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marcsmarquez · 2 years

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every month of 2021: post your fave and/or most popular post(s) from each month (it’s okay to skip months)!

i was tagged by the incredible @ferrqri and @lewishamlton 💞 i apologize in advance that these are probably all going to be marc edits oops

under the cut because i realize i have made this incredibly long but at least i can use it as a master post of all my favorite things 💞i tag whoever wants to do it cause i think most people have done this already

january: i wasn't really making many edits at that point, but i like this sebchal video edit and this shit post of f1 drivers + urban dictionary names.

february: wow i basically made nothing in feb, but these marc cinnamon roll gifs!

march: these gifs of marc looking pretty because i once again made nothing in march. though i guess in march i also started my series of race results edits for the 2021 season.

april: ok now we get to the fun stuff. these gifs of marc crying after his first race in 9 months in portimao hjerbdsfuhjbd they always make me feel some type of way and it was great to see him do his favorite thing again. these other portimao gifs as well [x] [x] because emotions!!! also these gifs of marc, alex, stich and shira.

may: CHARLES ZITTI E BUONI VIDEO EDIT. these gifs of marc's first victory in 2010. also i tried to make posters? i kinda wanna try to remake this but better you know? i also loved this marc and pastels edit just because he is pretty. and finally BEANIE MARC at the frenchgp. and here are two marc sexy hair gifs offered without comment [x] [x]

june: SACHSENRING TIME. basically all the gifs from that day but especially the podium one. also this one because crying marc makes me emo (581 days in the making!!!). i also made this king of the ring edit while i was at the hospital lol but my ultimate favorite may have to be this marc morirò da re video edit and the all i do is win video edit. also here is a cute assen final chicane gif

july: my favorite is this long story short edit for the one year anniversary of marc's injury. also the only football video edit i ever made in honor of my italy nt european champions. my favorite gifs for this month would have to be this one because laugh and arm!!!

august: this maverick edit to celebrate his time at yamaha. one of my all time favorites because i tried something new is this edit from marc's motivational austriangp quote. also this gif of marc dissing the maverick situation because it's funny. also honorable mention to the edit i made for rossi when he announced his retirement. last but not least the ferrari fancam and the motogp bloopers video edit.

september: this motivational quote edit based on marc's aragongp. my marc through the years edit which i put my blood sweat and tears into. and this gif of marc's sexy overtake in MY PRESENCE. in misano. also edit based on marc's "i want to be the best in the world" quote.

october: KING OF COTA VIDEO EDIT. cota victory gifs. misano victory gifs and marc and pol gif. also this repsol honda edit that i am very proud of. and finally the gif of marc saying it is a waste of his time!

november: well my favorite edit i made in november is still in my drafts cause it required marc to get one more podium lol soooo, i guess this gif of the weirdest marc ad i have ever seen. and this edit of all the race winners from the 2021 season. and we cannot forget the iconic casey/vale gifs.

december: my joan video shit post and my marc/fabio video shit post. also i started my countdown to the 2022 season edits!

#i am 75 years late to this and i apologize lol #also wow its long #if the links dont work ill cry #edit masterlist #.tagged

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eschergirls · 4 years

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Originally posted at: https://eschergirls.com/photo/2020/04/22/guaranteed-get-female-your-bag

Another gem from Jess Morrissette on Twitter:

"What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an 'I want the alpha male' response in females?" A Game Geek's Guide to Getting Girls (PC Accelerator, February 2000).

I know PC Accelerator was trying to be a Maxim for gamers thing but holy crumbs. Even as comedy this comes up short. I almost would say you could make a drinking game out of reading this article but you'd probably die taking shots whenever "a female" showed up. Also extra points for the advice to hide your gaming interest from a woman until you "bag" her because not letting your partner know about an important hobby in your life is a great way to make sure she's interested in it. >_>

Transcription for screenreaders (thanks again to Bella (@MoviePosters00) for the transcription):

A GAME GEEK’S GUIDE TO GETTING GIRLS

Okay palm-shavers, listen up! Reaction time is a factor. Say the first word that comes into your mind when we say "flying fat baby with a bow and arrow." No — not Messiah! Dammit, your answer is the reason we're writing this article. When you see that pint-sized chubby cherub whizzing around plinking people, it means Valentine's Day is breathing down your neck ... and baby, with this much love magic in the air, even you might be able to get a date.

