#the reason i wanted to post it all in one go to is bc i'm probably leaving tumblr soon enough in favour of artfol and kofi

[dnpbeats]

emma i need to confess something any theory about dnp fucking other people pisses me off

anon i'm gonna put about twenty disclaimers on this bc i'm not trying to start discourse but i must say i agree 😭😭 TO BE CLEAR at the end of the day we don't know the ins and outs of d&p's relationship, and we never will. as dan said in BIG ppl want to know who he's fucking when he's fucking them and how long he's fucking them but that is not our business to know!! so i acknowledge that my thoughts on this are my thoughts and they come from a place of personal bias and projection! so if u disagree that’s okay!! okay anyway:

yeah lmao i get that i honestly don't think that they are in an open relationship for a variety of reasons. like logistically speaking it'd be difficult (espc before they were out) and we at least know phil doesn't like one night stands, so it's not like they're perusing grindr every day looking for someone to hook up with. but also like all the swinging jokes are what make me be like yeah they aren't doing that bc if they were i don't think they'd joke about it sm bc i think it would hit too close to home 💀😭 also, i think people read too much into some of dan's comments during WAD. like i get it, yes he likes making horny jokes, but i dont think it's that deep. like even if he wasn't with phil/was in an open relationship, he wasnt being serious when he said cute mutuals slide into my DMs yk 😭 he's always made jokes about being thirsty it's nothing new. also he himself said that all his thirst posting were jokes*! and other reasons too like how jealous dan gets 💀💀

but i also think people have only one interpretation of what he says sometimes, for example him saying things like this: "This is my hot boy autumn right now and I am very much enjoying, for the first time in my life, being free and out and in the world, being able to actually talk about things, being honest, being able to go out and have fun." which, if you want to interpret that as dan saying he's getting dicked down every night of tour, that's your prerogative! but i do not think that "being free and out in the world" has to be about sex, like there are so many layers to that! i just take it to mean like being able to live authentically and exist as a gay man in public yk?

ive said this a couple times in tags on other posts, but i think that sometimes (not all the time!!) the reason why ppl come up with open relation theories is because it's already a given that d&p are together. like in 2015 you could theorize "are they gay are they in a relationship" because it wasn't explicitly stated by them. but now that they're explicitly gay, and anyone reading between the lines can see that they're together, you can't really "speculate" on phan. so, the next progression is to speculate on the exact nature of their relationship: is it open, are they in a qpr, etc. so anyway yeah that's my two cents 😭 if someone thinks they're in an open relationship that's fine pls don't come for me 😭😭

*I CANT FIND THE SOURCE FOR THIS but i know he said it bc i've referenced it before, when i eventually find it i'll put the link 🙏🏻🙏🏻

#ask #anon #d&p

[levmada]

this is gonna bother me if i don't address it so

i am the exact type of person who has always said - about the aot fandom - not to believe every 'fact' you read bc misinfo and (sometimes intentionally) wrong translation is strangely common in this fandom. it pops up all the time, which is exactly why i made a conclusive post about facts specifically about levi. it's important to me. i'm really passionate about levi and i love his character. that's the only agenda i had when making that post.

no one will ever know how much time and effort i poured into that post. not to claim i'm flawless of course, but i combed through isayama's blog, multiple translations of magazines in which levi content appeared, and other side-media. chinese, english, and japanese. some sources weren't fluent in japanese, and some were. it took me weeks because i wanted to *try* to be flawless at least.

i was honestly leaning toward keeping any facts about characters besides him OUT of the post because of the exact reason i'm talking about this. i was worried about not being taken seriously or being accused of picking and choosing translations because of some shipping agenda. the number of disclaimers i even added was to emphasize that i'm not perfect, but i am as informational and unbiased as possible.

it's annoying. it would make sense that it would be unbiased if i was a levi stan which... jesus this would go on forever if i made a testimony about that. i've been here for years. funnily enough the moment i become passionate about a ship with levi in it, i start to receive weird messages.

so it's super fucking disappointing not to be taken seriously and to be accused of the same thing i rant about often on this blog. i've gotten requests about other 'facts' and trivia, but i don't even *want* to now, and that's so annoying.

