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itsravenbitch · 1 year

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how i revised my boyfriend’s mother’s death

a little backstory

— for the sake of privacy, we’re gonna say my boyfriend’s mother’s name is kay

kay’s “death” was caused by a car accident (wasn’t her fault) and she later passed in the hospital. this all happened in new york, and my boyfriend and i live in georgia. but about a 2 days after we found out, we flew out there.

my bf and his mom were super close so that loss was a lot on him. he started burying himself in the gym, sleep, work etc & eventually he became really depressed. he would not get up out of bed and i could not take that. that was when i decided to revise her death, and this was like a week after she passed.

the moment i learned she was dead, i naturally entered the state of loss. so, i simply and quickly went over what state of mind i was currently in, and what state of mind i needed to be in.

now y’all know i love meditating <3 so ofc i meditated. the one i used is by edward art, i believe i’ve mentioned it before. but here’s the link 😌💘

so yeah after this meditation i had completely satisfied my imagination, i had a great feeling of serenity, and i was in the state of the wish fulfilled. + i let go of any need to control the 3d.

— reminder: don’t look at your 3d as something to change. things change when they change in consciousness/imagination. if you wanna manifest something, don’t point out your current circumstance as something that you need to change. be cool and fulfill it in imagination;)

— also sn: my boyfriend knows about the law but he doesn’t necessarily study or consciously use it. so, i didn’t tell him i was revising his mom’s death.

— and i had to continue to act like his mom was actually dead when i was around him, even tho at this point kay was 100% alive in imagination.

so in the morning, i would wake up and assume the state of fulfillment. throughout the day, when i would go check on my boyfriend, he always expressed his feelings, how i could help, and new ways he was trying to cope. honestly, seeing him so hurt and confused hurt me. and throughout this, one of the few things i always reminded myself was that, i’m not my emotions and i’m my thoughts, and neither of those things matter (in terms of manifesting).

another thing i always reminded myself of was the fact that i’m god, BUT i’m also human. so, the ‘god me’ was relaxed & satisfied. the god in me also didn’t have a hurting boyfriend with a dead mom. but the ‘human me’ did and he needed my comfort.

so that’s what i did, i comforted him because he was grieving the death of his mother. so what? i’m human, and i have human decency so ima comfort my baby.

HOWEVER, i didn’t attach myself to that (accept it). i didn’t look at me comforting him as “his mom’s dead and that’s final”, i just did it because he’s my bf and he’s hurt. but i still maintained fulfillment in imagination.

— i talk about this more in depth here. but basically the post acknowledges that yes, you’re god, but you’re also still human and you have a human life to respond to. so do that, respond to your life (when necessary) while simultaneously fulfilling the inner man.

as long as you continue to return to the state and fulfill SELF, you will manifest whatever it is you’ve fulfilled.

when it manifested

the night before it manifested, my bfs dad asked everyone (the family) over for brunch. just so everyone could be together during rough times and whatnot.

the next morning when we woke up, my bf.. it was like he completely reverted; he just went back to his regular self. i made sure to take a mental note of it.

as we were driving to his dads house he was acting very normal. all that pain, hurt, etc was not there. his whole energy was different. then what really got me was when we had got to a red light. he said “i already know my moms threw down, i wonder what she cooked”……….and i’m like, i know i’m not trippin. just went along with it and agreed with him cause what was i supposed to do lol😭?

so we pull up to the house and get to the door, and one of his brothers opened it. as we’re saying hi and walking further into the house we start smelling food and my bf goes “YUP! I KNEW IT!!”

then he walks into the kitchen and says “hey ma watchu in here cooking? it smells good”……. and his mom was literally standing there smiling before she gave him a hug.

this all happened naturally by the way. it was like… she never died😂😂 the power of revision yall!

anyways the whole afternoon went by like nothing ever happened.

i honestly thought it was pretty funny. knowing how they used to interact with each other while they were grieving kay’s death vs now was hilarious. and what makes it funnier is they never knew and never will 😂😂😂

so there y’all have it, how i revised my boyfriend’s mother’s death. sorry i made y’all wait so long:) i literally got so demotivated while trying to type this.

feel free to ask questions cause ik yall got some😩😂 love y’all 🫶🏾

#law of assumption #neville goddard #imagination creates reality #loa #states #revision #success stories #successstories #law of attraction #affirmations #success story

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bbcphile · 17 days

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WIP Wednesday

It's Wednesday, which means it's time for another excerpt from my Mysterious Lotus Casebook longfic!

This week, enjoy Fang Duobing trying to get Di Feisheng to take care of himself by explaining how it will help Li Lianhua take care of himself. (AKA. FDB's Caretaking 101 for DFS). (You can find earlier excerpts here.)

Fang Duobing sniffled, picked up the cloth once more, and got to work. At least the cabinet was almost blood-free. Only one stain left.

“What did you mean about Xiangyi and help?” a-Fei asked on Fang Duobing’s third pass over the stain.

Fang Duobing’s hands stopped mid-scrub. Did a-Fei even have any caretaking experience? Either giving or receiving? Or had he just always used qi to heal everything, so recuperation was never an issue? Starting from the most basic level and working up to the question was probably the best move.

He started scrubbing the stain again, willing his hands and voice to be steady. “Li Lianhua will need rest, right? And sleep, and food, and medicine.”

“Obviously. He’s healing.”

Well, at least a-Fei knew that much.

“It took me a decade to recover from my duel with Xiangyi, Duobing,” a-Fei said, his tone as dry as the basin was wet. “I’m familiar with the process.”

A decade? So he really had been in seclusion all that time. Wait–Li Lianhua had injured him that badly and he wanted another duel? How did that make any sense? He mentally shook himself and tried to find the thread of the conversation again before he could spiral off in a different direction. “Alright. I’m assuming the Medicine Demon or someone was overseeing your healing. Did you actually follow his orders?”

“Of course,” a-Fei said, as though he were the sort of person to take orders from anyone.

He was kidding, wasn’t he? Fang Duobing craned his head over his shoulder to take a look. No annoyingly attractive smirk or eyebrow raised in challenge in sight. Huh. He’d try to make sense of that later. “Well . . . good for you,” he said, facing forward again. “Li Lianhua won’t. He wouldn’t even before the situation with his shiniang. It’s not only giving away qi he couldn’t spare to heal people. He tries to squirm his way out of receiving help all the time, and always pushes himself too far, long past any reasonable limit.” Sound like anyone else you know, a-Fei? “I don’t think he knows how to do things any other way. So instead of accidentally encouraging him to hurt himself, what if we do the opposite? Practice accepting help, even if we don’t need it to survive, so he feels less guilty about needing it?”

Silence. He forced himself to keep scrubbing and wait. If a-Fei needed time, then that’s what he’d give him.

“What are you suggesting?” a-Fei asked at last.

Fang Duobing blinked at the cloth in his hand. “Um,” he said, frantically casting around for something to follow it, as all his ideas fled. “It doesn’t need to be anything big. Simple things count. For instance, you could ask me to hand you something if it’s nearer to me. Or tell me to go away when you need alone time. And I could ask you to make me medicine if I wasn’t feeling well. Or meditate when we’re low on qi, sleep when we’re worn out. That sort of thing.” He winced internally. No wonder his Niang liked to say he was as transparent as water.

Well, since he’d come this far, he might as well commit. “All I’m saying is that it might help Li Lianhua as well as yourself if you don’t try to push yourself to your absolute limit. Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to. Or that you should. And you don’t need to, because I’m here. And you shouldn’t if you don’t want Li Lianhua to think he needs to do the same thing. He deserves to rest. And if we can show him what that looks like, then isn’t that the responsible thing to do?”

A-Fei made a faint hum that could have meant anything from ‘excellent point, Xiaobao’ to ‘I think you’re an idiot.’

Who was he kidding? It was probably the latter.

Fang Duobing squeezed the handkerchief over the bowl. The water turned purple as the paint and blood mixed together. He waited.

No new sounds from a-Fei. Just the whisper of his fingers through Huli Jing’s fur.

Fang Duobing swallowed back a sigh. At least he’d tried. “I’m going to go dump this,” he said, standing up. “I’ll be back soon.” He started for the door.

“Wait.”

Fang Duobing stilled. “What?”

A-Fei stared at him for a long moment, something complicated lurking under his almost neutral expression. “Clean the blood off your face first,” he said at last.

“Oh. Good point.” He dug out his own handkerchief from his robe–the other one had splinters in it now–dunked it, and wiped it across his cheek. “Better?”

“Almost,” a-Fei said, pointing to a spot near his temple and another across his forehead.

Fang Duobing wiped wherever a-Fei pointed until he finally nodded his approval. “Thanks.” He was about to leave, but then the candlelight hit a-Fei’s cheekbone in exactly the right way to make the teartrack from earlier glisten. Of course a-Fei hadn’t taken the time to clean up, either. “Did you want to–”

A-Fei shook his head.

So much for acknowledging limits or asking for help. “Right. Never mind.” He left without waiting for a response.

#mysterious lotus casebook #mlc fic #my fic #WIP Wednesday #lianhualou #lhl #Di Feisheng #fang duobing #Li Lianhua #Difanghua #lotus trio #They're making some communication progress!!#It's slow going #and yes FDB did absolutely scrub his blood off LLH's cabinet before wiping it off his own face #he's a little distracted #and maybe needs to take his own advice #Thanks momosandlemonsoda for the excerpt suggestion!

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ugh-yoongi · 11 months

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Hi! Would it be possible to request for another part or a continuation of ‘(don’t fear the reaper)’? Thank you and congrats on the milestone!

hi, thank you so much for the request — and for wanting a second part of my silly little story. i hope you enjoy this. <3

read the original drabble :)

(redefine happiness)

pairing: reaper!jungkook x f. reader genre: supernatural au; crack/humor, a little fluff warnings: swearing, mentions of death (inc. the death of a loved one) and grief, l*ndlords, bickering, slight emotional hurt/comfort. unedited. rating: mature-ish. just because one part deals heavily with death/grief, so if you're sensitive to that kind of thing, i would probably skip it. wordcount: 1.4k

They say you start life with two bags: one full of luck, and the other empty with experience. The trick is to fill the one before you empty the other.

If you ask Jungkook, your experience bag is still woefully empty.

“You know that smell isn’t normal, right?”

You huff. Roll your eyes even though he can’t see you from his spot on your couch. Well, maybe he can. You haven’t fully figured out the extent of his abilities. You know you can hear him in your head and that he saves you from an untimely death four to five times per week, but to this day, the only person you know that has eyes in the back of their head is your mother. So, yeah—the jury's still out.

“It’s fine,” you retort. “I think the mayo’s just close to going bad.”

