#the internet wasn't working in my hotel yesterday

[dribs-and-drabbles]

It's ironic how Day uses the eyedrops to be able to see Mhok whereas I can't see them at all through my tears.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #I'm a blubbering feet-kicking mess #the internet wasn't working in my hotel yesterday #so I've only just seen the ep #but EVERYTHING about it was fantastic #the hands. oh god THE HANDS #and day used the eyedrops #😭😭😭 #I was so right to predict that #hold on. I need several moments

[brinconvenient]

This is a long tale, but I appreciate you taking the time to meet my friend Chris and help her out if you can.

TL;DR: my friend, an elderly queer woman I met when she was homeless just lost everything she owns in a fire at her first permanent home she had after becoming unhoused. Luckily, she and her cat were not home at the time. Please help if you can by donating or boosting.

This is a queer elder who needs our help. I'm hoping tumblr can come through for her

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

Here's the long tale:

A friend of mine just lost everything except herself, her cat and the clothes on her back to a fire at her apartment (her first after being homeless for years) on Friday. We learned yesterday that nothing from her apartment is recoverable. Please help!

(Long post with cute cat pictures behind the readmore)

I met Chris one Sunday afternoon after driving past her three times as she sat on a bench outside our local library after closing. I stopped to ask if she needed a ride, and found out that she was homeless, staying in motels when her SSI came in and on the street when it ran out.

As the years have passed, I've learned a lot about her. Despite her parents kicking her out at 17 when she was outed to them as gay, she went back to school and became a social worker, working in several Chicago hospitals through the 80s and 90s, and, like a lot of queer women in the caring fields at that time, tended to and provided comfort and care for (among others) so many gay men, young and old, living with and dying from AIDS, from the earliest days of the disease through the availability of the triple cocktail and to the brighter days of hope.

Through it all, she had relationships with women in a time where that was something that wasn't always safe to do. Some were good, some bad, and some resulting in her losing nearly everything, but she struggled through. She quit social work in 99 or 2000 when her mom got sick and passed away, and then stayed out of the workforce to care for her dad until he passed in 2006. Those experiences impacted her deeply, and she became permanently disabled during that period, leaving her living on SSI, and struggling with her own mental health. She eventually lost her condo, and bounced in and out of apartments and motels.

When I met her in Sept 2019, I helped her get back into the motel she'd been staying at and bridging her to her next check and then making sure that she could stay there, and reliably get her maintenance meds and start rebuilding her life and credit.

This is her and everything she owned as we left her hotel room for the final time on Valentine's Day 2022.

The cat there is Bailey, her constant companion since they adopted each other in September 2021. They've both been through a lot and are absolutely the picture of "Who rescued whom?"

We started having biweekly dinners and I worked with her creditors and tried to get her credit score back into a good place, and helped her get banked and fixed up with access to the Internet and just help her feel more solid and stable in her life.

Just over 2 years later, in February 2022, we were finally able to get her into a senior independent living apartment, her first permanent home since about 2017. She had no furniture, but with some secondhand pickups and occasional pickups, we got her something resembling a home.

It wasn't perfect, and she had her grumbles, certainly, but it was her home. It was a place that she could launch from to recover and consider moving some place even better, if she chose.

However, Friday, July 14, Bailey had an afternoon vet appointment. Everything was fine when we left, but when we got home, with Bailey in a carrier in the backseat, we were shocked to see what looked like a million emergency vehicles & a whole lot of seniors sitting on the grass.

Chris and Bailey came with me to take my daughter into the city that evening, giving the situation 2 hours to develop and for us to get more information. We heard a few newsradio updates and saw this story on abc7, getting the sinking feeling that that balcony looked too familiar.

When we got back from the city, we were able to drive around the back of the building and confirm that this was her apartment.

We were able to get back to the building on Tuesday and get into the apartment to get her medications, but everything is water damaged from the sprinkler system (with all of its stagnant water) and the firehoses. All her furniture. All her clothes. Her bed. Her degrees. Gone.

Everything she owned is gone. She literally owns less now than when she was homeless. She's despairing and trying her best to keep it together, but she's lost so many homes in her life, going back to when she was 17 and her parents found out she is gay and kicked her out.

This all feels like too much. Please help. Please donate what you can, and share where you're able.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/fire-took-chris-baileys-home-they-need-help

#queer #queer elder #lesbian #lgbtqia #fire #schaumburg #apartment #lgbtqia+ #unhoused #homeless #Please help #crowfund

[mammameesh]

Fanfic Origin Story

thanks for the tag @jesuisici33 What was your first fandom (reading and/or writing)? On the internet, it was Glee

What was the first story you ever wrote (even if it was never posted) and what made you decide to write it? It wasn't fanfiction per se. When I was in grade 6 I wrote a story based on Flowers for Algernon that was supposed to be from Algernon's POV. My teacher told me I was a writer and I've held on to that notion forever since.

What’s a piece of advice you would give to your younger fic-writing self? Writing is a valid form of making. Words are an art form. You can write for yourself.

What’s an early fandom interaction that stuck with you (be it a nice comment, a friend you made, a fic that got a lot of feedback etc.)? When I posted my first first SC fanfiction I was SO scared. Like really scared. Shaking in my boots. Scared shitless. But then authors I recognized commented on my work, and for me that was EXTREAMLY validating.