#kants #aot #levi ackerman #aot levi

[isa-ghost]

OKAY UM MORE HC WITH THE EGGS IF U GOT ANY (ANY OF THE EGGS)

I'm gonna do Richas because he's my favorite after Chayanne and Lullah :D

qPhil headcanons masterlist

Richas scares Phil a little bc he's a brand of wildchild he's never encountered before. And his parents?? For the most part are just fine with that?? Survivalist man is screaming.

If the Cellbit and Baghera rescue mission had actually happened, Phil would've seen a whole new side of Richas and it'd change his perspective a bit. Still an unhinged gremlin, but also fearless, determined, full of endless love and loyalty. He knows what he's doing and he does it well, he just needs adults to trust that he can do it.

This goes for Pac too, but any jokes Richas makes with his prosthetic leg make Phil lose it, they always take him by surprise and they're always the right amount of out of pocket to make Phil reel. It's even better if Richas removes the prosthetic and does some wild ass shit with it. He's made Phil screech before. It was a mistake on Phil's part, now he tries to make him scream on purpose.

A lot of "peak qsmp era" horrors felt centered around the Brazilians and goddamn does Phil think Richas is so unbelievably resilient bc of it. That kid is so happy go lucky and comes off so carefree despite everything that's happened to him or his myriad of parents and Phil just cannot fathom it bc he would've broken by now.

Which btw Phil thinks it's rlly fucking funny that Richas was collecting parents like Pokémon and every now and then he'd try to come up with a funny convoluted way to Also become Richas's parent purely for the bit. Never came up with one good enough though, being previously FWB with Fit didn't feel like a good enough pipeline. Richas totally would've accepted that reason though.

Be it through his usual brand of unhinged fuckery or genuine persuasion, I think Richas could've gotten Phil to try any Brazilian food or snack, even if Phil was like "there's no way I'll like that." I'm truthing Richas would get him addicted to smth besides Guaraná.

GOD Richas would've loved to spar with Phil. Phil would be far too nervous to go all out on the kid but Richas would absolutely love it.

Richas's tiny arms never fail to make Phil laugh. He just can't. All Richas has to do is Orange Justice and it's all over, Phil's dying until he gets the hiccups.

Richas would be the motherfucker constantly badgering Phil to go fishing if he was able to go back to the Hardcore World with him.

He's, like many others, is in the Phil Take Me Flying When Your Wings Work club.

Tbfh more accurately I think Richas is impatient to hatch in the hopes he'll have wings so he can be taught to fly himself. (And the heart attacks he'd give Phil then.... MAN)

I don't know where in the deep recesses of my brain this came from but I need them in a laser tag fight on the same team because Richas would THRIVE watching Pro Halo Sniper Tío Philza Minecraft absolutely obliterate motherfuckers.

Phil feels a teeny bit bad about it but he's genuinely surprised Richas didn't perma-die with how reckless he could be.

Phil 100% noticed a change in Richas post-Purgatory and isn't sure if it was because of that or because of a death he had around then. Whatever it was, he picked up on Richas seeming a lot more Fuck It We Ball but in a kinda,, maybe needs to at least talk about it to someone way. Not his kid so he didn't want to butt in or overstep, but he still felt worried about it.

100% thinks Richas is overall underestimated though. Or maybe Richas intentionally fools people into thinking such. But Mr. Angel of Death can see it, that kid's TNT in a shell.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #philza #q!philza #qsmp richarlyson #richarlyson the egg #qphil headcanons #qsmp eggs

[mattodore]

somehow managed to make matthias look even more bitchy

#''river what happened to working on your werewolf oc? the one from yesterday?'' ……let's not discuss it i simply can't bear to talk about it #river dipping #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #did not need to edit this but we'll never see him with this hair again so i figured. sure why not spend a little bit of time on this #this looks very similar to his hair from when he was a child..... he had swoopy bangs and a middle part back then #...............staring at him like this i kind of want to eat him #kjfgksjfg #the messier his hair is the more i'm like Oh? #like italicized /Oh?/ #….i have nothing else to say here like there was rlly no need for me to post this i just thought hm. he looks pretty <3 #i changed his jaw a bit and made his chin smaller… idk if it’s noticeable #theo is untouched (by the veronicas… classic) like i didn’t change his sim at all #…….can i be honest the reason why i abandoned ria’s sim is bc i realized fuck. i do NAWT have decent fem frame clothing #especially not for a butch lesbian sim like. why is everything a crop top…. #tbf tho. i’m not mad about getting to look at alessandria’s happy trail #.................deep sigh. but i'm gonna go back to it rn. #i think i'll just leave her outfits like they used to be for now even tho i don't really like what she's wearing

