#soooo i swapped them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

huffle-dork · 1 month

Text

Swap Across the CrystalVerse Chapter 1: SepticHeroes Revisited

Read Swapboys | Crystal’s AUs | Read Septicheroes

Read SITCV | SITCV SepticHeroes Chapters | AO3 Link

The swapboys have once again found themselves in the Brody Brothers’ apartment. Jackie Mann sits on the edge of their armchair, kicking his feet. He has a backpack next to him as he fastens a bracelet on his wrist. “The kids were so bummed you wouldn’t let them watch this happen at our place, Alt.” He laughs.

Alt rolls his eyes, “Well- I’m not sure they’d react too well to seeing their dad just * pop * out of existence right in front of them. Even if they know about magic.” He goes back to checking over the TRVLR settings.

Jackie holds up his hands with a laugh. “Alright, alright! Fair point!” He smiles, “They’re with their mom anyways~! Since this is a quick visit- I’m sure they’ll hardly miss me at all!”

“Then why did you pack such a big bag, dude?” Chase laughs, pointing at the backpack.

Jackie laughs, “Please! Between all the injuries I sustain and you two? This thing is a necessity- it’s got extra snacks and a med kit- bandages, water, chargers, an extra jacket for me-“

“Oh my god Jackie if you need anything they have stuff there!” Alt says with a laugh.

“You’re taking a bag too, Alt!” Chase points out.

Alt turns red and turns away, “I’m bringing my iPad and my… art and stuff…” He adjusts the headphones around his neck and his usual mask. “So I can you know- have something to do while you all geek out about heroes and junk.” On the subject though Alt does double check that he has what he needs- his spellbooks, iPad, notebook, pens, and… the tracking bracelets he made for all of them. The brown leather bracelet is tight on each of their wrists, with runes inscribed on the inside and a turquoise gem on top.

“Please Alt- don’t act like you’re not gonna join the hero fun!” Bro grins. Alt rolls his eyes but doesn’t respond, readjusting so everything fits right in his backpack.

“See though? Alt gets it! Better safe than sorry! Take it from a dad- it’s better to be prepared for anything!” Jackie says with a grin. “I even have those little plastic ponchos for if it rains!”

“Oh my god-“ Bro bursts into giggles. “Well besides being cautious- are you excited to meet these guys, Jackie?”

Jackie’s eyes light up and he excitedly stims, “Hell fucking yeah!!! I get to meet me! As a hero!! That’s so fucking cool! Ohhh I’m gonna be such a dork I can already tell oh jeez what if I embarrass myself or talk too much or fall off a building trying to look cool and-?!”

Alt turns to the others and laughs, holding up the now powered TRVLR. “You’ll be fine, Jackie. Windstorm is super cool- you’ll get on like a house on fire.”

“Yeah bro! We instantly clicked- he’s just like you! ‘Cept he can fly- and he’s not a dad-“ Bro says.

Jackie laughs, shaking his head. He jumps off the couch and hoists his backpack onto his shoulder. “Well then- l-let’s jet before I lose my nerve! If you’re all ready, Alt.”

Alt grins, “Yup! One superhero universe all locked and loaded!” He then looks to Jackie and Bro, “you guys remember how the tracking bracelets work right?”

“Yeah yeah!” Jackie says, “You touch the gem and say… looney-“

“Loonu, Jackie,” Alt laughs.

“Oh yeah- and then those wisps pop up and tell us where to go!”

Alt grins, “Good, you got it!”

“LessGOOOO!” Chase cheers, wrapping an arm around Jackie’s neck and pulling him tight to his side. Jackie bursts into laughter. Alt laughs too and grabs Jackie’s hand and then presses the jump button- heading to UA-1212021SH.

And for once- Magnificent doesn’t try to stop them. He’s actually home- asleep with his panthers, unaware his usual annoyances were traveling to other worlds without him.

And yet, as the group pressed the jump button, Mag is woken up by a sudden falling sensation and green light. A ripple spreads through the Space In-Between.

--------------

Jackie lands by himself in a room. The falling sensation lingers with him for a bit--strange, did it do that before?

Jackie rubs at his head and groans, “Ugh… how are they used to that…?” He mumbles.

Well, this isn't the time to dwell on it.

"Holy hell!"

He's landed in a bedroom with yellow-painted walls. There's a window with curtains drawn and two doors, one of which is slightly ajar to show a connected bathroom. The room is faily bland. The furniture-- a bed, a dresser, an armchair, and a nightstand--are more functional than decorative. Pretty much the only thing that has any personality is a TV stand across from the bed, with a television and game console that are currently on. Two people are in the room, each holding a video game controller and staring at Jackie in shock. One is a man in a button-down shirt who has a distinct mustache. He is sitting in the armchair. The other is a person with longer hair wearing a pink sweater. They're lying in the bed. Both of these people have identical bright blue eyes.

"Jays, I thought your friend was a flyer, not a teleporter," says the one in the bed.

The other shakes his head and puts the controller down to sign, He isn't. I don't think this is J-hoodie. I think it's something else.

Jackie blinks up at the two people and quickly gets to his feet. He waves awkwardly and stiffy, lifting his hand up really fast almost like a salute. “Um hi! I…I’m Jackie! J-Jackie Mann cuz um- you probably know another Jackie who looks like me but isn’t me uhhhh my f-friends Alt and Chase- well Bro Fantastic-! They wanted me to come visit and- fuck I knew they said we landed in random places but I thought I’d land near other me…!” He then blinks. “…fuck I’m talking too much aren’t I? S-Sorry for interrupting… this-“ He gestures vaguely at the room and the tv.

The two people blink. And then the one in the bed laughs. "Don't worry about it, love. We weren't really doing much anyway. JJ, is that, uh, Bro Fantastic guy the alternate Chase you told me about?"

JJ nods. He smiles at Jackie. So you're their Jackie, are you? It's nice to meet you! I'm Jameson, and this is Dahlia. He spells out all the names so there can be no mistakes. My sister. She wasn't around when your friends fist visited.

"Nice to meet you!" Dahlia says cheerfully.

Jackie blinks in surprise and then grins. “oh sick- my JJ has a half-bro, not a sister! Crazy! S’nice to meet ya too, both of you!”

"Well--I was his brother," Dahlia says, a smile twitching at her lips.

JJ raises an eyebrow. That's surprisingly open of you.

"Well, if he's another Jackie, I think he's a good guy. And maybe like our Jackie, ifyouknowwhatImean."

Jackie blinks and then his eyes widen. He points at Dahlia with a Pog face and goofy stance as he fumbles to spin his bag around. Then he points to a trans patch stitched on the side. “I’m too!! Trans that is!! Female to male!” He grins sillily.

"Yeahhhh!" Dahlia throws her hands up into the air.

Dahlia, careful! JJ says, using her name sign of flower-time for the first time.

"I can put my hands in the air, JJ, I'm not made of glass." But she does lower her hands.

Anyways, Bro and Alt managed to get home, then? Good for them! JJ says.

Jackie rocks on his feet and adjusts his backpack and nods. “yeah! Though I think they said they had a bit of rough go of it after they met you all. But, now Alt’s pretty confident in his jumping so! They thought I’d be nice for me to meet some other mes!” He laughs.

