#the whole thing makes me feel so sad and hopeless and idk why; i've NEVER been like this with my characters before | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

purrincess-chat · 1 year

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So… I was trying to watch the episodes in order, but I was missing Adrinette too much so I caved. I loved Perfection, but I think Protection has made me feel sad in a way no episode of the show ever had before, because of the senti theory hints. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been against the senti theory at least for Adrien (not only because it didn’t make sense to me, but also because I think Adrien has plenty of trauma already). The senti theory possibly being canon now, and therefore meaning that Adrien doesn’t have (or rather has never had) free will is too heartbreaking for me and I don’t know how to cope with this. I guess him getting hold of his amok could solve the problem, but knowing people think Emotion confirmed the theory and that I still have to watch that and possibly more episodes of Gabriel controlling him… idk. It’s so disheartening for me and it feels very messed up. It was bad enough when we knew of Gabriel’s abusive ways as a parent without using magic, but Adrien being a senti would add a whole other (really dark) layer to that abuse that, at least at the moment, I don’t know if I could cope with. I also can’t help but feel the writers are either jumping on the bandwagon by confirming the theory, or massively trolling us (since Adrien has disobeyed his dad before). I don’t know. The show has always been a big source of comfort for me, and I think the senti theory being true would change people’s perception of the entire show, even the earlier, more light-hearted seasons. I never thought there would be something in canon that could make me consider leaving, but right now I don’t know if I could ever cope with SentiAdrien being real without always feeling sad when watching the show. I guess I’m just feeling hopeless? Maybe disappointed? I don’t know. Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere. (If you think there’s any hope on any of this, that the writers won’t handle the abuse insensitively or that he actually has free will in a way please let me know lol would def appreciate finding the silver lining in this whole situation)

So, I can offer you my perspective on it and let you decide how you feel.

For me, I was never crazy about the senti theory either just because I'm not convinced the show is set up in a way to do it justice just from the show formula as well as the rating. Child abuse is kind of a big heavy topic with a lot of big implications and impacts. So like that topic alone is already heavy enough without introducing magical slavery into it as well. Plus all of the implications of sentihumans and the way sentimonsters have been treated up until this point in the show. It's like time travel, introducing it just makes things messy. Especially because the creator has said if a senti was created as a human there is no real difference between a senti and a human, so to me it's like what is the point then?

That being said, I went through a stint of being incredibly critical of the writing, and I do still think the writing leaves a lot to be desired at times. But I've more or less just accepted the show for what it is at this point. Call it suspension of disbelief if you want, but I'm just along for the ride at this point. I'm super happy with the Adrinette development this season, even amidst the senti business and creepy eugenics business Gabriel and Tomoe have going on with Adrien and Kagami because I know Marinette and Adrien will end up together in the end, and that's all I want. That's why I'm here, it's what I signed up for.

The way I have found to cope with all of canon's shortcomings or things I'm not fond of is just writing fic. That's what fic is for. And not even from a salty pov, but fic and fandom has always had this ability to say, "okay, but what if this happened instead?" I personally never use the senti theory in my writing and probably never will, even if it's 100% confirmed on screen. And that's my prerogative. I have my own version of the show that I use for my writing purposes, and in my personal version that theory doesn't exist. Canon be damned.

I think my salt stint years ago kind of tired me out, so now I've drastically lowered my expectations for the show, which is just a result of my fandom experiences. For me, so long as the kiddos get to smooch and be together in the end, idc what else happens. But that's my personal approach to the show at this point. The sentitheory originally left a bad taste in my mouth too, but having been in the fandom as long as I have, I've had plenty of time to become...numb to it, I suppose. I know I don't have to include it in my fan works, so that helps. Idk if that's helpful to you at all, but I find that it has helped me.

Overall, I'd say wait and see how it's handled. I always take any spoiler or leak or promo with an air of skepticism because often times those things are intentionally misleading. To me, the sentitheory is only as good as the way it's handled, so my ultimate opinion of it will come if and when they decide to rip the bandaid and confirm it on screen. I know wait and see is painfully annoying advice to receive lol. But just know that it's okay to not like everything the show does. That's a very normal way to consume media. And it sucks when you devote time to a thing and something in it eventually turns you off, but unfortunately that is always a risk with any type of media. It's okay to outgrow things.

If you want to stick with ML, I'd advise you to ask yourself what you want out of the show. For me, I just want the kiddos to be happy and in love, so I'm okay with whatever else so long as that happens. Everyone has things they want out of canon, so you have to figure out where your boundaries are. What do you hope to see? What can you accept if it happens, even if you don't care for it? Where is the line that will make you say okay, no, I'm done here? Explore your options, consider how you would feel if your worst fears were true and sit with that. Process it and come to terms with it. Figure out a way to cope with it. That's the main way I got through it. 🤷‍♀️ The way I cope is through writing, but if that's not your bag maybe it's reading or drawing or coming up with headcanons. Maybe it's hanging with friends and talking about the things you enjoy rather than the things you hate. Find whatever works for you and roll with it.

