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amazingmaeve · 1 year

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PERFECT FAMILY

homelander x fem!reader (+ryan)

summary — Homelander wants to find the perfect mother for ryan since the incident with becca happened. just someone to take of ryan when he’s out or when he’s working. just a maternal for ryan. maybe someone to comfort him as well and that’s where he finds you.

warnings — dark fic, Homelander being a warning in itself, stalking, kidnapping, kinda Stockholm (it’s dark), violence, blood, angst, a bit of fluff

word count —

authors note — I legit just had this idea when I was reading @noforkingclue s fic. so go read that one because it’s amazing

homelander masterlist | the boys masterlist

“Now I know Ryan, no one can replace your mom, your mom is your mom,” Homelander stated as looked down at his son who stood next to him. “But I need someone, maternal, to take care of you when I’m away, even for your stability and mine,” He says as Ryan looked somewhat hopeful. “Now if you don’t want me to find you a new mom I won’t it’s your choice son,” He says putting his hand on his shoulder.

Ryan looked down thinking about it, he loved his mom, more than anything and she was gone, because of him. But if he could have someone who could love him at least half the way she did he would love that. Someone to just care for him like a mother can.

It could be a second chance for him. Even if he knew she wasn’t his real mom, she could love him like one. Treat him like one and he wanted that choice, someone other than Homelander to be a parent.

“Now what do you think buddy,” Homelander questions after a few minutes of silence.

“I’d like that a lot actually.”

“Me too buddy.”

“I’ve been hired by the Homelander to teach his son,” You question with a bewildered expression on your face. You stared at the woman sitting in front of you.

Yes you were a teacher but the kids you usually taught went to the school you were in at this moment. But no one could really blame your shock, you were just a normal teacher at a normal school who taught normal kids. This was on a whole different playing field.

Of course you’ve heard about Homelanders son, everyone on planet earth has probably heard about him. Ryan was his name you learned. Of course you felt a great deal of sadness for the young boy, it seemed like he didn’t have a mother and his father was a little on the crazy side from what you’ve heard. But could you really handle this?

This boy was the strongest kid in the world, and his dad was the strongest man in the world.

Anyone would be nervous to even think about accepting this offer. You were leaning more on the yes side, due to the fact that they were going to pay you a lot of money and since a teachers salary wasn’t much you didn’t really have a choice.

But some other reason inside you felt bad for Ryan, you wanted to help every kid that needed it, even if he was the strongest supe kid. You were also kind of afraid to say no to Homelander, you’ve read stories about what happened to people who said no to him and it made something burn inside of your stomach and your whole body tense up in fear.

“So what do you say, Miss. Y/L/N,” The woman in front of you asked as you looked around at the class from.

“I’ll take it,” You accepted tentatively.

And before you even knew it you signed your life away that moment and you probably could not do anything to reverse it in any way.

Today was your first day to teach Ryan and your first day actually meeting him in fact. You hadn’t even met Homelander who was his father, it seemed like if you were going to teach his son he would’ve at least wanted to call you.

But nope. Nothing. Not even an email.

You shook off those worries and just tried to put a smile on. You didn’t want to worry Ryan and wanted to help him and his journey on learning

Taking a look at yourself in the mirror you put your hair in a ponytail before shaking your hair and pulling the hair tie out and shaking your head and running your fingers through your hair trying to sort it out. You decided that having your hair down was best for you. You dusted off the pencil skirt you were wearing and tried to straighten the lavender blouse you had on. You didn’t even know why you were caring about what you looked like this was going to be just like teaching the kids at the school. But just one on one.

But you knew the reason why you were so nervous. Homelander, his father. You didn’t want to have one single thing wrong with you that would tick him off and him deciding to kill you right there. You were pretty sure that Homelander was a fickle guy due to who he was and to the public. But you hoped that his son being there would stop him from doing anything rash but you didn’t put anything past him.

“Fuck it I look fine,” You whispered to yourself in the mirror before grabbing you bag that had everything you needed in it.

Getting in the car you put the address into your phone and started driving to Homelanders place. Which you had to agree was weird. You thought he lived at Vought and his son would live there as well but no from the looks of it and where you were driving it looked like he had a house in a suburban neighborhood.

The house looked just like any house on a family sitcom. It wasn’t too big, or too small, it was normal. That ticked a red flag in your head because there wasn’t anything normal about Homelander. You were pretty sure he had people dressing him and cooking for him every night and he was living here in this normal house.

You had this horrible feeling in your stomach but you pushed those feelings out as you sat in your car for a few minutes before exiting the house and walking up to the door where you froze for another few minutes. You took a deep breath before pressing your button to the doorbell.

Rubbing your wrist, you tried calming your nerves but it wasn’t working. You had every right to be nervous. This man was the most powerful man in the world and by default the most dangerous man in the world. You didn’t want to do anything to tick him off.

He seemed very high maintenance and wanted everything to be perfect so it confused you why he asked for you to teach his son. You weren’t the smartest teacher out there, hell you weren’t even the smartest person in the school you taught. The question kept running through your brain as you stared at the door waiting.

Suddenly the door opened to reveal the man himself. Homelander. Standing there in his suit with that same smile plastered on his face as he saw you. Luckily he didn’t seem angry so maybe luck was on your side today.

“Ms. Y/L/N I was worried you weren’t going to show up,” Homelander says and you look at him confused. You didn’t think you were late.

“Oh I’m sorry sir I didn’t realize I was late,” You say taking a look at your phone that you pulled from your pocket and you were only a few minutes late. Well you weren’t wrong about the high maintenance.

“It’s only a few minutes as long as you don’t make a habit out of it,” Homelander waved it off as he opened the door wider so you could walk in. You didn’t know what he meant by that. Were you seriously going to have to be here on time every fucking day.

Walking in the house it seemed brand new which seemed about right, since you thought that Homelander lived in the Vought tower. He must’ve just bought it for him and his son, and you were a bit curious about Ryan's mother and where she was. Nothing in the news stated anything about her and that made a child run up your spine about the possibilities of what could’ve happened to her.

Back on the topic of the house. It was perfectly clean and you wondered if a kid even lived in this house. You’ve been around kids all ages and they weren’t the cleanest so to say you were kind of dumbfounded at this.

“Ryan come to the kitchen please,” Homelander called out as the two of you stepped in the kitchen. You put your bag on the table looking at him to make sure you weren’t angering him at all. “He’ll be down here in a second, he’s been waiting for this all week, jittering like fucking cokehead,” He said leaning against the kitchen counter.

The language threw you off. You didn’t take Homelander for someone who swore at all and you shook off the shock and gave him a smile.

“Well that’s good, you don’t see it that often, kids wanting to learn,” You say, wringing your fingers in front of your stomach, the pit in your stomach was still there but it was shrinking as the conversation kept going.

“That’s all what I’m about, wanting Ryan to get a good education so that he can be successful in life, that’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Homelander told you, putting his hands behind his back. “…..And to be honest he wasn’t the only one looking forward to this meeting,” He gave you another smile showing off his pearly whites.

“Oh that’s a nice thing to hear as well,” You say bashfully, giving a smile.

He wasn’t lying when he said he'd been waiting all this time for you to show up. Ryan was wanting to see you as much as he was. It took them some time for them to pick you out from all the other teachers and you were perfect for him and Ryan. You were in your late 20s, no boyfriend, no kids, no family you talk to, and not many friends, or at least he thought that. You don’t go out much. And to top it off you had that maternal side of you, working in a school, you helped kids all the time and knew exactly what they wanted. It also helped for Homelander that you were an attractive woman.

Homelander knew that it was going to take some convincing to get Ryan on board for this but surprisingly Ryan was genuinely excited to meet you, for you to take care of both of them. Homelander need that, someone to help him with this and everything, someone he could come to and someone who would caress his cheek and run her fingers through his hair. Someone who would hug him and let him cuddle against her chest. Someone to just coddle him.

Ryan needs a mother to essentially do that as well, someone who could help him when he’s sad or mad or just confused. Homelander wasn’t good at that stuff so needed someone. Someone that could be at their beck and call. Someone who could help Ryan with school and read him bedtime stories so that he could fall asleep. Or when he had a nightmare and needed someone to talk to.

You were that person. You were that perfect person for them. It would just take some time and convincing.

Ryan came running down the stairs as you said that sentence and ran up to stand in front of his dad who put his hand on his shoulders as you gave both of them a soft smile.

“Hey Ryan it’s nice to meet you,” You say, holding your hand out for him to shake.

You were expecting the boy to shake your hand but he ignored your hand and wrapped his arms around your body giving you a hug. You were a bit gobsmacked at this. No kid has ever been that affectionate. But you did reciprocate the hug not wanting to upset him. He was just a kid.

“Told you he has been waiting for this,” Homelander says, giving you a smug smile this time as you caress the back of the kid's head.

“Sorry just a bit shocked no kids ever acted like this,” You say as Ryan still had his head buried in your stomach.

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” Ryan muttered into your stomach as it was muffled by the fabric of your blouse.

“Ok come on Ryan she’s here for a reason,” Homelander intervened putting his hands back on his shoulders beginning to tug him back but Ryan resisted as his arms stayed locked around you muttering a no into your stomach.

Surprisingly you weren’t scared, he wasn’t hugging you tightly and you weren’t a psychologist but it seemed like he had some attachment issues but you didn’t want to judge too soon. You weren’t privy to his background and didn’t want to make him feel bad for this. To be honest, the maternal side of you was melting from this, wanting to comfort the boy as he stood hugging you.

Meanwhile Homelander was in awe. It didn’t even take you 5 minutes for you to break. You were so perfect for the both of them that made a pang in his heart as he watched you hug Ryan. Although he also couldn’t help a pang of jealousy coursing through him watching you comfort his son and deep down wished it was him you were comforting.

Mentally shaking his head. The time will come, he thought.

“Ryan come on,” Homelander says, giving another tug on the boy he could use his whole strength but he didn't want to hurt Ryan or you for that matter. But he didn’t budge.

You put your hand on top of Homelanders' gloved one trying to reassure him that this was okay. Deep down you this would cause some problems in the future but you didn’t honestly give two fucks at the moment. Homelander tensed as you did that, not expecting but loving it.

“Hey Ryan, why don’t you let go of me,” You whispered, running our fingers through his hair.

“Don’t want you to leave,” Ryan muttered into your stomach again as a confused expression came across your face. You weren’t even here for two minutes and he was worried you were gonna leave. Yeah you knew there was something wrong, this boy was getting attached to your hip and you knew deep down that something must’ve happened to his mother, for him to be attached this much.

“I’m not gonna leave, not yet,” You muttered as you felt him move a bit against your stomach. “I promise and when I do leave, I’ll be coming back tomorrow don’t worry,” You tried reassuring the boy and was a little worried when he gave you a little squeeze at the mention of leaving. But eventually he let up on the hugging.

“Promise,” Ryan says looking up at you.

“Promise, even ask your dad I’m pretty sure if I don’t show up, he’ll do something about it,” You say waving your hand at Homelander.

“Don’t worry buddy I promise you she’s going to be coming here every day,” Homelander promised, giving his shoulders a squeeze. You didn’t want to intervene and say you wouldn’t be coming here on the weekends.

“Okay,” Ryan says, giving you a smile, removing his arms from around you and moving to sit at the kitchen table, where your stuff was.

“Okay buddy lets get started….”

For the next few weeks, everything was going amazing. Ryan was amazing at the stuff you were teaching him and you were proud that he was this smart bright kid. But he was getting more and more attached to you.

To the point that you had to stay a few hours extra, past your planned time and coming over on the weekends as well. Homelander didn’t stop it, he loved it and you knew it but you didn’t know why at the moment. Luckily you didn’t have many friends so you could spend time helping this kid. Plus you liked spending time with both of them and to be honest you were beginning to like coming here everyday, being greeted by Homelander and teaching Ryan. Homelander usually stayed in watching the both of you and you paid no mind, so you didn’t see the longing look in his eyes as you taught his son math.

On his side he was beginning to lose patience and wanted you with the both of them at all times and considered it as he watched over you at nights. He could easily do it. You left your window locked since you lived on an apartment building, you didn’t have any security system, hell you didn’t even own a fucking dog. Honestly he thought your nativity was adorable, you needed someone like him to protect you. He just couldn’t wait to have you in his arms so you could take care of him and Ryan.

You on the other hand were trying to gather up the courage to ask Homelander about what happened to Ryan's mom since his attachment to you became bigger and bigger. It was also quite worrying because Homelanders' attachment was becoming bigger and bigger as well. He was more subtle at least.