Dahlia grins and JJ can't help but smile back, then he looks at Jackie. Well, our Jackie isn't here. It's just the two of us and another friend in the house. Schneep is staying here too but he's out right now. We can contact him, if you want.

"Are you here by yourself, by the way?" Dahlia asks. "Or do we need to watch out for more of you guys?"

Jackie messes with his hair with a nervous laugh. “Oh well- that makes sense! Uh Alt and Bro are here too! Chase was so excited to see everyone again- and Alt is too but he’s being Alt and trying to act like he’s not.” He laughs. “Oh but! We have a way to find each other this time!” He shows off the bracelet on his wrist. “Tracking spell~!”

"Tracking spell?" Dahlia asks.

That's some of the magic in your world, is it? JJ asks. How does it work?

Jackie grins. “I just gotta say the word and then this magic orb-y stuff shows up and will lead me to the signal of another bracelet!” He raises up his sleeve and whispers to the stone at the top of the bracelet, “Loonu!”

The green-blue trail appears, pointing diagonally across the room and going out the window. JJ stands up and opens the curtains, revealing the cityscape outside.

"Ooo, flashy," Dahlia says, impressed. "We don't have that here. Or if we do, I've never seen it. Where's it going?"

It's pointing to the center of the city, JJ says. Which doesn't mean much. Henrik figured out last time that you all appear near people you're close to. So that COULD be pointing to Jackie, Chase, Henrik, or Marvin.

"What about the, uh... Anti, was it?"

If Anti counts, then Alt and Bro could be anywhere.

"Hmm. True. Well, maybe contact Jackie's flat first, see if either of them are there."

“Yeah- that’s the issue aint it? At least for us we only gotta worry about the two. Alt saidddd blue means close- green means far away. I think-“ Jackie shrugs. “If you guys wanna ring your friend that’d be brilliant! I don’t wanna interrupt anything. But I also… don’t know where I am at all so-“ He laughs.

JJ shakes his head. it looks more blue than green, so that's good. I'll text Jackie.

Jackie grins, rocking on his feet again. “Thanks dude! ‘Perriciate it!”

"I belieeeve we're sort of on the edge of Daindover," Dahlia says slowly. "Near the East SepTech location. Though I suppose that means nothing to you.”

“It does indeed mean Jack shit to me.”

“Uh, we're in JJ's boyfriend's house."

We're not dating, JJ says stubbornly.

"Yet," Dahlia adds with a grin.

I can't believe you of all people are encouraging me to date S-heart.

"Ehhh could be worse."

Jackie’s eyes widen and then he grins, “Oooh a boyfriend~?” He tries to tease- then stops himself. “oh wait. I probably shouldn’t tease you- you aren’t my Jay. I would give him such a hard time if I found out he liked someone.”

"It's okay, I'll tease him for you," Dahlia says jokingly.

Jackie bursts into giggles. “Deal! I like ya, Dahlia!”

"Though to be honest Jays doesn't get teased easily."

I'm just still shocked that you approve, JJ says, then takes his phone out of his pocket and starts texting.

"Like I said, Soren could be worse. And I believe him when he says he's turning over a new leaf. And if he's lying, I can beat his ass."

“Oooh Soren~? That’s a fancy name- must be a fancy dude- someone as sophisticated as J’s mustache!” The father giggles more.

JJ grins a little at the mustache comment.

Dahlia laughs as well--though she stops quickly as it gains a wheezing edge. "I guess you can say that. He had a big, important family--though it's pretty much just him and his niece's family now. I suppose you don't know him in your world. If he's there at all."

“Oh neat! Yeah I don’t think we know a Soren- but that makes sense. S’abig universe out there! Lots of people to meet!” Jackie grins.

Then, after a moment, JJ nods. Jackie, Jackie says that one of your friends is at his apartment, he says, differentiating the two with slightly different name signs (J-hoodie, J-visit).

Jackie beams at JJ and laughs at the sign differences. “Oh neat! Sign name! J-hoodie must be your Jackie! But yay! One mystery solved!”

JJ grins. One mystery solved. Now we just need to figure out how to get you together and figure out where your other friend landed.

Jackie looks up to think and then digs out his phone, “oh yeah- I could just… text them I think. Maybe- …my plan miiight not work across dimensions.”

"You guys can go out, it's fine," Dahlia says.

JJ shakes his head. I don't want to leave you alone.

"Jays, like I said, I'm not glass."

But you are still recovering.

Dahlia shrugs. "Soren is still here. If I need something, I'll ask him.”

That is... SO strange to hear coming from you.

Jackie blinks, looking back at Dahlia, “oh- are you… injured or something?”

Dahlia sighs. "Yeah... I was in an accident a couple of years ago. Got knocked out, and when I woke up it was two years later. As you can expect, that has some lingering side effects." She makes a face. "I started growing facial hair again." It's a joke, but it's clear that there's real sadness beneath it.

Jackie winces at the mention of the accident then, “Nooo! That’s awful!” Jackie says with complete sympathy to Dahlia’s last statement. He gets it. He’d be devastated if any of his features started going backwards!

"Thanks, Jackie." Dahlia smiles gently. "I'm getting used to it. I can heal faster than most people, but this is a lot of damage. It'll be fine, though."

Jackie gives her a sympathetic smile and nods.

JJ walks back over and gives his sister a side hug. Then he looks at Jackie. You can try texting if you want. I know that Alt's phone connected to the Internet last time.

Jackie blinks at Jj then smiles, “Right! Letsss see-“ He texts Alt: Alttt! I’m alive! I’m by this world’s Jj and his sister! :D

Jackie giggles, “This is insane- texting my friend to come find me like we’re meeting up at a shop- but it’s in another universe… fucking wild man.”

Jackie's text doesn't go through right away. But after a while, it does, with a little sent through WiFi notification attached underneath the bubble.

I can imagine it's very strange, JJ says. But it's good to meet you! Strange, but nice. I hope we can spend time together.

Jackie blinks and smiles as his text goes through and he pockets his phone. “Yeah! I hope so too!”

----------

Alt falls through the dark space, feeling it ripple slightly, and then appears somewhere that he--after a moment--recognizes. This is Jackie's place--the hero Jackie's place, the one he shares with this world's Chase. Speaking of whom--

"Whoa!" Chase jumps.

Alt blinks around and smiles as he immediately recognizes the place. Then he jumps and glitches back to hide slightly behind the closest furniture he can find.

Chase is sitting on the sofa with Frosty, who barks when Alt appears but calms down when Chase pats his head. "Who the hell--oh! Oh! Y-y-you're uhhhh--fuck, I'm so bad with names. One of the guys from the other world! Hey!"

Alt blinks up behind it comically and then smiles shyly. “Heyyy! Other Chase hi! Um- Alt. That’s me- um… s-sorry to just- drop in!”

"Alt! Right." Chase nods, giving Alt a bit smile. "It's good to see you again! You, uh, stopping by? Oh, hang on." He twists to the side. "Jackie! The guys from the other world are back!"

Footsteps rush down the hall and Jackie appears. He's wearing a red hoodie and the lower half of his supersuit, either just about to leave or just returning from hero duties.

"Hi!" Jackie waves at Alt excitedly. "Hey! Welcome back! Where's your brother? Oh right, you guys didn't appear in the same place last time, you probably didn't this time, either. Anyway. How are you? Did you guys figure out how to get home?"

