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akatsuki-shin · 3 years

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Review: 默读 Mò Dú (Silent Reading)

Notes:

(Very) long post ahead

Contains spoiler

This is my personal review and does not represent the entire audience, you are free to agree or not agree with what I’ve written here

Feel free to reply/send me a message if there are things you want to discuss

Using the Donghua poster because it fits the overall story more than the Audio Drama cover. :'))

Summary:

Yan City is a bright, bustling metropolis filled with all sorts of wonders, all sorts of people. From the richest occupying the city's most prestigious residential areas to the poorest huddling together in rundown slums, from the most fortunate blessed with a life of comfort to the wretched deemed to struggle until their last breath, from the virtuous walking in the path of light to the wicked lurking under the cover of darkness.

There is as much good as there is evil, and days gone by, people coming and going along with the passage of time.

Since their first meeting during a certain case seven years ago, Captain of the City Bureau's Crime Investigation Unit Luo Wenzhou thought he would never see eye to eye with Fei Du, son of a well-known conglomerate who inherited his father's position and wealth after the latter fell into comatose due to a near-fatal accident three years ago.

Words as sharp as knives dyed their bitter exchanges, even their personality was like the heaven and earth; the bold, blunt, and straightforward Luo Wenzhou - and the astute, secretive Fei Du, with his beautiful peach blossom eyes and a smile that is not quite a smile seducing countless people, his very presence seems as if it was covered under layers and layers of deceit.

Every single time they meet, they would always part on bad terms. Yet Luo Wenzhou would never have thought that a seemingly ordinary murder case of an ordinary deliveryman would lead him into the mystery of multiple long forgotten unsolved cases, turning over the Yan City and the City Bureau itself upside down, making him question his faith to those he respected and trust - and along with it, opening a door to the truth of Fei Du's past never once known to others.

STORY: 9/10

At first glance, the overall plot of Silent Reading seems neither extravagant nor exceptional. It's just one of those police drama where the main leads had to wrestle in a battle of wits with the villains looming around them, struggling to outsmart each other and eventually, bringing justice to those who deserve it.

But that is exactly what is so good about it. Silent reading could take all of those cliche and packed them into one nerve-wrecking, enticing journey from start to finish, complete with both intense and amusing interactions, and just the right amount of romance that does not disturb the flow of the main story.

And it actually does have its own uniqueness.

In most police dramas I've ever seen, the enemy is usually either a corrupt high-ranking official committing some hideous criminal acts by abusing their authority, or an individual/group with some very extreme values or obsession. Silent Reading, however, have both of those two most general types of villains in the story and what's more? It pits them against each other, pulling around and forcing the main leads to wreck their brains, slowly unravel the tangled mess until the truth finally comes to light.

The action and suspense, the atmosphere, the analysis, everything was almost impeccable to the point of perfection.

I have to especially give my kudos to how the author (Priest) structured the mystery in such a way, connecting one dots to the other from beginning to end. During the first few cases, I thought the resolution of the case didn't feel very solid, as if there are still some details that have yet to be properly elaborated. Yet halfway through, I realize that there is actually a bigger plot that encompass everything, tying all loose ends together.

And here, I would also like to highlight my two most favorite scene.

The first one is in Chapter 114-115 when Luo Wenzhou finally peeled of Fei Du's defense and for the first time exposed his true feelings, making Fei Du faced and spoke what he truly felt for Luo Wenzhou - that he really, actually did care for him. Their entire interactions and development up to this scene fits so well with these two main characters. There was no nonsense, no sappy crying and needless drama. Luo Wenzhou was as blunt as he was desperate and Fei Du, for once, admitted to the truth straight out with his own mouth.

The second one is in Chapter 157. In this case, one of Fei Du's most trusted men and an extremely important witness (that would later become their ally) were being chased and surrounded by thugs hired by their enemy. At this point of the story, the City Bureau was already in turmoil. Luo Wenzhou was suspended, nobody knows who they could or could not trust. Yet still, his subordinates all set out swiftly under his command and followed him to save the two witnesses, appearing at the most critical time.

It was actually a typical scene that exist in many police action drama, but given the development of the story, the well-built character relationship and interactions, I think it is Luo Wenzhou's coolest scene in the entire story and it makes me admire him a lot as the main lead and a leader figure.

One thing that does not quite sit well with me is Fan Siyuan's obsessiveness towards the late Gu Zhao. His motive for the crime was clear and I understand that he was using Gu Zhao's case as an example of injustice. But his extreme emotions whenever Gu Zhao was mentioned seems strange, even baseless. It makes me think whether he considers Gu Zhao as his own family or he was maybe madly in love with Gu Zhao, whereas in the entire story, unless I'm missing something, I have only ever known that Gu Zhao was Fan Siyuan's student - nothing more, nothing less.

CHARACTERS: 9/10

Silent Reading has a balanced, yet still very much appealing casts, from the major characters to the minor ones. Even the suspects and witnesses each had their own distinguishing features that didn't make them look like they were just there as canon fodders.

The composition of Luo Wenzhou's team itself is ideal; they've got the dependable leader, the smart advisor, the best friend and trustworthy right-hand man, the genius nerd, and the dependable aide.

I especially like Tao Ran (and I think most readers would agree with me). While he looks like the typical good guy type, he really, truly is a very good person. It's hard not to find him lovable. His relationship with Chang Ning was as cliche as it could get, but hey, as long as he's happy. Dude deserve it after everything he's done.

As for the two main leads, they are probably one of the most interesting couple I've found in the past few years.

Individually, Luo Wenzhou is the type of character I always like. He is confident to the point of having a narcissistic streak, but all of those are based on real talents and experiences. He speaks bluntly, but he cares for others through his action. He does not sugarcoat things and speaks the truth for what it is. Everything about him simply screams "reliable" as a leader (and a significant other to a certain someone). He deserves all of the respect and loyalty his subordinates gave to him.

Fei Du at first looks like a complex character whose real self is hidden beneath countless coats of pretense, but at the core, he is just a pitiful young man who does not know how to value himself, does not know how to love and be loved due to the abuse he suffered during childhood in the hands of his sadistic father. Despite his composure, his intelligence, his capability, he is almost like a lost little child, wandering in the darkness, going wherever the flow would take him until Luo Wenzhou pulled him out of that abyss. It is nothing less than commendable that he could restrain himself from succumbing into his father's manipulation, even if he has to correct himself through such extreme means for a long time.

And I'm glad that now he has someone who gives him the love he has long since been bereft of.

With Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du finally has a color in his life, someone to make happy memories with, and someone who genuinely love him for who he is. Likewise, with Fei Du, not only Luo Wenzhou got someone he could genuinely care for, he also finally has a place where he could relax, taking off the strong front he'd been putting before others all day long.

It was just so fulfilling to see two characters growing from "cat and dog" into inseparable lovers. They weren't sickeningly sweet, but just two people who are content with each other and would be each other's strength. I was especially happy when I saw how Fei Du changed his phone's ring tone into the one Luo Wenzhou in the extra chapter.

Now that I've finished reading this story, these two straight up went to the top of my all-time most favorite pairing list. But of course, this is just a personal opinion. Luo Wenzhou and Fei Du simply hits all of my favorite tropes, that's why. 😂

If I really have to point out one mini flaw, I suppose it's that the main villains aren't as appealing as the rest of the casts. They were practically overshadowed, even by some minor characters that only appeared for a short while.

TECHNICAL ASPECTS: 9/10

Just some very minor complaints:

1). When the story first introduced Fei Du in the beginning, it felt kind of abrupt. The narration had only been addressing him with his physical appearance, but suddenly they changed it into "Fei Du" with barely any proper start.

2). The international conference in Yan City (Chapter 2) was supposed to be a background information of the general setting of the first case, yet it was not properly mentioned at the start - rather, one sort paragraph about said conference was simply being slipped in the middle just for the sake to be there.

3). The switching of scenes between characters in the 3rd person POV are sometimes too quick with no signs of incoming transitions beforehand like taking shortcuts.

