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currantlee · 3 years

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German Postillon articles about the US Election translated

@theeeveetamer sent me this post in which someone translated German Postillon headlines about the US Election. Der Postillon is a German satire website disguised as a newspaper, kind of the German equivalent to The Onion.

So, I translated one of the articles for her and it was really, really fun. So I thought I might do more and share it on my blog so hopefully more people can have a laugh!

But first of all...

Gotta keep the American Spirit on this blog everyone!

Before I continue though: Please keep in mind that the Postillon is a satire website! None of the news in this post are actually true, it’s just meant to have a good laugh. I am repeating this again: none of these are actually real! I also want to make clear that none of those were written by me, I merely translated them! Credit to all the original texts and pictures goes to the Postillon. Except for the American flag. Credit to flickr for that one.

Anyways, let’s go and hopefully have some laughs.

Experts are certain that Donald Trump is going to win the Election because 2020 has been a shitty year so far anyways

Washington D.C. – Joe Biden hopes to put an end to Trump’s presidency after four years: he is clearly ahead in the polls on this Election Day. Despite that, most experts are sure that Trump will win – because so far, 2020 has been a shitty year anyways!

“If you look at the average of the national polls, Joe Biden is currently more than 8% ahead of Trump,” politic scientist Marianne Waters from the renowned Princeton University explains. “This means that his lead is way greater than Hillary Clinton’s in 2016. Under normal circumstances, you’d say that he’s already won the Election.”

She pauses for a second. “But now, please think about what a fucked up mess of a year 2020 has been so far! And then, think again about whether or not the American people are that fucked up in their brains to elect this human catastrophic failure for four more years! We’re talking about a year in which a global pandemic is going rampant across the planet anyways, we’re seeing islamistic and nazi terror attacks at the daily and entire havens are exploding ‘completely by accident’! Is there anybody who seriously believes in a sensible result of this election?!”

At least, scientists aren’t fully ruling out the possibility of Biden winning the Election. However, because this is 2020, the chance of an asteroid hitting the earth five minutes after this has happened is nothing but small.

– Der Postillon, 3rd of November 2020 (Original title: Experten sicher, dass Trump gewinnen wird, weil 2020 eh schon ein Scheißjahr ist). Translated by Seaberry Siren

“Oh Shit!” – Putin completely forgot to manipulate the US Election

Moskow – How can one be so scatterbrained! Wladimir Putin just realized to his very own horror that he completely forgot to manipulate the US Election. Now, his candidate Donald Trump is in trouble.

“Bljad! {T/N: Russian for “crap”} I knew I forgot something really important!”, Putin says. “But due to all the inner politics, the corona virus and all the other countries our hackers need to manipulate elections in, I totally forgot about the United States! This is just great!”

He turns to his assistant. “Dima! USA! Can we turn something around there? ... No? ... Really?! And if we deliver arms to the... How are those guys called again... Proud Boys? WHAT?! They already have enough of those?!? Oh well.”

However, in the end, Putin puts up with the situation after all: “Ah, we’ll see. Maybe everything will turn out fine one way or another.” He turns to his assistant again: “Dima, make an appointment with Donald Trump jr. as soon as possible! I heard he is is just as dumb as his father and has political ambitions as well. We’ll survive Biden until 2024.”

– Der Postillon, 4th of November 2020 (Original title: “Ach Kacke!” – Putin hat völlig vergessen, US-Wahlen zu manipulieren). Translated by Seaberry Siren with help from Theeeveetamer

Employees of the Oval Office try to stop Trump from tweeting “CIVIL WAR!!!! Kill all Democrats!”

Washington D.C. – While votes are still being counted all over the USA, dramatic scenes start to unfold in the White House. Currently multiple employees are trying to prevent President Donald Trump from grabbing his smartphone in order to tweet the words “CIVIL WAR!!!! Kill all Democrats!”.

“No Mr. President!”, an assistant shouts as she holds Trump’s arm. “Don’t do this! I have a family! I don’t want a civil war! Jack, restrain him, damnit! Anna, don’t stand there and stare so stupidly, help us! Ian, put his smartphone as far away as you can!”

In the meantime, countless citizens of the USA are wondering why Trump didn’t tweet anything for more than seven hours.

“Leave me alone!”, Trump cries as he desperately tries to reach his smartphone. “They want to steal my election by letting every vote count! Even those of the Democrats! I WANT TO SEE BLOOD!!!”

Meanwhile, outside of the White House, more and more people are speculating that Trump could accept a possible loss due to his silence on Twitter.

– Der Postillon, 4th of November 2020 (Original title: Mitarbeiter versuchen Trump davon abzuhalten, "CIVIL WAR!!!! Kill all Democrats!" zu twittern). Translated by Seaberry Siren

Not that as well! Half-Blind 100-year-old man who counts all the votes by his own dies of old age

Harrisburg – Oh no! Everything is going to take even longer now! James Reed, the 100-year-old man tasked with counting all the votes of the US Election surprisingly just died.

“Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to task one man of his age with the counting of millions of votes,” the chief of the Electoral Office stated. “Unfortunately, he was the only one with a license for this important job.”

After the closing of the polling stations, Reed, who was responsible for counting the votes since the 1970s, traveled from state to state in order to count all the votes.

“He took his job very seriously. He’d often take 20 minutes in order to count a single vote,” an election assistant recalls as tears of gried run over her cheeks. “But just after he counted 92% of the votes at Michigan, he suddenly fell from his chair.”

The doctor who was called immediately could only confirm the death of the 100-year-old man.

The worst part is that Reed didn’t get to name a successor before his passing. This is why the authorities are desperately searching for a new person able to lift sheets of paper, read printed letters, ánd count one by one at the same time. Due to the American education system, this is going to be a challenge {T/N: Germans throwing a bit of shade here when their own education system isn’t something to be proud on either}.

– Der Postillon, 4th of November 2020 (Original title: Auch das noch! Halbblinder 100-Jähriger, der allein alle US-Stimmen auszählt, an Altersschwäche gestorben). Translated by Seaberry Siren

US Election: Trump lies way out in front

Washington D.C. – A good chunk of the votes of the US Election have been counted by now and there seems to be a trend: Donald Trump clearly lies way out in front! As expected, the President of the United States is taking the lead in the traditionally Republican states. But even in the Swing States, he already sees himself as the winner, even if it’s only with very little sanity.