Although you weren’t scared of him or Ryan. They hadn’t done anything to indicate that you should be scared. So at the moment you just stayed in your schedule as the times staying with Ryan increased more and more.

On this particular Friday everything was normal as you came to the house but Homelander left in the middle of your session. Muttering something about work. That worried you, you didn’t know what’s going on, and how long you should stay here with Ryan but you tried to brush off the worrying not wanting to worry the boy out.

By the time it hit 6 o’clock you were still worried about Homelander and where he was. But Ryan didn’t know anything which helped you, he didn’t need to worry about his dad.

“I’m hungry,” Ryan stated as the two of you sat and watched tv.

The session had ended an hour ago and the two of you decided to watch tv so that you could help your nerves and Ryan would get a break from school work. But as soon as the tv started the both of you started talking and it felt so normal talking to this boy as though he was a part of your life.

“Oh I could make you something to eat,” You say getting off the couch and he followed you as you entered the kitchen again moving around so that you were in the kitchen as Ryan sat on the chairs that were in front of the kitchen counter. “What do you want,” You question, giving him a smile.

“Mac and Cheese,” He answered with a smile of his own, after some pondering.

You were quite nervous, you didn’t know if Homelander stocked any food here since you barely ate here and Ryan only ate snacks. But when you opened the fridge and cabnits everything was there and you let out a sigh of relief as you started the dinner and began to talk to Ryan casually.

“So Ryan who usually does the cooking here,” You question as you got the noodles ready on the stove, boiling at the point you wanted them.

“Well dad usually gets a chef here since he doesn’t know how to cook and the chef only comes when dads here,” Ryan answered as he watched you cooking. He began to think of his mom and became sad. He sometimes has thoughts about her and he doesn’t like it.

“Hey Ryan what’s wrong,” You asked worriedly, putting your hands on his and rubbing the back of his hands with your thumb for comfort.

“Nothing,” He sniffed, not wanting to cry in front of you. Homelander told him showing his emotions was weak and he especially should do that in front of you as that would make him appear weak.

“Come on bud you can tell me,” You cooed, giving his arm a squeeze. “You don’t have to hide your feelings in front of me Ryan,” You reassured him.

“It’s just my mom,” He muttered as a tear slid down his cheek and you gave him a look of sympathy as you wiped the tear from his cheek giving his forehead a kiss. You definitely knew something went down with his mom.

“That’s fine thinking about your parents especially ones you don’t see anymore can make you sad and make you want to cry and you should, crying isn’t bad Ryan it's good that you can. It shows that you are strong,” You told him in a soft tone,

“But dad said crying in front of people makes you seem weaker,” Ryan says, looking at you with wet cheeks.

Walking around the counter and wrapping your arms around him and he immediately receives it, tightly hugging you and definitely not hugging at his full strength. You ran your hand down his back, comforting him as he sobbed into your chest. You had a feeling Homelander had these values as he seemed like one of those men. You weren’t mad as you know these were taught to him but you were going to have to talk to him about it. Because it wasn’t good for Ryan to hide his emotions especially from his dad.

“Don’t worry Ryan, everything's going to be fine,” You mutter. “I’ll talk to him, don't worry,” You tell him. “And as for your mom she’s always going to be there for you she’s going to be all around you especially in here,” You say putting your hand on his head.

You felt Ryan nodd into your chest as he was still sitting in the chair and you were standing and leaning down. It was uncomfortable but it didn’t matter at the moment.

“Okay,” You say, pulling him away from your chest. “Now let’s get your food ready so you can fill your tummy,” You say, giving him a chipper smile wanting to change the subject. He nodded as he wiped his tears and you walked around the kitchen counter and checked on the noodles.

The rest of the night was spent eating dinner and talking to Ryan about multiple things as his moods got more and more happier and you didn’t really care that Homelander was gone now. You were having an amazing time with Ryan and you definitely weren’t going to leave him all alone here with no one around.

After dinner the both of you sat on the couch again and started to watch tv again and Ryan eventually ended up with his head in your lap as you watched tv. He eventually fell asleep a few minutes after he laid down on your thighs. You began to run your fingers through his hair as you soothed him into sleep. You didn’t want to move him to his bed as that would wake him and you didn’t have the heart to do that at the moment so you just kept caressing and watching the tv waiting for Homelanders arrival.

When Homelander eventually came home it was around midnight and you were still up and to be honest he was surprised that stuck around but he knew that you cared for Ryan and that made his chest fill up with warmth especially when he watched you with Ryan’s head in your lap. God he wanted you so bad but he needs to practice patience.

“Hey Y/N,” Homelander greeted you at the couch and gave you a smile.

“Hey Homelander,” You greeted him with a tight smile. After calling him sir for so many times he told you to call him Homelander and you caved.

“Sorry I made you stay so late. I had an emergency at Vought and had to do some work,” Homelander apologized as he tightened his fist behind his back. He was initially sorry but now he was happy because he could witness you helping his son.

“It’s fine me and Ryan had fun,” You say as you stop moving your hand. “Speaking of him, we should get him to bed it is midnight,” You say.

Homelander melted at the words you said. We. We should get him to bed. As if you were already a family and it made him so happy that you may be coming around to this and you may want this as well.

He nodded and the two of you successfully got Ryan to bed without waking him and you tucked him into his covers and gave him a kiss on the forehead and left the room to greet Homelander in the hall who still had this smile on his face. But you tried to keep your mind on the target, you wanted to talk to him about Ryan.

“You got any wine,” You asked with a tired tone and you were tired but you needed some relaxation.

Homelander chuckled and gave you a curt nod and even though he didn’t drink he knew you had the occasional wine here and there.

Once you got the wine you chugged it down in one instance and Homelander knew he was going to have to do something about that once he got you under the roof. Ryan didn’t need a drunk for a mother and even though you don’t do it often, he knows how addictions work.

“I also need to talk to you about something,” You say, wiping your mouth after chugging the wine like it was your last drink.

“Ask away,” Homelander says, pointing his hand at you, giving you the floor.

“Ryan told me something today that worried me and I wanted to talk to you about it,” You say and Homelander raised an eyebrow at the mention of his son. “He said you didn’t like it when he cried in front of him and other people and I know I’m not his mother or guardian in any way but I know what makes kids turn into angry adults and this is one of the reasons why boys turn into angry men,” You say sternly. “I know you’re his dad and I would normally not even bring this up but I just want to help him and you for a matter of fact and if you want to fire me that’s fine I just wanted to give you a piece of advice,” You say and immediately take a deep breath from all the words you just said.

Homelander looked at you flabbergasted at what you had told him. He didn’t think you had the guts to stand up to him and honestly seeing you angry was definitely a turn on for him. Even though he does think these values, if he wants you to even think about staying with him once he does get you under this roof he has to try it with you. He needs to take your advice even if he doesn’t like it, and he knows once you become a more permanent figure in the house he’s going to need some of your opinions.

“I know I know,” Homelander runs his glove hands over his face feeling out of energy. “I honestly didn’t think about it when I said it just came out,” He mutters looking down at the floor feeling kind of ashamed as though you were disappointed in him and he would hate you being disappointed in him.

“Hey it’s okay I know these things are taught and I’m glad you see these things,” You say reassuring him, also happy he didn’t burn you alive. You cautiously bring your hand to his cheek and begin to rub your thumb along his cheek bone trying to comfort him.

Luckily for your life it seemed like he enjoyed it as he leaned into your hand and slowly closed his eyes at the comfort of your hand. You felt amazing and he immediately preened under your touch and by the sound of your heart beating a little faster he knew you liked it as well.

“You can stay the night if you want since it’s so late,” Homelander whispers, turning his head, giving your palm a kiss, making your whole body heat up under his lips.

“That’s nice of you and I’ll take you up on that offer,” You say, giving him a genuine smile. “But only if you are comfortable with that I would hate to make you or Ryan uncomfortable,” You say fiddling with your wine glass.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Homelander laughs. “Ryan would love to have you here as well as I so don’t worry about our comfort,” He says, finding it cute that you were so worried about his and Ryan's comfort, it also filled his whole body with happiness.

“It’s probably a good idea that I stay here, you have no idea what kind of creeps are out there at this time at night and I wouldn’t want to take a chance with that,” You say, knowing what would probably happen if you did leave and you didn’t like the ending of that story.

“I’ll show you to the guest room,” Homelander states as he stands up and starts walking towards the stairs expecting you to follow him. Expectedly you do as he thinks and follow him up the stairs.

“So anything new interesting going on in your life,” Homelander questions once you reach the top of the stairs.

“Eh not much I don’t go out much, definitely not as much as the people in my age group, that probably explains why I don’t have many friends,” You nervously laugh shaking your head. It’s true you don’t have many friends since you don’t live your life that exciting.

“I get what you're saying, I didn't have many friends when I was younger,” Homelander lies partially. He didn’t have any friends but that’s because Vought was keeping him as a fucking lab rat and he didn’t have any chances to make any friends.

“It’s probably due to my fear of making connections with people, too afraid to let them in,” You say as the both of you trail across the carpet to the guest room, keeping your voices down for Ryan. He gives you a weird look at what you just said and to be honest you would as well. “That’s what my therapist says at least,” You chuckle running your hands over your face as you feel fatigue creep inside your bones.

Homelander makes an ‘ohhh’ face but internally he knew he would have to do something about that. You didn’t need a therapist, especially now since you have him in your life. All that therapist would do is try to keep you away from him and that’s just not what he needs at the moment. He just needs you with him and Ryan, if he had that it would be happiness that he’s wished for, for his entire life.

“Anyways here’s the room, there’s a shower in there and some extra clothes for you to sleep in,” Homelander opens the door as he gives you a look over knowing you couldn't sleep in your clothes.

“Thanks again,” You say, trying not to show how confused you were by the fact he has extra clothes here.

“I’ll be off now, I’ll see you in the morning,” Homelander says his goodbyes, giving you a wave and strolling off to his room but not before you could say anything.

“Goodnight Homelander,” You say.

“John,” He says, keeping his back towards you.

“Huh,” You turn around not understanding what he meant.

“My name it’s John,” He whispers, hoping you heard it and by the extra skip in your heartbeat you did.

“Goodnight John,” You whispered.

“Goodnight.”

After the two of you bid your good nights you both made your way to your respective rooms where the both of you were doing totally different things.

You immediately took off your clothes and made your way to the shower and you were shocked nonetheless seeing a plethora of shampoos and body washes. You tried not to be freaked out that it was the same ones you use, It’s probably a coincidence a lot of people use this you thought to yourself before turning on the shower and making it hot. It was specifically cold tonight and you just wanted to relax.

Once you enter the hot shower your body immediately relaxes as the hot water drips down your body and you hum slowly loving the comfort from this. After a few minutes of just standing there under the water you started to bathe yourself, starting with your hair.

Homelander on the other hand had other plans for what he was doing. He sat his body down on the perfectly neat bad that he almost never sleeps in. Compound V does that to you. He has his body facing towards the room you're sleeping in. He honestly had to have so much self control on not following you in there when he wanted to so badly. With his hands on his knees he watches you undress and get in the shower.

It’s not like it’s something he hasn’t seen before, he goes to your apartment every night after Ryan goes to sleep just watching you do your mundane task. Obviously he got hard from all of this, especially when you took your clothes off or when you touched yourself to relieve stress.

His eyes clothes when you start humming feeling his body start to lock in comfort that he just wishes he could lay down on your lap whilst you coddle him. To comfort him and give him praise. But he knows you're warming up to him as he notices every time you come over you’re wearing some that accentuates your chest so that he would always notice. Your body temperature always rises when he’s around and your heart rate spikes when he’s standing next to you and he loves it. He just loves it so much and he knows how it feels since he feels the same way when he’es around you.

Once you get out of the show you wrap a towel around your body and start to dry yourself and make your way into the room and put on some underwear and an oversized shirt. You don’t even want to know where he got this shit from. You’re just so tired that once your head immediately hits the pillow you're out like a light. But some of it was due to the wine you have to admit.

After about an hour into your sleep Homelander makes his way into your room and he knows you're asleep by the way you snore quietly into the pillow. He notices that you left the light on and he knows that you have the tv on at your home and he wonders if the dark scares you. He shakes those thoughts out of your head as he comes to stand next to the bed and brings his now ungloved hand to caress your cheek.

Luckily for him your body is facing him so he has more leeway. His thumb gently strokes your cheekbone as you sleep and he’s noticed that you were a deep sleeper from the first time he’s entered your apartment. Homelander just loves everything about you even though he thinks humans are beneath him, you don’t count as one of those. You’re special.