Post a sentence or two from one of your older fics, and a sentence or two from a newer one (if you want). First Fic: David waits for him, by letting his hand go up, and trace in Patrick's hair. David's soft long fingers offer feathery touches over the side of Patrick's face. Patrick leans in and captures David's lips again. This time, Patrick's tongue hesitantly explores David's mouth. There was a salty sweetness to David's mouth that reminded Patrick of caramel. Newer Fic: (WIP) They ended up in David's hotel room, perched nervously on the one bed. "So, David, what brings you to Toronto?" he wondered. "My sister, Alexis is at a concert tonight. Don't worry, she's next door." David fished out some hand cream from his luggage. "Do you mind?"

Yesterday's WIP game really helped me. I got to 6k words for Rare fest (that I didn't even post because it's a surprise)

so with that in mind I'll tag @jamilas-pen and @rosebrewerj

#meesh writes words #lots of beds in my wip file

[taba-chan]

Futaba Sakura x reader, Chapter 2

After waking up, you decide to unpack the rest of your luggage and call you mother

Y/n: hi mom

M/n (over phone): hello Y/n, are you okay? did you sleep alright?

Y/n: I'm fine mom

M/n (over phone): okay, did you have fun yesterday?

Y/n: yeah, I checked out the nearby shops, and ate at a café

M/n (over phone): okay

Y/n: I have to go now mom, bye

M/n (over phone): bye

you hung up

Y/n: that café I went to yesterday was nice, I should get breakfast there

You leave the hotel, and walk to Leblanc

you enter the café, you enter the café, and see the girl from yesterday on her computer, this time there's a middle aged man behind the counter 

Y/n: excuse me, do you speak English?

The old man looked at you weirdly, he doesn't seam to understand you, the girl from yesterday said something to him

orange haired girl: Sojiro doesn't speak English, do you want to order something?

Y/n: yes, the same as yesterday

orange haired girl: okay

the girl said something to Soijro, he nodded, and looked proud of the girl for some reason

Sojiro walked to the fridge, to get ingredients for your food

you sit down on one of the chairs in the café, and wait for your food

Sojiro turned on the stove and started cooking, you can see the girl from yesterday glancing at you occasionally

after about 20 minutes, Soijro finished making your food, and gave it to you

you hear Sojiro and the girl talking while your eating

Y/n: does she work here or is she Sojiros daughter or something? they don't look related, but there acting like family

you slowly eat your food, your not in a hurry

Y/n: I should've stayed in the hotel yesterday, the jet lag is killing me, at this rate I'm not going anywhere

Y/n: oh well, I'll just stay here for now, this place is cosy

the girl noticed your tired expression

orange haired girl: are you okay?

Y/n: oh,  I'm fine, just tired, 14 hour flights are no joke, the jet lag is horrible

orange haired girl: a 14 hour flight? you live that far away?

Y/n: yeah

orange haired girl: 14 hours with internet... you must've really wanted to go to Japan

Y/n: i thoroughly prepared, but it wasn't exactly fun

orange haired girl: what did you prepare?

Y/n: I bought a video game and downloaded some anime beforehand

orange haired girl: oh, okay

Y/n: have you been on vacation this year?

orange haired girl: no, I usually just stay home and play video games

the girl seamed sad about something

orange haired girl: I used to go on vacation with my friends every year, but, They got older and most of them got married... after that, we started meeting up a lot less

Y/n: that's a shame

orange haired girl: I understand it, they have full time jobs and families to worry about, and it's not like I never see them, I went to Akihabara with one of my freinds last weak, but, I still miss going on long vacations with them every year...

the girl blushed, she seams nervous

orange haired girl: ...

orange haired girl: do you... want to be friends?

Y/n: sure!

the girl smiled

orange haired girl: oh, I forgot to introduce myself, didn't I?

the girl blushed

orange haired girl: I'm Futaba Sakura, nice to meet you!

Y/n: Y/n, Y/n L/n

Futaba: here

Futaba gave you a note with a number written on it, presumably her phone number

Y/n: thanks!

you grab your phone add Futaba's number

Futaba: ...

Futaba: are you enjoying your vacation so far?

Y/n: yeah, I've only been here for a day though

Futaba: so you landed yesterday?

Y/n: yes, I went to Shibuya to check out the shops yesterday, but haven't done anything else

Futaba: oh, okay, what are you going to do today?

Y/n: I dunno, I haven't really thought about it

Futaba: you could go to Akihabara

Y/n: what kind of shops do they have there?

Futaba: electronics, video games, manga, anime, restaurants and arcades

Y/n: oh, that sounds amazing

Futaba: yeah, it is

Y/n: is Akihabara far from here?

Futaba: it's about 20 minutes by train 

Y/n: okay, I think I'll go there later

Futaba: okay

You quietly sit in Leblanc for awhile, eventually, you decide to leave

Soijro looked proud of Futaba for making a friend

Y/n: bye Futaba

Futaba: bye

you walk to the train station and get on the train to Akihabara

about 20 minutes later, you arrive at Akihabara

you get of the train, and walk around Akihabara

you enter a masive electronics store

Y/n: this place is huge! I didn't know 5 floor electronics stores existed

you check out all the stuff they have for sale, and then go back outside

you spend the rest of your day exploring Akihabara, you only get about one third of the way though before diner time

Y/n: all the restaurants here are really expensive, I should probably just go to Leblanc

you walk to the train station and get on the train to Yongen Jaya

about 20 minutes later, you arrive at Yongen Jaya, and walk to Lablanc

you enter the café, it's not empty this time, you see a few customers, and Futaba is behind the counter again

Futaba seams surprised to see you again

Futaba: hello, back so soon?

Y/n: all the restaurants in Akihabara were super expensive, so I just went back here

Futaba giggled

Futaba: okay, do you want curry again?

