#sorry i’m aware i post abt this sort of topic a lot but it is becoming more relevant as the days go by and i’m scared | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bunnywand · 2 years

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don’t worry i’m not gonna be annoying abt it or start posting abt it tonnes or anything, but i was Obsessed w/ h*mestuck between like, 2012-2016?? like it was a huge part of my ~teenage years~ ..but i hadn’t touched anything 2 do w/ it since it finished, some might say 4 the best.. 😔

but then a bunch of stuff reminded me of it recently, and i had nothing better 2 do, so i started rereading it 2 see what i thought of it now / see if i could still get thru it, and u kno what it’s been p fun!! 😅 my brain’s kinda fried bcos it’s mostly all i’ve been doing 4 the last week, i started last thursday and i’m up to ~act 6 intermission 3~ already, so like, just over 5,000 pages in 😳

but it’s been a nice nostalgia trip, esp now i just got 2 to the flash games that introduce the alpha trolls, cos i remember being So fucking excited when those flashes originally came out, i think they were one of the first Big things that happened after i finally caught up on the story initially, and they were one of the things i remembered most abt it 😭 also exciting as well cos i think i’d reread acts 1-5 and maybe some of act 6 a couple of times after catching up like, 2012/2013ish, but i’m p sure the only time i read the majority of act 6 up to the end was as it was updating, so it’s cool rereading that for the first time!! 🤯

obvs can’t go w/o mentioning the more ~problematic~ stuff in there tho, some i didn’t rly think too much of when reading it like, 10 years ago, (i rly don’t remember there being so many r-slurs used early on 😕) and some things i was aware of and were discussed at the time that still stand out now, mainly 2 do w/ ableism + racist caricatures / stereotypes wrt a couple of characters.. interestingly the app i’m reading it on (which i downloaded cos it lets u do the flash / interactive stuff that i don’t think works in browser anymore??) has some sort of filter for ~controversial content~ but i left it off cos altho i’m not entirely sure the effect it’d have, i don’t think.. pretending that stuff just Isn’t in there is the way 2 go abt confronting it?? 🤔 but i’m p sure over the years other ppl who are better at writing critical analysis and talking on those topics have talked abt them a lot better than i ever could 😅

but yh, it’s definitely been a different + interesting journey rereading it as an adult vs. reading it as a teen and being abt the same age as the characters!! and i’m definitely excited 2 finish the rest of it, and especially get to some of the stuff towards the end where, apart from all the exciting story shit happening, i’m p sure some of the characters start maturing a lot too, and analysing their younger selves behavior in a p meta way, which i remember being a p interesting read 😝

(also so sorry this somehow this post ended up Way longer than i meant it to when i started writing it.. but again don’t worry this is probs one of the only (or at least the v few) posts i’m gonna make abt it, i just wanted 2 talk abt what i’ve been up to 4 like the last week 😳)

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r0h1rr1m · 4 years

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rambly inception thoughts bc i watched this movie for like the fifth time this week and i can’t let it go

i just saw a lil post about an umbrella academy/inception crossover and that au is not really relevant to this but it made me think. i got to wondering whether someone w superpowers would be able to use them in a dream, or if that would violate the suspension of disbelief/make-no-waves rules and call the projections down on u. the specific rules of this mechanism--and of forging, and limbo, and lots of other stuff--have a definitively movie-logic ambiguousness to them, but let’s say that using powers in a dream, even if you have them in real life, stretches belief a little too much and angers the projections. it would also explain why (from a watsonian perspective, at least) dreamsharers don’t just give themselves fantastic abilites to make things easier. (i kinda wanna go off on another tangent about what that implies about who you have fool, be it dreamer or mark or both, and the effect of varying levels of imagination, but few enough people are gonna read this whole thing as is :’))

but then (in this extremely niche and overly specific hypothetical situation, yes, i’m sorry) if powered ppl using real powers in a dream would be too unbelievable, it follows that dreamsharers would have to be at least slightly more boring versions of themselves in a dream, probably less skilled and just less weird. real life is consistently stranger and more unexpected than imagination

this is where this veers off into unrelated territory a lil bit bc then i started imagining the conversation that would happen if Ariadne started figuring this out or if Eames told her. without any effort at good or in-character dialogue, it might go something like this:

A <<so then the stablest/most forgiving dreams would be of the people with the most imagination? like children?>>

