarnating to fight her.

Yang interrupts their little tet-a-tet to throw the question back in Salem's face, calling her out on her choices. A great idea but, as always, execution: "because something bad happened to you once upon a time? No one gets a fairy tale ending."

I’m sorry, but that dialogue had me cringing. Like I said before, way too on the nose. There's keeping with the fairy tale theme, and then there's shoving the viewer's face in it. More of Oscar's musings on how he relates to the protagonists of fairy tales, blurring the lines between storytelling and reality, which in turn encourages the viewer to consider how they see themselves in the RWBY cast. Less... whatever this is.

Yang goes on to talk about how many people Salem has taken from her, which upon reflection makes a certain amount of sense if you toss in all the people who are here, but changed somehow due to Salem's influence, as well as acquaintances who died as a result of her meddling: Raven is scared off, Tai suffers as a result, Pyrrha dies, Penny dies, Yang loses her arm and her school. I think the dialogue could have been revised to reflect that better though because what Yang implies is that Salem has killed countless of her loved ones, yet what she says is, "Summer Rose. My mom." Honestly, for the few seconds this exchange was happening my thoughts weren't even on Summer. Yang calls Salem out for killing loved ones and my brain went, "Pyrrha??"

That's how little they've done with Yang and Summer. I know in the past I've argued that RWBY has a "better late than never" situation going on, that I would praise them for making the right writing choices even if they arrive years too late... but now that we're here, I find that it's a hard problem to overlook. Summer is Yang's mom? When's the last time we heard that? Volume 2? Whenever the conversation with Blake was. Since then Yang has called Raven "Mom," focused on that emotional connection (or lack thereof), was excluded from the conversation with Qrow, comforted Ruby after she was blindsided by Salem's taunt, and otherwise hasn't mentioned Summer at all. There is no foundation for this accusation except a few lines about getting cookies as a child and the fact that we're tossing references in now makes me worried that we'll indeed get a grimm!Summer reveal. Better remind the audience that she exists before the twist arrives! Honestly, as much as a part of me wants to praise RWBY for trying to get things back on track, moments like this just ring hollow now. They waited years and now it’s too late. It doesn't help that this is the episode where we shrug off Ren's speech. What will Yang's cutting admission amount to based on this trend? Probably nothing. Summer will become Yang’s mom again in another six seasons.

Salem, obviously, doesn't care. The real Hazel arrives and she orders him to take Oscar back to his cell. Instead, he gives him his cane with a whispered, "No more Gretchens, boy."

Behold, another meaningless line. Hazel hates Ozpin for "forcing" Gretchen on a mission and "getting" her killed. The whole point of his villainy is that he doesn't understand the concept of choice and that bad things can happen to good people with no one able to prevent it. Not every loss has a responsible party attached (outside of, you know, Salem/the grimm). So what is he even demanding here? No more huntsmen schools? That's what you wanted Salem for. No more "forcing" people to fight for you? Ozpin never did that in the first place. Or is it just a strange promise that no one else will die here? RWBY seems to be under the impression that they can just name drop dead family members — Summer, Gretchen — and that's that. Emotional depth created, never mind a lack of buildup or clarity.

Then Hazel punches Salem across the room and she releases every single hero from their bonds. See the theme of this episode: convenience. Hazel shoves a whole bunch of dust crystals into his shoulders and yells that he's doing what Gretchen would have wanted, clearly sacrificing himself so that the others can escape. The battle between him and Salem is pretty decent. I enjoyed the dust vs. magic creativity and the sheer damage Salem can take before reforming. This fight really showcases how not human she is.

It does, however, bring into question Hazel's reveal about her needing an hour to heal at the longest. I mentioned how unlikely it would be that our heroes would get the chance to "kill" her multiple times, yet here we are, just a few episodes later. They got that opportunity and... does it matter? Salem's reforming doesn't appear to slow down at all, despite her head getting obliterated at least three times, so at what point does she need longer than a few seconds to heal? If this was meant to be a potential weakness the group would eventually exploit, we needed to see it here, both for that setup and to keep it consistent with Hazel's story.

Regardless, they fight and at first it looks like a pretty straight-forward sacrifice on Hazel's part, giving the group their chance to escape. Except... Oscar.

"She'll just come after us," he tells Jaune, turning away from him to fight.

I need a list for this:

Of course she's going to come after you. This is not some shocking revelation. At no point has anyone thought that escaping the whale is the answer to all their problems, it just creates one less problem to deal with. Namely, the problem of "Our ally is captured, being tortured, and may give up important intel to the enemy. Oh, also he's about to be blown up with a bomb." Salem coming after them doesn’t matter. What matters is making her plans as difficult as possible as you work to come up with more solutions of your own. This is just a smaller version of the Ironwood conflict: “Well, Salem will just follow Atlas into the sky so it’s useless to attempt escape, or to buy ourselves time.” It’s really not. I know I’ve used this ridiculous comparison before, but if you’re ever chased by a horror movie serial killer hell-bent on your destruction and your reaction to this problem is, “Why run? He’ll just chase us. The only possible choice is to fight him with a 99% chance of our death,” then I beg you to re-evaluate things.

What was the point of coming to rescue Oscar if he was just going to stay behind? The whale is about to be blown up by a bomb and the trio risked their lives ten times over to get to him. If I were them I would be pissed. We went through all that to get you out and now you’re refusing to leave when we have a chance? Thanks for that.

Same with Hazel. Not that I care about the guy, but if I was sacrificing myself for others to escape I'd be pretty annoyed at them randomly deciding not to do that.

What does Oscar even think he's going to do? Kill the immortal witch? The entire point of our series is that they can’t do that (yet).

However, if he is able to do something significant via Ozpin's magic, why didn't Ozpin do that generations ago? Somehow I don't think a younger Ozma closer to the height of his power was in a worse position to attack Salem than a tortured, aura-less kid who unlocked his magic yesterday. The more RWBY reveals about Salem, the more I go, “Okay, but why didn’t his happen [insert any number of years] ago?”

Did Jaune actually leave? I assume he's just grabbing an airship or something before coming back to drag Oscar away, but seriously where did he go?

There's no way I can approach this scene without throwing up my hands and going, "What? WHY?" Which is a real shame because we finally get to see a bit of what the cane does and it’s... precisely what Ozpin's magic has always done? I mean, we saw that green shield five years ago and now there's a giant white beam. Okay.

If the beam just hits Salem with Generic Magic Power then there was never anything secret about the cane, it’s just, you know, Ozpin’s weapon. If the cane does something significant to hurt her we're left with the question of why it took literal generations to use it. Nothing is making sense to me and the only way I can think to salvage this scene is if Jaune runs back in, snags Oscar like a sack of potatoes, and runs out yelling about how he's clearly suffering from a concussion because what are you trying to accomplish here?

