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#the rest isn't so nice
tardis--dreams · 2 years
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"Although people do not necessarily think before they speak - for which there is a lot of evidence all around you - they are able to do so in principle." Is definitely one of the funniest sentences i found in any textbook I've read so far
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azaracyy · 3 months
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a lesson on good karma digimon survive week 2024 day 4: supporting characters
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sivvan · 8 months
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@userdramas event 10: emotions
↳ seventeen songs + emotions
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rawliverandgoronspice · 9 months
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given that seems to be the new popular take in the fandom at large since totk got out: let the record show that I'll gladly let myself get repeatedly manipulated by the wind waker speech and be foolishly moved by its implications over rejecting space for humanity and vulnerability in the monstrous and the dispossessed, and then feeling weirdly smug about severing that fleeting attempt at connection and deem it obviously insincere
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arklay · 7 months
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RESIDENT EVIL → THE WESKER FAMILY
To the public, little is known of the families behind some of the world’s most renowned bioterrorists, but the question remains: did they play a role in causing their children to walk down the path that they did? Or are these individuals simply ambitious criminals with delusions of grandeur?
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For Diana Wesker (née Afanasyeva), her introduction into the bioweapons black market trade was upon discovering her employers were using her research into limb regeneration with salamanders to further their experiments in creating enhanced soldiers, instead of developing human therapies with which she was recruited for. Although the prospect of using biological weapons in the military did not appeal to her, the concept remained fascinating for her own selfish endeavours. Born on the 27th of October, 1963 in Sydney, Australia to Russian immigrant parents, Diana had harsh expectations placed upon her at a young age, ones that no matter how hard she tried she could never live up to. Her mother, Tatyana, was an unfeeling woman, absent for long stretches of time with little regard to how it affected her daughters, much more concerned with her craft as an accomplished opera singer. Viktor was no better. A strict man whose role as father and ballet master blurred, he pushed his girls to one day follow in his footsteps. Whilst Sofia enjoyed ballet, and went on to become a professional ballet dancer, Diana’s heart was set on going into the field of biology. She wished to make a name for herself, separate from her family – to which she succeeded.
Diana was married to former U.S. Marine, Dave Monroe, for only a year until he was declared dead in 1992 after succumbing to injuries sustained in a horrific car accident. Foul play was ruled out while Diana played the role of the grief-stricken widow, but in reality, she had snapped after years of mistreatment at her husband’s hands, and opted for something she could pass off as an accident to be free of him. For years she believed he was dead – and he was, legally – but that proved to not be the case when he found his way back into her life again in 1999. Unbeknownst to her, she had been lied to by the police and coroner, who were paid off by her employers when they took Dave’s body for themselves and used him as one of their first test subjects in developing supersoldiers. Before he could ever hurt her again, Diana’s second husband, Albert Wesker, tracked the man down, captured him and tortured him, before allowing Diana to get her violent and bloody revenge.
The origins of Albert Wesker’s involvement in bioterrorism, alongside his twin sister, Alex, are much different than that of Diana’s. The two hail from London, Canada, but unfortunately, they hold no memories of their lives there, nor what happened to their biological parents when they were eight years old. Agents of Oswell E. Spencer, an aristocratic billionaire and eugenicist, took the twins from their home and executed their parents as per Spencer’s orders. Albert and Alex were then placed in a home funded by the Spencer Foundation where they were given new names and a privileged upbringing. They had access to the best education possible, free to pursue whichever field they decided, but it was by no accident they both went into virology and bioengineering; at home, their adoptive parents – agents whom they believed to be their real parents – instilled them with the beliefs of Oswell E. Spencer, harbouring disdain for war and pestilence, and believing humans to be an evolutionary dead-end in need of a rebirth. They were only two of the hundreds of children “adopted” as part of what is known as Project W, a plan intended to develop an advanced race of human beings. The most promising candidates were headhunted by Umbrella Pharmaceuticals, the twins amongst them, where they went on to create bioweapons for the company founded by none other than the man who had handpicked them for his plan. The final stage of this was to infect the thirteen Spencer saw fit, however, only two survived; Albert received the intended effects, now possessing superhuman abilities, however, Alex was only offered more time to live due to her terminal degenerative illness.