[front-facing-pokemon]

#jirachi #as i'm queuing this up. i'm sorta. realizing that deoxys has four forms. and i'm wondering what to do about that #like. do i just choose normal form and go with that?? or do i do every single form?? or do all the forms in one post?? or what #this isn't about jirachi. i like jirachi and i think those theories about how bidoof actually caused all of pmd sky are pretty funny #and like. also weirdly reasonable. but i dunno if jirachi is the type to be like a genie. where when you make a wish he's like #o0o0o0o but there's a caAaAaAaAtch……… #i don't think. that's something jirachi does? so it's even funnier then bc it's like jirachi did that on TOTAL accident. but i find that #hard to believe. folks say it's like… he did that so that he could get bidoof some friends Naturally or whatever but i just don't feel like #he'd be the type. but maybe that's why he ends up in the expedition society later on. he felt so bad about ending the world just to help out #a rookie who wanted some friends that he dedicated himself to saving the world instead. which. is kinda sweet. and the whole reason i've #been he/him-ing him this whole time. bc that's what they do in psmd. where his boss battle theme is just a whole banger for no reason #anyway those are some fun theories. i have to figure out what to do for jirachi and also put some chicken in the slow cooker

[andthebeanstalk]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

Better accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues should suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things!

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to take to cut your awkward self some slack for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

#social skills #i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag #original #maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title #in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You' #or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am #challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong. #and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment #for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the #most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than #most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny #(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility. #and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by #being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating #i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate #I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity. #when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to #really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would #go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people #it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party' #it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them #stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!' #I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in #order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially #autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules #and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules #but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!! #i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird?? #I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind. #also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too

[coolspacequips]

I think if all ppl can say about allura is that she's an obstacle to kl or that she's dead to be kl angst or that ppl shipping her w Lance suck then maybe just don't talk about her ever LMAO

#ppl will truly be like 'Lance is bi 😊 but yuck allurance is het trash' bi means liking more than just ur same gender fuck u lol #i love kl but i can't fuck w the fans too much at large bc they love to talk about k and l screwing on alluras grave if they remember her #just say ur hateful and go dont bring allura into this didn't the show treat her bad enough FUCK #at least l fans there's a 50/50 chance they recall dead dead out of the way of Keith allura with some kindness #but k fans it's a 75% chance they hate her and go out of their way to talk about how awful she is and gotta say i don't trust like that #u can dislike any character for whatever reasons but the optics on this are bad and the specific things they say are red flags fr #so many ppl say Lance is bi bc it's a popular fanon to explain he's a flirt w girls but we actually want him to be gay #instead of actually saying it bc they think he's bi... the whole fandom was/is specifically v biphobic #i hc everyone as bi and that means sometimes it's a mf ship but it's still queer like come on #anyway this is for no one I'm just idek bye #text posts #might just delete this I'm so tired 😫 #not even to touch on specifically the misogynior of it all #it's 2024 and I'm still seeing fresh takes that are the exact same shitty takes from years ago

[pichupurin]

tumblr wont let me post my smutty human au zasr :(((

#it's pretty old stuff just fyi #i have been trying to get more into original art lately so #i'm still into zasr tbh but i feel bad because i'm only ever thinking about the human au #but yeah i wanted to post all that unfinished stuff in one big post and i even censored the sexy stuff #like so much it kinda defeated the purpose of even posting them lmao but they still nuked it pfff #the reason i wanted to post it all in one go to is bc i'm probably leaving tumblr soon enough in favour of artfol and kofi #so i thought it be a nice goodbye or whatever if anyone still cares ab my silly shipping art lol #zasr

[electrobiology]

this is going to be an annoying rant so feel free to ignore it but so actually are there no good universities in all of the united states that don't leave you in lifelong debt?????? like hello???????? everywhere i look at that seems interesting and doesn't have reviews talking about how no one cares about you and you're on your own the entire time you're there or the staff/students are -ist/-phobic or no one does work and just goes to parties or other such things they're talking about the expenses. i want a degree because i need one if i want to do anything but i don't know if i want it enough to be in debt for my whole life. and why is the us like this. i just want to go somewhere else this country does not seem worth it to me. i want to go back in time and find a way to sink every european colonizer ship that landed on the land of the americas

