#shiver by coldplay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

johnbspup · 2 months

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Shiver

Yandere OC x male reader

Warnings: Yandere stuff, a tiny bit of blood, nothing really that bad yet

A/N: this is DEFINITELY not named after Shiver by Coldplay (not proofread yet)

Word count: 2.1k

It’s summer and the weather has finally cleared up. You finish zipping up your suitcase and hurrying outside. “(Name)! Hurry up or we’re leaving without ya!” Your friend Maddie calls. You roll your eyes, she was the most impatient girl ever. Slinging your backpack over your shoulder and picking up your suitcase, you leave the house. One of your other friends, Olivia, helps you put both things into the trunk of the van. “Hurry up everybody!” Maddie calls, getting into the driver's seat. You hop up into the passenger seat, buckling your seatbelt. You look over at Maddie before glancing into the backseats. In the middle seats sat Liv and her boyfriend, Tommy. In the backseats sat Cassie, her boyfriend Andrew, and his friend Parker. You look back at Maddie and whisper to her, “Why’d you have to invite Cassie? All she’s gonna do is fuck Andrew.” You look back and see Parker eyeing you. Your eyes meet Maddies once more. “And Parker is still into me.” You say, hushed. Maddie rolls her eyes and puts a hand on your shoulder as she starts backing out of the driveway. “Stop being a downer and just have fun. All you do is worry, let loose for once.” She says. “Alright, our first stop is gonna be a gas station in Colorado.” Olivia says, holding a map in her hands. As the car begins driving out of town, you close your eyes, using your jacket as a blanket.

Someone is shaking you. Your eyes flutter open and you look up at Olivia in a daze. She smiles and shakes you once more. “Wake up, (Name). We’re at the gas station.” Olivia says, voice soft. You groan a bit and curl up in your seat. Liv sighs and pets your head. “Do you want me to get anything for you?” She asks. You nod sleepily, mumbling what you wanted for snacks and drinks. She nods and heads inside the gas station with everyone else.

Hours later and you all arrive at your first campsite. The night was long but fun. The next morning Maddie wakes up at dawn and yells around the camp for everyone to wake up and pack up the tents. Once everyones packed up you all get back on the road.

“Wow…I never knew Wyomming actually had a forest.” Cassie says, watching as the trees pass by. Olivia laughs with Tommy, cuddling up with each other. “There's woods EVERYWHERE dumbass.” Andrew says. “Hey, we’re reaching a gravel road, can someone else drive?” Maddie asks, pulling the van over. “Yeah.” Tommy says, already sliding the door open and hopping out. Olivia does the same and you and Maddie get out of the front seats. After you all get situated, Tommy begins driving.

“These woods are giving me the creeps…” Cassie says while playing on her phone. She groans. “There's no service out here either. Olivia, tell Tommy to get us out of this hillbilly area!” Tommy rolls his eyes. “Jesus, Cassie. Can’t you go five seconds without your phone?” Cassie scoffs at Tommy and keeps trying to get cell service. Suddenly the van runs over something. Everyone jumps and looks at each other, confused. Tommy stops the van and quickly gets out. You look at Maddie, a scared look on her face. She looks out the window and back at you. “It’s probably just a squirrel or something.” You tell her reassuringly. Tommy opens the drivers door. “Y’all might wanna see this.” He sighs. You, Olivia, and Parker all climb out of the vehicle. “What happened?” Parker asks, crossing his arms. “Well uh…” Tommy trails off, pointing at the back left tire. The tired had barbed wire stuck to it. “Holy crap…” You whisper. “Well…what do we do?” Olivia asks. Tommy looks around, scratching his head. “Uhm…maybe two of you can go and try to find a gas station or something. I mean if we keep walking in the direction we were going, we’re bound to find a shop or another person that can get us help.” He explains. You nod and grab your jacket. “I’ll go look. I need to stretch my legs anyways.” You say. Parker immediately grabs his jacket too. “I’ll come with.” He states and before you can say anything, Tommy smiles and thanks you both. He gives you both a few water bottles and some snacks. “Be safe.” He smiles. You and Parker begin walking.

It’s probably at least been an hour since the two of you started walking. It was all still woods and hot out. Parker stops walking and squints his eyes. You look at him, confused, before following his gaze. “I think it’s a gas station or somethin’...” Parker mutters, rubbing his eyes. “Well let’s go to it.” You reply, starting to walk once more. Parker grabs your hand, holding you in place. “Somethin’ don’t feel right…” He says again. You sigh. Sure you were a paranoid guy, but Parker was a whole different level of paranoid. “It’ll be fine. You’ve been watching those creepy videos all day.” You assure him, pulling his arm.

Soon you reach the building. It was a small auto or body shop. The garage door was open and the store door was propped open with a rock, an open sign hung on the doorknob. You can hear loud rock music playing from inside. You both walk up to the garage door. “Uh, hello?” You call out. There's no answer. “I told you this ain’t right…” Parker mumbles, crossing his arms. “Let's just go.” Parker says, upset. When you turn around you’re met face to face with a man. You let out a scream and Parker backs up. The man just smirks, taking a drag of a cigarette. “Sorry for scaring ya, pretty boy.” He then looks at Parker, still smirking but you swear that for a second, a look of anger is in his eyes. You quickly step between the two. “Sorry for bothering you, sir. You see, me and my friends are on a road trip but we ran over barbed wire and so we now need a new tire. Do you think we could buy one?” You ask calmly. The man's eyes light up again. “Well of course, cutie. I’ll get you and your friend what y’all need.” You smile. “Thank you, so much. Really, you’re a lifesaver. The man chuckles and shakes his head. “I ain’t that at all.” He says, turning and walking into the shop. You’re about to follow him, but Parker stops you. “I’ll buy the tire…just stay out here.” You nod and watch as he follows the man.

It’s been a few minutes and you’ve already gotten restless. You look at the mountains in the distance, they looked more than beautiful. Looking around, you spot a trailer home a bit more in the woods, only a small ways away from the shop. You can see a mini log cabin dog house in the yard by the steps and walk over. You crouch and look inside the dog house, seeing if you could find the pup. All that sits in there is a bone and a tennis ball. You smile and grab the ball before standing up and looking around. “Here puppy! Come here!” You call out, holding out the ball, hoping the dog is nearby. You let out a whistle, “Come here puppy!” You were about to give up on looking when something bumped into you. You practically jumped and immediately looked around before seeing a saint Bernard sniffing your shoes. You grin and crouch down, holding out your hand. The dog sniffs it before giving a small chuff.

