#their hair swooshy things are very similar

[gastlyarts]

this is like my 3rd doodle of the night and the only one i bothered to finish

anyways, I can't be the first person to make this connection.

#GOD ik this takes place in like ancient pokejapan but what are the odds that grimsley is related to him #like #their hair styles are so similar kfjsjdgjbdf #my art #giima #grimsley #kanbei #pokemon conquest #pokemon sun and moon #pokemon ultra sun and ultra moon #their hair swooshy things are very similar #also their perpetual eyebags and dual coloured hair

[thespoonisvictory]

fav l’manburgian character design things for l’manburg day:

when artists draw niki in her black hair with white bangs/front strands look. literally the best one idc, it’s iconic and I refuse to think of her character with pink hair because it’s too similar to techno

also, I’ve seen some people draw her with her hair french braided. im love? women hot?

wilbur’s character with the glasses drawn >>>

when wilbur’s coat has a newfoundland patch added next to a l’manburg one >>>

bonus points for button down only wilbur soot. good shit.

tubbo designs that aren’t feral nuke boy or bee boy, just boy. friend shaped, but also has nukes

red cardigan for chommy, big fan. also- cool sneakers for him, it’s what he deserves

also fluffy hair for tommy is so important to me

tbh I’ve never seen a bad jack manifold design, they never miss

eret designs where they look celestial? like royalty? iconic, especially if their crown is very intricate and more like a diadem

big swooshy cloaks for eret ty very much

uniform designs where they’re all unique and personalized to each character

the hats! the hats are so important and sometimes people forget bc they’re corny but they’re so important to me!

that’s all thank you for your time

#dream smp #l'manburg

[obirains-archive]

rating luke skywalker’s most iconic Looks

bc i’m bored and he deserves some love and some roasts

1. luke skywalker 103- for the initiates 

dare i say the most iconic of all luke’s looks? he really came in swinging. the simplicity of the outfit really lets his natural beauty shine; the tunic says unassuming farmer boy but the hair says disney prince. i wanna touch it. the plunging neckline makes him look more shirtless than if he actually took his shirt off- i can’t tell if i’m repelled or turned on. but he looks like he’d be great at holding hands :) final rating: 10/10 absolutely iconic

2. these aren’t his clothes.

what happened to the swoosh in his hair? we went from the most dashing look the 70s had to offer to......... what i actually picture when i think of 70s hair. i realize that luke probably didn’t have much of a wardrobe to choose from but the banana yellow isn’t doing him any favors. but he looks happy enough and i guess that’s what’s most important? final rating: 6/10 would take him to Target for his own clothes :/

3. fun times w/ the frog

two words: hot damn. those arms. those hands. that frog. the whole package. i didn’t know i was that into biceps before this motherfucker, true story. not really into the whole “sweaty training in an acid trip swamp” idea, but luke actually pulls it off here. the hair plastered to his forehead....... makes me feel a certain way. get into my swamp tbh pls dont quote me on that im begging final rating: 9.5/10 would bang but only if yoda’s there

4. “luke it’s a trap”

similar in color to his dagobah outfit- maybe luke just really rocks the muddy greenish-gray? it’s not much of a fashion statement but sometimes less is more. while i do miss the biceps, i can’t resist a classy man and the sleeves at least give the illusion of classiness. his hair’s doing the swooshy thing again and it really pulls the look together for me :)  final rating: 8/10 hot but not too hot 

4.5. he may be ur father but he aint ur daddy

sad boy. angry. hair has lost trademark swoosh. new holes in his shirt, and new lack of hand where hand once was. also a new dad! i love that for him. i’m not really attracted to him here tho because he’s so vulnerable- i feel like i’m watching something i shouldn’t :( if anything it activates my protect instincts- someone get him a blanket and a hot chocolate.  final rating: 7/10 might be ur dad lol

5. he used to live here, you know

luke’s out here serving us some emo looks and ngl i’m kinda here for it. the similarity to anakin’s costume design makes me think he developed a retro style between esb and rotj. i’m not mad; i just don’t think the leather vest or whatever it is necessary. but the wind in his hair makes him look very dashing, and the green lightsaber is nothing short of sexy final rating: 8.5/10 who’s that fella??? 👀

