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meet-me-in-the-pouringrain · 1 year

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The Phoenix And The Rocket

Chapter 3

Part 1

Part 2

Again thank you for the love <3 this got away from me and the word count is 3k exactly.

Emily Prentiss, at the insistent of her therapist, signs up for a trauma ‘dumping’ site. She never expected that her Dump would connect her back to her old boss and the man she’s been in love with for over ten years.

Also the man that she’s absolutely furious at for leaving.

Edit : Since publishing I have been made aware that the term ‘Trauma Bonding’ is actually an abuse tactic and doesn’t mean ‘bonding over shared trauma’. Would like to make it clear that was a very strong mistake on my part and I apologise deeply for any offence.

Read below the cut

It’s Aaron’s turn to ghost his Buddy.

Aaron doesn't reply after that ominous message. He physically couldn't because as he types a reply, brow furrowed and confusion evident on his face, Jack yells out at the top of his lungs and a loud clatter quickly follows.

He takes the stairs two at a time, his hand twitching at his ankle, feeling for a gun that's no longer there. His son is lying on the tiled floor of the bathroom, groaning in pain.

"I slipped" Jack moans, scrunched in pain. "As I got out. My arm-."

"Oh buddy" Aaron sighs, partly in relief but mostly sympathy. He sinks down to his knees, gingerly pushing Jack into a sitting position. He watches Jack wince and hiss in pain at any attempt of moving his left arm. Aaron cringes at the awkward angle the elbow is at. "Yeah that looks broken." He shakes his head and stands. "C'mon we'll get you dressed and take you to the emergency room."

He does just that, spending hours in A&E as Jack got seen too, the computer blinking forgotten with Phoenix's last message going ignored.

He leads Jack back in around 4am, cursing the higher ups for the trivial paperwork of medical insurance while simultaneously thanking the FBI retirement plan for his incredible insurance. His computer had died while he was out and he snaps it shut, putting it in his case without a second thought.

Jack uses his right hand to drink water, he inherited his left hand dominance from his father, with a grimace.

"I hate that shower" He croaks in the dark of the living room. Aaron chuckles and nods in agreement. "I hate this goddam house."

"Ma- Jack." He admonishes quietly.

It's been a argumentative point between them. Ever since Jack overheard Uncle Dave's phone call announcing the end of Scratch, he had been resistant. He barely responded to his false name, never from his father, He complained about their old house and begged on the regular to move back to Arlington, Virginia to be closer to his late mother's sister.

To a degree, Aaron had to agree with him. Their house was awful. It was old, practically falling apart, and rickety. Last year, Aaron himself took a tumble down the stairs and sprained his ankle. It fit with their cover - Frank and his son Max moved to Colorado after his wife and mother skipped town to marry a richer man. Frank was supposed to be a simple tradesman, working from wage slip to wage slip.

He hated the house too. However, he cannot and will not be able to go back to his old life. Not like Jack thinks he can.

Not like She did.

"Whatever" Jack says, stopping a brewing argument. "I'm tired dad."

"I can help you to be-"

"I didn't break my legs" Jack snipes back, his exhaustion and teenaged frustration at the world making him lash out. He apologises softly before walking away and up the stairs. He trips on the bottom step, a loud curse exiting his lips, making Aaron squeeze his eyes shut. Jack growls under his breath, slapping his hand on the handrail, before stomping off.

Aaron watches him go with just his eyes, following the figure of his son up the stairs. His eyes still move up even after Jack leaves the landing and finish on the ceiling.

"Oh Haley" He breathes out. "I'm sorry." He clears his throat and shakes his head. "I don't know what to do."

The wind picks up, alerting him to the open window. He curses himself for his foolishness, his time away from the FBI making him sloppy. Jack's bag tips over and college flyers and pamphlets fly out. He frowns at the sight, his 16 year old growing up far to fast for his opinion. Aaron rushes over to clean the mess, fumbling in the dark, until one makes him pause.

A flyer for the FBI academy.

Quantico in big block yellow letters.

The flyer mentions specific departments on the front. White Collar, Counter-Terrorism, The numerous International Units.

And the BAU.

Aaron raises his eyes to the window, a scowl on his face. "You think you're funny huh?" He teases the imaginary woman. There is no response from the window, making him roll his eyes. He stuffs the papers back in his son's backpack but leaves that specific one out.