It doesn't help that this moment feels... final. Hazel has managed to hold Salem in place. Oscar has unlocked his cane and lands some mega hit right before Hazel passes out and looses his hold. Not only does this feel like a scene that should be at the end of the volume (we've still got five episodes), but also the end of the series. RWBY is building Salem into an unbeatable enemy by giving her more and more powers, and simultaneously eliminating the stakes by having our currently weakest character (in terms of exhaustion/injuries/aura/training) landing a shot like that. Why would you nerf Salem's threat level like that in the middle of a volume? Especially with a tool our group has had available from the start? If the cane does damage, maybe lead with that in the, “Here’s why we should stay and fight” office conversation.

I assume that Oscar's hit will obliterate Salem to the point where both he and Hazel have time to escape, or he obliterates both of them (“Do it”) and that's somehow presented as a better choice than just running while Salem is captured, or the bomb will interrupt things somehow... but it's just so shoddily done. At the very least, if they were going to have Oscar refuse to let someone fight alone, have it be an actual friend he's staying to assist. Having Oscar refuse his own rescue to help Hazel has more than one problem attached to it. We can say what we want about RWBY's themes of forgiveness, but this guy was torturing him just a few hours ago while serving Remnant's version of the devil. Just let him sacrifice himself and move on.

And that's where we end. Oscar powering up, the cane getting all magic-y, and him shooting a crazy big blast that engulfs both Salem and Hazel. I can't believe how not excited I am about my farm boy doing something badass, but here we are.

Overall I think this episode was way worse than last week's. We absolutely had problems in "Dark," particularly when it came to the Hound and the group's blind devotion to Ruby, but at least those moments were cushioned by an otherwise decent episode. "Witch" felt like I was watching something closer to a parody of RWBY, one deliberately poking fun at the fandom's desires: erase all conflict for awkward silly times, your favorite villains are instantly good now, the heroes go toe-to-toe with the main antagonist because why not, throw a bunch of magic in there for good measure, and wrap it all up in some over the top "this isn't a fairy tale" lines. I can see the pieces of a much better episode here — Emerald sneaking Oscar out with her semblance, Neo snagging the relic, Flint and Neon, Hazel attacking Salem — but it simply didn't come together.

I know I said this last time, but I have no idea what we're going to do for another five episodes. Salem slowly reforming from bomb damage as the group tries to keep Penny from opening the vault? The grimm attack halted with the whale gone so Qrow can go after Ironwood? The longer this volume runs, the more I think it was a mistake for them to introduce Salem as a fightable antagonist now. RWBY doesn't know what to do with her besides have her inevitably fall in the final season, so until then she's left being stupid (Relic), passive (Mantle), or, likely, written out of the story temporarily so the heroes can turn their attention towards smaller conflicts and weaker foes. They literally can’t beat Salem yet, but they can’t focus on other problems when she’s around without coming across as negligent, so if you have to find ways to erase her to make room for that... what was the point of bringing her here in the first place? We could have established that Salem is bound to her realm and had her send the Hound and whale to attack Atlas. There, all the fun parts of the volume without her complicated presence.

Well, the next five weeks will certainly be interesting, at the very least...

Until next time 💜

[Ko-Fi]

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #rwby witch #mymetas #rwby recaps

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niceprophecies · 5 years

Text

“[…]the characters who get much more of the spotlight are unarguably the most adored by Good Omens fans—the demon Crowley (played to hissing, sashaying perfection by David Tennant) and his angel co-conspirator Aziraphale (an utterly cherubic Michael Sheen). Having said that, the execution of the duo’s story was something of a shock for a fan like me, who will freely admit to shipping the heck out of the pair for ages, and even reading and writing fanfic to that end. A bunch of it. And also to dressing up as Crowley and Aziraphale for Halloween with my partner. It’s well known that Crowley/Aziraphale shippers are a sizable contingent of the Good Omens fandom, to the point where both Gaiman and Pratchett had made note that they were aware of it, with Gaiman recently noting that fanfiction and its ilk is also Making Stuff Up, which is the same as all writing—though they did say that making the duo a couple was not their intent when they wrote the book.

Which is fascinating because this miniseries is emphatically a love story.

I know, I know: They say they’re friends, what’s wrong with friendship, you friend-hating fiend. But there are endless stories dedicated to platonic friendships between two male friends. (Or male-seeming in this case, as they are truly an angel and a demon, which then ultimately begs the question of whether conventional sexuality or gender should even apply for the two of them, and it likely shouldn’t, but that’s a fairly long digression…) While modern fiction seems to have a hard time understanding that it’s possible for men and women to “just be very good friends”, the precise opposite can be said for queer people. We’re always presumed to be “just very good friends” and nothing besides. Having said that, it is entirely possible for people of the same (or similar) gender to go from being true best friends to being in a relationship of some sort. It is also possible to say “you’re my best friend” and actually mean “I love you” or even “I’m in love with you.”

Exhibit A, when Crowley is making his way to Aziraphale’s flaming bookshop (he doesn’t know about the fire yet), the Bentley is playing Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend”—which is not an ode to frienship in general, but in fact a love song written by Queen’s bassist for his wife. Immediately thereafter, Crowley arrives and opens the doors to the bookshop, and being unable find the angel, promptly has a complete breakdown over the what he assumes to be Aziraphale’s death. It’s not the shock or disbelief over losing a friend that we can see in Crowley’s face, but utter desolation. “Somebody killed my best friend!” he screams, slumped on the floor in anguish. (Again, I remind you, John Deacon’s friend in the song that served as the cue for this whole scene was his spouse.) Crowley then immediately goes to a pub to get trashed, forgetting his plans to escape the Earth before the true Final Countdown because he’s just lost the most important person in all of creation to him… wait sorry, that’s Creation with a capital ‘C’.

The point is (as Crowley would say, drunkenly, before beginning a long-winded aside about dolphins), the entirety of the Good Omens miniseries unfolds with all the beats you’d expect of a romantic comedy/epic, and that is very much the hinge on which its enjoyability swings. It’s not just the song selection—“Somebody to Love” starts playing when Crowley exits the bookshop, believing that he’s lost Aziraphale; violins swell when the demon reveals to the angel that he has saved his beloved books from a bombing during the London Blitz in 1941—but the entirety of the plot. These alterations to the story seem to reach some sort of zenith during the deep dive into Crowley and Azirapahle’s “Arrangement” in episode three. The opening half hour of the episode works hard to create greater context for their six-thousand-year partnership, tracking them through the ages, and finally closes out in 1967 with the angel handing over a thermos of holy water to his dear friend, saying sadly “You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

He’s talking about Crowley’s driving. But of course he isn’t, because there is no context on this earth in which the words “you go too fast for me” are about being in a car, friends.