6. *incoherent screaming*

i.... i think this is the same basic outfit from jabba’s barge but without the leather? thank the lord. he really did decide to make a statement with the black shirt, black pants, knee-high black boots, and thicc black belt, but honestly the uniformity looks very sexy on him. epitome of class. again, you can tell luke has combed his hair recently; it’s lost its swoosh and it’s not my fave. BUT i’m obsessed with hand veins and gloves and he’s serving us both!!! sorry that he had to lose his hand but the glove makes it kinda worth it 

this look also marks luke’s character development from one hundred percent sub to a total switch. i dont make the rules :) 

final rating: 12/10 would call him daddy if he asked 

#sorry for the long post #but im in a Mood today folks #once again i blame aileen for making me simp so hard for this man #star wars #sw #luke skywalker #luke #Luke Skywalker Simp Squad #aubrey's shitposting again #aubrey rambles #sw: anh #sw: esb #sw: rotj #anh #esb #rotj

[irradiatedsnakes]

well discord’s down so instead of spamming my friends with my bullshit you people get to deal with it instead.

like how bird hair works on this show, because i enjoy looking way too far into things like this, that are purely due to it being a cartoon with cartoon designs. but i digress: bird hair

type 1 as exemplified by della there on the top is pretty much analogous to human hair, similar to simple downy feathers or the protofeathers of non-avian dinosaurs. or turkey beards if turkey beards were softer and more pliable. can be both like stage 1 protofeathers (single filament) or stage 2 protofeathers (multiple filaments joined at the base). or hey, maybe even hypothetically the other stages too! but most commonly those first 2.

this “hair” grows much like that in humans, as can be seen in how della’s hair grows over her stay on the moon, while the rest of the bird’s body feathers molt, staying the same length.

characters with this type of “hair” would include della, launchpad, and webby.

(protofeather stages diagram, via wikipedia)

type 2 there is exemplified by gyro, and is most similar to the long display feathers that many roosters have on their tail. like this!

unlike most feathers you’d find on a bird, the rachis of these are flexible and floppy. being based on display feathers, id say they also have a higher likelihood of being a different color or more iridescent than the other feathers on that bird’s body. these feathers molt with the rest of the bird’s feathers.

characters with this type would include gyro, fenton, and lena. basically the most swooshy ones.

type 3 is exemplified by drake, and is the simplest of the types- in that their “hair” is same as the rest of the feathers on their body. short, often fluffy contour feathers. these don’t get very long and are the most naturally birdy looking ones. like type 2, they’re shed regularly via molting.

(via)

characters with this type include drake, scrooge, and donald. (donald semi-canonically, since you can see these sorts of feathers come off his head when he’s losing them in the golden spear.) worth noting drake and scrooge’s cheek fluffies would be the same way.

thanks for watching dont forget to like comment and subscr

#discord came back on in the process of me writing this post but you still get to see it #ducktales

[tamlins-stories-and-poems]

Okay, so, I have always been interesting in how clothes look and function, and four the past four years especially my religion has played a huge role in how I see myself and the world, so I drew these clothes based around quotes, songs, symbols, and principles of my religion. This are mostly some of the more recent ones, I’ll post some older ones at another time. :)

I’ll also add descriptions of the clothes and the quotes behind them under a read more for those who’re interested.

Image 1: 1.1: A hoodie with flowers on it, based on one of my favorites, “ye are as the flowers of one garden.” I think I intended for the main hoodie to either be white, gray, or blue, with brown “soil” at the ends of the sleeves and multicolored flowers growing up the arms, back, and sides so that one even lands on the hood. 🌸

Image 2: (Top to bottom) 2.1: a blue or green hoodie with yellow lights on the edges and white wings that have more lights. Based on my favorite song to play “Angels of fire and snow”. More on that shortly.🌨 2.2: a pair of bell bottom jeans, the left leg (to the right) has flames and ember going up to a smoky cloud, as the right leg (to the left) has snow coming down from gray clouds to a field with a little snowman. Also for Angels Of Fire And Snow. Sue me, it’s a good song. 🔥 2.3: an orange belt with a snow flake clasp. … I really like that song okay? 😅

Image 3: (Middle left to right, then above, then below) 3.1: the Bellfire bell bottoms. Also based off of angels of fire and snow, drawn before the pants with both. Mostly for the pun and because I like the swooshy feel of bell bottoms. 💥 3.2: the snowbells. Guess what that’s based on. 😜 3.3: the bell bells. … not really based on anything other than the fact that we’re suppose to know and appreciate the arts, I suppose. I was showing Bellfire and Snowbells to my friends and we started chanting about the Bell Bells. It happened. 🔔 3.4: the Bell Belt. Blame the Bell Bells. Not colored, or even inked. Nor will it probably ever be. 3.5: I was in a very bell filled mood that day, and it may have been while I was fasting, so I was probably a little out of it. Why a sweater with a bell print and lots of tiny jingle bells seemed like a good idea, I’m not really sure.

