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pardondoyouhavejams · 4 years

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Can We Just Talk?

Pairing: Gender neutral!Y/N x childhood bestfriend!Taehyun

Word Count: 4.3K

Genre: Angst, fluffy ending, best friends to lovers AU! Highschool!AU

Warnings: Mild cursing, some bullying, also I didn’t proofread :P

Synopsis: Growing up with Taehyun by your side was all you could ask for in a best friend, but when high school slowly starts to separate you two, you realize you might’ve taken your time together for granted. Was this how you two parted ways?

*gif not mine*

“What? Did you want some?” You turned to see Taehyun holding out his goldfish to you. You had been daydreaming again and he had understood something was on your mind. Grabbing a handful of goldfish, Taehyun smiles and scooted closer, “what are you dazed about this time?”

See now, you didn’t want to tell him how you thought about him running his delicate hands through your hair. How you thought about his strong arms trapping you in a warm embrace, or how his plush lips would feel against yo-

“Y/N? I asked you a question,” snapping you out of your trance, you glance over at him. “It’s nothing, just stressed about the chem exam tomorrow,” you lied through your teeth. He nodded and smiled, knowing full well you were lying, but he didn’t want to pry you. He figured you’d tell him on your own if it was something major bothering you.

That was one of the last, full conversations you two shared for 3 months. 3 months ago, you practically lost your lifelong best friend to a group of popular kids and Soo Ah. She has a crush on Taehyun and everyone knows that...well..everyone except Taehyun. For someone so intelligent, he was so oblivious to the way she acted. He was never good with telling if someone had a crush on him and just thought they were super nice. He’s not stupid, just really blind.

Luckily for you, this played in your favor at times you slipped up and were way too obvious about your crush.

You pushed yourself away from Taehyun because the more you stuck around him, the more you fell in love with him. He noticed the space growing between you two and tried to make things up to you, but after a while, he stopped trying. He thought you just needed some space and that’s what he gave you. Over time, the space became overbearing and he had drifted to his new friends.

Skipping lunch, you headed to the school’s courtyard to scroll through your phone under the shade of a tree. It was a bit cooler out, autumn having just started. “Hey stupid!” Your head shooting up at the name only to see Beomgyu jogging over to you, a dumb smile plastered on his handsome face.

Beomgyu was one of yours and Taehyun’s mutual friends, alternating the days he’d spend his lunch with Taehyun and you. He knew everything about you and Taehyun slowly drifting, your massive crush on him, and everything in between.

He sat next to you, leaning against the trunk of the tree. He glanced at your phone, resting his chin on your shoulder. “OW, Beomgyu, your chin is sharp as hell,” “Hun, I know my jawline can cut, but you don’t have to be so aggressive,” he smirked at you. You shoved his face away (lightly) and scoffed, “please, if I wanted to say anything about your jawline, it’s that you need to work on it.” That was a flat out lie because Beomgyu had the sharpest jawline in the school but you didn’t want to admit it. “What’re you doing out here? Thinking about Taehyun?” he teased you. You eyed him, “yeah and? What about it?”

You missed Taehyun, a lot. You wished you could’ve just gotten over this stupid crush and stayed friends. If you had any ideas on becoming friends again without it being awkward, you’d have done that already, but to no avail. “Any plans on getting him back or winning his heart over?” Beomgyu grinned at you, making you really tempted to flick his forehead.

The two of you heard loud laughter and chattering, and when you looked over, it was Taehyun’s group, as you expected. Letting out a sigh, you went back to scrolling mindlessly through Twitter. What you didn’t know was Taehyun had returned the gaze when you put your head down.

What you also didn’t know was that Taehyun missed you even more, but he didn’t know if it was okay to approach you. He thought you might need more space, afraid he’s making you uncomfortable. He was so lonely without you by his side and his new friends weren’t as genuine as you were.

The bell rang and Beomgyu pulled you up off the ground, slinging an arm around your shoulders as you guys walked to your class together, math. You hated math, you could never grasp what was going on, but Taehyun would make that class bearable for you. That is, until, you know…

You sat in your assigned seat, Beomgyu letting go of you and going to his behind you. Taehyun and Soo Ah came in shortly after, Taehyun being on your right and Soo Ah on Taehyun’s other side. It was just your luck to be assigned to that seat, but at least Beomgyu was right there.

Searching through your bag, you couldn’t find your pencil. Turning around to face Beomgyu, you knew full well he took your spare pencil, “Gyu, I need my pencil.” “Wha-what pencil, pfft, I don’t have your pencil,” Beomgyu smiled at you, slowly moving the borrowed pencil under the desk. “I’m serious, I can’t find my pencil and you took my spare,” he pinched your cheek and just giggled, “Let me have it please, I forgot mine again.” You scoffed at Beomgyu for the nth time that day, he’s so forgetful.

Settling on looking for a pen, you turn back around to see a pencil sitting on your desk. You knew it wasn’t yours, looking around to see who put it there, your eyes met Taehyun’s, who smiled brightly at you. Mouthing a “thank you,” you turned back around to give Beomgyu a quick flick to the forehead before facing forward again when the teacher walked in. “OW!” he whisper-shouted, making you chuckle a bit, and unknowingly, Taehyun laughed to himself too.

The rest of the day went by far too slow, but you could finally leave this hellhole and that’s all that mattered to you. Walking out of your last class, you were heading home when you felt someone put their hand on your shoulder. “Y/N! Wait!” the familiar sound of Taehyun’s voice in your ears.

You turned your head to see a slightly out-of-breath Taehyun who had ran out of the classroom to catch up with you. “Can we please talk?” he asked, surprised by his sudden approach, you nod your head. He’s quick to move as he slides his hand down from your shoulder to your wrist. He drags you to the same tree you were under in the courtyard, where you sat with Beomgyu during lunch.

Taehyun looked down at you, almost like he was in pain, “Y/N, what happened to us?” You were a bit taken aback by his straightforwardness, unsure of what exactly to say. “I’m not sure Taehyun, I really don’t know,” your voice getting softer towards the end of the sentence. You were lying right to his face, you knew why the distance grew and you felt as though it was partially your fault. “Y/N, please don’t lie to me, you know I’m always here for you and I won’t judge you. You kept pushing me away so I gave you space cause I thought you might need some alone time, but it’s been too long. Let me be by your side, through whatever you may be going through, please.” His voice broke, his normally bright and smiling eyes showing a sense of longing in them.

You felt terrible and you didn’t want your friendship to end like this, “I’m sorry Taehyun, I-“ “Taehyun-ah! Let’s go!” In the distance stood Soo Ah, waving her hand at him. When Taehyun faced her, she was already walking towards him, smiling at Taehyun and only Taehyun. Your heart cracked at the sight of them in front of you. “Taehyun, we were supposed to go out together after class. I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Soo Ah glancing in your direction after saying “go out TOGETHER.”

You could feel your heart hammering against your chest when Taehyun smiled at her. “Oh yeah, sorry, let’s go?” Taehyun’s grasp finally leaving your wrist from when he first dragged you through the hallways just a few minutes ago. You watched as Soo Ah linked arms with him, walking off, the two of them acting as if you weren’t even there.

A single tear falling from your eye as you watched them walk off together, Soo Ah turning back to you and smirking. Furiously wiping the tear away, you quickly walked to Beomgyu’s house.

“Holy fUCK, Y/N!” Beomgyu jumped up from his bed, startled that you were in his house, his bedroom door flinging open from your impatience.

He was still wearing his school uniform but the necktie loosened and the first button undone. Beomgyu noticed the tears pooling in the corners of your eyes as you gasped and hiccuped, trying to hold everything in.

He walked over, embracing you tightly, “Wanna tell me what happened?” You finally let everything out, your tears nonstop, stumbling over your words with hiccups, “T-taehyun and I w-were ta-talking about what ha-happened, whEn-when SoO-sOo Ah interrupted a-and..anD shE-she said h-her and T-taehyun were su-supposed to g-go out t-together, just-just the two o-of th-them.” “Y/N, breathe. You need to breathe.” He slowly stroked your head before pulling away to see your face.

After another half hour of crying and trying to explain a bit more of what happened, Beomgyu looked at you with a sad expression. He loved Taehyun but sometimes Taehyun was so dense.

“Gyu?” “Hm?” “Do you think Taehyun likes his new friends more than me? Do you think...he likes Soo Ah more than me?” Your voice trailed off at the end. “I don’t think so, Y/N. I know it seems like he does but something seems a bit off when he’s with them, like he’s not as happy with them. I’ve seen the way he acts when he’s with you and when he’s with them. As for Soo Ah? I’m not sure, hun.”

The next day, your first few classes passed in a blur. You walked outside during lunch like usual, having no appetite or willpower to walk into the cafeteria knowing you’ll see Taehyun and his group at the table closest to the door.

You were sitting under the usual tree, looking through social media but not paying much attention to any of it. You heard footsteps approach you but didn’t think much of it, assuming it was Beomgyu. Who you thought was Beomgyu was wearing a pair of shoes you knew didn’t belong to him.

You glanced up to see Soo Ah looking down at you, “Can I help you?” Soo Ah, arms crossed, said “Yeah you can, stay away from Taehyun. I’m gonna confess to him today and I know he’ll say yes, so I need you to back off.” Scoffing at her confidence, you narrowed your eyes at her, “what makes you think he likes you?” “I just know he does, the way he looks and smiles at me, I suggest you cut off all contact with him before I do it for you.” You raise a brow at her, unimpressed by her response, “trust me, you’re not special enough for him to accept your confession.” This time, Soo Ah scoffed at you, “Yeah? Then why’d he leave you to be with me, hm?”

You were completely speechless, all you could do was glare, because she wasn’t exactly wrong. Before you knew it, you felt an ice cold liquid running down your head, wetting your uniform. “Y/N!” You heard that same familiar voice shout your name. Taehyun came running over, seeing the whole thing, Beomgyu right on his tail, outside long enough to see you get covered in water.

Taehyun had held his hand out to help you up from where you were sitting on the ground, but you got up on your own. He looked at you, worried and unsure of what to do, “are you okay?” completely ignoring Soo Ah’s presence. Taehyun reaches out to try and hold you, hug you, something, however, you shoved him away.

“Don’t act like you care,” you barked, confusion was plastered on his face, “What are you talking about? I’ve always cared, Y/N.” “Oh really? Cause for the past three months it surely seems like you didn’t care enough to still be friends with me. You didn’t care enough to finish talking to me yesterday but ran off with Soo Ah to go on your little date. You didn’t care enough to talk to me or even be with me when you saw me alone these past three months. So when? When did you care?” you seethed through your teeth, your jaw clenching in anger.

Taehyun scoffed, in complete disbelief that you would say that, “Me?? Not caring? As if, Y/N. That’s pure bullshit, when have I not cared? When you first started pushing me away I still tried to keep us together because I didn’t want to lose you, but you still kept pushing me further away. I thought you just wanted to be alone so I let you. I was waiting for when you were ready to talk because I thought we were friends, but you didn’t trust me enough to tell me anything. I’m not stupid, Y/N, I know you were lying every time I asked you if you were okay or what you were thinking about. It seemed like YOU didn’t care. You made no effort to keep me by your side, you made no effort to tell me or talk to me about it. Are you kidding me? I’m the one who doesn’t care?” By this time, Beomgyu had dragged Soo Ah away to leave you two alone to talk, not wanting to be there for something he shouldn’t see or hear.

“I DO care, Taehyun. God, do you think I would’ve liked you for so long if I DIDN’T care?” At this point, tears of agony and pent up anger were streaming down your face like a waterfall; freefalling. “You...you what?” Taehyun was clearly shocked by what you had said, and it finally hit you.

You just confessed. You just told him how you felt after all this time. Quickly grabbing your bag, you sprinted to the girls bathroom, breezing past Beomgyu on the way there. Taehyun started to chase after you to catch up, but who knew you could run so fast in this situation? You slammed the stall door and collapsed against it, covering your mouth to muffle your sobs.

Wiping your tears was no use because they just kept coming. Suddenly, a voice echoed into the bathroom from the door, “Y/N? It’s Beomgyu, if you need anything, I’m right outside okay? I can lend you my jacket to cover the wet spot on your uniform. If you want, we can go to the nurse’s office so you don’t have to go to class.”

Finally managing to stop the tears, you wiped your face, not even trying to cover up the fact that you were just sobbing. Your eyes were far too red and puffy for you to try and trick anyone. You walked out of the bathroom, your head hanging. Beomgyu had covered you with his jacket, leading you to the nurse’s office.

After about five aimless minutes, you two walked out of the nurse’s office, the nurse saying there’s nothing she can do about your “stomach pains.” Beomgyu tried to argue with her but you just pulled him out, telling him it’s no big deal.