Chase laughs. "Give him time to answer, bro."

Alt blinks and glitches a bit in surprise at Jackie's appearance. But then he laughs and glitches closer, grinning wide. "Hey man! Good to see you two again!"

"okay to answer questions- I dunno where Ch- Bro is but I can find him quicker than last time! I'm good- and yes! We got home... relatively okay." He grins, lifting up a finger for each question he answered.

"Oh cool! I'm glad you guys could do that." Jackie grins. "Why are you back, then? Stopping by to visit? Sounds great if you are! We can show you around the city!"

"Yeah, that'd be fun!" Chase says excitedly.

Alt smiles. He stuffs his hands into his pockets and adjusts his mask. "Yeah- to visit! And also, we brought our Jackie along this time! He's dying to meet you all."

Jackie's eyes light up. "Oh! Other me! Cool! I'd love to meet him too--hope he didn't appear too far away. Ooo! Maybe we can get the whole gang together! Do you think Schneep and JJ will want to come? I know they might be busy, but they're more likely to come than Marvin, right?" Jackie laughs.

Alt laughs at the Marvin comment. "If they're up for it- Jackie's pretty excited to see stuff. But, of course we don't wanna get in the way of anything too!"

“uhhh, we've kinda hit a dead end in our investigation. Last we saw you guys we promised to kick Anti's ass but uhhh... That's a bit difficult, turns out." Jackie smiles. "We can use a break. If heroes never take breaks, they collapse."

Alt looks excited at them being free. "Shame about the trail going cold but! That means we can hang!"

"Hell yeah," Chase agrees. "In that case, should we start calling people to see where other-me and other-Jackie are?"

"Mm-hmm." Jackie nods. "Lemme text some people real quick." He takes his phone out of his pocket and starts texting.

Alt grins happily, pixels buzzing in the air around him. "Bro will be so happy. And Jackie!" He then blinks and looks to his phone, checking the screen. He laughs, "Speak of the devil- the timing is insane... My Jackie is with JJ... and his... sister? What??"

"Oh yeah!" Jackie grins. "We didn't get time to tell you last time you were here!"

"Well to be fair we were still adjusting to it, too," Chase says. "Yeah, JJ has a sister that he didn't tell me or Jackie about at all."

"Bit of a complicated story," Jackie says. "She was a hero, too. Not a capital H Hero, just a hero in that she was helping people out. But then she was in an accident. and got put in the hospital for a long time."

Chase nods. "I was there, too. A building collapsed. And, well, that's why I need Frosty." Frosty wags his tail at being mentioned.

"Anyway, we got her back recently, but she's still recovering," Jackie continues. "Her name's Dahlia. She's great."

Alt looks between the both of them in surprise. "Woah- that's... intense." But, then he smiles. "But, I'm glad she's better. That must be making JJ very happy... is he still in hiding? Him and Schneep?"

Jackie sighs. "Unfortunately. I keep pushing the police to review the Puppeteer case but they're so slow. I'm hoping that now that Anti's out and doing stuff they'll move faster."

"We're being a bit less cautious with phones and stuff, though, as you can see," Chase says. "It just got exhausting so we decided they're worth the risk."

"Well that will make stuff easier~" Alt laughs.

"Anyway, if Jackie's there, where's Bro, then?" Jackie asks. "He must've showed up by Schneep or Marvin, right? Assuming Schneep isn't also in Soren's safe house right now."

"Text the doc, maybe he'll answer." Chase shrugs.

"Yeah, I'll do that." Jackie nods and keeps texting. "He's been bad at answering texts lately, though. I wonder what he's doing..."

"In the meantime, feel free to hangout, Alt!" Chase says cheerfully. "We'll figure out how to get everyone together once we're sure where everyone is."

Alt glitches over to an armchair and sits down- not getting comfy, just balancing on the edge. But like- that's kinda big for him.

He texts Jackie back: Sick dude- I'm with other Jackie and Chase, we'll figure out where you are soon, hang tight.

-----------

Bro falls a few feet and lands on the flat roof of a building. No, it's not a roof. The building is still under construction, with beams and scaffolding extending high above. But this is the highest floor that's been completed, so it's basically the roof. Across the street is a glass and concrete triangular building with the words SepTech glowing green across its side. And Bro doesn't land alone. Somehow, there's someone else with him. Magnificent has arrived in this world as well.

Bro pushes himself off and brushes himself off, adjusting his costume so its just so. He had to make a good first hero impression! Yes, he'd been here before but now it was official cuz he's actually in his uniform! He grins and starts to look around and then yelps as magic is thrown at him from behind.

"What the-?!" Bro jolts into the air and then stares at the angry face of Magnificent crouched on the ground. "M-Magnificent?!"

"Why have you brought me here, hero?!" Magnificent snarls, throwing another barrage of magic at him. "Where is that idiotic cub?! Don't you two know better than to bother a villain when he's scheming?!"

"What are you talking about?!" Bro yells, dodging the magic. "Did you hitch a ride with us again?!'

"What are you talking about?! You-" Magnificent's face falls for a second as he looks around. Then, he slowly starts to laugh. "Oh... I see... you and your brother are playing dimension hopper again, are you? And yet it seems... the universe still chose to include me~" He grins at Bro his eyes lighting up bright green as he chuckles. "And how unfortunate for you, hero." He spits.

Bro backs up, looking around for any sign of Alt or Jackie around. Shit shit shit! This was supposed to be a fun adventure! They warded and cast protection spells! Alt was gonna be pissed...

"Now- tell me Hero... where did you bring us this time, hm?"

Before Bro can answer that question, there's the sound of footsteps. The unfinished building has an unfinished staircase leading up to this floor, and the sound seems to be coming from there. But... there's no one in sight. Even as the footsteps sound like they come up onto the floor Bro and Magnificent are on, there's still no one there. ...But Magnificent can hear a faint voice come from that direction. "Schiesse," it curses.

Bro blinks and looks around- the complete opposite way the footsteps are going- thinking he's missing something.

Mag hears the curse and he grins, going to try to teleport behind the invisible super and try to grab him.

There's a yelp, and a person flickers into view. They're wearing an outfit that seems to be shifting colors, disguising most of their features. Magnificent manages to grab him--but not for long, as the person quite literally slips out of his grasp, passing through his arms. "Y-you! What are you doing back here?!" If it wasn't obvious who it was before, the voice gives it away. Schneep.

Magnificent curses as Schneep literally slips from his grasp.

He backs away from Magnificent, then looks at Bro. "Ah! Um, h-hello, ah--What the fuck?!" He points at Mag.

Bro makes an 'i dunno' exggerated shrug then points at Mag with both of his arms. "I dunno bro!! We tried to make sure he wasn't gonna follow us this time!! Alt was so careful!!"

Mag laughs evilly, "And yet~ here I am~!" He giggles and then sends a blast of magic out at both of them.

Schneep doesn't move--not processing the magic as a threat until it slams into him and knocks him down. He yelps, forgetting to concentrate on his intangibility and slamming against the floor. "So that... is an... energy attack," he says as soon as he gets his breath back. "Noted..."

