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antoniosvivaldi · 3 months

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Neural Filters Tutorial for Gifmakers by @antoniosvivaldi

Hi everyone! In light of my blog’s 10th birthday, I’m delighted to reveal my highly anticipated gifmaking tutorial using Neural Filters - a very powerful collection of filters that really broadened my scope in gifmaking over the past 12 months.

Before I get into this tutorial, I want to thank @laurabenanti, @maines , @cobbbvanth, and @cal-kestis for their unconditional support over the course of my journey of investigating the Neural Filters & their valuable inputs on the rendering performance!

In this tutorial, I will outline what the Photoshop Neural Filters do and how I use them in my workflow - multiple examples will be provided for better clarity. Finally, I will talk about some known performance issues with the filters & some feasible workarounds.

Tutorial Structure:

Meet the Neural Filters: What they are and what they do

Why I use Neural Filters? How I use Neural Filters in my giffing workflow

Getting started: The giffing workflow in a nutshell and installing the Neural Filters

Applying Neural Filters onto your gif: Making use of the Neural Filters settings; with multiple examples

Testing your system: recommended if you’re using Neural Filters for the first time

Rendering performance: Common Neural Filters performance issues & workarounds

For quick reference, here are the examples that I will show in this tutorial:

Example 1: Image Enhancement | improving the image quality of gifs prepared from highly compressed video files

Example 2: Facial Enhancement | enhancing an individual's facial features

Example 3: Colour Manipulation | colourising B&W gifs for a colourful gifset

Example 4: Artistic effects | transforming landscapes & adding artistic effects onto your gifs

Example 5: Putting it all together | my usual giffing workflow using Neural Filters

What you need & need to know:

Software: Photoshop 2021 or later (recommended: 2023 or later)*

Hardware: 8GB of RAM; having a supported GPU is highly recommended*

Difficulty: Advanced (requires a lot of patience); knowledge in gifmaking and using video timeline assumed

Key concepts: Smart Layer / Smart Filters

Benchmarking your system: Neural Filters test files**

Supplementary materials: Tutorial Resources / Detailed findings on rendering gifs with Neural Filters + known issues***

*I primarily gif on an M2 Max MacBook Pro that's running Photoshop 2024, but I also have experiences gifmaking on few other Mac models from 2012 ~ 2023.

**Using Neural Filters can be resource intensive, so it’s helpful to run the test files yourself. I’ll outline some known performance issues with Neural Filters and workarounds later in the tutorial.

***This supplementary page contains additional Neural Filters benchmark tests and instructions, as well as more information on the rendering performance (for Apple Silicon-based devices) when subject to heavy Neural Filters gifmaking workflows

Tutorial under the cut. Like / Reblog this post if you find this tutorial helpful. Linking this post as an inspo link will also be greatly appreciated!

1. Meet the Neural Filters!

Neural Filters are powered by Adobe's machine learning engine known as Adobe Sensei. It is a non-destructive method to help streamline workflows that would've been difficult and/or tedious to do manually.

Here are the Neural Filters available in Photoshop 2024:

Skin Smoothing: Removes blemishes on the skin

Smart Portrait: This a cloud-based filter that allows you to change the mood, facial age, hair, etc using the sliders+

Makeup Transfer: Applies the makeup (from a reference image) to the eyes & mouth area of your image

Landscape Mixer: Transforms the landscape of your image (e.g. seasons & time of the day, etc), based on the landscape features of a reference image

Style Transfer: Applies artistic styles e.g. texturings (from a reference image) onto your image

Harmonisation: Applies the colour balance of your image based on the lighting of the background image+

Colour Transfer: Applies the colour scheme (of a reference image) onto your image

Colourise: Adds colours onto a B&W image

Super Zoom: Zoom / crop an image without losing resolution+

Depth Blur: Blurs the background of the image

JPEG Artefacts Removal: Removes artefacts caused by JPEG compression

Photo Restoration: Enhances image quality & facial details

+These three filters aren't used in my giffing workflow. The cloud-based nature of Smart Portrait leads to disjointed looking frames. For Harmonisation, applying this on a gif causes Neural Filter timeout error. Finally, Super Zoom does not currently support output as a Smart Filter

If you're running Photoshop 2021 or earlier version of Photoshop 2022, you will see a smaller selection of Neural Filters:

Things to be aware of:

You can apply up to six Neural Filters at the same time

Filters where you can use your own reference images: Makeup Transfer (portraits only), Landscape Mixer, Style Transfer (not available in Photoshop 2021), and Colour Transfer

Later iterations of Photoshop 2023 & newer: The first three default presets for Landscape Mixer and Colour Transfer are currently broken.

2. Why I use Neural Filters?

Here are my four main Neural Filters use cases in my gifmaking process. In each use case I'll list out the filters that I use:

Enhancing Image Quality:

Common wisdom is to find the highest quality video to gif from for a media release & avoid YouTube whenever possible. However for smaller / niche media (e.g. new & upcoming musical artists), prepping gifs from highly compressed YouTube videos is inevitable.

So how do I get around with this? I have found Neural Filters pretty handy when it comes to both correcting issues from video compression & enhancing details in gifs prepared from these highly compressed video files.

Filters used: JPEG Artefacts Removal / Photo Restoration

Facial Enhancement:

When I prepare gifs from highly compressed videos, something I like to do is to enhance the facial features. This is again useful when I make gifsets from compressed videos & want to fill up my final panel with a close-up shot.

Filters used: Skin Smoothing / Makeup Transfer / Photo Restoration (Facial Enhancement slider)

Colour Manipulation:

Neural Filters is a powerful way to do advanced colour manipulation - whether I want to quickly transform the colour scheme of a gif or transform a B&W clip into something colourful.

Filters used: Colourise / Colour Transfer

Artistic Effects:

This is one of my favourite things to do with Neural Filters! I enjoy using the filters to create artistic effects by feeding textures that I've downloaded as reference images. I also enjoy using these filters to transform the overall the atmosphere of my composite gifs. The gifsets where I've leveraged Neural Filters for artistic effects could be found under this tag on usergif.

Filters used: Landscape Mixer / Style Transfer / Depth Blur

How I use Neural Filters over different stages of my gifmaking workflow:

I want to outline how I use different Neural Filters throughout my gifmaking process. This can be roughly divided into two stages:

Stage I: Enhancement and/or Colourising | Takes place early in my gifmaking process. I process a large amount of component gifs by applying Neural Filters for enhancement purposes and adding some base colourings.++

Stage II: Artistic Effects & more Colour Manipulation | Takes place when I'm assembling my component gifs in the big PSD / PSB composition file that will be my final gif panel.

I will walk through this in more detail later in the tutorial.

++I personally like to keep the size of the component gifs in their original resolution (a mixture of 1080p & 4K), to get best possible results from the Neural Filters and have more flexibility later on in my workflow. I resize & sharpen these gifs after they're placed into my final PSD composition files in Tumblr dimensions.

3. Getting started

The essence is to output Neural Filters as a Smart Filter on the smart object when working with the Video Timeline interface. Your workflow will contain the following steps:

Prepare your gif

In the frame animation interface, set the frame delay to 0.03s and convert your gif to the Video Timeline

In the Video Timeline interface, go to Filter > Neural Filters and output to a Smart Filter

Flatten or render your gif (either approach is fine). To flatten your gif, play the "flatten" action from the gif prep action pack. To render your gif as a .mov file, go to File > Export > Render Video & use the following settings.

Setting up:

o.) To get started, prepare your gifs the usual way - whether you screencap or clip videos. You should see your prepared gif in the frame animation interface as follows:

Note: As mentioned earlier, I keep the gifs in their original resolution right now because working with a larger dimension document allows more flexibility later on in my workflow. I have also found that I get higher quality results working with more pixels. I eventually do my final sharpening & resizing when I fit all of my component gifs to a main PSD composition file (that's of Tumblr dimension).

i.) To use Smart Filters, convert your gif to a Smart Video Layer.

As an aside, I like to work with everything in 0.03s until I finish everything (then correct the frame delay to 0.05s when I upload my panels onto Tumblr).

For convenience, I use my own action pack to first set the frame delay to 0.03s (highlighted in yellow) and then convert to timeline (highlighted in red) to access the Video Timeline interface. To play an action, press the play button highlighted in green.

Once you've converted this gif to a Smart Video Layer, you'll see the Video Timeline interface as follows:

ii.) Select your gif (now as a Smart Layer) and go to Filter > Neural Filters

Installing Neural Filters:

Install the individual Neural Filters that you want to use. If the filter isn't installed, it will show a cloud symbol (highlighted in yellow). If the filter is already installed, it will show a toggle button (highlighted in green)

When you toggle this button, the Neural Filters preview window will look like this (where the toggle button next to the filter that you use turns blue)

4. Using Neural Filters

Once you have installed the Neural Filters that you want to use in your gif, you can toggle on a filter and play around with the sliders until you're satisfied. Here I'll walkthrough multiple concrete examples of how I use Neural Filters in my giffing process.

Example 1: Image enhancement | sample gifset

This is my typical Stage I Neural Filters gifmaking workflow. When giffing older or more niche media releases, my main concern is the video compression that leads to a lot of artefacts in the screencapped / video clipped gifs.

To fix the artefacts from compression, I go to Filter > Neural Filters, and toggle JPEG Artefacts Removal filter. Then I choose the strength of the filter (boxed in green), output this as a Smart Filter (boxed in yellow), and press OK (boxed in red).

Note: The filter has to be fully processed before you could press the OK button!

After applying the Neural Filters, you'll see "Neural Filters" under the Smart Filters property of the smart layer

Flatten / render your gif

Example 2: Facial enhancement | sample gifset

This is my routine use case during my Stage I Neural Filters gifmaking workflow. For musical artists (e.g. Maisie Peters), YouTube is often the only place where I'm able to find some videos to prepare gifs from. However even the highest resolution video available on YouTube is highly compressed.

Go to Filter > Neural Filters and toggle on Photo Restoration. If Photoshop recognises faces in the image, there will be a "Facial Enhancement" slider under the filter settings.

Play around with the Photo Enhancement & Facial Enhancement sliders. You can also expand the "Adjustment" menu make additional adjustments e.g. remove noises and reducing different types of artefacts.

Once you're happy with the results, press OK and then flatten / render your gif.