Of course it wasn’t “no big deal” to you, because you didn’t want to have to go to the rest of your classes when Taehyun was in every one of your last few periods.

You and Beomgyu walked into class, your eyes looking anywhere but at Taehyun. Slowly sliding into your seat, you scoot as far from Taehyun as possible without moving your desk. He seemed to have noticed though, a sudden sharp intake of breath coming from him.

Every class after lunch had felt increasingly long, but when the final bell rang, you packed your things and practically sprinted out like your life depended on it.

You ran all the way back home, lucky that it wasn’t too far from the school.

On your way home, you prayed that Taehyun wasn’t behind you, but you heard his voice booming from just a few feet behind you. Picking up the pace, you reached your front door, house key already in hand. Somehow you managed to get the door open and slip through just before he reached the handle.

You locked the door behind you, panting from having run so fast for so long. P.E. did not prepare you enough for moments like this. Taehyun started pounding on the door, “Y/N, please! We need to talk.” Before you knew it, your eyes were pooling with tears again, “I really don’t want to talk to you right now, Taehyun. Please leave.”

Checking the peep hole, you saw him breathing heavily as he looked down. “You can’t avoid me forever, Y/N, please. It’s pointless. We have to talk about it sooner or later.” “I don’t want to, I’ll avoid you if I want to,” you stated, you were nowhere near ready to approach him. You were unprepared emotionally and mentally, because all you could think about was how he’ll reject you.

After taking off your shoes, you slowly walked up the stairs, practically pulling yourself because of the lack of strength in your legs. You fell into your bed, letting out all your tears and frustration. The tears would not stop but you didn’t fight them. Everything came crashing down and you just felt so suffocated by it all.

Was this how your years of built up friendship just ended?

You didn’t even realize a few hours had passed already when you heard a light knock on your door, “Y/N? Come eat dinner now,” your brother, Hyunsik, softly called. You quickly wiped your tears, saying you weren’t hungry and he let you know the food was in the fridge when you felt like eating.

Y/N’s mom was downstairs when she heard knocking on the front door. She opened it to see Taehyun standing there, and with how long you’ve been friends for, he was like her second son.

“Oh! Taehyun-ah, what brings you here?” He quickly bowed, “Hello 어머니 (eomeoni), is Y/N home?” “Oh yes she is, but did something happen to her? She hasn’t come out of her room since she got home and her lights have been off the whole time.” Taehyun fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie, faking a smile and saying, “she told me she’s feeling a bit unwell so I came to check up on her, if that’s okay.”

Your mom smiled brightly at him, “ah you’re so sweet, if only my real son were this nice to Y/N,” she said, making sure she was loud enough for your brother to hear. Taehyun giggled a bit and your mom let him in, ushering him upstairs.

He slipped his shoes off and walked up to your room. His hand hovered for a bit when he finally knocked on the door softly, when he heard a groan come from the other side of the door, “Hyunsik, I told you I’m not hungry.”

Taehyun cleared his throat a bit, “It’s uh..it’s Taehyun.” Your eyes widened, why the hell was he here now? “Why-why are you here?” “I told you I need to talk to you, let me in please.” You got up from the bed, your hand floated above the doorknob, you really didn’t want to see him right now but he was already inside your house.

You slowly pulled the door open, just enough for him to slip inside, then walked to the other side of your room, wanting to keep space between you two. He shuffled in slowly before quietly shutting the door behind him. Taehyun reached for the light switch to turn it on, you hissed slightly from the sudden brightness paining your eyes when you had been laying in the dark for hours.

Both of you were silent for a minute, letting tension fill up the space. He studied your figure, how you were slouched and your breathing was rigid from crying. You were still wearing your school uniform, Beomgyu’s oversized jacket draped over you.

When you had let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, you had asked, “why’d you come he-“ You couldn’t even finish your question when Taehyun had cut you off, “do you really like me?”

There was no point in you trying to deny it, all you could do was nod at his question. His gaze softened and he began to walk closer to you.

“So you mean to say that you’ve been avoiding me because you like me?” Taehyun’s voice having a hint of pain behind the tone, but you tried not to pay any mind to it. You let out another sigh, nodding at what he said.

“Look, if you came here just to interrogate me, then please leave. I already told you I don’t want to talk about it right now, so can we please just drop it and forget what happened?” “No. I want to talk about it, whether you like it or not. I’ve constantly let you go when you don’t want to talk about something, but I don’t care this time, you’re going to talk to me about it one way or another, Y/N.”

For some reason, you were split in deciding. Part of you wanted to just spill everything and just tell him, but the other part of you wanted to hold onto your pride and have him leave.

“Taehyun, I’m not in the mood to-“ you were cut off by him once more, “I don’t care. Do you know the amount of times I knew something was bothering you but didn’t say anything? Do you know how many times you hurt me because you kept wanting to push me away? Do you have any idea how much that hurts?”

The pain in his voice was becoming more evident. Taehyun now stood in front of you, his eyes shifting to study your facial features before landing on your eyes, “Why can’t you just talk to me? You’re making this harder than it needs to be, Y/N. Haven’t you always talked to me about your problems before? What about now? I need to understand where you’re coming from.”

“Understand? What more is there to understand? You heard me loud and clear and I know you did. Yeah I like you,but so what? You’re busy running off with your new friends and Soo Ah. It’s enough to tell me that you obviously don’t feel the same. Don’t you get it? I avoided you because I knew it was one sided and I honestly didn’t want to bother going through the pain of rejection.”

You noticed the corners of Taehyun’s lips were tugged into a small smirk, “Who said I would reject you?” Your head shot up at this, surprised but also confused. “What do you mean?” your brows furrowed, making eye contact with him. He only stepped closer, your faces only being inches apart, leaning down a bit so he was at eye level with you,

“Why would I reject you when I like you too?”

Instantly, your face had flushed, taken aback by his confidence, “wait, you do?” Taehyun nodded, breaking out into a grin, “Duh, I’m surprised you didn’t catch on ages ago, I was so obvious. That’s why I thought you pushed me away, cause you found out and didn’t know how to say no.”

You automatically felt a smile forming on your face as you threw yourself onto him, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his chest. He giggled at this, picking you up and swinging you around, causing you to start giggling too.

Taehyun set you back down, pulling away from the hug to look at your face, “So then uh..will you be my (girl/boy)friend?” Smiling even harder, you nodded your head almost aggressively, “duh!” He picked you up a second time, spinning you both in a circle before you two crashed onto your bed, big, bright, and stupid grins plastered on your faces.

Suddenly you froze, sitting up to face Taehyun, causing him to do the same, “Hold on, you said you’re surprised I didn’t catch on ages ago. So then how long have you liked me?” You were a bit shocked that it didn't hit you earlier, Taehyun scooted closer to you, leaning against your headboard, shrugging casually saying, “about three years ago?” You whipped your head around to face him, “Are you KIDDING ME? I could’ve been dating you THREE YEARS AGO?”

Taehyun immediately started laughing at your reaction, while you were still gawking at the fact he’s liked you for as long as you liked him. Your hand extended towards his side, poking him, “What? What’s so funny?” you pouted at him. He reached out to pull you close to him, your faces so close you could feel his breath against your skin. His eyes went back and forth between your eyes and your lips, your eyes doing the same, glancing at his eyes and then his lips.

“Can I kiss you?”

Your cheeks immediately turned bright red, but nonetheless, you slowly nodded only for his hand to slide up to the nape of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. Both of your lips moved in sync, working against each other’s until he pulled away to catch his breath. Now he was turning bright red, smiling at you, only for you to grab his collar and pull him back in for another kiss.

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truthbeetoldmedia · 6 years

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The 100 5x10 "The Warriors Will" Review

(image credit: Terra @getsomesleep on Twitter)

Hello, fans of The 100, and welcome to another review. The last time you all heard from me I had the opportunity to write about Episode 6 of Season 5 “Exit Wounds” and this time I get to review what amounts to yet another filler episode in a season that has thus far been chock full of them. Episode 10, “The Warriors Will”, had huge potential, but it fell flat for me. As in my previous review, I’m going to abandon my preferred paragraph formatting and use lists. Without further ado, here are “The Ugly, the Bad, and the Decent.”

The Ugly:

1. This Seems Familiar

For the fifth episode in a row, we are again watching those in the bunker plot to get to Shallow Valley. It’s something they’ve done in every episode and we’ve finally come full circle (which isn’t a good thing). Just as in Episodes 5 “Shifting Sands” and 6 “Exit Wounds” in particular (although, as stated previously, every episode has given us the same dilemma), we are treated to Wonkru believing they have no alternative other than to go to war with the crew of Eligius, being shown another option that could work, doubting Octavia as their leader, Octavia destroying their possible sustenance and the Grounders believing they have no other option than to go to war.

“The Warriors Will” feels like an episode that should have happened much earlier in the season (perhaps even as early as Episode 6). Don’t believe me when I say we’re watching the same episode repeatedly (like we’re stuck in a demented time loop)? Have some proof:

We have someone presenting Octavia with proof of vegetation to prevent a war and Octavia destroying it.

We have Abby continuing to struggle with her drug addiction (with no real end in sight — because a drug addiction takes more than one episode to clear up and we only have 3 episodes to go).

We have Monty (and Harper) once again refusing to fight because there must be a better way than constantly murdering people.

We have Bellamy and Octavia sparring (with words this time) and Octavia not wanting to kill Bellamy but also still threatening his life.

Sandworms in a desert?

We have Clarke Griffin, our leading lady, appearing as a guest star in her own show.

Nothing is new this season. We’ve been facing the same dilemma, from the same characters, with the same motivations and no real plot movement since the midway point. Now that we’re about 80% of the way through the season, it’s really starting to become evident that there were a lot of big ideas in The 100 Writers’ Room, but no real way to stretch them out over the course of 13 episodes. Episode 10 of The 100 ends with Wonkru in the exact same place they were in Episode 5 and I don’t think I should have to explain why that’s not great.

2. Motherhood Doesn’t Make You Stupid…

But The 100 would surely have you believe that it does. Over the course of this season we’ve seen how devoted Clarke is to Madi, the Grounder child she met in her initial foray into the newly irradiated world, and it makes absolute sense that the two would be close as they only had each other for six years. Clarke has adopted Madi as her own child, fed her, clothed her, sent her off to school with water and more; no one is questioning that their bond is real.

The problems with their relationship (and therefore Clarke’s character development) only really show up when you bother to look at Clarke’s actions. Nothing she does (even under the pretense of protecting Madi) is logical or is even truly reflective of things that a real mother might do. It seems that Clarke’s intellect has fled the building (as has her previous desire to ensure that everyone stays safe, not just her own people — I’m looking at you especially, Season 3 and 4 Clarke) when she makes the decision to simply toss out the sandworm larvae she finds in the back of the rover, even though she is fully aware that the worms are capable of growing and surviving in the desert — she was the one who had to pull the worm out of Octavia’s arm in Episode 5 of this very season.

The smarter move would have been to ensure their destruction, but I suppose that wouldn’t work with the pretty obvious need to have the worms make a reappearance in the desert in Episode 11 (likely in a “turnabout is fair play” moment for Octavia — wherein the worms she plotted to use to level Diyoza’s army wind up leveling her own), but there were other ways of doing this without sacrificing your lead’s intelligence.

More, Clarke continues to try to bend Madi (a 13-year-old with full awareness of the choice that she made) to her own will because of her own fears. She even goes so far as to physically wrestle with Madi and later, she threatens Madi with the activation words for the Flame (something that makes Madi flinch away from her). As a mother myself, I understand loving your child, but I will never do so to the point of physically forcing them to do things my way. I understand we’re meant to see this as a lesson in how far gone Clarke is now, how much her priorities have shifted, but having children doesn’t fundamentally change who you are, at least not the way the show would have you believe it does.

It doesn’t help that Clarke herself seems unaware of the lessons she’s been teaching Madi herself. When Madi slits the miner’s throat Clarke looks horrified (and I’m tempted to believe she thinks Madi’s new ruthlessness is inspired by the Flame), but it’s Clarke herself — with her continued murdering of guards in front of Madi under the guise of “There are no good guys” — who has created this monster. Will the show finally have Clarke realize she might have gone overboard? At this point, I don’t know.

3. Sometimes a Villain…

Can just be a villain. I’ve never been Octavia’s biggest fan; even in Season 1 she didn’t appeal to me the way she did to the masses, and perhaps that’s because she always felt too well adjusted for someone who was forced to live under the floor with no human interaction outside of two people for her entire life. Her actions in later seasons only forced me further away from her (beating her brother, her mentor, her lover, telling Grounders about their culture, etc), as it felt like the show was still trying to make me see her as someone who was capable of redemption.