“Here boy, you wanna play?” You ask, holding up the ball. The dog tilts his head and wags his tail. You throw the ball across the yard and watch as the huge dog bounds after it, letting out a bark. Suddenly, a hand claps onto your shoulder. You let out a scream and turn around and meet eyes with Parker. “(Name), what the hell are you doing?” He hisses out. You shrug and point at the dog. “Playing.” Parker just looks at you with an unamused face. “Playing?” He asks, scowling at you. “Leave the thing, it probably has fleas or some weird disease.” Parker grunts, grabbing your arm and pulling you back to the auto shop. “Parker, what the hell?!” You argue. Parker spins around and places both hands on your shoulders. “Listen,” he begins, voice hushed, “This guy is a weirdo, okay? He’s charging a hundred fifty for a new tire and my cell doesn’t work out here and I’m guessing yours doesn’t either.” He looks over his shoulder and looks back at you. “He has a phone in the shop. You call Olivia and see if she or anybody else can get out here, okay? I’m gonna try and a lower price on the tire.” You sigh, “Parker, stop acting like this guy is some killer. It’s irrational.” You state, crossing your arms. Parker rolls his eyes and walks back into the shop.

“Hey man, can we use your phone?” Parker asks. The mechanic grins and shakes his head. “Phones broken. But the one in my house works, I’ll take ya to it.” He says, wiping oil off of his pants. As he takes you to the house, you stop by the dog house, looking for the Saint Bernard again. “Ya lookin’ for Bo?” The mechanic chuckled. You nod. “Why don’t you find Bo and I’ll help your friend with the phone, yeah?” He says, going up the trailer home’s front stairs. “Are you sure? I mean, I should probably go with you, Parker.” Parker shakes his head, “I’ll be fine.” You give another nod. “Uh, by the way, what’s your name?” Parkers asks the mechanic. The man smiles. “Rusty, Rusty Smith.” He says, holding out his hand to Parker. The two shake hands and you watch as they disappear into the home.

You begin towards the treeline, calling for Bo. You spot the dog and he barks at you before running into the woods. “Wait!” You shout, running after the dog. You run through the woods, leaves and bushes occasionally scraping your arms and legs. Bo keeps stopping and letting you get close before bounding off again. You groan, beginning to get out of breath, but you still follow the dog.

The sun is setting now and you finally catch up to Bo. You smile and bend down to give him pets. Bo licks your face and gives a small bark. You stand up and look around, realizing that you don’t know which way you had come from. You look at the setting sun and begin to grow anxious. You’re in the middle of the woods, alone, and with no sense of direction. A small breeze causes you to shiver, your tank top and shorts not doing much to keep you warm. “Shit…” You mutter to yourself. You look down at Bo, maybe he would know the way back? Bo begins walking and you follow him. After a few minutes the beam of a flashlight cuts through the night. You shield your eyes and Bo lets out a bark before bounding to whoever was holding the flashlight. You timidly walk over to the figure before it speaks. “There ya are pretty boy.” Rusty chuckles out, moving the beam of the flashlight. You let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god, I thought I was gonna be lost out here forever!” You say, not noticing the now dried blood on Rusty’s forearms. Rusty chuckles and wraps an arm around your shoulder. “Well, it’s a good thing Bo was with ya. Let’s get ya back to safety.” He says before beginning to walk.

After what seemed like forever, you finally made it back to Rustys shop. It was probably 10 pm by now and you let out a stifled yawn. “Ya tired?” Rusty asks. You nod. “Well you can sleep in my bed and I’ll stay on the couch, yeah?” He states, opening the home's door. “What about Parker?” You question, looking around for any signs of him. “Oh, he left after you went off to find Bo. He said you probably went back so he left too.” Rusty explains, but you swear you see this sinister look in his eyes. “But…Parker wouldn’t do that…” You respond, beginning to get upset at the fact that Parker had just up and left. Rusty sighs and pats your shoulder. “Told him to just wait. C’mon, let’s get ya some dinner and some rest and then I’ll take ya to your friends tomorrow morning.” You smile at his words and follow him inside.

#male yandere #Rusty Smith my oc #yandere male #yandere #yandere x reader #male oc #yandere male oc #male oc x male reader #yandere x male reader #male reader #yandere oc x reader

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magicshopaholic · 1 year

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The Wedding (Seokjin x OC)

Summary: After deciding to keep your distance from each other, you and Seokjin meet at a wedding. Amidst tents and fairy lights, you get a reality check and Seokjin says something he's not sure he means.

Pairing: Seokjin x OC

Genre: Best friends; angst

Word count: 8.5 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, alcohol

A/N: Less action, more introspection. A ton of angst. Set a little over a month after On Call.

Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @meirkive @faearchives @margopinkerton @kflixnet (italics could not be tagged; drop a message if you want to be added)

Listen to: “shiver” by coldplay

seokjin masterlist | main masterlist

Pristine. Everything is pristine. The freshly mown grass that’s no longer damp, the thin white sheets of the tent that make it seem like it’s floating, the accents of green in the linens and place settings - everything is, as planned, perfect. The guests milling about look lovely as well; everyone is in pastels and florals with flowers and corsages, looking very light and summery.

Seokjin surveys the scenery critically, mentally ticking items off in his mind. Everything seems like it’s mostly turned out the way his brother and the bride wanted it to - except for one thing. When Seokjin spots it, making its way through the wedding lawn in a floaty dress, delicate heels and a duffel bag, all he focuses on is trying not to laugh.

Nari catches his eye from ten feet away and her face breaks out into a tentative smile. Seokjin returns it and starts walking towards her, meeting her halfway by one of the tables.

“Wow,” she says, looking around before her gaze lands back onto him. “Everything looks beautiful. Including you,” she adds playfully, tugging lightly on his collar. “Very dapper.”

“Thanks. You look…” Pretty. Beautiful. Lovely. “... nervous.”

Her smile fades slightly and she exhales. “Is it that obvious?” she asks anxiously.

“I mean, you seem a little winded,” he amends, brushing a wayward strand of hair off her shoulder. “Do you want to sit down? Maybe have some water or something? What’s with the bag?”

“Oh, that -” Nari heaves it on one of the chairs. “I had to leave straight from the hospital. Got changed on the train.” She smoothes the leaf green dress self-consciously. “I didn’t know if I’d make it in time and I didn’t want to hold everything up…”

“Don’t worry about it. You look great,” he tells her honestly. Her smile of relief makes his stomach unexpectedly flip and Seokjin winces, hoping that this won’t be the rest of the evening. “I’m glad you came, Nari.”

She nods, and the pause after it is enough to tell him she understands what he means. “Of course I did. I’ve known your family for a long time. And besides,” she adds, her voice suddenly drier, “apparently I have a job to do.”

“Ah, yes.” Seokjin claps his hands and nods, stopping a waiter passing by them and taking two mimosas. Handing one to Nari, he gestures to her dress. “Ready to be the ultimate bridesmaid of the year?” He snickers when she rolls her eyes and takes a large gulp of the drink.