Y/n: sure

Futaba: okay

Futaba walked to the fridge to get ingredients for your food

you sit down on one of the benches, Futaba turned on the stove and started cooking

after about 15 minutes, Futaba finished making your food, and gave it to you

Y/n: thanks

Futaba: your welcome

you eat your food

Y/n: Futaba is pretty cute, maybe is should ask her out

Y/n: ...

Y/n: nah, that's a bad idea, I'll have to go home in about 3 weeks, so that won't work

Y/n: and she probably doesn't like me

Y/n: ...

Y/n: she is really cute though, maybe I should at least try?

Y/n: ...

Y/n: nah, I should just try to be friends with her

you say goodbye to Futaba, leave Leblanc and go back to your hotel in Yongen Jay-a

you lay in bed for awhile, thinking about what you going to do tomorrow

Y/n: maybe I should go to the arcade tomorrow?

Y/n: I want to invite Futaba, but, I just meet her, so that would be kinda weird

you lay in bed for awhile, thinking about what you going to do tomorrow, until eventually you fall asleep

A/n: sorry about the slow updates

A/n: I'm looking for beta readers and an editor, so if anyone wants to volunteer please comment

#futaba sakura #futaba x reader #reader insert #x reader #p5 futaba #p5 fanfic

[clawdee049]

Personal health update/quick lore:

Lore: had COVID February 2022. Didn't know it. Health started to decline - it always takes me forever to heal, I thought it was that. It wasn't. Finally after months of bullshit I had to go to the doctors for leg swelling. Also had a co-worker be like "hey all your symptoms sound like congestive heart failure" 🥴

October 2022 went to the ER bc I didn't have a primary care doctor. After tests and listening to my concerns, I was admitted for 12 days. They probably would have kept me longer if I didn't insist on going home.

My white blood cell count was funky, still is. Had a heart echo, multiple ct scans of my whole body, sonograms of my legs and neck, and a brain MRI.

Turns out I've been having mini strokes. I didn't remember any of them. I had a stroke in the hospital my 3rd day there and semi lost the use of my legs.

Basically:

During those 12 days they had me on lasix, which is a super diaretic, and I peed out 80lbs. I've since gained back 20 and the number is slowly going up, which is rude.

They made sure I could walk before leaving, so I had mobility, but it was hard. My back was in so much pain I spent most of the next few months in bed; I couldn't even sit in a chair. Had to have a portable toilet in my room at the end of my bed bc that's as far as I could go, cane in hand. Mom had to bring me all my meals, which was fine I was barely eating. At this point pigging out for me was now having 2 whole packages of Easy Mac.

I missed Halloween, a cousins funeral, Thanksgiving, most of Christmas. I was well enough at Christmas to sit up a whole 10 minutes for present unwrapping.

Then the apartment flooding on Jan 1st, me hobbling up our front steps, mom helping me, no shoes on, skimpy ass shorts and tank top.

After that I was able to move a little more. Sit up properly in bed. Walk to an actual toilet. We went to a hotel for a week. Was starting to get an appetite back.

Then to my brother's house, where we are still at.

Had to shave my head, it was just too much upkeep and kept getting matted.

February. I'm walking a bit more, sitting up more. Eating more. Can go into town with mom once a week to grocery shop. Slowly. Still using the portable toilet bc I need the arms to leverage myself up and down.

March. Can sit in a chair in the living room for extended periods of time. Practicing using the actual toilet. Took my first real shower since the hospital. Have done sponge baths until then.

Update: And I'm just improving a little more each day. Stairs are still iffy, but I can do them as long as there's a rail or something to hold onto, going down is easier of course. Curbs if I'm careful. Trying to walk a mile a day.

I've been reading a lot, got no internet and no computer lmao. Got myself a little Bluetooth keyboard to use with my phone for writing. Been doing puzzles. Working those brain muscles to make sure the strokes didn't do too much damage to my brain.

Went to Lindsey's apartment yesterday with mom to watch the babies and used her laptop for writing and was able to sit in the computer chair for 4 hours with minimal pain.

Been out of work since October, had to quit bc I didn't know when I'd be well enough to go back.

But I think when we move back into our apartment (July!) I'm gonna see if my work will take me back with short shifts and adjusted duties. I applied for disability but they're being shits and I'm waiting to hear back about a hearing.

#personal #health & wellness #weight talk cw #hospital talk cw #long post

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Six

Words: 5k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @sinningsixx  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @lemmyjelly  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @vamprlestat  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7  @fandomshit6000  @lilmou5ie  @tamedhearts  @divaanya  @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @thanks2pete  @abaldboi  @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium  @caos18blog  @ytwahsog  @shamlessobsession @scarecrowmax  @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @loveofmyloif  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx  @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor  @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter  @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg  @girlnight-terror  @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1  @teller258316  @ggorehorror  @blowinmeupwithherlove  @xrosegoldwolfx  @mylifeisjustafeverdream  @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Are you okay?" I ask Duff as we stand in the elevator of the Playboy office in Chicago where many of their photoshoots are held.

I’m actually thanking God we’ve managed to get this far without paparazzi catching on...then again they’re pre-occupied probably surrounding the guys’ hotel. 

Duff slammed back a startling amount of Vodka Tonics on the plane over here, to combat his rancid anxiety, that I had no idea even existed until we were seated on the plane and he nearly passed out after turning sheet white and breathing abnormally fast. 

"Yeah." He says in almost a slur. "I'm great." 

The plan is to get him a hotel room in the city for tonight and give him money for his flight back tomorrow, so all he brought is his bass, and the way his knuckles are turning white from holding on to the case it’s in, I can tell something’s up.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask him.

“I’m fine.”