Magnificent laughs loudly and builds up more magic in his hands. "There's more where that came from, Henrik~! I have yet to taste that delightful power of yours~"

"Ew why you gotta say it like that??" Bro makes a face then gets hit out of the air by Mag's magic. He hits the roof and skids before trying to get back on his feet.

Schneep gets to his hands and knees--and then shouts out "SPITIFRE GET UP HERE!"

More footsteps from the staircase, and now someone else joins the fray--the brightly colored costume and cat mask makes him easily recognizable. Marvin's eyes lock on Magnificent. "Motherfucker!"

Mag's eyes light up with delighted manic glee at seeing Marvin. "Well hello again!" He throws out magic his way, "Do me a favor and die-!" He growls out.

Marvin's eyes widen. He conjures up a shield to block the magic but Mag throws it with such force that the attack still knocks Marvin over.

Schneep gasps and scrambles to his feet, rushing over to help Marvin up.

"Why don't--you die?" Marvin says through gritted teeth. Before Schneep even pulls him up, he shoots a beam of orange energy at Magnificent.

Magnificent grins and throws out a shield that shimmers like murky pond water. He throws out his hand and then tries to douse the water on top of Marvin and Schneep.

Schneep looks up and turns intangible, the water going right through him. Marvin gets doused, but all it does is make him annoyed. "Do you think I'm made of fire?! Idiot?!" He makes a blade of yellow energy and throws it at Magnificent, spinning end over end and getting longer as it gets closer.

Magnfiicent cries out as the blade grazes his arm. He glares at Marvin and hisses, "Principles of magic have to apply somewhere here." He bunches up his hand and then sends out a blast of freezing magic at Marvin.

Bro yells out and tries to tackle Mag away.

Mag just teleports out of the way of Bro, making him fly past him and back into the hard floor of the roof.

"Magic doesn't fucking exist here you pri--" Marvin is so busy yelling at Mag that his reflexes aren't quite as sharp as they should be. The magic blasts him before he can finish conjuring his shield and frost coats his skin as he falls down again. Schneep also collapses. The magic blast passed right through him, but he can still feel the temperature change, and the cold is so shocking that his knees buckle right away and turns him tangible again. "J-jesus fuck," Marvin whispers.

"W-we have to retreat!" Schneep gasps. "Get the others!"

"Not yet!" Marvin's skin...glows? and the frost covering him melts away. "We gotta take this fucker down!" And he aims another beam of red energy--but not at Mag. At the floor beneath his feet, cutting through it, aiming to collapse it.

"You're not going anywhere~!" Magnificent cackles and attempts to teleport to try to grab Schneep again- he doesn't notice the floor until it cracks. He yells out and manages to catch himself on the edge, tearing at the floor desperately with his claws. Then, he falls.

Bro hurries up to his feet and back into the air. He rushes over and holds out his hands for Schneep and Marvin. "H-Hurry! I can fly you out of here!"

They glance at each other, clearly a bit nervous, but they both take Bro's hands in unison. "I better not dangle," Marvin mutters. "That's so undignified."

"Take what you can get," Schneep snaps.

Bro laughs, "If you don't wanna dangle I might have to hold you like a baby- I dunno which is worse." He hauls up Marvin and pulls him to his chest and then grabs Schneep and tries to load him on his back. Then, he rockets off into the sky, just trying to get them as far away as possible.

"OHJESUSFUCK--!" Marvin shouts, surprised at how fast Bro goes. Schneep doesn't say anything, just holds on tightly.

The cityscape passes beneath them. Bro is heading deeper into the city, where the buildings get taller and shinier, occasionally interspersed with older-looking townhouses. Soon the construction site--and Magnificent--is out of sight.

"I-I think we can go down now?" Schneep says, voice almost lost in the sound of rushing wind.

Bro laughs and nods, finding the closest place he can. He almost wants to set them on another rooftop but... heroes are common around here! He finds an empty looking park and sets them both down. "Sorry about that, are you two okay???"

Marvin staggers for a bit. "M...my face is cold," he says, sounding mildly surprised at that. He pushes off his mask briefly to wipe his eyes. "I-I didn't realize flying was so cold?"

"The wind makes it so," Schneep says. He fared better than Marvin; between his goggles and his mask most of his face was covered. "But I-I am fine. It was a bit more... tall... than I thought. But I'm fine now."

Bro can't help but laugh, "Yeah it gets kinda chilly. That's why I have my jacket!" He says, lifting up his arms to show off his signature Bro Fantastic jacket.

"Yeah, just... wasn't expecting that." Marvin shakes his head. "Anyway. Hi, other Chase. Why?"

Bro bursts into even more laughter as Marvin's bluntness. "Ha ha! No yeah- It's a fair question!"

"Don't be rude," Schneep mutters. "But Marvin has a good point. We are happy to see you again, but why are you here? With Magnificent?"

Bro straightens back up and then frowns, "....Magnificent wasn't supposed to be here. Alt made sure he couldn't! But... we wanted to come see you guys again... and we brought our Jackie to come meet you- and the other him." He then blinks and then narrows his eyes at the two of them, "...but... what were you two doing at an abandoned construction site? In your super get up?" He raises an eyebrow.

Marvin blanks. "Uhhhhh..."

"We can tell him, he is also a hero where he comes from," Schneep says.

"Right." Marvin nods. "Nice outfit, by the way. Uh, well. We were staking out that building across the street. The East SepTech location. Last time we saw you guys, we talked about that villain who made JJ do all that terrible shit. Anti-Virus." He laughs. "God. What an appropriate name."

"It turns out that Anti-Virus was part of SepTech," Schneep says. "Very... integral to it, in fact. But now, Anti is gone. We are not sure where. Or how to search, in all honesty. But we figure that keeping an eye on SepTech locations is a good place to start."

"In case Anti returns," Marvin agrees. "There's a... long history between them."

"Oh okay- I thought you were maybe trying to steal shit- but considering it was like- abandoned that now seems dumb." Bro laughs. "That bitch Anti is just gone? Fucking coward..." He shakes his head and sighs.

"I'm sure Anti is planning something," Marvin mutters. "Calculating bitch..." He shakes his head. "But we should handle Mag first."

"Back to what you said," Schneep says. "You just came to visit, but Magnificent somehow came along, is that it? So... Alt and your Jackie do not know he's here."

"Yeah... they wouldn't know. It seems like Mag was surprised to be here too... which means... he wasn't planning it." Bro scratches at his head. "... last time we used the TRVLR- he like... messed with it and its power... maybe that had something to do with it?" He looks back at the other two, "The point is though... He wasn't planned. But... I dunno how much trouble he'll be... we all seemed to really kick his ass last time!"

Schneep frowns. "If he messed with your universe traveling device, that is not good. Perhaps he found some way of... attaching himself to it? I don't know. Your world's powers are strange."

"But Bro is right, we can kick his ass!" Marvin agrees. "Well, Jameson was a big part of that, I think. And he does not want to leave the new safe house much. Wh-which, I understand. Now that Dahlia is back, he does not want to leave her in case something happens to her again."

Bro tilts his head to the side, "Dahlia? Who's that?"

Marvin's eyes widen. "Oh shit! Right, we never mentioned her! Schneep, you tell him."

"Dahlia is my cousin, and JJ's sister," Schneep explains. "Anti kidnapped her to force Jameson to do things for him, and Jameson agreed because Dahlia... is a hero. W-we found her, and she is awake from the coma she was in, but she is still quite weak." He takes a deep, shaky breath. This is clearly an emotional subject for him.

