#telling myself but you should too

[meatyarms]

'Shoulda bought that cage...'

Look at her, she's exhausted, disgusted, liking early retirement more than she did yesterday,, s2 better do her justice,,

#but knowing Riot's inclination that would mean no screen time.. #sevika #arcane sevika #sevika arcane #get your mind out the gutter #stop thinking it #telling myself but you should too

[mattodore]

he had his little movie makeover montage off-screen

#simblr #ts4 #ts4 cas #ts4 edit #river dipping #🦇 #theodore doe #echthroi #HE'S SOOOOO GORGEOUSSSSSSSS #when i said changes i didn't mean anything crazy dfkdnhj i mean to ME i can tell the difference immediately #but i also stare at theo a lot so. i'm not sure if it's really noticeable to anyone else #all i've done is add skin details and moved his nose up a tad and moved his jaw forward a bit for a better side profile #finally fixed his hairline so it matches up better with his new hair and i think i also changed his lashes to shorter ones #i actually wanted to add more beauty marks to his face but i'm gonna do that myself i think so it matches up properly w/ his other marks #also note the lack of a mirror on the cas bg <333 vyx i owe you my life fr #should i share what matthias looked like after the changes........ he's gonna go back probably so it's a little pointless i think #honestly he doesn't look that much different... it's just face shading and a little change to his ears that's it #these aren't srwe'd btw... i was just taking these pics for myself kdjgfhkjnf but figured i would share #there's actually........ hang on actually let me show the silly pics i took too <3

[starry-skies-116]

aye guys just went into the pro-choice tag and holy fucking shit the amount of christian pro-lifers willing to fuck over ppl with uteruses is insane. goddamn such a good thing I didnt throw up in my mouth right then and there.

reblog if you're sick of people telling you what to do with your own fucking body and just want to live your own goddamn life. im sick of being guilt-tripped into wanting to value the 'lives' of an unborn, un-sentient mass of flesh before my own life, a living fucking being with dreams and wishes and feelings and all that good package deal shit that cOMES WITH BEING A FUCKING HUMAN.

do not try to tell me my existence is fucking 'wrong' or 'selfish'. what you're actually trying to do is get me to live in fear of my own body and my own damn life like I always have been. PRO-LIFERS AND ANTI-ABORTION DNI. I WILL BLOCK YOUR ASSES AND THAT IS A GODDAMN PROMISE.

#pro-life dni #pro choice #abortion #abortion rights #reproductive rights #roe v wade #sick of this shit #going to maul the next bitch who tells me I should be wanting kids and a husband like stfu Karen honest to god #how am I supposed to take care of kids when I can't even take care of myself #and I'm aroace and enby too #so you don't get to pull that uno reverse card on me. so yeah cope and take the mf L.

[goobygnarp]

.

#good grief im gettin a lil tired of seeing 'DONT DO THIS' kinda art videos #i very much understand its a youtube thing and that clickbait names and thumbs get the views and attention needed #but it doesnt mean it doesnt annoy me or that I cant be annoyed by it #sometimes i just see it in tutorial pictures too #but the large DONTS with red Xs near the supposed ''wrong'' way of drawing is so demotivating #people start and draw in many ways than one #its what makes art their own #but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it #its like scolding the new artist or long time artist with that style that they're doing it wrong and that its bad #no matter the intention its not the way to go about helping artists learn to draw #and in my personal opinion #the click bait ''DONT DO THIS WHEN DRAWING'' thing is what keeps me from actually watching the vids #i get theyre probably helpful but i don't like that I have to feel some NEED or DESIRE to click on a vid cause I feel like I did a thing #wrong or that i never should have done it at all #i wish i could see more 'here are some tips that helped me #kinda vids cause yes i would love to learn what helped you rather than being or feeling wronged for drawing in a way that isn't theirs #im rambling but i have been seeing a lot of 'DONT DO THIS' NEVER DO THIS' 'IF YOURE DOING THIS STOP NOW' kinda art vids #im speakin for myself here #but im an artist sifting through art youtube or spaces always willing to learn new ways of improving my art #i dont need to feel click baited like the next 3am don't this kid to learn how to improve my inking skills #if it was more a 'this is my personal preference and I wanna share it with my audience and maybe teach some things' kinda vid #id watch that too #but im just so tired of seeing art youtube going down this need to tell folks 'YOURE DOING IT ALL WRONG. THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY"

[theswedishpajas]

The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

#my art stuff #digital art #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle” #I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style #but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!! #I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism #cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever #constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal #you know how it is 😔 #I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff - #- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it #which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance #I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead #it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong” #at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards #man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether #either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something #being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff #don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes #tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me #i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

there are too many thoughts inside of me at all times.