“Trump clearly lies way out in front,” the politics expert Dean Jefferson affirms. “As in: he stands in front of an audience and lies their heads off!”

Many didn’t expect that Trump could lie way out in front this comfortably at this point of the cote count. Other less optimistic individuals had predicted a neck-and-airhead race {T/N: in German that’s Kopf-an-Hohlkopf-Rennen, literally head-on-airhead race} from the beginning.

– Der Postillon, 5th of November 2020 (Original title: US-Wahl: Trump lügt vorne). Translated by Seaberry Siren

Damned mess of a US Election STILL isn’t over!

Washington D.C. – FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!! At some point, enough is enough, isn’t it? The damned mess of a US Election STILL isn’t over after three days of counting the votes because the people in some Federal States apparently can’t manage to count the ballots!

Seriously: can they even count at all? Didn’t they know that the voters like to turn their ballots in with a vote on them and that you have to count these votes in order to determine a winner?!?

An average election of the Federal Congress {T/N: they mean the German Federal Congress, also known as the Bundestag} is finished, predicted and decided one second after closing the polling stations {T/N: Yes, German elections are that boring}. An official end result is provided in the next morning at the latest! How in the world can the Americans be trundle as fuck like this?!?

Suggestion: we ignore the entire shitshow over there for the next few weeks until those idiots have punched their faces in and once the victor is clear, there is one short headline: “Winner of the US Election: [insert winner’s name here]”. Then this whole crap would... WHAT?? Biden takes the lead at Georgia by 900 votes? Wowowowow! Just a moment please, I’ll have a look at the livetracker. Did CNN already comment on this? Nate Silver already tweeted as well... This has to be it for Biden! Now it can’t take much longer!

OH MY GOD, HOW EXITING!!!

– Der Postillon, 6th of November 2020 (Original title: Verdammte Drecks-US-Wahl immer noch nicht zu Ende!). Translated by Seaberry Siren

“If I can’t have it, then nobody will!” – Trump sets the White House on fire

Washington D.C. – A victory of Joe Biden in the US election is becoming more and more likely. But the answer to the question whether the Democrat is really going to move into the White House could be decided by a completely different factor than the votes – because apparently, Donald Trump is trying to burn the White House down now.

“If I can't have it, then nobody will!”, the US President says as he spreads gasoline at strategic points while he starts laughing manically: “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Shortly after, the Oval Office is up in flames. “Let’s see how Sleepy Joe will rule from a burned-down ruin!”, Trump exclaims with a shrill voice as he adds more fuel to the fire. “AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Burn, my little fire, burn!”

Directly before publishing this article, Trump realized that this wasn’t the best idea as he cut off his own escape route with the last bits of the fuel. “Oh! So this wasn’t very clever... IVANKAAAAAAA!! The Democrats set me on fire! Rescue the best president of all time!!!”

– Der Postillon, 6th of November 2020 (Original title: “Wenn ich es nicht haben kann, soll es keiner haben! – Trump setzt Weißes Haus in Brand). Translated by Seaberry Siren

"Enough!” – The Queen reclaims the United States for the British Empire

London – She’s got enough of this nonsense! Queen Elizabeth II. announced the return of the United States to the British Empire. A new, freshly assigned gouverneur will arrive in Washington shortly and take over the government business.

“We have been watching this unworthy ham without doing anything for far too long,” the Queen declared in a fiery speech. “It is time to return the colony where it belongs: into the lap of the United Kingdom. The experiment is hereby ended.”

Shortly after, the British Navy occupied important havens at the East Coast. On friday afternoon, Baltimore, Boston, Philadelphia and Miami had already been seized.

Apparently months of the global pandemic, national economic instability and a tiring election campaign did the trick: a wide range of the US population greeted the British soldiers euphorically and vowed to be loyal to the British Crown. “Long live the Queen!”-chants echoed through the streets.

Washington D.C. is still in the hands of the rebels lead by Donald Trump. However, observers believe that the British troops will seize the capital next week. According to the Queen’s orders, Trump will be put into chains and brought to Great Britain by ship in order to spend the rest of his days in the Tower of London by water and bread.

– Der Postillon, 6th of November 2020 (Original title: “Jetzt reicht’s!” – Queen unterstellt USA wieder der Britischen Krone). Translated by Seaberry Siren

#Politics #Satire #Translation #US Election 2020 #USA #Donald Trump #Joe Biden #Wladimir Putin #Queen Elizabeth II.#German #German Humor #Humor #SeaSi translates

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thelawyerthatwaspromised · 6 years

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Hi! I'm a jonerys shipper but I find your theories very interesting. I wonder though, how will you feel about the show/Asoiaf if Political!Jon is debunked with season 8? Do you think it will change your opinion on Jon? And will you still ship Jonsa if he truly bent the knee because he is in love with Dany? I suppose I'm wondering how a post S8 Jonsa faction will look.

Hello! I really appreciate the question because it’s not a bad one: what if political!Jon isn’t a thing? First, I guess I’ll explain what I think has to be true for political!Jon to not be true.

Jon has to have total faith in Dany’s ruling ability; not just her capacity as a conqueror. Jon has to have thought it was acceptable to give away the Stark ancestral home without consulting anyone about it. Jon has to have actually been unable to lie to Cersei at the Dragonpit. Jon has to actually believe that the stuff he warned Dany about earlier in the season (about northerners not wanting to follow a southern ruler) is either not true anymore - or - at least not as important as the urgency to give away his crown before he could even talk to them about it.

All of these have terrible, terrible implications on Jon’s character.

Because it will mean a number of things…

1) It would mean that Jon really didn’t learn anything from Robb and Ned and their respective downfalls. That’s tragic in itself. When it comes to Robb, sure he made mistakes that cost him his life - but he was also way too young and thrust into a position he should never have been forced to undertake. The same is somewhat true for Jon, except he’s now been in leadership and he knows his family’s mistakes.

I don’t want “aww shucks” stupid heroes. I don’t enjoy that type of storytelling. I don’t think it’s something I can suspend my disbelief while I’m watching if I actively think “he is a complete and total idiot” and he’s supposed to be un-ironically a hero of the story. Beyond that, I think that’s the opposite of the point of Jon’s arc, most especially in the books but also on the show.