Now he's got a decision to make on his hands that he really doesn't want to have to make.

~>~

Emily scribbles her signature on Matt's latest report, slamming it down on her pile of paperwork she's angrily completing.

She was annoyed.

She's always annoyed sitting in that seat for one reason or another. Whether it was because Luke decided he was a comedic genius and she was his prime target audience. Spencer and his ability to rattle off a statistic or fact that has her inadvertently annoyed and insecure. The girls and their probing questions about her nonexistent love life and (moderately healthy thank you very much) sex life. Or Dave.

Just Dave.

The only one who doesn't piss her off is Matt and that's because he's never fucking there since he went part time.

But she was actually annoyed at herself this time. Rocket hasn't replied to her in two weeks. In fairness, she left him on delivered for a week. But two? And he left her on read.

So now, rationally, she's concluded that her ominous message means that she's spooked her new Buddy.

Because for some reason, Emila Maria Prentiss is incapable of making friends that aren't forced to be with her for extended periods of time in a work setting.

Now, that means she's gotta work up the courage to message a new person but no one is as quite as intriguing as Rocket and he was very friendly to her, even after she ghosted him and asked him a rather invasive question that she herself would have found offensive to if asked.

So yeah, She was annoyed at herself.

So much so that she was literally pouting at work all day. Her frostiness had made Luke retreat away from his attempt at comedy, Spencer had left her alone (after she snapped at him and gave him more paperwork that is). She also snapped at JJ who gave it right back to her and told her to calm the hell down. Luckily for them, Tara and Matt are in the field helping another department and Penelope hasn't left the lair to encounter her yet.

Dave's still being an asshole but for different reasons than simply being a pain in her ass for amusement.

"Emily." The old man sung from her doorway, mischievous glee in his tone. "I'm sorrryy."

"Dave, You went and goaded an unsub" She rolled her eyes, glaring at him. "To the point where you forced Tara's hand in shooting him. We had him"

"He wanted to go out by Cop" Dave was indifferent to her attitude. "He was going to do whatever it takes, I just sped up the process."

"YOU SHOULDN'T-" Emily began to yell at the top of her lungs, making heads turn towards her off. She cut herself off with a deep breath, shaking her hair out of her face.

Dave just stares at her, unfazed by her yelling. He actually smirks at her, making her grip on her pen tighten and her knuckles turn white. "Yes ma'am" He mocks back before slinking away. Just in time too, because she hurls the same pen where he was stood, just missing Tara too.

The other woman whistles as she drops a fresh mug of coffee on her friends desk. "Damn" She states, going to shut the door. Emily tuts in a sort of agreement. She's beginning to acknowledge that her self loathing episode is starting to project onto her team and somehow hates herself even more for it. Tara looks at her seriously, perching on the corner of her desk.

"Don't ask it-"Emily begins miliseconds after the coffee falls down her throat.

"When's the last time you got laid?" Tara cuts her off. Emily groans and turns her chair away but her friend wasn't finished. "Seriously, I'm in the middle of a divorce and think i've got more action than you."

"Haha" Emily offers back sarcastically over her shoulder. "I don't know like...a couple months ago I went out after Andrew and I-"

"DAMN"

"GARCIA" Emily hollers, jumping in surprise. The door opens and a guilty Penelope shuffles in. She pauses midway and turns to look to her left. Emily pinches the bridge of her nose and grits her teeth. "That better be fucking JJ and not Luke." She practically growls out.

"Ew" Penelope spits back, face scrunching at the thought she'd be scheming with The Newbie Who's Not Morgan. Tara laughs behind her own mug as JJ pops her head in with a goofy grin.

"It's meeeee" JJ sang, stepping in. She was apparently over the little spat they had earlier in the day. "And we couldn't help but over hear-"

"Don't start" Emily groans again.

"Em" Penelope starts, softer than the other twos teasing tones. "C'mon you've acted off all day."

"Not because I need to get laid" Emily insists. "I'm fine."

Instantly all three of them make exclaims. Emily rolls her eyes as they begin mocking her. It seems to be like a trigger word for them because every time she insists on it, they mock her and make points as to why she was, in fact, not fine.