“Expired mayo doesn’t smell like sulfur.”

“Sure it does, it’s got eggs in it.”

Jungkook groans. “Do you act this dense on purpose or are you actually this dim?”

“That’s a little rude.”

“Your apartment is about to blow up from a gas leak and you’re worried about pleasantries?”

“I’m just saying,” you argue, and if you switch off the stove, that’s none of Jungkook’s business. “This is a recurring theme when it comes to you. Would it kill you to be nice to me for once?”

“I’m already dead, so no, it wouldn’t.”

“You’re insufferable.” You grab your phone from the counter, readying the emergency number. “Do I have enough time to call the gas company or am I going to blow up in the next two minutes?”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if you did?” He heaves a wistful sigh. “Blissful silence.”

“You don’t have to tell me. I’ve been praying for blissful silence for months—oh, hello! I’m calling to report a possible gas leak in my apartment. Sure, I’ll hold.”

Your landlord is an asshole.

It goes without saying, because he wouldn’t be a landlord if he wasn’t, but it’s worth repeating.

“Do you think he’ll sue me if I steal his credit card and charge it myself?”

“That’s fraud, so yeah, I’d say so.”

You hum. “Okay, but per my lease agreement, he’s supposed to compensate me for the cost of my hotel stay during repairs. Like, he signed the piece of paper that says that. And he refused, so technically he broke the law first.”

“Not sure that’s how that works,” Jungkook retorts. He’s sitting in the chair by the window, a newspaper folded over his crossed legs. Every now and then he laughs at one of the cartoons and goes quiet when he gets to the obituaries. You wonder if it’s like looking through a yearbook for him. “I wouldn’t worry about him anyway.”

He says it in that very matter-of-fact way that always makes the hair on your arms stand up. “What’s that supposed to mean? Jungkook, what does that mean? Is my landlord going to die?”

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

You groan, throw yourself backwards onto the mattress. It’d be nice to take a shower, but the hotel towels are stiff and itchy from the industrial-strength detergent, and you’ve been trying to convince yourself to get up and go buy something marginally better for the last fifteen minutes. But it seems like such a waste to spend money on a towel, and the thought of spending money at all when your dickhead landlord is still refusing to cough up your compensation does nothing but make your blood pressure spike. Which makes—

“Can’t you meditate or something? You’re driving me insane.”

The ceiling bears the brunt of your glare. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“I can hear it.”

“Hear what?”

“Your blood pressure.”

“You’re full of shit,” you accuse. “Why are you even here, anyway? Don’t you have someone else to annoy into an early grave?”

“That’s not my job, first of all. Second of all, there’s someone nearby that I have to pick up in roughly three and a half minutes.”

“Nearby…? Like, how nearby? Next door? Down the hall? A few floors up?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer. Not really. Instead, he says, “I’d suggest you go and buy those towels now.”

So you do.

Is it weird to be lonely when you’ve got a voice in your head?

Feels like it is. Feels like other people would’ve taken advantage of it by now. Made friends or something, as much as one can befriend a Reaper, because Jungkook’s always there and always has something to say, and sure, those things he says usually detail all of your inadequacies, but he’s still someone to talk to. Someone it’s possible to get to know. Someone you can form the kind of bond with that might cure some of this incalculable loneliness.

But it’s not like that between the two of you, so you don’t.

Your new apartment building has a rooftop—the kind you can sit on the ledge and dangle your feet off of as you marvel at the city below. Everything is small and insignificant from your place in the sky, and it helps a little to feel like the most powerful thing in the universe.

“You’re not gonna—”

“No,” you cut Jungkook off. “I just like to sit up here sometimes. It’s calming.”

“It’s nearly freezing. There’s two weeks until winter.”

“I don’t mind the cold,” you say, and it might be the most personal thing you’ve ever said to him. Isn’t that pathetic, you think, and you steel yourself for a quip that never comes.

“Is that why you’re up here, then?”

You shrug. “Been having a hard time of it lately, I think. Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Maybe.”

“When you go to collect people, do they talk to you? Like, I know they can see you the way I can, but…” You trail off, looking at the specks of people on the sidewalk below you. Can’t help but wonder. “Are they usually resigned? Do they try to bargain with you?”

Jungkook appears at your side. Sits beside you and dangles his feet off the ledge, too. “Every collection is different, but it usually depends on how they died.” He sucks in a breath, toys with the hem of his thick sweater. “If they’d been sick for a long time? Sure, those people are usually accepting. They usually get the chance to say their goodbyes. That’s… well. That’s not typically the case when it’s sudden.”

“Right, yeah. That makes sense.”

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I guess—I lost someone a few years ago. I was just wondering if it was peaceful for her.”

“Your grandmother,” Jungkook says, and it’s a statement, not a question. “You carry your grief around with you like a shadow. It’s impossible not to notice it.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I think I figured out why you can see and hear me.” You quirk an eyebrow. “Your grief is overwhelming. It was one of the first things I noticed about you, once the shock wore off, but you also reminded me of someone. Took me a while to place it, but then I remembered.”

“You collected her,” you say, putting the pieces together.

“I did.”

“Were you as much of a pain in the ass to her as you are to me?”

Jungkook scoffs, though the corners of his mouth tug upwards. “No, but the two of you are very similar.”

“Yeah, my mom used to tell me that all the time.” You sigh, dreading the question you know you need to ask, but as soon as you steady your nerves and open your mouth, Jungkook’s holding up a hand to stop you.

“It was peaceful for her.” He answers your unspoken question with all the kindness and comfort it requires. “She was ready, and she knew you’d been there to say goodbye to her.”

“Oh,” you choke out around the lump in your throat. “Thank you.”

Jungkook nods. “She did try to bargain with me, though. She asked if there was someone who could look after you. Said you were smart and capable and… stubborn as an ox, I think were her exact words, but she still worried about you.”

“And you got stuck with that job? Sorry, but you don’t seem like the babysitting type.”

“I’m not, but somehow I did.”

You can’t help but laugh, disbelieving and overwhelmed. “Well, it’s lucky for me, knowing how many times you’ve saved my ass, but I’m sure you’re counting down the days until you’re free from me.”

“No,” he replies, and the conviction in his tone nearly has you tumbling over the ledge. Jungkook seems to exist solely to give you shit and remind you how underprepared you are to survive in the world. He doesn’t say no with that amount of faith and principle. “No, little bluebird, I’m not counting down the days at all.”

#work: 1kfm #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook fluff #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts imagines #bts scenarios #jewel answers #jewel writes

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robininthelabyrinth · 2 years

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lqr and qhj have an actual good relationship

more assassin!LQR one, two

“I brought you more books,” Lan Qiren said, and slid them through the small door that was usually used for deliveries of food. Inedia was all well and good, but far from perfect; many of their seclusion houses had such entryways, and certainly one for long-term seclusion like his brother’s.

He didn’t look to see if he could spot his brother’s hands as he picked them up – he’d long ago learned that the way it was built was designed to make such things impossible – and instead waited to hear his brother’s response.

He got it, too: his brother choked on air.

“You got me porn?!”

Lan Qiren didn’t smile, but it was close.

“Qiren! Where did you even get porn?!”

“I confiscated it from my students,” Lan Qiren said dryly. “Where else?”

“…you got me second-hand porn?!”

Now Lan Qiren had to forcefully suppress his smile. “Where else was I supposed to get it?”

“Oh, I don’t know. One of those brothels you’re always telling me that you go to in order to efficiently murder people, I don’t know!”

“I’ve been to less than ten and you know it.”

“I still can’t believe you’re such a prude,” his brother complained. “Again, and I can’t stress this enough: you kill people. How can you be too embarrassed to order your own porn? It’s not more shameful than being an assassin!”

“I didn’t choose to be an assassin,” Lan Qiren said, humor dying away at once at the unpleasant reminder. “The sect picked that for me. I can choose whether or not I develop a reputation for purchasing erotic literature, and I choose not to.”

His brother was silent for a while.

It was even long enough that Lan Qiren wondered if he’d left to go resume meditation or return to sleep or whatever it was that he did, but just as he was thinking of getting up to go, his brother spoke again: “What part of it do you hate the most?”

Lan Qiren frowned, not following. “What do you mean?”

“Being an assassin,” his brother clarified. “You don’t mind the killing part, you’ve never minded that. It’s almost a little frightening how little you mind that. And yet…you still mind it, so there must be something that you don’t like. I want to know what it is.”

“Why? It doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” Qingheng-jun said. “It does matter. Wangji’s sixteen. I have four years left before both my heir and the spare are adults – four years, Qiren, that’s it. As long as nothing disturbs my seclusion before then, I’ll officially be able to leave, and I’ll leave it with the type of power you’ve never seen in your life. I’ll command the wind and rain!”

His voice softened.

“In comparison to that, what are a few unwritten rules? Tell me what you don’t like, Qiren, and I swear to you, when I’m out, I’ll find a way to fix it. It’s the least I can do.”

Lan Qiren pressed his lips together and averted his eyes, which felt hot.

“Yes, well,” he said stiffly, trying to suppress the emotions he felt. Too powerfully, as always with their family. “The least you can do is make sure you make it through the next four years, first. I grow increasingly worried that Wen Ruohan has figured out what you’re doing, and that he plans to take some preemptive action against you – against all of us.”

“Then stop him.”

“I’m an assassin, xiongzhang, not an army.”

“I know that.” His brother sounded like he was smiling. “We’ll figure it out, Qiren. Don’t worry.”

#mdzs #lan qiren #qingheng jun #my fic #my fics #alt headcanons #dunno I'm just into this AU I guess

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thecleverqueer · 1 year

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Why is Barrissoka not cannon? It should be, and the only reason it isn’t is because SOMEONE SOMEWHERE was/is too cowardice to do it.

I will start by mentioning the fact that it is heavily implied.

We know that the director of the “Weapons Factory” episode, Giancarlo Volpe, pushed it. That episode was shippy. Very shippy. I think the most shippy thing (outside of the flirtatious looks and them holding hands waiting to die in the tank) was Ahsoka handing Barriss her lightsaber. I know, but hear me out… this is kind of a big deal as we know how important the lightsaber is to a Jedi “this weapon is your life.” This only happens one other time during The Clone Wars series, when Anakin hands his lightsaber to Padme and basically tells her that his life is hers.

The “Brain Invaders” episode was equally shippy. In that one, Ahsoka can’t bring herself to kill Barriss despite Barriss begging her to after a Geonosian worm infects her brain which makes her attempt to kill Ahsoka. Ahsoka ends up freezing out the worms, but she’s a Togruta, and she nearly freezes to death on the bridge while holding Barriss in her arms. Kit Fisto takes the padawans to med bay. As soon as Ahsoka comes to, she asks about Barriss. Ahsoka confesses to Anakin that she couldn’t bring herself to kill Barriss because she had formed an attachment to her. Hmm.