Bro's face falls with concern, "Oh... fuck. I... I'm sorry Schneep... I mean... at least she's awake now! That's good!" He tries to smile. "I know I-I heal really fast... maybe its the same for some supers here!"

Schneep laughs. "Th-thank you. Dahlia has said she heals faster. Which I believe. Her powers are strong. And so are Jameson's. Really, their whole side of the family got lucky."

"You're pretty powerful, too, Henrik," Marvin says.

"No, I am not. I have done the research, my powers are not stronger than any other super who can become invisible or pass through things."

"Well you use them really well, so that counts."

Schneep laughs again. "If you say so."

Bro grins. "No I agree! Powers are only as strong as the people who wield them! Anyone can be strong- anyone could have power. But, the people who learn to use them well and for good are the strongest!" He then looks around the city and sighs, "Well... guess its another race to find my brother and now Jackie... i hope they ended up somewhere safe. Sounds like it's all been kinda calm though- before Mag showed his ugly tail."

"Pretty calm, yeah." Marvin nods.

"Oh! We started using phones again, perhaps they have texted me," Schneep says, reaching into a pocket in his outfit.

"How many fucking pouches and pockets do you have?"

"I was a thief before this, they were necessary." Schneep pulls out his phone, then yanks off a glove with his teeth and starts tapping at the screen. He nods. "Yes, they sent messages. Your Jackie is with JJ and Dahlia, and Alt is with our Chase and Jackie."

Bro relaxes slightly, "Oh good- they're safe... that's... that's good."

Marvin raises an eyebrow. "Do you think they could've appeared near Anti? Would've been helpful to know where that center of operations is."

"Probably dangerous for them, though, so let's be happy. I am letting them know Bro is with us. Should I tell them about Magnificent?"

"Ummm... maybe I should tell them- let them... just be happy for a second." Bro says with a wince. "We can... deal with that in a bit. I don't think Mag will find us all right away..."

Schneep nods. "Very well, then. I think we are closer to the safe house than the apartment, so I will ask if we can meet there."

"Can't Alt glitch pretty far distances, too?" Marvin asks. "He can probably bring Jackie and Chase to the safe house. Unless he needs to have been there to do that?"

"Ummmm-" Bro thinks, "It's easier for him to glitch to places he's been to but like... I dunno. He got us to Jackie's apartment building without ever being there last time- I think he can sometimes be pulled places as long as someone has like... a visual or something."

"That is good, then. Jackie definitely knows what the house looks like." Schneep nods, finishing up his text message. "We should make our way there now, then."

"Are we gonna take the train in outfit, have Bro fly us again, ooooor walk the whole way?" Marvin asks. "Honestly, none of those sound ideal to me."

"Is riding the train dressed in uniform so bad?" Bro laughs, "I thought supers were more common around here!"

"Well yeah--but we're wanted supervillains," Marvin says.

"... oh. That... didn't get brought up last time." Bro says, blinking rapidly. But, who is he to talk? Alt was a villain for a bit too.

"Spitfire Cat is pretty recognizable, in particular,"

Schneep adds, gesturing to Marvin. "So, can you change quickly, Marvin?"

"No," he grumbles.

Bro looks at the small bag he brought with him, containing a change of clothes for him in case he needed to be out of uniform. "Uhhh i got... a jacket, shirt and some... jeans? If you'd like?" Then he looks and smirks at them, "Or- flying is faster."

Marvin hesitates, then quietly takes the offered clothes. "We can take the train," he mutters. "I'm putting this on over my clothes." As he does, he continues to talk. "And don't worry, we're not going to attack random pedestrians or anything, Chase. We're not those types of people. Schneep just steals stuff from large businesses and my crimes are more... symbolic. I don't hurt innocents."

"Hey I'm not judging. I already know you two are cool." Bro grins. "I try not to judge without knowing the full story- if i can help it. I learned my lesson about doing that..." He sighs, refluffing his hair under his hat.

Marvin grins. "Heh. Windstorm--Jackie had that same sort of journey, too. Learning not to judge, I mean."

"Learning that two of his friends were criminals helped on that," Schneep says.

"Alright, I'm ready." Marvin takes his mask off and hides it in his jacket. The only weird thing about him now are his gloves, but those can be brushed off. "The nearest train station is that way. Come on. You two will get stares but the ride won't be long."

Schneep abruptly vanishes from view. "What stares?" his disembodied voice says jokingly.

“Cheater." Bro laughs as he takes off his mask and shoves it in his pocket.

"Ha ha." Marvin rolls his eyes. "Just keep up, Schneep, we don't want to lose you."

Bro looks over himself. It's not perfect but, no one in this town knew him. It'd be fine. He follows after the other two towards the train.

-----------

“Hey Alt, your brother ended up with Schneep and Marvin," Jackie says. He's sitting on the sofa with Chase now, still half-wearing his suit. "Schneep wants us to go to the safe house where JJ and your Jackie are. He says that Bro says you can glitch us there?"

Alt looks up at the others and then glitches to his feet, stretching. "Sure thing- I'm decently powered. You all have been there before? That helps~" He grins.

"I have a few times, but Chase has only been there once," Jackie says. "Is that a problem?"

"Nope that should be plenty." Alt shrugs his bag back on.

"I want to come," Chase says, pouting a bit. "All I did last time was talk to you guys on the phone and then get hypnotized."

"Will you have trouble taking Frosty, Alt?" Jackie asks. "Chase needs him."

"Mmmm no I don't think so! I glitch with my cat all the time. That's how she got her name." Alt smiles. "We just need to link up! So like- as long as we all have a connection somehow."

"Ohhh yeah your cat!" Jackie awes. "I wish we could meet her!"

Alt laughs, "I feel like she'd get into trouble on these trips- but I have about a million pictures. Despite the fact she's a little void and i wear mostly black."

"You can show us the pictures of your cat when we get there." Jackie chuckles.

Chase laughs too. "Alright, let's link up, then. Focus on the house. Or, uh, I think we should aim for just outside the house. I don't want Soren to suddenly shoot us for intruding."

"Shoot us? He doesn't have a gun, Chase."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn't figure out how to get one."

"... I both like and dislike what I'm learning about this Soren guy-" Alt mutters.

“Soren is a mixed bag," Jackie mutters.

Alt offers his hands out to the others, green-blue magic pulsing in his eyes.

"Whoo!" Chase makes sure to grab Frosty by the scruff. "Let's go!"

Once, the others have linked up and Chase has a good good hold on Frosty, Alt concentrates at they all zip away towards the safe house.

----------

Magnificent falls down one floor, delaying him slightly. But it's enough of a delay. By the time he recovers, that annoying hero and those two infuriating supers are gone.

The world flashed to white as he head hit the floor hard- and for a good long while all he can hear is ringing in his ears. Magnificent springs up once he has his bearings and then teleports back up to the roof- but... its clear that they're all gone by now.