In the summer of 1995, Diana was working undercover within Umbrella to gather development data on their projects for her company. Here, she had a chance encounter with Albert, an intelligence officer at the time, which permanently altered the course of her life. The two were never seen far from one another’s side, marrying in 1998, and they went on to become notorious in the bioweapons industry. The development of the Uroboros virus was where things took a turn for the worst. Although Diana’s infection was successful and she bore abilities that rivalled her husband’s, the plan itself did not succeed as they had hoped, and almost cost Albert his life at the hands of his former subordinates.
Now, they work within the shadows, with Diana declared missing and Albert believed to be dead. Their legacy, however, lives on with the mark they left on the world. As visionaries in their field, they influenced bioterror attacks carried out by countless individuals and organisations. In turn, they also inspired others to fight against such atrocities. One such person happens to be Albert’s son from a former relationship, Jake Müller, whose existence he was unaware of.
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#mine.#oc: diana#pair: ewskers#click for better quality cause it's large & tumblr ate it ♡#hii so happy birthday diana !! queen is 60 today :]#um. there's no template cause i made this from scratch...i couldn't find any i was vibing with so i was like you know what lmaoo#i'm sorry for the essay...it was meant to be just a short rundown of the family but well...that happened. typical leah fashion...#oh and guys. did you know that there's a limit to the amount you can put in one blockquote? that's why the rest is just left like that caus#i didn't like how it looked with a blockquote each paragraph...cause the spaces between were unever. you understand 😔#with the tree i was also going to include weskids adoptive parents but i couldn't figure out how to arrange it all & make it look nice !!#cause i also wanted to have spencer in there as well cause he's a big reason why the weskids are the way they are...was maybe gonna include#sherry as well. like connected to jake (hehe) and then do her parents too but that would've made things so wide & it's already big enough#yes. i hc that albert & alex are biological twins. just for clarification there :] i don't think i added anything else that isn't canon or#implied with canon. cause the weskids were put in homes (or at least whatever ''controlled environments'' means) where they were monitored#by umbrella but were unaware of it. so yeah. i don't think i really changed much there !!#honestly i could've kept rambling cause there's alex's whole situation. there's my lore with jake's mum. there's way more with the ewskers#but it's already so long & i can't be concise so there's that lmaoo oh also diana's grandma. so much stuff#also meant to say the weskids birthday in that ramble. it's january 15 1960 :] they are capricorn sun leo moons but alex was born earlier s#their rising signs are albert is a scorpio rising & alex is a libra rising !!#had to redo the image cause typo on diana's birth year for some reason lmao so if that messed up the formatting i will sob
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sylphwing · 1 month
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hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔
#sylph.txt#everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is#but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho#idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past#to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work#it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool#it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up#we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party#but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao#(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is#but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him#i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did#and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself#w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party#similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter#idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny#but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with#that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao
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sysig · 2 months
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It started with a whisper ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Crackship#Xigbar#Of all the crackships that I didn't expect I probably wouldn't have expected these two the most lol#I super wasn't expecting to feel So strongly about them this is like multi-tier Big Feelings in varying directions#One - ZEX - obvious (lol) | Two - Xigbar (hehe II hehehe) - I think I mentioned it like maaaybe once over here but I was Huge into KH#Specifically Org XIII specifically-specifically 358/2 it is the only game in the Kingdom Hearts line that I've beaten and probably ever will#Oh no wait that's not true I did play through all of the DS release of Re:Coded but like......does that count lol I think no#I played the intro of Kingdom Hearts II and shut it off after the bit with Roxas and Sora like - the egg scene how do I non-spoilers this#I own it and I will never beat it I am too sad I want only my Nobodies lol <3#Kingdom Hearts had a big influence on me - that and Magic Knight Rayearth are a big explanation as to Why I'm Like This lol#Cough cough casting away the dark parts of your heart only for it to come back and bite you later and also The Gay™ lol#But AnyWay lol - Xigbar!#He wasn't my favourite-favourite - aside from Main Characters that'd probably go to Marluxia - but I still hold him very fondly!!#Definitely doodled him a good bit he's very handsome ♪#And just - ah ♥ An old fave and a new(er) fave interacting and making each other happy and feel nice and play well I just fsalkfdf#As well as that being Max's body! There's something heightening about all these different aspects that was just overwhelming to me haha <3#If it's not already obvious - yes this was the happy cries lol this is the only explanation I have haha#I feel very strongly about Them and Interactions and Feeling Nice and fjdslafsdf#Anyway! This isn't Just them! Just a lot haha ♪#I have started a playlist lol - so far it's just this song - Everybody Talks - but some of the others from SCII playlist fit well too :)#The rest is just ZEX being cute hehe <3 ZEX not understanding what crying is is very interesting to me :3c No VUX equivalent?#Seems like they don't have the same kinds of chemicals like adrenaline et al so I guess a flushing system isn't as necessary! Interesting :D#ZEX fumbliness leading to him being a bit on the back foot is so cute hehe <3 He wants so loudly and openly but actually accomplishing it-#I also really like how he holds himself - all the tension through him to fight against new muscles and bone everything too alien!#I imagine his hands as being very rigid and all the fingers pulled together straight but that could just be how he describes bones hehe#Alien in there <3 Plenty to read into :3c
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softquietsteadylove · 3 months
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So… have you watched or played The Last of Us? If you have, could you write Thena and Gilgamesh meeting after a fight with a few clickers?