We don’t see much of Barriss in the show for a while after that episode, but there is a Forces of Destiny comic where Ahsoka and Barriss spar, and Ahsoka does some dumb Ahsoka move to try and show off. Barriss was not amused, and she made Ahsoka feel embarrassed about her lack of form. Once again, Ahsoka handed her lightsabers over to Barriss so that she can show her proper form. After they part ways, Ahsoka has to mediate (“meditate”) to clear her head. The artists that created the cartoon makes note of Ahsoka and Barriss’s “magnetic attraction.”

Barriss re-emerges in The Wrong Jedi arc. It’s actually this arc’s sequence that made me ask the question “WTF is going on between the two of them(?)”. Truthfully, I’m daft about picking up on gayness in media sometimes. I always assume people are straight until they do something that makes me say, “wait a minute…” and it usually has to be something pretty blatantly obvious. This arc did that to me.

So, we all know what happened in that arc, but this conversation:

Ahsoka: (running up to Barriss from the left hand side) Company?

*Both Barriss and Ahsoka looking angsty*

Barriss: Sure.

Ahsoka: Every time I think about this, I feel conflicted. It’s…hard not to let feelings turn into attachment and pain.

Barriss: Ahsoka, have you ever wondered if it was right to ignore your emotions?

Ahsoka: My master would say, “Our struggle as Jedi is to move past them.”

Barriss: You make it sound so easy.

Ahsoka: *Heh*. No. It isn’t easy. But, it’s possible. Like, when we were stuck inside the battle tank on Geonosis. It was hard not to be afraid. Still, you and I got past it. And, I guess we’ll get past this.

Barriss: You’ve always been capable of seeing things clearly.

Ahsoka: *Ha ha* I guess I fooled you like I have everyone else.

Um, didn’t feel like they were talking about the bombing…it’s almost as if they were talking about something else entirely.

After Ahsoka makes her way to the lower levels of Coruscant post-prison break, she immediately coms Barriss who acts completely alleviated to be hearing from her. They stare a little too long. Barriss looks as if she’s trying to reach through the holo and caress Ahsoka’s face.

Then, there was that attack. Barriss made her way down to the lower levels and kicked both Ventress and Ahsoka’s ass. Based on the ferocity of her attack (a ferocity she didn’t show in her duel with Anakin), it was jealous rage. I’m not sure what triggered it, I have a theory, but it jives because during Barriss’s duel with Anakin, Barriss mentions that “trust is overrated” after Anakin points out that Ahsoka had trusted her.

Finally, there was the trial. When it was revealed that Barriss was the mastermind behind the attack, Ahsoka practically has to scrape her jaw off the floor. She then can’t bring herself to feel any joy behind the fact that she’d been exonerated by the revelation. It’s like her heart was shattered. I know she was aware of the council’s politics/ blatant stupidity, and I know that played a role in her leaving the order, but I think Barriss betraying her was the straw that broke the camel’s back. As Ahsoka put it to Anakin, “I can’t stay here any longer. Not now.”

It was abundantly clear that Barriss was still living in Ahsoka’s head rent-free in the seventh season. The Walkabout arc, which most of us refer to as the Rebound, had many moments which would suggest this. For instance, when Rafa tells Ahsoka what happened to their parents during Zero’s prison break, you can tell that Ahsoka knows exactly what she’s talking about. That “green alien in dark robes”. When Rafa and Trace ask her why she left the order she replies with, “it’s complicated”. Yeah. Her girlfriend was a kind of crazy. And on the bridge after the Siege of Mandalore, Ahsoka tells Rex while clearly trying to digest everything “As a Jedi, we were trained to be keepers of the peace, not soldiers. But all I've been since I was a Padawan is a soldier.” It was originally a Mace Windu line, but it was also a kick back from a conversation that Barriss and Ahsoka had during “Brain Invaders”. So… do with that what you will.

I would argue that the chemistry between Ahsoka and Barriss was far more convincing than that between Ahsoka and Lux. I would also mention that if Barriss had been a male character, the fact that Barriss and Ahsoka had something romantic going on wouldn’t have been questioned. It’s abundantly clear to me, and anyone else that paid attention.

I say all of this because we deserve more serious representation in Star Wars cannon… ESPECIALLY after retconning Kaeden Larte. And lesbi-honest, Ahsoka is ours. She’s been queer-coded to death, and honestly, any other options at this point would put Disney into baiting territory (which is a fancy form of gaslighting). Barrissoka would be an easy out… if Disney / Lucasfilm / Filoni had balls. I won’t hold my breath.

#star wars #ahsoka tano #barriss offee #barrissoka #the clone wars #lgbtq #queer representation

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whosgge · 5 months

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void journey update

Hi, lovies! I want to share with you a mini success story today. This night I woke up in the void!! BUT, unfortunately, I wasn’t aware before I set the intention to wake up. 😿

The only thing I did was the distraction technique by @luckykiwiii101. I laid on my side and did a breathing exercise to relax myself. Once I felt relaxed enough, I did the technique and GUESS WHAT? I fell asleep. 💀 Falling asleep wasn’t something I expected because I wasn’t even tired, so it just happened. Plus, I had a void related dream. 🧐

At some point, during the dream, I could feel my body and after doing a little research I found out that I was in a hypnogogic state. But something I forgot to mention is that I set the intention to enter the void before doing the technique.

Suddenly, the dream world disappeared and everything went black. I couldn’t hear my fan in the background and I couldn’t feel my body at all. But I wasn’t aware of being in the void until I intended to wake up and started to gain consciousness of the 3D. That’s when I knew I was in the void.

This whole thing happened in 2 hours. I was shocked when I checked my phone because it felt like hours had passed.

After that I didn’t try anymore as I spent time on twitter and tiktok. 💀 However, this morning I tried again, but instead of getting into the alpha state by counting, I put on a alpha state meditation. It didn’t take me much time to get into the hypnogogic state again and it was such a weird experience!

I had a vivid dream where I was laying in bed and I was moving my legs to check because I could feel my eyes were closed, but I was seeing through my eyelids?? And then I had the same vivid dream again, but this time I was in sleep paralysis and my dad was checking on me. Then it felt like I woke up from this second dream and went back to the first one until I decided to open my eyes and realized I was actually dreaming, since I felt confused while I was having the first dream and I even remember thinking that I should search if it was normal to see through your eyelids, lmaooo.

This whole time I was still hearing the alpha state meditation and I remember affirming for the void a few times, but nothing happened and I wonder why. 🤔 But this was a huge success for me!

I’m planning on doing a post about the hypnogogic state and how to use it to enter the void because I searched it myself and I found it really interesting. I’m sure most of you know about it already, but I really would like to get into detail about this topic in case someone wants to read it in the future! :)

Anyways, i’m sorry for the long post! I hope you guys are doing well on your own journey! ♡

#(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ — gigi’s void journey!!

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my-reality-my-rules · 2 years

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Hi, I know you’re on hiatus so no rush, but I’ve been trying to shift for close to a year now and the one time that I did was a night that I didn’t go through any methods and routines, but I haven’t been able to get back. The problem that I have with method shifting is that I feel like I get really close to it, but then my heart rate starts to spike and I feel like I’m floating, which I’ve been told is a normal thing that happens in the process of entering your DR, but it honestly kind of freaks me out and pulls me out of it every single time. I was just wondering if you had any advice or tips on how to handle this/if there’s a way I can avoid it? I really want to shift, I just can’t get passed that :\ anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this and I wish you all the best xx

[thanks for this ask!]

first of all—holy fuck. this was sent around early june, wasn't it? HOLY FUCK THAT WAS LIKE STILL MY PRE-GRAD ERA I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG FOR ME TO RESPOND-

and i don't know if you still need my answer, but I'm going to do so anyway, because it's still a shifter in need 0:<

*cue me repeating Bad Dobby over and over to myself*

- - -

I've been seeing a lot of posts on social media go around telling people to simply 'accept' the symptoms that they're having, because in a sense, it would help them focus on that instead of having their mind wander. and, well, alright—i see where it's coming from, it makes sense to a certain degree. but it doesn't make actually dealing with them easier, does it?

as a general start; have you tried altering the method? from what i know, it's a common way of dealing with the more annoying shifting symptoms. while it doesn't always exactly get rid of them, you can be able to tailor the method to your comfort and preference. symptoms like that (the increased heart rate) are common, as you've mentioned, but never forget your own priority.

one thing i recommend when making/altering a method is to simply take inspiration from more popular ones and break them down to your liking. for instance, raven gives me horrible cramps sometimes, and the complete stillness of it makes me incredibly twitchy. so, i tweaked it in something still resembling a starfish, although a bit more lopsided, with thought in my own physical satisfaction.

i don't know if i could help with the floating sensation, as for the most part, i actually don't mind getting that symptom in particular. usually, i simply try to roll with it, like I'm floating on the shores of a beach. try to liken it to something you're comfortable with, and focus on what's good instead of what's going wrong.

for the increased heart rate issue, though; i do have two suggestions: meditation, and diaphragmatic breathing.

- - -

here's my take on that:

(1) meditation

i don't get to practice it as much as i want to these days, so the rarity of it in itself makes me treasure the times i did do it. meditation not only clears my mind, it helps me compartmentalise [that's not to say you have to do that exact same thing—I'm only mentioning it as an example]. it has the added benefit of helping me practice breathing control exercises. when i do meditate, i distance myself from most distractions (yes, that includes your phone, it doesn't hurt so much if you lay off the guided music even just for a moment). when you're left alone with the silence of your mind, you do your best to fill it in with noise. meditation helps me redirect my thought process. when a stray emotion coincides with my line of thinking, i don't immediately shove it away, i try to understand it and work with it. i suppose it's also a self-reflection in that manner. in relation to your question, however; it's an analogy for slowing down. even while shifting, most people still tend to rush into getting into their DR's—and that's not inherently a bad thing. what makes it challenging is when you trip over your own feet in your haste to actually making it there. on that note, meditation might not only help with giving you the chance to practice a way of coping with the increased heart rate, but also a way of living in the present moment.

