#the time we didn't get along was middle school lol and we solved it back then and still talked afterwards when we went to different hs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

redrum-alice · 11 months

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A dumb TimeBomb Highschool AU headcanon...

Because I've been listening to some personal playlist reminding me of it...

So like the premise is that Ekko saw Jinx crying with her hair a mess as if someone tried to put a gum on it, etc.

...this is gonna be long bc i dont know how to write properly lol...

When Ekko and Powder got out of middle school and into highschool, he noticed how drastic her looks have changed in a course of the whole summer: a long braid reaching nearly down to her knees and some bangs proudly protruding at the side of her face. He also noticed how she often uses make up to flatter her pale features she used to despise. Above anything else, she changed her name to "Jinx" and insists him (and everyone) to call her that instead.

Ekko guessed this may be because she doesn't wanna be that "weak girl" she once was (what Mylo insults her with + "jinx") and wanted to prove something. He wanted to disagree, but she already set her mind.

Even with these changes, it doesn't change the way he sees her; a friend. They've been friends ever since kindergarten, challenging each other on who can solve math problems faster. He's the only friend she had all those years growing up.

He's aware that she may not want to be with him most of the time since both of them have/are in different cliques. But even so, he checks on her every now and then.

Jinx loves her newself, but finds it hard to get along with people because of her new personality. As much as she wants to admit she likes to be with Ekko, she wanted to stay away from her old self and any remnants of it. She eventually found "friends" that liked her style...

It was all good until...

One day, when Ekko was finishing up cleaning the chalk board after school, he heard Jinx crying somewhere at the back of the school.

She was sitting down and hugging her knees with her hair loose and messily cut off- tufts of blue hair with a gum stuck on it was on the ground. There was a scissor in her hand, opened as if it was ready cut another chunk of her hair the moment she raises her head from her knees

"Jinx?" Ekko called out gently and quietly approached her. She knew he would appear in moments like this, so she didn't lift her head anymore.

"What happened?" She felt him laying his bag aside and sitting down in front of her. He scanned the gummed hair and assumed, "Did they do this to you?"

She wanted to hit her head several times for being a fool to trust people blindly. How did she not see red flags theyre only using her to get their stuff done? She wanted to scold herself, but all her strength was spent from crying.

"Uh..we can still braid it--"

"Mom wore a braid once." Her answer stopped Ekko for a moment. "...at least that's what Vi told me..."

Ekko understood her predicament and proceeds to sit beside her. He carefully brushed her hair with his fingers and parted it in two main sections before braiding each.

"Don't worry, we'll fix it. I bet it'll even look better than before."

From then on, she began to wear her hair in two twin braids, along with hair cuffs Ekko lended her.

No matter how much she wanted to change, Ekko will always be there to make sure she's doing okay :)

...that ending was lame lmao

@starry-nights12 imma tag u as thanks for the food you bring to TB

#arcane jinx #arcane #ekkojinx #timebomb #jinxarcane #ekko league of legends #enemies to friends trope #ekko x powder #league of legends #highschool au #these two idiots are in love #Her mom would've been so happy to see her wearing braids :)

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konpithepuppy · 3 years

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[TRANSLATION: POTATO 07.2021]

7 MEN SAMURAI

Proofread by aji10647731 (Twitter)/ @janiappend

Scans not mine

Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker

Feel free to correct me, thanks

7 MEN 侍

Anyone must have an experience of breaking into cold sweats when accidentally leaving behind something. Trying to search for the members' "situations about leaving a belonging behind," episodes of a member leaving behind things came out, they were revealed...!!! (Interview was done during the first 10 days of May)

Questions:

Q1. An experience where you left something behind that gave you cold sweats.

Q2. I completely saw 〇〇 forgot something!

Q3. What will you do if you realized about your girlfriend's birthday after a day it had passed since her birthday?