Gil panted behind his palm. Even his heavy breathing was liable to get him killed in a situation like this. Fuck.
Half the party was already dead.
Between the upper floor and the lower, they had split up. He didn't know everyone--hell, he didn't really know anyone. No one had to know anyone in their little section of city life, and he liked it that way. But any loss was a loss, and it meant more food for those things.
Two clickers, as far as he could gather. One was on the mezzanine level, trying to flush out the rest of the team. The other was on the lower level, already spreading cordyceps to those below. Fuck.
Gil slowed his breathing. He looked up at the broken skylight. There was still some glass in it, but it was mostly a big ass hole letting in the elements now. If only he could get eyes on them. He was one of three of them who had real experience in the field.
He always tried to tell people he grew up in America, but he spoke the language. Then he would say that everyone had to do mandatory service, but that still meant he had firearms training. Didn't matter if it was the Korean forces or US army, they wanted anyone who could hold a gun and not shoot their own nuts off.
The other two were the team leads, did this regularly. One was a sharpshooter, talkative but also deceptively observant. Gil didn't know if he had served or if he just had perfect eyes, but either way, he was always on the scope. The other one was definitely the kind of guy who liked his time in service. He was tightly wound, always had a stick up his ass, liked barking orders.
The only other one Gil even somewhat recognized was the woman.
He didn't know her name either, but he knew that the sharpshot called her 'T'. He referred to her as Blondie in his head sometimes, only because, well, fuck--he didn't think a person could get any blonder than she was. Not in the dumb way.
On the contrary, she seemed lethally sharp. He had seen her around. She kept quiet, kept to herself. But he had seen her use sign language and she was light on her feet; those were already two assets that made her pretty much royalty to the field team.
Gil flinched back as that sickening sound drew closer. That creaking, croaking click that gave the things their name. He looked down at the floor.
Blondie was waving at him.
He looked up from the puddle. She was in a pretty good spot, actually. She was up on one of the higher shelves, crouched like a fucking cat. Her hands moved but he made a face and shook his head.
She gave up on the real sign language. She had eyes on them. One was right behind him. The other was downstairs. Their own were each pinned in the crook of a corner. Better to deflect that thing's sounds.
Gil nodded. This was their best bet. He looked at her and angled his rifle.
She shook her head. It wasn't a good shot. And even if the other one was downstairs, it would just come charging up at them as soon as they made any real noise. And those it was infecting now would follow.
Gil tilted his head back again. Why had he agreed to raid duty again?
Oh right, he was just feeling particularly miserable about things. And he wanted off body duty--anything but hauling the lifeless sacks around all day. Maybe something in the kitchens.
Blondie was waving again. She pointed up at the skylight.
Gil shook his head. What was the busted ass skylight gonna do?
She pointed again, then at him, then up. She mimicked taking the shot. Then...snowfall? Rain? Rainfall; Gil made a face and she nodded. She was telling him to shoot the skylight. The clattering glass might - just fucking might - be enough to distract those things.
He tilted his head at her, asking if she was particularly sure about any of this.
She shrugged, pulling up the dinky little handgun either Thing 1 or Thing 2 had given her. She nodded at him and then aimed downwind from herself. It almost looked like she was aiming at him, but he could see that she really thought shit through when she had something to say. She was going to aim for the one closest to him.