“If you’re upset over the flight over here--”

“--What if these people are creeps?” He cuts me short, and I realize he’s not still upset over the flight.

“What do you mean?”

“Tansy’s had shitty luck with slimy photographers before, right? She’s told us stories of them, like, hitting on her and making her uncomfortable.”

“Yeah?”

“What if one of these motherfuckers is like that?” He looks at me.

“Well, that’s why I made sure someone accompanied me...someone, i.e. you.” I nudge him.

“Yeah and if something happens and I kick ass, I’m gonna be in trouble, Nikki’s gonna find out we’re here, then he’s gonna--”

“--Do you need more alcohol or something?” I try not to sound too harsh, genuinely worried about his mental state at the moment.

He’s just freaking out about every fucking thing there is to freakout about.

“I just don’t want you to be in trouble, is all.” He mumbles, sighing, and I lick my lips.

“I’m not going to be in trouble, okay? It will be fine. Just take a deep breath, and relax.”

The elevator doors open to reveal a set, an array of soft lighting, a faux house setting, a hair and makeup station, and wardrobe (what bits and pieces of it I’ll actually have on).

I spot Danielle, in all her gorgeous yet professional glory, and she ushers us over to where she’s sitting, talking to the makeup artist.

“Hi, it’s good to see you again.” She tells me, just seeing me yesterday.

“You too.” I reply smiling. I see her eyes catch on Duff. “This is my friend, Duff.” I explain to her. “He’s here for moral support.” I add.

“Ah, Danielle Wythers.” She tells him.

“Duff McKagan.” He replies.

“Nikki couldn’t make it?” She asks me next.

“The thing is...he kind of doesn’t know about it.” I explain to her and she raises her brows. “It’s a surprise.” I lie, not telling her the real reason I didn’t tell him is actually because he wouldn’t necessarily like it.

“Well, he’ll love it.” She assures me.

“Oh, he sure will.” I reply with the same smile.

“Okay, not that you don’t look gorgeous as is, but we’re gonna spruce you up some. Starting out, we’re gonna have you in a little clothing, and then strip down as we go along.” She lays out the plan and I nod. “This is Lucille, she’s doing your hair and makeup, Maarin is your photographer, and when we finish the shoot, I will be interviewing you.” She adds.

“Got it.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a few minutes.” She waves before walking to the photographer.

It wasn’t as bad as thought it would have been. There really wasn’t much to it: just look like you’ve got perpetual “fuck me” eyes, follow the suggestions thrown at you by the photographer, and don’t clam up when you hear:

“Alright, let’s lose the clothes.” Maarin says.

My eyes nervously dart to Duff, who I can tell is trying to keep himself at ease like I am.

I look at Danielle next, who’s off to the sidelines, and she gives me an encouraging nod.

I try not to shake as I take the skimpy top they gave me, off, seeing Duff avert his gaze as they have me lay down on my stomach for a few shots of my body against a faux fur rug.

After I’ve gotten everything they want me to get in that position, Maarin is glancing around before I see his eyes lock on Duff’s bass case that’s resting at the tall blondes feet.

“Hey, you.” He says to Duff, catching his attention and Duff looks at him. “What’s in that thing?”

“...A bass?” Duff replies, slightly confused.

“What does Nikki Sixx play?!” Maarin slightly raises his voice to get an answer from anyone who knows.

“Bass?” I tell him.

“Perfect. I want pictures of you with the bass.” He tells me, motioning to Duff to get it out of the case.

“What?” Me and Duff ask at the same time.

If I get pictures with Duff’s bass, Nikki will recognize it, and kill the both of us if it makes it into the final cut.

“Bass. Naked girl. Now.” He repeats, and Duff looks at me.

“It’s fine.” I assure him, lying, but not wanting to waste anymore time because these people have busy schedules.

“Fine.” He mumbles, getting his bass out, carefully handing it to me, trying not to look at my naked body.

Not only was I mortified, nearly, when he told me to put the bass between my legs--covering my netherregion whilst holding onto the neck, being sure to position my arms where the only thing people could see were the round of my  boobs--but when he told me to, and I quote, verbatim, “make love to the bass” (as if my bare pussy and tits weren’t already all over it) me and Duff both looked like we were going to jump out of the window.

Within two more hours, the shoot and the interview is over--our final shot is of me sitting against a black backdrop, not a stitch of clothing on, covering my chest with my arm, with my legs crossed to keep myself as modest as possible for the cover.

“So now what?” Duff asks me as we head to the exit of the building when we get to the lobby.

“Go to the hotel.” I say.

“...The hotel the guys are at?”

“Yeah.”

“But then--”

“--We can just say I didn’t want to fly alone.” I shrug.

He thinks for a moment, then sighs.

“How about, I catch a cab back to the airport and go back home.”

“Duff, why?” I ask, a little disappointed, stopping before we get to the door.

“I don’t want to start shit between you and him and it doesn’t make any sense to say you didn’t want to fly alone so you brought me with you.”

“I don’t want you getting back on another plane so soon if you--”

“--I’ll be fine, Viv.” He assures me and I furrow my brows a little.

“Duff.” I start.

“Vivian, it’s fine.” He tells me. “I’m being serious. Don’t fucking argue with me, it is okay.” He sternly, but friendly, promises.

“Okay.” I finally relent, nodding a little.

“Just call me tonight, alright?”

“Yeah.” I agree.

He gives me his best smile before I’m hugging him.

“Thank you.” I tell him. “And I’m sorry I molested your bass.”

We both laugh, remembering the odd predicament, and I pull away looking up at him.