Image 4: (Left to right) 4.1: the star dress. I realized I could free hand nine pointed stars, one of our most common holy symbols, also the one that it’s least disrespectful to mess with. I also love the Persian trend of bright colors against dark backgrounds. A lot. The blue stars signify (to me) Bahá'u'llah, as at least his son had piercing blue eyes; the green is for the Báb, a traceable descendant of Muhammad, who therefore wore a green turban; the yellow/gold is because it reminds me of light, gold (for purity and richness of spirit) and faith in general. 🌟 4.2: the snow belt. … back to AOFAS. It has nine points, like the star. ❄️ 4.3: a fire and snow skirt. I have since realized that flecks of red and orange should be among the white of the snow, as the embers float away from the fire, but, oh well. 💙

Image 5: (Left to right top to bottom) 5.1: the flower drop skirt. Inspired by a lack of pockets and the desire to be able to change between long and medium length skirts with relative ease. Based off of the call and response “we are drops” song, particularly the lines “we are flowers/ of one garden” and “we are drops/ of one ocean.” One of the first songs of my childhood, other than Red Grammer. It has half a zipper on the top, at the end of a waistband, and the other half on the bottom. The main print is that of pink flowers on a green back drop, and the print when it’s zipped up is deep blue droplets on light blue.💧 5.2: the droplet heals. I wanted to try making shoes. Shoes are hard. Heals are pretty even if you couldn’t force me to wear them. Water drops are vaguely shoe shaped. We are drops of one ocean. It followed! 🌧 5.3: sweet nectar tank. To be explained later👉🏻 5.4: Allah'u'abha hoodie. Ditto.👆🏻 5.5: the heart sweats. Loving everyone is a huge thing, as is “oh son of spirit, My first council is this: posses a pure, kindly, and radiant heart, that thine may be a sovereignty. Ancient imperishable and ever lasting.” (Done from memory, sorry for any hiccups.) the hearts hide pockets because it would be crazy not to. These can be worn around the house, as pjs, or when working on a service project. ❤️ 5.6: burning kindness t shirt, “let your heart burn with loving kindness for all who may cross your path” is written on the back, and a small burning heart is over the left side of the chest. (Front and back view shown 💝 5.7 burning kindness polo, for a slightly more formal event, this may or may not have the quote emblazoned on the back, but it does have the flaming heart out front. Fire always seems to be good in our scriptures. 💞

Image 6: (From head to toes) 6.1: the fruit hair tie, “ye are the fruits of one tree and the leaves of one branch.” This is a regular ponytail holder with a bow on it because I have no clue how those work, lol. The bow is green with apples on it. 🍎 6.2: Allah'u'abha hoodie. Orange, for light and because the shirt my dad has that says Allah'u'abha on it is also about that shade, so I associate it with the word. A nine pointed star made from triangles around a little heart is over the, well, the heart.✨ 6.3: the “of one tree” socks, a tree with roots in speckled dirt, with blue over the toes, and maybe the heal, for easy replacement when the cloth wears through. Slightly ironic because you need two. 🌳

Image 7: 7.1: the sweet nectar tank top. Somewhere in the Bahá'í writings there is a reference to our founder as being a humming bird, and the words of God being an irresistibly sweet nectar. For me, however, this is based off of the Seals and Crofts song “Hummingbird,” one of their top hits and also one of their most explicitly Bahá'í songs, other than “East of the Ginger Trees.” The song goes “the sweetness of your nectar, it draws me like a fly! And I just love you love you love you, don’t even know the reason why. Hummin'bird don’t fly away, fly away! Hummin'bird don’t fly away, fly away!” 🌺 7.2: the heart sweats, already explained. ❤️