REI YABANA

A1. When going to my destination, I have a habit of leaving behind things and leave like Hansel and Gretel, that's why I lose a lot of things. When I left in the classroom in my university the earphones that I got from Rinne-kun as a birthday present, since it was gone when I went back to pick it up, so I bought the same kind of earphones and use it.

A2. Daka-san (Motodaka) is really bad with forgetting things. All of the members must have seen him walking around searching for the other side of his wireless earphones (LOL). Just recently too, he forgot his coat at the studio where we do our band rehearsals and went home with just his turtle neck. Since he called me, "Is my coat in there? But I want to wear it for our YouTube filming tomorrow~" so I brought it home and gave it to him the next day (LOL).

A3. When I realized about it, I will immediately contact her and apologize first of all. If she can make time, I will bring her a present somehow or another and will meet her on that day.

[Recent Happening].

7 MEN 侍's blog in Johnny's WEB has started, and I am in charged of Wednesdays. *I ramble a lot that's why writing the sentences is fun, and I am happy that I can deliver my way of wordings without getting edited. They're long but please read them by all means!

TAIKI KONNO

A1. Basically, I don't forget my things. At home or at Jr. activities, I check my things before going out. Since the things that I must not forget like phone, wallet, pass case aren't a lot, so it's better if I check them before going. The experience that gave me chills when I forgot about it was about a homework during my school days. I do my homeworks properly until when I was an elementary student, but I started to forget my homeworks when I was a middle schooler, it was a lack of vigilance when I think about it now (LOL).

A2. The time when we went to Kyoto for our stage play, when I met with Katsuki to go to the convenience store, Katsuki forgot about the card key of his hotel room. It was a single room so no one is in the same room with him, that's why we had to ask for the hotel personnel to open it. I thought it is hard to be forgetful while looking at him saying, "I am sorry!" (LOL).

A3. That is bad, right? Yeah, it is really bad. I will call her immediately the moment I realized it and I have no choice but to ask for forgiveness. From there, I will wish her a happy birthday. As an apology, we will go on a date with everything she likes to do for a day.

[Recent Happening]

I had a long time of staying still at home, and I came to think that if I can freely go and play somewhere, where will I want to go (LOL). For now, I want to go to the sea. I approximately go to the beach every year but I couldn't go last year, so I definitely want to go this year!

KATSUKI MOTODAKA

A1. I cried losing a number of times my previous wireless earphones before having the one with GPS function, and even though I am using the lipbalm I am obsessed with, when I noticed it, I already lost it. It happened a lot of times and I really feel down over it. Recently too, I accidentally left behind the coat that I was wearing and went home, my mind and body got scared (LOL). For the things that I forget, I basically don't know where I forget it, *the hopelessness that I have lost them is tremendous.

A2. Honestly, I haven't seen anyone who got in trouble for forgetting things more than I do (LOL). Sometimes, when my family goes out, my mother forgets something and goes back to get it. But when she goes back to get it, the thing that she forgot is there at the house so there is no real incident that happened.

A3. That's the end our the relationship...I will probably freak out when I realized it.

But if I apologize, I will be busted for forgetting it, so I will make her the opposite by urgently preparing a grand plan and make her feel, "He planned all of these that's why he was late for my birthday." (LOL)

[Recent Happening]

The filter for kids of my phone got lifted. Since I have my Jr. activities when I was in middle school, so my father bought the phone for me and got the filter for kids be activated in my phone. Since for it to be lifted, I had to go to the store with my father so the filter for kids had always been activated in my phone. Because of the policies, I had a hard time not being able to see what others can normally see, but I have finally become a proper adult (LOL).

TAIKO SASAKI

A1. I forgot my key when I went out of the house, since it is an autolock, so I got locked out of the building. I contacted the control office but it seemed like it will take time for them to respond, so I took my chance and pressed the doorbell of a unit of someone who I don't know. I explained the situation but the owner of the unit is a foreign guy. I cannot communicate in complicated Japanese with him, I used a translation app in phone to explain and I got the door opened for me (LOL).