“Wow, I needed that. Are you sure Hyorin couldn’t find someone else to fill in?” she whines. “I feel really out of place in a dress this fancy.”

“Nari, you look amazing. Don’t worry about -”

“It’s not just the dress. It’s the whole carrying of the flowers and the walking down the aisle…” She sighs dramatically. “I can single-handedly ruin this wedding without meaning to.”

Seokjin frowns, bewildered. “How?”

Nari gives him a look. “Uh, hello? I’m a very clumsy person,” she informs him.

“Always a great quality in a surgeon.”

She slaps his shoulder lightly, ignoring his snicker. “Not in the OR. When I’m at work, I have great dexterity, balance and fantastic hand-eye coordination,” she says icily. “But when I have to be pretty and choreographed? It’s going to be a disaster.”

“If it helps,” says Seokjin gently, “I don’t think anyone’s going to be looking at you.”

“One can only hope,” she mutters, adjusting the breezy folds of her dress again. “What if I do trip, though? I’m not used to wearing heels.”

“That’s why you feel so much taller!” he exclaims, clicking his tongue at his own stupidity. He holds her shoulder with one hand and takes a step closer to her, the top of her head brushing his forehead. A flowery scent - lilies or something - hits him suddenly and settles somewhere in his abdomen, knocking into every nerve ending on the way.

“Come on, don’t make me feel more ridiculous than I already do,” she admonishes him, stepping back and downing the rest of her drink at once. She seems too nervous to feel awkward, and Seokjin tries to gather himself.

“Look, you’re overthinking this,” he tells her, silently handing her the rest of his drink that she takes gratefully. “It’s a few steps down the aisle, stand, cry, walk back. That’s it.”

“Cry?”

“Yeah. But, like, in a pretty way.”

“Got it. I should probably write this down,” she says wryly, as a gentle breeze blows her hair back.

“I can count you in,” he offers. “I’ll already be up there next to hyung - just watch me, step on my count. You’ll be fine.”

“How is counting going to help?”

“Counting always helps. I am an idol and I dance for a living, so I know these things now,” he says loftily, smiling when she finally, finally laughs. The faint pink spots on her cheeks are suddenly visible and she looks beautiful.

“What would I do without you to count me in?”

“I know, right?”

Nari’s phone pings then and she fishes in the side pocket of her duffel bag. “Imagine life with pockets, right?” she jokes, swiping through the screen. “Okay, Hyorin says I have to go get my hair and make-up done next to the bridal suite.” She exhales deeply. “It’s getting real.”

“Top floor of the hotel,” supplies Seokjin preemptively. “Dude, what are you so nervous for?” he asks, spotting a cousin over her shoulder and waving absently. “You’re a surgeon. You cut bodies open. How is this more stressful than that?”

“That’s different,” she tells him, now having finished the rest of Seokjin’s drink as well. “I’m not a surgeon right now; I’m a bridesmaid. I’m on the other side of the door now,” she adds.

Seokjin pauses. “What’s that now?”

“It’s just something we say at the hospital,” she mutters, waving a hand. When he frowns deeper, she sighs. “When we’re in the OR, we’re surgeons. The patient isn’t a person; it’s a human body that we need to fix. Everything is dictated by logic and science. But when we go out the OR door,” she explains, “we have to talk to the family, talk to the physio, to the lab - sometimes the pathologist. So we’re not surgeons anymore.”

“Right…”

“And then when we go out the hospital doors, we go back to our personal lives, to our families, our friends - we’re not doctors anymore. We’re people,” she finishes.

“You’re on the other side of the door,” repeats Seokjin.

“Exactly. Everything’s different on the other side.” Nari tilts her head, apparently satisfied that he’s understood her convoluted metaphor.

“Mhm. So if someone dropped dead at this wedding, you’re not going to go over and help?”

“Trust me, Kimbap,” she says, picking the duffel bag up. “If someone’s already dead when they drop, there’s nothing I can do to help.” With that comforting thought, she pats his shoulder and starts walking past him to the hotel building. “Wait.”

“Top floor.”

“No, I know.” Nari bites her lip, looking just a bit embarrassed. “No one’s going to be looking at me, right? You promise?”

Seokjin is hit, once again, by the same urge to laugh. But he holds himself together and shakes his head, hoping to keep the collective anxiety of the wedding at a minimum. “Absolutely. I promise.”

—

To no surprise of his, Seokjin breaks his promise the moment he gets the chance.

Maybe it’s the hair and make-up, maybe it’s the fact that once she’s made it down the aisle without incident, her face is calm and relaxed. Or maybe it’s the fact that after over a month of deliberate distance, something has finally forced both of them under the same roof with nowhere to run or hide. It’s just good to see her again.

Nari seems to be concentrating on Seongjook’s speech, smiling occasionally. She’s the tallest of the bridesmaids, standing right at the end, loose curls falling down her collarbone as she laughs politely at a joke. It’s a gimbap joke; he waits for her to catch his gaze and grins when she does.

She frowns slightly, suppressing a smile. Did you write that joke?

He shakes his head an infinitesimal amount, silently scoffing. No way. My puns aren’t that subtle.

Nari rolls her eyes and looks away, but Seokjin doesn’t. It’s so good to see her again.

“Congratulations,” he says after a while, coming up behind her at the bar. “You did it.”

Nari turns immediately and her face relaxes with relief. “All thanks to you, of course. What will you have?”

“Oh, nothing for me, thanks.”

“Really?” She frowns, taking in his appearance. “You look a little… frazzled. No, your hair is fine, Kimbap,” she adds, rolling her eyes when he immediately goes to check. “I’m talking about your expression.”

“Oh.” Seokjin’s shoulders slump slightly. “The caterer screwed up. Two extra chicken dishes in place of vegetarian ones and the dessert seems to have been switched with another order.” He shakes his head forlornly.

“Damn.” Nari is quiet for a moment. “What is it?”

He frowns. “I just told you. Not enough vegetarian orders and the -”

“No, I meant, what’s the new dessert?” she interrupts patiently.

“Oh. It’s crème brûlée.”

“I like crème brûlée.”

Seokjin scoffs. “It’s overrated.” When Nari gasps from next to him, he rolls his eyes. “Fine, I like it, too. But Hyorin doesn’t, and that’s what matters.”

“Maybe she won’t mind,” suggests Nari. “I just met her - for a bride on her wedding day, she seemed pretty laidback.” When all Seokjin does is drop his head on the bar and groan, she frowns curiously. “Were you in charge of desserts or something?”

“No, I wasn’t in charge of anything,” he replies, lifting his head up heavily. “We’ve been touring for half the year and travelling for something or the other. My own brother’s wedding and I showed up in the last two weeks,” he laments. “The least I could do was promise that I would take care of today. You know what? Maybe I will have that drink.”