“It’s an honor.” He sarcastically lets out, and I wrinkle my nose. “I love you, be careful getting to the hotel.”

“I will.” I hand him the wad of cash he’s going to need to get a ticket back to L.A. and he takes it.

“Thanks.” He accepts it. “See you later.”

“See you later.”

We give each other one last look before we leave, except I go left, and he goes right.

My theory about the hotel being wrapped up in media is 1000% correct as I arrive, the driver saving Fred a trip as he gets out to help me through the ten feet to the door.

"It's great, we're great." I tell a reporter that asks me "how are things with Nikki?"

"What business did you have in Los Angeles?" Another one asks as I approach the front doors of the hotel where Fred is waiting. 

"My dad's birthday." I lie, feeling relief the second Fred's large hand pushes lightly against my back, ushering me inside. 

"Your dad's birthday?" He asks, knowing that was bullshit and I roll my eyes, taking my sunglasses off when we get in the elevator. 

"It's like an act of congress to take a shit without someone asking me how it affects my marriage." I state and he laughs. 

"How're you feeling?" He asks me and I furrow my brows. "Your blood pressure."

"Oh, I think it's okay. I have an informative  sheet of paper to dictate what I eat and drink and what other medicine I can and can't take while on my antidepressant. The second I can get onto a different medication, I'm taking it." 

"Well, be glad you're alive. You dying would've really inconvenienced Doc McGhee." He tells me and I chuckle. 

"Yeah, that evil genius knows how to work the public like a vibrator with never ending battery life." I scoff and he looks at me. "What?"

The doors of the elevator open on our floor apparently.

"I've missed you." He admits.

"I'm glad you have. Bet everyone else has been thanking God I haven't been here to cry on their good time." I say as we walk down the hall. 

"Actually, I was gonna talk to you about that." He says and I raise my brows as he glances around to make sure the coast is clear. "Sixx hasn't been doing too good." 

"Oh, no, how horrible. Wasn't like he publicly humiliated his wife--or at least let another woman do so by announcing their entire relationship on national TV for everyone and their mom to see, or anything." I sarcastically let out. 

"Viv, I'm being serious, here." He tells me, reaching in his pocket for my room key, unlocking my door. 

"I know you are. And I'm saying if anyone has the right to be in hell right now, it's me. I don't want to hear about how hard he's taking it. He wouldn't have to take anything if he would've given a damn sooner, rather than waiting for his mistress to air out his bullshit in front of his wife and thousands of other people."

"Who says I give a damn now?" I hear Nikki's voice behind us and I stop in my tracks, seeing Fred with his eyes closed as if preparing for a time bomb to go off. 

I turn to face Nikki, who's inches infront of me, and he looks down at me with a clenched jaw, looking like he just rolled out of bed, only wearing his leather pants from last night. 

"Oh, if it isn't the marital fuck-up." I throw at him. 

"Nice to see you, too, wicked cunt-bitch of the west coast." He hisses. 

"Okay, if you two are gonna go back and forth, please do so where hotel guests who're trying to enjoy their stay, aren't at risk of witnessing it." Fred suggests, motioning into the hotel room.

"I'd rather castrate myself than be trapped in a room with her." Nikki argues. 

"Please do so, maybe it'll keep you from tripping and falling, landing you in other women I'm friends with and becoming engaged to them." I snap back. 

"Bitter much?"

"Go play in traffic."

"Don't threaten me with a good time." 

"Anything's a good time to you if it involves not being a half-way decent husband, at the least."

"Okay, like you're 'wife of the year' Miss 'run when shit gets messy'."

"Need I remind you 'shit got messy' because you had an entire girlfriend, got engaged, and then she proceeded to indulge me and everyone else in the world when it was broadcasted nationwide?"

"No, baby, I remember it like it was three fuckin' days ago judging by how long you just fucking up and ran for without giving me a chance to explain a damn thing." 

"Just making sure you didn't forget since I can only imagine how much smack you've been shooting yourself full of to drown out the self-hate--which is well deserved, by the way."

"Just like it's gonna be well deserved when I bend you over my lap and--"

"--Okay, get in here." Fred tugs me inside to avoid our fight getting physical.

He’s shutting the door before Nikki can say anything else, shutting him outside, as I set my bag down and go pee.

“Vivian, I’m not done talking to you.” Fred says from the room and I roll my eyes.

“I’m peeing, Fred, can we talk about my imploded marriage when I get done?”

“No, because we’re leaving for Chicago early tomorrow morning.” He leans against the bathroom door frame, covering his eyes to keep from seeing me on the toilet.

“Okay, then talk to me.” I tell him, getting done, wiping and flushing the toilet, standing at the sink to wash my hands.

“We know he’s on smack again, Viv.” he informs me.

“I could’ve told you that.” I reply, drying my hands.

“No, no, he’s on smack again but he’s trying to act like he isn’t.”

“Because he knows Doc will strangle him and he doesn’t wanna hear it.” I shrug, stepping past him.

“He was doing good until this Vanity mess got between you two.” He states.

“Nikki was shooting heroin again before the Vanity thing happened. He was on heroin the night of our anniversary.”

His eyes widen when I tell him this.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?!” He asks me and I raise my brows.

“I didn’t want him to get in trouble.” I admit honestly and he groans, rubbing his eyes.

“Vivian.” He complains.

“What, sorry, I thought he’d get a grip back on it...at least he told me he would.”

“Yes, because the past few days have obviously proven he can be trusted.” He argues. “He can’t even keep his vows, Viv, what the fuck made you think he’d get back on the wagon after falling off?”