As a service to you, our reader and — dare we say it — our friend, PCXL has sought an answer to the mystery that plagues so many gamers, "how do I get a girl?" We've searched high and low, discussed this conundrum over beer, subjected ourselves to countless seconds of daytime talk shows, drank more beer, picked up (and hastily put down) many women are from Venus-type books, slurped down more brew ... and, amazingly, reached an answer.

COMMUNICATION

To get chicks, a guy needs to communicate — often by talking. Realizing this Herculean task would prove impossible for almost any gamer worth his gaming spurs, and tougher for those even more worthless, we beat our heads against this barrier for days (and sucked down more beer) until a glimmer of hope laser-burned its way through the hangover.

What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an "I want the alpha male" response in females? Heavy stuff. Before we could commit our theory to print, we knew it needed rigorous testing, experimentation, quantifiable results. Unfortunately, we have no scientific credibility whatsoever. But we've never let a lack of credibility stop us before.

TERMINOLOGY

Here's a quick primer of terminology used in our experiments ...

Chick = Girl = Babe = Woman = Lady = Female = The ones with the bumps who constantly perplex us

Game Guy = You = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help sometimes

Game =Game

Theory = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong

Hypothesis = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong. Also, the side of a right-angled triangle opposite the right angle.

Postulate = Something you assume from the outset to be true, unproven and wrong pretty much by definition

PCXL = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help — and we're here to give it

EXPERIMENT ONE: THE "INTERACTIVE ROMANCE"

SUMMARY

In an ongoing effort to bring males and females together via the arena of computer gaming, a number of new companies are creating "gender-friendly'" titles. DreamCatcher Interactive (http://www.dream-catchergames.com) has developed an interactive romantic adventure based on a true story. The Legend of Lotus Spring (set to release February 2000) has players of most major sexes participating in the story of a young emperor and the woman that he is forbidden to love. Described as a "whimsical, non-violent game," TLLS takes you to the Far East over 100 years ago, touching on cultural, as well as romantic and adventure elements. As a date-locating technique, the TLLS experiment was an abject failure, as evidenced by this Session Excerpt from a co-ed focus group:

SUBJECT ONE (female)

They should've gotten Fabio to be in this thing!

SUBJECT TWO (female)

I'd like to help with the "motion capture" for that!

SUBJECT ONE (female)

It's so whimsical and non-violent!

SUBJECT THREE (female)

Awwwww, look at that! There's a "virtual serenade."

SUBJECT FOUR (male)

Sweet Jesus, please let me die.

PLUSES

Subjects 1-3 enjoyed whimsical, non-violent gameplay; Subject 4 also experienced Culture and Sensitivity-Broadening elements, as per his previous plea bargain with the City and County of San Francisco, California. (His original offense involved animal shelter felines and "Black Cat" brand firecrackers, but we shan't elaborate on that story.)

MINUSES

Despite a sincere effort on Subject Four's part to share the cultural and romantic elements of the game, considerable friction erupted. Subjects 1-3 suggested a "Fore-Player HunkMatch" mode while Subject Four insisted the experience remain a "Single-Player Shooter." Alas, Subject Four did not survive the triple-strength Silent Treatment that ensued.

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Minus One. Not only did the male subject fail to score, but he was repeatedly and needlessly reminded of his utter lack of resemblance to Fabio.

EXPERIMENT TWO: PLAYING HOUSE

THE SIMS

Frankly, everyone believes that The Sims, from software-as-living-toy masters Maxis, is going to be an absolutely cool game. If you didn't read last month's exposé (crawl out from under your rock), it's the "game of life" made real.