#genuinely the more i look at college prices the more reasonable it feels to just go overseas somewhere instead... japan #if i'm gonna be paying at LEAST 15000 a semester wherever i go why don't i go do that in japan where i'm actually passionate about the #language and have reasons to use it and a potential to do something with it and can get places without a car and. etc #and the 15000 semester is a 15000 YEAR #only reasons the idea of being in america has ever appealed in the slightest to me is that it's a little easier to be openly queer #in certain places. not all of them! #and it's probably one of the most racially diverse places #whenever i look online people say that degrees in japan aren't worth anything but i feel that might just be them being racist #surely there are numerous people who went and got degrees in japan and are living happily. and idk bc they aren't on reddit #or posting on blogs or anything #god i feel UGHHHHH i hate everything #i know that as a Country with History japan is not particularly better than the us i know #but it's just the small things like being able to get places w/o cars and not have to pay an arm and a leg to heal like a small cut i got #that needs to be stitched. or not paying my whole body to pay off the debt of going to college because getting an education is #just not what they. want from you. they want your soul and your entire life in their hands #why am i living in this world #1 am thoughts i know but god

[hum--hallelujah]

where's those old mcr studio photos apparently taken by Mikey where the one of Gerard looks almost-accidentally freaking angelic but somehow perfectly embodies how someone sees their older sibling

#I need it for personal reasons #but I also just wanted to make this post bc I've been thinking about it all week #like all the photos are a bit blurry but that one is WILD to me #not to be like. parasocial or anything lol #I may have reblogged it. I'm going back through this blog organizing things so I will probably find it tonight around midnight #and have a silent lil scream to myself in the dark of my bedroom. #she speaks! #mcr #mw #gw #way brothers

[atomicsuperrobot]

Rereading again, and it's really interesting to note just how different the early art style is from the later style- and especially from the anime itself. With the manga, you can at least see where things came from; in the anime, it's a fairly radical departure that is only barely recognizable as what it's meant to be, at least in regards to Joker himself, specifically.

The early manga has lots of sharp points and angles, creating a character that, even if he behaves in largely similar ways, still feels almost entirely different from his animated counterpart. No wonder I was so put off by the anime's designs, originally- and that I had gotten the impression that he was older than he actually wound up being, or was type-cast as. Funny how I now largely prefer his anime design and personality, even if it's altogether not that different!

Fun fact, when I first started reading, before I had started watching the anime (and even for a bit after I had started), the voice I had for Joker in my head was the same as Kaito's, from Magic Kaito- which, as far as anime goes, would be from Detective Conan and Magic Kaito 1412, specifically. Even if he seemed older, at least in looks, in my head he very much still read as a bratty teenager, it would seem.

#Kaitou Joker #Magic Kaito #Detective Conan #Mun Post #it's sort of nice to go back from time to time; and notice the differences #in either version he's a funny guy; tho in ways that are both similar and radically different at the same time #I don't recall what sort of voice hachi had in my head; it may well have been the same as canon because it's not too dissonant #with how he looks and acts as a character in the manga #I don't know if the others had any set voices either; because I can't remember if I read about them before or after I decided to watch- #the anime; I was trying to coincide it; but it turns out the timeline of the anime is very different than the manga #it has a hell of a lot more thought put into it for one thing #for a while I had no idea if Roko was original to the anime or if he showed up in the manga or not; he seemed so out of place #p sure he was in the manga first now; tho idk if I'll ever get to read that chapter #if I could I'd love to go back and go over the early chapters; it was the beginning of the scanlation group's work #and it's got that early work wonk all over it- plus some of the double pages are separate for some reason #and it disrupts the flow; if nothing else I'd want to fix that #I've also heard something about missing pages from a twitter account; dunno what that's about necessarily tho #especially since I'm pretty sure one of the double pages was fixed after mangadex allowed chapter editing #maybe some early chapters got skipped over? or they're missing in the file downloads; no idea about those #bc I prefer to read online... #also I'd say I'm sorry about bombing two semi-unrelated tags with this nonsense; but I'm really not #it at least has SOME relevance to these topics! even outside of what I mentioned actually #bc kaito and joker are both phantom thieves; and even more interestingly; apparently there was some kind of merch crossover event- #between the kaijo anime and detective conan; that I really wish I knew the details about beyond that it Existed

[mattodore]

dash is going so slow guess i finally have to open blender and start working on this muzzle pose for matthias.......