Example 3: Colour Manipulation | sample gifset

Want to make a colourful gifset but the source video is in B&W? This is where Colourise from Neural Filters comes in handy! This same colourising approach is also very helpful for colouring poor-lit scenes as detailed in this tutorial.

Here's a B&W gif that we want to colourise:

Highly recommended: add some adjustment layers onto the B&W gif to improve the contrast & depth. This will give you higher quality results when you colourise your gif.

Go to Filter > Neural Filters and toggle on Colourise.

Make sure "Auto colour image" is enabled.

Play around with further adjustments e.g. colour balance, until you're satisfied then press OK.

Important: When you colourise a gif, you need to double check that the resulting skin tone is accurate to real life. I personally go to Google Images and search up photoshoots of the individual / character that I'm giffing for quick reference.

Add additional adjustment layers until you're happy with the colouring of the skin tone.

Once you're happy with the additional adjustments, flatten / render your gif. And voila!

Note: For Colour Manipulation, I use Colourise in my Stage I workflow and Colour Transfer in my Stage II workflow to do other types of colour manipulations (e.g. transforming the colour scheme of the component gifs)

Example 4: Artistic Effects | sample gifset

This is where I use Neural Filters for the bulk of my Stage II workflow: the most enjoyable stage in my editing process!

Normally I would be working with my big composition files with multiple component gifs inside it. To begin the fun, drag a component gif (in PSD file) to the main PSD composition file.

Resize this gif in the composition file until you're happy with the placement

Duplicate this gif. Sharpen the bottom layer (highlighted in yellow), and then select the top layer (highlighted in green) & go to Filter > Neural Filters

I like to use Style Transfer and Landscape Mixer to create artistic effects from Neural Filters. In this particular example, I've chosen Landscape Mixer

Select a preset or feed a custom image to the filter (here I chose a texture that I've on my computer)

Play around with the different sliders e.g. time of the day / seasons

Important: uncheck "Harmonise Subject" & "Preserve Subject" - these two settings are known to cause performance issues when you render a multiframe smart object (e.g. for a gif)

Once you're happy with the artistic effect, press OK

To ensure you preserve the actual subject you want to gif (bc Preserve Subject is unchecked), add a layer mask onto the top layer (with Neural Filters) and mask out the facial region. You might need to play around with the Layer Mask Position keyframes or Rotoscope your subject in the process.

After you're happy with the masking, flatten / render this composition file and voila!

Example 5: Putting it all together | sample gifset

Let's recap on the Neural Filters gifmaking workflow and where Stage I and Stage II fit in my gifmaking process:

i. Preparing & enhancing the component gifs

Prepare all component gifs and convert them to smart layers

Stage I: Add base colourings & apply Photo Restoration / JPEG Artefacts Removal to enhance the gif's image quality

Flatten all of these component gifs and convert them back to Smart Video Layers (this process can take a lot of time)

Some of these enhanced gifs will be Rotoscoped so this is done before adding the gifs to the big PSD composition file

ii. Setting up the big PSD composition file

Make a separate PSD composition file (Ctrl / Cmmd + N) that's of Tumblr dimension (e.g. 540px in width)

Drag all of the component gifs used into this PSD composition file

Enable Video Timeline and trim the work area

In the composition file, resize / move the component gifs until you're happy with the placement & sharpen these gifs if you haven't already done so

Duplicate the layers that you want to use Neural Filters on

iii. Working with Neural Filters in the PSD composition file

Stage II: Neural Filters to create artistic effects / more colour manipulations!

Mask the smart layers with Neural Filters to both preserve the subject and avoid colouring issues from the filters

Flatten / render the PSD composition file: the more component gifs in your composition file, the longer the exporting will take. (I prefer to render the composition file into a .mov clip to prevent overriding a file that I've spent effort putting together.)

Note: In some of my layout gifsets (where I've heavily used Neural Filters in Stage II), the rendering time for the panel took more than 20 minutes. This is one of the rare instances where I was maxing out my computer's memory.

Useful things to take note of:

Important: If you're using Neural Filters for Colour Manipulation or Artistic Effects, you need to take a lot of care ensuring that the skin tone of nonwhite characters / individuals is accurately coloured

Use the Facial Enhancement slider from Photo Restoration in moderation, if you max out the slider value you risk oversharpening your gif later on in your gifmaking workflow

You will get higher quality results from Neural Filters by working with larger image dimensions: This gives Neural Filters more pixels to work with. You also get better quality results by feeding higher resolution reference images to the Neural Filters.

Makeup Transfer is more stable when the person / character has minimal motion in your gif

You might get unexpected results from Landscape Mixer if you feed a reference image that don't feature a distinctive landscape. This is not always a bad thing: for instance, I have used this texture as a reference image for Landscape Mixer, to create the shimmery effects as seen in this gifset

5. Testing your system

If this is the first time you're applying Neural Filters directly onto a gif, it will be helpful to test out your system yourself. This will help:

Gauge the expected rendering time that you'll need to wait for your gif to export, given specific Neural Filters that you've used

Identify potential performance issues when you render the gif: this is important and will determine whether you will need to fully playback your gif before flattening / rendering the file.

Understand how your system's resources are being utilised: Inputs from Windows PC users & Mac users alike are welcome!

About the Neural Filters test files:

Contains six distinct files, each using different Neural Filters

Two sizes of test files: one copy in full HD (1080p) and another copy downsized to 540px

One folder containing the flattened / rendered test files

How to use the Neural Filters test files:

What you need:

Photoshop 2022 or newer (recommended: 2023 or later)

Install the following Neural Filters: Landscape Mixer / Style Transfer / Colour Transfer / Colourise / Photo Restoration / Depth Blur

Recommended for some Apple Silicon-based MacBook Pro models: Enable High Power Mode

How to use the test files:

For optimal performance, close all background apps

Open a test file

Flatten the test file into frames (load this action pack & play the “flatten” action)

Take note of the time it takes until you’re directed to the frame animation interface

Compare the rendered frames to the expected results in this folder: check that all of the frames look the same. If they don't, you will need to fully playback the test file in full before flattening the file.†

Re-run the test file without the Neural Filters and take note of how long it takes before you're directed to the frame animation interface

Recommended: Take note of how your system is utilised during the rendering process (more info here for MacOS users)

†This is a performance issue known as flickering that I will discuss in the next section. If you come across this, you'll have to playback a gif where you've used Neural Filters (on the video timeline) in full, prior to flattening / rendering it.

Factors that could affect the rendering performance / time (more info):

The number of frames, dimension, and colour bit depth of your gif

If you use Neural Filters with facial recognition features, the rendering time will be affected by the number of characters / individuals in your gif

Most resource intensive filters (powered by largest machine learning models): Landscape Mixer / Photo Restoration (with Facial Enhancement) / and JPEG Artefacts Removal

Least resource intensive filters (smallest machine learning models): Colour Transfer / Colourise

The number of Neural Filters that you apply at once / The number of component gifs with Neural Filters in your PSD file

Your system: system memory, the GPU, and the architecture of the system's CPU+++

+++ Rendering a gif with Neural Filters demands a lot of system memory & GPU horsepower. Rendering will be faster & more reliable on newer computers, as these systems have CPU & GPU with more modern instruction sets that are geared towards machine learning-based tasks.

Additionally, the unified memory architecture of Apple Silicon M-series chips are found to be quite efficient at processing Neural Filters.

6. Performance issues & workarounds

Common Performance issues:

I will discuss several common issues related to rendering or exporting a multi-frame smart object (e.g. your composite gif) that uses Neural Filters below. This is commonly caused by insufficient system memory and/or the GPU.

Flickering frames: in the flattened / rendered file, Neural Filters aren't applied to some of the frames+-+

Scrambled frames: the frames in the flattened / rendered file isn't in order

Neural Filters exceeded the timeout limit error: this is normally a software related issue

Long export / rendering time: long rendering time is expected in heavy workflows

Laggy Photoshop / system interface: having to wait quite a long time to preview the next frame on the timeline

Issues with Landscape Mixer: Using the filter gives ill-defined defined results (Common in older systems)--

Workarounds:

Workarounds that could reduce unreliable rendering performance & long rendering time:

Close other apps running in the background

Work with smaller colour bit depth (i.e. 8-bit rather than 16-bit)

Downsize your gif before converting to the video timeline-+-

Try to keep the number of frames as low as possible

Avoid stacking multiple Neural Filters at once. Try applying & rendering the filters that you want one by one

Specific workarounds for specific issues:

How to resolve flickering frames: If you come across flickering, you will need to playback your gif on the video timeline in full to find the frames where the filter isn't applied. You will need to select all of the frames to allow Photoshop to reprocess these, before you render your gif.+-+

What to do if you come across Neural Filters timeout error? This is caused by several incompatible Neural Filters e.g. Harmonisation (both the filter itself and as a setting in Landscape Mixer), Scratch Reduction in Photo Restoration, and trying to stack multiple Neural Filters with facial recognition features.

If the timeout error is caused by stacking multiple filters, a feasible workaround is to apply the Neural Filters that you want to use one by one over multiple rendering sessions, rather all of them in one go.

+-+This is a very common issue for Apple Silicon-based Macs. Flickering happens when a gif with Neural Filters is rendered without being previously played back in the timeline.

This issue is likely related to the memory bandwidth & the GPU cores of the chips, because not all Apple Silicon-based Macs exhibit this behaviour (i.e. devices equipped with Max / Ultra M-series chips are mostly unaffected).

-- As mentioned in the supplementary page, Landscape Mixer requires a lot of GPU horsepower to be fully rendered. For older systems (pre-2017 builds), there are no workarounds other than to avoid using this filter.

-+- For smaller dimensions, the size of the machine learning models powering the filters play an outsized role in the rendering time (i.e. marginal reduction in rendering time when downsizing 1080p file to Tumblr dimensions). If you use filters powered by larger models e.g. Landscape Mixer and Photo Restoration, you will need to be very patient when exporting your gif.