A2. When I went to have barbeque with my friends, even though I entrusted my cooler to the friend who was in charged of bringing the drinks, when I was about to hit the freeway, a person from the barbeque place contacted me saying, "you forgot your cooler." It seemed like for my friend, it was not his so he completely forgot about it (LOL). I'm glad I received the message before entering the freeway.

A3. This is a person who you must not forget her birthday, right? The moment I realized it, I will contact her immediately and I have no choice but to apologize. Or, I will think of a fancy surprise and and will tell her as an excuse that that have taken up my time.

[Recent Happening]

I am watching again the anime 「Dragon Ball」. When I saw a scene from it by chance, it made me want to watch the whole series again. It has around 300 episodes though (LOL). I've become absorbed at it when I was in 1st grade, but I still enjoy watching it now. It is interesting to think like, "What was this episode about again?" and also the way how my feelings [for the episodes] change.

REIA NAKAMURA

A1. I relatively don't forget things.

I think I don't have a story here that is a massive failure at least. It's just that, I may forget my promises with people. Getting a message, " You are not yet here!?" and replying "Huh? What was it about again?" kind of situation happens a lot. My excuse during those times is, "I overslept." Lately, I put a memo in my phone about my plans with people, I wonder if my mistakes reduced.

A2. Yabana forgot his contact lens and panicked, but no one can lend him, right? But, when Katsuki forgot his contact lens, the colored contact lens that I ordered with wrong prescription matches with his prescription by chance, so I gave them to him. Katsuki has a good luck, right?

A3. I'll call her to my house the next day and will solve it through a surprise. I will adjust back the date of the calendar and the clock to my girlfriend's birth date, and I will tell her, "You are probably busy celebrating your birthday with everyone yesterday, right? Today, let's celebrate your birthday with just the two of us."

[Recent Happening]

Heading towards 「Johnny's Ginza」, I come to the gym at the office 5 times a week, and the trainer-san is pushing me to workout hard. The other day, I was told, "let's rest first because you've overworked" for the first time. Since I didn't feel that I overworked, at that time I realized that I am really looking forward to the live.

RINNE SUGETA

A1. When I remove the bracelet that I super treasure and wrapped it in tissue paper during a photoshoot, I completely forgot about it and went home. *When I realized that I left my bracelet, I immediately got it checked, but I felt uneasy until it was confirmed the next day. I kept thinking that since it was wrapped in tissue, it might be mistaken for a trash and be thrown away...and my heart kept pounding.

A2. Katsuki forgetting things might be a usual scene (LOL). Before, the members took Katsuki's belonging and attached to the white board that is in the room as a prank. And yet, since he didn't notice it, we also forgot about it and went home. It was left there for 2 days (LOL).

A3. I will send her a message saying, "happy birthday," like nothing happened, and I will write a sentence at the end saying, "The last birthday message you have received is from Rinne, right?" Moreover, if her birthday is on 06/07, greeting her at 6:07 or something, matching her birthday with a time that has a deep meaning and send the message to her is effective [as an excuse], right?

[Recent Happening]

The takeout box for Thirty-one Ice Cream (Baskin Robbins) is Yamada (Ryosuke), that's why I went to buy it yeasterday. It is embarrassing to be seemed aiming for Yamada-kun, so I brought along my little brother and made it looked like "my brother wants it so I am buying it for him" (LOL).

#7 men 侍 #translation

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mewmewnyaart · 4 years

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I'm not very good at drawing horror and blood but I recently have been getting into OFF lately so I figured I'd try to draw batter to pratice lighting and shadows

I also made my own au where batter and hugo switch places but I doubt anyone would like it or even read it heck I couldn't even get a single like on any of my posts

But here I go anyway :

So common belief that the world of OFF isnt real and that its all happening inside Hugo's head because hugo is in a comma and that the batter resembles the father and the queen resembles the mother

And that the guardians are the boy's immune system and organs that are intolerant to the drug liquid plastic that is being experimented on hugo