Season 5 seemingly threw redemption out of the window for Octavia and leaned full blast into her apparent psychosis. This is who Octavia should have always been: unbalanced, with a yearning for power (caused by her own years of helplessness) and a desire to keep it by any means necessary, but “The Warriors Will” felt like an odd mix of redemption and further destruction for Octavia. When she cried after meeting with Bellamy and almost ran the piece of glass across her own wrist, it seemed as if we were supposed to feel sympathy for her. When she begged Indra to show her another way, when she pleaded with Monty to speak with Bellamy about Indra’s weakness and reminisced about the good times trapped in their room with Bellamy; all of these moments felt as if we were supposed to be seeing Octavia under the guise of “Blodreina”.

Unfortunately for the show, I’ve already spent four years understanding why Octavia is who she is, and I didn’t need any more explanations. Yes, I can see that each of the “softer” moments I’ve listed above were then flipped on their heads by Octavia allowing Blodreina to creep out when people didn’t bend to her will, but a villain as bad as Octavia has become in those six years under the ground doesn’t need to be humanized further. This was always going to be her destination, because Octavia was doomed from the moment of her birth.

I hope that the writers fully give in to Octavia as a truly broken and destroyed individual, someone who has truly “died” on the inside, but Octavia has had a metaphorical death every season and I have no faith that the writers are finally ready to commit to the villain they’ve created.

The Bad:

1. Where are the Grounders, Who are the Grounders...

Why are the Grounders (love and miss you Dax!) written as so ridiculously idiotic? This show is full of MacGuffins (plot devices) but I can’t believe that an entire group of people are functioning as one. I cannot understand how an entire group of reasonably intelligent people are still following Octavia’s orders after she has betrayed them twice in one episode.

We have seen the Grounders turn against their Commander before (that was the entire plot of the front end of S3) and know that some will even resort to assassination attempts if necessary. We know that, in the first few months in the bunker, the Grounders didn’t respect Octavia as a true leader, likely because she isn’t a Nightblood and does not hold the Flame, and we know that dissent has been growing amongst them since the bunker was opened.

In this very episode, we see the Grounders lead a chant of “No more Blodreina” for almost a solid minute after the discovery that she’s been lying to them about the existence of food (and a way to grow their own sustainable plant life outside of the bunker), but after Octavia burns that very same sustenance to the ground, the Grounders are once again ready to march to their deaths for their Red Queen.

It’s just not realistic. No group of people is truly this stupid. Not when dissent was already beginning amongst them as early as “Exit Wounds”, not when Octavia doesn’t fit their idea of true Commander anyway, not when she continues to prove how little she values their lives over her own need for power, not when they know that they have a true Commander out there waiting for them (and at least half of the army believes in Madi) — and all of this is made even more offensive by the reminder that Grounders are coded as indigenous peoples.

2. Too Many Serial Killers…

Makes the show a bit dull. As much as I enjoy the inner turmoil that has boiled over in the Eligius crew, McCreary and his merry band of thieves and murderers don’t really bring the same punch when they aren’t facing off against fan favorites Diyoza and Zeke Shaw. The scene in the woods with McCreary murdering the defectors had absolutely no emotional impact (or even an impact on the overall plot) because the audience has no attachment to the characters he murdered.

I assume it was meant to show us once again that McCreary is a ruthless killer, but we already know that. He was on Eligius for a reason and it wasn’t because he handed out candy to crying babies. The scenes with his crew guarding Abby were also unfulfilling because, again, we didn’t know those miners, and because I didn’t know them, their gruesome deaths at the hands of the obviously cannibalistic Vinson (probably foreshadowing for next week’s episode, “The Dark Year”) fell flat as well. The filming choice for that scene was also atrocious as a viewer. I understand that we’re supposed to be “seeing” through Abby’s eyes, but a shaky, blurry camera doesn’t make for a good viewing experience.

I had to consistently force myself to pay attention to the action on the screen during these moments, and even in my rewatch I found nothing of note save Diyoza’s notebook (which mentions the Sword of Damocles — an allusion to the ever-present peril faced by those in power and the title of the two-part finale), which clearly foreshadows the use of the element mined all those years ago later in the season. I would have been more interested in seeing McCreary and his crew hunting for Zeke and Diyoza (as opposed to simply torturing defectors for information) interspersed with the escapees trying to get to safety or coming up with another plan of attack. Instead, the fan favorites were all missing this episode (Zeke, Diyoza, Raven, Murphy, Emori) and what was left was…not great.

3. Let the Past Die

Not to quote Kylo Ren (because…gross), but it’s just not a good thing to continue to harp on the Season 3 actions of one character and one character only. Yes, if you haven’t guessed by now, I am discussing the second mention this season of Bellamy’s participation in the Pike sponsored massacre. We are constantly framing this one moment as the defining moment of Bellamy’s character arc, all while ignoring that Pike actively used Bellamy’s PTSD as it relates to Grounders to coerce him into participating, that Bellamy immediately showed remorse for his actions (in trying to stop Pike from murdering the wounded and later his body language and facial expressions upon entering Arkadia) and that it has, in canon, now been six years since those events happened. It doesn’t help that each time that moment in Bellamy’s life is mentioned the camera pans slowly to his face and Bellamy always must look guilty for a few moments, so we can understand that he did “a bad thing”.

If we are going to dwell on the Bad Thing that Bellamy did in Season 3, why is that we don’t also focus on the Bad Things that almost every other character did in Season 3? Why don’t we ever discuss Octavia brutally beating her brother while those who were supposed to be Bellamy’s friends watched in silence? Why don’t we ever discuss Clarke abandoning her people to relax in the shade in Polis for two weeks under the guise of ambassadorship? Why don’t we discuss Monty being on Team Pike just as much as Bellamy was and even helping to lock the gates to prevent Pike defectors from leaving Arkadia? All of those actions have been excused by the narrative as OK and yet, six years later, we are still dwelling on one day in the life of a character who is meant to be one of our heroes. If Bellamy has grown past his actions and has matured into a head and heart leader, let the others around him do the same.

To be clear, this isn’t a problem that Bellamy alone faces, it’s simply that his actions are the only ones portrayed as negative. Here I’m discussing the show’s continued pandering to Lexa kom Trikru fans. Despite Lexa’s death six years ago, Clarke still holds onto to the memory of her lost love (which is fine! I want to be clear that I have no problem with Clarke being curious about Lexa and Madi’s ability to “commune” with her if you will). My problem here is that we now have a show that has stated that Clarke was canonically willing to allow her best friend (again — canon confirmed) to die for placing the Flame in her child’s head (something just last episode Clarke was referring to as a “thing”), but now can’t bring herself to destroy the Flame because, even six years later, she still believes Lexa is actually residing within it, even as she believes the Flame’s existence to be a clear and present danger to her child.

You can’t write Clarke as being fanatically protective of Madi, to the point where she will allow her best friend to die over a device, I cannot emphasize enough that Bellamy is her still-living best friend, and then turn around and have her use her daughter to inquire about a woman that she loved who has been dead for over six years now. We get it, you want us to understand how important Lexa was, but you should not do that at the expense of what has been deemed the “foundation of the show” by the showrunner himself.

The Decent:

1. Don’t Mess with Gaia…

Kom Trikru, that is. I have been a Gaia stan since her initial introduction and the religious warrior hasn’t let me down yet. Her every action for six years in the bunker has been done with the faith that one day a true Commander would return to them and lead the Grounders once more. In the interim period, she made sure to ingratiate herself to Octavia, becoming a trusted member of her group which allowed her to continue to protect the Flame and operate mostly unquestioned. I admired her plan in this episode, her staunch refusal to murder her mother or Bellamy and even her attempted assassination of Octavia. Now that Gaia knows Madi is out there, she will stop at nothing to place her in her rightful place.

Equally as exciting is that there are people who believe in her as well. Gaia’s faction of the faithful seems small now, but I have no doubt that as we get closer to the end of the season we’re going to see that number increase. It won’t be easy to walk through fifty miles of desert, especially not once the sandworms make their appearance, and the further they walk the more cracks will appear in Wonkru, and I have no doubt that’s when Gaia will strike. I believe in her mission and I hope that her faith will be rewarded.

2. Always Bet on Green…

Monty Green, that is. It comes as no surprise to any of us that Monty, who has been pushing for a peaceful solution since he got to the ground and realized what has become of the bunker, found a way to save the day. He knew he could regrow the hydrofarm, he said as much to Kara only a few episodes prior (in 5x08 “How We Get to Peace”) and he’s managed to do just that and more, expanding his idea into the ability to create sustainable flora even outside of the bunker, with the hope that perhaps they could create their own Eden. It’s a genius solution, one that wastes no more lives and, while it might take a few years to truly bloom, it was one that was workable. In fact, that shred of hope might have given the bunker group enough time to work out true peace with Eligius.

Instead, all of Monty’s hard work is burned to the ground by literal dictator Octavia, and it is heartbreaking to see Monty sitting outside the ruins of Polis, holding on to his last bit of algae. Monty’s one hope was that death could be avoided. He didn’t want to return to Earth if it meant having to kill to live, he didn’t want to march on Eden, and I believe that his words about “deserving Earth” will come back to haunt a few people. Monty’s algae in small doses was enough to put both Murphy and Octavia in a coma, in a large enough dose I fear it could prove lethal. The camera focus on the jar and Monty’s insistence this season on peace (and death before war) tell me that the facilitator of irradiation in Mt. Weather, the boy who killed his mother twice (one time for Octavia herself — methinks he might regret that now) might be planning something, and I don’t think it’s going to turn out well for everyone.

3. A Mother’s Love…

As much as I’ve bemoaned the presentation of motherhood on The 100 in general and this season in particular, they finally got it right with Indra. I have never been more in awe of her than I was when she told Octavia that Gaia would be walking out of that pit and that she would kill Bellamy to ensure it. There was no hesitation, and finally I saw a mother’s love that I recognize. Indra’s willingness to sacrifice herself (and everyone else in the ring with her) is exactly what motherhood is all about. What makes the moment even better are the facts that:

Indra considered Octavia a daughter and loves her still, but is unwilling to continue to allow that to take precedence over the continued survival of Gaia, and

Octavia truly believed that Indra would choose Bellamy (and thus Octavia herself) over Gaia, only to hear Indra reject her.

Just as Bellamy is Octavia’s blood, Gaia is Indra’s (and more — flesh of her flesh as well). There is no stronger bond than that of motherhood, no greater love than that of a mother for her child, and I will rewatch the moments that Indra told both Blake siblings that her child would be the one walking out of that ring alive until my DVR recording refuses to allow me to rewind again. There is true strength in motherhood that does not run from problems but faces them head on and when it realizes that the only option might be death, does not flinch. I love Indra kom Trikru, she deserves the world.

In conclusion, “The Warriors Will” was another filler episode that had little to no impact on the overall plot of the season. It’s beginning to seem as of the six-year time jump, which could have had huge emotional impact across several relationships, was only created to force a divide between two characters, as no other aspect of the show has changed. Octavia is darker, absolutely, but she was already dark. Abby has a severe medical condition, but she already had one of those. Kane is operating as a goodwill ambassador for Eligius, but he’s always done that. The Flame is still a MacGuffin that does whatever the plot needs it to, it’s always done that.

I believe an opportunity for actual character-driven plots (as opposed to the characters continuing to react to the plot) was missed and, with only 3 episodes left in the season, I have no idea how the show can successfully wrap up every loose end it’s created and also shoehorn in the introduction for next season. I hope the show can prove me wrong.