7. More useful resources on using Neural Filters

Creating animations with Neural Filters effects | Max Novak

Using Neural Filters to colour correct by @edteachs

I hope this is helpful! If you have any questions or need any help related to the tutorial, feel free to send me an ask 💖

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myneighbortmnt · 1 year

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I made this for the 2021 style on the rise zine and then forgot to post it!!!! For two years!!! But we are here now! and I have a friend (shoutout to @minnow-doodle-doo ) encouraging me to post it (so thank her if you like the pic because I was ready to just let it sit in the computer file forever)

I spent forever making this thing (I deleted the lineart for the background on accident and had to redo all of it) SO ENJOY!!!

Live laugh love --ya girl

#If it sounds like im having a mental breakdown its because yeah i am #i am very nervous #OKAY!!! tags over #rottmnt

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buglaur · 25 days

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don't have the tray files tonight (terribly lazy) but i do have screenshots of my 2021 versions versus my 2024 versions as a sim style comparison :)

#harvey my boy what did i do to you back then #its once again almost 3am and i'm procrastinating sleeping aghhh #feel like my alex doesn't look like alex but everything i change makes him looks significantly less like alex #goodnight

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harvardfineartslib · 2 months

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The art of embroidery in Palestine, practices, skills, knowledge, and rituals was inscribed into UNESCO’s Intergovernmental Committee for the Safeguarding of the Intangible Cultural Heritage in 2021.

According to the Nomination file No. 01722 for inscription in 2021 on the Representative List of the Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity, it was described as:

“The art of embroidery is widespread in all cities, villages, and camps of Palestine, and is rooted there since the Canaanite era. The Palestinian embroidery was affected by the multiplicity of places in which it originated or moved to and due to the inter-cultural process after the exodus of the Palestinians in 1948, but the style and method of embroidery remained the same. Palestinian women carried their embroidery art with them to their places of refuge in all parts of the world as a symbol of national identity and pride. In view of the development in the means of communication and outreach, embroidery has become widespread and influential in neighbouring countries, as it has taken modern patterns while retaining the known traditional form that is distinguished from the rest of the forms of embroidery in the world as it carries the story of Palestinian women and summarizes their style and their relationship to land and life.”

February is National Embroidery Month. We want to highlight this beautiful heritage of embroidery in Palestine, amid destruction of cultural and historical heritage sites in Gaza. According to an article on the Guardian on February 4th, more than 200 buildings of cultural or historical significance have been destroyed in Gaza.

Palestinian cross-stitch embroidery, “fallahi” comes from the word “fallaha” which means farm woman, because it was embroidered mostly by village women.

Palestinian embroidery : traditional "Fallahi" cross-stitch Kawar, Widad and Nasir, Tania Tamari 2nd edition. Beirut : Al-Mo'assasa al-Aarabiyyah Lidirasat wa al-Nashr, 2003. English HOLLIS number: 990093496510203941

#PalestinianEmbroidery #Embroidery #PalestinianCraft #PalestinianArt #NationalEmbroideryMonth #fallahi #الغ��زة الصليبية #SafeguardingCulturalHeritage #HarvardFineArtsLibrary #Fineartslibrary #Harvard #HarvardLibrary

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familyabolisher · 8 months

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haphazard assortment of thoughts on the unwanted guest:

firstly, it really does have to be said—crazy good, probably my favourite of all the tlt short pieces, and i say that as someone who lost my mind over as yet unsent for like a week. excellent conceit and excellent execution, just a really gorgeous piece of writing. the play format of course reminds me of what abigail says to harrow in htn—that the river bubble is a ‘play [she’s] directing’—the inside of one’s head as a stage in which other actors can intervene & whereby mileage can be gotten out of Symbolism as immediately “real,” tangible presences that the kind of realist baggage that a more quotidian prose form would usher in would probably falter in accomplishing. it’s a lot!! i think even if i wasn’t already a tazmuir writing style defender (contra the insistence that she’s yknow homestuck fanfiction serial numbers filed off hack) then this would have had me floored anyway.

the play format also works in the way that muir’s general dexterity in form and willingness to really make use of craft as a technical space where discourse can be generated always works—i’m talking about the ‘fanfictiony’ voice in gtn which manages to say something both about fanfiction and about the text itself, the use of the dramatis personae as a space where atmosphere can be established and plot points hinted towards (thus blurring the lines between what is and is not diegesis), the drastic shifts in style between different close thirds, the shifting from third- to second- to epistolary first-person, the use of poetry both diegetic and not (the noniad, the epigraph poems…), the mimicry of the ‘voice’ of the king james bible in the nona epilogue—she never stays in one place for too long and she never seems to stick to one central style or form, and it really works in her favour. insofar as tlt as a whole is a very ‘patchwork’ kind of work, building itself up from its big big index of references and intertexts and memes with hugely variant levels of ‘prestige’ or legitimacy attached to them, the ‘patchwork’ use of form really works in muir’s favour. however i am also fuming because i was right in the middle of writing a tlt fic which jumps into a play format two-thirds of the way through and now my idea doesn’t look ORIGINAL but ANYWAY—

& i really do need to flag my good friend vee’s mercy/augustine fic, which makes use of a similar conceit and pulls it off masterfully—i am deeply jealous of vee’s talent and i think the unwanted guest makes this piece (from 2021!) shine even more, if anything.

i am DYING to see where muir is going with the use of hamlet, of all things—dulcie quoting it to palamedes immediately catapulted my mind back to abigail’s reference to ‘that undiscovered country’ in htn. obviously muir likes to drop contemporary (or contemporarily canonical) references and turns of phrase all over the place, but the attention drawn to the quote as diegetically referential (“I like that. Is it from something?” / “Yes. It’s complicated.”) has me wondering about a) the survival of ‘pre-res’ literatures ~over the river and like WHY and b) what a thematic interlocking of tlt and hamlet can do, here…….real aveheads remember cytherea ophelia theory where i tried to use ophelia as a point of reference for teasing out some arguments about cytherea and death and aesthetics and white femininity and whatnot. all of which is to say i need to sit with this hamlet reading a lot more but i love it, i am so here for it.

of course ‘kissing or feeding, we can’t be sure’ calls to mind ‘how meat loves meat,’ alecto biting harrow’s mouth by way of a kiss…and the general thematic throughline of, you know, certain practices of love as practices of consumption, naberius later being figured as the ‘meat’ in question contains echoes of this eroticism which ofc guides the contours of the necromancer/cavalier dynamic, eroticism as a currency of power, we know all of this stuff because it’s all over the text but i am just thumbs-upping it from the sidelines

the coffins had me thinking of utena’s black rose arc, which is a fun link to make considering the equivalent moment in the main body of nona is also referencing utena, ie. with the ‘rules’ of the duel being that cam has to get the handkerchief out of ianthe’s pocket as kind of an equivalent to skewering the rose. i feel like the tlt/utena overlap is pretty self-explanatory but it’s just fun to see the fingerprints all over lol

i think a lot of this was treading old ground thematically (erotics of consumption, dog motifs, we’ve seen it already!) but i will say that i did Yell Out Loud over ‘who's she got dawdling behind her but that creature—tugging visibly at her leash like an overeager dog.’ reminded of the other memorable use of ‘leash’—’even the devil bent for god to put a leash around her neck’—and, of course, the endless parade of commonalities between gideon & alecto. anyway there’s not really anything in this line that we didn’t already know about gid as a character, thematically speaking, but i point it out because it inflicted +100 psychic damage when i read it. gideon as a ‘creature’ is particularly slimy, & sort of puts me in mind of ianthe's tendency to talk about what appears to us as 'butch masculinity' (as opposed to the more effete masculinity of augustine or even babs) with a notably derogatory slant (the 'hurtful threats of sexual violence' line comes to mind); i don't know that i have much to say about it here specifically but it's an interesting one that i think informs the kirianthe dynamic pretty heavily (especially when held up against, like, harrianthe ... ianthe has a kind of respect for whatever harrow's gay and stupid gender is Doing (at least insofar as she can mould it to her own desires; i'm thinking of the dios apate forcefemme scene lol) in ways that i don't think she has for kiriona? but this is v off-topic, lol).

i have never been especially taken by dulcie as a character but i think this may finally have forced me to fold and admit that she’s great. her haters!!! her agonies!!! camilla would have to cook!! the balance between levity and sincerity was really well-managed. & i love the double meaning of “unwanted guest” as both palamedes intruding on ianthe’s mind palace and naberius setting up shop inside of her.

i need a week to sit with where this idea of the consumed soul as being literally ‘digested’ such that it can begin to ‘inhabit,’ however immaterially, the host body, or like to alter the characteristics of the host body such that to carry out such a consumption is to kind of kill yourself as well, slots in with lolita theory. or like, i need alecto right now. i am however reminded of chew, a short story that muir wrote in 2013, which also plays with these ideas of sexual assault as a forcing of a part of yourself meaningfully ‘into’ another person, and cannibalism as the reenactment of such a process, figured in the story as kind of a reclamation or at least an assertion of permanence—“I was always going to be in the ground with him in me,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure, that’s all. I just wanted to make sure.”—which the unwanted guest seems to kind of, play with in reverse? i don’t know, but i’m interested—as ever—in where muir wants to take these ideas of rape and consumption and absorption that she’s got in her hands.

i keep returning to…i hesitate to say ‘parallels’ because i think that imposes a narrative onus that i’m not actually that convinced by, but these, like, commonalities between babs and gideon. gideon is played off against so many people (cristabel, loveday, alecto being the big ones) that it feels kind of inane to add another person to the pile, but like…they’re the two who get got in canaan house, they’re both ironically ‘false’ cavaliers and expressions of the ‘truest’ or most paradigmatic form that cavalierhood ‘can’/’should’ take, they both have unconventionally gendered names (‘babs’ is a shortened form of ‘barbara,’ it is a typically feminine name imo) and (by our standards) somewhat unconventional genders (gideon is butch, babs effete)—and of course the unwanted guest places a lot of emphasis on the coercive ‘making’ of cavalierhood (the reference to babs being ‘fixed’ were he to have a disability! ianthe’s glib ‘society really is to blame’ comment—ironic, obviously, but not wholly untrue) not dissimilar to the emphasis that gtn puts on cytherea moulding gideon into the state she comes to be in at the end. babs and gideon as the two possessed corpses in nona, obviously. two wildly diverse but ultimately converging trajectories! a dialectical tension between their fundamental ‘opposition’ (as by-the-book cavalier vs whatever gideon is doing) and their fundamental ‘sameness’ whereby the dialectic is resolved in their mutual deaths. also just, of course, continuing the throughline that muir has had going for a while now, of gender/gendering as a set of coercive enforcements loyal to a hegemonic structuring of the world.

that’s all i’ve got, i think. just. really good everyone say thank you tazmuir

#.txt #tlt #the unwanted guest spoilers #this was originally bullet points but tumblr's formatting is bad and i can't be bothered editing to improve the flow here. so.#rape cw

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butchsophiewalten · 1 month

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03/16/24 Twitter Space Recap

There was a (pretty long!) twitter space yesterday, feat. Martin & Eva, with a later arrival of Crystal, and a (relatively brief) appearance from Coral. Kyle was going to join, but was experiencing technical some problems, so ended up sitting this one out.