The mother was always a working woman and never gave hugo attention while the dad was a straight forward and loving man (I also have a personal theory that he's religious)

The mother wants hugo to live but the father wants to let the boy die because he's tired of seeing his own child in pain everyday

Ok now that I have that out of the way here's my au:

In this au its the father that ends up in a comma and hugo is the one who tries to save him from dying

Backstory to how the dad ended up in a comma:

Hugo in this au is healthy and lives a normal life the father was once a baseball player (as a hobby) so hugo got inspired by his dad and started to take baseball classes at his school

One day the dad was dropping hugo off for baseball practice and while waving goodbye while slowly moving out of the parking lot a reckless older student who wasn't looking quickly backs up his truck hitting the father and sending him into a comma

Ok now for the characters:

We enter the game as hugo and we are greeted by the judge and we start our journey of "purifying" the world just like batter

The enemies represent different family members who dislike or or even hate the father and the father's phobias or fears as well as microbes or poisons in the father's system

Then we have other characters like pets,neighbors,friends who are good guys or people who side with hugo in the this au

Also the puzzles would changed in this au

Hugo is a child and the father would probably play alot with hugo and his games since the mother was always busy ,so instead of floating boxes we'd get more complicated versions of kids puzzles like connect the dots or fill in the shapes etc.

Now for who each character represents and then I'll move on to what the goal of the game is or what Hugo's mission is:

Hugo= he represents the son in real life but he also resembles a new antibiotic that's being experimented on the father

The judge = in real he's the family house cat named milk ingame he's a guide but I have my own head canon

so alot of people tend to draw batter with his eyes closed some draw 4 eyes some draw no eyes at all

I like to think that the father irl has bad eye sight or sensitive eyes so he wears special glasses but will not wear any glasses when at home because he doesn't like to so he will walk around with his eyes closed

So milk will guide him throughout the house by purring or meowing at him

As for the smile the judge has on his face hugo likes the movie Alice in wonderland over and over so the image of the Cheshire cat would be embedded in the dad's memory which is why the judge appears that way

He views the judge as someone who is helpful

The queen = the queen is his wife however they start to have alot of problems and arguments before the father fell in a comma

And the relatives try to convince her to turn off the life support and move on with life

Dedan= irl he's the father's brother in law with a snappy attitude and he hates the father alot and even objected in thier wedding day he will do anything to hurt the father or cause trouble

The father sees his brother in law nothing more than a all bark no bite a big mouth

Japhet= in real life is the lady that lives next door (yes I KNOW japhet is male but he's based off if her in the father's head)

She's is very controlling person who enjoys gossip and can't mind her own business always sticking her nose where she can as well as pushing everyone around she does everything she can to get attention and impress people and she's flirted with the father mutiple times but she's ignored her every time

She has very loud and noisy birds and has killed thier other family cat Venice saying that she did it as self defense (Venice is Valerie basically)

The father views her as a parasite

Enoch= he resembles another dad that takes his kid to baseball practice but is in bad terms with the mother and will constantly pick on hugo for fun

He assumes if the father approaches him its because his wife told him to do so

and will constantly say that his child and wife are happy ,living a life with no problems thinking that he's got life figured out

Even though its clear that his son isn't enjoying baseball at all, is quite over wieght as well as his wife ignores him all the time not to mention he's constantly eating meaning that he has some sort of food addiction it seems he sees no irony in his life at all

The father sees him as an irresponsible over wieght person who's always lying to himself and to blind to see the truth thinking that his life is ok when it's clearly not

Zacharie = irl he's the father's best friend since middle school and they've known each other for years he was the best man at the wedding he's bisexual and in a relationship with a girl named sweetie (please don't hate me batterie shippers QWQ!) He used to crush on the father and even confessed to him on the wedding day he was heartbroken but accepted that the relationship was never gonna happen and was even mad at his best friend but realized it was wrong of him to feel that way