"Anyway, I smell girls night" Tara ceases her mocking first, somehow, and smiles. "Where are we going? There's a new Irish bar-"

"No Irish Bars" All three other ladies suddenly cut her off. She furrows her brows but relents when JJ points at their boss with wide eyes. Tara winces and remembers the story that spread around their workplace like wildfire.

Emily's chest burns with the silence after that. Penelope and JJ don't like going to any Irish Bars with her anymore, not after spotting the 4 leaf clover on her chest during their first hot tub party since she rose from the ashes. Especially not after she got drunk on tequila and started rambling about how the bar they were in was like the one where she met her demon for the first time.

"Let's just go to Murphys sports bar"'Emily sighs after a few seconds.

“You mean the one that's literally on the corner of your street?" Penelope asks, deadpan. Emily gaze was hard.

“Yes” Emily blinks, unwavering

And that conversation is the reason she stumbles in her own apartment, alone, at 2am with lovebite on her neck from a man who's name she can't remember. That's all she has to show for that too. A stupid fucking love bite.

JJ went home around 10pm, relatively sober. Emily was still nursing a lemonade at that time. She went home because Michael had a nightmare and was screaming for his mother and Henry had thrown up. Will called her to tell her he had it handled but not to worry and that he loves her so she left straight away. Emily watched her go, sadly, remembering nights when JJ could stay out all night with her and Penelope. She was glad (maybe a little jealous) and also hurt that JJ had something waiting for her at home.

Penelope was next to leave, a phonecall from Derek (that Emily had taken over) telling them that Savannah had a medical emergency and they had to go to the hospital and asking her if she could watch Hank.

Emily can honestly say she's never seen her friend move faster in her life.

Eventually, Tara got off with some random girl she picked up at the bar while Emily cornered a good looking man who was about ten years younger than her and had been eyeing her up at the bar the entire night.

They fool around in the bathroom until her stupid badge falls out of her purse and the man stammers out some lame excuse and jumps off. She sighs and leans down to scoop up her badge and found a bag of weed right next to it.

So she stomps off home; grumpy, drunk, sad unsatisfied and alone.

It hits her as she settles in bed that her low feelings came from an internet stranger who she had spoken to twice.

"Fucking HELL" Emily blurts out, slapping the covers and lying on her back. She stared up at the ceiling, scowling.

What was wrong with her lately?

Sergio hisses on the pillow next to her at her yell before trotting over to his mom and laying on her chest, uncaringly. "Whaddya want?" She asks, scratching his head. "Little Shit" She says to him, lovingly. The cat purrs at the scratch before suddenly pouncing off.

She watches through the crack of her door as Sergio eyes the laptop on her work/dining table. It's on charge, the wire snaking down to the floor. Emily swears to a God she's unsure she believes in that the cat looks at the wire, looks back at her and proceeds to attack it mercilessly. She yells his name far too loud for near 3am and darts across the apartment to save her laptop. She catches him and the device before it falls on the floor.

"Bad cat" She admonishes, resorting to putting him in his crate. "Go to sleep." She snaps as if he could understand her. She turns back to the half open computer with a sigh and begins to push it down.

PING.

"Oh you are-" Emily begins, narrowing her eyes. The alcohol gets to her, because she turns and stares suspiciously at her cat who's looking like he's plotting her downfall. "Are you psychic?" She asks, hesitantly reaching to open the laptop.

It was an Email from Linda Barnes, the new section chief.

Emily deletes it without even reading it, rolling her eyes and pads to the kitchen to grab some water for the morning.

And then she returns right back to the computer. In the morning, she'll sit and think about the fact that she's been (moderately) drunk each time she's spoken to Rocket and reevaluate that aspect with her therapist. Right now though, the alcohol has given her enough courage to restart the conversation.

PhoenixPren : Hey so I've been thinking about it

She types without really thinking.

PhoenixPren : And I've had a bit to drink.

A bit is an understatement if we're being honest now.

PhoenixPren : And I would like to be Buddies. I don't really have anyone to talk to about all of this.

She thinks back to earlier in the day when Tara innocently suggested an Irish Bar and her friends practically froze at the idea.

They don't talk about it, never did. Derek's gone and even if he was here he wouldn't be up for discussing it. Dave tries but doesn't execute it well, Spencer looks at her with sad eyes that make her feel fucking sick, and the others simply weren't there.