#river dipping #i am sooooooooo weird mentally atm that i'm like . i don't want to do anything i just want to scroll #but timezones and ppl actually being asleep rn is getting in my way -_- #if you all could just also have trouble sleeping that would be so cool..... #i could honestly just go thru specific blogs bc ik i've missed a lot of posts since i haven't really been on much but #daunting task to me... for some reason....... #so i'm just here #''muzzle pose'' just means that he's just gonna be wearing one in it #really it's that pose i mentioned the other day where i'm once again going to be pushing him onto the floor before theo #what can i say... this is just how i see him djfkgndfghj #anyway nene says river what abt you do X thing and i'm like . well yea of course i have to do X thing now so true #also took pics in game for them earlier too like. i'm on it captain 🫡

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[justinefrischmanngf]

i need to get over myself and learn the languages i want to learn if i want to learn them like i just need to do it if i want to learn them then i should go out and learn them and like . fuck whatever else any of it means . yes it IS embarrassing to learn a language like the ones i want to learn as an adult but who CARES and yes i KNOW my grandparents will never want to speak to me in those languages but who CARES if it's important to me it can be important to me anyway

#had a moment last night bc i was apparently having an identity crisis which was random #but i had a moment where i was like well even if i learn all these languages no one in my family is going to want to speak to me #in those languages because of [insert reasons i don't need to go into here] and so ultimately none of this is like . cultural Really #it's just me wanting to feel as though i am connected to something when i will never be #and maybe that's true or maybe it isn't but if i want to learn them i should learn them anyway like . at the end of the day #i DO want to learn those languages and i think it would be interesting and i would love to be able to speak to people #in those languages even if the people i speak to aren't related to me and i would love to be able to speak languages that aren't english #and that all stays true even if i am not able to have the cultural connection through language with my own family #like i can go on and on about how disconnected i feel from my culture bc of everything that has ever happened in my life #but how i still feel alienated bc i'm Not White to white people and all of that is true but not learning a language doesn't make it #any better and maybe learning a language won't make it better either but i think it's a better use of my time #ALSO !!!!! NO ONE EVER GOES OH WHY WLD U LEARN FRENCH OR SPANISH [OR INSERT EUROPEAN LANG HERE] u have no real cultural connection to it!!! #so like why is it different bc i want to learn asian languages??? it's not! except in my head! or maybe irl too but i'm just saying #that i think i make all of this a much bigger deal than it has to be #that being said i did just try to look up classes and they r all for children and about keeping children culturally connected 2 their famil #l m f a o but that can't be ALL the classes ............. i'll work it out is what i'm saying and i need 2 get OVER myself #bc none of it is that deep and i can feel conflicted all i like but i should fucking DO smth about it at least #anyway i am posting this in the hopes that i can beat it into my own head bc i am sick and tired of being weird about learning #languages and i need 2 get over my weird cultural identity issues if i want to like . live a life where i don't want to explode and die

[zoekrystall]

Did that fav pkmn thing on a whim and I'm sorry for all my babies I didn't choose bc I really like too many by some.

Love how it's mostly pretty ones and then there's clodsire. Even tho I got it in my team since the beginning of violet do I continuously forget its name bc I just call it by the nickname blobby (one of the rare times I didn't spend hours googling the perfect nickname but it nonetheless is a perfect one)

And for fun without any legendaries as fav

Reg nicknames I even write all down so I only spend decades once for each pkmn (unless I don't like the prev one anymore). Need to update that someday since it's mostly old revolution ones but hey. Blaze do I use for arcanine nowadays more and ninetails got others. Gardevoir got soteria nowadays which I prefer more. Etc.