He eventually moves on

He likes to bring and buy alot stuff and show them to his best pal later somegimes illegal stuff (he even brought weed over one time oh boy) he's like an uncle to hugo and is always happy to help and defend his best friend no matter what

He views him as a brother and family member aswell as a very optimistic chill dude and will jokingly refer to him as "the merchant"

Sugar: irl she's zacharie's gf (before her he had 2 toxic exes and she helped him out of those toxic relationships) she and the father don't really talk all that much so he knows little to absolutely nothing about her aside from the fact that she likes to talk funny sometimes and is really into dolls and aliens and a slight addiction to eating pixie straws (straws filled with powered candy or sugar)

He views her as a silent person nothing much

The elsens= they are the people that the father meets/sees/interacts with everyday/every once in a while but don't have much of a connection with (you know like a co worker you have small talk with or barely ever see)

Now for the plot :

After the father enters a comma the son starts to go from school to the hospital (they're very close to each other and you can say hugo is 5-7 years old and ) and visits his dad everyday and calls out to him hoping it'd wake him up

The mother scolds him for running off without super vision and that his dad won't wake up if he keeps calling him that whatever he does is useless that his father will remain to be a lifeless bag of meat on a bed

Hugo doesn't give up ignoring his mother's words

She realizes that hugo has an obsession with his unconscious father that is affecting his studies along with his social life

Zacharie doesn't make this any better because he offers to pick up hugo after school to prevent him from getting abducted or lost along with his jokes all the time

She slowly starts to Contemplate turning off the life support machine wondering if it would fix everything

Hugo hasn't been paying attention in class and thier marriage has been having a issues lately her family never liked or accepted him she sees zacharie and others as annoying and problems bringers and maybe they'd have less expenses if hugo didn't have to go to baseball pratice every day not to mention he'd less likely get hurt if he stopped playing

Everyone else started to convince her to turn off life support they discuss this next to the unconscious father

She prevents zacharie from seeing hugo and locks out any other connections the fatehr has

finally she becomes convinced however there's 1 barrier preventing her from doing that.....Hugo

The only person who truly gives hugo attention and love is his father without his father he'd feel lost and scared his mother is always working and doesn't give him much attention

Everyone tells him to give up on his dad and move on but hugo stands his ground

Alot of the arguments and conversations happen in the hospital room next to the father so he hears everything in his comma which leads to the creation of the world of OFF in his head

Therefore we play as hugo through out the game (dressed in a baseball outfit) solving puzzles and fighting enemies "purifying" the world

Not much changes the boss battles the add ons etc. Will remain the same in this au

Maybe there will be more rubber duck /duck/ bird themed stuff in this au aside from the pedalos (ex:move the boxes to make them look like a duck idk lol)

However the final boss will change

Canonly batter is stopped by the judge but in this au the judge sides with hugo because its the queen (the mother) who is trying to turn the switch off and hugo is trying to prevent that

So instead of the judge stopping hugo

Hugo will meet the queen, she will tell him to halt and not bother going any further that her intentions will not change hugo will begin to tell her off everything she's done wrong she will respond saying that she's doing it for thier sake (Hugo's and her's) but hugo calls her out and tells her its not true and she loses her patience with him leading to a boss fight if hugo wins then she will refer to him as "my little sweetheart" and fade into dust

"The room" will also change instead of hugo it'll be his dad (the batter)chained to a wall (basically a prisoner in his own mind) hugo will take 1 step forward activating a trap causing him to plummet down a tube and fall unconscious for a few minutes

When he wakes up he sees the queen and all the guardians standing before him the queen states that he can give up or die trying then she speaks to the puppeteer (the player) the you are given 2 options

1.aide with the queen

2.side with hugo

If you side with the queen you will have the guardians ok your side then Hugo's appearance will change as well he will appear to have a large head with a huge gaping mouth a baby rattle and apron and speech bubbles that say "wah wah" "whine whine" (stating that his mother sees him as a cry baby)