Image 8: (I give up pretending that there’s any order) 8.1: Two wings T. From Red (and Kathy) Grammer’s “with two wings” and a Bahá'í quote talking about how men and women are like the wings of the dove of peace. The blue wing on the left represents the masculine gender(s), and the pink one on the right is for the feminine. I’m not sure where NBs fit into this metaphor but it was made for people in the late 1800s/early 1900s, which, while not the height of gender conformity, did put a damper on talking about trans and NB people. Let’s say the yellow is for multiple or the lack of genders. 🕊 8.2: Sore to the heights pants. If the human soul is like a bird, then God is like… space. Beautiful, endless, and always just out of reach. People as birds feature prominently in the Bahá'í writings. Probably sweats. There are two birds, one on either side, and both cover pocket openings. Clouds are white, back drop is blue. 🌤 8.3: we are one family t shirt. The one is made of little humanoid figures. I’d like to be able to get them to be all shapes and sizes and colors, but my skill isn’t quite to that level, aaaaannd I haven’t even inked it so I don’t feel comfortable coloring this yet. Just imagine the people in the one as mostly brown with some bing very pale and some being almost ink colored. 1️⃣

Image 9: A close up of what the pattern on the We Are One Family t shirt would look like. Also not colored. Still not looking all that great.

Image 10: 10.1: tiny seed t shirt. I don’t remember the official quote, but there one a song I heard that goes “I am, I am, oh my god, oh my god, but a tiny seed, which thou hast sown in the soil of thy love, in the soil of thy love.” So I put that on the back without all the repeats and never remembered to ink it in. Probably a tan shirt, has a small sprout on front. Possibly smaller than I’ve drawn it.🌱 10.2: the junior youth jersey. Speaking of song’s I’ve heard not enough times! This is from one I heard at Winter School, and only on one day! Like three or so years ago! I was helping with the JY class so I was probably over fourteen, but it wasn’t the last year I was there and we haven’t made it to winter school in two or three years, and time is hard even when it’s not 12:30 in the morning after a day of thinking a lot and breaking up a pair of siblings from fighting and dealing with the six year old melting down! (I love her, I love her lots, but she really didn’t need to do that.) Anyways the song was “my feet will hold me up! My feet won’t let me down! These junior youth have got their roots in solid ground!” Or something vaguely similar to that. I’m not sure. It’s been a few years.🎽 10.3: the zipper for the JY jersey! I really wanted a close up for my idea of curlycue letters on a pretty little triangle zipper! 🔺

#bahá'í #baha'i #Bahá'í faith #bahai faith #clothing #clothes #fasionshow #fashion #Bahá'í inspired #clothing design #if anyone actually wants to make me any of these #I would die for you

[living-with-vertigo]

Daddies’ Baby No More

Right, so ...  the dog got sick and died. Well, he was 15-1/2 when we had him put to sleep. He wasn’t sick and he didn’t die. We had him put him to sleep because his brain came unraveled.

It was terrible. Truly one of the worst experiences of my life. It started a couple of years ago, I think. He missed the curb when trying to jump up on it. My fault really, thinking he was still a young pup. But he jumped up and missed the top of the curb and hit his chest or something -- something really hurt for several days, weeks. I forget. But that was the first, first time I knew his body was never going to be the same -- he was an old dog.

He got better, but not long after his personality started to change. He never played with his stuffed dolls or his squeaky toys anymore. Never chewed his rawhide treats. He slept a lot. He got an infection in his ear, and it smelled for the better part of a year. I finally cleaned it out enough that he shook the infection out in one big brown blob. Gross, but I cleaned it out some more and it never smelled sour again. I thought it was good and fine. But no, actually he developed a perforation and was deaf in that left ear, and we never realized it until the last couple of months. I guess that’s how it happened. Nothing is for sure at this point. Regardless, he stopped getting out of bed when someone would come home. Like he couldn’t hear us come in. Even with that he should have felt or smelled us. But he was tired -- tired old dog. He could barely get in or out of the bed. We got him some stairs. Eventually, I bought a couch thingy from Ikea and slept with him on that all of the time. Though, I have to say, for about a year he decided he wanted to sleep by himself in the living room, in one particular chair. It was weird -- he virtually never wanted to be alone or sleep alone. But he would jump out of the bed and go and be by himself. I got used to it eventually.

We didn’t have any extra money, so that’s why I never took him to the vet for his ear. I don’t remember having to take him for any other reason. When I was there that time, the doctor said his heart had a murmur -- and we’d heard that many times since he was a young pup. But he never seemed bothered by it. A murmur is like a swooshy sound in the heart beat that indicates that the valves are not working right -- like they are leaking. Again, it never seemed to slow him down. But this time, when he hurt his chest or whatever, she seemed so gravely concerned about it; as though he had weeks or months at best to live. It really shook me up. I had to call around to doggie cardiologists, and the basic fee was $800 just for testing. I gave up. I simply did not have the cash, and neither did his other daddy. His fate would just have to be.