This is the part where the usual suspects roll their eyes because culture has endlessly enforced the idea that queerness is conditional and that “slash goggles” (i.e. viewing not-canonically-comfirmed characters as queer) should be derided and that the only person who should get a say in the sexuality of characters is the author—unless the author flat-out says their characters are queer, in which case, they should have made it more obvious if they expected anyone to believe that.

But this pairing is pretty damned (sorry, blessedly) obvious. It’s obvious in the way the Aziraphale bats his eyelashes at Crowley and grumps about the fact that his pristine old jacket now has paint on it, then smiles beatifically when the demon vanishes the stain by blowing gently on his shoulder—both of them knowing full well that Aziraphale can remove the stain himself with angelic will. It’s obvious in how angry Crowley gets when Aziraphale claims he’s “nice”, and Crowley shoves him up against a wall in a standard intimidation tactic that the angel barely registers as fury. It’s obvious in the way that Crowley sits across Aziraphale with a drink every time they’re out, and simply watches the angel indulge in rich foods. It’s right there even at the start, when the Angel of the Eastern Gate shelters the Serpent of Eden from the world’s very first rainstorm with one of his wings, through they both have a perfectly functional set to themselves.

We’re at a point in time where more and more writers and creators are perfectly aware that fans will see characters as queer whether they are written explicitly that way or not. Being aware of this—and not having anything against queer people—many of them say something to the tune of “you can view this relationship however you like, we’re cool with that”. It’s very nice. To some extent, it’s even incredibly helpful, because being okay with the queering of characters goes a long way in telling homophobic people that their vitriol toward queerness isn’t welcome. But when a huge swath of a fandom is queer, and certain characters are commonly rendered as queer to most of those fans, and then we are given a version of the story in which interpreting those characters as just great buddies is honestly taxing to one’s logical faculties… well, it’s hard not to wonder at what point the “straight” view of said characters is likely destined to become a minority interpretation one day.

Which is precisely where I found myself while watching Good Omens.

This clarity kept turning up and tuning in, even in the terms of their dear Arrangement; after Crowley suggests that they start doing work on each other’s behalves during a run-in in the 6th century, another meeting at The Globe in Shakespeare’s day sees Crowley bringing it up again, only to have Aziraphale try and shoot the idea down. “We’ve done it before… dozens of times now,” the demon wheedles, and he might as well be saying “But we’ve made out a lot lately, I think it’s time to accept that you like hanging out with me.” To make up for sending Aziraphale to Edinburgh, he agrees to infernally intervene to ensure that the Bard’s latest play (Hamlet) is a rousing success—and again, the angel offers up that ethereal smile and Crowley takes it as his compensation, as though it’s all he ever wanted in the world.

People may cry, stop shoving your sexuality in other people’s faces! (They always do, like a reliable clock striking the hour with a very irritating chime that you can’t seem to turn off.) But that’s hardly the point, is it? Because I didn’t say anything about sex, I said they were in love. And I’m having a very hard time finding any evidence to the contrary.

Critics and most of the internet have noticed how romantic the show is. The actors did as well, and talked endlessly of it in interviews. The series gives us longing glances and a messy breakup and drunken mourning and a canonical bodyswap (the stuff of fanfic dreams, my lovelies) where Aziraphale strips Crowley’s body down to its undergarments for the purpose of taunting Hell. At the point when everything threatens to blow up in their faces, Crowley asks—sorry no, he begs—Aziraphale to run away with him. And then when it’s all over, he invites the angel to spend the night at his place, and Aziraphale’s response is “I don’t think my side would like that” which is basically divine-speak for “I came out to my family and they’re not cool with it, so I’m not sure this is gonna work.” This has all the markings of the sort of Shakespeare play that Crowley appreciates: the funny ones where no one dies. And it ends on our couple having a lovely lunch in a fancy locale while a swoony love standard plays on in the background.

It’s odd to think that the fact that it took over two decades to produce a Good Omens series is part of the reason why the romantic aspect seems more unabashed than ever; in the book, plenty of people think Aziraphale is gay and that the angel and demon are a couple, but it’s done with that wink and nudge that was common around the turn of the century. These days, teasing at the idea that your core duo might seem a little gay to onlookers doesn’t constitute a ready joke because there’s nothing particularly funny about that suggestion when queer folks are fighting so hard to be seen and represented. And the lack of those winky moments, the way the story simply takes their codependency as a sweet given, makes Aziraphale and Crowley read even more genuinely as a pair. But if you had told me this was the version of Good Omens that I’d see in 2019, I’d have never believed a word. I was ready for extra background, more story, different jokes, but not this. Not confirmation that there are other angels and demons exchanging information and working together in Crowley and Aziraphale’s reality, but Heaven and Hell have a specific problem with their partnership because they clearly love each other too much.

And sure, you can read the story differently. You can choose to ignore those cues and enjoy a story about two very good friends who help to avert the apocalypse. I’m sure for some, that’s a more enjoyable take. But I’m more curious about whether or not, in twenty or thirty years time, people will think of the Good Omens series as anything but the story of an angel and a demon who spent six millennia figuring out that they should probably buy that cottage on the South Downs together.”

#good omens #review #spoilers #love this

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vanilla-blessing · 5 years

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Why you should check out summer 2019 anime despite my previous blog post

I was mostly wrong about this season here’s qb’s revised

Hype rankings for Summer 2019

Cop Craft (Funimation)

COP CRAFT DRAGNET MIRAGE RELOADED is the biggest surprise of the season for me. Coming from Millepensee, the studio and director team known for such Art as Teekyuu seasons 4-9 and Berserk 2016, this extremely sincere and wildly stupid Americanized take on anime fantasy adventure colliding with a hard-boiled cop drama is surprisingly highly enjoyable to watch for both intended and unintended reasons.

The intended appeal of COP CRAFT DRAGNET MIRAGE RELOADED hinges on a well-realized mashup of genres from a long running novel series, the buddy-cop teamup of an anime girl with a magical sword and a gruff but kind-hearted cop, and the dramatic thrill of one of the weirder spinoffs of law&order. The show promises an interesting setting where a magical portal ring to the fairy forest where anime-chans are real has naturally slotted into the organized crime of a New Yorkish city, resulting in a fresh take on well-trodden ground, and it actually kind of succeeds at this. In practice, watching loose cannon cops shoot guns at wizards while busting a drug ring who sling fairy dust is maybe the dumbest thing I’ve seen in years, but the story is so overly detailed, thought out, and delivered without an ounce of irony, unlike the recent terrible movie from Netflix that also attempted to do this premise almost word for word, that it wraps around to legitimately compelling. It also helps that this anime adaptation is being scripted by the novel’s author.