The 100 airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

April’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝

#The 100 #The Warriors Will #Gaia Kom Trikru #motherhood #Monty Green

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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What do you do when there are no good surveys? Check back again later and hope someone has posted one I can do, ha. I’m too lazy to hunt for any myself and anytime that I’ve tried I don’t find any new ones or ones I haven’t done recently. What do you do when you can’t sleep? So every night? My nightly routine consists of listening to ASMR, scrolling through Tumblr, and taking some surveys. Sometimes I also color and catch up on some YouTube videos. The TV is always on as well, even if just for background noise. Do you take gummy vitamins? That’s the only way I can take vitamins since I can’t take pills. So glad that became a thing and they’re even geared toward adults. They’re a lot better than the disgusting chewables. I haven’t taken any in so long, though. :/ I really need to get on that. What do your Christmas pjs look like? I have a few pairs of Christmas leggings I sleep and lounge in and a couple Christmas shirts as well. What color looks absolutely terrible on you? *shrug*

On a scale of 1 to 10, how good are you at arts and crafts? The only thing I do close to that is coloring. That’s about as artsy as I get. Which candy bar do you buy the most? I don’t really buy candy bars. It’s pretty rare that I’ll have one, but if I were to, it’d be a Reese’s. Which coffee shop do you visit the most? Starbucks. Are you bothered by something right now? Yeah, health stuff as usual. Who do you go to when you are upset and need to talk? Usually I’ll just vent about it in these surveys and/or rant on Twitter. How many pairs of Christmas earrings do you own? I don’t have any Christmas earrings, but I have Christmas bracelets and scrunchies. Do you want a white Christmas this year? I wish. It doesn’t snow here. :( I’d love to go to the snow, though. Are you ok? Ha. Do you pretend to be ok when you’re not? I’ve been trying that for a long time. I used to put up a pretty good front, but not so much anymore. Name a class you only liked because of the teacher. My history class sophomore year. My teacher, Mr. Coffey, was awesome. Do you miss anyone? I miss a few someones. Do you have a nativity scene in your home? No. I’d like to get one. If you’re a girl, what color is your favorite bra? I just prefer black ones. Do you watch youtube videos a lot? Yeah. What website do you frequent the most? Tumblr most of all, but also Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. If someone dared you to read an excerpt of your diary out loud, would you? These surveys are like my diary and you’re all seeing it. Do you know what you’re going to wear tomorrow? Likely what I’m wearing now. ^If so, what are you planning on wearing tomorrow? -- Would you rather make a snow angel or snowman? Snowman. What is the best antique shop in your town? We don’t have any in my town that I know of. Do you ever drink wine? I used to. Does creating make you happy? I like coloring. Like I said, I’m not a crafty person and coloring is as artsy as it gets. Are you more creative or outgoing? I’m neither. Would you rather write a poem or a story? I used to write short stories when I was like 13 and I liked doing that. Do you have abusive family members? No. What US city would you most like to visit? There’s a lot I’d like to visit. NYC is definitely one of them. What country in the world would you most like to visit? Sweden. Do you have your wedding all planned out in your head? I don’t plan on getting married. What color are your snowpants? I don’t have any since it doesn’t snow here. Do you sell things online a lot? I’ve never done that. I buy things online a lot, though. What’s a quick and easy way to make some extra cash? *shrug* Do you enjoy babysitting or just tolerate it? I wouldn’t say it was something I really enjoyed, I mean it was okay. I only babysat my brother and a couple of my cousins when they were kids and they could be such brats sometimes lol. I couldn’t handle it for a long time. What is the best job you’ve ever had? Never had one. What is your dream job? I don’t know. Do you parents support your dreams? They would if I had any. Are you ambitious? I haven’t felt that in years. Was anyone a jerk to you today? No. What color are your grocery bags, if you have the reusable kind? We have various ones. If you were to write for a magazine, what kind of column would you have? I wouldn’t. Is there anyone you secretly miss? It’s no secret. I mean, maybe they aren’t aware but I would tell them if I ever talked to them. Have you ever had feelings for someone and never told them? Yeah. Are you adventurous when it comes to food? Ha, nope not at all. I eat the same few foods all the time and I’m so picky. What’s your favorite Disney theme park? I love all of Disneyland. What’s the theme of this year’s calendar? I have a really nicely made Alexander Skarsgard one that I won in a giveaway last year. Each month is a different collage of Alex photos and it’s just gorgeous. Do you buy planners or make bullet journals? I used to buy planners when I was in school. Do you get stage fright? Oh yes. Giving presentations and speeches was the absolute worst. What’s your newest favorite music video? “Thank u, next” by Ariana Grande. Who do you wish you could talk to right now? My grandma. :( Do you do a lot of DIYs? Nope. Target or Walmart? I like both, but man Target is a trap because I always find SO much stuff I want and end up spending way too much. What department store do you shop at the most? Kohl’s. What pharmacy do you use? CVS. What color are your Christmas lights? I have multicolor ones up in my room. I’m not sure what colors we’re going with for the tree. Who are your favorite small youtubers? A few of the ASMRists that I watch. What were you voted in the senior class polls? Nothing. Who was your best friend in high school? Freshman year it was Kyle, David, and Jessica. Sophomore year it was Gabby and Derek. Junior and senior year it was Amanda. Do you prefer going to a dance with friends or with a date? I went with friends. What restaurant is overrated? *shrug* Would you rather go to a 50’s diner or a brewery? 50′s diner. What do you like on your nachos? I used to love nachos with lots of cheese, jalapenos, guacamole, and sour cream. I can’t eat spicy stuff anymore, though. :( Do you still talk to your first best friend? No. What was your first imaginary friend’s name? I didn’t have one. Have you started on a list of resolutions for next year yet? I don’t make those anymore. Have you ever kept a memory jar? No. Owls or penguins? Penguins. Charlie Brown or Snoopy? I like both, but Snoopy is so cute. What were your high school’s colors? Nah. Do you most motivational & inspirational statuses on facebook? No. Are you fake on facebook? No. Have you ever been tempted to be fake on facebook? No. Do you have any true friends in real life? My family. Do you have anyone you can trust? My family. What does your ugly Christmas sweater look like? I have 3 Christmas sweaters, but I don’t think they’re ugly. I love ‘em. If you had to pick ten things to ask Santa for, what would you ask for? Better mental and physical health and a better financial situation is really all I want. Would you rather meet a genie or an alien? A genie, I guess. Have you ever hiked a mountain? No.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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auroraphilealis · 7 years

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Venus’s Looking Glass

Venus’s Looking Glass | Shy!punk!Phil has been crushing on confident!pastel!Dan for years now, but he’s never felt comfortable enough to do anything about it until he accidentally comes out to his brother Martyn, who is nothing but supportive. It’s Martyn’s idea to woo Dan with flowers - only, he didn’t mean do it anonymously. | Phan | Teen and Up | punk/pastel, secret admirer au, coming out, supportive brothers, mentions of sexual things | 12,142 Words

Happy birthday to the wonderful @cosmicphandom2k16, my literal phan mum! Your comments and messages always make me smile, and you are the kindest of kind souls! I just wanted to make you smile on your birthday, so I’m hoping this will do the trick! I’m also purposely posting while you’re asleep because I want you to wake up Monday morning and have this sat waiting for you! Also, on that note, happy mother's day mama phan!! I hope your family took great care of you <333</p>

Thank you to @vanillasolitude for the idea and the endless supply of flower images that I literally stole from you :) also thank you so much to @phandommother for reassuring me that this was not crap as I worked on it, and giving me so much reassurance and encouragement!

(Ao3 Link)

If anyone were to ask, Phil Lester would deny knowing how he’d ended up on his classmate’s facebook page, quietly and casually stalking their photo’s as if they were old friends, which they were not.

He couldn’t even claim he’d gone off on some kind of late night odyssey, or that he just plain couldn’t sleep, because it wasn’t exactly the middle of the night. In fact, Phil had only just finished eating dinner with his family downstairs. His brother Martyn had spent the majority of the meal teasing Phil about his new tongue piercing and the fact that it had caused his tongue to go all swollen for a few days, effectively embarrassing the hell out of him, and Phil had gone upstairs with the full intention of plugging in some headphones and listening to some tunes until he fell asleep.

It had been an accident when he’d ended up on twitter instead, and then on facebook, and then on Dan Howell’s profile page.

It wouldn’t have been so odd if Phil had, you know, known the guy, but as it was, they weren’t even friends. They were more like casual acquaintances who’d gone to school together for the majority of their lives and who’d added each other on facebook back when friend count was a competition.

Phil knew more about Dan from his facebook profile than he’d probably ever know about him in real life, and he’d only been on it for about ten minutes, now.

Not that he was going to tell anyone that he was not-so-casually stalking the guy, but still. It was kind of embarrassing, wasn’t it? Not something that Phil ever wanted to be caught doing, whether in the privacy of his own room or otherwise. He just kind of… got caught up, that’s all.

It wasn’t as if Phil knew nothing about they guy, either. They were classmates, had been since primary school, so it wasn’t that weird. It was just - Dan was kind of his crush, that’s all, and the last thing Phil wanted anyone to know was who Phil was crushing on. He was enough of a freak in his own right at school, considering the all black ensemble, dyed hair, tattoo’s, and piercings that were enough to scare off most people - he didn’t need everyone knowing he fancied guys on top of that. He dealt with enough whispers behind his back, thank you very much, and until he had someone else to protect from the harsh words, Phil didn’t really want to have to put up with them.

Of course, should Dan return his interest - well, Phil wasn’t going to think about that.

He’d much rather think about the cute little dimple currently flashing in the image on his phone screen, and the way Dan’s eyes looked bright and shiny whenever he smiled. God, Phil loved that smile. He could stare at it every day, given the chance - which he kind of did. They shared a surprising amount of classes at school this year, and Phil had been taking full advantage of the practically open invitation to gawk at the other boy.

He was pretty good at it, too - hiding the gawking, that is. The last thing Phil needed was Dan noticing his staring.

It had happened once before, and it had been disastrous.

Apparently, Dan had assumed Phil was glaring at him, and had stared back with eyes so wide he resembled a terrified doe. The memory of that cringe worthy moment was enough to make Phil shut his eyes and shake his head, even now. He’d been mortified, possibly a little bit heartbroken as well, and Dan hadn’t been able to so much as walk past him for the next three weeks without ducking his head and scurrying by like he thought Phil was going to eat him if he didn’t get out of his way fast enough.

Truth be told, Phil would like to eat him, but not in the way that Dan had assumed.

He’d gotten better, though. He was pretty adept at picking the right seat to stare at Dan from the corner of his eye, and he hadn’t been caught since. Phil was pretty sure his classmates hadn’t noticed the staring either, which was a blessing in and of itself.

If it was true that Phil had learned more about Dan from ten minutes on his facebook profile than he’d ever learned from Dan in person, then it was also definitely true that Phil had noticed more about Dan in person than perhaps anyone else in their school.

In fact, Phil had a little mini catalogue in his mind of Dan-isms, including the way his skin went all blotchy and red when he was embarrassed, and that Dan hated it because the colour would continue to stain his cheeks for a few days afterward. He also knew Dan’s laugh by heart, the sound generally soft but often really loud as well.

Dan himself was really loud, actually, despite his soft exterior, and it was kind of endearing in the strangest of ways.

See, Dan wore all pastel colours; he was the epitome of gentleness and softness. His hair was almost always a curly mass on top of his head, sometimes with flowers interspersed for some colour. He wore sweaters that were always too big on him, or crop tops that showed off his belly, and his skin was a glorious, soft tan.

He was so gentle that it was a surprise every time Phil heard his voice go high and screechy whenever he was excited about something.

Endearing. Dan was endearing, and all Phil really wanted to do was to get know every last aspect about his long time classmate and crush. Which… was honestly what had originally led him to Dan’s facebook profile.

The pictures had just been a bonus, a distraction.

In all honestly, Phil’s hand had been creeping lower and lower down his body the more photos of Dan he clicked through. He’d had his bottom lip trapped between his front teeth for a solid ten minutes, now, and it didn’t seem like that was going to be changing anytime soon.

In fact, given five more minutes, he was certain he was going to -

Dan was just so gorgeous. Phil couldn’t help it. He hadn’t been kidding when he said Dan alternated between clothes that were too big for him, and clothes that technically didn’t quite fit.

Some of Dan’s pictures were particularly provocative as well. Phil had just scrolled passed one of Dan staring up at the camera with those same, wide doe eyes he’d given Phil when Phil had scared him off months ago, and it had done something strange to Phil’s insides.

His breath hitched, and his hand itched lower, a tent starting to form under his jeans, but he kept clicking forward. It felt somehow wrong to wank to pictures of his crush, especially when said crush could go from looking sexy as hell, to the most innocent of flowers in an instant.

Dan was an enigma, in some ways.

Phil could feel his blood pulsing thick behind his ears as he scrolled passed yet another picture of Dan wearing short shorts and stretching out to show off his legs with a group of friends.

He wore a flower crown on his head, blue and red. It was Phil’s favorite one, because he’d complimented it once and managed to make Dan blush, his cheeks mottled for a good three days. He’d felt good, then, like Dan might actually finally take notice of him, but of course, he hadn’t. Instead, Dan had gone another week of avoiding Phil as best he could, and Phil had sighed his regret.

He wasn’t sure if he should take that as a rejection or not, so he just kind of… hadn’t.

His fingers dropped lower still, playing with the waistband on his jeans. He was so, so tempted to just - let go.

But he didn’t, and three seconds later, just as he was flipping through to a photo of Dan with his hair all mussed up from a morning shower, shirt off and fingers gripping his own hair, his bedroom door flew open.