- - -

(2) diaphragmatic breathing

this is actually something I've learned in my naruto DR lmao. but it's incredibly helpful to me in my CR, so i wanted to share it with you. here's a quick read for you to familiarise yourself with the concept. when this was first introduced to me by one of my DR cousins, i didn't put much stock in it—by way of the fact that i didn't think I'd actually need or want it. it had been out of habit that i did it again in my CR, when i was preparing for a live class participation that i could barely prepare for. an hour before class started, i practiced the exercise, and while it didn't completely remove my anxiety, it eased me into a calmer disposition. for those who didn't want to read the article, it's basically this: you position yourself to be comfortable, then put a hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen; focus on the sensation of inhaling and exhaling, and on how it physically affects your body. personally, the actual counting doesn't really matter (the number of breaths to take and so), because i usually centre more on how I'm feeling rather than how i get to the feeling—although i suppose it's different for everyone. it's also something of an instinctual thing for me. i do this whenever i receive patrolling duty in my DR. now, how can it be related to the question asked? again, it's a breathing exercise. it, at the very least, reduces the amount of tension in your body. try incorporating it into a method, perhaps? you can lay in a position where you have your hands on your chest and diaphragm, and do the instructions at the same time that you're affirming.

- - -

that's it for now. i might add on to this in the future (since i get a lot of messages about tips for symptoms), but for the moment, this is all i could think of. i hope it helps???

much love, and happy shifting ❤️❤️

#shifting #shifting realities #reality shifting #desired reality #shift #Esther's shifting posts

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sl-newsie · 9 months

Text

Spelled (Carlos de Vil x Sanderson Daughter) Ch. 20: Connection

No one knows where I disappeared to, so I’ve created my dorm room as a temporary hiding spot. Forcefield hexes, invisibility jinxes, and memory spells help to keep people away, causing them to think my dorm is nothing but a broom closet. I would use a transportation spell or use my invisibility cloak and hide out in my private forest in the school woods but I don’t want to risk revealing my location in such an open space. If anyone found me out there then I’d have to start running and never be able to stop.

For now I’ve been meditating and brewing a nerves tonic to help calm my mind, trying to calculate a plan.

“Boo!” A voice calls from the windowsill.

I don’t even look up. “Not in the mood for a scare, Binx.”

“Um, actually I brought someone to help cheer you up.”

I turn away from my cauldron and see-

“Carlos?” Indeed, Carlos has followed Binx through the window and found my hiding spot. “What are you doing here? Binx, why would you bring him here? You know I’m unstable!”

“I asked Binx to help me find you.” Carlos starts walking toward but I stand back and hold up a hand.

“No, stay back! You don’t know what I’m capable of. I don’t want to hurt you, Carlos.”

Carlos ignores my warning and corners me. “It’s ok, Magica. I’m not afraid of you.”

I look away. “You should be. Why would anyone want to be friends with me after what I’ve done today?” I give a dark chuckle. “In my case friends come in short supply. Why should I bother trying to live up to being good when people will always see me as a wicked witch, a Sanderson descendant?”

“For… making a bunch of jerks dance and make themselves look like idiots? I’m not sure if you know much about us VKs, Magica, but that’s pretty low on the evil scale. After you left we were laughing our heads off! Which reminds me,” He gently takes my hand and makes me look at him. “Magica Sanderson, we would like to invite you to be an official member of the VKs.”

His proposal surprises me. “Really? After I lied to all of you? Besides I’m only half VK. I’m not from the Isle-”

“That doesn’t matter. You’re still gonna be looked at as a VK just like us, no matter what. I’m sorry but that’s the way it is. But you can trust that the VKs will always have your back. And, um…” He starts to look nervous and scratches his head. “If you’re up for being friends and all, I was wondering if maybe… You'd wanna hang out sometime?”

I tilt my head in question. “You mean like a VK movie night or something?”

He shakes his head. “No, I mean hang out with… me?”

What… Did I hear him right, or is Carlos asking me on…?

“You mean, like a… date?” I ask in a small voice.

“Um… yeah?”

I must say I’m somewhat surprised. I’d have thought that after the whole love potion incident then Carlos didn’t really feel the same as I did and was choosing to ignore it.

“Not to make things even more awkward, but are you sure this is your true intentions or is it just because of the love potion?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

Carlos looks confused but then it clicks and his eyes go wide. “Wait- I forgot! You knew about the love potion?”

“Yup.”

Carlos inches away but then regains his courage and leans in. “Why didn’t you say something? That must’ve been weird- Oh God I’m so sorry!” He slaps a hand over his face.

I take his hand softly to bring it down from his face and look him in the eye. “Carlos, I’ll be honest. At first I was suspicious about what you VKs were up to. But after hearing why, I understand now. It was an accident. I was never meant to take the love potion, and I made a complete fool of myself fawning over you so much.”

“You didn’t- I thought-” Carlos stutters.

I let go and walk back towards my cauldron. “I get it. I know witches are never meant to fall in love, so it makes sense that you wouldn’t like me back. I suggest we just put this silly love potion incident behind us and just-”

Suddenly Carlos blurts: “I- I love you!”

Carlos you’re making this even more painful than it has to be!

I shake my head shamefully and busy myself by pouring some tonic into a goblet. “No you don’t, Carlos. It’s my mother’s siren magic in me. She used it to seduce men to her advantage, but you need to trust me that I can’t control it! I would never do that to you or anybody else! I’m not a ditsy, flirty blonde!”

At this point I’m fighting back tears and my hands are shaking, and when a tear spills into the tonic it starts to glow blue. Um, what does that mean?

Meanwhile Carlos comes over and puts both hands on my shoulder to make me focus on him.

“I never felt spelled to love you, Magica. It’s not just your looks. Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re gorgeous. But you’re also smart, witty, funny, and really fun to be around. And if that’s not true love, I don’t know what is! And- and before I turn chicken I’m going to prove it.”

Before I can ask what he means, Carlos leans forward and presses his lips to mine. The sudden rush of emotions takes me off guard and I don’t have anything to steady myself, so I hold onto Carlos. He notices and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer. A million feelings are rushing through my head, as if fireworks have exploded in my head. I’m not sure if Carlos can feel it, but something’s definitely happening… I’m starting to feel a bond, a connection stronger than skin-deep…

Carlos pulls away slightly with a nervous look. “Um, I’m assuming that since you haven’t turned me into a frog that maybe… you like me too?”

I chuckle at his innocence and hug him closer. “Yes, Freckles. I just never thought I'd, um, you know… Have someone think of me as more than just a pretty housemaid.”

“What? No. I- I think you’re amazing! You’re talented, confident, and have the best ideas for pranks! Dude loves you! And you’re always so nice.”

I let out a dark chuckle. “Not after today. I’m not the same person I was this morning. From now on I’m going to do things my way.”

“Meaning… not good?” Carlos looks skeptical.

“Not good, not bad. Something in-between, to keep people guessing.”

Carlos smirks. “I think I’m starting to like the new Magica. So then, maybe after the coronation tomorrow you’d wanna hang out? Go to the woods again, Enchantress?”

I scoff. “Keep saying that and mortals will mistake me as the sorceress who cursed Ben’s dad. Why that nickname, Freckles?”

Carlos shuffles his feet and looks at the ground. “Because that’s how I think of you, a beautiful enchantress. Not a wicked, ugly witch that all the other fairy tales talk about."

But now Carlos is looking at my cauldron and I can tell he’s… worried? I can sense his feelings? How’s that possible?

“What’s that?” He points at the cauldron’s brewing insides.

“A nerves tonic, to clear the head.”

“But it changed. Why is it blue?”

“Good question.” After flipping through the spellbook I find the answer. “According to this, a tear of bittersweetness can turn a nerves tonic into something far more stronger and violent: firecracker draught. My tear must have triggered it.” I fetch a beaker and begin to carefully pour the substance. “This must be handled and stored carefully.”

“What happens if it isn’t?” Carlos asks with an anxious tone.

“Think of it as a liquid explosion. I drop this, and the entire west side of the school goes ka-boom.”

Carlos tenses up and gives me room to move the draught to my safe-keep spot under my bed. After I’ve secured it I crawl back out and join Carlos over by the window. He’s calm now. I no longer feel nervous or anxious around him, possibly because we now share an understanding of each other’s feelings.

“Mal’s going to release Ben from her spell tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Mal baked him a muffin a few nights ago.”

“Oh. She could’ve just asked to use some of mine. I have extra from when I cured myself, but I’m guessing she needed to use her own antidote because of the spell’s unique properties.”

Carlos squirms a little. “How did you know?”

I think it over, then shrug. “I figured something was wrong after I saw magic coming from the cookies. After I was spelled it felt like a drug, but with the help of Binx I managed to brew an antidote. I just hope Ben copes better with the withdrawal than I did.”

My freckled friend shakes his head and leans over the windowsill. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to go through that, and if you don’t completely trust me I understand-”

I bring a hand to his face. “Hey, hey- it’s alright. It wasn’t your fault. I’d trust you with my life if it were hanging by a thread, Carlos. It’s… everyone else that’s deceitful.”

He considers this, then says: “So what happens now?”

I shake my head. “After what I did, I’m never going to be able to earn their trust back. And to be honest, I don’t care.”

“So where will you go?” I can tell Carlos is thinking the same thing I am: I have to leave.

I lean in to kiss his freckled cheek. “I’m sorry, Carlos. But I can’t stay here.”

“But maybe you can! After we release the villains on the Isle then you won’t have to hide anymore.”

I shake my head again, knowing than even though his intentions are thoughtful and meant to uplift my spirits there’s still a slim chance of me walking away without a scratch. No matter what side I chose, people will always resent me.

“It’s late, and we’ve got a big day tomorrow. I suggest a good night’s sleep, and-” I reach over and hand Carlos the single goblet of normal nerves tonic. “Prescribed tonic from a real witch. No poison, no love spell, just plain old-fashioned natural healing.”

Carlos takes the goblet as if it’s a shining diamond, and sips it deliberately. After a few moments he closes his eyes and gets a peaceful look on his face.

“You’ve definitely mastered potion-making in my book, Magica.”

I smirk and gently ease him towards the edge. “Time to go to sleep now. I’ll meet you tomorrow in your dorm.”

Carlos looks reluctant but the tonic is making him compliant. “Wouldn’t it be better if I went out through the door?”

“Sorry. It’s enchanted and locked. The only way in or out now is the window.”

“Ok, makes sense. See you tomorrow.” He swings his legs over and starts down, looking up one last time to give me a shy smile. “Goodnight, Enchantress. I- I love you.”

The phrase is very new to my ears, however when Carlos says it then it feels… right. And returning it feels even more appropriate.

“I love you too, Freckles.”

After he’s gone, Binx hops down from his perch. “That went well.”

I sigh blissfully and sit down. “What a day… Say Binx, have you ever heard of any magic regarding true love’s kiss? Aside from waking people from deep sleep, that is.”

He tilts his head and starts sniffing my cauldron. “Can’t say I have.”