The only one who she could talk about it with left her in the dust.

PhoenixPren : I have a whole lot baggage from my teen years and youth but that's a story for another day.

Hell, she could write a whole post on this stupid site about her mother alone.

She takes a deep breath, wondering how to phrase 'I was in a special unit and employed to sleep with and almost marry an Irish terrorist who i then faked the death of his son and he escaped a NK prison to target me and I had to fake my own death'.

Eventually she spins a tale about a doomed, abusive relationship and an ex boyfriend who tried to kill her. She mentions witness protection, figuring that it might help Rocket too, to find someone who can relate, but that's the extent of it, leaving out the messiness of Declan and JTF-12.

When she's finished typing, she's crying. A huge weight feels like it's been lifted of her shoulders after she trauma dumped on this poor stranger who probably expected something a lot smaller than that.

With the listlessness comes the guilt. That was a lot to read, even for her, So she types out a final message.

PhoenixPren : I know that's a lot and it's okay if you don't want to respond. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to expel all that. It's been over ten years and I haven't discussed it with anyone in detail.

Not even her therapist. It's a lot more intimidating when you're sitting on a leather couch across from a woman with a clipboard and a power suit staring at you through thin glasses and a tight bun.

Huh. Now she understands the site.

Emily let's out a shaky breath, a sob and swallows thickly. She remembers that Rocket is in Colorado so it's only Midnight for him while it's near 3am for her. She drags herself to bed, somehow feeling lighter than she had in years yet heavier than normal, and face plants the pillow.

Sergio howls in his cage and she rolls her eyes and pushes herself up to grab him, He'll just howl all night if he has to.

The laptop pings again as she's padding on her hardwood floor.

"I swear to God if that's Lind-" She begins her threat to mid air, leaning over the laptop.

RocketRacoon : Thank you for sharing. I'm honoured to be your Buddy, You certainly have lived through a lot. Thank you, Phoenix. Have a good night :)

Emily's crying again reading her buddies sweet message. She resolves that she's too drunk to respond appropriately and heads to bed. Sergio gets in one last hiss to the laptop but settles down when Emily shuts the door.

She kisses his head and almost instantly succumbs to sleep.

As always : OG prompt came from @lonelychicagos

Taglist : @84hotpockets @serqueljisbon @loriprentiss @velvetblackness

If you want to added or removed to the taglist, shoot me a dm ❤️

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #hotchniss #agent hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #hotchniss fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #hotch #agent prentiss #The Phoenix And The Rocket

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greychaos0 · 2 months

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Hey, sorry about trauma dumping on you. Didn't mean to I was just having a bit of a moment. Sorry

Its okay, i like hearing about other people.

Dont worry about it

(Fyi, its 4am for me)

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boba-cafe · 3 years

Text

MM personal write emotional dump

TW: Yandere, implied murder, implied kidnapping, stalking, MM emotional post dump, past traumas

If you read beyond these TW you are automatically responsible for your own actions

Note: I did post this earlier today but smt happen to it so I’m remaking it- to anyone who had seen it already and I had deleted it with no warning I’m so sorry and this is also smt that happened- please don't read if you don't want trauma dump post

For the past hour or two it been hell to fill out. One parent doesn't help and has no clue about anything and been giving you false tax information. The other parent is screaming at your ear late at night about how it'll be your fault for never being able to get aid for college and that because you're the oldest and the first family member and sibling to go to college, you should be able to read taxes document. You're completely useless they say. You lack the average human brain they scream.

You say nothing in hopes the time speeds up. You're too scared to move, breath- speak to them. You fear the past punishments that had happen and all the memories flood. Being left in the shed late chilly nights- to being beaten with the iron rod they hidden just in case they said- or even worse go through the thought of leaving you in the streets.

You sit there letting them continue letting all of it out on you- hoping that you won't cause more problems for the family. Repressing the feeling of failing your immigrant household you try not to cry so you don't earn a punishment.

Without knowing [yandere] has been hearing and stalking you and what's going on for a while now. Could be because they had implemented mics and cameras while both your parents were at work and your at school but that isn't the issue to them right now. Right now they're livid at the scene. Hearing your parents be nothing but harsh words to their baby- their little baby is the worst crime to commit on their sweet baby. [yandere] doesn't see why they're being an ass to you- your state of stress breaks their heart when they can't see your radiant smile.