You develop characters, Sims as they're called, and guide, coddle, force, etc. them through various phases in life, searching for financial and marital success. You can end up a lazy, jobless, criminal (much like the PCXL editorial staff) or you can develop a thriving career, gain the respect of your peers and co-workers, and generally lead the sort of enviable life we'll never quite achieve.

Lightbulb flashin' over your noggin yet? That's right — this should be perfect for connecting with chicks! We had the same thought ... not surprisingly, we once again demonstrated our total lack of experience and knowledge of the female thought process.

We were deep into the experiment when we realized that playing The Sims with a cute lass is like eating the broccoli and skipping dessert. How so? The Sims is just so real when you play it with a chick. They actually try to do well with their characters and they want you to succeed too. By the time you're done, you're married, employed, saddled with children ... and you haven't even gotten a kiss off the girl (in real life).

PLUSES

If you're really hard up, The Sims is sort of like practice for relating to real flesh and blood females.

MINUSES

The Sims presents all the work with none of the perks. Perhaps the most telling test-result was this ... babes don't get weak-kneed around men who play house!

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

2.5 dollies — While the game initially got the attention of the female subjects and painted the male subject in a sensitive light, it eventually rendered the male subject more hard up than ever in "real life."

EXPERIMENT THREE: GIRLS THINK THEY CAN DRIVE

NASCAR LEGENDS & TEST DRIVE 6

Why did man invent the wheel? So he could invent cars. Why did he invent cars? So he could impress chicks, of course. The attempt to translate the theory that "chicks are impressed by car-savvy guys" into "chicks are impressed by car-GAME-savvy guys" began with Test Drive 6 from Infogrames —and an utter failure to "get her motor running." The following audio was recorded during a race through Rome:

GUY

Hey! Watch the curve coming up!

CHICK

Is there a map? I don't think this is the best route, we should stop and ask for directions. Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

CAR

[CRASHES]

The session was immediately scrubbed and re-started the next day using Nascar Legends. In addition to bitchin' graphics, the incredibly realistic races in Nascar Legends are on tracks — eliminating the whole map thing. Our male test subject was able to expound on the muscular virtues of a 1970 Plymouth and get veeeery groovy in his lingo.

GUY

This is so groovy.

CHICK

Did you just say the word "groovy"?

As the race intensified, Nascar Legends and the general grooviness seemed to be having the desired effect.

CHICK

Mmmmm, wish I could drive this with a joystick ...

Unfortunately, this test case proved inconclusive, because the friggin' puss — ahem — guy, made the fatal mistake of paying too much attention to the game and ignoring the girl. He allowed a full 37 seconds to elapse before responding to the joystick statement, sending several possible messages to the test chick:

A) He was not interested in any way whatsoever in helping her get her hands on a joystick.

B) He cared more about the game than he did about her.

C) He is a total lame-ass and is wasting oxygen that a real man could use to deliver a clever joy-stick retort.

Despite the excellence of Nascar Legends, this experiment resulted in the death-knell response:

CHICK

Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five joysticks for the game, three joysticks for the experience of actually playing this with a female, and an obvious and complete lack of a joystick on the part of the male test subject.

EXPERIMENT FOUR: CHANGING TACK

NOCTURNE

When G.O.D. opened the Spook-House doors and unleashed their deliciously ghastly Nocturne, little did they imagine the power they were placing in the hands of the would-be non-virginal male. A combination of "X-Files" chic and classic survival horror action, Nocturne will give you the tools to awaken your "little zombie" from the dead, but you can't expect G.O.D. to do all the work. Take a cue from the game's incredible atmosphere and transform your grotty little hovel into an environment suitable for jitters-induced romance. Lower the lighting ... candles would be a nice touch. Make sure your friend/room-mate/mom (oh, you sad little boy) won't pop in and burst your love-bubble at the climactic moment. Steal some grave stones and casually lay them about:

GIRL

Are those real grave stones?

YOU

Oh, these? They sure are.