He curses and kicks at the floor and then starts to pace. "Okay... collecting my thoughts... we're back in the world with the supers... which I had a hard time stealing power from... but its possible. And my annoyances are here... so... hmm.... What to do...." He laughs to himself, his eyes glowing bright. "I want to end all those annoying supers. Drain them for every ounce of power in them and lord over their corpses... they will not humiliate me again... I need to find this world's Jameson... he will be the first one I destroy." He looks out over the edge of the unfinished building towards the city, arms behind his back as he searches around. "Now... where would my little kittens be hiding~?"

"How very vicious." The voice comes from behind Magnificent. There's something floating just beyond the other edge of the unfinished building. It's... that black flying robot from last time. It floats closer to Magnificent. "I see you've returned," says that same computerized voice. "Do you remember me?"

Magnificent jumps in the air like a startled cat. He whirls around, magic bright in his hands. But, once he realizes who this is, he slowly grins. "Well Well... Anti, wasn't it~? I do remember you." He glances around and then tilts his head at the robot. "... why are you here?"

"Those supers were staking out SepTech for signs of me, so I was stalking them in turn," Anti says. "They had no idea that what they were looking for was right under their noses all that time." Part of the robot slides open, revealing a small device. Its use is revealed as it projects a life-size hologram of a person. ...Wait. No, it's not exactly a person. It's a 3D animated model, depicting a man wearing black robotic armor and a hood. The man's face is replaced by an LED screen with a simplified face: two red circles for eyes and a curving red mouth. "But then you arrived. And that other one. And now I wish to talk. Face to... not-face, as it is." The model gestures to his LED screen.

Magnificent's eyes widen as he sees the hologram. He prowls around it and studies it with interest. "Impressive... very impressive."

"Thank you. I did work hard on it." Somehow, Anti's robotic voice sounds smugly proud.

Mag stops to stand in his original place and smirks, gesturing at Anti. "Well, let's hear it then~"

"You wish to take out my nuisances. I wish to do so too. So far I have preferred hiding and concentrating on my plan. But this is an opportunity I cannot ignore. What if I aided you once more? More... directly this time."

“Oh? In the flesh?” Magnificent giggles, “How bold of you, Anti!”

"Oh, if only in the flesh. Unfortunately, I am... limited." Anti's model gestures at himself. "This is the best I can do. But I have several of these Semi-Automatic Machines equipped with combat features. They can act as backup for you."

“Ah I see. Well- I can work with that.” Magnificent hums. His face falls to something deadly serious in a blink, his eyes flashing dangerously. “I want those wannabe heroes dead. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

The model tilts his head. "I know where they are hiding from the police. And everyone is heading there. All of those from your world, and the supers from mine." He chuckles. "Though it is funny that you call them all 'heroes'. I can promise many of them have less than stellar records."

Mag chuckles and shrugs, “On the rating of heroes to villains- no one tops me in villainy~! I bet those records mean nothing.” He giggles and then tilts his head back at Anti, “do we have a plan, Anti, dear? Or are we charging in, machines blazing~?”

"'Machines blazing' is what I was thinking, in fact," Anti says. "They know I have been laying low. They won't be expecting it. I will gather my Machines while you head to the house. Its address is 78 Ivy Lane. In that direction." The model points to the north.

Magnificent hums and then giggles in manic delight. “Alright. I can do that~” He laughs and tilts his head at Anti, “This will be one hell of a collab~!” Then, in a blink and buzz of static- he teleports off the roof to search for the heroes.

“Indeed.” The hologram of Anti disappears as the Machine flies away, ready to meet up with others of its kind.

#SATCV #swap across the crystalverse #SATCV Septicheroes #Septicheroes au #alt anti #swap magnificent #bro fantastic #jackie mann #jackie joins the group!!#tbh we had one other multiverse rp before this one but thats not quite ready to share yet!!#so they'll be hints to it here and there but it shouldnt take away from the story! ^^#so excited to be posting more of these for you guys!!#we have written soooo much fun new stuff and i can't wait for you all to see them!

10 notes · View notes

weekend-conspiracy-theorist · 9 months

Text

an entry in the tim&steph role swap au

Dick's burner phone buzzed, continuously and insistently, in the secret pocket of his Nightwing suit. He forwarded his personal calls to it (trusting Oracle and Proxy's good work to keep that data hidden) even on patrol because (contrary to Bruce's opinion on the matter), sometimes emergencies happened, even in his private life. But whoever was trying to get hold of him right now had picked the worst time.

Busting up this arms deal was just another Tuesday, but still--there were bullets involved. Dick couldn't afford to be distracted.

At least the pattern of the buzzing indicated it was someone In The Know--probably one of the Titans, and he was going to strangle Roy if Mia and Emiko had stolen his phone to make crank calls again.

His escrima snapped out at a man's neck, the taser at the end crackling to life, and he set a boot against another man's shoulder, tossing himself away as the retort of gunfire followed him. It bought him the split second necessary to flip his comm to his personal channel and answer the fucking phone. He grit out, "Look, I'm a little busy right now--"

"I am frustratingly aware," Junior Private Investigator Tim Drake hissed back at him, "considering I'm stuck in the rafters of this warehouse while you get busy."

Dick had been doing this for too long to actually snap his head around in surprise, but it was a near thing. The next spray of gunfire was close enough to raise his heartrate--something the vigorous acrobatics had failed to do--as he cut off one of the gun runners before she could make a break for it. One, two--crackle of the taser. He caught her with one foot before she could hit the ground, lightly redirecting her so she didn't slam her head on a metal pipe, and gracefully ducked beneath a wild punch. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Marcus Akron's wife is convinced he's cheating on her with a Blüdhaven barbie doll. He's not, but apparently he is funding this little venture. I was tailing him. You crashed the party." Gunfire echoed across the line, a moment behind reality, and Tim made a distasteful noise. "Look, every escape route I've got here is going to leave me disturbingly exposed, but I've got some quality photographic evidence I'd be delighted to exchange for a long enough distraction to excise myself from this situation." As an afterthought, he added, "Just don't make me talk to the cops; I hate dealing with the Blüdhaven PD. They make even Gotham's cops look competent."

Alright: so this just turned into a slightly bigger challenge than your average Tuesday.

Dick grinned, sharp and terrifying, and put another one of the gun runners onto the ground. "Where are you?"

"Three rafters east and about twenty feet south from the northwest corner of the building, tucked behind a column. There's a skylight about a hundred feet away; I need about twenty seconds and I can be out of here."

Dick threw himself into the air. The moment stretched; bullets whizzed past his outstretched fingertips; his feet hit the ground. He had a plan.

"In ten," he told Tim. "Be ready."

"Aye aye, Captain," Tim agreed, faintly sardonic, and Dick was laughing as he spun on his heel and sprinted directly for the man with the biggest gun.

"Overcompensating, huh?" he asked, sympathetic. "It's okay. I'm sure your wife loves you just the way you--" He yanked the guy's hand out to the side, sucking air through his teeth as he inspected the pale, empty divot on the guy's ring finger. "Mm. Maybe not."

There was the punch he was waiting for.

***

Dick found Tim sitting on the edge of the roof, back pressed against an HVAC vent with one leg dangling and the other stretched out next to him, when he was finally able to extricate himself. The night sky danced with flashing red and blue lights.

Tim looked up, though Dick was certain his footsteps had been silent on the metal roofing, and wiggled the camera. "There's good stuff here," he said, a little satisfied and a little defensive. "I do need to make copies for Mrs. Akron before I hand over the SD card, but it won't take long once I get back to my hotel."