The unintended benefit of watching COP CRAFT DRAGNET MIRAGE RELOADED is partly how completely absurd the words they are saying appear in English, producing some of the funniest out of context screenshots imaginable, the animation in execution ratchets between cool, frenetic action that contains distinct shades of a certain tennis club, and the hysterically awful cg that you’ve come to expect and love from the only team capable of producing Berserk 2016. When it’s good, it’s good, and when it’s bad, it’s incredible.

In short, COP CRAFT DRAGNET MIRAGE RELOADED is a two-for-one deal of the best of both bad and good anime. It’s also getting an English dub by Funimation and I can’t even imagine how good literally any line read from that will be.

The Demon Girl Next Door (Hidive, VRV)

Despite my earlier protests, this is actually totally fine, good even. It avoids the fanservice problem I predicted completely and instead sets a relaxed comedic tone that quietly highlights small gags in a way that feels natural, which sounds impossible but they found the only director who could pull it off (Hiroaki Sakurai, known for some quite good comedies like Cromartie High School and Majokko Tsukune-chan). The content is actually pretty funny when delivered in a non-hyperactive way, since a story about a girl who is bullied into making friends after her family circumstances tell her to murderize a magical girl, told naturally, hits that level of low surrealism that works. Her friends also take this in stride, encouraging her to use this as an opportunity to go out more, open up socially, and suffer for their amusement. The magical girl in question, after heroically saving Yuko from being run over by a truck, also encourages her to defeat her and drain all of her blood, because Shadow Mistress Yuko is so much of a non-threat that Momo takes advantage of their impending ultimate confrontation to trick her into being her gym buddy. It takes place in a post-season magical girl anime landscape where the world has already been saved, normal people are used to weird episodic junk, and hitting demon puberty just another thing your friends will tease you over.

It still probably shouldn’t be full episode length, but it actually does something with that length, and is definitely the least painful iteration of this kind of slower, long-form comedy that you don’t usually see in anime because it’s usually a terrible idea. Predicting this would end up like other entries in the incredibly cursed magical girl parody genre was a safe bet, but this anime is the rare exception and it’s actually worth checking out.

Given (Crunchyroll, VRV) is on the noitamina block and it’s about boys in a rock band who might become more than friends. You’ve probably tuned out at this point and you’d be right because you know exactly the tone and style of this from that description but it’s executed well and written well and directed okay, so if you’d like this sort of thing try it out. There’s an interesting range of ages (the band has members in high school, college, and graduate school), a fun sense of humor, and the music is a standout in a season that has Carole and Tuesday in it, so that’s something.

I forgot to mention Fruits Basket (Crunchyroll, VRV, Funimation) in my last post because i didn’t know it was continuing. It’s hitting its “stride” in being massively depressing so check that out still. It’s tragic and great.

Granbelm (Crunchyroll, VRV) is a magical girl show I watched on a whim and turns out it’s actually a magical mecha battle royale. The color scheme is overly bright and the mechs look squashed, but it has girls snarling and yelling their heads off summoning beam swords so it’s different from what I expected. It’s got a G-Gundam energy with the multiregional cast and how the mecha fights are playing out, so if you’re fans of that, and magical girl, this is both at once. The second episode introduced a unique motivation for the main character, that piloting the mech helped her get over crushing nihilism, and I want to see where that goes, if at all. Combining the sometimes bleak and fun-sucking writing of overly dark and philosophical magical girl with what I can only describe as Domon Kasshu energy is a choice and I would like to see where Granbelm is going with that.

Misc variable hype list

O Maidens in Your Savage Season (Hidive)

This looks gorgeous and it may be the most Mari Okada thing ever written, move over Dragon Pilot, but the manga has some uncomfortable elements that would translate poorly to anime, in terms of keeping me watching it.

Crunchyroll actually did pick up Symphogear AXZ and XV, against my pessimistic attitude.

Ensemble Stars (Funimation) is okay.

Fire Force’s animation is fire af but the girl who lives in her own hellish fanservice series is about to be introduced and this part of the series is kind of slow so it would take a lot of effort to elevate the material until it gets to the “good stuff”. David production seems willing to give it their best shot though, so we’ll see.

Vinland Saga started slow, quiet, chronological and ultimately strong, but it took multiple episodes to get there, which is why they aired 3 episodes in the first week. I think I still prefer the high octane opening chapter of the manga, but they’ll get there soon enough so it’ll be a non-issue in a few months anyway. I recommended this before and I still do. WIT studio is clearly playing for the longer game, setting themes that encompass the whole series first rather than the fleeting themes of watch the bad ass viking slice the mans, but it is currently missing the energy people associated with that opening volume or two. It will probably pay off though.

#COP CRAFT DRAGNET MIRAGE RELOADED #sentai subs are a gift from heaven #this hand of mine burns with an unfulfilled and nihilistic attitude #bus p*rn

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awesomegirlystuff · 7 years

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Rating Every Rick and Morty Season 3 Episode

Episode 1 - The Rickshank Rickdemption - Written by Mike McMahan - 9/10

This episode had to be epic. Everyone had waited over a year to find out how or if Rick would get out of jail. Everyone had all kinds of theories. It was one of the most talked about season finales in my entire fandom lifetime. I think this episode did a great job showing a really fun and exciting way for Rick to escape. Morty’s line; “If you think my Rick’s dead, he’s alive, and if you think your safe he’s coming for you!” was just, for lack of a better term, epic. Even with all the twists and turns, some of which were genuinely unpredictable, my favourite part still has to be Lawyer Morty. “No, I don’t wanna see your pog collection....”

Episode 2 - Rickmancing the Stone - Written by Jane Becker - 3/10

Okay, I’m sorry, but this episode was boring. Maybe I just find dessert environments boring because as a kid Where the Buggalo Roam was always my least favourite Futurama episode. Then again, Road the Dendron is one of the best Duckman episodes.... ANYWAYS, this episode was kind of lame. I wasn’t crazy about Summer’s storyline, nor Morty’s or Rick’s. It was just meh.

Episode 3 - Pickle Rick - Written by Jessica Gao - 4/10

“Pickle Rick” is by far a low point of the season. Not necessarily the whole episode, but just that one moment. Shouting “Pickle Rick!” is not funny. Now, Morty pointing out the syringe on the string with the scissors and all that, that was funny. It had context. The therapist storyline was much better, in my opinion. Rick constructing his new body was very gross, and I’m not really a big fan of grossout humour. Though, it was creative and not really “bad”, just something I personally didn’t enjoy. The whole storyline felt like fluff hinged on a joke that wasn’t very funny to begin with. It wasn’t even Family Guy level, it was more like ThatGuyWithTheGlasses level unfunny gag. And now the phrase “Pickle Rick” will always be synonyms in peoples minds with a particular type of Reddit fan who embarrasses themselves in public.