GIRL

You're so cool, after we play a little bit of Nocturne, let's do some ... rubbings.

Don't talk during the game play if you can help it. Let the silence and tension build so that when a shambling horror suddenly lunges at her onscreen persona, she'll shriek. The effect is totally ruined, however, if you're the one who lets loose an effeminate shriek.

PLUSES

With proper set-up and execution, a "Nocturne Date" will deliver more sizzle than a dozen oysters. Even if you don't score, a night of blasting werewolves and zombies is a night well spent.

MINUSES

There's a definite gross out factor at work here. When ghouls overwhelm your date and feast on her twitching on-screen corpse, she may be more inclined to vomit than make out with you. On the other hand, you can turn this negative to your advantage by slapping a hand over the offending image and intoning in your best movie hero voice, "This isn't something you want to see."

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Four Severed Zombie arms. Good for you!

EXPERIMENT FIVE: SAVE ME HERO!

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

Admittedly an unlikely candidate for Date Movie of the Year, The Blair Witch Project — the overhyped no-budget, shake-cam, low-grade-video epitaph for three missing-and-presumed-screwed filmmakers — yielded the highest results in terms of female subjects exposed versus female subjects, ah, exposed. Throughout the course of the film, the three actors lose their bearings. hurl profanities at each other, and eventually meet an enigmatic but doubtless unpleasant end.

Of course, the game version of this, utilizing the Nocturne engine, is in the works and will be published by G.O.D. A clingy female, the DVD, followed by the game… what kind of loser would you have to be screw up this opportunity for a terror induced tryst? Now where the f —k is the map?

PLUSES

The overwhelming majority of female subjects tested responded positively. often sporadically clinging to the males next to them during, and in most cases after, the film. At least two left the theater with the stated intention of staying with the males that evening. Of course, at least a quarter of the male subjects also clutched the males next to them at least once during the film. There are, ah, other magazines that will deal with those test results.

MINUSES

A very. very slim but noteworthy percentage (about 8%) of otherwise-sensitive female subjects found the film's terror element utterly ineffective —thereby degrading the relative status of the participating males (who thought the film was scary) to that of instant, shriveled Weenie. “This is so not cool, Josh!”

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five wood-stick-figure-thingies. Heh, heh, heh — we said "wood."

WHAT WE LEARNED

Of course, much of our experimentation assumed the herculean task of getting the girl into your "love nest” in the first place. If you can manage that, then it's best to keep your passion for gaming a secret (until you've bagged her).

Going the route of using horror to terrify a “victim”' to your arms is more fraught with problems (not to mention issues of legality). So get them in to your life in whatever way you can, then you can use the tips and game styles we've investigated to ensure that you can still spend time at your PC and keep the girlfriend happy (a tough mix — trust us).

What could possibly be better than a lovely co-operative Diablo adventure, a Worms: Armageddon face-off, or living out your virtual lives together in Everquest or Asheron's Call?

Remember though, that the real fun and frolics needs to be done in the real world, not online. There are probably laws against that kind of thing.

EXPERIMENT SIX: LET’S GET LITERARY

SALEM'S LOT

This technique was developed outside our offices but captured on videotape. It's so diabolical, so shameless, that we hesitate to even report it. But we will anyway.

The Diabolical Test Subject (DTS for short) had candles lit, Courvoisier at the ready, and was seated with a girl (GIRL for short) on a couch. Further still, he was, brace yourselves, talking to her. In the midst of our shock we realized that he was reading.

It took us two minutes to determine what tome of romantic lore he was reciting ... it was Salem's Lot, by Stephen King.

You may be saying "So what? I'm a gamer, not a librarian.” Or perhaps you've seen the 1970s made-for-TV movie “Salem's Lot" starring Starsky (or was it Hutch?) Well, pay attention Love Master ... by borrowing someone else's words you'll seem smart. By displaying no fear (even during the graveyard scene with little Danny Glick) you'll seem more manly. But above all else, by reading, you will appear to be communicating.