I was preparing myself for a long time for that little beautiful dog to pass, but I wasn’t at all prepared for it to happen the way it did.  I started back in school, and said that the dog would die while I was in the middle of my semesters. We had a similar dog before who we took care of for someone else, and she died at 16 with lots of back and elderly problems. But our dog was very strong and didn’t have any significant back problems. Up till his final year, he would jump in and out of bed like he was a superhero, onto the hard floor. He did finally stop chasing the cat. And she seemed to appreciate that. We would find them sleeping together -- like neither of us was here all day, and when we got home, they’d be in the bed or on the couch together... almost touching. And then a few times, they really were touching furry butts. It was the most amazing, darling thing I’d ever seen. I won’t lie and say they were snuggle buddies, but it was pretty darn close.

My first semester back was difficult -- Basic Biology and I think the equivalent of pre-Calc. But I made it through, and I got two more As on the report card. Nice. The dog definitely didn’t like us leaving him at home alone, but he had the cat. And he held his pee almost every day, the whole time. Sweet baby boy.

Near the end of December, I think is when that all changed. Maybe it was January. But he started peeing in the house. It was like, “Oh, hmm.” And then I started to think he was just old and incontinent. And then it got worse. And I had feeling that he had a urinary infection. I still didn’t have any money at all. I was taking Chemistry and Anatomy and Physiology -- twice as hard as the previous semester. 

There were some great gals there thank goodness, who helped to drag me through those classes. Because my mind was less and less focused on what was happening there. Because my dog was old, and needed me, and he was ... dying. 

I’m sure I have perfect notes somewhere on all of this. But the next thing, I think it was February -- he started standing in weird ways. Like he couldn’t control his legs or balance right. He went away to Grandma-in-law’s for two weeks, because I was just too busy with school. And by the time he got back, his stance and balance were much worse. And so was the incontinence. I was ready to take him to the vet when he started having convulsions. 

This must have been April, before the semester ended. Finals were such a beast, and I was not grasping all of the terminology and concepts of Anatomy and Physiology. It was certainly important to me, but we had lab reports for Chemistry and I had to drive up and back from my city to both sides of the county -- like 2 hours drive one way, some days. My mom’s was nearby, so I stopped to see her a lot. I showed her the dog’s odd behavior on Facetime with our iPhones, but she could see it was pretty awful when I finally got him to her house.

The convulsions were mostly in his head. At first it was like little shaky tremors. And then it was his whole body. Or rather, he would be standing there trying to eat or drink, and he’s have this shake in his head and kind of collapse into his feed bowls. It was so weird and terrible. And he got into this rut of eating and drinking constantly. It was so strange and sad to watch. I finally took him to the vet after one particularly disturbing incident. The vet saw he wasn’t doing well, and I can’t remember what she recommended, but it wasn’t the right thing. My partner paid for the visit with a phoned-in credit card, because I’d left my wallet home. I couldn’t even get out of the parking lot, because I didn’t have more than $3 in mixed coins on me. The bill must’ve been a few hundred dollars for the vet. 

Oh, then I finished the semester and for some reason thought I could sneak in a summer class. That was not the right thing to do. We were supposed to be packing up to move. Why? Because my job collapsed and I didn’t have any money. Nothing coming in -- nada. The dog’s declining health was hitting us both hard. I was crying a lot. I couldn’t concentrate on that class. It was the preview of the lab technology and concepts that we’d use if I entered the program. But I can’t tell you what it all was about. My dog was dying -- dying!

And then his anal gland blew up. I mean, blew up in just one day. It started out as him not being able to poop right, I think. He didn’t know what was going on. But definitely, there was a lump on his but and I had read that anal glands on dogs can get infected and needed surgery. So, I took him to the animal hospital. I think that was more than $500, maybe $800. They popped it and stitched it closed. And he healed quickly enough. He was super uncomfortable with me trying to squeeze it out. I couldn’t do nothing. But the vet was trying to talk to me like he needs this and that for his odd behavior, and I was just going numb at the costs: $2500 for a CT scan? It was just awful and depressing. Even if I had the money, it clearly wasn’t going to fix anything. And she was going on about his heart murmur, too. And I was like: “It doesn’t matter. He’s old. He is not going to live forever.” To be fair, the first vet didn’t do anything helpful, but at least she was honest and said that these expensive procedures wouldn’t be worth it. 