-Martin starts the space proper by asking Eva to post some "Jack Walten Photoshoot" images he made back in May of 2022. Here they are:

-Someone asks if Martin could possibly release unfiltered versions of the Walten Files episodes, and Martin said that at one point, back in 2020, he sent HD versions of episodes 1 & 2 to Eva, but later deleted them, thinking 'why would I bother keeping this around, it's all on my computer anyway,' and then his computer died, and they were lost. He says he thinks he has an HD version of TWF3, but that for TWF4, the VHS filter was applied to the scenes individually before the episode was edited together, so there is no 'HD cut' of the entire episode.

-Martin reads a question, "Is it possible you could describe what happened in the Welcome to Bon's Burgers trailer? I swear I saw it back in 2020 after Sagan Hawkes released his his video." and answers, "Uh, the Welcome to Bon's Burgers trailer was basically like, uh, a very low-quality, movie-style trailer with like, royalty free stock trailer music that was like, really action-packed. And it was like, 'We can stop him, Sophie! Welcome to Bon's Burgers!', and it was so cool. I'm not making this up, this is literally what the trailer was like."

-Martin and Eva joke back and forth about Sophie doing really cheesy action movie stuff in the WtBB trailer, like saying 'fuck you!' to Bon, and throwing a grenade at him. Eva than starts explaining some context for those jokes, saying, "Back in 2021, we like, desperately tried to, like, make Sophie this, like, badass epic horror protagonist, and it- it's just really funny, because that's just not who she is, at all. She's just some loser!"

Martin laughs, saying, "We were talking- we were like, she would not be like this, she would not be like this at all, she would be so awkward."

Eva responds, "She's literally just some awkward, like, mentally unwell loser. She wouldn't be this, like, badass epic hero."

Martin responds, "I think it was- in my opinion, that stemmed pretty much from like, Walter White, because we were on like, our peak Breaking Bad phase. And it was like, Walter White originally was so awkward, and loser, and then he becomes 'badass' and 'cool', and we wanted to, like, replicate that.

Eva laughs, saying, "...Now she's literally just some loser- loser girl. And she's like, way cooler now," to which Martin says, "I love Sophie, she's one of my favorite characters."

-Martin reads a question, incredulously, "'Out of the entire cast, who would like yaoi the most?' Nobody! Nobody would like yaoi the most... Well, maybe Brian."

-Somebody asks something about Showstoppers Inc, and Martin says that the series is currently on hold, so he can finish TWF5.

-Someone asks what Martin's favorite non-canon episode is, and he says it's definitely The Mysterious House. He says out of every episode of The Walten Files, The Mysterious House and TWF6 are probably tied for his favorite. He talks a bit more about it, saying, "I know it's not the best- Maybe it hasn't aged perfectly, but just- it just has that vibe. It just has a really cool vibe, that I really dig."

Eva responds saying, "It's such a fun episode. I like how it just all goes to shit.", to which Martin asks, "Wait, are you talking about Six, or The Mysterious House?" and Eva replies, "Well, both. They both go to shit."

Martin says "Yeah. Technically, Six- we've talked about this in private, but Episode 6 is very inspired in The Mysterious House. Like, I wanted to have that feeling The Mysterious House had, because I really love that."

-Eva reads a question asking what Edd & Molly's relationship was like, and she says she likes to think of them as siblings that just fight all the time. Martin agrees, saying he thinks it happens a lot that Molly is really annoying, and Edd gets angry with her very easily.

-Felix's new VA, Connor, sends some audio to Martin and tells him to share it with the space. Transcribed, it went as follows:

"Uh, hey, Jack, it's Felix. You probably won't be able to answer your answering machine, it said it was full, but it's still letting me leave a message. I'm not entirely sure- I already called the police, uh, nothing's wrong, uh. Well- there is something wrong, I- I can't take your kids home. I'm drunk. Uh, and- you've gotta be pissed out of your mind right now, that's- that's fine. Uh, I'm sorry. And if there's a way- way I can make it up to you- I know, that, like, why the hell would you trust me, after I fucked up the first time, but, I tried to take Edd and Molly home, bad idea. I swerved a bit- we didn't- nothing crashed, nothing happened, I just- I lost my balance. The kids seem okay, I hope they are. They didn't seem to notice, but, in that instance, I just- I couldn't do it. I can't. So, uh, if you can, just- I'm near Saint Joanne's right now, y'know, the forest near section 95, but. Uh- hang on, hang on, kids, give me a minute. They're trying to get my attention. We pulled over on the side- Luckily there was a payphone- there was like a gas station maybe a walk over from the highway. Ope, and they're coming out, they want to say hi to you. Well, I'm gonna hang up now, 'cause I don't have the- Hang on! I'm just gonna hang up. Uh, I am so sorry. I- I really am. And again, if there's anything I can do, if there's a future favor you need, I will- not fuck it up. I'd be fucking foolish to. I'm just so embarrassed, I'm sorry."

Martin was surprised that the audio was so genuine and sad, since he hadn't listened to it before playing it on the space, and thought it was going to be kind of joke.

-Eva reads a question, "'Which character would be into some real good yuri?' Jenny."

-Martin talks about "Raw Bunny", a character which originates from The Walten Archives. He says there were originally going to be two dolls, "Raw Bunny" and "Raw Tammy", and that Edd was going to possess Rocket, and Molly was going to possess Tammy. He has no explanation for why they were called "Raw".

-Martin asks Eva if there's any autistic characters in The Walten Files, and she answers, "Uh, Sophie, I guess, Maybe?"

-Eva reads a question, "'Would Sophie read yuri and yaoi?' I don't think she knows what those are." to which Martin says, "Do you think Sophie would respond, like, 'I've never listened to that band'?"

-Someone asks for character birthdays, and Martin tries to joke that Jack and Rose's birthdays are both on February 31st, but misspeaks and says "21st", which later lead to this very funny twitter interaction:

-Eva reads a question, "What did Sophie do in college?", which leads Coral (who has joined the space by now) to say they don't think Sophie ever went to college. Martin says, "She did. She did go into college, but she got kicked out, because she shaved one of her colleagues' head bald... Like, Sophie really fucking hated this one girl in college, so one day, at night, she goes to her bedroom and starts shaving her head." The original question never gets answered.

-Martin keeps talking about Sophie, saying, "I can't remember if it was in school or college, but I had it written down that she broke someone's arm one time, because the person was bullying her." Then a couple minutes later, goes, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember! Yes, it was in school. I had it written down, because I remember, uh, this was after- of course, I can't get too much into it, because we do cover it in the series, but it was after the crash that someone was bullying her, and since she wasn't in a really good headspace right now, she broke a kid's arm. And that's how she got kicked out of school. I don't think she ever, like, returned to school after that."

Coral responds, "She was forever just wandering," and Martin says, "That is very Sophie Walten. Sophie Walten is always just wandering."

-Eva asks, "Which Walten Files character would've had an emo phase?" and Martin says, "If we were talking like, a year or two ago, I would've said Sophie, but now I think- uh, probably... y'know what? Ignoring, like, the time period and everything, if a character were around to have an emo phase, I think it would be Rosemary, since Rosemary's, like, the most artistic. She would just be like an emo for like, a year or two, and then she would be like, the most jolly person ever."

-Coral jokes that it'd be really funny if Charles had an emo phase, and Eva says she thinks it's funny to imagine Jenny going through an emo phase, because she's such a colorful and friendly person. Crystal says "I feel like [Jenny's] the kind of person that will, like, fully commit to, like, a fashion aesthetic, like 110%." to which Martin responds, "Actually, yeah, definitely."

-Eva says, "I like to think Jenny is like, really good at fashion and shit, meanwhile Sophie just dresses like absolute shit." Coral says, "I don't think Sophie knows how to dress," to which Martin responds, "No, I think she doesn't, but I don't- I don't think she has, like, bad- I wouldn't say 'bad style', because I definitely don't think she has any style. But I don't think she wears bad combinations, y'know? She has like, 5%-2% style."

-Martin says, about Sophie, "Her brain is one ketchup tall."

-Martin asks everyone to say something they think Sophie would actually be really talented at. Eva jokes that she'd be good at "Eating spaghetti.", but Crystal says "I feel like she would, like, be a surprise good cook," and Martin says, "Yeah. I feel like, since she worked at the meat store, so I think she would know how to work with all that." Crystal jokes that someone would think her cooking is really good and ask her for a recipe, and she just completely mentally blanks.

-Eva reads a question, "Would Ashley and Sophie be friends?" and Martin says, "I think Sophie would hate Ashley. I think, Sophie- I think she would stand Ashley, but I think Sophie wouldn't be able to stand Ashley like, actually going blindly into a fucking- I think Sophie would be, like, really annoyed at Ashley's obliviousness, to me. I'm not saying Ashley is stupid, I don't think Ashley is dumb in any way, but I think Sophie wouldn't be able to relate to Ashley's, like, motivations and shit."

-They start joking about Sophie getting high? Martin says that she could never be allowed to get high, because she'd freak the fuck out and have the worst trip of her life. Martin says, "I think if Sophie got high, imagine she's, like, looking horrified at the door frame, and she's grabbing Jenny's hand, and she's like 'Jenny, Ronald Reagan's here. He arrived. He's taking me away, Jenny.''

Martin keeps going, "Imagine- imagine Sophie holds Jenny's hand, and she's like, 'Dude. Jenny- I cracked the case. I cracked the case. Jenny- Jenny, c'mere, I cracked the case. I think Bon killed Kennedy. I think Bo-Bon kill- Jenny I think Bon killed John F. Kennedy.'"