It's 2am, and you had almost finished filing the aid- you plan to ask your teacher for help then to go through all that hell again. After hearing your parents footstep leave you went to the bathroom and had a full on breakdown. You feel you should've done better and you should know better- your nearly into adulthood and you fail at having your life together failing to follow your family expectations.

You head to your bed and you continue to sob on the blankets. But getting a text from [yandere] saying you up? Haven't heard from you in a while. You haven't been in contact with any of your friends because of burnouts and trying to get your grades back up. You respond yes and instantly call them. Maybe calling them won't be a bad idea at the moment

On the other end of the call [yandere] hears tears and pain- knowing the answer because of past interactions ask is it your parents again?. Without even a minute you cry out in whispers yes it's them and you give every detail about what happened and how you should've been much better at this and your being ridiculous with yourself. [Yandere] tells you, you're being too harsh on yourself, of course you wouldn't know anything- it's your first time doing the task and every adult makes shitty decisions. You're not the one at fault- just because you're a child of an immigrant parent does not mean your expected to know everything all at once.

It was nice hearing their words; you wish they were physically there to hear it but it was still nice to hear such comforting words. Passed out asleep around 4am and forgetting to end the call. [yandere] tells you good night princess don't stress yourself out too much.

After the call ended. [yandere] slowly drifts to sleep- but without a doubt had a specific though running in their head- how should they help their little bunny life easier? Getting ride of your asshole parents and having them six feet under the dirt would be the easiest solution- but knowing you. It might cause more stress than intended. Maybe taking you away with them- knowing you'll force them to bring your sibling they'll oblige even if they didn't want to.

They'll have something figured out soon- their little kitty should never have to worry about the smallest thing ever.

All images from Google

#tw. implied murder #tw.yandere #tw.dark content #yandere tokyo revengers #yandere tokyo revenger #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere haikyuu #tw. stalking #tw. implied kidnapping #MM post #MM comfort personal post

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okaywitheverything · 4 years

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Can I request a Kakashi x reader where Kakashi and the reader have a unspoken thing between them, like they both know how they feel about each other even through when going through different relationships but it’s just not something they’ve acted on because of ✨ninja life✨ and ✨trauma✨then one of the readers relationships starts moving too fast so kakashi finally confesses. I love your writing btw sorry I went off on a ramble it’s like 4am and I’ve had a lot of energy drinks

A/N: Thank you so much honey! I had a kakashi kick so i decided to write this, Hope you enjoy! Please show it love and I’ll be more than willing to write a second part!

“I had a fun time too.” You lied straight through your teeth, with a smile on your face to make your statement look more convincing.

You had just returned from your sixth date with Genma, and you were the most cruel human possible for leading him on like this. Given, he was a player back in the academy and broke many hearts but he had now redeemed himself and parted with the playboy ways. Your intuition told you he was genuinely falling for you but you couldn’t reciprocate, constantly giving yourself the excuse of just one more date.

But how to give your heart to him when it already belonged to another?

He pecked your lips lightly and gazed into your eyes, then stepped back and continued, “So I was wondering if you would come back to my place for dinner next Friday?

He looked like a golden retriever yearning for its favourite toy, you didn’t know how to say no to him.

Of course, you weren’t dumb. You knew what he was hinting at. The next level of your relationship was physical intimacy. You were sure this was the longest Genma might have dated someone without indulging in uhh, lovemaking.

You knew he was trying to be patient with you, because you had never gone that far with any of

your previous relationships, third base was foreign territory to you. You knew this was a well known fact among your colleagues but you were over the initial embarrassment now.

But the question was,

Were you ready for that?

He was one of the most sought after bachelors in Konoha, alongside Izumo, Kotetsu, Kakashi-

Kakashi of course.

Kakashi was coolness personified and you were not even kidding. Almost every one wanted to either be him or be with him. Both applied to all possible genders. Even as a kid, he was a once in a millennium prodigy, the pride of ANBU during his youth, famous in every Ninja village across the world. He was a celebrity for goodness sake! He had his own horde of fangirls and fanboys alike. Kakashi had single digit failed missions in an entire record of few hundreds at least. It was almost an insult to give that skilled shinobi a mission below A rank. You both started alongside ay the academy and you were nowhere near his match. Both as an opponent and a partner. That too in both senses, as a team as well as a couple.