Leaning down gently he presses his lips to your forehead. He makes an exit out of the room knowing the next time you sleep here it would be in his bed one way or the other.

The moment you wake up you go to the bathroom and brush your teeth before looking through the drawers and finding that there were some jeans and you immediately thanked god as you put them on and made your way down the stairs knowing it was only 9 o’clock in the morning. Luckily you didn’t have to teach today which caused some stress to exit your body.

Your stomach was growling from hunger and you knew you had to eat something and while you were at it you could make something for John and Ryan as well to thank them for letting you stay here.

Once you got the pancakes ready someone in front of the kitchen counter said. “Hello,”

You jump and immediately turn around to see Homelander standing there with a grin etched onto his face as he watches you cook.

“God John you scared the absolute shit out of me,” You let out a deep breath as he gives you this warm look that makes your body heat up. You’ve always thought he was attractive but you can’t help the ways he makes your heart skip a beat.

“Sorry once you woke up, that woke me up and I came down here wondering what you were doing,” Homelander softly says and you give him a confused look. “Super hearing and a very light sleeper,” He says pointing to his eyes and you have a look of realization on your face.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay here and what other way to thank you by making you and Ryan breakfast,” You rush out not wanting to make him mad but in reality nothing you did could ever make him mad at you.

“Don’t worry, it’s sweet that you thought of it and I know Ryan will love it, he usually wakes up around this time so, perfect timing,” Homelander says clapping his hands. “So how’d you sleep last night,” He questions.

“Amazing, the bed was so comfortable that I’m kinda upset that I have to sleep on my own mattress tonight,” You laugh as you take a bite out of the pancake.

Homelander subtly frowned that he forgot that you weren’t going to be here tonight and suddenly he felt his heart race at the thought of that. But on the other hand he was glad that you didn’t want to leave the house, it showed that you were comfortable around him and in his house. He was going to have to move the date of his plan soon because he was going crazy at the thought of you not being here for him or for Ryan.

“Well you’re more than welcome to stay another night, and it makes me happy to know that you feel comfortable here,” Homelander says.

“I just- I don’t know it’s just something about this place and about you and Ryan that makes this place so homey,” You tell him fiddling with your fingers.

“You know that makes me really happy to hear,” Homelander says with a chuckle, making you smile at him.

Suddenly you hear Ryan come running down the stairs and that makes you break out in a grin as he comes into the kitchen with a huge grin on your face.

“You’re still here,” Ryan says with happiness written all over his face alongside the huge smile on his lips. He comes up and wraps his tiny arms around your waist giving you a squeeze and you wince a little. When he usually hugs you, he’s gentle but sometimes he forgets his own strength and squeezes a bit too hard. But it never caused any long term damage and you could handle it since he was so happy to see you.

“Of course I am buddy I would never leave without saying goodbye to you,” You say leaning down and kissing his forehead while putting your arms around his shoulders giving him a squeeze too, not as hard as his but a squeeze nonetheless. “But I am going to have to go home soon you know that right,” You say not wanting to lead the poor kid on that you’re staying here forever.

“No I don’t want you to go,” Ryan sternly mumbled into your stomach as you felt his shoulders stiffen and you looked up and saw Homelander with a melancholy expression on his face and you frown in confusion.

“I know Ryan but you know you’ll see me soon, I’m not going to up and leave you forever,” You try to reassure him but giving his head a light caress.

“But why can’t you just stay here, it would be easier for you, and you wouldn’t have to drive here everyday and-and you wouldn’t be worried about the time,” Ryans words stumbled out of his mouth.

You didn’t know what to say to that, it was still obvious that Ryan wanted you here all the time and now it was bigger than the first day you met him and your heart started to race as the thought that you let this happen. You didn’t want to hurt Ryan, he’s such a sweet boy and you never want him to be sad but you can’t just break these boundaries. Even though deep down you know you’ve already broken a lot of boundaries.

“Ryan sweetie I know you don’t want me to leave but-,” You say but you were interrupted by Ryan.

“No don’t leave, please just don’t leave, dad make her stay,” Ryan says as he starts to cry into your stomach and you feel your throat start to dry up and your eyes begin to water.

His arms tightened a bit more and you held in a whimper not wanting to upset Ryan even more, you knew he didn’t want to hurt you so you just stood there and caressed his hair trying to remain calm.

“I know you’re upset Ryan and and you just- your dad can’t-,” You began to say again but this time you were interrupted by the man you were talking about and you were relieved at first but once the words came out of his mouth your heart rate increased.

“Okay I’ve had enough of this I didn’t want this to be today but it can’t go on like this anymore, you’re staying here and that’s final,” Homelander sternly said pointing this finger at you as you stood there agape at what he just said.

You could feel yourself stiffen and begin to sweat a bit as nervousness began to set and you swallowed as you tried to keep your calm but you were sure he could hear your heartbeat. Suddenly there was this knot in your stomach, the type of know that made you want to throw up and pass out, but with Ryan’s vice grip around you couldn’t even move.

“Homelander- John I can’t just stay here I don’t live here,” You rush out as you try to keep your breathing calm.

“Well know you do,” Homelander snapped. “I know this might be upsetting for you at first but soon you’ll love it here and I know you love it here when you come here everyday so why not just stay here,” He says trying to calm you down as he hears your heart increase and your breathing become more shallow.

“Because I don’t fucking live here John,” You snap giving him an angry look as Ryan nuzzles into your stomach and you can tell he’s starting more anxious due to the fighting but right now his father was being unreasonable.

“Hey you watch your language in front of my son,” Homelander snaps at and you swore you could see his glow red for a second and then you felt your stomach fall to your ass as your hands began to shake while you were caressing Ryan’s head.

You tried to say something but nothing came out as your breathing became more and more erratic as the reality of your situation began to flood your head. You felt a few tears roll down your face as you bit your lip trying to keep your sobs in. Breathing in and out you tried to calm yourself down but it wasn’t helping. When panic attacks usually happen to you, doing that usually helps but it’s not.

Homelander closed his eyes as he listened to your uneven breathing. This isn’t how he wanted to do this but, Ryan was freaking out and it was going to happen sooner or later so he just figured that why it not me now. He knew it would take time for you to settle but soon it would be like paradise for all three of you, he knew it.

“Okay Ryan bud,” Homelander came around the kitchen island to put his hand on Ryan’s other shoulder to get his attention as you looked up at him with fear in your eyes. “Why don’t go outside and play for a bit while me and Y/N talk okay,” He says, squeezing his shoulder.

“Why,” Ryan grumbled into your stomach and you closed your eyes as you felt Homelanders hand run down your arm.

“We just need to talk and situate everything,” Homelanders said. “Don’t worry she’s not leaving you can count on it,” He says as he gives you a look. Ryan doesn’t move and Homelander sighs. “Isn’t that right Y/N you’re not going to leave,” He says and Ryan looks up at you.

“Uh yeah,” You say as a tear trails down your cheek you put your hand on Ryan’s cheek. “Don’t worry about me, I'm staying,” You say with a tremble in your voice.

Ryan nods and gives you one last squeeze before running out. You rub your sides as you try to keep calm. You stand completely still as Homelander approaches you and puts his hands on your cheeks wiping the tears. You let out a little whimper not knowing what he was going to do.

“Don’t worry I’m not going to hurt you, I would never hurt you,” Homelander says at least not on purpose he thinks. “I know this must be hard to deal with but trust me when everything falls into place you are going to LOVE it, you won’t have to worry about anything any more,” He says giving you a pleading look.

“Homelander-Homelander-,” You stutter trying to begin your sentence but you were interrupted again by him.

“Don’t call me that, call me John,” Homelander says with annoyance coming across his features.

“John,” You begin to say. “I know it must be hard being a single dad but I-I can’t stay here,” You tremble underneath his hands as he looks at you in what you could describe as disappointment.

“Yes you can, you can stay here and take care of Ryan and take care of me, you can quit your job, you won’t have to worry about having to pay bills anymore, or about how you’re gonna eat with what money you have. You won’t have to worry about the guy who keeps fucking harassing everytime you leave your apartment. You just won’t have to worry,” Homelanders rants and your face looks as if you’ve seen a ghost. “I love you,” He whispers as he

You’ve never told him about your money problems. You never told him about your neighbor Ted who keeps flirting with you and groping you, and that information makes you stare up at him in shock. But on the other hand it feels nice to have someone wanting to take care of you, to care about you, to make sure you’re okay. Someone just to love you. You haven't been in a relationship in such a longtime that this is making you almost want to smile up at him.

“John I-I If you felt this way about me this isn’t how you go about it, you ask me on a date and then we work up to it,” You say, hesitantly raising your hand and putting your hand on his cheek giving it a gentle caress.

“I knew you weren’t going to like this but it’s a part of the risk, I need you here, and I know in due time you'll realize how right I am,” Homelander whispers as his lips hover over yours.

“I-I what about my stuff? What about my life?,” You say as the panic starts to come back.

“Don’t worry I’ll go and get it and you’ll feel like you’re just at home,” Homelander says before giving you a short peck on the lips. “Now,” He claps. “That's settled, I can finally relax and eat those pancakes that you made,” He says before sitting down.

You give him a wary look as he gives you a wink before delving into the food.

It’s been a few days since the whole Homelander kept you here and you were in denial for a bit. You thought he would send you home and that this whole thing was a prank and you could go on with your normal life.

But reality sunk in when Homelander moved your stuff into the room you slept in. You cried yourself to sleep that night not knowing what you were going to do. But you were woken up to Ryan shaking you and going on and on about how happy he was that you were here.

You didn’t want to admit it but it made you happy that Ryan was so happy to have you here but you wanted to keep a hold of your sanity, not wanting to fall into the trap. But you knew that you were going to give in, it was just a matter of time and you also knew that you didn’t mind it.

The past few days though Homelander has barely been at the house making you wonder if you could actually get away with packing and leaving. You could just run but it didn’t matter anymore, he would find you. No matter what. How could you run from him, he probably had eyes on you this whole time. You didn’t want to be on the reciprocating end of his anger so you just decided to stay put.

Another reason was Ryan. You didn’t want to leave him alone. You didn’t want him to feel abandoned by you, he’s already been through so much and you did want to help him and in the end you just decided that you would suck it up for Ryan. You would do this for him.

And he was so happy every day when he woke up he came to your room and climbed into your bed whilst resting his head on your chest. The two of you talked like it was just a normal day and you wanted it to stay like that.

But while Homelander was gone, you found yourself missing him, maybe this was Stockholm settling in but your heart was starting to ache for him. You wanted to feel his touch and feel his love, you couldn't keep that from him, he would just hear your heartbeat.

On the fifth night you were sitting on the couch with a glass of wine as you watched tv. You just put Ryan to bed a few hours ago and you wanted to catch up on some of the tv shows you watched.

Suddenly a whoosh made you jump a little and turn around to see Homelander standing there with a look of sadness on his face. His shoulders were slumped as he looked at you and it made you want to coo at him and ask what’s the matter.

“John, where’ve you been,” You say softly as he shakes his head softly and feels his heart race at the thought of you being worried.

“You’re not mad at me…. Anymore?” Homelander questions with a sullen tone and with a little pout on his lips that almost made your lips quick in a smirk but decided against it just in case that would make him angry.

“John you have to understand why I’m mad, you’d be angry if you were in my position, hell you’d probably set the house on fire if you were in my position,” You say with a tiny chuckle.

“I just don’t want to make you angry at me, I did what I did for my son and…. For you,” Homelander whispers as rounds the couch you were sitting on and points at the seat next to it subtly asking you if he could sit.

You nod and he sits next you and his body stiffens as he does not know what to do. You notice his saddened look and you feel your heart skip a beat at that.

“C’mere,” You sigh, opening your arms and the two of you lay down on the couch with Homelanders neck nuzzled into your neck and you running your fingers through his hair and he lets out a sigh of relief.

Meanwhile your other hand carefully caresses down his back trying to make him more happy and as you place a kiss on his forehead, you can feel him smile into your neck making your heart race.

His hands carefully wrap around your waist as he minds his strength while hugging you. This is heaven to him. This is what makes him happy.

As you keep running your fingers through his hair, he rubs his nose against your clavicle and gives you a few kisses there that makes a shiver run down your spine and you don’t want him to notice but he does and he gives your hip a squeeze. He knows you don’t want to admit it deep down that you like it but he can feel that you do. You love it.

“I’m glad we’re finally making progress,” Homelander whispers into your ear giving you a kiss right below it and you shake your head and chortle. “You’ll love it soon enough.”