He took his aim too, looking at Blondie up on the shelf. He held out his fingers. It was on three, if either of them mistimed this, shit could go south very fucking fast.
Blondie nodded.
One. Gil drew in a breath. He still didn't like guns at all. He had never had to use his weapon when he did his mandatory service. Two. He didn't like any of this, to be honest. He wasn't really a violent guy, by nature. But the world was what it was, now, and violent delights had violent ends. Three. All that was left was trying to live day by day.
The skylight clattered to the ground below, even the glass that was remaining falling inward. Maybe it didn't seem like much when it was up that high, but it was actually a hell of a lot of glass that rained down on the first floor. The clicker down there screeched as it was sliced up from above. The bodies of their own also got buried in the sharp snowfall.
Gil winced as his gunshot echoed in his ear. It wasn't really an echo, one shot was his and one was hers. He ducked down, expecting shit to rain down on him too.
Blondie had pretty good aim, apparently. She got the thing right through the temple. It was still up, sure, twitching and all, but the brain was dead, thus no longer a source of nutrients for its host.
Gil walked out cautiously. He peered downstairs. There were only a few masses writhing and hissing down there. He spread some shots around, making sure nothing sprang up to trot up and meet him. Once nothing seemed to be moving, he dropped the barrel.
Blondie gave him a tight nod.
He returned it, looking around him. Dumb and Dumber were already skulking around the rest of the mezzanine, looking for evidence of more of them. True gentlemen, leaving the lady fucking up on a pedestal. Gil rolled his eyes.
Blondie eyed him from above as he walked over to her. A little glass crunched under his boots as he did. She was still curled up pretty tight on herself.
Gil nodded his head for her to come down.
She looked around them. There was a clicker body and a hell of a lot of glass around them.
Gil sighed. It was always easier going up than coming down. He pulled the strap off his shoulder and set his weapon down. He extended his arms up.
She gave him a look.
He scoffed and waved his hands again. What did she think--that he was trying to cop a feel? He changed the position of his arms, promising her an easy dismount.
She had her misgivings, and he couldn't really blame her for that. He kept his hands up as she slowly unfurled her legs. She let them dangle a little before scooting herself closer to the edge. She was really trying not to trust him.
Gil moved forward, grasping her by the waist before she could really plummet that last couple feet to the ground. Jesus, she weighed as much as a sheet of paper. He kept his eyes on her as he helped lower her to the ground quietly. Once even her toes were on the floor again he let go, holding his palms out and stepping away. No funny business.
She continued to eye him like a cat would eye a stray dog. Maybe he could see why; she was an itty-bitty thing, not that anyone was necessarily well fed these days. But the jacket she was wearing really hid how delicate boned she was.
Gil raised an eyebrow.
She gave him one last withering glare before tipping her head. It wasn't much of a thank you, but he accepted it nonetheless. She looked over at the clicker that had been right on top of him and then at him, from the ground up. Her sandy coloured eyebrows raised as well.
He pursed his lips and tipped his head. He wasn't bit, but he wouldn't call this a fun day out, or anything. He shrugged, and she seemed to agree with his lacklustre sentiment.
Blondie looked across the open mezzanine. The sharpshot signed something to her, and she signed back. She even had slim little delicate fingers.
Gil tiled his head to catch her eye again, hoping to be filled in. There were regular classes for sign language back in town. Maybe it was time he actually attend some.
She nodded to him with a hint of a smile. "All clear."
Gil blinked as she walked past him on the way to the lower floor again. "You can talk?"
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corfisers · 2 months
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love when he just Lies
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Another year another ~the bakers are the vibes~ season of Bake Off.
The warm cozy element comes from them and them alone because of course nothing else has changed.
There is a better mix of bakers this year I think. Wish there could be more older bakers, but the ones we do have -- I wholeheartedly adore. There is a lack of pretentiousness that absolutely comes through the screen and is a joy to watch. Everyone is so down to earth and friendly. No one came into the tent with an agenda and is simply baking because they love to bake.
I love the swap from Matt Lucas to Allison because, not only does she have better chemistry with Noel, but she puts the bakers at ease more than Matt ever did. Nothing compared to the goddesses that were Mel and Sue but at least one step closer.