“Philip!” Martyn whined as he sauntered in. At the same moment, Phil dropped his phone on his bed, startled as he was, and yanked his hand back from where it had begun to creep below his jeans. He shuffled backwards, eyes wide, and propped himself up on his bed with his elbows.

“What the hell, Martyn?” he practically screeched, cheeks going red. “What if I’d been masturbating?”

His brother snorted at him and rolled his eyes, shoving Phil’s door shut behind him and plopping down backwards on the bed with him, until he was practically hanging off both ends. Martyn had always been just as tall and lanky as Phil. They never quite fit on the same bed together, and today was no different.

“You weren’t. Were you?” Martyn replied, turning his head and quirking a brow at his brother.

Squirming a bit in embarrassment, Phil shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. His intent was to avoid Martyn realizing that Phil merely nearly had been, but it was too late. Before Phil could even attempt to subtly shift his legs so his brother wouldn’t notice the hard on currently pressed up against the zip of his jeans, Martyn was glancing down and blanching, launching into a fit of hysterics that made Phil’s cheeks turn a bright red.

“Shut up,” Phil whined, crossing his arms over his chest with a little huff.

Martyn reached up to wipe non-existent tears from his eyes, and replied, “Oops. Well, you hadn’t gotten your pants off yet at least.”

Phil didn’t consider that much of a blessing, all things considered just then.

Besides, he hadn’t really been planning on mastrubating. He’d just - you know, gotten a little excited. He couldn’t despoil Dan Howell no matter how much he wanted too.

“Besides,” Martyn suddenly continued. There was a glint in his eye that Phil did not like. “We both know I’ve seen worse,” he continued, and winked. Mortified, Phil was instantly glaring, reaching behind him for a pillow that he instantly launched at Martyn’s head.

“I hate you!” he whined, and grabbed another one for good measure, smashing Martyn in the chest with a loud, embarrassed groan. “I thought we agreed to never speak of that again!”

Martyn merely laughed at him some more, practically cackling and rolling on the bed as Phil smacked him again and again with the pillow. Phil was never going to forget the day Martyn was alluding too, as much as he’d love too.

It was years ago now, when Phil was still attempting to figure out his own sexuality and preferences. Martyn had stumbled upon him experimenting late one night in his bedroom, a back of lube, a condom, and his own fingers pressed somewhere some would argue they shouldn’t be. It had been mortifying, and even now, Phil could feel the blush burning down his chest, too.

With one last groan, Phil slammed the pillow into Martyn’s chest again and left it there, instantly collapsing onto the bed so he was hanging off sideways next to Martyn, though he was on his stomach rather than his back.

“What do you want, anyway?” Phil muttered when Martyn finally quit laughing at Phil’s misfortune.

He didn’t answer. For a moment, Phil didn’t think he would, and he frowned to himself, annoyed that his brother had most likely come in here for no reason once again other than to embarrass the crap out of Phil.

Then Martyn sighed, and the sound was so pitiful that Phil actually frowned as he rolled and turned to peer sideways at him.

There was a grimace pulling at the corners of Martyn’s mouth that Phil did not particularly like seeing there. Reaching over gently, Phil poked his brother in the side, and said, “Come on, talk to me then.”

With a huge, heaving sigh, Martyn rolled over as well, facing Phil like they used to as kids back when they’d kind of sort of fit on the bed together and one of them needed advice on something. His eyes were a little red, like he’d been scrubbing at them. It was enough for any leftover resentment Phil might have at Martyn to fade.

“Cornelia and I’ve been fighting, that’s all,” he eventually sighed. Phil winced, grimacing a little, and rolled over once more until he was on his back and facing the ceiling. “You know how it is. She’s - well, she feels like the romance is dead. To be fair, I haven’t exactly had much time to spend with her since the whole uni thing, you know?”

It was old news to Phil. Martyn had opted to go to the University of Manchester while his girlfriend, Cornelia, had gotten a full ride to York, and they hadn’t seen much of each other in months. Sometimes, Phil could hear Martyn and her fighting through the thin walls of their bedrooms, often into the middle of the night, and he always did his best to not bring it up the next day. In fact, they had yet to talk about Martyn’s recent relationship problems, and Phil was kind of surprised it had taken him so long to come to him.

“Yeah. I reckon it’s pretty hard,” he agreed quietly, unable to help it as his mind flicked back to thoughts of Dan. He’d been trying so long just to get his attention… shoving those thoughts aside, Phil did his best to focus on his brother and his real relationship problems. “But - I mean, she’ll come around, right? She’s got to know that you’re both really busy right now.”

Martyn sighed, but otherwise didn’t respond for a moment. Phil could hardly blame him. If only life could be so simple.

“I don’t know. I hope so,” he eventually agreed, and sat up. “But enough of that. That’s not actually why I came in here. I was hoping you’d wanna hang out or something?” Martyn offered, an unsure smile starting to curve the corner of his lips. “I realize I - interrupted you, but I’d rather not be alone right now.”

They must have been fighting earlier, then, and Phil had been too distracted to notice.

Doing his best to hide the blush that was slowly starting to heat his cheeks once more, Phil sat up as well and shoved his brother.

“Shut up. It’s fine. We could play mario kart or something, if you wanted,” Phil offered, standing with a yawn to get the system booted up. There was nothing like a quick round of mario kart to distract you from all of your problems, after all, and it was their go to thing to do in situations like these.

“Sounds great,” Martyn agreed easily enough. Phil smiled, and turned away to stretch, ignoring the sounds of his brother shifting around on his bed to instead go and actually find the controllers for his wiiu. He had a bad habit of tossing them on the ground after a late night gaming session.

He’d just unearthed the wiiu gamepad from under a black t-shirt when Martyn suddenly piped up behind him, sounding rather - odd.

“Who’s this?”

The question shouldn’t have been strange at all. It wasn’t all that unusual for the two of them to pick up each other’s phones and use them, especially when they were hanging out in each other’s rooms. More often than not, Martyn would open Phil’s social media apps and ask weird questions about the people Phil followed. But today… today was a very different situation because the last thing Phil had been looking at had been a shirtless Dan Howell, and the last thing Martyn knew Phil to be “doing,” was masturbating.

Phil’s blood ran cold, and he froze in place, terrified to turn around and take in the expression on his brother’s face. If his voice wasn’t giving anything away, Phil was certain his face would.

Swallowing thickly, Phil weighed up his options. How was he going to deal with this? Try and brush it off as nothing? Probably.

So Phil turned with the intention of doing just that, only to freeze in place once again as he realized that his brother was scrolling through Dan’s photos, and - well, as Phil had said earlier. Quite a few of them were… rather provocative.

Generally speaking, Martyn and Phil were pretty close. They told each other everything, often knowing each other’s secrets before anyone else did, but this was one secret Phil had been terrified to tell.

He swallowed and crossed his arms over his chest. The muscles there twitched.

Martyn wasn’t even looking at him.

“A friend,” he tried to claim, setting his teeth and playing with the tiny barbell tongue piercing Martyn had been making fun of at dinner against the back of his teeth. It was a much needed distraction.

“A friend,” Martyn repeated. His voice was so calm, it gave away none of what he was feeling.

Phil flinched. He didn’t particularly like that. They so rarely froze each other out, and it was kind of setting Phil’s nerves on fire. His brother was a good guy, and he’d always been supportive, it was just - for all that Phil had imagined coming out to his brother, it hadn’t been like this.

If nothing else, he knew Martyn must be shocked.

Phil’s hands were shaking. What if this was more than just shock?

“Yeah,” he reiterated, trying to keep his voice from shaking too. Slowly, he reached out with his hand and tried to snatch his phone away from Martyn. “Just this guy I know, I -”

“Phil,” Martyn interrupted. He still hadn’t looked up, and his fingers were poised over a picture of Dan smiling, dimple popping, with a group of his friends, a pink flower crown settled on top of his wild mass of curls. “You - you know I don’t - it’s fine if, like… Phil,” Martyn said, trailing off and finally, finally looking up at him.

His expression was carefully guarded, clearly taken aback, but not - but not angry in anyway.

Some part of Phil, some tight thing in his chest, uncoiled just like that, and while he couldn't fully relax, there could be no doubt about the relief coursing through him just then. Martyn might not have been able to say it, but - that was good. This was good. It was going to be okay.

Except it wasn’t going to be okay, not really, because Phil was terrified. He didn’t even know what he was, let alone how to describe it to anyone else, and he wasn’t really ready for this conversation no matter how understanding his brother might be.

He dug his nails into the palm of one hand, and gestured with the fingers of the for Martyn to hand over his phone already.

“I know,” he agreed, voice tense. “Just - he’s just a friend. Now give me my phone,” Phil insisted.

After another hesitant moment, Martyn finally did so, though it was clear the action was reluctant.

For a moment, Phil thought that would be the end of it. Martyn was biting his bottom lip like he didn’t want to pry, which Phil sincerely hoped he wouldn’t, and Phil was doing all that he could to avoid his gaze all together. He fiddled with his phone, quickly exiting Dan’s facebook page and then the app altogether before giving in and just shutting his phone off. He was still shaking, horrified that he’d been caught out. Tears burned at the backs of his eyes.

“Phil,” Martyn said then, interrupting his train of thought. He dropped a hand on to Phil’s shoulder that once would have been comforting, but just then made Phil want to crawl under a rock.

“What?”

“You know it’s okay if you’re like… gay, or whatever, right?” his brother finally managed to get out. “No one - no one here’s going to judge you, least of all me, and -”

“I’m not,” Phil shot back, interrupting Martyn completely. He looked up with burning eyes, and tried to hide the emotion behind a stilted glare. “I told you, he’s just a friend!”

Martyn gave him a knowing look, and Phil felt his shoulder’s beginning to sag in defeat. The last thing he wanted to do was cry about this, so he wiped furiously at his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m not… exactly,” he finally gave in. He could feel his heart racing in his chest as he dragged his hands away from his face and stared up at Martyn. “I’m - I don’t know what I am, okay? I just, you know… Like this guy, so can we please just drop it?” he finally requested, his voice going a little high, a little squeaky, the way it always did when he was stressed.

“It’s not a big deal,” he added for good measure, “It’s not. Okay? I just - you know. I was going to tell you,” he claimed, shoving his now turned off into his back pocket so his brother couldn’t go through any more of his stuff. He could still feel the embarrassment making cheeks red, and it really wasn’t helping the terrified part of him that just wanted to drop this entire conversation already. “It’s not a big deal,” he repeated once more for good measure, and met his brothers eyes again.

Martyn just started at him, expression soft and understanding. He reached out to clasp Phil’s shoulder again, squeezed once, and then let go.

“Okay,” he finally replied. “So… mario kart?”

It wasn’t until several hours later, in the wee hours of the morning, that Martyn brought it up again.

Phil could just see the red numbers of his alarm clock declaring the time to be 4:54 am. He was royally fucked for school tomorrow.

“So about this guy,” Martyn said, nonchalant as ever, just as he shot a blue shell at Phil and sent him skittering off the mario kart track they were currently playing and down to his death. Groaning loudly, Phil shoved him with his shoulder.

“Cheater,” he whined, and then, “What guy?”

The blue shell had dropped him back into fourth place, now, and it wasn’t even Martyn who’d taken the lead. He liked to call this position the cluster fuck of items, as there were boomerangs and red shells flying aplenty.

He needed to work his way back up before he got royally screwed and ended up in tenth place or something.

Somehow, Phil managed to slip on a banana peel that just so happened to land directly in front of his kart, and he groaned all over again, shoving the wiimote into his cheek painfully hard.

“Well, for starters, are you actually friends?” Martyn continued, as if he hadn’t just fucked up Phil’s entire game plan. “Because I’ve never heard you talk about him before, and I’d suspect I would have heard of him before now if you were,” Martyn continued, taking his own leisurely stroll past the computer currently in second place, until he was nearly in the lead himself.

Phil grunted in response, trying to maintain his focus as his kart was re settled on the track and the wiimote returned to his hands. He didn’t really want to talk about this right now. His heart had only now stopped racing since Martyn had accidentally found out about Dan a few hours earlier in the first place.

“No,” he finally admitted, gritting his teeth as he raced past the kart in seventh place and up a wall to collect an item box. The little tinkling sound distracted him for a moment, and he pressed the trigger button instantly upon receiving the much loved bullet bill.

Martyn hardly seemed to notice at all.

“Well, you’re an idiot then. Have you ever even talked to him?” Martyn accused, settling in just behind the first place Mario comp with a yawn as someone sent a blue shell flying his way. Phil grit his teeth as Mario fell behind, and he barely managed to drop off in fourth place thanks to the bullet bill.