“I just know it.”

And deep down he was right and you knew that.

#homelander #homelander x reader #homelander x oc #homelander x y/n #homelander x you #homelander imagine #homelander headcanons #homelander smut #ryan butcher #the boys x reader #the boys x oc #the boys x you #the boys x y/n #the boys smut #the boys imagine #the boys headcanons #the boys

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tinfairies · 1 year

Note

I need some darks hc's with homelander, please

Yandere!Homelander x Fem!Reader

Homelander keeps you under lock and key in the tower.

You never leave his penthouse and very few people know you even exist.

When he first laid eyes on you, he had to have you. You filled a void in his needs.

Your his little housewife/mother essentially.

One that he gets to fuck when he wants.

He expects you to keep the penthouse clean, keep up with your appearance, and pamper him.

Homelander does things for you in return of course. He brings you gifts, and things to start new hobbies.

He can't have you getting bored, so you've picked up painting, knitting, baking, sculpting, and many other hobbies.

You get very little TV time a day, no phone, no computer. You at least have a record player and a wide variety of vinyls.

If you play the housewife role well, you may earn his trust a little.

When he first took you, he was rough and controlling. Using you as his personal fleshlight, then his fantasies ran wild.

He dresses you like a 50s housewife and makes you play the part.

Homelander starts to fuck you softer the more you played into him.

You may be able to get him wrapped around your finger.

When he comes home after a rough day, lay his head in your lap and let him suck at your tits.

Call him your baby boy, and praise him.

You might get more freedoms the more you manipulate him with the role he gave you.

#homelander smut #homelander imagine #homelander headcanons #homelander x reader #Homelander #The boys #the boys headcanons #the boys imagine #the boys x reader #the boys #Smut #Yandere

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iikkeee · 2 years

Text

The boys characters reaction when you bring a stray cat home

Includes- Homelander, Black Noir, Hughie Campbell, Billy Butcher

Warnings: none, all fluff <3

A/n: I was just randomly thinking about this and had to write it, if anyone wants to request more “the boys” content then feel free to message me!!!

_________________________________________________

Homelander

When you found a little ginger cat on the street crying for help you couldn’t help but grab it, you quickly brought it home and got all the necessary items to take care of him. You were placing the kitty on its bed when you heard the whoosh of John’s cape. “Honey, I’m home” he yells from the living room “I’m up here!” You yell from the bedroom, he raises his brow in confusion but heads up the stairs. When he walks into the room he stops moving “John…?” You say concerned as to what he’s thinking. “Huh” is all he could manage to say, he was surprised to say the least. A cat in your house? it was weird, he’s never felt the need to have a pet and he definitely doesn’t want to take care of it. “I just found him and I had to take him home, please let me keep him” you plead with him grabbing his hand in between both of yours, he stays quiet for a moment longer before just sighing “fine” you smiled and gave him a big kiss before going to hug the kitten and bring him towards John “this is your daddy” you said to the kitty while handing it over to him. John immediately tenses up as he holds the small cat in his arms before looking down at kittens small face and giving it a small smile, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad..? He always did want a family and this cat was the closest thing he was going to get a son. You smiled as you looked at the scene in front of you “looks like you like him John” you teased “hmm…maybe” he replied giving you a small smirk as he cuddled the kitten closer.After a while John got used to the cat and would often be seen playing with or trying to teach him weird tricks so he would in John’s words “be a great superhero like his father” whatever that means…. _________________________________________________

Black noir

You whined slightly as you opened a cardboard box to reveal a small black cat, you quickly grabbed it and took it inside. Black noir was sitting at the table and noticed as you hurriedly came inside, he quickly got up to see if you were okay. “Noir look” You say as you hold the kitten to your chest, he looks down and cocks his head to the side. He gently takes the cat from your arms and sits down on the couch “do you want to keep it?” You asked as you sat down next to him, watching him as he sweetly pets it and plays with it. He moved his head to look at you and you smiled knowing his answer. He’s always wanted a pet but didn’t know if he could take care of it properly and this was the perfect opportunity to finally find out. Noir found the kitten so adorable and wants to do everything to protect it, he always tucks the kitty in on your shared bed and feeds him the best treats, the cat loves him and you can often find them together in weird places, you laughed as you saw how the cat would climb on Noir and would plop itself on Noirs shoulder or head. You and Noir would cuddle on the couch as you watched the kitty go crazy over some rat chasing videos. Noir would let the kitten chase him around the house and even bite him if they were both playing, they were extremely close and would play some tricks on you for fun. Overall Noir loved that cat with every fiber of his being. _________________________________________________

Hughie Campbell

When you found a box of kittens you quickly ran inside and placed them down on the table, Frenchie and Kimiko saw your panicked face and ran over “awww!” Frenchie exclaimed while Kimiko had a big smile on her face “What’s going on over here?” Hughie asked as he walked over to your little group, you all moved away from the box making space for him. “Omg” he exclaimed before hurriedly picking up one from inside the box. Hughie always loved animals so once he saw that box he immediately wanted to give them all the love in the world “aren’t they so cute??” You ask as you cuddle one of the kittens close to you “Where did you find them?” He asks as he holds one of them high in the air and gives it kisses “Just outside” you answer as you give one a kiss “must be an early Christmas present” Frenchie exclaims before winking and grabbing two of the kittens for him and Kimiko to hold on the couch. “Oh really this early?” You tease “we need to keep them” Hughie exclaims “all four?” You ask getting close to him “yes, all four” He states before giving you a quick peck “that’s if butcher allows you to keep them” Frenchie says while sighing “who cares what he thinks?” You say as you cuddle the two cats you and hughie have. After a while Butcher got used to the cats and let you keep them, Hughie gives them all cute names that all relate to each other. You can often see the kitty’s cuddled up on his sleeping body after a mission or errand, you always smile at the scene and tuck them all in making sure to give them all goodnight kisses even Hughie. He would treat all the cats equally with how much time he plays with them or the treats that he gives them. He loves to put the cats next to you and watch how you interact with them. _________________________________________________

Billy Butcher

When you found a kitten outside that clung onto you for dear life you had to take her in, you smiled as you held her in your coat and showed her small little figure to Marvin and Frenchie. As soon as you heard the door click you hide her in your jacket, afraid of what Billy would say. He quickly walked inside ignoring you guys on the couch and talking about how he had a fight with some supe before stopping in his track and noticing the guys crowded around you. “Now, now, what the fuck are you guys crowding around for?” He asked before moving towards you and looking down at your coat showing him a glimpse of the kittens fur “would you look at that?” He teased as he crouched down so he was in direct eye contact with the small feline. Billy was never really a cat person especially since he had terror, he didn’t really understand how to take care of one in the first place so when you asked if you could keep the cat he was shocked nonetheless. He never gave you a clear answer and would mumble or grumble whenever you asked, it took him a long time to get used to the kitten and you would often see him and the cat just chilling on the couch together. But whenever you would look away or pretend to not be looking, Butcher petted the cat and gave her ears scratches “you’re such a good girl” he whispered thinking you wouldn’t hear, you would chuckle and he would quickly back away acting like nothing happened “I think you like her billy…” you teased as you cuddled up next to him. “Pft…never” he said sarcastically, making you roll your eyes. He would dress her up in different outfits and would buy her the best treats while still claiming he didn’t like the cat. You would tease him for every time you saw him sharing cute moments with the kitty. Overall he’s like a dad he said they never wanted an animal and end up loving it the most out of anyone. _________________________________________________

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venus-haze · 1 year

Text

Homelander x Supervillain!Reader Headcanons

Note: Mildly fem-coded reader, but no other descriptors are used. This is mostly from Homelander's perspective. I always thought it was interesting how apart from the "superterrorist" arc in season one (and into season two), supervillains aren't really a thing in The Boys universe, pretty much everyone with superpowers is affiliated with Vought.

Warnings: Violence, some mentions of sex, Homelander being Homelander. Do not interact if you’re under 18 or post thinspo/ED content.

Your powers emerge later in life, so you aren’t one of the many lauded child prodigies who accidentally burned down their own birthday parties or took out a school bus, but almost as soon as you spit at a cat-caller and the side of his car melted from the acid, Vought had its eye on you

Unfortunately for them, you aren’t interested in the slightest. The money’s good, but signing your life away to a mysterious corporation was never in the cards for you. Why let a bunch of suits call the shots when you were the one with powers? Pretty soon you’re melting bank vaults, wreaking general havoc, and living on the run. You love every minute of it

Homelander knows he can take you on, but to his shock and fury, he finds himself in a meeting with Stilwell and the marketing team who tell him that having a supervillain “arch-enemy” would further mythologize him. As much as people love having someone to root for, they’re just as intrigued by the evil thing that goes bump in the night. Besides, you mostly damage property, not people, so they figure you’re not too much of a threat to the general public

He thinks it’s ridiculous, not letting him laser you in half or snap your neck makes him look weak, or even worse, that you’re as strong as he is. The first time he takes you on, you spit at him as a Hail Mary, and to both of your shock, he hisses in pain and his skin blisters–comparatively mild to the outright bone-melting your toxin was capable of, but it cements your space in his mind as his arch-enemy

To his frustration, the suits at Vought are right, social media posts that mention you in regard to Homelander get a lot of engagement and the general public sees him even more as an otherworldly protector figure

You don’t have a supe name, but Vought dubs you ‘Rosethorn’ because you’re “beautiful yet deadly.” They slap your face on comic books that fly off the shelves. You find it ironic that Vought still finds a way to make money off of you despite your refusal to work with them

Homelander isn’t nearly as amused. The first time he sees one of the Homelander Vs. Rosethorn comics he sees red. “More like thorn in my fucking side,” he growls at the cartoonified version of you. He resents you for taking half of his spotlight, but part of him knows his resentment comes from the fact that you don’t have to answer to anyone. You do whatever the hell you want, and some people regard you as a kind of anti-hero rather than an outright villain. He doesn’t understand, you’re a criminal. You rob, cheat, and steal, and just because you hand out fistfuls of dollars every once in a while, you’re turned into some kind of underground folk hero?

Social media is buzzing with theories that you’re actually a Vought plant to make Homelander look good or that you’re stronger than him and holding back. Naturally, people begin shipping you because of course they do. He has mixed feelings the first time he sees #Roselander trending on Twitter. It doesn’t help that sometimes you leave notes at your crimes scenes that read ‘Give Homelander my regards, XO’

Despite the internet frenzy and Vought marketing, you and Homelander have only been face to face a few times following the first encounter, each one giving more fuel to Homelander’s fire as he broods, stewing in his resentment toward you. You laugh at him, taunt him, literally spit at him, and he can’t do shit because Vought says not to

He definitely fantasizes about hate-fucking you, they’re all extremely deranged and elaborate. Overall, he has a lot of really complicated emotions when it comes to you. There’s some underlying affection that he’ll deny to anyone who asks. Sometimes he lets his mind wander, and in the ideal situation you’d reform and join Vought and–who the fuck is he kidding, part of him wants to break the invisible chain that keeps him tethered to Vought and see if the grass is really greener on the other side

Homelander decides he’s going to end your reign of terror once and for all when Vought indicates they want supes in the military. They now think your existence is just one of the barriers standing in the way of that, making the other Vought supes, but especially him look weak and incapable. With you out of the way, it’ll show their supes can handle military missions

Easier said than done, because when he finally corners you, ready to laser you in half like he should have all those years ago, he hesitates, and that’s all it takes for you to pounce

“Why do you let them tell you what to do? You’re stronger than them. Why do they call the shots?” you ask, and he doesn’t miss the conniving ass twinkle in your eye. He knows what you’re doing, and his gloved fists ball up at his side as everything in him screams to just kill you already. He knows you’re right. He’s the one with the real power, but he lets them order him around like a dog

“Shut the fuck up,” he hisses through clenched teeth that he wishes were clamped around your throat–except he doesn’t, not really. You’re giving him an out, but he can’t take it, he’s too afraid to. After all, who is he if he’s not The Homelander?

You give him a sad smile, the kind old friends give to each other in movies when they see each other for the last time. He lets out a shaky breath. He won’t miss you. He won’t even think about you once Madelyn hears what he’s done and he gets supes into the military and Vought a lucrative contract with the Department of Defense. Another success for Homelander

“I really do like you,” you say. “I just wanted you to know that before you kill me.” Your heartbeat is steady, gaze locked in on his glowing red eyes. No one’s ever looked him in the eye upon facing their certain death from him before

He grabs your face, resisting the urge to squeeze it hard enough to break your jaw, “You’re a real piece of work. I don’t answer to anyone, got that, Rosethorn?”