At press time we hadn't managed to work out whether Blue Byte's new Stephen King-based release F13 will induce the same terror effect as Salem's Lot. It does feature a new story from the currently rehabilitating horror-meister and desktop themes and screensavers, etc. for fan boys. Fan-girls are fewer, but never turn to their touchy-feely drivel as a substitute.

TIFFANYSDOMAIN.COM

Do you know why we love Tiffany so much? (If you've seen her pictures here and you don't know, you've got bigger problems than we thought). We love her because she's on Playboy's new video "Wildwebgirls.com"

And we love her because she's on the Playboy Channel's "Night Calls." She also has her very own website that we've been spending an inordinate amount of time “researching” for this feature ... tiffanysdomain.com.

If, after reading this little bit of prose, you still remain chickless, you can see a whole lot more of Tiffany (and a wagon-load of other babes who have problems staying dressed) on "Wildwebgirls.com”... or checkout www.playboy.com for all the steamy details.

Thanks Tiffany!

#magazines #pc accelerator #video games #double standards #representation #general sexism #links #submission

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allisonswrittenwords · 4 years

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Warning: This article will tell you about how a video unleashes the power of…THE INTERNET!

Terrifying, I know!

From whitebread families who learn computers, to whitebread kids (and their friends) who learn how to use the internet, the information superhighway and its associated technologies are falling into the hands of 1990 Training Video People in a terrifying way.

I’m sure Training Video People is a thing.

The 1990s (specifically, the mid-late 1990s) was full of training videos on mastering the use of the computer, as taught by families and children to make the instruction more on a level people can relate with. And just when I thought I found the worst that computer training videos have to offer…a pair of mom jeans smacked me in the face and said “no, you have yet to see…the worst!”

What I got was 1997’s Moms On The Net.

Catchy title, wouldn’t you say?

It’s The Sequel To Mom Jamison You Never Asked For!

Seriously, take the mom from The Jamison Family videos, clone her (with one having red hair), and you’ve got Moms On The Net. This how-to follows Trish, Deb, and Melanie (or Mel) as they harness THE POWER (!) of the internet!

Trish Kasey (of The Mommy Times, an online magazine) and Deb Roum (a computer consultant and owner of “Deb’s Webs,” a web design company) are actually professionals who, in 1997, specialized in getting women (including moms) not just interested in the internet, but effectively using the internet for their daily needs through their “Moms on the Net” seminars. Melanie, their friend, is going to learn the gist of what the internet has to offer.

In actuality, this video does tap into a often passed over group of internet learners – women. Ok, more specifically – adult women. Because us girls of the 1990s were using the internet (ok, I was using the internet!), but our moms were not.

However, these Moms Of The Internet look way too much like how television depicts the 1990s mom – mom jeans, those sweaters, the hair. The “Mom Jeans” commercial on Saturday Night Live was clearly modelling itself after Moms On The Net!

Image: Quick Country 96.5

You’ll never unsee the horror of Mom Jeans…

Or a family in…matching denim shirts!

It’s like they were prepared at any time to have a 1990s family portrait done!

What Do The Moms “On The Net” Teach?

This comprehensive step-by-step video explains what a network is, how to send an email, the history of the internet (created in 1969 by the Department of Defense, and originally intended for educational purposes), online services, and necessary equipment (computer, phone line, internal or external modem, ISP account, and ISP software).

The method of communication to the web is also mentioned, with overviews of long distance company, a telephone, browser, and search engines. Email, and the all important Net-equette on avoiding typing in ALL CAPS so that your message isn’t conveyed as shouting (like anyone listens to this part!) round out the topics.

There’s a demonstration on sending an email, and a real-world application that proves anyone can use the internet with the right instruction.

Which involves Not Fabio visiting your house to “deliver flowers.”

True story.

I’m pretty sure she’s doing more with him that teaching the internet.

Tapping Into…THE POWER!

The emphasis through much of this video (all 21 minutes of it) is on the tapping into of THE POWER (!) of the internet and what it has to offer.