#hello friends hope you all are doing well. my words have been abandoning me lately. #I talk a lot and feel like I say nothing. it is truly frustrating. #meanwhile I am doing a bible word study and realizing that all the things I have realized in the past might be valid #(namely the way that a lot of people in my church tradition try to reduce biblical concepts of 'peace' to a sort of inward emotional state #and that's not actually a great way to interpret the biblical concept of shalom. like at all. and massively cheats a lot of communities out #of the actual practical real-life extension of the kingdom and how it's supposed to function) #also I had a minor crisis a few days ago when I looked at a boy who I know only vaguely and thought 'oh. shoot. he's cute.' #I am not used to having these sorts of thoughts or at least not to acknowledging them to myself #not sure why I'm telling tumblr this but I have no one else to tell it to and I feel like I should get it out of my system lol :') #ok logging off again gotta eat some noodles and finish this assignment with is already late #I will see you guys at a later date #(probably not too much later tho bc it is spring break and I am unfortunately stuck at college and there are very few other people here :') #gurt says stuff

[cargoshortsenjoyer]

This is Herbert West about to experiment on Jeffrey Combs. The concept originally came from @heliojip on here. He hasn't released his image yet though.

I had begun jokingly brainstorming how Jeffrey Combs would react if he was transported into the Reanimator universe and met Herbert. I think he'd escape with his knowledge of how horror movies work and how to act if you wanna be the survivor, and then go eat some keebler fudge magic middles (discontinued). Then Herbert would find him and Jeffrey would have to make up a reason why they look so similar, and he'd tell him that he was his REAL biological dad; the sperm donor to his actually adoptive father. Anyways if you want more of this headcanon tell me, it was fun

#herbert west #jeffrey combs #tell me if i should tag this in any specific way #reanimator #re-animator #tell me your ideas for how theyd interact too if you want #but a contingency in my mind is that jeffrey acts very normal. its a good contrast to herbert and a way to avoid making this weird #unless its already weird. write to me your thoughts! #i used 4 ref images to get this right. im glad i put in the effort #the surgical table doesnt fully follow the ref image but whatever. i still think it looks really good #i shouldve timed myself!! i usually do darn. #i am MOST proud of their faces/facial expressions/likenesses #herb still looks like herb even tho i exaggerated his mouth and nose #just a little but i also wanted to draw relatively realistically #its kinda fun #you have more lines to make a person look like themselves #and of course i love drawing weird perspectives #i also like the lines of the way i drew their hair. especially jeffrey's #dunno how to elaborate on that tho #tell me exactly your thoughts. critique is welcome

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[calliopeebles]

inspired by the fact that i was talking about berdly on discord the other day and i later realized i was using my headcanons for him to talk about growing up autistic

#deltarune #berdly #this bird is AUTISTIC and THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT #...for real though #there's a lot about him that i can relate to #and i myself am on the spectrum and fairly open about it online #berdly is really really bad at reading people #and his social skills are comically poor #and i feel that y'know? #it feels like everyone else knows the rules to life and expects me to know them too but i just... don't. and they don't make sense #and i can never tell how people are feeling unless they come right out and say it #even if it's obvious #i too would probably fall for a lie told by someone who literally had the world LYING written on their face #...anways #i should write something more formal about an autistic reading of this character

[jade-of-mourning]

been writing again. i miss writing for fun aha. pain why is this guy so repressed and fucked up.

this one's about lightning n plants n blah blah symbolism stuff and i stopped writing it over two years ago but now i'm back ig. mako is having a terrible time post-canon and it's great! (for me) i dumped out some stuff that i find unusable and am hoping the rest holds up to a reasonable extent