If you defeat hugo then the switch is immediately turned off and it gives 1 out of the 2 bad endings this ending is called "check mate" as a reference to a queen from chess

If you side with hugo then you will be defeated but you won't get a game over yet instead the queen will give you 1 last chance

Then you are given 3 options

1."surrender" 2."gasp for help" 3."cry"

If you choose surrender then you will get the 2nd bad ending in which in life support is turned off the father dies hugo becomes lonely with his mother busy all the time (and not allowing him out side the house and not trusting people) which leads to hugo growing up cold,plain and unloving

At some point there's a scene where adult hugo stares at his old mother laying on the kitchen floor in pain for a few minutes instead of helping her immediately indicating that he doesn't care

If you choose "gasp for help" then you will get the good ending "aye batta batta,strike!" In which hugo will call for help (while in deep pain from the fight) after a few calls judge,zacharie,sugar and a few elsens will come to the rescue and revive you fighting by your side allowing you to defeat the queen and guardians

Everything slowly starts to go back and the father wakes up from his comma everyone in the room stares in shock but hugo had the biggest smile on his face while standing next to his dad's bed "did...I miss something?"

"...daddy *breaks into tears*"

The 3rd ending called "better late than never" is triggered when you choose "cry"

Hugo will cry very loudly

The mother changes her mind and doesn't turn off life support but hugo stops visiting his dad and similar to the 2nd bad ending hugo grows up to be cold and unloving 13-16 years later hugo visits his father again and he finally wakes up from his comma and is discharged from the hospital after 1 year of rehabilitation therapy

By now the mother had remarried and the father missed his son's childhood so now he has to relive his life

However hugo meets a girl who is a complete opposite to him at work and church (rainbow hair,optimistic,enjoys music of various kinds,loves cute things,baking,jokes,and artist etc.) And is forced to work with her as well as she tries to get Hugo's attention so he asks his father for advice on how to get rid of this woman which leads to alot stuff going on and hugo allowing how to love and live life leading him to falling in love with the girl and becoming a new man

(This is personally my favorite ending lol and I MIGHT write fanfic of it on wattpad or here idk tbh )

Anyway this my OFF au I GUESS the name can change to the ON au or OFF/ON au lmao idk

Reblogs and feed back is appreciated

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY AU i worked hard on this thing spent 5 hours to write it all

Heh I sat this as of anyone is even gonna read whatever I dount it'll get noticed at all

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whatsunderneathme-blog1 · 5 years

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Day 2

It's pretty funny how life works. I feel like I'm good at it some days. Others not so much. It feels like everyday is a game. Like whoever the fuck claims, "you win some and you lose some" was spot on. Sometimes I wish I had some sort of cheat sheet to it, like when I was a kid, I would use one of those for GTA. There was a "ladies' man" cheat one where all the CPU women would always come lurking towards you. I would drive an ambulance and they would just hop in, filling the seats to max capacity. Then I would drive them to an alley where I would beat them with a baseball bat until they died so I could take their money. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't do that in real life, but you get the point. Cheating. Real life shit. Cheating may seem fun. Maybe when it applies to the people who truly seek it out. But not me. Cheating is a lot like fire. It destroys. Literally everything. Which brings me to my next topic.

It's pretty funny how life works. After my "big move" to Maryland this takes place. Well, summer was over pretty quickly for me. I mean, hey, I moved to this lovely place in July... the time when makeup is not an option. And don't attempt to even do up your hair, because it's going to evolve into some sort of fuzz ball. Especially when your hair hits your waist. So yeah, no to straightening. I spent most of my days either in my Aunts office, running, or drinking the Budweiser or Molson Canadian out on the water in my bikini. Which of course revealed my lovely inverted cross. Not really appealing to the church-goers of "southern" Marylanders. Kinda reminds me that I regret doing that.