“I didn’t know he wasn’t keeping his vows at the time, Fred, sorry.” I brush him off, pulling my hair back from my face with a ponytail holder.

“...Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll talk to Doc, we’ll figure something out before he starts spiraling.”

“I doubt he’s going to start spiraling, Fred. He tends to only let it get out of control when he’s bored.” I quickly remember him shooting up on stage during the last tour, and ODing in London… “We’ll figure something out, alright? Don’t go panicking to Doc and if you do tell Doc, don’t make it obvious to Nikki that you know what’s up and you want him to stop. He feels attacked and lashes out when people do that. Just keep an eye out for dealers and try to keep him company so he doesn’t feel lonely or alone.” I suggest.

“Well, I know when I tell Doc, what his makeshift solution will be.” He says and I raise my brows.

“What’s that?”

Reason number 1,468 that proves Doc was absolutely crazy…

“Oh, absolutely not.” I state the next night as me, Doc and Fred are walking backstage to get to the guys’ dressing rooms.

“Viv, just listen--” Doc starts but I cut him short.

“--We’re already having to lie to everybody and act like we’re still together, what the hell do you mean ‘make up’ with him?!” I snap, turning on him and he exhales.

“I don’t mean forgive him, I mean as long as he feels like everyone is against him, that might drive him further into his black hole--”

“--So, it’s my responsibility to make sure he doesn’t do heroin, is that what you’re telling me?”

“Vivian, I feel like it would be best if you didn’t add to the many reasons he already feels like he’s gotta hurt himself over, just until this tour wraps and we can get him some proper help.” He tells me.

“Oh my God, I am actually about to have another stroke if you keep fucking talking!” I throw my hands up, stomping away from him, but he stays on my heels.

“Vivian, just listen.” He says as I open the dressing room door and barge in to see Vince, Mick, Tommy...and Devil Spawn.

“Doc, why don’t you just drop your pants and I’ll get on my knees and start slurping at your balls because that’s obviously what you want me to do!” I scream at him.

“Vivia--”

“--Nothing is good enough! You want us to play nice for the cameras, we’re doing that, you want us to bullshit the fans, we’re doing that, you want us to postpone a fucking divorce filing, we’re doing that, and now you’re wanting me to pretend he didn’t screw me over publicly just so he won’t feel bad that I can’t fucking stand him right now?!”

“What’s wrong?” Tommy asks.

“None of your fucking business!” I sneer at him.

“Get the fuck out, Vivian, Jesus.” Vince starts up.

“Oh, go scissor Bret Michaels and mind your own fucking business, bitch boy.” I shoot at him.

Liquor is drenching my dress when Vince is grabbing Tommy’s drink and throwing it on me, causing me to see red.

“What the fuck, Vince?!” Nikki barks at him, as Vince says:

“Get get your fucking ring back from the bitch Sixx chose over you.”

I’m lashing out, my nails dragging across Vince’s cheek as my flat palm hits his other cheek as hard as it can, causing the harsh stinging noise to echo through the room, as Doc and Fred both yell at us as we’re pried apart.

“Rabid Bitch!” Vince seethes, trying to fight past Doc to get to me, but Fred’s stepped in front of me, keeping me from going to Vince, too.

“Murderer!” 

The room goes silent immediately, their faces falling in shock as Vince just looks disgusted with me.

"Vivian." Doc starts, about to scold me.

"Everyone's got a fucking slap on the wrist, doesn't matter if you fucking overdose or actually kill someone, everybody just gets a fucking slap on the fucking wrist but the second I finally act like something isn't okay, the second I protest just glossing over the fact Nikki Fucking God Damn Sixx did something shitty, I'm a fucking bitter, hateful, rabid, disgusting bitch because apparently 'I should've known better'!" I outburst, taking a few deep breaths, calming down, trying not to cry before I focus on Doc. "I can smile for the cameras. I can force myself to stomach the idea of loving him in the public eye. But I refuse to just turn the other way and act like everything's okay behind closed doors, and you can't fucking make me." I say venomously to Doc before I'm storming out of the dressing room, seeing all the roadies that were around to hear the hell breaking loose behind the closed door of the dressing room.

The next couple days consists of me just staying in my hotel room, avoiding everyone except Fred, that is until…

I keep my head down, my hand gripping at Nikki’s as we all file out of the bus in the parking lot of the hotel as my other hand shields my sunglass-adorned eyes, hearing the shouts of questions from the paparazzi as all of us head to the entrance of the hotel with security trying to keep fans and the media at bay.

Almost as soon as we step foot into the hotel lobby, free from the press and witnesses, Nikki and I are dropping our hands from each other and pulling away as quickly as possible as if we’re magnetically repellent.

“Alright, shower, strip club.” Tommy names off their agenda to Nikki, Vince, and Mick. “Viv, you wanna--”

“--No.” I turn him down before he can even properly invite me, my eyes shifting to Nikki, who averts his gaze from me the second I look at him.

“But, Viv--”

“--Just leave her out of it, Tommy. She doesn’t wanna go.” Nikki tells him flatly, heading to the elevator.

“I can speak for myself, thank you.” I hiss back to him.

“Don’t start shit with me, Vivian. I’m not in the mood.” He snaps.

“What, fight with your girlfriend?” I ask as the elevator doors open.

“Go fuck yourself.” He snarls out, walking into the elevator and I’m right behind him.

“Don’t worry, I have been, being that you won’t ever touch me again.” I argue.

I guess everyone else decides not to ride in an elevator with us in case a fist fight ensues and they get caught in it.

I stare at him, his eyes covered with his sunglasses, his hair matted and sweaty from his show, his skin pale from his body purging the toxic mixture of drugs and alcohol from his system.