Robb and Ned are there to be cautionary tales for good people who are struggling with the intricacies of dangerous political games. Jon being as dopey as not learning anything from their decisions cheapens Robb’s story, it cheapens Ned’s story, and it makes Jon simply a lucky idiot if he somehow survives.

Jon is also taking a gigantic risk throwing all his eggs in Dany’s basket even if he thinks she’s the most wonderful person. He has no idea what she’s like as a ruler. He didn’t know anything about her other than she’s come to Westeros and has three dragons. He doesn’t know anything about her tenure in Essos - or that it concluded with her very responsibly have Daario Naharis overlooking the biggest political transition in thousands of years over there. No big deal.

In the best case scenario, Jon would have been detained on the island, been “asked” to bend the knee to Dany on multiple occasions, and agreed to go on a mission that he otherwise wouldn’t have gone on (since he asked Dany multiple times to come North without regard to Cersei’s intentions) and almost died on that mission only to have seen Dany take another big risk by flying her dragons up North to try to save him.

That’s not even close to enough information for Jon to know whether Dany is in any way a good ruler. Flying dragons and ruling are two different things. He took a huge gamble whether it’s political!Jon or not; but at least with political!Jon it was because he felt he HAD to do it to ensure her commitment. The alternative is Jon handing that over without any clue as to whether she can do the mundane things like administer land dispute decisions or responsibly manage the treasuries of Westeros.

2) It would mean that Jon governs and makes decisions based solely on his own emotional impulses which would really suck. It’s practically inexcusable for Jon to behave this way. It’s irresponsible as a ruler for him to just hand Dany power like he did at face value without talking to anyone from the North about it first. You could have made an argument to me that Jon could legitimately think Dany should rule the North and it might be a plausible explanation without making Jon a terrible rule IF Jon had actually waited until he returned North to tell the lords in person that he planned to give away the crown for her.

By not doing so, it tells me that either Jon is inconsiderate and impulsive enough to give away something as sacred as an entire country (on the macro) and his childhood home (on the micro level) - OR - there’s something else in play for why he felt it absolutely necessary to “bend the knee” with the timing as it occurred. If there’s some 3rd explanation that I haven’t thought of - I’d actually be willing to read it first before I decided whether it’s an idea willing to entertain.

I don’t talk politics thaaaat much on here, but the analogy really would be that, after being elected, Donald Trump literally believed he had the authority and moral high ground to hand his presidency over to Putin. Not only would everyone hate him, but he literally does not have the authority to act like that and would be removed from his position before it happened.

[to be clear Jon =/= Trump and Dany =/= Putin. It’s an analogy on political leaders behaving in another context. If you want, you can imagine the PM of Canada and the the King of Wakanda as substitutes behaving the same way.]

By going solo in that process - Jon almost guaranteed at the very least a gigantic amount of political turmoil in the North…but it’s something I think he’s aware of and has anticipated. If he hasn’t - he has no business ruling anything ever.

There is no reasonable explanation for the timing of Jon bending the knee (before consulting with anyone in the North let alone his very own travel companion Davos) other than political!Jon and realizing the exact moment was right because Dany had just promised to help fight the Night King and Jon wanted to cement her commitment as much as he could.

3) It would mean that Jon genuinely valued everyone knowing openly that he planned to fight Cersei in the war after the Night King over actually getting the truce to allow them to fight the NK. If Jon did what he did at the Dragonpit - then he proved himself a liar when he said just before that “there is only one war that matters” because he immediately (again, in the absence of political!Jon) affirmed his position in the war for the Iron Throne at the expense of the war to save the Realm.

Beyond the silliness of the idea that Jon Snow is incapable of lying to Cersei - it really is highlighted perfectly in Jon’s scene with Theon:

“You risked everything just to tell an enemy the truth.”

I mean…is telling the truth generally good? Yes.

Is telling the truth still good if….

SCENARIO: Bad Guy has their finger on the button to launch a nuclear weapon on a Sunday and they say, “oh wait, these nuclear codes were only good until Sunday and now it’s after midnight so it’s Monday!”

Bad Guy is momentarily confused. “Or is it still Sunday? Say! You, Honest Fellow! If it’s really after 12:00 AM, I’ll have to leave here and try to grab more launch codes, is it really after midnight? I don’t have my watch.”

Honest Fellow: “I’d like to tell you it’s 12:04….but alas, I cannot. It is 11:58-…”

*KABOOM*

Well…you’d rightfully be displeased with Honest Fellow. But, then again, I think Jon Snow would hate this honest fellow as well. How stupid is that if it’s the same story we heard at face value?

“I just can’t lie!”

That’s irredeemably stupid. It KNOWINGLY put everyone at risk and actually is LUCKY that Cersei planned all along to accept a truce so she could have time to replenish her forces with the Golden Company.

I’d recommend that the Honest Fellow version of Jon Snow climb up that 700 foot Wall he’s supposedly been working so hard to protect and fling himself off. They could call it Lord Commander’s Landing.

4) It would completely upend the part of Jon’s story where he has yearned to truly be a part of House Stark, his residual guilt about not being there to help Robb when the fighting began, and his close relationship with Sansa after their reunion.

I could say plenty of shippy things about how the absence of political!Jon would completely ruin the relationship with Sansa that Jon’s built since they reunited but I don’t even have to go there. Simply as a close companion and trusted adviser and family member, Jon would have spat right in her face.

People seem to misinterpret Jon feeling like an outsider with the rest of the Starks with Jon never feeling welcome and never wanting to be a member of House Stark. The exact opposite is true. Jon’s detachment was due specifically to his wanting very much to be Jon Stark but feeling like it was an impossibility because of his birth. Jon loved the Starks. He wanted to be known as Ned’s son. He craved acceptance from Catelyn but never received it. It’s caused him to feel unworthy of that.

When they found the direwolf pups, Jon wanted each Stark to have a wolf first. It was essentially a gift of the gods that Jon “heard” Ghost (who is famously silent) after his noble self-denial in favor of the trueborn Starks.

Immediately after winning the BotB, Jon makes sure Sansa takes up residence in the Lord’s chambers. He didn’t do that because he doesn’t care. He cares very deeply. He wanted Sansa to know that she is House Stark’s true representative. He doesn’t feel like he deserves that, hence the sadness in his voice as he says “I’m not a Stark.” He reiterates that Sansa is the Lady of Winterfell. Being the Lord or Lady (as opposed to “acting” Lord or Lady) means that Sansa has hereditary rights over Winterfell - something they both fought like hell to re-take.