E <<probably, but who would go in the mind of a child?>>

A <<u literally make a career made a career out of violating people in a way so profound u’d have to be clinically paranoid to even worry about protecting against it, but u draw the line there? at children? why is it okay to do it to adults?>>

and so on until i started having some characterization hcs. bc i see Eames as the coldest/most ruthlessly pragmatic character in the movie (i’ve had conversations where ppl argue it’s Cobb, but he’s not ruthless. he is, in fact, sabotaging his own career w an overabundance of ruth. he’s just desperate and making some kind of myopic justifications. like that scene early on in the first level? i get the distinct sense that when he’s blowing up at Arthur he’s overcompensating to separate himself from the blame of a situation for which he’s at least 50% but arguably more responsible for. sorry tangent over) and i don’t think he’d worry abt this too much.

he knows that he lives his life in a bit of a moral gray area and unless he wants to make sm srs changes to his lifestyle there’s not a lot of point stressing. he’s not like totally relativistic, bc relativism isn’t that useful and he’s pretty utilitarian (i think these words also have, like, official philosophical definitions but idk anything abt that n i’m not using em that way), but he’s aware that a moral code is a tricky thing, even for ppl who are not international career criminals. rules like “no kids as marks” are easy to follow, and make simple, instinctive sense. i think he’d make a lot of moral decisions js on gut feeling.

in the hypothetical convo above where he tells Ariadne as much, mbe he adds:

<<if u want to talk abt it w someone who’s actually thought abt this, i’m sure Arthur has, but i don’t think it’ll make u feel better>>

bc Arthur is mbe a bit too good at compartmentalizing and justifications (not like Cobb, tho. Arthur is loyal to a fault and dedicated to looking after other ppl in a way he seems generally disinterested in doing for himself), seeing as he’s apparently the kind of person who can cheerfully ID someone’s murderer to their face and then just casually switch topics after like 5 words of explanation.

he’s characterized as v focused on planning/details and thoroughness/coherency, so it tracks that he’d want to articulate/organize his thoughts on Why I Do What I Do, but the subjectivity of his justifications would be especially apparent to Ariadne after this convo w Eames. and like, “convince ur friend to go to therapy” and “follow ur friend around the globe enabling his increasingly aimless and self-destructive mission to break into ppl’s heads for money” are on opposite ends of a spectrum i don’t want to know anything about. js bc this dude gets prissy abt Eames js Feeling Things Out and is convinced he’s Mr. Logic doesn’t mean his logic isn’t absolutely fckn buck-wild.

so Ariadne’s reaction to all this is what? it’s highly unlikely anything could make her give up dreamshare, so. are there legit alternatives to the criminal side of things? in the movie it’s not rly clear. when Dom goes to Miles and says that becoming a fugitive took away his legitimate options for his skills, it seems like that would imply there are, in fact, legitimate options. but then why was Miles only training/able to suggest a normal ass architect and not a dreamshare Architect?

anyway, the point is if legit dreamshare work exists, Ari could hand the work of deciding on ethics and regulations off to a boss or legislation. whether or not she’d choose to do that i think is a matter of personal hc and the movie could support it either way. if on the other hand, tho, only illegal uses for dreamshare exist, she has to find her own moral guidelines in criminal work (i like the hc that Arthur helps her be more selective than a newbie would typically be allowed to be. helps her vet jobs and keep from getting in over her head/beholden to someone. it just seems like something he would do. and mbe his reputation needs a little repair after however long he ran w an increasingly unstable and unreliable Dom Cobb, but if ppl like Eames are still calling him the best pointman he must have enough clout to help Ari get some good jobs). for myself, i think even if there are legit jobs Ari would choose to stay on the illegal side of things anyway, at least at first. she’s addicted to the limitation-free aspect of it, and, in the proud tradition of geniuses and prodigies everywhere, she’s demonstrably bad at taking censure/advice. she has to make her own mistakes. not to mention, her own morals might be a lil wobbly anyway, from how easily and entitledly she invaded Dom’s privacy. like, it turned out to be for the best, but it was still kinda fcked up

anyway surprise i wasn’t working towards any sort of point but i can’t stop thinking abt this movie and my family’s sick of hearing about it. thanks for reading. vote

#anyone wants to tell me how they think projections/forging/limbo works or hear more abt something in this mess that was confusing #plz plz plz throw me a message or an ask #i only need the barest encouragement to run my mouth #inception #arthur #eames #ariadne #yes absolutely