I also love the inclusivity that came with adding Tasha to the lineup and Daryl, the BSL translator. They introduced him so nonchalantly, gave him such a warm welcome, and he immediately slipped right into the flow of bake off. It is also great that a version of bake off specifically with BSL translations is now being aired.
However, I do wonder if Paul and Prue themselves forget to adapt for Tasha. They sometimes talk incredibly fast with practically no pauses and using phrases and idioms that must be so bizarre to translate. Yet they still expect Tasha to respond immediately as if she wasn't deaf, not comprehending that she learns their feedback through another person who is having to catch up on their lightning fast infodump and so a response delay is inevitable. I think they thought that just having Daryl there was accomodating enough, but they are making his job unnecessarily difficult.
All in all, I am still tuning in to this season of Bake Off and am rooting for everyone. It still is my cozy comfort show and I am thankful for that!
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chiropteracupola · 5 months
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regular achievable plans (what if we learned a language simply because we wanted to get better at cataloguing different versions of johnny has gone for a soldier/siúil a rún...)
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watermelinoe · 7 months
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low-key jealous of people who can obsess over media bc a switch flipped for me when i turned 20 and now i only care about zelda and digging for fossils
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bookwyrminspiration · 10 months
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I've been sharing 50 shades quotes and moments hand selected to be humorous and ridiculous, but I believe I've given you all a false impression of the book as bad in just silly ways, just funny quips. What I haven't shared are the subtly homophobic and stereotypical characters of color and inaccurate mental health portrayals (including suicide), among other issues:
the one hispanic character smokes weed illegally (this is used to paint him negatively) and tries to force himself on ana, saying the most basic spanish phrases to remind you he's hispanic; there are only three other characters of color I can think of, all black, one is a black kickboxer and christian's trainer (always making quips and antagonizing him while they fight), one is the kickboxers brother, and the other is a personal security guard christian fires and whom ana says she doesn't really like (when she's never had that kinda problem with any other security personnel); one character is introduced as "small, dark, and gay. I loved him immediately" and is an overdramatic hairdresser; the most "normal" queer character doesn't have the fact she's dating a woman revealed until her very last appearance in the series, and she's already very infrequent (ana also happily notes that this means Ros won't be ogling her husband); Christian's mother is described as looking "relieved" when she finds out he isn't gay like she assumed; the author conflates Multiple Personality Disorder (an outdated term for Dissociative Identity Disorder, but that's what they use) with schizophrenia as if DID is someone experiencing schizophrenia; when a character attempts suicide christian asks and I quote "why would she do this to me?"
I'm making jokes at the expense of the books, but I've been generally not sharing the genuinely unpleasant aspects. they're all fairly small, but they are numerous. I'm sure there's details I'm forgetting at the moment as well. so if you wanted to read it ironically with me, there's also all this to contend with
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magentagalaxies · 6 months
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in an unexpected turn of events i'm having to edit down the content in my aubrey monologues so that i can actually fit all four of them in my final performance for my standup class and on the one hand it sucks bc i really love some of the jokes i have to cut but on the other hand someday i'll be able to write more monologues and possibly expand upon this cut material so i can get a whole monologue on a topic that would've just been an aside
#the actual standups in my class who have only ever done a tight five having to stretch their new material to fit the 20 minute final#vs me‚ an extremely extra fag who's used to writing full-length scripts‚ realizing the 3 monologues i've timed already add up to 20 min#and i'm working on a fourth one that works better as an opener than any of the existing pieces so it has to get in#(it'll be short tho i'm making sure of it. it's just like ''here's some material about aubrey's relationship to zir mom!'')