Dunno if that helps at all. I wish I could tell you it's all gonna be fine, but we just have to wait and see.

#ml spoilers #ml protection #ml perfection #ml emotion #sentitheory #senti theory #ive come to accept my approach to canon isnt for everyone #not everyone can be as laidback about things as me #but i exist off of it is what it is vibes

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zalrb · 2 years

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Have you done an analysis on Caroline as a character? And if you haven’t can you? I know you’ve talked about her relationships but idk if you’ve analyzed her as a character in tvd.

Well, the first thing I will say is that I have always maintained that after season 2 I would reduce Caroline to a recurring character. I'm just going to cobble together things I've said in different posts:

Context: An anon compared Andie (from Dawson’s Creek) to Caroline.

[...]even as individual characters, I don’t actually find Caroline and Andie to be similar because Caroline being a control freak and neurotic is treated like a quirk

and it’s framed for humour

It’s really more like, Caroline likes what she likes how she likes it and she expresses that to everyone.

When she has moments like this

Save for 2x02 and 2x03 we don’t really see this, we don’t see Caroline wrestle with darker impulses but shoving them down because she has an actual need to be in control and we don’t see how being in control can end up controlling her life.

I would compare her to Monica before I would compare her to Andie

because with Andie it’s part of her charm and it’s a part of what makes her a good student and an inspiration for Pacey but it’s also part of her mental health issues

she is a character who through her need to be in control ends up holding her family up, like she gets Jack the job at the ice shack

tells him she’ll take care of their mother so he can go on a date night with Joey

while being an over-achiever in school

and being stretched thin and not willing to admit that because she can’t not be in control

that was never Caroline.

there are many issues with caroline’s humanity arc including some of the things you mentioned but another issue i have, which is a broader issue about the way the show doesn’t portray vampirism unless it’s stefan is that i didn’t get the impression that liz’s death impacted her differently as a vampire. like vampires are supposed to go down this pit of despair and hopelessness when they’re sad but caroline acted the way i would’ve expected her to act as a human. at least elena was like WELL I GUESS I’LL JUST BURN DOWN MY HOUSE

like i get that the whole point is that caroline is supposed to look put together and methodical but when we get here

we’re supposed to see the extent of her pain and it just wasn’t enough for me, i need something extreme, i need them to like find her at the cemetery, digging up liz’s casket.

like caroline was supposed to be this quote:

“ I know how following the rules and all observing those little graces make you feel like you’re in control. We’ve both had days where it was either set a beautiful table or curl up in a ball and die.“

and we didn’t really see that.

Next post -- related to Klaroline but also about her character:

if Klaus and Caroline are supposed to see each other in a way that no one else saw either of them then I would need a legitimate connection, instead of Klaus reiterating that Caroline likes the power of vampirism .

season 4

season 2

Why not have him dig deeper and talk about what fuels that strength and fearlessness, what is it about vampirism, is it the fact that she can kill people on a whim, is it the fact that she actually enjoys the darkness and homicidal urges that come with it because no one will ever mess with her again? Make everyone assume that she just likes the superhuman strength but Klaus see that it’s really the darkness, take it a step further so he really recognizes things in her that she would rather other people didn’t see because he doesn’t actually do that. People just say he does that.

Much like Delena, when Klaus talks to Caroline about darkness it’s about her attraction to him and by proxy that attraction gives her a darkness

He doesn’t talk about her. So I’d have Klaus actually see that darkness in Caroline --- Caroline is supposed to be a character who has a lot of shame

and everyone kind of just accepts that about her, even if they make her feel better, the fact that Caroline is supposed to have this conscience is who she is

and even when she tells Tyler she’s done feeling guilty, we don’t really go anywhere with that, it just stops at being a really shitty thing to say to Tyler and not an actual turning point for her character. Klaus sort of touches upon Caroline’s guilt/shame in the phone call with her

but the context was fucking stupid because TVD wasn’t a show that would explore Caroline not feeling attached to the twins because she was impregnated without her consent or knowledge and they impeded on her life plans and she was guilted into having them because Alaric loves Jo, so because they weren’t going to go there, anyone who knew Caroline would know she’d feel something for the children and I don’t believe for a second Caroline wouldn’t know to pick them up, if the point is that she didn’t feel it was her place to do so it wasn’t communicated properly, so I would have Klaus actually challenge her shame and the source of that shame and if she really does feel ashamed etc. etc. and in fact if the baby plot line still happened, I would have him be the one person who told her it’s OK not to have a personal attachment to the kids and she didn’t have to feel ashamed for that since this was all out of her control etc. etc.

Basically, I would give him the insight into her that he has with his boyfriend

Next post, which also references a previous post:

Legit, Caroline’s character development and her usefulness as a character only happens within the span of two seasons and it’s the first two. In season 1 she actually had functions, one of which was being a consistent reminder of the carnage and destruction Damon wreaked in Mystic Falls, the other of which was being the accidental/unintentional foil — for instance, Isobel gets all the information she needs about the dynamics around town because Caroline offered up that information as a gossip. Caroline was also a character who, while affected by the supernatural in season 1, wasn’t a part of it, she brought a certain realism to the high school environment because she actually acted like a sixteen year old girl. In season 2, she experiences her development:

Becoming a vampire empowered Caroline, she had a sense of strength that she never had, she was confident and centered and she became everything she wasn’t in season 1.