You whisper your name to him, your real name, and he repeats it softly before letting go of your face and taking an unsteady step back. “You owe me. I didn’t kill you, and now you owe me.” You nod in understanding before disappearing into the night

He returns to Vought covered in blood, claiming victory over his arch-enemy once and for all. He never played poker, but you’re an ace up his sleeve if he could ever have one

#homelander x reader #homelander headcanons #homelander x you #the boys x reader #the boys headcanons #the boys x you #homelander #the boys tv #the boys amazon

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mcfuckity · 6 months

Text

While Butcher MAY HAVE lost Ryan as a son, I’m manifesting that he adopts Marie, Emma, Jordan, and Andre😌😌

Matter of fact, The Boys just share custody of all of those kids. ✨They’re a family in my head✨

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whereireid · 9 months

Text

˚ · . 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑

navigation — request here! ⭑ smut | ♡ fluff | ✄ angst

𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

⭑ — milk & honey [coming soon]

homelander isn't a good man. cold, callous and crude, he has no moral obligation for anyone. no one, it seems, but you.

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madwomansapologist · 7 months

Text

going on vacation with queen maeve would include

synopsis: A few months after getting into The Seven, your mind and body were on the edge. Good for your that your girlfriend™ knows exactly how to make Madelyn shut the fuck up.

warnings: vought. female!reader. this is fluffy!

• It's funny how you thought for so long that Maeve didn't give a damn about you. Because now, seeing clearly what she is doing, you notice how much she really cares. How deeply Maggie cares about you.

• Your relationship now being real don't make everything easy. It makes easier, of course, but it still pretty fucked up to be used as Vought way of making pink money. But as time passes, you noticed all the little things Maeve did so it would be easier for you. The fact that she does that in secret is what really makes your heart skip a beat.

• Like when you discovered that Maeve fought with Madelyn so your birthday would be a private event. Or when your copyright percentage got higher because of her. And there was that day Maeve discussed for over a hour with the marketing guys so you could cut your hair however you wanted. And the time a "journalist" threatened to expose a story about your normal life so she... You still don't know what exactly she did, but the story never saw daylight.

• So when out of sudden, in the middle of the most tiring week of your entire life, Ashley informed you that your vacations was postponed to next week by the HR people; you knew it was her. Of course it was.

• You both talked to her about your plans, and Ashley took care of everything. She usually does. She made sure there was no one on the beach, no paparazzi, not even a leaf out of place. If there was one thing you valued, it was your secret identity, and since Maeve also took the same care, every precaution was necessary.

• After a car trip, Maeve doesn't get on planes under any circumstances, complete with lots of diabetic sweets and loud music, you finally arrived at the cabin. Everything inside was some kind of licensed Vought product, but ignoring that until you looked like just a normal couple. Nothing surprising. No drama, no pr stunts, no forced smiles. It was just you and Maggie, and that was all.

• Maggie spent the whole week running the bar. You've already discussed her being basically a functional alcoholic, but she's always emphasized the functional. She took care of the drinks, you took care of the barbecues, and the two of you tried to understand how to make Starlight Seasoned Rice™.

• Maggie was more the type to pick up a gothic novel, apply sunscreen until she looked like a ghost, and toast on a beach sarong. You were the one challenging the sea to a fight. And cursing the hot sand.

• Caught up in Jane Eyre's poor choice to marry someone she discovered had locked his first wife in the basement, Maggie didn't think she needed to worry. Until the salt water fell on her and her book, and Maggie saw you with your smirk and a yellow toy bucket. You wanted war? Okay.

• Playing fights with your girlfriend is one of the most common things in relationships. Playing fights with your super powerful warrior goddess hot girlfriend is much more interesting. Will Maggie one day realize how much you love being beneath her? She probably already did.

• With hydrating hair masks, tasty meat, strong drinks and practically inedible rice™, you fell asleep on the sofa in the cabin while you tried to prove to Maggie that Emile Brontë was the best sister.

• You both deserved that.

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

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ichorai · 2 years

Text

nina cried power ; frenchie.

track one of WASTELAND, BABY!

pairing ; frenchie x gn!reader

synopsis ; he calls you a plethora of endearing french nicknames, but you call him an asshole.

words ; 1.9k

themes ; angst, fluff, mild action

warnings / includes ; profanity, kissing, blood and injuries, near death experiences and emotional constipation <3 a bunch of french pet names, frenchie is lovesick, reader is part of the boys gang, the rest of the members are mentioned, hughie and reader are also mentioned to be close friends

main masterlist.

The rag between your teeth tasted disgusting. Sweat and grime and flecks of blood stained the once-white fabric—which had come from Frenchie’s own shirt he tore to shreds to bind your wounds. You bit down harder, tongue retracting further down your throat in hazy revulsion, groaning in pain when you felt his hands all over your abdomen, doused with your dark ichor, his expression heavy-set with frantic concern.

“Hold still, mon amour,” he said, brows drawing together when you ignored him completely, roaring obscenities behind the fabric and thrashed even harder. What a fucking asshole. Memories of the first time you met Frenchie flashed behind your eyelids—he had stuck a gun beneath your jaw with a snarl and the rest was history. A complete one-eighty to his expression now. “HUGHIE, HOLD THEM DOWN!” he screamed, completely strung-up.

Faintly, you registered another pair of hands pinning you to the cold tiles of the floor, and your friend’s stuttering melded into the cavernous cacophony ringing in your ears. It felt as if a fire was eating you alive, trying to crawl its way from inside out. Your skin was hot, nearly scalding to the touch.

You still couldn’t really remember what happened.

Supes… there were supes there. One moment you were helping M.M. reload his gun, and the next, half a dozen quills were sticking out of your abdomen, dripping with strange green liquid you’d come to learn was venom. You were going to die, weren’t you?

Frenchie had screamed your name—you couldn’t remember the last time he called you that. See, he always referred to you with endearing french nicknames that you really didn’t care for (lies, you were quite fond of his silly little pet names). You, however, called him an asshole. Sometimes affectionate, and most of the time, you really meant it.

But not this time.

Instead, you glanced at him with mild confusion, before looking down at your stomach, then back up at him. “Frenchie…?” you asked quietly, before collapsing to the ground.

The car ride back to base was painful. Butcher drove like a madman, and Hughie was sweating bullets in the passenger seat, constantly glancing back at you writhing in the backseats. Frenchie had situated you so your head was in his lap as he crooned reassurances that you couldn’t even hear.

God, everything was so dark. So loud. You wanted to claw at Frenchie’s arms and tell him that you hated him. Or that you loved him. Either would work. Damn it, the venom was messing with your mind.

And that’s how you ended up with Frenchie’s shirt shoved between your teeth as you screamed bloody murder, calling him a bastard as he dug his fingers into the sloppy mess that was your stomach, muttering apologies over and over and over again.

“STOP!” you wailed, kicking at his knee when the agony tore you apart, tears streaking lines through the dirt on your cheeks. “You fuck—fucking asshole!”

He didn’t stop.

If he did, you’d die. You weren’t a Supe, no matter how tough you presented yourself to be. Ironically enough, your utility belt clipped around your waist was shoved lower so he could work on your wounds, various sharp blades pressing dangerously against your back.

You had passed out from the pain at one point, going limp in his hold, which sent him into another frenzy. He snapped at Butcher with a fiery rage he’d never shown him before when the man offered to give you some temp V to speed up your healing.

It took hours until he was done. You’d lost a lot of blood, but he managed to staunch it enough—it was messy, but it’d do. The red slick still left a part-sticky, part-dried residue over the skin of his hands, but he didn’t bother to wash it off. He refused to leave your side. So there he sat, shirtless and filthy, pressing kisses to the side of your sweaty head. It wasn’t often that he cried, but he cried for you. He didn’t even care that M.M. and Kimiko were sending him concerned glances.

He just wanted you to be alright.

It was reassuring to see your chest rise and fall rhythmically. “Come back to me, mon chou. Come back.”

You woke up with a start. The first thing you registered was the thirst. Your throat was barren of any moisture, so you croaked out a raspy, garbled noise, barely loud enough to alert Frenchie who had passed out with his head propped on your shoulder.

He sprang upwards, eyes flying wide open and lips parted as he cradled your face. The calluses of his fingers felt rough on your cheeks, and normally you would’ve grumbled at him, tell him to bugger off in true Butcher-like fashion, but all that came out was a quiet rumble of temporary relief.

“Wa… er,” you hacked out, grimacing at the scratchiness of your voice.

“I’ll get you water, ma puce, I’ll be right back,” he rushed to say, chapped lips coming forward to hastily slant over your forehead. “Don’t move.”

You had half the mind to chuckle at that. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to.

He disappeared through the door, and you suddenly felt cold without his presence. A tremor spidered up your spine. The pain in your abdomen was still there, now dulled to a faint throbbing. You realized that your bandages were far cleaner than when you had passed out, face clean and free of dirt.

A queer sort of sadness wrapped its dark palm over your heart. Frenchie took good care of you.

M.M. appeared by the doorway, wearing a mildly guilty expression.

“Hey,” he said, ambling closer. “How you feeling, kiddo?”

You lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug.

Gingerly rubbing the back of his head, M.M. whistled out a long exhale. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault you’re hurt. And you saved my life. Thank you. Frenchie definitely gave me a mouthful when you were asleep.”

You allowed for a small grin to play at the corner of your lips.

“He never left your side, you know,” M.M. mumbled. “He really cares about you. Loves you, even.”

After a considerably lengthy silence, you cracked open your mouth to hoarsely whisper out, “He’s an asshole.”

M.M. regarded you with a quirked brow. “And you aren’t? Come on. The two of you are perfect for each other.”

“He doesn’t love me,” you said in a small voice, staring at a particularly interesting spot on the floor. “He loves the idea of me, but not me.”

“What?”

The sound of that French accent by the door made your heart drop down to your stomach. Your eyes shot up to see Frenchie holding a glass of water, staring at you with an expression that so clearly read anguish.

M.M. pursed his lips awkwardly and sent you one last nod before doggedly bowing his head and striding out. Frenchie didn’t acknowledge him, gaze glued on you, shuffling forward and holding out the glass.

You made to take it from him, but he merely tutted, using his free hand to lift your chin and raise the cup to your lips. If you weren’t so desperately impatient, you would’ve protested. Just this one. This one time, you’d let him take care of you.

The water was heaven on your tongue. You gulped down so quickly that you nearly cried with relief, droplets falling from the corner of your mouth and meandering down your jaw.

“Slowly, slowly, mon trésor,” he crooned, before placing the glass down. There was a tender look to his eye that you misliked. Asshole. “Good?”

“Good,” you croaked. A frown molded over your visage.

“What was that about, mon amour?” he asked, sitting on the mattress. “You think I don’t love you? Why on earth would you think that?”

When you refused to meet his eyes, Frenchie slotted his palm beneath your chin once again, gently running his thumb over your jaw until you reluctantly moved your irises to meet his.

“There you are. Bonjour, mon chou.”

“Hey, asshole.”

Much to your chagrin, Frenchie threw his head back and laughed. It was a genuine laugh, full-chested and lively.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much. I don’t know what else to tell you. I don’t know how to get you to believe me.”

You wanted to believe him so badly. Was it because you loved him, too? Or was it because you just wanted any love?

“Then show me.” The words were soft—so quiet it was near indiscernible.

Initially, there was a beat of shocked silence. Then, Frenchie didn’t waste any time leaning forward and kissing you gently, enveloping your lips with his own. He cradled your jaw with shaking fingers, nose slotted against yours so that it brushed your cheek when he angled his head to the side. It was so slow, so soft, so very warm that you nearly crumbled into a million pieces under his touch.

He kissed like it was the last time he’d ever be able to do so. His brows furrowed in concentration, as if this was his one and only chance to show you just how much he adored you.

When you finally broke away, you had a palm pressed against his bare chest. He knocked his forehead against yours affectionately, a pleased grin playing on his lips.

“Do you believe me now?” he asked. Before even giving you the chance to reply, he swooped back down to kiss you again. “And now?”

“You’re annoying, you know that?” you replied easily, though with a fond smile etched over your mouth. A sudden wave of bashfulness tumbled over you. You tilted your head slightly, averting your gaze once more. “Thank you. For saving my life. I could’ve died if it weren’t for you.”

He waved your sentiment away. “Bah, I didn’t do much. I cried—and I nearly pissed my pants. I was afraid you’d… you…” The words died on his tongue. He didn’t have the heart to finish his sentence.

