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spamtontv · 2 years

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AMAZING ANIMALS BIOLOGY FUN FACTS

”Jesus Christ, what is that?”

”How is it alive?”

“What does it want?”

”Will it hurt me?”

”Will it hurt my children?”

It’s only natural to ask questions like this when encountering such a disgusting creature, but rest assured- it’s quite harmless!

Meet the spamtong.

Spaptons are cyber city’s largest species of insect. They are mostly found in files, dumpsters, alleyways, underpasses, holes, landfills, folders, and rundown banks. They are heavily endangered because they are too stupid to get kromer if it’s not in a bank manufactured for small animals. But evolution has produced a remarkable solution: a female spopton can lay thousands of pipis every day! Most of her young will die of dehydration, but the sheer numbers of spongs makes it inevitable that at least some will find a kromer bank and thus survive to sexual maturity.

Speemton biologist Dr. Lexapro Beaufort said in an interview, “I know of them. They like to sniff around in the dirt for coins and kromer and discarded cigarettes. They like to dig holes in the ground. They were not created by the same God that created everything else.”

They can even be kept as pets! One proud Spock mommy had this to say. “Yeah, mine is named BIG SHOT and he fucking sucks. He just hides in a hole and only comes out when he hears me rattling my adderall prescription.”

Wow! Truly the Spam is the fascinating creature of dark world.

#spamton #drugs #JIC #spamton.txt

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puppylegslitzzerr · 2 years

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This child found out I’m a trans man and immediately said “oh no, I can’t be around gay people”

HOW DID SHE KNOW

#legslitzerr.text #puppy.txt #spamton.txt #we can’t let the kids know we’re queer they’ll tell the church #gaydar #lgbtea #transgender #transmasc #trans male #trans ftm

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number1salesman1997 · 2 years

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HELLO MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A GENORIS BENEFACTOR SO KINDLY [[GoFundMe]] ONE[[one]] [[HeartShapedObject]] SO IT IS NOW MY ABSOLUTE PLESURE TO INFORM YOU THAT [[No more mister nice guy~ No more mister cle-e-e-ean~]] SO [[Ladies and gentlemen]] AND THOSE THAT LIE BETWIXT, [[put your hands]][[and feet inside the vehicle at all times]] TOGETH3R FOR VILLAIN ARC [[Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, now available on VHS]]

AND BEFORE YOU [[contact our complaint department]] IF YUO REALLY THOUGHT I'D BE CONTENT TO [[wallow in obscurity]] VERY LONG, YOU NEVER KNEW ME [[half-off]] AS WELL AS YOU THOGUHT YOU DID, AND I'M [[laughing all the way to the bank]]!!!

#[[spamton.txt : text post]]#(( obligatory justification for the soft reboot ))#(( I don't really care if it makes sense i do what i want honestly ))#(( im taking my doofus and making him multiverse compatible. don't get me wrong i love DR but fuck its limitations ))

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guccisystem · 3 years

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