And we see that growth and that change in her throughout season 2 (and also in relation to Tyler) but then afterwards, it just stops. Caroline doesn’t continue to evolve and grow in seasons 3-5, in fact this is basically Caroline’s entire role:

It’s dishonest to say that SC ruined Caroline’s character development when the show actually just didn’t do anything with her that wasn’t related to Klaus or Tyler or Jesse for a hot minute. Her entire existence on the show post-season 2 is to pine after or lust after a dude, Steroline didn’t do that to her.

The entire paragraph from the post referenced in the above post, which is about Forwood but also about Caroline (and Tyler) as individual characters:

Becoming a vampire empowered Caroline, she had a sense of strength that she never had, she was confident and centred, she became everything she wasn’t in season 1, which allowed her to be emotional support for Tyler who, because of the werewolf curse, became everything he wasn’t in season 1 too: humble and vulnerable and grateful for assistance and that allowed him to actually take the emotional support from Caroline so they actually grew together through this time, complementing each other and seeing different sides of their personalities, surprising each other even though they’d known each other since childhood.

in season 1, Caroline is affected by the supernatural via Damon

but her emotional and personal storyline is about working through her insecurity

and finding safe spaces.

Elena is affected by the supernatural

but she’s trying to rebuild after her parents’ death,

that is her personal journey. Bonnie is learning how to be a witch. That’s it. She does not have a personal journey entwined with her supernatural one. Witchcraft.

another post:

I actually really like Caroline in season 1 now that I’m rewatching it, I think she’s very much a teenage girl and I find her like adorably annoying like how I find a lot of 16 year old girls. I just think she peaks in season 2. Like what does she do? Yeah, Elena doesn’t have much agency but since the show revolved around her she was relevant to the plot, the story just sheltered her from actually making decisions but with Caroline, I just don’t really get her purpose in seasons 3 and 4 except to be Klaus bait. And in season 5 she was Stefan’s friend and like she and Stefan were sort of doing the figuring things out together maybe but not really. Season 6 OK it’s all about Liz’s sickness and Steroline, sure? And season 7 and 8 are when I become less indifferent towards her and more annoyed because Caroline just becomes overbearing and it really just emphasized the fact that she doesn’t do anything.

another post:

I remember once an anon asked me if I thought Caroline was too judgemental toward Elena about Damon and I was like, how could she possibly be too judgemental about her supposed best friend dating her rapist?

another post:

She just come[s] across as more of an aunt who stops in from time to time. Like in 8x15 when she thinks Lizzie and Josie were in the house when it blew up, she’s incredibly calm, she doesn’t even vamp speed to the house, she doesn’t even battle Stefan to get in there

He is a human, she should’ve thrown him off of her and booked it into that house and not give one fuck if she was going to die because she had to make sure her kids were really dead since that thought should be impossible to compute.

In Chocolat when Vianne thought her daughter was on a boat that blew up, she literally dives into the water and tries to swim to the boat even though it’s already on fire and Roux literally has to dive in after her and drag her back to shore.

Caroline doesn’t even struggle […] she moves slightly and then just goes oh damn. Like she’s not exuding a parent’s fear for her child like I’ve seen other characters/actors do

(and these scenes aren’t even about the kids potentially being burnt alive in a fire.)

I have seen so many good portrayals of mothers who would die for their kids

who fall apart when their kids are hurt or in danger

and the best Caroline is giving me about her kids who she thought were blown up is this?

Plus, I mean, what did she and the twins really do together?

Alaric is convincing as a dad because we get scenes like this:

Caroline hugs them but like …

I guess? It doesn’t feel particularly maternal, I’m convinced she’s glad to see them the way I’m convinced Bonnie is glad to see them.

With things like this

Why exactly should I be convinced that Caroline is a mother?

Plus I always side-eyed the fact that she was surprised Stefan would make a room for the twins in the Salvatore Mansion. I was like, you were willing to move in with a man when you thought there was a possibility he might not want your kids around? WHAT?

And there’s nothing else I would say about Caroline as a character.

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cringesideblog · 3 years

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here’s my dnf playlist and a complete song by song track-list and why I put them on it.

heatwaves- on here for very obvious reasons. i don’t think I need to explain. but here are some lyrics anyway. “Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June.”

Jenny- again this is kinda obvious. “I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead, I don’t know how to say this, cuz you’re really my dearest friend.”

TALK ME DOWN- this one just has the best friends pining for eachother vibe. “I wanna sleep next to you, and that’s all I wanna do right now.”

Dark paradise- kinda has dream smp vibes. but also you could argue heatwaves vibes. “Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.” “There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep.” “There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams.”