“Can we please not talk about this right now?” he demanded.

Martyn, as usual, ignored him.

“I’m taking that as a no,” he replied, just as the finish line came into sight and Phil grabbed another item box containing - yet another blue shell.

He shot it off as just the same time as Martyn went to cross the finishing line, chanting “Come on, come on, come on - no!” right up until the moment Martyn managed to finish the race in first place, rendering Phil’s blue shell null and void.

He groaned once more and threw his wiimote on the floor, deciding he didn’t care anymore if he came in last now, not when he’d come so close to knocking Martyn back a few places.

“Shut up,” he whined, flopping backwards, his back just hitting the side of his bed.

Martyn grinned at him.

“If you don’t talk to him, you know you’re never going to get a chance with the guy, right?”

Phil grabbed a pillow off of his bed and smacked Martyn in the face again.

“No, but really, Phil. Grow a pair of balls before someone else does and snatches the poor guy up. He is rather cute, isn’t he?”

“Are you still on about this?” Phil asked with a loud groan. They’d play a few more rounds of mario kart before Phil’s alarm had inevitably gone off, and he’d stood to start getting ready for school. University student as he was, Martyn didn’t have class until three that afternoon, and didn’t look like he had any plans to move from in front of Phil’s television any time soon.

Phil had honestly thought his brother was finally going to let the whole Dan thing go after he’d smacked him in the face again, but clearly he’d been wrong.

“Duh,” Martyn shot back. “When was the last time you were actually interested in someone? Was it Karly with a K? That girl you wrote love letters to and then tried to give a bouquet of flowers too until she -”

“Okay, alright, that’s enough! Yes, it was Karly with a K, and I hardly see how that’s relevant!” Phil shot back, cutting Martyn off before he could bring up anymore memories that Phil really didn’t want to think about just then. He was trying to shove his t-shirt over his head, but a piece of thread had apparently gotten caught on one of his earrings, and his voice had come out so muffled he wondered if Martyn had even heard him.

The fact that he kept on talking implied no.

“ - she was a nasty one, wasn’t she. Hey! I’ve got an idea!” Martyn suddenly exclaimed. It must have been a good one as well, because he actually dropped the wiimote in the middle of the race to instead get up and help Phil untangle his t-shirt from around his head.

“The flowers clearly didn’t work on her, but they’ll definitely work on your flower boy! I bet he makes his own flower crowns. If you just picked a few flowers for him, that might at least get some conversation flowing between you too. What do you think?”

“I’ll think about it,” Phil snapped back, but he most definitely wasn’t going to do it.

He was going to do it. Kind of.

Phil had a plan, and it most definitely involved giving Dan Howell flowers, only - well, Phil was too terrified to do it himself, exactly.

So he had a plan, and that plan involved stealing Mrs. Grinachu’s blue starlets, the prettiest flowers Phil had ever seen, next to Dan. Was that cheesy? Probably, but considering Phil had been fully against the idea of ever giving Dan anything in the first place before he’d caught sight of the tiny little flowers, he supposed he was allowed to be cheesy.

Not five minutes since Phil had left the house for school, he was back and reaching for a pair of scissors from the kitchen cupboard. It was just his luck that Martyn decided to take that exact same moment to come racing down the stairs and into the kitchen as well.

Both boys froze as Martyn appeared in the doorway.

“What are you doing, baby brother?” Martyn asked, confused. “Didn’t you just leave?”

“Yeah,” Phil replied, straightening up a little awkwardly considering he was hiding the pair of scissors behind his back. “I just - forgot… something,” he claimed, going to turn away and taking the scissors with him.

He didn’t quite manage to shoot passed his brother Martyn, though he did try his best. Before he could get fully past Martyn, his brother reached out and snatched hold of his wrist, dragging him around until he caught hold of Phil’s other wrist as well only to reveal the scissors Phil was holding.

Going red all over again, Phil tried his best to shoot his brother a glare. “Hey!” he complained, “Let me go. I’m going to go be late for school!” he complained, trying to be appear even just a tiny bit threatening, but it had been a long time since his scraggly appearance had scared off Martyn, if it ever had in the first place.

Martyn, for his part, merely rolled his eyes.

“Doesn’t matter how many tattoo’s or piercings you have, Phil Lester. I am never going to be intimidated by you.”

He was grinning though, and Phil had no doubt it had everything to do with the pair of scissors he’d been caught red handed with. Martyn quirked a brow at him.

“Going to give flower boy some flowers, then?”

“Fuck off,” Phil said.

He ended up leaving them on Dan’s seat in maths, a fistful of the cutest blue flowers Phil had ever seen quite deliberately left on the cold plastic of Dan’s chair.

Not ready to be outed once again by his crush on Dan, Phil snuck into the classroom early, before anyone else could arrive, hoping he’d get away with leaving behind his present. He very nearly did get away with at as well, but just as he was turning away from Dan’s desk, the classroom door opened once again to reveal their teacher.

Phil froze for a moment, staring wide eyed and disbelieving at Mr. Cray, fear burbling away in his stomach all over again. His fingers clenched into fists at his sides, and he was just about to turn around and snatch the flowers backup to save himself the embarrassment when Mr. Cray cleared his throat and offered Phil a clam grin.

“Morning,” he greeted, nonchalant as ever, and made his way over to his desk. Phil watched him go, disbelieving for a moment. Surely, he couldn’t be that lucky? He’d been caught out, red handed, giving flowers to a boy…Was he imagining the way Mr. Cray’s lips quirked up in a mimic of a smile?

Deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Phil finally got his legs moving again, and rushed over to his own seat, shaking and hiding his expression behind a dark fringe as the bell for break to end rang and students began to pour into the classroom.

All that was left then, was to wait. There was a buzz of adrenaline prickling under Phil’s skin that he did his best to hide, but he couldn’t seem to keep himself from tapping his fingers.

Dan was never the first to class, but neither was he usually the last. He was perfectly punctual, and he always came in laughing with a group of friends. Today, though - today, Dan was most decidedly late.

For the whole of the ten minutes before class officially started, Phil waited anxiously in his seat, heart racing so fast he couldn’t seem to keep himself from shaking his leg in agitation and an attempt to release some of his pent up frustration, but Dan didn’t show. Instead, nearly every one of his other classmates traipsed through the door and sent curious looks over at the small bunch of flowers Phil had left on Dan’s chair.

There was excited murmuring and chatter as more and more students settled in, wondering who on earth could have left the flowers, but none of their comments mattered to Phil. All he really card about was Dan’s reaction.

Would the other boy like the flowers? Had Phil left the stem’s long enough for Dan to do anything with? Would Dan even want to make a flower crown out of them, or were they too likely to die too fast to wear? Phil didn’t know, but he wanted to know, and when Dan didn’t appear when Phil thought he would, he started to panic.

Maybe Dan wasn’t even going to be in class that day. After all, Phil hadn’t seen him yet that afternoon. What was he meant to do if Dan didn’t show up? He couldn’t exactly leave the flowers there for the next class, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to get up and remove them himself considering he didn’t want anyone to know it had been him, so what was he going to do?

Phil was just about to launch himself out of his seat and excuse himself to the bathroom just as the bell for the start of class went when the classroom door flew open one last time, and a disarrayed Dan Howell flew inside.

“Sorry I’m late!” he shot at the teacher. “Had a doctors appointment, but I’m here now,” he explained, handing over a little slip of paper from administration before heading straight for his seat.

It was obvious the moment Dan saw the flowers, because up to a point, he looked so harried Phil was terrified he wouldn’t notice them in time and would end up sitting on them instead of picking them up. Phil’s heart rate had returned to a ridiculous trot in his chest, and his body was still tensed to flee, but he didn’t move, anxious and waiting.

When Dan’s gaze finally landed on the flowers, he looked so taken aback that Phil didn’t know what to do.

What if he hated them, or thought it was some kind of prank? What if he demanded to know who had left them there, or tossed them in the bin when Phil had so carefully stolen them just that morning?

But he didn’t. Instead, the expression of surprise quickly melted into something softer and sweeter, Dan’s cheeks doing that mottled pink thing they did when he blushed. His fingers shook as he reached for the probably too long stems, and picked them up gently, as gently as he did just about anything.

Phil’s heart was in his throat.

“Who -?” Dan started to ask, glancing around the room, his eyes skipping right over Phil like he was still too afraid to look at him. He didn’t finish his statement, instead shaking his head and turning back to the front of the room as he slipped into his seat.

That’s when Phil heard it - the faintest sound of a little giggle. His heart burst open then, and he practically melted, watching as Dan shoved his face into his hands and shook his head like he couldn't quite believe it.

“So?” Martyn asked the second Phil walked through the door, practically dead on his feet from lack of sleep. “How did it go?”

Phil didn’t answer, but he couldn’t quite manage to hide the way his lips twitched remembering the way Dan had later stuck the tiny little petals into his hair in a makeshift flower crown that afternoon at lunch.

Martyn laughed and clapped Phil on the shoulder.

“Good for you!” he said.

It turned out Mrs. Grinachu was rather useful after all. She had a rather spectacular garden in her front yard that Phil hadn’t really paid attention to before now, and the flowers were all pretty much the same size as the blue starlets from yesterday.

His fingers were twitching in his pocket, where he’d shoved the same pair of scissors from home just that morning on the off chance he might see another set of flowers he wanted to give to Dan. He hadn’t exactly… okay, so he had planned to woo Dan with flowers every day, but he hadn’t exactly expected it to be so easy.

Mrs. Grinachu’s garden was right there though, and Phil could just about see these really pretty pink flowers he thought he’d seen Dan wear before just there, staring at him like they wanted him to take them.

So he did, with a few quick, precise snips to a bunch at the front of the bush he was currently hiding behind, and then he scurried off to school once more.

He didn’t quite count his lucky stars that he’d be the first to maths again, or that he’d manage to sneak the flowers onto Dan’s seat when he knew there was going to be at least one person keeping their eye out for Dan’s secret admirer, so he didn’t even try. Instead, e kept the small bunch of flowers carefully tucked away in his folder, and waited until the perfect moment to tape them to Dan’s locker instead.

Unfortunately, said moment did not come before maths, and Phil watched as Dan walked in, looking rather hopeful, only to find that his seat was empty. The sight stabbed at Phil’s heart until he was sorely tempted to stand up right then and there and just go ahead and hand the flowers over in person instead, but he refrained.

He did, however, use that lesson as an excuse to sneak away to the “bathroom,” and, after making certain that no one was looking, pulled the flowers from his folder and taped them along the locker Phil knew beyond a doubt belonged to Dan.

He didn’t quite get the chance to enjoy Dan’s expression of happy surprise once again, but he did notice the little bunch of flowers more securely strapped to Dan’s bag on his way home that afternoon.

Phil’s heart did a strange little flip, and he hid his own giddy smile in his hand.

On Friday, Phil stole a purple flower called “venus’s looking glass” from Mrs. Grinachu’s garden, conveniently labeled for Phil’s perusal, and managed to sneak it into Dan’s bag to find when he got home that weekend. He gave himself a congratulatory pat on the back for a job well done, and continued on with his day.

For the past three days, Dan had looked happier than he ever did, and Phil couldn’t help hoping it was because of him. Dan was always rather cheery, so it was hard to see a difference, but Phil noticed it. He had an extra spring in his step, and he laughed harder and louder than he normally did, like he just couldn’t quite manage to keep the giddiness in.

His cheeks were a constant, stained pink as well, and Phil actually caught the other male looking his way on more than one occasion, but Phil hadn’t reacted in the least. He’d stared back for less than a millisecond each time before continuing on his way, as if nothing had ever happened in the first place.

He wasn’t sure if Dan would still be so excited about his flowers if he knew it was Phil who’d been gifting them to him, but he could hope. If nothing else, the way Dan looked at him, like he was scrutinizing him, had given him enough hope.

Maybe, it would be okay.

Venus’s looking glass is my favorite flower, how did you know?

The words were printed clear as day across Phil’s phone screen. He was almost ashamed to admit that he’d been ever so cautiously stalking Dan’s social media mentions since Friday afternoon, and it had taken until Saturday night for Dan to post anything about the purple flowers Phil had snuck away in his bag.

It had ended up being a tweet. Phil had kind of been hoping for a facebook post, maybe an instagram of Dan wearing them somewhere, but a tweet would do. In fact, the tweet was everything, and made something strange wriggle around in Phil’s stomach to see that he’d done something right.

His favorite.

Somehow, Phil had gotten lucky enough to pick out Dan’s favorite flower from Mrs. Grinachu’s garden, and he was ever so tempted to head out and steal another one just for good measure. Maybe he could give it to Dan on Monday, and maybe, if he was brave enough, he might actually present it to him person.