“Quit fucking staring at me.” He mumbles, and instead of saying something smart back or just hitting him, I look away, feeling a sadness wash over me as I notice he hasn’t taken his wedding ring off yet since we left the press behind.

“You’re not gonna take it off?” I ask, suddenly, trying to keep my tone neutral.

He doesn’t even have to ask what I’m talking about, he just knows.

I see him glance down at his ring finger before balling his left hand into a slight fist before relaxing it.

“We’re still married.” Is all he says before the doors open and he heads to his room.

I make my own separate room, unlocking the door, being met with the bland smell of a simple hotel room.

I’m used to hotel rooms smelling like Nikki.

Getting my jacket off, I step to the bathroom and get my makeup off and brush my teeth for bed before getting pajamas on. When I get to my bed, I notice something that wasn’t there before I left for the show: one of my tshirts that I left at the last hotel we were at in Texas.

Knowing who grabbed it for me, and why I should not smell it because it’s just going to make me sad, I bring it to my nose and feel my body tense in on itself, my heart heavy as his smell infiltrates my senses, and brings tears to my eyes.

How many times have I nearly talked to him, kissed him, touched him, smiled at him, all out of habit, only to realize why we are where we are in this shit to begin with?

I miss him.

He is with me everyday but I still miss him.

I exhale and climb into bed, clinging to the shirt that smells like him, closing my eyes and pretending I’m with him.

It suddenly occurs to me that the last time I kissed him, hugged him, held him, laughed with him, saw him in the shining light that I did--I didn't realize it was the last time.

Now I’ve got myself crying, and I wipe the stray tears, trying not to think about it anymore but I can’t help it.

I thought I put my absolute everything into every laugh, every kiss, every hug, every smile...but I didn’t. If I knew then what I know now, I would have.

I squeeze my eyes closed, before snatching the covers off, and go to my door, opening it, and marching to Nikki’s door.

A part of my hopes he hasn’t gone to the strip club yet, another part of me--the sane part--hopes he has.

I knock on the door and in a couple minutes it’s swinging open to reveal a hellish looking Nikki.

Trying not to cry, but failing, I lick my lips and finally get it off my chest.

“I didn’t get to say ‘goodbye’ to us.” I state, shakily, and he looks as defeated as I do.

“Vivian--”

“--You robbed me of getting to say ‘goodbye’, of being prepared to say ‘goodbye’. I wasn’t ready to not be with you, I wasn’t ready to have every reason to leave you thrown in my face. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, and you stole that from me.” I tell him. “I didn’t get to say ‘goodbye’.” I repeat, a tear falling past my lashes.

He just looks down, letting me say what I need to and I take a deep breath, sniffle, and press my lips to his, catching him off guard.

It takes him no time to respond, the both of us letting out relieved hums as our tongues meet and he pulls me into the room with him, slamming the door behind me.

His hands are immediately pulling my shirt up, and I’m fumbling to get his belt unbuckled, being interrupted by him tugging my pajama shorts off, his lips grazing over my thigh, up my abdomen, between my breasts, and pressing to my neck before finding my lips again.

I let out a soft sigh, wrapping my arms around him, my bare chest pressed against him, his tongue moving in sync with mine.

He's pulling away in a few seconds, taking deep breaths, staring down at me, confused.

"What?" I ask softly, blinking up at him. 

"What are we doing, Viv?”

I don’t answer, not really knowing what to say to begin with.

“Huh?” He questions. “We never got to talk about it, we never--”

"--Nikki--"

"--You didn't want to talk to me about it, you didn't--"

"--There was nothing to say--"

"--I had plenty to say, Vivian." 

"Nikki, it doesn't matter now."

"It doesn't matter? Are you fucking crazy? 'It doesn't matter'?!" 

"I-It does, but--"

"--But what, Vivian? You just wanna pretend it didn't fucking happen or something?" He snaps.

"No, I don't want to pretend it didn't happen, Nikki, that's why I got so upset with Doc the other night because he wanted me to act like everything was fine, even behind closed doors, and I don't want to do that."

"Then why the fuck are you here?" He asks me. 

Apparently I get the wrong look on my face that blatantly tells him what I'm up to…and he starts laughing.

"You're gonna fuck me and leave me?!” He cackles, taking a step back and I go to speak, but I’m unable to. There’s nothing I can say, and my silence confirms it. "Holy shit you sneaky cunt."

“Nikki, stop--”

“--Were you gonna tell me you had no intention of trying to actually work shit out with me and you were just using me to make yourself feel better for a couple hours, or were you just gonna hand me fucking divorce papers and a pen the second I came in you?” He sneers.

“Nikki, I’m not trying to use you.” My voice cracks as tears come to my eyes.

“Did you come to talk about what happened and try to get somewhere, or just fuck one last time for the hell of it?” He demands and I take a breath, trying to get my head together enough to try to figure out why, myself. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Get the fuck out.” He pushes me away from him.

“If you’ll let me explain--”

“--The fuck is there to explain?! I cheated on you, you left, then you come back, patronize every fucking person that's fucked up, and then try to get your rocks off on my dick one last time like some pathetic slut. You either fucking hate me and you’re leaving, or you don’t and you’re not. I’m not doing the whole ‘friends with benefits’ bullshit with my own fucking wife!”

“A majority of our marriage has been ‘roommates with benefits’ so why the hell does it matter to you now that I just want one last night?!” I outburst suddenly and he rolls his jaw.

“Get the fuck out.” He repeats, shaking his head a little.

“No.” Tears topple over my lashes and I lick my lips, shaking my head.