Sweater weather- yeah you know why. you absolutely know why. “All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but I stand, in California with my toes in the sand.”

Drop the Guillotine- idk man just vibey. give it a listen you’ll get it. it’ll click. “You sure know how to drop that guillotine on me, though you would never wanna see me bleed.”

Can I call you tonight?- thats on their only for of communication being through the phone huh. (major heatwaves vibe) “powers out and I can’t turn the fan on, so can I call you tonight? trying make up my mind, just how I feel.”-“I hear your voice on the phone, now I’m no longer alone.”

Lemon boy- oh my god this song. geogre do be seeing dream as his lemon boy. “I helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather.”

Yellow- DREAM IS LITERALLY GEORGES YELLOW SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”

Like you do- first of all I love this song, second, this has dream being a little too attached vibes. The whole song is just them. “Lost in the blue, they don’t love me like you do, those chills that I knew they were nothing without you, and everyone else they don’t matter now. You’re the one I can’t lose, no one loves me like you do.” “Since I met you, all the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly.”

I saw you in a dream- mega heatwaves vibe. “When I’m awake I can’t switch off,” “I saw you in a dream, you came to me. You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision.”

Maybe you’re the reason- did someone say pining best friend who doesn’t know that they’re in love ? this song. this song right here. “I keep looking for something, even though I know that it’s not there. Maybe you’re the reason. And anytime I try to figure it out, you’re the only thing I can think about.”

The king- DREAM SMP VIBE. “You like me, well obviously, so why you tryna leave when you know that I’m the king?” “Other lovers give you no luck, cuz I’m the only one who’s made you fall in love.” “Playing with your heart cuz you gave me the throne.”

Sweet- an adorable song truly that actually fits them so well. “Watching the, video that you sent me- you know that I’m obsessed with your body, but it’s the way you smile that does it for me.” “It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me.”

Apocalypse- um okay here me out, apocalypse au?? yeah i know it’s cute as shit you’re welcome. “Your lips my lips, apocalypse.” “When you’re all alone, I will reach for you, when you’re feeling low, I will be there too.”

Fear of the Water- don’t come for me this ones kinda sad, beautiful song though. “If this was meant for me why does it hurt so much, and if you’re not made for me why did we fall in love?”

Dreaming of you- two words, heat. waves. but also yeah good song for them in general. “Want you all the time, and now I’m dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you.”

Wires- uhhhhh dream smp vibe, dream villain arc n all . “If he said help me kill the president, id say he needs medicine.” “He said that I should take it in, listen to every word he’s speaking.”

Midnight love- it’s girl in love so, you already know how it issss. “I know I don’t want to, be the one that you run to, when you’ve got nowhere else to go, when you need some love.” “I always give in to give you it all.” “I can’t be your midnight love, when your silver is my gold.”

The beach- SUCH A HEATWAVES SONG JUST LISTEN. “I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you.” “I think I can see the beach, I know what’s underneath. I need you here with me,”

Cherry flavored- the neighborhood just.. they have a dnf vibe. “Cherry flavored conversations with you got me hanging on. Down to earth from all the waiting. Take me somewhere beyond.”

Pretty boy- geogre is a pretty boy. point blank period. “Even if my heart stops beating, you’re the only thing I need with me.” “Pretty boy, you did this with me boy.” “As long as I got you, I’m gonna be alright.”

Bad idea- girl in reddd... but like imagine them casually hooking up and not knowing their in love tho. also I feel like they would definitely think that their relationship is a “bad idea” bc they’re stupid. “It was a bad idea, to think I could stop, was such a bad idea, I can’t get enough.” “Darling your so pretty it hurts.”

Line without a hook- ICONIC!! dream definitely does not think that he deserves george. “You can hold my hand if no ones home.” “All my emotions feel like explosions when you are around” “Oh baby I am a wreck without you.” “She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a boy. She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”

Say you hate me- mega dream smp vibes as of recently. with the whole removing geogre as king. “I guess that your friends where right, from the start when they thought that I was a bad guy.” “Can you just say that you hate me? Or that you will never love me?” “Never meant to make you leave, never meant to make you cry.”

Cherry bomb- reminds me of how dream cheated on fundy with geogre. “I’m too close to crushing, and I’m too close for comfort I’m rushing.” “I ask how shes so mellow, she tells me her shades are in yellow.”

This side of paradise- I mean, like, kinda heatwaves vibes, but also just them. “Ask me why my hearts inside my throat. I’ve never been in love I’ve been alone.” “If you’re lonley come be lonley with me.”

Linger- geogre literally has that boy wrapped around his finger and I can’t not see it in this song. But when you look into it HELLA dream smp vibes, lyrics can be switched for either perspective here. “You know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger.” “I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong,”

august- i don’t know what is but this song is for them. it just is. “To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you'd call” “So much for summer love, and saying “Us” Cause you weren't mine to lose”

I was an island- i just love the idea of them being hardasses and not thinking they need anyone until the other comes into their life and rocks their world. kinda dream smp vibes “I was a fighter, and I was so brave, but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay.” “I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pac But you answered my cries in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back,”

Golden- k this one feeds into the “you’re literally the sun in my sky I’m not worthy” feel “I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken” “I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken” “I can feel you take control Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote”

Strong- ummm okay but the “we’re better together” dynamic is them “I’m sorry if I say I need ya, but I don’t care I’m not scared of love.” “when I’m not with you I’m weaker is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong.”