And by that, I mean that other than those three issues above, everything else was nothing less than perfect.

OVERALL SCORE: 9/10

A realistic story with perfectly balanced action, mystery, suspense, and romance - with a dash of comedy sprinkled at the right time and place.

Reading the novel from start to finish was nothing less than enjoyable. Whenever there needed to be a flashback or explanation, it didn't feel like info dump being thrown in all of a sudden.

I would like to point out a bit about the Zhou Conglomerate Case in Book 3.

Personally speaking, I think this is the most realistic case out of the others, and by that, I don't mean the crazy rich family drama.

The other cases in the books are something that to me feels "faraway"; murders, child trafficking, psychopath, organized criminal gangs. Yet in Book 3, due to the nature of the case, it was posted publicly for all to see, and damn if it didn't bring out the most annoying thing I actually hate in real life.

Clout-chasing media, meddlesome netizens commenting without thinking on the Internet, spreading personal information of the involved individuals without consent, handing down judgment based on rumors and personal opinions even if they have nothing to do with it (and know nothing about it), crashing the website due to mere curiosity, further hindering the police working on the case from doing their job.

They weren't thinking about those actually involved in the case, especially the victim. They don't care, or maybe don't even think that their meddlesome acts could cost a human's life because they see everything as mere passing entertainment. And if something were to happen because of their meddling, the most they would say is, of course, as quoted from Chapter 72:

"I didn't do it on purpose"

"I wasn't doing it to you"

"I didn't expect this to be the outcome"

"From a certain point of view, I'm a victim, too"

Even if I was just reading a fiction, at that moment I truly wished I could shut down the Internet for a bit. 😂

Anyway, amazing story. I might re-read everything from the start again when I have some free time.

#Mo Du #Silent Reading #Luo Wenzhou #Fei Du #ZhouDu #Review #Danmei #Priest

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daysswithyou · 5 years

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Fallen Chapter 6: Showtime

previous / next

Characters: DAY6 Young K x OC (Rachel)

Genre: angst, fake dating, high school romance, fluff, romance

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You and Brian keep to the deal....fairly...well. You let out a deep sigh once you finish typing your comment on his latest Instagram post, one that was filled with sickeningly sweet hearts and terms of endearment. You dropped your phone on the table with a thud, burying your head in your hands as your fingers and toes curled in disgust at the ridiculous thing that you were doing. You hated having to play pretend, but this was the best plan so far.

Things were still awkward between the both of you; after all, you two were still strangers. Hence, the first part of his brilliant plan that did not involve much skinship as you both tried to ease into one another was to take proof shots of your “relationship”. Selfies together, pictures of both of you holding hands. Shots like these soon went up all over both your social media feeds, and the growing number of likes with each successive post gave both of you some reassurance that people were buying into your love story. To further convince them, Brian insisted that both of you left comments on each other’s posts which thus led you to this sorry state.

All of this might be enough for a short while, but you knew that onlookers would be disillusioned by the posts, and that soon, you would have to do more to convince people of the authenticity of your relationship.

---

Heading into the washroom to freshen up, you entered only to have three pairs of eyes focused on you, their eyes never leaving your figure until you’re behind the safety of the stall walls. You wait in bated breath for the unnecessary comments that were sure to come – and as usual, you were not surprised by what you heard.

“Rachel Hwang and Brian Kang… do you think they’re real?”

“Well… the photos on their social media are kind of cute, but I haven’t seen them in public yet so I’m not totally convinced.”

“Come on, the both of you. Their whole relationship is obviously a lie. Anyone can fake a photo; but I’ll give them credit for impressive Photoshop skills. It almost looks real. Besides… this is all happening after both of them got dumped by their exes. All too much of a coincidence, don’t you think?”

You bunch up the ends of your school skirt in frustration, knowing that the effectiveness of the initial plan has worn off. Everything was happening as you knew it would and Brian and you would have to come up with a new plan to be more convincing to the general public. Keeping up with this act will only make both of you seem silly – you needed something more.

Stepping out of the cubicle, you kept your face straight, showing that you were clearly unfazed by their comments. The conversation went hush in your presence, the three girls leaving silently after sending one last glance in your direction. Wringing your hands dry from the water, you quickly formulated a plan in your head, and you could only hope that Brian would know how to play along with you.

Exiting the washroom, you turned to head back to class, only to come face to face with Brian Kang. Or to be more exact, his chest. You instinctively took a step back due to the close proximity. Despite the time spent with one another, you were still not used to being around him. His eyes were also blown wide at the sudden encounter, a sure sign that he too, was still uncomfortable around you.

“Oh…Rachel…you’re here.”

His voice was small, and the tone was clipped.

Aish Brian Kang… what kind of reaction is this?

Glancing over his shoulder, you could see the three girls from before turning over to look at the both of you as they sniggered under their breath. Their eyes scanned you from top to bottom, seeming to laugh at your “boyfriend’s” lacklustre response towards you.

I can’t let them have the last laugh. I have to be convincing.

“Brian, let’s go have lunch together later ok? What are you craving?”

Stepping forward, you quickly laced your fingers with his. Using your interlocked fingers as leverage, you raised on your tiptoes to reach his cheek, placing a quick peck on his cheek bone. Brian eyes grow two times wider at your sudden action, his eyes looking straight at yours seeming to ask the question: What was that for?

You give his hand a light squeeze, code for: We need to be more convincing in public, play along. You smiled sweetly at the end to prove your point, desperately hoping that he’ll get the hint. You knew that Brian Kang got the hint when he smiles sweetly at you; the one where his lips pull back completely to show his teeth and his eyes turn into crescents. Bringing your intertwined hands to his lips, Brian made sure that the sound of him kissing your hand was extra loud. Another quick glance over his shoulder; and you were certain that that both of you now had the attention of the three girls from before. Their eyes kept shifting over to you, trying to be subtle but not quite working out.

Great. We got them. Let’s keep up the show Brian Kang, don’t mess up.

On cue, Brian spins you around so that the two of you are now facing the girls, hooking an arm around your shoulders around you naturally. Pulling you closer by your shoulder, he presses a long kiss to your cheek before connecting his forehead to your temple.

“Aigoo~ is my baby worrying about my meals? I eat my meals on time, and I eat anything. You know that.”

“Ok, then I’ll decide your lunch menu for you later.”

“Sure~”

As you turn the corner to head to the canteen, you hear the girls scoffing behind you – and you know that you have succeeded.

“I did well, didn’t I?”

“Well done Brian Kang, let’s keep this up. Show isn’t over.”

---

That was how you found yourself sharing a table during lunch breaks with Brian Kang and his friends from that day onwards. It was tough trying to get Esther to agree initially but having Jae there made things much easier. He’s easy to talk to, and they share common interests, which earned Jae bonus points for Jae in Esther’s handbook of friends. Today too, they’re having a heated debate on who’s a better player in League of Legends – you guess that’s just how the both of them make friends.

“Come on, I’m older. I’m definitely the better player with more experience.”

Esther snorts, one that sounds like a pig’s before retorting,

“Yea right. Being older also means you’re weaker Jae. Be careful when you play, the brittle bones in your fingers might break.”

“You did not!”

You shake my head as you turn your attention away from the both of them, you can’t stand watching the two of them argue for the next 20 minutes. Scanning the table, you quietly observe the mix of mismatched people at the table.

Jae and Esther were bickering at a corner – that’s a given. Sungjin has his eyes glued to his phone screen, observing the team’s last friendly match against the neighbouring Yongsan High School. He’s meticulously taking down notes on each member’s performance, having a list of merits, demerits and training methods for them to work on their weaker techniques. Meticulous, hardworking and dedicated Sungjin, there’s a reason why he’s the captain and you can see why. Over on the other side, Wonpil is enthusiastically explaining the rules of the basketball game to Dowoon, his hand gestures wide as his facial expression tell another story on their own. Wonpil is always so bright and ready to lend a helping hand, you’re sure Dowoon will be in good hands under his guidance. Your gaze lingers on Dowoon a little longer, observing the way the young freshmen has his head bowed in concentration, nodding along to every point that Wonpil makes. He looks up for a millisecond and catches your eye. You give him a reassuring smile, encouraging him as he tries to keep up with Wonpil’s pace. He gives you a small smile in return, the corners of his lips lifting up just slightly.