October. 2018. I was involved in the FD pretty often. I was also heavily involved in my EMT class. But this took place on a lonely evening in my room. No, not that kind of fun. But the kind where you contemplate your social life and join something called Tinder. Great move on my end, because *spoiler alert*. I met the love of my life. No, like really. The kind where you literally want to just cry a bunch of fucking tears because you're so happy you can't sit right with yourself. That came out wrong. Lol. The good kind of hyper. But it didn't really go my way for a while. I ended up super-liking this bitch. Like I wanted to swipe right 1000000 times. He looked just my type. Had his shit together. Even listened to the same music as me. My inner little girl that had a list made up titled "Dream Husband" was screaming on the inside. Tall. Dark hair. Light eyes. Talked a bit and things were awesome as fuck. LOL. He even stood me up the first time we were supposed to hang out. I had invited him over to my house to have some beers and chill. Well, he had another idea... to cancel on me. But I won't make it seem that depressing. I mean, I didn't think at the time he was actually going to keep me in his life since he was leaving the state soon. I would give more information regarding that so y'all could have like a better idea of things, but this shit is public, so my EMT self is saying "errr, HIPPA violation"? Yeah, I'll go with that. HIPPA violation. But the time frame of him leaving was coming up. Sooooo I sent his ass a nude. I know, I know, not very classy of me.. but with most things, fuck it. Why not. And damn right, you guessed it.. Yep, like most men, that caught his eye. He fell hook, line, and sinker into that one. Ladies, throw some VS lingerie on and you're golden. Maybe straighten your hair a lil bit. So, one night, him and his roommate (maybe it was that night), he came to see me at work. I'm a server. Perfect opportunity. He wasn't sat in my section, thank god. But the two of them sat at Booth #2. He ordered the Mac n Cheese. Excellent choice. Our whole menu has amazing food, so he couldn't really make a bad decision. But I'm not judging. Pasta is my thing. Okay maybe I'm judging. Or maybe it's weird that I remembered what he ordered to eat. I'll just blame the OCD. But now that I'm writing all this, I kinda want to fast forward. No disrespect, I love the man.. but I could write about him all day. Probably not stop. Let's skip to what I don't want to write about. Maybe it will make me feel better... getting it off my chest. I'm really thankful that there's someone sitting in the radio room (what we call the room with the two computers) at the station. I live here, don't know if I really mentioned that in the start. The reason why I mention why I'm thankful someone is in here, is because I'm more put together. Not crying... hysterically. I do that. A lot. When I'm alone mostly. So let's get on with it.