Fly out west- the whole, I need to see you, you’re all I think about, stuff gets me. also heatwaves vibe. “Well tell me do you know? You’re all I dream about. Take it from me I’m too dumb to recognize your doubt.”

Cruel summer- them and summer, you dig? “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” “I love you and that the worst thing you ever heard?”

Nothings gonna hurt you baby- I put this one on here because of how protective dream is over geogre “Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as your with me you’ll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you baby, nothings gonna take you from my side.”

Cardigan- young love, the kind of lover that makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them “when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I knew you-“ “and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Cry baby- them being in that weird stage where they recognize that it might be more than just senseless flirting and they might have feelings but also being paranoid that they’re the only one with feelings uh- “I can taste it my hearts breaking, please don’t say it. That you know, when you know.” “I know I’ll fall in love with you baby, but that’s not what I wanna do baby.”

Speak now- literally the fundy dream wedding. i rest my case. “I hear the preacher say speak no or forever hold your peace.” “Dont say yes runaway now.”

I love you so- this song is cute on the surface but kinda sad once you look into it. it’s kinda about a codependent love that isn’t going well. “I gotta get away and let you go I gotta get over, but I love you so.” “You were cool and I’m a fool so please let me go.”

In conclusion I’d really appreciate if you could check it out :) <3

#haha playlist go brr #Please I beg of you go send it some love it genuinely think that all the songs fit them so well #also this might get updated as I listen to more music and discover new songs that fit them #but please #pleaseeee #go like it :)#that would be nice of u <333 #dreamnotfound #georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #dnf #Spotify #heatwaves

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sheerioswifties · 5 years

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So I consulted with Taylor about all this (as in, I listened to a few specific songs, watched some live performances and Clean speeches and things that generally always remind me what's important and help me refocus) Anyway

I mean I was going to change some things with my blogging anyway, with the new year and personal resolutions that came after realizations; like idk I hold a lot back that's important while simultaneously shitposting too much about things that are not important and shouldn't occupy so much of anyone's time, etc. I'm also committed to continue to do my thing, and what happens, happens. This is an outlet for thoughts, for creativity, for putting things into words, for connecting, for being silly and finding ways to laugh in this world of so much depressing news and darkness... this is a place to be light and dorky and silly, at least that was part of my original intention and I'm going back to that.

There's some serious problems with people here, with the fandoms (which yeah there's some big issues not just in the TS world that I see that bug me or whatever, but this one has unique circumstances) the thing is like. Some people are just horrible human beings. Some people will never listen to reason. Some people will always be too selfish to see anything beyond their own bubble. And it can be easy to just unfollow and clear that negativity from my dash and move on. But then when I see that there are people, now lots of people, feeling really really hurt and unloved and invisible or snubbed or a whole host of depressed and sad and hurt feelings because of those trash human beings, I get really worked up because I really do hate seeing anyone feel hurt or bullied or feel friendless or hopeless etc and then I want to fight, fight for them, fight for the bigger problems which I can see so clearly but... then I also see that I can't solve these problems. I can't. And I need to accept that I think and just shut up about it because going into a rant does nothing but make me look like a dick to the weak minded people who refuse to see the point and it accomplishes absolutely zero change to the problem so why do that (not that I'm saying I'll never rant on here I mean... nobody's perfect and for me, ranting is more like venting when I know I can't do anything but sometimes just need to scream into the void you know? Except it's just you gotta be careful bc so many times people have completely misinterpreted what I was saying so anyway). And I can't change or have any affect whatsoever on the one person here who could change or fix things, Taylor, and a lot is on her too. She's not perfect and she's done a few things that worry me (and I mean like worry me because I love her and she's made some choices that put her in harm's way and I get protective) but, I literally can do nothing about that so??? There's no point.

All I can do is continue to be me, and continue to offer my blog as a place where there is no exclusivity based on your blog size or status or whatever, like I've seen so many people say they're just looking for friends and fun blogs and people to talk Taylor with but feel like they're snubbed or alone and I want you to know I see you and you're welcome here. Now I can't promise to always like, be able to talk a bunch, I used to be better at getting to know people and juggle a bunch of ongoing DM convos which I've not been able to handle as much just even energy wise with my health and I don't want anyone to feel like I'm snubbing them or ignoring them bc it's not that. If anything if you're looking for some good people to connect with, I've gotten to know some really incredible people on here that I can connect you with to be able to talk to more when I'm not physically available. If any of that makes sense.