"She gonna be the type to be relieved or furious that it was grandiose dreams of a criminal empire keeping her husband away at night, rather than a buxom blonde?" Dick eyed Tim's extended leg, frowning at the neat white bandage sticking out from underneath rolled up jeans, but he kept his tone light.

"Could go either way." Tim tucked the camera away into the messenger bag that sat next to him, following Dick's eyeline to his leg, and then huffed. "Inconvenient ricochet," he assured Dick. "Doesn't even need stitches. Did however inspire me to spam call your personal cell after my attempts to text Batgirl to tell her to hit up your comms failed."

Dick considered this. "You live a weird life," he decided, dropping down to sit next to him on the edge of the roof, and Tim snorted.

"Says the superhero to the PI. One of us has Superman on speed dial, and it sure isn't me."

Dick kept his eyes straight ahead, gazing out across the city he'd claimed as his own, but he could feel Tim looking at him. A little nervous, a little starstruck and pretending not to be, just like he always was around Dick. Jason had told Dick that Stephanie had told him that Jason used to be Tim's favorite Robin.

Dick was pretty certain Stephanie had been lying.

Probably for the sake of endearing Tim even slightly to Jason, in knowing anticipation of the ongoing and deeply entertaining animosity that they held for each other. The gambit had worked long enough to get the two blindingly competent morons to collaborate on that serial killer case, so it was hard to fault her for it. And Dick certainly wasn't going to tell Jason.

It's not like Dick wanted to be Tim's Favorite Robin (Other Than Stephanie); he'd already had that title--sans caveat--awarded to him by Superman. No offense to Tim, but that held a much higher cachet.

(Which--Bruce knew that Dick would absolutely pick Clark in the Justice League Divorce, right? He had to, at this point.)

Having Tim make those big doe eyes at him all the time was a little flattering, but it was also a little weird, and actually even a little annoying--if just because Dick liked Tim, and the hero worship thing made it hard to actually have a relaxed conversation with the guy. (So did the fact that Stephanie and Tim both retained six or seven years' worth of habitual avoidance techniques and a disdain for authority that Dick had been horrified to learn included himself, but it was mostly the hero worship thing.)

So Dick handled it the only way he could handle it: he ignored it.

"I don't have Superman on speed dial," he countered, turning to flash Tim a conspiratorial grin. "We have a secret whistle."

"Of course you do," Tim said.

Dick was pleased to hear the sarcasm outweigh the sincerity. He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows, and Tim huffed a laugh, shaking his head.

"I, uh--" He broke off as his phone began to buzz, shifting his weight to pull it out of his pocket, and sighed. He flashed the screen at Dick, showing a contact picture of himself and Stephanie. "Guess she finally saw the texts," he said dryly.

Time slowed down, the way it usually did when Dick was formulating a game plan in the middle of a fight, as Tim went to swipe up to answer the call.

Dick had been Stephanie's self-appointed surrogate big brother (whether she liked it or not) for years now, and it suddenly struck him that by the transitive property of lonely children and platonic soulmates, his obnoxious big brother duties absolutely extended to Tim, too.

Nightwing struck, faster than Tim could react; an open handed blow to the elbow that sent the phone flying even as Dick surged upwards to catch it and threw himself into a back handspring to recover. He answered the call himself, other hand extended to fend Tim off (squawking, "What the fuck?" as he scrambled after Dick), and held the phone to his ear.

"Tim, oh, thank god--"

Stephanie's voice was frantic enough to make him almost feel bad for what he was about to do. But only almost.

"Stephanie Brown?" Dick asked, in a grave tone. "It's Nightwing. I'm afraid I've got some rather serious news for you."

"What the fuck, Dick!" Tim repeated, more vehemently, and he made a grab for his phone.

Dick twisted away from him easily, biting back a cackle, and continued, "I didn't have time to answer my phone in the middle of the fight, so I wasn't aware of any civilian presence until everything was said and done. Your friend got shot--"

"WHAT?"

"--but it was just a graze. He did faint into my arms though."

Credit where it was due: Tim Drake had been going through the Batman Mandated Black Bat & Batgirl Mixed Martial Arts Boot Camp for months now, on top of the more traditional lessons he'd had as a teenager. He wasn't an untalented kid. By Dick's estimation, in strict hand-to-hand conditions Tim outclassed 99% of the general population and even some of the heroes Dick knew who were over-reliant on tech or superpowers.

That still put him a class below the bats and the birds of Gotham.

Dick cheerfully adjusted his weight, pinning Tim's arm to the ground beneath his knee as he controlled his head (read: shoved it into the ground) with his free arm, and continued blithely, "Yeah, he saw the blood and just keeled right over. The bullet wound is inconsequential; it's the blow to his ego that I don't think he'll recover from. He's going to need long term therapy and some self-help books--"

"You're the fucking worst," Stephanie told him. "You gave me a heart attack. So he's fine?"

"Except for the fainting and the--" Dick wheezed as one of Tim's pointy elbows managed to find its way into his diaphragm.

"Considering I have watched Boyfriend perform stitches on himself before, I'm going to go ahead and assume you're just trying--and failing--to be funny," Stephanie told him dryly.

"Why would he do his own stitches." Dick gave Tim a knuckle noogie, repeating, "Why would you do your own stitches? Kid. You're not an illegal vigilante with a secret identity to maintain. Just go to the hospital."

"I usually do--"

"He usually does--"

"--but there were extenuating circumstances."

The responses were in near unison, ruined only by the slight delay across the phone line, and Dick couldn't help but laugh, sitting back on his heels and letting Tim squirm out from under him. "You two are something else."

"Shut the fuck up and give Boyfriend back his phone," Stephanie ordered, and Dick politely held the phone out to Tim, who accepted it with a disgruntled glare.

So much better than the doe eyes, Dick thought with smug satisfaction.

"I'm fine," Tim said. He was sitting cross-legged on the rooftop carefully out of arms reach of Dick, eyeing him suspiciously. "Nightwing's an asshole. What else is new?" He was silent for a moment and then he rolled his eyes. "Because it seemed like a straightforward adultery case. How was I supposed to--No, come on. You know Red Bird makes most of its money on rich people's marital problems. I'd have to actually charge market rates on the more important cases if--I did not go into this business just because--Stop calling me a professional stalker, Stephanie. No, I won't agree to that trade. It's not the--Because he is. Look deep into your heart and admit it to yourself. He bought you an entire car and multiple motorcycles and a personal Batcave." Tim snickered. "Yeah, but even when we were dating I never bought you anything other than pizza and that thirty dollar tennis bracelet that turned your wrist green."

Dick remembered that, he realized. Stephanie had showed the bracelet off to him, bashful in a way he'd never seen her before about a boy treating her like she was special. She'd still been in braces at the time (and rightfully suspicious, despite Bruce's steadfast insistence that he'd had nothing to do with her selection for the program that helped Crystal afford them). It seemed to strike Dick, over and over, that Tim had been in the background, present but unseen, for nearly as long as Dick had known Stephanie.

Tim's voice softened. "Yeah, Stephie. Of course. You, too. Oh--tell Wendy I said hi, and to stop breaking into my system to steal my spreadsheets. I don't care if she can't get her own Vengeful Mad Scientist Predictive Algorithm to ignore Mr. Terrific; she needs to leave mine alone."