“I’m okay,” you susurrated, leaning forward so that his nose bumped into yours. “Thanks to you. I owe you one, asshole. I owe you big time.”

“You don’t owe me anything, mon ange. I just need to know that you’re alright,” he whispered, lips only a hair's breadth away from yours—

Before Butcher sauntered in with his stupidly loud voice.

“Honeymoon’s over, you cunts!” he announced with his incredibly thick accent. Frenchie looked as if he was ready to commit homicide, and you could only muffle a snort of amusement, patting his bare shoulders in mock sympathy. The bearded man saluted you with a roguish leer. “Y/N, glad to see you’re back in tip-top shape. Hughie’s been a nervous little bird ever since you went down.” You most definitely weren’t in tip-top shape, but you supplied him with a forced smile that was far too wide to be deemed natural. It was nice to hear that your old friend was worried for you, though.

Butcher clapped his hands together. "We’ve got some business to attend to."

#frenchie x reader #the boys fanfiction #the boys frenchie x reader #frenchie drabbles #the boys drabble #frenchie angst #the boys angst #frenchie fluff #the boys fluff #the boys fanfic #frenchie fanfic #frenchie fanfiction #the boys headcanons #the boys scenarios #frenchie headcanons #frenchie scenarios #the boys frenchie #the boys frenchie fanfiction #the boys

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bowieandqueen11 · 1 year

Text

Looking After A Sick Billy Butcher Would Include...

Request: I love your Billy Butcher headcanons so much! 🥰 If you are looking for another Billy Butcher idea i think either 'Looking after a Sick Billy Butcher' or 'Billy Butcher with a Plus Size reader' would be adorable, as your Steven Grant ones are so beautifully written 💕 thank you for all your incredible writing, you are truly amazing 💐

Oh thank you so much @missscarlettangel!!! You’re always the loveliest and kindest

Warning: a little strong language and slight NSFW!

(I do not own The Boys or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @9thblogboyz.)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

Billy Butcher is such a dramatic ass hoe when’s sick dearie me. If you think he’s an annoying git before this, just wait until the sniffles start settling in, the man could annoy a saint to high heaven.

The man will not stay in bed. At all. You came into the home base to immediately be greeted with a near-crying Hughie and near-fuming Kimiko trying to wrestle the a**hole down onto his bed. Naturally, this ended with Hughie flying back and landing ass over tea cup through the bed side table and half off the wall, and Kimiko releasing her failing grip on his arm in shock. As soon as Billy spots you standing there, he comes swaggering out from the room, clad in his black jumper and jeans and pretending that he’s ‘alright, love. Me ‘ead is just a bit unda the weather today, that’s all.’ Even with his slick words, you can tell by how sweaty his forehead is that the man is about to keel over. He’s so damn stubborn - too prideful to admit that he could ever have a fault, but deep down, he’s also scared stricken to think he has an exploitable weakness when he’s supposed to be the big mad Charcuter. He’ll only let you touch him: and so you do, wrapping an arm past the buckles of his belt and holding onto the thick muscles around his hip. He jauntily wraps an arm around your shoulder, pretending to be as cocky as ever as you stroll him towards the living area.

‘Thanks darlin’, he whispers against the tip of your ear with a ragged breath. ‘I couldn’t take the yammering of them two cunts in my face any more. I’m glad you’re back now, we got a new job-’. He lets go of you, fisting his hand and hacking a cough against it until you push him down on the sofa to make him nap.

He’s literally that knackered that he passes out pretty much straight away. You sigh, squatting down near the window to pull off his boots and leave them resting under the perch. You wave at Hughie as he sneaks out on his tip toes like he’s in ‘Scooby Doo’ towards the door and mouths exaggeratedly at you that he’s ‘going to get some soup’. Once you’re done smiling him out, you lift Butcher’s head and wiggle onto the sofa underneath him, gently squishing his cheek back down onto your lap. For once you’re overjoyed that M.M. and Frenchie are busy arguing as they stand in front of a makeshift cork board in the safe, or Billy would never let you hear the end of it for making look like such a sap. You’re stuck there for a while: Billy whimpers in his sleep, his arms ending up at some point wrapping around your knees and sticking you in place under his thick biceps.

The man is still clambering all over you as soon as he wakes up though. It could be the literal raining hell fire of the end of days washing down on the two of you and Billy Butcher would still be trying to climb over you like a tree. Not even in a fully sexual way - he adores you more than anything in this world, and needs some kind of constant touch when he’s feeling unsure as a reassurance that you’re still real. That you haven’t left him yet too. That he hasn’t destroyed you. You could be be sitting cross legged on the sofa next to him, huffing as you pull the blanket back up his shoulders every time Billy grumbles and pulls it off again. Dropping the cup of tea he was sipping, he uses his large fingers to quickly grab yours and pound them both down on the table. The desperation is evident in every sharp movement: the way he’s straight to grabbing your waist and pulling you onto his lap till you’re straddling his thick thighs, the pressure of his chin as his stubble scratches the curve of your neck, right under your earlobe. By the smirk you can feel, you know he’s doing it just to tease you, knowing it drives you wild. His arms wrap like an iron vice as he peppers languid, unrushed kisses up your pulse point. Like I’m sorry but can you imagine those coarse, rough, devoting hands running up your shoulders? Those harsh thumbs gripping the back of your head tightly and pulling you back until he’s angled you perfectly? You’re putty in his grasp, and as he grinds his midriff up against you and hears the pained whine fall from your lips, he knows it. He wets his lips, attacking your chin, and then the corner of your mouth - and then he ends up sneezing before his desperate mouth can rove any further.

The problem is, he sneezes exactly as M.M. is walking past; the poor man is just holding a cup of coffee, minding his own business as he goes to read his file in his desk chair. After a moment of standing there in confusion, he runs off to shower and makes Frenchie and Annie hose down his clothes outside for half an hour straight. He spends the rest of the day glaring at Butcher from his desk, taking out antiseptic wipes every ten minutes and spraying a can of air freshener out in his direction with a disgusted frown.

You know better than to try and feed Billy. The man would literally snap your fingers off. Sadly, Frenchie was still under the illusion that he could just... skirt around this lesson, and came waddling happily towards Butcher with Hughie’s broth in one arm and a holding a spoon with the other. Once the airplane noises start, and the whooshing spoon through the air... well, let’s just say that it is a very lucky coincidence that there was so much traffic down fifth avenue today and the broth was tepid by the time Hughie got back. Two hours later, Frenchie is still running around with wet trousers, picking pieces of celery out of his pants and running after M.M. every time he calls him ‘pee pee boy’.

Billy always acts as if everyone’s annoying the heck out of him, but in reality, he just wants to be left alone with you for a while. By ten o’clock he’s so fed up of Hughie throwing him pity looks, and Frenchie pecking like a mother hen in his face, that he gets up and locks himself in the bathroom just to breathe for a damn minute. When you hesitantly knock twice on the door, and he unlocks it, on the floor is where you find him: curled up with his back to the wall and his knees drawn up to his chest, trying to drown out the memories of how similar the withdrawals from compound V felt as they pound through his brain. You’ll have to sit by his side, huddled up with your arm looped through his stiff one and spreading your fingers out over his kneecap, massaging it. Although he doesn’t like too much physical touch when he’s so withdrawn as he is, if your fingers leave his knee for one second he’ll start whining like a kicked puppy.

You do get to help him change out of his jumper at the end of the night though hm hm (even though he’s bloody perfectly well enough to do it himself and you both know it.) He has that shit eating smirk on his face when he sees you back in his doorway, and he holds his hands out to you, beckoning you towards him. He takes a few steps back once he feels your fingers latch onto the pads of his own, his face lighting into a smile as you draw them down to tug at the hem of the rugged material. Before you can lift it though, he brings his sock round to kick the back of your heel and has you tumbling over the edge of the bed to lie on top of his chest.

And then... *ahem*... well let’s just say that all the clothes came off pretty quickly shall we?

By the way Hughie is literally sinking his face into the cereal bowl the next morning: the way Frenchie is trying to hide his spurts of laughter from where he’s playing cards with Kimiko: how M.M. rolls his eyes and lifts his newspaper to cover his face when the two of you come dandering out of his room, you didn’t manage to be as discrete as a *sick* Billy Butcher believes himself to be. His pair of undies swinging from the ceiling fan all but confirms it.

#the boys #the boys imagine #billy butcher #billy butcher imagine #billy butcher x reader #billy butcher headcanons #karl urban #the boys x reader #the boys headcanons #billy the boys #billy the boys imagine #billy butcher the boys #billy butcher the boys imagine #mm #mothers milk #frenchie #annie january #hughie campbell #kimiko

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unpunishablelamb · 2 years

Note

omg omg omg in light of that butcher matchup, do u think i could get some short headcanons for jealous/posessive homelander and butcher (seperate)? maybe like when an ex or something tries to win back reader! you did such an amazing job with the matchup omg id love to see ur headcanons for them🙈

Jealous! Homelander/Butcher Headcanons for when your ex tries to win you back

Homelander

-with Homelander the situation would be solved relatively quickly

-if an ex would try to get back with his darling he would do everything im his power to eliminate the possibility of losing you

-that includes killing your ex, he wouldn’t hesitate to do so and to him it wouldn’t be a big deal but rather relieving

-now depending on how YOU handled the situation he can behave very differently around you

-if he knows that you’ve shown discomfort around your ex and that you made it clear that you wanted nobody but him, he would THRIVE in his role of the knight in shining armour, “saving” you from your horrible ex

-however if he doubts your dedication to him in the slightest and if he thinks that you even thought once about going back to your ex, he won’t shy away from literally kidnapping you

-he would just pick you up and fly you in the middle of no where in a safe place where no one can find you and he can take his time with making you fully dependent on him until you want no one but him

Butcher

-Butcher would probably become even more aggressive than he is already

-depending for how long your ex is around you he would start drinking heavily, maybe even disappearing for days with no one knowing where he went

-he feels like it is his fault that you are even looking at another man in the first place, let alone your ex..

hasn’t he been protective enough? The whole situation will result in so much self doubt that turns to anger

-when he comes back..oh boy

-hell will break loose and he’d probably threaten your ex and if you don’t stop him he might get violent depending on how jealous he is

#the boys x reader #the boys #the boys headcanons #billy butcher #butcher x reader #homelander headcanons #homelander #homelander x reader #butcher headcanons

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imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul · 1 month

Note

Hi ! Can I request a The boys short of all of them playingMario kart with reader ? Thank you !

Hello! For sure! I'm gonna do these as headcanons cause I think that will work better!

MM:

He is an expert Mario Kart player, from constantly playing with his daughter

He knows all the secret paths, the best vehicles to pick, and he absolutely has a favorite

(It's Bowser)

He does not like to lose AT ALL

The only person he's ever lost to is his daughter, and that's only because he let her

He will stew and stew and stew when he loses. He will walk away, swear he's not playing again, and within minutes is back to reclaim his territory

When just the two of you play, he will sometimes reveal what he knows, but only if he has a big lead

Hughie:

Hughie has played Mario Kart pretty much his whole life

That being said, he's not the greatest. He wins every once in a while, but only when he gets lucky, or plays someone truly terrible

His favorite is Yoshi, and will always be Yoshi

When he loses, it's no sweat. Sometimes he singles out someone he wants to beat, but winning is not usually his end goal

He becomes the person who teaches the older Boys how to play, and they quickly all beat him

You tease him because for someone his age, he should be so much better than he actually is

Kimiko:

Kimiko had never played Mario Kart before joining the boys

But after Hughie taught her how to play, she is easily the best of all of them

(Much to the chagrin of many of the more experienced members)

Her favorite is any of the princesses, but she has a love for Daisy specifically

She is an aggressive player, and focuses most of her energy on taking down her other opponents

She is a MONSTER with green shells. Sometimes she'll fall behind just to get green shells and take down the other players

The others want to beat her, but are always a little bit terrified of what would happen to them if they ever did (It's a good thing they never get that close)

When you play against Kimiko, it's not even close, so you usually just assist her in taking the others down

Frenchie:

It's no shock that Frenchie's favorite power up is the bomb

In fact, when he *doesn't* get that one, he becomes extremely angry, and has been known to throw his controller

He isn't prone to picking the same exact character, but he often finds himself playing as Toad

He had not played before, but he is usually the one to suggest they start playing (Usually with controllers in hand and the game already up)

Frenchie does not like to lose, but typically he loses his temper before the game is even over, and the computer ends up finishing for him