You were sure you were one of the many girls pining after him. Sometimes, you gave yourself false hope that even though you weren’t in the same circle at academy, he might have noticed you, crushed on you, felt the same adoration for you.

But who were you kidding? With a exquisite range of beauties lining up at his doorstep to create his progeny, where would you even stand?

“(Y/N) babe? You alright?” Genma asked snapping you out of your thoughts and you almost forgot he was standing in front of you, actually paying you some of his wanted attention and your younger self might have almost felt giddy about it, but you felt nothing but horrible. Horrible because you couldn’t return the enthusiasm and love Genma was offering to you with a pure heart. Horrible because you couldn’t find it in yourself to be brave enough and confess to someone you wanted to be with so much. Horrible because you knew, somewhere deep inside, that your favourite fantasies of love would never come true. But Genma didn’t deserve this either, he didn’t deserve to be treated this way, and the sooner you told him that, the more heartbreak you would be saving both of you from.

“Genma I have mission on Thursday, which might extend up to weeks. I’m sorry-” That was the truth. It might buy you some time as well to figure out what to say to him.

“Hey, it’s okay, not your fault doll. We’ll reschedule after maybe? That sound good?” He gave you a cheeky smile that you loved. Before any of this, you had been friends and he was a gem of a friend. Loyal, true and charismatic. You nodded a genuine smile up at him and suddenly hugged him, he was a good friend after all and you knew nothing would come in the way of that ever.

“Thank you.” You murmured in his chest and he kissed your forehead.

“Anytime.” He replied and left with a smile.

He knew you needed a friend at the moment and that was all he was being then, a good friend.

It was two nights before your mission when Genma suddenly asked you to meet him at the bar. ‘A casual hangout’ he said. But you knew that was obviously not the case.

You had dressed in a simple attire, a top and jeans, the basic only. You had thought it over the previous nights and finally reached the conclusion, you were going to tell Genma the truth. The exact conversation hadn’t played out in your head but you knew what lines to go along.

You would even tell everyone he dumped you and it would be okay if he never wanted to speak to you again cause you didn’t deserve even his friendship for being so ruthless and downright nasty.

But how would you survive without one of your true companions?

Well that was certainly your problem now, not his. Genma was immaculately kind and genuine and you were a cold bitch.

“This is clearly not working (Y/N).”

Well that wasn’t what you were expecting. You knew what he was getting at but juts so you were on the same page you dumbly asked, “What?”

He sighed and looked in your eyes, giving you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“It’s getting kinda obvious. You do know I can read you quite well and I see there’s something you’re trying to hide, something that so clearly shows. I could tell you were moving on, well trying to at least. You gave your heart to him when we were just kids, while I gave mine to you. Funny how fate works?”

Neither of you laughed.

“But I guess this is some sort of karma. And it’s going to hurt me for a bit of time. But I’ll be okay. I can’t see you like anymore though. I really hope he appreciates all the love you have for him. And comes around soon. But stay in my life nevertheless.”

You didn’t realise when you started crying, but your face had heated up and you streams of tears tried to cool it down.

With a shaking sob, you replied, “I don’t deserve you Genma. But I Know you’ll find another and be just fine. For your sake, I really hope you do. And Thank you.” You wrapped your arms around him while tears landed on both your shoulders.

It must have been so incredibly hard for him to do this yet he never failed to amaze you. You were proud to be a part of his life. You tilted back and looked in his glazed eyes, stood on your toes and pressed your lips to his, one last pasting kiss. There was so much emotion in it, from both sides that you knew you’d never forget this moment ever.

Genma really knew like the back of his hand, you never even said his name but both knew who you were talking about.

Kakashi always sat at the back of the bar, where he could drink his beer without the prying eyes of others trying to see his face. He rarely drank, lest he was with his friends but his heart was aching right now. He had messed up his mission yesterday because he couldn’t think straight after he saw (Y/N) looking as gorgeous as ever With her sleek (f/c) dress and cherry red lips. He might have drooled, he did actually, but gained his senses when he saw Genma accompanying her. He quickly hid, masking his chakra and looked at the happy couple. It was his fault, if anything for never acting on his feelings.