So often I want to help people, I go way out of my way to try and do everything I can but there are some things here that are so much bigger than what I can do as one person and while that's hard to accept, it's how it is. I will continue to be me and try to spread love, positivity and trails of glitter all over the place. I just want to bring smiles to your faces and be there for you. I know so many of us are fighting battles in our lives outside Tumblr that we don't know about and I think about so many of you all the time.

Ugh I had a whole other thing I was going to say but I legitimately don't remember right now. So I'll post later if I think of it but. I'm not leaving/deleting, I'm just making some changes. This world is so freaking messed up you guys. And I'm am empath so I just I'm always soaking up all the energy and feelings around me (and then my intuition also kicks in and I see patterns and potential downfalls for people that I can't stop from happening and that's hard) and it can be very draining, and very frustrating when I see others suffering but have no control over any way to help them. But I just, I'll do what I can because I'll never give up on trying to at least brighten others days or let you know you're not alone or so on. Then also there's a lot of things I've held back because I've wanted to keep this a positive blog; I used to be told so much that people loved that about here so I felt like I should never get involved with sadness or negativity but you know what this world is those things and idk like I'm human and I'm not always glitter and sunshine so sometimes I break down and that seeps onto my blog and I do apologize for that but also hope you understand. And like I said there is a lot I've held back and some things are just not even worth the time but a couple things I feel like I just need to say my piece on at least and then move on so like. .that's coming and I'm sorry if that bothers you but this is my blog after all).

Oof now the next thing is going to be the tour movie's release and I was really looking forward to freaking out about and discussing every detail with you guys about it on the 31st but idk if I want to be here that day for reasons that were better worded by people in posts I reblogged earlier, like about how you get to a point where you don't want to come on here on days when you know Taylor will probably be on, because that's when the crazies come out and the shitty, trash human being behavior comes out in droves and idk I'm so tired of that? Idk at this point whether I'll be here or not and I'm not asking for advice btw I'm just kind of rambling. I mean in honesty if I'm not physically hindered like by the things I've got going on in my life, I probably will be here because with the right people I've found that it really can be hella fun experiencing this stuff together so there's that. I mean following the tour this year has been full of so much fun that was amplified by getting to like freak out together over it all, you know? (I feel like I want to dig up some of my super positive posts on this stuff from back when I wasn't so jaded by the backlash of overwhelming grossness by what really in actuality is just a small faction of this fandom).

Actually I'm going to end this post here for now because I've rambled enough and not even sure if I really explained what I wanted to get across so I might try again later with that. So I'll just be done with this for now. Xo

#love you guys #the good ones #Dec 27 #personal

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mptyblgplsignr · 6 years

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Korean Men & Dating

This is going to be another post where I kinda talk about something I've been thinking about lately. The second in the series!

Idk what to call this rn...

Anyways, I've always been really open when it comes to dating. I don't have a preference really, but I have a type. You know, a type as in someone who catches my eye and someone who I typically find more attractive.

I have two, but I'll need a whole post just for that topic (maybe next part?). But never EVER has that been the type that I would exclusively date. Looks don't really play an important part but most importantly:

Race doesn't play an important part.

So I am planning on travelling the world one day, and Korea is going to be the first stop since I'm the most familiar with that culture and language.

I'm kinda boy crazy so I of course thought about testing the waters when I get there.

But let's cut to the chase of why I'm making these posts. Certain media has been discouraging me.

The first one is this video by one of my fav YTbers, Megan Bowen. If you scroll down into the comments, a lot of people share the same thoughts I'm about to talk about.

The things they describe... Don't sound like a healthy relationship. Of course there's no such thing as every guy in a race being the same, but it kinda worried me. Now Megan and the woman featured in the video spoke jokingly about the topics, because it doesn't bother them.

For me however, I don't like being locked down. Megan talked about how their S/O's freak out if they go somewhere without telling them, if you're on good terms with your ex, and if you don't text them fast enough.

Am I the only one weirded out by this? Am I also the only one who feels bad for these girls?

Once again, the women in the video weren't super annoyed in the video and didn't seem distraught, so I'm not going to pester them about it or anything... But that worried me.

The second source of media was a show called Heart Signal. It's a reality TV show where three boys and three girls live in this house together for a month and text the person they're interested in anonymously each night.

There's this girl named Serin. She reminds me so much of myself, it's crazy. What made me sad and a lil angry was right off the bat was that the guys were just judging her.

She came in, very tired from carrying her luggage down this gravel driveway-thing so naturally she comes in out of breath.

She takes off her shoes, so she's barefoot and the guys look at her in borderline disgust.

One of the guys, Jang Cheon reminded everyone who was coming in that there were slippers provided for them when they came in. He didn't remind her... I AM CONFUSION.

Not to mention when she plopped down in the chair, one of the girls (Jihye) looked at her like she was odd. Even the hosts pointed this out

The next girl came in and literally didn't wear socks either and no one said anything. Maybe I'm stupid and she was wearing socks, but idk.

Spoilers in red text

So nights one and two pass AND MY GIRL HAS 0 TEXTS. BOTH NIGHTS. I'm so pissed because she's my favorite person on the show. The second night, she barely sleeps and even cries about it.