Now I’m supposed to believe that the guy who didn’t even want a simple puppy before the other Starks, who fought like hell to re-take Winterfell, who tried to desert the Night’s Watch once and arguably did a second time to fight for the Starks, who very intentionally placed Sansa as the head of House Stark rather than himself, who then passed to her specifically ruling authority over the North while he was away - THAT GUY - is now supposed to think it’s fine and necessary and RIGHT to give ruling authority and his crown over to a woman before she ever even stepped foot in the North. (The Gift, which is the territory along the Wall is owned by the Night’s Watch independent of the North. Even if you count the top of Eastwatch as Dany stepping foot up there, she’s still not in the political North)

All of this, too, without ever talking to a single person about the decision beforehand.

That’s a Jon Snow I cannot root for or reconcile with the rest of his story. In my mind, it’s character assassination.

It would make me wonder what the point was of Jon Snow even coming back from the dead.

Thank you for the ask. Hope this answers your question sufficiently. You’re welcome to ask more anytime.

#Political Jon theory #political jon meta #political!jon #polite ask #jonsa

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evilelitest2 · 7 years

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100 Days of Trump Day 59: Fight Club...kinda

Welcome back to 100 Days of Trump where I try to explain WTF happened in 2016 through 100 works and today we are going to talk about a failed movie. I have to be honest with you folks, I had a lot of fucking trouble deciding whether I should include this one or not, because one one hand it is talking about the exact same Alt Right/Gamergate/MRA bullshit that was so pivital to getting Trump elected, and on the other hand it is a movie that utterly fails at delivering its ostensible point. Since I’m assuming fucking everybody has seen this movie, you are all familiar with all of those people who unironically love this movie and want to be like Tyler Durden and people are like “omg those people totally miss the point of the movie” and yes they do.

That is entirely the fault of the movie, because despite what the movies intention is, the reality is that the movie makes the thing it is criticizing seem more appealing than than it means too, beacuse David Fincher has a major problem with restraints and loves overindlugence, and when you are criticizing overindulging while indulging in it, you get to weird sentences and also a failed movie. Fight Club does not succeed at what Fight Club is attempting to make, and ultimately comes out equally in favor of its subject as against it, because failed film-making choices. Because the movie only really works as the director intended (and I am assuming he did intend to mean this movie as a critic of toxic masculinity because that is what he said) if you go into the movie knowing exactly what the director intended, and that is really a failed movie. Again this is a movie that is like “bah consumer culture’ and filled with Pepsi ads. But I am recommending it anyways because if you do come into the film knowing its intentions, then it is extremely enlightening to the entire bullshit culture of Toxic Masculinity, though it ironically falls into the same traps it critiques.

Ok so if you have been on the internet for any degree of time you have encountered the whole manosphere and if you aren’t emotionally maladjusted, you see these pepole running around talking about manleness and man things and BEING A MAN and if you pay the slightest bit of attention you notice how like...contradictory it all is? And I don’t mean in a politician “I say one thing but do another” sense of contradictory, I mean in a “Wait, really?” poser desperately trying to hang out with the cool kids contradiction. For example, go unto Reddit, 4chan, 8chan and the various pro Trump sites and you will see all this stuff about how Trump is a real man who understands the masculine virtues unlike those girly sensitive easily offended liberals who care about feelings and are all wimps. And if you are a fucking idiot, your response should be “Wait, isn’t Trump like the most easily offended obviously insecure man in the world who throws a giant hissy fit over the slightest provocation, never severed in the military (while mocking those who do) and is constantly showing his emotions at all times. How the fuck is that masculine?

Or if you pay attention to Gamergate who are like “OMG , women/betas are so weak and overreact to everything” And then you have a video game with a female protagonist and they go absolutely apeshit and whine like nobody has ever whined before? Or you have people like Sargon of Akkad who are like “ZOMG free speech” and then they call for universities to have classes they don’t like purged without a shred of irony.

Or the Golden One who says that the leftist Betas do nothing but whine about shit and then when somebody makes a video like this he tries to sue him for defamation. LIke have you noticed (and will notice in the responses to this post) that the so called alpha masculine folks are also the biggest fucking badies in the world? From Roosh V’s pathetic whining about feminists being mean to him for saying women don’t have brains, so Thunderf00t buying into long debunked pseudo science, to Davis Arueni saying how people try to pull down millionaires to then immediately critique millions who he doesn’t like (he has accomplished nothing himself of course), to the talk of “Neomasculinity going back to ancient Greece” which ignores the fact that their was a lot of sodomy going on back then, to the fact that the fucking Red Pill is from a movie made by two transwomen about systemic inequality. The entire culture of masculinity is a giant contradictory of terms. And I keep posting this, but its true, the people who stand for the working class are always getting behind rich assholes who just say a few phrases?

youtube

Or how the religious right is always getting behind rich pricks who only care obtaining money and never seem to actually do anything christian.

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Or if any of you have had the misfortune of meeting Wall Street folks, they are all into macho culture, extreme sports and act like they are some sort of alpha males when they are all these fucking accountants who spend all day calling people trying to trick them out of their money. Or the fact that you have libertarians like Adam Baldwin coming out to support Putin because he is a real man. And that is really what I want to talk about with Fight Club, the fact that for all of its macho aspirations, they really don’t live up to any of the standards they set except for rhetoric, its a fucking cargo cult. In a way, Fight Club feels like a commentary on 300, a big dumb hyper macho ultra violent stupid fucking movie that is also like....really gay. And have you noticed that Fight Club is one of the most gay movies like...ever. even if we ignore the way Tyler dresses, the entire relationship of the movie is about shirtless men holding each other and the core relationship in the film is between two men who not only love holding their hands, but are....ok they are basically dating, I mean this is hardly subtext. They literally go “We should do this again some time” while smoking I mean come on. Its really impossible to find any of these defenders of masculinity who don’t come off as a mix of pathetic and psychotic.

And then you have the fact that the whole macho idea is being an individual and standing up conformist culture that makes you into a homogenized drone of the system....and then they start doing EXACTLY THAT. They literally give up their names and start taking little pamphlets with basically nondisclosure agreements. The whole point of the movie is how Fight Club is a fucking cult based on contradictions, like the fact that you aren’t suppose to speak of it, but you are expected to spread it. Or the fact that the group comes into existence with men who have testicular cancer, or the fact that the only time actual happiness is found is when one stops buying into this macho bullshit. I mean look at this video here contrasting self proclaimed masculine god among men “The Golden One” (no really he actually fucking said that) and a man whose goal in life seems to be as silly and unmasculine as possible.