#a wild lux appears #(made this in december but for whatev reason left it in drafts until now. prob bc I wanted to limit non important posting idk) #Maybe you think garchomp is there bc of other reasons but I use it since dpp bc cynthia made kid me go 'woah!' #I remember having looked up as a kid to cynthia and juniper a lot and that fact n reason behind it makes me also go yeah no I was a girl wh #one day decided to be happier otherwise. Bc the reason was 'oh wow female and cool so I can indeed be that :0' most importantly with junipe #bc I never cared for battles. ye ye ignore fictional professions I was like 8. reason I loath alola tbh I missed doing non battle side stuf #I vividly remember picking my first pkmn game up (hg) and just immediately going fuck being a trainer let me be a prof and it's so funny ho #my horrendous sieve brain has that laser ingrained. Sometimes still brainstorm and I would prob study ghost pkmn tbh who by sheer luck isn' #dead yet. That and maybe being v charismatic to that type idk. Why bc I like those lil fellas. #What I also find extremely funny is having went by sonia prior to swordshield and there being a prof sonia. Wish I still went by it when it #dropped. Imagine. Kid sonia wanting to be a prof and meeting swsh sonia being on her way to be one. I either would've made her my #personality (which I think I nonetheless did I think I changed my icons to her) or would've wildly shaking her going 'it should have been #meeee'. which ig I mentally do by every rival or friend group person that takes that route like take me w you I hate battles please. Insane #that only blueberry academy me start to hate em slightly less. After over a decade of battles. Ig alpharad's n others streams w nuzlockes n #all started to also show me the appeal of actually strategizing instead of brute forcing which I did. #*that only blueberry academy MADE me #Whatev. Also no I don't got anything else that another pkmn would kickstart talking abt. Just know I drag my 2013 xerneas everywhere w me #and it is a fucking crime that I can't throw it into violet. What is this. You clearly don't mind throwing others into regions they don't #belong to at all (which I personally really dislike hc lore wise but gameplay wise whatever let new trainers catch old legendaries) #To come back to fav pkmn yes I'm in the dragonair boat. I hate evolving mine. Dragonite is fine I like it standalone but I like the #aesthetic of dragonair more. Idfc abt logic or whatever this is aesthetic talk. Yes I prefer some fan evos more. #I keep wanting to play that fusion fangame and if you want to know what pkmn I like I found out I have a huge overlap w alpharad there #Which sucks for us both! We adore pkmn that get lewded the most and I hate my life. You do you idc some are humanoid I have to admit that #but I personally would prefer to not see any art or even just jokes abt ANY of that. Humanoid or not I Do Not See. #I don't block let alone report over that just. tag and don't bring that to my doorstep thx. #What I will at most block n judge is if you touch any of the kids idc in this franchise if they're just pixels. #Can you tell I am writing this close to midnight anyways this is all. This became like a completely dif post in the tags welp

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

So, I just??? Randomly just the motivation for this??? So enjoy more Tealstar stuff ig lol. Tried to do a lot here, not sure how well it worked for me. You can tell I got a little rundown at Tongbi's part, but I was still really determined to finish this, so. Here ya go.

   Chikao loved the storm.

   The smell of fresh rain and the swirl of dark clouds overhead lit up by flashes of lightning that split the sky in two and sent deep, booming thunder rippling over the land was something she could never get tired of.  Every lightning strike lit up her eyes, she could feel the vibration of thunder running deep within her bones, and the entire world was pulled just a little to the side by the chilling winds that whipped past.

   She was fond of the world after a storm, too.  The way the smell of rain lingered for a week afterwards, clouds drifted past so you could see sheets of rain coming down in the distance as they left, the sudden abundance of greens and the pinks and blues and yellows of plants as they sprouted up, the splashing of puddles gathered in random dips in the ground and squishing of deep brown mud as water sunk into the soil.  She loved that.  Loved everything about it.

   And the best part was that she could do it.  On a whim, whenever she wanted, she could summon the clouds and lightning and feel the very storm surging through her bones.  She could feel the world come alive in a way so, so different than it did in the shine of the sun.

   But, unfortunately, not everyone was so welcoming.

   And why weren’t they?  What was even the point of limiting her ability to create storms?  Why did she have to “register” a storm or whatever to create one?  It wasn’t like she was creating out-of-control tornados or setting forests on fire with lightning.  Most of the time, it was just a little rain to give the village crops a boost!

   But the Celestial Realm hadn’t seen it that way.  The first time Nezha had come down to meet her, he had called it “undermining the Jade Emperor’s authority” and “breaking the laws of the Celestial Realm” and “a matter to be taken seriously”.  But honestly?  How could she take someone that had come down to lecture her about why she couldn’t summon rain without paperwork seriously.