Ah sweet Dowoon – you have a soft spot for him. He’s in your Biology class, which makes him the person you see the most amongst all of them and consequently the one you’re most comfortable with as well. Sometimes you chance upon him feeding the strays that come through the broken fence on the north side of the school and you find yourself touched by his kind gestures towards those furry friends. There’s definitely something special about Dowoon… maybe you two could even become friends one day. (But you’ll have to break through his shy exterior first)

Brian is…

You didn’t have time to contemplate on Brian when you hear the unmistakable raucous laughter reach your ears. It has to be Im Jaebum – no doubt. Brian stiffens beside you, casually placing a hand on the back of your seat. He’s silently staking his claim on you, and that gives you enough affirmation that Ayeon is also in tow. They take a seat at the table right in front of yours, their eyes never leaving the two of you even after they sat down. It was a clear provocation, and Brian immediately began his counterattack.

Shifting the hand behind you to your waist, he pulls you closer to him, your thighs now touching one another’s. He dips his head again to give you a kiss on the cheek, and perhaps Jaebum’s eyes grow a shade darker.

“Play along Rachel, now’s the time to show off.”

“I don’t need to be told twice Brian Kang.”

As his lips leaves your cheek, he smiles at you, signalling the start of your little show.

“Babe, I’m still hungry!”

“You big baby, here, have my kimbap.”

You pinch his nose bridge lightly to make the act more believable, and he responds by giving you a cute nose scrunch.

“Thank you~”

Picking up two rolls at once, he slides them into his mouth easily but as he chews, he frowns.

“This doesn’t taste nice… maybe if you fed me it’ll be better.”

Your insides curl at the thought of feeding a fully-grown man food, but you hide your grimace behind a laugh. Taking the chopsticks from his hand, you took the last roll from the box and held it in front of his mouth, hoping he would quickly eat the roll so this could end. Yet, Brian Kang always seems to have other plans.

Wrapping his hand around yours, he guides your hand to place the roll inside his mouth, staring at you with love the entire while as he chewed. From your peripheral vision, you see Jaebum stabbing his food, his mouth no longer moving. He’s lost his appetite, and you bask in the glory of this small victory. You eventually want to completely crush him, but for now, ruining his day in any small manner would suffice too. Ayeon doesn’t look too good either, the colour has drained from her face.

“Indeed, it’s way better when you feed me Rachel. This tastes the best.”

“Glad you’re eating well Brian.”

You caress the side of his face, and Brian catches on immediately. Leaning forward to give you a quick peck, you meet him halfway, hoping that you taking the initiative might be the first step to ensuring that people accept your relationship to be true and most importantly, piss off Im Jaebum. Sure enough, they stand from their seats almost immediately, storming their way out of the canteen.

You’re still thrown off sometimes by Brian Kang’s bold public display of affections, but if tolerating it means that you get to see Im Jaebum all riled up, it’s worth the risk.

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askovertherainbowblog · 5 years

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*NOTE: This is a 100% trans inclusive blog. The above chart reads “LGB” because its focus is on orientation.

Hello munchkins. Let’s get on the same page.

No single phrase, not even “diarrhea in the pool,” raises collective eyebrows faster than No, I’m not confused, I’m not experimenting; I’m bisexual.

Western culture has a passionate relationship with binaries. Good and Evil. Progressive and Conservative. Gay and Straight. A cultural shift towards acceptance of either end of The Binary™ has burgeoned since the late aughts. Feminism, same-sex marriage, socialist memes… all have gone mainstream. You can be anything as long as you stay in your lane. But so help you if you refuse to occupy a single role. Bisexual? You want twice the sexual options as everyone else? Don’t be so greedy!

I’m uniquely familiar with binaries, being bisexual, bipolar, and bilingual. (I’ve tried training myself to be ambidextrous to round it out, but my left hand is shit at printing.) I’m used to jettisoning myself between opposites, passing through many stages along the way. This is why I know binaries are crap.

If you’re “woke,” you’ve probably discussed the difference between binaries and spectrums. Maybe over a few beers. You’ll hear over and over again that sexuality, like many other things (notably mental health) is really a spectrum comprising a wide range of nuanced identities. I can attest that there are days when I feel “gayer” than others. The way my attraction to either gender manifests isn’t always the same, either.

Something about the spectrum theory hasn’t translated to the mainstream yet. Bohemian Rhapsody could barely bring itself to dedicate three minutes to the complexity of Freddie Mercury’s sexuality. Top 40 pop ballads by Rita Ora and Katy Perry mention being “open-minded” and wanting to try “just one taste” of the forbidden fruit—hope my boyfriend don’t mind it! And yet the bi population, per a range of studies, seems to outnumber the rest of the LGBTQIA+ acronym. (Although personally I like to think there are way more lesbians out there than the above chart lets on; we need More Lesbians In All Facets Of Life.) So, why is Bisexual such a dirty word?

Well, for one thing, people like to make sense of the world through labels. Labels can be good! The disenfranchised, the lonely, the marginalized, all can find a sense of belonging in attaching a label to their identities, and by extension finding a community of like minds. But labels and nuance are at odds with one another, and identity is all about nuance.

I’ve reflected at length on labels because of my mental hiccups (I refuse to call myself “neurodivergent” because it sounds like a cult in a teen dystopian romance novel). Disparate iterations of Toto vie for centre stage in my psyche, and they’re what I’d call complicated. Bipolar Toto has two featured characters: when I’m manic I’m armed to the teeth with motivation, energetic, a chronic insomniac, sociable, reckless, overconfident, optimistic, and for some reason desperate to sing karaoke (I hate karaoke); when I’m depressive I’m lethargic, judgmental, defeatist, insensitive, always tired, and prone to wearing my hair straight (I look better with curls).

But on the few occasions I’ve chosen to confide in friends about my mental troubles, I’ve gotten some pretty disconcerting demonstrations of support. A sample conversation:

TOTO – I’m not sure how to talk about this, but you might have noticed some odd behavior on my part lately. I’ve been prescribed Lexapro because my doctor thinks I might be bipolar. It’s a bit difficult adjusting to a new medication.

FRIEND – Wow, I think I might be bipolar too!

TOTO – Really? Thanks for sharing! When were you diagnosed?

FRIEND – I’ve never seen a doctor about it. I just know I’m often moody.

TOTO – That’s not really what being bipolar is about. But if you’re concerned you should know there’s no shame in seeking help. I’ll be happy to go to the clinic with you for support.

FRIEND – No, no, I don’t need that. You don’t understand. No one does. I’ll be happy one minute and sad the next.

Ad nauseam…

Look, everyone’s mental health journey is their own. Far be it for me to revoke self-diagnoses. My story simply goes to illustrate the oversimplification of traits associated with the “bipolar” label. In the popular imagination, bipolar begins and ends with rapid-fire mood swings.

So it could be posited that people feel alienated by bisexuality because, similarly to the above, its attendant traits are too diverse to slap on a label. So many body types to feel attracted to! Which is your favorite, dammit?

The label conundrum is one theory. I’ve heard it discussed over beers many times. But it’s not my favorite theory. Here’s what I really think: biphobia stems from jealousy; a fear that we have more sexual options, so we’re having more fun. We’re greedy and oversexed and too uninhibited.

And it’s all true. I’m not supposed to admit it, but I have to unburden myself. Hereafter follow the confessions of a bisexual with too many options:

Pursuing men as a woman is confusing. It starts out all ego. Is he looking at me? Is he interested? What will he think of me if I reciprocate his interest too soon, or too late? Then you have to play it cool for a while. I’ll say something just suggestive enough, then back off. Let’s not speak for a few days. You do the heavy lifting. Once you start dating, it’s a minefield. You’re a kind, hard-working, down-to-earth guy. You lectured me about feminism and you jump at any chance to call the Kardashians whores for some reason. But I’m tired and your biceps make me smile.