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Beyond the fact that this video is hilarious and Hbomberguy is one of the best people for just undermining the entire macho subculture of the Alt Right, here is the thing...notice how Hbomberugy comes off as more traditionally masculine than the Golden One? Like he just seems more confident and fucking relaxed. But beyond that, notice how much this guy spends talking about feelings and emotions and all types of things traditionally described as girly. Or here is a great example, the Golden One is all into fantasy as where he draws his traditional values, but the Granddaddy of fantasy, LOTRS, not only features LOTs of scenes of men crying, it also is centered upon you know...these guys

Two extremely non-masculine men who not only cry frequently, but have this very close sensitive relationship where they talk about their feelings (and that is even before you get into the gay thing). But you have these Alt Right folks taking the token most shallow levels stuff from the source material of both masculine mainstream culture and alternative culture and trying to internalize meaning out of them....they are fucking posers is what I’m getting at, oh dear its looped back around again

And the core of entire response is...people feeling lonely. This isn’t just the film, go unto these fucking boards and you see people talking about white Genocide and the Red Pill in one sentence, and then crying openly about how they feel so lonely, unfulfilled and suicidal, I mean, I’m on tumblr, and I see people posting about depression, anxiety, not wanting to get up in the morning, not being able to go outside, not being able to work, living constantly on the edge as people who feel put upon by the world and let me tell you, there is nobody I’ve encountered on tumblr as utterly hopeless as the people I see on 4chan. I”m not saying 4chan folks have worse problems, in fact I can assure you, they really really don’t, but they feel like they do, its a whole giant mess of feelings going on at all those sites. Our protagonist has spent his whole life going “if I buy enough useless commercial junk, I stop being so lonely”. And then “Hey if you due enough violence then guess what you belong”. But this is the great bit (and by the way this is the bit the movie does not do enough to explore). The system they are fighting against, the corporate neoliberal clintonian milktoast capitalist system that dehumanizes them? They are right about how awful it is, but what they aren’t right about is who is responsible. They blame women. But who runs the credit card companies and corporate materialism and the Wall Street Banks...guess what? They aren’t being run by feminists or muslims or black people or any other group who are supposedly being whiny for not wanting to get persecuted. They are run by people like this

or this

Yeah, real leftist infiltration there fellows

Also, going back to my theme of “The Right co-opts the left” that I have been talking about so much, notice how these MRAs, White Nationalists, Klansmen etc all kinda use SJW rhetoric? Like the they use similar memes, rhetorical style, and even the whole identity politics support group style. I mean if you spend too much time in the Alt Right interwebs, you find yourself seeing discussions privilege and triggering caused by black people and women, and these people really believe that despite congress being utterly white and male, they are the ones who are persecuted. And its a cargo cult, its all about trappings and surface level appearance, not actual context, the Alt Right has the trappings of the progressive movement. And the reason for this is that the progressives and the Alt Right actually hate the same target, project Mayhem’s attack on the credit card companies well...a lot of touchy feely, died hair, gender fluid, mixed race, Muslim, lesbian, pagan, liberal environmentalist who cries easily and talks about fan shipping on tumblr, they aren’t exactly weeping tears for the Credit Card Industry, they want it to die a slow death.

Like...this guy

They are doing more to reject the system than Tyler Durden ever did, because the instinctive response to have of those things is contempt or revulsion, while mainstream society doesn’t really lack so called Alpha Males fighting with other men to take down society with violence. Also I really want to reiterate that the whole Alpha/Beta wolf model is how the behave in captivity, which as Hbomberguy said, kinda sums up the entire Alt Right movement in a nutshell. As always, they lash out at centrists and call it leftists

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Gee, does that remind you of anything? These people are losers who want to believe in the Right Wing ideological principles, but don’t know what to do when it doesn’t bear out in reality, so rather than admit that they believed in a lie, they hope if they can double down, they can somehow make it real again. Because if they admit that the entire premise itself was at fault, that is a lot scarier than what ever giant conspiracy theory they dream up, better to pretend to believe that Jews run the world than admit that you’ve put faith in a lie.

Because these aren’t macho people fighting against the feminine, those people exist and they are also really awful, but the absolute worse comes from the people who feel like they don’t quite fit. And that is what is going on in project mayhem, these desperate sad people are getting screwed over by those who run society, but rather than addressing you know...the actual problem, they just kind of incoherently lash out at people who suffer more then them, and surprise surprise, nothing actually gets done. The movie kinda fails this, I honestly could make a whole series of post on both why Fight Club is brilliant and why it completely fails at what it sets out to do. BUt it does get at how self defeating this all is, and how people who love the masculine virtues don’t even seem to understand them, never exhibit any but the trappings of them, and always seem to behave not as leftists do, but as they accuse leftists of doing. So I suppose it is only fitting that the ultimate crybaby macho man wound up becoming president by appealing to exactly these people I suppose. People are surprised that Trump is contradictory and are confused why people would support him, except...that’s the point, the whole point is that he is contradictory, that the people who cry out for individualism seem desperate to submerge their will to that of a strong man.

If you want a nice concise summery of what I am talking about, check out this video by Folding Ideas, its very dry and kind of pretentious, but his actual point is really useful and informative.

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politicalfilth-blog · 7 years

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An Honest Conversation with Pro Trump and Anti-Trump Supporters on Impeachment Day

We Are Change

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Luke reports live from outside of the Trump Tower on the “day of impeachment”..

Luke: “There was a lot of comments online about how this was going to be a crazy day with Antifa taking over the streets. Here on the ground it’s quite the contrary, so far we only have a few Trump supporters and around forty anti-Trump activists. So it will be interesting to open up a discourse with these different individuals. I’m going to question both sides logic and discuss their mutual hypocrisy. I want to see if they want to impeach Trump for the right reasons or for the reasons that the media manipulated them.”

On the anti-Trump side Luke saw a lot of people with signs saying things like “Abuse of Power”, some people chanting, “Hey Hey Ho Ho, Donald Trump Has Got to Go”, some pink hats, a make America literate again poster and a guy with Trump puppet coming out of his pants.