What good are your worldwide achievements if you don’t have a family to share them with?

Both his parents were taken away from him at a very young age and he had no relatives. Studying too hard, over exerting himself and being bratty became his coping mechanisms. Since his early childhood, Kakashi was very independent and self-confident, at times even appearing arrogant and condescending. Despite that, Kakashi was very perceptive and intuitive, quickly realising the situation for what it was. After his father's death, Kakashi became more stern, aloof and cold toward others, dating was never something he considered important, it didn’t even cross his mind. The only people he ever let into his life were a handful of classmates like Gai, Asuma, maybe even Kurenai to some extent but romance was out of his story, At least he thought it was.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're missing home Only know you love her when you let her go And you let her go

He first realised his love at some festival being celebrated in Konoha, when his bored eyes saw you all dressed up, beside your group of friends. You were laughing so wholeheartedly that even tears pooled there. He was thankful for whatever had you wheezing so hard. Sure, he always thought you were attractive, he knew how to appreciate beauty, but for some reason that laugh created a domestic picture in his head and he knew wouldn’t mind listening to it again.

That night he thought about you, like really thought about you. Reminiscing about every encounter you both had ever had, and he fell harder for you the same night. He remembered how you approached him after his father’s passing, the only person whose eyes held true sadness apart from his real friends’ circle.

He knew a lot of his admirers left him gifts at his house, expensive chocolates, cards, bouquets but he knew their intentions were never genuine. But he also remembered that among the lot, were homemade cookies and chocolates. They never had a name but he connected the dots when he found out your distant aunt had some sort of bakery. It was conformed when he saw you travelling through Konoha with several baskets in your hands, Your teen self trying to figure the addresses. He might or not have followed you. Some were your aunt’s deliveries while you brought some of them to your friends’ house and one last basket which you left at his doorstep.

You never approached him after to take credit, or with some other purpose. You didn’t even contact him in academy the next day.

He found himself wishing way too often that you did.

As much of a genius as Kakashi was, it took him way too much time, more than he’d like to admit, several years exactly, to realise the extent of his feelings. It happened when you started to date someone. It never crossed his mind why you never dated before but he wished it could go back to that. He caught you with your date kissing in a park and he swore he heard his heart break. Like really, really break. Then the intellectual finally figured out his Love.

And he knew he screwed up.

You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day you'll understand why Everything you touch surely dies.

After that realization, you plagued his thoughts. He thought he would confess if your relationship ended but he was a coward. And he hated himself for it. He knew how shit his reason of losing you if he confessed was, but it was effective. The amount of close people he had lost just amplified his fear. He couldn’t afford to lose you, even if it pained his heart to admire you just from afar.

He was an exceptional ninja and his alert senses identifies your chakra as soon as you entered. Even in casual clothes, you were the prettiest thing he had ever laid eyes on. His gaze followed your short walk to the bar countertop where he found Genma and his mood turned sour. He was once again reminded of all he couldn’t have.

He observed the couple from a few feet behind his crush, and he saw you both hug suddenly. His heart broke all over again when he saw a tear roll down Genma’s cheek and you pulling Genma in a hot, steamy kiss. Though you both weren’t aware, you made quite a scene in the bar and everyone was gazing right at you both. Kakashi quickly paid for his tab and ran out, breathing heavily.

What if Genma proposed? That was a bizarre thought because he knew you’ve been dating for just over a month but Kakashi didn’t know how relationships progressed. That night found him lying awake in his bed and he came to a conclusion.

That he’d be damned if he let you get away without even trying.

A/N: Thanks for making it till the end. I hoped you liked it. Requests are open and if you don’t have any prompt, just comment which character you’d like to see more of and I’ll consider requests of that character. Please reblog and like. I’ll love you if you do.

Until next time.