Seriously, they like to say THE POWER (!) alot. Like, every few minutes.

Once you get past the terrible acting and clothing (I was a teenager in the mid-late 1990s, and I honestly don’t remember the clothes these moms wore being this embarrassing!), the meat of what these working moms set out to teach is actually quite valuable.

Much like The Kids Guide To The Internet sought to make using the internet relatable on a kid-friendly level, allowing kids to explain it to other kids without the usual condescending tone we’ve never been ok with, Moms on the Net explains the internet the mother/woman who may not have yet embraced technology. It makes the internet not look intimidating, and again, doesn’t use the condescending tone.

Let’s face it, the non-teacher types among us are jerks when it comes to explaining the internet to our parents, but we also assume because we picked it up so easily, our parents should too, and just as easily as we were able to.

Thing is, we were guided by our teachers in school how to use it, so of course, we’ve always assumed parents are no different from our teachers. I think that applies to any computer application, be it sending emails, downloading pictures, uploading pictures.

And then there’s social media posts that burn your eyes. All caps, chain posts about being old (the horror!), and even profanities. If you thought your thirty-something friends were the only ones that cursed, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen your 65-year-old relatives posting profanities, in ALL CAPS, and all of their Facebook followers responding in the same fashion! Good lord, it is soooo embarrassing!

I’ve explained Net-equette to my own parents. My mom gets it, and my dad has gotten much better with it. I think my mom drove home the point of why you don’t use ALL CAPS better than I did. Apparently. saying “just don’t use them” is better than “it looks like you’re shouting!” But I learned it the exact way Trish said it, so…it has to be true!

At least this video glosses over the subject of ALL CAPS, but I’m sure anyone who actually does that would never have listened. Perhaps they’re too busy shouting in typed form to hear?

Oh, and if you like vintage website and search engines, I’ve got a treat for you!

Alta Vista was my go-to until I discovered Lycos. And when Google became popular, I ditched both search engines.

How about phone numbers for ISPs, both online and national?

Dated videos about the early years of a now-widespread subject are always silly with stuff like this!

Watch Moms On The Net!

Because you feel obligated!

youtube

Upload via Quinn St. Clair

And because you feel obligated to sit through 21 minutes of mom resources for learning the ins of the internet, you should also know about the hosts – Trish Kasey is a finance manager/professional, creator of Mom’s Score Bee. She lives in Irvine, California. Deb Roum lives in Glendale, but there is not much information about her.

The kids, husband, and yes, Melanie, are actors (Mel’s real name is Valli Dawn Flores). Fabio does not play the delivery guy.

Mommy Times (mommytimes.com) doesn’t exist anymore, but there is .net counterpart.

He’s a YouTuber, and the reason I even knew this video existed.

You’re welcome?

And Now, You!

What is your experience with the internet? How old were you when you learned how to access it? What were your points of interest? Did you ever teach a family member to use the internet, or was it the other way around.

And for the moms that may see this, what was your experience learning to use the internet? Do you use the internet for the types of things these moms do?

And if you’re just as embarrassed about the fashion as probably 95% of people watching this (seriously, did we wear these clothes in the 90s?!), tell me that too! In fact, embarrassing 90s fashion missteps. Discuss!

Tell me your internet learning experience stories, I’d love to hear them!

I haven’t planned ahead for next week’s article, but I’m hoping to find something related to learning about computers or the internet (or both) in that awesome 1990s way. I know resources are pretty vast, so I should find something. Count on January being rounded out with another look at computer and internet learning,

Until then, have a great day, and be sure to tap into THE POWER (!) of the Net!

Techno Geeks With Spreadsheets: "Moms On the Net" - Come along with Trish, Deb, and Mel as they surf the wave of the internet! Warning: This article will tell you about how a video unleashes the power of...THE INTERNET! Terrifying, I know!

#Computers #Internet #Moms Learn To Use The Internet #Moms on the Internet #Old School Computers #technology

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