Nari pats him awkwardly on the shoulder and requests two shots of soju. “Cheers, Kimbap, to what will still be a great wedding despite the dessert disaster. The dess-aster,” she adds, clinking her glass with his and grinning when he snorts.

They down a shot each; Nari’s insides feel like they might melt and she emerges from a coughing fit to see Seokjin wiping his eyes.

“Thanks for that.” He nods. “You did good, too. You know what I remembered when I saw you standing up there in that dress?”

Something races in Nari’s chest. “Um, no. What?” she asks, pretending to be busy stirring her drink.

“You remember back in high school when we all did that play?” Seokjin begins, and she doesn’t know if she’s imagining his eyes softer than before. “Snow White?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember how you really wanted to be Snow White? You said you finally felt pretty enough to be a princess,” he adds knowingly.

“Oh, God, I really said that?” she asks, cringing slightly. “Wow, I was lame.”

“No, it was cute. You were always pretty enough to be a princess,” he says casually.

Nari’s cheeks grow warm and she hopes it’s the drink. “Anyway. You were saying?”

“Yeah, uh… so remember when you were planning to audition for the lead but then the casting got posted on the notice board anyway? And when you searched for your name, you saw you were -”

“A tree?” Nari’s jaw drops. “That’s what I remind you of today? Because I’m wearing a green dress and these - stupid - heels?”

Seokjin guffaws, although whether it’s at the memory or her reaction, Nari doesn’t know. She stares at him coldly until he finally catches his breath.

“They only gave me that silly part because I was tall,” she mutters, feeling her mood sour. She finishes the rest of her drink and gestures for another.

“You were waving your arms in the air and everything,” he remembers fondly, pinching her cheeks affectionately.

Nari swats his hand away. “I hate you.”

“My point is, you killed that role,” he informs her, “so you should have a little more confidence in yourself.”

She squints. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Seokjin taps the bar. “I should go. Maybe if my brother gets Hyorin drunk enough, she won’t care about the desserts.”

“You’re a great best man.” Nari’s attention is diverted when the bartender places a drink in front of her. Picking it up, she frowns. “Uh, I asked for a white wine, not a… is this a Negroni?”

The bartender gestures to the end of the bar. “That gentleman over there sent you a drink.”

She peers around Seokjin while he turns around to see a young man, maybe slightly younger than them, smiling awkwardly and raising his glass.

Nari waves back, a little belatedly. “Isn’t it an open bar?” she mutters. The bartender simply shrugs and nods, a little too knowingly for her liking.

Meanwhile, Seokjin is still staring and doesn’t turn back around until she taps him on the shoulder. “It is an open bar,” he answers uselessly. “Oh, I was just - I was just trying to figure out if he’s from our side or the bride’s side. He doesn’t seem familiar. Do you know him?”

Seokjin sounds strange, but it’s lost in favour of the dread settling in Nari’s stomach. “No, I don’t. But I don’t need to.” She scans the crowd and locks eyes with exactly who she was looking for, her suspicions confirmed when the person immediately averts her eyes and turns away. “I know my mother.”

Realisation dawns on Seokjin’s face and he lets out a bark of a laugh, even though Nari herself can find nothing amusing about the situation. “Well, this was bound to happen, wasn’t it?” he exclaims wryly, sounding remarkably less worried than before.

“Why is she doing this?” Nari mutters, suppressing a groan and taking an absent sip of her drink. “She’d gotten so good over the last few months, telling me to work and get enough sleep and stuff. What - she sees one wedding dress and suddenly gets worried about my single arse?”

“Seems like it,” he chortles. “Are you going to talk to him? You should at least thank him for the drink.”

“Don’t you have some catering crisis to attend to?”

“I bet I’m looking forward to it more than you are to your crisis.”

“Fuck me.” Nari shakes her head and hops off the stool. “May as well get this over with.” Forcing a smile on her face, she hops off the stool, adjusting her dress. “Wish me luck.”

“Go snag yourself a husband, champ.”

Whacking him on the shoulder and ignoring his exaggerated gasp, she makes her way over. When she turns around to look at him one last time, he winks at her. His confident stance, his elbow resting on the bar, his jet black hair catching the light; for a moment, Nari wishes she were walking in the opposite direction.

“Nari, right?”

She stops abruptly when the sender of the drink appears before her. “Yeah, um, thanks for the drink…” She raises her eyebrows.

“Oh, Seokmin.”

Close enough.

—

Seokmin, as it turns out, is quite alright. He’s polite and nice, works as a stockbroker (Nari can almost picture Seokjin going “Score!” with a straight face) and seems good at holding his liquor. That being said, he’s not the best at holding conversation.

Fifteen minutes and a Negroni later, Nari stomps over to the tables. The music is upbeat and lively, and the sky is beginning to set.

“Mother.”

Dressed in finery and holding a cocktail with immense precision, Nari’s mother turns to her. “Oh, Nari!” she exclaims with exaggerated surprise. “How good to see you!”

“Don’t,” she warns, looking around for a chair to slouch in. “Who is -”

“Oh, this is Jaehyun,” she interrupts, her gaze shifting to someone behind Nari. On cue, a deep voice sounds in her ear, making her jump.

“Hi,” he says, towering over her.

“Um -” An uncommon occurrence for Nari, feeling this short, she digresses. “How - who -”

“Jaehyun. Our mothers know each other from pottery class,” he explains.

“Our -” Nari looks around, murderous, but her mother has disappeared. She turns to Jaehyun, who looks like he’s just walked off a runway, with his hair achieving a wet look hers could never, and his shirt unbuttoned to somewhere near his diaphragm.

He frowns. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” she says automatically. “I’m sorry - how can I help you?”

It’s her Hail Mary question; most men her mother sends her way are easily startled by it and stutter an excuse. But not Jaehyun, apparently.

“I was hoping to buy you a drink,” he answers smoothly.

She stares. “Isn’t it an open bar?” she asks for the second time today.

He chuckles. “True. Maybe I can bring you a free one now and actually buy you one tomorrow? Or whenever you’re free,” he adds, smiling good-naturedly.

Nari nods absently, for he’s so, so very tall. “Let’s start with the free one now, I think,” she suggests. “And we’ll see how it goes.”

Jaehyun is less boring than Seokmin, she decides. He works as a manager in Conde Nast and his stories about his work are fun. He seems incredibly impressed with Nari’s career as a doctor and lightly touches her hand when she brings up how much death she sees at work. His segue out of the conversation is commendable as well, and she gives him the spiel about being on the other side of the door.

“That’s so healthy,” he remarks, and Nari warms up to him slightly. The breeze makes his hair blow elegantly and she sips the wine he got her, observing it. “Great evening, huh?” He fishes around in his pocket and retrieves something. “Would you care for a - oh. I’m guessing you don’t smoke?”

Nari squints. “I don’t,” she says after a moment. “Did my story about the pneumothorax patient give it away?”