Honestly? It’s exhausting.

Pursuing women as a woman is... extremely confusing. It starts out very subtle (because nobody knows how to make a damn move on each other). I wonder what that look meant. Am I imagining this tension? Then things abruptly turn sickeningly sweet and attentive. Wow, I love your bracelet! How is your entire family doing? I wish we were scissoring but we’re dissecting in excruciating detail a text your ex sent you three months ago. Then, even if you’re dating, you’ll never really be entirely sure where you stand. Why are we holding hands? You said you didn’t want to risk our friendship, that you’re not into women. Why are we making out? Are you just being nice? Are we fucking as disinterested friends?

Honestly? It’s a nightmare.

Have you ever felt that anxious cold sweat creeping up your spine when interacting with someone you like? Now double it.

An alternate suggestion to experiencing attraction: Gay or straight, don’t lust after anybody. Go home and Skype with your mom, who misses you. Vent your erotic energy by writing explicit Star Trek fanfiction, then take a satisfied nap. Join a commune and enter into an asexual life partnership with a revolving door of nuns and vagabonds. They don’t even know who the Kardashians are.

More options ultimately mean more opportunities to make an asshole of yourself in front of the person you like; nothing more, nothing less. Savvy kids have been referring to this as the “disaster bi” phenomenon for a while now, if I’m correctly remembering my alignment charts. In other words, as far as I’m concerned, you can slap a label on me: under the title “Bisexual,” the sub-heading will read “Awkward as hell—gender irrelevant.”

Send help.

xoxo Toto

#toto #bisexuality #queer identity #awkwardness #and a pie chart

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the-art-of-suffering · 7 years

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Forest Fire chpt 1

It was a beautiful, sunny sort of day and Flash had managed to pull Shadow out from the confines of his apartment. He knew the solitude and blatant martyr could not be in anyway positive for the man, despite how certain Shadow was that his actions were for the best. He couldn't kill anyone if there was no one to kill, right? At least, that's what Shadow always said. As much as he feared having another episode and slaughtering someone, or worse; Flash, it was harder to deny the poor boy a day out. The two looked and acted like complete opposites. While Shadow wore dark leather and denim and boots, Flash wore pastels; a bunny sweater and some pale blue jeans, along with some flowery vans. Flash had bright blue eyes, fluffy honey-gold hair, and his skin was covered in freckles. He was no more than 5'4. Shadow, about 6'3, looked like a disheveled Disney villain, unshaven and unkempt. His hair was deep black and tangled, and didn't appear to have had a cut in quite some time. His eyes were an emerald green, his pupils thinned slits like a snake might have. There was an eternal shade around his eyes, like he was missing about 28 years of sleep. How edgy. Shadow walked with his hands in his pockets, two dog-tags jingling against his chest ever so faintly with each step. Flash walked with a bit of a skip in his step, clearly overjoyed he'd gotten the older male to give in and get out. As the bookstore came into view, Flash gasped, bouncing excitedly. He tugged on Shadow’s sleeve, pointing to the shop "Books! That's perfect, you like books, right?" Flash had an Australian accent, though it was faint, maybe it was worn down or maybe he was simply hiding it a bit. Shadows lips pursed, one brow furrowing. "I.. guess so.. Yeah." This was all the affirmation Flash needed. The Aussie tugged on his friend's sleeve once more, basically pulling him off into the bookshop with that.

The bookshop was old, and felt ancient. The smell of old books and patchouli permeated the place. Walking in sent a soft bundle of bells tinkling, and from around a corner a very, very fair skinned boy peaked out, soft, velvety mouse ears twitching nervously from between strands of his snowy white hair. Hair that was woven together elaborately; a large, thick braid, accented with smaller braided bunches woven in. And flowers. Small daisies and dandelions were scattered throughout. He wore a heather grey sweater that read 'BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS' down the front that was a size or two too big and hung off his shoulders and hid the entirety of his hands. From behind slim, thin spectacles, ruby eyes sparkled as he shyly approached, a thin, nervous little mouse tail twitches curiously behind him as he took in the couple that had entered. "Welcome to Gunderschein Books, how can I he-" He was cut off by his own clumsiness; he stumbled a bit but did not fall. His skinny little legs poked out the bottom of the sweater, adorn with floral tights and ended with second hand combat boots that didn’t seem to have a proclivity for staying tied. He straightened his glasses and shyly looked between the two guests. "So sorry, as I was saying, how may we help you? Are you browsing or needing refurbishing?" His smile was genuine and easy as he regarded both the brooding man that towered over him, and the pastel fairy that was only a few inches above him with a saccharine smile. While most of the reaction came from Flash, Shadows brows lifted as the boy nearly tripped right before them. Though as he came over, Flash gasped, eyes widening. His hands reached out, as though he could hardly believe it "Oh my goodness!! Your hair is so beautiful!" He motioned down at his tights "And those are so cute!!" He seemed awestruck someone so fea-like could exist. Shadow, while cracking a hint of a smile at Flash's joy, was much more interested in his ears. That was unique. While his curiosity piqued, he had no plans on commenting yet. Flash was far too excited about his outfit and his hair to even process Nim's questions.

Nim's eyes seemed to just sparkle in delight as he wiggled forward a few inches, his hands flapping a bit at his sides as he leaned back taking in the pastel glory before him. It may have been unprofessional, but how could he keep a straight face, faced with the most adorable person he had ever had grace his bookstore. "Oh my gosh but your bunny! It's the cutest thing in the entire world! When I was a kid I all I ever wanted was to have a pet rabbit! The Velveteen Rabbit was my very most favorite story ever and I cried when I didn't get one" Flash gasped again, looking down at his sweater. He tugged on the edges, holding them out as if to get a better look at the rabbit patch. "Oh!! I have bunnies at home!" He looked back at Nim, beaming "You can see mine, they're very sweet!" He nodded surely, as if to promise this. Shadow looked between the two, arms crossing. Admittedly, he was amused. This was.. undeniably cute, as sickeningly sweet as it was. Briefly Nim seemed excited but, it seemed to deflate for a moment, and when it returned it was a bit more controlled. "I bet they are darling little things, but, I'm being rude. You two came in to shop and I've completely blocked your way. " He shifted in place, turning half away and making a sweeping arch with a hand as if to motion to the whole of the shop. "To the left is our non fiction and reference section, straight back is fiction, and to the right is the clearance area as well as magazines, children's books, and miscellany. If you let me know what you are looking for I can check our logs to see if we have a copy?" He turned back, alert, his ears at their ultimate perkiness, as he looked between the two men. Flash blinked, shaking his head "Oh no, you aren't being rude at all!" He assured quickly. After looking around the shop, he turned his attention back to Shadow, rocking up on his toes slightly "What kinda books do you want?" He asked, head tipping. Shadow rubbed his neck, looking around as well. There likely wasn't anything here he couldn't just find online somewhere. He wasn't opposed to reading, by any means, it was just.. he didn't have anything in particular in mind. "Mm.. I don't know, uh.." he looked around once more, not wanting to disappoint Flash with such a lame answer. He looked to Nim, nodding just once "What do you recommend?" While his question wasn't one out of politeness to Nim, it was to Flash. Who, looked to Nim hopefully.