He just kept getting worse, and we were both googling ferociously looking for any glimmer of hope or explanation. I kept coming up with doggie dementia, but kidney problems were a possibility, and the hole in his ear. His other daddy came up with this info about high blood pressure. Almost all of the symptoms were similar for these many conditions. 

But there were a couple of YouTube videos about dog dementia, and they were showing the dog stuck in the furniture, and crying and going around in circles. Another lady in the building started having nearly the same exact problems with her old curly gray-haired dog. She was clearly upset when I asked her. She said her dog had diabetes, but it was from an adrenal problem -- Addison’s I think. That she’d gone blind and would just stare at walls. She was on insulin and I tried to give my 2 cents. It was probably terrible advice. He dog died not long after. 

But ours was still going strong -- strong in body, but not in any other way. He seemed to have gone deaf and blind, but he wasn’t entirely. It got worse and worse. He definitely couldn’t “see” in a conventional sense. He could see the sun come up and would clumsily walk in and out of the curtains. He was peeing every hour. And the wood floors in the condo are pretty much ruined because of it. Again, we were supposed to be fixing up to move. Just a disaster. He was running into every wall and walking into every mess of junk and paper I had on the floor. I was doing deliveries for the publication one day and hurt my back. And I couldn’t pick him up to take him out and it was so terrible and awkward. And I ended up yelling at him and dragging him around outside because he was totally unresponsive. I was so frustrated and mad from the pain, and I was pulling my poor old dog around. He was dy-ing! [Head in my hands right now thinking about it.] Such a low point of my life. 

Well, we were trying all kinds of meds, and a 3rd vet -- a naturalistic kind of doctor lady out by my partner’s family home. It didn’t really matter what we were giving him. The hemp pills seemed to really glaze his eyes over and knock him out. The brain pills just seemed to agitate him. The ear stuff was just too late. And the breath pills were not helpful. His breath and been terrible that whole year. We never took him for a professional cleaning. When he was chewing the rawhide we barely needed to. Kind of self cleaning. And when the tartar did gunk-up and brown his teeth, I’d use the rawhide as a way to keep his mouth open so I could get a dental scraping tool in there. I worked. The last year, I tried. He absolutely hated me for it. He would nip at me and run away. It was beyond my ability to figure out how to get it done; and beyond us having no money for doggie dental care, we were both unsure that he would live through anesthesia. Ah, well, guess what happens when a little dog goes blind and loses his mind? You can hold him down and clean his teeth, and he barely cares because he can’t see to runaway anymore. I got them completely scraped off after a couple of days. And it turned out ... no cavities, no decay. The only thing he had was one chipped molar, and barely chipped at that. The tartar was so caked on there that you just wouldn’t have believed he had beautiful, white perfect dog teeth underneath there. And guess what happened after I got him all cleaned out? No bad breath. Totally gone. It was just the tartar catching food in the back corner gums of his mouth. I think so anyway. 

Well, it didn’t matter too much -- not for very long. I think it was the first vet, then clean teeth, and then the 

But then one day, he started breathing weird. Like panting. Like he was hot or like he had just got done running. It would go on all day, with the sound of air rushing in and out, and his tongue hanging out. He was having seizures every hour, and eventually almost constant. The only time he got any relief from any of this was when he’d fall asleep. 

Oh, I remember there being a 4th vet involved -- associated with the first one. He emailed a lot of questions, and one of them was: Is your dog wandering at night? This was early on, and I was like, “wandering?” Oh, yes, yes, that’s what he is doing -- wandering. Some people I was reading about online, they calling: Sundowner syndrome. Where a person or animal becomes agitated and active at night, after the sun goes down. Weird phenomenon, for sure. 

Well, between the panting and the going in constant circles and seizures, I knew he was just about done with this world. No saving him. My partner wanted me to keep trying these drugs -- brain drugs. Um, no, I mean blood pressure drugs -- see, there was so many ideas happening, one after another. We were so desperate not to give up on him. I don’t know how much it cost those last few months -- probably $3000 or more. We could’ve got 4 or 5 more dogs for all that money. Again, the first vet was like, “Yeah, that is the truth.” But he was not just “a dog” to us -- he was our first baby boy. Not just ours together, but individually, he was the first creature on this planet that each of us felt totally responsible for, who depended on us for everything, and who reserved his strongest feelings and affections to give us in return. 