Jaehyun laughs weakly. “Do you… do you mind if I…?”

“Knock yourself out.”

Ten minutes later, Nari is back inside the tent, having abandoned Jaehyun to smoke peacefully with a few others to whom he’d lent a lighter. The secondhand smoke is bad enough, but Nari has simply had it with the impromptu blind dates. She grabs a champagne flute from a passing waiter and guzzles it down rapidly, her gaze darting around for her mother.

By the time she does spot her mother, it’s to see her talking to yet another young man. The alarm bells go off in her head immediately and she spins around on the spot, ready to be anywhere but here.

Seokjin, she thinks, and stumbles over to the bar to get a better view of the tent. Her phone is still in her duffel bag in the make-up suite next to the bridal one, the unfortunate reality of a dress with no pockets, so she looks around while trying to stay out of her mother’s sight and finally hears his worried exclamations before she even sees him.

Nari finds him behind the stage. “Kimbap!” she cries, realising a moment later that she’s interrupted a heated conversation. “Oh - sorry. I’ll just be -” She points vaguely and steps away, but Seokjin frowns and follows her anyway.

“Just get him on the phone for me,” he instructs the man he was speaking to, before turning to Nari. “Nari? What - are you drunk?”

“Not really.” She sighs and leans against a pole wrapped in satin. “Can we talk?”

“Uh, now’s not a good time,” he says uneasily, checking his phone. “Too much is going wrong at the same time. The car’s broken down and apparently one of the cheques hasn’t cleared -” He breaks off. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” she answers at once. “My mother is driving me crazy.”

Seokjin frowns and checks his phone. “Alright, I have, like… five minutes,” he says almost apologetically.

“That works.” Before he can change his mind, she steers him outside near the entrance. “Need some fresh air like you wouldn’t believe,” she informs him, running a hand through her hair. When the cool breeze hits her face, she’s suddenly aware of how hot her skin is.

“What’s wrong?”

She turns. “What?”

He raises his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” he asks urgently. “You said you needed to talk?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s just my mom,” she says dismissively, rolling her eyes. “Setting me up with guys like she’s finding them on a conveyor belt. And they’re all the fucking same,” she adds scathingly, “with their jobs and their can I buy you a drinks and their smoking.” She shudders. “Fucking nightmare.”

Seokjin is quiet for a moment. “What’s wrong with them?”

Nari frowns, not sure she’s heard him correctly. “What do you mean? Were you not listening?”

“No, I was. You said they were talking about their jobs and offering to buy you drinks.” He slips his hands into his pockets, his face unmoving. “What’s wrong with that?”

“I mean, they -” Nari breaks off, wondering if she’s too drunk to understand him. “What do you mean? They’re going along with it, aren’t they? With their moms setting them up and shit?”

“So are you,” he replies calmly.

“Not by choice,” she shoots back.

“Maybe it wasn’t their choice either.”

Something’s wrong. Nari suddenly feels as though she’s speaking over a chasm in between them. “Well… then they didn’t have to do it, did they?”

“Maybe they did,” he reasons, voice still calm but an odd stillness in his eyes. “And in their defense, they aren’t whining to their friends about it.”

Nari feels like she’s just been slapped. “Excuse me?”

Seokjin shrugs, hands still in his pockets. “Am I wrong? Or is there something else you’re not telling me? Because all I ever hear you complain about is that you’re going to be alone forever because your whole life is at the hospital, but when you actually get a chance to change that? You don’t even try - and for some reason, I have to listen to you bitch about it.”

“What - what are you talking about?” She can hear her voice shake now, but whether it’s the inebriation or the cold or the shock of Seokjin speaking to her with such disdain, she can’t tell. “I don’t always complain about it - and I’m not - I’m not asking you to -”

“God, Nari, this is my brother’s wedding,” he interrupts, sounding frustrated now. “I’m dealing with arrangements gone wrong and arguing with the hotel manager - and you dragged me away from that to whine about how too many men are chasing after you? Are you serious right now?”

“How is that -”

But Seokjin interrupts her again, his irritated expression throwing Nari for a loop. He looks like a stranger.

“I can’t do it anymore, Nari, okay? If you want to actually be with someone - like, truly be with someone - you have to actually get off your arse and do something about it, alright? All these guys actually seem okay. And if they aren’t, then tell your mom to stop. I mean, I don’t know what it is you’re looking for or if even you know what that is, but I’m - I’m getting a little sick of it. It’s exhausting having to deal with your problems all the time.” He shakes his head. “I have so much else to deal with tonight, Nari. I really don’t have time for this.”

The lump in her throat seems to have appeared out of nowhere and it takes her by surprise, so she says nothing when he sighs, when he pinches the bridge of his nose like he wants to say something else, and when he apparently thinks better of it and brushes past her to go inside.

Nari doesn’t move, however, the shame and guilt and bewilderment welling up inside her at the thought of Seokjin being this annoyed with her. It takes a lot for Seokjin to lash out; she knows because it’s never happened before, not with her.

She wonders if everything he’s said is true and her cheeks burn with embarrassment. How long has he been feeling this way? A year? Longer than that? Suddenly, she cringes at every memory of calling or texting him in their adulthood, squatting in his house, eating his food and sleeping in his bed, all the while unknowing if he really wanted her to be there or not.

What about everything else? A small voice brings forth what she hopes hasn’t played a part in this sudden twist of events. But, no. Seokjin wouldn’t lie about that. He wouldn’t touch her under false pretences, she tells herself. They were adults and their slips in judgement probably had less to do with this and more to do with the fact that… she doesn’t know. Lowered inhibitions? Stress? She doesn’t want her mind to go beyond that.

Nari swallows a dry sob and immediately shakes her head, wiping a stray tear of shock that seems to have escaped, and slowly turns to walk back inside but stops. Seokjin will be in there, and she’s not sure she’s ready to face him right now. She sits on the low ledge and drops her head into her hands, wondering where she went wrong.

His face haunts her, cold and sickened. I’m getting sick of it. She slips off her heels and sighs softly when her soles touch the cool grass. She’s not used to walking in these; the last time she’d worn them to an event this formal, she’d taken them off and walked back barefoot. Alongside her, Seokjin had taken off his shoes as well, claiming he didn’t like being the only one wearing shoes.

It’s like being the only person drinking, he’d said.

“Fuck,” she whispers, her stomach churning painfully.

“Sorry,” says a voice behind her.

Startled, Nari turns around, her heart in her mouth. For a wild moment, she imagines Seokjin is back. But it’s not him, not even close. “Oh,” she utters, unable to hide her disappointment. “Wait, I know you. Summer camp?”

“Close,” he says, moving closer to her but not sitting down. “Our families were on a group vacation once. We played football together.”