-They start talking about if Sophie would drink, and Martin says "I think Sophie drunk, like, at a party, like- imagine it's like, the only time she goes at a party, and it was just because she was, like, going with Jenny, who was invited. And she gets drunk, and then she's like, 'Uh, here's my car. This is my car.' and she doesn't even have a car. She's just trying to, like, break into a random car on the street."

Martin jokes, saying, "The entire friend group is like, talking about, like, 'aw, yeah, dude, y'know, when my grandma passed away, it was so sad,'- and then Sophie goes like 'Dude, when JFK died, it was like a national tragedy.'"

-[Eva] "Sophie would hate The Irishman. If she watched it."

[Martin] "She wouldn't watch twenty minutes of it! She would be like 'Jenny, I don't get this. I don't get this.'"

[Eva] "She would be like, 'I'm turning this off, this sucks.'"

[Martin, laughing] "And Jenny would be, like, so offended."

-Martin says, "I think Jenny would be more, like, artistic, and, like into experimental films. And Sophie would just watch, fucking, I don't know, fucking-" and Eva interrupts, saying, "Sophie would enjoy Adam Sandler movies if she was, like alive today. She would enjoy Adam Sandler movies." Martin laughs, saying, "Do you think Sophie would watch Ted and be like, 'Ohh, that's just like me...'?"

-Eva says, "I just had the worst idea. Sophie would, like, watch those stupid fucking Sigma Male movies, like Taxi Driver, and shit like that, and be like 'oh, that's me. that's me.' Martin laughs, saying, "That is so accurate! Imagine Sophie watching American Psycho, and for an entire week, like quoting the movie." then later says, "Imagine she does the fucking Taxi Driver cut, for like two days, and then starts crying because she regrets it."

-[Martin] "Someone- someone once said- Did I ever tell tell you, Eva and Crystal, that there was this one time when I was high, and I- I heard someone on Twitter going like, 'oh Sophie would love Weezer,' and I started crying. I started crying."

[Eva] "She would! Sophie would love Weezer!"

[Martin] "No! No she wouldn't! And I started crying, because I realized I failed as a creator."

-[Eva] "Someone asked, 'Does Jenny get high?' Yeah, Jenny would get high. Jenny would be stoner."

[Martin] "Yeah. No- I think she- she was probably, like, back in like, the late 70's she was more of a stoner, but then, when she started living with Sophie, she kinda just, started like, just settling down. Into a jolly- Into a silly, jolly lifestyle."

-[Eva] "Sophie would get really irrationally angry over video games, I think."

[Crystal] "I feel like she wouldn't, like, say anything. She would just stare really angrily at the screen."

[Eva] "She would, like, pick up a thing on her desk and just crush it."

Martin says he wants to draw that, and later posts this:

-Eva reads a question asking what Sophie's fears are. Martin says, "I think Sophie's fears, um, to me- and, of course, I cannot explain where this originates from, because again, it's spoilers. But I think one of Sophie's, like, fears she has- I wouldn't say it would be 'losing control', but not being able to decide what happens to her. Like, the idea of not being able to have control of her future. To me, I feel."

-Eva says "[Bon] would occasionally vomit blood, as a treat."

-Martin says "I think Sophie- I mean, I don't think she would be completely competitive, but I think Sophie would secretly be a bit competitive, when it comes to playing games. And Jenny would be more like 'Hey, it's just having fun!' and that's just because Jenny is like, the best gamer ever."

-Someone asks if Jack or Rose would experience road rage, and Martin says, "A lot of, uh, Jack, when I first wrote Jack, was a lot of inspiration from Me and my dad, because both me and my dad have had to deal with anger issues, and we both had to, like, y'know, go treat that. But I will forever remember how my dad would act during fucking road rage. I think Jack would act like that, just- Jack would fucking punch the fucking steering wheel, going 'God FUCKING DAMN IT!', and he would like, get out of the car, and- because this is something my dad would do- Jack would get out of the car and walk to the fucking thing that's causing the traffic jam. And go, like, 'Hurry the FUCK up, HURRY UP!'"

Martin goes, "I think Jack would go up to the driver that's causing the traffic jam, with the most polite, gentle look on his face. He'd ask him to, y'know, put the window down. And then he would poke his head through the window, and he would go, "Heya, man. KILL YOURSELF!!!!"

-Martin goes, "Why do Jenny and Sophie say 'fuck' so many times in BunnyFarm?" to which Crystal responds, incredulously, "You're the one who wrote the script, what do you mean!?"

-Martin says, "I think Sophie would eat the Forever Weed Brownie."

-Eva asks if Sophie would have the same anger issues as Jack, and Martin says, "No, I don't think she would have anger issues, but I do think she would have a big- a big fuckin' temper."

Eva responds, going "Well, no, she fucking broke some kid's arm and saved some girl's head, she probably does have, like, some anger-" and Martin goes, "Well- yeah, yeah. To be fair, yeah."

-Martin says, "I've told this to Eva, Sophie was a shoplifter, for a while."

-Martin says he changed Sophie's height again (For what, like the third time?) She's about 5'6-5'7 now. Jenny's height has increased proportionally, Martin doesn't give a number for her, but says she's still taller Felix, who's 5'7.

-Eva talks about how she was asked to sing a song as Bon for an episode, and the song Martin had sent her had some sexual undertones, so he changed it to be more kid-friendly and told her to perform the new lyrics. But she fucked up, and just sang the normal song, so they're just using that audio anyway, and it's really funny to both of them.

-Martin says, "One idea I had, back in TWF2, that I really want to repurpose someday- Originally, there was going to be a funny scene where Kevin, Hilary and Ashley would, like, play around with the robots, and dress them up, and make them do fucking goofy poses and shit like that. And I think, If i ever get the chance to do it again, I would probably do something like that... I would really love doing a scene like that, in The Walten Files. The caretakers just absolutely doing goofy shit in K-9."

-Eva talks about how she's a bit mildly uncomfortable with cutesy ship art of Felix and Linda, and asks Martin if that's weird of her. Martin says, "I don't think Felix was abusive, per se. I don't Felix, like, abused of Linda. Y'know, I don't think we was, just, uh- intentionally taking advantage of Linda's emotional state, for his own benefit. But I do think Felix was a very neglectful person, who- the way I see it, he was just with Linda just because, y'know? He didn't really- It was just a thing of, 'Oh, there's a guy and there's a girl. It makes sense, yeah, it should be a couple, yay,' Y'know? And the way I've always seen it is that Linda and Felix had, had, a good dynamic. But I don't think it was a good romantic dynamic.

I think they just- They took what could have been a could've been a potential good friendship as romantic feelings, and that was their downfall. And by being a couple they didn't really help each other, and Felix being neglectful eventually took a toll on Linda. Which- is bad! It's a very bad behavior. And I don't blame people who consider that to be emotional abuse, but to me I don't feel like Felix ever had that intention. But it's not a good couple, because they're not healthy for each other."

-Martin continues, "I feel like Felix didn't know how to be- Felix didn't have a couple before Linda. And I feel like, to me, Felix never properly learned how to love? So, to me, it would be like, uh, he wouldn't be emotionally connected with Linda. He wouldn't open up to her, and he wouldn't really try to be close to her. Both in an emotional and a physical way. It would just be like, every now and then, that he remembers, 'oh yeah, my wife', and just, like- a kiss, every one in 500 years."

-"I do think that Linda was a very independent person. And does- she wasn't like, too focused on, 'oh, how much does Felix care about me?', she was just, like, doing her own thing. I think it was later down the line that she started realizing how neglectful Felix was, and started, like, actually trying to reconnect with him, in a way. And since Felix had become worse and worse, he just kinda kept brushing her away until he ended up confronting her, and ended up hurting her feelings in a really bad way."

-Martin reads a question, asking, "Why did Felix start drinking, anyway?" and answers, "Uh, without revealing it too much, I think the reason he started drinking was because, uh, there was a problem, to Felix, that was starting to build up, and he started isolating himself on that problem. And, uh, when he started isolating himself, he started losing all the things he had, to like- all the shoulders he could lean on. So, without nobody he could actually go to, to reach out to them, he started drinking. Because it kinda numbed away those feelings, it kinda helped him control all the frustrations he had about himself, and the kind of person he was. And thus, at first he was just, like, 'Oh, it's just, every time I feel some kind of hatred towards myself and the person I am.' And it kept escalating, to the point that-- The moment he started fully hating himself was the moment he started completely drinking all the time. To kinda, just numb away those feelings."

Martin says, "To me, uh, the way I see it is like The Shining, where they refer to alcohol as a medicine. And to me, I feel like Felix saw it as a medicine, too. Like, as a way that, hey, it's an easy way to be happier with the person you are and the decisions you've made."

-"I feel like, in a way, the way I see Felix as a character- I like to think that he's someone who isn't happy, wasn't happy with the kind of person he became and the kind of decisions he took, because I think he saw a lot more potential in him that he didn't- that he didn't actually use. And, it's like, I feel like that frustration was the one of the reasons he got into drinking. Because it's like, just the idea of, 'Hey, I wasted so many years away not doing the stuff I wanted to do. So what's the point anymore?', Y'know."

-"Felix has- In my opinion, a very realistic, kind of like- I want to say a middle-aged crisis. As like, a way of being depressed over- I like to think Felix is sad that he didn't get to savor his young age very much. Because, to me, it's like, one second it was him and Jack going, like, 'Hey! We gotta do this project, and it's going to be so cool, so great and everything!', and then the other second it's like, having to worry about the paperwork, and the idea that- Yeah, sure, Jack and him are still best friends, but Y'know, Jack has his family now. Jack has other priorities, it's not the funny, 'Hey, we're young, we have our whole future ahead of us!' because now the future is happening, and Felix doesn't know what the fuck he's about to do, what the fuck is going to happen to him. And thus, he instantly thinks it's all doomed, it's too late for him to choose a different way to be, a different person to be with, a different goal to have. He thinks that all the decisions he made lead him to this, and he can't change it, because it's too late for that. I think that's what kinda dooms him, in a way."