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pricryo · 5 years

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tw: abuse shit, manipulation shit, transphobia ment, death ment, christianity ment, probably more. hi i’m tim wright and today i remembered one of my abusers so naturally, while instilled with fiery rage, i thought i should make a post abt it here for reference as to why i have “don’t follow if you kin ticci-toby (creepypasta) or yato (noragami)” as one of my don’t follow criteria. there will probably be another post on this in the future because there’s really a lot to unravel about her abuse and how it’s affected myself and my friends. this is just one of the main and most notable incidents, roughly around the time our friendship truly started its decline.

putting this shit under a cut so it doesn’t clutter things up on anyone’s dash

her name is grace. i initially met her in the fourth grade (when i was around nine or ten), but i wasn’t really close friends with her until late middle school to early high school. she was always sort of uncomfortable to be around, but she was one of the few people who would talk to me, so i considered her a friend. when i was a freshman in high school, i had just been introduced to the otherkin and fictionkin communities by a friend (named cas) at the time, along with grace and another friend (her name was destiny).

i kinfirmed being wolfkin first and foremost (i know, i know, how generic) after a lot of reflection and questioning on the subject, and cas, who was also wolfkin, suggested we make a wolfkin pack (a.k.a, mistake number one) under the presumption that all four of us were wolfkin. (hint: only half of us were)

grace agreed, claiming she was also wolfkin, and a pack was formed. now, this wasn’t the healthiest pack, realistically. we were young and honestly? a little dumb. we had this big ~pack mentality~ that was horrid and cringy to look back on, and i’m very ashamed of myself. we were overly protective of each other, saw cas as our boss, and overall were just... toxic in mindset, if i remember correctly. unfortunately, this made us super easy to manipulate.

it started in either january or february (i can’t remember which anymore), when grace told us that her long-time boyfriend (joe) had broken up with her during our high school’s winter formal dance. supposedly, it was during their first slow dance, to be specific. she claimed that he’d been abusive to her before, including hitting her, insulting her, etc., and destiny even backed this claim up by saying she’d seen it. (note: joe was openly known to be autistic in our school, keep this in mind.) we, of course, didn’t take this well. after confronting joe on the matter, he seemed confused and had genuinely no idea what was happening, even saying he hadn’t broken up with her at all.

we further confront him (this time on deviantArt) and he continues to say he has no idea, and he’s very confused over who we are. we... honestly treated him like trash. not because he was autistic, but because he was supposedly abusive. it was terrible. and while we’re doing this, grace is just feeding us more and more lies about the guy. she went as far as to make fake texts between himself and her, where he was saying shit like how we were demons, and that we needed to go to church and we needed jesus, calling grace fat and ugly, saying that he’d won her and she was just his trophy, and even being openly transphobic regarding leelah alcorn’s death, among other things. we would be like “give us his number/account, let us talk to him” and she’d always tell us “oh he deleted it right after” or some similar shit. that was red flag number one, but i trusted her (mistake number two) because she was my friend.

by this time, we're literally enraged. we told the dean of our school about it and everything. we were shit talking joe all over deviantArt and threatening him (which was so immature, and looking back on it, i hate how i handled that situation at 14) and everything. i deadass made what was supposed to be his in minecraft just to pour lava over it and burn it down. terrible shit. but the bottom line: we were very angry.

around this time, i start noticing that the way he types on deviantArt and the way he types in the “texts” don’t match up. it’s super suspicious. red flag number two. he types perfectly on deviantArt, but types exactly how grace types in the texts. i bring it up subtly and i’m all like “haha that’s pretty weird, why does he do that?” grace agrees that it’s weird and then starts saying that she recreated some of them because they were deleted too fast. the typing difference happened on all of them. again, that’s super suspicious, but i really trusted her as my friend.

things escalated. i can’t really remember most of it, but here’s some details i do remember:

there’s a fake instagram made (something along the lines of ‘weirdguy101′ or some similar shit) where art that cas and destiny had made was uploaded, supposedly owned by joe, who was claiming to have drawn it himself. none of my art was stolen. grace was the only person to have taken pictures of that art. red flag number three.

an “undercover” deviantArt account made by grace where she pretended to be a different person to interact with joe as if she was on our side.

a lot of skype calls on the subject - during one, grace calls joe on her home phone and cas and destiny make weird noises in an effort to freak him out - which was succesful.

we make both a deviantArt group and instagram to combat the fake instagram and make vague, threatening posts to him (which i’m very certain is deleted by this point).

the dean told us he spoke with joe, and that joe had zero idea what was happening at all.