I pick my spellbook up again and flip through it. “Here it is: There are some instances noted when a true love is powerful enough to create an empathy bond, a connection shared between two that will allow the pair to feel each other’s emotions.” After rereading the passage several times I finally close it and glance at Binx, who’s giving me a certain look. “So I guess that means that, in a way, I’ll know if Carlos is in trouble? That’s… reassuring, I guess.”

I sit down on the bed again and Binx jumps up next to me. “You can’t hide up here forever. What are you planning to do now?”

“I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.”

#carlos de vil x reader #carlos de vil #descendants carlos #evie descendants #mal descendants #jay descendants #disney descendants #descendants #disney #uma descendants #harry hook descendants #ben descendants #audrey descendants #doug descendants #binx hocus pocus #hocus pocus #sarah sanderson #winifred sanderson #mary sanderson

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winterfliee · 2 years

Note

i think im broken…

i’ve been trying to get sleep paralysis for like a week and i was so confident i’d get it first or second try but what happens is i lie with my body feeling heavy and a rly long time and then nothing else happens, i barely get uncomfortable twitching or itches which is supposed to be a sign, like i js lie there waiting and waiting and nothing happens

what i’ve been doing is wbtb, i wake 5 hours after i fall asleep, read a book for 30mins and then lie down and stay very still and js affirm, count and let my mind do whatver and i sometimes get slight symptoms or js feel super heavy but i can always move? i wait and wait for paralysis and it’s js not happening?

im so frustrated i wanted to shift/get to the void by the 27 of july and idk what to do anymore, i thought SP was a natural thing our body did and the method looked so easy i didn’t think it’d take much like affirming, persisting in the new story and living in the end, but i’m so confused, i was so confident and determined that i was doing everything right but why can’t i get passed that point? pls help me i hate to affirm this story but i didn’t even think i would need to apply loa to this bc supposedly our bodies will inevitably fall asleep and become paralysed if we stay still for long enough so i don’t understand what’s going on, ik circumstances don’t matter but i hate my life rn and i rly need help

sorry to ramble like this, i hope you have a wonderful day love <3

Hey love, first of all no you're not broken simply because a method isn't working for you!!

And getting symptoms is not necessary you can get sp even without feeling any symptoms, i didn't use to get any symptoms in the beginning either, no feeling of floating, feeling itchy or having the urge to move but i just ignored it, we don't need symptoms to know we're in sp. For wbtb I'd suggest to try different time like you've done 5 hours after sleeping make it 3 or 3.5 hrs, search more about sleep cycles and for how long they last and then you'll know more about what time would be suitable for you. And i think you are mainly focusing on feeling any sort of symptoms rather than that focus on the thing you are doing like suppose you are affirming or counting just focus on that don't think about if my body is itchy or do i feel like I'm floating, completely let go and forget about the 3d and your surroundings, imagine yourself in an all white or all Black room it helped me a lot.

Don't feel discouraged and don't let it affect your confidence remember WE ARE GODS we can do anything we want in an instant. Decide it that you enter sp in just a few minutes, use subliminals, use guided meditations they help with focusing on your Affirmations and letting go of the 3d.

And finally if you are okay with involving loa into this then just affirm for few days that "i get into sp everytime i fall asleep" or "i get into sp in just 2 minutes" affirm anything that makes it easier for you to enter sp. Maybe try doing some manifestation challenges like the 3DOLC+ROE challenge where you just focus on one or more desires for 3 days or try the 48HC where you focus on something for 48Hrs. You don't need challenges or subs or anything else to enter sp but these things help in gaining back your confidence and just overall helps in not being discouraged.

And one last thing YOU DON'T NEED VOID TO SHIFT OR MANIFEST, maybe try doing the ROE+3DOLC or 48HC challenges for shifting just affirm "i can shift to any reality on command" "i can shift realities anytime i want" it's totally upto you to do these challenges or not but they help in being more confident and they help in understanding that you really don't need anything other than persistence and discipline to manifest anything you want.

I've tried to give all the suggestions i could think of and told about everything that has helped me and stuff I've actually tried, i hope this helps!

Have a great day and don't forget you are god you can do anything in an instant, love :))

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zargsnake · 1 year

Photo

Through a Blackened Mirror

Chapter 2: The Curse

Word Count: 3471 Links: Chapter 1, Table of Contents

* * *

“Everyone was horrified, but the twelfth wise woman stepped forward. She still had her wish to make, and although she could not undo the evil spell, she could nevertheless soften it.

“‘The princess shall not die,’ she said. ‘Instead, she shall fall into a deep sleep for one hundred years.’”

-- “Brier Rose,” translated by Jack Snipes

* * *

Darth Zaster opens her eyes and sees blurry blueness in front of her. Everything feels fizzy, like a carbonated drink. Fizzy, hollow, and numb. She looks down at her hands. Instead of her brown scales, she sees dashes and dots, quivering scanlines. A holographic projection. Is this another dream? Or did her master’s promise actually come true? She focuses on the blueness in front of her.

Fish. Fish in a tank.

She reaches out, but her hand goes through the glass. She feels nothing, no wetness. The tank curves over her head and below her, a tunnel. She’s never seen anything like it. It’s quite disorienting. But peaceful, she supposes. She looks to the side and sees a figure sitting next to her in the tunnel, silhouetted against the soft glow. She flinches in surprise at the sight of a stranger, but she is too well-trained to make a sound. The boy -- man? -- boy -- is in deep meditation. Her holocron, glowing red, floats between his fingers, which are even redder. She reaches for her holocron, but her fingers go through that too.

Okay. She can’t do anything.

“... Hello, boy?” she addresses him in the ancient, unchangeable Sith language.

He stirs from his meditation. He catches his breath at the sight of her and almost drops the holocron, then places it cautiously on the tunnel floor. A fish, below them, bumps against the holocron from the other side of the glass.

“Darth Zaster?”

“Yes,” she says, surprising herself with her own timidity.

He grins and puts a hand on his chest. “Darth Maul!” His mastery of the language is flawless; their accents are identical. “I...I have been trying to wake you for two years!”

“Two years? Was it really that difficult?”

“Well, I’ve done it all by myself, and only in short, stolen moments. But the whole day is mine today. Perhaps that’s all I really needed.” He shivers in sheer delight, almost as if he is an electric projection too. “Your master didn’t make it easy. Your holo’s probably drunk more than a gallon of my blood over those two years.”

“Delicious,” says Zaster, dubiously.

Maul realizes he is not impressing her. He tries to look cool, but he can’t do it. So he smiles again, his voice full of wonder and warmth. “You’re really here. You’re alive.”

“‘Alive’...in a way... Master Bomes would disagree. He opposed the whole project. He thinks I’m meant to die, that it has always been my fate. And even if it weren’t, it’s impossible anyway; I’m only a student, too young and weak in the Force to linger, even in the most complex hard drive in the most new-fangled holo. That at best, we could only save a diminishing copy of a true spirit. But Master Sunke… He would say ’alive,’ just as you have.”

“Do you feel alive?”

“I feel something.”

“Something is more than nothing.”

“Not always.” Zaster grins back at him, finally. “You’re quite a phenomenon, aren’t you?”

Her smile breaks his nervous energy down. He takes a deep breath and searches through his flickering feelings. He knows there must be something there, behind them all, that he’s never felt before.

Maybe it is peace.

“You’re a glowing feat of photonics and engineering. I’m an ordinary block of meat.”

“I’ve done nothing except die in my sleep. You’re the one who’s awoken the dead.”

Maul waves his hand dismissively. “Anytime, sister.”

“What year is it?”

“By your calendar, 7548,” he says gently.

“Seven thou... You mean I’ve been gone for nearly two thousand years?!”

Now she is the nervous one. He must take care of her.

“And you don’t look a day over eighteen, girl.”

“How is the Empire? How is the war? -- I mean -- how was the war?”

“... Oh, um…”

“We didn’t -- we didn’t lose? Did we?”

“It was a tie.”

“And the Jedi?”

“Yes?”

“Do they thrive?”

“We’re…working on it.”

“Damn it. Those fucking Jedi. Maul, you said? Darth Maul?”

“The one and only.”

“And you are young; you must have a master.”

“Yes, Darth Sidious.”

“Your names are strange, yet I feel relieved to know them. Two thousand years later, and there are at least two of us still remaining.” She laughs, and Maul wilts a little. “What? How many of us are there?”

Black blood rushes to Maul’s face. He clears his throat. “Three.”

“Three? Three, just three?”

“Two, officially. I don’t technically exist.”

“I -- Three? Three Sith in all the galaxy?”

Maul counts on his claws. “One, two… Indeed. Three.”

“Oh, put me back to sleep.”

“Look, it works differently now--”

“My sisters numbered four thousand, five hundred thirty six. In my temple alone.”

“Well you can’t expect that kind of productivity to sustain itself.”

“I think I can expect more than three.”

“Please, let me explain. After your time, we fell into a nasty civil war, on top of the war with the Jedi. Slaughter and excommunication winnowed our numbers down to unrecognizably teeny amounts, and finally, defeat at the hands of our enemy forced us into hiding. Our leader enacted the Rule of Two -- one master, one apprentice. Since then, only two Sith have ever existed at the same time. No more. But no less, either. Never once have we died completely.”

“This is horrible. I don’t believe it.”

“Hey, Zaster, it’s not as bad as it sounds.” Maul smiles daringly. “I’m Sith enough for a million Siths. And I am quite alive.”

Zaster grants him another smile, but she shudders; whether from powerful emotions or low resolution, Maul cannot tell.

“Didn’t you say you technically don’t exist?” she asks.

“See? Is there anything more Sithlike? I’m a damn Sith icon.”

Zaster laughs, but her eyes fill with tears. She brings her wrist to her eyes, and her tears sizzle on the holo.

The pain from the static shocks feels more real than any of these other numb sensations; it is so strong that, for a moment, it blocks everything else out. But she knows this trick as well as Maul does. Instead of allowing pain to distract her, she uses it to focus. Her holo glows a little more brightly, though not any more sharply.

Maul is surprised and shaken to see her cry -- Zaster, a famous Sith from their glorious past -- no, she is more than a relic, she is a living person with feelings and fears and desires. He speaks to her in the kind tone he’s only ever heard in stories.

“Your Master, Darth Sunke, died just two weeks after he sealed you away in the holo. He died well; he avenged you by blowing up the New Life Star station. The Jedi haven’t dared to create a ‘medical’ facility of such magnitude ever since.”

“The NLS was a place of poison, not medicine.” Zaster wipes her face again and sets a harder expression. “Two weeks, you say?”

“It is written that his lust for vengeance was powerful enough to drive any Jedi mad, should he have so much as glanced at them. I have no doubt this is true, and yet I sensed in his life and story another feeling, one Sith do not speak of in terms of our own. He missed you. He missed you so badly that he lost the will to live without you. Happily, he channeled that ache into something useful. He was a worthy master of the Force.”