A twinkle flashed in Nim's eyes as he took a few dance-like steps backwards. "Well now, that depends a lot on what is important to you." Letting his gaze shift from Flash to Shadow, he tilted his head upward to attempt eye contact. "You see, books can be very intimate things. They are little stories that speak just to you. They can be friends or lovers, or they can take you far far away from the people who hurt you, or the bad things you have to deal with. So, let's pretend you're on like, a dating show, and tell me a little bit about yourself and I can play match maker for you and your perfect book. Or books. We know it can be hard to settle on just one sometimes. " He gave a little wink and laughter like the chiming of a thousand tiny bells spilled out of him, soft and sparkling. It was his favorite thing to do, after all. Find people books that they can escape into. He knew all too well how much a book can keep you safe. He knew that, if you read enough fairy tales, eventually they come true... Don't they? Flash sucked in a breath, cheeks puffing out in excitement. This was like some really cool game. He thought real hard, rocking on his heels. He hadn't planned on getting books but he couldn't say no now! "Mm.." he tapped his chin, "I think.. I like fantasy! Maybe a romance, but nothing scary. Something sweet. With a happy ending! And.. and some animals!" Shadow chuckled to himself at this; how fitting.. He decided to wait and allow Flash to get any stories he may want. After all, he really had no idea what to say for himself. While Flash at least had in mind what kind of book he wanted, Shadow was clueless as to both the book, and whatever Nim may want him to share about himself. Nothing that came to mind sounded.. as endearing as it did with Flash. Flashed like animals, he liked sunny days, he liked overly fluffy stuffed toys, he liked Owl City. Shadow liked.. well.. it almost felt as though he couldn't remember. It had been so long since he had felt such pure joy as Flash. Perhaps that was what was so refreshing about hanging around the boy. Feeling such innocent happiness vicariously through him.

Nim's tail curled into a little spiral shape as he made a tiny squeaking noise, excitedly listening to Flash's requirements. As Flash finished Nim gave a very soft hum, thoughtfully looking at the ceiling. "Well, follow me over to the fiction section, where all the best romance stories sleep. Off the top of my head..." He turned and began tip toeing over towards the well-marked fiction section, but he continued to speak over his shoulder. "I would recommend anything by Peter Beagle. He is most well-known for The Last Unicorn novel, which has a pair of beautiful love stories within the narrative, and lots of animals. I would also recommend any number of short story collections by Gaimen, he writes amazing animal companions. Anything by Mercedes Lackey might work too." He stopped next to a tall shelf, and almost to himself, began speaking again, but a little distractedly. "Oh. Oscar Wilde is amazing. And definitely try Diana Wynne Jones..." he starts plucking various books off the shelf. "Oh, how do you feel about pining, and slow burn romance?" Flash nodded along, agreeing with all the picks, though admittedly didn't know all of them. "Hmm... I've never read one like that!" He gave a sheepish giggle "I-I haven't really read a lot of books lately..!" Shadow took the few moments to wander over to the romance section, one that may have been slightly unfitting for him, by the looks. Though he recognized so many of the stories. Admittedly, he absolutely adored these stories as a kid. Such an unrealistic concept, something so far and foreign, something absolutely poetic and dreamy. A fantasy. He never had the best childhood. Looking back, the concept was equally unrealistic now. Perhaps he was never fit for love. He should have kept that idea as a fantasy, never anything more. Nim had pulled out a few more books, almost too many to handle. He struggled to look over at Flash behind the wobbling tower of them. "Honestly, those are my faves. Like beauty and the beast, you know? It's that slow build, two people discovering each other, learning to love each other's flaws. Learning that... there is someone for everyone, you know? and that in the end, everyone lives happily ever after. Or like, you know, in Tangled, or Sleeping Beauty... love is just, stronger than all that stuff. So. I'd definitely recommend the Lackey books, or Goodkind. Those are some long, slow, wonderful romances." He paused for a moment, realized he had sorta... grabbed a lot... "You know, we also rent books out, if you wanna try some before you commit to buying."

Shadow looked over to them, head tipping to one side. That was.. quite a lot of books. "We'll get 'em." He said simply, walking over. Flash blinked, looking from the pile of books, then to Shadow "O-oh that's far too many! Plus! We're here to get you books, not me!" He giggled sheepishly, shaking his head "I almost forgot.." Shadow just shrugged at this, taking the tower of books from Nim. He did so carefully, momentarily catching his ruby gaze as he did. His own eyes were unique, if not the most intimidating part about him. He smelled strongly of smoke and evergreens, a scent that was distinct enough to catch when he took the stack. Nim shivered just a bit under his massive sweater. So much was he caught off guard by the larger man that he was lost in wonder of him for nearly a minute as Flash debated against himself. He felt... predatory. Something that both intrigued and scared Nim. It was more than Nim wanted to admit, but his curiosity was piqued. Probably too piqued. Shadow stepped back, books in his arms, "Pick out ten, then, Flash." Flash pursed his lips in thought, feeling rather guilty he'd gotten so selfishly carried away. He lifted up a finger, "How about five for you, five for me!" There was a pause, the boy tapping his chin "Mm.. six for you..? No no, eight for you, two for me!" Flash decided surely, while Shadow just rolled his eyes. After a few moments of soft contemplation, watching the tall dark and handso-err. Tall fellow, Nim remembered what he was supposed to be doing, so he turned his attention back to Flash. "Well, what if both of you enjoy some of the same books, so some were shared? Also, if its money th-thats the problem I might be able t-to help." His stutter hadn't bothered him in a couple of years now, but it had also been a while he supposed that he had felt that instinctive tug telling him that he was too close to something dangerous. He swallowed it down, let it swim in his belly where it belonged. "I could u-use my employee discount f-for you. Save you fifteen percent."

"Money's not an issue." Shadow dismissed, eying some of the books in the stack "I'm paying.." Flash beamed at Nim, "Well still take the discount, if it's not too much trouble!" He looked back to Shadow, "Would you want to share the books? Or do you not like them?" He didn't seem offended in the slightest, just curious. Shadow shrugged in reply, looking to his friend, "Sharing is fine." There came a bouncing nod from Nim and a soft "Of course" to the mention of the discount as he turned once more to the bookcase. "T-there is one more book I'd like to suggest, especially if you two are going to be sharing. It's got love, and animals and it's a series, but I figure I can let you try the first. It's uh its..." He turned from the bookcase just as awkwardly as he had turned to face it, took a couple steps away, and then promptly returned with a small step ladder, climbed up the little thing, and successfully retrieved the desired book. "It has some sad parts in it, and has a lot of tension but it's one of my favorites. It's about a wolf who falls in love with a stag, but obviously she can't be with him because she feels like she is just a monster in his eyes. It's sort of like, Romeo and Juliet, but not? It's really good. Really uhm, sappy I guess?" He laughed a little, descending down the wee step ladder and held the book out towards Flash. "Here's book One. The Law of Teeth." Shadows faint little smile slowly vanished as Nim went on about the story. While he hadn't been particularly cheerful, his light attitude seemed to shift into one of.. simple silences. He was hard to read as his gaze shifted to Flash. The Aussie took the book, nodding. He peered at the cover curiously "Ooh.." he cooed "That sounds really interesting!" He grinned at Nim "Thank you so much!! You've been so helpful!" With another nod, Nim began wandering back towards the front of the shop, adjusting his glasses as he went, but stopping quite suddenly before making it the full journey. "Oh. All I showed you were the romance heavy books. I didn't show you anything else. What about you, Sir?" He turned his eyes up towards Shadow, a genuine eagerness to please filling his expression. "I got so carried away we didn't even hear what kinds of books you were looking for. I'm very sorry." Perhaps he subconsciously picked up on the shift in Shadow's demeanor, or perhaps he just really really wanted to please everyone who came into the shop. Whatever the reason, he felt as though his job just was not done here yet.

Shadow watched him for a few moments before shaking his head. He nodded down at the stack in his arms "This is fine." He said, though still his gaze never pulled away from Nim's crimson eyes. It was, on one hand, perhaps flattering that someone who seemed to indifferent could focus so much attention onto one person so easily. Though it was almost unsettling, in the same sense. Nothing about him revealed any blatant intent or emotions. There it was again. That tiny little voice that squeaked out 'Scurry! Hide!' that insisted to Nim that this man was sharp, and cold, and tempered. This man was teeth made of steel and he could probably smell your fear. And Nim was afraid. Just a hair's breadth. Perhaps his head was filled up with too many fairy tales and too much nonsense, but that twitch of fear, that flutter of butterflies in his belly... It sparked something very close to a wee little crush in his weak little heart. It wasn't uncommon for him to feel a bit infatuated with a customer, though. He was a foolish thing and wore his heart so far out on his sleeve it was practically in his hand, held out as an offering for anyone to take. All the same, with a vivid stream of a blush rising up his cheeks and into his ears, he gave a silent nod and sharply turned back towards the counter, took two stiff steps, tripped and stumbled the remaining few feet, grabbing onto the counter's edge to regain balance. The redness worsening he began to aggressively type things into the computer, presumably ringing up the total or putting in the discount code. He actively avoided eye contact.