we were going to go to the principal over the matter because we thought the dean didn’t take us seriously. i was absent that day because i was sick if i remember correctly, and cas and destiny didn’t go talk to the her because grace didn’t show up, either. red flag number four.

grace would intentionally rile us up if we weren’t having a conversation specifically about the conflict. like, this happened for weeks, and when we tried to have other, normal conversations, she’d butt in baout how much she hated joe and about how we should all burn down his house and shit. i’m fairly certain that some of the fake texts were just to draw our attention back on that topic. red flag number five.

and honestly? a hell of a lot more that i don’t really remember.

cas mentions that he thinks things are getting a little fishy after a while, and i tell him about what i’ve been thinking. we end up calling her on skype and he calls her out because he’s 100% certain that she had been playing us. she’s dead silent for most of the time and doesn’t even defend herself or say he’s wrong. he hangs up on her and i’m there listening to her crying alone (and it’s such an ugly noise, mind you) and i’m filled with disgust and anger and hurt. i’m there for two to three minutes listening before i hang up, too.

even after that, we’re all like, “we forgive you. just don’t do this shit again,” because we still saw her as a friend despite her 100% being trash to us, and we were still willing to move past that. and grace has the audacity to ask if we’ll go to the dean with her in the morning and explain the situation. like.... she manipulates us into harassing and threatening a kid, pretends to be him and insults us + is transphobic as all hell, literally steals art from cas and destiny under the guise that it’s him, plays us like a game of chess for her own sick amusement.... and then expects us to help her explain to the dean that she was lying the entire time and nothing was wrong. ofc, we said no. things simmer down.

for like a day or two.

and then we’re in a group chat with a classmate named britney who says we need to stop bullying her friend. get this - grace has been showing off the screenshots of what we’ve said to her (which was in no way bullying, btw) and claiming we were bullying her. greaaaattt. grace didn’t bother to tell her the full story (a common theme with her) and now britney has taken it upon herself ot be a good samaritan. she yells at us, removes cas from the chat after one of his alters front, i add him back, and britney refuses to tell us who it was. (spoiler alert: we already know). i agree that we’ll stop “bullying” grace so she’ll leave us alone and the conversation is done.

so naturally we’re all like, “what the fuck dude, it was over? and we didn’t do anything to you? you were just bad to us?” and ofc this sets her off to continually tell us ”it’s in the past, i made mistakes, you should forgive me” even though all the shit she did was entirely intentional. initially i don’t want the reason why she did it, but i get progressively more frustrated and then start demanding to know why. she legitimately didn’t say anything other than “...” on the subject. considering how i was young and had a short fuse, i kinda go off on her abt it. because that’s such a fucking dick move. and she says “well idk what to say except sorry” as if she isn’t aware she can tell us why she did it.

i end up having a breakdown because i realize that i’m a total fucking monster who harrassed a kid and was manipulated into doing s and i don’t even get to know why. cas removes her from the group and we’re left to pick up the pieces.

i end up giving a handwritten note containing a formal apology to destiny and she agreed to give it to joe for me. all was well for a while with grace out of my life.

unfortunately, this was not the last incident i had with grace. i’ll post more on it some other time but like... dm me for her tumblr if you want to block her or some shit. she’s still out there and active on tumblr as far as i know.

bonus: a screenshot where i totally should’ve realized she was playing us, ft. me talking to joe

#tim.txt #dont reblog ////#that was back when i typed properly lmao #abuse tw ///#abuse ment ///#manipulation tw ///#manipulation ///#transphobia ment ///#transphobia tw ///#christianity ment ///#christianity ///#notes to talk about for next time include #her faking being otherkin and fictionkin #while she was anti-kin #and her faking she was trans #and her literally adopting everyone's identities #not to mention her dating a thirteen year old when she was nearly eighteen #and cheating on them with multiple other people #and her abusing joe #and her literally bringing my boyfriend's ptsd out of remission! :^)#gracie sweetie if you're reading this? i hope you choke #oh and a little more on this situation can be talked abt!#this is almost a tl;dr version honestly #ask if you want my venting blog that's specifically anti-grace!#it's co-owned with john!!#abuse discussion #grace is an abusive fuck #abt in tags #ig?#long post ///

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noxiim · 7 years

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(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

#long post #sorry I kind of rambled #but anon if you want to talk to me don't be afraid to message me instead #I'm always here if you need to vent 💕#asks #Anonymous #art asks

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