#lychee's word trash #rose beds and gasoline veins #it's genuinely been SUCH a long minute lolololol #yes i've got myself a crippling attachment to mako from lok idk what to tell you #i just threw out 1k from 6k but i'm writing rn and avoiding studying so it kinda skyrocketed to 7.3k! #if i think about him too hard my heart hurts for this fictional guy so like #y'know you gotta cope by watching that “just too hot” video on crack #i don't really know exactly Where this is going bc i forgot my initial plans #i should really start outlining otherwise i forget all my ideas instantaneously lol #guys i really wish that i wrote an outline for the time travel au bc i knew i had good ideas #i just can't remember what those good ideas were </3

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @jimin-gaon <33 here's the december list

apologies for being late again new year same me: @aprylynn @jiminsproof @pauls-mccharmly @thvinyl @visionsofgideontheninth @btsbs @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda @monismochi 💜 and anyone else who feels so inclined MWAH p.s. please do tag me anyway if you've already done it

#superfluous commentary in the tags as per usual: #i feel you - ADORE THIS TRACK i can't even explain what it does to my psyche except that it initiates a beach episode. #noso is a phenomenal queer artist and you should check them out #smoke and mirrors - ms faith back in action on the rotation i loved this album in 2009 and it still hits. for the love of GOD take me back #loving you - i am a paolo nutini stan if nothing else. exceptional #love is all around - i am in my frazzled english woman era hence the romcom soundtrack #and tell me who could possibly embody that frazzled english spirit better than four weddings hugh grant #boys don't cry - it's the cure by name and the cure by nature for one listen and i am FIXED!!! #she's always a woman - now billy joel is a great name for a cat or hamster but i digress. the stranger album of the year 2023 (again i fear) #little bird - was annie lennox in the last one?? i still have this on repeat. #googling the lyrics and it thinks i want the jonas brothers and it makes me want to sit right down and cry cry cry i'll tell you that much #jenny - paolo again can you blame me? i cannot express how much i adore his entire discography. #these scottish italians... deadly combination for my mental health. peter capaldi sit down #white flag - dido save me.. save me dido... my jihope anthem because i WILL go down with this ship #eternal flame - banger after banger it's almost as if i made this playlist myself!! can you feel my heart beating??? i apologise #as for the artist list #norah jones and jamie cullum christmas albums on repeat lord forgive me for i have listened to jazz #hozier and abba seem to make it without fail every month. for those who aren't familiar hozier is like if abba were irish. and bitchless. #NOW I'VE SAID TOO MUCH #the rest of the artists are fab of course but does olivia dean know i would die for her? #anyway. insert closing statements #tag #receiptify #MWAH

[firstelevens]

I've been on this hellsite a long time, which means that I have seen many a ship immortalized in a gifset featuring the iconic line from Annelyse Gelman's "The Pillowcase":

I burned so long so quiet you must have wondered if I loved you back. I did, I did, I do.

And all I'm saying is what were all those tender gazes for in Endgame and TFATWS if not for Sam/Bucky to get the same treatment?

#this is maybe a relic of mid 2010s tumblr but it has never not delighted me! #tell me that's not the biggest 'I searched for you for years and finally found you' energy! #tell me that it doesn't scream 'I curled in on myself and kept my distance but my feelings have not changed'!!!! #sambucky #i was once in a fandom that was like six people and a shoelace so I had to do this myself using screenshots and it was Bad #i made myself emotional. anyway the poem as a whole is great too and you should read it.

[svtskneecaps]

ok folks this lives and dies between us but i swear to god with every passing moment and every new fact i learn i am more and more convinced that had i spoken portuguese at age 11 when i got into minecraft youtube the first time i would BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT have had a tiny little baby 11 year old celebrity crush on pactw

#qsmp #pactw #qsmp pac #cute? check. funny? check. smart? check. #did a roleplay series; does funny minigames; MAKES funny minigames #like shit dude if i hadn't worked extremely hard to draw extremely thick lines separating myself mentally from content creators i might now #but i've beat myself over the head with the 'being parasocial only ends up with your favs going to jail' stick #i'm cured. no more unnecessary mental turmoil for me #anyway this is secret shhhhh #shut up vic #block game brainrot #like i don't know how he did during the legendary rp serieses he did back then but holy MOTHER OF PEARL he's an amazing rp'er now #this is not a controversial statement and if you think it is meet me behind the chili's and prepare to forfeit your teeth #question; in brazil what restaurant/food joint/location is the designated brawl zone #like usa tends to be waffle house or chili's or denny's or like. a cracker barrel if you're feeling wild #if you're a brazilian inviting somebody to fight you irl as a meme what do you tell them #(if you are not brazilian but read these tags and want to answer with your unique location go for it i love learning) #long tags #i should be asleep tbh but my brain is like 'heeheehee 2012 never left us <3' #gnight friends like this post if you too would have had a celebrity crush on pactw at age 11 or would theoretically have one at age Now lmao