“Vivian, I’m not fucking telling you again. Get the fuck out or I’m making you leave.”

“Nikki, plea--”

He’s suddenly grabbing at my arms, pulling my naked body from the floor.

“--Nikki, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--”

“--You were gonna hump and dump me and you ‘didn’t mean’ it?!” He pulls me to the door while I struggle against him.

“Nikki, it was just for one last time, just so I could remember.” I plead, my hands grasping at his shirt, my eyes--blurry from tears--looking up at his. “Please, just one last time.” I beg, weakly, and he clenches his jaw, the ghosting of tears in his eyes for a second before he says:

“If it’s gonna be the last time…" his voice cracks, before it seems like he's forcing himself to "man up." 

"...I don't want to remember it." He says next.

“Nikki, please--no!” I fight with him when he gets his door open. 

"Bye, Viv." I almost don't recognize the man speaking to me, he sounds so fucking distant, cut off, as if the Nikki Sixx I met at the Starwood years ago took a step back and someone else had to come forward and get me out.

“Nikki, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just please, don’t do thi--Nikki!” I cry when he shoves me out of the room, completely naked, and slams the door after leaving  my pajamas at my feet.

My theory was and is today that, that moment, that "bye, Viv" was his way of finalizing what he thought was the end of us, because after that night, he acted like he despised and hated me, up until the last few nights of the Crüe's Japan tour when he called me multiple times in the middle of night, crying, fucked up, pleading, finally telling me how much he loved me.

#nikki sixx #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #mötley crüe #gateway drug

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

What a jackass...

Sorry I've been gone lately, I just moved from one side of the country to the other, and it has taken me teo and a half weeks to get a house, but anyways, yesterday, my family was being a bunch of dick bags, and I was riding home in my car and trying real hard to find a happy place. I did a modern day ship scenario for the Jecht/Auron shipping, here it goes. It's kinda of sad like my day, however it doesnt have as much of an asstastic end as my day.

It was a busy day at work for me, Me, Braska, Jecht, Yuna, and Tidus were living in the same apartment, and we all are trying to get out so that Braska could have the place to himself again, after all, he was housing two different couples. There was only one way to so this, get jobs.

Tidus worked at a hotel as person at the front desk. It was a five star hotel, so luckly, he was getting plenty of cash. Me on the other hand ended up with a lack luster job. I had been hired for call duty at an internet service. My boss was a jerk, and the hours were ridiculous.

Little did I knoe that this day would have been the scariest and the best day of my life. I get a call around three.

"Green lake Internet services, how may I help you today?"

"There's an issue"

"Okay, let me transfer you to one of our technicians."

" Does one of them happen to be by the name of Auron?"

" Yes, that is me, why?"

" Your boyfriend, he just had a heart attack. He wants to see you one last time, he had a widow maker, and he may not servive this. His heart is too weak."

My heart dropped down to my stomach, my beloved? Dying? I had to get there quickly.

"Yes, I'll be there as quick as I can!"

"I burst into my boss's office with little hesitation, I blurt out.

"I need to go Sam, my boyfriend just had a heart attack!"

"That's not happening, we're right in the middle of rush hour, and there has been a butt in the system, we need you right now."

"Did you even hear what I said? My boyfriend is dying! I have to go!"

"Auron, you walk out that door, you're fired."

"Here's my rebuttal Boss, I say this in the most professional way possible. Fuck yourself."

I needed to see Jecht one last time, I wasn't about to hear the declaration of his death without holding him in my arms one last time. I tried very hard to keep my tears back, but they fell with every prolonged step. Each step was a second waisted with my heart and joy in his last moments.

Luckily a taxi happened to pass by, I played him extra to break the speed limit. He was reluctant even with pay, bit when I explained my situation, he didnt think twice.

Even then, I was too late. I saw Braska standing there with groceries in hand watching the non moving ambulance.

"Braska, what are they waiting for? Why aren't they taking him to get help?!"

Tears feel from Braska's eyes, as he trembled.

"I'm so sorry Auron. He died five minutes ago. I asked them to stay long enough for you to see Jecht. I'm so very sorry. "

I couldn't holds back my sobbs, I was not a very pretty person when I cried. The sound was low and degrading, and bodily fluids leaked out of every existing hole on my face with the exception of my ears.

"H-how did this happen?"

" Jecht was stressed about upcoming events, and he was talking about them and how they made him nervous, when he started complaining about how his chest hurt, and then he collapsed."

"I didn't know this! What could have stressed him out so much that he wouldn't have told me? I could have helped him!"

"He didn't want you to know because it was a surprise. He was going to propose to you, but he was scared you would say no."

"That stupid jackass! Ofcourse I would have said yes! He's the love of my life!"

I looked up to see Braska smiling. I was too confused to notice the ambulance door swing open behind me, but I did notice the booming voice coming out of it.

"Well that takes quite the stress of my shoulders, ain't it wonderful, Braska?"

"Sure is, Jecht."

My emotions took over and I ran over to him and jumped into his arms, burying my face in the side of his neck, kissing and crying.

It took me a few minutes to realize that Jecht was perfectly fine and that this was all-

"A hoax! You asshole! When did you ever think that was FUNNY!?"

"Hey! Don't get pissy with me! It ain't a hoax, it's a damn proposal! No take backs by the way. Ya already said yes."

I continued to bury my face in his chest, a smile slowly growing on my lips.

"Are ya still angry at me?"

"How can I? You're still a jackass though."

"Yeah, I know."

"I lost my job because of you. Just so you know."

" Yeah, just means I've gotta go find one now. "

"Fair is fair."

ThE eNd

#auron