“Right.” She remembers now, vaguely. “You can sit,” she says after a moment, noting how he’s awkwardly hovering. He, thankfully, does not seem to have a drink with him. “Did, uh… did my mother send you?”

He looks vaguely confused. “Send me… where?”

Unlikely, but technically possible. “It’s nothing. I’m Nari, by the way.”

“Jinho.”

The silence is loud and awkward, and Nari makes no move to change it.

“So… do you still play football?”

“No,” she answers. “I’m a doctor.”

“Wow. Impressive. You were a good player, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You and your friend - Seokjin, I think? He was the best man today.”

Nope, I’m out. Something feels close to snapping inside Nari and it takes all her strength not to take it out on a complete stranger.

“I’m - I’m really sorry,” she stutters, hating how her voice trembles, “but I really have to go inside. I need to - I need to find my mom.”

“Oh, okay. No worries. Do you want me to -”

But Nari is already halfway inside, hopping from one foot to another to slip her heels back on before gathering the floaty material of her dress and entering the tented area. She spots the person she’s looking for instantly - and this time, they’re both alone.

“Nari, you look… pale,” says her mother, vague concern spreading across her face. A moment later, she procures a plate of sushi and places it in front of her. “Eat.”

“I’m fine, mother,” mutters Nari listlessly, dropping into the chair beside her. Despite her protests, she picks up a piece and pops it into her mouth.

Her mother’s face brightens considerably. “Are you having a good time?”

Nari gives her a look. “How could I not, when you pass me around from guy to guy like we’re window shopping at a mall?”

“Nari!” Her mother admonishes her. “How uncouth. And besides, they’re all very nice young men.”

“Really? The first one told me that while he thought being a doctor was valuable, he still preferred his partners to have less demanding jobs so there isn’t any unnecessary competition at home. It’s like he was interviewing me,” she adds in disgust.

“Oh.” Her mother grimaces. “Well. That one’s a bad apple then. What about the others?”

“Mom, what does it matter? Why can’t we have one social event where we just act normal?” she asks, shoving another piece of sushi into her mouth.

“We are normal. I just know you don’t have the time, honey,” she explains calmly, brushing back her daughter’s hair. “I don’t want you to wake up alone one morning and have regrets.”

“I won’t,” says Nari, more firmly than she’d intended. “God, I was so happy that you’d stopped this. I thought you’d finally come around to the fact that my life is worthwhile just the way it is.”

“Of course I think your life is worthwhile,” says her mother, now sounding a bit offended. “And I stopped because…” She trails off, looking slightly uncomfortable now.

“Because what?”

“Well…” She sighs and tilts her head. “I thought you were seeing someone. And I was so happy for you, honey.”

That catches Nari off-guard. “Why would you think that? Did you hear it from Seokjin’s mom or something? Because she’s probably mistaken if she thinks -”

“No, no, she didn’t tell me anything,” interrupts her mother. “I thought you were seeing Seokjin.”

There’s a moment of extremely confused silence.

“You - you thought I was dating Seokjin?” In light of everything that’s just happened, it seems like a horribly cruel joke. “God, mom… there’s no way that…” She swallows, replaying his harsh words in her head again. “There’s just no way,” she mutters, shaking her head.

“I - are you sure?”

Nari’s head snaps up. “What? Am I sure I wasn’t dating him? Yeah, pretty sure, mom. Why would you even think that?”

“Well, because you were always talking about him,” replies her mother, now sounding more like her usual self. “And you would tell me how he picked you up or how you were at his house and he was making you dinner. He helped get your car fixed,” she reminds her.

“Yeah, but… mom, that’s because we’re friends,” says Nari weakly, her heart sinking, for another part of Seokjin’s outburst has suddenly come to mind - I don’t know what it is you’re looking for - but she can’t bring herself to deconstruct it right now. “There’s nothing else there. Believe me.”

Her mother says nothing more, and Nari wonders if she’s picked up on her tone. It’s pointless, she thinks, because there’s nothing like being paraded around by your mother for dates, combined with an unforeseen reality check from your best friend, to bring forth an ill-timed realisation - and answer to his question.

“I’m sorry, honey.” Her mother’s apology, equally unexpected, brings Nari out of her thoughts. All of a sudden, she feels guilty.

“No, mom. You - it’s not your fault.” Her gaze falls to her lap. “You were just trying to help.”

“Yeah… but I didn’t realise those men would make you this unhappy.”

“It’s not them, mom,” she confesses, hating it when Seokjin is right. “They’re all fine. Not perfect, but okay. They’re just not…” Here, she trails off - not because she doesn’t know the word, but because it’s right there on the tip of her tongue. The answer is so easy but even the mention of it is enough to make her start crying and if she starts crying in front of her mother, there’s no stopping it.

They don’t speak about it anymore the rest of the night. Nari sits with her mother through the toasts and the dances, too nauseous to eat but not wanting to sit empty-handed, so she keeps a steady supply of champagne coming to her table. The entire time, she simply hopes she doesn’t run into Seokjin again, for while she has no idea if his problems have been solved, it’s not something she wants to risk right now.

She needn’t worry, however; Seokjin is bustling around at the family table for the most part, and on the face of it, the wedding seems to have made it through perfectly. Hyorin looks tired but still radiant, while her husband just looks as though he’s accomplished something incredible. Seokjin… she tries not to look at him as he poses with the family for pictures, looking more handsome than ever. He doesn’t even seem to remember their incident; he laughs and converses easily with the people around him, and not once does he look in Nari’s direction.

When the night finally comes to an end, Nari follows her mother with haste. The bride, the groom and their families stand near the exit, seeing their guests off. Seokjin is there, too, naturally, and he greets her mother and father, who had been with his friends for most of the wedding. Nari says goodbye to everyone but hangs back here, not knowing what she might say if she’s face-to-face with him - or worse, what he might say.

There’s a moment, a fraction of a second before they’re about to leave, when she catches his eye. His smile fades slightly and Nari feels an invisible force pushing her to talk to him. This is Seokjin, says a voice, slurring a bit. Nothing is so bad that you can’t talk to Seokjin.

But the next moment, his face from earlier swims back into view and her face burns with humiliation. She averts her gaze instantly and shuffles behind her parents as they leave the wedding, trying to ignore the sickening feeling that she’s forgetting something.

The feeling doesn’t go away, not when she reaches her parents’ house, not when she drags herself to the kitchen to hydrate before she passes out, not when she falls into bed with her leafy green bridesmaid’s dress still on, drunk and alone.

—

The next morning, Nari wakes with a jerk, her head pounding and the immediate continuation of the feeling that she’s definitely forgetting something.

She forgot to change; that much is apparent when she stumbles into her bathroom to see her dress still on, hair still partially pinned but dishevelled. Even her make-up is still on, smudged and messy. Groaning, she begins wiping it off, hoping this horrid feeling will go away before she has to take the train back to Seoul today.