The last weekend was the worst. It was Thursday when he stopped eating, it think. And I was like, “Fine, that’s it. He’s telling me he’s done. It hurts too much. No point.” So, his other daddy decided a vet’s office was too impersonal and he should die at home. Our home was in the city and it was just too much hatred for this condo already. As I said, we were trying to leave. We always promised that dog a home with a yard. And now, we were failing to deliver on our daddy promises. So, I said we should do it at his mom’s house. They have been through lots of pets, and he always loved to visit there. We had just left there a few days before saying goodbye forever. But all agreed tentatively. 

Between our condo landscaping and their landscaping, I took some pictures of him with flowers, so I could look back and remember him in a happy, heavenly way. Some of the pictures turned out nice, some are very sad, though. His eyes were very watery and he couldn’t sit still or see where we were or anything. Hard to realize that in the photo, but that’s the truth. The photos were for me, not for him. He just wanted to be held and taken care of in his discomfort. He couldn’t understand anything anymore.

I called around to inquire a week before that about at-home euthanasia for our dog. And they would have to drive from near my mom’s house, all the way to the other side of the city and into the next county. And the cost was well over $600. I was like, “I think the vet is fine.” And eventually the other daddy agreed. He made an appointment for Saturday morning.

This threw me into a fit. I always wanted to do paintings and drawing and a sculpture of that  beautiful little dog while he was alive. So, after I dropped him off, I went to the stores to find some clay. i think I went ot michaels and spent like $50 on some kind of red clay crap. It wasn’t actually clay, but like vegetable-derived clay-like product. Anyway, I got back home there and my partner went to bed, and I stayed up and made a big ugly bust of the dog. That material was lousy -- I mean, it just wan’t clay like I knew it. The end product didn’t look much like him. Especially in the neck and I panicked and made the ears too big. It just didn’t look much like him, or any dog of his breed. But I finished it best I could. Toward the end, he got antsy. I had him in his new dog bed that his gramma had bought him a few weeks before. He really loved that bed -- his own soft, fluffy bed. It was sweet of her. I mean, he adored that little gray dog bed. Anyhow, he was in the bed on a dining room chair. He got up to move around, and fell out of the chair onto to the top of his head. I barely reacted, other than for my heart to drop so. I put him up on the dining room table, and also on a carpet. I tried some 3-d scanning software, but it didn’t work well. Waste of time. So, I washed up and took him back to be with his daddy. The appointment was for 11am, i think. Not much time for a nap. But we laid there in the bed together, one last time. Daddy, Daddy and baby dog in the middle. 

And then we got up. We had some eggs and bacon that his sister made for us. It upset my belly, but my partner offered the dog some. And he took a bite out of it. Or he tried, He only took two bites and then stopped. I think he forgot he wanted to die. Kind of funny, that.

Well, as time approached, I just put him on my chest and laid back on a couch. And I put his mouth on my mouth and just breathed in his last breaths. I got the last dog kiss from him, that I would ever have. I started to bawl, and bawl uncontrollably. It was the end of my dog; my baby. And then they all started to cry, too. We got in the car and drove a short way to the vets. I took some more bad picture and some cute video of him walking around in the grass. I just did not want to go inside. But we did. We checked in at the desk and sat in there litle waiting area. They cleaned a room with a table and we went in and waited. 

It was noon, but the end of their Saturday. And I was crying. His other daddy was petting him and I was talking to him, and telling him thank you and he was was such a good boy, and no more pain soon -- or whatever I was saying. I don’t remember. Taking video, I think and saying how everything about him was so, so beautiful. 

The next part is awful, so I’ll keep it brief. There were 4 shots. It was supposed to be two -- one to knock him out, and one to stop his heart. The first shot was not as expected. Immediately after the shot, he started bubbling snot out of his nose, and it was horrifying. Oh my god. And then as the moments passed his body just got more and more limp. So, so, so limp. His breathing slowed and I was holding him and weeping, scared and incredulous that the life was leaving his beautiful, soft, warm body -- the baby we had known for 15 years, the baby we’d never see again. Oh god, oh god. [pausing and crying now]. I have to just tell you briefly what happened, or I won’t finish this. She came back in pretty quickly, and said it was time for the shot. And as she pulled out the needle, i started to freak out. She put it in his front leg I think, and then she stepped out. And we were just -- I don’t even remember, really. I was crying so hard. but his breathing almost stopped. And she came back in, and she said she needed to give him another shot because he wasn’t gone yet. And so she stuck it in his back leg, but she said the blood vessel wasn’t quite what it should be. So she had to give him another killer shot, and it would have to be in his chest. And I was just feeling tortured. I couldn’t even look. She plunged the long needle into his chest -- right into his heart! And when she pulled it out, some blood shot out and stained the white patch of fur on his otherwise brown body. And the blood was shocking to see. His other daddy said she stuck her finger over it to stop the bleed. I tried not to overreact to make her feel bad. It didn’t matter -- no turning back. It had to end.... And it did after that. My poor dead dog just laying there. The vet tried to console us with some heavenly promises, but whatever, right? And then she said she was sorry and we had done all we could. And that she knew it wasn’t easy. And I said that I was sorry for her, because I knew it couldn’t possibly be easy for her either. And then she started crying pretty bad. I just was so heart broken, and I said to her then, “You just have no idea what a wonderful dog he has been. No dog in the world has ever been as sweet and caring as that little dog right there.” And of course that’s preposterous, considering she sees nice dogs all of the time. Anyway, we said goodbye and she wrapped his body up in paper, and we left. We held hands and walked back to the car. I was bawling. His other daddy drove home and he was crying so, so hard. I tried to get him to pull over, but he wanted to drive. We got there and told everyone what happened. And then I left, tired and empty. 

