#subpsychopomp

[mysticdragon3md3]

Thinking...for my mental health...i should try no longer reading text posts from fandom. Maybe some funny Tweets or short non fandom thoughts. But at least for a little while, i need a break from all this self inflicted parasocial pressure.

#i know feeling this way is dumb but I can't help what I'm anxious about #social anxiety #random thoughts #fandomfrictionfracas #reminders #scared who's going to find out i ship ir is dumb #subpsychopomp #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu #self care #parasocial relationships #positive media psychology #social media #tho nimona fandom has been safe so far so maybe i can still read those #pinkfluidnf

[mysticdragon3md3]

🐔...

Got kind of spooked, delving into some blogs from my previous fandom, for fun.

It reminded me why it was such a toxic space and why I was so eager to jump onto my next fixation.

Feels really sad though. I loved shipping in that fandom. It's just so much of the rest of the fandom was too volatile.

And now I find out that some of the blogs whose analysis insights I had been enjoying, just blanketly assume all people who hold a certain ship (from another fandom) are bad. _I_ shipped that ship years ago. It's still precious to me. Even if the fandom for that ship too, ended up to also be volatile, toxic, and incentivized me to cut almost all ties with its fandom (if not the ship). Now I feel afraid of who will find out I ship that ship, and what they'll do about it.

Maybe I've had too many reminders today of how toxic fandom can be. I wish for a break. But fandom/shipping was the thing I filled my thoughts with, to make me happy. I can't just not do it anymore. I do need some kind of break though.

I miss, just yesterday, when I was blissfully unaware, fixating on my current, new ship, in a fandom that is refreshingly toxic-free (in my experience so far). It's been amazing these past couple of months, being reminded that fandom doesn't have to be a thing where I'm constantly afraid of posting because the fandom at large might attack for any reason I didn't catch about my post, no matter how frivolous I thought my posted sentiments were. I mean, I still am afraid. I've already had 2+ previous fandoms prove how unsafe it is to let your guard down. I still hide my opinion posts in unique tags, even in this new (not yet proven volatile) fandom I'm in now. But every once in a while, I take a chance, use common tags, and they've proven to not be volatile towards me. I had forgotten that fandom can be that way. ...It's nice.

#odd brain wanderings after an all nighter #random thoughts #ramblings #fandomfrictionfracas #venting #please ignore my idiocy #personal fandom records #please don't pick a fight over this as I don't have the emotional resiliency to deal with internet fights #my fragile mental health #pinkfluidnf #fe3hfuukasetsugetsu #subpsychopomp #icedpigrice #social anxiety