   And that was all it had been, for a while.  Something funny, eventually just a friend coming down to spar.  Barely an annoyance.  Not even a concern.

   And then Princess Iron Fan had joined him.  And they’d struggled over the winds of the storm, trying to turn them on each other to gain an advantage.  And then…

   Flash

   And then people had gotten hurt.

   And the Celestial Realm was angry.

   Stealing the Peaches of Immortality from their orchard?  That was probably just the cherry on top.

   But even when they’d come to arrest Chikao for her “crimes” (come on, they were peaches), they’d made a mistake to dare go after Tongbi.

   Chikao sighed quietly as she stared up at the endless night sky, the stars twinkling back at her like tiny diamonds against a sheet of inky paint.  It felt so close when the storm was swirling around it, the wind catching every little loose thing on the ground and throwing around every small hair out of place, but when the night was clear like this and she was laying on the ground beside Tongbi…it felt so, so far away.  She itched for it to be close again, to touch the clouds and feel their water in her hands. 

   She wondered if, in a world where Nezha had time, where Nezha could step away from his celestial duties and just relax for a moment, they could fly around through the clouds and throw water at each other.

   She didn’t live in that world.  She didn’t know.

   “Chikao?” Tongbi’s soft voice pulled Chikao out of her thoughts.

   “Yeah?” Chikao rolled onto her side to look at Tongbi, flattening the grass beneath her. 

   Tongbi’s eyes stayed on the sky as he spoke and his hands picked through the fur on his tail.  His voice was muffled by his dark green scarf as he buried his face into the fabric.  “You won’t let them t-t-take you from me, will you?”

   A small spark of anger flashed in her chest.  She’d said they’d be together forever, and she’d meant it.  No Celestial Realm would change that.  “Of course not.  And I won’t let anyone hurt you, either.”

   Tongbi didn’t respond and Chikao rolled back onto her back with a soft sigh.  She didn’t want Tongbi to worry.  He shouldn’t have had to worry.  She dealt with Nezha and Iron Fan on her own fine, didn’t she?  And then even when more celestials had shown up, she’d dealt with it.  But Tongbi was still worried, and Chikao knew well by then that the only thing that was going to soothe his concern was time.

   Time, or get rid of the Celestial Realm’s meddling completely, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen.

   At least, that’s what she thought, as the days went by and Tongbi slowly felt safe being outside of his library again.  As toddlers and children became teens and adults.  As people aged and grayed and passed.

   Until the Brotherhood reached out with a dream.  A dream of glory and ambition.  A dream of change and prosperity.  A dream of safety and comfort.  A dream of freedom.  A dream of storms.

   A dream of a day storms could freely brew in the days, and the skies would be theirs at night.

   A dream where the Celestial Realm wouldn’t meddle, Nezha could freely come and go, and Tongbi’s concerns would vanish.

   And Chikao took it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tongbi hated surprises.

   The unexpected whirlwind of emotions he wasn’t ready for, having to think on his feet and his mind going blank, only moments to make a decision and if it was the wrong one he was doomed.  The mounting pressure of what felt like a mountain behind his head and the crushing weight of do or die that he just couldn’t pull himself out of.

   And the aftermath was worse.  Because then there were a hundred different feelings all weighing him down like boulders, telling him there was some way to alleviate their weight but not giving him a single how-to.  Sometimes the boulders were hot and sometimes electric and sometimes just heavy, and those meant different things, but he didn’t know what they meant.  But apparently, knowing what they meant and how to sort them out was the very key to getting them under control sometimes, because otherwise every time he thought about the surprise he would trigger another rockslide.

   Physically, Tongbi didn’t mind rocks, boulders, or even mountains.  Feet on the ground, dig his heels in, take a deep breath and move.  He could move boulders, sort out rockslides, split entire mountainsides in two that way.  The boulders he could touch the rough or smooth surfaces of were lighter than the ones that crushed his heart and held him down in the corner with tears spilling onto blurry pages, but never had a texture.

   Fortunately, people were welcoming.

   It had been a strange change after the curious chirps of the monkeys that found him hiding away in caves on Flower Fruit Mountain, but a warm one.  Chikao helped lift the boulders off his chest, explain some of the feelings and help him separate them apart so he could think without folding into a mess of matted fur and heavy emotions. 