Zaster smiles proudly. “He was the greatest master who ever lived. And I am glad to hear he loved me so much it killed him. My last thought as I fell asleep to die was how jealous I was that the world would have Shell, and I would not. So it’s good to know it only had him for two weeks more than I did.”

“Shell?”

“Yes, Sunke’s name, Shell Mree.”

“That was never recorded.”

“Really?”

“I think names have fallen out of fashion.”

“Names have fallen out of fashion?”

“That’s what I said.”

“How can names fall out of fashion?”

“Well, I don’t have one.”

“Didn’t your mother give you one?”

“I don’t know. I never knew her.”

His blithe delivery of this strange and terrible news disturbs her, but, out of politeness, she hides her judgment.

“They should have written it down.”

“I don’t need one. I am Maul.”

“Does your master have a name? Sidious?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t like it, or use it. I hardly associate it with him. It’s purely for his other life.”

“Other life?”

“Yes, he lives openly as a Senator of the Galactic Republic, and a family man here on Naboo, but his true, secret life is with me, as a Sith. I am the only thing he really cares about.”

“Do you have another life?”

“Nothing so elaborate. I suppose this kind of thing counts as my other life. Secret conversations beyond Sidious’ knowledge.”

“Why would you keep secrets from your own master?”

“I… It’s not like I want to. But it’s the only thing I have that’s all mine.”

Zaster can’t hide the discomfort from her expression any longer. “I don’t like the new ways of the Sith. Not at all.”

“Our ways are good. My life is good. We are very strong. And my master has a great and wonderful plan to crush the Jedi, and democracy, and to order all the cosmos around Sith rule.”

“Where does that leave you?”

Maul answers, beaming, “I am the prince! The inheritor! He is old. He won’t live forever. He is doing it all for me.”

Zaster returns his smile, grateful for the good news. “He must be a wonderful master.”

“Frankly, he’s a piece of shit. But I love him.”

Zaster laughs in surprise. “How can you say that?”

“He’s, ah, not very nice.”

“Is that why you keep secrets from him?”

“I suppose.”

“Well. The important thing is you love him.”

“Was love your way?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was love the way of the Sith?”

“Yes, of course. Isn’t it still?”

“Yes. It is.”

Zaster is not sure if he is lying. She has a very bad feeling about this Sidious. “Nevertheless, I’m glad you are the one to wake me, not him. I’d much rather talk to someone nice.”

“Thank you, Zaster.”

“Dreela. Dreela Sage.”

“Dreela,” Maul corrects himself, his heart nearly bursting with happiness. No one else alive knows the great Zaster’s real name.

“What is this place?” asks Dreela.

“This is an aquarium, the biggest in the galaxy. It’s closed, but I snuck in. This tunnel is great for meditating. The glow is a good white-out, and the fish all share communion in the Force, but silently, and in a vicious, animalistic manner that treats me right.”

“You said you had this whole day to yourself, and you spent it with a bunch of fish?”

Maul frowns. “I spent it trying to open your holocron, which has been my greatest desire these past two years.”

“What do you want from me?”

“All I wanted was this. To rescue you. To talk to you.”

“And what will happen to me now?”

“I will keep you. One day I will be the ruler of the galaxy. You can be my advisor. When I am in charge, I will make things the way they used to be. A thousand Sith on every planet. A great empire, with colonies in every system. You were there. You can help me.”

“I’ve been dead for so long. I worry I will go mad.” Dreela’s voice is quiet.

“A little madness keeps the fire alive,” Maul says just as quietly, to comfort her.

Dreela wipes her eyes. “But this will be years and years from now.”

“Yes, but Dreela, what are years to you?”

Dreela smiles at him. “Nothing, I suppose. Maul?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

His heart feels so warm in this chilly tunnel. “You’re welcome, Dreela.”

Dreela watches a shark swim past them. “Maul?”

“Yes?”

Looking him over, Dreela says, “You are the most stunning Zabrak I have ever seen.”

“Oh… Thank you.” Maul blushes again, from pride now instead of shame; his black blood darkens the red in his face a little, which only makes it look richer and more beautiful.

“I have never seen such strong, deep colors, nor such sharp stripes.”

“Thank you,” he repeats, with increasing devotion.

“May I see more?”

Maul smile slyly and tilts his head up. “Of course, my queen!” He unfastens his cloak and starts taking all his clothes off for her.

Dreela holds her translucent hands over her mouth, giggling. “It is so strange to see a Zabrak among all this clear water, and these tame fish! Doesn’t it just flatten your spirit?”

Maul is unbuttoning his shirt; each of his buttons is engraved with a Sith Commandment. “Why should water and fish flatten my spirit?”

“Why, the waters of Iridonia are black as night, and glittering, so dense with the fertile minerals of your home planet. And your fish are all at least 80% teeth, even the smallest toojafish.”

Maul pulls his shirt off his shoulders; Dreela marvels at the markings on his chest. “I’ve never been to Iridonia. I wasn’t born there.”

“A Zabrak? And you’ve never been to Iridonia?”

“No.” He unbuttons his pants. “Is it all that great?”

“You must go. It is my favorite planet. It is -- it was a mighty Sith stronghold! My Sunke was a Zabrak!”

“I know.” Maul thinks of the rows of horns in jars. “I suppose something about Zabraks makes us irresistible to our leaders.”

“Our leaders?”

“Yes. Our leaders. The humans.”

“Humans?” She makes a face. “Those flimsy little things? I guess one or two of them were leaders, historically. But Zabraks are one of the superior species. Zabraks mostly led themselves and always led the inferior species -- humans, even my own species, the Grinanin. All the greatest Sith are Zabrak.”

Of all the strange things Dreela has said about the Sith of her time, this is the one thing Maul cannot believe at all. Of course humans are the only superior species. But the girl has been gathering dust for millenia. He can’t expect her brain to be working quite right, yet. Better to smile and nod. The last thing he wants to do is distress her again.

“Of course. But my master is a human, and he is amazingly powerful.”

“Oh -- I am sorry. I didn’t mean to insult him.”

“Never be sorry. You can say whatever you like in front of me.” Maul lies naked before her, leaning his head on his hand. “The eighth millennia isn’t so bad, is it?”

Dreela feasts her eyes. “Not so bad at all.”

“More stunning than your Sunke, you think?”

Dreela laughs again. “Oh, he was brilliant, but ugly as hell. There was a Force-lightning accident.”

Maul sighs. “Do all great Sith have to get ugly?”

“I hope you don’t. How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Stay seventeen.”

“Oh, I will,” he says, posing and flexing for her.

“Where were you born, if not Iridonia?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how do you know you weren’t born on Iridonia?”

“The Force told me.”

“But it didn’t tell you where you were born?”

“The Force is better at yes-or-no questions.”

“It is? I never get such straightforward answers.”

“Oh, it is all due to my master’s training.”

“Really?”

“Hell no. I’m a fucking Force genius.”

“Turn around,” Dreela orders.

Maul obliges. She stares at the stripes down his back, then reaches for him. Her hand passes through him. No matter what she touches, she feels the same numb nothingness.

“Can you feel me, Maul?” she whispers.

Maul looks over his shoulder and meets her eyes with an intense look. Then he closes his eyes and concentrates on her presence. He can hear the hum of her electricity, and, beneath that, the softness of her breathing. Breathing what? Not the air around them; gas particles carry on among her photons, undisturbed. She still breathes the air she died in. Ancient, faraway air, copied into subroutines in her program, circulating according to a relatively simple code compared to the blinking of her eyes and the beating of her heart.

He focuses on his own skin. He can feel the cold air, the colder tank. He can even feel within, his outermost muscles touching his tissues, his blood running up and down. Hotter and faster, but not because of her touch. He cannot feel her.

He rolls onto his back and opens his eyes again. She looks much sadder than she was, but, more alarmingly, she looks much dimmer than she was. He reaches for her hand and pretends to hold it for a second. He makes a small move as if he is tugging it toward himself, but she does not play along. He picks up her holocron.

“I’m sorry, Dreela. I have to turn you off.”

“Can’t you just keep me on?”

“Believe me, I want to. But your projection is running low on battery.”

“Just charge it later.”

“I’m afraid of what will happen if I let it run out.”

“I’m sure it will be fine. My master would have foreseen that eventuality and prepared.”

“I am not so sure.” He sits up, fingers tracing the edges of the device. “I won’t lose you.”

“When will you turn me back on?” she asks.

“As soon as I can.”

“When?”

“I mean it. You are the best thing in my–”

“When, Maul?”

“I don’t know. Sidious was tied up with business today, something about his spy network. I don’t know when I’ll have another day to myself.”

“Then tell him the truth. Tell him about me. He’ll be proud of you for awakening me.”

“But -- isn’t it more fun with just me?”

“Not if I’ll be turned off another 2000 years.”

“It won’t be 2000 years. It won’t even be a week. I will steal time for you.”

“I don’t enjoy the prospect of a lifetime at the beck and call of a lonesome, cocky slave boy.”

“Hey. Leave my cock out of this.”

Dreela snorts in noncommittal laughter.

“Alright, maybe things look bad now,” Maul says. “But one day, I will rule. And you’ll be my right hand man.”

“I’d feel better if I spoke to your master.”

“You really wouldn’t.”

Dreela growls.

“Look, as much fun as this argument is, your holocron needs a couple more volts of electricity and at least another cup of blood. I swear to you, I’ll bring you back to life as soon as –”

“Alright, alright. Turn me off.”

“Goodbye, my darli--”

“Shut it, just turn me off.”

Maul obliges her. Of course it hurt to be interrupted and to be called a slave. But he can’t blame her for being grumpy, and she’s not wrong about what he is.

As he dresses himself, he feels a great burden on his heart, the burden of forty-five hundred sisters on Zaster’s planet alone, the burden of a whole forgotten people. He knows Sidious’ heart, he knows Sidious doesn’t care about their past, their traditions. All he cares about is himself. He gives more time and face to Naboo holidays than Sith ones. His mask is so strong and powerful, and he wears it so frequently, that more often than not it seems like his mask is his real face. Plagueis cares a little more, from what Maul can tell, but Plagueis’ other life of numbers and worldly concerns infects his rigid mind. They are disgraces to the Sith.

Only he, Maul, has the guts, the passion, the strength, the energy, the focus, the horns, the bond with the Force necessary to bring back the ancient ways, to renew them even better than they were. Plagueis can fail in every attempt, and Sidious can sit and stew for years and years, until he’s all rotted away. Only he, Maul, can triumph. He is the true Sith lord, and one day Sidious will see that. And then he will kneel before him, and call him master. Maul’s hands, deep in his pockets with the holocron, shake, as he proceeds out the tunnel, out the aquarium, through the foggy streets to the Senatorial basement that he calls home, his hood up, his face down.