I'm only on ep 3/12 so hey who knows.

Anyways I'm not the most delicate girl. Neither is Serin. She explains that she's not the dependent type, like me.

The hosts go on to say that most men (most likely referring to Korean men) prefer dependent girls.

Well shit.

Like I said I'm "boy crazy" which is a poor term to use. I guess a "hopeless romantic" is more suitable. I love romance and I'm really into it in all forms.

So in saying that, if all of this is true, I'm going to be miserable in Korea lol. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk.

#korean #korean men #dating in korea #korea #ramblings #ramble #rant

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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years

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(1) Hey! So sorry for replying late, a lot has happened these past couple of days D: but I hope you've been doing good! (I say as if I've been gone for months aksjdf) anyway, yeah, they're definitely scary. I think it'll be worth being able to be that soft and open with someone though. And I'm glad it did have a positive impact on you! Even if they were hard you came out stronger or wiser in some way. And thank you, you're so sweet :') So do you hon ❤️

hey honeymoon! sorry for taking my time to respond, i hope everything’s been alright with you!

(2) Terushima really does just seem like a big dork who loves volleyball haha. I feel like his initial vibe would make me not want to interact v much lol but once you get to know him he's actually a good person. and that tongue piercing tho 👀. "that one definitely hurts a lot more than Falling does" then I think I'm good for awhile hahaha. I've already read a sad hospital AU so I'm going to stay FAR away for now. Honestly I wish there was an interesting story behind it but there's not :')

(3) basically I had an art blog and the name of it was kind of a pun with the word "honeydew." but that nickname was already taken and I wanted to be ~original~ sso I didn't want to use it lol. I still liked the honey aspect though and I thought Honeymoon sounded cute. I'm also kind of a secret hopeless romantic and at the time I kept my identity on my art blog a secret, so it kind of felt like an "alter ego" of mine? long story short I liked the nickname and it kinda stuck haha

ok i mean, to be fair, he was super aggressive when he was meeting kiyoko. but i definitely feel like there’s that dorky side to him LMAO.

oooof idk if I can handle any angst rn tbh so i can definitely relate 😭

that’s honestly such a cute story though??? like, that’s literally so freakin’ adorable. what type of art did you use to do? (and honestly girl, this whole blog is on the DL and i tried super hard to keep it hidden from my life LOL).

there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic though! it gives you a chance to day-dream hehe 💞 what’s your favorite romantic trope? it could be as cliche or non-cliche as you’d like!

(4) "i’m sorry for being a sadistic fk 🥰" 😀 something tells me you're kind of not LOL (really though I know you're sweet and don't actually want to hurt people akdhf) and honestly I'm glad you decided to expand on it! Chapter one is also great as a standalone but I'm so grateful for the rest so far, and you're doing an amazing job with it love 💖 I understand the chara x chara thing. I don't know if I've ever actually shipped anything to the point of me /wanting/ it to be canon

(6) like, it'd be cool if it was, but I don't actually care y'know? unless it was actual romantic tension built up in the movie/book/series. Fanart and fic is what mostly got me lol. I think the HQ fandom is super diverse/creative in its shipping. Not only because of an incredible story with great characters, but great fans and creators as well. And yes! someone else who likes KuroIwa!! I think that ship is really cute (and they're my top 2 faves so I'm biased haha) have you seen neutinya's art?

i swear i’m nice 💞 thank you so much for the love!! 🥺 i’ve been having writer’s block for a bit, and your comments have honestly motivated me to write so much more for it LOL

i definitely agree though, like, i can’t aggressively fight for one ship over another because it’s literally just not canon. it just feels wrong to “shove that agenda”, so to speak. but it’s always interesting to see all the different character combinations. i never would’ve imagined half of the ones out there if not for this fandom LOL

neutinya’s literally why I have a thing for KuroIwa!! LMAO. i really like the art that they put out. same with bright_stars_45 on IG. Their stuff is literally why i ship Bokuaka soooo hard.

(7) (did I skip 5?) I really hope I'm numbering those right it's 12:30 am here lol. anyway, it's probably a good thing you weren't in the fandom then. I don't know how it is now, but it was p chaotic and toxic and there was actually controversy surrounding one of those fics. I'm sorry about you and your sister love :( I don't know if you'd ever want to have a strong one with her but I hope you do if you do! and if not then there will always be people you share that with, blood or not 💕

LOL you did skip 5, but it’s okay bby 💖 it’s not too serious tbh. i’m not really close to my family, so i’ve always believed in the “my family is the one’s i choose, not necessarily the one’s i’m blood-related to” :)

(8) Piglet has always been my fave, but Eeyore and Lumpy are also great. do you have any favorite characters or ones that mean a lot to you? and that's really cool too!! I know being mixed can get super complicated but knowing you have all of those cultures in you in some way is pretty amazing. Honestly I've been undecided for the past 2 years but after everything going on in 2020, I've felt this need to release the truth? no matter what that may be. I know a lot of people say journalism

(9) isn't an honest profession but, and this will sound arrogant, I want to change that. Even if that just means me being an independent journalist while being an editor to make a living, I'm okay with that. Also it can give you the opportunity to travel, and writing has always been my strong suit. socio is so I can have a better understanding of the world and learn to be less biased and more objective and understanding. What about you? :O

my favorite Disney character is honestly Tiana from Princess and the Frog! her hard-working story is hella relatable to me, and it inspired me to be better for myself if that makes sense?