Episode 4 - Vindicators 3: The Return of Worldender - Written by Sarah Carbiener and Erica Rosbe - 7/10

I really enjoyed this episode. It was some really classic Rick character based stuff. Seeing the vindicators all slowly break down was a lot of fun, and the episode had enough twists and turns to be very engaging. That dramatic scene where the Vindicators are fighting over a supernova woman fucking a sentient colony of ants was hilarious. I think writing ridiculous stuff so sincerely is one of Rick and Morty’s best strengths, and they use it effectively for both comedy and drama at different points.

Episode 5 - the Whirly Dirly Conspiracy - Written by Ryan Ridley - 7/10

This episode was a ton of fun. Once again, really character based basic humour, at it’s very best. Throwing Jerry into a situation he’s so unfamiliar with, and teaming him up with Rick proved to be highly entertaining. The B-plot was a little strange, though. A lot of people pointed out it seemed like fetish art you’d see on DeviantArt and I feel like that joke has a lot of truth to it tbh. Wouldn’t be the first time a writer has inserted their kink into a show’s plot (Dan Schneider, Bella and the Bulldogs etc.) The whole concept was weird and not that funny and Summer and Morty both came off as really petty which I don’t think was intended. The scene where Beth calls tech support for the enlarger was comedy gold, however.

Episode 6 - Rest and Ricklaxation - Written by Tom Kauffman - 6/10

I really loved the concept of this episode. It was interesting to see which parts of their personalities Rick and Morty consider to be good and bad. The only thing I didn’t like was having healthy Morty as this Wolf of Wallstreet parody. Didn’t find that overly funny or creative. Also, what was up with Morty’s adult girlfriends in this one? She literally says “Oh, I knew you were a 14 year old boy”, okay you realize that makes you a terrible person right??? Like, I feel like when you do this you have to kind of acknowledge it? It doesn’t have to be a full on F is for Family style statutory rape plot, but you kind of need a lampshade on it. At least in Family Guy when Peter is molesting Connie D’Mico, they have him turn to the camera and say “calm down, it’s a cartoon.” Or in American Dad when Roger was fucking Snot, at least Steve was constantly saying throughout the episode “Roger, that’s totally fucked up.” (I hate that episode a lot btw lol) But you need something to let your audience know, yes, we know what we are showing is wrong. Otherwise, it just comes off really weird. It didn’t even feel like a Lil’ Bush kinda thing, where it’s like “ooh, isn’t it fucked up we’re showing this?”, it just kinda seemed tone deaf.

Sorry, that was a ramble.... Anyways, I liked a lot about this episode, though I think it could have used another punch up or re-write to get it perfect.

Episode 7 - the Ricklantis Mixup - Written by Dan Guterman and Ryan Ridley 10/10

By far the best episode of the entire season. Hands down. I would argue it’s the best episode of the entire show. And of course, it was built up to and earned. Not just a standalone great episode among a bunch of meh. It was totally earned and stands alongside other great episodes, including it’s sister episode which was previously my favourite of the series.

Everything felt so epic and huge. All the new Rick’s and Morty’s were so well written. Still clearly Rick’s and Morty’s, but with different personality traits and usually, good reasons for why they developed them. Even though these are Rick’s and Morty’s, it’s still an episode with all new characters and that can be hard to pull off. They need to submit this one as their Emmy nomination next year, and if it doesn’t win something is wrong. This episode seriously blew me away. From the writing, the gorgeous art direction. Every second of this one was great. I’m am so fucking glad they are taking the Evil Morty plot slow and not rushing it, because they are doing amazing with it.

Episode 8 - Morty’s Mind Blowers - Written by Mike McMahan, James Siciliano, Ryan Ridley, Dan Guterman, Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon - 4/10

So, this is what took the place of the Interdemensional Cable episodes (which I was never a huge fan of to begin with, but they did have some memorable bits like Gazzorpazorpfeild and such). They were a bunch of dumb gags, but they were contained. This time however, the gags are all things that have happened to the characters. Some of them were funny, but that’s not my point. I think being so loosey goosey with canon is not the best thing to do. But more importantly, this makes Rick almost irredeemable in my opinion. That he would erase memories of Morty’s simply because he wanted to, is really fucked up. Like, erasing a memory of beating Rick at checkers may seem like nothing, but how much do you think he’s actually contributing to Morty’s low self esteem with shit like this? It’s one thing to be mean and nasty to someone, but to manipulate their mind. That’s fucked. And nobody seemed to point this out? I don’t know. That’s why I think gag episodes work best as either non-canon, or removed from the characters in some way. Kind of like how American Dad’s christmas specials exist on their own continuity, or the Simpson’s Treehouse of Horrors series. That way you have more freedom. And those shows don’t even have nearly as much continuity as Rick and Morty so I think making this episode canon was a bad move. I get that you aren’t supposed to think about in that way, but I can’t help it because I have in fact seen the rest of the series, so it just takes away from the enjoyment of the gags in my opinion.

Episode 9 - the ABC’s Of Beth - Written by Mike McMahan - 7/10

I liked this episode. It was nice to see Beth get some backstory. It was a solid episode. Not amazing, but not terrible. Only thing I didn’t like was the whole thing with Prince Tommy fucking all the imaginary creatures. I’m just not a fan of gross out humour personally, so I realize that’s a personal thing and not a flaw of the show. I also have a hang up when it comes to portraying kids and sexuality and I think it has to be done by people who really know what their doing and something about this whole thing just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I suppose it’s supposed to make you uncomfortable... Anyways, these are personal complaints and I realize that. Otherwise, good episode. Some people found the line “Am I a terrible person?” “Worse, you’re smart” to be cringey. I think it was a good line within the context of the characters and what is going on atm. I guess some people could take it out of context and use it to justify...Whatever, but that isn’t the shows fault.

Episode 10 - the Rickchurian Mortydate - Written by Dan Harmon - 3/10

I just found this one kind of boring to be honest. I don’t care about the president character, I already know going in Rick’s obviously gonna win. Just not a lot of investment from me. Maybe making Beth and Jerry getting back together being the main plot, and the president thing more of a little side runner would have been better. I just flat out didn’t care about this episode and it felt like a weak finale, especially compared to season 2. Not saying everything needs to be a big cliff hanger, but it should feel like something more than an ordinary episode with a little bit of continutiy tacked on to the end. They could have switched this idea with the Vindicators, and it would have been better. They’re both pretty much stand-alone’s, but Vindicators was stronger so it probably would have made a better finale.