   The warm nights of staring up at the stars and pointing out constellations as Chikao worked through his fur were the best nights he’d ever known.  Spending days reading books about the sun aloud and telling Chikao about asteroids that flew by brought him a warmth he could never quite explain.  Even the flower pin he had, with teal and red petals, served as a small comfort when he was alone, to remind him that someone cared.

   Though he had been nervous at first, the village was nice too.  Adults were happy to trust him to read about the phenomenon of eclipses to children and watch meteor showers with them, and the kids were always fascinated by his words and eager to ask questions and learn more.  Even on days where he didn’t have books, several of them were ready to ask questions and listen to him ramble. 

   And even as they grew and had more chores and work to tend to, nobody minded when he sat on a bench and read the afternoon away.

   Tongbi hummed a tune as his eyes scanned across neat words, written with meticulous precision.  Dust kicked up into the air as the click clack of horseshoes went by, but Tongbi was fully absorbed, the rest of the world blurred as he imagined how it would feel to step on the moon.  Would he feel lighter?  Would it feel like stone on earth, or dust, or powder, or something else entirely?  Would the stars look different?  What kind of new star charts could he make from there?

   “I’m bored!” The high-pitched whine of a kid caught his ear.  He almost called out to invite them to read, but…no, they probably didn’t want to hear him.  All of the kids he used to read to were teenagers or adults now, and had too much responsibility to bother listening to him anymore, and the new ones probably didn’t have any interest in him.

   “Hey, this guy’ll read to you about some pretty cool stuff, if you wanna.” Tongbi glanced up from his book to see a teenager with long black hair running down past her shoulders and freckles mixing with the dust and dirt on her face.  He felt a small flower of warmth bloom in his chest.  He knew this kid.  Did she still remember him?

   “Ooo, like what?” One of the children asked as their arms swung back and forth.

    “Well, you know the little white things that are up in the sky every night?” She smiled.

   “Uh-huuuuh.” The kid nodded.

   “Well, he taught me that those are called stars, and they’re actually very, very distant suns.” She said as she walked over to the bench Tongbi was sitting on.

   “Woah!” Three kids followed her, their eyes shining brighter than the sun. 

   “But suns don’t look like that.” Another kid frowned.

   “That’s the fun part.” She sat down in front of Tongbi and skimmed the title of his current book.  “He’ll explain the whole thing.”

   The kids promptly sat down in front of him, staring up with eager curiosity that filled Tongbi with warmth.  He started explaining, slowly at first, then faster when they only seemed more intrigued.  More children, kids playing in the village and teenagers he used to read to just finished with chores, came around him and sat down, enjoying his reading and explanations.

   He hoped this never changed.  And, luckily for him, it didn’t seem that was going to happen. 

   At least, that’s what he thought, as Tongbi’s reading slowly expanded to the entire village.  As toddlers and children became teens and adults.  As people aged and grayed and passed.

   Until the Brotherhood reached out with a risk.  A risk of danger and hostility.  A risk of battle and bloodshed.  A risk of pain and uncertainty.  A risk of imprisonment.  A risk of change.

   A risk of ferocious and bloody battles by day, and wounded and torn foundations by night.

   A risk of the Celestial Realm coming down with all their fury, Nezha would be injured, and Chikao being imprisoned.

   And Tongbi denied it.

   Tongbi denied the dream.  Chikao took the risk.

#tealstars #I'm actually #not that upset about this?? #I really like the first few paragraphs of Chikao's stuff #and I got a bit run down on Tongbi's part but it's still like #good? maybe a little less? #it's on the likeable spectrum I guess lol #I tried to do a lot here so I hope it worked #if nothing else I think this helps get their personalities down a little bit more #also I'm dramatic as hell when I write I'm aware there's a reason I relate to Macaque so hard XD #I kinda tried to parallel their bits a bit?? I hope that worked #I think I managed to some extent highlight the difference between them I really wanted to highlight #and still squeeze in some other stuff that's harder to get through in just drawings and rambles #anyway actually pretty happy with this one so :333 #please tell me if you notice anything mainly bc I will be super happy if I got stuff across properly :3 #I need to just make a post collecting all the tealstar stuff together at this point XD #y'know what maybe I'll do that #imma go do that now maybe perhaps #anyway enjoy!! I'll stop rambling now lol