Her parents aren’t in their room, but morning walks are part of their routine. Nari makes her way slowly down the stairs when the first wave of nausea hits and she hurries to the guest bathroom, only to throw up what feels like a week’s worth of champagne. The doctor in her knows she needs to eat, but there’s nothing that seems less appealing than that at the moment. At the moment, water and fresh air is about all she can stomach right now.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, she peers out the window and sighs in relief to see a cloudy sky. Still in the stupid dress from last night, Nari opens the front door and warily takes in a breath of cool air, only to come face-to-face with Seokjin.

For a moment she thinks she might be hallucinating and hopes she won’t hurl right here on her parents’ front porch. Seokjin looks far better than her; his skin glows and hair is as thick and lush as ever, a frown on his forehead as he stops at the bottom of the steps. Behind him, his Range Rover stands parked on the street.

“Whoa, are you okay?” The concern in his voice is the same as Before, but it feels so much harder to hear. “You look… are you hungover?”

Nari doesn’t open her mouth, too afraid she might throw up again. She nods jerkily and gulps another mouthful of water, her gaze falling to the ground. She doesn’t want to think about what a mess she looks like; her chest is already beginning to hurt again.

As though he can tell, Seokjin’s expression fades slowly from confusion to guilt. “Nari -” He swallows and climbs another couple of steps, still keeping his distance. “I tried to call you. Last night, I did. But I can understand that you didn’t - you didn’t want to talk. And I don’t blame you,” he adds hastily. “I was - I was such a jerk and I’m really -”

“Wait, what did you say?” Her voice is hoarse, but something he’s said has just made sense. It’s right there, just out of reach.

“Um… I was a jerk?”

“Before that.”

“I know you probably didn’t want to talk to me and I know -”

“No,” she interrupts, frowning deeply. She replays his words in her head, trying to concentrate through the hangover as much as she can, before it clicks and she gasps. “Oh, my God. I forgot my phone!”

“You - “

“Holy shit!” The feeling of forgetting something has now been replaced with full-blown panic. “My - my phone! It’s still in my duffel bag, at the hotel! And my - and my wallet and all my IDs and - oh, God, my pager!” Her heart starts racing now and she barely feels Seokjin’s hand wrap around her own and gently steer the water bottle towards her mouth.

“Calm down,” he says, but she can barely hear him. Clumsily taking another sip of water, she shakes her head.

“All my stuff is in there,” she says anxiously, and she finally meets his gaze. “I have to get it back. I - I have a train in a few hours.”

“We’ll get it,” he assures her calmly. “Come on, I’ll drive you.” Fishing his keys out of his pocket, he’s halfway down the porch before his words can be processed. When she doesn’t move, he stops and turns. “What’s wrong?”

Nari bites her lip, for this - this - is exactly the issue. It’s exhausting having to deal with your problems all the time. She gives him a small shake of her head. “I’ll call a cab. You - you don’t have to drive me.”

Seokjin holds her gaze for a moment. “Yeah, I kind of do.” The heaviness in his voice makes it clear that he’s not referring to her current predicament. “Come on, you don’t have your phone. How are you going to call a cab?”

The mention of the landline dies in her throat. She hadn’t realised it before, but it feels equally exhausting going to him with all her problems. Or maybe it feels that way now that she knows how he feels. The guilt is transparent on his face and in his words, but the shame is still raw in her and she takes a step back.

He doesn’t miss it. “Nari, you’ll miss your train.”

After a moment, she nods. “Let me, um…” She awkwardly fingers the folds of her dress. “I need to change…”

“I’ll wait.”

Not wanting to prolong this any more, she nods silently and goes back inside, hurriedly changing into the first thing she finds. Even Seokjin can’t help but raise his eyebrows at her outfit.

“Shut up,” she mutters, climbing into the shotgun seat. “I don’t have a lot of clothes here.”

“Still. It’s a pretty fancy hotel for a Hello Kitty t-shirt and sweats.”

“I’ll be out of there before anyone can even see me,” she tells him as the car starts, trying to ignore how hideous she probably looks in comparison to him. “I just need my stuff. I’m waiting for an update on a patient…” She sighs and runs a hand over her face, feeling disgusting. “God, I need a shower.”

“Are you going back to the hospital today? After you reach?” he asks.

“Yeah, I think so. I’ll take the night shift, probably,” she says, hoping the hangover will have subsided by then.

“Make sure you -” Seokjin starts to say but then breaks off, glancing at her briefly before looking back out at the road. They don’t say anything else until they pull up at the hotel and head inside. The gardens look remarkably different from last night, with none of the floaty tents and pretty lights. They pass by the spot where they’d had their spat last night, neither of them acknowledging it, until they reach the lobby.

“I’ll check the lost and found,” he tells her, but she goes with him. The concierge tells her to go up to the concerned suite where the bag still is, apparently.

“One of our staff here will escort you,” she says, gesturing to a tall bellboy with a key card in his hand.

“Great, thank you. And… thanks,” she says to Seokjin. Before he can do more than nod, she turns and follows the bellboys to the suite, where she dives for the bag when it’s handed to her.

“Please check that all your belongings are intact,” he advises her, before stepping out of the room and shutting the door.

Nari nods and begins unpacking right there, emptying her bag on the freshly made bed. Everything seems to be in one piece; there’s nothing on her pager and no update on her patient. Sighing, she unlocks her phone for any other notifications, only to see four missed calls from Seokjin and several messages.

Her thumb hovers over the screen, suddenly anxious. This is Seokjin, says the voice again, annoyingly persistent. She clicks on the messages, only to see apology after apology, words that normally would have needed nothing more than an I’m sorry, too, but don’t be an arse again, Kimbap.

Just then, the door opens and Seokjin walks in.

“The bellboy let me in,” he says, slowing down when he sees her stuff. “I’m guessing you have everything?”

“Yeah.” Nari nods, hearing the automatic change in her tone now that she’s read all the texts he’d sent last night. Despite the reality check, she’s glad that he at least seemed to have been as troubled about fighting as she was. “Thanks again.”

He waves a hand before taking a hesitant step towards her and eventually sitting next to her on the bed. He smells of fresh soap and laundry detergent. “Look, Nari, I’m -”

“Seokjin -”

“- really sorry about last night,” he continues. “I didn’t mean any of that, okay? I was just frustrated with everything going wrong and having to run behind a bunch of people to fix it when all I really wanted was to chill and drink and have fun with you. Like at Hyuna’s wedding.”

Nari says nothing. Hyuna, their older neighbour, had gotten married five years ago and both of them had had to squeeze out a precious few hours from their schedules to make it. It was completely worth it, though, meeting all their friends after years but ending the night with each other, carrying their shoes in their hands and drinking until dawn on the swing set in Seokjin’s parents’ front yard. Everything had been much less complicated back then, she thinks.