You have had to talk him down more times than you can count, and he listens, because you're the one who wants to play with him the most

Billy:

Billy does not like Mario Kart and he does not understand it

Hughie has tried to show him multiple times, but each time he just becomes angry and ends up storming out

He thinks all of them are childish for enjoying the game so much, and thinks it is just a violent mess of color

The few times they get him to play, he always picks Mario, because "the name is Mario Kart, who the bloody hell else would I play as"

He is the second most offender for throwing the controller

He also threatens to destroy the game any time he is annoyed with them all, but he hasn't done so yet

He does not like when you tease him for being old for not liking the game

"MM and I are around the same age"

"Well one of you acts 80, the other doesn't"

#the boys #the boys imagine #the boys headcanons #billy butcher #billy butcher headcanons #billy butcher imagine #hughie campbell #hughie capbell headcanons #hughie campbell imagine #kimiko miyashiro #kimiko miyashiro imagine #kimiko miyashiro headcanons #mothers milk #mothers milk imagine #mothers milk headcanons #frenchie #frenchie imagine #frenchie headcanons #anonymous

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amazingmaeve · 1 year

Text

INFATUATION (3/?)

homelander x fem!reader

series summary — homelander meets Ashley's sister and he's already feeling infatuated with you and he just can't help it, even though ashely is fucking annoying he can't help but think you were the exact opposite.

summary — after a very long day of anger and stress which makes you loses your job homelander offers you a very tempting job.

warnings — homelander being himself, mentioned stalking, angst, fluff, toxicity from homelander, unwanted groping/sa (mentioned and not by homelander, men being there usual asshole selves.

word count — 2948

authors note — sorry for the kinda long wait I was trying to get ideas for this and luckily tonight was one of those nights I got one.

homelander masterlist | the boys mastelrist

Feeling the fire grow inside of you as you looked up at the security guard in front of you, you tried not to get yourself arrested. You couldn’t afford bail at this point in your life since you had just lost your job. Said guy who groped you a few days ago tried to get a little more from you, and the only thing you could think about doing was kicking the asshole in the balls which got you fired.

Made since, your boss was a man. Men usually stick together in situations like this.

You know you should regret since you have a baby to take care of but deep down, that man already got too much leniency and now you wanted to do much more than kick the dick in the balls. This is one of the few times you have gotten angry.

Unfortunately for you, another reason why you were made is because Ellie's father had decided he wanted to step up now and be a father, claiming he had a right to see her, he was her father.

To be honest you were gobsmacked during that whole entire conversation with him, his ego had decided to grow more over the past year since you had seen him. He had no fucking right to be calling you, after he ditched you claiming he didn’t want to be a father and left you pregnant. Whilst you had to give birth and take care of your child alone. Daniel had no rights in this situation, she was your child, you are there for her when she cries at night, you’re there when she needs to be fed, you’re there when she needs her diaper changed, and you’re there when she needs comforting.

Not him.

But him and his asshole behavior had claimed he was a changed person ever since he met this woman who changed his mind, and that made you lose your fucking mind. How could this one girl change his mind, but not the mother of his fucking child.

Ellie needs a father.

Another ridiculous sentence he spewed and you had to chuckle on the phone when he said that. Ellie didn’t need a father, especially not one like him. One that might ditch at the drop of a dime. If he wanted to see Ellie he had another thing coming, you would fight like hell before he even set eyes on her.

That's what landed you here, at Vought, where you were hoping to find Ashley, wanting help and advice on what to do for money and an asshole who seems to think he’s the king of the world.

But this security guard said Ashley wasn’t meeting with anyone and you rolled your eyes. You didn’t have a meeting with your sister, when you just wanted to talk to her. Luckily Ellie was at Daycare, ever since you had found a trustworthy one. You didn’t want her to pick up on your bad energy. Even though she was a baby.

“Listen I am her sister, I don’t have a meeting with her, if you would just call her you could see I’m not lying,” You sternly said glaring up at the security guard.

“She’s busy,” He said in a monotone tone.

“Fine then please just let her know-,” You began to say but a voice cut you off before you could finish your sentence. A voice you knew all too well.

“Is everything okay down here,” Homelanders questioned as he looked between you and the guy. Once he heard you enter the building he could help but come down to greet you, all his interviews and superhero nonsense was done for the day.

He had heard your anger on the way down in the elevator and he wondered what made you so angry. It seemed like it would take a lot to get someone like you angry. But he couldn't deny you looked very cute when angry, even though that’s something that you would try to deny. Homelander was glad to catch you without the baby attached to your hip, or with your sister.

“No sir she was just leaving,” The security guard said as his heart beat started to race a bit.

“I just wanted to get a message to my sister,” You snapped before putting your hand up to your forehead and began to pinch the bridge of your nose, feeling that stress was starting to way on you a bit.

“Okay you can leave I got this,” Homelander ordered the man in front of as he tried to not let a laugh out at this. The guy shifted awkwardly before scurrying off somewhere else to guard, leaving just the two of you standing here. He could hear your heart racing.

Although it wasn’t out of fear. You were really angry he could see that just by looking at you and with his superpowers but a normal human could see it. The way your hands were clenched at your sides and your brows furrowed. It was really obvious.

“Thanks for that,” You gritted out not wanting to get angry at the most powerful man in the world knowing he could kill you in a blink of an eye. “Do you know where my sister is,” You questioned in a much calmer tone.

“Unfortunately she’s not in the building at the moment, she’s out at some meeting for Vought and probably won’t be back for a few more hours,” Homelander answered your question ignoring the tone in your voice, although he did hate it when people got angry at him and that ended up very drastic. He kinda liked it on you.

You were different from any woman that he set eyes on. Not too demanding like Stormfront, Madelyn, or Maeve but you weren’t afraid to stick up for yourself it seemed.

As he said those words he could see the defeat wash across your face as you let out a saddened sigh before looking at the ground. It seemed as though your anger had diluted into sadness.

“Thanks I guess I’ll go home and wait to call her,” You whispered, crossing your arms across your chest.

“Well why don’t you come up to my penthouse and wait for her, it would be much easier than driving all the way to your home and then driving back,” Homelander offered as he gave you a smile. He knew how it sounded though, kinda overbearing and kind of a red flag.

“I don’t know, I mean that’s your home, I don’t want to intrude on your privacy,” You hesitated, not knowing how it would be standing in THE Homelanders penthouse.

“Come on, it’s not like you could have something better to do,” Homelander teased even though what he said was the truth, he knew that and you knew that. What could possibly be better than spending time with Homelander and spending time in the place he called home. Although he still saw hesitation and smelled all over you so he let out a sigh. “You could even rant to me why you’re so angry,” He stated.

“How did you know I was mad,” You asked in amazement with a hint of a smile starting to grace your lips.

“Come on Y/N do you know who you’re talking to,” Homelander rolled his eyes casually as he gave a teasing glance and your face came to realization.

“Now I get it,” You whispered. “Fine I’ll go up to your penthouse but I need to get Ellie in a few hours,” You said taking a look at your phone checking the time.

Now Homelander for real rolled his eyes at the mention of the baby. God just the mention the baby just soured his mood a bit but tried to shake it off not wanting to put you off in any way. He assumed you wouldn’t take a liking to a guy who hated your child.

“Come on, let's go,” He said with a smile.

Once the two of you had made it up to his penthouse, you looked at the place in awe. It was truly an amazing place to you, it was HUGE. It had everything you assumed someone like him would like, glass statues, big couches and a huge window out looking at the whole city. There was a kitchen that looked untouched and you just thought Supes didn’t need to eat that much or they just had chiefs to cook for them.

This place was truly a masterpiece as you looked around in amazement.

Meanwhile Homelanders' eyes were looking at you while you marveled at his place. On one hand it was hilarious at the reaction his place got out of you, although you had probably never seen a place like this in your life. Then on the other hand he was flattered at the astonishment you were showing his place. He had no idea you would be like this and he was even more glad he brought you up here more than ever.

“I’m guessing you like the place,” Homelander questioned you as he put his hands behind his back and you looked at him, all the anger seemed to be out of you at the moment.

“Obviously. This is one of the best places I’ve ever seen in my whole life,” You remarked before looking around again as he almost snorted. You probably weren’t in many places at all but just wanted to impress him and he loved that about already.

“So why’d you need to see your sister,” Homelander got the topic off his apartment and back to your life issues. As soon as he said that your eyes dropped to the floor and your smile faded and he felt his own mood drop but he wanted to know what happened. So he could help. Albeit for himself but nonetheless for you as well.

“Uh well it’s just that my life is going to complete shit and there’s nothing I can do to fix it,” You answered in a melancholy tone in your voice.

A little dramatic. Homelander thought as he stared at you but the way your shoulders slouched and the way your eyes were already starting to tear up he knew he could say nothing without actually hurting your feelings. He’s already made this much progress and he didn’t want to ruin that.

“Well why don’t you tell me and maybe I could help you,” Homelander responded with charm oozing out of his mouth as you stared at him in shock. “Come on speak up, I know you got a voice,” He made a movement with his hands trying to get you to talk to him.

“Let’s just say I got fired today because of some asshole who couldn’t take no for an answer and Ellie's father seems to think he has any rights to see her even though he’s the dick who abandoned me and her,” You replied with an angered tone in your voice trying not to direct it at him.

Homelander knew he should’ve killed that prick you mentioned a few days ago, he should have found his address and choked the ever living daylights out of him. To think of it, the reason he didn’t was because he wanted to watch you that night. Homelander clenched his jaw as his hands turned into fist and only people with super hearing could hear the leather squeaking.

Not to mention the guy who spilled his seed inside of you thought he had the right to speak to you after you had his child. This guy already seemed like he had no brains. None whatsoever. Because if he had the child with you, he could never leave or even think about it. To make it worse he probably would want to lock you up here in his penthouse or in a cabin in the woods far away, so you couldn’t get hurt. This asshole didn’t even deserve to look at you or even the child you birthed and if he was here now he would show no hesitation lasering the fuck out of him

Taking a deep breath Homelander tried to get his anger in control so his eyes wouldn’t shine red and make you think he was mad at you. Now you were jobless and standing here looking so unbelievably weak for him and this was the exact time for him to shine. To make you think he was this good guy and wanted to help you and then maybe you’d be able to satisfy his needs.

“That does sound like a pickle you’re in,” Homelander commented as a few moments passed. You bit your lip and nodded.

“Now I have no job which means, I’ll have to fucking go homeless or be a fucking prostitute and I don’t want that for my daughter, all I ever wanted for here was to grow up and be better than me,” You sorrowfully say as you shook your head looking at the marble floors.

Homelander wouldn’t let you be a fucking prostitue and by the tone it wounded like you were being sarcastic because there was no way in hell that anyone would touch anything that was his. He was like a kid in that way, when a kid wanted his toy and someone else had it, they threw a tantrum. But his tantrum would end in blood and gore.

But an idea popped into his head as he stared at you. A job that you might be interested in. A job that you couldn’t refuse. Like anyone would refuse a job that the Homelander gave them.

“I have a job that you might be interested in doing,” Homelander proposed. As you looked at him in confusion. “You could be my personal assistant, everyone I keep getting I keep hating and getting fired and I like you,” He offered.

Your eyes widened a little when he said he liked you and you couldn’t help but feel your heart race at those three words he just told you. Even though he probably didn’t mean in that way it was still nice to see someone like you that wasn’t your own sister. But you didn’t know if you could take this job especially since you didn’t know if Ashely would like it.

“I don’t know I’m flattered but…” You paused and looked at him as you lightly scratched at your arm.

“But what, this is the job of a lifetime that anyone would except sorry but I don’t see any good endings for that sentence,” Homelander spoke as he walked up to stand right in front of you.

“I just- would Ashely even like this and I don’t even know if I qualify,” You rushed out.

“I’ll deal with Ashley and I’m more than sure you’re qualified to deal with my needs,” Homelander replied with a softness that almost made you melt right then and there. Then if anything could get any worse he brought his gloved hand to your cheek and caressed your cheek bone.

Homelander kept a smirk in as he felt your face heat up in his palm and it was obvious that you were liking what he was doing and although he wanted to go further with you, he held back, probably one of the only times he would. Homelander was starting to get desperate just wanted you to say yes to his offer that he was so generously giving you.

“Please,” He added on for an effect that made your eyes flutter with your face in his palm and he reveled in it. “Come on, it pays more than that other job that you had and you’ll be working closely with your sister.”

