The Yona Rant.
Some people will say that this game came out months ago already, and everybody is over it, and even kinda like her now, and to that I answer
First of all, I would like to remind you, reader, of the old texts. *blows into the sacred n64 oot cartridge*
The Zora royal line have proven itself to be very obviously Linksexual. If you haven’t played, Ruto proclaims herself Link’s fiancée, the spiritual stone of water being a litteral engagement ring. It is clearly brought into BOTW, with Mipha actively making him an engagement present according to current Zora tradition.
Sidenote: Link accept both gifts, and as the player you never get to clear it up or refuse. Make it what you will.
Why am I mentioning this?
She’s Link’s Zora-sona.
(((If you want to bring gender into this, BORING. Link is canonically nonbinary. (neither male of female, able to be related to by anybody, those are things expressed multiple times by the creators))))
Everything about her that is different from the other Zoras is intended to be Link-like.
The way she has the droopy sleeves instead of the shoulderpads
The purple ribbon cutting into her silhouette in the same way the straps of his outfit do
The golden jewelry instead of Domain Silver
The horns simulating the spiky Hylian ears
Her head-tail is smaller and pointy, way closer to the shape of the classic hat
GREEN. A specific shade.
Babyfaced she-twink
She is the PEAK of Zora beauty standard, how silly of you to judge her with your human beauty standards. Yona is a bimbo, a barbie, everything hot under the sea. Literally evolved to be Link-like. She’s a trophy wife, a sex symbol, an idol. She has a dedicated Zora entourage simping for her.
Now, the way she suddenly shows up, without having being mentioned in BOTW… how do yall feel about surprises? I don’t think there would have been any moment in the game where it would have been natural for any Zora to bring her up, with the crisis happening, and the feelings about Mipha being so fresh to them. It made me feel like it was a world that was alive! Sidon is a hundred years old but you expect to meet everybody important to him in the first game he appears in?
Also, I do think Yona’s existence was hinted, with Muzu there, and every other Zora looking like they could be Sidon’s sibling or child… I personally really felt like the Domain looked inbred in comparison. Was the only other option blue Mipha? Lame.
Can you imagine a young Muzu? Vibrant green, chibi-headed, Dorephan's very own "best friend". Come on.
Sidon is just like his dad fr
What about not getting married at all?
The thing with kingdoms, is that it specifically depends on a royal line, especially in Hyrule where abilities are given from parent to children. There was always going to be a need for a Zora Queen at some point.
What was the other option, simply not meeting Yona? Not addressing it? How tragic to imagine her absence, a lonely King with an elderly father, no mother, no sister, just a monogamous mass of subjects. And Muzu.
No, there needed to be a fiancée, a weird Link-like gremlin, who was there to accept their love. I don't believe Sidlink could have a better happy ending than this, given nintendo.
SQFD: If Sidon was to marry anybody to continue the royal line, it’s Link’s Zora-sona of course. Which is Yona.
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What I imagine went through Link's head when Ashai asks him about his love life lol (loc: Gerudo Town secret shelter)
I debated on Link's expression so much haha - I was going to just have him looking up as if in recall, or looking at her in shocked blush, and at the last second was like "what if he was silly and bit his lip" lol
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