“I guess I took all of that out on you and that was not okay. I was…” Seokjin exhales, “... way out of line with what I said to you. “I’m so sorry, Nari. I felt so terrible last night, you have no idea. I thought about saying goodbye when you were leaving but you left so fast and I was so ashamed…” He trails off, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. “When you didn’t respond to my messages, I really thought I’d messed up for good. I’m sorry, Nari,” he repeats, gently bumping her shoulder. “Forgive me?”

Her heart skips a beat at the contact. Sounds about right. All his texts were a variation of this, each one sounding more genuine than the next. They’re also very Seokjin, all sounding as though he’s been up all night, ruminating on his unfortunate slip of tongue.

“Seokjin, it’s okay. You were right, about everything,” she murmurs, feeling embarrassed all over again. “The moment I leave the hospital I become this super needy person and I - I guess you’re the only person I don’t feel self-conscious being that needy around.”

“When you’re on the other side of the door?” he asks after a moment.

Nari cracks a smile after what feels like ages. “Exactly. You remembered.”

“Of course I did. And… that’s not true,” he says, just like she knew he would. “You’re my best friend; of course you can be needy with me. It’s kind of cute sometimes.”

But she shakes her head at that. “Maybe it was cute when we were younger,” she says, standing up and starting to re-pack her things, “but now that I’m almost thirty, it’s… it’s kind of sad.” Part of her hopes he’ll refute her again, but he simply sighs.

“You were right, Seokjin,” she repeats after a minute. “About - about the other stuff, too. It sounds like a nightmare but I’m - I’m going to do the whole… taking risks thing,” she says unconvincingly. “I can’t keep bitching about it for the rest of my life. Because at this rate, it’ll be me at forty-five, still alone, with turtles for pets and complaining to you over email while you’re trying to live your life with your wife and kids.” She shakes her head in disgust.

Seokjin squints. “Gets really busy in that head, huh?”

Nari gives him a look but says nothing more, zipping her bag but leaving one outfit out. “I’m going to change,” she informs him.

“Now?”

“Yeah, I’m not going to reach Seoul wearing this atrocity.” Shutting the bathroom door behind her, she strips and begins changing, her limbs suddenly feeling heavier than before. Her stomach rumbles and she realises she can’t remember the last time she ate anything, save for those two pieces of sushi last night.

“Hey, Nari?” Seokjin’s voice is clear and soothing from the other side of the door.

“Yeah?”

He pauses. “You know you can still call, right? Even if I’m living my life with my kids or whatever?”

Nari smiles, feeling a bit endeared. “Gotcha.”

“Good.”

As she pulls on her clothes, there’s something else, another viable option that suddenly becomes visible.

Well, that’s a lie. It’s not sudden. It’s sudden in the context of the last twenty-four hours, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s something that’s occurred to her more than once. But there’s no way she can bring it up, for once she does and it’s out there in the universe, the chances of it ending well are far too risky.

This is Seokjin, says the voice again. If she can’t say this to him, who will she ever be able to say this to?

“Seokjin?”

“Yeah?”

It’s now or never.

“Um… in the spirit of not wanting to die alone and taking risks and all that,” she begins slowly, pressing her back to the door and trying to regulate her heartbeat, “I thought I should ask.”

“Yeah?”

She has no idea what his face looks like and it feels like the biggest blind spot in the world. Her hands feel clammy and she wishes she hadn’t started this thread of conversation at all.

“Nari?”

“Yeah, um…” She shakes her head. She has to know, or it’s going to eat her alive. “Do - do you maybe have feelings… for me?”

The silence on the other side of the door is stifling.

“Seokjin?” She realises now that this is the longest she’s probably ever gone without calling him Kimbap.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he says immediately. “I… Nari, are you asking me if I have feelings for you?”

The confusion in his voice makes her cringe. “Um… yeah. Given recent events, I thought it was a valid possibility.”

He’s quiet for a moment. A muffled sound makes it clear that he’s probably leaning against the door as well. “Nari… I’m not supposed to have feelings for you.”

Something jolts in her stomach. “That’s not an answer.”

“Even - even if I did… it would be… complicated,” he says after a moment. “I shouldn’t have feelings for you,” he repeats.

“But if you did?” she asks, her heart in her throat now. “Hypothetically?”

“If I did…” The pause that follows is heartbreakingly long. “... I wouldn’t do anything about it. We’re not supposed to have feelings for each other,” he says yet again, his voice cracking on the last word.

It’s done, then. The leap was taken and apart from the crushing sensation in her chest, Nari has survived. She resists the urge to scream into her t-shirt; if she’d just kept her mouth shut, this door would never have been opened. It was bad enough that she was the needy friend whose messes he needed to keep cleaning up - why would he ever want to convert that into anything more?

She needs to go back to Seoul, back to her life, back to a city big enough that she can avoid him without much effort. Taking a deep breath and picturing her Chief of Surgery’s stoic and unrelenting face in front of her, she slows her heart down as much as she can before turning around and opening the door.

“God, I hope I don’t miss the train,” she chirps, hurrying over to her bag and hastily repacking her old clothes. “We still get Ubers here, right?”

“I can drive you -”

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” she says, forcing a brief smile as she fumbles with the Uber app and strides out of the room. “I’m sure you’re busy.”

“No…” His tone hasn’t quite caught up to hers yet and she hopes he’ll hurry up before she breaks in front of him. “I have to go pick up some stuff for my brother anyway and the station’s on the way. Let me drop you.”

Nari swallows before turning to him and nodding wordlessly, calculating the number of minutes she’ll have to continue being in his presence as the elevator reaches the lobby.

“Car’s out front,” he says, just as they pass the hotel coffee shop. “Have you eaten anything today? You should probably -”

“I’m good. I’ll pick something up at the station. Don’t want to be late.”

Seokjin falls silent but nods, and they wait in silence as the valet brings the car in front of the hotel. Nari hurries to the shotgun seat without a word, already fumbling in the side pocket of her bag for her charger. Outside, Seokjin is speaking to the valet while she plugs in her phone. As she deposits the adapter back into the bag, she catches a flash of something else that makes her blood run cold.

The drivers’ door opens almost a minute later. “Okay, I know you said you didn’t want breakfast,” says Seokjin, sliding into the seat and turning on the car, as Nari hastily shoves the box of tampons in the bag and zips it up, “but you can’t go completely hungry.” He drops a chocolate covered protein bar on her lap. “In case your train is early or whatever.”

Or it's late. Nari can’t bring herself to fight him right now so she nods mutely and takes the snack, even though eating feels like the last thing she wants to do. As the car starts moving and the radio softly comes alive, she steals a glance at him, her heart hammering.

This is Seokjin, the voice says again. For the first time ever, it doesn’t help.

—

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