#(then immediate segue into the uncle reg bit)#got the catcalling monologue down to 5 minutes and 30 seconds when the first draft was nine minutes#(tbh i'm fine with most of those cuts i think they were mostly filler)#(there's a bit about androgyny that i liked that i cut but tbh it doesn't work as just one paragraph it needs more nuance)#the uncle reg monologue is having the ''dumped at the pride parade'' thing trimmed down which is funny bc that was the original premise#tbh i could probably stretch my toronto pride material ft. uncle reg to a full 20 minutes bc the first stream of consciousness was so long#i wrote it right after i myself got back from toronto pride and tbh i actually wrote it as the outline for a sitcom episode#so the monologue version is very reduced down bc there were so many details that didn't fit in#and i'm realizing the material about the person who dumped aubrey should be its own monologue that i'll do another time#and maybe even add in the rest of the sitcom-style story at some point bc tbh that's some of my favorite aubrey material i've come up with#and the cishetman monologue is getting the intro part about facetime trimmed a bit bc it meanders#and the ''sugar and spice and everything nice'' joke is being cut even tho i like it bc i actually have a ton more material in my notebook#that's just me riffing on how weird those expressions are. and the material isn't polished but i could make it something later#the song isn't being trimmed bc it has a very specific run time and imo is the strongest. so that's my closer#anyway thank you to everyone reading my aubrey updates i'll be sure to post the final 20-minute-special on youtube#and i hope i get to do more monologues soon so i can put the other ideas mentioned here (as well as some i haven't) out into the world
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sysig · 3 months
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A complete lack of catharsis (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#*tries to make a pun with Car and Catharsis* Anyway#The Sad™ Flavour - here's what was missing#Inspired Directly by conversation like dialogue lifted straight not even a little diverging lol - it made a strong image in my head!#And those are my very favourites ♥ Gotta get 'em Out onto paper haha#ZEX came out to have a nice time and you are Ruining It Dex#Can't blame him for trying :( Anything to bring Max back to him!#I really love the imagery of Dex taking him out somewhere where it's just the two of them being very small together#Cooped up in the summer home by themselves - it's definitely something but it feels so heavy and claustrophobic#Like they're trapped - I mean ZEX literally is - and Dex isn't much better slowly deteriorating with his guilt and lack of rest#So taking a moment to go out together somewhere so huge and impressive - somewhere they can see the stars#Somewhere to feel small in the face of everything - and for ZEX to be closer to home for just a moment#Hhhh <3#And for the moment to feel so singularly beautiful and impactful - and then to be intercut with their shared Nothingness#Would it hurt more for the evening to be beautiful and unbroken - to come so close to touching that impossibly huge Feeling#Or to be shattered in the midst and reaffirmed that neither is what the other is really looking for? I can't decide ♥#I think what gets me the absolute most is that it doesn't matter - nothing they can say to each other will really reach who they want to#Dexter wants Max and ZEX wants DAX and they're both so /close/ but it's just not /right/#I wonder if ZEX is even in his right mind enough to realize what he's asking of Dex is the same that could be asked of him#Dexter can't be DAX for him but he still calls him that :'(#Such an unfair situation#And no matter how much they cry it out and find any sliver of comfort in each other - they just have to keep on living this way#No catharsis - just continuance
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murobrown · 25 days
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#let me vent here real quick#bachelorette/bachelor parties are one of the most stupid concepts we ever created#it's disgusting and humiliating to me#if I'd have a person who loves me enough that they decide that they want to spend the rest of their life with me it's like an ultimate win#i mean what more do you want to achieve in life? isn't that like a main goal?#I don't even mean marriage that's useless but just that safe warm loving feeling#and then you gather all your friends and you're going to look at it as game over?????#so anyway I should attempt a stupid bachelorette party this weekend and it's useless and incredibly expensive#and it's full of activities that are totally outside of my comfort zone like drinking and dancing and being half naked in a spa#and you have to wear some dumb accessories so that you also humiliate yourself in front of everyone#and first I thought will be able to handle it but yesterday I panicked and asked if I can be excused from all those activities#and people don't understand that my concept of fun is different from theirs#and i don't mean this in any negative way towards those people#it's just different for me and I'd love you to understand that#but... it's also not nice from me to ditch them last minute and let down my friend that's getting married#but yesterday I just had this moment when I thought fuck no I'm going to think about myself for once and it's just not right#because then you make people upset...#the actual wedding is another thing I dread...it will be an actual nightmare and there's no way I will ever escape it#so yeah I'm just full of emotions and I don't know what's the right thing to do and how to keep others happy and myself calm#at least last night I dreamt about Jake Bugg hugging me and if that's not the sign I'm going spend the rest of my life with that man...#i also decided to survive both of those events sober just to make it more challenging for myself#alcohol has way too many calories and i just want stay in control of my brain#i will see if the only three friends i have will resent me after this#i needed to sort my thoughts here even though I know ot doesn't look like so#i hope that you all are having a wonderful day and doing fantastic ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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