TBH the most annoying part of being mixed is being called eXoTiC by guys who are tryna sleep with me 💀 there’s definitely a lot of fetishization about it lol

i hella respect that! the need to release the truth. journalism is honestly a raw and authentic profession that people underestimate because they read from biased sources or the things they read isn’t accurate. i have mad respect for you for following that career path! if there’s anything i could do to help, lmk love 💖 TBH, i chose business because i wanted to open my own business and i love psych because i love understanding the world and the people in my lives. psycho-analysing is one of my hobbies hehe. so similar as to why you did socio!

(10) and yes!!!! tbh I've always liked theatre but was never really one for the stage. I was in a child friendly version of macbeth in 6th grade and that was it lol. In my senior year of high school I performed a slam poem about my depression and my teacher called me emotionally constipated lmaoo. and because of how hs went down for me I never got to take classes anyway. I started getting into sfx/film makeup though and I really want to do that! I also just love the energy of backstage tbh

(11) this is getting really long akfdjh. but yeah I want to learn more! I'm actually kind of struggling in my stage management class right now because I honestly don't know much about theatre so it's overwhelming. I haven't even seen a lot of shows (I did see The Lion King when I was a kid though!! and a few hs productions). enough about me though, what's your favorite part, or what are some of your best memories? I love seeing that it makes you so happy :D

omg i’m so sorry that your teacher called you that. that’s so inappropriate, especially considering the subject matter. i hope that you’ve had a more positive experience involving your work since then. if you ever want to talk about your struggle, please feel free to reach out, ok?

you must be pretty talented with makeup though! that’s so cool 🤩 i’ve always admired sfx and people who are talented with makeup tbh. what’s your favorite part about it so far?

i was fortunate enough that my hs had a super talented theatre program that i could be a part of. i had the opportunity to be in both tech, management, and on-stage. i honestly really enjoyed being behind-the-scenes in the management part! it was so great seeing a production from start to finish and knowing that i was involved with that process. i’m a huge theatre nerd tbh 😅 i love watching shows like Phantom of the Opera, Hamilton, RENT and I’ll routinely watch them haha.

#skye's asks #firebonbon

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pokefanbri · 4 years

Text

Im wasting my time, waiting for someone to come back for a deserved chance to do it right. Why though should I even ask of this, I know i shouldnt give a damn & im only prolonging my tears. I feel I cant succumb to acceptance of defeat just yet. I cant accept that hes gone & to move on just like that... its just not possible at least not now. But am I not allowing myself to heal fully either if im just waiting for him to put back the broken pieces he left? It should be up to me & the next guy to heal me right? But I can honestly say I've never felt this way about anyone before, & it makes it so much harder to let go 😔

I do blame myself, my life is flipped upside-down from my choices but I dont regret knowing him at least. I do regret realizing theres scrubs out there to avoid though but I don't want to believe he was one. I do feel worthless & unwanted, but I want to give my love to someone who deserves it, not to be pushed away but embraced & shared. I shouldn't have to seek or work for validation, acceptance & appreciation in a partner when it should just come naturally. I need someone to chose me for all the right reasons, cherish my fragile heart & the sacrifices I make for them, to truly love me & never let me go 😭 Seriously what do I have to do for a guy to love all of me back unconditionally!

Im only depressing myself more by still crying over him. Dont cry over spilt milk, but for me its a whole case or even a truck of gallons. I'd do anything to speak to him again, to hear his voice, his laugh, i actually cant stop thinking about him...even in times of struggle i think what would he do or if i need positivity or a laugh I imagine his & look at fond of memories...but it makes me weak too when I start to feel sad again. Cause anyone else would never give him the time of day, anybody else would say "fuck that guy he's a rightful dick, you're better off" But me, I dont care how it was... i choose to see good, when I shouldn't even fucking bother...but i forgave & thats what gets me the most & I get angry. Theres so many things that we could've done differently, things where we thrived instead. But somehow things lost its way & God knew we weren't ready. I want to believe at some point there was some kind of spark,shared love & admiration, that I want to come back to me. Even if im just kidding myself

I need to get him out of my mind somehow, but I dont want to. I want him in my life in some way regardless & idc if it hurts cuz that'll pass. U dont know the depth of love for someone til u lose them. And losing a loved one that was a huge part of your life in any sense, hurts to the core

I know im a hopeless fool & I shouldn't bother, theres someone else out there sure..whatever. Im not ready to let go, idk when itll happen but its not easy. If all we have is time, then why do I feel its too late 😭

Life after you. https://youtu.be/Cvm2OYF2p7E

youtube

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