-Martin says, "To me, when [Felix] had a low point, instead of trying to get himself out of it, he just accepted defeat, because he thought he couldn't get any lower than that. And, there was another rock bottom, and another one, and another one." He says, "I'm always going to say this- and this is kinda like, a message from The Walten Files- It's not a priority, but it's a message that you cannot live a future you do not want to live. You cannot force yourself to accept and settle down for a future you don't want to live, because you're only going to live in constant- you're going to be miserable with yourself! And you're going to be constantly looking to the past, instead of trying to fix your future.

And I think the main flaw with Felix- and you can even notice now, in the current content, that Felix looks a lot in the past, and he's stuck in the past, and he's so unhappy with the place he is right now, that he doesn't try to get himself out of it. And it's just like, "Ah, maybe if I just keep doing what I'm doing, it'll just magically get better on it's own!', and that's not how life is, so yeah."

-Martin and Eva talk about how it's kinda funny, how for them, Felix's hangups have served as a sort of cautionary tale, because his experiences and struggles are so human and so relatable, that his behavior helps them to understand why you need to work against the kind of thinking he succumbs to.

-Eva goes, "I can't wait until we can have long ass discussions like this, publicly, about fucking Jack." and Martin goes, "God! Jack is so cool, too!"

-Some asks if there's any "canon trans rep" in The Walten Files. Martin says, a little regretfully, that No, there aren't, not because he thinks there shouldn't be transgender people in The Walten Files, but because he doesn't go out of his way to think about applying those sorts of labels to characters as he makes them, he just lets them develop naturally, and sometimes ends up applying concepts like that depending on what he thinks feels natural for them. He says, "I never actually touch the territory of, like, their gender identity and all that. So, I guess you could headcanon any character you want as trans. That's totally fine."

-Martin says, "Felix, his main issue was not talking to people and getting help when he needed it the most, and I feel like the way I wrote it stemmed down from the way that a lot of- especially in that era- there was a lot of toxic masculinity around the idea that you cannot show weakness around other people. That you have to be, like, the strong person that takes care of everyone else. You have to be, like, the man in the group, the man in the family, and you cannot, like- you cannot be vulnerable towards anyone else. And I feel like Felix kinda grew up around that mentality, and he isolated his issues from everyone else, because he felt like showing any kind of, uh, vulnerability and just any weakness at all would make him lesser.

And I feel like that problem amplified itself when he met Jack, who was this collected, smart person, who always knew what he had to say. He was charming, he always had an answer for everything, and Felix felt like- if he- if he showed vulnerability towards Jack, Jack would see him as someone lesser than him, y'know? As someone weak. Not worthy of being Jack's friend, y'know?"

-Eva reads a question that asks, "What're some genuine flaws about Jack, besides his anger issues? Has he ever done something he ended up regretting?". Martin pauses for a while, then says, pretty definitely, "Yeah. He does."

Martin then says, "I feel like we could answer some flaws about personality. I think, like, the one thing I could say is that Jack also stems a lot from that mentality of, like, that you shouldn't be weak, you shouldn't show vulnerability to anyone. And I feel like, uh, he- the only person to me, that Jack was ever vulnerable to, the only person that Jack could tell 'I'm scared', to was Rosemary. And, uh, I feel like Jack is a person who wants to always be in control of everything. He cannot lose control, because when he loses control he feels weak, and he doesn't like feeling weak.

And, uh- He kinda, like- One of the bad things that happened, is that, to me, I feel like he kinda passes those bad habits to Sophie, who also doesn't like the idea of losing control. And doesn't like the idea of showing other people that she cries, and that she's vulnerable. And I feel like that stemmed a lot because of Jack."

-"I think one of the worst things with Jack is that he has a problem with communicating stuff. He cannot, for the life of him, just let out a vulnerable side of him. And the way I wanted to show that is that he's always shown smiling in photos, he never tries to frown. He never tries to show any other face, other than just him being okay, him being happy."

-[Eva] "I find it cool how, like, Jack wants himself to be perceived as like, this ideal dad type-guy, which is also how Felix-"

[Martin] "The perfect- the perfect person."

[Eva] "... In reality, Jack would be like, very- very flawed. Very, like-- I don't know how to describe it. His brain would be very, like- emotionally he'd be very fucked up. Not, like, evil- I mean like. his emotions and shit, he has a really bad way of expressing them, and stuff like that."

[Martin] "He doesn't know. He doesn't know how to express his emotions. And to me, Jack, I feel like- I feel like one of Jack's greatest flaws is that, to him, everything is appearances. He really cares a lot about appearances, and he cares about looking like the perfect role model, like the fucking 1950's magazine, cut-clear perfect dad, and his cut-clear perfect family where everything is fine, and nothing can ever go wrong. That's one of, like, Jack's fears. But if we talk more about it, we'll go into spoiler territory!"

-They talk about how frustrating it is to be so interested in and passionate about these characters, but so little of their stories have made it to the audience so far, so they have to be really cagey about everything. Martin says, "I think, mostly because of Sophie, because to me, the way that Sophie is shown in The Walten Files 3, that's just scratching the surface. That's not an ounce of, like, her character. And I really, really want to show what she does, and how everything goes down, but I can't."

-[Eva, reading] "Which character's story goes the deepest? Which character has the most depth?"

[Martin, immediately.] "Jack. Definitely Jack. (pause) No- Jack and Sophie. I think it's Jack and Sophie."

-Martin says, "Bon is so- a much worse person than Felix, but I really like that he's not as unlikable, because Felix knows what he's doing wrong, and apologizes and says he wants to change, but he doesn't. Whereas Bon is a delusional prick, who fucking- doesn't regret anything. And that's so cool to me." Later, he says, "I wouldn't say [Bon] has regret, but he has a lot of, like, emotion about what he's doing. He's not like a cold, heartless killer."

-Martin answers one last question, "What was your original plan for The Walten Files?" and answers, "The original plan for The Walten Files was actually very different, because it was- first of all, I had two original ideas. Originally, it was going to be just a compilation of, uh, footage of Welcome to Bon's Burgers, and I was just gonna plaster a VHS effect on it, and just be like, 'hey, look at all this cool stuff!' But then, when I scrapped that idea, there was The Walten's Archive, which was gonna be, like, a documental, that was, like, a retelling of the events that happened. Like, a 1990s documental, like, a dramatization of everything that happened, and that's why you'd see everything in like, a cinematic light and everything. And it was going to be, like, ten episodes. And I still have that document, and some of the ideas carried over to the actual stuff, but not all of them."

-Eva wants to answer one last question, too, saying, "Someone asked, 'Is "Bon" a 'it's for the greater good' type of person when it comes to his killings?' I'd say yes. Whenever he's like, killing someone, he definitely knows that they're afraid and that they don't want to die, but he'd kinda like, think of it as 'Oh, you don't know what's good for you,' or 'This is for the greater good,' like, when he's killing them. That's kinda like, a way he would justify it in his mind. Like he would just think, 'Oh, yeah, you want this, you just don't know it,' like shit like that."

#the walten files #twitter space recap #sorry this took so long I Hope you Understand Why

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kiwisa · 1 year

Text

Watch Out, Boys ✷ cl16

✷ SECOND INTERLUDE OF THE TAMING OF THE HEARTBREAKER

━━━━━ PREVIOUS & NEXT !

in which... Y/N's invitation to the Miami GP means trouble !

AS THE HALL & OATES' SONG GOES: "Watch out, boys, she'll chew you up." Because, if there's one thing we know, it's that putting Y/N L/N and 20 conventionally attractive men in the same place is never a good idea.

Yet, that is precisely what's going to happen in a few days at the Miami International Autodrome. The actress, who will play the iconic Barbie in Greta Gerwig's adaptation, has been invited by Ray-Ban to the Miami Grand Prix on May 8.

The news was announced on Ferrari’s TikTok account⏤which the eyewear brand sponsors⏤and has since then sparked numerous reactions. While these vary, one common thread stands out: the fear of havoc. Admittedly, L/N turns heads and sows discord wherever she goes.

Formula One is already a chaotic world, adding Y/N L/N and her shenanigans to the mix would only make it worse.

Since her list of actors waiting to be seduced is dwindling, this event presents itself as a bargain for the Academy Award-winning actress, who will only have to draw someone from 20 options to be her next prey.

If the possibilities are considerably reduced by one small element to consider⏤the WAGs⏤L/N has shown before that she is not above immorality when it comes to getting her way. Her affair with Harry Styles, even though he was rumoured to be in a relationship with Olivia Wilde at the time, is formal proof of this.

Hide your men, ladies, because The Heartbreaker is in town and ready to pounce!

✷ SEE ALSO ON LOVE CLUB... !

Y/N L/N named the highest-paid actress of 2021 by Forbes

"Name a more iconic character? You can't" Y/N on being cast as Barbie for Greta Gerwig's movie

Is Harry Styles cheating on Olivia Wilde with Y/N L/N?

Of course, all eyes are now on the two Ferrari drivers, with whom L/N will spend most of her time (common sponsor dictates), and more particularly on Charles Leclerc, who is single.

It has been almost a month since the woman was last seen with anyone. A record! She's probably more determined than ever to get her hands on some fresh meat, and what better than a handsome, muscular driver who can speak French? We all know L/N's soft spot for the language of love. Her interviews remind us of it enough. So do her many French conquests.

We just hope that the actress' famous bedroom eyes will not trouble the Monegasque and make him lose his race. The fans of Il Predestinato would not react kindly to this.

He is, after all, one of the current favourites for the championship.

In any case, no matter what happens over the weekend, the outcome is bound to be interesting. Because, while her actions are open to criticism, Y/N L/N's impact is undeniable.

The woman is already the talk of the paddock and she hasn’t even set foot on it yet.

FILED UNDER #Y/NL/N #F1 #ACTORS #SPORTS #MIAMI #DATING

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Anonymous 15 minutes ago

It's already a miracle that she hasn't tried to fuck football players yet, if she could keep this up with F1 it would be great.

Anonymous 38 minutes ago

I will never understand why celebrities who have nothing to do with F1 and probably don't give a shit about it either are invited to all GP. It's ridiculous.

Anonymous 51 minutes ago

There's something about Y/N that I just hate. It's physical at this point. I can only stand her in movies. Probably because she doesn't act like herself in those...

Anonymous 1 hour ago

No, but I swear she really has a libido problem. This is the only explanation. She must be a nymphomaniac. Or just a whore. Or both.