Vladimir Putin was also apparently in attendance with the anti-Trump activists , or at least his masked look-alike.

Luke decides to start interviewing on the Trump supporter side, he speaks with a man who identifies himself as Red Pill Ken from Twitter. Luke asks him “Why are you out here supporting Trump?”

Ken responds, “Because an attack on Trump is an attack on Americana, it’s all about red, white and blue regardless of what background your from, if your from Americana, there is nothing wrong with being American first, the other side lost this debate in November when we elected Donald Trump, they seem to be on a pattern of trying to disrupt this man who we put in office and I am out here to give Mr. Trump my support. Also to let people know that most mainstream media is fake, it’s like CNN that’s why I have this t-shirt here, you know what Kathy Gifford did they are fake news, you have to go to different websites like Infowars, Drudge Report and Breitbart to get your news on an alternative point of view.”

Luke, “Are there any policies of Mr. Trump that you are disappointed in?”

Ken, “I’m disappointed that he has not repealed the ‘unaffordable care act’ and also upset about the strike on Syria that wasn’t Mr. Assad’s fault. I wasn’t in support of that at all.”

Luke, “What do you think of Trump aligning himself with the Kurdish rebels near Syria?”

Ken, “This is a mistake that Mr. Trump makes, he likes to give people the responsibility to take over their jobs. McMaster has a different viewpoint than Trump, the president has to get rid of McMaster because he is a globalist that wants to put boots on the ground, that is his mindset. It’s these people that are responsible, although it’s Trump who will be responsible in the tail end. I am asking him to get rid of McMaster. I will be the first one to call our president out when I think he’s crossed the line.”

Luke heads back to the anti-Trump side for an alternative perspective, he speaks with a gentleman who is wearing a black cape, Jesse Jackson for President pin, and a red eye mask.

Luke asks him why he is at the protest, the masked man responds by saying “There are 193 countries on the planet and this is the worst one.”

Luke “Why is it the worst one?”

Masked Man, “Which country causes the most destruction to the planet and to America, than the United States of America?” Luke comments, “Well if you looks at pollution it is the U.S. the military does produce a lot of pollution.”

Masked Man, “What about the metal monster cars.”

Luke, “What would you say is your biggest problem with Donald Trump, if there was one issue that was important enough.”

Masked Man, “Actually it’s not really against, its sort of sympathetic, the man has an extreme medical problem, every indication is that he’s addicted to cocaine and it’s making him wild and mad and he’s not responsible. Aside from the meat and the alcohol, that he’s a cocaine addict, it’s an excellent excuse for him to get off, what else explains his behavior.”

Luke comments afterwards, “That may not have been the fairest guy to interview. I want to talk to more people to try an get a coherent answer as to why they want to impeach Trump.“

He then interviews another person in a pink hat, who says “I am out here because Donald Trump is a threat to this country and the world.”

Luke, “What do you think the biggest issue you have with Donald Trump, that you think he should be impeached for?”

Pink Hat, “He colluded with Vladimir Putin to become president and he is an unstable narcissist who is incompetent and has no qualifications to be president and I do not believe he won the election fairly.”

Luke, “When you look at Trumps foreign policy, he looks very aggressive towards Russia especially in Syria. Does it worry you that the moves he is making with Saudi Arabia and Israel against Syria and Russia.”

Pink Hat, “Well, it would take awhile for me to explain, but yes I am very unnerved about what he is doing in foreign policy. Not just Russia but also he has been selling us out to China he has been selling us out to the Saudis, he is conducting foreign policy for hire. His son-in-law’s company was basically selling Visa’s to rich Chinese people at the same time that he is deporting working undocumented people, he is selling immigration access to the rich.”

Luke says, “He has also been colluding with Saudi Arabia having donated 100 million dollars to his daughter after a major weapons deal, do you believe the Russian collusion with Putin is really a legitimate reason to impeach him though?”

Pink Hat, “I think that after Robert Mueller releases his report with all of the evidence it will be enough to initiate something.”

Luke returns to the Trump side of the protests, “Let’s see if they are going to stand behind him no matter what, or call him out for some of the mistakes he has made as President.”

Luke spots, a man carrying a Polish flag and introduces himself, Luke asks “Why did you come out here to support Donald Trump?”

Polish Flag Man, “I voted for him obviously, but today there were reports that there would be riots, that there would be a group of Antifa who are basically the communists kids trying to destroy everything, so when I heard they could riot and cause damage to the cities across the country, I’m not having that. Even though I disagree with the anti-Trump people, I disagree with Antifa a hell of a lot more… They don’t want to listen to anybody, even if you mildly disagree with them.”

Luke, “Are there any policies of Trumps that you feel disappointed in?”

Polish Flag Man, “At the moment not really, I was really hoping they would take care of health care though, that has been a severe problem for this country and you see the effects of it on a lot of people. The conservatives have had eight years to come up with a solution and now they are in conflict and can’t come up with something, you guys had all this time…”

Luke, “Are you concerned about him aligning with a group of anarchist and communists, the Kurds inside of Syria in order to fight the Syrian government?

Polish Flag Man, “That was an action of his that I did not really agree with, to attack Assad, especially over that chemical attack, there is conflict about what happened. I wasn’t in support of that, we see the pattern in taking down countries like these and taking down their leaders and the substitution for that will become ISIS. He understands why Putin is aligning with Assad to keep the greater evil out…. I was hoping we could focus on ourselves and fix stuff within.”

Luke, “I know a lot of people like to shift the blame on to McMaster but Trump is the one that appointed him. McMaster is hungry for war with Russia, while Flynn wasn’t, he was kicked out. I think unfairly on some levels and now he has a very pro war guy. They released a memo a couple of days ago saying they will strike Syria again if they use chemical weapons.”

Polish Flag Man, “I completely disagree with that policy, God I hope Trump doesn’t do something stupid… like that.”

Luke speaks with another young man named Tommy, Tommy says “He is just here to protect America, and to protect freedom of speech. These people want to completely change it into some sort of hybrid between communism and fascism. We weren’t expecting a riot this is just a way to protect against the potential of a riot.”

A man sporting an Uncle Sam style costume pulls out a large poster of ‘Michael Moore as Uncle Sam’ that says “I Want You For the Army of Comedy”.