The burden makes his throat feel dry, in spite of all the water in the air. He wonders what fog looks like on Iridonia, if the water there is black.

#my story #my art #through a blackened mirror #darth maul #darth zaster #scifi #fairytale #this is the first part i wrote and it's definitely the worst written... but i still love it #hmu if you caught the reference to a certain 1988 comedy ;)

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lildreambaby · 1 year

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saw someone else in loa community do this so i’m going to try~

so i’ve been tapping into the void state recently (my first few times ever taking it seriously since i read neville’s work for the first time a few months ago and finally understood what it was) and i feel very close, but have trouble completely clearing my head of thoughts while meditating so i’m still practicing. i’ll be keeping a log of my experiences. i’ve meditated on it a few times in the last few months but i’ve decided to commit more fully to it and practice more consistently so i’ll begin my log with last night’s experience. i’ll be posting this and updating regularly without tags until my inevitable success, then i’ll tag it so people can get inspiration from my story.

night one. i listened to this guided meditation specific to the void state and reality shifting. i love this persons voice it is so calming and i find it really easy to relax when listening to this which is generally difficult for me to do. my cat kept coming in my room and disturbing me, though, but i felt bad kicking her out bc i had just taken her to the vet and wanted her to be able to sleep with me if she wanted to, i don’t normally do that. i had to restart the video because i kept getting distracted. it was hard to focus because i had just gotten home from hanging out with my friend for a long time so i was very tired and ended up just falling asleep and not paying attention.

day two. today, i decided to meditate while i was not so sleepy, but when i had time for a nap in case i did fall asleep. i put on the same meditation from last night and actually paid attention the whole way through and completed the meditation exercise. for me, when i am beginning to fall asleep, i start to have a dream-like thought process where my brain begins to conjure up thoughts that play like dreams and generally have the same logic as dreams, meaning they’re not true and logical like i perceive my awake thoughts to be. i had a lot of those thoughts crossing my mind, or even just random thoughts of my day or things going on in my life, so it was difficult to focus and submerse myself in the meditation. when i was focusing i could feel myself to be deep in meditation and very relaxed, but it was hard to let go of my reality because of these thoughts. i did feel very numb and floaty but i was still conscious and awake, like i felt that i could open my eyes and be awake whenever i wanted to, despite the meditation guide’s efforts to essentially force me into the void state. i tried to push these thoughts away and keep affirming for the void, “I am in the void,” “I am pure consciousness,” “I always wake up in the void,” but eventually I got frustrated because the intrusive thoughts were very persistent and I shuffled in bed, tried again for another little while, but still felt awake and aware of my senses and then i felt hungry so i gave in and decided to get up again. i felt extremely disoriented when i got up though, and that feeling lasted more than just a moment, like nothing felt real for like ten minutes after getting out of my bed. tonight i will try a different meditation and I will meditate sitting up with my back supported, this seems to be a helpful method for those like me who tend to just fall asleep while laying down.

night two. i tried to stay conscious and affirm but i was laying down and i fell asleep. i had been out with friends for a few hours and didn’t get home until 1am so i was very tired. i will practice again.

day three. i tried to focus and affirm but i accidentally kept moving or letting my mind wonder so i wasn’t even able to be still in any sense. i will focus more resolutely tonight and i will sit up and i will put on some meditative music. i WILL tap into the void tonight and i WILL wake up with my desired reality as my 3d, i’ve made my mind up about it.

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local-neko-girl · 1 year

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Chapter Nine:

She felt like a prisoner, but knew it was because they didn’t trust her. And she didn’t even want to be there, but maybe this is what her father meant. That she had a ‘higher purpose’.

Once she was able to, she wanted to go to Florrum to get her belongings and bring them here, since she wouldn’t be staying there any longer.

Maybe I can ask Thrawn if I can go, even if I need an escort.

She sighed, easily bored again. Maybe once they trusted her, she could at least walk around too. Sitting in a room reminded her too much of when she was a slave to Naraku.

For now she sat and meditated. And for a long time that’s all she did. Day in and out, it was questions from Thrawn, sitting in her room, and either sleeping or meditating. Finally after about a few days, she decided to ask.

She was once again in Thrawn’s office, and he sat in the chair adjacent to her.

“Could I ask something?” She managed to say, still nervous.

He was surprised, during this whole time she hadn’t asked anything, just answered questions.

“Of course, is there something I could do?”

“I am going stir-crazy when I’m in my room. It’s empty, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand it.”

“What is it you would like?”

“To walk around? Even when I’m not in your care? I haven’t done a thing to make you think I’d be trouble. I’ve obeyed every order given to me without question or resistance. I just want some trust.”

Thrawn was surprised and put a hand to his chin. He thought a moment, then nodded.

“I don’t see why not. You know there will be consequences if you do anything. Permission granted.”

She looked at the two saber hilts sitting on his desk.

“And when can I have my sabers back?”

“Soon,” was all he said.

There was an alarm and Governor Pryce entered.

“Moff Tarkin has just arrived.”

“I see,” he turns to Arvanna. “I take it you’ll be fine on your one this time?”

“Actually, may I accompany you?”

Again he was surprised. Governor Pryce looked distrustful toward her.

“Very well, come with me.”

The Governor and Arvanna were both surprised. She could sense he was taking a chance in trusting her.

As they left his office they went into the main hangar as Tarkin was landing. Once securely down, the door opened and some troopers came out, then Tarkin. They had a prisoner behind them, but something felt familiar to her about this presence.

Once the prisoner was dragged out due to being unconscious, she softly gasped. Thrawn had heard it and was curious, but said nothing as he wanted to see how this played out.

“Grand Admiral Thrawn, I’ve brought a special prisoner for you,” Tarkin said. “They have not stated their name, but we do know them to be a Mystic from Fascintaru.”

The woman started to awake, groggy. She was in all white with brown hair.

Rose, Arvanna thought. That’s White Rose. I thought she was dead, but she must have escaped as well. I wonder what she was doing?

“Do you know this woman, Arvanna?” Thrawn asked her as the other two there looked at her.

“I do, quite well. Where did you find her?” she asked Tarkin.

“She was caught at one of our bases, trying to steal a ship. But once we attempted to apprehend her, she used what seemed to be the force to try to free herself.”

“Not the force, magic,” Arvanna corrected.

Rose looked up, hearing the voice of her former friend.

“Asellus, you’re.. you’re here?” Rose asked.

Arvanna softly growled a moment, hating the name their former Lord gave her.

“How did you escape Rose?” Arvanna asked.

“The same way you did, I smuggled myself off the planet. I was in search of you. Things have gotten much worse on Fascintaru.”

“Have her thrown in the brig for further processing,” Tarkin said and the troopers took her.

“Asellus! Asellus please! I need your help! We need your help!”

Her calls grew faint as she was taken away.

“She called you Asellus, is that your name?” Thrawn asked.

“No, it’s… it’s a long story.”

“So she’s a friend of yours?” Tarkin asked.

“No,” she scowled. “She is not.”

“Where is Fascintaru?” Governor Pryce asked, not quite sure what is going on.

“Fascintaru is a cloaked planet, it only appears for traders and natives. Only those with Mystic blood can get there.”

“How did she know you then?” Governor Pryce asked.

“I was abducted decades ago, and brought there. But I found a way to smuggle myself off the planet. I became a fugitive to them ever since and they hunted me.”

“The Emperor has had an interest in Fascintaru for a long time know, but has not been able to acquire any kind of information on how to get there.”

“Let’s continue this conversation in my office,” Thrawn said to Tarkin, then looked at Arvanna to include her.

They made their way back to his office, it this time did not include Governor Pryce. She sat down, as did Tarkin while Thrawn stood and pulled up his map.

“Where is Fascintaru located?” Thrawn asked.

Arvanna looked at the map a moment, seeing where it should be. She got up up and went over to where the controls were by Thrawn.

“May I?” she asked.

“Please do,” he confirmed and moved aside.

She pushed a few buttons, entered some specs, and suddenly a planet popped up on the map.

“This is where Fascintaru is located. As I said, they have a special way to cloak their planet, and only Mystics may enter.”

“I remember seeing the reports that were taken from the Jedi council, that you were in fact a member of the Mystics?” Tarkin asked.

She debated the information she had, not sure she wanted to give it to the Empire. She looked at Thrawn, and realized this would be a good exchange of information for more freedom with the Empire and her overseer.

“I will give you the information you require, if we can make a trade.”

Thrawn was intrigued. “What kind of a trade?”

“I want to go back to Florrum to retrieve my belongings, since I no longer will be staying there. In return, I’ll give you all the information you want on Fascintaru.”

He thought for a moment, then looked into her eyes. He had done this a few times before during his line of questioning, assessing her true intentions.

“If you give me the chance, I can be greatly beneficial. I’m not your enemy. And I can be of great help too,” she said. “If you’ll just give me a chance.”

Tarkin and Thrawn both gave each other a look.

“Very well,” Tarkin said. “But should you do anything, you’ll be executed.”

“That’s fine, I won’t.”

The moment she said it, she realized she was getting more and more involved with the Empire, and wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but had no choice. This had to be what her father meant, that things would change drastically again for her. And it got her mind off all the sorrow she faced.

So she began to tell her tale. That of when she was abducted, and when she wandered through Fascintaru until she came upon this field of white flowers. And a man appeared suddenly and just as suddenly stabbed her with a blade. When she awoke, the flowers were stained purple. She found her way to the castle entrance and found there were so many there, pure bloods. And that’s when she met her captor, Lord Orlouge. A man with long purple hair in robes of a king. She had found out they tainted her blood with their Mystic blood, and there were only two ways for her to proceed. To either kill Orlouge, thus removing any trace of Mystic blood. Or to drink his blood and become a pure blood and their new leader.

She continued to tell them that those that were tainted like her were his Princesses, and a lot of them had been frozen in these weird glass coffins, but those loyal were able to stay awake. Like Rose. They had even given her a new name, Asellus. They called her the Charm Lord. Rose was the caretaker to new Princesses. And they had become friends until she learned that. That’s when she smuggled herself off planet. And once off, she was hunted everyday of her life by them.

In the end, every Princess lost. And finally she decided to go back to settle everything. But when she returned, Rose wasn’t there. So she made her way to Lord Orlouge’s chamber, and fought to the death with him, thus freeing herself from his slavery.

“So this Lord is dead now?” Tarkin asked.

“Yes,” she answered.

“And did you drink his blood?” Thrawn asked.

She was surprised, how did he know?

“I… I did.”