And so, that’s pretty much how I’ve been for 3 months since -- tired and empty. I keep calling him out of habit. I cried for at least 2 weeks every day several times a day. I got some pictures printed out, and his ashes came back to us. We never got our glass etching that he paid for. Mess. He is in our hearts, and sometimes in our dreams. His presence is felt and yet absent. It makes no sense. If he were to show up here right now, it would be like nothing ever changed. We all had our places and our routines. And now all of that is no more. We still have the cat. She’s 11 already. And she’ been trying to fill in his place. But cat claws are not a substitute for dog kisses and tail wagging and greeting when you come home from a long day. Cats are a wonder in themselves, but they are not dogs. And if we ever get another dog, it won’t be like our first baby boy. I love him so much, and am so thankful that he came into our lives. I regret all the times that we did not get along 100% and especially the times when I did not recognize his troubles till too late. Most of all I wish we could have had that home and the yard. But that’s another life in an imaginary world that never came to be. It saddens me greatly, but time is a one-way dimension that we all pass through. If there’s a destination and a purpose beyond all of what we put up with here, then I truly wish to see my baby boy again some day. For now, the hole in my heart and a few photos and memories will have to do. 

Would have been nice to see him when I got out of the hospital. Yes, hospital.

[make-it-trouble-archive]

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

// Fred has a strict code of fashion, primarily to conceal chub, secondarily to conceal wings. It’s mainly baggy on top, tighter down bellow (but not too tight, don’t wanna look like they don’t fit). He likes baggy knitwear, big hoodies and anything that covers up the wing bulge. Shirts mostly have cartoons, video game characters and cute slogans, and he has been known to be a serial shirt thief (Ted being his main victim, although most don’t fit). He prefers straight to tapered cut jeans, and rarely likes shorts (unless it’s a hot day or he’s having a lazy day). Secretly, he thinks skirts and girlier clothes are cute, but he’d never wear them. His clothes are mainly from mainstream/cheap high street shops (usually stolen), a few are from the internet. In bed it’s usually one of Ted’s shirts and a pair of boxers. He doesn’t like to wear too much in bed, as he gets hot pretty easily. Again with make-up, he likes the idea, but can’t bring himself to look at all feminine.

Unless it comes to his hair, his long, over-styled hair. His hair is parted to the viewers right, a big swooshie flick on the left side, with the right side tucked behind his ear. At the back its in two wings to either side. He used hair mousse to leave it touchably soft.

Ted on the other hand has no real style. His mother literally still dressed him before he joined Team Rocket, and he continues with her choices to this day. Zip up cardigans, brown corduroy jeans and brown trainers feature prominently in his wardrobe. The only thing he chooses himself are his shirts, mainly bought only- very much similar to Fred’s choice, only he prefers super hero comics to anime :/ He wants to dress more suavely (like Colress does), so he wears suit pants to work that fit his form more elegantly, as well as suit shoes (unlaced). In bed, it’s usually an old shirt and those old man pyjama bottoms, checked and everything. 

His hair is chocolatey brown in colour, super soft and gently curly in texture. He leaves it long for his mother, cutting it in a perfectly straight line at his ear. It’s parted on the left, and he gels it all down close to his scalp, making it look darker in colour.

#EXECUTIVE ℝ (ooc) #porygonastray #PLAY OF THE MEME ℝ (responses) #RULES OF ROCKET ℝ (headcanons) #//WHew this got long! had fun tho~