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tzthrowbacks · 14 days

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i have 3 questions: 1. when zendaya showed up wearing that ring for the first time? 2. during the breakup period, did she stop showing up with the ring, like 0 appearances? 3. when was the first time she showed up wearing it again?

short answers : 1 &2. march/april 2021, so she only started wearing it after they got back together. 3. she wore it constantly during 2021/2022, then stopped for a little while, but it's making its comeback recently, every now and then

for further informations, you can refer to Pr. @jechristine analysis ;)

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world-of-wales · 5 months

Text

CATHERINE'S STYLE FILES - 2021

13 NOVEMBER 2021 || The Duchess of Cambridge along with Prince William attended the Festival of Remembrance at the Royal Albert Hall in London.

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kwisatzworld · 4 months

Text

List of Valentino Rossi books and documentaries:

inspired by @pgaslys list of marc’s docs

📚 Books

What If I Had Never Tried It [English/Italian/Spanish/German/Japanese/Chinese, etc.]: Vale’s only autobiography to date, translated into a lot of languages (so many that it’s hard to keep count). The English edition is notoriously rough - think spelling mistakes and some lost-in-translation moments. Despite this, yellow fans absolutely shouldn’t miss out on this gem. Published in 2006, during Vale’s zenith with five consecutive championships under his belt, the book radiates his happiness and confidence. The narrative is casual, with chapters loosely connected, but you will still find pleasure in reading this book.

MotoGenius: the Valentino Rossi biography by Mat Oxley: Oxley remains my all-time favorite Rossi author! Initially published years ago, the latest edition is available on Kindle. It’s a treasure trove of Vale anecdotes and Oxley’s unique insights, offering a glimpse into how Vale captivated his generation.

The Valentino Rossi Files: Everything I’ve ever written about VR by Mat Oxley: Available on Kindle, this collection (in two parts) encapsulates all the articles Oxley wrote about Vale for magazines and newspapers before joining Motor Sport Magazine.

Valentino Rossi: The Definitive Biography by Stuart Barker: A comprehensive biography of Vale, chronologically organized.

Valentino Rossi: Il Dio del Motociclismo by Fabio Fagnani [Italian]: Not recommended as the author’s fan-like admiration making it read more like a love letter than a biography. The only saving grace is the interview with Aldo Drudi.

Valentino Rossi: All His Races by Mat Oxley [English/German/Japanese/Serbian]: Chronicles every race of Vale’s career, enriched with exclusive interviews.

🎥 Documentaries

When asked about a movie about himself, Vale said, “If it’s a bad movie, I’d rather it didn’t exist.” He holds a similarly cautious stance towards documentaries, and has never personally produced a documentary about himself, though perhaps that might change at some point in the future.

Faster (2003) : Premiered at the Festival de Cannes during MotoGP’s golden era, this documentary intriguingly portrays the rivalry between Vale and Max Biaggi.

The Doctor, the Tornado, and the Kentucky Kid (2006) : Focuses on the 2005 season, especially the US Grand Prix, you can see the beautiful yellow livery of Yamaha’s 50th anniversary.

Fastest (2011) : A sequel to Faster.

Hitting the Apex (2015) : Arguably the best MotoGP documentary out there. Vale and Marco riding into the sunset to ‘Wish you were here’ is a poignant moment.

Valentino Rossi: The Doctor (2016) : Produced by Monster Energy, primarily illustrating how Vale expanded his empire step by step.

Racing Together (2017): MotoGP history isn’t complete without its greatest icon, Vale features for about 15 minutes.

Valentino’s Secret Room: Inside the Doctor’s Hidden Archive (2020) : Produced by Dainese, revealing Vale’s personal collection.

Ruta 46 – Ruta 93: El camino de dos mitos (2021) : Produced by DAZN España, unfortunately I haven’t seen it yet – if you have, let me know how it tells the tale.

Tales of Valentino (2021) : A nine-episode documentary series produced by Dorna, showcasing different aspects of Vale’s career through nine significant races.

RiVale | Valentino Rossi as Told by His Rivals (2021) : Produced by DAZN Italia featuring Vale’s main rivals (except Marc), sharing their stories with him.

Rossi | BT Sport Documentary on the Career of MotoGP Icon, Valentino Rossi (2022) : Produced by BT Sport following Vale’s retirement, highlighted by Suzi Perry’s captivating hosting style.

MotoGP Unlimited (2022) : No need for a lengthy introduction – it’s probably already been watched by everyone by now.

#valentino rossi #motogp

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tiannasfanfic · 9 months

Text

GossipWeb

Eddie Munson x Reader (Angst)

| Eddie Munson & Steddie Masterlist |

Summary: If you want to stay up to date on celebrity gossip, GossipWeb is the site to subscribe to! Monday’s Weekend Roundup for July 17 has an update on Corroded Coffin, and you should totally check it out!

Author Note: Modern Rockstar!Eddie AU. Reader not mentioned in this first part, but will be in future installments so I went ahead and labeled it as an x Reader fic. Written in the style of a gossip column.

CW: Mentions of divorce; mentions of alcoholism and drug addiction; mention of a fistfight.

(The following is an excerpt from the July 17, 2023 edition of The Weekend Roundup, a gossip column posted every Monday afternoon on GossipWeb.com and the GossipWeb app.)

Wedding bells are in the air for model Chrissy Munson and nature photographer David Greggs. The pair have officially announced their engagement on Sunday via social media, confirming recent rumors.

The happy couple shared the news on their respective Instagram accounts, showing photos of the two happily embracing on a beach at sunset. In one, Munson is holding out her hand to show off the huge sapphire and diamond engagement ring now sitting on her finger.

“I said YES!” Munson captioned her photo while Greggs captioned his, “She said YES!”

The pair first made headlines back in 2021, when they were spotted having dinner together just a few weeks after Munson filed for divorce from Corroded Coffin’s frontman, Eddie Munson.

While “Irreconcilable differences” were listed in the official court filing, representatives for both Eddie and Chrissy have declined to comment further on the matter. In the social media post announcing the divorce, Chrissy took a diplomatic path, stating, “Sometimes our plans in life just don’t work out the way we want them to. Unfortunately, this is one of those times. I wish Eddie nothing but the best and wish nothing but happiness for him. While our marriage may be over, he will always hold a special place in my heart.”

But, while her words made it sound like the split was an amicable one, many have their doubts it was that simple.

Rumors had been circulating regarding her ex husband’s hard partying lifestyle for years. Insiders have come forward to provide accounts of escalating drug and alcohol abuse, and extremely irrational and erratic behavior from the rockstar. Shortly after the divorce filing, it was reported to multiple news outlets that an intervention was been staged for Munson just a few days prior to the court filing, but it had failed.

In related news, the former members of Corroded Coffin are continuing to stay busy and are enjoying far more laid back schedules.

Following a highly successful album with their band Fallen Shadows, Jeff Richards and Grant Lee have announced a small, twenty city tour that will occur early next year. While the dates and cities are still to be determined, the two are looking forward to getting back on the road.

“It’s been awhile, but we’re itching to get back out there,” Richards stated in a Facebook post. “There’s nothing like bringing our music out into the world and sharing it in person with the fans.”

But Gareth Emerson hasn’t been so eager to return to the spotlight.

Following a successful stay at the Betty Ford Center, which he entered in December 2019, Emerson says he has done a lot of thinking about his life and who he wants to be, both as a person and an artist.

“The stress I was constantly putting myself under was ultimately my downfall,” he explained in a Facebook post full of self reflection. “And one of the biggest stressors for me was the constant need to promote myself, to sell myself basically. I stopped feeling like a person and started feeling like a piece of meat. In this business, it doesn’t take long before you start getting treated like a machine and you start looking for ways to cope. And, usually, you find yourself coping by turning to drugs. Now I don’t have to just cope because I refuse to put myself back in that stressful position.”

Emerson continues to write and record new music, which he releases on iTunes under his own name. While he’s leaning heavily into experimental sounds, his new style seems to be gravitating towards a blend of classic rock n’ roll, folk and heavy metal. It’s not a combination you would expect to hear from a speed metal drummer, but Emerson clearly has hidden talents he’s only just starting to show the world.

As for the frontman and lead guitarist, Eddie Munson, unfortunately, there’s not much can be said.

The statement from Corroded Coffin announcing their hiatus came in late 2019 just a few days after Munson and Emerson’s very publicized fistfight at the UK Music Video Awards. While he virtually dropped out of the spotlight as a musician in the following months, Munson was frequently in the news due to his excess partying and rowdy behavior.

Then, in 2022, he unexpectedly disappeared from the LA party scene, only to resurface a few months later in his old hometown of Hawkins, Indiana.

Representatives for Munson have declined to comment, so the true reasons for his returning to Hawkins are still unclear. The rocker has yet to make any return trips home to California within the last eighteen months since his departure. This adds credibility to a more recent rumor we reported on last week that Munson is in negotiations to sell his Malibu home to a private seller.

Perhaps the rockstar has finally turned over a new leaf?

Some signs point to yes.

Earlier this year, Gareth Emerson’s wife, actress Kim Simmons-Emerson, sent well wishes to Eddie in a heartfelt Instagram post. She posted an old photo of Munson and Emerson from high school with the caption, “Today marks a new beginning for old friends. We’re so proud of you. We knew you could do it.”

Subscribe to our free newsletter to stay up to date on any new developments!

#eddie munson #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson series #eddie munson au #eddie munson x chrissy cunningham #eddie munson imagines #rockstar!eddie munson

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delta-pavonis · 3 months

Note

Dream Journal Rescue for the wip game, please

WHOO! Thank you for asking about this one, Nonny.

For the 2022 Dreamling Secret Santa I took a risk and wrote something that can be very divisive in fanfic and in fiction in general: first person narrative. I wrote the first half of i had a dream (i got everything i wanted) as a dream journal that Hob used to record his dreams after they came back when Dream got out of the fishbowl in 2021. It draws both from the early comics and from the TV show in terms of events/timeline. This fic got significantly less attention than the others I had written at the time, but it was also the one I was most proud of that year (and that's with Eros in Pragma and Hypnopompia turtur in there!). I am still extremely proud of it because it is, for me, I think very poetic writing. However, the first version of i had a dream wasn't post-fishbowl, but actually started before the fishbowl. Hob still kept a dream journal, and it still started in first person, but the idea originally was that Hob would figure out that something had happened to his Stranger because of his dreams stopping. Which meant that they needed to have enough of a relationship/rapport by the 1910s that Hob would trust that Dream would not miss a dream "date" of theirs without very good reason. Hence, "dream journal rescue" as the name. I only have pieces of the fic, but I keep them because I still viscerally love what I did with i had a dream SO FUCKING MUCH that I want to return to that style at some point. If you have read i had a dream you will see the bits I took from this and transferred to that.