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an-animagoose · 3 years

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Abel info dump 2 me about ur ocs challenge

alright its 12am and i dont expect this to make sense, read at your own risk but heres a bullshit couple paragraphs on ashley underwood,

this is mostly ash because i think about her the most and this will make no sense because i haven't talked about her in literal months. ash is very complicated to me because i messed a lot with her characterization for a while and i still do, and i constantly wonder if I'm just shoving her into something convenient and stereotypical and therefore lessening her value, and then i decided that shes not real and i can make characters that don't make sense to anyone else but myself and i no longer also have to watch someone else take away pieces from her while i sit silently confused and hurt like i did before. anyway, she's very special to me because i put myself in her in a lot of small ways because she was the first oc i properly created. i made her originally for a fantasy storyline i was doing with some friends, and i thought she was very cool because she could do magic (doctor strange-esque, im not original) and then i gave her some trauma because its the next logical step. now i mostly think of her in all the modern aus that were created, and a lot of its with her old love interest (they had a very cool dynamic, sometimes childhood best friends to lovers, both with no idea how to be functional members of society, but i dont know if I'm like legally allowed to discuss them anymore so if i mention it once or twice my bad i just like knowing how my ocs act in relationships). i don't really know how I'm supposed to write things so I'm just going to put some general information and then ramble for a billion words cool sorry

general things!! shes a disaster bisexual whos 5′8″ and surviving on coffee and spite, she has freckles and tan skin (half Spanish on her mom's side- speaking of her parents died when she was 10 either in a car accident or a murder I didn't make my mind up) very curly brown hair and worrying bags under her eyes. she can look intimidating at first because she has one of those resting bitch faces and a dislike of being alive (there's a little bit of mental illness as a treat) also I'm really tired writing this I'm so sorry

she's an English major- she loves books, spent most her teenage years with her nose in one because it was easier than talking to people and also they're Fucking Good, she has shelves filled with them and two copies of her favourites so she can fill one with notes and annotations and she cries is she ever accidentally ruins one, she never sleeps when she should, staying up till the early morning and then napping at every chance she gets (she has fallen asleep on all of her friends so often, and never makes it through the second hour of the movie unless it's important), she starfishes when she sleeps and is a nightmare to wake up because she will tell you rather impolitely to “leave her the fuck alone” (getting out of bed means dealing with the world and it's so tiring to do it over and over), she’s constantly cold, wrapped up in sweaters and if she's comfortable enough, clings to the closets human heater. speaking of, it takes her a while to warm up to people, used to absolutely shut herself off from getting close to people in fear of them leaving before going to ~therapy~. she gets top grades in school because she works until shes burnt out and puts an overwhelming amount of pressure on herself, breaks down when she cant understand something in the first few tries because it feels like a failure, she does debate and writes poems and lyrics in beat up notebooks, hides them when people come over and owns like 3 guitars, sings unreasonably well and has scarily specific playlists, has round glasses she only wears when she has to because she cant see shit far away, catches colds often, brushes them off till shes forced into a bed, she studies the stars because theyre beautiful and unattainable and reads psychology books and likes true crime but only when theres a satisfying ending, she shows love through acts of service and physical touch, likes receiving quality time and words of affirmation, she takes polaroids of all her friends and sticks a bunch to her wall so she can stare at them and know that things are worth it now, has posters and art to remind herself of the little joys in life, will fight you about the star wars movies, overly competitive in a lot of things (mario-kart is a dangerous fucking game), curses a lot, stress bakes and cries when something goes slightly wrong, accidentally collects a following on tiktok from shitposting at 4am and having a nice aesthetic (and being pretty), would be the mysterious girl who you see/works at the bookstore/coffee-shop and fall a little bit in love with, writes essays last minute due to chronic procrastination and still aces it, is a ravenclaw, would be a child of hades in the pjo universe, would play outside hitter in volleyball (yes there was a haikyuu au), would be bassist in a band. i think this is all i can think of tonight because my eyes hurt but feel free to ask questions/ say anything honestly i really missed talking about my ocs and i have: many more that i will also talk about if anyone wants me to, (please. my inbox is so open please tell me abt ur ocs too i think its so fun)

#ok tagging this now bc tumblr fucking broke immediately after i tried posting this #heres ash! it doesnt make loads of sense but its not 12 56 and this is a lot of words #im sorry for the bad formatting and stuff i kinda just wrote what came to mind and can make another version of this another time #fr please skmeone ask me about these mfs i #i gots lizzy n cece n chris and characters ive barely explored n m too tired to but mayhaos #anyway yeah <3 #writing #oc #original character

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princess-of-embarrassment · 4 years

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Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!).

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it??? so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet.

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other.

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

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