The thought sent a nervous chill through Phil, and he grinned as he not so secretly pressed “like” on the tweet.

“How’s everything going, baby brother?” Martyn asked, quite suddenly appearing beside Phil as he plopped down on the sofa next to him.

Cornelia had come over for the weekend. She’d arrived Friday morning, apparently visiting from York, and Phil hadn’t exactly been able to stay in his room since. He didn’t blame them, though, despite being a little bit annoyed that it was too embarrassing to sleep in his bed when he knew exactly what was going on a room over.

He done his homework in the kitchen, spent the night on the sofa, and kept quite clear of the upstairs since last night’s dinner.

He was honestly kind of surprised to find Martyn out of bed.

“Nothing,” he replied, shutting off his phone screen and turning back to the tv show he’d put on earlier to distract himself from waiting for Dan to post something, anything.

Phil was careful not to turn and look at his brother, who he was sure was covered in an array of hickies. He’d seen enough of that to last him a life time.

Martyn snorted at him, and smacked him on the back of the head. Phil did nothing more than grumble.

Martyn stretched his legs out with a sigh and a rather pleasing joint crack.

“How are things going with flower boy?” he eventually asked through a yawn.

Phil rolled his eyes.

“His name’s Dan. And fine,” he replied.

“Talked to him yet?”

Phil squirmed in his seat.

Martyn laughed again. “Come on, baby bro. Get a move on already. What are you afraid of?” he asked.

Everything, Phil decided.

On Monday, there was a cluster of pretty orange wallflowers Martyn’s girlfriend had bought for him in a show of solidarity, on Tuesday there were some sunflowers Phil managed to steal last minute just outside of the track and field, and on Wednesday he arrived at school with something bright pink and cuter even than the blue starlets Phil had picked out that first day. He was quite creative with where he left them as well - the wallflowers appeared in a class that Dan and Phil did not share, the sunflowers were left on top of Dan’s gym bag, and the bright pink flowers Phil rather dangerously left on a little platform just outside of the school parameters where Phil knew Dan walked past on his way home every day. Those, he might have stuck around to make sure ended up with the right person, and he was pleased to see the way Dan’s eyes lit up as he picked them up.

“He still didn’t speak to Dan, though, and while the social media mentions increased - i wish you’d tell me who you are; they like me, they like me not...; the drummonds were beautiful thank you; and a rather provocative photo of Dan with a delicate array of some of the surviving flowers from the past week scattered about his bare thighs - Phil did not step forward to reveal himself to Dan.

He was honestly terrified. What if Dan was hoping it was anyone but Phil, or what if, when Phil finally approached him like the plan eventually foretold, he was too intimidated or grossed out by Phil’s rather… eccentric appearance to do anything other than run away?

Phil knew it was probably ridiculous to think like that, because this was Dan, one of the nicest students in the student body, but it wouldn't be the first time he’d scared the poor kid away. The last thing he wanted was to do it again.

The instagram picture, though. Phil couldn’t help wondering what exactly Dan had meant to accomplish with that. All he’d managed to do was give Phil a raging hard on that he was too afraid to do anything with out of some kind of messed up desire to keep Dan pure.

Phil would literally pay the universe five thousands dollars if Dan turned out to be pure in anyway, not when he’d looked at the camera like that.

Phil finally wrote Dan a love note on Friday.

Mrs. Grinachu had another set of flowers labeled scarlet lobelia in her garden that strictly speaking, were gorgeous, just like Dan. Quite unable to restrain himself very much longer with the way Dan kept trying to bait Phil out on instagram with an increased posting of the flowers Phil kept leaving him, Phil scribbled out a note to leave behind with the flowers this time.

Ive never seen a flower more reminiscent of the way you make me feel, it said, with a messy little xoxo at the end, and secret admirer. Phil had drawn a lion for good measure, an attempt at the same lion Phil had tattooed on his upper arm.

It was the first indication that the flowers were actually coming from someone who was interested in Dan, and the first time Phil had given away anything that might tell Dan who he was.

All he could really hope was that Dan would be excited by the hint, and maybe, just maybe, he might realize who Phil was without Phil actually having to approach him.

Maybe this way, if Dan was going to reject him, it would at least be a little more gentle. If nothing else, Phil had tried.

Phil should have known by now that the last thing Martyn was going to do was leave him alone about Dan, so it really should not have come as any surprise to him when Martyn showed up in his room on Sunday, holding Phil’s phone aloft with a goofy little grin.

“I was looking for that,” Phil stated calmly.

He had been. He’d been waiting for Dan to post something about his note since Friday, but he’d yet to get any notifications from any of Dan’s social media accounts, and it was starting to freak him out a little bit.

Had he well and truly messed up after all? Phil didn’t know. Maybe Dan was just busy. That’s what he’d been telling himself, anyway.

“Oh yeah?” Martyn asked, looking like the cat who’d caught that canary. “And why’s that. It’s not like you’ve got Dan’s number or anything. Waiting for something, Philip?”

Eyes narrowed, Phil peered at his brother suspiciously.

“It’s none of your buisness,” he tried.

Martyn snorted.

“You tell me everything, Phil. It’s definitely my business. Look,” he said, and finally tossed Phil his phone. It was open to the instagram app, Dan’s IGN glaring at him from the top of the screen, and there was finally an image laid bare to him.

Dan’s first post of the weekend.

For my lion, the caption read.

The picture was - well, the picture was most definitely not something Phil had been expecting to see.

It was made up of flowers, the same way all of Dan’s instagram pictures were, sure, but there was something more about it. The flowers were spread out over what appeared to be Dan’s bedroom floor, and the picture they made seemed strangely familiar.

It took Phil a few minutes to realize why, but the moment he did, his cheeks went bright pink.

“So. When are you asking him out?”

“Shut up,” Phil squeaked back, and shoved another pillow in his brother's face.

On Monday, Dan showed up wearing baby blue high tops, jean short shorts, and a black crop top with a lion emblazoned across the front in red and gold. On top of his head sat the same red and blue flower crown Phil had first complimented him on so many months back.

It seemed suddenly impossible that the lion Dan had made out of flowers on his bedroom floor that weekend had only coincidentally resembled the one on his arm.

In fact, with the way Dan smiled at him the minute he walked into maths, less than a minute before the final bell that afternoon, said it all, and Phil found himself blushing before he could even think to stop himself.

In his backpack, he’d hidden away a rather delicate red rose whose thorns he’d personally removed, much to the displeasure of his fingertips. He’d hoped to give it to Dan personally that afternoon, but he’d still had the sinking feeling Dan had gotten it all wrong somehow.

Now, as Phil ducked his head rather shyly away from Dan’s gaze, he realized he’d been kind of an idiot this whole time.

All around them, there were exciting murmurings as their classmates waited for something to happen. They’d been staring at Phil pretty much since he’d walked on campus that morning, so Phil knew they knew, just as much as Dan knew, and it was far more terrifying than he’d ever imagined it to be.

He was out, then, and that was - that was. Phil didn’t know. He was too busy trying to calm the butterflies currently having been set free in the pit of his stomach at the idea of Dan actually wanting him back.

Did Dan want him back?

Awkwardly, Phil slid nervously into his own seat, backpack pressed securely to his stomach, like it might hide him from view. Slowly, he peered up at Dan from underneath his dyed blue fringe. He was still staring at him. In face, he was getting up, grinning directly at Phil, his eyes dancing in a way that made Phil’s stomach twist.

Before something could happen, however, the bell for class went. Everyone groaned, disappointed, but none as disappointed as Dan. Phil watched as the other boy pouted, still staring staring at Phil like he was hoping Phil would actually properly catch his gaze, but sat back down as Mr. Cray stood and started speaking.

Phil turned his gaze back down to his desk as Dan turned to face the front of the room. He was shaking, fingers fumbling as he reached for the zip on his backpack where he held the rose he’d de-thorned just for Dan that morning. He’d bled - quite a bit, actually - but he hoped that Dan wouldn’t notice all the tiny little cuts on the pads of his fingers now.

That was - if Dan even wanted to see his hands, let alone him.

But he did, didn’t? He must.

Phil’s heart was racing faster and faster with every passing moment. He felt kind of dizzy and anxious, and he was avoiding Dan’s gaze for once. His pastel flower prince, meanwhile, was quite clearly staring his way.

Phil bit his lip.

He didn’t know how to do this.

“Hey,” Dan said, just as the bell was going for the end of class. Phil stopped clear in his tracks, having just launched himself out of his seat in a last ditch attempt to get away and not face Dan, despite the overwhelmingly larger part of him that wanted too.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, too afraid to look at Dan, and then collapsed back in his seat, hugging his backpack to his chest once again. He fumbled with the zips at the front; should he - did he… the rose? Phil really wanted to give Dan the rose, but despite his intimidating exterior, he’d always been… rather shy.

Anxious, even, in social situations.

“Hey,” Phil finally managed to croak out in reply. He swallowed, but didn’t look up. “I guess you’ve found me out then, yeah?” he asked, forcing out a rough sounding chuckle. “You didn’t have to wear black for me, you know. I really - the way you are, it’s fine. It’s good,” he said.

His mouth felt suddenly rather dry.

Dan laughed above him, the same high, giddy sound he’d been letting out for the past few weeks now.

“It was the only crop top with a lion on it that I could find. I figured you wouldn’t mind what I was wearing, considering - considering. But I wanted you to know I knew it was you,” Dan explained, his voice a little high, a little shy. It was the most he’d ever spoken to Phil in all the time they’d gone to school together, but even now, he sounded more sure of himself than Phil did.

Phil felt himself starting to flush even harder, embarrassed about it all.

“Yeah? Well I, uh… I appreciate it,” he squeaked. He still couldn’t quite seem to make himself look at Dan, and his fingers kept pressing at the zips on his backpack.

The majority of their classmates had gone, and Phil wondered if they were trying to give the two of them a little privacy. Phil could hear one or two lingering in the doorway, though.

Dan giggled, and Phil suddenly wanted to die. Could he be any more awkward? He was supposed to be the confident, suave bad boy type, and he couldn't even look at his crush’s face now they knew he - he - fancied them.

“Hey,” Dan said again, surprising Phil just enough that he flicked his gaze upwards. Dan was staring at him with the gentlest of expressions Phil had ever seen. There was that same, familiar blotchy blush making his cheeks all rosy, and his eyes were like liquid, they were so soft.

Phil had the sudden urge to just lean forward and kiss him already, but he didn’t.

“Yeah?” Phil asked dumbly, his voice all breathy.

Dan giggled at him again.

“I brought you something,” he said. Dan bit his lips for good measure, glancing down just enough that his fringe fell in front of his eyes, and reached behind him for something Phil hadn’t realized Dan had left on the desk beside Phil.

“You don’t - you didn’t have to, Dan, I -”

“I know,” Dan interrupted him, grinning a little shyly. He’d managed to perfect that doe eyed look even as he stared up at Phil from under his eyelashes. “But I wanted too. You’ve already given me so much. I just wanted to give you something in return,” he said.

Phil wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. He bit down on his own lip, and slowly nodded his head.

That seemed to be all the permission Dan needed, because it was only a few seconds later that he was grinning again, seemingly bouncing on the balls of his feet as he well and truly grabbed hold of whatever object was behind him.

For a second, a very brief second, Phil saw a flash of purple, and then Dan was settling something on top of Phil’s head. He looked so pleased with himself once he got it situated the way he wanted it that Phil basically melted, feeling his limbs go all weak and his eyes soft.

His eyes were wide as Dan took a step back from him - and when had he gotten closer, when he’d placed the thing on top of Phil’s head? - and he reached up with delicate fingers of his own to touch the object that Dan had presented to him.

His own, slow growing smile creeped up over his features as he realized just what it was.

A flower crown.

Dan giggled again.

“It’s venus’s looking glass. My favorite, remember? I thought… you could wear a little piece of me around.”

Phil laughed. He laughed, and ducked his head, and covered his face the same way Dan had when he’d first found the blue starlets on his desk chair a little over two weeks ago. Phil couldn’t quite believe he’d ever been so terrified of Dan Howell.

“Yeah,” Phil eventually agreed. “I’d very much so like that.”

They ate lunch together.

Dan insisted on practically sitting on Phil’s lap, pressed up into his side as he was, bare thighs resting delicately against the fabric of Phil’s jeans. They were outside, in the courtyard on a little patch of grass, and Phil’s heart was beating so fast he thought it might just burst right out of his chest. Dan kept making him laugh, smiling up at him with that same gentle smile, and they hadn’t even kissed yet but Phil thought he could have died happy right then.