This is totally G-rated and starts before 1889, as Hob is anticipating that next meeting, and then keeps going into 1914. Here's what I have in that WIP file:

21 October 1885

I think I need to write these down. Olive suggested I start writing these down. She is usually right about such things.

Maybe it will bring some clarity to this… mess.

I’m in the White Horse Inn. (It is always the White Horse.)

The year is not obvious from the decor, which is a riotous mix of 1389 and 1489 and 1789. Delicate teacups and straw-covered floor and fireplaces with chimneys. Of course chimneys. But I know, in the way of dreams, that it is the day of our annual appointment, the next one, in 1889.

I shake my coat and hat free of the London morning rain. I am many hours before the time of our appointment. This my usual - I always arrive early. To ready the table and, more importantly, myself for our meeting.

But in this dream I enter the White Horse to find the Stranger already there. He looks exactly as he did in 1789. Which must say something about my imagination since he has always been in impeccable fashion specific to the era of our meeting.

Or perhaps it is because he looks at me with the same burning intensity that made our last appointment so spectacular. His eyes devour me, just as they did when we parted last, and I am absolutely helpless to resist.

I am sitting then, across from him, cups of tea and venison pasties between us. His beautiful pale fingers trace around the gilded edge of the teacup. I am speaking, words tumbling forth, I can hear the droning vibrations in my ears and throat, but it is not where my attention lies.

My attention is riding the wave in his coalblack hair. My attention is wafting the bob of his throat above his high collar. My attention is tracing the sweet pout of his pink lips. My attention is flying through storm-sky eyes.

He reaches across and

Fuck. I can’t write this.

[There are several attempts at starting entries after the previous one. None manage more than a sentence.]

[No attempts at entries are made after 1889.]

1 November 1898

I woke up still drunk and still in very rural Wales (note: never ever always maybe return for Nos Calan Gaeaf in the future) and found this old journal in the bottom of my trunk, so I suppose I shall once again make a valiant attempt to take dear Olive’s advice to sort out the dreams of my Stranger that ever plague me.

(I have heard tell of work by a man named Freud who claims dreams can be used to better understand someone’s psychology and potentially even relieve psychosis. He'd have a field day with me. May I never come within 400 miles of him.)

My drunk mind lacks creativity for scenery and so when I sleep this night I find myself in the same village square I was in only hours prior… however, I am back in time about 400 years? Long before the industrialization of the region, before the extermination of these old traditions by the expansion of “civilization.”

I have just won the silly harvest mare from the clutches of the other young men bringing the last of the harvest in, a horse-shaped horror made from the final stalks of grain reaped. I am now expected to try to sneak this rustling beast into the home where the bulk of the feast is being prepared by the womenfolk without one of them dousing me with washwater. If I succeed in getting into the kitchen unscathed I will win their finest beer and an honored seat at the feast-table. I am always up for new games.

(This is all Iwan’s fault for convincing me to accompany him home for the holiday yesterday and for me getting drunk while they all told me stories of the Old Days. Let it never be said that I abandon a friend in their time of need.)

I easily weave through the crowds of women and children, in their dresses and aprons and smocks, clothing I haven’t seen in centuries but are still as real as yesterday, and cross the kitchen threshold only to find the room empty. An empty kitchen except for the crackle of the hearthfire and my Stranger sat on a barrel in front of it.

The large fire paints him in oranges and golds and he looks warm and inviting in a way that I have never experienced outside of my mind. It is the moment I know for certain that this is a dream.

When he looks up to me he appears confused, brows drawn, lips parted.

I am the first to speak, although words do not come easily to me. “What…?” After our parting in 1889 I can scarce understand why I am seeing him before me now. Although nightmares of the night plagued me in the months afterwards, I had been blessedly free of any night-time visits from my Stranger for almost a decade now. It has been an unexpected boon after so many years of dreaming of him more carnally. I know these facts within the dream. “Why are you here?”

He doesn’t stand, cranes his neck back to look up at me, and I realize he has a low collar this night, lower than it had been even in 1489. I can see flame-gold arcing around the shadowed hollow of his throat.

“It is a Ysbrydnos.” He explains in perfect Welsh, as if I am some child. I do not question why I can so easily understand him despite my mediocre grasp of the language. It is a dream, after all. “Many call on me such nights.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yes, ‘tis a Spirit Night and you a spirit.”

He tilts his head to the side, bird-like and distinctly not human. “Not as such. But I will attend the dreams of many who call me here this night.” The Stranger’s voice is just as rich and decadent as it is in person. This detail my memory - traitorous bastard it is - does not neglect.

“Of course. Even the version of you I make for my dreams gives non-answers and evasions.” I can feel my whole body hunch in defeat. I wrap my arms around myself, look to the floor. “Just why…” Even my dream cannot steady my voice. “Why does my mind show you to me now? Why this torment?”

“Ah.” Now his voice is choked and staccato. “You did not call me here yourself this night.” Perhaps he is surprised, or ashamed, I cannot tell.

Still, I want to scream. “After last time…” I grit my teeth and continue to stare at the floor.

I see the toes of his black shoes enter my field of view. His chest is perhaps a handspan from mine. “Do you truly wish to never dream of me?” This inquiry is a mocking echo of his usual question, but there is no mockery in his tone. “Given…" He shakes his head, unable to say the words. Say the words he should say: Given what I did to you… Instead he restarts the sentence, "It would be well within your right to request it.”

I sigh. He almost sounds remorseful. What a fantasy this is. How contrived. “No.” And if I ever doubted before that this was a dream the tiny bits of relief I see wash over my Stranger confirms it. His eyes soften minutely. His shoulders relax a hair's breadth. “This might be the only chance I have to ever see you again. And I would take the machinations of my mind, I would take delusions of your regard, over nothing.”

He hums, looking back to the fire as he takes a step away from me. I feel cold and bereft. “This dream is over.”

And then I woke up.

1 Nov 1898 I have not dreamed of him in six months. one year. three years. seven ten fifteen

25 May 1914

After almost 17 years I found myself dreaming of the White Horse last night and when I focused upon it in my mind’s eye I almost burst into tears.

Wait, Olive always said that this was more effective if I narrated as if I was reliving the dream. That I would get more details back that way.

I begin the dream standing outside the White Horse Inn and knowing that I am dreaming. It is the first time I have begun a dream this aware and therefore it is noteworthy.

When I enter I feel his presence before I see it. Through the doors in the back, to the private room that had been set aside for us in 1789. He is once again in front of a fireplace, standing this time, hands clasped at the small of his back as he looks down into the flames.

(Note: Ponder this pattern more later, that I associate him in dreams with fire.)

The door to the room automatically closes behind me and he turns. Despite the venue, he is dressed, as always, in the pinnacle of fashion. All black - of course - but a suit with long jacket and waistcoat and tie nonetheless. The ever-present ruby sits heavy and dark just below his throat.

“I did not intend the delay, Hob.” And doesn’t that throw me for a loop. I did not know prior to that moment that one could get dizzy in their own dreams. “I sometimes forget that time flows… differently… for you humans. But I did think on our last conversation.”

Thirty questions stampede through my mind at once. Everything from ‘Did he just directly admit that he is not human?’ to ‘Which last time?’ I throw all of these aside and instead opt for a cautiously lilted “And?”

A magnanimous wave of his hand and we are sitting, the same tea and sweets that were present in 1789 grace the table between us. I hold my breath. “Perhaps we can pick up, as much as we can, where we were in 1789 before the Lady Constantine interrupted us.” I am so taken aback by the turn this dream has taken that I cannot for the life of me think of what to say next. Luckily, my mind does not require me to as he continues. “I believe you asked my name.”

I almost fall over myself to give him leave to avoid it. “Only if you wish it.” Just don't leave again.

He smiles, something brighter than usual, and it feels like looking into the Sun. “I have a list of titles, which we can get to later, but the simplest name is Dream.”

I clamp down on the anguish that’s in my throat, but it still comes out as a high-pitched wheeze from between my teeth. “Dream?! DREAM?!?” I let myself slump boneless into the chair, impropriety be damned, and splay my legs out in front of me, hands over my face. “Oh fuck my mind and these GAMES. Why can it not send me sweet dreams of you? Of COURSE you are named Dream… you are a dream! Has my subconscious no creativity? Christ in heaven…”

“Hob!” He shouts. He has never shouted at me before. I look to him through my fingers, meet twilight-blue eyes. “My name is Dream of the Endless and I am the King of Dreams and Nightmares.”

Shock, bright white and violent, runs through me and I quite literally fall out of my chair.

And then I wake up.

26 May 1914

I do not think I have ever been more wrong about something in my long long life.

Fuck.

My Stranger is Dream. He lords over dreams and nightmares. They are his Domain, his Kingdom.

F U C K

I knew that he was something Other. But this. This.

We met again last night, in my dreams. I don’t need to work at this anymore (thanks for trying, Olive) because he asked me last night if I wanted to remember this, remember meeting him. Apparently he has some manner of control over such things.

I told him yes. Of course I said yes. But I think I want to continue to keep track of what has happened, what will happen, in my dreams, here in this journal. If only so that I have something to refer to later when I have absolutely zero confidence that this is real. Some proof that I haven’t gone completely barmy.

Last night we talked. Just talked. It was in a liminal space, barely distinct as containing a floor and walls and chairs. All monotone, in blacks and greys and faint whites. It still reminded me of the back room from 1789.

He - Dream - told me so much. More than he had ever said to me in one go ever before. He told me some of his other names: Lord Morpheus (or just Morpheus), Prince of Stories, Oneiros, Shaper of Forms. He has a kingdom, home to dreams and nightmares alike. They are not only his citizens, but he creates them. Creates!

I have so so many questions.

But I must parcel them out carefully. Each answer is a treasure I will hoard.

I returned his generosity with words of my own.

#Dreamling #Pavonis writes #another dream journal fic

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