He then he says “We need to control ourselves, because we can not win against ignorance. Let’s dress up, let’s make a mockery of this mockery, this is what we need to do guys. The question is not the answer ever.” to which a anti-trump activist asks “Your with Vladimir Putin right?” to which the man replies, “Pointing at Trump tower, he is with Vladimir Putin, I am very much not with Vladimir Putin.

Luke asks, “Do you think the Russian ties are the main reason for impeachment?”

Army of Comedy man, “I think the Russian ties have got to make us think about impeachment but we also need to think about that, we have eliminated freedom of the press by selectively lying about truths. We are discrediting people by race and religion, the last time that happened was under Adolph Hitler. Everything is a false truth to discredit people that say the truth.”

Luke asks a woman, “What is the most impeachable offense that Trump has committed?”

She says, “The most recent one is his tirades against Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, he has been stalking them, threatened them, harassed them and tried to extort them by threatening them with publishing bad news on them in the National Inquirer. If you or I did that we would be locked up for stalking.”

Luke “Do you think the tweets are the most important aspect of having him impeached?”

She says, “I would say there is a lot of evidence of his crimes in his tweets, the tweeting itself is not a crime, but there is your evidence, right there.”

Luke “A lot of people on the right make the argument that the media has been attacking him unfairly in some instances, whether appropriate or inappropriate what do you make of that argument?”

She replies “I never like to bring up Obama, but the truth is no president has ever been more harassed by media in general than Barrack Obama. How did he take it, like a man, this guy (Trump) takes it like a 12 year old boy that needs to wear diapers. He’s sick….”

Luke “What do you think of Trump’s foreign policies?”

She replies, “What foreign policy, to collude with our enemies, and disrespect our allies, that foreign policy?”

Luke discusses how Trump appears to be making foreign policy moves against Syria and Russia.

She responds, “I feel like that is just a distraction, he is looking to start a war, he is a psycho with the nuclear codes in his pocket and it’s very very dangerous.”

Luke, “who do you think the war would be between.”

She responds, “Probably North Korea…. I don’t know what news your listening to but I listen to the mainstream news. MSNBC and CNN”

Luke, “Do you think they are honest?”

She replies, “Yes I do actually, and him calling them fake news is a complete lie.”

Luke, “By the way, this is the same mainstream media that told us there was weapons of destruction in Iraq.”

She replies, “Well they were fed that information from the Bush Administration and Hillary Clinton believed it to. They often repeat the news as it’s fed, they didn’t lie, when you repeat something that’s given to you as truth from a reliable source such as United States Intel, it’s the U.S. Intel that’s the lie.”

Luke wraps up the video by commenting:

Not too much logic there, I can’t believe people still believe the mainstream media or the Russian collusion delusion, these things will only lead to more war and more Balkanization. These things are a big distraction put on my the mainstream media and that’s coming from a fair perspective because I think there are legitimate reasons to criticize Donald Trump. Let me know what you think in the comment section below. We keep seeing the continuation of the foreign policy that was done by Bush and Obama now with Trump. Sadly most of the anti-Trump activists do not seem to be aware of this, many of the Trump supporters however are. They are also hopeful and optimistic about Trump’s policies which can be a fault when you give someone the full benefit of the doubt. These conversations need to happen more often so we can understand each others sides.

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The post An Honest Conversation with Pro Trump and Anti-Trump Supporters on Impeachment Day appeared first on We Are Change.

from We Are Change https://wearechange.org/honest-conversation-pro-trump-anti-trump-supporters-impeachment-day/

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thomdunn · 7 years

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Let’s Think About This From Comey’s Point-of-View For A Second

The storyteller in me is always interested in what goes on in other people’s heads. There are various cliches about how every villain is a hero in their own story, and I generally think that’s true — both in fiction, and in real life.

And as more and more information comes out about the whole Russia-Trump-Comey-Hillary-Email-Clusterfuck, I think it’s important for us all to remember that these are actual human beings, who, like all of us, are often forced to make decisions with limited time and with even more limited information, and that sometimes, they get it wrong.

(Except for Trump, obviously; he’s little more than a spoiled chaos demonbaby in the middle of his greatest tantrum yet.)

So instead of arguing about conspiracies and fake news and hypocritical firings or whatever petty satisfaction the Internet is feeding on right now, put yourself in Comey’s shoes, circa June 2016.

You’re a registered Republican who has always taken pride in your commitment to the Constitution. You’ve never been ashamed to tell leaders of either major party to go screw themselves, if their actions or words don’t align with what you see as your duty. As far as you’re concerned, inspiring a bi-partisan hatred is generally a good thing, because it makes it easier for you to stay objective in your job. You earn respect through hatred and truth.

This is how you inspire loyalty within the Bureau — but lately, that loyalty has come under question. There are a lot of eager FBI agents championing the Trump train, which is bad for objectivity; you’re also in the middle of investigating the other major presidential candidate, which is even worse for objectivity. (Also, you yourself have never been a big of Secretary Clinton, but you’re trying really hard to get past that.)

And yet, the more you dig into Hillary’s emails, the more the answer stays the same: she’s a 68-year-old woman who doesn’t understand technology, but there’s no proof of malicious intent. Regardless of how much you want to punish her, being shady and stupid is not illegal.

Then the Russia shit REALLY hits the fan.

You’re pretty confident that Michael Flynn is up to something. You know that Trump’s campaign manager is knee-deep in questionable dealings, and that Trump’s lawyers have concerning Russian ties, too. Plus there’s that Russian mob hideout sitting right in Trump Tower you’ve been watching for a while, and maybe, just maybe, there’s something going on with Rosneftand the Russian oil industry—just a few of the reasons why you’ve been casually spying on Trump-related things for years.

And then there’s Vladimir Putin, a famously vicious spymaster with a raging hate-boner against America in general, and the Clintons in particular.

You’re also damn sure that DNC-server-hacker Guccifer 2.0 is Russian, though you’re having a hard time figuring out whether he’s acting alone or on behalf of the FSB and/or Russian government. (although you also know that Russian espionage tactics are intentionally designed to be duplicitous and cast layers of aspersions back around upon themselves in order to leave everyone triple- and quadruple-guessing themselves. Questionable links is what the Russians do, and they’re really really good at it.)

That’s when you learn that Russia is intentionally spreading false propaganda about Attorney General Loretta Lynch’s involvement in the Clinton email investigation — which is nearing its conclusion.