For the first time, he was too distracted by Dan to be embarrassed at the way his tongue stuck out when he laughed, or how dumb he probably looked when he was eating. It was comfortable, far more comfortable than Phil had been expecting it to be, and while he could still feel his heart thrumming away anxiously inside fo his chest, he felt good.

He felt safe, with Dan. Gentle Dan, whose eyes were like liquid gold in the glint of the sun.

They seemed to talk about everything and nothing, dancing around the subject of flowers and secret admirer’s and the clear attraction between them both. Phil fed Dan fries, and shivered at the way Dan’s lips just ghosted past his fingers, and Dan teased Phil when he got ketchup on his face, but it was good.

It was so, so good. Any fear Phil might have had left that they might not get along vanished into thin air a mere thirty minutes into lunch.

Phil was so completely in love.

“So,” Dan said, picking up Phil’s hand in his not long after they’d finished eating. It was tiny compared to Phil’s. Phil’s dwarfed his in comparison, but Dan seemed to like that because he grinned even wider and laced their fingers together delicately.

“So,” Phil agreed, shy as ever, and so, so tempted to just - he rested an open palm on Dan’s bare thigh, and watched Dan shiver under his touch.

Phil was so fucked.

“So. Where’s my flower?”

Phil laughed. He threw his head back, and he laughed so hard that his entire body shook with the force of it. Dan’s face was screwed up in a happy little pout, like he couldn't quite hold back his smile, but he meant business all at the same time. It was the cutest expression Phil had ever seen, and he reached up with the same hand currently holding Dan’s to press his fingers to his cheek.

“What makes you think I have one for you today?” he teased, leaning in close enough that he could feel Dan’s breath puffing up against his lips. Their foreheads were nearly touching, and Dan had shifted so he was more turned into Phil’s body, one leg practically completely in Phil’s lap.

“Because you always have one for me these days,” Dan said, and lowered his gaze. “You wouldn’t skimp out on me today, would you?” he breathed.

Phil could practically feel that his pupils had blown wide. Dan’s free hand had found Phil’s, and he’d dragged it up his own bare thigh until Phil was unconsciously stroking the tanned skin left bare before him. He swallowed, lips parting unconsciously, and wondered what he wanted more. To make Dan smile with the red rose tucked away in his backpack, or to feel his lips finally pressed up against his.

“Phil,” Dan breathed. His eyes were wide, but determined, no trace of shyness left. He was grinning like this was all that he’d ever wanted in life. “Don’t be an idiot and kiss me already.”

So Phil did.

He pressed in close and finally got his mouth on Dan’s, whose lips parted under his like he’d been waiting for this his entire life. Dan’s fingers on top of Phil’s guided Phil’s hand further up his thigh, like he wanted Phil to touch him, to stroke over all that wonderful, tanned skin. With an open invitation like that, who was Phil to refuse? Letting out a soft little sight, Phil let his fingers wander, removing his hand from Dan’s cheek to instead seek out the soft skin of his side, fingers caressing up the bare skin and under his shirt to his back.

All the while, Dan mewled underneath him, pliant and soft and perfect.

So, so perfect.

His lips tasted sweet, like cherry lip balm. Phil sucked at the soft skin, licked into his mouth, and sucked on his tongue as well. Dan made a soft huffing sound at the first sensation of Phil’s tongue ring rubbing up against him, and suddenly he was seeking it out like he was desperate for it.

It made something unfold in Phil’s stomach, hot and wanting, that he wanted to ignore, but it was hard. He had to keep reminding himself that as delicate as Dan was, he wasn’t delicate at all, especially not in that moment. No, not with the way he shifted in Phil’s lap until he was practically straddling him, legs on either side of Phil’s hips and bum resting deliciously on top of Phil’s crotch. For some reason, just the thought of getting to have Dan like this made Phil laugh against his lips.

“What?” Dan asked, giggling as well.

“Nothing. It’s just - you’re wonderful,” Phil replied pulling Dan closer. “Beautiful,” he added, pressing in close to suck at his lips again. “Perfect,” he added for good measure. “I didn’t think I even stood a chance with you.”

Phil felt Dan grin against his lips just before he bit down softly and pulled away again. His eyes swirled with something like desire, and he reached for Phil’s hand to guide it up his thigh once again.

“Well, you’ve definitely got all that wrong,” he said, pushing Phil backwards in the grass and moving to straddle him properly this time. Phil stared up at Dan with wide eyes as he climbed on top of him, hands fluttering about Dan’s hips uselessly. Dan smiled as he reached for them and guided them back to his practically bare thighs, and up to cup his bum. “I never imagined, Phil Lester, would fancy me.

Blushing, and impossibly turned on, Phil could do nothing but stare up at Dan.

Dan grinned, and leaned in to kiss him again.

“Wonderful, beautiful, perfect,” he whispered against Phil’s lips.

They laughed into each other’s mouths at that, Dan’s fingers moving to card gently through Phil’s hair, and Phil’s fingers gripping softly to Dan’s warm flesh.

They didn’t stop kissing again until the bell for class went.

Phil walked Dan home. They held hands the whole way there, fingers pressed warm together and arms swingingly gently between them. Dan was ever so slightly shorter than Phil, but not by much, and he kept staring up at Phil like he was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Phil couldn’t quite believe how that was possible when Phil felt like Dan was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

The flower crown Dan had made for Phil still sat rested on top of his head. He kept getting strange looks from passerby, but he didn’t mind. He liked the way it felt there, liked knowing he had something from Dan, and from time to time, he’d reach up and adjust it ever so gently on top of his head. Dan seemed to like that, beaming every time Phil did it. Phil would blush and duck his head, but Dan didn’t let him stay like that for long.

No, they talked some more. Dan kept the conversation going where Phil could not, made him laugh more than he ever did, and kept him from lapsing into terrified silence.

Phil was left with a chest that felt impossibly warm. All he wanted to do was stay by Dan’s side forever, even if being so close to him invariably meant an endless pit of butterflies in his stomach.

By the time they reached Dan’s doorstep, Phil was impossibly tempted to follow him inside, just so they would never have to stop talking, but he regretfully declined Dan’s offer at the last minute with a little duck of his head.

“I’ll uhm… I’ll see you tomorrow?” he offered instead, awkward as ever. He’d shoved his hands into his pockets the moment Dan had let go to unlock his front door, and now he was left staring at the black tips of his shoes.

He could just about see the blue of Dan’s, and he was more surprised than he probably should have been when they started to inch closer to him.

He looked up just in time for Dan to press his fingers to Phil’s chin.

“Do you want to see me tomorrow?” Dan asked. He was grinning, so Phil knew he was teasing, but it still made his heart race in panic.

“Of course,” he insisted, nodding his head once determinedly. Dan giggled at him, and nodded his head as well.

“Then you’ll see me tomorrow,” he agreed. His eyes were a little searching as he looked into Phil’s, seeming to be considering something. What, Phil didn’t know, but he swallowed rather thickly as he waited for Dan to come to a decision. When he did, he smiled to himself, nodded again, and then leaned in to press a quick, gentle kiss to Phil’s cheek.

“Tomorrow, then,” he repeated, and finally let Phil go.

A little dazed by the action despite having spent a good part of lunch making out with Dan, it took Phil a moment to realize that was his cue to leave. Dan’s eyes were sparkling, and he was giggling into the palm of his hand by the time Phil turned around to go, only -

Wasn’t he forgetting something?

Embarrassed to have gotten so easily flustered by a kiss on the cheek, Phil laughed at himself, an awkward sounding chuckle, and tried to wrack his brain for what was missing at the same time as he went to jog away from Dan’s house. His cheeks were undeniably bright red, and he was certain Dan was watching him flee, but he was too busy trying to remember what he was forgetting to really focus on any of those facs.

He knew, once he got home, he’d undeniably be even more flustered and mortified at himself, especially considering he still had the rose in his -

The rose!

Phil hadn’t even yet made it out of Dan’s front yard before he came to a sudden stop, and abruptly turned back around, nearly tripping over his own two left feet. “Wa-wait!” he shouted, the word choppy from his own scare of nearly falling over. He looked up just in time to find that Dan hadn’t moved an inch since Phil had intended to take off, and he felt his cheeks grow hotter still, the flush racing down his chest.

Of course Dan had been staring at him leave. Phil had known that.

Dan was giggling at him now.

“Yes?”

Dan’s voice was impossibly perfect. Phil smiled, just at the sound of it, and ducked his face once again. He fumbled to get his backpack off his shoulders and dragged it around to the front of his body so he could wrestle with the zips. He used his knee to hold it up, praying he managed to keep his balance and not make any more of a fool out of himself than he already had.

“I uhm - your flower,” he explained, tripping over his words. His hands were shaking again, and he was suddenly very glad he’d de-thorned the rose that morning or he’d probably be getting blood all over Dan’s front yard right now.

As soon as his fingers pressed gently against the soft petals of the rose, Phil pulled it out with a little grin, and let his bag fall to the ground. “Yo-you didn’t really think I didn’t have another flower for you today, did you?”

Dan’s eyes were bright, his grin huge as he stared at Phil. He looked a little disbelieving himself, a little awed and flustered the way Phil had been when Dan had kissed him on the cheek, and it was wonderful. It gave Phil just enough confidence to take a step forward and reach for Dan’s hand.

“Here,” he said, “It’s for you. Because, I uhm… I really li-like you,” he stuttered out, cheeks blazing as he looked down between their hands, curling Dan’s fingers rather gently around the stem of the rose. Dan took it easily enough, his fingers small and delicate under Phil’s.

He giggled, seeming a little disbelieving for the first time all day, which was honestly a little bit relieving if Phil was being honest.

Before he could draw his hand back, Dan caught hold of it with his free hand.

“I really like you too,” he said, and squeezed, “If you hadn’t realized yet.” His voice was as teasing as it always was, but Phil didn’t even mind, because despite the way Dan had kissed him, and the way he’d let Phil touch him, and the way he’d held his hand… Phil had thought, had worried, had wondered if this was real.

He laughed nervously, because he didn’t know what else to do, and stepped in close until he had Dan pressed up against the wall next to his front door. His free hand caught Dan’s waist, and held, and he smiled as he leaned in close.

“That’s good, then,” he said, “Because I was kind of worried, you know.”

Dan shook his head, but he was grinning too, staring up at Phil with the softest of sweet looks. Phil’s heart felt like it was melting when he leaned in and kissed Dan again.

By the time Phil got home, it was late. He hadn’t intended to stay at Dan’s house, but it wasn’t long after they’d kissed right outside his front door that Dan seemed to realize the rose he was holding had no thorns. He’d pulled away from the kiss to stare at in wonder, and then he’d grabbed up Phil’s hand like he knew, and checked over every last finger.

Somehow, Phil had found himself being hauled past Dan’s front door and led straight into the bathroom where Dan had set about bandaging every last finger with pink and blue pastel plasters. It had been - both mortifying and amazing, being treated like that, like Dan cared about him when it was only a few scratches that didn’t even hurt that bad. He’d complained a few times, futilely and so lamely that Dan hadn’t once taken him seriously, but Phil was kind of secretly glad for that. The way Dan had looked taking care of Phil’s “wounds” had been rather adorable to see, and he’d found himself falling even harder for him.

Dan must have seen it on his face as well, because he’d gone bright red when he’d finally finished up and bothered to look at Phil’s face, dropping his hands like he was embarrassed he’d overreacted the minute he took in Phil’s expression. He’d tried to turn away, but Phil had caught him by the wrist, and then they were kissing all over again.

It was no wonder he’d gotten caught up with someone like Dan in his lap.

But now he was home, and it was getting close to dinner time, and Martyn - well, Martyn was waiting just inside the lounge for him.

Phil didn’t even notice him at first, he was still so dazed, love struck and so, so gone, but then Martyn cleared his throat and Phil looked up with wide eyes, startled, to find him sprawled out on the sofa just inside.

“Where you been?” Martyn asked, grinning.

Embarrassed, Phil froze.

“Uhm,” he said intelligently.

Martyn laughed at him. The sound was nowhere near as pleasing as Dan’s.

“Never mind, it’s pretty obvious what you’ve been up too,” Martyn teased him, to which Phil blushed for the millionth time that day and instantly reached up to touch his neck where he’d been so certain Dan had been careful not to leave a mark.

Martyn laughed even harder at him for that, launching himself up from the sofa and making his way over to Phil’s side before dropping a knowing hand on his shoulder.

“I was talking about the plasters on your hands, but that too,” he teased, and laughed even harder as he left the room.

#cosmicphandom2k16 #phan #phanfic #phanfiction #snowbunnylester #400

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