#rick and morty #review

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pointdotph-blog · 7 years

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From Selfies to Tyrants: A Series of Conclusions Jumped To

2015 – “Okay sana na maraming tao, but it’s not like they know how to appreciate art properly.” These were the first things out of M’s mouth the moment we had separated ourselves enough from the crowd bottlenecked at the entrance of the National Museum. M is a long-time friend who has always been into art. When we found out that the National Museum was removing its entrance fee for the entirety of June, we immediately decided to go.

We had just spent the last couple of hours almost lost in a crowd of air conditioned-sweat, murmurs too loud to be murmurs, and children bugging their parents for things I really didn’t care about, – a crowd which, like us, had decided to avail of the free entrance the museum was offering that day, so I brushed off what he had just said as a result of stress. I mean, who doesn’t say stupid shit when hassled by the summer heat?

Except that wasn’t the last time that day that M said something I found rather elitist.

In the shadow of Juan Luna’s Spoliarium, I had asked M, who apparently had been here multiple times just the previous year and was no longer impressed by the mural, to hold up, as I found myself amused by the throng of people trying to reposition themselves to get better pictures of and with Luna’s most accessible masterpiece.

I was furiously thinking of a joke that would bridge the difference between the furious bobbing and weaving of the crowd in front of the Spoliarium and how (western) tv shows and movies set in museums almost always only provide reflective, dramatic scenes, when M decides to drops a bomb, “Why go to museums just to take pictures of paintings, you can do that over the internet?”

Something about his insistence on appreciating brush strokes up close and personal, as well as enjoying “the much livelier blending of colors in “real life” had me thinking that this was less about redundancy and more about an insistence on a more technical, or as others would put it, [theoretically] “informed” way of appreciating works of art. More importantly, his remarks were too on point to be simple results of the entry hassle we had gone through just a few minutes before.

Just like that, the trip to the national museum I had looked forward to for over a week had begun to sour.

II.

By the end of the day, all that talk of shoulds and so-called “proper ways” of appreciating museum pieces had left me in a terrible mood. I spent most of the shared portion of our long commute to our respective homes not talking to M, instead selfishly brooding about all the things that had been bothering me since the incident in the shadows of the Spoliarium:

i.) M’s undeniably normative approach to the consumption-qua-appreciation of art;

ii.) the implicit arrogance that comes with such a standpoint, as if to imply that the deadlock of a millennia-old debate regarding the proper purpose of art, and by extension the proper ways of receiving it (interpretation vis-a-vis appreciation), if it even has one, has finally been definitively solved;

iii.) the concession that M, regardless of actually being at fault or not, cannot actually be faulted for this expressed arrogance in so far as he himself is only a product of the dominant modes of generational (and always class-related) discourse that he’s found himself enmeshed in – his stance only symptomatic of a greater widespread attitude towards art;

iv.) lastly, my own indignation with such a “claim” which reveals an own personal reluctance to concede to M’s claims (perhaps pride?), perhaps brought about by tangential complicity, or arrogance, or both.

What was I so riled about, that wasn’t just brought about by my own arrogant refusal to take M’s word as they were. In an age where most of the people I know are millennial scared of commitment, shouldn’t it actually be a nice breath of fresh air to see someone so starkly committed to their opinion, even if it’s on something as simultaneously banal and important as the consumption of art?

I found the answer in extending the millennial analogy I had (accidentally) already begun (as an inside joke with myself): everyone’s allowed their own opinions regarding the appreciation of art, but the usual lines have to be drawn, between the responsibility to voice out and fight for your opinion on what is right, and what isn’t, and at the same time making sure that your expression of your opinion does not commit the same sets of mistakes generations of bigots and fascists have committed, on the other, between positing an answer and refusing to close the question to the possibility of alternative responses, to, perhaps, even better answers.

III.

I do not wish to claim that I have somehow found the definitive answer to the question of art, its purpose and existence in this universe, a question that has consistently, without fail, stumped great thinkers all the way back to the Classical period, from Plato to Pope to Deleuze and Guattari’s Plateaus, but, and I proceed with this assumption with a diligent recklessness, I do not think that any of them would even as much as turn in their graves when I assert that the very development of art hinges on the very act of response.

One does not have to be well versed in art history or hegelian dialectics to get the general feel that the development of art, like practically everything else in the world that has seen some form of improvement, hinges on the sincerity of response, either from the winds of the time, or to art posited before it, from poetry as a response to the unassailable hunger of the heart, to revolutionary art in response to state censorship and violence, from impressionism as a revolt to the dominance of, well, expressionism, to postmodernist architecture as a reflection of the logic of late-capitalism. After all, what work of art has been produced that isn’t a response to something that has come before it, that hasn’t been, in some way, necessitated by the world before it? This, without even taking into full consideration that no artist has ever lived a life untouched by the greater logic of the world surrounding him.

And yet art is a response asking for another response, as is the very principle governing the act of sharing a work of art, be it guided by ancient ritualistic functions, or by modern commodifying logic. Whether or not a piece has lost its aura or not, it is always already having asking for a response, be it an emotional, economic, or even a physical one – indeed, it is this very space provided by the act of readying itself for a reaction that what Benjamin calls as the work of art’s aura assumes, from installments opened for public consumption, to images shared as alternative to the written word. Even paintings kept in the closet are made for the self that cannot help but respond with a feeling or two.

IV.

To personally align oneself to a particular way of responding to art isn’t a bad thing in itself, indeed, it is necessary, as a form of providing oneself direction, guidance, as he tries to navigate his way through the chaos of this universe, towards enjoying it further, in the guise of living an enjoyable, fulfilling life.

But it is one thing to posit this personal inclination towards how art is to be responded to, is to be consumed, as the best way, and quite another to say that it is the (implicitly, only) proper way, as if to close the very dialog opened by the question. Where the former is to personally wrestle with the question, the latter is nothing short of dialogic tyranny.

The claim here is that such a closing, or even a mere attempt thereof, of the very dialog on the existence and purpose of art, whether or not it should even have one, and so on and so forth, is not only contrary to the very historical development of art as a medium, but also, more disturbingly, that it is counterintuitive of today’s (millennial) attitudes towards art, revealing an underlying paradox between this millennial façade of openness, on the one hand, and the implicit class-related (redundant, I know, it always is) cultural territoriality, a widespread problem that M represents, but is not entirely representative of.

Walter Benjamin talks of art in the age of mechanical reproduction as having undergone a process of liberation – taken from the limitations of its ritual function, and transformed into something more social; what was once limited to the temple for consumptions of the priest has been moved to the museum, for the greater public to behold.[1]

In recent decades, this stripping of the aura of authenticity, towards this so-called process of democratization, has been furthered by the advent of the digital, with the classical now just a few clicks away. Of course, where an attempt at democratization exists, capitalism shortly follows, seeking to reestablish order – and this it does largely at the back of one of its greatest weapons in history: through the academe, largely agreed upon as one of the capitalist state’s strongest, most effective ideological apparatuses.