Shadows eyes narrowed, keeping on Nim. He was intelligent but often oblivious to social cues that may be related to him. Usually, he'd miss one or two and take something the wrong way, and that was.. never good. Flash had used his innocent sort of charm to get Shadow out of many fights, though many, many more had not been avoided. But he found little annoyance in Nim. He had half expected him to be the quiet type to be unable to get more than three words out, or hold eye contact for a solid two seconds. But, this was not the case. At least, it hadn't been. Flash trotted over to the counter, standing on his toes again "My hair isn't as long as yours but you should teach me how to put flowers in it like yours!" He said, his sky-blue eyes practically twinkling "It's so pretty!!" Shadow slowly walked over to the counter as well, mostly just to stay with Flash. Each slow, strong step of his boots made a distinct, purposeful sound. He stood a pace or two behind his friend, watching down at Nim still, as though silently trying to figure something out.

Now, as the red seemed to be somewhat subsiding, into a more subdued rose, Nim softly answered Flash, though his voice was shaky. Was he... Was he about to cry? It was difficult to say, behind the spectacles and his head kept low, but there was definitely a shudder to his shoulders and a quiver to his words. "Oh, that. It's not hard. I actually get twisty ties, like.. y-you know. Around b-bread. Since your hair is shorter, I c-could do it for you if y-y-you wanted." He began scribbling down a hand-written receipt. "Your total will be $47.50 after the discount." He shot a nervous little glance up at Shadow, who he presumed would have the money, but quickly looked back to Flash, and forced a tiny little smile, for professionalism. Flash bounced, gasping "Would you really?" He asked, eyes wide with hope. Shadow shifted the books into one arm, letting them rest against his chest to ensure they wouldn't topple over. He pulled out his wallet with one hand, flipping it open. He skimmed the cash for a minute before pulling out a $50. He stowed his wallet and slid the fifty across the counter, looking to Nim "I don't want change." Maybe this was a tip, maybe he literally didn't want to deal with the change. Who would say? As Nim took the fifty and placed it in the cash box he stuttered out a squeaky little 'thank you' once more unable to really lift his gaze to the looming giant. He snapped himself out of his thoughts and gave a warm but slightly awkward smile to Flash. "Oh gosh, of course, I would love to. I have a little flower garden on the roof but I sometimes buy cut flowers from the florist down the street. Her flowers are always beautiful and freshly cut, so they last forever. I hope this doesn't sound too forward but I can maybe give you my number and you can text me whenever you and your uhm... " A glance towards Shadow was followed by a very small pause, as if his mind was trying to decide how bold to be. Not very it turns out. "..friend... are going to be nearby and I can pick some flowers up for you. It would be no trouble at all I promise." Flash looked to Shadow, absolutely overjoyed. What a new, wonderful friend they'd found. Shadow lifted a brow at his friend's excitement, but, once again offered him the faintest hint of an amused smile. Flash's joy was not uncommon but it was pure. The boy turned back to Nim, pulling out his phone. The case, of course, had a sweetly illustrated cat and rabbit. He brought up a new contact, holding it out to Nim, "Just go ahead and add your stuff!" He chirped, nodding surely. Shadow watched the two, remaining silent. Though he couldn't help but wonder. When they were going to be nearby..? For a moment he considered perhaps going out more. That was a foolish thought though, wasn't it? Such desperation, inspiration spurred by no more than a few minutes of conversation. On one hand it was stupid to consider seeing the light more just for the possibility of a friend. On the other, that was exactly what Flash and Jinx were both desperate to get him to do. But this boy seemed to be getting along quite well with Flash. The friendship was there, no more. It was as simple as that, as it should be. Before Nim could take the phone, he had to pull his sleeves up; they had fallen over his hands again. He was beyond gentle with the device as he gingerly tapped in his cell number. "Uhm, I'm free most any day after six. When my shift ends. You can also text me any flowers you like, and I'll try to get them? I can get flowers your friend likes too, and put them in his hair as well, if he likes." He offered the phone back to Flash, clearing his throat softly as he leaned in, whispering, "Please just text though. I can't talk on the phone, especially after dark." He seemed to be very serious about that last part, not mentioning it in a passing manner, but in an intensly solemn and almost, nervous way that had him making shy glances at the ceiling.

Flash tilted his head, but nodded. "Okay.. I'll remember that." He paused, jumping slightly "O-oh! I'm so sorry- what about your name? What do you want your contact to be?" He asked, quickly adding on as he gestured to his friend who still held the stack of books, as silent and ominous as always "I'm Flash and this is Shadow-" he paused, quickly correcting himself "E-er.. Valentine!" He nodded at this. Shadow just looked over at him with partially raised brows, giving him a sort of 'well, you tried' look. Shadow was more of an acquired nickname that had stuck for a surprisingly long time. Valentine was a bit more.. professional. Nim liked watching them together. He really liked Flash. He felt like, maybe if things were different, and he wasn't so trapped... maybe they could be friends. Maybe he could meet Flash's rabbits. He liked sha-valentine as well, even if he was a bit afraid of him. A subtle, sad little frown tugged at his lips as he wondered how long it would be until he actually saw them again. If he ever would. "Flash, and... Valentine. I'll remember that. You can just put me down as Nim, my birth name is way too long and ridiculous. " He seemed a bit antsy, momentarily chewing at a nail before adding. "How uhm, how far away do you guys live? Is it a long way away?"

Shadow was of course listening in on this conversation. He made a mental note to get the boy's number from Flash- but immediately scolded himself. No, this was stupid. This was none of his business, nor should it have been. But when it came down to it, was he really just scolding himself for potentially caring? Being concerned? Probably. For him, it was unwise. His luck had been unreasonably poor. He was fortunate he still had his sister and Flash. "Not too far!" Flash piped up, nodding "Shadow lives in an apartment that's-" he paused again, lips pursing as yet again he quickly corrected himself, seeming determined "Valentine lives in an apartment that's a bit from here kinda on the edge of town, and I'm actually in another one." While Flash still had hopes that Shadow would move into his apartment, at least the building, it was no use. Shadows apartment was nearly abandoned, inhabited by him and a... friend.. of his. The apartment held too many memories and Shadow had no intention of leaving it anytime soon. While it may have been better for his mental health to start anew and leave the past behind, he was holding onto fragments that would be lost. He was.. desperate. It seemed to bring a little bit of light back into Nim's eyes, hearing that these wonderful people weren't too far off. Maybe they would come and visit. It certainly would be nice. "Oh, that's so wonderful, I was afraid the trip here was a long one and I didn't want to make you guys come all the w-" Overhead on the next floor, something crashes, rattling the ceiling. Dust and bits of plaster flake off and drift down in cloudy puffs. The disturbance garnered a sharp recoil from Nim. He flinched, gave a small whimper and raised his gaze warily upward. "Oh, Oh no I uhm. I gotta...Excuse me. " He side stepped from behind the counter and started walking towards the front door. Before he could even make it ten steps, angry, muffled shouting echoed from the second floor, followed by what sounded like shattering glass. He hesitated to continue on, shoulders pulled up tight as he glanced back in the direction of the pair. "I'm so sorry, I know this is rude of me, but this will probably take... A while. I'd love to chat more but, I don't want to keep you waiting and...yeah. I'm.. I'm sososorry. " Flash's shoulders fell, brows knitting in concern. But he didn't want to press. He quickly offered a smile once more "Ill text you! And well visit again real soon, promise! It was really nice meeting you Nim!" He glanced to Shadow, who seemed quite interested in the racket. He pulled his gaze from the ceiling, to Nim, watching him intently. Though, it was time to go, it seemed. He gave him a single nod, before starting to the door. Flash waved to Nim, trotting out with Shadow to go out the books away in the car. Shadow, though, had a slightly different game plan. He'd help Flash with the books, sure, but then? Then he was coming back. Because why not? This smelled like trouble. And boy, was he well-acquainted with that. Though there was something.. too familiar about that. A haunch he didn't like. Shadow was no vigilante, and he was a murderer at best. But, there were some things that even he would not tolerate. Ever.