“So you’re the leader of Fascintaru now?” Tarkin asked.

“I… I am. I left Ildon in charge in my absence.”

“So what of the woman then?” Tarkin asked. “This isn’t the first time we encountered her. We think she is working with the rebels now.”

“She may have felt his passing and decided to go on her own path then. Ildon would have told me if she ever returned to Fascintaru.”

“Have her executed,” Thrawn said. “And you’re going to be the one to do it.”

He said it to Arvanna, who was shocked.

“This is your chance to prove you can be trusted.”

He takes the single hilt saber and hands it to her. She thinks a moment, knowing this will seal her fate with the Empire, but where else did she have to go?

“End her life and I’ll be convinced you mean us no harm.”

Tarkin looked at her too. “I can agree with this.”

She looked down at the saber hilt in her hands, realizing she had not once used her fathers blade.

“Very well,” Arvanna nodded.

They left his office and Governor Price joined them once again. Governor Price only knew the girl brought in was a rebel, nothing else. As they all entered the holding area where she was, she was sitting in the corner.

“Oh Asellus! Thank the gods I’ve found you!” Rose said.

Arvanna took her saber from her belt and held it in her hand. Not once yet has she made eye contact with Rose.

“You should have never shown up, Rose.”

Rose looks confused a moment, then shocked.

“You’re the one… you… you killed Lord Orlouge?” she softly asked.

“I did.”

“Then you’re finally free!” she smiled.

Arvanna finally looks up from her saber to Rose. As she opens her eyes, Rose sees they are red and gasps.

“Wrong again,” Arvanna says.

“N-no! You didn’t?!”

Arvanna smiles darkly.

“Correct, I am now Lady Asellus. Ruler of Fascintaru. And you, are a traitor to your people. And you know what we do to traitors, Rose.”

“No please! Asellus you know what he was like! Are you really going to follow in his footsteps like this?! I don’t understand!”

She presses the button on her saber and a red blade comes out.

“A-Asellus?” Rose says softly.

“Goodbye, Rose.”

And with that, she takes and cuts Rose’s head off. As her head tumbles forward, she sheathes her blade once again.

“Very good, Miss White,” Tarkin says. “You have proven yourself to be trustworthy. I will give word to Emperor Palpatine.”

Arvanna grunts and falls to her knees a moment.

“What is it?” Governor Pryce asked.

#star wars rebels #star wars #thrawn x reader #thrawn x oc #thrawn #fanfic #female oc #vampire #dark part in story #decapitated head #betrayal

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thexblushingxwitch · 2 years

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Hey y’all, busy witch means realizing Mabon was only a few days away and panicking that my altar needed a big refresh! With moving to a new state and settling down finally in my home with actual furniture meant setting up my altar in a place where I’d get to interact with it everyday. My goal this year was to celebrate each sabbat this year no matter what, because I knew it always bring me SERETONIN 😂

Here’s my Mabon altar for this year!

-My base was a mirror tray from Walmart’s Halloween section last year. I put it to good use to amplify enchanting and section out what really was sentimental to me and to worship my deities; I did however bathe it in Florida water to protect anything from getting in or out of the mirror, because that’s not my purpose to make a portal out of it.

- I have some seasonal crystal jewelry I like to place on my altar that represents my deities and the change of the season, as well as some ritual oil that I’ve made (video is on this blog!), as well as an apple to represent the harvest!

-A sunflower to worship the sun and my blue sachet of my mini crystals to enchant them so they’re ready to use as I wish.

-Kit Kats for lovely Persephone and Scooby Doo snacks for Cerberus (Cerberus isn’t a deity for me but they do help me connect to Hades).

-Did you know you can also enchant hand sanitizer? I’m all about fall hand sanitizers and I have a few. Just the scent itself makes everything feel even more magical and witchy this time of year! I specifically chose this one because of the bat, which is one of Persephone’s many favorite animals.

-You might be wondering, what’s that black oval case? That’s my earphones. Why am I adding it to my altar? Sound magic. Meditation and Autumn Chill Hop, and classical piano music is what makes this season feel like how it should in my personal experience. Technology witches will understand for sure.

Tips for a fresh and smooth seasonal altar:

-Clean area and cleanse with your preference (smoke, water, air,sound, etc)

-Wipe down surfaces to clean the dusty energy off.

-Set up bigger items in the back that you’ll only touch occasionally, medium and smaller items in the front that you might use more frequently or need to use during a ritual.

-Plan ahead! I moved to a new place, so a shopping list for this season helped a lot. I thrifted my nightstand and made sure it had enough space for my altar.

-It doesn’t have to be maximum aesthetic, minimal is great too! Try to use staple seasonal items to keep the “Fall vibes” in your altar. Anything floral/plant like, food that won’t expire easily , something you’ll most likely use everyday (this is where beauty and color magic can take place!)

-If you have little funds to work with, a music playlist for sound magic and enjoying nature even if it’s in your back yard is a great alternative to celebrating the change of seasons!

Disclaimer:

I have been practicing on and off since I was in high school (many moons ago😂). This is just how I personally set up my altar for Mabon this year, everyone is different and has preferences and rituals. To each their own! I am a busy person all year and bringing magic into my life is one of my top favorites to bring me joy and still be close to my deities. A lot of witches don’t work with deities, but I’m pretty sure we all enjoy when the sabbats arrive!Ill be posting a separate post about the deities I work with IF I get their permission. Some are vague and others don’t mind that I share my practices with them.

#mabon #Samhain #autumn #autumn vibes #autumn aesthetic #witches of tumblr #autumn magic #autumn magick #witch #autumn equinox #autumn solstice

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Not Feeling Present During Sex? The Reason Is More Common Than You Think

Feeling pleasure requires surrender.

Portia Brown

Feb. 18, 2022 05:38PM EST

“My stomach looks huge in this position.”

“Did I remember to take the trash out?”

“I forgot to call that client back. Shit!”

“He doesn't look like he’s enjoying this at all.”

“This doesn’t feel good. Is something wrong with me?”

“Why am I taking so long to ‘finish’?”

At some point or another, I’ve had these thoughts during sex. If you’ve ever battled distracting thoughts when you’re supposed to be enjoying sex, you are not alone! We are thinking about everything from our cellulite to whatever random noise is happening in the background.

This phenomenon is known in the world of psychology as “spectatoring.” Essentially, we are “watching” ourselves engage in sex and pleasure, while also having an anxious dialogue about everything that is or isn’t happening.

And I know what you’re thinking, “The sex can’t be that good if you’re so distracted, sis!” But spectatoring can happen even with the most skilled and attentive partners.

But why? How?

We Don’t Live Mindful Lives

All day long, our minds are going a mile a minute. We are constantly toggling between Zoom meetings and laundry, to social media and social engagements, to lengthy daily to-do lists, and back again. This creates a “busy brain” which is not good for sex! The busy brain life we live is hard to shut off once we hit the sheets. We all spend a lot of time in our heads and we rarely connect with our bodies.

Tell me if you’ve ever been driving home from work, only to arrive at your destination with no memory of how you got there. Your body may be on autopilot while your brain is off doing other things. This happens in a lot of other scenarios. Fast forward to when I actually settle down to self-pleasure or have sex with a partner, it’s hard to trigger the mind to suddenly be reconnected with the body and focus on the sensations that are happening.

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Trauma

Not all trauma that I’m speaking about is sexual traumabut a good portion of it is. If you are someone who has had some level of sexual violence happen to them, it can show up in your consensual sexual situations. This can cause you to go into a protective mode and disassociate or not feel present during the act.

Our brains are very complex, but they are also really good at trying to protect us from harm. If you are someone who has experienced harm, it’s not uncommon for you to experience disassociation, or feeling disconnected from your body.

Being Performative

Orgasms aren’t the only things people fake in bed. We fake moans, body language, and facial expressions. It isn’t always because we aren’t into the sex we are having. Instead, it's because we have a particular image in mind of what pleasure looks like. So we try to perform pleasure for our partner. And if you’re performing, there's no way to be truly in tune with your body!

Oftentimes that means not giving our bodies enough time to really warm up before sex or self-pleasure. So then we spent a lot of time in our head trying to perform! This leads to us wondering why we are taking so long to orgasm, or why we don’t feel pleasure in a deep and authentic way.

Regardless of what the cause is, I’m sure the question on your mind is, “What the hell can I do to fix it?”

Sexual Mindfulness: 4 Ways To Be More Relaxed & More Present During Sex

1. Turn to your breath.

Our breath is powerful! Deep breathing is the most underrated sex tip out there. You wanna feel more focused? Breathe deeply! You wanna experience more pleasure? Breathe deeply! Do you want to feel more present? Breathe deeply! There is a reason people pay good money to sit in silent meditation. There is a lot to be gained from intentional breathwork.

During sex we often find ourselves tensing up or even holding our breath without realizing it. And while some tension is necessary for orgasm, our bodies need to have a balance of relaxation to allow proper blood flow. The next time you find yourself feeling distracted or busy brain during sex, try taking a few deep, slow breaths into your diaphragm to help you feel more present and more relaxed.

2. Focus on your senses.

Get out of your head and into your body! In order to fully access pleasure, we need to focus on grounding ourselves in our own bodies. If you find yourself wandering off during sex, try this grounding exercise: Think of one thing you can see, one thing you smell, one thing you feel, one thing you hear, and one thing you taste to help ground you. Our five senses are an incredible way to bring us back into our bodies and we can easily use them to ground us during sex.

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3. Change your environment.

You may roll your eyes when you read this but “setting the mood” can be a game-changer. Get the lights just right, turn up your favorite playlist, light a candle! And make sure the door is LOCKED. Be free from any distractions and submerge yourself into the moment with your lover.

4. Reflect

A lot of us just roll over and continue on with our day when we are having sex. We never spend time reflecting on the sex we are having with ourselves or with our partners! To be honest, the “debrief” after sex is one of my favorite parts of sex. Sex is about pleasure, but sex is also about learning, growing, and reflecting. Try to spend at least five minutes after sex reflecting with your partner or with yourself if you’re masturbating. In an effort to reflect and connect, consider asking yourself the following questions after sex:

What was the most enjoyable part of this experience?

How did I show up for myself and/or my partner?

Think of a word to summarize the sex you just had.

It’s so important to remember that no one is perfect. Above all, have grace with yourself and remember that if you don’t do all of these things perfectly, that is okay. Finding a practice that works for your life takes time, but the journey is always worth it.

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Portia Brown

Portia Brown is a Brooklyn-based sex educator, coach, and content creator. She uses her educational background in journalism and sexual health to educate, advocate and uplift. When she is not working and writing, she is learning about astrology, cooking, or listening to music. You can follow Portia on Instagram @FroeticSexology.

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