One last pause. Here, Tim's eyes flicked over to Nightwing, a light in his gray-blue eyes that had Dick raising his eyebrows in concern. "Well," Tim said, in a perfectly even tone. "That goes without saying."

He hung up.

"Do I wanna know?" Dick asked.

"Steph's revenge will be swift and unavoidable," Tim promised him, as he rose to his feet and dusted off his jeans.

"Sure," Dick agreed, though he silently suspected that Stephanie would be more pleased than upset once she recognized that Dick had successfully smashed through Tim's defenses and actually managed to become his friend.

Tim looked at him, hands on his hips, and then dropped his chin to his chest as he laughed, a little helplessly. "Oy. You know this...?" Tim gestured to indicate the rooftop, himself, the costumed vigilante he was speaking with. "Downright nostalgic. Sitting on top of an abandoned warehouse, waiting semi-patiently for a Robin to finish beating up ne'er-do-wells while I fiddle with the ISO on my camera, ending up with my face smushed into a rooftop while said Robin gloats from on top of me. You just need to give me a fond but rude nickname and threaten to throw me off the top of Wayne Tower, and I might as well be fourteen again."

Dick laughed himself, hopping up to his feet. "Wayne Tower's too far from here," he joked. "But don't worry, I know all the good skyscrapers in Blüdhaven."

"Think that means I do need to worry, actually."

"Oh, yeah. Absolutely." Dick snorted. "Stephanie would murder me with her bare hands, even if I whistled up Superman to come catch you."

"She worries," Tim said, with exasperated fondness, "as if she isn't also a regular ass human being with no superpowers."

"In full body armor, well-armed, and with years of training and experience," Dick countered dryly. "You get where the difference is here, right?"

Tim rolled his eyes, like the barely-not-a-teenager he was. "Well, thanks again for giving me an escape window. I--"

"You never thanked me the first time, actually," Dick said, steam rolling over whatever semi-graceful exit from the conversation Tim had been about to fashion for himself. "Not that I needed it. Thank you for the photos; I'm just going to assume they'll be helpful and win me brownie points with the BPD once I send them over. What does the traded favors thing mean for our relative standing, vis-a-vis the taco tax?"

Dick had never had it completely explained to him, but he'd heard Tim and Stephanie and even Cassandra reference "the taco tax" often enough to get the gist. Favors could be bought and apologies made via the gift of tacos from the recipient's restaurant or street cart of choice. The exchange rate seemed to be complex and dependent on a potentially sentient spreadsheet, but Dick figured they could simplify, just this once.

Tim blinked. "The taco tax," he repeated.

"It's only that I figure saving your life kind of outweighs the evidence thing," Dick said. "So I'm pretty sure you owe me, millionaire."

The kid scowled. "Saving my life is exaggerating a bit, don't you think? Not to mention the stunt you pulled with my phone, billionaire, so--"

Bingo. Dick wouldn't even bother to point out that Bruce was the rich one, not him. He knew Tim knew.

"So I owe you, then?" Dick clapped Tim on the shoulder, grinning. "Great. Let me show you the best taco place in Blüdhaven. They're even open 24/7."

***

Dick squeezed a lime over his seventh taco. Alfred was going to be horrified when he checked his diet log for the day.

He was in his civvies now, jeans and a tshirt and his favorite leather jacket (the one Jason had repeatedly tried and failed to steal, back when he was a small enough Robin to actually fit into his big brother's clothes) draped over the back of the seat. The flourescent bulbs over their heads flickered, filling the room with that quiet electric buzz, and the formica tabletop was chipped and peeling.

"Stupidest thing Stephanie's ever said to you," he suggested.

Tim snorted. "How am I supposed to pick."

"Alright, stupidest thing you've ever said to Steph."

To Dick's surprise--and delight--Tim laughed so sharply he nearly choked on a piece of radish.

"Oh, that one's easy," he wheezed, swiping at his face with a napkin. "We were fifteen. We'd been dating for like--a month. We'd kissed four times. One night, Stephanie turned to me on the swingset at the park we liked to hang out at when we weren't--" he waved a hand to indicate the vigilante activities that he wouldn't mention aloud in public--"You know. And she said, 'So, you should know I just found out I'm pregnant.'" Tim laid a hand on his chest. "And I said, 'My dad's going to kill me.'"

Dick threw his head back with the force of his laughter, and Tim joined in, shaking his head as he reached for his water glass. "She likes to trot that one out whenever she thinks I'm getting too uppity about my own intelligence."

"I can see why."

"In my defense, sex ed at a conservative boarding school is uniquely focused on trying to prevent teenage boys from having crises of sexuality that might scandalize their parents," Tim said dryly. "Less so on the actual mechanics of parenthood."

Dick snorted. "How'd that work out for them?"

His lips twitched. "Dunno. I'll have to ask my boyfriend when I get home." He sat back in his chair, grinning, and said, "My turn, right?"

With an inviting wave of his taco, Dick declared, "Hit me with your best shot."

"Weirdest reason you've ever been kidnapped."

"Hm." Dick turned the question over in his mind thoughtfully, as Tim picked his way through his third taco. He'd insisted Dick owed him eight of them, then gone outside and handed most of them--and a twenty--to the homeless guy they'd passed a block back. The guy had tried to kick him in the crotch in response. Ah, Blüdhaven. "One time there was a guy who was certain Bruce was secretly a lizard person--"

"Antisemitic. Continue."

Dick held a hand up as if to say, "Thank you." "That's exactly what I said, when he pulled the canvas bag off of my head and started telling me about it. It's exactly what Commissioner Gordon said, too, when he was interrogating the guy." He winked. "It was even what Batman said when he rescued me."

Straight-faced, Tim said, "The folks at my synagogue think Batman's Jewish, but I'm not convinced. I mean, what are the odds that Bruce Wayne and Batman, the two most famous Gothamites, are both Jewish?"

Dick struggled not to laugh. "Gee, Tim. That's a great point," he managed to choke out.

Tim ducked his head to hide the grin that he couldn't bite back any longer. "Now, that Superman, though--"

Dick kicked him under the table, wheezing.

"What a mensch."

"Shut up, I'm begging you."

Tim sat back, laughing, and rubbed a hand over his face. "These are really good tacos," he said. And, "Thanks." Sincerely, and with eye contact. Confident, sustained, non-doe-eyed eye contact.

He wasn't talking about the tacos. Dick smiled, setting his arm along the back of his chair. "You're welcome."

#tim drake #dick grayson #the tim&steph role swap au #canon dick & tim's relationship is soooo shaped. I've been trying to fit them--and the taco tax--into a fic since the beginning #but I never got it quite right #this is also somehow the first time the taco tax has ever made it to print despite being something I came up with during the first week #a couple notes: tim's robin rankings are actually much more complex than any one of them (except steph) being his ''favorite''#if anything his favorite is ACTUALLY damian. because damian is steph's surrogate little brother and that means he's tim's too.#and steph's reason for lying to jason was two-fold; partially the reason theorized above #and partially because tim's going to be apoplectic when he finds out she said that and it's gonna be really funny #the thing is that no one in this au is a fully reliable narrator at any moment. steph exaggerates; tim downplays; cass aids and abets

14 notes · View notes