Nim had actually scurried out behind the couple. It seemed that in order to get to the second floor, the only access was an outdoor ladder on the side of the building. Which of course he scurried up in as much of a hurry as he could, disappearing into the darkness of the upstairs. From just down the road a bit of gossip had picked up as another crash resonated from the building. An older couple, probably in their fifties stood in the doorway of their own homey little shop. The wife clicked her tongue and shook her head, "Morris is at it again, Herald, should we call the police again?" The husband just made a low groaning sound and turned to retreat into their shop, calling over his shoulder. "Won't help with that kid lying for him, you know that." There was a tense, electric silence as the wife clicked her tongue again and seemed to give up the ghost of hope and turned as well, closing the door behind her. As far as the place where Nim had vanished into, there was no sound, just a door hanging open, and the darkness within.

Shadow was intent on picking up every word, while Flash preferred a more hopeful sort of blissful ignorance. He opened the door to his car and let Shadow put the books in, before looking to his friend. Shadow was watching the open door, head tipped. Flash bit his lip, brows furrowed "Shadow.." he said softly, "Lets go.." While he didn't really know what may be going on in there, he knew Shadow likely had a clearer idea, and was not above causing a scene. He didn't want that.. he didn't want any trouble.. Shadow watched the darkness for another moment longer before waving a hand, "Go on and go home, Flash. I'll be good." That was a blatant lie. He would try perhaps, but trying was often forgotten if he decided the matter was important enough to.. act upon. Flash whined, shaking his head, "Shadow, please, just.." Shadow looked back at him, "Ill catch up with you soon. It'll be okay. Go home, go through your books.. text your new friend." Flash pursed his lips, brows knit. He knew trying to changing the man's mind was futile.. Letting out a defeated breath, he nodded, adding a soft "Please be careful.." before he got into the car, reluctantly starting off. Shadow didn't act just yet, but he waited. He leaned back against one of the walls, arms crossed. He wasn't about to just barge in without cause. He wasn't above jumping to conclusions, though often he wasn't exactly mistaken with them. He'd seen a lot of shit.

There came a series of soft, but sharp commands from the room, and something about an 'embarrassment'. From within tiny snow white arms gingerly reached out and pulled the door closed. The voice that rumbled in the darkness was rough and a growling baritone. If Nim was even bothering to respond it couldn't be heard from outside. But the baritone only grew steadily louder until there was the sound of another shattered glass. And then a sharp, bright yelp that was not the overbearing roar of the unseen individual. It was short, like the sound of a kicked dog, it was mostly air and surprise with just the bits of voice that were spooked out of the throat. Shadows nails dug into the biceps of his leather jacket. Yeah, that sounded about right. Too damn familiar. And it took every single inch of self control not to climb that ladder and.. well. Hopefully, he'd keep that self control. Though it was fading, fast. He just needed a reason and he'd be all over it. It was none of his business. ... ... But that wasn't good enough. No, that wouldn't cut it. Fuck self control. He never had much anyways. Shadow stepped away from the wall and went up the ladder, giving three sharp knocks to the door. It didn't matter how well he knew this boy. This was not gonna slide. The noise from within ceased immediately with the delivered knocks. There was shuffling, whispers and it seemed like for just an instant something had fallen against the door before it was slowly cracked open barely a couple of inches. A bright ruby eyes peeked out, and as he saw it was Shadow, he stuttered out a bit of gibberish before his words worked again. "S-sir? Uhm I can be back down to the shop t-to assist you in a m-moment. I'm S-sorry." His hair was sloppy across his face as he gave a glance behind him and started to pull the door closed again. As he shifted his mouth, in its long thin line, came into view, blossomed red and violent, and dripped just the daintiest ribbon of crimson.

Shadow pressed his hand against the door, catching it before it could be shut. He pushed it open, reaching his other arm in. He hooked it around Nims side and pulled him out, shutting the door as he did. He held the knob tight, looking down at Nim as he lifted up his chin with his free hand. "Let me see you.." he murmured, scanning him over to place just how bad his injuries were. His skin was so milky, so pale that everything looked violent and raw. The bruises blossomed up so burgundy and so black. His shoulder looked squeezed by large fingers, his split lip was swollen, and plump, and may have been attractive on him if it had been given a different way. His sweater covered the rest of him, so if any other damage was done it wouldn't be seen. Nim was desperately trying to push against Shadow, futile efforts to force him away from the door. "It's not what it looks like, I'm fine. It was an accident, you should go now, please. Valentine, please you need to go." From inside the baritone called out a name presumed to be Nim's actual name. "Nimatia I told you to shut that door, you insolent whelp!" The words were slurred and clumsy and drunken, and they made Nim push against Shadow all the harder, holding back a choked sob, and another desperate 'please'. Shadow didn't budge, not an inch. He still gripped the knob as he watched down at Nim. He put his other hand against his shoulder, nodding once at the latter "Go down." He said, though if anything it was more of a command. A 'do it, or I'll make you'.

It seemed like for a moment, Nim was going to resist, like he still had all the fight in him to rebel against Shadow's words. Something in the tone of voice however, changed his mind and while he complied and started inches down the steps, he whimpered out the tiniest of pleas, just a single string of words. "It's not his fault, please." From inside the darkened building, there was the shuffling of clutter and the drawing of movement ever closer as the voice called out for Nim again. Shadow watched Nim begin to inch down. On one hand, he wanted to go with him and just get him away from all of this, at least for a bit. But on the other, he wasn't about to just walk away. He waited another moment, ensuring Nim would continue down.. He'd follow after him in a minute, but there was a more pressing matter at hand. Perhaps it was selfish to step in, maybe he was just itching for a fight. Then again, he was sick of seeing shit like this. It seemed to follow him, and he had lost his patience. So without another moment of hesitation, he went inside.

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makbaes-archives · 7 years

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rockabye (4) - jackson

pairing: jackson x reader rating: mature genre: angst, romance, smut warnings: nudity? no nsfw action in this chapter. word count: 1952 summary: life isn’t easy being a single parent, especially such a young one. but you do your best to make him happy and make sure his life is better than yours was, even if that means ‘exotic dancing’. he’s your entire world; the only man you’ll ever need. until you meet a certain idol who changes things almost as much as your son did.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The first thing you notice upon walking up to the club are the workers replacing the sign on top of the awning out front.

So. A new name for new management, huh?

You walk in to find that your coworker was right. The place is near shambles as men run around back and forth with boxes from the office. There are people behind the bar doing inventory of the liquor, as well as repainting the back wall.

Over in the lounge, there are some of your coworkers, each sitting across from a man at separate tables. They’re going over paperwork, and you see some of them already signing.

“What is this?” You demand as you walk over to Jisoo, one of the younger dancers.

She looks up at you, and so does the man, looking annoyed at being interrupted.

“Who are you? What’s going on here?” Your commotion gains the attention of the people around you. The man talking with Jisoo stands up, but before he can say anything, another man comes from the hallway that leads to the office.

“Everything alright out here?” He questions, and his presence seems to cause some of the men at the tables to tense and stand up. The man—you guess he is the new owner and your new boss—looks to you, and he gives you a sickeningly sweet smile. His energy is creepy and commanding, and you can’t help the uneasy feeling in your stomach.

“Are you in charge here?” You ask him, setting your bag on the table next to you as you build your courage back up.

“I am now.” He takes the few steps down into the lounge to meet where you stand. He’s much taller than you, and you’re forced to tilt your chin up to look at him. “What can I help you with, doll?”

Forcing yourself not to cringe at the stench of cigar smoke coming off of him, your eyes narrow briefly at the pet name before answering him. “I’d love to know what’s going on, sweetheart.”

He doesn’t miss your tone, but the grin doesn’t leave his face.