And for which you still really don’t have any proof of malicious intent, which would probably be needed (though not 100% required, I guess) to prosecute.

Even though you also know that a good 1/3 of the country is clamoring for Clinton’s public lynching, with their torches and pitchforks ready to go.

To make matters worse, Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch just got caught canoodling on an airport runway.

People are already asking questions about this — and they don’t even know yet that you know that the Russians were spreading Fake News about Loretta Lynch’s collusion in the email investigation anyway.

Damn those Russian spies are good. And you, James Comey? You’re fucked. The Russian propaganda game just forced you into a Catch-22. You have to make a choice, but your choices—and available information—are painfully limited. Meanwhile, the clock is still ticking…

Choice #1: Tell the American public, in the middle of one of the most hostile elections in US history, that Russia has meddled in the process.

You can try to explain that you’re still looking into it and that it may or may not have something to do with Trump’s business dealings, or else maybe just people on his campaign team, you’re not sure yet. But the damage would already be done. This would undermine all remaining public faith in the American Democratic process—and you yourself would be to blame. The anti-Clinton animosity would reach a fever pitch, especially when they found out that you were going to recommend against her prosecution for completely unrelated reasons.

From there, the conspiracy theories of Obama’s secret evil Deep State agenda would spiral even further out of control. Between the religious Right (who really love the Russians) and the recent resurgence of militant white supremacist groups infiltrating law enforcement, this would likely push the country on the edge of a second Civil War.

So much for that carefully-cultivated image of objectivity!

Choice #2: Publicly announce the end of the Clinton investigation—with a lengthy preamble caveat to make it clear how much you hate her—while continuing to investigate Russian interference in secret.

People will accuse you of Clintonian collusion, of course, but sometimes you have to take one for the team. Clinton supporters will breath a sigh of relief, while the rabid Clinton-hating conspiracy theorists will continue being rabid Clinton-hating conspiracy theorists. But at least this way you can keep the illusion of American democracy intact, and let the people believe they’re living in a fair and neutral electoral process in a totally free country full of equal opportunity for all.

This is the least worst option. So you take it, and hope for the best.

Unfortunately, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and your decision leads straight down.

Because just before Election Day, you receive news that your agents have found another stash of missing Clinton emails. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

This looks bad. You know this looks bad. Again, you also know that you have a lot of Trumpers in the Bureau, and that if you don’t do anything, they’re going to leak the information anyway. You could wait until you’ve actually gone through this new trove of evidence before making an announcement about it, but that could look really bad—especially if Clinton wins the election, which is looking more and more likely every day.

But your duty is to the public, and to the Constitution, so you bite the bullet and decide to write a letter about this recent discovery. A letter which pretty much decides the fate of the election…even though it turned out there was nothing new to investigate after all.

Oops?

But it all works out in the end, Trump gets elected, you casually mention the Russia thing in public, and everyone lives happily ever after. … Right?

Except for the other 20 members of the Trump cabinet who have lied under oath about Russian communications. Except for the alleged Donald Trump pee tape (which is almost certainly untrue, but still hilarious, none of which discounts the other revelations in that dossier). Except for all that Trump emolument stuff which may-or-may-not tie back to that whole Rosneft thing. Et cetera, et cetera.

Either way, you’re still James Comey, and you’re still doing your job as FBI Director, still investigating Russia’s involvement in the whole election process, and still under the impression that you are acting in the best interests of the American people, because that’s your job. So you don’t even mind it when Trump tries to nudge you into dropping the investigation. Or, again, when he throws a giant public tantrum about “Obama” spying on him, when you know—as well as the rest of the intelligence community—that you are literally spying on everyone in America at any given point in time, just to be safe, and that the rules on unmasking incidental surveillance have always been kinda-wishy-washy. (Except in this case, that system is working exactly as it was intended to all along.)

You don’t bother squealing on Trump for trying to obstruct your investigation because it wasn’t really that bad, and would cause an even bigger headache to report to the Department of Justice, making an even bigger enemy out of the vengeful, unhinged bully the White House.

Then he fires you. He doesn’t directly interfere with the process of justice, of course; but you know that he meant to send a message, because you know that he’s a wildly vindictive man with a malicious sense of loyalty.

But at least now the gloves are off.

To be clear: none of this is meant to excuse Comey’s actions, or anything else the professional liars in the intelligence community have recently said or done.

I’ve always viewed the intelligence community as kind of a necessary evil, who tend to do a lot of explicitly bad things for supposedly-good reasons. This is also true of law enforcement—and the FBI fits right in the center of that Venn diagram, and their history has always been shady.

The only point I hope to make is that no matter how conniving, insidious, or righteous they might seem, even high-ranking government officials are still generally people, and susceptible to the same failings as the rest of us.

(Again, except for Demon-Baby-Trump itself.)

There’s a reason that we have an FBI, of course. Just as there’s a reason for the checks-and-balances of the three government branches, and also an independent press, as well as laws to protect whistleblowers that we repeatedly ignore because we don’t think people deserve to know the truth. But the end of the day, we tend to forget that all of these organizations are run by actual human people who are prone to unconscious biases and errors in judgement. And that’s a serious problem.

The Trumpservative media would have you believe that every single member of the DNC and “Mainstream Media” are working directly together, in collusion with Comey, to take down the Trump administration with completely made-up lies about Russia. But all they can do about it is to mock anyone who isn’t anti-anti-Trump rather than grappling with the very real, and very human complications of this entire issue.

Meanwhile, a large swath of the Left is suddenly head-over-heels about shady government bureaucracy and surveillance, which is, erm, not a good look. (Remember, kids: the FBI and CIA are literally paid to lie to you.)

But like a lot of things in this messed up, crazy world, the truth lies somewhere in the middle, in an endless sea of complicated nuance.

James Comey is not “The Hero of the Resistance.” Nor is he the enemy of freedom.

More likely, James Comey is a human being whose former job involved some things that were good, and some things that were bad, and who found himself faced with some difficult decisions that made it even harder for him to stay objective in an increasingly partisan world.

Comey made some bad decisions. The alternatives were even worse.

If you were in the same situation, you probably would have made the same decisions, too. That doesn’t make it right, and doesn’t make it wrong—but it does make it human.

#james comey #donald trump #america #us president #politics #political discourse #election 2016 #elections #fbi

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