What advanced art school has done to art today is akin to what Frodeman and Briggle, in a previous issue of The New York Times, argue, that the University has done to Philosophy: it is here, in the academic institutions of the elite, that art and its long-time search for liberation, for response, in a sense, lost its way [2]

As more and more theories on art production, and more importantly consumption, are taught in thy hallowed halls of the paid-for-classroom, there arises this trend to resist liberation, to return to a new form of authenticity. With the increase of so-called culturally literate graduates, the museum, or the gallery, continues to replace the temple as the new home of the work of art’s ritualistic function – the new priests that take it upon themselves to dictate the function or art, no matter how hard they deny it.

And here I must return to cannibalize Benjamin’s warning, in order to take it further. Where mechanical reproducibility once worked to shift the work of art’s dependence on ritual towards the political, it now instead uses the political to revive the new ritual – which in itself is never devoid of politics. This foreclosure around the new ritual mandated by the academe is nothing short of a survival mechanism: for they must maintain the rules of the field, in this case the rules of art, or otherwise risk falling from their position at the top – exclusivity, control of its premises, as the principle of autonomy.

Yet is it not this very same principle at work now that I find myself rather guilty of the same sins: that I am using the very same theories I learned in the university to assert a way of consumption in this very composition and at the same time protect my imagined position in the field’s hierarchic logic?

Perhaps, perhaps not. But even at the risk of patting myself on the back too early, I remain steadfast on my insistence that one can assert without looking to oneself off from the promise of the response, and that this should at least be enough to let the dialog press on. For it is this very foreclosure that is at the heart, no, core – for a heart here simply does not exist – of cultural elitism.

VI.

Art, and issues of its consumption, like everything else, has always been closely tied to matters of class difference, from writing as a sign of the privilege, to the Germans undertaking the question of popular art, even up to matters involving the MMFF. This is nothing new, and indeed dominates all forms of art production and consumption.

Why do you think a vast majority of men and women who consider themselves to be “well-read” find it necessary to diss on Lang Leav’s poems, poetry they somehow consider as not up to par with what the highly political, yet ultimately arbitrary hierarchies of reading that they subscribe to categorize as good poetry? Even the so-called “liberal” ones are complicit with this elitism: “At least they’re reading”, “Well, I suppose it’s a good stepping stone towards “actual” poetry.”

Who the fuck cares if majority of today’s concert-goers insist on video recording the performers on their smartphones instead of just “losing themselves in the moment?” Well, these essence-purists certainly do, because apparently only they know how to properly enjoy a concert.

Why is it that every time the MMFF rolls around and the movie that many “serious” filmgoers like ends up hardly being peopled at the cinemas, or even worse actually pulled out for whatever reason, the immediate response is almost always that the whole festival is stupid because it caters to a stupid audience? Or, if you happen to be talking to someone with a kinder tongue, then it becomes an issue of educating the apparently (good) film-illiterate masses. Except it’s almost always a vertical issue, and hardly addressed horizontally: education as sophistication, because diversification entails accepting their taste as valid, the movies they like as anything more than trash. All because the non-Film educated Filipino would rather enjoy a film by losing himself in the jokes and sketches, instead of concerning himself with “good writing” and “amazing cinematography” that’s supposed to “reflect the ails of 21st century life.”

Even bullshit maxims like “don't collect things collect moments” that offer unsolicited advice on how to best enjoy your vacation are symptoms. God forbid there actually exist people who want to preserve their moments in the form of souvenirs.

And God forbid I ever have the desire to supplement a personal trip to the National Museum with a selfie with Juan Luna’s Spoliarium. Thank God for memes that serve as our new site of struggle.

VII.

Among the upper echelons of society, where the so-called “culturally literate” people reside, is where this cultural tyranny manifest in one of its most potent form – hidden under the veil of formal education. For years now, people have used academic/theoretical rigor as a way to limit other people’s wonder, if only because they do not like other forms of curiosity.

***

“I don’t understand why people are in such a rush, you’re not actually supposed to finish a museum in one go,” M tells me at some point in our tour. I don’t understand why people are so adamant on telling other people how to eat their food.

[1] Benjamin, Walter. The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction (1936) [2] Briggle, Adam and Robert Frodeman. When Philosophy Lost Its Way (New York Times, 2016)

#point #ph #pointph #pointdotph #magazine #philippines #blog #article #art

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tessatechaitea · 7 years

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Green Lantern Loves Space Ghost #1

I hope this stars the talk show version of Space Ghost.

James Tynion IV is writing this issue so I bet it's more serious than it ought to be and it'll probably be full of comic book tropes and Space Ghost will come out as bisexual. The issue begins with a planet in some serious trouble. You know the kind of trouble planets get into in Green Lantern comic books! It's always serious and hardly ever humorous and wacky. Just once I'd like to read about a planet full of sentient penises having to deal with sentient vagina missionaries hellbent on getting the penises to worship their vaginal god. I mean, okay, fine. That's probably a metaphor for a lot of comic books. But I don't want to read it as metaphor! I want to look at pictures of talking vaginas!

So the weapon is a pen? Is that the big Twilight Zone twist? "He's got the only pen on this world and he's writing lies about us! Future generation will read those lies and think we were all jerks! And we can't get the pen away from him because he's locked himself in the bathroom! And we can't get the door off the hinges because the door swings inward! And we can't pick the lock because our greatest technological advancement (aside from the one really sweet pen!) was perfecting the unpickable bathroom door lock! We're doomed!"

I love to toot my own horn so let me say I probably just wrote a better story than whatever Tynion IV came up with. I just got to the page with the credits and I want to apologize to Christopher Sebela for not including him in my critique of the writing. I'm sure you've added nothing to this story that James Tynion IV didn't say, "I was already thinking of adding that! I know Scott Snyder!" I should really meet some of these writers before caricaturing them. Although I feel like I probably nailed Tynion IV. It's just too bad you can't hear, through the written text, the grating, whining voice I gave him. The first few pages are used to establish that the call for help is coming from a place outside of the known DC Universe. Page one is all, "We don't know where we are!" Page two is all, "I'm Hal Jordan and this is a new space and time dimension that I'd like to enjoy!" Page three is all, "I'm Salaak and I'm reminding you that this distress call is coming from uncharted space that we've never explored because it's outside our universe or even further!" Hopefully that's all the reminders this comic book gives us because even I'm not so stupid that I didn't get the message after rereading it all three times because I was sort of confused about where the message was coming from. Now that the location has been established, it's time for some action! Larfleeze makes an appearance, as does Space Ghost and Zorak. How did this comic book get so exciting so quickly?! Was it written by geniuses?! James and Christopher should take that last paragraph as a compliment because it's the nicest thing I'm bound to write today.