“Well, of course. You can call me Mr. Park, and due to unfortunate circumstances with the last owner, I’m taking over here. These are lawyers I hired to go over the new contracts with you girls. I want to make sure you’re all aware of the changes that will be made. It’s all to protect the business—and you girls—of course.”

You don’t believe he’s half as concerned about any of you as he is with whatever he has planned for this place, and that worries you.

“Why don’t you take a seat, and we’ll read over things with you, hm?”

He has one of the “lawyers” sit you down and go over the papers with you. It’s all legal jargon and a lot of confusingly stated paragraphs. You don’t understand what a lot of it means, but the lawyer does his best to explain and answer any of your questions. He’s nice and patient with you, but even as you sign and initial the contract, you feel uneasy about it all.

JYP informs everyone that the club will be closed the next few days for redecorating, so you make your way back home, annoyed by this new situation and also having to have left Jackson to abruptly.

When you get home, you see that Hana and Grayson are out. With the house to yourself, you decide a hot bubble bath will take care of today’s stress.

Jackson texted you earlier as you were going over the new contract, asking if everything was okay, and you feel bad for not responding sooner.

I’m not entirely sure yet, but don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl :)

You leave your phone on the side of the bathtub, momentarily forgotten as you sink into the warm water. It was rare for you to get these moments to yourself, and you find yourself dozing off…

The loud buzzing of your phone against the bathtub jerks you awake, though. The continuing vibrations tell you it’s a phone call, and you shake your hand dry best you can and tap at the screen without looking, before leaning over to grab a towel to dry your hands off properly.

“Hello?”

“Hey! Just wanted to check in with you. Why am I looking at the ceiling?”

Jackson’s voice causes you to yelp in shock. How did you not realize he was facetiming you?

“Um!” You fumble with the towel for a moment, drying off your hands, and settle back down, ensuring you were fully covered by the bubbles as you pick up the phone to face you.

Jackson realizes where you are, and you can see his face redden. You try to ignore the feeling of delight at seeing him like this.

“Sorry. I was half asleep when I answered. Thought it was just a phone call.”

He raises his brows and gives you a teasing glance. “Do you always answer the phone while taking a bath?”

“It might have been important! Don’t judge me.”

He laughs, and you can’t help but notice his eyes moving down the screen. You bite your lip subconsciously, grinning despite yourself.

“Don’t do that,” he pouts.

“Do what?” You ask, unaware you had done anything at all.

“The lip thing. I don’t like it.”

You laugh. “Lip thing? Oh, you mean this?” You repeat the offensive gesture, only to laugh when he huffs.

“Yeah, that! Stop it.”

“Why? It’s a harmless lip bite. It’s a habit of mine.”

“Well, you should stop it.”

“Or what?” This back and forth is fun, and it has you feeling giddy. You can’t help but tease him right back, curious to see where it goes.

“Or I’ll hang up on you.”

“You called me!”

“You answered!”

You roll your eyes. “On accident.”

“Uh-huh. That’s what you want me to think. Or maybe your plan was to seduce me.”

“Is it working?”

You didn’t mean to say that—or maybe you did, but not like that. Not insinuating anything. Not meaning to initiate anything. But the obvious playful tone you both had is now laced with a specific kind of tension, and maybe you’re hoping it does initiate something.

Jackson blinks a few times, not expecting your reply. His pause makes you nervous that you’d gone too far, and you’re about to apologize when he surprises you with an answer.

“Maybe.”

You swallow, trying to maintain the flirty tone without giving away your nervousness. It’s not to be when he’s suddenly looking at you with hooded eyes seemingly darker than before despite the shitty call resolution.

“Good.”

Before either of you can say anything else, you hear the front door open and close, and you sit up abruptly.

“Grayson’s home. Can I call you later?”

You don’t notice his stuttering “Yeah, sure” or his pointedly not looking at the screen as you tell him “bye” and hang up. It’s not until you’re wrapping the towel around yourself that you realize you just flashed Jackson your boobs.

Nice going.

The rest of your night is filled with Grayson’s loud energy, and after dinner and a bath, he’s out like a light. You tuck him in and press a kiss to cheek, smiling as you crack the door closed. You collapse onto your bed and reach for your phone on your bedside table.

Your fingers are moving faster than your brain, and you realize you realize your automatic response to unlocking your phone is going straight to Jackson’s text messages. Biting your lip, you tap away at your screen and hit send.

>>Awake?

He doesn’t reply right away, so you pull out your laptop and browse the internet. About 20 minutes later, your phone buzzes beside you.

>>It’s 8:30pm, Y/N.

>>Oh. Right. Sorry.

Guess I’m just a little off tonight.

>>Everything okay?

You smile at his concern and before you can text back, he sends another text.

>>Wanna talk?

>>I’m always up for talking to you.

You’re pressing his name and calling him before he can text back.

“Hey,” he answers the phone. There’s some background noise, and you’re guessing it’s the others talking. “One second.”

Slowly the line gets quieter, and you imagine Jackson walking off to some secluded area of wherever he is.

“Okay, I’m all yours.”

A giggle escapes your lips at his words, and you lay back in bed, pushing your laptop off to the side.

“You’re not busy, are you?”

“Nope. We’re taking a break for a bit.” He pauses. “Um, so about earlier?”

You groan out of embarrassment and facepalm. “How about we don’t talk about that just like we don’t talk about you getting a boner for me?”

“Aish. Way to not talk about it,” he responds, and you can hear the teasing underneath his fake annoyance. “Actually, I just want to make sure everything is alright at work.”

“Everything is fine,” you answer, too quickly for your liking, and you wince. “There’s just… a new owner. It was kind of sudden. There will be some changes, but everything will be okay.” You try to ignore the fact that you sound more like you’re trying to convince yourself. “Enough about that. Tell me about your day.”

Jackson sighs, like he wants to ask you more, but he doesn’t, and you’re grateful.

“Uh, well, lots of dance practice. Talked to you. More dance practice. Pretty much nonstop dancing.”

“Legs feeling like jelly yet?”

He laughs. “I’m way beyond that. I’m surprised I’m still standing, to be honest.”

“Mm, I’m all snuggly in my nice warm bed. You jealous?” You ask, curling deeper into your sheets as you feel yourself getting sleepy.

There’s a beat before Jackson responds, and his voice is a touch lower than it usually is. “Yeah, I am.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll get to sleep at some point… this week maybe.”

Jackson hums. “You don’t know how right you are.”

Frowning, you respond, “Is it always like this?”

“No, not always. Just during comebacks. It’ll get back to normal in a few weeks. We’ll still be busy, but not as hectic.”

“Poor thing. You guys need a den mother. Someone to take care of you and to bake you cookies and make sure you’re eating and resting.”

“We do an okay job of it. Most of the time. I wouldn’t mind the cookies, though.”

“I’ll bake you as many cookies as you want,” you tell him, your voice getting lower with sleep. You didn’t realize how much today’s events took a toll on you until now.

Jackson breathes out a small chuckle. “I’ll hold you to it.” He pauses again. “Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Get some sleep.”

“Nooo,” you whine, but your eyes are already closed. “I want to talk to you. I want to see you.”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I get a free day. Promise. I should be getting back anyway.”

“Mm, goodnight, Jackson.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You don’t remember hanging up or plugging your phone in to charge. At some point early in the morning, you find yourself reaching out for something—someone—in your dream. You slowly wake up when you realize he’s not actually there beside you, and you try to ignore the knot of disappointment in your stomach.

You know you’re setting yourself up for failure, but it’s been too long since you’ve felt this giddy about someone, so you tell yourself it’ll be okay. Even when things don’t work out the way you’d like.

You sigh and turn in bed, bringing the covers over your head and will yourself to fall back asleep.

Of course you had to fall for an idol.

I’m not super happy with this chapter, and I know the build is slow, but there’s a reason for it. Hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to leave feedback <3

xo Tyler

#got7 scenarios #got7 smut #jackson wang scenarios #jackson wang smut #kpop scenarios #jackson wang #got7

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