You let out a sigh as you contemplated the idea in your head. On one hand you didn’t want to except without informing your sister because you knew she’d killed you for not even getting her opinion because she worked here. Then on the other hand he was probably right about the money he was talking about and you needed that money. It would be good not to worry about how you're gonna get food for yourself and Ellie. Diapers, lights on, warm water, this would solve all your problems that you were facing.

Then another reason you wanted to accept his offer was something deep inside you. The way he said please and the way his hand enveloped your cheek and him looking at you with this softness that no one had ever given you. You’d be too embarrassed to say that you were getting a little aroused at this point and you didn’t even care if he knew because you were trapped looking at his baby blue eyes, that so easily could light red, staring down at you.

“I’ll take the job,” You accepted with a whisper and he gave a smile and his hand left your cheek and you fought to let a whimper out.

“Great!” Homelander clapped his hands and walked around you to the kitchen where he got some wine. “This is a cause for celebration,” He said, getting two glasses and pouring the red wine in one and looking at you.

“Actually I can’t,” You said with a cringe as you looked at his smile drop in an instance. “I can’t because of my breastfeeding with Ellie,” You say with an apologetics tone.

Homelander bit his lip once you brought this up and gave you a glass of water trying to steer his thoughts, especially with you in his presence. You accepted and took a swig of the water while he drank the wine.

“To new beginnings.”

#homelander x oc #homelander x you #homelander x reader #homelander x y/n #homelander smut #homelander headcanons #homelander imagine #the boys x y/n #the boys x reader #the boys x you #the boys x oc #the boys imagine #the boys headcanons #the boys smut #the boys tv #the boys #tw sa mention #tw stalking

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tinfairies · 5 months

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Omg I've been waiting for it! The boys era!

Could you write smth about ruining pretty obedient sub Frenchy

Thank you!

Such a Good Boy

Frenchie/Serge x GN!Reader

(Google gave me the French. Don't come for me)

He's such a good boy, so obedient and loves to give

A master at eating cunt/sucking cock

He'll do anything you ask of him, and although he's whiney, he still does it.

Frenchy wants to do anything to please you and he's willing to ignore his own pleasure to do so.

Begs a lot, and loves to be overstimulated, especially after hours of edging.

His cock is already so sensitive, so overstimulation definitely breaks him.

Precum is dribbling down his shaft and he can't keep his hips still, he almost in tears as he begs.

"Please, mon ange. Let me cum, ça suffit!"

The way his stomach tenses and spasms as he's pushed over the edge again and again is addicting to watch

He'll be exhausted after you milk him dry, but if you ask him to please you, he'll do it no questions asked. No matter how tired or how much he hurts.

#smut #the boys imagine #the boys x reader #the boys smut #the boys amazon #the boys headcanons #Headcanons #frenchie #frenchie the boys #frenchie x reader

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mayfieldss · 9 months

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Can I make a request for Frenchie x fem!reader where she kisses over all his scars headcanons (the boys)

This is such a cute concept, and it would work so well with Billy Butcher as well.

Scars

Frenchie has been in a lot of fights, and plenty of them haven't ended well.

He's a short and scrawny guy after all, and whilst he has his strengths there are some battles he can't always win.

These battles have left him with wounds, scrapes, and bruises that look as though they ache even well after healing.

But still, he perseveres.

You, on the other hand, hate to see the marks upon his skin.

You hold a deep concern for him, and one of the only ways you know how to show just how much every cut on his skin impacts you is by tracing the wounds. With your fingertips, your eyes, your lips.

Frenchie likes it when you kiss along each and every scar.

He finds it comforting that you care, though a part of him is always worried that perhaps his own pain causes you hurt as well.

Still he loves the feeling of your lips moving gently over his arms, his chest, his face. Kissing every scar and battle wound he's ever received.

He's grateful for you, more than he is anyone else, and he knows you care for him just as much.

So, with every scar he earns, he thinks of coming home to you. To your embrace and your affections, ready to kiss his pain away.

#frenchie the boys x reader #frenchie #frenchie the boys #the boys #frenchie the boys fanfic #frenchie the boys fanfiction #fanfiction #the boys fanfiction #the boys fanfic #the boys tv #the boys imagines #frenchie imagines #frenchie headcannons #the boys headcanons

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venus-haze · 1 year

Text

Secret Identity!Homelander x Reader Headcanons

Note: Gender neutral but mildly fem-coded reader, and no descriptors are used. This is inspired by the throwaway line from season 1 where Homelander mentions having a secret identity, but not keeping it for long, so I imagine it’d have been in the 2000s when he was in his 20s. My brain really latched onto the idea, and this is the result. Do not interact if you’re under 18 or post thinspo/ED content.

Warnings: Voyeurism, relationship under false pretenses, obsessive and disturbing behavior. Do not interact if you're under 18.

• Your new neighbor moves into the apartment next door seemingly overnight, but luckily you have a box of brownie mix and some powdered sugar tucked away in your cupboard and decide to make some as a ‘welcome to the building’ gesture

• His name is John, and he apologizes in advance if he wakes you up with his coming and going since he works odd, inconsistent hours as a crime reporter for a small, independent newspaper

• You notice the Indiana University logo embroidered on his sweatshirt and cheerfully say, “Hey, you’re a Hoosier! I’m sure you’re already working on your March Madness bracket.” He nods along as if he understands what the fuck you’re talking about. The two of you continue small talk until you make your leave back to your place. He goes to his computer, groaning at his choice of Indiana as his home state when he doesn’t know anything about basketball, let alone March Madness and brackets

• Over the next week or so, he realizes just how unprepared he is for living on his own, but luck’s on his side, because he hardly has to worry about doing much cooking or cleaning himself when you’re constantly inviting him over for dinner and offering to bring his clothes over to the laundromat with yours since you “know he’s so busy with work”

• Sometimes he has trouble keeping his backstory straight, though he is at least able to bullshit his way through your questions about college and basketball. That doesn’t faze you at first, as he keeps you enraptured with his inside scoop on crime in the city. You’re none the wiser as to how he knows the intimate details of some of the cases, under the impression that he’s just a great reporter

• He keeps tabs on you from afar, Homelander doing quick fly-bys of the area where you work just to make sure everything’s okay. He was raised to be a hero, after all. When you’re alone in your apartment, however, he has no shame in looking through your walls and listening in on what you’re up to. He knows everything about you, the type of music you listen to, the TV shows you watch, the food you go for when you wake up for a midnight snack, that you call your best friend every Thursday night at nine, no detail is too minute for him

• One evening, he decides to take a closer look at your place while you’re in the shower, until he looks through the bathroom wall and feels his mouth go dry at the sight of you. He slips his hand down his pants, and, well, what you don’t know won’t hurt you. It becomes a habit, his guilty pleasure of getting himself off whenever you’re naked in your apartment

• To you, though, he’s still your hot neighbor-friend John, who your coworkers have been pestering you to make a move on, telling you that it sounds like he’s straight from a Hallmark movie. You’re reluctant, but you start to consider something with John when you mention wanting to get rid of some of your older, worn-out furniture and buy new stuff and lament having to pay a company to move. He volunteers to help you during the weekend

• It’s almost funny how he pretends to struggle to move the furniture when he could rearrange your entire apartment without breaking a sweat. He seems to be a good actor, though, because he notices your forehead creased with worry as you watch him move a couch himself. He likes your eyes on him for a change, and though he flexes his muscles every chance he gets, the concern awakens something in him. It’s nothing less than calculated when he “accidentally” drops the couch, pretending to hurt his arm in the process

• You’re frantic as you rush to his side to inspect the damage. Of course there’s no bruising, a truck would have to land on him for that to happen. Still, you gingerly touch his arm and he pretends to hiss in pain. You disappear into the kitchen, only to return with a bag of frozen vegetables in your hand and guilt etched across your features

• “John, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” you ask, brushing his hair from his face, and it takes everything in him not to lean into your touch as he assures you he’ll be fine. The furniture moving project is over for the night, and you order a pizza and let him pick a movie to watch. Your movie collection is almost foreign to him, having been raised on a carefully curated selection of propaganda and clean American classics. He picks Dirty Dancing on a whim, and it proves to be a good choice as you gush over how much you love the movie

• For the first time in his life, he indulges in greasy junk food and cheesy movies, feeling that pang in his heart again as he watches the romance unfold on screen, the one weakness he could never quite get over, loneliness. He notices how as the movie progresses, you end up curled up against him. He furrows his eyebrows, wondering to himself if it’s actually a date all along, and from the way you keep glancing at his lips, only to bashfully look away when he catches you staring confirms that

• He can hear your erratic heartbeat and decides to just go for it, stealing a kiss from you in the middle of the movie. From then on, you’re dating, and suddenly this persona of his becomes far more complicated than he anticipated. You make him happier than he’s ever been in his life. He wants to keep you incredibly close, both of your respective free time consumed by each other, even while he’s Homelander, unbeknownst to you

• John may as well be your dream boyfriend in the beginning of your relationship, attentive and romantic, bringing you to a nearby park on your first official date for a picnic and to try the famous Dirty Dancing lift scene. “Let’s at least try!” he insists. “I’ll catch you.” Despite your hesitations since he’d hurt his arm moving your furniture just a few days ago, he catches you with an almost unbelievable ease on the first try, to your delight. “I’ve always wanted to do that!” you laugh as he sets you down, pulling him in for a kiss

• He buys you elaborate floral bouquets and increasingly expensive gifts, to the point where you wonder how the hell he has that kind of money as a reporter unless he gets paid off by the same criminals he’s supposed to be reporting on. Sometimes he’s troublingly jealous or says things that unsettle you, but you assume it’s because of the line of work he’s in, being exposed to the worst of people. Besides, whenever you get even the slightest bit nervous by his words or actions, he seems to know just when to swoop in and calm you down

• Definitely has no concept of personal space or normal sleep schedules. You’re the first non-Vought affiliated person he’s ever had any kind of relationship with. It’s intense and things move pretty fast, like "I love you on the third date" fast. He idealizes you a lot. Emotionally you’re stretched thin by having to fill the role of lover, parent, best friend, confidant silly rabbit

• Date nights at your place are comforting and domestic, but going out is always an adventure with him. His lack of knowledge of generally getting around New York is downright strange since he reports on crimes all over the city. Not to mention, people do double-takes when they see him, as if they recognize him from somewhere but then figure otherwise. It happens way too often to be a coincidence, though

• Sex with John can also be unpredictable, passionate and loving to intense and almost painful. He’s into some weird stuff and doesn’t have the best etiquette when it comes to his kinks. Not to mention his stamina is almost inhuman, and when you comment as much after he fucks you the fourth time in under two hours, his response is strange, to say the least. You chalk it up to years of sexual repression that he maybe didn't get out during his college years

• Still, he supports and adores you, so you can deal with the frustration and emotional exhaustion when he knocks on your door at eleven at night, letting out a dramatic sigh as he flops on your couch and you take the cue to ask him how his day was. You know there’s something he’s keeping from you, but you decide not to push it. He’s just as interested in your everyday life, hell, he wants you to bother him with the mundane stuff. That’s what boyfriends are for, anyway. You have no idea of what his true identity is, yet you still love him

• It can’t last forever, though, because you work late one evening, so he decides to check up on you, just to be safe. The scene he descends on is almost too perfect, the type of scenario he’d seen played out in the Vought-branded Payback cartoons he watched growing up. Still, seeing the man so much as pointing the knife in your direction as he demands you hand over your money and valuables almost makes Homelander lose control

• He lands in between you and the man, who takes a nervous step back. “Not so brave now, huh, buddy?” Homelander scoffs, grabbing the man’s wrist and snapping it, the knife falling to the ground as he screams in pain, clutching his broken wrist

• The situation becomes even more nightmarish as you watch America’s fresh-faced hero push your attempted assailant onto his knees, a cruel gleam in his eyes and sneer on his lips as he grabs the man’s head and twists. You can’t bare to watch, gagging when you hear a distinct snap followed by the crunching of bones

• Homelander turns to you, taking you into his arms for what’s supposed to be a comforting embrace, “It’s alright now. You’re safe with me, babe”

• Your brain pretty much short circuits as you realize your boyfriend John is actually the most powerful superhero who ever lived, and you just witnessed him break a man’s neck like it was a toothpick

• Naturally, you pass out, right into his blood-covered hands. He presses a kiss to your forehead and takes off for Vought Tower. No need to pretend anymore, right?

#homelander x reader #homelander x you #homelander headcanons #homelander imagine #the boys x reader #the boys headcanons #the boys tv #the boys amazon #'headcanons' this is long enough to be a fic but fuck it we ball

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