[lobotomyladylives]

literally wanna dieeeee I realized belatedly that not only was down bad written for me due to being an alien abduction metaphor song but it perfectly describes my situation w/my ex who dumped me 3 days into our second vacation in his country

#but yknow thats what i get for dating a fucking man last year when i absolutely knew better. i was in a low place & the idea of being #whisked away from europe was an escape for me . we got along really well but the second i showed any emotional weakness he couldnt handle i #oh but he sent a bunch of messages begging me to come back when i was on the plane fleeing to my sisters london flat! lol!!! #i didnt tell you guys about any of this on my old blog when it was happening bc i just knew itd invite a flood of #''why were you even dating a man'' messages. yeah im aware. it was stupid & yet another result of my inability to purge myself of the #desire to be in a relationship my homophobic father wouldnt hate me for. and i didnt think any woman would want me . im over it now #fuck my abusive father fuck men in general im so over the internalized homophobia. ive always preferred women why should i have to #supress that to make my fuckface hypocrite father happy. i only rly care bc i love my half brother & want to be in his life which means #i have to appease dad. but at what goddamn cost #why did i say from europe in that earlier tag. i meant TO europe...im from the us #anyways. what a shit show situation that was. i have never felt so betrayed by anyone except for my dad himself #oh i didnt even mention the worst part yet. when i texted from london asking if our friendship was over too (god. so cringe) he then went #into this spiel about how actually what he said earlier when he was asking me to come back #(that it had been a stupid impulse & biggest mistake of his life) was a lie & it had been a long time coming #IF IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME FLY ACROSS THR ATLANTIC FUCKING OCEAN 3 DAYS AGO FOR YOU #and said hed tell me the reasons but ''didnt want to hurt me'' #i have so much hatred in my heart for this man to this day when i really think about the mind games he was playing. unreal. #and he KNEW i already had massive trust issues

[that-jack-kline-bestie]

so fucking upset. i looked up what's considered concerning weight loss and got a statistic. i looked up the same question but specified teens and i got a bunch of articles about how to lose weight. what the fuck

#tw weight loss #? idk if that tags necessary but better safe than sorry #past this point there is discussion of ARFID and stuff #LMFAO also ive had a medium to mild case of ARFID my entire life and no one noticed past concern for my pickiness #i say medium to mild because ive gotten better recently #i even ate half a bowl of the noodles i dont like the other day. AND they had been touched by shrimp & cabbage juice & soft peanuts #i mean i did drown them in soy sauce first and got nauseous thinking about it the rest of the day. but progress #i mean. im the type of person to skip a meal or barely eat because i dont like the food available or its too loud where i am #my adhd impacts it too like sometimes ill forget to eat or wont be able to make anything that day #but like goddamn. a growing child should be gaining weight. 'we should keep an eye on that' every single time and then no action #you know maybe thats part of why my body hurts sometimes and feels weird and shaky other times #its hard to tell based on how bony i am or whatever because i also naturally am a string bean and im not. like. starving myself #i get the same comments about how i should eat more and how im so skinny when im healthy and when im not #or i used to. people are generally less intrusive now that im older #gosh i need to flex my metaphorical brain muscles more i put way too much thought into the wording of this

[raytorosaurus]

ray toro and i in the same city. he better watch his fucking back bc if i run into him i swear to fucking god i’ll do it i will Not be able to hold myself back from giving him unsolicited hair care advice

#for which i wld have to immediately kill myself afterwards so i may as well do it in front of him to change the trajectory of his life etc #IT'S SOOOOOOOOO LONG RAY IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. YOU COULD HAVE THAT LENGTH *AND* DEFINED CURLS TOO. LISTEN RAY IT'S FOR FEMINISM AND TRANS RIG- #all my life i've hateddddddd ppl telling me i should take better care of my hair/learn how to style it better... #however. i like being misogynistic to men on occasion. as a little treat.