Especially if I have to wade through twenty pages of dialogue like this.

Although I wouldn't mind more art like this:

Is this the first time Green Lantern has made a light construct butt plug?

Green Lantern and Space Ghost crash on a planet outside of the known universe (yes, it's mentioned again). It's a planet full of either Robocops, Transformers, or Sentient AT-STs. It might also be a Battletech crossover but since the cover didn't mention Battletech in an effort to get the huge Battletech audience to pick up the comic book, I remain doubtful of that conclusion. The alien Hal winds up talking to (a regular humanoid alien because the robots are apparently just weaponized vehicles) tells his story and it sounds suspiciously like the plot of Life, The Universe, and Everything. Apparently Green Lantern and Space Ghost have crash landed on Krikkit. I could explain in greater detail but if you aren't familiar with The Hitchhiker series, why would I coddle you and your choice to remain ignorant of something so enjoyable? Although, to be fair and objective and other complimentary things that perhaps aren't completely true of me, Life, The Universe, and Everything was the worst book of the bunch. The Perterrans attack Hal because they can't have any evidence showing up on their planet that suggests there is more to the Perterran universe than simply Perterran.

I would have chosen Amanda Waller. But I guess that might be construed as racist or sexist or fattist.

Does anybody need to know my opinion on United Airlines and their behavior this week? No? You all know exactly what I would say already? Good. Thank you for paying attention so I can spend less time writing. Hal gets away so that he and Space Ghost can have a battle. Remember that thing I said about James Tynion IV relying on comic book tropes? Well, here we are with the good guys battling due to a misunderstanding! Only a few pages left before they realize the mistake and work together. I bet Christopher Sebela read the script and was all, "Maybe let's try something different?" And James Tynion IV was all, "Really?! You're going to question my writing! I did mention I know Scott Snyder, right?! Anyway, what do you think of all my great jokes?" And then Christopher was all, "There are jokes?" The two heroes wind up knocking each other out just as some kid named Keila and her robot on a leash (named P.E.T. because of course it is) enter the scene. She takes them away so that they can learn that they're on the same side and also become part of the rebellion, probably. So there's some stuff where everybody decides to get along so the plot can continue. Can we get some kind of Comic Book Consortium to set up official tropes so that comic book story space isn't wasted by them? So the first ten pages of this comic book could have been condensed into one panel that read "COMIC BOOK TROPE 1A." Then everybody goes, "Cool. Space Ghost and Green Lantern fought each other due to a misunderstanding and neither actually bested the other before they realized their mistake and began working together to find the real bad guy. Let's get to the story now!"

Oh no! This story isn't about a secluded planet cut off from the rest of the universe at all, is it?! It's a metaphor for human loneliness! NOOOOOOOO!

It turns out that this planet that speaks English (it must since Hal can understand the aliens without his ring) has only one major difference in their language: weapon means vehicle! They also have the word vehicle for vehicle which enables the alien to easily explain, "Weapon is our word for vehicle." Well, that sure will cause a lot of wacky mix-ups, right?! Green Lantern and Space Ghost probably wouldn't have shown up if they received a transmission that said, "We have a really powerful car and some guy wants to destroy it!" Green Lantern and Space Ghost believe the crazy guy with the rocket ship who sent out the distress call. They decide to back his play to destroy the foundation of the entire culture of this world. That seems like the right thing to do. Truth is always better than stability! I mean, even if you believe that truth is better than stability, is it smart to trust the judgment of one guy? I suppose when the other side has already threatened to kill you, it's probably the best decision. To make matters even more exciting, the military shows up to destroy everybody! It happens so quickly that Space Ghost and Green Lantern are given back boxes holding their ring and wrist bands but the little girl mixed up the boxes! And there's not time to switch! I can't believe I thought this comic book couldn't get wacky! Ha ha! Look at Space Ghost try to use the Green Lantern ring! Ho ho! Look at Hal Jordan try to use Space Ghost's whatevers! They switch back pretty quickly but Hal Jordan discovers his ring is almost out of energy. Like always! How the fuck aren't Green Lanterns getting stranded on backwater planets constantly? Their rings always get critically low or run out of juice because that's the only way to make the fight tense (at least for unimaginative writers like Cullen Bunn and Cullen Bunn). It wouldn't be a problem if the Green Lanterns hadn't stopped using that Storage Locker Planet to keep their batteries nearby in interdimensional space. In the end, Green Lantern and Space Ghost inspire the planet to rise up and believe in something greater than whatever they were already believing in. They inspired the Perterrans to not simply sit back and take it in the ass! What a great story! I'm so happy that people are around to inspire other people or else how will all those other people know that there are other ways to live their lives?! People who inspire are life-saving heroes! I hate stories that glorify inspiration. Inspiration is what people who are too lazy to actually do shit do. It's the acceptance of advertising as the impetus that gets the world moving. "Without a charismatic person singing on a reality television show, how would any young people know that you can become a charismatic person lucky enough to get all the same breaks that that person did so that they could also become an inspiration to inspire people to become inspirations? It just wouldn't happen without inspiration! Nobody can ever be self-motivated or believe in themselves without first being told to believe in themselves! Fuck off! The Ruff 'n' Reddy story is terrible. It's just a bunch of old jokes and stolen material shoved into a framing story of two comedians trying to find new partners whose last names will make a clever pun or saying. That's just an old Mitchell and Webb sketch! So even the framing story connecting the stolen material is stolen!

I'm sure the punchline has something to do with somebody putting their cock inside somebody else's ass. Ha ha.

A lot of the material in the Ruff 'n' Reddy story seems way bluer than I would expect DC to greenlight for a Teen Rated comic book. I guess because the filthy punchlines are either never actually mentioned or were deemed not quite explicit enough, DC Comics was okay with it. I certainly don't mind! I just think it's an odd decision. Especially since the main story is about how Space Ghost is good with kids and how people inspire children to grow up to change the world. I mean after feeling good about how little Keila grows up to become a space explorer, the reader is treated with jokes about chickens fucking eggs, cocks inside asses, and walruses raping seals? Way to go, DC! Oh! There's also a violent depiction of a forced rimjob!

To be completely transparent, I was less upset about this as I was about the stolen Bill Hicks escalator joke! And by "less upset," I mean I masturbated to this.

The Ranking! Overall, I'm almost sorry I purchased this comic book. At least I'll get a few more private moments with that rimjob pick. Ooh la la!

#Green Lantern #Space Ghost #DC Comics #James Tynion IV #Christopher Sebela #Ariel Olivetti #Howard Chaykin #Wil Quintana

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