Now. March. Almost time for April to hit. It's pretty funny how life works. Well, for me, I fuck up a lot. I mean, probably a lot more than most. I mean, I dislocated my fucking shoulder today just stretching after my run. Who does that shit? Me apparently. FYI typing this shit hurts. But I enjoy it. So you see, I try my best to separate my logical and emotional mind. Sometimes one takes over and confuses the other. My therapist taught me this. The really cool one. Well, not so cool when she made me go through my past. That's another conversation. What I'm trying to get at is, well, my emotional mind is really taking over at this point. Maybe I spoke too soon when I said that my depression was gone. Maybe I didn't say that in 'the start'. But sometimes, certain things just kinda trigger it. So, me and the Tinder guy (sorry, bf, ily, but that's what I'm referring to you as, just out of respect) have been dating for almost 6 months now. Well, he isn't in MD right now, he's out doing his lil career thing. So I made a really, really, really, really, really, really x1000000 stupid mistake. You can probably guess. I got stupid drunk at a formal event and.. *see paragraph 1, line 9, only word italicized. Find it. You get it. Before that night, my biggest regret was stealing from a mentally challenged girl in middle school. Swiped that 20-dollar bill from her small backpack zipper like it was a golden Wonka wrapper. In my middle school brain, I justified it by blaming her- she should've zipped her shit up, right? But what the fuck was I thinking? I knew that night, when I handed the older skater boy I liked a pack of Cowboy Killer's with that 20 that what I had done was wrong. And guess what? I still think about that. I still haven't forgiven myself. She missed her bus because of me. The girl I fucking stole from was stranded because of me. She had no money. God knows how that girl got home. AND she's mentally challenged. I can picture her now, with her big frown that matched her uneven glasses. And my happy ass just walked 0.6 miles to my house. A street over from my middle school. It makes me fucking sick to my core to think I could ever do something like that to someone so innocent. That night, everything changed. That night is, you fucking bet... my biggest regret. And the worst thing is, I can't run from it. Every single day I want to break the mirror I look into, or hope that the mirror would just miraculously shatter because it doesn't like what it sees. You don't want to know what I feel. The man that I love is suffering because of what I did. Even though I'm an atheist, I will admit, within this month I have broken down so many times on my hands and knees, praying that the pain I've caused won't cause us to separate. I have wandered aimlessly in the night so the thoughts won't develop into something darker. Because I'm not afraid to admit that I struggle from time to time wondering what the fuck I'm doing with myself. I have never wanted someone to forgive me so bad. So next time you have the opportunity to count your blessings, fucking do it. Do it every fucking minute you can. Because the choices you make can really hurt others. And you can risk losing the ones you never thought you could if you're not lucky. I may put on this badass face, like I am so strong I could take on anything, but truth is, I still am hoping one day that I can go to bed without having a night terror, sleep without my fucking IKEA teddy bear named Evgeni, or to just close my eyes and try to wipe away the lies I've piled on like a large campfire to hide the ashes- the trauma I've gone through. I'm dying to live that normal life. Deep down underneath me is like a glass bottle, but it's broken. And you know who helped me heal? That Tinder guy. That man would do anything for me. That man treats me with respect. With every I love you he says to me, my heart forgives me. My head feels right at home with him, erases those horrible things my father told me, grabs the loaded shotgun my father forced to the back of my head when I was 11, breaks the hands of those that vandalized me when I was 17, 18, 19, and 22 years old, unplugs the 400 degree flat iron I used to burn my face all those years from the constant sexual torment. I don't know whether the correct term is that I was a damaged child or if I maybe just had the worst luck, but there are things people in general should not have to endure. I was innocent at one point, but that dissipated at such a young age. I only had me. And honestly, I was never able to tell the truth about those things because I was always silenced. But this man, listens to me with open ears. And for the first time in my life, I heard something I've never heard someone say. And he was exactly right. SO fucking right. It sounded something along the lines of, "You can't run from your problems. You can't just keep moving states every time there's a problem thinking it will solve them because it will just catch up to you".

He is someone I DO want for the rest of my life. The touch of his skin on mine hushes and tucks away all those memories to bed. That man has listened to me speak more than any man has. I smile until the small dimples on my left cheek poke out. Since that man has come into my life, I never realized what true love really felt like. I didn't realize how gentle it feels on the heart. It courses through me like the ocean waves fall through the sand trenches I used to build when I was an innocent little girl in her one-piece, kissed with a sunburn. It feels invigorating, even better than the feeling I get when I step on the ice rink with my freshly sharpened blades. It's the moment when he first let me rest my abnormally freezing feet softly against his, tucked in between his legs when we slept. Because even though it wasn't comfortable to him, he only cared about what I needed in that moment. I have only ever wanted acceptance, normalcy. I am okay on my own. But he makes life, life. When flowers are left out in the rain, they don't do well. They need three things: water, sun, oxygen. See, I have two. 1. The rain- the sadness. 2. The air that I breathe, the most key thing to being human, obviously. But in my life, the sun only shines when I'm out on the ice, playing hockey. It's like I was doing okay, but I had been waiting for that one thing I had been missing. 3. The sun. He is that. I feel like that flower that lives graciously, with fresh, new petals that grow each day. I feel important in the world. Even more than I ever have. That's what I feel. It's like all this love consumes me. I smile more. Laugh more. I feel beautiful. Alive. Alive. Alive. Isn't it funny how life works?

*refer to the last ¶, first line, the words that can create a reply - and stand out.

I love you,

All my heart,

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